Beating anxiety - Music and role models (

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There are things that I am starting to realize. Like how hard it is to survive in this world? For example. I buy two loaves of bread and within two days they are both gone and I have to go and buy another two loaves of bread.Question: How is it to live a life where you don't always depend on certain types of food(always have to get the same types of foods each and every time you have to go shopping)? I ask this for I am not living that kind of life. I am living a life of my eating disorder and my eating disorder is currently winning.I currently lost weight and now I am down to 92.8 pounds(healthy weight for me 115 pounds)I am starting to believe that I really don't want to recover. I keep on telling people that I want to recover but my words mean nothing. I need to prove to myself as well as prove to others that I really do want to recover.Question: If you had to guess what would be the signs of someone who wants to recover and what would be the signs of someone who doesn't want to recover? I need to know for I need to know if I am the type of person that wants to recover or if I am the type of person that doesn't want to recover.