Under the "published on" date above...it says, "**warning, depressing!". But, I don't think your video is/was depressing at all. Its uplifting for all of us...who get to see (1) a really brave, strong person, (2) someone who is doing these very personal videos for other people to benefit...since you share your experiences and feelings with strangers. Doing these might be therapeutic for you...(getting to just talk about things), but you probably don't know HOW VALUABLE your message is to other people. As a nursing student, I've learned how much IBD and/or ostomies change a person's self-image and life. But I've only read in books...and interacted with patients in the hospital....most of them did not walk to talk much about it. I can't thank you enough for bringing your story to LIFE for all of us. You are truly an inspiration...I really mean that. Keep doing what you are doing...this is so great. Wishing you ALL the best.
I just want to say I've watched several of your videos for the last 2 hours and I'm so amazed by your bravery, honesty, and willingness to share your journey. Thanks for being such a beautiful person.
you're such a BLESSING....Thank you for this video...Thank you for being REAL and transparent...I pray healing and strength for your mind,body,and soul....
Laura I am so Impressed with you. you litteraly put me in tears. I have Crohn's disease and have had to deal with an illiosotomy for a little more than a decade... I just wanted to say I am proud to see someone else take their ostomy in such a good way. Thank you for your beautiful smile regardless of pain and the shit dealt to you. THE ONLY THING YOU'VE LOST IS READING TIME ON THE TOILET!! please don't forget that. BTW marijuana helps keep the stress in some managed control but with colitiis the removal of your colon, means remission. Thank you so much.
Thanks Laura. Many if us have also been there or are going through the same thoughts and pain right now. You are very brave for being strong enough to say what most if us are afraid to even think. The situation does suck, but you are helping others. Keep it up.
I've just stumbled on your UA-cam Video and watched a few of your videos. You are a beautiful person inside and out, an inspirational woman! A huge hug and thank you for sharing your experiences and who you are. xxx
Omg, you inspire me. I felt exactly the same way only I was older when diagnosed. I can't imagine being diagnosed at 18! Life gets so much better hang in there you are stronger than you can imagine.
The nice thing about pain, is that it lets you know you are not dead yet! Keep up your spirit, as your videos are inspiring to me and many others! I just stumbled across your story, and am going through the same thing, so I really appreciate your help!
So sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm sure your videos are helping lots of people overcome adversity in their lives. It's good that they're also cathartic for you. Hope you're doing well these days -- and that your spirits are up. Best wishes.
You are so very strong for sharing these things with others. I can tell you this from experience, sharing these things (losses, depression, anger, darkness etc.) will turn out to be very helpful to others who are also living with chronic illness/chronic pain. I know for me, I get real hard on myself when I fall into those sad and resentful times, which makes me feel so alone. By sharing those times with others, it helped a lot. You truly are inspiring, beautiful, and strong! Thanks for sharing!
I just stumbled onto your videos and have watched a few. You are a beautiful person and I am certain your words will be encouraging to others with similar circumstances. Even though this post is about loss it is still filled with hopefulness. I am personally richer and better off for having run across your videos. Thank you for sharing your humanity.
Oh Laura, you are so great to share the hard parts of your situation to help others. I haven't watched your videos in a few months and so now I remember all over again how brave and honest you are. My grandson has Crohns and he too is going through a lot of chronic pain. I am going to tell him about your videos. He's only 14 but after all he's been thru the past two years, I think probably he's ready to hear what you have to say. Thank you.
Wow, your evolution as a person is incredibly amazing. I had a bit of a marathon with your videos just now, and it's truly enlightening. Coming from someone whose just come from your younger video about how to change your bag and then to this, I have to commend you. You are an amazing human being.
I want to thank you for all of your videos. I was diagnosed with UC a while back and being a mom, my care fell to the wayside while I cared for others, and now as you can imagine I have been slapped in the face with really bad news when i first got the news I was pretty much ready to just crawl in a hole and rot. Then while looking for info and options for an ostomy I found your videos. Now I won't say I am looking forward to what is coming with happiness but at least I have hope!!
I've never experienced anything like this, but I cried watching this and am so much more thankful for my health. You are the strongest person I've ever seen on youtube, you go girl.
I understand exactly what you say about losing the fear of death and just wanting to get out of the pain etc. I live with constant pain and have felt the same way many times, and feeling that way is perfectly normal. Anyone who is living with constant pain will want to get out of it, no matter how. I hope you never have to experience such pain again! You're right about talking to others and seeking help at those times. *hugs*
God Bless you precious baby girl....I sure hope that you start to feel better...I couldn't even imagine but I empathize with you...thank you for sharing this....
I am watching this video and I am in complete admiration of how brave and truthful you are in this video. I know it must have been very difficult to share some of the things that you shared, and even though you think the video is negative and depressing, I think it is just the opposite, because by sharing the raw feelings that you shared I am sure you will help so many young women dealing with the same issues you are dealing with. I cannot imagine what you have been through because of this disease, and I am so very sorry for the pain and heartbreak it has caused you, but I truly think you should be an inspirational speaker because you tell it like it is. You are an AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT and BRAVE young woman. PLEASE try to continue to be strong,confident and always try to keep the faith that you obviously have. And just ignore the haters, they are morons that will NEVER be anywhere close to the awesome person that you are!!!!
What a wonderful sharing! You're such a beautiful person for all of the help you've given so many people through your videos. Please remember that the dark days will be there sometimes but they also show us the beauty when we have the good and great days. Sitting here, this 47 year old man is crying at the thought of a young person who is putting herself out there and making him feel better when it's us old farts that should be strong for others. You are amazing!
I can empathize with you, because I've been there (& still am) because of this disease. Some people find "good" things that their disease brought them (new friends, new blogging opportunities, etc.), but my Crohn's disease has given me nothing and has taken everything. It hijacked my life and I will never be ok with that. My colon gets removed next month and I hope that it will allow me some quality of life. And I totally understand how annoying it is to hear peoples petty "problems".
One really tough thing we learn about expeiences such as yours is how much we're not in control of our lives. We have our hopes and dreams but a Higher Power really sets the course.
I give you so much credit for making this video. I have a mild brain injury and I'm educating people on the life's changes. Try to remain positive. You have so much going for you, and time has a way of working things out.
I find your honesty and compassion and ability to make these videos to help people is incredibly strong and you do so well at keeping positive despite all your pain is just so worth respect. You're doing great, things are going to get better! It's ok to feel down sometimes but just remember what a special person you are doing the work you do and trying to help people, your struggles give you strength!
I do not think I've ever been so touched by listening (and really-really hearing and feeling) another human being via a home-made video. Thank you for sharing at this deep, immediate, passionate level. You are a strikingly beautiful human being with a gift of being able to touch others while telling your truth. I genuinely feel like a recalibrated, better-off, person as a result of watching this video.
Didn't have the space on previous post, so here it goes. It really touched me when you talked about wishing to die, I've felt that way so many times and still after all these years I have my days that I want to say 'fuck it' and give up. I admire your being positive, because when I was in my teen years I could only feel anger at everything and everybody, it sucks. But I learned to deal with it and I"m fine. Don't ever give up.
Laura, I must admit; you touched my soul. I have felt that way too, so many times. It is so hard to admit. I am used to having to be so strong. I thank you for your honesty, for it really helps me to better feel my own feelings. You are NOT alone...
I really commend your courage in sharing such a personal topic. I can completely relate to what you are saying. I'm really exhausted right now, and I want to say more, but my brain is mush. Anyway, I love you!
I find you to be such a brave individual for putting yourself out for others to see. I have crohns and while I haven't had any surgery yet, I do have quite serious chronic pain that I am dealing with so I can sympathize in some ways. I am just about to start Remicade so I am nervous with the thoughts of all the serious side effects. Just remember Its always darkest just before dawn, so keep your head up high.
Cont'd...Through your struggles you have made a lot of friends and encouraged and inspired a lot of people worldwide, how good is that? It is ok to show the side that's depressing, it is after all part of being human and having a chronic disease. Thank you for sharing and hope that you turn the corner really soon. xx~C~xx
It takes a lot of courage to make this video. I know you will travel and follow your dreams. I know how you feel about people talking about trivial matters that can be fixed so easily, when we have an incurable disease. Coming from someone with Crohn's, it's hard to be vulnerable especially discussing the painful things we have experienced as a result of our illness. Whether it be colitis or crohn's, they both take such a toll on our bodies. You're an inspiration. HUGS
Hey Laura, What a huge step you've taken to share the other side of IBD. Anyone with a chronic illness will be able to relate to everything you touched on here! I'm a Christian, and I am not scared of dying, in fact, like you said, on my bad days when it seems life has turned it's back on me, death would be such a relief! (No, I'm not suicidal either.). Sometimes it's hard doing the "Pollyanna" when all you really want to do is just tell everyone to f@#% off!!
Wow. Your story sounds just like my brothers. He has suffered from colitis since 1st grade. now he is 20 and has a J pouch (still has crohns also) and takes the last meds on the market for him and they finally work! if they ever stop working he will have to have an ostomy. Thank you for sharing. Seeing my brother suffer, hurts. And ever since his surgery for his J pouch, he has thrived. I always thought that nobody understood what we went through as a family. Thank you thank you for sharing.
Just wanted to thank you for your videos. I have had my temp ileostomy Angus the anus for almost 8 months now. Your how to change a bag video was one of the first ones I watched and seeing you do a video gave me confidence even before I had my surgery. Thanks for the volcano tip, I use a modified volcano method that stems from your video! Thanks for being you! Cheers!
You are so brave!!Their is nothing wrong with you venting.I am not going through what you are but I do feel your pain of being upset with your health.I think you are so courageous for making these videos.I will pray for you every night :)
I think getting through the anger about all the huge LOSS that comes with chronic bowel disease is the hardest part. I always try to think that we have to sort of live around it. I hate that the people I love the most are dealing with it, too, and wish I could let them off the hook somehowI hope that when you look back you can see that your experience has made you have the biggest most generous heart, and you can be proud of how you have dealt with it for so long. Hold your head high!
I want to tell you that i think you are such a brave and strong person. My dad just had his colon removed 2 weeks ago @ age 83. He had diverticulitis and was pretty much going to bleed to death. Right now he is a mix match of emotions, i pray this is normal. Right now we are trying to think of any and everything to keep him from giving up. Next time i visit him, he lives a few hours away, i want to show him your videos. He is to the point where he thinks he can't "live" life, go anywhere or do much away from home. You and your videos are so encouraging. Thank you!!!!
thanks for this video. My emotions are so mixed. I'm 60 years old face with a colostomy bag. it hurts to think I'm in the prime of my life. and this happens. I don't want nothing foreign on my body. I want my body to work right. Im angry. I need education
Omg.. watching this brought me to tears. Its so nice learning im not alone.. I have had uc since I was 7 I was put on remicade after of course all the years of everything else and now my body is starting to attack it. Im only 18 now.. its so hard even when I think I feel normal it creaps up again and reminds me im not. And sometimes its so hard not to think what a relief death would be.. the future scares me.
I have crohns and colitis and an ileostomy now for 2 years. I dont feel this video is depressing, I dont think this one is "real" and the others were not but I feel you put into words what I have been trying to explain to the world for almost 50 years. I dont make as many videos as IBD took my skin, my hair, my teeth, my youth and my human looks. I hope you continue to speak from the heart, truthfully and playfully when you can. Thank you for sharing you with us. THANK YOU!
WOW very powerful message. I know where you are coming from, you're young you have your life ahead of you then this comes along. It does get better. I had UC for over 20 years so I know. (short story) 2 Years ago got to the point meds no longer worked. Jpouch surgery was going to be the answer got it done, developed Cuffitis so bad worse then UC flares so went back to the ileo couldn't be happier. Is it all over NO it comes with its own problems BUT it becomes managable STAY STRONG!
This is an excellent "shit gets real" vid and I LOL at the "fuck you" scenario. I'm researching this stuff as a friend of mine now has his own bag and I am clueless (well, not totally now that I've seen some of your vids). Long story short, he went to A&E for one thing and was whisked off to surgery for another thing. Anyways, thank you and I hope 2015 is your year.
I have had a colostomy bag for almost nine years. I was born with an intestinal disease called hirschsprungs. ive had a lot of relationships while I have had my bag. It's been hard to deal with but I have learned to deal with it as best as I can and now I'm trying to learn how to tell girls that i meet that I have the colostomy bag. It's hard but I just tell them the truth and hope that they accept me for the good hearted person that I am. I love your videos and want to let you know that your so brave and just want to let you know to stay positive and keep your head up. Take care and God bless you.
I too want the pain to go away...I'm still new at this, only since August. My stoma is named Stacie...I was married only 6 months when my husband almost became a widower. I had to have a wound vac to heal, no stitches for me...Now that I can see how fortunate I am to be alive, I am told I need to have 2 more surgeries. Trying to remain positive about it all can be tough. Praying for the strength to get through it all...I wish you well Laura, you can do this...You are a special person.
Im suffering from this aswell and i can assure you it is the most painful thing i have been through! I have had it for over 10 months and still nothing has been done. I have had countless medicines and not one has made a difference, also no one will understand the pain until they experience it fact!
I'm 34 yr old and was diagnosed with Crohn's at age 7. Then had a colostomy from age 12 to 15, at age 15 my colon was removed entirely and since then I have an ileostomy. I admire you for sharing your experience and feelings worldwide, these are things that aren't easy to talk about. There was no UA-cam when I was dianosed and now that there is UA-cam I wouldn't have the courage to share it in this venue. I've dealt with it and talk about it just fine, just not on video. Keep at it girl :)
I went to your site and I to feel like you sometime, I was young when I lost all my teeth and I since have been afraid of doing things with people thinking I am old, anyway I feel for you I also have a daughter who suffers from hip and bone pain she suffer every day like you hang in there stay strong ok
I just wish I could hug you and cry...I have chrones and an illiostomy that has kept me sick and robbed me emotionally and robbed me of so much of my short life...no one will ever understand unless they've been there...and to be a female with this takes a true soldier!! I've tried to give up but I caught a leak lol keep ya head up..its all ya can do sometimes :)
Hi im Tom,brave girl for me very few of my family and freinds knew that im colostomy.for almost 6 years i hide my situation fear of discrimination.keep it up just be positive. I know the feeling because every time i have a long trip i always have leaks and every one in the will rool down there windows because of the foul smell
I understand I loss the able to working I am 58 old year and I have work all my life I had 2 light strokes left and right side of my brain I couldn't walk talk or doing anything the way I use to do I was a Supervisor in a Hotel for 19 years but June I 2014 that all went away 2 month in the hospital my husband almost loss me that day my body was shutting down on me it's been a 1 year for me in June 1 2015 so it been very hard for me really hard I have my good days and my bad days too so my deprressing is really bad but I have my mother and my family to talk to and my daughter God help us to understand why this happen God Bless you sweetie and thank you I will look for you on here to learn more much
Also I want to say this was not one bit negative. AND I think maybe your perspective on lack of fearing death might change eventually....you are doing great and you're a wonderful human being.
I wanna say to you all do not give up someone out there loves if you don't think so then I know that I will love you and I will even be your friend because everyone needs to be love.
I've always been honest and real with my videos. Most of the time I am positive and optimistic, but I have realizations and days where I want to give up. I have always been real to my viewers and always will be. These are just my experiences. I know many people have different experiences and different stories and emotions. that's why this channel is called ostoMYstory, because I realize not everyone will have the same experiences, but I want people to know they're not alone
Suggestion: look up "Stand Up and Fight" by Turisas. I don't know if you like hard rock, but just look it up for the words. Awesome one to play on those days that I feel like giving up.
Laura, thanks. I thought I had watched this before but since I didn't comment I wondered. You keep fighting. Please post an update if you can, it's been a while since you've posted.
Thank you :) I felt so guilty for feeling that way, I am not happy that others feel that way, but am comforted in a way that I am not alone in those thoughts!! My problem is, I wish for death sometimes and am scared it is going to come at the same time. I am truly confused by my conflicting thoughts. I don't have a bag but want one, cause i can't take the pain, but it sounds like there is pain even if you have the bag. Now I feel like there is no hope, thought the bag would be my saving grace.....so tired of the pain. I am tired of living on my couch, cause I can't handle the pain. Have had so many surgeries, last one one foot of my colon removed, but the doc refused to give me a bag and I begged :( Take care of you :)
You do not want a bag! God always provide a way of escape. I just read the following testimonial: Anyone who has suffered from Crohn’s can tell you, the pain is unbearable. I was at the end of my rope. The conventional medicines had not worked, nor had they stopped the bloody diarrhea, which had gotten so frequent that I was literally too weak to do anything. In July, 2003 I was awaiting my second Remicade infusion when I came across your web site. I had nothing to lose, so I tried your Adult Formula CP-1. I began with four capsules three times/day and noticed an improvement in two days, yet I still suffered from cramping and bloody diarrhea, yet milder. You then sent me the powder form , which I mixed one scoop with water three times per day and THE NEXT DAY THE PAIN, THE DIARRHEA AND THE BLOOD were gone. About a week of being on the powder form, and feeling better than I had felt in a year, my doctor performed a sigmoidoscopy and said “this is not the same colon, it’s gone”. I have now been off all Cohn’s medicine (Colozal, Pentasa, Entecort) since November 26, 2003 and have never felt better. My doctor has no other explanation for my recovery, it has to be the probiotics. Thank you, Do not wallow in self-pity. Your answer may be as simple as taking a good, and powerful probiotic. I wish you the best.
Just wondering, was there no way to get a refund for the plane tickets with a Dr. note or to reschedule? I think that should be implemented for such cases.
Hi Laura... I know you shot this video almost 3 years ago so I can safely assume you're a different person now and I sincerely hope for the better after all you've been through. I can truly say that I know and feel your pain as I too have been suffering from ulcerative colitis for years now and have been through 5 bowel surgeries and have had every type of test, treatment, medication and or surgery known to man. I just wanted to tell you to go ahead and vent. Get it all outif it makes you feel better and don't hold back. People like you and I do spend most of our mental energy trying to remember that there are people in the world that are worse off than us and are suffering just as much if not worse and yes this is a fact. But it's o.k. to also scream out 'WHY ME!" once in a while! It's a normal human feeling and it's only selfish if you dwell on it of claim it all the time. Also... much like me... you seem to get the worse flair ups just prior to stressful events or big moments in your life even when they're positive events you are looking forward to. I've had the same type of chance flare ups just prior to big life events. I had a Doctor once tell me that he believes my immune system is being triggered or affected by stress. I always wondered about the coalation between stress and the immune system. I'd like to know your thoughts on that. I hope your doing well know and feel free to keep in touch if you need an ear to listen to you.
Colitis sucks!!!! Where in the world does it come from? I've had it all my life, finially had the complete removal and wear the bag. But growing up with that pain and social embarrassment sucks!! Missed furthering my education at the time too. Always had to work full time just for insurance benefits. That's enough I'm getting depressed too.
you know what is the most thing that IBD has not succeeded to take from you ? You are still one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen :) you're just awesomely beautiful take care, wish you full recovery. GOD bless you /watch?v=rSToh--FUsI
my condition has taken away my ability to be a father and a husband i cannot be what i need to be in life and have to deal with that reality to be alone because of this makes me so mad and yes i too wished for death to come so many times. in my most desperate and painful times
keep your positive attitude. i know everybody gets down. EVEN I DO! I ignore that stuff that gets in the way. It's only a PART of me, it isn't ME. You know what i mean?
I don't know your beliefs, but I have faith that pain, suffering and death will end soon. I try an take one day at a time. One moment at a time. Hang in there. And Thank You for this video
Hi, you are not alone, as you should know by now. Everything you've said, I and many others have thought the same. What you will come to realize is that the best years of your live are now ahead of you. My quality of live went from Hell to Heaven once I had the ileostomy done. I am able to play tournament level softball, basketball, and much more, things I couldn't do before surgery. I weighed 120 before, 180 now. Much healthier for a six footer ;-) About a year after I had the procedure done, I wished I had had it done years before. Keep doing what you're doing, it's inspiring. You ever need pepping up, ping me, I'm an infernal optimist and probably the most well adjusted ostomate you'll ever meet. Sandy
Under the "published on" date above...it says, "**warning, depressing!". But, I don't think your video is/was depressing at all. Its uplifting for all of us...who get to see (1) a really brave, strong person, (2) someone who is doing these very personal videos for other people to benefit...since you share your experiences and feelings with strangers. Doing these might be therapeutic for you...(getting to just talk about things), but you probably don't know HOW VALUABLE your message is to other people. As a nursing student, I've learned how much IBD and/or ostomies change a person's self-image and life. But I've only read in books...and interacted with patients in the hospital....most of them did not walk to talk much about it. I can't thank you enough for bringing your story to LIFE for all of us. You are truly an inspiration...I really mean that. Keep doing what you are doing...this is so great. Wishing you ALL the best.
I just want to say I've watched several of your videos for the last 2 hours and I'm so amazed by your bravery, honesty, and willingness to share your journey. Thanks for being such a beautiful person.
you're such a BLESSING....Thank you for this video...Thank you for being REAL and transparent...I pray healing and strength for your mind,body,and soul....
Thanks for putting in words what I've struggled with, my pain is both physical and emotional. I'm a rape survivor and have no fear as you do.
Laura I am so Impressed with you. you litteraly put me in tears. I have Crohn's disease and have had to deal with an illiosotomy for a little more than a decade... I just wanted to say I am proud to see someone else take their ostomy in such a good way. Thank you for your beautiful smile regardless of pain and the shit dealt to you. THE ONLY THING YOU'VE LOST IS READING TIME ON THE TOILET!! please don't forget that.
BTW marijuana helps keep the stress in some managed control but with colitiis the removal of your colon, means remission. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your honesty, you are very brave to be so open about your struggles with IBD.
Thank you for all your videos, they have helped me a lot! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thanks so much for this, cant explain how helpful your honesty and bravery is
Thanks Laura. Many if us have also been there or are going through the same thoughts and pain right now. You are very brave for being strong enough to say what most if us are afraid to even think. The situation does suck, but you are helping others. Keep it up.
I've just stumbled on your UA-cam Video and watched a few of your videos. You are a beautiful person inside and out, an inspirational woman! A huge hug and thank you for sharing your experiences and who you are. xxx
Omg, you inspire me. I felt exactly the same way only I was older when diagnosed. I can't imagine being diagnosed at 18! Life gets so much better hang in there you are stronger than you can imagine.
The nice thing about pain, is that it lets you know you are not dead yet! Keep up your spirit, as your videos are inspiring to me and many others! I just stumbled across your story, and am going through the same thing, so I really appreciate your help!
So sorry to hear about your struggles. I'm sure your videos are helping lots of people overcome adversity in their lives. It's good that they're also cathartic for you. Hope you're doing well these days -- and that your spirits are up. Best wishes.
You are so brave. And inspiring. I appreciate your honesty. I wish you all the best, all the way from Melbourne, Australia.
You are so very strong for sharing these things with others. I can tell you this from experience, sharing these things (losses, depression, anger, darkness etc.) will turn out to be very helpful to others who are also living with chronic illness/chronic pain. I know for me, I get real hard on myself when I fall into those sad and resentful times, which makes me feel so alone. By sharing those times with others, it helped a lot. You truly are inspiring, beautiful, and strong! Thanks for sharing!
I just stumbled onto your videos and have watched a few. You are a beautiful person and I am certain your words will be encouraging to others with similar circumstances. Even though this post is about loss it is still filled with hopefulness. I am personally richer and better off for having run across your videos. Thank you for sharing your humanity.
Oh Laura, you are so great to share the hard parts of your situation to help others. I haven't watched your videos in a few months and so now I remember all over again how brave and honest you are. My grandson has Crohns and he too is going through a lot of chronic pain. I am going to tell him about your videos. He's only 14 but after all he's been thru the past two years, I think probably he's ready to hear what you have to say. Thank you.
You are one very beautiful person. Physically and mentally. You are very brave to share so much with others. God bless you Laura
Wow, your evolution as a person is incredibly amazing. I had a bit of a marathon with your videos just now, and it's truly enlightening. Coming from someone whose just come from your younger video about how to change your bag and then to this, I have to commend you. You are an amazing human being.
I want to thank you for all of your videos. I was diagnosed with UC a while back and being a mom, my care fell to the wayside while I cared for others, and now as you can imagine I have been slapped in the face with really bad news when i first got the news I was pretty much ready to just crawl in a hole and rot. Then while looking for info and options for an ostomy I found your videos. Now I won't say I am looking forward to what is coming with happiness but at least I have hope!!
I've never experienced anything like this, but I cried watching this and am so much more thankful for my health. You are the strongest person I've ever seen on youtube, you go girl.
I understand exactly what you say about losing the fear of death and just wanting to get out of the pain etc. I live with constant pain and have felt the same way many times, and feeling that way is perfectly normal. Anyone who is living with constant pain will want to get out of it, no matter how. I hope you never have to experience such pain again! You're right about talking to others and seeking help at those times. *hugs*
God Bless you precious baby girl....I sure hope that you start to feel better...I couldn't even imagine but I empathize with you...thank you for sharing this....
Thank u for sharing your thoughts & feelings.
I am watching this video and I am in complete admiration of how brave and truthful you are in this video. I know it must have been very difficult to share some of the things that you shared, and even though you think the video is negative and depressing, I think it is just the opposite, because by sharing the raw feelings that you shared I am sure you will help so many young women dealing with the same issues you are dealing with.
I cannot imagine what you have been through because of this disease, and I am so very sorry for the pain and heartbreak it has caused you, but I truly think you should be an inspirational speaker because you tell it like it is. You are an AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT and BRAVE young woman. PLEASE try to continue to be strong,confident and always try to keep the faith that you obviously have. And just ignore the haters, they are morons that will NEVER be anywhere close to the awesome person that you are!!!!
This make me wanna cry. You are such a strong person.
What a wonderful sharing! You're such a beautiful person for all of the help you've given so many people through your videos. Please remember that the dark days will be there sometimes but they also show us the beauty when we have the good and great days. Sitting here, this 47 year old man is crying at the thought of a young person who is putting herself out there and making him feel better when it's us old farts that should be strong for others. You are amazing!
I feel the exact same way. I understand how you feel 100%. You're very strong and I hope you know that I'm here for you. You're not fighting alone!
You are such an inspiration. God bless you !
I can empathize with you, because I've been there (& still am) because of this disease. Some people find "good" things that their disease brought them (new friends, new blogging opportunities, etc.), but my Crohn's disease has given me nothing and has taken everything. It hijacked my life and I will never be ok with that. My colon gets removed next month and I hope that it will allow me some quality of life. And I totally understand how annoying it is to hear peoples petty "problems".
One really tough thing we learn about expeiences such as yours is how much we're not in control of our lives. We have our hopes and dreams but a Higher Power really sets the course.
I give you so much credit for making this video. I have a mild brain injury and I'm educating people on the life's changes. Try to remain positive. You have so much going for you, and time has a way of working things out.
I find your honesty and compassion and ability to make these videos to help people is incredibly strong and you do so well at keeping positive despite all your pain is just so worth respect. You're doing great, things are going to get better! It's ok to feel down sometimes but just remember what a special person you are doing the work you do and trying to help people, your struggles give you strength!
Keep your head up. I have to have a Trach and I hate it but I need it to survive. I know what you are going through. YOU ROCK!!!
I do not think I've ever been so touched by listening (and really-really hearing and feeling) another human being via a home-made video. Thank you for sharing at this deep, immediate, passionate level. You are a strikingly beautiful human being with a gift of being able to touch others while telling your truth. I genuinely feel like a recalibrated, better-off, person as a result of watching this video.
Didn't have the space on previous post, so here it goes. It really touched me when you talked about wishing to die, I've felt that way so many times and still after all these years I have my days that I want to say 'fuck it' and give up. I admire your being positive, because when I was in my teen years I could only feel anger at everything and everybody, it sucks. But I learned to deal with it and I"m fine. Don't ever give up.
Laura, I must admit; you touched my soul. I have felt that way too, so many times. It is so hard to admit. I am used to having to be so strong. I thank you for your honesty, for it really helps me to better feel my own feelings. You are NOT alone...
I really commend your courage in sharing such a personal topic. I can completely relate to what you are saying. I'm really exhausted right now, and I want to say more, but my brain is mush. Anyway, I love you!
I find you to be such a brave individual for putting yourself out for others to see. I have crohns and while I haven't had any surgery yet, I do have quite serious chronic pain that I am dealing with so I can sympathize in some ways. I am just about to start Remicade so I am nervous with the thoughts of all the serious side effects. Just remember Its always darkest just before dawn, so keep your head up high.
Laura right? I think you are Amazing, amazingly positive and so cool ! God Bless ya !
Cont'd...Through your struggles you have made a lot of friends and encouraged and inspired a lot of people worldwide, how good is that? It is ok to show the side that's depressing, it is after all part of being human and having a chronic disease.
Thank you for sharing and hope that you turn the corner really soon. xx~C~xx
It takes a lot of courage to make this video. I know you will travel and follow your dreams. I know how you feel about people talking about trivial matters that can be fixed so easily, when we have an incurable disease. Coming from someone with Crohn's, it's hard to be vulnerable especially discussing the painful things we have experienced as a result of our illness. Whether it be colitis or crohn's, they both take such a toll on our bodies. You're an inspiration. HUGS
Hey Laura, What a huge step you've taken to share the other side of IBD. Anyone with a chronic illness will be able to relate to everything you touched on here! I'm a Christian, and I am not scared of dying, in fact, like you said, on my bad days when it seems life has turned it's back on me, death would be such a relief! (No, I'm not suicidal either.). Sometimes it's hard doing the "Pollyanna" when all you really want to do is just tell everyone to f@#% off!!
Wow. Your story sounds just like my brothers. He has suffered from colitis since 1st grade. now he is 20 and has a J pouch (still has crohns also) and takes the last meds on the market for him and they finally work! if they ever stop working he will have to have an ostomy. Thank you for sharing. Seeing my brother suffer, hurts. And ever since his surgery for his J pouch, he has thrived. I always thought that nobody understood what we went through as a family. Thank you thank you for sharing.
Just wanted to thank you for your videos. I have had my temp ileostomy Angus the anus for almost 8 months now. Your how to change a bag video was one of the first ones I watched and seeing you do a video gave me confidence even before I had my surgery. Thanks for the volcano tip, I use a modified volcano method that stems from your video! Thanks for being you! Cheers!
You are so brave!!Their is nothing wrong with you venting.I am not going through what you are but I do feel your pain of being upset with your health.I think you are so courageous for making these videos.I will pray for you every night :)
I think getting through the anger about all the huge LOSS that comes with chronic bowel disease is the hardest part. I always try to think that we have to sort of live around it. I hate that the people I love the most are dealing with it, too, and wish I could let them off the hook somehowI hope that when you look back you can see that your experience has made you have the biggest most generous heart, and you can be proud of how you have dealt with it for so long. Hold your head high!
I related SOO much to everything you said. Keep your head up! If you ever want to talk or anything, I'm just a train ride away.
You are such a beautiful and sensitive young woman. The world is a better place because of people like you. Many hugs. XOXOXO
I want to tell you that i think you are such a brave and strong person. My dad just had his colon removed 2 weeks ago @ age 83. He had diverticulitis and was pretty much going to bleed to death. Right now he is a mix match of emotions, i pray this is normal. Right now we are trying to think of any and everything to keep him from giving up. Next time i visit him, he lives a few hours away, i want to show him your videos. He is to the point where he thinks he can't "live" life, go anywhere or do much away from home. You and your videos are so encouraging. Thank you!!!!
thanks for this video. My emotions are so mixed. I'm 60 years old face with a colostomy bag. it hurts to think I'm in the prime of my life. and this happens. I don't want nothing foreign on my body. I want my body to work right. Im angry. I need education
The only thing worse (for me )then the fear of death, is the fear of leaving your children. And that is what I fear.
You are such of an inspiration. :)
Omg.. watching this brought me to tears. Its so nice learning im not alone.. I have had uc since I was 7 I was put on remicade after of course all the years of everything else and now my body is starting to attack it. Im only 18 now.. its so hard even when I think I feel normal it creaps up again and reminds me im not. And sometimes its so hard not to think what a relief death would be.. the future scares me.
I have crohns and colitis and an ileostomy now for 2 years. I dont feel this video is depressing, I dont think this one is "real" and the others were not but I feel you put into words what I have been trying to explain to the world for almost 50 years. I dont make as many videos as IBD took my skin, my hair, my teeth, my youth and my human looks. I hope you continue to speak from the heart, truthfully and playfully when you can. Thank you for sharing you with us. THANK YOU!
WOW very powerful message. I know where you are coming from, you're young you have your life ahead of you then this comes along. It does get better. I had UC for over 20 years so I know. (short story) 2 Years ago got to the point meds no longer worked. Jpouch surgery was going to be the answer got it done, developed Cuffitis so bad worse then UC flares so went back to the ileo couldn't be happier. Is it all over NO it comes with its own problems BUT it becomes managable STAY STRONG!
This is an excellent "shit gets real" vid and I LOL at the "fuck you" scenario. I'm researching this stuff as a friend of mine now has his own bag and I am clueless (well, not totally now that I've seen some of your vids). Long story short, he went to A&E for one thing and was whisked off to surgery for another thing. Anyways, thank you and I hope 2015 is your year.
I have had a colostomy bag for almost nine years. I was born with an intestinal disease called hirschsprungs. ive had a lot of relationships while I have had my bag. It's been hard to deal with but I have learned to deal with it as best as I can and now I'm trying to learn how to tell girls that i meet that I have the colostomy bag. It's hard but I just tell them the truth and hope that they accept me for the good hearted person that I am. I love your videos and want to let you know that your so brave and just want to let you know to stay positive and keep your head up. Take care and God bless you.
thank you for sharing your story..
Stay strong lovely...life is a beautiful thing and the smallest things make it all worth while
I too want the pain to go away...I'm still new at this, only since August. My stoma is named Stacie...I was married only 6 months when my husband almost became a widower. I had to have a wound vac to heal, no stitches for me...Now that I can see how fortunate I am to be alive, I am told I need to have 2 more surgeries. Trying to remain positive about it all can be tough. Praying for the strength to get through it all...I wish you well Laura, you can do this...You are a special person.
Watching your videos make me realize life is not bad at all.
May God bless you and give you good health - amin. You are a beautiful and strong young girl. keep it up!!!
Im suffering from this aswell and i can assure you it is the most painful thing i have been through! I have had it for over 10 months and still nothing has been done. I have had countless medicines and not one has made a difference, also no one will understand the pain until they experience it fact!
I went thru my ileostomy feeling the exact way! Definitely makes you a stronger person!
You're a very strong person!!!!
I'm 34 yr old and was diagnosed with Crohn's at age 7. Then had a colostomy from age 12 to 15, at age 15 my colon was removed entirely and since then I have an ileostomy. I admire you for sharing your experience and feelings worldwide, these are things that aren't easy to talk about. There was no UA-cam when I was dianosed and now that there is UA-cam I wouldn't have the courage to share it in this venue. I've dealt with it and talk about it just fine, just not on video. Keep at it girl :)
I went to your site and I to feel like you sometime, I was young when I lost all my teeth and I since have been afraid of doing things with people thinking I am old, anyway I feel for you I also have a daughter who suffers from hip and bone pain she suffer every day like you hang in there stay strong ok
I just wish I could hug you and cry...I have chrones and an illiostomy that has kept me sick and robbed me emotionally and robbed me of so much of my short life...no one will ever understand unless they've been there...and to be a female with this takes a true soldier!! I've tried to give up but I caught a leak lol keep ya head up..its all ya can do sometimes :)
I know how you feel. This colostomy has taken my career and almost all of my normal life. Thank you for being honest
i 3 u, Laura. i know 100% what you're going thru. and although it's easier said than done, but, please keep your head up =)
I understand how you felt completely
Hi im Tom,brave girl for me very few of my family and freinds knew that im colostomy.for almost 6 years i hide my situation fear of discrimination.keep it up just be positive. I know the feeling because every time i have a long trip i always have leaks and every one in the will rool down there windows because of the foul smell
God bless you am so sorry this had to happen to you.
I understand I loss the able to working I am 58 old year and I have work all my life I had 2 light strokes left and right side of my brain I couldn't walk talk or doing anything the way I use to do I was a Supervisor in a Hotel for 19 years but June I 2014 that all went away 2 month in the hospital my husband almost loss me that day my body was shutting down on me it's been a 1 year for me in June 1 2015 so it been very hard for me really hard I have my good days and my bad days too so my deprressing is really bad but I have my mother and my family to talk to and my daughter God help us to understand why this happen God Bless you sweetie and thank you I will look for you on here to learn more much
Also I want to say this was not one bit negative. AND I think maybe your perspective on lack of fearing death might change eventually....you are doing great and you're a wonderful human being.
I wanna say to you all do not give up someone out there loves if you don't think so then I know that I will love you and I will even be your friend because everyone needs to be love.
GODBLESS,! Stay positive...
totally understand so much here.
I related to every thing you said.
I've always been honest and real with my videos. Most of the time I am positive and optimistic, but I have realizations and days where I want to give up. I have always been real to my viewers and always will be. These are just my experiences. I know many people have different experiences and different stories and emotions. that's why this channel is called ostoMYstory, because I realize not everyone will have the same experiences, but I want people to know they're not alone
going through the same thing thanks want to give up sometimes
Suggestion: look up "Stand Up and Fight" by Turisas. I don't know if you like hard rock, but just look it up for the words. Awesome one to play on those days that I feel like giving up.
Laura, thanks. I thought I had watched this before but since I didn't comment I wondered. You keep fighting. Please post an update if you can, it's been a while since you've posted.
Thank you :) I felt so guilty for feeling that way, I am not happy that others feel that way, but am comforted in a way that I am not alone in those thoughts!! My problem is, I wish for death sometimes and am scared it is going to come at the same time. I am truly confused by my conflicting thoughts. I don't have a bag but want one, cause i can't take the pain, but it sounds like there is pain even if you have the bag. Now I feel like there is no hope, thought the bag would be my saving grace.....so tired of the pain. I am tired of living on my couch, cause I can't handle the pain. Have had so many surgeries, last one one foot of my colon removed, but the doc refused to give me a bag and I begged :( Take care of you :)
You do not want a bag! God always provide a way of escape. I just read the following testimonial: Anyone who has suffered from Crohn’s can tell you, the pain is unbearable. I was at the end of my rope. The conventional medicines had not worked, nor had they stopped the bloody diarrhea, which had gotten so frequent that I was literally too weak to do anything. In July, 2003 I was awaiting my second Remicade infusion when I came across your web site. I had nothing to lose, so I tried your Adult Formula CP-1. I began with four capsules three times/day and noticed an improvement in two days, yet I still suffered from cramping and bloody diarrhea, yet milder. You then sent me the powder form , which I mixed one scoop with water three times per day and THE NEXT DAY THE PAIN, THE DIARRHEA AND THE BLOOD were gone. About a week of being on the powder form, and feeling better than I had felt in a year, my doctor performed a sigmoidoscopy and said “this is not the same colon, it’s gone”.
I have now been off all Cohn’s medicine (Colozal, Pentasa, Entecort) since November 26, 2003 and have never felt better. My doctor has no other explanation for my recovery, it has to be the probiotics.
Thank you,
Do not wallow in self-pity. Your answer may be as simple as taking a good, and powerful probiotic.
I wish you the best.
I don't believe our minds and hearts were designed to deal with intense pain.....wanting relief at any cost is understandable and human....
Just wondering, was there no way to get a refund for the plane tickets with a Dr. note or to reschedule? I think that should be implemented for such cases.
Hi Laura... I know you shot this video almost 3 years ago so I can safely assume you're a different person now and I sincerely hope for the better after all you've been through. I can truly say that I know and feel your pain as I too have been suffering from ulcerative colitis for years now and have been through 5 bowel surgeries and have had every type of test, treatment, medication and or surgery known to man. I just wanted to tell you to go ahead and vent. Get it all outif it makes you feel better and don't hold back. People like you and I do spend most of our mental energy trying to remember that there are people in the world that are worse off than us and are suffering just as much if not worse and yes this is a fact. But it's o.k. to also scream out 'WHY ME!" once in a while! It's a normal human feeling and it's only selfish if you dwell on it of claim it all the time. Also... much like me... you seem to get the worse flair ups just prior to stressful events or big moments in your life even when they're positive events you are looking forward to. I've had the same type of chance flare ups just prior to big life events. I had a Doctor once tell me that he believes my immune system is being triggered or affected by stress. I always wondered about the coalation between stress and the immune system. I'd like to know your thoughts on that. I hope your doing well know and feel free to keep in touch if you need an ear to listen to you.
Colitis sucks!!!! Where in the world does it come from? I've had it all my life, finially had the complete removal and wear the bag. But growing up with that pain and social embarrassment sucks!! Missed furthering my education at the time too. Always had to work full time just for insurance benefits. That's enough I'm getting depressed too.
selina stephenson
man this is why we need universal healthcare in America. I got diagnosed when I was living in Morocco. and I was covered.
you know what is the most thing that IBD has not succeeded to take from you ?
You are still one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen :) you're just awesomely beautiful
take care, wish you full recovery. GOD bless you
/watch?v=rSToh--FUsI
my condition has taken away my ability to be a father and a husband i cannot be what i need to be in life and have to deal with that reality to be alone because of this makes me so mad and yes i too wished for death to come so many times. in my most desperate and painful times
keep your positive attitude. i know everybody gets down. EVEN I DO! I ignore that stuff that gets in the way. It's only a PART of me, it isn't ME. You know what i mean?
I don't know your beliefs, but I have faith that pain, suffering and death will end soon. I try an take one day at a time. One moment at a time. Hang in there. And Thank You for this video
My chronic pain has taken away from me my ability to be a mother. :( I hate it but it's honest...
You're gorgeous
Hi, you are not alone, as you should know by now. Everything you've said, I and many others have thought the same. What you will come to realize is that the best years of your live are now ahead of you. My quality of live went from Hell to Heaven once I had the ileostomy done. I am able to play tournament level softball, basketball, and much more, things I couldn't do before surgery. I weighed 120 before, 180 now. Much healthier for a six footer ;-) About a year after I had the procedure done, I wished I had had it done years before.
Keep doing what you're doing, it's inspiring. You ever need pepping up, ping me, I'm an infernal optimist and probably the most well adjusted ostomate you'll ever meet.
Sandy
You're a powerful woman
thank you for finally being real.
no honey death is not answer, you have so much to live for.
If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you.
I have crohns. When people bitch about allergies or a cold....I really get annoyed.