When you're not sure if your date is also autistic
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- Опубліковано 1 кві 2024
- Autism Acceptance Week - April 2nd-8th - @NationalAutisticSoc
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My hubby, me and my daughter (all Autistic) have blinking, staring conversations all the time and it's a beautiful thing to behold because it's not awkward, it's just a Tuesday.
love this
You guys are like ninjas taking in codes with the blinking
Didn’t realise the blinking was an autistic trait 😅
@@Cherrycreamsoda1 Who said it was?
You might not connect romantically, but hopefully this becomes a wonderful friendship.
A well functioning couple is a frienship!
Look at me. On this date. Functioning 😂
As someone on the spectrum who’s recently gotten back into the dating pool, this has quickly become my mantra.
“That’s a hate crime” 😂 cute couple!
"And a win!"
Pro tip: just open with "hmm, it appears we both have autism", like a true chad once demonstrated.
appreciate the honest and contactless ending, that's hot
I think I might be autistic, and yet I am very contactful, and I've met some autistic people who are also contactful. The ending made me sad.
@@awesomebearaudiobooks Perhaps you're neurodivergent in some other way.
@@awesomebearaudiobooks Totally fine and normal for an autistic person. It’s not about disliking people or being terrible at social interaction. Autism is a set of neurological differences, and some people’s nervous systems find physical touch overwhelming while some people find it very calming and reassuring.
@@awesomebearaudiobooksit’s not a one-size-fits-all diagnosis! It looks different for everyone
I loved the honest communication at the end. What a relief
This brings back memories of the time I was at a party and one of the other guests, a child psychologist, asked my (non-ASD) wife, "Soooo..... does your husband know he has Autism?" 🤣
Honestly, talking about fonts and their effective applications sounds like a fine conversation. I'm in.*
*under the condition I don't have to leave my home or change from my sweatpants or be assaulted by bright lights.
There is no shame in leaving your house with comfy sweatpants and sunglasses. Some people may judge you, but you are the one wearing some cool shades and not having to deal with bright lights so I would say you would be winning
Absolutely! As someone who is into Graphic Design (and autistic lol)
Why did you call me out in the first second with knowing fonts way too well
That last conversation where youre both on a completely different page and not synchronising is exactly what happens with autism. I chat to people and am never in the same place they are so conversations are so incredibly long
When a neurotypical person asks me if I'm autistic, I'm offended. When an autistic person asks me if I'm autistic, I'm flattered. I actually am not autistic, but I have C-PTSD. If a neurotypical person asks me this question, odds are they are using it as an insult. If it's an autistic person asking it, odds are they're just trying to establish trust. Trust is the love language of people with C-PTSD. There are similarities between autism and C-PTSD, which makes it easier to empathize with one another. The vast majority of people don't give a shit about our comfort. They want to "fix" us in order to fit in.
Interesting! What similarities have you noticed between Autism and C-PTSD?
We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia is the best book I've ever read. It's about autism, but i think it's applicable to anyone with a disability, and really even to people without significant disabilities, since we all need support sometimes, and should love and accept both ourselves and others. Pretty sure I'm autistic though.
I find that it really does depend. Neurotypical people aren't a monolith, a lot of them can tell something is up (even if they don't know exactly what) and are asking as to why.
Admittedly I do have to do a lot of convincing for most neurotypical people about stuff to do with autism. I can get away with that because I really love talking and got fairly good at it over the years.
Plus I have built up plenty of useful analogies. Like if you are ever having trouble explaining what being non verbal is like, the best analogy for an nt person I have found is trying to place your hand on a pan you know is hot. Sure you can physically do it, but that doesn't change that without great mental strain your hand is not going on that pan. If they don't accept the analogy, that's their problem. Usually they are at least willing to hear you out.
@@jambott5520use holding your breath instead: you can do it, but you instinctively wouldn't want to unless you really had to and it takes effort.
As someone else was saying, neither NTs nor NDs are a monolith: our interpretation of phenomena are just models to better understand their apparent characteristics. Segregating ourselves in these made-up categories can be comfy, but it's childish and harmful long term, especially when you end up identifying yourself with a clinical diagnosis.
But now I want to hear what he said about the font! 😅
I love this doubly as an autist and a fan of Peep Show
I went on a date once and me and my date legit went on about aircraft for what must have been hours, it was great
This is remarkably relatable. And cute. Well done!
this should have more views
This was freaking awesome
Thank you! A follow up sketch is here in case you're interested: ua-cam.com/video/JaGNLocfH9Y/v-deo.html
Ok. All well and good, but...what was the font on the menu? Probably something sans serif for readability. But don't just leave us hanging like that!
Subscribe for more fontent. (Get it, content + font = fontent, HAH IM SO FUNNY)
Papyrus. Date ruined.
I scared a friend away once by talking about our autism (must've made him uncomfortable that I could tell)
I like this but I’m confused by the end
the end is a loop of finding common ground in not feeling a spark with each other XD
My doctor is autistic. Sometimes I found it weird how I said something, and instead of reacting like I expect she just stares at me for 5 seconds with a blank expression :DDD I guess it's normal, I've now found.
That was wholesome!
I mean, I felt a spark.
what is the font on the menu the same font as?
This is a very sweet video.
Its so funny. I swear im autistic in sime way but ive gotten so good at controlling how im perceived that i genuinely make people think im normal. Maybe borderline. Every psychiatrist gives me a different diagnosis 😂
She is gorgeous 😍
Do we know her name?
Came here for this. I need her name.
@@lsimpson8307 She's lovely and a really good actress.
Bro I think everyone and their mom knew I was autistic but never told me...
You know how exactly I started to suspect something was off about me? From a random 18+ manhwa. When I was 29. Not even kidding...
I understand the waiter. He thinks that he might fall over from the noise and cause me not to get back home in time to watch Mr Bates versus The Post Office.
And the fonts are too bright for the noise.
Noe make them also shy.
This feels so much like an episode from the peep show
guys please don't take this video seriously, i'm autistic and i assure you im not like this lol 🤣
I wonder if autism is human beings adapting to low sensory and low energy conditions and normalizing to it... and then when exposed to high energy and high sensory conditions becoming overwhelmed and irritated by it (to the point of not being able to cope or think straight) so that you don't operate properly.
My guess is that NTs have a better ability to filter out things. I think may have to do with GABA and how it functions.
My reasoning? I'm not autistic. But a lot of the effects I had when detoxing from benzo withdrawal seem similar to autism--at least, the overload part. It also seems similar to some OCD traits I have.
I also think sensory seeking autistic people have other systems in their brain overcompensating, and thus they feel things less than they should, and thus seek out more. This also fits my experience, where I started having numbness and stuff.
Just theories, of course. I've long wondered if they've tried GABA-related stuff for autistic people to help with the bad part of autism.
LOL, me and my best friends!
Autistic Women are often undiagnosed but like this girl… They are absolutely stunning.
Stuart, is your family from North or South Carolina? Maybe Spartanburg? We share the Laws family name, so I was curious. (Not as common as Law or Lawson, etc.) 😉🙂↔️
so cute... but honestly thinking about cool fonts... wishing i could remember names..i used to print them out to have my favorites on a sheet. short studies in graphic design but then went off on a font tangeant. copperplate was always a fav and considered printing off labels for my spices but printer went off with the ex and the gf he wasnt cheating on me with.....cuz he said it was in my head. nope very real but moving on.... thats ok no spark anyway and i had better conversation with my dog.
good luck to them.
maybe their wedding invitations in some swirly script font. or lets be real itll be comic sans cuz its a joke.
soon it'll all be in her head too. poor girl. but thats the way life goes
anyway cute video
🐕
Either express it outright, or wear a “Autism awareness” bracelet, and play with it to the point they have to make the connection
Who’s they? If it’s an autistic person, we don’t always assume things. If it’s an allistic person, they assume everyone is allistic.
So they made eye contact with each other?
this is the most relatable ever, tho, very painful experience. I can date like once a year or two, or I will lose it, ngl. Always end up very very horror for me.
Not really feeling the spark is so accurate
This word: date?
ASD SEQUEL! ua-cam.com/video/JaGNLocfH9Y/v-deo.html
I didn't understand his last line and couldn't read the caption because the suggested video covered it up. 😐
“Yeah we should do this again”
“Nah I don’t feel the spark”
“Me neither!”
I don't get why they both said they feel nothing and want to go their separate ways but yet also asked to do it again despite having just said no before asking the same question with eagerness as though they hoped the other would say yes.
I mean I can understand enjoying the lack of emotional upheaval so I'm guessing it was just a confusing execution of it. Kinda like how you should tell first responders that you hope they have a boring day at work.
They seem to be responding to two different versions of the question. They just went on a date. So they don't want to do that again. But they did enjoy each others' company, and would be happy to get together again, in a non-date context. But they're having trouble communicating it.
Then again, I'm apparently not autistic, so maybe I'm wrong.
@@ZipplyZane well I have "can count to 10 without using my fingers" autism (lol) so I don't understand either.
This behavior seems completely normal to me ... Wait... Am I autistic? Are most people I know autistc?!
congrats buddy, welcome to the club - the lighting is low and the music is at the perfect volume to obscure your conversation from the tables near you but not set your brain on fire
This is entirely possible, as it seems over years the only people I want to continue engaging with are neuro-divergent, so there are almost no neuro-typicals in my life.
I can't take all this will they won't they!! I hope they don't! x.x
Not being funny here - saying this as someone who's supposedly ADHD - I feel like we're stretching the certain categories of neurodivergence to the point that they're not helpful. Or to put it more personally, I'm pretty sure two or three of my friends could be diagnosed as autistic, but honestly I just think of them as people who interact differently than the average person. I'd far rather understand who they are as individuals than try to interact with them based on a diagnosis/neurodivergent category.
EDIT: I looked over what I wrote, and thought some folks might think I'm saying that autism isn't a thing, and I'm not saying that. I know I'm neurodivergent, I experience flow/hyperfocus, distractability because just one thing at a time isn't enough stimulation, a tendency to impulsivity, etc. And among my (newer) friends is a guy who shows virtually no facial expression, converses very awkwardly and monotone, doesn't have the best sense of timing. One of the things I love about the guy is that he still shows up to social events and contributes and stretches himself when it's very obvious it's not comfortable for him, but he knows the other person values his doing that. I have no idea whether he has a diagnosis of autism, and I honestly don't care, it's not going to change how I interact with him.
"people who interact differently than the average person" Well, thats literally what being ND is.
Especially since the “average person,” definitionally, doesn’t exist. Everyone deviates from this imagined average to some extent, so it becomes totally subjective about where we’re gonna draw the line to say this person is neurodivergent or that person is an autist.
I think it’s easy to get obsessed with labels, and that obsession gets in the way of just being yourself and allowing others to just be themselves.
@@cjlister8508 Sorry, I didn't see your reply till now. Have a look at pumpkinhill's reply below; they said it much better than I can ;)
I feel like functioning is a really important part of a diagnosis, and functioning can be masked by outward appearances. In interactions, I look extremely polite and can be basically friendly, but I really struggle to make friends or keep myself safe in public. I didn't know until like 6 months ago that a friendship was supposed to be mutually fulfilling, I thought it was a duty to entertain the other person, and if I felt uncomfortable or unsafe it was because I wasn't doing a good enough job at socializing, rather than the other person being a potential danger or manipulator or bully. I thought being skilled at socializing was just minimizing awkward moments and eliciting positive reactions from other people, because the ways in which I naturally want to socialize put most people off.
And though I interact a bit differently in superficial conversations, I struggle A LOT while doing so and get sensorily overwhelmed in most public settings, and often have to use the bathroom to avoid having a public shutdown/meltdown. That was basically the only thing that got me through the school day as a kid. I really really struggle with awareness of myself in space and reaction time, to the point where I cannot drive (and public transportation is not really available where I live). And though I can be articulate and put others at their ease, though I was diagnosed as 'quirky' for years before I finally got an adult autism diagnosis, I struggle to do mundane tasks like laundry or hygiene or chores or feeding myself. I know how to do those things, but the number of difficulty they cause me and the dozens of coping skills I have to learn and implement for each one is so much work.
All this to say, if you only look at someone socially only, it can be really misleading. There's so much that has to go along with social difficulties to get an autism diagnosis, and we're often trained and highly encouraged to keep that stuff invisible. People see me clean when I go somewhere and don't know I have been trying to shower for a week and in a guilt spiral because I want to be clean but I cannot handle feeling like I'm being pelted with hail by the water droplets so every day I'm like 'ok today I'll do it' and then the only thing that can make me actually do it is leaving the house.
@@ninjabgwriter Whoa, there. I think you're getting confused between who you *are* (definitely neurodivergent), and who you've *become*. People don't just naturally become people pleasers - that's abuse sequelae you're talking about (and I'm saying that from personal experience).
Social skills are something we all have to learn, it's just that different people struggle with different aspects. Someone who's confident about interacting with others still has to learn consideration, for example.
And that learning takes place in context: at home, at school, in the workplace, etc. If you've been abused, you learn that your feelings are not important, that you exist for the other person's benefit, that you can't do anything right, etc. That is not true.
I don't know you, but I can tell you: you matter, you have worth, you can heal from these things, you can compliment yourself for doing the right thing (rather than should all over yourself that you only get it right sometimes). And you have strengths, massive strengths, as well as weaknesses. You are the way you are because you can bring something that no-one else can. I really wish I could give you a hug, right now, and tell you you matter, and encourage you to find who you *are* and what you're made for.
Masking is about learning to fit in with people who're different, but like I said, we all have to learn social skills. It's easier for some than for others, and some people are masking a predatory nature rather than an awkward one, but I don't think that we have to see using self-control as a bad thing.
Masking that you're vulnerable is actually another way of saying 'unlearn people pleasing', and I hope you commit to learning it. Predators can be very nasty indeed, as you obviously know from your first paragraph.
I used to struggle with social skills and don't anymore (largely thanks to some wonderful precious friends), but executive dysfunction coupled with perfectionism has led me into bad burnout. As I work in a creative field, and I'm burnt out in my core competency, that's an issue. I'm healing, and a major part is being able to forgive myself for not naturally being good at things like time perception (forget time management, I ask myself at 2:30 AM how on earth it was 23:15 quarter of an hour ago...) and knowing when something I've created is good enough.
I can't carry on being at the mercy of executive dysfunction, which means I must use strategies.
But accepting that it's okay that I'm not 'normal' in that regard, and that I might well not have the creativity I do if I were normal, is helping (there's still a road to walk).
I really trust you'll find healing, and discover your life purpose!
It honestly confuses me. My best friend is sure they are autistic. I see they try to hope or find others to be autistic too, and wondered if it is an online thing, everyone trying to get everyone else to be so they feel normalized. If they do not want marriage or deep relationships, it just feels like time to move on. Sad.
tf u said
Ha cute!
When I go out on dates and want to known if they are autistic I give them some paint and canvas and brushes to see what they create.
I'm in this video and I don't like it
This
might be a shocker, but some of us dont care about eye contact, in fact Ive been told I make 'aggressive' eye contact, what ever that means
0:43 cue for cringe.
So true bestie