All good advice dear Danish, yet, "When a man loves a woman", and if a man did something bad after all attempts and begging...if am man literally brought woman's mother back to life (literally), when a man literally left his soul with that family and is being torn apart by his moment of hatred and weakness...would kiss her pussy every day man. Just to get Jasmina back. Yeah, I know I'm crazy. But I simply could not abandon Jasmina with her very, very ill mother. Man, Dzehennem is amusement park comparing to this.
Thank you Danish, what an eye opener. This is exactly what I have been feeling. Appreciate all your talks on Narcissistic Abuse. I will download the worksheet. I have to get out of this trauma bond.
Narcissists are skilled in using "intermittent love and rewards" to keep you confused and off balance emotionally. They don't really care about you at all. You are just a source of narcissistic supply for them. When you finally realize this they will turn on you in anger and frustration. See it as their true self finally exposed and run away forever. Start living a stress free, healthy life without their continual abuse.
I learned this the hard way. After 2yrs and all my life savings... It was my professional veteran trauma therapist that I was seeing for my cptsd. Trust no one.
So true. They make you wait and wait. Then suddenly come back. Then suddenly withdraw from you. If someone isn't consistent and be there for you, it's a big red flag. No communication for a long time is a big red flag. They are sporadic.
I have done all calculations from the past to present and this changed the narrative inside my head. Once I am laughing at myself bc as I watched ur videos all the tricks of a narcissist were done to me except they didn't criticize me, I feel like I was in experiment which succeeded 😂and I can't imagine I loved such person and I see them now as their true person. The evil one.
For all that read this message... DON.T LOSE YOURSELF LOVING SUCH A PERSON...you.ll lose your identity...and become an extension of his / her life...not living yours🙏
I have absolutely NO good memories of times with my malignant, psychopathic, narcissistic egg donour! No issues here with trauma as I worked through it and the lies. I’m free, happy and blessed beyond anything I ever imagined.
I don't have any memories that are joyful of mine, really, at all. I can think of times when she wasn't all wound up and it was quiet at home, but it never lasted for too long, a week or two at most. All the bad stuff undermines even the normal days. 😢
@@cc1k435 Absolutely! When we got the silent treatment it was a holiday 🎉🎉🎉. We knew it wouldn’t last more than two weeks so we thoroughly enjoyed the non-berating, gas lighting, fake smiles, walking on eggshells… I was so desperate at one point that I was able to get in enough trouble, not that difficult, that I was grounded to my room for a year! Best year EVER. 8th grade will forever be my favourite!
Yes, please do more of these kinds of videos, they help the pieces fall into place. This is where I kept getting pulled back into the relationship. It is an answer to prayer. The academic part of my brain understood the definitions of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding but that’s where it stopped. As hard as I tried I could not make the connection that “this incident” was causing cognitive dissonance or “that incident” was keeping me trauma bonded. Now I clearly see all of it falling under the correct definitions and it is making sense. From here on, I will be able identify what is being “thrown at me”, put it in the category, use that to analyze my reactions, and instead of reacting I can decide if a response is necessary (he likes to trigger me with questions) or not. I can see the process helping me cut apart the trauma bond cords and I will be able to move forward into complete healing and distancing myself, without being paralyzed by guilt or second guessing myself. Thank you for such good help!
Help me not fall for the love bombing especially when I leave and think I’ve left for good. I can’t take it anymore and we have a beautiful toddler who doesn’t deserve this kind of father
Cold turkey and solid boundaries of no going back is what it takes. You feel that energy releasing from your body. It’s a detox. You feel the pain. Then, you work on the mental repair. Knowledge seeking, education about what happened. Slowly, you gain physical strength and mental strength. Somatic moving your body helps tremendously, moving that energy out of your body.
When I was dealing with the most cruel and covert narcissist in my life, I was in the habit of journaling. Although I didn't write in detail about all the verbal abuse and gaslighting it still helped me in gaining perspective of what was going on. The conversations with that narc were enough to make me crazy and question my own reality. Thankfully I was out of it in few months
Yes yes!! Make more like this!! My birthday is coming up soon and I'm leaving for at least 3 days, hopefully a whole week (that $$ thing), anyway I'm leaving the day Before my birthday. No one but my BEST & MOST TRUSTED Friend will know. Even she wont know WHERE I am, just that I'm ok. So, this will be my first "assignment" thank you sooo much ❤
The most important thing you will find , is the “ friends “ you thought you had were in on the joke. Keep your loving and kindness for you and people that deserve you ❤❤ many difficult steps if you are new to finding out
Yes I feel like videos like this are helpful or will be. Caring for my 86 yr old parent with no other helping siblings but with my kind spouse. My father's alternate insulting and then rewarding behavior along with my long feelings that it's my responsibility to care for him and guilt from even thinking I won't do it anymore. It's a lot and I feel lost.
Your body is traumatised on the inside, unseen (Dr. Gabor Maté ~ "When the Body Says No"). He also explains this on UA-cam. You could give priority instead, to neutralising that cellular toxicity you've been assaulted with. It's your birthright (and arguably a sacred duty).
My covert narcissist was a long time ago, but it was still devastating. He dumped me for new supply and I was suicidal. I was crying at work and I got fired. He threw me out and changed the locks. I was living in my car. All I did was wander around, cry and yell at his image in my head. I became a crazy person: walking, rambling, yelling, making people around me very nervous. I used to lurk near his house and fantasize about killing the new supply, killing him, and killing myself. My church said that I had "demons". He told everyone I was crazy, and thanks to him, now I was. No one could talk sense to me. They said, "He never really loved you". I could not believe that and hearing that would make me scream and lash out. Finally my friend said, "Could you treat someone that you loved the way that he treated you?" No. I could not. I thought of all the bad things, and I could not do that to someone I loved. I weakly protested and said, "But sometimes we did fun things, like go out to dinner". My friend said, "You were in a prison with some pillows thrown in". The scales fell from my eyes. The spell was broken. But I still watch these videos for confirmation and healing. I see now that he was a demonic monster who targeted me for destruction, for his own sadistic pleasure.
The trauma bond just keeps you tied to them emotionally forever, even when you think you've moved on, you haven't seen or talk with them in months, even years, something makes you wanna be around them just one more time, knowing its gonna be the same series of events.. love bombing future faking manipulation control distancing themselves finding fault devaluing discard ignore block unblock smear (repeat) if you allow it, this can literally go on, off and on for years.....what's new with them? It's the same cycle, just a different day... Instead of yearning for the false persona they displayed, force yourself to think of all the messed up, malicious, mean, rude, abusive things they said & did without caring about your feelings and just walking away when you needed them most moments sometimes and allow those thoughts to snap you back into reality of who they really are. It works for me every time. Journal and keep a log of every event, every word, and everything they said that made you feel like crap! And ask yourself, is that who I wanna invest in and give my valuable time to?
I feel this way sometimes. I ask myself, did I misread something in my mother's narcissistic behavior? How can I be right about her being narcissistic, but she has most of the family on her side? I know deep down inside of me, I made the correct choice to go NC.
Those people in your family who side to her are either scared of her or are getting some 'goodies' from her that benefit them and their situation. Otherwise, they wouldn't stay with her or agree with her behavior.
Absolutely informative video as are the rest.... Thank you I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist husband very painful everything you say is soo true.... 28 years of abuse too much torture and hell.... Would like to leave but he made me depend on him... Finances am stuck.... 😢
I feel that the biggest issue I have with breaking the trauma bond is guilt. Everything they throw at me is connected to something I have done wrong at some stage, even things that I have "THOUGHT WRONG" is at the base of their attacks. There is no such thing as letting bygones be bygones in this environment. They even keep bringing up stuff I did as a child. Not doing enough wrong lately it seems.
Yes. The only time my mother pretended to care about me was when we visiting others. At home she constantly reminded me of what a burden I was. Finally healing and I'm 65.
Oh isn't that the truth! Pretty easy to ditch though, they flatter themselves that we'd want advice and such feim them, 😝, really and you've only to see poor loser they snarled into marrying them!😊
In my case with a narcistic friend, with who I went on for 17 years on almost a daily base.. it took me almost 2 years to see all the patterns and understand onthe whole why she discarded me. Saying she did not feel the same any more in our Friendship. When she wanted after a year or so, have a cup of coffee with me because she said she was interested how, I was doing. I literally felt sick and said to her, that I was not interested to open the scarves again.
Exceptionally good episode, Danish, thank you! In the end it is not about wallowing in the topic of narcissism forever but about processing and moving on. For this you provide a helpful tool here! I will put this into practice! 🙏🙏🙏
Narcassist are only comfortable with those floating in the toilet bowl with them, not those looking down at them in disgust and closest the flush lever. Push the flusher, push the flusher!
when a narc screaming on my face I look straight at him watching his rage like there’s a glass wall between us, he saw nothing at me but my amusement reaction watching him like his on fire then I said afterwards, are you done like its nothing and left the room, let him soaked with his own wrath
Breaking the trauma bond is one of the most difficult aspects to healing from narc abuse, and it's a very difficult phenomenon to explain with clarity. This cognitive and emotional disparity in the relationship triggers the trauma and confusion, and it continues until you stop and analyze what the hell is happening!? Once we see the patterns using this exercise by targeting the memory and traveling to the past for details, our realization is shocking and overwhelming, triggering anger and rage, then deep sadness, followed by feelings of devastation as to how this could happen at all! And all of this must be integrated into self in order to truly heal and be free once and for all! a herculean task to be sure! 🙏 Thank you, Danish, this is such a critical, life-saving exercise that clearly breaks up the confusion we experience at every turn, every interaction with the narc. Please continue these excellent exercises and maybe put them in a portfolio or series of healing activities on ur channel for easy reference. ❤with deep appreciation BIG LIKE!
Thank you for this vid, I just downloaded your worksheet, so iam hoping to be able to break this trauma bond, I did not understand what it is, but I was able to relate to where you speak of the good memories and bad memories, as before I used to slip into back onto good memories, and this is what confused me as that was also when I believed maybe it was me, or maybe he would change, but lately I had looked into the bad memories, but often thought of why I would had chosen the good over the bad as the bad was well really bad, and I remember how those situations made me want to leave, and that is where he used this good memories to convince me that it's like normal for couples to struggle with these kind of issues, I did however during those issues felt that is was wrong humiliating or degrading or cold ect, but he would push more of the so called good days and convince me I had it wrong, he is a good person ect he would never hurt me in this way or that, yet it was showing the good mostly took preseedence and so the cycle ran again and again, iam so thankful for your knowledge guidance exercises ect, iam hoping I can use this to better have my brain to shut down on those good days, see what it was and better be equipped with the aweness and knowledge to help me move forward and away from him, this is a good topic, gave me more clarity and with this I hope to completely dislodged myself so as to can live my live free, thank you again most appreciated 🙏🙏🙏
You'll get it, keep learning, fascinating stuff! It's up and down like an elevator isn't it, that's where the old expression "Pushing your buttons" comes in! It's almost like (I'm only an expert as in having survived so much but never letting the losers define me...) you'll get to live (too) few new good old happy memories (we see less and less of as time goes on) almost like a reward for having taken them back (you're not no contact yet) after they've totally obliviated our nerves with back stabbing meanness for no good reasons... They get off on being very cruel because you've given them a narcissistic injury, that they go so beserk because you said some honest thing or stuck up for yourself refusing to play they're your god game!
@@joseenoel8093 thank you for your reply, yes I felt like instead of waiting to leave first then do the Journaling might take me into loopholes with him, so instead I'm getting myself prepped so when I walk off, I know that I had already gotten myself mentally ready and will be able to navigate my new life better, because I do know I do fall depressive, I had been a fool for him to long, the lies including going behind my back to create fictional stuff about me to others, I got a sick neighbor that was or could still be his fly monkey, but not in a nice way, that guy is like total spycho, he seems like trying to be my husband even shouts and demean me like my husband, I manage to not be outside when he is, I had a nasty experience with him on some occasions as far as him swinging a bush panga and threatening my lively hood and that of my family here, my dog wanted to rip his face up, but yes I also had realized he has weird fly monkeys around me and definitely had been backstabbing even more, I did have enough I feel so empty and depleted by him, so this worksheet is going to help me move forward faster and it is going to help me unfreeze my mind because it really feels like I have blockages in my mind that is like frozen, so many nasty stuff I had uncovered so far, and I know there is more, but we all will get through it, I'm ready but got to do the brain prep so I don't go back and when I leave I don't fall apart, thank you again prayers for strength for you and everyone on this channel🙏🙏🙏🌹💪
Well step towards clearity & healings! Nice video watching it ..... My mind my thoughts beliefs everything is distorted after being with narcissistic people affected me same & their traits injected into my persnality & beliefs mentally! I started disassociate myself from them ; traumatissd too longer time been normalised & now feels souloss make videos on this too it's request 😊 Dissatisfaction amnesia DID 🙏 I'm facing this 😭 kind of feels like shrinkage inside ...
Great information! I did work like this with my therapist for self esteem! I’m going to try this with some memories that keep popping up about the narcissist! Divorced a few months and overall feel much better! Keep them coming!
Thank you for your videos. The parent in me just wants to give you a huge bear hug with no hoops to jump through and no expectations to meet, just a simple mom hug! I’ve eliminated 2 narcissistic friends from my life and still fall into the trap of gaslighting myself. Your videos really help me keep myself on the path to healing.
Danish, Wow, this was so informative and the care you took to create and share this with us is incredible. I appreciate these tools and if more people can understand how to deal with what they are left with during and after a narcissistic relationship, that would be life changing for sure. Thanks for being a super hero for those of us who struggle with these effects. Blessings and prayers for you! Take care, Sarah
It brings out a very good perspective on how to make the healing process work better. Definatevely you should make another ones. Thanks a lot always! 😊
Thank you for this episode. You opened my eyes for another aspects of "kidness" of a narcissist. I will use this method in my life. And yes, please make more episodes how to work out our narcisstic abuse through exercises because reading and listening is not always enough. I would like to propose more ideas for the episodes: 1. Narcissitic boss (what to do, how to survive, is there a way to stay in the job) 2. Narcissitic clients (when they feel entitled to everything, ruinining your plans and still think you should earn as little as possible if anything) 3. Dementia (differences between dementia in narcissist and other people) You are amazing person. I watch you every day. You helped so many people and I hope every good thing will come back to you 10 times giving you peace, hapinness and love. Best greeting to all EmotionalAbuse Recovery team :)
This was great! I look forward to be able to let go of any hope i have left. I'm no contact for a month now. What's so sad is how she reminds me of her alcoholic father who I believe "made" her the way she is. I think I need to let go of the hate I've had for him as long as I can remember.
I had nice times with myself not with him because I was very tolerant of his rude and weird behaviour in public. Wanted to hold his hand and be the one and only but to my bad his unavailability used to make public outing worst thus i build this weird behaviour of not going out in public to make him comfortable rather staying home cooking and cleaning on my day offs. Yeah he was a married man and separated with his estranged wife but to my bad nothing changed ever. He was just married and never wanted to be me the one. 😢😢
Brilliant video Danish, your videos have helped me make an astonishing difference/recovery in my life, after some 30 years being badly affected by this abuse my self confidence and understanding of dot joining has helped me gain my own peace. The day I admitted it all was indeed called abuse was the day I set myself free. Sat with a friend who corroborated a similar ordeal and made me realise I imagined nothing.
Even lovely flashbacks are still a result of serving service time in a war, standing by your Narcissist, who is your biggest Trojan horse. It's not an appropriate gift for a happy life.
Awesome message! I used to do this. What helped was writing the pros and cons on paper about the relationship. If the cons were emotionally destructive, it was clear what I needed to do, let the relationship go. I also learned mindfulness meditation for anxiety using a book called "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels.
This is the most practical resource (and most well-thought out and potentially *effective* video or article) I've ever seen on *actually breaking* a trauma bond (or on any aspect of Narc Abuse recovery, period). Instead of just telling us to "practice self-care," "work on ourselves," stay no contact, blahblah, it has a way to use that insane focus and energy we have for rumination, channeling it to actually solve some of the mystery of this kind of relationship, to *actually understand and resolve* some of the cognitive/emotional dissonance, & to make sense of the relationship's chaos, especially its extreme, addictive highs, & begin to reconcile the extremely contrasting versions of "the self" Narcs show us. Holy epiphanies (not fun ones 😢 But freeing ones, all the more powerful because the exercise requires us to do our own work thinking through these "beautiful memories" and re-framing them. And yes! More super-deep practical work like this would be amazing, Danish. Never subscribed to any UA-cam channel before, but this video changes that! ❤️🙏🙏🙏❤️
It is difficult to heal when you've suffered brain damage from them. The further you get away from the relationship the more your memory comes back. Those memories will trigger you and you will struggle to understand how you forgot them. One day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Write down those memories as they come so you can piece it together.
@@VikasYadav-tw8bn Those memories are lost in a fog so deep that no light can really penetrate it. When you stop fumbling in the dark searching is when they come. The dead of night, standing in line at the store, watching a movie. Anything can trigger it. My family is concerned that I'm circling the drain. The reality though is that I'm finally getting clarity. Sometimes those memories will break you and it is in those moments where you understand what happened. If you ever need to talk please reach out. I'm here often and there are so many people who have wisdom in this abyss.
Memory loss from trauma is called dissociative amnesia. Its a recognised medical condition,so you aren't losing your mind. Your brain is simply trying to protect you. You may remember and have an oppertunity to process the memory and heal from it,but it can't be forced. If you feel you need professional help it is out there. Sending you positive thoughts for your future.
Please please post on how the Narcs siblings are if they have deep $pockets/money$ what types of things they can do and the people they can buy to help do their dirty work 😢
Idk if that's possible but let them know their deep pockets don't matter, they've lost you (just like me), some had the nerve to ghost 👻 me, when I was recontacted I got to send "Look Hallowe'en come early", I'm very happy at counter ditching, they're never satisfied, how someone could choose money over a loving relative is beyond me, I chose freedom! 🎉
Excellent video. Nobody else is helping like this. It’s huge! I still haven’t been able to get over that my ex N looks so good. You’d think that with all the evil he’s doing that there’d be some outward sign, like horns growing in his head, but there isn’t. He looks normal but he’s not. Connecting the dots traces it all out to what happened, how he maneuvered the situation and the results. It’s hard work. Please do more videos like this. We need it.
Yeah, thinking about it the narc gave me nothing I needed or wanted but what he wanted to give me. So I'm like, I should be grateful for this poison cookie and forget that I'm starving and never got dinner. Definitely a helpful video and excersize thank you ❤
They all are just fine at least some of the time, otherwise no one would ever stay. It's that you have to realize the bad stuff undermines any and all the good, because it means you can't ever really trust them. ❤
@@cc1k435even knowing that the bad undermines the good isn't enough. It's the constant push pull that causes the peace panic cycle. In essence we need their presence to regulate our emotions. It happened with me, even though Id gone grey rock for more than a decade, and no intimacy either.
Your videos are extremely helpful. My teenage grandson told me about narcissist behavior 4 years ago as he saw it in NY husband...his grandpa. Until then I thought I was the problem as that is what he has told me the last 48 years. I'm 66 years old and don't know if I have the strength to leave.
Thank you Danish. More helpful content like this to help heal and a understand how to move forward would be awesome. It's something I need and I'm sure many other people do as well. ❤
Me Too. That is trauma and some sort of 'cognitive dissonance' trying to take us over..... I know the feeling... just try to observe from a distance, both yourself, your own life, actions and deeds and those of others, see it and know it, let it just be what and or who it just is.... letting go and understanding... we don't always get all the details or answers, but neither is necessary.... Seeing, observing, distancing, looking at it from a larger scale, not just personally, we collectively go through very, heavy deep traumas and processes.... it is not just "us", it is about us "all" just knowing that we are never "alone" and remain eternally connected, always and everywhere. As long as we choose and want to know and understand ... We're all on a big, massive, heavy, rollercoaster "journey"...❤🩹💪🙏
Agree here, Rebecca does seem like a good resource. It also may be worth a call to a local domestic violence shelter or county mental health services, because they will likely know professional people who have dealt with the exact type of person you need to offload, should you need legal, counseling, or other such advice. ❤
I now realize that whatever happy moments i experienced, and the memories made, it was from my side 😢...I tried to make that moment or occasion special by putting my own efforts..The narcissist was just present there physically ! I now realized , I've been living in a one-sided relationship all along !and whatever he showed was an illusion 😢
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Download Narrative Building Worksheet
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/bcd
Thanks
All good advice dear Danish, yet, "When a man loves a woman", and if a man did something bad after all attempts and begging...if am man literally brought woman's mother back to life (literally), when a man literally left his soul with that family and is being torn apart by his moment of hatred and weakness...would kiss her pussy every day man. Just to get Jasmina back. Yeah, I know I'm crazy. But I simply could not abandon Jasmina with her very, very ill mother. Man, Dzehennem is amusement park comparing to this.
Thank you Danish. It is most helpful.
Do you have anything to guide someone to find their true self from lifetime of N parents control?
Thank you Danish, what an eye opener. This is exactly what I have been feeling. Appreciate all your talks on Narcissistic Abuse. I will download the worksheet. I have to get out of this trauma bond.
Sir.. Can u pls give number 🙏
Narcissists are skilled in using "intermittent love and rewards" to keep you confused and off balance emotionally. They don't really care about you at all. You are just a source of narcissistic supply for them. When you finally realize this they will turn on you in anger and frustration. See it as their true self finally exposed and run away forever. Start living a stress free, healthy life without their continual abuse.
I learned this the hard way. After 2yrs and all my life savings... It was my professional veteran trauma therapist that I was seeing for my cptsd. Trust no one.
Yes.
So true. They make you wait and wait. Then suddenly come back. Then suddenly withdraw from you. If someone isn't consistent and be there for you, it's a big red flag.
No communication for a long time is a big red flag.
They are sporadic.
I have done all calculations from the past to present and this changed the narrative inside my head. Once I am laughing at myself bc as I watched ur videos all the tricks of a narcissist were done to me except they didn't criticize me, I feel like I was in experiment which succeeded 😂and I can't imagine I loved such person and I see them now as their true person. The evil one.
They really know how to fk a person up. They can make you feel every emotion all in one
Listening to you is like a therapy session for free. Thank you so much.
For all that read this message...
DON.T LOSE YOURSELF LOVING SUCH A PERSON...you.ll lose your identity...and become an extension of his / her life...not living yours🙏
Agreed 💯
I have absolutely NO good memories of times with my malignant, psychopathic, narcissistic egg donour! No issues here with trauma as I worked through it and the lies. I’m free, happy and blessed beyond anything I ever imagined.
I don't have any memories that are joyful of mine, really, at all. I can think of times when she wasn't all wound up and it was quiet at home, but it never lasted for too long, a week or two at most. All the bad stuff undermines even the normal days. 😢
@@cc1k435 Absolutely! When we got the silent treatment it was a holiday 🎉🎉🎉. We knew it wouldn’t last more than two weeks so we thoroughly enjoyed the non-berating, gas lighting, fake smiles, walking on eggshells… I was so desperate at one point that I was able to get in enough trouble, not that difficult, that I was grounded to my room for a year! Best year EVER. 8th grade will forever be my favourite!
Yes, please do more of these kinds of videos, they help the pieces fall into place. This is where I kept getting pulled back into the relationship. It is an answer to prayer. The academic part of my brain understood the definitions of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding but that’s where it stopped. As hard as I tried I could not make the connection that “this incident” was causing cognitive dissonance or “that incident” was keeping me trauma bonded. Now I clearly see all of it falling under the correct definitions and it is making sense. From here on, I will be able identify what is being “thrown at me”, put it in the category, use that to analyze my reactions, and instead of reacting I can decide if a response is necessary (he likes to trigger me with questions) or not. I can see the process helping me cut apart the trauma bond cords and I will be able to move forward into complete healing and distancing myself, without being paralyzed by guilt or second guessing myself. Thank you for such good help!
Excellent video. Yes, more like this with illustrations, please. You are helping so many of us! May you be blessed always.
Help me not fall for the love bombing especially when I leave and think I’ve left for good. I can’t take it anymore and we have a beautiful toddler who doesn’t deserve this kind of father
God give all of us strength and wisdom.
Cold turkey and solid boundaries of no going back is what it takes. You feel that energy releasing from your body. It’s a detox. You feel the pain. Then, you work on the mental repair. Knowledge seeking, education about what happened. Slowly, you gain physical strength and mental strength. Somatic moving your body helps tremendously, moving that energy out of your body.
When I was dealing with the most cruel and covert narcissist in my life, I was in the habit of journaling. Although I didn't write in detail about all the verbal abuse and gaslighting it still helped me in gaining perspective of what was going on. The conversations with that narc were enough to make me crazy and question my own reality. Thankfully I was out of it in few months
LOVED emphasis on the DETAILS. Like putting together jigsaw puzzle, the more details/pieces put together, the more TRUTH emerges.
Yes yes!! Make more like this!! My birthday is coming up soon and I'm leaving for at least 3 days, hopefully a whole week (that $$ thing), anyway I'm leaving the day Before my birthday. No one but my BEST & MOST TRUSTED Friend will know. Even she wont know WHERE I am, just that I'm ok. So, this will be my first "assignment" thank you sooo much ❤
Happy upcoming birthday 🎂!
Sounds good to me! Have fun! Happy birthday!
❤😂❤
The most important thing you will find , is the “ friends “ you thought you had were in on the joke. Keep your loving and kindness for you and people that deserve you ❤❤ many difficult steps if you are new to finding out
Always feeling bad! Always something is wrong! Very well said!! Thank you for creating these videos!!
You explained everything so nicely and thoroughly like a big brother. your videos are helping me a lot.
Yes I feel like videos like this are helpful or will be. Caring for my 86 yr old parent with no other helping siblings but with my kind spouse. My father's alternate insulting and then rewarding behavior along with my long feelings that it's my responsibility to care for him and guilt from even thinking I won't do it anymore. It's a lot and I feel lost.
You're a saint, mine's 85 and I won't deal with her, she's in a good nursing home what more could I have done for her!
I hope you can separate yourself from your father's behavior. It's exhausting to play that game all the time. 😢
Your body is traumatised on the inside, unseen (Dr. Gabor Maté ~ "When the Body Says No"). He also explains this on UA-cam. You could give priority instead, to neutralising that cellular toxicity you've been assaulted with. It's your birthright (and arguably a sacred duty).
My covert narcissist was a long time ago, but it was still devastating. He dumped me for new supply and I was suicidal. I was crying at work and I got fired. He threw me out and changed the locks. I was living in my car. All I did was wander around, cry and yell at his image in my head. I became a crazy person: walking, rambling, yelling, making people around me very nervous. I used to lurk near his house and fantasize about killing the new supply, killing him, and killing myself. My church said that I had "demons". He told everyone I was crazy, and thanks to him, now I was. No one could talk sense to me. They said, "He never really loved you". I could not believe that and hearing that would make me scream and lash out. Finally my friend said, "Could you treat someone that you loved the way that he treated you?" No. I could not. I thought of all the bad things, and I could not do that to someone I loved. I weakly protested and said, "But sometimes we did fun things, like go out to dinner". My friend said, "You were in a prison with some pillows thrown in". The scales fell from my eyes. The spell was broken. But I still watch these videos for confirmation and healing. I see now that he was a demonic monster who targeted me for destruction, for his own sadistic pleasure.
Same here my friend... same here, it's so sad... But we have to keep going and becoming stronger than ever before! ❤🩹💪🙏
My heads hurts looking back at that stuff and remembering it! It made me trigger!
thanks I didn't know about cognitive dissonance,it helped a lot! thank you so much ,special thanks to u about sharing ur experience in other videos!
The trauma bond just keeps you tied to them emotionally forever, even when you think you've moved on, you haven't seen or talk with them in months, even years, something makes you wanna be around them just one more time, knowing its gonna be the same series of events..
love bombing
future faking
manipulation
control
distancing themselves
finding fault devaluing
discard
ignore
block
unblock
smear
(repeat) if you allow it, this can literally go on, off and on for years.....what's new with them? It's the same cycle, just a different day...
Instead of yearning for the false persona they displayed, force yourself to think of all the messed up, malicious, mean, rude, abusive things they said & did without caring about your feelings and just walking away when you needed them most moments sometimes and allow those thoughts to snap you back into reality of who they really are. It works for me every time. Journal and keep a log of every event, every word, and everything they said that made you feel like crap! And ask yourself, is that who I wanna invest in and give my valuable time to?
I feel this way sometimes. I ask myself, did I misread something in my mother's narcissistic behavior? How can I be right about her being narcissistic, but she has most of the family on her side? I know deep down inside of me, I made the correct choice to go NC.
Those people in your family who side to her are either scared of her or are getting some 'goodies' from her that benefit them and their situation. Otherwise, they wouldn't stay with her or agree with her behavior.
@@marlenaeva3813 thank you for your feedback 👍✌️☮️
@@caroleminke6116 🙏❤️👋🕊️✌️
Nice video, please make more healing technique exercises. Thanks 🙏
Absolutely informative video as are the rest.... Thank you I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist husband very painful everything you say is soo true.... 28 years of abuse too much torture and hell.... Would like to leave but he made me depend on him... Finances am stuck.... 😢
I feel that the biggest issue I have with breaking the trauma bond is guilt. Everything they throw at me is connected to something I have done wrong at some stage, even things that I have "THOUGHT WRONG" is at the base of their attacks. There is no such thing as letting bygones be bygones in this environment. They even keep bringing up stuff I did as a child. Not doing enough wrong lately it seems.
Yes, true, accepting them as they are is the most painful process, journey.If you can complete this path, you can heal,help yourself.
Yes. The only time my mother pretended to care about me was when we visiting others. At home she constantly reminded me of what a burden I was. Finally healing and I'm 65.
Please make more posts about Narc siblings ....they are horrible 😢
Oh isn't that the truth! Pretty easy to ditch though, they flatter themselves that we'd want advice and such feim them, 😝, really and you've only to see poor loser they snarled into marrying them!😊
That's what I have encountered since moving back near family. Had no idea how deep the BS was in my own brother. I sure see it now!😢
In my case with a narcistic friend, with who I went on for 17 years on almost a daily base.. it took me almost 2 years to see all the patterns and understand onthe whole why she discarded me. Saying she did not feel the same any more in our Friendship.
When she wanted after a year or so, have a cup of coffee with me because she said she was interested how, I was doing. I literally felt sick and said to her, that I was not interested to open the scarves again.
Exceptionally good episode, Danish, thank you! In the end it is not about wallowing in the topic of narcissism forever but about processing and moving on. For this you provide a helpful tool here! I will put this into practice! 🙏🙏🙏
Slippery slope specially when one has heartless family. Thank you always Danish.
Narcassist are only comfortable with those floating in the toilet bowl with them, not those looking down at them in disgust and closest the flush lever. Push the flusher, push the flusher!
when a narc screaming on my face I look straight at him watching his rage like there’s a glass wall between us, he saw nothing at me but my amusement reaction watching him like his on fire then I said afterwards, are you done like its nothing and left the room, let him soaked with his own wrath
Breaking the trauma bond is one of the most difficult aspects to healing from narc abuse, and it's a very difficult phenomenon to explain with clarity. This cognitive and emotional disparity in the relationship triggers the trauma and confusion, and it continues until you stop and analyze what the hell is happening!? Once we see the patterns using this exercise by targeting the memory and traveling to the past for details, our realization is shocking and overwhelming, triggering anger and rage, then deep sadness, followed by feelings of devastation as to how this could happen at all! And all of this must be integrated into self in order to truly heal and be free once and for all! a herculean task to be sure! 🙏 Thank you, Danish, this is such a critical, life-saving exercise that clearly breaks up the confusion we experience at every turn, every interaction with the narc. Please continue these excellent exercises and maybe put them in a portfolio or series of healing activities on ur channel for easy reference. ❤with deep appreciation BIG LIKE!
Thank you for this vid, I just downloaded your worksheet, so iam hoping to be able to break this trauma bond, I did not understand what it is, but I was able to relate to where you speak of the good memories and bad memories, as before I used to slip into back onto good memories, and this is what confused me as that was also when I believed maybe it was me, or maybe he would change, but lately I had looked into the bad memories, but often thought of why I would had chosen the good over the bad as the bad was well really bad, and I remember how those situations made me want to leave, and that is where he used this good memories to convince me that it's like normal for couples to struggle with these kind of issues, I did however during those issues felt that is was wrong humiliating or degrading or cold ect, but he would push more of the so called good days and convince me I had it wrong, he is a good person ect he would never hurt me in this way or that, yet it was showing the good mostly took preseedence and so the cycle ran again and again, iam so thankful for your knowledge guidance exercises ect, iam hoping I can use this to better have my brain to shut down on those good days, see what it was and better be equipped with the aweness and knowledge to help me move forward and away from him, this is a good topic, gave me more clarity and with this I hope to completely dislodged myself so as to can live my live free, thank you again most appreciated 🙏🙏🙏
You'll get it, keep learning, fascinating stuff! It's up and down like an elevator isn't it, that's where the old expression "Pushing your buttons" comes in! It's almost like (I'm only an expert as in having survived so much but never letting the losers define me...) you'll get to live (too) few new good old happy memories (we see less and less of as time goes on) almost like a reward for having taken them back (you're not no contact yet) after they've totally obliviated our nerves with back stabbing meanness for no good reasons... They get off on being very cruel because you've given them a narcissistic injury, that they go so beserk because you said some honest thing or stuck up for yourself refusing to play they're your god game!
@@joseenoel8093 thank you for your reply, yes I felt like instead of waiting to leave first then do the Journaling might take me into loopholes with him, so instead I'm getting myself prepped so when I walk off, I know that I had already gotten myself mentally ready and will be able to navigate my new life better, because I do know I do fall depressive, I had been a fool for him to long, the lies including going behind my back to create fictional stuff about me to others, I got a sick neighbor that was or could still be his fly monkey, but not in a nice way, that guy is like total spycho, he seems like trying to be my husband even shouts and demean me like my husband, I manage to not be outside when he is, I had a nasty experience with him on some occasions as far as him swinging a bush panga and threatening my lively hood and that of my family here, my dog wanted to rip his face up, but yes I also had realized he has weird fly monkeys around me and definitely had been backstabbing even more, I did have enough I feel so empty and depleted by him, so this worksheet is going to help me move forward faster and it is going to help me unfreeze my mind because it really feels like I have blockages in my mind that is like frozen, so many nasty stuff I had uncovered so far, and I know there is more, but we all will get through it, I'm ready but got to do the brain prep so I don't go back and when I leave I don't fall apart, thank you again prayers for strength for you and everyone on this channel🙏🙏🙏🌹💪
Well step towards clearity & healings!
Nice video watching it .....
My mind my thoughts beliefs everything is distorted after being with narcissistic people affected me same & their traits injected into my persnality & beliefs mentally! I started disassociate myself from them ; traumatissd too longer time been normalised & now feels souloss make videos on this too it's request 😊
Dissatisfaction amnesia DID 🙏
I'm facing this 😭 kind of feels like shrinkage inside ...
Great information! I did work like this with my therapist for self esteem! I’m going to try this with some memories that keep popping up about the narcissist! Divorced a few months and overall feel much better! Keep them coming!
Thank you for your videos. The parent in me just wants to give you a huge bear hug with no hoops to jump through and no expectations to meet, just a simple mom hug! I’ve eliminated 2 narcissistic friends from my life and still fall into the trap of gaslighting myself. Your videos really help me keep myself on the path to healing.
Thank you. I have a big problem with emotional disonance. Went back to the abusers two times already. Will apply your advice. God bless you, Danish
Danish, Wow, this was so informative and the care you took to create and share this with us is incredible. I appreciate these tools and if more people can understand how to deal with what they are left with during and after a narcissistic relationship, that would be life changing for sure. Thanks for being a super hero for those of us who struggle with these effects.
Blessings and prayers for you!
Take care,
Sarah
Love the graphics. You have us literally reading between the lines!
Yes, please create more videos like this one, with a technique & worksheet that aids in the healing process. Thank you for all you do!
It brings out a very good perspective on how to make the healing process work better. Definatevely you should make another ones. Thanks a lot always! 😊
Love that isnt unconditional.
Thank youuuuuu Sir...
Much respect and gratitude 😊😊😊😊
Thank you for this episode. You opened my eyes for another aspects of "kidness" of a narcissist. I will use this method in my life. And yes, please make more episodes how to work out our narcisstic abuse through exercises because reading and listening is not always enough.
I would like to propose more ideas for the episodes:
1. Narcissitic boss (what to do, how to survive, is there a way to stay in the job)
2. Narcissitic clients (when they feel entitled to everything, ruinining your plans and still think you should earn as little as possible if anything)
3. Dementia (differences between dementia in narcissist and other people)
You are amazing person. I watch you every day. You helped so many people and I hope every good thing will come back to you 10 times giving you peace, hapinness and love. Best greeting to all EmotionalAbuse Recovery team :)
This was great! I look forward to be able to let go of any hope i have left. I'm no contact for a month now. What's so sad is how she reminds me of her alcoholic father who I believe "made" her the way she is. I think I need to let go of the hate I've had for him as long as I can remember.
I had nice times with myself not with him because I was very tolerant of his rude and weird behaviour in public. Wanted to hold his hand and be the one and only but to my bad his unavailability used to make public outing worst thus i build this weird behaviour of not going out in public to make him comfortable rather staying home cooking and cleaning on my day offs. Yeah he was a married man and separated with his estranged wife but to my bad nothing changed ever. He was just married and never wanted to be me the one. 😢😢
Brilliant video Danish, your videos have helped me make an astonishing difference/recovery in my life, after some 30 years being badly affected
by this abuse my self confidence and understanding of dot joining has helped me gain my own peace. The day I admitted it all was indeed called abuse was the day I set myself free. Sat with a friend who corroborated a similar ordeal and made me realise I imagined nothing.
I loved this episode with giving an exercise. Plenty of information to process along with tangible steps to take. Would love to see more like this!
Thank you your vedios are helping me
The service u r doing is much appreciated. This service might be your healing journey. But the points u r making is hitting the nail on the head
Even lovely flashbacks are still a result of serving service time in a war, standing by your Narcissist, who is your biggest Trojan horse. It's not an appropriate gift for a happy life.
Thank you I needed this
Awesome message! I used to do this. What helped was writing the pros and cons on paper about the relationship. If the cons were emotionally destructive, it was clear what I needed to do, let the relationship go. I also learned mindfulness meditation for anxiety using a book called "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels.
Danish,
Absolutely wonderful video and educational materials to move forward with! Thank You 🙏 ❤
This is the most practical resource (and most well-thought out and potentially *effective* video or article) I've ever seen on *actually breaking* a trauma bond (or on any aspect of Narc Abuse recovery, period). Instead of just telling us to "practice self-care," "work on ourselves," stay no contact, blahblah, it has a way to use that insane focus and energy we have for rumination, channeling it to actually solve some of the mystery of this kind of relationship, to *actually understand and resolve* some of the cognitive/emotional dissonance, & to make sense of the relationship's chaos, especially its extreme, addictive highs, & begin to reconcile the extremely contrasting versions of "the self" Narcs show us. Holy epiphanies (not fun ones 😢 But freeing ones, all the more powerful because the exercise requires us to do our own work thinking through these "beautiful memories" and re-framing them. And yes! More super-deep practical work like this would be amazing, Danish. Never subscribed to any UA-cam channel before, but this video changes that! ❤️🙏🙏🙏❤️
You're so right ✅️
Yes great exercise- thank you
Your videos are helping me a lot
It's hard to heal whn there's been brain shrinkage or injury ,is that there's mental cure with depression memory loss issues?
It is difficult to heal when you've suffered brain damage from them. The further you get away from the relationship the more your memory comes back. Those memories will trigger you and you will struggle to understand how you forgot them.
One day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Write down those memories as they come so you can piece it together.
@@leviwhite3553 true brother I'm trying that so hard to remember anything struggles every seconds
@@VikasYadav-tw8bn Those memories are lost in a fog so deep that no light can really penetrate it. When you stop fumbling in the dark searching is when they come. The dead of night, standing in line at the store, watching a movie. Anything can trigger it.
My family is concerned that I'm circling the drain. The reality though is that I'm finally getting clarity. Sometimes those memories will break you and it is in those moments where you understand what happened.
If you ever need to talk please reach out. I'm here often and there are so many people who have wisdom in this abyss.
Memory loss from trauma is called dissociative amnesia. Its a recognised medical condition,so you aren't losing your mind. Your brain is simply trying to protect you. You may remember and have an oppertunity to process the memory and heal from it,but it can't be forced. If you feel you need professional help it is out there. Sending you positive thoughts for your future.
Perfect explanation Danish! Thank you 🙏
Please please post on how the Narcs siblings are if they have deep $pockets/money$ what types of things they can do and the people they can buy to help do their dirty work 😢
Idk if that's possible but let them know their deep pockets don't matter, they've lost you (just like me), some had the nerve to ghost 👻 me, when I was recontacted I got to send "Look Hallowe'en come early", I'm very happy at counter ditching, they're never satisfied, how someone could choose money over a loving relative is beyond me, I chose freedom! 🎉
Excellent video. Nobody else is helping like this. It’s huge! I still haven’t been able to get over that my ex N looks so good. You’d think that with all the evil he’s doing that there’d be some outward sign, like horns growing in his head, but there isn’t. He looks normal but he’s not. Connecting the dots traces it all out to what happened, how he maneuvered the situation and the results. It’s hard work. Please do more videos like this. We need it.
Your videos are so helpful. Everything you describe is 100 % true. I thank God for your videos. God bless you.
Very useful thank you Danish. It's time for me to put it on paper it will make more sense that way.💖🖖
This is the best video you have ever done! Spot on. Exactly what I needed. ❤️👏
Yes, great tool for healing.
Yeah, thinking about it the narc gave me nothing I needed or wanted but what he wanted to give me. So I'm like, I should be grateful for this poison cookie and forget that I'm starving and never got dinner. Definitely a helpful video and excersize thank you ❤
Thank you!
Thankyou for everything you do for us really really appreciate you 🙏🇦🇺
Mind-screw! 😂 Love the words you use! Thank you!
To me, it doesn't matter if the narc ex did nice things. He did things that was not compatible with a relationship and I has to get away from him.
They all are just fine at least some of the time, otherwise no one would ever stay. It's that you have to realize the bad stuff undermines any and all the good, because it means you can't ever really trust them. ❤
@@cc1k435even knowing that the bad undermines the good isn't enough. It's the constant push pull that causes the peace panic cycle. In essence we need their presence to regulate our emotions. It happened with me, even though Id gone grey rock for more than a decade, and no intimacy either.
Wonderful exercise. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. It helped me understand what the trauma bond really is and how to escape from the narcissist. ❤️🙏✨💪
Your videos are extremely helpful. My teenage grandson told me about narcissist behavior 4 years ago as he saw it in NY husband...his grandpa. Until then I thought I was the problem as that is what he has told me the last 48 years. I'm 66 years old and don't know if I have the strength to leave.
Thank you Danish. More helpful content like this to help heal and a understand how to move forward would be awesome. It's something I need and I'm sure many other people do as well. ❤
I am feeling anxiety listening each and every word of yours. that itself proves the abuse. even a thought gives anxiety
Me Too. That is trauma and some sort of 'cognitive dissonance' trying to take us over..... I know the feeling... just try to observe from a distance, both yourself, your own life, actions and deeds and those of others, see it and know it, let it just be what and or who it just is.... letting go and understanding... we don't always get all the details or answers, but neither is necessary.... Seeing, observing, distancing, looking at it from a larger scale, not just personally, we collectively go through very, heavy deep traumas and processes.... it is not just "us", it is about us "all" just knowing that we are never "alone" and remain eternally connected, always and everywhere. As long as we choose and want to know and understand ... We're all on a big, massive, heavy, rollercoaster "journey"...❤🩹💪🙏
Thank you so much Danish ! Please make some more content on this topic.
I really need to heal from trauma bonding and emotional dissonance
YES, for sure, MORE LIKE THIS DANISH. I feel so enriched and blessed from above.
You are of great help Danish. Thank you so much for sharing this trauma bond free worksheet.
You are such a blessing
Great info!
This was helpful and yes I would appreciate seeing more of these types of videos. Thank you.
Excellent, Danish! Very helpful. 👍👍
It’s a good topic , educating people how to and be able to face the reality and move on . It’s easy to say .
How to get divorce from a narcissist husband (if he is not ready for mutual). What kind of tactics are used to complete this
Watch Rebecca Zung, narc slayer, she's a lawyer and the bomb 💣!
Agree here, Rebecca does seem like a good resource. It also may be worth a call to a local domestic violence shelter or county mental health services, because they will likely know professional people who have dealt with the exact type of person you need to offload, should you need legal, counseling, or other such advice. ❤
Thank you so much!! This was very helpful. I love your videos and you are greatly helping me to heal ♥️
This was a great and very helpful episode! Yes to more like it!
Thank you. This is awsome.
So true. Thank you for the reminder! 🙏🤍🤗
Till today I tell myself he kept me happy he made me feel special
I need to listen to this and other lectures of yours multiple times! Its as if God has sent you to guide me exactly!
I now realize that whatever happy moments i experienced, and the memories made, it was from my side 😢...I tried to make that moment or occasion special by putting my own efforts..The narcissist was just present there physically !
I now realized , I've been living in a one-sided relationship all along !and whatever he showed was an illusion 😢
Please do a video on adult child narcissists.. how they treat parents.. what to do and not to do
Thank U…!!!❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
Thank you Danish.🌟👍
Thank you so much I really needed to hear this❤
You have helped me so much! THANK YOU!!!
Yes helpful. I will start this writing congruency processes.