the way i was ctfu bc I love this game but also thought it might be just another scammy mobile game but recently i found their website where the devs do updates and talk about the game and now this ad like oh right this is a real game that but also speaks to how mobile game culture inherently feels scammy bc that's seen as the only way to make money with them and they have to do that sometimes even over the enjoyment of players (Not even that this game is that bad it's only when i run out of diamonds or energy n get mad that I become the marx of mobile games)
@@bloodandempirehey im not a medical professional but just know that there's some research that suggests first gen allergy meds like Benadryl are linked with earlier onsets of dementia and neurological deterioration, If possible try to not use Benadryl so frequently or mix and match with other 2nd/3rd gen antihistamines ❤
My parents are getting divorced after 30+ years of marriage, and I am beyond thrilled. They should have divorced over a decade ago. I'm so proud of my mom for FINALLY freeing herself from a man who never treated her right.
Relatable, my parents divorced last year, as my dad cheated on my mom and suddenly asked for divorce so she was like ok sure. I was waiting for this moment for so many years and this all feels like a dream now. I hope my mom finds love again, even if she’s mostly given up on it now. I’m wishing you the best to your mom!
Good for her!! Man, back when I was a child and still struggled with my roman catholic upbringing, I used to pray every night for them to divorce. Ironic enough, religion is the very reason my mom will never divorce. :')
Well, I do have a terrible update unfortunately. While the divorce was still pending, my mom met a man who's a member of the LDS church, and he's completely brainwashed her. They've known each other for 6 months, I've met him only once during a dinner where he was sexist and self obsessed, they got engaged the day after the divorce was finalized, and got married 3 weeks later. She told me about their marriage over email, and she hasn't spoken to me yet so I can only assume she's now a member of the LDS church too. It's truly tragic.
My most unpopular opinion amongst friends and relatives is that divorce is not the end of love. I say this from a vantage point because I am a child of divorce, whose parents still loved and respected each other post separation. Neither mom or dad talked badly about each other in front of me or my sibling, and the problems that separated them had a lot to do with some incompatibilities that a lot of couples face. I feel as though if they had stayed together by forcing their marriage to work, this story might have been way more different and they probably would have deeply resented and hated each other. Divorce doesn't necesarily stop love, and sometimes its needed to keep a semblance of it. Obviously this take does not apply to marriages where violence and abuse plays a part of its dynamic.
Yes! breakup does not equal failure. I find it admirable that your parents loved & respected each other enough to recognize that they would be hurting each other by staying together.
This is similar to how my parents were. They were good friends growing up, but staying together led to them becoming bitter and hateful towards each other. The happiest they were is when they divorced and went back to just being friends.
I think the idea of love as an endurance contest is just the older generations way of trying to convince themselves, that they chose the right partner, although their relationship is miserable, and they secretly regret not having the courage to leave. A classic case of sunk cost fallacy. They see younger people reject toxic relationships, and they become bitter for not allowing themselves to do the same.
I know it sounds crazy, probably insane, but didn't you and your friends made up at any point in your lives. Man, you should have left them after they first lied to you and expected them to be perfect. Oh wait...thats...not...reality. No, no, must be me. Yeah, it was crazy for people to make up and stay together for years as their bond got stronger and they understood each other better because of their earlier issue(s). Yeah I'm really crazy.
@@homingice6444 thats not really what the conversation is, bumps in the road are different from toxic behavior and while all relationships have bumps that can be fixed some issues cant be resolved or should be taken as a red flag that things will get worse. You do actually sound crazy tho but its not WHAT you said its how you said it💀 if english isn't your first language thats excusable but if its your primary/first language then yikes
Sometimes, I think para social "love", especially from teenagers, towards celebrities (or anyone unobtainable), is in part a way to practice these emotions on someone that is "safe", i.e someone who will never reciprocate it. It lets us dive head-first into experiencing the emotion of romantic love (or at least some semblance of it), and letting letting it engulf us fully without any risk. (Or without the other realistic emotions that always comes with someone who can reciprocate: nervousness, disappointment, compromise, the awkwardness that comes with those initial days of getting to know each other, etc.).
I think idolizing is fine as long as you always keep in mind the "don’t meet your idols" trope (basically keep it platonic). They are human, they are not fictional. You won’t agree with them on everything. Why ruin what made you actually mature and grow up? Those thoughts helped form you. Liking someone helps you develop. It’s okay to figure out later in life that it’s just a fantasy. But fantasies exist cause people create them, and they create them cause they yearn for them. Engaging in some delulu time is HEALTHY 😂 it helps you know yourself and figure out yourself, what you like and want from life.
Love has always been a key to salvation. Tons of religious scriptures describe it as so. To describe it as secular is just downplaying the true origin of the idea.
"Love is dead" not while I'm still living babeyyy I'm gonna give everyone and everything in my life love whether it be romantic or platonic or familial idgaf love isn't dead you just have to live your life
That's amazing!! And don't forget to give yourself the same love too my friend 💜 more people need to be loving I think, as long as it doesn't hurt them. The world gets colder every day man I swear
i feel like theres always, in general, the same amount of good and bad in the world. to me, anyways. it just shows in different ways as times change. problems get "solved", or significant progress is made, but then in other areas new issues arrive or get worse.@@alim.9801
THIS ❤ I honestly think people need to acknowledge that LOVE is CHARITY in the sense it should be GIVEN FREELY WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN ❤ because then it’s NOT LOVE it becomes TRANSACTIONAL and thats where pain and heartache come in! You just gotta find someone who believes the same thing and keep on lovin’! 🎉❤
This. I think people forget that romantic love is not the only kind of love to be given or received. And that the other loves can be just as fulfilling if not more so.
As someone who married in her late 30s, the other caveat to the “Millennials are killing love” lie is a lot of us have delayed such a commitment until we unpack our childhood and/or adult trauma with a good therapist, so that when we unite with our chosen life partner, we’re not bringing 50lbs bags on to that nonstop flight to ever after.
what's crazy is that I see in comment sections MANY people saying they'll still support her nonetheless and that she'll come out of this unscathed. problem is, thats probably whats gonna happen.
And that man is going to destroy himself trying to make it work after the huge "sacrifice" he made for her. She'll be done with him in a year or two and will likely cheat before leaving him high and dry. I hope his ex never takes him back.
Growing up, my brain was soaked in telenovelas and latin media. For anyone that isn't in this media, think Cinderella but the prince is engaged to one of the wicked sisters, everyone is hot and the main guy has a single braincell. Female competition is expected and possession is a trait of a successful relationship. I know for a fact that this warps your notions of how relationships work. I ended up stuck in an abuse and unhappiness cycle during my teenage years because I believed "passion" was slapping and then kissing someone, making them jealous and doing/experiencing awful betrayals of trust, expecting unconditional forgiveness. It took me a real moment of clarity to realize that love is work, not only physicality. I had to learn how to express true feelings, not societal expectations. I had to rewire my whole brain for over a decade to realize I want safety, not passion.
I think that parasocial relationships are so common is because it's easier to "love" from a distance than risk the pain of breakups in a real relationship. If you know the person you like will never reciprocate, you won't ever have to end the perceived relationship.
Love isn't dead: my partner and I are going as big Eddie and little Eddie from greygardens. He hasn't even seen the film, but is excited to dress as an old lady. I'll get him to watch it when we aren't working so much. I'm so stoked. He's the best.
ok but when you talked about endurance, i remembered when the joe jonas and sophie turner’s breakup news went down so many people wrote things like: “what after 4 years??? that’s nothing, these people (celebrities) don’t last anything nowadays” and all i could think about was well…maybe consider this: it’s not of your business, who knows what happened in their relationship, is it worth enduring something just because it was a “short marriage” according to strangers? Great video and great editing!
Even as someone who does not care about celebrity gossip, I still heard about Ariana Grande cheating scandal... what nobody told me is that the guy she was having the affair with was the human version of Bob Sponge.
I remember 5 years ago when a UA-cam couple that I ADORED broke up and it felt like my own heart broke into pieces for MONTHS that I knew I had a problem…
I would argue the lack of marriage is also economic. I've always wanted a big wedding, so I've been engaged now for 6 years waiting to have the funds to throw the ""biggest party of my life""
I think my first “celebrity breakup” was Robin Hood - I read in a book about the real person Robin Hood is believed to be based on, that there is a solid chance, he and Maid Marian basically never met. I was DEVASTATED. So yeah, “celebrity breakups” happen in a lot of shapes and sizes. After being in some form of romantic relationship all my life, because I was convinced that’s where I would find happiness (turns out it was therapy and antidepressants, but nobody told me that), I ended up very single and alone for the first time, after a very nasty divorce. I have been extremely happy ever since. Maybe I’ll find romance again one day, but I doubt I will ever want to join my life with someone again or even share a house. I have all the love I could want. I have a best friend, who brings me lots of happiness. I have a tiny dog, who will always be the Nr. 1 man in my life. I have lots of dear friends and acquaintances. My life is more full of love, than it ever was while I was in a romantic pairing. Thus the message of this video really resonated with me - there is so much love in the world. Stop staring at one very specific kind.
huge thank you for consistently adding closed captions! not many creators think about it, unfortunately :c so thank you for putting that bit of extra effort in! ❣
I don’t understand celebrity worship, like, at all. It’s just one step removed from the people that obsess with what other people are doing in their own bedroom. It’s weird.
!!! i am a fangirl, but not like lady gaga paparazzi // stan by eminem fangirl. fanbases scare me. (especially swifties, hive, and so on) so far i have went to see harry styles, the weeknd, and beyonce live (they were absolutely fantastic and performance BEASTS) but i rlly don’t care abt what they do/who they’re dating. it’s none of my business bc i don’t know them and they don’t know me and that’s ok. i’m just here for the music and entertainment. we rlly don’t know these ppl. nobody is unproblematic. the pressure to not have flaws and make mistakes is so tiring (not calling cheating, big o’🌳, & crimes mistakes, ykwim? like jenna marbles.)
Some of my friends have such extensive knowledge about celebrities. Down to what foods they're allergic to. And I just sit there thinking- "Girl if you had this kind of passion about your own life..."
I think I get it though. I think it stems from a place of gratitude for the art that at least some celebrities create, although it can spiral into something unhealthy. Some amount of admiration for people who create cool stuff is necessary though, I think. Idk. I dont think I'd qualify as I stan of any kind but I can certainly empathise with people who are. It's a human thing
@@glasstablegcrls dude, most of the swifties I've seen online are actually scary. Ik not all but a huge portion of them, barbz, the K pop stans and arianators seem to get SUPER aggressive at least on Twitter. Like I get being a fan but some of them, if you even slightly criticize their fave it's like you kidnapped their mother or something it's nuts
@@Clau-chauNicol I get you, I think that's a good explanation. It can get unhealthy quickly but it's not like the phenomenon comes outta nowhere. And the silver lining is that art or music or film can mean so much to people and help them through their lives to such an extent yknow
Coming from an 18 year old growing up in this internet age. I needed this video and so do so many of my peers. It's so easy to fall into certain thinking traps about love and this video felt like a warm hug, so thank you.
I don't agree with a lot of what they're saying, but I do think romantic selfishness becoming more of a thing. Of course I'd never encourage someone to endure in a relationship where they are genuinely being hurt or exploited, not to stay in one where they no longer feel any love. But the degree of fragility people's "love" has now is genuinely scary, and I think people's willingness to create a strong bond through a series of give-and-takes with the people in their life is diminishing greatly. Big disagree on endurance being a cover for murder. It can be, sure, but not intrinsically. You don't develop strong relationships, bonds with people you'd trust with your life, by being flippant and fair-weather. Relationships of any type have struggle. Could you imagine if every parent threw their baby outside to the elements because they were tired of their crying keeping them awake? Or if every friend blocked you when you mentioned you were struggling with mental health issues? Imagine if the person paying you decided to strip you of everything because "you're kinda a downer sometimes". People have pains. People have hurts. People are messy. And by extension, so are anything they create. Relationships are messy, and most in the modern era have this obscenely unhealthy mentality of extremes where you'll either tolerate anything for the sake of "love" or you walk out the door the moment they deign to ask you to do the dishes sometimes. It's a whiplash effect. The older generation was too committed, to the point they would drink poison alone to sustain an unhealthy bond, the younger generation isn't committed enough, to the point they can never form any sort of stable community or relational security. Endurance is important, but it's important in the sense that there are standard discomforts and clashes that happen when two different human beings become closer and learn more about each other, and we will only form strong, healthy bonds by enduring and working through those discomforts. If it's something you can't work through, then leave. But for lord's sake at least give it a damn effort.
i love this reply and i agree-i think that when it comes to concepts that we want to critique and analyze, especially if it's from a past generation, it can tend to swing from one side of the pendulum to the other. so instead of there being a middle ground, it goes from, "i'm in a relationship where i'm stuck with this person forever no matter what i go through because that's how it's supposed to be!" to "i don't owe anyone anything and don't ask me for too much or else i'm out." it also doesn't help that our generation suffers the most from individualism, being glued to our devices and barely having third spaces and going out and meeting all different types of people anymore. so then it just creates more and more of this experience in your brain where you become less and less tolerant for people, and mainly just value your own independence and space
@@salemskris I totally agree with your comment! Moderation really is key. Somewhere between complete individualism and complete self sacrifice is the sweet spot. Well, As close to the middle of those as possible, since nothing can be perfect.
Yeah (CW: backhanded compliments) I keep forgetting to watch Shan videos because her stuff is too visual for listening in the car or during chores. Glad I gave this one the time.
From an aromantic standpoint people definitely obsess over celebrity relationships out of their own loneliness. I don't condemn such behavior, we all cope with our feelings differenly, but the internet unfortunately made us aware of the existence of way too many people than we were ever supposed to know in our lifetime. It's simply easier to feel lonely when the internet makes it feel like everyone is having relationships except for you.
I find that people expect love to be easy and effortless, and the latter is where I think things go wrong. Love definitely does and should take quite a bit of effort, which can be easy with the right person! :D
I feel like we crave 2 things in our relationships. Authenticity and long lasting relationships. I think as children even as a infant we crave both of these things, but for survival we forgo authenticity because we need long lasting relationships to survive. We are to young / inexperienced to care for ourselves and creating long lasting relationships is our only way of guarantying survival. So we surpass parts of our emotions or truths so that we are not to mess up what we already have. I think we are getting more and more aware that we need both and that long lasting anything is meaning less without true meaning in the first place. But we are at a authenticity shortage. we can’t be authentic because most of us are not given the space to learn how to do so, but we also know the same is true for others and therefore we forgo trying to find it in the first place. We can’t be authentic enough to ask for it but we also can’t handle the truth when it’s asked for. We are stuck in a way
As an ace and maybe aro person. I don’t get the obsession with celeb relationships. I have no remote interest. I don’t know if it’s just understand that I have no clue who these people are or that we only see the beautiful, ideal version of what we think a relationship should look like. Whenever someone I know is like such and such broke up. I’m always like… okay. Maybe it’s better for the both of them
Girl same, I'm ace too 💜🤍 I honestly could care less about celebrities and their lives. Like I remember when people were making *a lot* of comments on Billie Eilish's relationship...I don't understand why people took it upon themselves to ridicule and comment on their relationship especially , on the age gap ( I mean they wouldn't shut up about it like honestly 😂) I never really cared because as long as she's a consenting adult I never really saw any issue with the relationship 🤷🏾♀️...and why should I care it's not like she stopped releasing music because of it 🤦🏾♀️...Gosh people need to focus on their own lives sometimes. Anyways my side rant is over 😂
I'm not even sure if we even SEE the ideal version. Everytime I hear about these relationships in passing, it's always about something bad happening, or people prophesizing about one or the other person doing whatever "shady" thing. I feel like that as much as we idealize about love, we also love to catastrophize it. Like we're battling with our hatred of rich people and our love of public relationships. Dunno.
This is waaay tmi but I've been in one of those shit ass executive dysfunctional moods today, where I can't even stand stand up from my desk to go to the toilet or eat unless I find the right yt video to put on in the background (I know, I know), so I'm so glad this was uploaded rn bc it's always the right time for a new Shanspeare video lmao
I'm aromantic...and I really appreciated this video. There are so many people that are so obsessed with the idea of romantic love that they had begun to ship real life human beings. I've always found this to be strange. But then reality is often stranger than fiction when most of the time they have to cope with the fact these are real life people and not a form of fictional media.
Our culture is so obsessed with celebrities that if they break up it means love doesn’t exist at all. If two rich people break up, it shouldn’t have an impact on your own relationships. If it does… there is a bigger issue going on.
First of all, I'm donating as much as i can tomorrow to help Palestinians in this sickening time. Second: I kinda want for people to focus on their own relationships. Celebrity breakup discussion bugs me because we dont know anything about these people, and people project their own feelings onto them. Next thing you know theres false nonsense being spread online as fact I personally dont want to ever be in another relationship, or to marry. I dont hate love, i just feel like after all i endured as a child to survive, i just value my safety and freedom. Friends and family are more than enough for me
I love this video so much, more than that it’s what I needed to hear. The dissonance I feel when peers speak of longing for “real love” has made me feel like there’s something wrong with how I walk through the world. I appreciate that I can revisit this video when I feel overwhelmed by the number of myths spread about love.
I'm not going to say that I didn't read articles about Joe Jonas' and Sophie Tuner's breakup because I was curious about the whole "He didn't tell her and his PR people tried to make her out to be a bad mother" but overall? I don't know these people. I don't know what's going on and I'm not going to follow any of their accounts just to have that illusion of having a relationship with them. As for the whole "love is dead"? Yeah, just because they broke up doesn't mean love is dead, especially when I witnessed it in my everyday life.
As a queer poly lesbisn, two pieces of stuff i got from the internt that ive taken to heart is that love is work, and to support your partner during each new person they become in their life. And a lot of times, marriage theses days doesnt really feel necessary. My partner and i have been together for a few years now but we will only get married inorder for both of us to legally change our names. I know thats not for everyone when it comes to marriage, but just as a genrral sense especially for celebrities, love is work after the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase doesnt have to end but a lot of work and open communication is needed for it to continue.
I love that you mentioned the honeymoon phase, and I would like to add another misconception that I see getting thrown around a lot: just because the honeymoon wanes does not mean the relationship has "failed" and it's time to dump your partner. Part of the work of being in a relationship is weathering the tedium that life sometimes hands us.
It strikes such a deep chord to see these letters from young people believing that the entire world has grown darker now because they've started to notice that bad things happen. I remember going through that and I'm cringing to remember what a pompous little doom monger I was. I love that your video drew from a wide spectrum of history to remind us all that all this has happened before, and it's probably going to keep happening.
Being engaged to my qpp means there are so many times when people expect certain things of us that just aren't true. Us "missing" certain parts of our relationship means that no matter how good our communication is, I've had people who end up thinking one of us deserves better. There's such an idea of what a relationship Should look like that if choose what works best for the people involved you sometimes get backlash about it. What about when that's not something either person wants? The mold exists, and I want very little to do with it.
i DEFINITELY resonate with this video! you’ve totally explained stuff i’ve not yet been able to put into words ! i read bell hooks all about love this last summer and it definitely changed my outlook on not just love itself but how I love and how i’m acting it out on a daily basis. i do agree that the heterosexual western concept of what love is is extremely shallow a lot of times in terms of what is expected of two people in “love”
Speaking from a married Christain woman’s perspective. Love takes tramendous amounts of effort and choosing you partner everyday. You will fight. You both will have weaknesses and strengths. But it’s is your and your partners daily choice to keep going that keeps the fire of love alive. I love my husband more with each day of being together despite the difficulties we have faced. Love is exactly what God says it is. Patient, kind, long suffering, infinite, forgiving.
There is so much love and so much to love in this universe and I'm so happy that people are starting to see it too. I'm also on the aro spectrum and what Jay said at 27:00 perfectly describes how I feel about love. Revolutionize love, I love it
The pomegranate colored wig looks sooo good btw (Early comment as sacrifice to algorithm, will come back and say something with some actual substance after I've watched more)
My parents have had many different partners all throughout my childhood since they divorced soon after i was born. Theyve both found the people theyve been with for the longest, and i am beyond happy for them. Even if it was messy to get to this happier place they're finally in.
Thank you so much for this one; I found it incredibly holistic. I think it's hard for many people to accept the important transition from patriarchy and organized-religion-induced magical thinking to a society in which all our roles are less rigid and more personally chosen. The concept of "learning relationships" rather than infatuations has floated around in my head for awhile. We can love each other, realize we were learning who we are rather than finding our ideal partner, and make the healthy transition to our futures. It's a much happier way to reframe our lives and partings, when we value the journey and the experience--and the person, the partner--rather than just the outcome of having stayed forever. This is how we find what's real, living honestly.
This video is so well done and exactly what I needed to watch. I'm working on short romantic sapphic stories off and on, and I've been in a bit of a writer's block, but this really helped. Thank you :)
@@alim.9801 Not at the moment unfortunately. I read fanfics and creepypastas on my channel, and within the next few months, I'm finally going to be branching out and narrating some of my original written work that I've worked with, along with my Wife's original work. :) There are some shipfics/audio productions on my channel, but they are about My Little Pony and they range from horror to slice of life, but yeah. Lol
As a note on idol culture and dating: while there ARE fans who get upset at their faves dating, it has to be said that 1. the industry greatly capitalizes on parasocial relationships so much so that idols themselves encourage the fostering of feeling of ownership that fans have over their idols. 2. There are also many fans who do not care that idols date as long as they do it with discretion, and in fact many korean fans know about idols dating long before international fans do and generally keep mum about it until the idol's behavior is "deemed by fans to possibly affect the idol or the group's career negatively." To give you an example, one of my favorite idols was already known among the korean fandom to have a girlfriend as early as 2016, and while there were a couple of "fans" who called him out for openly bringing his girlfriend to company trips, it was generally ignored by most of the fandom until years later when it was suddenly announced that he was to get married and following the announcement, it was found out that he was getting a shotgun wedding. After this, he went to the military to lie low for two years as fans were calling for him to leave the group and although he wasn't that much of a popular member, it still have a negative impact on both his group and his own solo career.
i’m always so impressed by the amount of effort you put into the sets of your videos and the editing, it really shows :) love watching you grow as a creator!
I was so happy when your new video popped up. There's something about your videos that I love more than other commentary/ pop culture UA-camrs. You remind of ContraPoints a lot, you both have aesthetics and genius takes
ive never really understood celeb culture, but you make a great point about how we experience parasocial romance. it's interesting thinking about how it applies to any type of fictional media (i'm sure a lot could be said about shipping)
"We don’t know what happens when the screen goes black or when a celebrity closes their door" 👏🏽 this line was so impactful because in society was struggle with boundaries, the psychology of relationships, and most of all the reality of the dynamic in folks obsession with celebrity lives.
A lot of what you described with your crush on One Direction and PSRRs align strongly with the concept of Limerence! There's an interesting book called Love and Limerence by Dorothy Tennov that expands on these phenomena
Yay, new vid. Also get well soon, I have been out with a cold this week too. Watched a good movie (Man From UNCLE) & a wild one that I wanted to be wilder (Somebody I used to know). No they don’t play the song 😞
Speaking of, I found out I had a long standing high blood pressure by accident, it was 255 Monday, which they gave me low does BP kessi, then come Friday I have my first doctor's appointment in 4 years, to which they had 4 doctors come to try to convince me to go check into the hospital to get tests to see whats going on. I went, I'm out, and I'm going better.
I think a part of the human condition is that there will always be the same amount of love. The "decline in love" we're seeing is just a decline in people settling for toxic and abusive relationships, there's probably just as many people seeking out intimate connection as there have ever been, if not more
as someone who hasn't fallen in love because going out to meet someone is work lol i do have love for friends and family. i'd say love is work and love is doing. sure you can love someone with all your heart, but if you're not doing anything to show it, who is going to believe you? there's a social shift, especially on social media about how we treat our partners. in this economy the MAJORITY of households have to be dual income just to survive, but is one partner still expected to do most of the housework? millennials and gen zer are starting to say no. do you actually enjoy being around your partner? people will raise a brow if you say no. if you have a hard time communicating to your partner or you find that when you talk to your friends, do you withhold information about your partner because it might be "bad", would that be suspicious? does your partner wear gold or silver? do they have allergies? when is their birthday? i will admit when i see those kinds of videos and the male partner just doesn't know, i cringe. celebrities can hire maids, nannies, personal shoppers and personal chefs. that cuts out the labour in a relationship and maybe all that's left is each other as company and maybe that's not enough and they break up. social media is highly curated, so we never see "bad things" like discussing finance, goals, doing nothing with each other, rolling their eyes when their partner says something stupid. what would their relationship be like after building Ikea furniture together? what about losing a game of Mario Kart? who knows! and parasocial relationships aren't a gauge if love is dead because of it
There’s one celebrity that I have an absolute obsession over recently and I can’t seem to get over it. I know that most people like PSSR’s bc it’s a safer relationship but for me it’s because I can’t find anyone that hot in my real life or on dating apps. 😢
We're "straying away from ownership of cars, homes and full-time jobs"? That researcher got the order mixed up, there are no full-time jobs (I've never been offered one, I'm 27), so we can't afford a home or a car. That way it makes sense
I think that people aren't really taught that being a good partner in a romantic sense means you have to talk talk talk and work through situations together to become stronger. you have to let go of your ego, you have to do things that are selfless, you have to work to keep a relationship going - the work shouldn't be hard. you shouldn't be forcing yourself to do things because if youre with the right person the work is easy, you /want/ to be a better person and be better for them. i feel like celebrities, being narcissistic most of the time, don't do any of this or really want to. i have to agree that people these days are really selfish and forget that being in a relationship/long term friendship with anyone means they actually have to be there for someone else even if its not "comfortable" for them
I used to joke that I loved stories like a walk to remember and the fault in our stars because while in most stories the relationship is only just starting at the end, these ones end with death- I know I saw the entirety of the relationship and can confirm it didn’t end because they fell out of love. It’s why I don’t understand why people see the notebook as sad- it’s literally what most romance stories assume happens next.
as a kpop stan, this episode is the one. We all know paraspcial relationships are terrible with kpop stans, and truthfully I think that is on purpose. It's a way to ensure that fans won't leave at any future problematic behavior. I mean, a member of twice literally wore a swastika to a jewish owned restaurant and people were out there defending her like she's their mother. It also keeps people buying and streaming. I'm an army and i don't like permission to dance. its just not my song, and thats okay, but you bet my ass was up in the middle of the night tp watch the music video with everyone else, and streaming it every other hour. I didn't want to let them down. I think the parasocial relationships i developed were terrible for my love life but not for me personally. I say this because my standards sky rocketed after becoming an army, and I haven't been in a relationship or even really had a crush on someone i actually know since. But i dont think that's a bad thing. I'm fine in my own company. Yes, my parasocial relationship with jungkook is raging, but that's essentially for shits amd giggles. I don't need romance in my life, so if anything, I feel like my parasocial relationship with him, just kept me from settling so that i could match my coupled peers.
I think your parasocial relationship with him it literally stopping u from making connections with other ppl , whether that be romantic or not you’re still missing out. You need a therapist 😭 can’t believe u stayed up to stream a song u don’t like to give ppl money that are already rich and you will never get a dime of. Mind boggling 💀 when u get over this obsession (hopefully soon) you’ll see how crazy it is
Honestly, this persons post read like those reddit posts where someone is completely oblivious to the giant red flags they're posting. The rest of us in the comment section are like, say what now?!😮 Having standards based on a celebrity whose image is pretty much tailored to sell merchandise is truly the example of parasocial relationships. You have no personal relationship with this person, you don't know what they're actually like, yet have based a huge part of forming relationships on the image they portray. Phew. There's a lot to unpack here... It might surprise you to know you don't have healthy standards or boundaries if your standards are literally rooted in someone who doesn't know you exist. Not to mention staying up all night for something you do not like solely for the sake of not wanting to let down someone in this one sided relationship. This to me is the antithesis of standards. I'm honestly curious on what these high standards are...
@@rimun5235 i feel like i should clarify there too 😭 i don't mean my standards sky rocketed as in "if this man isn't literally a BTS member i don't want him" i just used to have this terrible habit of liking people just cus they liked me or they were nice to me once. My standards sky rocketed after becoming a fan in the sense that they have so many songs and speaches talking about self love and self respect, that really changed the way i viewed myself and being alone, and I really just don't feel the need to be in a relationship anymore. I mean to say that I'm totally content with just me and the friends that I have, and I haven't had a real crush on anyone since. Being a highschooler ppl talk about their crushes and relationships all the time though, and sometimes i do start to feel kinda left out, which is when I get delulu and start talking about one of the members as if i know them for shits and giggles 😭. and like I said before, i know I have issues. they started way before i was a BTS fan and honestly used to be way worse, i am seeing a therapist i promise 😭
Must feel so good writing editing etc. this cool ass video and then put your own name in all of the "roles" of the intro credits. Hell. Yeah. You. Rock. Get all the recognition because you DESERVE it !!!!!!!!!🔥🔥🔥❤❤❤
I loved this video discussing love 😍💜. Get it 😉. But fr our perceptions on most things in life are screwed, critically engaging rather than leading fully with emotions has helped me a lot. It is easier said than done though so be gentle with yourselves. We’re all in this together 🙏🏽
watching this whilst laying down, trying to motivate myself to sit up and not pass out and do some work, while in the throes of a head cold. thank u for the video and please feel better
☀️ Don't miss out on an exciting adventure! Download Travel Town for free on the Google Play or App Store here: bit.ly/PlayWithShanspeare
Thank you for speaking about palestine #freepalastine🇵🇸🙌
the way i was ctfu bc I love this game but also thought it might be just another scammy mobile game but recently i found their website where the devs do updates and talk about the game and now this ad like oh right this is a real game that but also speaks to how mobile game culture inherently feels scammy bc that's seen as the only way to make money with them and they have to do that sometimes even over the enjoyment of players (Not even that this game is that bad it's only when i run out of diamonds or energy n get mad that I become the marx of mobile games)
ok but filming while on benadryl was actually so genius bc that's usually the exact state i'm in when reading about celeb relationships
me finding out about avan jogia and Halsey dating,;;;felt like a fever dream
😅
I'm always on benedryl cause allergies are trying to kill me lol but for real
@@bloodandempirehey im not a medical professional but just know that there's some research that suggests first gen allergy meds like Benadryl are linked with earlier onsets of dementia and neurological deterioration, If possible try to not use Benadryl so frequently or mix and match with other 2nd/3rd gen antihistamines ❤
@@ultrachaotic ???
My parents are getting divorced after 30+ years of marriage, and I am beyond thrilled. They should have divorced over a decade ago. I'm so proud of my mom for FINALLY freeing herself from a man who never treated her right.
Relatable, my parents divorced last year, as my dad cheated on my mom and suddenly asked for divorce so she was like ok sure. I was waiting for this moment for so many years and this all feels like a dream now. I hope my mom finds love again, even if she’s mostly given up on it now. I’m wishing you the best to your mom!
@@Capybaragee I wish the best for yours!
Same, my mom finally left my dad after 20+ years of marriage. Something she should have done decades ago.
Good for her!! Man, back when I was a child and still struggled with my roman catholic upbringing, I used to pray every night for them to divorce. Ironic enough, religion is the very reason my mom will never divorce. :')
Well, I do have a terrible update unfortunately. While the divorce was still pending, my mom met a man who's a member of the LDS church, and he's completely brainwashed her. They've known each other for 6 months, I've met him only once during a dinner where he was sexist and self obsessed, they got engaged the day after the divorce was finalized, and got married 3 weeks later. She told me about their marriage over email, and she hasn't spoken to me yet so I can only assume she's now a member of the LDS church too. It's truly tragic.
My most unpopular opinion amongst friends and relatives is that divorce is not the end of love. I say this from a vantage point because I am a child of divorce, whose parents still loved and respected each other post separation. Neither mom or dad talked badly about each other in front of me or my sibling, and the problems that separated them had a lot to do with some incompatibilities that a lot of couples face. I feel as though if they had stayed together by forcing their marriage to work, this story might have been way more different and they probably would have deeply resented and hated each other. Divorce doesn't necesarily stop love, and sometimes its needed to keep a semblance of it. Obviously this take does not apply to marriages where violence and abuse plays a part of its dynamic.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing
Yes! breakup does not equal failure. I find it admirable that your parents loved & respected each other enough to recognize that they would be hurting each other by staying together.
This is similar to how my parents were. They were good friends growing up, but staying together led to them becoming bitter and hateful towards each other. The happiest they were is when they divorced and went back to just being friends.
I think the idea of love as an endurance contest is just the older generations way of trying to convince themselves, that they chose the right partner, although their relationship is miserable, and they secretly regret not having the courage to leave. A classic case of sunk cost fallacy. They see younger people reject toxic relationships, and they become bitter for not allowing themselves to do the same.
Agree 100%!
I definitely have that same feeling which makes me feel sad for people that truly feel that way
Eeeeh i disagree with this. Some do think like you described but not all
I know it sounds crazy, probably insane, but didn't you and your friends made up at any point in your lives. Man, you should have left them after they first lied to you and expected them to be perfect. Oh wait...thats...not...reality. No, no, must be me. Yeah, it was crazy for people to make up and stay together for years as their bond got stronger and they understood each other better because of their earlier issue(s). Yeah I'm really crazy.
@@homingice6444 thats not really what the conversation is, bumps in the road are different from toxic behavior and while all relationships have bumps that can be fixed some issues cant be resolved or should be taken as a red flag that things will get worse. You do actually sound crazy tho but its not WHAT you said its how you said it💀 if english isn't your first language thats excusable but if its your primary/first language then yikes
can we just appreciate how shan always makes videos about the most thought provoking yet fun and well researched topics?
You're so right! :D
Shan is absolutely one of the best people putting out video essays on UA-cam and I feel like they're STILL underrated
And how after hours of research they spend extra hours presenting the topics with fun sets and make up! The dedicationnnn😤💖✨🌟
Sometimes, I think para social "love", especially from teenagers, towards celebrities (or anyone unobtainable), is in part a way to practice these emotions on someone that is "safe", i.e someone who will never reciprocate it. It lets us dive head-first into experiencing the emotion of romantic love (or at least some semblance of it), and letting letting it engulf us fully without any risk. (Or without the other realistic emotions that always comes with someone who can reciprocate: nervousness, disappointment, compromise, the awkwardness that comes with those initial days of getting to know each other, etc.).
i mean i agree that thats often whats happening but i would take issue if you were saying that it was a good or healthy thing
I think idolizing is fine as long as you always keep in mind the "don’t meet your idols" trope (basically keep it platonic). They are human, they are not fictional. You won’t agree with them on everything. Why ruin what made you actually mature and grow up? Those thoughts helped form you. Liking someone helps you develop. It’s okay to figure out later in life that it’s just a fantasy. But fantasies exist cause people create them, and they create them cause they yearn for them. Engaging in some delulu time is HEALTHY 😂 it helps you know yourself and figure out yourself, what you like and want from life.
For me it’s the opposite which sucks bc I want so badly to date a celebrity
the political and economic state of ethan slater-- i'm crying
"Love is secular salvation." Ma'am, I was not ready.
that line will have me having deep, nuanced internal conversations as i plunge further into the abyss of brooding
yeah that will stay with me
Love has always been a key to salvation. Tons of religious scriptures describe it as so. To describe it as secular is just downplaying the true origin of the idea.
@@ilikepancakes2368 I think the point is that love transcends religion, culture, language, etc.
"Love is dead" not while I'm still living babeyyy I'm gonna give everyone and everything in my life love whether it be romantic or platonic or familial idgaf love isn't dead you just have to live your life
That's amazing!! And don't forget to give yourself the same love too my friend 💜 more people need to be loving I think, as long as it doesn't hurt them. The world gets colder every day man I swear
i feel like theres always, in general, the same amount of good and bad in the world. to me, anyways. it just shows in different ways as times change. problems get "solved", or significant progress is made, but then in other areas new issues arrive or get worse.@@alim.9801
THIS ❤ I honestly think people need to acknowledge that LOVE is CHARITY in the sense it should be GIVEN FREELY WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN ❤ because then it’s NOT LOVE it becomes TRANSACTIONAL and thats where pain and heartache come in! You just gotta find someone who believes the same thing and keep on lovin’! 🎉❤
you're name is fire, bad bitches keeps bringing love back to life 💖💖💖💖💖💖
This. I think people forget that romantic love is not the only kind of love to be given or received. And that the other loves can be just as fulfilling if not more so.
As someone who married in her late 30s, the other caveat to the “Millennials are killing love” lie is a lot of us have delayed such a commitment until we unpack our childhood and/or adult trauma with a good therapist, so that when we unite with our chosen life partner, we’re not bringing 50lbs bags on to that nonstop flight to ever after.
👏👏👏 couldn't agree more. in a long term relationship but i can't fathom getting married til we figure some of our shit out.
50lbs? That's cute. Try 500 lbs!
what's crazy is that I see in comment sections MANY people saying they'll still support her nonetheless and that she'll come out of this unscathed. problem is, thats probably whats gonna happen.
And that man is going to destroy himself trying to make it work after the huge "sacrifice" he made for her. She'll be done with him in a year or two and will likely cheat before leaving him high and dry. I hope his ex never takes him back.
umm hey could you pls clarify what you're referring to, this made me curious
I’m pretty sure they’re talking bout Ariana grande and Ethan slater
@@divinefavor7880 ohh okok thanks
im here after "eternal sunshine" and yea, everyone just kinda forgot 😭
Growing up, my brain was soaked in telenovelas and latin media. For anyone that isn't in this media, think Cinderella but the prince is engaged to one of the wicked sisters, everyone is hot and the main guy has a single braincell. Female competition is expected and possession is a trait of a successful relationship. I know for a fact that this warps your notions of how relationships work. I ended up stuck in an abuse and unhappiness cycle during my teenage years because I believed "passion" was slapping and then kissing someone, making them jealous and doing/experiencing awful betrayals of trust, expecting unconditional forgiveness.
It took me a real moment of clarity to realize that love is work, not only physicality. I had to learn how to express true feelings, not societal expectations. I had to rewire my whole brain for over a decade to realize I want safety, not passion.
I think that parasocial relationships are so common is because it's easier to "love" from a distance than risk the pain of breakups in a real relationship. If you know the person you like will never reciprocate, you won't ever have to end the perceived relationship.
Love isn't dead: my partner and I are going as big Eddie and little Eddie from greygardens. He hasn't even seen the film, but is excited to dress as an old lady. I'll get him to watch it when we aren't working so much. I'm so stoked. He's the best.
guys wake up. new shansphere vid, drop everything
ok but when you talked about endurance, i remembered when the joe jonas and sophie turner’s breakup news went down so many people wrote things like: “what after 4 years??? that’s nothing, these people (celebrities) don’t last anything nowadays” and all i could think about was well…maybe consider this: it’s not of your business, who knows what happened in their relationship, is it worth enduring something just because it was a “short marriage” according to strangers?
Great video and great editing!
It with you. Also 4 years can feel like 100 years of 5 minutes, it really depends on what you went through during that time, genuinely.
Even as someone who does not care about celebrity gossip, I still heard about Ariana Grande cheating scandal... what nobody told me is that the guy she was having the affair with was the human version of Bob Sponge.
LMAO right?!
I remember 5 years ago when a UA-cam couple that I ADORED broke up and it felt like my own heart broke into pieces for MONTHS that I knew I had a problem…
May I know who you're talking about?
I would argue the lack of marriage is also economic. I've always wanted a big wedding, so I've been engaged now for 6 years waiting to have the funds to throw the ""biggest party of my life""
Maybe get married at rhe curt house. Dress nice ad plan a big after party.
I think my first “celebrity breakup” was Robin Hood - I read in a book about the real person Robin Hood is believed to be based on, that there is a solid chance, he and Maid Marian basically never met. I was DEVASTATED. So yeah, “celebrity breakups” happen in a lot of shapes and sizes.
After being in some form of romantic relationship all my life, because I was convinced that’s where I would find happiness (turns out it was therapy and antidepressants, but nobody told me that), I ended up very single and alone for the first time, after a very nasty divorce. I have been extremely happy ever since. Maybe I’ll find romance again one day, but I doubt I will ever want to join my life with someone again or even share a house. I have all the love I could want. I have a best friend, who brings me lots of happiness. I have a tiny dog, who will always be the Nr. 1 man in my life. I have lots of dear friends and acquaintances. My life is more full of love, than it ever was while I was in a romantic pairing.
Thus the message of this video really resonated with me - there is so much love in the world. Stop staring at one very specific kind.
I'm a simple woman - Shanspeare posts, I watch... and ponder every fiber of my being.
huge thank you for consistently adding closed captions! not many creators think about it, unfortunately :c so thank you for putting that bit of extra effort in! ❣
At this point, the only type of men who never dissappoint me are fictional/anime men.
Real 💀
I don’t understand celebrity worship, like, at all. It’s just one step removed from the people that obsess with what other people are doing in their own bedroom. It’s weird.
!!! i am a fangirl, but not like lady gaga paparazzi // stan by eminem fangirl. fanbases scare me. (especially swifties, hive, and so on) so far i have went to see harry styles, the weeknd, and beyonce live (they were absolutely fantastic and performance BEASTS) but i rlly don’t care abt what they do/who they’re dating. it’s none of my business bc i don’t know them and they don’t know me and that’s ok. i’m just here for the music and entertainment.
we rlly don’t know these ppl. nobody is unproblematic. the pressure to not have flaws and make mistakes is so tiring (not calling cheating, big o’🌳, & crimes mistakes, ykwim? like jenna marbles.)
Some of my friends have such extensive knowledge about celebrities. Down to what foods they're allergic to.
And I just sit there thinking- "Girl if you had this kind of passion about your own life..."
I think I get it though. I think it stems from a place of gratitude for the art that at least some celebrities create, although it can spiral into something unhealthy. Some amount of admiration for people who create cool stuff is necessary though, I think. Idk. I dont think I'd qualify as I stan of any kind but I can certainly empathise with people who are. It's a human thing
@@glasstablegcrls dude, most of the swifties I've seen online are actually scary. Ik not all but a huge portion of them, barbz, the K pop stans and arianators seem to get SUPER aggressive at least on Twitter. Like I get being a fan but some of them, if you even slightly criticize their fave it's like you kidnapped their mother or something it's nuts
@@Clau-chauNicol I get you, I think that's a good explanation. It can get unhealthy quickly but it's not like the phenomenon comes outta nowhere. And the silver lining is that art or music or film can mean so much to people and help them through their lives to such an extent yknow
Coming from an 18 year old growing up in this internet age. I needed this video and so do so many of my peers. It's so easy to fall into certain thinking traps about love and this video felt like a warm hug, so thank you.
I don't agree with a lot of what they're saying, but I do think romantic selfishness becoming more of a thing.
Of course I'd never encourage someone to endure in a relationship where they are genuinely being hurt or exploited, not to stay in one where they no longer feel any love. But the degree of fragility people's "love" has now is genuinely scary, and I think people's willingness to create a strong bond through a series of give-and-takes with the people in their life is diminishing greatly.
Big disagree on endurance being a cover for murder. It can be, sure, but not intrinsically. You don't develop strong relationships, bonds with people you'd trust with your life, by being flippant and fair-weather. Relationships of any type have struggle. Could you imagine if every parent threw their baby outside to the elements because they were tired of their crying keeping them awake? Or if every friend blocked you when you mentioned you were struggling with mental health issues? Imagine if the person paying you decided to strip you of everything because "you're kinda a downer sometimes".
People have pains. People have hurts. People are messy. And by extension, so are anything they create. Relationships are messy, and most in the modern era have this obscenely unhealthy mentality of extremes where you'll either tolerate anything for the sake of "love" or you walk out the door the moment they deign to ask you to do the dishes sometimes. It's a whiplash effect. The older generation was too committed, to the point they would drink poison alone to sustain an unhealthy bond, the younger generation isn't committed enough, to the point they can never form any sort of stable community or relational security.
Endurance is important, but it's important in the sense that there are standard discomforts and clashes that happen when two different human beings become closer and learn more about each other, and we will only form strong, healthy bonds by enduring and working through those discomforts. If it's something you can't work through, then leave. But for lord's sake at least give it a damn effort.
You just said everything I've been internally screaming for years now, thank you
i love this reply and i agree-i think that when it comes to concepts that we want to critique and analyze, especially if it's from a past generation, it can tend to swing from one side of the pendulum to the other. so instead of there being a middle ground, it goes from, "i'm in a relationship where i'm stuck with this person forever no matter what i go through because that's how it's supposed to be!" to "i don't owe anyone anything and don't ask me for too much or else i'm out." it also doesn't help that our generation suffers the most from individualism, being glued to our devices and barely having third spaces and going out and meeting all different types of people anymore. so then it just creates more and more of this experience in your brain where you become less and less tolerant for people, and mainly just value your own independence and space
@@salemskris I totally agree with your comment! Moderation really is key. Somewhere between complete individualism and complete self sacrifice is the sweet spot. Well, As close to the middle of those as possible, since nothing can be perfect.
Ok but the aesthetic pleasure i get while i watch your videos while my brain is being fed?!? Unmatched quality. Thank you Shan ❤❤❤
Yeah
(CW: backhanded compliments)
I keep forgetting to watch Shan videos because her stuff is too visual for listening in the car or during chores. Glad I gave this one the time.
From an aromantic standpoint people definitely obsess over celebrity relationships out of their own loneliness. I don't condemn such behavior, we all cope with our feelings differenly, but the internet unfortunately made us aware of the existence of way too many people than we were ever supposed to know in our lifetime.
It's simply easier to feel lonely when the internet makes it feel like everyone is having relationships except for you.
"God has placed us Sims in a swimming pool of unattainable rom-com tropes and He has taken away the ladder" - incredible line wtf
I was having such a bad day so I'm so glad that you posted 😭
I hope you feel better soon ❤
I find that people expect love to be easy and effortless, and the latter is where I think things go wrong. Love definitely does and should take quite a bit of effort, which can be easy with the right person! :D
I feel like we crave 2 things in our relationships. Authenticity and long lasting relationships. I think as children even as a infant we crave both of these things, but for survival we forgo authenticity because we need long lasting relationships to survive. We are to young / inexperienced to care for ourselves and creating long lasting relationships is our only way of guarantying survival. So we surpass parts of our emotions or truths so that we are not to mess up what we already have. I think we are getting more and more aware that we need both and that long lasting anything is meaning less without true meaning in the first place. But we are at a authenticity shortage. we can’t be authentic because most of us are not given the space to learn how to do so, but we also know the same is true for others and therefore we forgo trying to find it in the first place. We can’t be authentic enough to ask for it but we also can’t handle the truth when it’s asked for. We are stuck in a way
You’re onto something here
As an ace and maybe aro person. I don’t get the obsession with celeb relationships. I have no remote interest. I don’t know if it’s just understand that I have no clue who these people are or that we only see the beautiful, ideal version of what we think a relationship should look like.
Whenever someone I know is like such and such broke up. I’m always like… okay. Maybe it’s better for the both of them
Girl same, I'm ace too 💜🤍 I honestly could care less about celebrities and their lives. Like I remember when people were making *a lot* of comments on Billie Eilish's relationship...I don't understand why people took it upon themselves to ridicule and comment on their relationship especially , on the age gap ( I mean they wouldn't shut up about it like honestly 😂)
I never really cared because as long as she's a consenting adult I never really saw any issue with the relationship 🤷🏾♀️...and why should I care it's not like she stopped releasing music because of it 🤦🏾♀️...Gosh people need to focus on their own lives sometimes.
Anyways my side rant is over 😂
I'm not even sure if we even SEE the ideal version. Everytime I hear about these relationships in passing, it's always about something bad happening, or people prophesizing about one or the other person doing whatever "shady" thing.
I feel like that as much as we idealize about love, we also love to catastrophize it. Like we're battling with our hatred of rich people and our love of public relationships. Dunno.
I agree. We hear about these all the time.
This is waaay tmi but I've been in one of those shit ass executive dysfunctional moods today, where I can't even stand stand up from my desk to go to the toilet or eat unless I find the right yt video to put on in the background (I know, I know), so I'm so glad this was uploaded rn bc it's always the right time for a new Shanspeare video lmao
I'm aromantic...and I really appreciated this video. There are so many people that are so obsessed with the idea of romantic love that they had begun to ship real life human beings. I've always found this to be strange. But then reality is often stranger than fiction when most of the time they have to cope with the fact these are real life people and not a form of fictional media.
Our culture is so obsessed with celebrities that if they break up it means love doesn’t exist at all.
If two rich people break up, it shouldn’t have an impact on your own relationships. If it does… there is a bigger issue going on.
First of all, I'm donating as much as i can tomorrow to help Palestinians in this sickening time.
Second: I kinda want for people to focus on their own relationships. Celebrity breakup discussion bugs me because we dont know anything about these people, and people project their own feelings onto them. Next thing you know theres false nonsense being spread online as fact
I personally dont want to ever be in another relationship, or to marry. I dont hate love, i just feel like after all i endured as a child to survive, i just value my safety and freedom. Friends and family are more than enough for me
"After all, you're less likely to imagine negative events between your parasocial object & yourself"
Except if your into whump.
I love this video so much, more than that it’s what I needed to hear. The dissonance I feel when peers speak of longing for “real love” has made me feel like there’s something wrong with how I walk through the world. I appreciate that I can revisit this video when I feel overwhelmed by the number of myths spread about love.
Going through a divorce rn and love your discussion of endurance-so much more important to be happy and have a loving/caring relationship.
I just started and I am sure this is going to be another hit by Shan
I'm not going to say that I didn't read articles about Joe Jonas' and Sophie Tuner's breakup because I was curious about the whole "He didn't tell her and his PR people tried to make her out to be a bad mother" but overall? I don't know these people. I don't know what's going on and I'm not going to follow any of their accounts just to have that illusion of having a relationship with them.
As for the whole "love is dead"? Yeah, just because they broke up doesn't mean love is dead, especially when I witnessed it in my everyday life.
As a queer poly lesbisn, two pieces of stuff i got from the internt that ive taken to heart is that love is work, and to support your partner during each new person they become in their life. And a lot of times, marriage theses days doesnt really feel necessary. My partner and i have been together for a few years now but we will only get married inorder for both of us to legally change our names. I know thats not for everyone when it comes to marriage, but just as a genrral sense especially for celebrities, love is work after the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase doesnt have to end but a lot of work and open communication is needed for it to continue.
I love that you mentioned the honeymoon phase, and I would like to add another misconception that I see getting thrown around a lot: just because the honeymoon wanes does not mean the relationship has "failed" and it's time to dump your partner. Part of the work of being in a relationship is weathering the tedium that life sometimes hands us.
God help us if we ever have an aroace prominent celebrity, we'll lose our mind.
It strikes such a deep chord to see these letters from young people believing that the entire world has grown darker now because they've started to notice that bad things happen. I remember going through that and I'm cringing to remember what a pompous little doom monger I was. I love that your video drew from a wide spectrum of history to remind us all that all this has happened before, and it's probably going to keep happening.
What were are seeing in terms of the commoditazation of love has never happened before in all of western history.
I love how Shanspeare is always serving in every video 😭🙏💚💅✨
they really put so much effort into their works, we are so well fed💯💯
@@sideshow_pyahate to be that person but shan uses they/them pronouns lol
@@catsguts_ thank you, I didn't know!!
@@catsguts_ my bad 😅 i didn't think of that
Let them cook 🔥👩🏿🍳🗣️
Being engaged to my qpp means there are so many times when people expect certain things of us that just aren't true. Us "missing" certain parts of our relationship means that no matter how good our communication is, I've had people who end up thinking one of us deserves better. There's such an idea of what a relationship Should look like that if choose what works best for the people involved you sometimes get backlash about it. What about when that's not something either person wants? The mold exists, and I want very little to do with it.
i DEFINITELY resonate with this video! you’ve totally explained stuff i’ve not yet been able to put into words ! i read bell hooks all about love this last summer and it definitely changed my outlook on not just love itself but how I love and how i’m acting it out on a daily basis. i do agree that the heterosexual western concept of what love is is extremely shallow a lot of times in terms of what is expected of two people in “love”
Can't wait to watch this one! All of your videos are thought-provoking and well researched so I just know this one is going to be amazing! ❤
Speaking from a married Christain woman’s perspective. Love takes tramendous amounts of effort and choosing you partner everyday. You will fight. You both will have weaknesses and strengths. But it’s is your and your partners daily choice to keep going that keeps the fire of love alive. I love my husband more with each day of being together despite the difficulties we have faced. Love is exactly what God says it is. Patient, kind, long suffering, infinite, forgiving.
Sounds like you two are wrong for each other
There is so much love and so much to love in this universe and I'm so happy that people are starting to see it too. I'm also on the aro spectrum and what Jay said at 27:00 perfectly describes how I feel about love. Revolutionize love, I love it
I just realized that "revolution" contains "love" backwards… not sure how to interpret that, but I wanted to share the random discovery 😂
The pomegranate colored wig looks sooo good btw (Early comment as sacrifice to algorithm, will come back and say something with some actual substance after I've watched more)
My parents have had many different partners all throughout my childhood since they divorced soon after i was born.
Theyve both found the people theyve been with for the longest, and i am beyond happy for them. Even if it was messy to get to this happier place they're finally in.
"God has placed us Sims in a swimming pool of unattainable romcom tropes and He has taken the ladder!" 😂😆 I love everything about this line
Thank you so much for this one; I found it incredibly holistic. I think it's hard for many people to accept the important transition from patriarchy and organized-religion-induced magical thinking to a society in which all our roles are less rigid and more personally chosen. The concept of "learning relationships" rather than infatuations has floated around in my head for awhile. We can love each other, realize we were learning who we are rather than finding our ideal partner, and make the healthy transition to our futures. It's a much happier way to reframe our lives and partings, when we value the journey and the experience--and the person, the partner--rather than just the outcome of having stayed forever. This is how we find what's real, living honestly.
This video is so well done and exactly what I needed to watch. I'm working on short romantic sapphic stories off and on, and I've been in a bit of a writer's block, but this really helped. Thank you :)
Is there anywhere we can read the stories when you're done?? :)
@@alim.9801 Not at the moment unfortunately. I read fanfics and creepypastas on my channel, and within the next few months, I'm finally going to be branching out and narrating some of my original written work that I've worked with, along with my Wife's original work. :)
There are some shipfics/audio productions on my channel, but they are about My Little Pony and they range from horror to slice of life, but yeah. Lol
*I will help support Palestine and their cause, mother.*
thank you love 🇵🇸
As a part of a country that escaped the "Israelification" never forget the existence of Israel is proof white supremacist have global power.
I will support Israel 🇮🇱🇮🇱
@@Random.account160 ooh wow we have a totally unique opinion here !
Well I’m Jewish so I’m obviously going to support Israel. However I don’t think all Palestinian people are bad
As a note on idol culture and dating: while there ARE fans who get upset at their faves dating, it has to be said that 1. the industry greatly capitalizes on parasocial relationships so much so that idols themselves encourage the fostering of feeling of ownership that fans have over their idols. 2. There are also many fans who do not care that idols date as long as they do it with discretion, and in fact many korean fans know about idols dating long before international fans do and generally keep mum about it until the idol's behavior is "deemed by fans to possibly affect the idol or the group's career negatively." To give you an example, one of my favorite idols was already known among the korean fandom to have a girlfriend as early as 2016, and while there were a couple of "fans" who called him out for openly bringing his girlfriend to company trips, it was generally ignored by most of the fandom until years later when it was suddenly announced that he was to get married and following the announcement, it was found out that he was getting a shotgun wedding. After this, he went to the military to lie low for two years as fans were calling for him to leave the group and although he wasn't that much of a popular member, it still have a negative impact on both his group and his own solo career.
Damn..
i’m always so impressed by the amount of effort you put into the sets of your videos and the editing, it really shows :) love watching you grow as a creator!
I was so happy when your new video popped up. There's something about your videos that I love more than other commentary/ pop culture UA-camrs. You remind of ContraPoints a lot, you both have aesthetics and genius takes
Yay as an ace grey aro I have been wondering about the aro view on this topic, Thank You Jay!🙌
Thank you for always delivering such great, amazingly written content without fail! The amount of research you put in videos is so refreshing to hear!
We will never know what's going on behind those close doors period
the dedication 😭 I hope you’re feeling better. the ppl need this content thanks Shanspeare 💋
Your videos are such a treat. I work a brain dead easy job and your videos alwaysmake my time here go by faster
ooh what do u work as?
hey girl, happy to see you here posting grade a premium supreme content! love you pookie ~
ive never really understood celeb culture, but you make a great point about how we experience parasocial romance. it's interesting thinking about how it applies to any type of fictional media (i'm sure a lot could be said about shipping)
Love is a battlefield
"We don’t know what happens when the screen goes black or when a celebrity closes their door" 👏🏽 this line was so impactful because in society was struggle with boundaries, the psychology of relationships, and most of all the reality of the dynamic in folks obsession with celebrity lives.
A lot of what you described with your crush on One Direction and PSRRs align strongly with the concept of Limerence! There's an interesting book called Love and Limerence by Dorothy Tennov that expands on these phenomena
Ugh I adore your set backgrounds. Iconic
The topic of love was deliciously delved into, in such an astute way. Many thanks. 💜
me and my wife's 10 year anniversary is coming up and Im very excited:)
Yay, new vid. Also get well soon, I have been out with a cold this week too. Watched a good movie (Man From UNCLE) & a wild one that I wanted to be wilder (Somebody I used to know). No they don’t play the song 😞
Always thankful for you for putting captions ❤
I recently read "The Art of Loving" and I think it's a great reflection for the topics in this video.
Speaking of, I found out I had a long standing high blood pressure by accident, it was 255 Monday, which they gave me low does BP kessi, then come Friday I have my first doctor's appointment in 4 years, to which they had 4 doctors come to try to convince me to go check into the hospital to get tests to see whats going on. I went, I'm out, and I'm going better.
as an aromantic person I now need to go lay down, but this was a really interesting angle! Also always wonderful to exist in frameworks about love
I think a part of the human condition is that there will always be the same amount of love. The "decline in love" we're seeing is just a decline in people settling for toxic and abusive relationships, there's probably just as many people seeking out intimate connection as there have ever been, if not more
Ugh!!!!!!!!!! The pink (magenta?) wig is so cute omg
Laughing at the lace close up (doesn't matter still so pretty)
as someone who hasn't fallen in love because going out to meet someone is work lol i do have love for friends and family. i'd say love is work and love is doing. sure you can love someone with all your heart, but if you're not doing anything to show it, who is going to believe you?
there's a social shift, especially on social media about how we treat our partners. in this economy the MAJORITY of households have to be dual income just to survive, but is one partner still expected to do most of the housework? millennials and gen zer are starting to say no.
do you actually enjoy being around your partner? people will raise a brow if you say no. if you have a hard time communicating to your partner or you find that when you talk to your friends, do you withhold information about your partner because it might be "bad", would that be suspicious?
does your partner wear gold or silver? do they have allergies? when is their birthday? i will admit when i see those kinds of videos and the male partner just doesn't know, i cringe.
celebrities can hire maids, nannies, personal shoppers and personal chefs. that cuts out the labour in a relationship and maybe all that's left is each other as company and maybe that's not enough and they break up.
social media is highly curated, so we never see "bad things" like discussing finance, goals, doing nothing with each other, rolling their eyes when their partner says something stupid. what would their relationship be like after building Ikea furniture together? what about losing a game of Mario Kart? who knows! and parasocial relationships aren't a gauge if love is dead because of it
There’s one celebrity that I have an absolute obsession over recently and I can’t seem to get over it. I know that most people like PSSR’s bc it’s a safer relationship but for me it’s because I can’t find anyone that hot in my real life or on dating apps. 😢
How old are you ? Depending on age you could try putting yourself in different settings
another absolute banger from our queen shanspeare herself
We're "straying away from ownership of cars, homes and full-time jobs"? That researcher got the order mixed up, there are no full-time jobs (I've never been offered one, I'm 27), so we can't afford a home or a car. That way it makes sense
Production value is through the roof 🔥
I think that people aren't really taught that being a good partner in a romantic sense means you have to talk talk talk and work through situations together to become stronger. you have to let go of your ego, you have to do things that are selfless, you have to work to keep a relationship going - the work shouldn't be hard. you shouldn't be forcing yourself to do things because if youre with the right person the work is easy, you /want/ to be a better person and be better for them. i feel like celebrities, being narcissistic most of the time, don't do any of this or really want to. i have to agree that people these days are really selfish and forget that being in a relationship/long term friendship with anyone means they actually have to be there for someone else even if its not "comfortable" for them
Woooo thanks Shan!!!!!
I used to joke that I loved stories like a walk to remember and the fault in our stars because while in most stories the relationship is only just starting at the end, these ones end with death- I know I saw the entirety of the relationship and can confirm it didn’t end because they fell out of love. It’s why I don’t understand why people see the notebook as sad- it’s literally what most romance stories assume happens next.
Move Shanspere posted (hope you feel better!!! Your videos are amazing and beautiful works of art)
You're absolutely the best channel that UA-camhas put in front of me lately.
super well said, Jay! i love that sentiment
as a kpop stan, this episode is the one. We all know paraspcial relationships are terrible with kpop stans, and truthfully I think that is on purpose. It's a way to ensure that fans won't leave at any future problematic behavior. I mean, a member of twice literally wore a swastika to a jewish owned restaurant and people were out there defending her like she's their mother. It also keeps people buying and streaming. I'm an army and i don't like permission to dance. its just not my song, and thats okay, but you bet my ass was up in the middle of the night tp watch the music video with everyone else, and streaming it every other hour. I didn't want to let them down. I think the parasocial relationships i developed were terrible for my love life but not for me personally. I say this because my standards sky rocketed after becoming an army, and I haven't been in a relationship or even really had a crush on someone i actually know since. But i dont think that's a bad thing. I'm fine in my own company. Yes, my parasocial relationship with jungkook is raging, but that's essentially for shits amd giggles. I don't need romance in my life, so if anything, I feel like my parasocial relationship with him, just kept me from settling so that i could match my coupled peers.
I think your parasocial relationship with him it literally stopping u from making connections with other ppl , whether that be romantic or not you’re still missing out. You need a therapist 😭 can’t believe u stayed up to stream a song u don’t like to give ppl money that are already rich and you will never get a dime of. Mind boggling 💀 when u get over this obsession (hopefully soon) you’ll see how crazy it is
@@tonystonem9614 ik 😭 I'm in therapy rn i promise. i didn't mean to glorify it or anything I was just writing out my thoughts
Honestly, this persons post read like those reddit posts where someone is completely oblivious to the giant red flags they're posting. The rest of us in the comment section are like, say what now?!😮 Having standards based on a celebrity whose image is pretty much tailored to sell merchandise is truly the example of parasocial relationships. You have no personal relationship with this person, you don't know what they're actually like, yet have based a huge part of forming relationships on the image they portray. Phew. There's a lot to unpack here...
It might surprise you to know you don't have healthy standards or boundaries if your standards are literally rooted in someone who doesn't know you exist. Not to mention staying up all night for something you do not like solely for the sake of not wanting to let down someone in this one sided relationship. This to me is the antithesis of standards. I'm honestly curious on what these high standards are...
@@rimun5235 i feel like i should clarify there too 😭 i don't mean my standards sky rocketed as in "if this man isn't literally a BTS member i don't want him" i just used to have this terrible habit of liking people just cus they liked me or they were nice to me once. My standards sky rocketed after becoming a fan in the sense that they have so many songs and speaches talking about self love and self respect, that really changed the way i viewed myself and being alone, and I really just don't feel the need to be in a relationship anymore. I mean to say that I'm totally content with just me and the friends that I have, and I haven't had a real crush on anyone since. Being a highschooler ppl talk about their crushes and relationships all the time though, and sometimes i do start to feel kinda left out, which is when I get delulu and start talking about one of the members as if i know them for shits and giggles 😭. and like I said before, i know I have issues. they started way before i was a BTS fan and honestly used to be way worse, i am seeing a therapist i promise 😭
I knew 3 people of everyone you mentioned at the beginning lol
The editing in this video is just. Sublime
As a gay guy going to a private christian school in the south my only romantic relationships are PSRR.💀
thank you for another great video Shan, get well soon!
Must feel so good writing editing etc. this cool ass video and then put your own name in all of the "roles" of the intro credits. Hell. Yeah. You. Rock. Get all the recognition because you DESERVE it !!!!!!!!!🔥🔥🔥❤❤❤
I loved this video discussing love 😍💜. Get it 😉. But fr our perceptions on most things in life are screwed, critically engaging rather than leading fully with emotions has helped me a lot. It is easier said than done though so be gentle with yourselves. We’re all in this together 🙏🏽
watching this whilst laying down, trying to motivate myself to sit up and not pass out and do some work, while in the throes of a head cold. thank u for the video and please feel better