I told my first therapist that the voice in my head that is always criticizing me and holding me back is the voice of my first bullies ( my dad and older sister). Every criticism, every judgment , every doubt about my ability - I hear it in their voices . I never heard anyone ever say this before. When I saw this title , my jaw dropped and I hesitated for a moment before clicking . Idk what made me hesitate , but I’m glad I clicked . as always- thank you for your content !
I grew up with extreme neglect and abuse. Today I'm 44 years old, a single mother to a severely disabled and terminally sick teenager. The only friendships that have survived are long distance from childhood. I have no relationship with any family, siblings or friends. I'm terrified of people and avoid them at all costs. The only people i can get along with are my sons professional care team. Its a struggle every day to not feel rejected and hated by the world.
My isolated heart goes out to you DD. I am a caregiver too -- so misunderstood or to be more honest, mostly just conveniently overlooked. I forced myself to sign up for online counseling appointments today. A group meeting on zoom is also something that has helped me before -- just quick suggestions that might bring some encouragement if you agree. Either way -- I validate and SO understand your world getting SO SMALL and will pray you find YOUR PATH to just a little bit of respite and a few daily moments of kindness toward yourself. ❤
Sending so much love 😢❤ you definitely need a friendship in my opinion and i hope so much you find one where you are. Maybe in a group of other mothers w a child w your childs same health situation
One of the things a therapist told me was what would you do if someone treated your child that way. We have to become our own parental voice and fight for us as our parents did not.
I saw immediately that I protected and nurtured my child in ways I never could for myself, and that really was an eye opener. I still have to work at parenting myself (even in the empty nest) but I’m not sure I would have even ever noticed without the experience of motherhood.
Somehow it feels really different to be on the couch all day then lying in bed. When I lived with my ex he always made sure to at least go downstairs and make the couch my daybed. Now I live alone in an appartement with no downstairs and my bed has again become my home within the house. Usually people wake up, get up, have a day and at night return to bed to sleep. I have those days only on like hypomanic moments in the year, they still are few and far between but I do not consider myself as mentally unwell as I used to when I was on psych meds for decades. I just needed away from the family which was not even half as bad as described in many of Anna's content, but being a highly sensitive child, an emotionally immature stepfather and mother was enough apparantly, although I think how the mental health industry dealt with me as a patient was also not contributing to me bursting the delusion and seeing the narrative for what it was. Then again, you can only see things for what they are when you are ready for it and plenty people make the shift in middle age/later in life. I am so so happy for the success of Gabor Mate and many others in the world so the standard question hopefully no longer is What is wrong with you but What happened with you. For those struggling with dental care and hair care and hygiene in general: babywipes, dry shampoo, an electric toothbrush, those are a few things that made my depressed life a little easier. And to celebrate the having showered like the achievement it is, even when no one around you understands why and how that can be so hard, at least give yourself the grace to acknowledge you achieved a goal for that day, and that is to be celebrated. ❤🤗❤️💪✌️
@@evadebruijn yeah. I think the functioning depressed hid a lot of things well….but I am not hiding it so well now because I can’t physically Will myself to do things unless there are things to look forward to in the day. I use to pretend a lot and now I am out of will. I have to just be myself. It’s all that I can do.
I was fantasy life child most the time. I personally believe our weaknesses can turn into our strengths. This channel has helped me in the past to accept the reality of my situation. Thank you for what you do for people.
I‘m in this frozen state since 15 years. I sleep a lot, eat a lot, watch shows and isolate myself from the outer world. I have the same history as the person in the letter. Was beaten heavily as a child and teenager and today still hear that I‘m useless and will never achieve anything which is also my own voice now. I called the police once at 16 and since then he was afraid to hit me. Police didn’t believe me or do anything.
That describes my dad perfectly he bullied me right up until he lost consciousness on his death bed. He told the hospice nurses that I was lazy and wouldn’t work. I actually overachieved at every job I ever had. I was a stay at home mom at the time of his death.
been there, done that, except it was my mom. She even lobbed criticism on me at my dad's funeral for not crying. I didn't want to shriek at her, "Why would I cry? We had no connection. He was NOT THERE and was afraid of showing physical affection so there was no emotional bond!"
It's been a huge step for me to hear those 'voices' as voices of other people and not as my own emotions and feelings. I started writing down what those 'voices' were saying. And this allowed to argue with them and write what the real thing is. While those voices of narsiccistic people from my past were saying 'everyone hates you because there is something wrong with you, don't go there', and I answer with 'you really don't know what their attitude is, they seem nice and accepting, try going there and see what happens. If they hate you, you may stop talking to them, you can protect yourself'.
I feel like I’m going crazy. I am completely alone and feel like I don’t know what to do with all this shame and pain I feel on a daily basis. My mother has made me believe it is all my fault and I’m the toxic one. I just want to be loved but I can’t let it happen. I’m broken.
All I want to say, 'You are NOT broken'! You have probably been through a lot and I pray you'll get the strength to heal and let go of this self sabotaging mindset. You're not alone ❤
I understand exactly how you feel. I feel like I am the toxic one, yet the only one sober in my family. They can't understand why I'm always sad, disappointed etc. We just have "hang in there". Wish I knew a better way. Actually, my better was is trusting in Jesus❤.
I'm not saying that this is what it is, but it brought to mind something called Pathological Demand Avoidance which is often seen in persons on the autism spectrum (like myself).
I still react every time an upstairs neighbour walks around - as though something dangerous were on it’s way downstairs.. getting better at catching it, but the battle goes on. Thanks for helping us put words to these phenomenons which loom overhead.
What helped me with the ‘nobody likes me’ part was to decide that they didn’t have to like me. I would be respectful to those around me and expect this in return but I wouldn’t put up with abuse. I soon discovered that I often pushed people away and that at times I wasn’t respectful to them because I thought I had to be defensive. I had to rethink my own attitude. My mother has assured me that no one liked me and they never would. I had to see the lie in that. I became a work in progress. I’m still cautious but more trusting.
Lloyanne Hurd- That’s an amazing amount of growth and self-understanding. Stop and take a look at how far you’ve come, even with more work left. Blessings to you.
@@amandawilcox5106 Thank you. From reading up on Narcissism and from hearing others life stories I have realized where my hyper vigilance started. I had made jokes out of the danger to my life that I encountered over and over again. That kept the reality at a distance. But I feel free now to examine it all. Thank you and best wishes.
Abusive alcoholic dad, and abusive older sisters (I mean truly abusive, my sister would chase me around with knives, rip my toys heads off, and sit on my head while I’m screaming I can’t breathe - she’s physically abused me in adulthood too), I was the fight back and fantastical thinking kid. As an adult I was a people pleaser for a while and then after two abusive relationships turned into an adult always starting fights. My current relationship is the healthiest I’ve been in and I’m always exploding with rage over small things, because I’m terrified of being abused again.
What happened to you as a child is too terrible for worse to truly describe. That's awful. If you aren't already, I do hope that you work with a skilled therapist so you can get better control over your fears if being abandoned and your explosive anger. If your relationship truly is well balanced, I want you to keep that and nurture that for the rest of your life. That being said, sane people have their limits in how much volatile behavior and out urts they can put up with from another person.
Oh Anna, this is HP sent for me today. I am literally FROZEN for weeks, struggling to dress, do personal care, get out for needed errands, very paralyzed. Thank YOU! This subject is deeply encouraging. Your experience, strength and hope here are a lifeline for many, I'm sure. Sharon the Crapfit-Side-Chick working to walk free. 😀
I am the fighter. As a child, I never wanted to be seen, but it's like some switch got turned on & I went into fight mode. Now, I'm trying to change it. I have to remind myself there is no one out to get or hurt me. There is no one to fight. I have a choice to simply walk away.
A conflicted soul is a sign of abuse. Mind blown!! That's why I always flipped the script in my mind. Always had to look at every action I did from the flip side. It was paralyzing. 😥
I could so identify with that woman's letter. My folks stop putting their hands on me when I stood up to my father. Well almost, He got my brother to join in and I ended up beating them both up and they stuck me in a psych hospital. The amazing thing was when I went to the ER and they asked me if I wanted some help I was thrilled and said yes. My father came to see me and said you know I would've committed you if you hadn't agreed. I was a boy then and they gave my family particularly my parents all sorts of instructions that were totally ignored. At 62 and after 13 years of therapy which I continue to this day every week, I am finally finally starting to become myself. I guess my biggest resentment is the fact they put this program in my head and others say well they did the best they could. Well it might've been their best but it wasn't good enough it wasn't healthy. Thank you.
Yes, blessing for having the courage to stand up to those inner bullies. As Anna herself said in one of her videos when they abused you they did bring evil into your life. So sorry. I too have known such evil bullies in my life.
That power of choice is so freeing. Recognizing that moment when I can choose how I feel or how I respond to any situation or comment is something I truly wish I had learned at age six! Very harsh and verbally abusive military family (both parents). Had no idea just how much their behaviors and words shaped my adulthood and shortcomings. I have slowly over the last seventeen years begun to re-invent my life and re-formulate my brain waves to match that person I am becoming, and in many ways - already am. I appreciate your teachings, as I constantly get those a-ha moments. I love evolving today. I'm much more chilled about my environments. And when I'm not, I recognize when I can leave. Self-care mode is 23-7; there has to be that one hour with my cat, you know. ;0
In my childhood, it was my mother who was not just domineering and intolerant - but verbally abusive and, at times, violent... Later, my sister (a year younger than me but FIERCELY different from me, hated me, told me straight out she was "ashamed of" me and was even more abusive than our mother... And even though both of those women are now out of my life (mother died, R.I.P., sister cut off contact, thank God) i am left with this totally negative "self-talk" that is paralyzing, dismissive & disabling. Yes. Disabling. Like your letter-writer, i struggle with self-care and housework. Hubby is so good - too good (actually makes me feel i can't do ANYthing, insists on doing it all himself - when (what i really really need) is some sort of rehab-style help that would ENABLE me to do things my SELF, rather than make me feel like a hopeless case. I have permanent damage to executive function, shory-term memory / working memory problems (due to horrific "intensive" psychiatric treatment meted out to me as a teenager.) Unable to work for years now, confidence almost zero, spending hours n hours every day addicted to my phone 😔 kinda lost really
I understand the avoiding life. My ADLs are the first to go when I'm having a rough time, don't be embarrassed. No one taught us to value and care for our bodies. I really liked the phrasing for the "dark and stupid cloud," I very much understand that sentiment! I have paralyzing procrastination when my cup isn't totally full. It is difficult to navigate the fear, the body sensations, especially when external others seem to think it's on purpose. "Just do the thing!" Doesn't give me the support I need!!
We all need to show up for life: a little reset when you need it can save you a whole day of being locked away in solitary confinement where it's just you and that stupid, dark cloud. Thanks again for sharing your healing so generously.
Thanks a lot to whomever has written that letter. I feel that it could have been my letter, if ....... if I had been courageous enough to write it. Thank you! And thank you for responding to that letter the way you did!!!
Writing out what Jesus would be saying to you from scripture and then reading that to yourself when you're 'hearing' that. Eventually, after reading it often enough, you'll memorize it and have it to draw from immediately when you need it. Memorizing scriptures does the same thing for me. God's opinion of me is what matters more than anyone else's. An old AA cowboy told me this decades ago, and it's stuck with me ever since. "If Jesus loves me, who am I to tell Him He's wrong?" The Daily Practice is great too!
Thanks to you I realize how much of my life I spent in limerence and fantasy. Thanks to you I’ve learned a lot of stuff and I will continue to learn. Hope you have a fantastic day.
Thanks so much for this vid. It helped me realize just now that at this point they are MY thoughts and MY hurtful words in my head, and I've actually developed a very adversarial realationship with MYSELF by fighting and shaming those thoughts. Even though someone else taught them to me, I'm still choosing how to handle it. Great advice.
When no one taught you how you are supposed to think about yourself, care for yourself, feel about yourself, speak to yourself in a loving accepting compassionate way. It is internalized rejection of self. Awareness is the first step. 🌈🍀❤️🤗❤️🍀🌈💪👍❗✌️
I have similar CPTSD and I’ve been healing myself for years through my intuition and a little information here and there. And I can say that for the first time in my life I can get more done than I ever have, without feeling every time like a little child that’s constantly being pushed to do something they really don’t want to do (not only was it difficult to push myself, but in the end I didn’t do it anyways lol). Now I don’t really question it that much and I don’t feel like i have to postpone things because I always feel in a rush and like I have to carefully weigh my energy (I used to literally schedule on my agenda the littlest things… and very less but I still do it sometimes, I just end up doing them all in one day and it takes so little time and energy!). Please never think you’re too deep into that to heal.
I very much recognize this. I now do what I term “Enjoying the Process”. I used to feel I had done nothing after a full day of work and a full evening of studying. Now I do a bit of each thing everyday and set a small goal for each day for things outside of normal chores. I’m surprised at my own accomplishments! Not all done in a day or a week but they’ve become enjoyable tasks with pleasing results. Life is more fun now that there is room to create and enjoy the process.
I’ve heard it said, “Their voices, those memories are not the arbitrator of truth”. One truth for sure, just like Anna said “ we don’t care about them anymore, their somewhere else living their horrible life”. KEEP FIGHTING TO BE YOUR OWN ARBITRATOR !!!
I am lost. I have nowhere to turn and no one to help. I am 63 … have been housebound for 30 years and stuck in bed for the last 51/2. I think I might die soon. I am not asking for help because help is impossible. Don’t know how to carry on, can’t motivate myself at all. All this time blaming myself for this crap life and then I watched your 12 signs you have CPTSD. Everything fell into place and I feel like I sank into nothingness at that point. I have lost any small amount of hope still lingering on.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! It's not your fault, and you are not alone. If you recognize the trauma symptoms in your own life then please know this: These symptoms can be healed! You will find here in this community thousands of others who understand. I hear your trauma-driven thinking in what you are saying, and who could blame you? If you are willing try this -- it's a free course where I walk you through how to get those thoughts out of your head and safely onto paper, just for a while, so you can get some "fresh air" in your mind. Sometimes with a little bit of rest from the terrible thoughts, your inner power can fill you like a well. All you need are paper and a pen: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice. I invite you to give it a try and then write to me at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and let me know how it goes. If you sign up for this we also send invitations to twice monthly Zoom calls where we do the techniques together, live, and I take questions. it's a chance to connect with others. I would love to meet you there.
Thank you so much for this video. I needed this. I dealt with this not only from my parents, but also an abusive older sibling as well. One of my older sibling’s go-to attacks against me for many years was calling me a “f***ing idiot”. Needless to say, I don’t have the best relationship with that sibling, and I tend to be happier when that sibling isn’t present in my life. Unfortunately, just like the person who submitted the letter, I have internalized all their attacks. I presently deal with depression and anxiety. I’m definitely going to try your advice.
I discovered this (my mom’s voice) through counseling in my early 40s. My counselor helped me to see that it was her, not me, but I’d adopted it as my own inner talk - what a breakthrough! It’s quieter now, but one thing I try to do when it comes up is change the language - instead of talking at myself (saying “you…”) I reframe it as I. “I am going to do x.” It’s a start as it helps me let go of some of the harshest things I would never take ownership of saying - ex. It’s easy to say “you’re so stupid” in my head, but I won’t say “I’m so stupid.”
Dear Trina: I have a similar family of origin. Try brushing your teeth in the kitchen instead (no mirror, dirty dishes) and spitting toothpaste in a napkin if the sound is a trigger.
I love this channel and the comments are often as helpful to me as the video content. Thanks to everyone on team Fairy who makes this a thoughtful and healing community.
Hi Anna, thank you for being so honest with us about your feelings. I would like to thank you for making these videos, as they are intriguing. It’s comforting listening to you speak. When I heard you shared how you were ostracised by your neighbours, I finally found someone who I could relate to, regarding having a similar experience. It’s happened to me for years, your reminder of how there are some good people out there despite the rest, it helps me to remember that. May you know how much your efforts are appreciated. You are special.🙂 Best from Hong Kong
Happy birthday this Sunday Anna!! You are a gift in my life. I hope this weekend goes wonderfully for you and all the participants at the retreat! Sending you prayers for protection, and a joyful time. ❤🙏🏻
when things got bad at home when I was a child I would hide in my room and read books it was the only way I I could escape back then because I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment
Not enough is said about freeze mode. I've been wondering if social media isn't driving the bus because hate speech is becoming more not less of a social norm it's just hard to avoid. I'm trying to do a media detox and see how my moods improve because it's bad enough having memories of abusive language and now if you say something ....people jump on it. Love songs are great to make your mood improve ....love speech or just looking at what your watching and listening to in general.
I used to follow a lot of therapists on Instagram, but I had to get rid of it because it just became too triggering. At first the instagram info was insightful, but then it was too much and I needed to not trigger myself and ruin my day. I actually don't miss insta
I Love you! Your channel has been so so so healing for me. When I heard you articulate your fear that no one likes you, I felt so much empathy for you and for that clarity. Thank you for sharing your own tender fears to clarify the message, it's so brave and so helpful! Like oh my goodness, here is this amazing healer, and she has similar fears, right? So yes, state the fear, journal the fear, air it in the light, bring tenderness to it, allow it to start to heal. Thank you!
This is the first time I have heard of being “frozen.” So, strange, it hits so close to home for me. In my heart, I realize I shouldn’t let anything hold me back. It’s easy for people just to say that, but not to let go and just do whatever you’re trying to do. It’s easy to say you don’t care what other people think, but I guess deep down I do care what people think about me. It ties into what happened to me as a child and as I grew up, and as an adult.
Can you do a video where you do the daily practice for us? I've heard you explain it many times in the past 2 years, but I'd really like to see how you do it. Also, thank you for helping me become the person I am today. No longer stuck in a victim mindset. No longer addicted to drugs and alcohol. Being my best self every day. Thank you so much.
Thanks for your kind words -- glad to hear of your profound healing! Sign up fore the free Daily Practice course and you'll get thorough instruction. You'll also get an invitation to my free Daily Practice Zoom calls that I lead every two weeks. you can do the techniques with all of us together, and ask questions afterward.
I have found doing chair work....see (Patrick Teahans video) along w this excellent video has stopped most intrusive past memories. Chair work is imagining your abuser in a chair. And you tell them everything, and, that they arent allowed to yell at you anymore. Their time is over.
A thing I also found helpful is coconut oil pulling for mouth since it can add ketones fuel for the brain or adding to diet in general vs a sugar or carb diet for the brain. Just thought I'd share if someone might also find it helpful.
Two homebound isolating folks together would be great at this point...I would be in heaven not having someone on my butt for not wanting to join society... We would do more together to heal and bring joy and fun back...on our terms...
Yes! That was my hopes and wishes with last relationship Split due slipping into reinforcing each others dysfunction habits while finding twice as many reasons to not work on things that might help healing disconnect from society. Very valuable, but 'once in a lifetime' kind of experience. Hopefully It wasn't even about homebound, but more about having same 'blindspots' and thus neither of us having means to find way forward in a healing/nondestructive way
Another way to ward off anxiety and self hatred all that that’s worked for is lifting weights. If I feel like shit I just pick my dumbbells I have in my room and it’s a good way to let out all the bad energy
I retired 10 years ago. I had all these plans but instead, I had a nervous breakdown because my ex husband returned. I can’t get out of bed, I bathe less than once a month and rarely brush my teeth. The voices in my head are overwhelming. I have the same nightmare every night. I wake up about 4 times a night. I used to be a strong independent woman and now I’m worthless. I pray for death everyday. Of course, my husband sees himself as the victim. He cheated, lied, had 2 kids with 2 different women and somehow I am the bad guy.
EVERYTHING in this video resonates with me deeply; as if I had written and sent that letter myself and you were talking directly to me. It actually made me in tears because finally I felt understood. In the middle of the video I was saying to myself "This woman knows what she is talking about, I'm gonna do WHATEVER she says! 😃" and I will do and I'm sure it will help me a lot. Thank you so much! Can't thank you enough! 🙏🥰☘️ And you are so beautiful and lovely btw! 🤗🧡
Left out by family……. I wasn’t invited to my own nieces wedding.I have never been invited to my sisters home etc etc. 29 years……when does the healing happen?
Sadly only time, even a long period of time, does not heal these wounds. They have to be taken care of. You have started by listening these videos. All the best for you and your healing! 💟
REALLY helpful...I am in a time of making progress after several years of just not thinking I could make it.. I have been fighting sadness and fury and anxiety ..WITH REAL ISSUES CAUSED DIRECTLY FROM THE ABUSE...POVERTY AND CRIPPLING FROM A LONG AGO ACCIDENT CAUSED BY A CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT EMPLOYER..Which was my only choice of employment at that time...DUE TO THEFT AND ABUSE... I HAD to start getting life together but it has been a real struggle... I made a good bit of progress since Christmas...but in the last month have bogged down a bit... I HAVE TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE NOT THEIR LIFE SENTENCE FOR ME... This really resonated with me... I will be watching again until I get it down..THANK YOU
The voices in your head can be brutal. Something that helped me was 1)Remind myself that what I heard was an intrusive thought in my mother's voice, not my mother herself 2)Find the response that quieted that thought, such as "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" "Because I am not my brother or sister, I am a unique person with unique challenges." (Epilepsy & Aspergers) This can take a long time. I took me a couple of years to find that the response to "Why can't you ever do anything right?" was "I was born left-handed.", a minor detail my parents neglected to tell me. I was using CBT techniques while working on this. I expect that CCF's daily practice witll work just as well, just differently.
Me and add several other traumas...sexual abuse too....I am 53....I wished it would stop...I am exhausted all the time. On waiting lists for years for a counselor. I am in constant ptsd defense mode and anger. Thank you, I feel so much better that it's not just me.
Thank you, Anna! This is so very helpful, and I so appreciate your self-truth revealing, and your authenticity to teach and heal. What a healing gift your UA-cam channel is for all/so many of us. Thank you so much!
I found this video after letting my narcissistic mother get close to me again for one month and the result being me completely paralyzed, unable to shower, function, work, eat, move. I literally felt like I was going to die.
Really needed to listen to this and thank you. Last week I've finally broken free of my mentally emotionally abusive father in mid forties. Lots to unpack about having my own voice.
Right now I am in a similar situation with my mother being the verbal abuser. I have 2 kids that have signs of autism with one of taking his anger out at school, and my daughter that is nonverbal on a feeding tube. Along with my diagnosis of CPTSD. I am taking Viibryd which helps my situation of not screaming at my kids.
I'm thankful for your important information, all the counseling I received & sharing with others, nobody gave me a clear picture of what to do, your the best!!
I cane across your videos on UA-cam. You are amazing! A few years ago I learned from my boyfriend at the time how to talk myself down from what I call a flashback. I have faxed and overcome triggers one by one ever since. I am learning so much more watching you. I have been doing some of it in my own by trial and error.. I will be watching all of your past videos. Please know that you are amazing for doing this. I honestly thought of going on here but have more to learn. Thank you so much.
Being the warrior and savior was my coping mechanism. Unfortunately it blinds you to when you need to throw in the towel. I hung around in jobs and relationships way too long. Also I never got the foggy dysregulation. Everything was too intense where I saw, heard and felt Everything through 3D Movie stereo sound.
This "evil abusive voice" inside our head is a part of our psyhe where we have internalized a parent figure and than that part becomes a harsh inner critic who keep torturing us like our parent did when we were children 😔
The abuser's voice always enters my head when I'm doing day to to day tasks like cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I close my eyes and imagine myself giving the abuser a Colombian necktie. Then I open my eyes and say, "I do laundry perfectly," or "I'm cooking a delicious meal." The abuser's voice goes away and doesn't come back for a few weeks. When it does I give it another Colombian necktie.
I had to go through a rehabilitation program to be able to do some stuff around home, because I couldn't do things without someone telling me what to do. I am better now, but I am still not as functional as I whould like to be.
It's not your fault but it's your responsibility, was it dr Glenn Doyle who said that? That to me was like the 'higher' part of myself telling the child within me to allow the adult that I am now to care for oneself, not only to care but to bring to awareness and make attempts at understanding, which is care I guess..to care to know, to be willing to walk the dark nights to reach the light. Maybe not the best analogy but the best I can come up with for now. May we all find our clarity, peace and healing ❤
All 3 responses. Keep manifesting situations which illicit a terrifying, sheer terror feeling which I had all my life with a very abusive father, physically and emotionally. Sucks really really bad. PTSD. Would love to get into a psilocybin therapy. Monetarily prohibitive as the cycle continues.
@HD DH it is very documented, studied etc. Johns Hopkins, Mayo Clinic etc. Few buddies in the Marine Corps have had excellent results. Also psylocobin is a chemical in a plant, not a drug which has been designed or made in a lab. The therapists use low dosage after a complete physical. Not a willy-nilly therapy.
I told my first therapist that the voice in my head that is always criticizing me and holding me back is the voice of my first bullies ( my dad and older sister). Every criticism, every judgment , every doubt about my ability - I hear it in their voices .
I never heard anyone ever say this before. When I saw this title , my jaw dropped and I hesitated for a moment before clicking . Idk what made me hesitate , but I’m glad I clicked . as always- thank you for your content !
I grew up with extreme neglect and abuse.
Today I'm 44 years old, a single mother to a severely disabled and terminally sick teenager. The only friendships that have survived are long distance from childhood. I have no relationship with any family, siblings or friends.
I'm terrified of people and avoid them at all costs. The only people i can get along with are my sons professional care team.
Its a struggle every day to not feel rejected and hated by the world.
Sending you love. Isolation is the pits--but can feel like the only way to be safe. You're not alone and it won't always be this way.
Dang this is me I don't like to be close to anyone
My isolated heart goes out to you DD. I am a caregiver too -- so misunderstood or to be more honest, mostly just conveniently overlooked. I forced myself to sign up for online counseling appointments today. A group meeting on zoom is also something that has helped me before -- just quick suggestions that might bring some encouragement if you agree. Either way -- I validate and SO understand your world getting SO SMALL and will pray you find YOUR PATH to just a little bit of respite and a few daily moments of kindness toward yourself. ❤
Sending so much love 😢❤ you definitely need a friendship in my opinion and i hope so much you find one where you are. Maybe in a group of other mothers w a child w your childs same health situation
I also avoid people at all costs and it’s getting worse. Sorry you’re in pain.
One of the things a therapist told me was what would you do if someone treated your child that way. We have to become our own parental voice and fight for us as our parents did not.
I saw immediately that I protected and nurtured my child in ways I never could for myself, and that really was an eye opener. I still have to work at parenting myself (even in the empty nest) but I’m not sure I would have even ever noticed without the experience of motherhood.
Its hard for me to self care enough to shower, brush teeth, or care in general about myself when I am depressed.
Somehow it feels really different to be on the couch all day then lying in bed. When I lived with my ex he always made sure to at least go downstairs and make the couch my daybed.
Now I live alone in an appartement with no downstairs and my bed has again become my home within the house.
Usually people wake up, get up, have a day and at night return to bed to sleep.
I have those days only on like hypomanic moments in the year, they still are few and far between but I do not consider myself as mentally unwell as I used to when I was on psych meds for decades.
I just needed away from the family which was not even half as bad as described in many of Anna's content, but being a highly sensitive child, an emotionally immature stepfather and mother was enough apparantly, although I think how the mental health industry dealt with me as a patient was also not contributing to me bursting the delusion and seeing the narrative for what it was. Then again, you can only see things for what they are when you are ready for it and plenty people make the shift in middle age/later in life.
I am so so happy for the success of Gabor Mate and many others in the world so the standard question hopefully no longer is What is wrong with you but What happened with you.
For those struggling with dental care and hair care and hygiene in general: babywipes, dry shampoo, an electric toothbrush, those are a few things that made my depressed life a little easier.
And to celebrate the having showered like the achievement it is, even when no one around you understands why and how that can be so hard, at least give yourself the grace to acknowledge you achieved a goal for that day, and that is to be celebrated.
❤🤗❤️💪✌️
@@evadebruijn yeah. I think the functioning depressed hid a lot of things well….but I am not hiding it so well now because I can’t physically Will myself to do things unless there are things to look forward to in the day. I use to pretend a lot and now I am out of will. I have to just be myself. It’s all that I can do.
I was fantasy life child most the time. I personally believe our weaknesses can turn into our strengths. This channel has helped me in the past to accept the reality of my situation. Thank you for what you do for people.
I called the critical voice in my head "Cheap Shots." I painted its portrait. The voice is stuck in the painting, I don't hear it anymore.
This is brilliant.
I‘m in this frozen state since 15 years. I sleep a lot, eat a lot, watch shows and isolate myself from the outer world. I have the same history as the person in the letter. Was beaten heavily as a child and teenager and today still hear that I‘m useless and will never achieve anything which is also my own voice now.
I called the police once at 16 and since then he was afraid to hit me. Police didn’t believe me or do anything.
I’m so so sorry. I believe you and you never deserved anything he did. LIVE and thrive in spite of him xx♥️
That describes my dad perfectly he bullied me right up until he lost consciousness on his death bed. He told the hospice nurses that I was lazy and wouldn’t work. I actually overachieved at every job I ever had. I was a stay at home mom at the time of his death.
I'm sorry you dealt with that. I pray you can heal and forgive... Not for him, but for you. ❤
When my "father" dies, I will celebrate. He's been dead to me for many years anyway
been there, done that, except it was my mom. She even lobbed criticism on me at my dad's funeral for not crying. I didn't want to shriek at her, "Why would I cry? We had no connection. He was NOT THERE and was afraid of showing physical affection so there was no emotional bond!"
It's been a huge step for me to hear those 'voices' as voices of other people and not as my own emotions and feelings. I started writing down what those 'voices' were saying. And this allowed to argue with them and write what the real thing is. While those voices of narsiccistic people from my past were saying 'everyone hates you because there is something wrong with you, don't go there', and I answer with 'you really don't know what their attitude is, they seem nice and accepting, try going there and see what happens. If they hate you, you may stop talking to them, you can protect yourself'.
"My brain is just so zapped" thats me
I feel like I’m going crazy. I am completely alone and feel like I don’t know what to do with all this shame and pain I feel on a daily basis. My mother has made me believe it is all my fault and I’m the toxic one. I just want to be loved but I can’t let it happen. I’m broken.
All I want to say, 'You are NOT broken'! You have probably been through a lot and I pray you'll get the strength to heal and let go of this self sabotaging mindset. You're not alone ❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
But she was wrong. Her mental illness was the problem. I hope you can reclaim your child.
I understand exactly how you feel. I feel like I am the toxic one, yet the only one sober in my family. They can't understand why I'm always sad, disappointed etc. We just have "hang in there". Wish I knew a better way. Actually, my better was is trusting in Jesus❤.
@@sassafras988 Amen
I'm not saying that this is what it is, but it brought to mind something called Pathological Demand Avoidance which is often seen in persons on the autism spectrum (like myself).
I still react every time an upstairs neighbour walks around - as though something dangerous were on it’s way downstairs.. getting better at catching it, but the battle goes on. Thanks for helping us put words to these phenomenons which loom overhead.
What helped me with the ‘nobody likes me’ part was to decide that they didn’t have to like me. I would be respectful to those around me and expect this in return but I wouldn’t put up with abuse. I soon discovered that I often pushed people away and that at times I wasn’t respectful to them because I thought I had to be defensive. I had to rethink my own attitude. My mother has assured me that no one liked me and they never would. I had to see the lie in that. I became a work in progress. I’m still cautious but more trusting.
Seems we had the same mother. Clearly both mentally disturbed. Stay strong & know you are lovable 💌
Lloyanne Hurd- That’s an amazing amount of growth and self-understanding. Stop and take a look at how far you’ve come, even with more work left. Blessings to you.
@@amandawilcox5106
Thank you. From reading up on Narcissism and from hearing others life stories I have realized where my hyper vigilance started. I had made jokes out of the danger to my life that I encountered over and over again. That kept the reality at a distance. But I feel free now to examine it all. Thank you and best wishes.
@@msdemeanour
These mothers had a pattern I think. You have my understanding. We are not alone really. There are so many others like us. Hugs.
@@lloyannehurd True 💟
Abusive alcoholic dad, and abusive older sisters (I mean truly abusive, my sister would chase me around with knives, rip my toys heads off, and sit on my head while I’m screaming I can’t breathe - she’s physically abused me in adulthood too), I was the fight back and fantastical thinking kid. As an adult I was a people pleaser for a while and then after two abusive relationships turned into an adult always starting fights. My current relationship is the healthiest I’ve been in and I’m always exploding with rage over small things, because I’m terrified of being abused again.
What happened to you as a child is too terrible for worse to truly describe. That's awful. If you aren't already, I do hope that you work with a skilled therapist so you can get better control over your fears if being abandoned and your explosive anger. If your relationship truly is well balanced, I want you to keep that and nurture that for the rest of your life. That being said, sane people have their limits in how much volatile behavior and out urts they can put up with from another person.
I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel.
Oh Anna, this is HP sent for me today. I am literally FROZEN for weeks, struggling to dress, do personal care, get out for needed errands, very paralyzed. Thank YOU! This subject is deeply encouraging. Your experience, strength and hope here are a lifeline for many, I'm sure.
Sharon the Crapfit-Side-Chick working to walk free. 😀
You got this!
❤
Walk baby xx♥️
I am the fighter. As a child, I never wanted to be seen, but it's like some switch got turned on & I went into fight mode. Now, I'm trying to change it. I have to remind myself there is no one out to get or hurt me. There is no one to fight. I have a choice to simply walk away.
A conflicted soul is a sign of abuse. Mind blown!! That's why I always flipped the script in my mind. Always had to look at every action I did from the flip side. It was paralyzing. 😥
I could so identify with that woman's letter. My folks stop putting their hands on me when I stood up to my father. Well almost, He got my brother to join in and I ended up beating them both up and they stuck me in a psych hospital. The amazing thing was when I went to the ER and they asked me if I wanted some help I was thrilled and said yes. My father came to see me and said you know I would've committed you if you hadn't agreed. I was a boy then and they gave my family particularly my parents all sorts of instructions that were totally ignored. At 62 and after 13 years of therapy which I continue to this day every week, I am finally finally starting to become myself. I guess my biggest resentment is the fact they put this program in my head and others say well they did the best they could. Well it might've been their best but it wasn't good enough it wasn't healthy. Thank you.
Yes, blessing for having the courage to stand up to those inner bullies. As Anna herself said in one of her videos when they abused you they did bring evil into your life. So sorry. I too have known such evil bullies in my life.
That power of choice is so freeing. Recognizing that moment when I can choose how I feel or how I respond to any situation or comment is something I truly wish I had learned at age six! Very harsh and verbally abusive military family (both parents). Had no idea just how much their behaviors and words shaped my adulthood and shortcomings. I have slowly over the last seventeen years begun to re-invent my life and re-formulate my brain waves to match that person I am becoming, and in many ways - already am. I appreciate your teachings, as I constantly get those a-ha moments. I love evolving today. I'm much more chilled about my environments. And when I'm not, I recognize when I can leave. Self-care mode is 23-7; there has to be that one hour with my cat, you know. ;0
In my childhood, it was my mother who was not just domineering and intolerant - but verbally abusive and, at times, violent... Later, my sister (a year younger than me but FIERCELY different from me, hated me, told me straight out she was "ashamed of" me and was even more abusive than our mother... And even though both of those women are now out of my life (mother died, R.I.P., sister cut off contact, thank God) i am left with this totally negative "self-talk" that is paralyzing, dismissive & disabling. Yes. Disabling. Like your letter-writer, i struggle with self-care and housework. Hubby is so good - too good (actually makes me feel i can't do ANYthing, insists on doing it all himself - when (what i really really need) is some sort of rehab-style help that would ENABLE me to do things my SELF, rather than make me feel like a hopeless case. I have permanent damage to executive function, shory-term memory / working memory problems (due to horrific "intensive" psychiatric treatment meted out to me as a teenager.) Unable to work for years now, confidence almost zero, spending hours n hours every day addicted to my phone 😔 kinda lost really
I understand the avoiding life. My ADLs are the first to go when I'm having a rough time, don't be embarrassed. No one taught us to value and care for our bodies.
I really liked the phrasing for the "dark and stupid cloud," I very much understand that sentiment!
I have paralyzing procrastination when my cup isn't totally full. It is difficult to navigate the fear, the body sensations, especially when external others seem to think it's on purpose. "Just do the thing!" Doesn't give me the support I need!!
Im so grateful how much this channel is helping traumatised humans 🙏🙏🙏
My coping was to be as invisible as I could, while constantly try to appease quietly. My appeasing was never enough
literally same…
We all need to show up for life: a little reset when you need it can save you a whole day of being locked away in solitary confinement where it's just you and that stupid, dark cloud. Thanks again for sharing your healing so generously.
Glad you stated it for what it is. It is your "memory" of their voice in your head - it is not actually them in your head.
You're doing beautiful, transformative work here. Bless you.
The daily practice is powerful. It has already helped me tremendously and I've only done it twice! Anna, you are a gift to humanity.
Yes so true my dad and auntie were so controlling over me .. yes I’m in fight v flight daily it’s exhausting
Thanks a lot to whomever has written that letter. I feel that it could have been my letter, if ....... if I had been courageous enough to write it. Thank you! And thank you for responding to that letter the way you did!!!
Dont be afraid to send a letter in we welcome them. bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Jack@TeamFairy
Writing out what Jesus would be saying to you from scripture and then reading that to yourself when you're 'hearing' that. Eventually, after reading it often enough, you'll memorize it and have it to draw from immediately when you need it. Memorizing scriptures does the same thing for me. God's opinion of me is what matters more than anyone else's. An old AA cowboy told me this decades ago, and it's stuck with me ever since. "If Jesus loves me, who am I to tell Him He's wrong?" The Daily Practice is great too!
@HD DH Absolutely!
~Good one!!!~
Thanks to you I realize how much of my life I spent in limerence and fantasy. Thanks to you I’ve learned a lot of stuff and I will continue to learn. Hope you have a fantastic day.
Thanks so much for this vid. It helped me realize just now that at this point they are MY thoughts and MY hurtful words in my head, and I've actually developed a very adversarial realationship with MYSELF by fighting and shaming those thoughts. Even though someone else taught them to me, I'm still choosing how to handle it. Great advice.
That must be difficult. Sending you encouragement on your healing. Jack@TeamFairy
When no one taught you how you are supposed to think about yourself, care for yourself, feel about yourself, speak to yourself in a loving accepting compassionate way. It is internalized rejection of self.
Awareness is the first step.
🌈🍀❤️🤗❤️🍀🌈💪👍❗✌️
I have similar CPTSD and I’ve been healing myself for years through my intuition and a little information here and there. And I can say that for the first time in my life I can get more done than I ever have, without feeling every time like a little child that’s constantly being pushed to do something they really don’t want to do (not only was it difficult to push myself, but in the end I didn’t do it anyways lol). Now I don’t really question it that much and I don’t feel like i have to postpone things because I always feel in a rush and like I have to carefully weigh my energy (I used to literally schedule on my agenda the littlest things… and very less but I still do it sometimes, I just end up doing them all in one day and it takes so little time and energy!). Please never think you’re too deep into that to heal.
Any tips from your experience?
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I very much recognize this. I now do what I term “Enjoying the Process”. I used to feel I had done nothing after a full day of work and a full evening of studying. Now I do a bit of each thing everyday and set a small goal for each day for things outside of normal chores. I’m surprised at my own accomplishments! Not all done in a day or a week but they’ve become enjoyable tasks with pleasing results. Life is more fun now that there is room to create and enjoy the process.
@@lloyannehurd yes!! Me too I’m learning that you should enjoy the process because you’re never gonna be fully healed.
@@Nicole-ld6ev
I keep up my faith that we can heal. But the road is long!! Hugs.
Yes did this I froze when I was a child and proscrination when tidying up and on a day to day basis
It’s hard to get anything done
I’ve heard it said, “Their voices, those memories are not the arbitrator of truth”. One truth for sure, just like Anna said “ we don’t care about them anymore, their somewhere else living their horrible life”. KEEP FIGHTING TO BE YOUR OWN ARBITRATOR !!!
Every single talk describes me 100%. Is there really a way out?
I am lost. I have nowhere to turn and no one to help. I am 63 … have been housebound for 30 years and stuck in bed for the last 51/2. I think I might die soon. I am not asking for help because help is impossible. Don’t know how to carry on, can’t motivate myself at all. All this time blaming myself for this crap life and then I watched your 12 signs you have CPTSD. Everything fell into place and I feel like I sank into nothingness at that point. I have lost any small amount of hope still lingering on.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! It's not your fault, and you are not alone. If you recognize the trauma symptoms in your own life then please know this: These symptoms can be healed! You will find here in this community thousands of others who understand. I hear your trauma-driven thinking in what you are saying, and who could blame you? If you are willing try this -- it's a free course where I walk you through how to get those thoughts out of your head and safely onto paper, just for a while, so you can get some "fresh air" in your mind. Sometimes with a little bit of rest from the terrible thoughts, your inner power can fill you like a well. All you need are paper and a pen: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice. I invite you to give it a try and then write to me at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and let me know how it goes. If you sign up for this we also send invitations to twice monthly Zoom calls where we do the techniques together, live, and I take questions. it's a chance to connect with others. I would love to meet you there.
I’m paralysed…can’t seem to do anything but thanks for the offer.
Thank you so much for this video. I needed this. I dealt with this not only from my parents, but also an abusive older sibling as well. One of my older sibling’s go-to attacks against me for many years was calling me a “f***ing idiot”. Needless to say, I don’t have the best relationship with that sibling, and I tend to be happier when that sibling isn’t present in my life. Unfortunately, just like the person who submitted the letter, I have internalized all their attacks. I presently deal with depression and anxiety. I’m definitely going to try your advice.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I know how difficult it can be. You're in the right place and we're all here for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT LETTER ITS ME TO A TEE BUT ITS MY HUSBAND AND I AN STILL FROZEN
Jesus Christ, how is this person experiencing the exact same thing I'm experiencing?
I discovered this (my mom’s voice) through counseling in my early 40s. My counselor helped me to see that it was her, not me, but I’d adopted it as my own inner talk - what a breakthrough!
It’s quieter now, but one thing I try to do when it comes up is change the language - instead of talking at myself (saying “you…”) I reframe it as I. “I am going to do x.”
It’s a start as it helps me let go of some of the harshest things I would never take ownership of saying - ex. It’s easy to say “you’re so stupid” in my head, but I won’t say “I’m so stupid.”
Dear Trina: I have a similar family of origin. Try brushing your teeth in the kitchen instead (no mirror, dirty dishes) and spitting toothpaste in a napkin if the sound is a trigger.
I agree that the letter writer sounds like a great communicator, a great writer.
So familiar. Thanks for sharing
I love this channel and the comments are often as helpful to me as the video content. Thanks to everyone on team Fairy who makes this a thoughtful and healing community.
Aw, that makes me happy.
Hi Anna, thank you for being so honest with us about your feelings.
I would like to thank you for making these videos, as they are intriguing. It’s comforting listening to you speak.
When I heard you shared how you were ostracised by your neighbours, I finally found someone who I could relate to, regarding having a similar experience. It’s happened to me for years, your reminder of how there are some good people out there despite the rest, it helps me to remember that.
May you know how much your efforts are appreciated.
You are special.🙂
Best from Hong Kong
I really like you, Anna. You are a beautiful person who uses her strength to heal the world. You show us how a human being should live.
Thank you 💖
Happy birthday this Sunday Anna!! You are a gift in my life. I hope this weekend goes wonderfully for you and all the participants at the retreat! Sending you prayers for protection, and a joyful time. ❤🙏🏻
Thank you! The first day has gone wonderfully.
Wow, I could have wrote this letter.
when things got bad at home when I was a child I would hide in my room and read books it was the only way I I could escape back then because I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment
Not enough is said about freeze mode. I've been wondering if social media isn't driving the bus because hate speech is becoming more not less of a social norm it's just hard to avoid. I'm trying to do a media detox and see how my moods improve because it's bad enough having memories of abusive language and now if you say something ....people jump on it. Love songs are great to make your mood improve ....love speech or just looking at what your watching and listening to in general.
I used to follow a lot of therapists on Instagram, but I had to get rid of it because it just became too triggering. At first the instagram info was insightful, but then it was too much and I needed to not trigger myself and ruin my day. I actually don't miss insta
I agree. Not enough was said about freeze mode. Feeling paralyzed really stinks. Help??
Hate speech? Or simply alternate opinions, or critiques of the times we are in?
I Love you! Your channel has been so so so healing for me. When I heard you articulate your fear that no one likes you, I felt so much empathy for you and for that clarity. Thank you for sharing your own tender fears to clarify the message, it's so brave and so helpful! Like oh my goodness, here is this amazing healer, and she has similar fears, right? So yes, state the fear, journal the fear, air it in the light, bring tenderness to it, allow it to start to heal. Thank you!
Routines and habits help alleviate stress induced under functioning.
This is the first time I have heard of being “frozen.” So, strange, it hits so close to home for me. In my heart, I realize I shouldn’t let anything hold me back. It’s easy for people just to say that, but not to let go and just do whatever you’re trying to do. It’s easy to say you don’t care what other people think, but I guess deep down I do care what people think about me. It ties into what happened to me as a child and as I grew up, and as an adult.
Can you do a video where you do the daily practice for us? I've heard you explain it many times in the past 2 years, but I'd really like to see how you do it. Also, thank you for helping me become the person I am today. No longer stuck in a victim mindset. No longer addicted to drugs and alcohol. Being my best self every day. Thank you so much.
Thanks for your kind words -- glad to hear of your profound healing! Sign up fore the free Daily Practice course and you'll get thorough instruction. You'll also get an invitation to my free Daily Practice Zoom calls that I lead every two weeks. you can do the techniques with all of us together, and ask questions afterward.
Okay. Thank you very much for responding to me.
I have found doing chair work....see (Patrick Teahans video) along w this excellent video has stopped most intrusive past memories. Chair work is imagining your abuser in a chair. And you tell them everything, and, that they arent allowed to yell at you anymore. Their time is over.
Unsent letters are another form of purging and making people accountable.
A thing I also found helpful is coconut oil pulling for mouth since it can add ketones fuel for the brain or adding to diet in general vs a sugar or carb diet for the brain. Just thought I'd share if someone might also find it helpful.
Two homebound isolating folks together would be great at this point...I would be in heaven not having someone on my butt for not wanting to join society...
We would do more together to heal and bring joy and fun back...on our terms...
Yes! That was my hopes and wishes with last relationship
Split due slipping into reinforcing each others dysfunction habits while finding twice as many reasons to not work on things that might help healing disconnect from society.
Very valuable, but 'once in a lifetime' kind of experience. Hopefully
It wasn't even about homebound, but more about having same 'blindspots' and thus neither of us having means to find way forward in a healing/nondestructive way
I dream of winning the lottery and creating a little compound of survivors who just want to be left alone..and help each other..
This exactly how i feel and i don't know how to handle it anymore
Happy birthday thank you for being a light in our lives
Another way to ward off anxiety and self hatred all that that’s worked for is lifting weights. If I feel like shit I just pick my dumbbells I have in my room and it’s a good way to let out all the bad energy
I retired 10 years ago. I had all these plans but instead, I had a nervous breakdown because my ex husband returned. I can’t get out of bed, I bathe less than once a month and rarely brush my teeth. The voices in my head are overwhelming. I have the same nightmare every night. I wake up about 4 times a night. I used to be a strong independent woman and now I’m worthless. I pray for death everyday. Of course, my husband sees himself as the victim. He cheated, lied, had 2 kids with 2 different women and somehow I am the bad guy.
wow..she's good!
EVERYTHING in this video resonates with me deeply; as if I had written and sent that letter myself and you were talking directly to me. It actually made me in tears because finally I felt understood. In the middle of the video I was saying to myself "This woman knows what she is talking about, I'm gonna do WHATEVER she says! 😃" and I will do and I'm sure it will help me a lot. Thank you so much! Can't thank you enough! 🙏🥰☘️
And you are so beautiful and lovely btw! 🤗🧡
Left out by family……. I wasn’t invited to my own nieces wedding.I have never been invited to my sisters home etc etc. 29 years……when does the healing happen?
Sadly only time, even a long period of time, does not heal these wounds. They have to be taken care of. You have started by listening these videos. All the best for you and your healing! 💟
REALLY helpful...I am in a time of making progress after several years of just not thinking I could make it..
I have been fighting sadness and fury and anxiety ..WITH REAL ISSUES CAUSED DIRECTLY FROM THE ABUSE...POVERTY AND CRIPPLING FROM A LONG AGO ACCIDENT CAUSED BY A CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT EMPLOYER..Which was my only choice of employment at that time...DUE TO THEFT AND ABUSE...
I HAD to start getting life together but it has been a real struggle...
I made a good bit of progress since Christmas...but in the last month have bogged down a bit...
I HAVE TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE NOT THEIR LIFE SENTENCE FOR ME...
This really resonated with me...
I will be watching again until I get it down..THANK YOU
I'm so glad the video was helpful! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
The Daily Practice helps quiet those fears.
The voices in your head can be brutal. Something that helped me was 1)Remind myself that what I heard was an intrusive thought in my mother's voice, not my mother herself 2)Find the response that quieted that thought, such as "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" "Because I am not my brother or sister, I am a unique person with unique challenges." (Epilepsy & Aspergers) This can take a long time. I took me a couple of years to find that the response to "Why can't you ever do anything right?" was "I was born left-handed.", a minor detail my parents neglected to tell me. I was using CBT techniques while working on this. I expect that CCF's daily practice witll work just as well, just differently.
I need help and I don’t know what to do. I’m 66 lady.
You're in the right place! Please check out the videos, and if you like, the free course!
Thank you for replying I will definitely continue to view your excellent library of videos and look into your courses. ❤God bless!!
Me and add several other traumas...sexual abuse too....I am 53....I wished it would stop...I am exhausted all the time. On waiting lists for years for a counselor. I am in constant ptsd defense mode and anger. Thank you, I feel so much better that it's not just me.
I’m so glad I find your channel. Looking forward to everything and going back looking at old videos from you. Thank you for your voice.
Thank you for the appreciation. Jack@TeamFairy
Anna your my friend in my darkness you bring hope and light ❤
Thanks again! You don't deserve to doubt people.
Thank you, Anna! This is so very helpful, and I so appreciate your self-truth revealing, and your authenticity to teach and heal. What a healing gift your UA-cam channel is for all/so many of us. Thank you so much!
I found this video after letting my narcissistic mother get close to me again for one month and the result being me completely paralyzed, unable to shower, function, work, eat, move. I literally felt like I was going to die.
Hang in there!
Nika@TeamFairy
Really needed to listen to this and thank you. Last week I've finally broken free of my mentally emotionally abusive father in mid forties. Lots to unpack about having my own voice.
Right now I am in a similar situation with my mother being the verbal abuser. I have 2 kids that have signs of autism with one of taking his anger out at school, and my daughter that is nonverbal on a feeding tube. Along with my diagnosis of CPTSD. I am taking Viibryd which helps my situation of not screaming at my kids.
Frozen and stuck in a daydream
That's me
Trina and I are twins in how we live life.
I'm thankful for your important information, all the counseling I received & sharing with others, nobody gave me a clear picture of what to do, your the best!!
I cane across your videos on UA-cam. You are amazing! A few years ago I learned from my boyfriend at the time how to talk myself down from what I call a flashback. I have faxed and overcome triggers one by one ever since. I am learning so much more watching you. I have been doing some of it in my own by trial and error.. I will be watching all of your past videos. Please know that you are amazing for doing this. I honestly thought of going on here but have more to learn. Thank you so much.
Thank you very much, and take care; & good evening.
🤠
I like you Anna! You're work is life changing 💖
I'm so glad!
Being the warrior and savior was my coping mechanism. Unfortunately it blinds you to when you need to throw in the towel. I hung around in jobs and relationships way too long.
Also I never got the foggy dysregulation. Everything was too intense where I saw, heard and felt Everything through 3D Movie stereo sound.
Hypervigilence
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 also it was feeling like the trauma I went through had a purpose after all.
This "evil abusive voice" inside our head is a part of our psyhe where we have internalized a parent figure and than that part becomes a harsh inner critic who keep torturing us like our parent did when we were children 😔
This is crazy, I felt like I was writing for myself.
The abuser's voice always enters my head when I'm doing day to to day tasks like cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I close my eyes and imagine myself giving the abuser a Colombian necktie. Then I open my eyes and say, "I do laundry perfectly," or "I'm cooking a delicious meal." The abuser's voice goes away and doesn't come back for a few weeks. When it does I give it another Colombian necktie.
I had to go through a rehabilitation program to be able to do some stuff around home, because I couldn't do things without someone telling me what to do.
I am better now, but I am still not as functional as I whould like to be.
Love you, Anna. ❤
It's not your fault but it's your responsibility, was it dr Glenn Doyle who said that? That to me was like the 'higher' part of myself telling the child within me to allow the adult that I am now to care for oneself, not only to care but to bring to awareness and make attempts at understanding, which is care I guess..to care to know, to be willing to walk the dark nights to reach the light. Maybe not the best analogy but the best I can come up with for now. May we all find our clarity, peace and healing ❤
Thanks for the space you give fairy ❤
It can be hard to ignore the abusive voice(s) in your head, if what they say is true.
All 3 responses. Keep manifesting situations which illicit a terrifying, sheer terror feeling which I had all my life with a very abusive father, physically and emotionally. Sucks really really bad. PTSD. Would love to get into a psilocybin therapy. Monetarily prohibitive as the cycle continues.
@HD DH it is very documented, studied etc. Johns Hopkins, Mayo Clinic etc. Few buddies in the Marine Corps have had excellent results. Also psylocobin is a chemical in a plant, not a drug which has been designed or made in a lab. The therapists use low dosage after a complete physical. Not a willy-nilly therapy.
MDMA is what I'd like to try in therapy! It's an anxiety eliminator and a heart opener.
My dad's strong willed I'm not as much, I think it can stabilise are moods my mum's not either an shes suffered mentally
I unfroze myself and feel really good at 56 now.
That's amazing! Thanks for sharing. -Calista@TeamFairy
I don't like when people make you rush but being too slow is no good either
Thank you 🙏
I really appreciate your videos!
Trina’s story sounds identical to mine.
I fricken love you
Thank you
Feeling like you say
Playing dead/ frozen
The voice telling me I'm worthless