It’s even worse than this. Because it leads to college age adults needing “safe spaces” and “mental consoling” after even HEARING a different point of view.
And now the therapists diagnose PTSD in people who had petty work place drama and never faced a real fear of death by being victim in a violent crime or watching your war buddy have their head blown off their body when he stepped on a land mine and his lower half shot out in a million gooey bloody pieces with the upper part landing back in your arms as you reached out trying to catch him. Nope. Somebody said something mean to them at work and upset them or won't have lunch with them making them eat alone, and now the therapist gives them the diagnose of PTSD.
It was the parents asking for a trophies for all not the kids. I am 35 years old and this everyone's a winner crap started when I was young. Me and my friends and the other teams didn't want trophies for all we wanted to play to see who won. The parents started this crap about trophies for all and games with time limits so no one wins. This is on the parents and John stossel's generation not the children. The children had no say in the matter. It's the parents' fault.
My son was in a sport tournament. His team took second in a loser bracket. They actually gave them a trophy. My son threw the trophy in the garbage in front of the entire team. I was so proud of him.
But that is equally as bad. It would have meant more if he had of declined the trophy but to trash it sends another message. He still played on a team and it still has meaning. If the kid throws it in the trash is basically telling the whole team that he thinks he is better than them. I'm all for trophies for real accomplishments and nothing for participation but losing right and having sportsmanship is equally important.
I love the comment: "If you don't teach your kids about the real world, reality is going to do it for you." The only thing missing from this true statement is that reality is not nice...
I sometimes wonder if our grandparents looked at us and the education system the way that we see it now. Unfortunately I don't actually see any real parallels. I honestly believe that society and the system is broken, and badly. Over the last 5 years I have lost faith that it can be restored to a semblance of sanity.
@Tyler Braden babies ARE NOT that fragile. They're clumsy and weak. That's why they are light and made of bendy stuff. My toddler regularly does things that, if I did them, you may as well just take me out back and shoot me. People saying that you could "mess up and shake a baby too much" are just trying to create an excuse for people who shook the shit out of their baby. It's to help out the poor folks who say shit like "I didn't mean to hurt my child *sobs*" as a testimony in court.
Things in life are earned, not given. That’s the biggest lesson I have ever learned. “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” - Stephen McCranie
@@iuyozx Does your employer earn your money? They collect the money you're paid just like the IRS collects the money that police, fire, dudes that build roads etc are paid.
John's face when she said, "you can give him a ribbon" is the face of a man who's at a loss trying to find logic when there is none and just giving up at trying.
Knowing to what you’re inclined helps in deciding what paths you might follow. Everyone has assets and liabilities. Desiring truth is virtuous. Providing lies is extremely selfish.
@@steverichter9825 These people have "daddy issues" shall say for the lack of a better term... I would stop the conversation right there and ask: " Honey whom hurt you?"
Probably 20 years ago, I was seeing the “trophy” kids in my college classroom. One day, when they were exclaiming about the difficulty of the class-which I had already dumbed down from prior years to reach their level-one girl said I was harming her self image. I asked her how people develop a positive self image. She replied that it came from people telling her she was good. I replied in turn that true self image comes from within, from tackling and overcoming obstacles and difficulties. She was flabbergasted to think that she needed to exert any initiative. She was still waiting for a figurative participation trophy at age 19, not to mention less homework and a giveaway A grade. Those were the days when the fun of teaching began to die.
Yep, started in the late 90's, early 2000's. The one that really gets me is how they start their sentences with "I feel" instead of "I think". No more thinking anymore, just feelings.
20 yrs ago.. Wow. Yah. I only just FINISHED my teacher interning about 23 yrs ago, and I saw very little of that behavior, but there were a few striking instances where i had to wonder what kind of bubble th student grew up in.
Defeat is what drives some of the most successful people in the world. Letting kids feel a little defeat doesn't scar them for life. It teaches them to overcome or allows them to see what they're not good at and switch to something that they're really good at. Not everyone can be an Albert Einstein or Tom Brady.
That would suck to be an adult learning defeat for the first time, it would be cruelty to do that to someone. Part of life is learning and improving, and to learn from your mistakes you must acknowledge them. It's much better to fail many times young with little consequences than to fail as an adult when things actually matter (and still be ok with failing, because you're going to anyways, it's part of being a human/animal)
American Idol is literally a perfect example of this and shows what people really think about a participation trophy. Everyone wants, craves the praise of Simon because he was so hard on everyone. Everyone knew that Paula was nicer and would try to not hurt people's feelings. They worked extra hard to please Simon. People want to feel useful and if you are just going to lie it will make them feel worse. People innately know when someone is lying to them, unless they are just desperate for compliments and will gulp up anything. I HATE IT when ppl give me a compliment that isn't earned.
When you meet someone and you find out your from the same city,"where did you go to school" "what year" oh really" did you play soccer ""yeah"" then you really kicked our ass " 10-0 yeah no shit we didn't lose a game that year a guy that played soccer on Yugoslavia's world cup team moved here and was our coach,we didn't get a loss untill we played a 14 and older team at state, that loss was absolutely a wake up,but i still have the trophy with the 13-1 record on it
I remember in grade school, we had a relay race on fun day. Our group had mostly slow kids that nobody wanted on their team and was expected to finish dead last without placing. Come race time, I was the last runner and ran my heart out, passed a faster kid than myself and we ended up placing 3rd for a 3rd place ribbon (the very last before just getting a participant ribbon only). The fact that our group of "misfits" placed 3rd and beat out a supposed better group of faster kids is something I'll always remember. It felt great proving the doubters wrong, I even surprised myself that day. With that said, had we not placed, the participation ribbon we would have received would have meant absolutely nothing.
When the first report cards of my seventh grade PE class came out; six got an A, one received a B- and the rest had C or lower. On learning I had the B, the others complained I had failed all the physical achievement tests. The coach corrected them with: "No, he did pass one test. In fact, instead of doing just fifty sit ups, he did two-fifty; and, while you were sitting in the bleachers with colds, sunburns or imaginary sprains, he was out there trying every day." Interestingly, between the six in our Trojan-esque, alphabetical, 'file', we had half the 'A's and the B. Thank you, Hulin Staton, for showing a crippled boy there can be fairness in the world.
As a young lad, I excelled in everything that I did. It wasn't until high school when I joined the diving team where I experienced my first deficiency. There were others that were better than myself. I learned that through hard work and practice, that I could, and did, become better in diving. There was still one individual better than me, and I acknowledged his skills and aptitude in the sport. I thank him from time to time in my mind for showing me that I can better myself always; sometimes I succeed; sometimes I fail, yet with learning. The first lady is a psychological danger to her children.
@@Xandil as someone who sufferes none of the traits of neuroticism I cannot adequately respond due to not suffering any traits. As someone who has an INTJ personality type, and with an I.Q. of 146, I can, and do, point out that your assertion of my state of mental being is incorrect.
@@DerykRobosson My comment somehow went to the wrong post, not meant for you. As someone with an IQ likely in the middle of the Bell Curve, I humbly apologize.
@D. Johnston 702 me to I was pretty fit and talented guy always first pick at PE but never applied myself and picked up weed…and I swear it’s making me dumber
@@dustintacohands1107 Quit blaming the weed. If you're going to use it, and it sounds like you will continue to, then get productive when you do. It doesn't make you dumber either. It doesn't 'kill braincells'. That's a myth and a lie.
As a parent it’s natural to want to protect our children. There’s nothing wrong with that either. However, if we shelter them and give them a false sense of security by never allowing them to fail or figure some things out for themselves then we’re setting them up for failure and disappointment later in life. If a child never experiences failure, disappointment or pain from being hurt physically and mentally then when it happens as they’re older they won’t know how to deal with it and can face bigger problems. A lot of people have anxiety or other problems as adults because they didn’t learn how to handle certain situations when they were younger. Sometimes you have to touch the fire to understand that it can burn you. Most humans learn from their mistakes and don’t repeat them. If we overly shelter our children and don’t let them figure it out and learn to problem solve on their own then we’re just hurting them more in the long run. Parents should guide their children, not control their every thought and moment.
@@rydz656 your comment doesn’t make sense. How am I using children as a defense in my comment? I’m confused.🤔 My comment makes the case for why parents shouldn’t shelter their children and give them a false sense of reality because when they grow up they won’t be prepared to handle the ups and downs of life.
Grew up watching you on 20/20 with Hugh Downs. It was always a warm feeling to be gathered around the tv when my parents allowed me to watch with them late at night. I always learned something new from your segments. It gave me a critical eye to things around me as I grew into adulthood. Thanks for the decades of great reporting and the dry humor that comes along with it.
@@Muse22sims big corporations provide big jobs. I doubt that the corporations stuff the money in a mattress. They spend it, invest it. That's what creates jobs for all the rest of us. With a little incentive and smart policies these corporations will invest that money in the U.S.. With bad policies they will invest the money overseas.
I love when people like her say “Jesus this or Jesus that” …you aren’t a real Christian, read your Bible! Bible talks about hard work and labor, and long suffering, not everyone is a winner.
This lady is very uninformed. Jesus was no "wuss". He stood up for the weak against the tyrannical, sacrificed himself, and literally battled evil incarnate, and prevailed. I'd say there has never been a more courageous figure.
Exactly, Jesus died one of the most painful deaths and spent three days in hell for us - no "wuss" about that. Father, forgive her ignorance, the woman in the video knows not what she is saying.
Losing teaches so much more than winning. You learn to deal with the emotions You learn what you are good at and bad at You learn to think about how you can do better You build self esteem when you do finally win You will try harder. Teaching a work ethic You learn so much more. The value of that trophy means so much more, it's pride in an accomplishment
The times I competed in contests and lost I mostly was happy for the person that won because I felt they did better. I then think about what I could do to improve for next time.
when I was a kid, only those who got 1st, 2nd. 3th got a real gold, silver, and bronze medal. Then they changed that, because of parents like that woman. Failure is the best teacher.
And hopefully if a kid doesn't succeed at one thing, even after a lot of effort, they realize that they just aren't built for it, and they redirect their efforts into something else. I wanted to be a guy who could play guitar. I spent thousands of hours on it. Same with piano. It turns out I'm just not very coordinated. On the other hand, I have a knack for composing music, just not playing it. So I did that and I've produced two albums for other artists. I can't draw, but I can draft, so I was a drafter for the better part of a decade. Most people have a handful of things they are good at, and they are almost never the things we want to be good at. It turns out I'm pretty good at writing, and pretty funny, so now I'm doing standup comedy. Life, lemons, etc, you know the rest. It's ok to not be the thing you thought you were going to be. It's ok to just plain not be good at what you imagined you would be. Finding your strengths is half the battle.
My 8 year old was in a school that started doing this. The first competitive field day rolled around. He came home all excited and I asked him how he did. He told me, then followed up with, ‘well, everybody got a trophy, but we all knew who won’.
Kids need to learn that there are winners and losers in the world. The trick in life is finding what you are good at and can win at. I would love to play in the NBA but I'm 5'6" and that will not happen even if I get a participation trophy in school.
@@SV-kr9fu he's a legend, but one of thousands his size who tried just as hard and got nowhere close. I'm also sure his motivation did not come from participation trophies.
@@KingofherRS : I am quite sure there was no Participation Trophy when Muggsy was growing up. Besides Muggsy, there have been quite a few shorter than 6' - NBA players. In basketball (or other sports), height is one thing, having the talent & the motivation/determination is quite another.
While my daughters were growing up, I wrestled with them all the time and they loved it, constantly asking to do so. They still speak fondly of it, three of them against me and they often came out victorious.
"They're just kids". The cry of low expectations. They are capable of so much more than they believe possible and it's our job as parents, teachers, and coaches to help them realize their potential. You don't do that by setting low expectations or ignoring failures. Set the bar high, recognize actual achievement, teach them to live with mistakes and learn from them. Kids will amaze you with what they can achieve.
you got me thinking, we focus on the end goal as the acheivement, but we forget the increments. you may have lost the game but I saw how you passed to the ball better.... by not isolating the small factors that lead to victory we fail to teach how lossing can lead to winning. So because of an over focus BEING A WINNER/LOSSER, parents swing the pendulum to the other side and just give out participation trophies. We need to refocus on BECOMING A WINNER. Thanks for sparking thoughts Chef.
@@alexhtel Yes sir. A quote comes to mind, I can't remember who said it, "Want to succeed?, fail more". The path to winning is littered with failure and we don't do our kids any favors by protecting them from reality.
My family gave me a hard time because I never "let" my children win. The day they beat me for the first time... Wow you should have seen their faces. They are fiercely competitive and confident.
Tasting failures and making mistakes is a good thing. If you really want something, you’ll need to work for it and not get scared of mistakes. I’ve personally tasted failure in college, but I didn’t give up or pout because things didn’t go my way and now I have an awesome job at an awesome company.
"The one who deserves it the least, needs it the most" Yeah, I can see why she's a single mom. Good luck telling people that if your kid ever happens to be homeless
Well, I'm not going to just jump on speculating why she's single - none of my business. That said, this is the crux of reactionary Democratic policies. They're rewading people for not achieving, which only encourages not trying. How about awarding them with the knowledge to succeed, instead? Help them achieve, encourage them to chase opportunities and knowledge, show them how to be stronger and navigate adversity. "Teach a man to fish..." isn't just a catchy poster on the wall.
That is absolutely infuriating. I STILL remember in high school when the teacher gave us the option to win more extra credit. I beat the other kids. But she gave it to the dumb kid because 'he needed it more'. I knew that was toxic charity even back then. Still mad about that.
Sadly a higher percent of kids raised like this will be homeless, first when they leave that protected bubble they do not know how to work hard and second they do not know how to pick themselves up when they hit a wall and no one is their to do it for them :(
Imagine wanting real human beings to die just because they don't have a fake piece of paper, lol there are a million reasons somebody can be homeless a lot completely out of their control. Also WTF does her being a single mother have to with her opinion on the subject? Just say yall hate women and go
@@prixe12 Yeah, it's a little unfair to be critical of her relationship status and not focusing on her parenting opinions. Slinging mud doesn't make anyone look better than the other.
My uncle did the exact things to her daughters (one was premature, 7 months of pregnancy) and they grew up quite fearless, they played rough as children, now one is a teacher, the other works in a bank and walks on mountains.
We're not talking about kindness here, we're talking about children being taught that patronizing everyone makes you a good person rather than a liar. Imagine being a politician, watching entire generations learn to see you as benevolent when you lie to them.
I agree with the comedian and the blue dress lady. I am 42 now and I have a memory from my childhood that sticks out to me the most. I remember when everyone got trophies and awards regardless of any mastery of a skill or topic. I remember feeling like why even try harder than I was. Why do better? If I win anyway. I didn't like school and did not want to be there anyway. By the time I was in high school I thankfully got expelled and went to independent study. I got good grades for the first time in my life doing it all myself. The problem wasn't me it was the system.
When i was 9 i was drafted onto a brand new club soccer team (from all rec boys). We lost that season without a even single win. Most games were worse than 0-5, some even 0-11. It was very demoralizing. But we practiced 4 days a week every week for two hours each day, and the next season we won the whole league. I still have that trophy and it means something to me. Imagine getting a trophy after going something like 0-20? I would’ve thrown both away.
I'd take that "sorry, you're not as good" and go "So? That means you're gonna try harder to be as good! Just because you're not as good now, doesn't mean you're not as good forever! Just keep at it!"
My son absolutely loved that rough housing stuff. He's 5 and a half now and still loves it. He's also seems far more understanding of his limits that other kids.
I fully agree. Competition is good. Learning you are not the best is good. It pushes most to try harder. Live is hard and you must be prepared for challenges, wins and loses.
As a kid I never understood why we got trophies every year when we played soccer especially when most times we sucked. The one time my team won almost every single game I wanted an actual Trophy and those participation trophies pissed me off as a 10 year old kid.
In 2nd grade there was a banner that went around the front of the classroom. This banner was from an old motivational radio lecturer. The banner said a person's reach should exceed their grasp.. I really didn't understand. I asked the teacher what it meant. She said that that we should always try as hard as we can and then a little more because eventually we are then more likely to reach our goals. I still was unsure of its meaning. I finally discussed it with my grandfather and he explained the concept in full. It was an epiphany (only I didn't know what epiphany meant at that time). I remembered this philosophy always, tried to follow it, and it has definitely enriched my life.
When my son played roller hockey and got a participation trophy it was an insult. He knew they didn't have the best team. He knew his team didn't earn those. I totally agree with the Author. She's 100 in point. If you don't fail as a child, what happens when you're a teen or an adult. Yes, it does hold them back He was afraid to try new things at his first big job out of high school. Once he mastered the entire department he wouldn't transfer to another for fear of trying something knew and failing to get it right in not enough time. He also put less effort into certain things. He's a highly intelligent young man. Higher than most his age. He excells in many more areas in life. But risk taking is not one. And it's sad.
We all no what happens we are living amongst a whole group who grew up in this hyper neutral everyone’s a winner never told they suck at something group of people
I noticed a huge difference between myself and people who grew up in Canada. I grew up in the Caribbean. Me and the other kids were free to venture out to anywhere on the island so long as we were back before sundown (about 6PM). We built stuff out in the forest, went to the beach, etc. Our range increased as we got older. We even used to do something called tree surfing. It's where we would climb a tree (usually a mango tree) and instead of climbing down to go up a different tree we could run out on one branch and slide/jump to the next tree. We actually never fell while doing that. As a result of our adventures we're all very confident in our abilities to do things, assess situations, and try new things. This is a very stark contrast to the many of the people my age I've met who grew up in Canada. When I tell them to things we did as kids it blows their minds. BTW we did injure ourselves but never anything life threatening because we worked our way up to the bigger stuff. I've fallen out of multiple trees and as a result I learned how to fall out a tree. I once got a punctured in the bottom of my right foot on the arch, got hit in both skins with a large rock (about 1 foot across and bled like crazy from the left), etc.
Stossel is right on point with this segment. We are not raising children we are raising adults who will hopefully succeed in this competitive world we live in
I believe that "trophies" (this could be an actual trophy, a ribbon, a certificate, or just accolades. Any sort of recognition or reward) need to be given out for big accomplishments. But this doesn't have to be first place. It can be for most improved, hardest working, most supportive... But it has to be something that actually HAS merit. If you start giving out trophies just for showing up then it is offensive both to the non-performer who got a pity trophy AND to the high performer who was just told that his accomplishments mean nothing.
Yeah, if I got a trophy everytime I took a $hit then the next real achievement would feel meaningless. Now for an infant that just learned potty training? Ok, that's an achievement, give the little guy an ice cream for learning a useful skill. You should praise kids for doing well, but not so much it waters down actual achievements, also you can see when a child is now just frustrated and feeling smothered so you don't need to praise everything non-stop.
Kids need to learn the value in winning and the joy in playing. And both have high value, but winning gets a trophy and taking time to learn and get better at things has great value. Plus there is joy in striving and achieving something. Compete with yourself to learn and grow. Each child also needs to learn and appreciate that they have unique talents that they excel in, but you don't have to be the best at something to really enjoy it.
A professor did this in class. He took the grades of all the students and averaged them out and that was the grade he gave everyone. At the end of the semester the grade point average dropped 2 points because the better students quit trying so hard because they weren't being rewarded for that extra work and the lower students basically just quit because their grades were better then they were achieving on their own.
I'm 48 now. I've thrown out every 'participation' trophy I've ever had. I've kept the merit based ones (mostly academic) - and a single 'most improved' award from when I was a kid playing hockey. Some people would snicker at the most improved, but I think that one is different from 'everyone gets a trophy', because it doesn't reward for just being a warm body. It acknowledges that I may not have been the best (nowhere near), but that I might have been the one that worked hardest to improve and that's a lesson I think anyone can benefit from.
One of my best friends growing up was praised by his parents for doing everything to the point where me at 13 knew parents were delusional. He has major issues now he can't take constructive criticism or be told no without getting into a fight and attacking anybody that doesn't agree with him. With relationships he needs to be constantly reassured and in control. Mommy still calls him her little boy in his mid 30s. Please give your children real love by teaching them how to deal with the real world and still be kind
My wifes entire family are all scholarship level athletes only one of them payed to go to university and he still got it partially covered under a scholarship. You know what they did with participation awards? "Throw that in the garbage before you get in the car." Not a joke. I'll do the same with my kids, I don't want them to learn these lessons 30 years into life. Better learn it while you're young so you can build yourself up emotionally to handle "life"
I’m 100% with Stossel, even though I was one of those kids who sucked at pretty much everything. It stiffened my spine enough to deal with stuff later in life that would’ve destroyed other people. Life lessons are hard, even though it hurt at the time.
When my some loses a hockey game 10-0, there is nothing that makes me more proud than him getting home, and saying I need to go make 100 shots, so I can do better next time.
There will always be winners and losers.... I never got a trophy, I never did great in sports but im doing just fine now as an adult. I have nothing to blame but hard work and determination.
Hi! You might not read this as its a year late. Oh well. But I just watched your video. I have 2 ribbons from day camp that I earned. I learned the most about nature, and I was the best in archery. Those mean alot to me. But I was horrible at math. And I knew it. My mom helped me at home and I kind of caught up. We chose to homeschool 7 of our children and they each had strengths and they each had weaknesses. They got praise for hard work and no participation trophies. There is a fine line between encouraging and false praise, and we can all recognize it. I actually got better at math teaching them.❤
Even my wife is tired of the "men are bad", "men are clueless" agenda. And my kids never laughed so hard as when I would toss them onto the bed, a pillow, sofa cushions, etc. as we "rough-housed". My oldest son does the same with his kids and they LOVE it and often initiate it.
Why not give every military person the Congressional Medal of Honor? Why not give every kid that shows up to school a graduation diploma? Well, maybe they do now with diplomas.
I have a friend that taught math at a college. He was in charge of teaching high school graduates math that we learned in elemetary school. No child left behind has caused a lot of kids to graduate not knowing how to read or do basic math. Those two things are the reason we send kids to school
considering how many people I know graduated without being able to read , I'd say they do. I even asked the English teacher , " How could you give him a passing grade !? " and she said " He always shows up to class " and I looked at her said " But he can't read ! " , she just chuckled and said " Nobody said you have to be able to read to pass English class " .
I never passed a high school math class. My transcript says I did, and I was accepted into a university where I never passed a math class...but my transcript says I did. I won't tell you the job I got after never passing a math class. It's honestly too unbelievable.
Yeah, I know a guy who... After 10 years of sailing my 32 foot boat up and down the west coast from Canada to Mexico I finally gave it up. The guy who bought it had these big ideas about sailing to Hawaii, but got sick to his stomach during sea trials. He never went to Hawaii, never sails the boat, won't take it out to practice at all, just leaves it at the marina. He was one of those guys who got a trophy for participation.
There is a commercial for Tide detergent with an elderly couple whose daughter and kids have just moved in with them. They don't make an ad like that unless a lot of people can relate. Parents who coddle their children will be sheltering them for life.
She's not just ruining her child's life she is ruining other children's life as well. The sick thing about these people is they regard your property as theirs but more nefariously they regard your children as theirs.
I was on a bowling team as a kid for four years. No matter where you placed, you got a trophy. I never looked at this trophy as having any value. As an adult, I coached soccer. In my first year of coaching, I was going to give my team a trophy. Our soccer organization said we don't do trophies. They said that they would not participate in a trophy for everyone. Good for their stance.
I wish my mom was around to see this article. She passed almost 2 years ago at 87. She had three boys two of which proceeded her in death in 2006 and 2007. Even after both my brothers died. My mom never waivered from her teaching to me at 54 when she died. Be strong Jeff, don't live in fear, take chances. You may never be the best in the room, but know you are worth while and can make a difference in this world. She NEVER ever let us think we had won for no reason. She was the type to help pick us up out of the dirt when we fell, but she never said. Now take it easy Jeff, don't push yourself. Absolutely NOT, she would dust us off and say, now go back and try harder. It may take you a lifetime to succeed. But in the end you will! That to me would be the best mother in the world. She would tell that crazy lady in this article that she is harming all her children, and any others who listen to her. She was a proud Christian, but she knew when to take a stand against evil. Well this would be evil in her book. Harming children.
A trophy should be earned. It teaches work ethic and perseverance as you work toward a goal. The focus should be on teaching kids to both win and lose gracefully, enjoy what they do (not just play for the reward), and how to evaluate what they could have done better (if anything) so they can improve.
I've seen with my own kids that when they fail, they try harder because they want the reward. It hurts to lose, but that hurt actually helps them. If you reward them for everything, they'll never try to be better.
Imagine how sad your life is as an adult if you hang on to a participation trophy from your childhood. If just participating and completing something that tons of others do and not striving to be really good or great at it makes you satisfied that is sad. Everyone should strive to be great at something.
An adult should have a sky-high stack of wins, each and every one dwarfing their childhood accomplishments. It is pretty sad to imagine a person who has so little going for them as an adult that they cling to participation trophies from when they were a kid. Taking a big L can also be either a wake up call or a call to action - they realize they either need to "get good" or move on. Losing is an integral part of winning because it's by losing that you learn how to win. Losing in the short term is how you win in the long term. When you lose, you can evaluate if the cost is worth it. You can see how far you'd have to go to be good at this thing, and it might be better to move on to something else. This is the learning & growing process. Teaching that losses are wins / that everyone is a winner seriously undermines the growth process - it foments a narcissistic attitude that thinks it is entitled to success, and this will be a huge hindrance to them as they go out into the real world. It is cruel to send children out into the real world so unprepared.
@@Entropic0 It's probably because she grew up in the participation trophy environment that she never learned to put forth real effort to excel in what she does. Thus she looks back fondly on all the accolades she got as a child since out in the real one no one care if you just show up, they wanna see people who excel.
The point of loosing is when guided the proper way, pushing the kids to try again, it teaches one of the most important tools in life: determination, how to always do better, to never give and take the easy way out. This is what keeps a person aways from comformity, from living on the streets and "thinking this is fine, I'll sink deeper".
My brothers both have one kid only and each let's them win at everything. Now that all of our kids are getting older, theirs can't cope with losing to their cousins or other kids. Its a disaster. All because they never lost anything before.
@@Devastish Exactly! And when you finally win against the grown-up, its a moment of complete, true victory! Also, that's when the grown-ups know they are getting old as well. ;)
@mikeall Curious - How is it that you didn't do the same thing as your brothers? Were you raised in a different household? I applaud you for teaching your own children how to win gracefully, (I imagine you taught them this), and to not be a "sore loser", which is what your brothers kids are now. I can't imagine them competing in a job environment.....
@@RMBlake007 This is a lengthy response but you bring up some interesting questions. I really think it is something inherent to having more than one child. If you have multiple kids, not everyone can win. You have to address it whether you want to or not. Oddly enough my parents did not raise us in a snow flake sort of way so it has caused me to think something about the 'only child' lifestyle leads parents down the path of least resistance. My best guess is that letting your kid win is the easy way out. Learning to lose is hard and causes tears. To add further evidence to this, one of my wife's sisters ALSO has only one child and he is terrible at losing as well. He has gotten a bit better as he navigates through the higher grades of elementary school but it was a rough path. My wife's dad actual made a point when she and her sisters were young to not let them win but her sister did not carry that lesson forward. So go figure. Another "only child' stereotype i have observed in all of them is the fact they all struggle with attention getting behavior to varying degrees. I don't think all these folks are bad parents but they have a society that emphasizes 'snow flakeness' and not having a sibling never forces parents to address disappointment, lack of being the center of attention and other scenarios like that. All that said I have also have friends who have 3 and 4 kids and have one or multiple that are spoiled rotten and can't handle losing.
@Zek Kiel It’s the reason kids need balance. A mother and a father. Someone to love unconditionally like only a mother can. And a father that doesn’t allow mom to be over protective. My wife and I talk about this topic often. She understands that at times I need to take the lead to allow our boys to become men. The understanding of the balance is needed. Unfortunately we have a group trying to tear down the family structure because they know it’s easier to get others to comply when they’re alone and afraid. Please wake up out there mothers. Not all, just the ones that don’t understand the balance children need to learn and thrive.
@Robert Anderson it’s sad how they’ve literally destroyed their own minds trying to chase what corporations and the media have led them to believe they’re lacking.
Winning is easy. It's losing that is hard. When we're kids we must learn how to be a good loser. To be a good sport. How to accept that we lost and to then try try again. It builds character. It's life lessons. It's what prepares you for the real world. Remember being told " don't be a sore loser " and " be a good sport " ? Winning is easy, losing is a lot tougher. A child doesn't have to learn how to win but a child DOES have to learn how to lose because it's not so easy.
The soccer mom’s are putting feelings over facts. McGuinnes is right, kids learn from suffering. Wether it hurt feelings or broken bones. Keep up the great work Stossel ,you are a national treasure.
There is a perfectly good word for undeserved praise. And kids usually learn the feeling early...patronizing; and nobody likes that feeling. Patronizing cheapens and tarnishes earned praise and real accomplishment.
My daughter played soccer from the age of 4 through high school. When she was 12 she played in her 1st competitive soccer league. On this league she had to earn her way on to a team, had to be at practice everyday, weekends consisted of 2 or 3 games. The Championship Weekend consisted of any team who's rank 3rd or lower had to play at least 3 games. Her team played 3 games , back to back to back, and won the championship. On the way home she looked at me and said "dad this is the 1st trophy I've ever received that I truly believed I earned." My daughter is in college now. Because of that season she understood what hard work and success means.
I legit laughed when that guy slammed his baby WWE style. Then I realized it was a comedy skit. 🤣🤣🤣 People who say this isn`t funny don`t know what they are talking about.
What is totally being missed is that the real measurement is not winning or losing, it's about encouraging kids to give 100% effort and doing the best they can do to the limits of their talent, skills, and ability. You soon find out that no matter how hard you try, there are some things you can't do so you're better off directing your energy and interests into areas you can succeed.
Participation trophies are what has given us the young adult we are seeing today. The ones who believe they are entitled to things rather than having to earn them. Those screaming for student loan forgiveness are a good example. They went to college, incured the debt and now expect to not have to pay for it. The reason they feel this way? "Life is too hard and this debt is making it harder."
To an extent, I feel for them because their parents, teachers, older people lied to them by saying that participation trophies are just as good as those for 1st-3rd place winners and likewise told that loans are the only way to pay for college. Ignoring careers which require no degrees, community colleges, vocational/tech schools, etc; college can be paid for via grants, scholarships, and simply saving money. Altogether, young adults are in for a rude awakening all because they have been lied to because parents/teachers/etc. want everyone to win when all this has done was enforce the mentality of the adult child.
My sons played travel sports. There were winners and losers teams were eliminated from playoffs and won championships. They learned and gained so much from this experience. My eldest is 24, he bought his first house 2 yrs ago. My 17 year old is a senior on honor roll and received a sports scholarship.
Jesus - the guy who defied one of the mightiest empires in history and the local power elite of the Pharisees, then went willingly to a horrible execution - was the biggest wuss of all time. She must have gotten a ribbon from Sunday school.
I was always a heavy kid, never good at sports, but I was a really good learner at every job I had. Running machinery, sheet metal fabrication, tig welding, etc. School and society puts alot of emphasis on sports. Exercise is great but you can get plenty of it on 12 hour shifts as a diesel mechanic busting down drive tires lol
To quote a teacher who taught many of us more þan any real person, kids need to "take chances, make mistakes, get messy." Giving everyone a trophy removes chances and doesn't allow for making mistakes.
When I was in the school orchestra they had contests for solo/ensemble. They didn't give out any medals for participating. You earned them by your performance. You also get written comments from the judges telling about the parts you did well and where you need to improve on. Also when my orchestra teacher does hand out trophies at the end of the school year he had us students vote amongst ourselves on who deserved the outstanding student award. I think he did it that way because that would be a tough decision and possibly to avoid picking favorites.
"When everyone is super... No one will be"
:D
Isn't that what they mean by "muh eQuALiTy"?
Hey look i dont have to try my hardest and i get a trophy!
Nice Incredibles reference
Thanks Sindrome, very cool
It’s even worse than this. Because it leads to college age adults needing “safe spaces” and “mental consoling” after even HEARING a different point of view.
SAdly, that is very true.
And now the therapists diagnose PTSD in people who had petty work place drama and never faced a real fear of death by being victim in a violent crime or watching your war buddy have their head blown off their body when he stepped on a land mine and his lower half shot out in a million gooey bloody pieces with the upper part landing back in your arms as you reached out trying to catch him. Nope. Somebody said something mean to them at work and upset them or won't have lunch with them making them eat alone, and now the therapist gives them the diagnose of PTSD.
It was the parents asking for a trophies for all not the kids. I am 35 years old and this everyone's a winner crap started when I was young. Me and my friends and the other teams didn't want trophies for all we wanted to play to see who won. The parents started this crap about trophies for all and games with time limits so no one wins. This is on the parents and John stossel's generation not the children. The children had no say in the matter. It's the parents' fault.
My son was in a sport tournament. His team took second in a loser bracket. They actually gave them a trophy. My son threw the trophy in the garbage in front of the entire team. I was so proud of him.
Losing is part of life. It’s character building and sometimes informative. Teaching truth and humility were once commonplace.
But that is equally as bad. It would have meant more if he had of declined the trophy but to trash it sends another message. He still played on a team and it still has meaning.
If the kid throws it in the trash is basically telling the whole team that he thinks he is better than them. I'm all for trophies for real accomplishments and nothing for participation but losing right and having sportsmanship is equally important.
@@shifty7739 Did you just call her son a little bastard?
@@blindumpire4020 James did you just presume her gender?
@@shifty7739 "My son..." "His team..." "My son..." And YOU think James is "presuming HER gender"? Are you an id*)&t?
I love the comment: "If you don't teach your kids about the real world, reality is going to do it for you."
The only thing missing from this true statement is that reality is not nice...
Yes, reality doesn't care about your feelings.
I see it happening now, how are young adults are acting right now
I sometimes wonder if our grandparents looked at us and the education system the way that we see it now. Unfortunately I don't actually see any real parallels. I honestly believe that society and the system is broken, and badly. Over the last 5 years I have lost faith that it can be restored to a semblance of sanity.
Dam right
Everyone gets trophy’s is why society is f
I laughed the hardest when the blonde lady said there’s nothing funny about fighting a baby,
IT JUST CUT TO HER AND IT was like "there's nothing funny about fighting a baby" I couldn't stop laughing. 😂😂
She sounded like someone who lost to a baby in a fight.
She sounds like she never had kids.
@@DM-mi4je She's an OBGYN who consults on CBS This Morning, and The Doctors.
@Tyler Braden babies ARE NOT that fragile. They're clumsy and weak. That's why they are light and made of bendy stuff. My toddler regularly does things that, if I did them, you may as well just take me out back and shoot me.
People saying that you could "mess up and shake a baby too much" are just trying to create an excuse for people who shook the shit out of their baby. It's to help out the poor folks who say shit like "I didn't mean to hurt my child *sobs*" as a testimony in court.
Things in life are earned, not given. That’s the biggest lesson I have ever learned.
“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
- Stephen McCranie
Does the IRS earn our money?
@@iuyozx Does your employer earn your money? They collect the money you're paid just like the IRS collects the money that police, fire, dudes that build roads etc are paid.
@@iuyozx They and the ATF should be abolished.
Agreed
John's face when she said, "you can give him a ribbon" is the face of a man who's at a loss trying to find logic when there is none and just giving up at trying.
I was looking for this comment lol
Totally 💯
Knowing to what you’re inclined helps in deciding what paths you might follow. Everyone has assets and liabilities. Desiring truth is virtuous. Providing lies is extremely selfish.
Seriously, "deserves it the least, needs it the most" and she was about to cry there. I need 10 million dollars so....
@@steverichter9825 These people have "daddy issues" shall say for the lack of a better term...
I would stop the conversation right there and ask: " Honey whom hurt you?"
Probably 20 years ago, I was seeing the “trophy” kids in my college classroom. One day, when they were exclaiming about the difficulty of the class-which I had already dumbed down from prior years to reach their level-one girl said I was harming her self image. I asked her how people develop a positive self image. She replied that it came from people telling her she was good. I replied in turn that true self image comes from within, from tackling and overcoming obstacles and difficulties. She was flabbergasted to think that she needed to exert any initiative. She was still waiting for a figurative participation trophy at age 19, not to mention less homework and a giveaway A grade. Those were the days when the fun of teaching began to die.
Teachers are part of the problem as majority are to lazy to teach and stick to indoctrination
Yep, started in the late 90's, early 2000's. The one that really gets me is how they start their sentences with "I feel" instead of "I think". No more thinking anymore, just feelings.
20 yrs ago.. Wow. Yah. I only just FINISHED my teacher interning about 23 yrs ago, and I saw very little of that behavior, but there were a few striking instances where i had to wonder what kind of bubble th student grew up in.
Defeat is what drives some of the most successful people in the world. Letting kids feel a little defeat doesn't scar them for life. It teaches them to overcome or allows them to see what they're not good at and switch to something that they're really good at. Not everyone can be an Albert Einstein or Tom Brady.
That would suck to be an adult learning defeat for the first time, it would be cruelty to do that to someone. Part of life is learning and improving, and to learn from your mistakes you must acknowledge them. It's much better to fail many times young with little consequences than to fail as an adult when things actually matter (and still be ok with failing, because you're going to anyways, it's part of being a human/animal)
So true!!!
Dark souls taught me that is enjoyable overcoming difficult challenges even if you die dozens of time in order to achieve it.
@@rafaelmusacchio5257 Same here. Sooo many times.
...and Einstein repeatedly experienced failure when he was a kid!
American Idol is literally a perfect example of this and shows what people really think about a participation trophy. Everyone wants, craves the praise of Simon because he was so hard on everyone. Everyone knew that Paula was nicer and would try to not hurt people's feelings. They worked extra hard to please Simon. People want to feel useful and if you are just going to lie it will make them feel worse. People innately know when someone is lying to them, unless they are just desperate for compliments and will gulp up anything. I HATE IT when ppl give me a compliment that isn't earned.
People who give compliments that aren’t earned are called fake ass-kissers.
"When I was a kid trophies had meaning!" 🏆
John Stossel... 💯 👏
Yep.
I love how he tossed it. Like 'this is pointless now'.
When you meet someone and you find out your from the same city,"where did you go to school" "what year" oh really" did you play soccer ""yeah"" then you really kicked our ass " 10-0 yeah no shit we didn't lose a game that year a guy that played soccer on Yugoslavia's world cup team moved here and was our coach,we didn't get a loss untill we played a 14 and older team at state, that loss was absolutely a wake up,but i still have the trophy with the 13-1 record on it
To be fair these kids didn't ask for participation trophies to begin with. It was the parents.
@@melissacooper8724 Yep!! 🙏🏼
I remember in grade school, we had a relay race on fun day. Our group had mostly slow kids that nobody wanted on their team and was expected to finish dead last without placing. Come race time, I was the last runner and ran my heart out, passed a faster kid than myself and we ended up placing 3rd for a 3rd place ribbon (the very last before just getting a participant ribbon only). The fact that our group of "misfits" placed 3rd and beat out a supposed better group of faster kids is something I'll always remember. It felt great proving the doubters wrong, I even surprised myself that day. With that said, had we not placed, the participation ribbon we would have received would have meant absolutely nothing.
When the first report cards of my seventh grade PE class came out; six got an A, one received a B- and the rest had C or lower. On learning I had the B, the others complained I had failed all the physical achievement tests. The coach corrected them with: "No, he did pass one test. In fact, instead of doing just fifty sit ups, he did two-fifty; and, while you were sitting in the bleachers with colds, sunburns or imaginary sprains, he was out there trying every day."
Interestingly, between the six in our Trojan-esque, alphabetical, 'file', we had half the 'A's and the B.
Thank you, Hulin Staton, for showing a crippled boy there can be fairness in the world.
As a young lad, I excelled in everything that I did. It wasn't until high school when I joined the diving team where I experienced my first deficiency. There were others that were better than myself.
I learned that through hard work and practice, that I could, and did, become better in diving. There was still one individual better than me, and I acknowledged his skills and aptitude in the sport. I thank him from time to time in my mind for showing me that I can better myself always; sometimes I succeed; sometimes I fail, yet with learning.
The first lady is a psychological danger to her children.
@@Xandil as someone who sufferes none of the traits of neuroticism I cannot adequately respond due to not suffering any traits.
As someone who has an INTJ personality type, and with an I.Q. of 146, I can, and do, point out that your assertion of my state of mental being is incorrect.
@@DerykRobosson My comment somehow went to the wrong post, not meant for you. As someone with an IQ likely in the middle of the Bell Curve, I humbly apologize.
@D. Johnston 702 me to I was pretty fit and talented guy always first pick at PE but never applied myself and picked up weed…and I swear it’s making me dumber
@@dustintacohands1107 Quit blaming the weed. If you're going to use it, and it sounds like you will continue to, then get productive when you do. It doesn't make you dumber either. It doesn't 'kill braincells'. That's a myth and a lie.
It's evident your English was never very good either.
If only there were more journalists like you. Please don’t ever retire, John Stossel. Gavin is awesome too.
As a parent it’s natural to want to protect our children. There’s nothing wrong with that either. However, if we shelter them and give them a false sense of security by never allowing them to fail or figure some things out for themselves then we’re setting them up for failure and disappointment later in life. If a child never experiences failure, disappointment or pain from being hurt physically and mentally then when it happens as they’re older they won’t know how to deal with it and can face bigger problems. A lot of people have anxiety or other problems as adults because they didn’t learn how to handle certain situations when they were younger. Sometimes you have to touch the fire to understand that it can burn you. Most humans learn from their mistakes and don’t repeat them. If we overly shelter our children and don’t let them figure it out and learn to problem solve on their own then we’re just hurting them more in the long run. Parents should guide their children, not control their every thought and moment.
Children ain't a defense for anything no one told you to breed.
@@rydz656 your comment doesn’t make sense. How am I using children as a defense in my comment? I’m confused.🤔 My comment makes the case for why parents shouldn’t shelter their children and give them a false sense of reality because when they grow up they won’t be prepared to handle the ups and downs of life.
You can show a child that fire is hot without letting them get burned. That is a stupid analogy.
@@jimlovesgina it’s an analogy, not literal. Man some people on social media take everything literally.
it's better to be an absent parent than an overprotective one.
Grew up watching you on 20/20 with Hugh Downs. It was always a warm feeling to be gathered around the tv when my parents allowed me to watch with them late at night. I always learned something new from your segments. It gave me a critical eye to things around me as I grew into adulthood. Thanks for the decades of great reporting and the dry humor that comes along with it.
In regards to not keeping score in sports, my dad would say, "If you don't want them to keep score, don't teach them to count!"
Don't give them any ideas esp now that math is racist. :(
I think they are trying that!
John, you are a true journalist! 👏👏🙏🙏
Giving everyone trophies make them worthless? Imagine if we just printed more money and kept spending lol 🤣
and NFT's are worth less than the paper that money is printed on. Anyone can just steal them from you
I saw what you did there. Hahaha
most of printed money go to big corps. there are millions of families that do need money, especially during these times, though.
Yeah imagine…
@@Muse22sims big corporations provide big jobs. I doubt that the corporations stuff the money in a mattress. They spend it, invest it. That's what creates jobs for all the rest of us. With a little incentive and smart policies these corporations will invest that money in the U.S.. With bad policies they will invest the money overseas.
Good video John. You should have an Emmy for all you do.....😆
I love when people like her say “Jesus this or Jesus that” …you aren’t a real Christian, read your Bible! Bible talks about hard work and labor, and long suffering, not everyone is a winner.
The Parable of the Talents comes to mind.
This lady is very uninformed. Jesus was no "wuss". He stood up for the weak against the tyrannical, sacrificed himself, and literally battled evil incarnate, and prevailed. I'd say there has never been a more courageous figure.
@@GenXHistorian Hero!!!!!
@@GenXHistorian So true. At certain times, when he saw a need to engage, he matched wits with the Sadducees and Pharisees. This was not an easy feat.
Exactly, Jesus died one of the most painful deaths and spent three days in hell for us - no "wuss" about that. Father, forgive her ignorance, the woman in the video knows not what she is saying.
Losing teaches so much more than winning.
You learn to deal with the emotions
You learn what you are good at and bad at
You learn to think about how you can do better
You build self esteem when you do finally win
You will try harder. Teaching a work ethic
You learn so much more. The value of that trophy means so much more, it's pride in an accomplishment
“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
- Stephen McCranie
The times I competed in contests and lost I mostly was happy for the person that won because I felt they did better. I then think about what I could do to improve for next time.
when I was a kid, only those who got 1st, 2nd. 3th got a real gold, silver, and bronze medal.
Then they changed that, because of parents like that woman.
Failure is the best teacher.
I still have my collection of gold (brass) medals from soccer. I only got a participation trophy once playing baseball.
Failure gives me more happiness once I finally succeed
And hopefully if a kid doesn't succeed at one thing, even after a lot of effort, they realize that they just aren't built for it, and they redirect their efforts into something else.
I wanted to be a guy who could play guitar. I spent thousands of hours on it. Same with piano. It turns out I'm just not very coordinated. On the other hand, I have a knack for composing music, just not playing it. So I did that and I've produced two albums for other artists.
I can't draw, but I can draft, so I was a drafter for the better part of a decade.
Most people have a handful of things they are good at, and they are almost never the things we want to be good at.
It turns out I'm pretty good at writing, and pretty funny, so now I'm doing standup comedy.
Life, lemons, etc, you know the rest. It's ok to not be the thing you thought you were going to be. It's ok to just plain not be good at what you imagined you would be.
Finding your strengths is half the battle.
My 8 year old was in a school that started doing this. The first competitive field day rolled around. He came home all excited and I asked him how he did. He told me, then followed up with, ‘well, everybody got a trophy, but we all knew who won’.
Kids need to learn that there are winners and losers in the world. The trick in life is finding what you are good at and can win at. I would love to play in the NBA but I'm 5'6" and that will not happen even if I get a participation trophy in school.
Play as a female in wnba
Modern problems require modern solutions.
Go look up Muggsy Bogues.
@@SV-kr9fu he's a legend, but one of thousands his size who tried just as hard and got nowhere close. I'm also sure his motivation did not come from participation trophies.
@@KingofherRS : I am quite sure there was no Participation Trophy when Muggsy was growing up.
Besides Muggsy, there have been quite a few shorter than 6' - NBA players. In basketball (or other sports), height is one thing, having the talent & the motivation/determination is quite another.
While my daughters were growing up, I wrestled with them all the time and they loved it, constantly asking to do so. They still speak fondly of it, three of them against me and they often came out victorious.
"They're just kids". The cry of low expectations. They are capable of so much more than they believe possible and it's our job as parents, teachers, and coaches to help them realize their potential. You don't do that by setting low expectations or ignoring failures. Set the bar high, recognize actual achievement, teach them to live with mistakes and learn from them. Kids will amaze you with what they can achieve.
You said that well!!!
Yes, how would they learn to self analyze when they get a trophy for failure. That's not how the world really works. It's delusional.
People forget kids used to work jobs that most US adults don't want to do now.
you got me thinking, we focus on the end goal as the acheivement, but we forget the increments. you may have lost the game but I saw how you passed to the ball better.... by not isolating the small factors that lead to victory we fail to teach how lossing can lead to winning. So because of an over focus BEING A WINNER/LOSSER, parents swing the pendulum to the other side and just give out participation trophies. We need to refocus on BECOMING A WINNER.
Thanks for sparking thoughts Chef.
@@alexhtel Yes sir. A quote comes to mind, I can't remember who said it, "Want to succeed?, fail more". The path to winning is littered with failure and we don't do our kids any favors by protecting them from reality.
You are correct John thanks for the honesty
Nothing pushed me harder as a kid to get better at something, than when I failed!
My family gave me a hard time because I never "let" my children win.
The day they beat me for the first time... Wow you should have seen their faces.
They are fiercely competitive and confident.
Tasting failures and making mistakes is a good thing. If you really want something, you’ll need to work for it and not get scared of mistakes. I’ve personally tasted failure in college, but I didn’t give up or pout because things didn’t go my way and now I have an awesome job at an awesome company.
"The one who deserves it the least, needs it the most"
Yeah, I can see why she's a single mom. Good luck telling people that if your kid ever happens to be homeless
Well, I'm not going to just jump on speculating why she's single - none of my business.
That said, this is the crux of reactionary Democratic policies. They're rewading people for not achieving, which only encourages not trying. How about awarding them with the knowledge to succeed, instead? Help them achieve, encourage them to chase opportunities and knowledge, show them how to be stronger and navigate adversity. "Teach a man to fish..." isn't just a catchy poster on the wall.
That is absolutely infuriating. I STILL remember in high school when the teacher gave us the option to win more extra credit. I beat the other kids. But she gave it to the dumb kid because 'he needed it more'. I knew that was toxic charity even back then. Still mad about that.
Sadly a higher percent of kids raised like this will be homeless, first when they leave that protected bubble they do not know how to work hard and second they do not know how to pick themselves up when they hit a wall and no one is their to do it for them :(
Imagine wanting real human beings to die just because they don't have a fake piece of paper, lol there are a million reasons somebody can be homeless a lot completely out of their control. Also WTF does her being a single mother have to with her opinion on the subject? Just say yall hate women and go
@@prixe12 Yeah, it's a little unfair to be critical of her relationship status and not focusing on her parenting opinions. Slinging mud doesn't make anyone look better than the other.
Love you John! Thank you for being a real journalist!
Everything that is screwed up in this country started in California.
This is absolutely true
Or New York City
Probably not rural California.
My uncle did the exact things to her daughters (one was premature, 7 months of pregnancy) and they grew up quite fearless, they played rough as children, now one is a teacher, the other works in a bank and walks on mountains.
We're not talking about kindness here, we're talking about children being taught that patronizing everyone makes you a good person rather than a liar. Imagine being a politician, watching entire generations learn to see you as benevolent when you lie to them.
Reminds me of some current politicians.... I doubt that I need to name names.
LET’S GO BRANDON!!!
That's the kind of "kindness" that makes those kids to commit suicide when they get older and are forced to face the reality.
@@mushypork2132 the liberals are experts at killing with kindness. They are the pros!
I agree with the comedian and the blue dress lady. I am 42 now and I have a memory from my childhood that sticks out to me the most. I remember when everyone got trophies and awards regardless of any mastery of a skill or topic. I remember feeling like why even try harder than I was. Why do better? If I win anyway. I didn't like school and did not want to be there anyway. By the time I was in high school I thankfully got expelled and went to independent study. I got good grades for the first time in my life doing it all myself. The problem wasn't me it was the system.
When i was 9 i was drafted onto a brand new club soccer team (from all rec boys). We lost that season without a even single win. Most games were worse than 0-5, some even 0-11. It was very demoralizing. But we practiced 4 days a week every week for two hours each day, and the next season we won the whole league. I still have that trophy and it means something to me. Imagine getting a trophy after going something like 0-20? I would’ve thrown both away.
I'd take that "sorry, you're not as good" and go "So? That means you're gonna try harder to be as good! Just because you're not as good now, doesn't mean you're not as good forever! Just keep at it!"
My son absolutely loved that rough housing stuff. He's 5 and a half now and still loves it. He's also seems far more understanding of his limits that other kids.
I fully agree. Competition is good. Learning you are not the best is good. It pushes most to try harder. Live is hard and you must be prepared for challenges, wins and loses.
As a kid I never understood why we got trophies every year when we played soccer especially when most times we sucked. The one time my team won almost every single game I wanted an actual Trophy and those participation trophies pissed me off as a 10 year old kid.
In 2nd grade there was a banner that went around the front of the classroom. This banner was from an old motivational radio lecturer. The banner said a person's reach should exceed their grasp.. I really didn't understand. I asked the teacher what it meant. She said that that we should always try as hard as we can and then a little more because eventually we are then more likely to reach our goals. I still was unsure of its meaning. I finally discussed it with my grandfather and he explained the concept in full. It was an epiphany (only I didn't know what epiphany meant at that time). I remembered this philosophy always, tried to follow it, and it has definitely enriched my life.
When my son played roller hockey and got a participation trophy it was an insult. He knew they didn't have the best team. He knew his team didn't earn those. I totally agree with the Author. She's 100 in point. If you don't fail as a child, what happens when you're a teen or an adult. Yes, it does hold them back He was afraid to try new things at his first big job out of high school. Once he mastered the entire department he wouldn't transfer to another for fear of trying something knew and failing to get it right in not enough time. He also put less effort into certain things. He's a highly intelligent young man. Higher than most his age. He excells in many more areas in life. But risk taking is not one. And it's sad.
We all no what happens we are living amongst a whole group who grew up in this hyper neutral everyone’s a winner never told they suck at something group of people
I noticed a huge difference between myself and people who grew up in Canada. I grew up in the Caribbean. Me and the other kids were free to venture out to anywhere on the island so long as we were back before sundown (about 6PM). We built stuff out in the forest, went to the beach, etc. Our range increased as we got older. We even used to do something called tree surfing. It's where we would climb a tree (usually a mango tree) and instead of climbing down to go up a different tree we could run out on one branch and slide/jump to the next tree. We actually never fell while doing that. As a result of our adventures we're all very confident in our abilities to do things, assess situations, and try new things. This is a very stark contrast to the many of the people my age I've met who grew up in Canada. When I tell them to things we did as kids it blows their minds.
BTW we did injure ourselves but never anything life threatening because we worked our way up to the bigger stuff. I've fallen out of multiple trees and as a result I learned how to fall out a tree. I once got a punctured in the bottom of my right foot on the arch, got hit in both skins with a large rock (about 1 foot across and bled like crazy from the left), etc.
Stossel is right on point with this segment. We are not raising children we are raising adults who will hopefully succeed in this competitive world we live in
I believe that "trophies" (this could be an actual trophy, a ribbon, a certificate, or just accolades. Any sort of recognition or reward) need to be given out for big accomplishments. But this doesn't have to be first place. It can be for most improved, hardest working, most supportive... But it has to be something that actually HAS merit. If you start giving out trophies just for showing up then it is offensive both to the non-performer who got a pity trophy AND to the high performer who was just told that his accomplishments mean nothing.
Yeah, if I got a trophy everytime I took a $hit then the next real achievement would feel meaningless. Now for an infant that just learned potty training? Ok, that's an achievement, give the little guy an ice cream for learning a useful skill. You should praise kids for doing well, but not so much it waters down actual achievements, also you can see when a child is now just frustrated and feeling smothered so you don't need to praise everything non-stop.
Kids need to learn the value in winning and the joy in playing. And both have high value, but winning gets a trophy and taking time to learn and get better at things has great value. Plus there is joy in striving and achieving something. Compete with yourself to learn and grow. Each child also needs to learn and appreciate that they have unique talents that they excel in, but you don't have to be the best at something to really enjoy it.
A professor did this in class. He took the grades of all the students and averaged them out and that was the grade he gave everyone. At the end of the semester the grade point average dropped 2 points because the better students quit trying so hard because they weren't being rewarded for that extra work and the lower students basically just quit because their grades were better then they were achieving on their own.
@@samuelhowie4543 This is also why Communism doesn't work.
I already highly respected John stossell and his work. But it just went up another level after seeing his interview with Gavin.
"Old Single Mom, Blogger"...... Yeah, I'm not surprised she's single.
I wonder if she gives everyone she dates a "trophy"?
Losing creates a desire to succeed. Rewarding failure removes that desire.
I'm 48 now. I've thrown out every 'participation' trophy I've ever had. I've kept the merit based ones (mostly academic) - and a single 'most improved' award from when I was a kid playing hockey.
Some people would snicker at the most improved, but I think that one is different from 'everyone gets a trophy', because it doesn't reward for just being a warm body. It acknowledges that I may not have been the best (nowhere near), but that I might have been the one that worked hardest to improve and that's a lesson I think anyone can benefit from.
Bravo!!
Great video, this issue has been known for years. Horrible to give out a trophy to all, makes it worthless.
One of my best friends growing up was praised by his parents for doing everything to the point where me at 13 knew parents were delusional. He has major issues now he can't take constructive criticism or be told no without getting into a fight and attacking anybody that doesn't agree with him. With relationships he needs to be constantly reassured and in control. Mommy still calls him her little boy in his mid 30s. Please give your children real love by teaching them how to deal with the real world and still be kind
Your the best Stossel. I try not to miss one video!
My wifes entire family are all scholarship level athletes only one of them payed to go to university and he still got it partially covered under a scholarship.
You know what they did with participation awards?
"Throw that in the garbage before you get in the car."
Not a joke.
I'll do the same with my kids, I don't want them to learn these lessons 30 years into life. Better learn it while you're young so you can build yourself up emotionally to handle "life"
Exactly what I do with my daughter
I’m 100% with Stossel, even though I was one of those kids who sucked at pretty much everything.
It stiffened my spine enough to deal with stuff later in life that would’ve destroyed other people.
Life lessons are hard, even though it hurt at the time.
When my some loses a hockey game 10-0, there is nothing that makes me more proud than him getting home, and saying I need to go make 100 shots, so I can do better next time.
Hellalolz!! Gavin McInnis' video is so funny.......... he's obviously loves his kid and doesn't want his child hurt.........
There will always be winners and losers.... I never got a trophy, I never did great in sports but im doing just fine now as an adult. I have nothing to blame but hard work and determination.
Also you're a cisgender white male right? And did you inherit family money?
@@owenmersk4626 Not sure if your comment is serious or not.
Hi! You might not read this as its a year late. Oh well. But I just watched your video. I have 2 ribbons from day camp that I earned. I learned the most about nature, and I was the best in archery. Those mean alot to me. But I was horrible at math.
And I knew it. My mom helped me at home and I kind of caught up.
We chose to homeschool 7 of our children and they each had strengths and they each had weaknesses. They got praise for hard work and no participation trophies. There is a fine line between encouraging and false praise, and we can all recognize it. I actually got better at math teaching them.❤
"He who praises everybody,praises nobody"-Samuel Johnson
We should pray for her as she will be supporting her children for the rest of her life!
Even my wife is tired of the "men are bad", "men are clueless" agenda. And my kids never laughed so hard as when I would toss them onto the bed, a pillow, sofa cushions, etc. as we "rough-housed". My oldest son does the same with his kids and they LOVE it and often initiate it.
I didn't really see any harm the dad was doing to his baby.
Stossel dropping absolute bangers as always, keeping it 55th.
Why not give every military person the Congressional Medal of Honor? Why not give every kid that shows up to school a graduation diploma? Well, maybe they do now with diplomas.
Now you get a medal for waking up on time and not pissing the bed.
-Ken Elder Sr. WWII vet on the topic of military awards circa 2000
I have a friend that taught math at a college. He was in charge of teaching high school graduates math that we learned in elemetary school. No child left behind has caused a lot of kids to graduate not knowing how to read or do basic math. Those two things are the reason we send kids to school
considering how many people I know graduated without being able to read , I'd say they do.
I even asked the English teacher , " How could you give him a passing grade !? "
and she said " He always shows up to class " and I looked at her said " But he can't read ! " , she just chuckled and said " Nobody said you have to be able to read to pass English class " .
I never passed a high school math class. My transcript says I did, and I was accepted into a university where I never passed a math class...but my transcript says I did. I won't tell you the job I got after never passing a math class. It's honestly too unbelievable.
Yeah, I know a guy who... After 10 years of sailing my 32 foot boat up and down the west coast from Canada to Mexico I finally gave it up. The guy who bought it had these big ideas about sailing to Hawaii, but got sick to his stomach during sea trials. He never went to Hawaii, never sails the boat, won't take it out to practice at all, just leaves it at the marina. He was one of those guys who got a trophy for participation.
The mom is such a weak person, she is setting up her child for failure.
Another single mom actively ruining kids's lives albeit with good intentions.
There is a commercial for Tide detergent with an elderly couple whose daughter and kids have just moved in with them. They don't make an ad like that unless a lot of people can relate. Parents who coddle their children will be sheltering them for life.
N she looks like she's high on oxy in the last part
She's not just ruining her child's life she is ruining other children's life as well. The sick thing about these people is they regard your property as theirs but more nefariously they regard your children as theirs.
I was on a bowling team as a kid for four years.
No matter where you placed, you got a trophy.
I never looked at this trophy as having any value.
As an adult, I coached soccer.
In my first year of coaching, I was going to give my team a trophy.
Our soccer organization said we don't do trophies.
They said that they would not participate in a trophy for everyone.
Good for their stance.
I wish my mom was around to see this article. She passed almost 2 years ago at 87. She had three boys two of which proceeded her in death in 2006 and 2007. Even after both my brothers died. My mom never waivered from her teaching to me at 54 when she died. Be strong Jeff, don't live in fear, take chances. You may never be the best in the room, but know you are worth while and can make a difference in this world. She NEVER ever let us think we had won for no reason. She was the type to help pick us up out of the dirt when we fell, but she never said. Now take it easy Jeff, don't push yourself. Absolutely NOT, she would dust us off and say, now go back and try harder. It may take you a lifetime to succeed. But in the end you will! That to me would be the best mother in the world. She would tell that crazy lady in this article that she is harming all her children, and any others who listen to her. She was a proud Christian, but she knew when to take a stand against evil. Well this would be evil in her book. Harming children.
Great video. Here’s a trophy. 🏆
Absolutely love Stossel !
Anyone Else?
Yep!
A trophy should be earned. It teaches work ethic and perseverance as you work toward a goal. The focus should be on teaching kids to both win and lose gracefully, enjoy what they do (not just play for the reward), and how to evaluate what they could have done better (if anything) so they can improve.
I've seen with my own kids that when they fail, they try harder because they want the reward. It hurts to lose, but that hurt actually helps them. If you reward them for everything, they'll never try to be better.
Enjoyment is the reward for participation, awards are for those who excelled.
Imagine how sad your life is as an adult if you hang on to a participation trophy from your childhood. If just participating and completing something that tons of others do and not striving to be really good or great at it makes you satisfied that is sad. Everyone should strive to be great at something.
An adult should have a sky-high stack of wins, each and every one dwarfing their childhood accomplishments. It is pretty sad to imagine a person who has so little going for them as an adult that they cling to participation trophies from when they were a kid. Taking a big L can also be either a wake up call or a call to action - they realize they either need to "get good" or move on. Losing is an integral part of winning because it's by losing that you learn how to win. Losing in the short term is how you win in the long term. When you lose, you can evaluate if the cost is worth it. You can see how far you'd have to go to be good at this thing, and it might be better to move on to something else. This is the learning & growing process. Teaching that losses are wins / that everyone is a winner seriously undermines the growth process - it foments a narcissistic attitude that thinks it is entitled to success, and this will be a huge hindrance to them as they go out into the real world. It is cruel to send children out into the real world so unprepared.
@@Entropic0 It's probably because she grew up in the participation trophy environment that she never learned to put forth real effort to excel in what she does. Thus she looks back fondly on all the accolades she got as a child since out in the real one no one care if you just show up, they wanna see people who excel.
Yup, she even hung on to her maiden name. That's one woman I would hate to be married to, then again her "hubby" is prob a beta-male
The point of loosing is when guided the proper way, pushing the kids to try again, it teaches one of the most important tools in life: determination, how to always do better, to never give and take the easy way out. This is what keeps a person aways from comformity, from living on the streets and "thinking this is fine, I'll sink deeper".
My brothers both have one kid only and each let's them win at everything. Now that all of our kids are getting older, theirs can't cope with losing to their cousins or other kids. Its a disaster. All because they never lost anything before.
I'm really glad my dad never let me win at anything against him.
It made me respect him, and it gave me a goal to work towards.
@@Devastish Exactly! And when you finally win against the grown-up, its a moment of complete, true victory! Also, that's when the grown-ups know they are getting old as well. ;)
@mikeall Curious - How is it that you didn't do the same thing as your brothers? Were you raised in a different household? I applaud you for teaching your own children how to win gracefully, (I imagine you taught them this), and to not be a "sore loser", which is what your brothers kids are now. I can't imagine them competing in a job environment.....
@@RMBlake007 This is a lengthy response but you bring up some interesting questions. I really think it is something inherent to having more than one child. If you have multiple kids, not everyone can win. You have to address it whether you want to or not.
Oddly enough my parents did not raise us in a snow flake sort of way so it has caused me to think something about the 'only child' lifestyle leads parents down the path of least resistance. My best guess is that letting your kid win is the easy way out. Learning to lose is hard and causes tears.
To add further evidence to this, one of my wife's sisters ALSO has only one child and he is terrible at losing as well. He has gotten a bit better as he navigates through the higher grades of elementary school but it was a rough path. My wife's dad actual made a point when she and her sisters were young to not let them win but her sister did not carry that lesson forward. So go figure.
Another "only child' stereotype i have observed in all of them is the fact they all struggle with attention getting behavior to varying degrees. I don't think all these folks are bad parents but they have a society that emphasizes 'snow flakeness' and not having a sibling never forces parents to address disappointment, lack of being the center of attention and other scenarios like that. All that said I have also have friends who have 3 and 4 kids and have one or multiple that are spoiled rotten and can't handle losing.
John....I seriously miss you. Please show that wonderful segment you did on working Moms called "The Second Shift". I never forgot it.
Classic John Stossel! I've been listening to this guy all these years. I'm so happy HE IS FINALLY starting to get some of the recognition he deserves.
Damn good show John. Gavins vid about that made me happy. He is a good dad and hopefully more are like him.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say this women is single.
I pray for her children.
Look at her blog title at 7:43. Pretty sure you're right.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Zek Kiel It’s the reason kids need balance. A mother and a father. Someone to love unconditionally like only a mother can. And a father that doesn’t allow mom to be over protective. My wife and I talk about this topic often. She understands that at times I need to take the lead to allow our boys to become men. The understanding of the balance is needed. Unfortunately we have a group trying to tear down the family structure because they know it’s easier to get others to comply when they’re alone and afraid.
Please wake up out there mothers. Not all, just the ones that don’t understand the balance children need to learn and thrive.
@Robert Anderson it’s sad how they’ve literally destroyed their own minds trying to chase what corporations and the media have led them to believe they’re lacking.
Single moms always infentiles their kids...this is the stupid shit people do their kids.
Winning is easy. It's losing that is hard. When we're kids we must learn how to be a good loser. To be a good sport. How to accept that we lost and to then try try again. It builds character. It's life lessons. It's what prepares you for the real world. Remember being told " don't be a sore loser " and " be a good sport " ? Winning is easy, losing is a lot tougher. A child doesn't have to learn how to win but a child DOES have to learn how to lose because it's not so easy.
The soccer mom’s are putting feelings over facts. McGuinnes is right, kids learn from suffering. Wether it hurt feelings or broken bones.
Keep up the great work Stossel ,you are a national treasure.
There is a perfectly good word for undeserved praise. And kids usually learn the feeling early...patronizing; and nobody likes that feeling.
Patronizing cheapens and tarnishes earned praise and real accomplishment.
Shoutout to gavin mcinnes
My daughter played soccer from the age of 4 through high school. When she was 12 she played in her 1st competitive soccer league. On this league she had to earn her way on to a team, had to be at practice everyday, weekends consisted of 2 or 3 games. The Championship Weekend consisted of any team who's rank 3rd or lower had to play at least 3 games. Her team played 3 games , back to back to back, and won the championship. On the way home she looked at me and said "dad this is the 1st trophy I've ever received that I truly believed I earned." My daughter is in college now. Because of that season she understood what hard work and success means.
I legit laughed when that guy slammed his baby WWE style. Then I realized it was a comedy skit. 🤣🤣🤣 People who say this isn`t funny don`t know what they are talking about.
I think the issue is more than the baby cannot consent or say anything. That’s what’s wrong.
What is totally being missed is that the real measurement is not winning or losing, it's about encouraging kids to give 100% effort and doing the best they can do to the limits of their talent, skills, and ability. You soon find out that no matter how hard you try, there are some things you can't do so you're better off directing your energy and interests into areas you can succeed.
#1 in self-esteem and #27 in performance. Guess some people never heard: “Confidence without competence is only ever arrogance.”
But how can that be? We spend more money on education than any country in the industrialized world. Were #1, Were #1, Were #1!
Reminds me of the years I was involved with Classic Cars. All entries received a "Participation" award :)
I throw my baby around like Gavin and he LOVES it
My son learned what health insurance is at 6 months and has tried to use it ever since.
It's called being a dad,
Nothing is more humbling than loosing or failing. At that point you have the ability to triumph.
Kids don't need ribbons. They need to learn how to work harder and/or smarter in order to achieve their goals. I know this, because I was one.
same
Eddie you are fired, but dont worry here is a ribbon...
Failure is part of learning !!!
Participation trophies are what has given us the young adult we are seeing today. The ones who believe they are entitled to things rather than having to earn them. Those screaming for student loan forgiveness are a good example. They went to college, incured the debt and now expect to not have to pay for it. The reason they feel this way? "Life is too hard and this debt is making it harder."
To an extent, I feel for them because their parents, teachers, older people lied to them by saying that participation trophies are just as good as those for 1st-3rd place winners and likewise told that loans are the only way to pay for college. Ignoring careers which require no degrees, community colleges, vocational/tech schools, etc; college can be paid for via grants, scholarships, and simply saving money. Altogether, young adults are in for a rude awakening all because they have been lied to because parents/teachers/etc. want everyone to win when all this has done was enforce the mentality of the adult child.
My sons played travel sports. There were winners and losers teams were eliminated from playoffs and won championships. They learned and gained so much from this experience. My eldest is 24, he bought his first house 2 yrs ago. My 17 year old is a senior on honor roll and received a sports scholarship.
How to fight a baby! Hahahaha
Failures are the stepping stones to success.
Jesus - the guy who defied one of the mightiest empires in history and the local power elite of the Pharisees, then went willingly to a horrible execution - was the biggest wuss of all time. She must have gotten a ribbon from Sunday school.
I was always a heavy kid, never good at sports, but I was a really good learner at every job I had. Running machinery, sheet metal fabrication, tig welding, etc.
School and society puts alot of emphasis on sports. Exercise is great but you can get plenty of it on 12 hour shifts as a diesel mechanic busting down drive tires lol
To quote a teacher who taught many of us more þan any real person, kids need to "take chances, make mistakes, get messy." Giving everyone a trophy removes chances and doesn't allow for making mistakes.
Are you a time traveler? I've never seen someone use *thorn* (þ) as a "th" on the internet.
When I was in the school orchestra they had contests for solo/ensemble. They didn't give out any medals for participating. You earned them by your performance. You also get written comments from the judges telling about the parts you did well and where you need to improve on. Also when my orchestra teacher does hand out trophies at the end of the school year he had us students vote amongst ourselves on who deserved the outstanding student award. I think he did it that way because that would be a tough decision and possibly to avoid picking favorites.