I just had a conversation with my dad and it turns out my mom has been lying about him for a long time. I’m just happy because though he was distraught to find out, he didn’t lose it or overtly defend himself. Even acknowledged that yea he did make mistakes. It’s nice to know I do have one parent who is able of change and can accept their own faults. It also showed me the real difference between an empathetic parent and one that isn’t. It sickens me seeing how my mom can walk around happy knowing that she lied to her child with some serious accusations. Frankly though after the conversation I feel alot more comfortable just being me. And alot more comfortable with the idea of letting her go.
This is a very good explanation of parental alienation. Yes, I am going through this and living it. Just two weeks ago,my own son called the cops on me and then decides he doesn't want to see me or stay with me anymore 😮. He was getting into some serious problems and was disciplining him. Cops came but did not arrest me as they agreed that he needed disciplining.
I so admire your humility, honesty and courage. Thank you for being you. I'm so sorry for what you went through as a parent. It is heartbreaking - for you and your children.
I wish I would have known about the ins and out of P.A. before it got out of hand. It's like fighting a ghost when you can't figure out what is happening.
@@DTM45 They know trust me they talk about it all the time but refuse to take the proper steps to fight it because you aren't pumping their wallets good enough it all comes down to how much your kids are worth to you, Not what's best for the child because if this was the case they would make both parents co parent not one over the other. They basically throw gender bias like a man is incapable of raising a child vs the mother and that in itself is breaking the law.
Truth truth truth. Their truth. They give them so much info and half of it’s false and it breaks my heart. Kids can’t bear all that! Let them be children. If I’d seen this 7 years ago I’d saved myself from partaking in the abuse, I was young and was trying to defend myself! I wish I could go back and change that. I can’t now I know thanks to your videos. Since I’ve been watching these. My sons have came around they wave now. When no one is looking they snuck and told me they mis me and wanna come home and they are sorry she acts like that. I told them they don’t worry about any of that just be a kid!
WOW Kenny! This video has awakened me after 30 years of abuse and alienation from my ex wife and opened up a clear channel of understanding on EVERYTHING 🤯
Alienators do horrible things like tell a small child that the other parent broke their heart. A two year doesn't understand and thinks you committed horrific violence against the alienating parent
Exactly what happened to me it's the mother with a broken heart not the child and they use that to weaponize it against the ex. What's truly wild is these alienators are the same people to break off the relationship when the child is born and make it look like they want to be friends only when in reality it was a planned move and this is why it's so hard to know who is a good person to have children with. Births rates aren't going down for no reason this is the reason who wants to get their life dragged through the mud by some person that just used you as a ATM over anything else.
Kenny, thank you for your videos. There is hope, 3 years ago my son was hitting, kicking and throwing things at me, my friends told me to walk away, but I knew my son was doing what he thought what his father wanted and deep down there was hope. For Valentines Day my son gave me a chocolate rose, I have shared custody, and we have a wonderful time together. Don't give up and don't reduce yourself to the narcissist's level...
What gets me is that my now 24 year old daughter knows that her mother and grandmother manipulated her to be against me yet, despite that knowledge, she says that she STILL "can't" have a relationship with me. That was 4 years ago. We were very close from her birth up until age 13. After that, from 14 to 20 she was nothing more than an extension of her mother, disguised as my once loving daughter. It was a dream turned nightmare.
Every word you have said is so true, living this exact nightmare for 4 years, have 3 beautiful daughters & unfortunately not by choice I had to acknowledge the power he over me & how badly he was had disturbing them. Broke me when he took my daughters to court especially on her birthday to give false evidence. I then seen I had no choice the more I tried the more they got disturbed. It’s all games to them & I refuse to let my daughters engage in this. I live in hope & I know they will be back. I was weak from beginning of relationship, now I’m building a stronger me for the sake of my daughters.
Kenny, I just found you on here and I am watching some of your videos and I could not agree with you now if you would’ve asked me 10 years ago, I could’ve not of said that because I would’ve said you don’t know what I’ve been through. you don’t know the pain that they have caused, but I sit here today and tell you that even though I am navigating some relationship with my children, I have to myself and understand and love myself more than I could’ve ever thought of. Had I not been through some of the things I have so it actually is a blessing.
I am going through this right now I am 60 years old, never had kids. I've been living with a covert narcissist for 10 years and trying to get her out of my house now. She is doing this to me with our four-year-old grandchild which I love like a son. It's breaking my heart. He's with us most of the time. I'm so sorry you had to go through this Kenny. I am not even his biological grandfather but it hurts so much, I would do anything for this little boy. I want to be in his life even if I'm not with his grandmother anymore. The 4 year olds mother said I can stay in his life no matter what happens between her mother and me. I just want what's best for him and for him to be safe and happy. Just thinking about not having him in my life break down in tears
I seriously doubt you have the worst case i was alienated when my son was two years old he is now 22 he has no idea what i been through or what his mom was doing to me till this day i am still paying support for a child i was told i can't see but they always want to see my money. The system is here for your hard earned money nothing else they know these women have just as much resources but refuse to let it be known and keep the wheel going. At this point i gave up and stopped caring it's on her to explain and i am sure i am the Villain of the story and that's typical of someone who knows the other person can't defend themselves. I gave up on him and him coming around i am building around my daughter as i have moved on and the boy in question will never see anything but child support that his mom got from me unfortunately she screwed her own kid my conscious is clear 100% From experience you can go in without attitude and being frustrated and they still walk over you with calm explaining and they don't care meanwhile the mother will lie and you can't say anything ,I was accused of Psychological abuse when i am not even around the child to even implant anything which is why i already knew i was never going to see my kid again courts eat that up with no regard for the other parent.
My father did this to my mother all the time during my whole childhood. He was jealous of the love and the bond I have with my mother. He was constantly trying to make me choose between them. He even invited me for dinner, when I was around 12 years old, just to talk bad about my mother and when I tried to defend her, he got mad at me. This was very traumatic for me. I didn't feel seen or valued at all. As a child I often ended up crying and begging him to stop talking about her like that. He would say that she desvered the cancer that almost killed her and that she has no empathy. That she wanted to have me aborted but he made her keep me etc. My mother is a very kind and loving woman who was very codependent in their relationship. I know both my father and mother had a lot of issues, but I love them both any way. I sometimes just wish that my father would love me back the same way... but I know I can never expect that.... and that is a loss I have to grieve my whole life, I think. I also grieve for my mother a lot, who has been hurt so much.... I feel bad for them both for all the hurt they have been through.... I just wish we could all heal...
My dad also told me me how he stopped my mom from aborting me. That was just one of a thousand ways he successfully alienated me against my mother from an early age. I've lived with guilt my entire adult life for the pain I caused my mother by my treatment of her fueled by his anger which he made my own. My uncle told me the other day it wasn't my fault. I realize I struggle to believe that. What a horrible thing our fathers did to us and our poor tragic mothers. To be taught to hate one's own parent is to be taught to hate one's self. I feel very sad for both my parents though as they're victims of horrible childhood trauma too.
My late mother was highly critical of my late father. He never really spoke up for himself. As a result, I never learned how to speak up for myself. My mother also blocked my autonomy and damaged my identity, due to her authoritarian parenting style, codependency, and enmeshment. Unfortunately, mothers can destroy and devastate their children because the children are learning. They are clueless about life's basics and how relationships are supposed to work.
I have watched this video and one you did on this subject. Thank you for this content! This is very close to my situation. I am currently going through the early stages of my divorce. I just worry that I will not have the mental strength to follow through. I want to be that safe dad for my kids, but my soon to be ex wife, still triggers and abuses me regularly. I’ve been in therapy for 8 months and both my kids are in therapy (thank god). I just don’t want my kids to be screwed as adults as I am from my Narc father.
Alienation is often subtle between the alienator and the child. Ex: child says something positive to dad about mom. Dad doesn’t respond with words. He walks off and ignores the kid all day. Kid learns to please dad by not saying anything good about mom or vice versa.
Beloved Brother, I deeply resonate. Thank you for being a light in this world. God bless & may you be blessed with light that grants you peace & healing. Know that God will test us all this is guaranteed, and God says in ALL His scriptures previous and in Quran 2:155 : "Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.." Through these " tests" we become who we were meant to be....if we choose. 💚💚💚
Yeah my mom vented a lot of her frustration with relationships, men etc. in my presence, especially when I did something wrong or broke something. It really fucked me up. I pretty much can't relate to people and think I'm not worth their affection etc. I felt like an imposter my whole life and have ended up exactly where I feared I would be as a child; alone and in poverty at 50.
I'm so very sorry that you've gone through such a storm. I too have not done well financially, even though I've always received yearly employment reviews stating that I exceed all expectations. I never made it to that seemingly illusive next financial rung up on that corporate "resume ladder"; at that time I was still running circles on that Stockholm hamster wheel in order to pay all the necessary life-sustenance bills. While at the same time I was dancing as fast as I could in my attempt to raise a "highly-functioning and most well-adjusted" minor child that I possibly could. Yup, I also tripped up, even though I had been through a very meaningful full course of cognitive therapy when my daughter was 7 (and just after her dad and I had divorced). I had actually been released by my therapist to return prn. My therapist had stated, "I'm proud of you, you've hung in there doing your own most challenging inner work, and you've made it through the darkness tunnel and you've come out on the other side where the light resides". Little did I know, until years later after I retired and had had some years of alone time to think and reflect, that darkness can indeed engulf us again. Yup, I'm just another perfectly imperfect mother here. And I'm back at the work while my beloved 34 year old daughter is in therapy slating her own demons as she struggles to stay afloat through her own brand of quicksand. So I'm sending you encouragement, love, and the healing energy of light vibrations. You are truly worthy, dear one! 🙏✌️&🤟
You are 100% accurate about how my ex-mother-in-law who is very narcissistic is treating me with my child she’s made up lies about me in court. She doesn’t let me see my kid at all. She took me for full custody behind my back without me, even knowing there was a court hearing And the lies that were told about me. I couldn’t even believe that anybody would even believe what was written if anybody had actually read it I just couldn’t believe that she could have this much control not only is she mentally hurting My Child? She is physically, and I even found something of sexually Abusing my child I want to Children And Youth. They told me to go to a lawyer I called the cops. They told me to go to a lawyer I don’t have the money for a lawyer right now and I feel like I need a really good one because she had a really good one. That lied That helped her lie about me. I don’t have any family or anybody to help me. I feel so confused and helpless and I don’t know what to do there’s more in my story my situation isn’t the easiest but one thing is I’m a great mom and my ex-mother-in-law has literally literally taken my whole mother Role and experience away for me. My child has tried to commit suicide in their care three times everything has been blamed on me. Nobody’s even met me it’s crazy how they have everybody so brainwashed and convinced that she’s great and I’m some piece of shit she bullies me I cry, thinking of what my kid is going through and how am I gonna get my kid out of there unfortunately I lost my place to live last year. My father was dying of cancer and my landlord was the slumlord you just kept trying to get over on me. My rent went from 1600 to 2000 and then he would lie and say I was two months behind when I was only one month behind enough until he got me out of there and then they robbed me of everything. I do have a lawsuit against this guy I just need a lawyer and I don’t have money for a lawyer I tried to go to the state to get help nobody is helping me and I don’t know what to do, I know I need to get a lawyer who deals with narcissistic people anyway, thanks for the video because every single thing that you said is exactly what she does to me there’s not one thing that you didn’t mention
Dude- Only three years? My divorce went on for SEVEN years. Five Lawsuits. Do you understand what it does to your relationship with your neighbors when the cops are frequently at your home? Do you know how many friends you lose? All of them. Except two in my case. In the end the AG switched sides and supported me. The AG allowed the extortion money I paid over the years (for access to the kids) to be counted as child support. So the child support ended early. Can you imagine the drama over that? The judge screamed at my ex- (no BS) and told me to call her directly if I get any more drama. Why do I tell you all this? To tell you this-- nothing lost ever comes back. You start over. So It Goes.
I've never heard more truer words spoken! It's the momma bear in me. I gotta tell you that your words are written down on a sticky note attached to my fridge with your user name. Thank you, you are a kindred spirit in my eyes, and a legacy of words you will be remembered by at least me and my next generation kin...stay blessed loved one, and thank you once again❤ sending love and light to you😌
I am so sorry you are experiencing this, it is heart breaking and hard to survive. Thank you for all your work that you have done to heal so that you can help and give others guidance and hope...God Bless...
My Mom was a narc. She Lived in her head. She never spoke to me ever. SILENT. She broke me in elementary. I could not navigate in any relationship. I then became her slave until I was 50. I am 63 now. Nothing has ever worked. My sisters and brothers all were taught by her to abuse and accuse me of everything. I have hope. I keep all unstable people out of my life.
You hit the nail on the head with everything that I'm going through and I believe, about still adoring and realising we all have out faults. All the things you said about having to ask permission etc. Honestly you have no idea the impact this video has had on me. If you can give me any tips on how to get into your line of work i would love to hear them.
24 year marriage and was extremely abused. A lot of what you said is right on the money but when its your kids ex stepfather and kids who are adults, a lot of what im finding jist isnt applicable to my case. Thank you
OMG! This describes my ex to a T! My ex does all this! How do you coparent? And how do you deal with your ex’s partner as well who wants to be the parent in your place?
I totally agree with your analysis. I never stand up for myself and this was the main enabler for my narcissist ex-wife to control everything in my life, my finances, my time, cameras every where, tracking me, isolating me from friends and family, criticizing me all the time, and at some point, i was unable to do anything except after i ask for permission including just leaving the room. Now, i am a v educated and successful man, but i was treated as if i was a stupid loser and i accepted it. It was my fault.
I’m in a situation where my ex claims i’m alienating her, but in reality her own actions have caused the children to pull away from her. I never speak poorly of her, in fact I do the opposite. I try to encourage them to goto her place - but I do my best to personally NOT to interact with her (gray rocking). I would actually like if she could take the kids for her allotted time - to give me more time to do my own things but I frequently take them back early (her request) as she struggles with them. The deep deep web that is a relationship with a covert narcissist.
Awww geesh, I totally understand you more than you know. I see I'm NOT alone out here. I pray your situation gets better my friend. Stay strong Stay Resilient. Be at peace (when you can). Try to be positive (when you can).
Alice Evans is doing this to Ioan Gruffudd and their children. 2.5 years it’s been going on. She ignores court orders completely and the court has done nothing to try and enforce them. Everything you have said she is doing. Ugh.
I like your philosophical approach. It seems in some cases there is really no other option but alienation. If you were to avoid alienation specifically and have that as a guiding force you'd have to be very far from your true self and you still wouldn't get a fulfilling situation - you wouldn't be accepted or loved for the real you. If you were to fight it, you'd alienate further and potentially deprive your kids of their right to love the other parent (or family members) who are doing the alienation. It's incredible how deep and long lasting the effects of codependency and disfunction are. However, it is what it is, sometimes many generations need to pass before these things are "cleared" somehow, before someone wakes up and says - okay, this disfunction has to stop with me, and I'll do the work since the ones before me didn't really do it very well or didn't bother. It's okay if it's not your kids doing that - then it might be their kids; or they won't have kids and that'll be the end of that cycle. In the end, it's all destiny and karma as well. The moment you can readjust the way you label yourself and the situation, you can be free to do the best thing possible - just live and let live. And that's how you break the cycle of trauma.
Just about everything you mention has occurred in my case. The Irony is that the so called experts (Child custody assessor, Counselors all said "no evidence of parental alienation") I have 2 children. My daughter is 100% alienated.. My son who is younger saw the alienation and rejected his mom. His mom weaponized religion and condemned him and I to hell and his step dad told him he was not welcome in their house. Keep in mind he is only 12. Luckily the GAL recognized something wasn't right and now I have 100% custody of my Son.
With all due respect sir, i have done the recovery work but i refuse to call my ex-husbands wife (the alienator) brilliant or admirable. Does she have good qualities sure maybe. But at the end of it all she is rotten and what she did to my children was rotten. When someone shows us who they are we must believe them. I will thank her for inspiring me to be a better woman but i call her for who she is. I don’t understand how or why we let these people get away with irreparable damage!
I was married for 20 years with 3 kids at the time of my divorce….my daughter was 16 and my two sons were 12 and 7. I can give you a lesson on PAS my friend. Been through counseling/support groups/therapy etc! PAS is child abuse according to family law and the alienating parent should be in PRISON! I watched your whole video but you defended your child abusing ex in the beginning….Unacceptable!!
Ido not understand why parents uses their own l❤ves ones , their littles ❤nes to hurt the other oarent?? Why??? They do not know that their child will grow up and realize everything???
So why don’t laws & judges halt mothers who keep infants from fathers immediately? Mothers who say their child doesn’t need a father, etc. The infant is in an abusive situation from the onset! Society needs to get real…not all single moms are living and not all dads are seatbelts. Family law is allowing this form of abuse? Women who hide babies and wait years for the attack on a dad need to be in jail for child abuse for this. No wonder so many kids never see their dads! Men need to stand against it also.
Not all moms are loving & not all dads are deadbeats. A mother who alienates is a child abuser and some begin when the child is born. Family law must wake up and see the domestic violence here. If a father has to fight for his rights against a single mom abuser then something is terribly wrong with family courts. I am talking about a mom who hides a newborn from dad for months until the legal system intervenes for him but that’s not enough because her actions show her parent alienation exists from child’s birth. What will happen if it’s not stopped. Courts are not serious about the best interests of a child? Doesn’t sound like it. Reality is if a dad kept an infant from its mother for months, he’d go to jail. These kinds of mothers belong in jail!!
I don't adore my abusers and I sure don't adore my children's abusers. I will not credit evil for bringing about something good. That is not what evil does. It's God who gives us something good from the bad things that happen to us. Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them to them that love God, ..." In the Bible, All means "all" and that is all that all means.
Death can be a consequence of parental alienation, leaving a parent so distraught and hurt, everything in that parent's life suffers.
I just had a conversation with my dad and it turns out my mom has been lying about him for a long time. I’m just happy because though he was distraught to find out, he didn’t lose it or overtly defend himself. Even acknowledged that yea he did make mistakes. It’s nice to know I do have one parent who is able of change and can accept their own faults. It also showed me the real difference between an empathetic parent and one that isn’t. It sickens me seeing how my mom can walk around happy knowing that she lied to her child with some serious accusations. Frankly though after the conversation I feel alot more comfortable just being me. And alot more comfortable with the idea of letting her go.
Well if that makes you feel better. Your poor dad.
"who is able of change"
🤭
This is a very good explanation of parental alienation. Yes, I am going through this and living it. Just two weeks ago,my own son called the cops on me and then decides he doesn't want to see me or stay with me anymore 😮. He was getting into some serious problems and was disciplining him. Cops came but did not arrest me as they agreed that he needed disciplining.
I so admire your humility, honesty and courage. Thank you for being you. I'm so sorry for what you went through as a parent. It is heartbreaking - for you and your children.
I wish I would have known about the ins and out of P.A. before it got out of hand.
It's like fighting a ghost when you can't figure out what is happening.
And the attorneys are clueless.
@@DTM45 They know trust me they talk about it all the time but refuse to take the proper steps to fight it because you aren't pumping their wallets good enough it all comes down to how much your kids are worth to you, Not what's best for the child because if this was the case they would make both parents co parent not one over the other.
They basically throw gender bias like a man is incapable of raising a child vs the mother and that in itself is breaking the law.
Please keep up the free content, I have been to therapy since childhood and your expertise is quite good and researched based.
Truth truth truth. Their truth. They give them so much info and half of it’s false and it breaks my heart. Kids can’t bear all that! Let them be children. If I’d seen this 7 years ago I’d saved myself from partaking in the abuse, I was young and was trying to defend myself! I wish I could go back and change that. I can’t now I know thanks to your videos. Since I’ve been watching these. My sons have came around they wave now. When no one is looking they snuck and told me they mis me and wanna come home and they are sorry she acts like that. I told them they don’t worry about any of that just be a kid!
WOW Kenny! This video has awakened me after 30 years of abuse and alienation from my ex wife and opened up a clear channel of understanding on EVERYTHING 🤯
Alienators do horrible things like tell a small child that the other parent broke their heart. A two year doesn't understand and thinks you committed horrific violence against the alienating parent
Exactly what happened to me it's the mother with a broken heart not the child and they use that to weaponize it against the ex.
What's truly wild is these alienators are the same people to break off the relationship when the child is born and make it look like they want to be friends only when in reality it was a planned move and this is why it's so hard to know who is a good person to have children with.
Births rates aren't going down for no reason this is the reason who wants to get their life dragged through the mud by some person that just used you as a ATM over anything else.
Kenny, thank you for your videos. There is hope, 3 years ago my son was hitting, kicking and throwing things at me, my friends told me to walk away, but I knew my son was doing what he thought what his father wanted and deep down there was hope. For Valentines Day my son gave me a chocolate rose, I have shared custody, and we have a wonderful time together. Don't give up and don't reduce yourself to the narcissist's level...
What gets me is that my now 24 year old daughter knows that her mother and grandmother manipulated her to be against me yet, despite that knowledge, she says that she STILL "can't" have a relationship with me. That was 4 years ago.
We were very close from her birth up until age 13. After that, from 14 to 20 she was nothing more than an extension of her mother, disguised as my once loving daughter. It was a dream turned nightmare.
I'm in so much pain...still
Every word you have said is so true, living this exact nightmare for 4 years, have 3 beautiful daughters & unfortunately not by choice I had to acknowledge the power he over me & how badly he was had disturbing them. Broke me when he took my daughters to court especially on her birthday to give false evidence. I then seen I had no choice the more I tried the more they got disturbed. It’s all games to them & I refuse to let my daughters engage in this. I live in hope & I know they will be back. I was weak from beginning of relationship, now I’m building a stronger me for the sake of my daughters.
Kenny, I just found you on here and I am watching some of your videos and I could not agree with you now if you would’ve asked me 10 years ago, I could’ve not of said that because I would’ve said you don’t know what I’ve been through. you don’t know the pain that they have caused, but I sit here today and tell you that even though I am navigating some relationship with my children, I have to myself and understand and love myself more than I could’ve ever thought of. Had I not been through some of the things I have so it actually is a blessing.
I am going through this right now I am 60 years old, never had kids. I've been living with a covert narcissist for 10 years and trying to get her out of my house now. She is doing this to me with our four-year-old grandchild which I love like a son. It's breaking my heart. He's with us most of the time. I'm so sorry you had to go through this Kenny. I am not even his biological grandfather but it hurts so much, I would do anything for this little boy. I want to be in his life even if I'm not with his grandmother anymore. The 4 year olds mother said I can stay in his life no matter what happens between her mother and me. I just want what's best for him and for him to be safe and happy. Just thinking about not having him in my life break down in tears
I seriously doubt you have the worst case i was alienated when my son was two years old he is now 22 he has no idea what i been through or what his mom was doing to me till this day i am still paying support for a child i was told i can't see but they always want to see my money.
The system is here for your hard earned money nothing else they know these women have just as much resources but refuse to let it be known and keep the wheel going.
At this point i gave up and stopped caring it's on her to explain and i am sure i am the Villain of the story and that's typical of someone who knows the other person can't defend themselves.
I gave up on him and him coming around i am building around my daughter as i have moved on and the boy in question will never see anything but child support that his mom got from me unfortunately she screwed her own kid my conscious is clear 100%
From experience you can go in without attitude and being frustrated and they still walk over you with calm explaining and they don't care meanwhile the mother will lie and you can't say anything ,I was accused of Psychological abuse when i am not even around the child to even implant anything which is why i already knew i was never going to see my kid again courts eat that up with no regard for the other parent.
My father did this to my mother all the time during my whole childhood.
He was jealous of the love and the bond I have with my mother.
He was constantly trying to make me choose between them.
He even invited me for dinner, when I was around 12 years old, just to talk bad about my mother and when I tried to defend her, he got mad at me. This was very traumatic for me.
I didn't feel seen or valued at all.
As a child I often ended up crying and begging him to stop talking about her like that. He would say that she desvered the cancer that almost killed her and that she has no empathy. That she wanted to have me aborted but he made her keep me etc.
My mother is a very kind and loving woman who was very codependent in their relationship.
I know both my father and mother had a lot of issues, but I love them both any way. I sometimes just wish that my father would love me back the same way... but I know I can never expect that.... and that is a loss I have to grieve my whole life, I think.
I also grieve for my mother a lot, who has been hurt so much....
I feel bad for them both for all the hurt they have been through....
I just wish we could all heal...
My dad also told me me how he stopped my mom from aborting me. That was just one of a thousand ways he successfully alienated me against my mother from an early age. I've lived with guilt my entire adult life for the pain I caused my mother by my treatment of her fueled by his anger which he made my own. My uncle told me the other day it wasn't my fault. I realize I struggle to believe that. What a horrible thing our fathers did to us and our poor tragic mothers. To be taught to hate one's own parent is to be taught to hate one's self. I feel very sad for both my parents though as they're victims of horrible childhood trauma too.
My late mother was highly critical of my late father. He never really spoke up for himself. As a result, I never learned how to speak up for myself. My mother also blocked my autonomy and damaged my identity, due to her authoritarian parenting style, codependency, and enmeshment. Unfortunately, mothers can destroy and devastate their children because the children are learning. They are clueless about life's basics and how relationships are supposed to work.
I have watched this video and one you did on this subject. Thank you for this content! This is very close to my situation. I am currently going through the early stages of my divorce. I just worry that I will not have the mental strength to follow through. I want to be that safe dad for my kids, but my soon to be ex wife, still triggers and abuses me regularly. I’ve been in therapy for 8 months and both my kids are in therapy (thank god). I just don’t want my kids to be screwed as adults as I am from my Narc father.
Alienation is often subtle between the alienator and the child. Ex: child says something positive to dad about mom. Dad doesn’t respond with words. He walks off and ignores the kid all day. Kid learns to please dad by not saying anything good about mom or vice versa.
It was done to me and I had her weekdays while he had her for the weekends. He badmouthed me consistently from the time she was a toddler
Beloved Brother, I deeply resonate. Thank you for being a light in this world. God bless & may you be blessed with light that grants you peace & healing. Know that God will test us all this is guaranteed, and God says in ALL His scriptures previous and in Quran 2:155 :
"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.."
Through these " tests" we become who we were meant to be....if we choose.
💚💚💚
That IS Beautiful my Friend 💯
Yeah my mom vented a lot of her frustration with relationships, men etc. in my presence, especially when I did something wrong or broke something. It really fucked me up. I pretty much can't relate to people and think I'm not worth their affection etc. I felt like an imposter my whole life and have ended up exactly where I feared I would be as a child; alone and in poverty at 50.
I'm so very sorry that you've gone through such a storm. I too have not done well financially, even though I've always received yearly employment reviews stating that I exceed all expectations. I never made it to that seemingly illusive next financial rung up on that corporate "resume ladder"; at that time I was still running circles on that Stockholm hamster wheel in order to pay all the necessary life-sustenance bills. While at the same time I was dancing as fast as I could in my attempt to raise a "highly-functioning and most well-adjusted" minor child that I possibly could.
Yup, I also tripped up, even though I had been through a very meaningful full course of cognitive therapy when my daughter was 7 (and just after her dad and I had divorced). I had actually been released by my therapist to return prn. My therapist had stated, "I'm proud of you, you've hung in there doing your own most challenging inner work, and you've made it through the darkness tunnel and you've come out on the other side where the light resides". Little did I know, until years later after I retired and had had some years of alone time to think and reflect, that darkness can indeed engulf us again.
Yup, I'm just another perfectly imperfect mother here. And I'm back at the work while my beloved 34 year old daughter is in therapy slating her own demons as she struggles to stay afloat through her own brand of quicksand.
So I'm sending you encouragement, love, and the healing energy of light vibrations. You are truly worthy, dear one! 🙏✌️&🤟
I wish everyone understood that alienation occurs by women AND men. It’s not just mother’s bad mouthing and planting negative ideas about dad.
You are 100% accurate about how my ex-mother-in-law who is very narcissistic is treating me with my child she’s made up lies about me in court. She doesn’t let me see my kid at all. She took me for full custody behind my back without me, even knowing there was a court hearing And the lies that were told about me. I couldn’t even believe that anybody would even believe what was written if anybody had actually read it I just couldn’t believe that she could have this much control not only is she mentally hurting My Child? She is physically, and I even found something of sexually Abusing my child I want to Children And Youth. They told me to go to a lawyer I called the cops. They told me to go to a lawyer I don’t have the money for a lawyer right now and I feel like I need a really good one because she had a really good one. That lied That helped her lie about me. I don’t have any family or anybody to help me. I feel so confused and helpless and I don’t know what to do there’s more in my story my situation isn’t the easiest but one thing is I’m a great mom and my ex-mother-in-law has literally literally taken my whole mother Role and experience away for me. My child has tried to commit suicide in their care three times everything has been blamed on me. Nobody’s even met me it’s crazy how they have everybody so brainwashed and convinced that she’s great and I’m some piece of shit she bullies me I cry, thinking of what my kid is going through and how am I gonna get my kid out of there unfortunately I lost my place to live last year. My father was dying of cancer and my landlord was the slumlord you just kept trying to get over on me. My rent went from 1600 to 2000 and then he would lie and say I was two months behind when I was only one month behind enough until he got me out of there and then they robbed me of everything. I do have a lawsuit against this guy I just need a lawyer and I don’t have money for a lawyer I tried to go to the state to get help nobody is helping me and I don’t know what to do, I know I need to get a lawyer who deals with narcissistic people anyway, thanks for the video because every single thing that you said is exactly what she does to me there’s not one thing that you didn’t mention
Dude-
Only three years? My divorce went on for SEVEN years. Five Lawsuits.
Do you understand what it does to your relationship with your neighbors when the cops are frequently at your home?
Do you know how many friends you lose? All of them. Except two in my case.
In the end the AG switched sides and supported me.
The AG allowed the extortion money I paid over the years (for access to the kids) to be counted as child support.
So the child support ended early. Can you imagine the drama over that?
The judge screamed at my ex- (no BS) and told me to call her directly if I get any more drama.
Why do I tell you all this?
To tell you this-- nothing lost ever comes back. You start over.
So It Goes.
Love to compare. I'm the female version :).
Anger is a virtue when it protects the innocent.
I've never heard more truer words spoken! It's the momma bear in me. I gotta tell you that your words are written down on a sticky note attached to my fridge with your user name. Thank you, you are a kindred spirit in my eyes, and a legacy of words you will be remembered by at least me and my next generation kin...stay blessed loved one, and thank you once again❤ sending love and light to you😌
@@Lana.Lulu. I first heard those words from Jason Köhne xo.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this, it is heart breaking and hard to survive. Thank you for all your work that you have done to heal so that you can help and give others guidance and hope...God Bless...
My Mom was a narc. She Lived in her head. She never spoke to me ever. SILENT. She broke me in elementary. I could not navigate in any relationship. I then became her slave until I was 50. I am 63 now. Nothing has ever worked. My sisters and brothers all were taught by her to abuse and accuse me of everything. I have hope. I keep all unstable people out of my life.
Good luck. There are a lot of unstable people out there and you may be one of them.
I relate.
My strenght is my weakness, my weakness is my power.
Thanks for the brilliant work and free and generous support you give to people who cannot afford professional help.
You hit the nail on the head with everything that I'm going through and I believe, about still adoring and realising we all have out faults.
All the things you said about having to ask permission etc.
Honestly you have no idea the impact this video has had on me.
If you can give me any tips on how to get into your line of work i would love to hear them.
thank for heping me
24 year marriage and was extremely abused. A lot of what you said is right on the money but when its your kids ex stepfather and kids who are adults, a lot of what im finding jist isnt applicable to my case.
Thank you
Salute to you sir!
I can't afford the therapist. Love to find the right person. WNY.
You're star Kenny ❤
OMG! This describes my ex to a T! My ex does all this! How do you coparent? And how do you deal with your ex’s partner as well who wants to be the parent in your place?
I appreciate you so much. Thank you.💜🙏🏽✨🌊
Alot of good informant, not a lot of what do I do about it.
I totally agree with your analysis. I never stand up for myself and this was the main enabler for my narcissist ex-wife to control everything in my life, my finances, my time, cameras every where, tracking me, isolating me from friends and family, criticizing me all the time, and at some point, i was unable to do anything except after i ask for permission including just leaving the room. Now, i am a v educated and successful man, but i was treated as if i was a stupid loser and i accepted it. It was my fault.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽thank you
I’m in a situation where my ex claims i’m alienating her, but in reality her own actions have caused the children to pull away from her. I never speak poorly of her, in fact I do the opposite. I try to encourage them to goto her place - but I do my best to personally NOT to interact with her (gray rocking). I would actually like if she could take the kids for her allotted time - to give me more time to do my own things but I frequently take them back early (her request) as she struggles with them. The deep deep web that is a relationship with a covert narcissist.
Awww geesh, I totally understand you more than you know. I see I'm NOT alone out here. I pray your situation gets better my friend. Stay strong Stay Resilient. Be at peace (when you can). Try to be positive (when you can).
my ex had a FIELD DAY telling 4 kiddies various things. Now, 1+1 +1+1 equals Zero. I have zero contact..
@@carolnahigian9518 terrible. I hate when the situations play out like this
Alice Evans is doing this to Ioan Gruffudd and their children. 2.5 years it’s been going on. She ignores court orders completely and the court has done nothing to try and enforce them. Everything you have said she is doing. Ugh.
I am so sorry your kids don’t get a chance to know you.
When you bad mouth the other parent You are attacking the child's DNA. Emotional incest.
I feel that way too
It's true
xxx-rated greetings, it's sad in my family too (happy hollidays)🤥🤥🤥
Going through this too
Ex husbands do this to the custodial mother too. I know that now.
I like your philosophical approach. It seems in some cases there is really no other option but alienation. If you were to avoid alienation specifically and have that as a guiding force you'd have to be very far from your true self and you still wouldn't get a fulfilling situation - you wouldn't be accepted or loved for the real you. If you were to fight it, you'd alienate further and potentially deprive your kids of their right to love the other parent (or family members) who are doing the alienation. It's incredible how deep and long lasting the effects of codependency and disfunction are. However, it is what it is, sometimes many generations need to pass before these things are "cleared" somehow, before someone wakes up and says - okay, this disfunction has to stop with me, and I'll do the work since the ones before me didn't really do it very well or didn't bother. It's okay if it's not your kids doing that - then it might be their kids; or they won't have kids and that'll be the end of that cycle. In the end, it's all destiny and karma as well. The moment you can readjust the way you label yourself and the situation, you can be free to do the best thing possible - just live and let live. And that's how you break the cycle of trauma.
Just about everything you mention has occurred in my case. The Irony is that the so called experts (Child custody assessor, Counselors all said "no evidence of parental alienation") I have 2 children. My daughter is 100% alienated.. My son who is younger saw the alienation and rejected his mom. His mom weaponized religion and condemned him and I to hell and his step dad told him he was not welcome in their house. Keep in mind he is only 12. Luckily the GAL recognized something wasn't right and now I have 100% custody of my Son.
Can the children heal from Stockholm Syndrome?
I’m just curious, who certified you an expert?
I did.
@@aboomalacani2732 OK well then who certifies your opinion? 🤡
Not "your" but you're ( so easy to do this; I do it all the time)
Yes!
With all due respect sir, i have done the recovery work but i refuse to call my ex-husbands wife (the alienator) brilliant or admirable. Does she have good qualities sure maybe. But at the end of it all she is rotten and what she did to my children was rotten. When someone shows us who they are we must believe them. I will thank her for inspiring me to be a better woman but i call her for who she is. I don’t understand how or why we let these people get away with irreparable damage!
I was married for 20 years with 3 kids at the time of my divorce….my daughter was 16 and my two sons were 12 and 7. I can give you a lesson on PAS my friend. Been through counseling/support groups/therapy etc! PAS is child abuse according to family law and the alienating parent should be in PRISON! I watched your whole video but you defended your child abusing ex in the beginning….Unacceptable!!
Ido not understand why parents uses their own l❤ves ones , their littles ❤nes to hurt the other oarent?? Why??? They do not know that their child will grow up and realize everything???
So why don’t laws & judges halt mothers who keep infants from fathers immediately? Mothers who say their child doesn’t need a father, etc. The infant is in an abusive situation from the onset! Society needs to get real…not all single moms are living and not all dads are seatbelts. Family law is allowing this form of abuse? Women who hide babies and wait years for the attack on a dad need to be in jail for child abuse for this. No wonder so many kids never see their dads! Men need to stand against it also.
Not all moms are loving & not all dads are deadbeats. A mother who alienates is a child abuser and some begin when the child is born. Family law must wake up and see the domestic violence here. If a father has to fight for his rights against a single mom abuser then something is terribly wrong with family courts. I am talking about a mom who hides a newborn from dad for months until the legal system intervenes for him but that’s not enough because her actions show her parent alienation exists from child’s birth. What will happen if it’s not stopped. Courts are not serious about the best interests of a child? Doesn’t sound like it. Reality is if a dad kept an infant from its mother for months, he’d go to jail. These kinds of mothers belong in jail!!
This man is BS. How can one not hold bad feelings. Just don't show your feelings to the child/children.
I don't adore my abusers and I sure don't adore my children's abusers. I will not credit evil for bringing about something good. That is not what evil does.
It's God who gives us something good from the bad things that happen to us.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that all things work together for good to them to them that love God, ..."
In the Bible,
All means "all" and that is all that all means.
The intro threw me off, talking about who can afford you...idk about that.