Gay Man Overcomes Self-Hatred And Learns To Love Himself.
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- Опубліковано 7 тра 2018
- He learned as a young boy that being feminine or different was not okay, which planted a seed of self-hatred. Only as an adult - and with the help of therapy - was Hawmi able to overcome his internalized homophobia and live a happy and free life.
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"I knew it was unsafe for to be fully me" . I've lived my entire life that way. Always in every moment waiting for someone to call me a "faggot " or humiliate me in some way for being gay.
kevseb66 omg me too!
Same here I've been in the closet for sixteen years when I found out I was gay when I was twelve. And my family was homophobic.
so sad and so true. same. same. same.
"It's a full job loving yourself" So true 😭
i know, right. I am literally crying buckets...
a child wont remember what you said to them exactly, but they will always remember how you made them feel. Be careful which what you say and do as a parental figure. When you see a child your eyes should always light up. Show them love.
Very wise words✨☀️✨👵🏽👋🏾💚
Owning your gayness might be more important than coming out....now, you can clearly see what you need in a relationship, because you're no longer blinded by self hatred
After reading The Velvet Rage, I wholeheartedly agree with your statement.
Then you are able to identify what you need and realize your nothing but a broken boy 😫😫😫😫
A beautiful person you are. Wish I was your friend... Blessings for your life...
What a nice guy!! Pretty sure he will find an equally smart, grounded guy. Well deserving of it.
wow, I've been suspecting the root of my low self esteem is internalized homophobia. it's great to see someone overcoming that and living freely 🧡🐱
I hope you've been able to overcome your low self esteem and see the beauty inside you!
Accepting and loving yourself with all your flaws, idiosyncrasies and yes, sexuality, is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. Once that occurs you come to the realization that the only thing that can stop you is yourself. Thanks for your powerful and personal story.
I spent 20 years of my life in ex-gay reparative therapy. Didn't work. But at age 39 (I'm 51 now), I was so filled with self-hatred and self-loathing (and I didn't even know that was the root of the problem), that I was just chronically depressed. When my therapist finally lay it on the line and got me to see that my self-hate was the issue... the light bulb came on and I sobbed on my counselor's office floor. That was 12 years ago. And now I am the happiest same-sex attracted man I could ever possibly be.
Did this self hatred cause you to hate your body and appearance too ?
This journey of learning to love yourself as a gay man is honestly so exhausting, but thank you so much for showing me that it really does get better 😁
I agree
All I am wishing for is an end.., euthanasia becomes me.
It’s draining. A real battle with yourself 😢
Thanks for sharing your story, I can totally relate. I recently came to that same fork in the road, live or die. And I too, have finally decided to live, embrace myself, and not settle for less anymore. You're smile is absolutely beautiful and showcase's the beautiful person you are!
that's me. I've wasted so much time hating myself. These ImFromDriftwood are so helpful. Thanks.
This helped me ! I’m 57 , in love /lust /limberance with a guy 30 years younger than me who does crystal meth and who is incredibly promiscuous. If that’s not self hatred what is . I’ve just spent the whole summer longing for a relationship that couldn’t possibly work in a million years. Thank you for this video 🙏🏻
I hope you are in a better place now
have you tried dating guys closer to you age ?
Nope @@milky_quartz
Very powerful talk, thank you. It reminds me a lot of "The velvet rage" by Alan Down, a book that deconstructs the self-hate gay people go through growing up in a place where we do not feel safe being who we are.
Very true ...
Looking forward to read it. Thanks for the reccomendation!
Wooo! That's some powerful shit right there. And we didn't even need to pay the therapist for that profound (and free!) insight he shared. Hit close to home yet again. Thank you.
It seems that very young minds latch onto judgmental concepts with a death-grip that too often becomes their life reality. At seven, I imprinted on 'not being good enough' when taken off my path to stay back and repeat a grade for...now forgotten minor issues and one 'major' one - poor handwriting! Back in the early fifties, that meant grade retention. Period. No extra help. Being ripped from the social stream and cast aside as unfit rippled through my life as a recurring message that I am still fighting to get away from. I am now seventy. Like you, I came to understand the origins of my self hatred and disconnect. I struggle against 'type' every day. I mourn the waste of my life and still feel trapped in an incorrect space. Society needs to better understand that what it sows in its youngest members will bless or curse them. It's not rocket science.
God bless you ... hope you find your peace from all that
Life is what you make it. Hawmi, you are on your way to becoming the person that you want to be. I learned to stay away from gay men who are self-destructive by either using drugs or alcohol. You want to be around people, gay or straight, who live a good and healthy life and are thriving as people. People who want to learn to improve themselves. You seem to be thriving now. Good luck!
I am going through this right now so thank you so much for sharing your story.
Man I just cried a lot watching this. Felt like I was being read like a book.
Me too. Very powerful story and words… I can totally relate
Mmmmm you’re beautiful! I am so glad you found your truth. Now you deserve a truly loving deep relationship. I hope it finds you
Hilton Watkins I hope he does he his cute
Hilton Watkins would you take him I would
Mike Race
Hhhhhh... he is in New York he probably has dozens of possibilities now! But of course, why not...!
Hilton Watkins are you cute where do.you live
That was beautiful and very helpful. I wish you all the happiness in the world and a safe 2021. Love from Perth Australia. 😃
This channel helped me come to terms with my sexuality.
💎💎💎💎💎
What channel is that?
This channel. You know, the channel that posted this video. The channel where this comment is posted. I'm from Driftwood. @@Me-kl4yk
Yes! Going through similar struggles. You're an inspiration.
Really moving, thanks for sharing so eloquently and honestly. Internalised Homophobia is something that I've been considering myself, through therapy - after all, we move in a straight world. Good to hear you came out the other end. Wish you well, beautiful man. x
I’m from Montgomery Alabama too. I had the same struggles growing up.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Powerful words, a process of liberation, a message of growth, and your shining humanity. All the best to you.
I'm so glad I came across this cause I've been battling it for years and I'm in my 30s now still hating myself for it
Wow, this one really hit home with me!
What a beautiful story you share .I feel the exactly same and I am 40 y old now still struggling to accept myself for who I am ..
Thank you! I needed this, now!
OMG ! internalized homophobia ! ... I can relate ... similar story, just about 30 years older ...ahead.
yep. we attract our ( angry , dominanting ) fathers!.
( trippy to think but your dad was'nt ALLOWED to be vulnerable as he was a kid too ... as you exemplified ... same message he got and then embodied that macho to dominate HIS inner child ... My grandfather stopped & shamed me from kissing him good by as a 6 year old boy ... it was homophobia then. Sad, but the case. Glad it's OUR CREATION now !
Sometimes we go thru super dark passages of being alone carrying our lil light .. and then we light a campfire !
I’m old but still clearly remember the mocking, criticism, neglect, contempt. It made me crazy mad and lonely for years. Thank God I healed from it and built a successful life full of love and acceptance. You can’t make people love you, it’s their loss.
Thanks that was helpful to me.
I want to hug him
I love that quote - ‘it’s a full time job loving myself’. So on point 🙏🙏 for me, it’s a gateway to eternal bliss and happiness.
Thanks for sharing.... so much truth to it....I believe many of us can relate !
Spending 50+ years dealing with this has been nothing short of a nightmare to me. I have spoke to therapists sexual & mental and the outcome has always been the same, "until you can love yourself", that's the thing I cannot seem to conquer. I have had issues in my past growing up and had to confront them which I did, but because the connection between us as a child to present was very distant, nothing good came out of it. I live my life alone and well under the radar.
What a beautiful man. You were compelling to listen to.
Thank you for sharing that.
That was beautiful! I celebrate you!! Thank you
❤️😢 this has bless❤️ thank you for sharing your story. I better understand what I’ve been going through for the last five years of a relationship. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
such a sweet guy, so glad you're here! I have a similar live or die story. this story made me sad to remember how it used to be, and then happy to see this nice man come out the other side. very sweet and poignant...thx for sharing.
Thank you so much 😭😭🤧😎
I wonder if people who mock are hiding something themselves !
I've always been somewhat feminine and awkward. Have never liked that in me and have continuously been mocked and bullied for it. Sucks. But it just is what it is. Just got back from a family gathering and had to leave due to all the negativity. I'm on the spectrum so I'm really quiet and to myself mostly but I'm also extremely observant because of it. Anyways...LIFE. I LOVE ME DAMMIT!
amazing episode!!!!!!! "full time job loving yourself" is gonna be my mantra. and not that it matters but he's not effeminate at all.
THANKS FOR SHARING!! 🙂
THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY ❤❤❤
DAMN. If you were 20 years older and living closer to South Africa, I would have made you my boyfriend, lover, man, soul mate.... my everything. You are a great human being !!!!
Some very useful insights, good propositions to reflect on personally. Thanks for your articulations that even at my advancing age will help me grow a little deeper.
A lot of people seek out the approval they never got from their parents.
This is me
Full of self hatred, self loathing, internalized homophobia
I am full of shame being gay
Being out for years I realized I still can’t accept me as gay
I police myself
I chastised myself
I hate myself so much I am drawn to unavailable men
I desire, become jealous of, envious of these “idealized male figure” I’ve been told I had to be
I mistook desiring these men as a substitute for my hating me, I wish I was like them, I want to be with them, all to run away from me, I am desperate for love, I want to escape me
Bless you for this video
Hang in there. Hoping things change for you. These videos prove it's possible.
I don’t know how I stumbled across this channel, but I’m glad I did. I’m a heterosexual woman if that matters . Anyhoo, I hope that you can overcome your disdain for yourself. Please love who you are. It’s okay to be a man with a different sexual preference than the norm. Please stop hating yourself. Those who love you will except you for you, not for who they want you to be. It’s truly no one business what anyone’s sexual preference is anyway. Be transparent with yourself. 🙏🏼
Did this self hatred of being gay cause you to bash or hate on your appearance too ?
THX FOR SHARING SUCH AN INTERESTING STORY. HAPPY YOU WORKED YOUR WAY THROUGH IT. STAY POSITIVE & STRONG!
MUCH LOVE*
A great clip.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Continued success in with your life.
BLESS!
Impressive and insightful.
This couldn’t help me more . It’s inspired me to come out this year as poly
I can relate so much with him! 💕💕💕💕
Great story!!!
What a Great message of the importance of Self-love. This guy
finally gets it! I'm happy for him!!!
Loved this
Omg I love this!
such a beautiful story
I thank you. I don’t have better words for the deep feeling of positivity you somehow encouraged me to allow. You say you’re from Panamá, I find myself here right now. Atb
Of course I do not know you, but for some reason I keep coming back to watch You, on this page I am an Out gay man, and listening to you i see and hear something different and important to me every time I watch you. For that, I thank you
Glad u saw the pattern and making the change.
I'm having a really bad time at the moment (COVID hasn't helped) but this was such an amazing and inspiring video. I hope the wonderful man in the video is doing well and happy
Brilliant. Xx❤
What a great story. Its Interesting how society spreads so much self hate. So many people struggle with self worth issues. It so important to teach kids to love themselves but remain humble.
OH MY GAAAAWWWWWD! Internal homophobia! You are NOT alone.
Well explained
❤❤❤🙏 thank you
So great.
Thank you for sharing yourself. I wish I could do the same.
oh boy i need to learn this
what a gorgeous, beautiful man
Wow, so glad he found the right person to talk too
You are a beautiful person!
society is constantly telling us the feminine is bad and fragile. i also struggle with feeling like im only enough for sex, that a guy could only marry and love a woman and not me. very hard to deal with but everything is a state of mind.
You're so beautiful and handsome Hawmi! I hope you find peace and happiness and can leave the homophobia behind. I would LOVE to meet a man like you!
I know struggled myself for a long time. I hope YOU find the love of a MAN who REALLY LOVES YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. BECAUSE you DESERVE IT.!!!!. Don,t let anybody Hurt your soul AGAIN. Start loving yourself TODAY FOR WHOM YOU ARE NOW...HUGZ Hans
Hawmi...you make me smile! Lots of love to you.
😭 this may be 3 years ago but thank you so much like to get away from this family for brother you know so you could just imagine 😭😭🤧 I can't thank you enough I'm at that point to be strong because of you I know it's going to get better I'll be forever thankful 😭😭🤧💜
This video saved my life.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that I've found this channel. If I may ask, who is your therapist? (the one in manhattan)
You are awesome. Thank you for sharing and thank you for sharing as 1 who has been viewed as sexually "deviant" from Alabama - although you are nothing like that. You are righteous. You should never have been mocked. You are deserving of love.
What a beautiful person.....what a beautiful soul. 🥰
Blessings
Profound.
So cute and self aware
Glad u found yourself!
Yeah same place you bring me some idiots feel so alone but you have to get yourself straight to say it's going to get better just a moment in time
So cute! Great story too :-)
Wow, thank you. Im tearing up becuase I am realizing that I too have carried a lot of self hatred and that's may biggest down fall. Me. I am my worst enemy in that sense. Wow so ready to do the hard work. Thank you.
"Feminine" ?? He seems like the most butch dude they've ever had in these stories lol !
zachary romeo He's obviously over compensating because of his father . Just like a skinny guy gets bullied and goes to the extreme and becomes a 300 pound bodybuilder
In his childhood. Have you paid attention at all? And every one has both feminity and masculinity in them regardless of your gender. You are not just 100% something.
You are one dam intelligent, aware and handsome man.
Thank u for sharing ur story this has helped me with my own self esteem issues ❤🇩🇲🏳️🌈🇺🇸❤🇩🇲🇺🇸🏳️🌈❤🇩🇲🏳️🌈🇺🇸❤🇩🇲🏳️🌈🇺🇸
I wonder if we can get an update on the guests or a link to their social media accounts
lovely guy
Great story, I went through the same issues in my life.
I have heard about addressing somebody own homophobia. Its been indoctrinated throughout ages that we except this negative hatred about ourselves. There have been people I`ve known that would have homophobic views but once in the open felt liberated, because they would have been carting that hatred throughout their life.
""It's a full time job fuckin loving yourself""
Thank you, Hawmi. I really like that line, which was
quoted from the song Bling Bling by JUNGLEPUSSY.
I searched and found this information . . . . . . . . . . . .
Shayna McHayle, born October 31, 1991, better known by her stage name Junglepussy,
is an American independent music artist and rapper based in New York City.