I totally agree with Nigel on the therapy matter. He's giving really solid advice that is worth 50 sessions of therapy. My favorite is "don't let your problems define you." You might think it's superficial because he says it in such a light tone, but it's the best piece of advice you can get. Everyone has issues, it's normal and human, stop focusing on them so much. Don't build your sense of identity around your problems. The more you focus on your problems, the bigger they get - it's a never-ending circle. Instead, focus on your qualities, like Nigel does 👍 The more you focus on your qualities, the stronger they become, logical, right? :) And in time they will overshine your issues and flaws. You have the possibility to choose whether you invest energy in your flaws or in your qualities. I don't agree with the way therapy is done because they keep you so focused on your problems, they make you go back to them again and again. Therapy is good to help you identify the root cause of a problem, when you don't manage to find it yourself. Knowing the root cause for something is important. But it should stop there. Acknowledge it , and then move on. You'll be amazed to see that so many problems kind of disappear by themselves (in time, of course) when you do so. And this is just my way of seeing things but I think insecure people tend to be more "attacked" by others. Our egos will always go for people weaker that us. Once you sense someone's insecure and has lower self-esteem than you, you will use that person to boost your own self-esteem by attacking them. You will normally not go for a person who is (mentally) stronger than you. Once you find that self-esteem and confidence, people will feel it and will be less-likely to try to get at you. And even if they do try, you won't care about it anyway, so they will probably not try a second time :) I would say your attitude towards yourself needs to change in order to change others' attitude towards you. Anyways, Evelyn, you are totally fine and amazing, you have a lot of qualities, and I am sure you will find that confidence very soon.
“I wanna be comfortable and brave enough to be kind even though the world is tough” aaww Evelyn you’re so adorable ..... you got me emotional when you said that
Man seeing Evelyn taking her first step into building her confidence really inspires me to do smt about myself....i hope to one day be able to look at my self in the mirror and say... damn, Rice to Meet U
All the folx in the comment section commenting on Evelyn's weight, just stop. Yall are rude. People's bodies are not on display for you to comment on. Evelyn is beautiful and always has been. Just because we're Asian and fat phobia has been a part of our beauty standards, doesn't mean that we need to feed into it and bring it with us into the future. Even though your intention is to flatter Evelyn, it can be hurtful because you're suggesting that she is more beautiful one way than another.
No wonder Nigel's divorced 😂 Edit: LOL!! I get Evelyn's efforts to tone down Nigel's comments. Without you, this podcast will be hated sometimes 😂😂😂😂 More edit: WHERE'S YUM ASIA 😂
Being an idealist is one of the most wonderful yet most heartbreaking things on earth. I wish to have half Nigel and half Evelyn to make me a stronger human being.
I think it's important to find a middle ground between both. As Nigel said, anger is a basic human emotion. But like Evelyn said, taking a minute to understand everything and your anger is just as important. So middle ground between both is what's important
I feel Nigel’s pain from the past cos we went to the same high school. It’s like past repression + new freedom = major disinhibition. But yes I’m told I can handle good amounts of stress because high expectation = default expectation where I grew up. Nigel please keep in touch if you want - your 学姐 up North quietly supporting you xx oh and Evelyn you are so adorable I would love to adopt you as my pet if that is allowed 😆 what may seem perfect to others can seem imperfect to us. We love you the way you are 😘 when others criticise you it’s often because they are dissatisfied/negative/ miserable - it’s a reflection on them not on you 😆
Enjoyed this podcast which is funny and serious at the same time. Evelyn, you should be proud of yourself because you have a lot going for you. It is tough when parents don’t understand you but you know why they worry and seem to be critical. Just have to accept it and not mind it so much . They’re doing it out of love. Just reassure them and tell them it makes you happy to do what you’re doing. Nigel is so intelligent and grounded. I admire him for his career choice when he could probably succeed in anything he chooses to do. Very impressed by his language skills, and Evelyn’s too. His analytical skills are superb. Very happy that you’re so successful! BTW Evelyn, I’m so glad you’re kind. We don’t have enough kind people in this world.
The cutest thing about nigel, besides his personality, it's his lines around his eyes when he laughs! Too adorable Also evelyn is looking extremely good in that outfit Love you both❤️
I was listening via Spotify and I really went to YT just to comment that there's so many red flags with Nigel. He has some good points but ultimately he was dismissive of Evelyn's feelings.
Nigel and Evelyn are total opposites in thought and personality, and that makes this podcast awesome! It does take a certain personality and mental health to be number 1 of 700 in a Malaysian Chinese school (would my kid survive in one?). And while I see where both are coming from, Nigel does have a point about the libido. And Nigel, what did your mom have to say about comedy being a hobby, not a real job? LOL, it’s on the Internet! 😂 Evelyn kinda brought the therapy energy into this episode 😅 But I hear you, girl, and I also know where you’re coming from. Whatever your story is, it is your superpower! 💪🏻
As an international teacher, currently living in Malaysia, it's really interesting hearing your educational backgrounds. I absolutely love you both. Thanks for the laughs.
By the way @Evelyn, as an actor, going to the gym is actually part of a day's work. So yeah doing it the way Lee Dong Wook does, as many hours as your routine affords you is actually what you deserve. It's truly not a luxury.💖
I think it's cool that you've decided to go to the gym, Evelyn. I actually think an eliptical is a good start. You can build endurance first before going hard on the workouts 😊
@@fitriaahsani1286 Ah darn, interesting to know! I'm gonna be meeting my girlfriend's parents in China next year, any advice on how I should refer to them (sorry, I'm not sure if you're Chinese actually!)
@@Checkmate1138 just normally, politely? Every family have different culture so i guess yiu should talk to your GF about it beforehand :D good luck! Anw what i mean in my comment is Nigel at 31:19 - now that's what attitude you should avoid :D Edit: i am not chinese either haha
I agree with Nigel that anger is a natural human emotion, and we need to let it out, but I also agree with Evelyn that in order to solve the problem you need to look for what actually caused it rather than just shouting at each other. I think there's room in a healthy relationship for both venting/emotional release and for calmly working through your issues. Just make sure to find ways to let that anger out without hurting each other more in the process.
The ending for this one made me feel for Evelyn XD My sister and I have a similar dynamic to Nigel and Evelyn actually, so my 2 cents on the debate is this: I think what it comes down to is which way of dealing with conflict requires less energy or effort, or which is more natural for you. Nigel seems to find "niceties" and "phrasing things in a roundabout way" (can be argued as tactfulness) tiring so it takes zero energy to say what he really thinks and feels. Editing or filtering himself, or acting differently from the way he feels requires extra energy. Whereas Evelyn seems to find conflict itself, and the emotional burden that comes later to be tiring. Constantly ruminating in the event after the fact also takes up mental space, which is draining. I'm like Evelyn and I avoid this like a plague. Almost a form of self-defense. Both are valid ways of being although if this episode was the social experiment, Nigel definitely left the conversation less frustrated. Even so, call me a Hufflepuff but I do believe in the value of being kind to people (not that i'm saying you're mean Nigel, but you get what I mean) XD
I love you guys! Life doesn't feel lonely anymore listening to this podcast. You guys are so funny,yet connect really well in discussing deeper issues which make everything much more interesting😍
Nigel/uncle Roger I so agree with you I work with loads of therapists/ phycologist and I have never seen any patient getting better... sorry Evelyn I wish you well xx
For some reasons, this is my favourite podcast epi thus far.. Love these two ppl!!and so much insights from a comedy podcast. Way better than all those self-help kind of podcasts to be honest. As some ppl say, the truth hurts. I wish more people would listen to ur podcast really
Gosh I loved Evelyn’s discussion about how the constant justification and the exhaustion she deals with and how annoying it is to have to constantly feel defined by other people in these ways. I think a lot of people could relate. Evelyn you are so inspiring! Don’t listen to Nigel. I can’t tell if he’s joking or serious but he seems like he does not get it.
There is a nice and kind person inside Nigel also... he came out when Nigel talked about his attack in order to comfort Evelyn at the last part of the video...
I think it’s therapeutic to let it out but in a respectful manner. If your angry in the moment you might say the wrong thing. Give me a direct clear answer don’t sugarcoat the truth.
To Evelyn, I totally agree with you when you talked about how hard it was to open up. It's so common to be criticized by Asian family. I'm in the same shoes as you, and I truly understand what you have been going through. Thanks for opening up to us and we are proud of you Evelyn! :) Sorry but I think in this podcast episode, Nigel kinda went overboard with the jokes :(
Evelyn , we heard you. and you are adorable and you have a good heart ...by seeing how you treat Nigel even he always "bully" you ha haaaaaa.....*hugs* never let the world to judge you who you are. You are unquie, i always enjoy your sharing ! Keep up all the good works!
Evelyn, I feel for you. My mom told me I was fat as a child and adult, my dad wanted me to be in another career, and I never felt that I lived up their expectations. My psychologist used EMDR therapy and it was one of the best treatments to help me to understand the pressure I put on myself and from I feel from others.
Hi everyone! I'm the girl Evelyn was talking about at 45:32 and interviewed her for this article I wrote on the Chinese culture of fat shaming. thefemedic.com/views/the-chinese-culture-of-fat-shaming/
Hi Evelyn, maybe revisiting what have happened to you when you first moved to London could help you? That sounds like a fundamental cause of the depression you have today. Thank you both for continuing adding laughters during this difficult time!
Having an Asian upbringing and going through the pressure of a typical Asian education, I can see why Nigel would choose the "NO PAIN! NO PAIN" route. We are so accustomed to just DOING that we put feelings aside. But I've been seeing a therapist lately, and I realise that it's actually a lot harder to sit and talk about feelings. It forces you to think about yourself as a person with emotions as opposed to seeing yourself as something tied to what you're doing e.g. your job. Fighting your own demons is a lot harder than the physical "Rocky" fight. p/s: The podcast is dope! Thanks, guys.
My opinion on expressing anger. I think it depends on what you want to achieve. If you want catharsis, yell. If you want to actually come to an agreement, say it in a nice way.
Late to the party but throughout the whole podcast, I was laughing and nodding over the similarities between my upbringing and Evelyn’s! Immigrant kid growing up in Denmark and in my IB school, all the Chinese kids were asleep due to boredom in math and science class! My folks believe therapy is the same as the tooth fairy. The struggle is real...
I was evelyn before i gave birth to my child. When my child born, take care of her 24/7 i started to understand why my parents was doing this and that. I started to change my mindset about their parenting
I think that letting out your anger can be helpful. This helps us from supressing our feelings and lets us grieve. After letting ourselves feel and grieve, we can then engage our cognition to better understand what this emotion means and why we are triggered. This allows us to understand what our anger means and why we are triggered. After that we can find ways to deal with triggers more effectively.
Evelyn got so vulnerable, Nigel: "Don't let it get to you, I don't know what else to say." Dis why Auntie Helen left Uncle Roger. Nigel, lol we like both sides of the podcast ... The funny and the serious! ❤️❤️❤️
Never watched Rocky 4 before but got pumped after watching it. No wonder Rocky won.. What he went through and training like crazy under the freezing cold..
I see the logical leap Evelyn was making. She doesn't want the things she has to justify to define her - but by having to constantly justify them, they're being treated as things that define her. So it's a constant back and forth that's always top of mind, whether she wants it there or not.
Nigel, I'm single. So we can go out on the date together after the pandemic is over. I can go fly to UK and find you a nice place to meeting each other at the restaurant or coffee shop.
Evelyn, I found setting goals for myself and accomplishing them really helped me build confidence when I was struggling with depression many years ago. You are already starting to do that by going to the gym and seeing a therapist. Perhaps set some goals surrounding those things. I love the podcast. You guys are great together!
guys ,... yous are funny, you are talking about emotion regulation - this is a big field of study. how we regulate emotion is of course modulated by culture. Nigel, you are Malaysian Chinese and I think your prefer a more direct approach whereas the indirect approach is usually equated with politeness in the west. However, emotion regulation is considered to be important in Asian generally. so, there is a conflict there, As an Asian, you are supposed to play down and regulate your emotion but you are also direct. However, Evelyn seeks to regulate her emotion through indirect language.
god I laughed so fucking hard with this one hahaha also Evelyn looks so damn good!!! Nigel shaking a therapist and "I just wanna have a fight with somebody, please" had me on the floor lmao oh and also the Rocky part hahaha omg great episode but yeah I think both Nigel and Evelyn are correct, there's time and space for both, there's a time to just be angry and hate people cause that gives you relief, you should always have space for the way you feel but there should also be time to be kind, considerate and more peaceful with who you are, the way other people are and how you both react to specific sceneraios in order to be better people on your own and with your community I fucking looove this podcast
Everything that Evelyn said are valid. Those are her truth. It's not a matter of whether it's right or wrong because there shouldn't be STANDARDS when it comes to emotions. Lizo is seen as a "model" because in their world engrossed with "beauty standards" she is actually part of the "EXCEPTIONS". In therapy the goal is for the therapist to help the client become a fully functioning individual - to find the "exceptions" in their life when their "goal" actually happened - then replicate that scenario until it becomes a habit. That's also the reason why therapists can't just tell you what you have to do, you have to learn to equip yourself so that you can process your thoughts, emotions and behavior on your own. And yes, anger is one way to vent emotions but it is not always the healthy way to vent. Hey, Evelyn! It's tough when you hear those comments from your family. I hope you can muster the courage to be honest with your parents and let them know that those comments hurt you. But also let them know that you want to understand why they say those (because usually it's really out of concern and love). Then find a compromise. As Asians family means a lot to us and we do not want to grow old resenting the family we were born in. One time my daughter asked me what it is to be successful. Children think success is having a lot of money, a great paying job, being able to travel when you want, etc. But I told her that as an adult, sometimes success is just being able to sleep at night with peace of mind and heart. I hope you'll find that sense of peace and joy in your heart in the future.
Ty for the laughs! Helped to break up the work day. Glad I have found this channel. Keep up the good work you two, I enjoy both of your personalities! Be you, be true, be real, not perfect.
Evelyn, I like your makeup and what you wearing today. Your hair also look great! You are great no matter what! Be yourself n don't let anyone change who you are. Be true to yourself n that is what beauty is all about.
Evelyn ~ Not sure if u follow her yet, but u can check out UA-camr Yang Soo Bin. Cos 1. She's Korean (since u like kdramas u might understand some of what she says) 2. She's funny (the slapstick kind) 3. Mukbang 4. Makeup 5. Weight loss (she was plus size, but over the last year she worked really hard to lose weight for her health) I don't mean to plug other UA-camrs here, but this episode made me think of her channel and I thought u might like her content
Hey Evelyn, I just want to say, I think you’re bold standing up for yourself. I don’t agree with Nigel. I think you can respect your family and culture and still stand up for your emotional health and being understood.
Yes. Especially when your family absolutely CAN be more understanding and supportive of you, regardless of your culture. I have Mexican parents, and I couldn't be more thankful to have two parents who love and support my choice career, being a musician. We should strive for more people to be better family units, and I'm sure it will happen.
Nigel is absolutely correct if you're a normal, healthy, well-adjudsted person. Then saying what you feel and how you feel it to whatever degree is not only normal but shows a level of honesty that should be respected more in today's world. So long as that honesty doesn't push into psychotic extremes, there is something to be said for restraint. I do understand that someone like Evelyn needs to take steps towards this and requires these therapy tools and a safe space to help build them up to normalcy. However, that shouldn't be culturally normalized nor should it be used as an excuse or crutch to stay where you're comfortable and stagnate into oblivion. Nor should anyone try to force anyone else to adopt that safe space as a normal part of healthy discourse. What I also appreciate is seeing Nigel acknowledge this and still push Evelyn just enough to try to get her to consistently grow into someone comfortable in all situations. It may not be comfortable but growth never is and it shows a level of deep friendship that few ever truly have.
Letting anger out theoretically is just like any other emotion, but the key is anger can easily and accidentally hurt the person you are trying to communicate with, triggering them into an anger state. Once the first person's anger has cooled and is ready to find a solution, the second person may no longer be in the space to talk. It can be counter-productive in most situations where one is not yet ready to burn bridges or not enough previous understanding has been established. but yk bridges are meant to be burnt some times
actually one of my therapists told me "resisting is persisting". the more we resist some emotion, including anger, the more the emotion would persist. since i agree with this logic, and i'm also a bit quick tempered😂, i side with nigel. but i definitely hear what evelyn's saying!
Omg this is so true! * dying inside * I grew up in Asia for most of it and now in the UK, I have the exact same frustration when I've to use 'respectful language' at work. Sometimes I just loses my mind and reaches a point where I couldn't care less if people thought I was rude as long as the work gets done and proper. It's really funny as well because I've been lucky enough that I've a very understanding line manager and he would let me send all my frustration towards him so that I'm not doing it directly to the person I'm ranting about, he's in a way like my personal anger bomb diffuser therapist 🤣
I'm with Nigel.. don't patronize me!.. just be honest! I also understand the expectations of Chinese parents that you're always seen as not good enough. After a while I've learnt to not feel so much. People who are sensitive will be more emotionally affected by it (I use to be that person) so I try not to be (of course it's easier said than done). I remind myself that I deserve to be happy. Hang in there Evelyn!
About the releasing anger stuff, I think it also depends on the circumstance you're in and the relationship you have with the person or thing you're mad at. I think people release their anger differently depending on these variables.
Love Nigel so much here. I’m direct like him. “I disagree with you…I’ll make a mince meat out of you…”. I was told I have fear factor lol. Yeah definitely miss the good ol’ days of real convo real emotions.
id prefer to let it out but would rather not deal with possible regret later on if i went too far and put myself in a guilty/guiltier position which will add to my unhappiness sooo- roundabout way ! 😚
Didnt evelyn adore lee dong wok for his looks? we see first, looks, clothes. Our senses help us define ppl before we actually talk to them n know them. People will tear you apart in an attempt to put u together, it's asian parenting, she just grew up in west, the gap is big. The only person u need to care about u is you, because evelyn it affects u because u see their words reflect ur own fears. When u see urself differently, what others think or say wont matter this much bc u know u r awesome. Work to be where u want to be and be amazing as u are. You can be kind and can still punch ppl in the face if they come at you. U cant control people or life. Be strong to face it Evelyn. There is no other way.
nigels gravestone: 'live by the perm, die by wok cancer' evelyns gravestone: 'live by kindness, die by kindness (she's still kinda nice in heaven though)'
Creed Aventus is like a $200 bottle perfume and a classic if you're really into cologne. Pretty good choice by Nigel tbh.
Not Nigel pinning this comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ofcourse he pinned the comment. 😂😂😂
Bahahaha of course he would.
I definitely did not pin this 😂
mrnigelng Sure, Jan. 👍 (j/k btw! 💛)
I totally agree with Nigel on the therapy matter. He's giving really solid advice that is worth 50 sessions of therapy. My favorite is "don't let your problems define you." You might think it's superficial because he says it in such a light tone, but it's the best piece of advice you can get. Everyone has issues, it's normal and human, stop focusing on them so much. Don't build your sense of identity around your problems. The more you focus on your problems, the bigger they get - it's a never-ending circle. Instead, focus on your qualities, like Nigel does 👍 The more you focus on your qualities, the stronger they become, logical, right? :) And in time they will overshine your issues and flaws. You have the possibility to choose whether you invest energy in your flaws or in your qualities. I don't agree with the way therapy is done because they keep you so focused on your problems, they make you go back to them again and again. Therapy is good to help you identify the root cause of a problem, when you don't manage to find it yourself. Knowing the root cause for something is important. But it should stop there. Acknowledge it , and then move on. You'll be amazed to see that so many problems kind of disappear by themselves (in time, of course) when you do so.
And this is just my way of seeing things but I think insecure people tend to be more "attacked" by others. Our egos will always go for people weaker that us. Once you sense someone's insecure and has lower self-esteem than you, you will use that person to boost your own self-esteem by attacking them. You will normally not go for a person who is (mentally) stronger than you. Once you find that self-esteem and confidence, people will feel it and will be less-likely to try to get at you. And even if they do try, you won't care about it anyway, so they will probably not try a second time :) I would say your attitude towards yourself needs to change in order to change others' attitude towards you.
Anyways, Evelyn, you are totally fine and amazing, you have a lot of qualities, and I am sure you will find that confidence very soon.
“I wanna be comfortable and brave enough to be kind even though the world is tough” aaww Evelyn you’re so adorable ..... you got me emotional when you said that
Yet she supports lizzo
Evelyn looks super pretty in this black undershirt / T-shirt plus grey leopard print shirt.
Right?? She's getting prettier by the week 😍 She inspires me to take care of myself more now
her hair looks nice too~ so happy to see her getting prettier each time~
She looks so beautiful and trendy . She is the BEST 💐
Man seeing Evelyn taking her first step into building her confidence really inspires me to do smt about myself....i hope to one day be able to look at my self in the mirror and say... damn, Rice to Meet U
All the folx in the comment section commenting on Evelyn's weight, just stop. Yall are rude. People's bodies are not on display for you to comment on. Evelyn is beautiful and always has been. Just because we're Asian and fat phobia has been a part of our beauty standards, doesn't mean that we need to feed into it and bring it with us into the future. Even though your intention is to flatter Evelyn, it can be hurtful because you're suggesting that she is more beautiful one way than another.
Nigel...is like my mom, a drama queen. Evelyn is like my dad, very nice and friendly......and gives a lot of space to my mom 😂😂😂已往生
Its the opposite for me😂 Nigel is my dad and Evelyn is my mom hahaha
My mom talks like Nigel she goes 'haiyaa' alot hahaha.
you won't 往生, at least one of our parents is nice like Evelyn
No wonder Nigel's divorced 😂
Edit: LOL!! I get Evelyn's efforts to tone down Nigel's comments. Without you, this podcast will be hated sometimes 😂😂😂😂
More edit: WHERE'S YUM ASIA 😂
That’s kinda mean ngl
Nigel is sensitive in his crazy ways...
I am loving this podcast ..
Talk more often..!
Here's Auntie Jo from Malaysia 😁🖐️
Being an idealist is one of the most wonderful yet most heartbreaking things on earth. I wish to have half Nigel and half Evelyn to make me a stronger human being.
I think it's important to find a middle ground between both. As Nigel said, anger is a basic human emotion. But like Evelyn said, taking a minute to understand everything and your anger is just as important. So middle ground between both is what's important
Coming here is my weekly routine now🥰
I feel Nigel’s pain from the past cos we went to the same high school. It’s like past repression + new freedom = major disinhibition. But yes I’m told I can handle good amounts of stress because high expectation = default expectation where I grew up. Nigel please keep in touch if you want - your 学姐 up North quietly supporting you xx oh and Evelyn you are so adorable I would love to adopt you as my pet if that is allowed 😆 what may seem perfect to others can seem imperfect to us. We love you the way you are 😘 when others criticise you it’s often because they are dissatisfied/negative/ miserable - it’s a reflection on them not on you 😆
Enjoyed this podcast which is funny and serious at the same time. Evelyn, you should be proud of yourself because you have a lot going for you. It is tough when parents don’t understand you but you know why they worry and seem to be critical. Just have to accept it and not mind it so much . They’re doing it out of love. Just reassure them and tell them it makes you happy to do what you’re doing.
Nigel is so intelligent and grounded. I admire him for his career choice when he could probably succeed in anything he chooses to do. Very impressed by his language skills, and Evelyn’s too. His analytical skills are superb. Very happy that you’re so successful!
BTW Evelyn, I’m so glad you’re kind. We don’t have enough kind people in this world.
The cutest thing about nigel, besides his personality, it's his lines around his eyes when he laughs! Too adorable
Also evelyn is looking extremely good in that outfit
Love you both❤️
Trueee and his smile is just heart melting 🤣🤣 Auntie Helen be missing all of these hahaha
I was listening via Spotify and I really went to YT just to comment that there's so many red flags with Nigel. He has some good points but ultimately he was dismissive of Evelyn's feelings.
Honestly, yeah. I also hate how she just laughs it off. I'd like it if she defended herself more.
I love you Evelyn for being kind and vocal about it 😊❤️. Nigel is a great friend and a counsellor 🙌🏻😁
Evelyn is looking better after every podcast
I need to look at Nigel's face on daily basis to get cheer up these days..
I'm addicted to his laughter..😂😂😘
Nigel and Evelyn are total opposites in thought and personality, and that makes this podcast awesome! It does take a certain personality and mental health to be number 1 of 700 in a Malaysian Chinese school (would my kid survive in one?). And while I see where both are coming from, Nigel does have a point about the libido.
And Nigel, what did your mom have to say about comedy being a hobby, not a real job? LOL, it’s on the Internet! 😂
Evelyn kinda brought the therapy energy into this episode 😅
But I hear you, girl, and I also know where you’re coming from. Whatever your story is, it is your superpower! 💪🏻
Good on Evelyn for starting going to the gym and working out. Great on Nigel telling facts and being so funny 🤣
“I just wanna feel your wok hei in me” 😂😂😂 great dosage of Nigel to rescue another regular Tuesday here in HK 💛
As an international teacher, currently living in Malaysia, it's really interesting hearing your educational backgrounds. I absolutely love you both. Thanks for the laughs.
By the way @Evelyn, as an actor, going to the gym is actually part of a day's work. So yeah doing it the way Lee Dong Wook does, as many hours as your routine affords you is actually what you deserve. It's truly not a luxury.💖
The therapist skit should end with the therapist yelling drago like rocky did and storming off into the woods.
Oh my gosh Nigel!! I LOVE YOUR PSYCHOLOGY!! Keep loving Evelyn like you are! You are good together! Love the back and forth!
Love both of you Nigel 9 condoms Ng & Evelyn 2 sleepers Mok...I hope this podcast still continues on 2050 and we have same laugh together. 😊
Did Evelyne lose weight?She looks great this episode!
I thought so too! She looks really great in this one! It does look like she lost weight
Was thinking the same thing
Yea she look so great😍
I think it's cool that you've decided to go to the gym, Evelyn. I actually think an eliptical is a good start. You can build endurance first before going hard on the workouts 😊
It's nice to watch these two. It felt like I am in a friends meetup.
Nigel you are so thoughtful and healthy minded. You are actually far from self-centered!
Ms.Mok looks so good today, she's so cute n slim in that top,love you Evelyn...
Evelyn...I felt EVERY BIT OF THIS! :-(
Btw my school had uniforms and we started at 8:00am and finish anywhere from 3:00pm to 5:00pm depending on the day.
as an Asian, I feel anxious when Nigel shout out Mr. Mok's name like that :O
Why?
@@Checkmate1138 because (for Asian) it is suuuuuper rude to speak like that to an elder, especially someone's parents.
@@fitriaahsani1286 Ah darn, interesting to know! I'm gonna be meeting my girlfriend's parents in China next year, any advice on how I should refer to them (sorry, I'm not sure if you're Chinese actually!)
@@Checkmate1138 just normally, politely? Every family have different culture so i guess yiu should talk to your GF about it beforehand :D good luck!
Anw what i mean in my comment is Nigel at 31:19 - now that's what attitude you should avoid :D
Edit: i am not chinese either haha
I agree with Nigel that anger is a natural human emotion, and we need to let it out, but I also agree with Evelyn that in order to solve the problem you need to look for what actually caused it rather than just shouting at each other.
I think there's room in a healthy relationship for both venting/emotional release and for calmly working through your issues.
Just make sure to find ways to let that anger out without hurting each other more in the process.
The ending for this one made me feel for Evelyn XD
My sister and I have a similar dynamic to Nigel and Evelyn actually, so my 2 cents on the debate is this:
I think what it comes down to is which way of dealing with conflict requires less energy or effort, or which is more natural for you.
Nigel seems to find "niceties" and "phrasing things in a roundabout way" (can be argued as tactfulness) tiring so it takes zero energy to say what he really thinks and feels. Editing or filtering himself, or acting differently from the way he feels requires extra energy.
Whereas Evelyn seems to find conflict itself, and the emotional burden that comes later to be tiring. Constantly ruminating in the event after the fact also takes up mental space, which is draining. I'm like Evelyn and I avoid this like a plague. Almost a form of self-defense.
Both are valid ways of being although if this episode was the social experiment, Nigel definitely left the conversation less frustrated. Even so, call me a Hufflepuff but I do believe in the value of being kind to people (not that i'm saying you're mean Nigel, but you get what I mean) XD
I love you guys! Life doesn't feel lonely anymore listening to this podcast. You guys are so funny,yet connect really well in discussing deeper issues which make everything much more interesting😍
Nigel/uncle Roger I so agree with you I work with loads of therapists/ phycologist and I have never seen any patient getting better... sorry Evelyn I wish you well xx
For some reasons, this is my favourite podcast epi thus far.. Love these two ppl!!and so much insights from a comedy podcast. Way better than all those self-help kind of podcasts to be honest. As some ppl say, the truth hurts. I wish more people would listen to ur podcast really
Gosh I loved Evelyn’s discussion about how the constant justification and the exhaustion she deals with and how annoying it is to have to constantly feel defined by other people in these ways. I think a lot of people could relate. Evelyn you are so inspiring! Don’t listen to Nigel. I can’t tell if he’s joking or serious but he seems like he does not get it.
There is a nice and kind person inside Nigel also... he came out when Nigel talked about his attack in order to comfort Evelyn at the last part of the video...
I think it’s therapeutic to let it out but in a respectful manner. If your angry in the moment you might say the wrong thing. Give me a direct clear answer don’t sugarcoat the truth.
A hug for you 🎈Evelyn
To Evelyn, I totally agree with you when you talked about how hard it was to open up. It's so common to be criticized by Asian family. I'm in the same shoes as you, and I truly understand what you have been going through. Thanks for opening up to us and we are proud of you Evelyn! :)
Sorry but I think in this podcast episode, Nigel kinda went overboard with the jokes :(
Quote of the day:
"Nigel 9 condoms Ng."
I rest my case. EVELYN PLEASE. YOU ARE THE BEST. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
I laughed SO hard I choked! 🤣
And like... WHY though?!? 🤔
Listen to the episode they were in Sweden!!
Evelyn , we heard you. and you are adorable and you have a good heart ...by seeing how you treat Nigel even he always "bully" you ha haaaaaa.....*hugs* never let the world to judge you who you are. You are unquie, i always enjoy your sharing ! Keep up all the good works!
Evelyn, I feel for you. My mom told me I was fat as a child and adult, my dad wanted me to be in another career, and I never felt that I lived up their expectations. My psychologist used EMDR therapy and it was one of the best treatments to help me to understand the pressure I put on myself and from I feel from others.
Yeah new episode with subtitles! Hope to have subtitles in the past podcasts too 😆Love the podcast on UA-cam as we are able to see you two react🌈✨
Yeap I also like subtitles too because English not so good and can find dictionary immediately if have subtitles haha😝😝
I've always had a crush on Evelyn Mok
Evelyn looks so pretty😍😍😍
Hi everyone! I'm the girl Evelyn was talking about at 45:32 and interviewed her for this article I wrote on the Chinese culture of fat shaming. thefemedic.com/views/the-chinese-culture-of-fat-shaming/
Sorry Nigel, Evelyn's therapy plot had the funniest conclusion. You guys are so funny together, just what I needed after work ❤️
Just discovered you guys about two weeks ago, both of you are awesome 😎 😎
I listen everyday now at work.
Much ❤️❤️❤️ from Canada 🇨🇦
Hi Evelyn, maybe revisiting what have happened to you when you first moved to London could help you? That sounds like a fundamental cause of the depression you have today. Thank you both for continuing adding laughters during this difficult time!
Having an Asian upbringing and going through the pressure of a typical Asian education, I can see why Nigel would choose the "NO PAIN! NO PAIN" route. We are so accustomed to just DOING that we put feelings aside. But I've been seeing a therapist lately, and I realise that it's actually a lot harder to sit and talk about feelings. It forces you to think about yourself as a person with emotions as opposed to seeing yourself as something tied to what you're doing e.g. your job. Fighting your own demons is a lot harder than the physical "Rocky" fight.
p/s: The podcast is dope! Thanks, guys.
My opinion on expressing anger. I think it depends on what you want to achieve. If you want catharsis, yell. If you want to actually come to an agreement, say it in a nice way.
Late to the party but throughout the whole podcast, I was laughing and nodding over the similarities between my upbringing and Evelyn’s! Immigrant kid growing up in Denmark and in my IB school, all the Chinese kids were asleep due to boredom in math and science class! My folks believe therapy is the same as the tooth fairy. The struggle is real...
I was evelyn before i gave birth to my child. When my child born, take care of her 24/7 i started to understand why my parents was doing this and that. I started to change my mindset about their parenting
Different people have different way approch in expressing their emotion, angry or arguments.
I think that letting out your anger can be helpful. This helps us from supressing our feelings and lets us grieve. After letting ourselves feel and grieve, we can then engage our cognition to better understand what this emotion means and why we are triggered. This allows us to understand what our anger means and why we are triggered. After that we can find ways to deal with triggers more effectively.
Evelyn got so vulnerable, Nigel: "Don't let it get to you, I don't know what else to say." Dis why Auntie Helen left Uncle Roger. Nigel, lol we like both sides of the podcast ... The funny and the serious! ❤️❤️❤️
Never watched Rocky 4 before but got pumped after watching it. No wonder Rocky won.. What he went through and training like crazy under the freezing cold..
I see the logical leap Evelyn was making. She doesn't want the things she has to justify to define her - but by having to constantly justify them, they're being treated as things that define her. So it's a constant back and forth that's always top of mind, whether she wants it there or not.
Nigel, I'm single. So we can go out on the date together after the pandemic is over. I can go fly to UK and find you a nice place to meeting each other at the restaurant or coffee shop.
.. and then Drago bows down to the wrecked therapist with "I hear you, .."
Seeing you two, makes me miss my best friend 🥺 this is proof that a friendship between a guy and a girl can be friends ☺️
Nigel you were so cute as a kid 😍😍😍😍😍😍❤️❤️
And intelligent too! 🥺❤️
Evelyn, I found setting goals for myself and accomplishing them really helped me build confidence when I was struggling with depression many years ago. You are already starting to do that by going to the gym and seeing a therapist. Perhaps set some goals surrounding those things. I love the podcast. You guys are great together!
guys ,... yous are funny, you are talking about emotion regulation - this is a big field of study. how we regulate emotion is of course modulated by culture. Nigel, you are Malaysian Chinese and I think your prefer a more direct approach whereas the indirect approach is usually equated with politeness in the west. However, emotion regulation is considered to be important in Asian generally. so, there is a conflict there, As an Asian, you are supposed to play down and regulate your emotion but you are also direct. However, Evelyn seeks to regulate her emotion through indirect language.
god I laughed so fucking hard with this one hahaha
also Evelyn looks so damn good!!!
Nigel shaking a therapist and "I just wanna have a fight with somebody, please" had me on the floor lmao oh and also the Rocky part hahaha omg great episode
but yeah I think both Nigel and Evelyn are correct, there's time and space for both, there's a time to just be angry and hate people cause that gives you relief, you should always have space for the way you feel but there should also be time to be kind, considerate and more peaceful with who you are, the way other people are and how you both react to specific sceneraios in order to be better people on your own and with your community
I fucking looove this podcast
Livestream please, Rice to meet you podcasts. It would be fun to talk with Nigel and Evelyn.
Everything that Evelyn said are valid. Those are her truth. It's not a matter of whether it's right or wrong because there shouldn't be STANDARDS when it comes to emotions. Lizo is seen as a "model" because in their world engrossed with "beauty standards" she is actually part of the "EXCEPTIONS". In therapy the goal is for the therapist to help the client become a fully functioning individual - to find the "exceptions" in their life when their
"goal" actually happened - then replicate that scenario until it becomes a habit. That's also the reason why therapists can't just tell you what you have to do, you have to learn to equip yourself so that you can process your thoughts, emotions and behavior on your own. And yes, anger is one way to vent emotions but it is not always the healthy way to vent.
Hey, Evelyn! It's tough when you hear those comments from your family. I hope you can muster the courage to be honest with your parents and let them know that those comments hurt you. But also let them know that you want to understand why they say those (because usually it's really out of concern and love). Then find a compromise. As Asians family means a lot to us and we do not want to grow old resenting the family we were born in.
One time my daughter asked me what it is to be successful. Children think success is having a lot of money, a great paying job, being able to travel when you want, etc. But I told her that as an adult, sometimes success is just being able to sleep at night with peace of mind and heart. I hope you'll find that sense of peace and joy in your heart in the future.
At 35:23... Nigel just went ALL in, not stopping for anything! 🤣 Love it!
Edit: At 16.04, exactly what I wanna do at work! LOL
Ty for the laughs! Helped to break up the work day. Glad I have found this channel. Keep up the good work you two, I enjoy both of your personalities! Be you, be true, be real, not perfect.
Legit eh, Nigel, your kindergarten pics damm adorable.
Evelyn, I like your makeup and what you wearing today. Your hair also look great! You are great no matter what! Be yourself n don't let anyone change who you are. Be true to yourself n that is what beauty is all about.
Hi Evelyn, take one day at a time, hope you feel more confident soon, you are amazing 😊
Evelyn ~ Not sure if u follow her yet, but u can check out UA-camr Yang Soo Bin. Cos
1. She's Korean (since u like kdramas u might understand some of what she says)
2. She's funny (the slapstick kind)
3. Mukbang
4. Makeup
5. Weight loss (she was plus size, but over the last year she worked really hard to lose weight for her health)
I don't mean to plug other UA-camrs here, but this episode made me think of her channel and I thought u might like her content
Hey Evelyn, I just want to say, I think you’re bold standing up for yourself. I don’t agree with Nigel. I think you can respect your family and culture and still stand up for your emotional health and being understood.
Yes. Especially when your family absolutely CAN be more understanding and supportive of you, regardless of your culture. I have Mexican parents, and I couldn't be more thankful to have two parents who love and support my choice career, being a musician. We should strive for more people to be better family units, and I'm sure it will happen.
Nigel is absolutely correct if you're a normal, healthy, well-adjudsted person. Then saying what you feel and how you feel it to whatever degree is not only normal but shows a level of honesty that should be respected more in today's world. So long as that honesty doesn't push into psychotic extremes, there is something to be said for restraint. I do understand that someone like Evelyn needs to take steps towards this and requires these therapy tools and a safe space to help build them up to normalcy. However, that shouldn't be culturally normalized nor should it be used as an excuse or crutch to stay where you're comfortable and stagnate into oblivion. Nor should anyone try to force anyone else to adopt that safe space as a normal part of healthy discourse. What I also appreciate is seeing Nigel acknowledge this and still push Evelyn just enough to try to get her to consistently grow into someone comfortable in all situations. It may not be comfortable but growth never is and it shows a level of deep friendship that few ever truly have.
Evelyn, you are attractive today! You got glossy skin, look prettier & slimmer🥰Keep it up!
Letting anger out theoretically is just like any other emotion, but the key is anger can easily and accidentally hurt the person you are trying to communicate with, triggering them into an anger state. Once the first person's anger has cooled and is ready to find a solution, the second person may no longer be in the space to talk.
It can be counter-productive in most situations where one is not yet ready to burn bridges or not enough previous understanding has been established. but yk bridges are meant to be burnt some times
actually one of my therapists told me "resisting is persisting". the more we resist some emotion, including anger, the more the emotion would persist. since i agree with this logic, and i'm also a bit quick tempered😂, i side with nigel. but i definitely hear what evelyn's saying!
I agree with Nigel’s points about Evelyn’s father and I agree with Evelyn’s points and about not losing your temper
Omg this is so true! * dying inside * I grew up in Asia for most of it and now in the UK, I have the exact same frustration when I've to use 'respectful language' at work. Sometimes I just loses my mind and reaches a point where I couldn't care less if people thought I was rude as long as the work gets done and proper. It's really funny as well because I've been lucky enough that I've a very understanding line manager and he would let me send all my frustration towards him so that I'm not doing it directly to the person I'm ranting about, he's in a way like my personal anger bomb diffuser therapist 🤣
Hi Nigel, we both live with the same mantra in life! Life goes on 😊 Hope to meet you in person soon!
I'm with Nigel.. don't patronize me!.. just be honest! I also understand the expectations of Chinese parents that you're always seen as not good enough. After a while I've learnt to not feel so much. People who are sensitive will be more emotionally affected by it (I use to be that person) so I try not to be (of course it's easier said than done). I remind myself that I deserve to be happy. Hang in there Evelyn!
About the releasing anger stuff, I think it also depends on the circumstance you're in and the relationship you have with the person or thing you're mad at. I think people release their anger differently depending on these variables.
Love Nigel so much here. I’m direct like him. “I disagree with you…I’ll make a mince meat out of you…”. I was told I have fear factor lol. Yeah definitely miss the good ol’ days of real convo real emotions.
You do need therapy before Nigels podcast but you also need additional hours after the podcast 🤣
id prefer to let it out but would rather not deal with possible regret later on if i went too far and put myself in a guilty/guiltier position which will add to my unhappiness sooo- roundabout way ! 😚
Didnt evelyn adore lee dong wok for his looks? we see first, looks, clothes. Our senses help us define ppl before we actually talk to them n know them. People will tear you apart in an attempt to put u together, it's asian parenting, she just grew up in west, the gap is big. The only person u need to care about u is you, because evelyn it affects u because u see their words reflect ur own fears. When u see urself differently, what others think or say wont matter this much bc u know u r awesome. Work to be where u want to be and be amazing as u are. You can be kind and can still punch ppl in the face if they come at you. U cant control people or life. Be strong to face it Evelyn. There is no other way.
nigels gravestone: 'live by the perm, die by wok cancer'
evelyns gravestone: 'live by kindness, die by kindness (she's still kinda nice in heaven though)'
the steady slide from 4 condoms to 9 is slippery!! you never see it coming. LOL
Nigel has his genuine smile since his first breathe i believe.
Hearing both sides of the discussion and I can related to both! That’s fantastic! Similar background really bring ppl together
oh this is updated before spotify
Evelyn's approach is much better, you can't shake or hit someone just because you want to Nigel! 😅
That was low key therapeutic. Thank you Evelyn 💜