Becoming "THAT GIRL" is more DANGEROUS than you think!!! (Vanessa Tiiu Guide Review)
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- Опубліковано 16 лют 2022
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Hey everyone I’m Abbey Sharp welcome to Abbey’s Kitchen. In todays video, we will be reviewing Vanessa Tiiu’s guide on how to be “that girl” and sharing my thoughts on this controversial tik tok trend.
A FEW DISCLAIMERS
1) The information in this video is for education and entertainment purposes only, so you should always speak to a health care provider about your unique health needs.
2) Please use this video (as with all of my review videos) as educational, not as unique recommendations.
3) Please be kind in the comments.
4) Trigger warning to those with disordered eating tendencies.
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RESEARCH LINKS
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31036...
psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-0...
clinmedjournals.org/articles/...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/a...
journals.sagepub.com/doi/full...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
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Contribution by Giselle Segovia RD MHSc
"That girl" routine looks more like my retired grandmothers day than anything else. Must be nice to be that privileged.
LOL this comment killed me 🤣 yes lmao
Louder for the people on the back, please 🤣
Yes! Some of us needs to go to work
Grandma be writing her memoir
your grandma eets up at 6 am and goes to the gym..
I love that you validate the fact that some people don't have the time to have a 3 hour morning routine.. These girls make waking up at 5 am look like a fun activity to challenge yourself, when a lot of people have to wake up at 5 to make it to their 6 am job...
Correct. If I get up at 5 am it’s not for self development 😂 it’s bc I either need to work or parent or both.
Yeah when you're JOB is to show people your insane routines and fabulous life, its easy to have insane routines and a fabulous looking life 🙄 the life of an influencer
Since i am out of university my screen time have dropped to nearly 0. I commute to work around 1.5-2 hours a day depending on traffic. Have a flat / room to keep tidy (having a flatmate as i am too broke for my own place). I have to prepare food to take a good care of my health condition... Like i leave home at 7 and get home at 7. I might want to watch a movie, or talk to a friend... How the he would any normal person have time for all of this?
Please if you know let me know as i am feeling i am doing something veeerryyy wrong.
Right? Those of that actually wake up that early.... It's not a choice! Stupid kids! 😂
I have to wake up at 5 am and it is so ... i hate it. I doesn't have much free time because when I am home from school (around 3 pm) I have to do homework and learn what I can't do later at night because I need sleep. I really wish that school wouldn't start at 7am
(I know my english is not the best)
I feel like the evil older sister to this trend is "that mom". Getting up early before your kids to workout and make yourself pretty, packing your kids cute bento boxes for lunch, only having Montessori toys in your house, having healthy family dinner together every night, dishes and laundry always done, no baby weight... 🙃
Those moms probably have helpers anyway.
So stepFord Moms?
100% totally agree being a mom of 3 with with my own business and running a household If I run a brush thru my hair I celebrate
You also have to keep in mind that most of the women who do this are stay at home moms. This obviously isn’t ideal for a mom who works. Nothing is wrong with any of the things that you mentioned.
Facts. I’m a stay at home mom and still not “that mom”
“That girl” knows that she doesn’t need to be THAT girl to feel like THAT GIRL. She is THE girl in her life.
Amen!
Love this 😍
@@hafsa6818 AS YOU SHOULD
So true!
YES!!! 🙌🏽
I feel like you’ll never run out of content to create because the devil works hard, but the diet industry works harder. Thanks Abbey.
So true 😂❤️
😂😂
That's a perfect phrase hahaha
Best comment ever ❤️
Idk I’m finding her vids pretty judgemental and harmful and eventually ppl will catch on
My biggest problem with this trope is this: "That Girl" -- the one who's in your head as an ideal -- was put there by societal standards, misogyny, targeted advertising, etc. She is not "your" ideal. She is an amalgam of messages women receive starting in childhood.
Preach girl
For sure
Damn guuurrrrllll. Say it louder for the people in the back. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
So true
The new "cool girl"
I honestly feel like the “that girl” trend is about pure aesthetics and performative video making.
Possibly!
this is EXACTLY how I feel
It’s all for money and views
The videos help enable their lifestyle, I don't know why people don't understand this, you're spot on!!
So true. And it feeds on the perception that “that girl” is special, and the no one else is enough. It’s
I have to say, in defense of Vanessa, she is a college student during the pandemic. And if these videos are good for ONE demographic then that’s college aged girls during the pandemic. Because I will tell you that these videos kept me alive the past two years as I am a full time student on Zoom University and often didn’t leave the house for weeks at a time. It was helpful motivation to force myself to get up and take care of myself after gaining 50 pounds and plunging into depression from sheer lack of sunlight.
I was looking for this! Yes! I don’t understand what the huge problem is. There are SO many problematic what I eat in a day videos but there are other really helpful ones!
I’m nearly 30 and understand that these videos aren’t targeting my age group… and that’s ok. I do think the trend can be harmful for younger girls like social media entirely (when she gets into the four reasons) BUT the beginning half of the video was about how it isn’t “realistic” for mothers/others. I don’t understand the link between it being unrelatable and it being harmful for teens - it’s just a rant.
I agree sooo much. Like with all the trends out there, this one is the problematic one? I think this trend helps you find beauty in whatever situation you are in, you can do these things with little money, in different ways. Like think about all the actually toxic trends out there, all the beauty filters, and toxic body images. This is promoting a healthy “lifestyle” not “do this or you are a failure”. If you feel that way then look inside yourself and find the root of that problem, it’s not the “that girl” trend it’s you. If you do some of these things then you can’t say “I did nothing today”
Commenting late to say, yeah, this trend has a really specific context, and it doesn't make sense removed from it.
@@katyp564 well said 🙂 yes it works for some, and good for them. But this is a bit unrealistic for working people with tight deadlines, for parents who are taking care of young ones, and for people who aren't that well off, especially those who live in developing countries, just to name a few.
It MAY (again, emphasis on MAY) be problematic for some because they might feel inadequate or unproductive if they are unable to follow these trends.
@@wombokkiesan3988 It can he unrealistic for college girls with no kids too. There’s nothing wrong with the way she lives. The problem is with it becoming a trend with the implication that it’s living better.
i was trying hard to be ‘that girl’ and ended up feeling constantly disappointed in myself. my current version of ‘that girl’ is trimming down on habits that doesn’t benefit me. me feeling my best is working out a 4-5 times a week, reading a lot of fiction and calling my mom often. these habits give me all those endorphins and i look forward to it. some weeks it’s just not gonna happen and i totally honour that without guilt. it’s not the best version of yourself unless you feel the best!
Thank you for sharing! Absolutely ❤️
Yess I fell for the hussle culture idea of always having to be reading smt useful and just giving myself permission to read fiction has been great 😁
LITERALLY - a whole word!!! Thank you for this!!
Love this for you! 💓💓💓
So proud of you xx
"That girl" is an aesthetic trend about effortless perfection. Her home is perfectly minimalist, her clothes are effortlessly elegant and expensive. Of course she can do four hours of work in the early morning. She can do anything. She's flawless. So when it comes to food, of course it intersects with wellness culture. Of course it's a thin white woman.
So true!
I feel like "That Girl" is just the modern 50's housewife. But with added pressures brought through the ages of the 60s/70s feminist movement, the 80s powerful woman movements and the 2000s forward social media pressure cooker. We have piled so much more on to being a woman, not freeing them.
@@messytoodles76 well said!
that girl is about being a healthier and better if u aren't rich just do with what u have and stop shaming ppl for living well . the fact that you feel discouraged instead of encouraged to live better shows a lot about you
@@matchingangsadio8272 Bold, bold words from someone who has no idea how I live or how I feel about how I live (not discouraged, btw. But I have no interest in journaling and green juice). There are a number of reasons why the That Girl trend is harmful. We've been discussing them. I'm not shitting on how people live. But a harmful trend is harmful. If someone is actually capable of living that type of life and it actually improves their quality of life, fine. Good for them. But for many people, this isn't the right fit. And someone isn't living a worse life just because this isn't how they live.
being "that girl" is a brand, not a life. it's for sharing on twitter and tiktok and manufacturing an image that others can envy, and it doesn't matter whether you enjoy it or whether the lifestyle actually fits with your life. it makes me kinda sad tbh, it's just another impossible standard that women are supposed to want to achieve
This!
Hate to be that girl (the pedantic girl lol), but this trend isn’t gender-specific nor is it a thing that started with the youths of today. Productivity culture has been a thing equally applied to both men and women for a couple decades now, because yay capitalism!
my exact thoughts!!
its not a hard life though.. its the easiest, most fun.
@@EC-yw5hg this video is about that girl.
This feels like the perfect routine for people who don't have jobs, kids, or other responsibilities.
Um...I'M that girl. I'm a single mom with 2 kids, a full time job, and I'm in grad school. I get up waay earlier than this person. And my kids are competitive swimmers so we don'tusually get home till 730 or 8. And I don't even consider myself to a busy person...obviously I'm watching UA-cam videos. It's not hard to be THAT girl.
But the jobless don't do these things at all for some it's laying in bed till 4pm, apply for one job back to bed tired lay and scroll
Perfect! I totally agree.
I get what you’re saying but it’s not necessarily the perfect routine for those people either.
@@katylastname1013 As a mental health professional, I can say with confidence that your comment is a perfect example of why this trend can be so problematic. I’m glad you’ve found a routine that works for you and your family, but it doesn’t work for everyone and isn’t inherently better than any other lifestyle.
Yeah, after becoming a full time youtuber and working completely from home and on my own terms, yes, I can pull off a lot of these routines. I also don’t have kids. most girls that are promoting it are also social media influencers. If you have a 9-5 job this trend is just absolutely ridiculous and silly. And most of them also don’t have kids!
I think it makes sense for influencers to hop on this trend and make it their own. When you make money online, a lot of it is documenting your own life/workout routines/etc.
@@sarakjeldsen769 totally!
Thank you for sharing!
This is what I think every time I see the trend! They are like up at 6 but then at 11 they finish their workout lol. I'm up at 6 but at work by 8.15! I can fit in a workout, a walk (to work), a short meditation at work before I fully start at 8.30 and eat a good breakfast because I meal prep, but not every day and definitely not like a proper "that girl"! It's not feasible for the way many people live
Many of them are also involved in problematic MLMs that seem to embrace pseudoscience, toxic positivity, and problematic self help concepts from problematic self help gurus with no legitimate training / education.
As a mental health counselor, this makes me sad...all of these habits feel like a way for a person to somehow feel “enough” or worthy, and green juice/gratitude journaling/certain diets can’t create self-esteem. Self-compassion does that.
This is overwhelming and hectic to need to do this every day
For sure. Thank you for sharing
Also a huge THANK YOU to you Abbey for all of your awesome videos, enthusiasm, passion for sharing the science and research, and overall positive encouragement you are for people to live truly healthful lives....your channel has been such a help to me and countless others as I read the comments section!!! You rock! ❤️
Cultivating gratitude and looking after ones body is compassionate to self. Looking after oneself, setting goals and accomplishing them isabsolutely self esteem building, in my book.
Yes I fell on this trap before. Glad i was our of it. I feel so at peace with myself finally.
“Sometimes that girl is studying to finish her degree, sometimes that girl is breastfeeding her two babies…” me taking a break from doing a 10 page essay, making breakfast while giving some juice to my baby so I can finish it all and not feeling bad about still not brushing my teeth…. Because being that girl for me, is absolutely crushing it when it comes to my dreams. Not a trend. I love you so much. Thanks for addressing such a toxicity on this.
So inspiring, way to go Lorna! 👏💖✨
@Lorna you are definitely “That girl!” don’t let social media tell you otherwise.
Lorna you are that girl! The girl that is strong, beautiful inside and out. That girl that lives a real life. I don’t know you but I am proud of you. My daughter just graduated with her BA, she is a mother, a military wife (who’s husband is currently deployed) so a single right now. She works full time and is pursuing a law degree. So yes you are that girl who knows there is more to life than being a 20+ girl influencer. Keep up the good work!
“Privileged definition of health”.. you hit the nail on the head, Abbey!
😊👍
@@AbbeysKitchen so I guess the starving kids in africa are very privileged. Lol
I’m not “that girl”, I’m that 65-year-old woman who felt a bit knackered just thinking about all those tasks! 😹
😂😂
I stagger to the coffee machine, hopefully before my 7 year old wakes up and starts jumping on me. "That girl" in this house is a woman who manages to have a hot coffee in the morning.
I’m 32 and I concur 😂 I’m going to stay in bed and eat sushi whilst playing video games!
I'm 23 i can't do that 🤣
My “morning routine” is dragging myself into the kitchen, pouring my coffee, and sitting on the couch answering my husband and children in unintelligible grunts until the caffeine kicks in. 😂
😂😂
awesome, best routine ever!! 😁😁😃😃
I can relate to that ! Guarantee that for FAR more than just a few of us, this is the standard morning routine ☺️☺️☺️
Same lol
This made me chuckle! Can't wait for those mornings when i have my own family 😂
Screw being "that girl," I'm "this woman" & I'm really starting to get the hang of me.💕✌️
😊❤️
Exactly. I have slipped up but years ago I stopped referring to grown ass women as girls. This just feeds into how women fetishize/infantalize themselves, mainly for the sake of anesthetics and male attention. Which is sooo creepy.
As a disabled girl- i hate the "that girl" trend. it's so vacuous and devoid of any real-world possbilities.
As an autistic-adhd mess i can only agree 😅
Yes, it's just obnoxious! Getting up and out of bed is literally the most physically painful part of my day. I have neuropathy (in both my feet) as a result of having chemo / cancer (in remission). To do this, would take me under. Mentally, I do lean toward perfectionism, which doubles the fun. Ugh.
I tried being the that girl I imagined, and I can tell you I burnt out real bad. Being just you authentically or as best you can had to become good enough. Go 'mediocricy' and self love!
Totally
I agree I got burnt out and had to mentally set back my whole life
I feel like wanting to be "that girl" very much perpetuates this idea of like being a main character or and IDEA of a person instead of a real life person. If you think of yourself as a book or movie character and put all your worth into others' perception of you, you're gonna be miserable.
Also, does THAT girl have NO RESPONSIBILITIES ?
So true!
This is what I was thinking! The way this lifestyle is presented doesn't feel like a daily routine so much as a way to perform an aesthetic, if that makes sense.
So right. This main character idea is so strange and twisted to me. It seems very prevalent on the internet. People would rather think of themselves as a character in a film, than a real, messy human being with responsibility towards others. That, in my opinion, is what gives life meaning. The purpose you have with others. I
That girl aesthetic really helped me pick up small habits and get inspired when I was in a really dark spot, it was really hard but I kept going with these small "that girl" tasks everyday, and I still do most of these things. I do however understand that this aesthetic does not suit everyone, but for me, a depressed highschool student, that girl kinda saved me
Let's be honest here 'THAT GIRL' doesn't even have a proper job and that's why 'that girl' can afford this type of lifestyle. We, the commoners, are waking up at 5am to catch the bus/metro/train for our 8am job. 'That girl' probably that time is baking her oats or doing self reflection.
The "that girl" trend reminds me so much of Gia Tolentino's essay on self optimization. Women are constantly pressured to optimize ourselves because our bodies and images are commodified. We're told it's the most valuable thing we have to offer so we put all our time and money into self improvement even if it leaves us feeling empty at the end of the day. Capitalism encourages this and feeds off of our constant feelings of comparison and unworthiness.
in short because it makes us happy to feel beautiful and admired... cant blame society altogether.
we are in an era of comfort and security. basic needs are easily met therefore we point our focus onto aomething more and that is to create, admire, maintain beauty as much as possible.
unless there is an immediate threat to ones survival, we always aim to be something more.
That is exactly what I thought of as well! Such a good essay!
I've finally reached an age where I have no idea what these latest trends are and I'm loving it. Review videos like this make me think I'm not missing out on much by not having TikTok 😂
After recently dealing with a hard hit from my mental health, I deleted TikTok and it's been very helpful in moving towards stability. I think it's so easy to forget how much the things we choose to take in effects us, whether we're consciously aware of it or not.
Trust Me as someone who's a member of a group they've decided they have and need to virtue signal for you're not missing anything. I'm high functioning autistic and these clout chasing sociopaths do use this for their own ego. They've done more harm to autism awareness then sia furler did with her damn movie
deleting tiktok was the best thing i ever did. havent had it for like a year now
I’m only 23, and I’m in the same boat
Same here, being 23 in the age of TikTok is honestly a gift 😂
There’s a reason “that girl” is always a 19 year old white woman who still lives with her parents.
(There’s nothing wrong with being in that situation, but it becomes problematic when the standard of the most privileged are extended to those in very different situations. Thank you for this!!)
I feel you! Due to Corona I was still living with my parents and it was much easier to care for everything since we would all do it together!
Behind every that girl, there's a rich support system.
My thoughts exactly!! I've never heard the term "That Girl" before, but as soon as I saw three seconds of that first video, I already knew exactly what they are -- young, attractive, well-off (mainly white) girls with wealthy parents who will never have to slave away at a grueling job because they were born into a privileged life and reap all the benefits that that lifestyle entails. If any of these girls had an actual early morning job/8-12hr shift and lived paycheck to paycheck without their parents or their wealthy partner paying for them, they wouldn't be doing even a fraction of what they talk about.
Sure, this is a bit exaggerated -- only slightly -- but these girls aren't showing how "enlightened" they are like they think; they're only showing that they don't understand the basic struggles and experiences of life. It's great that they are happy and living a good life, but there's a massive ego, arrogance, and know-it-all attitude that goes along with it when they try to tell others how to be like them when in reality, 99% of people just don't have the ability to do so.
im a 19 year old white girl living with my parents and i could never be “that girl” lmao i cant even brush my teeth most days
she doesn’t live with her parents too bad
Not every motivational video is for everyone. She certainly doesn't "make" me feel in any way inadequate. If she did, it'd be my problem, not hers.
Not gonna lie. This one made me emotional. I've been trying for years to have a productive morning routine. I struggle so much with sleeping at night that in the mornings i'm usually too tired, and i've always felt badly about how little i get done before work. Thank you for validating every experience!
I’m so glad this video was helpful for you! ❤️
Same, I've been struggling with sleeping early for years. I want to accept that I'm more of a night owl, but these trends make it seem like you're less than if you're not an early bird. Definitely need to remember what works for you is the best one for you!
@@vtheory7531 I was always a night owl but struggled for years to get up at least a bit earlier and felt very ashamed for sleeping late. A couple months back, I got into a 3AM bedtime, 12/1 PM wakeup routine. Surprisingly, my life didn't implode (I do work from home, though). Not sure if this is truly the best way for me, but my body suddenly decided anything less than 9 hours sleep is untenable. It's worth experimenting imo. Sustainable night owl routines are underrepresented.
@@oksanakaido8437 hi Oksana, i,m a night owl myself, i struggled with sleep schedule for years, trying to wake up early, feeling ashamed because i can’t, you know what i mean. For me your schedule is GOALS, sleeping from 3 am to 12-1 pm . i try to go to sleep between 4-6 am , wake up between 1-3 pm. This works for me. I,m tired to feel ashamed or less than, i honor my body, my circadian rhythm. I,m more healthy, happy, productive living on my own internal clock. I wish you good luck , good health, a good life, my fellow night owl 🦉 😊🍀
Fellow insomniac here. I always make sure to wake up early, but really only to give myself time to rest before I start my day. On bad sleep days, that hour in bed on UA-cam drinking coffee and eating breakfast is essential. It makes me feel much better.
I think that "that girl" is in reality glamorized orthorexia. I remember when I first saw this trend felt like "I've been trying to achieve all that in the last 5 years of my life". Now, I'm 18 and understand thats now what I want to do with my whole life but this types of trend just makes me feel like I need to go back to restricting myself and making myself miserable
Quite possibly. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this
This is did similar to the like daily routines presented by vegan UA-camrs back in the day - ex) freelee the banana girl
at the peak of my ED I was obsessed with trying to become "that girl". working out every day, counting calories, being productive and what not. My classmates also really believed that I had my shit together until I confided in some of them how burnt out I was feeling at 19 years old. The whole "that girl" trend is really triggering to me and whenever I see a video with that title I skip it and watch more videos about how harmful it is. Btw, no mater how "perfect" you try to recreate being "that girl", your life will never feel as aesthetic as the videos.
I had that experience too! Once I start caring a little too much about my health and wanting to be the "ideal girl" that's when I know I gotta stop and back up. I've found this trend to be triggering to my ED too and I also always skip videos of it bcuz it's better to have my own idea of what health looks like and not outside sources. No shade at all to the people who live like that, but for me I found it hard to find a balance without dropping back into behaviors. Glad I'm not the only one so thanks for sharing your experience. Hope you're staying healthy! Keep being yourself
Something like that happened to me. I'm a Chilean teacher and last year was my worst year. I was trying to implement that routines from some years ago, because I was focusing on my health and mental health (when I still living on the disfunctional and violent house of my parents) and I didn't see it as something bad, because it was a way to cope with all those things. But I ended anxious and depressed, I was totally burned out because of my perfectionism at work and also feeling bad ans guilty because I can't be productive or even had the energy to do something else, besides feel depressed and not doing exercise or Journaling at all. Now that I'm better, less perfectionist I do what i can, on weekends maybe i have the time to make a good breakfast or do a yoga session in my house, but I realized that I needed to relax and do literally nothing when I'm exhausted, something you can't do in this that girl movement, where your time to "relax and chill" should also be very productive
Yeah, same story here. I realized that it's all performative. It's about looking a certain way rather than feeling a certain way. It's the epitome of "I'd be happy if...". I see it everywhere though. It's why I stopped using social media entirely because the performative nature of framing your life in a particular way felt cheap and fake. Even if I was trying to be as honest and genuine as I could, I still kept asking myself who I was doing it for? If it was for others, to have them see me a certain way, I knew it was going to leave me feeling hollow and unhappy. I have so much more joy in my life just choosing things based on how they make me feel, and if they fuel more self love. Even if that means doing less and slowing down, messing up, or starting over.
Yeah, it's a huge privilege and perpetuates feelings of inadequacy in working-class individuals who lack the time/space/resources to implement a routine like this. Like, you try meditating at 5am when the walls in your house are thin enough to hear your parents snoring, or pottering about preparing your oat milk dalgona coffee while your single parent jostles for space in the kitchen trying to prep breakfast and packed lunches for your siblings, or doing an at home yoga workout in the space between yours and your little sister's beds while she's still asleep. Come the fuck on.
🤣🤣
@@selfcompassionate haha exactly! I used to nick the order pads from my cafe job to write my to-do lists on, now that's a poundland bullet journal!😂
@@selfcompassionate 😂😂😂👌
Or your drug/alcholic neighbours are screaming at each other
The yoga between the beds sent me lmao that's the most accurate representation of regular people implementing this bull I've ever seen 😂 too relatable
I was “that girl” in high school, and I got accused constantly of having no life-that it was the only reason I did everything I did. I was really defensive at the time, but people were totally right. I had a super controlling Mom and basically no social life outside of just talking to people at school. I was dragged to every church even ever (volunteer hours!) made to stay home (So great at homework!) and pressured to join every after school activity and compete for leadership roles (look at that overachievement!!). I got a job to pay for college because my parents had no money to give me (so ambitious!) and half the time asked someone to cover for me because I had too much to do. So much to do. Zero time for just having fun or hanging with friends. I didn’t even know what a social life was.
Anyway, anyone can be like that if you erase all the slow, emotional, relational, and like, meaningful parts of your life. I always look at it with pity now. I was making the best of a bad situation. I was not “life goals.”
Love how honest you have been.. to me, being honest about real life and what is good for YOU instead of following what people on social media telling you what you your life should be like...tells me that you are “that girl” Thank you for your honesty ❤️
balance my friend
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this
Thank you for sharing that. It’s really honest and I really got a lot out of reading your comment. Thank you.
That sucks, I remember running around a lot like that in high school. I feel like adulthood feels like such a nice break from that constant on the go lifestyle. I’m running a business with my husband and still feel less stressed and over scheduled than I was in high school. Hang in there because at least as an adult you have choices about your schedule!
Yes!!! Thank you so much for this. “That girl” is just a new way of telling women to be better / do more to become desirable / attractive / have it all together, etc. i hate it. Truthfully, that girl is you. You’re already her and she looks different for every one.
Totally!
I wonder how much of the "That Girl" trend came out of wanting to make the best of a bad situation during quarantine? That would explain the toxic positivity/self improvement side of the trend, as well as the super long and unrealistic morning routines... 😅
“Maybe that girl spends her days dedicated to working hard and finishing her degree” This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I often feel like I’m failing because my life is messy and I eat unhealthy snacks during essay writing, and dont work out everyday. Thanks for reminding me that I dont need to be perfect or aesthetic as long as I keep taking care of myself and working on what matters 💕
I lost so much energy in my 20’s trying to be “that girl”. So happy to see this called out.
Glad this video was helpful!
What kinda bugs me about this whole 'productive people' trend is the set definition of being productive (what ever that means in the first place) every 'that girl' gets up early makes breakfast etc. And I get up at 9/10 am (my uni schedule allows it) and don't even dare to talk to me before eleven am 😂 but I am still productive as I am more of a night owl and studying is so much easier for me in the evening! So Pleaseeee guys, make your own schedule in your life what fits YOUR life.
Absolutely! Thank you for sharing 👍
Yes! The fact that society has ascribed some sort of moral virtue to being a “morning person” or getting up early is one of my biggest pet peeves. Lots of people find that they work better in the evening, and some of us may need more sleep than others. Nothing in life is one-size fits all.
Same !!!
"Most of the time self improvement is NOT aesthetic or glamorous". YESS. And I love how you talked about it looking different for everyone and even depending on the day. Great, encouraging content. Thank you!!
I think our biggest misconception is associating “that girl” with being aesthetically pleasing. Being “that girl” is a mindset, and shouldn’t be altered by the fact that you don’t have the material requirements like an aesthetic room, a gym membership, “cool” clothes and what not. Ultimately, it comes down to you being your best self, and forgiving yourself on the occasions where you can’t. At least that’s what “that girl” is all about to me.
Exactly, and it can be exhausting to have to explain to people you aren't trying to be superficial, it's just the way you live.
When you're natural *that girl* and you're in therapy because it controls your life. It is so exhausting to live in the productivity = worth. Thank you for this!
Absolutely, thank you for sharing. So glad this video is helpful!
Now that I’m retired I have time to be “that girl”, but that would destroy my new freedom!
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!
I totally agree. Hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you! Even if I weren't working this routine honestly just sounds exhausting.
Realize that she is “working” while she is doing all this “that girl” stuff…it’s her job.
That’s a great point that it’s so easy to forget in the age of social media influencers.
“With a cute matching set”! Lol! One of my BEST days recently where I REALLY was changing life included: Going to the bank, another call with a financial analyst that lasted 2 hours, then picking up my comforter at the dry cleaners (I was really proud of getting this cleaned!), and this was a day where I really was getting big steps completed for my future. I’m sure this would not be a riveting Tik Tok reel! Lol
Seriously WTH is "being that girl" thing? Why do we all have to do the same activities and routines? for what? This makes you feel like there is only one valid type of lifestyle, many of us do what we can, and that is ok too.
So true!
Gurl same. You would think being “that girl” means you don’t gotta let everyone know you’re “that girl”. You just simply are by existing 😂
I can't understand the time spent journaling/making fancy schedules and 'To Do' lists and spending SO much time planning what you have to do...when you can just spend that time actually doing it. I say this as such a huge type A personality. Don't get me wrong, I'll take 5 minutes to get myself organized, and mentally go over my timeline, scribble down my "must do" list. But the level of effort "that girl" seems to put in..I'd be too tired to actually DO by then.
Right???
That's because they don't have much to do. Endlessly planning the little you have to do gives you something to do.
@@leonore3349 yeah exactly, they add things like "go to the gym" or "call mum" to their to do list lol
On my days off if I don’t come up with a list of what I need to do, I just won’t get anything done haha. It def can help to know what you have to do.
Totally!
The whole aesthetic of "that girl" is so problematic. It's a luxury only afforded to the rich, most people don't have the time nor resources to follow the "that girl" trend. The privilege of it is nauseating. It's reducing taking care of yourself to an aesthetic. It's being coopted to sell products. Audre Lorde has some really good quotes on self-care, as self-care being radical.
Self care should be anti capitalist so this ain’t it!!!
Thank you so much for this video. As a 20 year old with chronic migraines, this was really validating. Every college girl wants to be "that girl," but it feels so out of reach. Some mornings I can exercise or wake up early, but some mornings starting the day early or with movement can trigger a week long migraine. Everyone makes it look so easy, thank you for explaining that it's not.
Disabled with chronic fatigue here. Can't work out, have to balance my general activity carefully, and sometimes school takes nothing from me, sometimes I can't do anything else for the rest of the day.
I want to be a better me, but it will never happen the way these videos say it should. Deffo refreshing to hear all this!
I suspect much of this “that girl” trend is related to the many MLMs that target young women, seems like the whole “girl boss” thing from MLMs. Most MLMs seem to embrace toxic positivity, problematic self help concepts / gurus and pseudoscience.
So true!
I was thinking the same thing!! And a lot of the beach body “coaches” preach about waking up super early and doing “personal development”. It’s super culty and inauthentic
Yep!
same thought.
My New Years resolution was VERY opposite to my usual this year: to cut all the ‘self-improvement’ bs out. I’ve focused quite heavily on trying to get that perfect routine and productivity over the last few years, especially with journaling, planning and scheduling in ALL THE THINGS. But it only ended up with me constantly feeling like a failure for not measuring up, especially as a working mother of two. This year I am focusing on listening to and trusting myself. And Abbie’s whole approach about balance and gentle nutrition fits perfectly into that.
Thank you for sharing!
Working mother of two?! If you worked, your kids are fed and have clean clothes for tomorrow, you are PERFECT.
My mom was a student when I was a kid. During finals the house was a disaster, but we were fed and had clothes to go to school. I would wake up in the middle of the night and find my mom studying calculus at the dinner table. It taught me I can do anything, but not everything all the time.
@@antiantipoda Thank you 🙏 ☺️
I literally cried listening to this. As a perfectionist, this really helped take off some burdens on my shoulders. Thank you for this video
Having been insecure about my body for years, the 'That Girl' trend, seeing girls with abs - and ONLY seeing girls with abs - was really harmful. It triggered my obsessive exercising and constant thoughts about what and how much I was eating. Sometimes the occasional video would pop up and say something nice like 'you're already doing great, don't stress', so the trend wasn't all bad, but to be honest I could've done without it. Some people are normal, and it took me a long time to see that visible abs just aren't achievable for most people.
No cap- watching this while eating fries and Frosty from Wendy’s without a shed of guilt
Yummm! Wendy’s is so bomb! Lol enjoy! 😍🤤 I just had chick-fil-a too lol. No shame here.
I avoid 'that girl' videos because something I realized for myself is that we all are already 'that girl.' just being yourself is great
Absolutely 👍
Totally. The very phrase actually means ‘someone other than myself’ so I don’t know how they can then pretend it’s got anything to do with being the best version of yourself. To be the best you is to be the truest you which in itself means not being ‘that girl’ but being ‘this girl.’
thank you so much for posting this video and talking about how damaging the “that girl” trend really is! I’m 18 (aka very exposed to the trend) and I didn’t realize how toxic all the “that girl” messaging was until I found myself addicted to the videos and thinking about food all the time. I struggled with binge eating in the past, and was confused when I started binging again - with some reflection now Ik it’s definitely from a combo of irl stress + toxic social media messaging and comparison. This bs “wellness” stuff is tricky and can really mess you up if you’re not paying attention
I've come to realize that the more I try to become THAT GIRL the harder it gets to become her. I also felt overwhelmed by the steps in the routines that I wanted to implement, but were just so far away of my own routine. I used to go on walks, read, work out, shower all before 8am, but that was when schools where closed because of Covid and I was living with my mom who just payed zero attention to me. Therefore, I had more than enough time and probably more time that I ever will have in my life. Because of my mom, I could basically do what I want. We didn't eat together, we barely talked and I was buying my own food and thus had full control about what I was eating and what was there to begin with. Now, as much as I want to go back to that time for the organized routine, it was also the time where I struggled the most with disordered eating and over-exercising.
Today, I woke up at 7:30am put on some comfy clothes and did my 3 step skin care routine. Then I went on a walk for about an hour, brew myself some tea and did some schoolwork. The only reason why I'm able to do this, is because I'm on school break. However, I want to have a routine consisting of steps that I can do everyday. Regardless of whether I have school or not. The THAT GIRL routine did motivate me to change some steps, but I know, that it's really not realistic for day to day life. Right now, I'm trying to do things because they feel good, not because the internet says it will make me healthy.
I NEEDED THIS. Every since the start of this trend, my ED recovery has struggled because I am constantly comparing myself to "that girl" and some generic view of the best version of a person instead of a healthy version of myself, which means letting go of some of my perfectionistic tendencies to conform to what "that girl" seems to do or have.
I totally understand. I hope this video was helpful!
So glad you spoke about this!! Lol THIS girl is finishing up her bachelors degree at 19, prepping for masters program, & attempting to juggle all the other aspects of my life that are important to me. Um no one has time for these routines & I hope everyone realizes it’s beyond ridiculous!! I agree with everything you said Abbey!! ❤️❤️
Totally! Thank you ❤️
Wow you are a fucking badass girl. I’d much rather strive to be like you than “that girl”.
"That girl" is just an archetype and a source motivation, it isn't a single routine or lifestyle that people are trying to replicate. The idea of pursuing productivity, health, happiness, and a calm mindset are obviously things that resonate with a LOT of people.
I think it's great that girls are being inspired to go after what makes them feel mentally and physically healthy and fulfilled in life. "That girl" inspiration would have been a game changer for me if it was around when I was a teen, because I spent my teen years depressed sitting in my bed all day eating junk and feeling sick and tired from it. "That girl" would have given me examples of things I could try to make myself feel better and take ownership of my happiness.
I think it's fine to state "you don't need to do exactly what other girls that you admire are doing to be happy", but I think most people already know that. "That girl" is just an aspirational motivator to live our best lives - not something that needs to be copied line by line. 🙂
As a mental health professional, it not having to look like that is lost on most people. Even if they logically know it, it’s so engrained in most people that that’s what success and health and a good life looks like that they still compare themselves to that, yet it’s often unattainable to the average person. They unknowingly set themselves up for failure and then feel bad about themselves for failing. It’s definitely not a healthy way to live.
I was a "mild version" of a that girl before it became a thing and I haven't changed since. People now days are always mocking and harassing me for it. I don't like it, it's just who I am and how I my life. I'm not hurting you by getting up early in the morning, doing workouts or having my things organized to my liking. Leave me alone guys...
I love this! I’m that girl too! High anxiety and I wake up early in the morning. The gym gives me a way to calm my anxiety. Don’t hate, replicate!
I don’t see any problem with doing certain things because they fit your routine. It annoys the hell out of me to see people recording themselves doing those things just for narcissistic satisfaction. I think doing those things just to look good is the problem, not the things that are done. Exercise, journaling and healthy food are great.
@@ludmilamaiolini6811 Exactly :) I absolutely agree. I keep my life to myself. The only thing I share is the art I create^^
Everyone should do what works best for them. The problem is when there’s the implication that it’s inherently better or healthier (looking at you S Smith) or even attainable for a lot of people. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing so the people who poke fun at you about it should be ashamed and I’m sorry they’re doing that. Nobody should be judged for living the life that works for them.
@@ivyrose779 I agree, I live like this, and I don't look down on people who don't because I understand that it's not the perfect life for anyone except me, or that people are not privileged as much as others. I do sometimes feel like I'm doing something wrong when I see something like this, but I understand where everyone is coming from here.
Go OFF Abbey! 😄 Seriously. Everything you said is so important. The amount of times I’ve swung between the anxiety of getting every single thing done to make me look good, and then depression when I don’t get it right… and I am just so DONE with this! Being authentic to ourselves and the best version of us that we want to be is the best way to invite deeper and consistent habits into our life, not adhering to a false sense of community (TikTok trends) where we have to put on certain behaviors to be accepted! You are good and strong and authentic and real, and enough, just as you are. 💗
Thank you for sharing! Absolutely ❤️
Never felt more validated 😂😂 I will NEVER be a morning person and can still be that girl!!!
Totally 👍
Same😭😅
This really really hit home for me. THANK YOU. I needed a reminder.
This video is so refreshing! I have been seeing these tik toks/reels all over my feed and it honsetly has been really getting to me how unattainable and unrealistic so many of these routines are! As a nurse who works 12 hour shifts finding enough time to sleep and do basic tasks can be hard enough-let alone finding time to do all these other "productive" tasks. Thank you for spreading some truth and validating all of us who feel overwhlemed with this trend!
I once tried to include meditating, saying positive affirmations, writing a gratitude journal, doing yoga, reading and listening to self development videos all at once, and I got exhausted!! As you mentionned. Now I do one of those activities once in a while, because I want to not because I feel obligated to do so. I also found that a lot of and videos made me feel worse because they promote self-blame and toxic positivity. It's unrealistic to be positive all the time and it's so important to validate and make time to feel all feelings! Thank you for making a video about this!
Absolutely! So glad the video was helpful for you
Not only is it unrealistic to be positive all the time, it’s unhealthy. You can’t have true positivity without experiencing some negativity too.
I love Abbey. I love how you call of problematic messaging, even when it's not necessarily directly related to food! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you ❤️
Thank you for sharing this so important to talk about!! Really appreciate how real and honest you are!
Thank you for this video, I needed the pep talk today.
So… ‘that girl’ is Gwyneth Paltrow according to all of these. Got it.
Except Gwyneth has and has always had tons of hired help. We could all be Gwyneth if we got paid to be her and were born rich like her.
@@lavenderoh that’s basically my point. They are pressuring people to live these Instagram lives, but unless you are paid to sell that lifestyle, it isn’t really possible.
😂😂
Why would we all want to have this curated, polished, pastel life? Where's the spontaneity, the loud fun, the creativity, the artsy? It might be very healthy but it looks very boring to me. It reminds me of the Nosedive episode of Black Mirror!
True!
What a powerful message!!!! THANK YOU!!!
I lost it at "Go for a hot girl walk" for some reason!
Thanks for this, Abbey. I appreciate the aesthetic of it all, but nothing about "that girl" has ever seemed remotely feasible to me even when I think back to when I lived alone and had more personal time.
As an aside, I love watching your videos while I'm writing up my grocery list for the week. It helps keep me in a good mindset for meal snack planning.
I totally understand. That's great, I'm so glad!
it feels like for the majority the end goal that they care about the most is more fitting into the aesthetic or trend rather than their actual health
I totally get that!
This is such an important video. Thank you for making it!!
Your videos are so important, Abbey! Thank you for your service!
Thankyou! I know "That Girl" for me starts the day waking up with at least one of the two kids snoring their heads off next to me as they had a bad dream during the night. Which to me is a blessing as some wish to have kids.
Congratulations! You are blessed
😂 for sure!
I wanna be as happy as Abbey when she's eating a Built Bar!
😂
They’re honestly so good… just buy them 😂
😂❤️
They are delicious
Thank you so much for creating this! There is such a thing as toxic positivity. We appreciate honesty.
thank you for your words at the end i really needed that reminder and it helped a lot :)
Thank you for this Abbey!! I keep being mean to myself for not being "that girl" but full time in tech and maintaining a general day doesn't allow for a lot it :/ this made me want to be more compassionate with myself!
So glad the video was helpful for you!
Despite the trend distorting the meaning of health and making it all about aesthetics, I think there is one benefit I can see from the 'that girl' trend, at least for me personally.
I've just gotten out of a relationship (with a rough breakup) around a month ago, I'm in my mid-late twenties and I've been struggling with thoughts of loneliness and dread of being alone. Accepting that I might be single forever seems really hard at this point.
The 'that girl' trend is helping to motivate me to look at my own daily life and try find something to appreciate and improve on, and keep my mind off of my single status for a bit. Yeah I'm sure some of 'those girls' are probably lonely as hell just like me, and probably look to cultivating their daily routines to cope. But I feel that as long as you do it for yourself rather than trying to look good for others, striving to be your own version of 'that girl' can help your self-esteem and confidence especially when you're on your own.
Just my personal thoughts.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I'm glad this trend is helpful for you!
Thank you so much. I've had a frustrating week where I'm frantically trying to "do it all" and basically only succeeding with my career while I neglect everything else. This video was like a giant breath that I needed to take. I love your perspective. You keep it real!
Thank you Abby for this wonderful video.
Not me checking on my napping toddler after hearing yours in the background 😅
Lol 😂 he doesn’t yet understand that mama needs quiet haha
Mint chocolate? Ah, I see you're also a woman of culture
Yes!
😂😂
Wow the way you get your points across really hit home and ring true. I love everything you say! Thank you for your videos x
Abbey, your message at the end made me really emotional. I have been putting so much pressure on myself to become that girl. You have made me realize that by working hard at school and putting in hours of practice towards my musical aspirations., I am that girl. Thank you so much! I truly need this encouragement.
Thanks for the pure common sense and mama bear logic. Freelee has just let loose a very bitter commentary on your what I eat in a day vid. Would be wonderful to see your answer to this.
Ugh, she is just awful. I don't get why people like her. She's not 'nice', but rather negative. Not sympathetic and she's constantly bashes other people without any background knowledge.
Ha I really would never reply to her content bc I legit don’t care and I don’t think many ppl do
@@emmylee8862 I liked her initially about 7-8 years ago, but the longer I watched the more I didn't like what I saw. She is very mean and really doesn't understand what obstacles other people might have and need to work with.
Freelee is so ridiculously entitled. She and her BF moved to South America (I think), taking land, food, etc. from indigenous people. Her entire esthetic is "I'm living the life everyone else should live. Anyone who doesn't live this way is EVIL and WRONG!"
I watched one of her recent videos and I honestly think she may not be all there, mentally.
Also, yes, this morning routine sounds EXHAUSTING, lol!
Why would anyone want to change to be "that Girl" just be happy being "this Girl" you are GOOD ENOUGH exactly as you are😘
Totally ❤️
💕💕💕 thank u for your invaluable work. Love the message and I know it w make a difference in many young girls lives
ABBEY!!!! I flippin love your passion, your attention, your focus, your humor, your desire to educate, and being quite awesome at rocking out all of it. This video is a SUPREME example of your ability to inform and teach. Thank you.
Thank you so much! ❤️
did not know this is what I needed to hear today Ms. Sharp! thank you for making ALL of those points💕
So glad it was helpful!
I felt myself skipping back into my ed seeing those “that girl” videos on the rise. Just listening to your video has helped me off the edge in the fact that what I do now is enough and I don’t need to feed into the mold of what everyone else is doing. Love your videos Abbey!❣️
I’m so glad this video was helpful for you! ❤️
You’re very inspirational Abbey, thank you for your well-informed, sisterly advice 💙
Loved it! ❤️ You always have wise words. Realistic and honest advice for really helping people to do their best
Thank you so much Abbey! You’ve helped me so much during my ED recovery and I appreciate this video so much!! I am a bit of a perfectionist and seeing this trend all over social media just made me feel so inadequate, as I’m a full time student with a part time job and don’t have the time or energy to wake up at 6am and do this exhausting morning routine. Everyone needs to watch this video!! 💖
Thank you for sharing! ❤️
First, I want to say that I had similar aspirations to this, and I had never even seen this video. I was able to wake up early, journal, etc. etc. etc. and it felt GREAT! I was loving how productive my mornings were. And then as we went into winter, I just could not pull myself out of bed before 8am. I was upset about it for a while before it occurred to me, 'this is okay. Maybe I'll start getting up earlier again in the spring. Maybe not.' But giving myself that freedom to roll with the punches as the seasons change made a big difference for me mentally. I haven't journaled in weeks and I workout in the afternoon most of the time and I still feel great!
Also, I have never met another Abbey who spells it with an "E"! Are you Abigale or just Abbey? I am just Abbey :)
Abby, Thank you so much for this!! I love how you're doing away with the notion of comparison and emphasize inclusivity & individuality. There were days where getting out of bed and taking a shower were a huge accomplishment for me!! 👑💪🏻❤️
I can relate so much to how passionate you are about getting your message across, you can literally hear it in your voice. I LOVED everything you mentioned in this video and am SO inspired by you. Thank you for being the voice of reason when we are constantly surrounded with toxic media and false research nowadays. It's not a true representation of real life and the general population. The fact that you include evidence-based research in everything you say is amazing. I am a nurse myself and LIVE by evidence-based practice. Many people do not do the research so I am so grateful that you include it!
Thank you so much ❤️ I'm so glad you found the video helpful!
Abbey, you're glowing! Makeup on point. 🥰✨ I enjoyed your discussion. I agree with you. While it's great when people such as Vanessa feel motivated and inspired by online trends to live their best lives, to myself, the 'that girl' trend feels like hustle culture (before 9AM... lol), commodified self care AND self improvement pressure all got thrown into a blender and spit out with a flattering filter placed on top. Other creators have also critiqued its focus on aesthetic rather than realistic, and how TikTok seems to promote the image of mostly young, thin, white girls to uphold this trend.
Thank you ❤️ absolutely!