I watched Madame Web so you don’t have to
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- Опубліковано 23 вер 2024
- I would call this a movie review but this movie transcends all criticism. To watch Madame Web is to watch art itself.
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To be super clear: I may have things out of order here, or have misremembered things. I have no idea what I watched.
you described things i remember completely differently and i don't know if you're wrong, or i am because it was such a bizarre movie.
Does it feel like it was a fever dream? 😂
😂😂😂
it sounds super hard to describe
Sounds like you gotta watch it again to make sure.
This sounds like a person talking about a dream they had
Exactly what I was thinking lol. Incoherant, trying to explain it but none of it makes any sense, you end up not being able to really explain it.
Dude I watched the fuckin movie and feel like it was just a dream I had lol. It's THAT garbled.
@@psytron939 the funniest thing is alanah describes parts of the movie differently to how i remember it happening in the film, and i don't know if I'm remembering it wrong, or she is, because the movie was so fucking bizarre 🤣
Good comment
omg that is so true. nailed it
"It's a Room-like" 💀
The lowest praise a movie can have
That’s all we need to know 😂
Thats like the best way to sell a bad movie... Omg i feel the need to see it now
You are tearing me apart!
Hi doggy!
"Tell me you didn't pay money for this" - Raphael, TMNT 1990
Great reference and movie 😭
"Wise man says forgiveness is divine but never pay full price for late pizza."
Pork rind? Pork rind!!!!
"Nice night"
*Madame Web is set in 2003, The Room is from 2003 coincidence I think NOT!* 🤯
Didn't Sony make other Spiderman movies they could have tied into instead of trying to piggy back on Disney's MCU? Edit: the main reason this is a reply and not a seperate comment is you made me realize they are obviously trying to tie into the current Peter Parker since it's set in 2003.
@@MrZerothejediother films in this weird web: Venom 1&2, Morbius, on the way: Kraven
The reason is even dummer Sony did it so that they could use pop songs of which they already own the rights.
@@RossM3838 Sony Records is a unique place. They have a vast library.
But.. in a film. I could understand if the songs connect to the audience.
"Toxic" and many more are the earworms that will last a lifetime
@@MrZerothejedithat was actually the initial plan but every trace of it got wiped from the movie because someone with a brain realized the timeline wouldn't work out. The rare good decision on a Sony Spidey project
I don't know if it made the movie better or worse for me, but I watched the entire movie without realizing Ben was Uncle Ben and the sister was supposed to be Peter's Mom. They were just random extras in the background to me that people kept making weird and ominous references too for some reason.
Same here! I didn't find out until I got home after seeing the movie and reading what other people were saying about it online lol
I thought that was his wife the entire time until this video lmao
Omfg 😂
*sister-in-law
Anyway, I have known about baby Peter for years and have never had any interest in watching it, so I can't judge how easy it is to tell in the final flick.
On a related note, the reason why there's ADR galore for Ezekiel is presumably that his target used to be baby Peter before Sony yet again took the Spider-Man out of their Spider-Man movie.
How do you miss that lol
The director of this film also directed the original House of the Dragon pilot which was so bad everyone was fired and replaced. That's strike two.
Wait. Oh. Oh no.
no way, that happened? HotD is so good, i wish we could find that pilot somewhere
@@fringehouseIt wasn't actually HotD, it was a different project with Naomi Watts called Bloodmoon about the original Long Night. It got completely scrapped after already spending millions on the pilot.
@@dustfanYep, 35 million dollars, to be exact!
Two strikes is all they get. SO many people wanting to get into film making. Pick on of them
"It's a Room-like" That's it. That's it! Alanah has named an entire genre of films we have been searching for a name for. Now I'm gonna go play a souls-like.
Oh paramedics just do that, an elderly woman near my boat intentionally threw herself into the water and nearly died and they were cracking jokes about their gloves to each other. My mom works with first responders and she said it sounded like bad form but is also incredibly common from having a stressful gig around those things all the time
doing that kind of work for over 30 years, the humor of alot of us would outrage alot of people. but its stress relief.
it's gallows humour (NOT dark humour), it's very common in first responders because if you don't laugh you'll cry.
You need a sense of humor in a job like this. Because you see people at their worst and most vulnerable. Yeah, like doctors. ...
Yea, I used to work at a funeral home. You're always going to be around death and mourning family members. You're going to need some sort of humor to keep yourself intact and be able to read the room.
Some families mourn some crack jokes and want to party.
I've always thought M.A.S.H was the best portrayal of that in entertainment
I love that this gives of the vibes of trying to recall a movie you saw years ago, but it’s so recent, and it’s so funny. Amazing
"Room-like" & "Captain ADR" were pure gold.
Captain ADR... the villian we didnt want or deserve XD
The only positive that may come out of the Madame Web movie, is any references made by Deadpool.
Omg true
Same thing with the Dune 2 popcorn bucket. I'll be shocked if there isn't a Deadpool version.
If I change the title of this video to " My first time trying Peyote" then everything else she says makes sense.
It's like a really really horrendous train wreck but everyone lived and the spilled chemicals gave a bunch of orphans new parents.
You missed the part about how she got from the remote unexplored Amazon and uncontacted secret spider people tribe to the NYC foster care system.... oh wait, so did the writers.
Good stuff! Flat out funny. Thank you.
Ambulance is the name of the paramedic vehicle Alanah 😂
Nice braid by the way!
Amber Lamps
@@malpal5825 Someone call Amber Lamps, but not for me
Probably trying to steer clear of "Ambo".
When I walked out of the theatre I was convinced the script was written by AI
there's a tweet going around about "Dakota Johnson's response on failure of Madame Web" and I feel like she's really opened up the truth in there.
To go full nerd, for a moment...
There are no Madame Web standalone comics.
She is a 4th tier or worse character who is only in random issues of various Spider-Man/Spider-Woman titles.
About the only similarity between that character and what is portrayed in the movie is the power set.
Take that however you like, but I'm referring to it because a lot of people are acting like there is a wealth of source material behind this film, and there simply is not.
With that said, it is certainly worth asking the question: "Why did Sony do this?"
I think that's a bit of a dichotomy, in that Sony has directly addressed it, in the past...saying they wanted female-led superhero films that fell within the licenses they own.
However, it doesn't explain why they wouldn't just make a Spider-Woman/Spider-Gwen film...both of which would make way more sense in the context of pretty much everything they've done, to date.
Spider-Gwen, especially, since she has become hugely popular, thanks to the very successful Spider-Verse films.
It's like someone saw DC's Birds of Prey film and said: "Hey, we can do worse!"
🤔 Honestly this is the weirdest side story idea. Madame Web is also connected to Spider-Verse (Madame Web II)
Sony is really delivering films throughout this wild web
I did enjoy Venom. Still feels weird with no connection to Pete/Spidey
Still trying to sort out how that even works
The "Hey, we can do worse!" is how I feel about the Borderlands movies and Guardians of the Galaxy. Someone saw GotG and decided Borderlands by itself wasn't Marvel enough to make a movie out of
i mean, in the comics and show Web was a cool character, or at least written well. They fumbled her and the other spider ladies in this film.
@@CartoonHangout Yeah, I wasn't trying to imply that the character is bad, really...just an odd choice for a standalone film, with no Spider-Man presence.
@@justateddybear951 I don't really have extensive knowledge or attachment to the Borderlands franchise, but I agree that the trailer feels very GotG-esque.
For some reason, this is one of my favorite videos you've ever made.
From what I have gleamed from Dakota Johnson's and her costar's interviews, they were led to believe this was a Marvel movie. If it was only one of them, they could be mistaken but all of them doing movie press initially as if the were promoting a Marvel movie so I think there were shenanigans behind the scenes. Also Johnson hinted that there were a lot of script changes after she was hired but before filming. So after she was contractually obligated to make the movie, it became a different movie.
Well, it *is* a Marvel comics movie, but not a Marvel Studios movie
"It's a Room-like" sent me into the stratosphere
I'm gonna start using the term "Roomlike" now.
"Captain ADR" 🤣
I watched this movie, and it did something no movie ever did to me before: question if I really should watch films to begin with. I didn’t think we’d get a worse film than morbius, but here we are.
Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless are the same screenwriters for Morbius
Those names have to be aliases, or this just somehow got funnier.
Gotta get that nepotism in lol
I hadn’t heard of them so I just looked em up and they have not written a single good movie.
Dracula Untold, The Last Witch Hunter, Gods of Egypt, Power Rangers, Morbius, Madam Web. All of which were abject failures.
At what point to executives get held accountable for giving these clowns work?
@@MrBLAAHHHHHHHHHHH well... they let sony maintain the rights to characters disney/marvel would like back so... win i guess? And it only cost 80 million dollars.
@@MrBLAAHHHHHHHHHHHThey were responsible for the Lost in Space revival, which is definitely at a higher level than their filmography, but still
In a couple of years we'll have some UA-camrs making the mandatory "Why Madam Web is a misunderstood masterpiece?"
Much more preferable to the videos I'm seeing now of UA-camrs saying that the movie was bad because it was "woke".
No, it was bad because it was bad. We see these kinds of movies all the time.
@@UberNoodle 100% agree
@@UberNoodleA black girl, a white girl, and a latina girl conveniently are the future Spider-Women.
Sony just had to put a check mark in the "Diversity for the sake of Diversity" column. 🤣🤣🤣
I haven't read any Madame Web comics. But I'm also confused because my only point of reference is the old lady from the 90s cartoon. 😂😂😂😂
That's legitimately her only claim to comic book fame and notoriety. Outside of the Shattered Dimension game, she is not relevant in the mainstream comics as a main character, just a side character/guide
When I saw the trailer and those CW level costumes; I knew we were in for something special. They maybe "tried" to make a theatrical movie on a streaming/straight to DVD/RedBox 3 episode miniseries budget, with high school play/intern level talent. The Madame Webb character would introduce a whole host of power sets and plot altering abilities which would have to be dealt with in order to avoid basically what we ended up getting; it's like trying to depict Mister Mxyzptlk. I really think everyone in involved underestimated what kind of character she is and what it would mean to introduce her into this universe.
"it's a Room like"
Best review ever.
What's baffling to me are Sony's decisions of who they're choosing to direct and write these movies that are part of maybe their most valuable IP? It's just wild 🤨
This has so damn much late 90s- early 00's superhero movie energy, where just about everyone hated being involved with this project and was just counting the money in their head, like NOBODY was even trying here.
The fact that this was written by the same people who wrote Morbius tells me that Sony absolutely does not give a shit about these. Or maybe Sony execs think that movies are delivered by a stork, and don't know real people are involved in making them and if you pick incompetent people the movie will be bad? Does Sony even _know_ that they're making these things?
16:26 wow Dakota Johnson was right in that promotional material . She said you would want to see it twice lol.
I don't think I even want to see it once. I will see Dune: Part Two twice instead.
I like that the film shows you visions of a better film than the one you’re watching. Not a good film but a better film.
I love imagining Mike Flanagan watching Madam Web.
You have given the nicest negative review of a movie or game made for "modern audiences" I think I have ever seen, it was very entertaining to watch your review lol
"Captain ADR" 😂 That would make a great villain in a comedy--everyone else speaks normally, but when he talks, a random voiceover plays over his mouth moving.
i’m going to be honest i’ve only ever known 2 paramedics so obviously it’s not a large sample size but so far they have both basically admitted to not caring at all about the patient in the ambulance so at least that part was accurate somewhat😭
I mean it makes sense. They probably have to deal with death every single week, so I think you have to keep an emotional distance otherwise you simply couldn't do the job long-term. As long as perform to a professional standard and don't say shit in front of family members, I reckon it's fine.
Madame Webb is honestly one of the films of all time
Lol 😭😭
It truly is amongst the films that exist.
The directors directed, the actors acted(?), the audio sounded and the video was seen for sure.
Of all the live action Madame Webb movies it is definitely the best can't argue that fact.
Now I must go watch something.
"I gotta go home and watch idol", along with britney spears toxic, was to let you know that this is in the early 2000s, because there's no indication of that otherwise, it looks exactly like present day
Also the giant Beyonce debut album ad on the building lololol
Yeah I understand the intent, but it’s still A THING A HUMAN WOULD NEVER SAY
In the beginning when they're in the ambulance it flies past a Blockbuster Video 😂
does Madame Web have better or worse ADR than The Room? real question
EDIT: I WROTE THIS BEFORE I SAW 2:06 LMAOOOO
This video reminded me of how you feel when you read a transcript of a speech Trump gave, and you realize it's even more incoherent than you thought it was when you heard it. That's Madame Web.
Haha yes when someone is having a heart attack you gotta dial 911 and ask for a "paramedic van" Alanah.
I FORGOT THE NAME
English do be like that sometimes. I remember once I forgot the word 'instructions' and said 'tutorial paper' instead. I still use 'tutorial paper' now though 😅
@@charalanahzard It's like the Citizen Kane sketch by Kids in the Hall (the guy makes the exact same mistake with the word "ambulance")
May I suggest watching Birdemic next?
No you may not.
I love incredulously sarcastic alanah! this movie has brought me so much joy from watching reviews 😂
@@GregoryAlanBaileygamereviews😂😂😂😂
I think I might wait till its on Disney +, but tbh I feel like I've already watched it thanks to your review. Thank you, high five!! 🤚
It genuinely felt like parts of this movie were written by chatGPT they were so fucking nonsensical, and the villain's wigs were in some parts awful.
Also, I can't imagine any orphan in their 30s apparently spending most of their life being all "Man, i fucking hate my mom for being murdered doing the thing she was passionate about while she was pregnant with me". I'll grant that she didn't know her mother was trying to save her life, but she did know she was murdered.
also, completely flew over my fucking head that the scene about the baby name was meant to imply that the baby was peter parker.
Also, how did she get on a plane to peru LESS THAN 3 YEARS AFTER 9/11 WHEN SHE WAS WANTED FOR KIDNAPPING.
The best they did to make him "old" in the future was give him a white wig.
@@GojiraRising yeah but it was a shitty party city wig, it doesn't remotely look real
Can't believe Alanah made up a whole movie that's definitly not real... right?
Says A LOT that the lead fired her agent THE SAME DAY the trailer came out. And she clearly doesn’t give a shit in interviews 😂
Mum: *suffering pregnancy pain*
Daughter who is a grown ass paramedic: why did you hate me?
It's definitely without a doubt the best live action movie about Madame Webb ever made and you can't get much better praise than that.
Ceiling guy!! Are you serious!?😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you for your sacrifice and service. You will be remembered with Honor...!
2:09 "It's a Room-like, if you will" ^^
I had to stop your video and I had to think to myself - WTF? don't worry I continued, Thanks Chrara, We need more!
"It's a Room like, if you will." -Alanah Feb 25. 2024
i had so much fun wathching this video. lol. i actually ended thinking thar to me this movie is a 5 out 10 . just a ok movie to me. and i thought that i would hate it based on the trailer. i think that was nice to hear your thoughts on this movie
I would love for her to do a longer exposition of this film. I was supposed to go see this film. It was talked out of it because it was so terrible. I was told to wait until it comes on video on demand how terrible it actually is the one thing I would love to knowbecause I am a Spider-Man fan I would love to know if there was a post cred scene and what that entailed
Dakota Johnson was comically detached from the role. She showed up for the check.
Adding "Room-like" to my vocabulary now
My dad did not pick up on the baby being Spider-Man. When I leant over and went oooh it’s Ben he thought “yeah I know it’s Ben Wyatt”
you make me want to watch this movie!!
Spider-man enters a building. “Why did my spider sense just tingle…wait why can’t I hear my thoughts out loud? This must be Captain ADRs trap, and it’s worse than imagined. I haven’t finished workshopping my quips for the fight, and they won’t be funny if he has heard them.”
This is not the character from the movie, if that wasn’t obvious.
Years ago, I once got drunk on a moving D-box theater seat and passed out in Deadpool 2 and looked like Weekend at Bernie's during the Juggernaut fight scene as my lifeless body was thrown around by the butt kicker seats that moved and rumbled...this review ensures I go see this movie slightly unsober now, thank you brotato chip!👊😛👍
I feel like we saw this movie together and talking about it afterwards. Thank you! (Wouldn't have gone by myself.)
“Captain ADR,” “Oracle Woman” and “Ceiling Guy” are great superhero names. Mystery Men reboot?
"Spiper-esque gimp suits"....lol. Thank you!
Madam Webb is one of the movies of 2024!
As a former paramedic. The flirting with each other as someone is dying is normal behavior within the profession, it provides levity. Once stabilized there is very little you can do and "people dying" is a constant part of your life. Frankly you quickly go cold towards death especially after having to scrap someone off the road.
This recap was amazing. "0 out of 10. Would see again" LOL. Also, everytime you said ceiling man/guy, it made me chuckle
That was the longest 16 minutes and 28 seconds of my life. I can't imagine what it felt like in the theater. Glad you made it out okay.
The first "strand" type movie
I honestly enjoyed the movie. I really don't understand what people's big issue is with it. They clearly explained _almost_ everything. Yeah, the connections to Spider-Man were left as vague hints. Almost to the point that if you didn't know this was part of that universe, you wouldn't even know...except for all the people in Spider-Sona outfits.
I think they tried to make this movie primarily a thriller with a precognition/time travel aspect and superhero theme. Like if you took out all the Spider-Man stuff, this would literally be like a Minority Report or Looper type of movie.
The only thing that bugged me that they didn't really explain was how come nobody else could see Ceiling Man except them and for some reason Ben. There's people in a crowded subway terminal and they just don't see a man crawling along the ceiling in a webbed onesie.
Also, yes, the ADR did bother me too. It kept throwing me off. I thought I was going crazy.
"It's a Room-like." Congratulations on coining the coolest new genre known to man.
This is one of your funniest videos 😂. Also the editing 👌🏻
I have a feeling this is one of the characters Sony has license to. I liked it, it was an easter Egg movie to the mythology and legacy of Spider Man. I hope she and the 3 Spider Girls show up in a later movie...I was so excited to see Ben Parker as the future Uncle and see Peter's mom pregnant for him... I thought it was a good origin movie.
its been out for a sec now, all the people that saw it for us already did lol, but im glad you went to see it too.
There is something to checking it out just to see how bad it is too, I was very surprised by just how messy it was lol.
I love the suddle shots toward dakota johnson 😂
Im even more confused now than ever... thanks al... jk, this was a really good breakdown. This movie sounds like if Sam Lake had a stroke while writting Alan Wake 3
Can't wait to watch this movie once it's available online. It sounds like watching a fever-dream.
i finally saw this movie last week and i really had high hopes for it thinking they would show my favorite spider gal, that being jessica drew's spider woman but for a 2 hr movie they only showed the spiderwomen a total of about 2 minutes, yes, i know the movie is supposed to be about madam web but they turned it into an origin story for the other 3 girls....
also, i had no idea that the pregnant girl was supposed to be carrying peter. from what i read sony refused to have peter or spiderman referenced because the movie didn't coincide with the timeline of the spiderman movies....in which case they shouldn't have approved the main villain's suit to look like spiderman...maybe the producers never showed them the main villain and that's how they got away with it.😄
Plot twist:
There are no Madame Web comics, which makes this movie's existence that much more jarring.
The most memorable things I've heard about Madame Webb is the ADR and Jacob going to see it by himself. 😅
One of those movies where I really refuse to spend money to watch yet I sincerely want to watch it just to laugh the entire time.
Alanah! This is right on! I am going to show this to my friends before thry see it because this is one of those movies you can enjoy only if expectations have been destroyed completely. Somethings I want to say is the audio in the opening with Madame Web's mom was horrendous. Not like one shot sounded different that another, but there was a shot during her explaining how her pregnancy isn't slowing down that you can tell a slider was being moved in the scene - it sounded like the boom was moving towards the actress. Wild. Also, Pepsi! Besides the odd, giant Pepsi-Cola billboard - the odd can of vibrantly blue Pepsi she was forced to have because "you must wait 24 hours after dying before having a beer" that she also questioned them about and they couldn't answer and so we know it is bullshit in thwir lives and we know it is bullshit in our lives for tacky product placement. This is going to be one of those films where if Isabela Merced, Sydney Sweeney, and Celeste O'Connor become super major household names, people will react "Oh, she was in Madame Web?! Interesting. Not one of their best roles." And it hasn't been for them. I find hilarious how jungle Spiderman is like "you might possess super strength of climb walls, but you visions will be your strength" speech was ridiculous considering ceiling guy also saw into the future. Which also, he saw into the future and it was completely wrong... like, so it was just a bad drean then. None of what he dreamed about was going to happen. Like, the three girls never got powers. The most he did was envision three girls kicking his ass every night, getting a good sketch of his dreamt asskicking girls faces, then found the three most similar girls that happened to converge in a subway one time. He played himself. The three girls never got super powers, but they did get the power for CPR (Moral of the story, learn CPR). So in the end, we have three girls watching this blind lady (don't know how she became blind) as a family-esque thing? Also, I never looked too hard at Ben being uncle Ben. You telling me wasn't "A-ha!" than it was "Well, how the hell they going to tie this together." Anyhow, great review and video! Thank you for it! I hope you can react to more films. I suggest Lisa Frankenstein at least as a watch. That was a fun time. Ok, bye!!!
Peter Parker is oficially the new "He who must not be named"
This feels like a movie that was born out of several rounds of a Marvel themed Cards Against Humanity game.
My favorite non-sensical thing about this movie that you didn't mention was how she stole a taxi and has it the entire movie, including taking it to the airport and driving it back to Mary's house a week later, meaning she parked it and it was just never noticed, in New York.
Your freaking intro’ was f*n hilarious!
"It's a room-like, if you will..."
Was not prepared XD Amazing.
I laughed when you said I might see it again at the end, lol
You had me at "The Room 2"
Haven’t seen the movie but, as a paramedic, if the movie actually shows EMS workers being horrifically awkward, unable to fit in with normal people, unable to process gratitude from people, and clearly being barely functioning then it’s actually a documentary.
The original trailers actually looked cool, like a Spiderman version of Brightburn. If this was Spidey turned serial killer, with the three girls running as the final girls, it might have been worth seeing.
I could listen to your take all day,
I love that the tag line of this video could easily be 'for some reason'.
I've never read any of the comics, but she was in the (goated) 90s Spiderman cartoon and she was one of my favourite parts as she featured heavily in the secret wars and spider wars arcs. And now Sony have ruined another marvel character from my childhood (I loved morbius, venom and carnage in that show as well)
She was trying to get to the diner while Toxic was still playing because she saw in her vision that the girls were killed during that song. And presumably the diner is literally just playing the same radio station as the cab. That's why she was like "Oh, shit". Not because she had to listen to Toxic. Toxic was the ticking clock. It would have been the same as if she looked at clock on the wall in her vision and saw that the girls were killed precisely at 7:35. And it's 7:31 in real time. So rather than cutting to a clock while some other song plays in the background as she races to the diner, they just made it one and the same. The song was the countdown until they're dead.
Thanks Alanah. this was really good video, for some reason.
Madame Web's tagline. "For some reason..."
Alanah needs a merch line of “For some reason”❤
"For some reason" is a great way to sum up everything about this movie.