I watched Madame Web so you don’t have to
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- Опубліковано 24 лют 2024
- I would call this a movie review but this movie transcends all criticism. To watch Madame Web is to watch art itself.
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To be super clear: I may have things out of order here, or have misremembered things. I have no idea what I watched.
you described things i remember completely differently and i don't know if you're wrong, or i am because it was such a bizarre movie.
Does it feel like it was a fever dream? 😂
😂😂😂
it sounds super hard to describe
Sounds like you gotta watch it again to make sure.
This sounds like a person talking about a dream they had
Exactly what I was thinking lol. Incoherant, trying to explain it but none of it makes any sense, you end up not being able to really explain it.
Dude I watched the fuckin movie and feel like it was just a dream I had lol. It's THAT garbled.
@@psytron939 the funniest thing is alanah describes parts of the movie differently to how i remember it happening in the film, and i don't know if I'm remembering it wrong, or she is, because the movie was so fucking bizarre 🤣
Good comment
omg that is so true. nailed it
"It's a Room-like" 💀
The lowest praise a movie can have
That’s all we need to know 😂
Thats like the best way to sell a bad movie... Omg i feel the need to see it now
You are tearing me apart!
Hi doggy!
*Madame Web is set in 2003, The Room is from 2003 coincidence I think NOT!* 🤯
Didn't Sony make other Spiderman movies they could have tied into instead of trying to piggy back on Disney's MCU? Edit: the main reason this is a reply and not a seperate comment is you made me realize they are obviously trying to tie into the current Peter Parker since it's set in 2003.
@@MrZerothejediother films in this weird web: Venom 1&2, Morbius, on the way: Kraven
The reason is even dummer Sony did it so that they could use pop songs of which they already own the rights.
@@RossM3838 Sony Records is a unique place. They have a vast library.
But.. in a film. I could understand if the songs connect to the audience.
"Toxic" and many more are the earworms that will last a lifetime
@@MrZerothejedithat was actually the initial plan but every trace of it got wiped from the movie because someone with a brain realized the timeline wouldn't work out. The rare good decision on a Sony Spidey project
"Tell me you didn't pay money for this" - Raphael, TMNT 1990
Great reference and movie 😭
"Wise man says forgiveness is divine but never pay full price for late pizza."
Pork rind? Pork rind!!!!
"Nice night"
"Room-like" & "Captain ADR" were pure gold.
The director of this film also directed the original House of the Dragon pilot which was so bad everyone was fired and replaced. That's strike two.
Wait. Oh. Oh no.
no way, that happened? HotD is so good, i wish we could find that pilot somewhere
@@fringehouseIt wasn't actually HotD, it was a different project with Naomi Watts called Bloodmoon about the original Long Night. It got completely scrapped after already spending millions on the pilot.
@@dustfanYep, 35 million dollars, to be exact!
Two strikes is all they get. SO many people wanting to get into film making. Pick on of them
I don't know if it made the movie better or worse for me, but I watched the entire movie without realizing Ben was Uncle Ben and the sister was supposed to be Peter's Mom. They were just random extras in the background to me that people kept making weird and ominous references too for some reason.
Same here! I didn't find out until I got home after seeing the movie and reading what other people were saying about it online lol
I thought that was his wife the entire time until this video lmao
Omfg 😂
*sister-in-law
Anyway, I have known about baby Peter for years and have never had any interest in watching it, so I can't judge how easy it is to tell in the final flick.
On a related note, the reason why there's ADR galore for Ezekiel is presumably that his target used to be baby Peter before Sony yet again took the Spider-Man out of their Spider-Man movie.
How do you miss that lol
"It's a Room-like" That's it. That's it! Alanah has named an entire genre of films we have been searching for a name for. Now I'm gonna go play a souls-like.
Oh paramedics just do that, an elderly woman near my boat intentionally threw herself into the water and nearly died and they were cracking jokes about their gloves to each other. My mom works with first responders and she said it sounded like bad form but is also incredibly common from having a stressful gig around those things all the time
doing that kind of work for over 30 years, the humor of alot of us would outrage alot of people. but its stress relief.
it's gallows humour (NOT dark humour), it's very common in first responders because if you don't laugh you'll cry.
You need a sense of humor in a job like this. Because you see people at their worst and most vulnerable. Yeah, like doctors. ...
Yea, I used to work at a funeral home. You're always going to be around death and mourning family members. You're going to need some sort of humor to keep yourself intact and be able to read the room.
Some families mourn some crack jokes and want to party.
I've always thought M.A.S.H was the best portrayal of that in entertainment
The only positive that may come out of the Madame Web movie, is any references made by Deadpool.
Omg true
Same thing with the Dune 2 popcorn bucket. I'll be shocked if there isn't a Deadpool version.
I love that this gives of the vibes of trying to recall a movie you saw years ago, but it’s so recent, and it’s so funny. Amazing
If I change the title of this video to " My first time trying Peyote" then everything else she says makes sense.
You missed the part about how she got from the remote unexplored Amazon and uncontacted secret spider people tribe to the NYC foster care system.... oh wait, so did the writers.
Good stuff! Flat out funny. Thank you.
When I walked out of the theatre I was convinced the script was written by AI
there's a tweet going around about "Dakota Johnson's response on failure of Madame Web" and I feel like she's really opened up the truth in there.
Ambulance is the name of the paramedic vehicle Alanah 😂
Nice braid by the way!
Amber Lamps
@@malpal5825 Someone call Amber Lamps, but not for me
Probably trying to steer clear of "Ambo".
From what I have gleamed from Dakota Johnson's and her costar's interviews, they were led to believe this was a Marvel movie. If it was only one of them, they could be mistaken but all of them doing movie press initially as if the were promoting a Marvel movie so I think there were shenanigans behind the scenes. Also Johnson hinted that there were a lot of script changes after she was hired but before filming. So after she was contractually obligated to make the movie, it became a different movie.
Well, it *is* a Marvel comics movie, but not a Marvel Studios movie
To go full nerd, for a moment...
There are no Madame Web standalone comics.
She is a 4th tier or worse character who is only in random issues of various Spider-Man/Spider-Woman titles.
About the only similarity between that character and what is portrayed in the movie is the power set.
Take that however you like, but I'm referring to it because a lot of people are acting like there is a wealth of source material behind this film, and there simply is not.
With that said, it is certainly worth asking the question: "Why did Sony do this?"
I think that's a bit of a dichotomy, in that Sony has directly addressed it, in the past...saying they wanted female-led superhero films that fell within the licenses they own.
However, it doesn't explain why they wouldn't just make a Spider-Woman/Spider-Gwen film...both of which would make way more sense in the context of pretty much everything they've done, to date.
Spider-Gwen, especially, since she has become hugely popular, thanks to the very successful Spider-Verse films.
It's like someone saw DC's Birds of Prey film and said: "Hey, we can do worse!"
🤔 Honestly this is the weirdest side story idea. Madame Web is also connected to Spider-Verse (Madame Web II)
Sony is really delivering films throughout this wild web
I did enjoy Venom. Still feels weird with no connection to Pete/Spidey
Still trying to sort out how that even works
The "Hey, we can do worse!" is how I feel about the Borderlands movies and Guardians of the Galaxy. Someone saw GotG and decided Borderlands by itself wasn't Marvel enough to make a movie out of
i mean, in the comics and show Web was a cool character, or at least written well. They fumbled her and the other spider ladies in this film.
@@CartoonHangout Yeah, I wasn't trying to imply that the character is bad, really...just an odd choice for a standalone film, with no Spider-Man presence.
@@justateddybear951 I don't really have extensive knowledge or attachment to the Borderlands franchise, but I agree that the trailer feels very GotG-esque.
It's like a really really horrendous train wreck but everyone lived and the spilled chemicals gave a bunch of orphans new parents.
I watched this movie, and it did something no movie ever did to me before: question if I really should watch films to begin with. I didn’t think we’d get a worse film than morbius, but here we are.
For some reason, this is one of my favorite videos you've ever made.
"Captain ADR" 🤣
I'm gonna start using the term "Roomlike" now.
"It's a Room-like" sent me into the stratosphere
I haven't read any Madame Web comics. But I'm also confused because my only point of reference is the old lady from the 90s cartoon. 😂😂😂😂
That's legitimately her only claim to comic book fame and notoriety. Outside of the Shattered Dimension game, she is not relevant in the mainstream comics as a main character, just a side character/guide
Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless are the same screenwriters for Morbius
Those names have to be aliases, or this just somehow got funnier.
Gotta get that nepotism in lol
I hadn’t heard of them so I just looked em up and they have not written a single good movie.
Dracula Untold, The Last Witch Hunter, Gods of Egypt, Power Rangers, Morbius, Madam Web. All of which were abject failures.
At what point to executives get held accountable for giving these clowns work?
@@MrBLAAHHHHHHHHHHH well... they let sony maintain the rights to characters disney/marvel would like back so... win i guess? And it only cost 80 million dollars.
@@MrBLAAHHHHHHHHHHHThey were responsible for the Lost in Space revival, which is definitely at a higher level than their filmography, but still
In a couple of years we'll have some UA-camrs making the mandatory "Why Madam Web is a misunderstood masterpiece?"
Much more preferable to the videos I'm seeing now of UA-camrs saying that the movie was bad because it was "woke".
No, it was bad because it was bad. We see these kinds of movies all the time.
@@UberNoodle 100% agree
@@UberNoodleA black girl, a white girl, and a latina girl conveniently are the future Spider-Women.
Sony just had to put a check mark in the "Diversity for the sake of Diversity" column. 🤣🤣🤣
When I saw the trailer and those CW level costumes; I knew we were in for something special. They maybe "tried" to make a theatrical movie on a streaming/straight to DVD/RedBox 3 episode miniseries budget, with high school play/intern level talent. The Madame Webb character would introduce a whole host of power sets and plot altering abilities which would have to be dealt with in order to avoid basically what we ended up getting; it's like trying to depict Mister Mxyzptlk. I really think everyone in involved underestimated what kind of character she is and what it would mean to introduce her into this universe.
16:26 wow Dakota Johnson was right in that promotional material . She said you would want to see it twice lol.
I don't think I even want to see it once. I will see Dune: Part Two twice instead.
does Madame Web have better or worse ADR than The Room? real question
EDIT: I WROTE THIS BEFORE I SAW 2:06 LMAOOOO
i’m going to be honest i’ve only ever known 2 paramedics so obviously it’s not a large sample size but so far they have both basically admitted to not caring at all about the patient in the ambulance so at least that part was accurate somewhat😭
I mean it makes sense. They probably have to deal with death every single week, so I think you have to keep an emotional distance otherwise you simply couldn't do the job long-term. As long as perform to a professional standard and don't say shit in front of family members, I reckon it's fine.
"it's a Room like"
Best review ever.
What's baffling to me are Sony's decisions of who they're choosing to direct and write these movies that are part of maybe their most valuable IP? It's just wild 🤨
This has so damn much late 90s- early 00's superhero movie energy, where just about everyone hated being involved with this project and was just counting the money in their head, like NOBODY was even trying here.
The fact that this was written by the same people who wrote Morbius tells me that Sony absolutely does not give a shit about these. Or maybe Sony execs think that movies are delivered by a stork, and don't know real people are involved in making them and if you pick incompetent people the movie will be bad? Does Sony even _know_ that they're making these things?
I like that the film shows you visions of a better film than the one you’re watching. Not a good film but a better film.
You have given the nicest negative review of a movie or game made for "modern audiences" I think I have ever seen, it was very entertaining to watch your review lol
oh boy... lol this is a video I didn't expected from you but I got really happy when I saw the notification
I was going to watch the movie anyway but after watching this I might actually go to the theater to watch it lol
I love imagining Mike Flanagan watching Madam Web.
Madame Webb is honestly one of the films of all time
Lol 😭😭
It truly is amongst the films that exist.
The directors directed, the actors acted(?), the audio sounded and the video was seen for sure.
Of all the live action Madame Webb movies it is definitely the best can't argue that fact.
Now I must go watch something.
Haha yes when someone is having a heart attack you gotta dial 911 and ask for a "paramedic van" Alanah.
I FORGOT THE NAME
English do be like that sometimes. I remember once I forgot the word 'instructions' and said 'tutorial paper' instead. I still use 'tutorial paper' now though 😅
@@charalanahzard It's like the Citizen Kane sketch by Kids in the Hall (the guy makes the exact same mistake with the word "ambulance")
"I gotta go home and watch idol", along with britney spears toxic, was to let you know that this is in the early 2000s, because there's no indication of that otherwise, it looks exactly like present day
Also the giant Beyonce debut album ad on the building lololol
Yeah I understand the intent, but it’s still A THING A HUMAN WOULD NEVER SAY
In the beginning when they're in the ambulance it flies past a Blockbuster Video 😂
I think I might wait till its on Disney +, but tbh I feel like I've already watched it thanks to your review. Thank you, high five!! 🤚
May I suggest watching Birdemic next?
No you may not.
It genuinely felt like parts of this movie were written by chatGPT they were so fucking nonsensical, and the villain's wigs were in some parts awful.
Also, I can't imagine any orphan in their 30s apparently spending most of their life being all "Man, i fucking hate my mom for being murdered doing the thing she was passionate about while she was pregnant with me". I'll grant that she didn't know her mother was trying to save her life, but she did know she was murdered.
also, completely flew over my fucking head that the scene about the baby name was meant to imply that the baby was peter parker.
Also, how did she get on a plane to peru LESS THAN 3 YEARS AFTER 9/11 WHEN SHE WAS WANTED FOR KIDNAPPING.
The best they did to make him "old" in the future was give him a white wig.
@@GojiraRising yeah but it was a shitty party city wig, it doesn't remotely look real
I love incredulously sarcastic alanah! this movie has brought me so much joy from watching reviews 😂
@@GregoryAlanBaileygamereviews😂😂😂😂
This video reminded me of how you feel when you read a transcript of a speech Trump gave, and you realize it's even more incoherent than you thought it was when you heard it. That's Madame Web.
I had to stop your video and I had to think to myself - WTF? don't worry I continued, Thanks Chrara, We need more!
I feel like we saw this movie together and talking about it afterwards. Thank you! (Wouldn't have gone by myself.)
i think it just need a good jingle like (ceilingman ceilingman does whatever a ceiling can look up its the ceilingman)
"Captain ADR" 😂 That would make a great villain in a comedy--everyone else speaks normally, but when he talks, a random voiceover plays over his mouth moving.
Alanah needs a merch line of “For some reason”❤
I would love for her to do a longer exposition of this film. I was supposed to go see this film. It was talked out of it because it was so terrible. I was told to wait until it comes on video on demand how terrible it actually is the one thing I would love to knowbecause I am a Spider-Man fan I would love to know if there was a post cred scene and what that entailed
Excellent review lol. I know that making movies is incredibly difficult what with the shear number of people collaborating and how it ALL has to come together...but even so... Unrelated, I like your braid/hair/glasses, they're giving...bohemian librarian?
Alanah! This is right on! I am going to show this to my friends before thry see it because this is one of those movies you can enjoy only if expectations have been destroyed completely. Somethings I want to say is the audio in the opening with Madame Web's mom was horrendous. Not like one shot sounded different that another, but there was a shot during her explaining how her pregnancy isn't slowing down that you can tell a slider was being moved in the scene - it sounded like the boom was moving towards the actress. Wild. Also, Pepsi! Besides the odd, giant Pepsi-Cola billboard - the odd can of vibrantly blue Pepsi she was forced to have because "you must wait 24 hours after dying before having a beer" that she also questioned them about and they couldn't answer and so we know it is bullshit in thwir lives and we know it is bullshit in our lives for tacky product placement. This is going to be one of those films where if Isabela Merced, Sydney Sweeney, and Celeste O'Connor become super major household names, people will react "Oh, she was in Madame Web?! Interesting. Not one of their best roles." And it hasn't been for them. I find hilarious how jungle Spiderman is like "you might possess super strength of climb walls, but you visions will be your strength" speech was ridiculous considering ceiling guy also saw into the future. Which also, he saw into the future and it was completely wrong... like, so it was just a bad drean then. None of what he dreamed about was going to happen. Like, the three girls never got powers. The most he did was envision three girls kicking his ass every night, getting a good sketch of his dreamt asskicking girls faces, then found the three most similar girls that happened to converge in a subway one time. He played himself. The three girls never got super powers, but they did get the power for CPR (Moral of the story, learn CPR). So in the end, we have three girls watching this blind lady (don't know how she became blind) as a family-esque thing? Also, I never looked too hard at Ben being uncle Ben. You telling me wasn't "A-ha!" than it was "Well, how the hell they going to tie this together." Anyhow, great review and video! Thank you for it! I hope you can react to more films. I suggest Lisa Frankenstein at least as a watch. That was a fun time. Ok, bye!!!
I love your glasses. They suit you so well!
This was very funny! Please never change.
I love the suddle shots toward dakota johnson 😂
I can't wait for the translated-from-the-original-Chinese wikipedia entry for this film. it might make sense then.
Your editor went really wild with the cuts and zoom-ins on this one.
I feel like I had drugs and a voice in my head is rambling about the dream/nightmare and I am fighting the urge to follow along to see where the story goes and attempting to manifest a sense of control of my reality and not lose myself into the void
the best review of this, or any movie I've watched. Thank you for the breakdown lol
I saw it 2 days ago and I think It will completely fade from my mind in about a week.
Adding "Room-like" to my vocabulary now
no way i could have remembered so many details about a movie i would be halfway sleeping through. so thanks for taking one for the team. 😄
Damnit, I want to watch it now!
I laughed when you said I might see it again at the end, lol
It's definitely without a doubt the best live action movie about Madame Webb ever made and you can't get much better praise than that.
"It's a room-like, if you will..."
Was not prepared XD Amazing.
Alanah, your movie reviews are genuinely more entertaining than some actual movies 😆
I'll give it a watch cause I'm a huge superhero fan but have been disappointed with recent releases of the same genre.
I liked the marvels so I'm easily pleased I suppose
What’s weird is the first time she goes to the dinner she runs from the forest then the second time she d time she drives to the dinner but the drive takes longer……
Your description of this movie is the best 😂😂😂
2:09 "It's a Room-like, if you will" ^^
I legit can't wait to watch this movie. For free I mean, whenever it streams on a platform I already sub to. I'm not going out of my way to support it, but man I could use a good laugh.
cough there's already a high quality telesync torrent on tpb, and waiting for an HD copy won't make it any better.
I wouldn't even pirate this film
you make me want to watch this movie!!
Thanks Alanah. this was really good video, for some reason.
I could listen to your take all day,
Was thinking about seeing this movie, but I am honestly totally enthralled by this video and don’t think I need to anymore.
at least it is not a marvel flop :)
I feel sad for Dacota .. as I was not cinviced for her role I find it interesting of swiching agencies right after the initial trailer was shown :(
He is referenced as Ben Parker in the movie, it was said.
The first "strand" type movie
its been out for a sec now, all the people that saw it for us already did lol, but im glad you went to see it too.
There is something to checking it out just to see how bad it is too, I was very surprised by just how messy it was lol.
Years ago, I once got drunk on a moving D-box theater seat and passed out in Deadpool 2 and looked like Weekend at Bernie's during the Juggernaut fight scene as my lifeless body was thrown around by the butt kicker seats that moved and rumbled...this review ensures I go see this movie slightly unsober now, thank you brotato chip!👊😛👍
Thank you. I can't wait for this to be on Netflix
The radio thing I assume was trying to establish that she didn't know where the diner was, but the song was playing in her vision, so she had to make sure the taxi was in range of that station to stay on track to the diner
Also, bad guy uses the NSA to get access to the cameras.
You explained this movie like my son tells me stories. I loved second of it. I feel going to see the movie would taint the experience I just had of watching you trying to explain it hah
Thanks for the breakdown!
I can't wait for your Dune part 2 review
This is driving me mad is that background blurred after filming or is it the field of view ? It’s making my eyes confused. Also love the review
Says A LOT that the lead fired her agent THE SAME DAY the trailer came out. And she clearly doesn’t give a shit in interviews 😂
I want to see this film now
I can't wait for the "Celing Guy" movie.
I actually understand the radio part. What if her vision was of them getting murdered at the end of the 2nd verse going into the 3rd chorus? That way she knows its not to late?
I love how they tease the whole villains assistant decides he’s gone too far and changes side to help the heroes thing and then she just doesn’t.
You had me at "The Room 2"
This is one of your funniest videos 😂. Also the editing 👌🏻
“Captain ADR,” “Oracle Woman” and “Ceiling Guy” are great superhero names. Mystery Men reboot?
Ceiling guy!! Are you serious!?😂😂😂😂😂
My dad did not pick up on the baby being Spider-Man. When I leant over and went oooh it’s Ben he thought “yeah I know it’s Ben Wyatt”
Room-like is my favourite game genre
Every "scene" sounds like bits from different movies that someone edited together.