Sexual anxiety is stereotypically viewed as always being performance based (Certainly not the case here), rather in some cases it's outcome based, and a child is not an outcome I desire. Booking a vasectomy ASAP! - How's your week going?
@K4113B4113 It's a consideration. I've got a consultation today so I'll be asking some questions and doing more research before scheduling a procedure for sure.
Yep, it's the only way we have for enough certainty around this whole issue. At some point an affordable, easily-available "male pill" will be a game-changer. By the way, I love that you're wanting to be more open and vulnerable. The concept of vulnerability is such an interesting one, because we often see it as only being a weakness.
@Ely Wananda - Yes, it's viewed as a weakness often and what makes that ridiculous is that most, if not every single person, would prefer communicating with someone authentically when in a safe space over communicating with someone putting on a front. People can't genuinely communicate and connect with actors or those who are fake. Yet vulnerability is uncomfortable so it's difficult for some to be open as well. Double standards. Happy you liked the video. Thank you
I'm in my early 30's. The anxiety of accidental pregnancy is crippling. I can relate. I'm child free and will always be. I have a long term partner. I got my vasectomy at 29. I was anxious about the procedure, but it went well. Very quick recovery time. One of the best decisions of my life. I have no anxiety when it comes to intimacy with my partner. 0 stress now. Very happy with my decision and I think you may be happy as well. :) Great video.
Happy to hear how well it's worked out for you. I'm looking forward to same ease and pleasure of being stress free in the same way man. Thanks for sharing, glad you enjoyed the video. All the best!
What about the anxiety of an STD? That would make me anxious. Imagine taking baths in bleach for the rest of your life just to stop the itching and burning or worse. Just be selective is all I'm saying. A vasectomy isn't a free pass to have sex with everyone.
whenever it comes to sexual anxiety, people tend to always think about how they aren't " getting any", not the outcome and/or results of the activity itself and how might manifest & and impact the person's pscyhe and life before, during, & after the outcome of that intaminte activity... this is really a good video and has some good points
Good for you Adrian. Do what you have to do to ensure happiness, confidence, success and fulfillment in your life. I have always said you are wise beyond your years, I love you and am so proud of the man you are . I wish nothing but happiness and contentment for you ❤️
Adrian, I love how honest and natural you are. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability and making me more aware of the fact that I should do the same with others around me. 💜
You perfectly described what my life has been for years. I'm a woman and it's very eye-opening to see that this fear of the outcomes of sex is not specific to just one side. I feel robbed of this basic pleasure just because I don't want to leave the creation of new life to chance. Oversexualization in the media and depictions of sexless relationships as the worst tragedies don't help either. I find it alarming that people don't realize how heavy the consequences of sex truly are, to be honest.
I was just thinking the other day, I don't think I would increase my sex drive if I had the choice. Maybe I just have a negative association, but it's such a powerful force and makes people do such irrational and stupid things sometimes. Like life changing things. Through out history, even Presidents and Kings allowed their sex drive to lead them to doing things that almost, or did, ruin their life. What a force! lol Not to mention all the unintended children that resulted from people feeling compelled to get a quick nut. I'm not celebate, but I think my lack of an irrational need for sexual pleasure is an experience I'm missing out on, as I'm sure it makes those pleasurable parts of life better. But damn, the sexual force is a powerful thing, it's scary haha
Excellent video! I'm honestly surprised more people don't have sexual anxiety when it comes to the potential of an accidental pregnancy. If I were a man I'd have an especially difficult time trusting that the woman was on and using her birth control properly. Thank you for sharing these honest and vulnerable thoughts, I think it's really important to share these kinds of things!
Thanks Ashley. Yes, at times, I would wonder if I'm being irrationally careful, but decided it was instead others who are being a bit too careless :) haha
@@AdrianLoganLive Absolutely! I also really loved what you said in another video about this not being a world you'd recommend or feel comfortable subjecting a new human to. I wish more people truly considered this! When you add to it all of the already existing life that is here and need of great life improvement, it's especially wild that people deem childfree people "selfish".
@ashwickety4273 Yes, I was quite nervous about putting that video out but I'm glad I did. I've been absolutely caught off guard with how much people seemed to have resonated with it. Clearly, it's a conversation that is still needed more in this world.
@@AdrianLoganLive It absolutely is! I do street outreach for a group called "Stop Having Kids" and it's pretty shocking how many people are supportive of and ready for this kind of message!
This video resonates with me a lot. As a fatherless child born out of wedlock, I NEVER want to see sex has something casual because it ISN’T. I don’t want to cause suffering to children just because I wanted to have sex. That’s selfish
I had in my mind the only way I will possibly be pregnant is by my husband and it messed my head up when my ex husband said "he never wanted kid's and never wanted to be married" so now I'm so turned off from ppl thinking imagine if I was pregnant. Mostly men with kid's ask me out, but I have deep empathy that it bothers me their kid's are growing up in a broken home so I'm just hoping they get back together and work it out and I end up dating myself again 🤦🏾♀️
Thats tough if he broke that news to you for the first time after you were already married. It's important to have that convo early. It's a real compatibility breaker. I hope you find that one compatible for your needs and values.
Hey Adrian - sorry it has been a while since I commented. You just described my life in this video. I am a bit older though (39) but the thought of accidental pregnancy has always hindered my sexual experience. I was scared to have sex for a majority part of my life. Mainly steaming from what I learned going to church growing up, watching what others went through with accidental pregnancy, fear of having to commit to one woman forever, and just not being 100% sure of what direction I wanted to go in my life (like do I even want a girlfriend, family, marriage, kids). I think it is good that you have made up your mind that you don't want children. I don't think I want them either but always expected that to change one day..(it hasn't). I have looked into having a vasectomy for the same reason so that I could interact with women more without that risk in my mind because it does weigh heavily. I wish I knew for sure that having a vasectomy would solve my problem with interacting with women. Please keep us updated on that and good luck.
Thank you. Yes the truth is there can always be things deeper than just this, social anxiety, insecurities, or any other trauma related outcome. We are complex human beings and no one can outwill the possibility of childhood or experiential trauma. The best we can do is discover, acknowledge and work towards healing it. Life long journey though!
In my opinion, I don't believe emotions and intimacy are additions to surviving and having children, they exists so that we CAN survive and have children. That being said, at 28, I want to have children but I'm also vary cautious about it, because of what my friends and I experienced growing up in single parent households. I can see that my views didn't effect them(my friends) the way it did to me because a lot of them have kids now(multiple). Because of my understanding of life and the state of the world. I want to do things like homeschool my kids and teach them the fundamentals of life(scientifically) but that comes with a certain amount of money, time, maturity(I guess) and education from me and they're mother. I would have to find a women who accepts or shares my views on these topics to build with. So I am cautious about the women I sleep with. I think some people don't take having kids as serious as they should because of ego and/or how we romanticize life's events and live to regret it afterword's. Me knowing I'm not ready for kids my interactions with women leads to my mind thinking, would this person make a good mother? but I know I'm not ready for that now but I cant help but think about it. But does it matter if she's mother material if I'm just having sex for pleaser and not children? idk. One day when If I can put myself and my significant other in the right conditions, I'll see if I can make it work and have kids. But congrats on your decision. Hope it all goes well.
Your approach to it all sounds reasonable to me. I'm sure a significant portion of my feelings about having children are impacted by my life experience in a single parent home, and in my case lacking familial or community support. The saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is very real and I think these days many people often are having to raise children solely as a couple and despite all the conveniences in the world today...it doesn't make up for the ease that a genuine community and culture surrounding a child once brought to the average parenting experience. Thanks man. All the best to you
You don't have to get vasectomy. Don't do that. As long as you wear condoms, the cances of procreation is very little. For better protection from pregnancy, many couples use condoms along with another method of birth control, like birth control pills or an IUD. Try to talk with your partner, try some relaxation techniques (deep breathing, distract with something you like) and seek some therapy. As long as you use condoms along with another method of birth controls, you have no reason to be anxious. Try to control your feelings, turn them into positive ones and remember that nothing bad will gonna happen if you have protected sex.
Like having something dune so they can't have kids. Using a condom or possible getting side affects from the pills. Some people who don't want kids. Don't like doing some of the things they have to do to try not to have kids
Hey Adrian, I just wondered is abortion allowed in your state? I have always known that I don’t want kids and living in the UK, I can have an abortion - I don’t say that lightly, I am very careful to use either condoms or the pill when sexually active.
Hey Rebecca, Yes abortions are legal here (I'm in Canada). Although I've come to understand just how traumatic and psychologically troubling that can be for a woman to go through. I wouldn't want to place that burden on my partner, not to mention I think she has moral/ethical concerns about that. I can't rely on it, as it would be her choice in the end, not mine at that point.
All the Unplanned and in the moment folks I've met may have been able to acknowledge what happened, but they've all admitted the child is the best part of their life. It's natural to be terrified of it. Are you closing the door on the possibility of growing your family in a positive way? Seems like it would coincide with your direction of being open-minded. The vasectomy would be anti-open-minded, don't you think?
This isn't true. There are plenty of "anonymous" groups out there of parents who regret having children. Ironic that they have to be anonymous because of the shame society places on people who either went against what they knew to be true to themselves and caved to pressure and now regret it, OR thought they wanted it and realized it is actually bigger and deeper than they imagined and aren't equipped. There is nothing open-minded about not accepting people for who they say they are and where they say they are and want to be. Me not having children affects ONLY me. Me having children I will never be emotionally or mentally prepared to rear affects TWO people. I have said since I was a child that I do not want to be a parent. I am going to be 39 this year and my feelings have not changed. I would venture to say that most people are emotionally immature and have issues that they wind up passing on to their children. There is a world of broken people passing their brokenness onto their children who have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhoods, and all because people simply did what society expected of them and had children while being ill-equipped to actually be what the children need. Why do we think there are so many people with mental disorders who have no clue how to process their thoughts or emotions? Because they were raised by people who didn't know how, and thought that having children is simply what you do and that it would work itself out so long as you do the best you can. If a society of broken people is them doing the best they could, to me, that is a strike against parenthood. Everyone thinks what they do is the best they can, even if it's piss poor. Who suffers? The child and society. Admitting that you don't want to pass on the voids that were passed onto you is ultimately the most unselfish thing one can do. In my opinion, only the people living from their egos (which are most people) think so highly of themselves that they think they have such amazing qualities to pass on. What's worse, they want to "pass on their genes" or "pass on their name"...whatever these things mean. It is about THEM. Not about the child. The child is merely an extension of how they view themselves. Most parents don't even view their children as their own people. Honest people know what a huge responsibility it is and are honest about what they don't have to give and so don't bring a child into the world to inflict their ego trip onto them. The percentage of adults who are ACTUALLY emotionally mature and would prove to actually leave a good mark on an innocent soul is relatively low. Having a family is not "a positive" for everyone for the reasons I mentioned above. Most adults do more harm than good. If your children grew up to seek therapy, that means you are in the category of parents who raised children who have to recover from their childhoods. You raised children who managed to age into adulthood but were not taught how to grow, process, and how to acknowledge & be in touch with themselves. Since there are over 42M adults who seek some form of mental health services, that should tell us all we need to know about how "easy" people think parenting is and how wrong they are to believe they are equipped to do so. This is just the number of adults who seek mental health services, it doesn't even include the children and adolescents. It also doesn't include those who NEED it but don't due to the stigma. Maybe our messaging needs to be on creating a generation of emotionally healthy and whole individuals so that we aren't just populating the earth, but enriching it.
@@winter_s_44 Huh, what isn't true? I specifically said all the ones I've met. My experience isn't true? You're speaking from a position of someone that doesn't have a child and you're assuming an exasperating amount of things about the negatives of having children. Many parents that have children, and think it's the best thing to happen to them , have said pretty much word for word the exact same things that you said in that message.
@No Low - Plant Powered I think there's a distinction to be made between unplanned and unwanted. A lot of people want children and just don't plan it, and when the day comes that they find out they have concieved, sure it may be a bit of a shock initially but they welcome the pregnancy. It's less common to run into people sharing their feelings about an unwanted pregnancy. I know it's true that many people talk about how them having children was the greatest decision of their life, I believe that's true. The problem is people only ever express their feelings when children are a net positive in their life, no one is going around saying openly that in hindsight it was not the right decision for them and they regret it (understandably so, it would be terrible for the child to find out among other reasons). The perspectives we hear is very one sided, and plus even people who regret having children still love their child so it's easy to suppress or not acknowledge regretful feelings because you've bonded with the child. It's like being skeptical about buying something but after you've bought it you justify it and reinforce the idea it was a good decision. "Choice supportive bias". The psychology behind why people do that when buying shoes or cars also applies to children....x100. It's like Stockholm syndrome lol I mean, people say seeing their child smile or laugh is the greatest feeling in the world and melts their heart and makes it all worth it, but seeing other children that are not theirs do that does not cause the same feeling. So it's not about the smile or the laugh, it's psychological and chemical (I guess), they had no choice but to feel that way. It's an evolutionary response at work creating that bond only with their own children. Evolutionary mind control if you will lol It serves an important role for our species survival, but I can't trust the opinions of someone who's experiencing that as if it's not sugar coated and is heavily biased. Humor aside, I am growing my family in a positive way, I just think children/expansion isn't the only way to grow a family positively. Despite feeling I don't want children, I was open minded to the possibility my feelings would change once I was finished school, once I started making money, once I've traveled the world a bit, once I found love, once I found some balance in my life. And even after all that my feelings haven't wavered. I believe openmindness is about considering all perspectives and opinions, as opposed to endlessly waiting for change to come. I feel I've considered this from every angle that's been presented to me or that I could objectively think of. When people want children and they provide their reasoning for it, the only reason that I think is understandable is "Because I feel that I want to"...(Not because of their parents, culture, leaving a legacy, scared of being alone in old age etc). Well, some people just have no impulse or desire for children. I think that's okay to. I feel confident in saying I'd much rather regret not having children than regretting having children. There are people who experience each, the later is significantly harsher in my view. I appreciate your perspective as always bro.
@@AdrianLoganLive definitely agree about the distinction, that's why I chose that word carefully. However I'm referring to the fact that 'unplanned' and 'unwanted' aren't required to exist independently of earth other , although it's possible that they also can. Not all Unplanned babies are unwanted, however many in fact WERE unwanted , and the parents then realize later how much of a net positive it had been to their lives. The data on unplanned pregnancies is official and it's nearly half . Can you believe that? Nearly 50% of all pregnancies are unintended. If you and I stood in a room, it's 50/50 on one of us being unintended lol. Many of those 50% unintended were likely unwanted, too. I just know it's more often than people think where I've met people that point blank told me they never really wanted any kids, pretty opposed to them, but their family ended up being the best thing that's happened to them despite their initial opinions. And the evolution bias may be true , (not without its exceptions of course... Of parents that hate their kids ) however that's not necessarily a negative thing. I for one would believe the world can be a better place with generations of people that think link you, with more and more societal impact throughout the years. If you don't feel the same way, hey that's your prerogative too man I'm just speaking from the strictly from an unbiased, outside perspective, strictly from the neutral and open-minded voice . Nothing more, nothing less , this is not about me judging or anything so I hope I don't come across that way. I just enjoy the open minded conversation from both sides of things 💪
@@nolow_life You were implying with your comment that because you have not met someone who admitted to regretting their choice to have children that it is simply a natural fear that childfree people have that will go away because the children would inevitably become “the best part of their lives.” I replied that was not true because there are PLENTY of parents who admit to regretting becoming parents. It is not inevitable that parents come to feel the way you describe. What is untrue is your insinuation, not the fact that you have spoken to some people who purport to feel as you describe. I am not assuming ANYTHING. I am speaking as the adult child of an emotionally immature mother who inherited her own emotional immaturity. I know the damage it causes when ill-equipped people who THINK they are equipped have children and damage them. The stats on the number of people who need to seek mental health services for issues stemming from their childhoods is also NOT an assumption. I agree with you these are negatives, but that speaks to MY point. They ARE negatives, but they AREN’T assumptions. They are lived experiences and statistical fact of the number of people who have to spend a significant amount of adulthood working through childhood trauma. Contrary to popular opinion, trauma is not just being physically or sexually abused, it is lacking emotionally mature primary caregivers who stunt your growth because their own were stunted. When you see adults unable to control their rage, emotions or impulses - these are products of many failings of their parents, one of which was emotional immaturity. In case you hadn’t noticed, society is full of children in adult bodies who have no self control, overreact to minor inconveniences, and take no responsibility for their own actions. Do you think people aged this way due to having healthy foundations? Now imagine these stunted adults going on to have children of their own and passing down the trauma. It happens every single day. It is not assumption, it is not exaggeration, nor is it something you have to be a parent to understand. You just have to be the child of a parent like that to know you want the negative patterns to end.
Sexual anxiety is stereotypically viewed as always being performance based (Certainly not the case here), rather in some cases it's outcome based, and a child is not an outcome I desire. Booking a vasectomy ASAP! - How's your week going?
You're not worried about possible life-long consequences of that procedure? Like chronic pain or other things.
@K4113B4113 It's a consideration. I've got a consultation today so I'll be asking some questions and doing more research before scheduling a procedure for sure.
@@AdrianLoganLive Okay, that's smart. Good luck!
Yep, it's the only way we have for enough certainty around this whole issue. At some point an affordable, easily-available "male pill" will be a game-changer. By the way, I love that you're wanting to be more open and vulnerable. The concept of vulnerability is such an interesting one, because we often see it as only being a weakness.
@Ely Wananda - Yes, it's viewed as a weakness often and what makes that ridiculous is that most, if not every single person, would prefer communicating with someone authentically when in a safe space over communicating with someone putting on a front. People can't genuinely communicate and connect with actors or those who are fake. Yet vulnerability is uncomfortable so it's difficult for some to be open as well. Double standards. Happy you liked the video. Thank you
I have no desire to be a mother but finding men that don’t want children is the problem lol. Thanks for sharing!
haha I hear you. It's a very important but specific filter to find people who align with it. Patience! All the best
I'm in my early 30's. The anxiety of accidental pregnancy is crippling. I can relate. I'm child free and will always be. I have a long term partner. I got my vasectomy at 29. I was anxious about the procedure, but it went well. Very quick recovery time. One of the best decisions of my life. I have no anxiety when it comes to intimacy with my partner. 0 stress now. Very happy with my decision and I think you may be happy as well. :) Great video.
Happy to hear how well it's worked out for you. I'm looking forward to same ease and pleasure of being stress free in the same way man. Thanks for sharing, glad you enjoyed the video. All the best!
What about the anxiety of an STD? That would make me anxious. Imagine taking baths in bleach for the rest of your life just to stop the itching and burning or worse. Just be selective is all I'm saying. A vasectomy isn't a free pass to have sex with everyone.
Well fk. Thank you for your comment, internet stranger. I've always had the exact same anxiety, just now made the connection to avoiding pregnancy.
Man, you've articulated so well what I've always thought about this stuff.
I'm glad to hear that! Thank you
@@AdrianLoganLive I'm actually 40 years old. My girl has a kid but doesn't understand why I don't want kids.
whenever it comes to sexual anxiety, people tend to always think about how they aren't " getting any", not the outcome and/or results of the activity itself and how might manifest & and impact the person's pscyhe and life before, during, & after the outcome of that intaminte activity... this is really a good video and has some good points
Exactly! Thank you, glad you liked it
Good for you Adrian. Do what you have to do to ensure happiness, confidence, success and fulfillment in your life. I have always said you are wise beyond your years, I love you and am so proud of the man you are . I wish nothing but happiness and contentment for you ❤️
Thanks Mom! I appreciate the support.
Adrian, I love how honest and natural you are. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability and making me more aware of the fact that I should do the same with others around me. 💜
That's such a meaningful compliment to hear. Thank you!
You perfectly described what my life has been for years. I'm a woman and it's very eye-opening to see that this fear of the outcomes of sex is not specific to just one side. I feel robbed of this basic pleasure just because I don't want to leave the creation of new life to chance. Oversexualization in the media and depictions of sexless relationships as the worst tragedies don't help either. I find it alarming that people don't realize how heavy the consequences of sex truly are, to be honest.
I was just thinking the other day, I don't think I would increase my sex drive if I had the choice. Maybe I just have a negative association, but it's such a powerful force and makes people do such irrational and stupid things sometimes. Like life changing things. Through out history, even Presidents and Kings allowed their sex drive to lead them to doing things that almost, or did, ruin their life. What a force! lol Not to mention all the unintended children that resulted from people feeling compelled to get a quick nut.
I'm not celebate, but I think my lack of an irrational need for sexual pleasure is an experience I'm missing out on, as I'm sure it makes those pleasurable parts of life better. But damn, the sexual force is a powerful thing, it's scary haha
Your honesty and bravery are like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for making these videos!
I'm happy to hear you feel that way Galya. It makes me feel great to know. Thank you
Excellent video! I'm honestly surprised more people don't have sexual anxiety when it comes to the potential of an accidental pregnancy. If I were a man I'd have an especially difficult time trusting that the woman was on and using her birth control properly. Thank you for sharing these honest and vulnerable thoughts, I think it's really important to share these kinds of things!
Thanks Ashley. Yes, at times, I would wonder if I'm being irrationally careful, but decided it was instead others who are being a bit too careless :) haha
@@AdrianLoganLive Absolutely! I also really loved what you said in another video about this not being a world you'd recommend or feel comfortable subjecting a new human to. I wish more people truly considered this! When you add to it all of the already existing life that is here and need of great life improvement, it's especially wild that people deem childfree people "selfish".
@ashwickety4273 Yes, I was quite nervous about putting that video out but I'm glad I did. I've been absolutely caught off guard with how much people seemed to have resonated with it. Clearly, it's a conversation that is still needed more in this world.
@@AdrianLoganLive It absolutely is! I do street outreach for a group called "Stop Having Kids" and it's pretty shocking how many people are supportive of and ready for this kind of message!
Loved this! Thanks for sharing Adrian, looking forward to more videos like this👌
Thank you Lelo. Happy to hear you enjoyed it. More to come!
This video resonates with me a lot. As a fatherless child born out of wedlock, I NEVER want to see sex has something casual because it ISN’T. I don’t want to cause suffering to children just because I wanted to have sex. That’s selfish
Agreed. We've got to be responsible and considerate about the consequences.
I had in my mind the only way I will possibly be pregnant is by my husband and it messed my head up when my ex husband said "he never wanted kid's and never wanted to be married" so now I'm so turned off from ppl thinking imagine if I was pregnant. Mostly men with kid's ask me out, but I have deep empathy that it bothers me their kid's are growing up in a broken home so I'm just hoping they get back together and work it out and I end up dating myself again 🤦🏾♀️
Thats tough if he broke that news to you for the first time after you were already married. It's important to have that convo early. It's a real compatibility breaker. I hope you find that one compatible for your needs and values.
this is so relatable!
That's good to know. I've never expressed it before, so I've never heard of anyone else having similar feelings.
Hey Adrian - sorry it has been a while since I commented. You just described my life in this video. I am a bit older though (39) but the thought of accidental pregnancy has always hindered my sexual experience. I was scared to have sex for a majority part of my life. Mainly steaming from what I learned going to church growing up, watching what others went through with accidental pregnancy, fear of having to commit to one woman forever, and just not being 100% sure of what direction I wanted to go in my life (like do I even want a girlfriend, family, marriage, kids). I think it is good that you have made up your mind that you don't want children. I don't think I want them either but always expected that to change one day..(it hasn't). I have looked into having a vasectomy for the same reason so that I could interact with women more without that risk in my mind because it does weigh heavily. I wish I knew for sure that having a vasectomy would solve my problem with interacting with women. Please keep us updated on that and good luck.
Thank you. Yes the truth is there can always be things deeper than just this, social anxiety, insecurities, or any other trauma related outcome. We are complex human beings and no one can outwill the possibility of childhood or experiential trauma. The best we can do is discover, acknowledge and work towards healing it. Life long journey though!
In my opinion, I don't believe emotions and intimacy are additions to surviving and having children, they exists so that we CAN survive and have children.
That being said, at 28, I want to have children but I'm also vary cautious about it, because of what my friends and I experienced growing up in single parent households. I can see that my views didn't effect them(my friends) the way it did to me because a lot of them have kids now(multiple).
Because of my understanding of life and the state of the world. I want to do things like homeschool my kids and teach them the fundamentals of life(scientifically) but that comes with a certain amount of money, time, maturity(I guess) and education from me and they're mother. I would have to find a women who accepts or shares my views on these topics to build with.
So I am cautious about the women I sleep with.
I think some people don't take having kids as serious as they should because of ego and/or how we romanticize life's events and live to regret it afterword's.
Me knowing I'm not ready for kids my interactions with women leads to my mind thinking, would this person make a good mother? but I know I'm not ready for that now but I cant help but think about it. But does it matter if she's mother material if I'm just having sex for pleaser and not children? idk.
One day when If I can put myself and my significant other in the right conditions, I'll see if I can make it work and have kids.
But congrats on your decision. Hope it all goes well.
Your approach to it all sounds reasonable to me.
I'm sure a significant portion of my feelings about having children are impacted by my life experience in a single parent home, and in my case lacking familial or community support. The saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is very real and I think these days many people often are having to raise children solely as a couple and despite all the conveniences in the world today...it doesn't make up for the ease that a genuine community and culture surrounding a child once brought to the average parenting experience.
Thanks man. All the best to you
Ah religion and sexual anxiety. I'm also 10+ years removed from religion and still find it hard to shake the religious messaging around sex.
Absolutely! In hindsight, safe and sincere sexual exploration allows for far better self understanding and awareness.
You don't have to get vasectomy. Don't do that. As long as you wear condoms, the cances of procreation is very little. For better protection from pregnancy, many couples use condoms along with another method of birth control, like birth control pills or an IUD.
Try to talk with your partner, try some relaxation techniques (deep breathing, distract with something you like) and seek some therapy. As long as you use condoms along with another method of birth controls, you have no reason to be anxious. Try to control your feelings, turn them into positive ones and remember that nothing bad will gonna happen if you have protected sex.
Like having something dune so they can't have kids. Using a condom or possible getting side affects from the pills. Some people who don't want kids. Don't like doing some of the things they have to do to try not to have kids
Hello
are you also not interested in long term dating/marriage?
I'm in a 6 year relationship
Hey Adrian, I just wondered is abortion allowed in your state? I have always known that I don’t want kids and living in the UK, I can have an abortion - I don’t say that lightly, I am very careful to use either condoms or the pill when sexually active.
Hey Rebecca, Yes abortions are legal here (I'm in Canada). Although I've come to understand just how traumatic and psychologically troubling that can be for a woman to go through. I wouldn't want to place that burden on my partner, not to mention I think she has moral/ethical concerns about that. I can't rely on it, as it would be her choice in the end, not mine at that point.
Abortion is murder
All the Unplanned and in the moment folks I've met may have been able to acknowledge what happened, but they've all admitted the child is the best part of their life. It's natural to be terrified of it.
Are you closing the door on the possibility of growing your family in a positive way? Seems like it would coincide with your direction of being open-minded.
The vasectomy would be anti-open-minded, don't you think?
This isn't true. There are plenty of "anonymous" groups out there of parents who regret having children. Ironic that they have to be anonymous because of the shame society places on people who either went against what they knew to be true to themselves and caved to pressure and now regret it, OR thought they wanted it and realized it is actually bigger and deeper than they imagined and aren't equipped. There is nothing open-minded about not accepting people for who they say they are and where they say they are and want to be.
Me not having children affects ONLY me. Me having children I will never be emotionally or mentally prepared to rear affects TWO people.
I have said since I was a child that I do not want to be a parent. I am going to be 39 this year and my feelings have not changed. I would venture to say that most people are emotionally immature and have issues that they wind up passing on to their children. There is a world of broken people passing their brokenness onto their children who have to spend their adulthood recovering from their childhoods, and all because people simply did what society expected of them and had children while being ill-equipped to actually be what the children need. Why do we think there are so many people with mental disorders who have no clue how to process their thoughts or emotions? Because they were raised by people who didn't know how, and thought that having children is simply what you do and that it would work itself out so long as you do the best you can. If a society of broken people is them doing the best they could, to me, that is a strike against parenthood. Everyone thinks what they do is the best they can, even if it's piss poor. Who suffers? The child and society.
Admitting that you don't want to pass on the voids that were passed onto you is ultimately the most unselfish thing one can do. In my opinion, only the people living from their egos (which are most people) think so highly of themselves that they think they have such amazing qualities to pass on. What's worse, they want to "pass on their genes" or "pass on their name"...whatever these things mean. It is about THEM. Not about the child. The child is merely an extension of how they view themselves. Most parents don't even view their children as their own people. Honest people know what a huge responsibility it is and are honest about what they don't have to give and so don't bring a child into the world to inflict their ego trip onto them. The percentage of adults who are ACTUALLY emotionally mature and would prove to actually leave a good mark on an innocent soul is relatively low.
Having a family is not "a positive" for everyone for the reasons I mentioned above. Most adults do more harm than good. If your children grew up to seek therapy, that means you are in the category of parents who raised children who have to recover from their childhoods. You raised children who managed to age into adulthood but were not taught how to grow, process, and how to acknowledge & be in touch with themselves. Since there are over 42M adults who seek some form of mental health services, that should tell us all we need to know about how "easy" people think parenting is and how wrong they are to believe they are equipped to do so. This is just the number of adults who seek mental health services, it doesn't even include the children and adolescents. It also doesn't include those who NEED it but don't due to the stigma. Maybe our messaging needs to be on creating a generation of emotionally healthy and whole individuals so that we aren't just populating the earth, but enriching it.
@@winter_s_44 Huh, what isn't true? I specifically said all the ones I've met. My experience isn't true?
You're speaking from a position of someone that doesn't have a child and you're assuming an exasperating amount of things about the negatives of having children.
Many parents that have children, and think it's the best thing to happen to them , have said pretty much word for word the exact same things that you said in that message.
@No Low - Plant Powered
I think there's a distinction to be made between unplanned and unwanted. A lot of people want children and just don't plan it, and when the day comes that they find out they have concieved, sure it may be a bit of a shock initially but they welcome the pregnancy. It's less common to run into people sharing their feelings about an unwanted pregnancy.
I know it's true that many people talk about how them having children was the greatest decision of their life, I believe that's true. The problem is people only ever express their feelings when children are a net positive in their life, no one is going around saying openly that in hindsight it was not the right decision for them and they regret it (understandably so, it would be terrible for the child to find out among other reasons). The perspectives we hear is very one sided, and plus even people who regret having children still love their child so it's easy to suppress or not acknowledge regretful feelings because you've bonded with the child. It's like being skeptical about buying something but after you've bought it you justify it and reinforce the idea it was a good decision. "Choice supportive bias". The psychology behind why people do that when buying shoes or cars also applies to children....x100. It's like Stockholm syndrome lol
I mean, people say seeing their child smile or laugh is the greatest feeling in the world and melts their heart and makes it all worth it, but seeing other children that are not theirs do that does not cause the same feeling. So it's not about the smile or the laugh, it's psychological and chemical (I guess), they had no choice but to feel that way. It's an evolutionary response at work creating that bond only with their own children. Evolutionary mind control if you will lol It serves an important role for our species survival, but I can't trust the opinions of someone who's experiencing that as if it's not sugar coated and is heavily biased.
Humor aside, I am growing my family in a positive way, I just think children/expansion isn't the only way to grow a family positively.
Despite feeling I don't want children, I was open minded to the possibility my feelings would change once I was finished school, once I started making money, once I've traveled the world a bit, once I found love, once I found some balance in my life. And even after all that my feelings haven't wavered.
I believe openmindness is about considering all perspectives and opinions, as opposed to endlessly waiting for change to come. I feel I've considered this from every angle that's been presented to me or that I could objectively think of.
When people want children and they provide their reasoning for it, the only reason that I think is understandable is "Because I feel that I want to"...(Not because of their parents, culture, leaving a legacy, scared of being alone in old age etc). Well, some people just have no impulse or desire for children. I think that's okay to.
I feel confident in saying I'd much rather regret not having children than regretting having children. There are people who experience each, the later is significantly harsher in my view.
I appreciate your perspective as always bro.
@@AdrianLoganLive definitely agree about the distinction, that's why I chose that word carefully. However I'm referring to the fact that 'unplanned' and 'unwanted' aren't required to exist independently of earth other , although it's possible that they also can. Not all Unplanned babies are unwanted, however many in fact WERE unwanted , and the parents then realize later how much of a net positive it had been to their lives.
The data on unplanned pregnancies is official and it's nearly half . Can you believe that? Nearly 50% of all pregnancies are unintended. If you and I stood in a room, it's 50/50 on one of us being unintended lol. Many of those 50% unintended were likely unwanted, too. I just know it's more often than people think where I've met people that point blank told me they never really wanted any kids, pretty opposed to them, but their family ended up being the best thing that's happened to them despite their initial opinions.
And the evolution bias may be true , (not without its exceptions of course... Of parents that hate their kids ) however that's not necessarily a negative thing.
I for one would believe the world can be a better place with generations of people that think link you, with more and more societal impact throughout the years. If you don't feel the same way, hey that's your prerogative too man
I'm just speaking from the strictly from an unbiased, outside perspective, strictly from the neutral and open-minded voice . Nothing more, nothing less , this is not about me judging or anything so I hope I don't come across that way. I just enjoy the open minded conversation from both sides of things 💪
@@nolow_life You were implying with your comment that because you have not met someone who admitted to regretting their choice to have children that it is simply a natural fear that childfree people have that will go away because the children would inevitably become “the best part of their lives.” I replied that was not true because there are PLENTY of parents who admit to regretting becoming parents. It is not inevitable that parents come to feel the way you describe. What is untrue is your insinuation, not the fact that you have spoken to some people who purport to feel as you describe.
I am not assuming ANYTHING. I am speaking as the adult child of an emotionally immature mother who inherited her own emotional immaturity. I know the damage it causes when ill-equipped people who THINK they are equipped have children and damage them. The stats on the number of people who need to seek mental health services for issues stemming from their childhoods is also NOT an assumption. I agree with you these are negatives, but that speaks to MY point. They ARE negatives, but they AREN’T assumptions. They are lived experiences and statistical fact of the number of people who have to spend a significant amount of adulthood working through childhood trauma. Contrary to popular opinion, trauma is not just being physically or sexually abused, it is lacking emotionally mature primary caregivers who stunt your growth because their own were stunted. When you see adults unable to control their rage, emotions or impulses - these are products of many failings of their parents, one of which was emotional immaturity. In case you hadn’t noticed, society is full of children in adult bodies who have no self control, overreact to minor inconveniences, and take no responsibility for their own actions. Do you think people aged this way due to having healthy foundations? Now imagine these stunted adults going on to have children of their own and passing down the trauma. It happens every single day. It is not assumption, it is not exaggeration, nor is it something you have to be a parent to understand. You just have to be the child of a parent like that to know you want the negative patterns to end.
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That’s how it works…