It is hard to tell when a narcisist gets dementia. It is hard to see as the person has always tried to put their best foot forward even if it was totally fake.
My mother has dementia of some sort. She is no longer able to drive, to handle her own medications, not able to handle the family finances. She can't use the computer, has a difficult time using the phone, and forgets how to use the washing machine or which tap is the hot water. My dad took her to be checked several years ago, and she "passed" with flying colors. Even though it was obvious that there were some drastic changes going on with her. It was about seven years ago that she first showed signs, and the decline is very obvious. Although she hides it well in front of people other than the immediate family. My dad and I take care of her; she could not live alone at this point. Her driver's license expired during covid and we just never got it renewed, because she had already become a terrible driver, although nobody has ever told her that she is a bad driver. Now she is questioning us constantly about a driver's license. We tiptoe around it and try to placate her, but it doesn't work. My mom doesn't realize she has dementia and she has never been told that she does by anyone, not even a doctor. We know it would devastate her or send her into denial and resentment. We have learned not to argue with her and we walk on eggshells being careful not to cross her or get her upset because the meltdowns are awful. Do you think it's better to tell a person like my mother that she has dementia? or keep it from her? I am at a loss. She knows something is wrong; she knows her memory is shot..... some days. Other days she acts almost haughty and superior. I've been taking care of both of my eldery parents for over six years and my mom is wearing me out.
So what happens when dad isn’t interested in going to a day program and refuses. He also has no interest in any social connections with others around him. He gets by polar and lashes out. What do I do?
My mom is a narcissist and now an 85 year old. For years now we've been dealing with her like she is a person of retardation. It's really been saving our mental health ! So now that we think she is in onset dementia we already have the hang of it! She gets mad because we are only kind and don't give her an inch of traction! We keep very strong boundaries with her and don't participate in negativity.
This is so frustrating for me. Every day to explain the same thing over and over, that she can not cook, take her own pills, etc. I don’t argue. Unfortunately I just say I can’t explain it one more time. It’s very difficult not be resentful, because she has ruined my life.
The person I am dealing with has a lifelong habit of lying so it is really hard to tell if this is dementia or the usual garbage. I found this helpful and can use some of these ideas like not giving him as many choices about really important stuff and realizing he isn't doing it on purpose. Dealing with his denial has been confusing for me. I have not tried to challenge it and just let him be with it. I would rather wrestle with a barbed wire fence than deal with the difficulties of dementia so thank you for this video. It does help.
Look into trauma bonding. If you are trauma bonded and have never taken the step to differentiate yourself from that person, you will find yourself taking much of the person's dementia personally. Also, if the person was abusive to you, you have a lot of work to do to separate yourself from them and forgive them. I have had to do a LOT of personal work to even be around my parent. This was helpful because if I see it as their dementia rather than abuse I can manage to not have arguments. I have to remember the person is no longer capable of abuse and that that was the old them. To forgive, as they were only ever abusive because of their own wounds, but also to take breaks and space and even talk it out with others if I find myself taking it personally and reacting to it. This was helpful.
My mother is a covert narcissist and she emotionally and mentally abused me as a child and all through my adult life to now. I am her caregiver and it seems that the narcissistic traits are magnified now that she has dementia. She still tried to manipulate me and get me into trouble with my ever-loving father, and she has a tongue just as sharp as it ever was. So a lot has changed, but also a lot is the same (the seeming abuse). How am I supposed to heal when my mother still abuses me just the same as she always has? I am always kind and respectful to her, but I'm sorry to say I do still have resentments. maybe if her behavior of manipulating, etc, went away, it would be different. I don't know how to handle this and it is getting to me. I think I'm suffering from burnout. HAHA I can just see me trying to take my mother to a day program. It would be a battle of the ages.
How do you know she has dementia. My mom also has always been a very abusive narcissist. How did you find out it's no longer an abuser talking but a dementia patient???? 😢
It is hard to tell when a narcisist gets dementia. It is hard to see as the person has always tried to put their best foot forward even if it was totally fake.
My mother has dementia of some sort. She is no longer able to drive, to handle her own medications, not able to handle the family finances. She can't use the computer, has a difficult time using the phone, and forgets how to use the washing machine or which tap is the hot water. My dad took her to be checked several years ago, and she "passed" with flying colors. Even though it was obvious that there were some drastic changes going on with her. It was about seven years ago that she first showed signs, and the decline is very obvious. Although she hides it well in front of people other than the immediate family. My dad and I take care of her; she could not live alone at this point. Her driver's license expired during covid and we just never got it renewed, because she had already become a terrible driver, although nobody has ever told her that she is a bad driver. Now she is questioning us constantly about a driver's license. We tiptoe around it and try to placate her, but it doesn't work. My mom doesn't realize she has dementia and she has never been told that she does by anyone, not even a doctor. We know it would devastate her or send her into denial and resentment. We have learned not to argue with her and we walk on eggshells being careful not to cross her or get her upset because the meltdowns are awful. Do you think it's better to tell a person like my mother that she has dementia? or keep it from her? I am at a loss. She knows something is wrong; she knows her memory is shot..... some days. Other days she acts almost haughty and superior. I've been taking care of both of my eldery parents for over six years and my mom is wearing me out.
This is exactly how my mom is with Alzheimer’s, spot on and so frustrating
So what happens when dad isn’t interested in going to a day program and refuses. He also has no interest in any social connections with others around him. He gets by polar and lashes out. What do I do?
My mom is a narcissist and now an 85 year old. For years now we've been dealing with her like she is a person of retardation. It's really been saving our mental health ! So now that we think she is in onset dementia we already have the hang of it! She gets mad because we are only kind and don't give her an inch of traction! We keep very strong boundaries with her and don't participate in negativity.
Exactly!,, thank you
This is so frustrating for me. Every day to explain the same thing over and over, that she can not cook, take her own pills, etc. I don’t argue. Unfortunately I just say I can’t explain it one more time. It’s very difficult not be resentful, because she has ruined my life.
I totally understand what you're going through. I resent my wife even though I hate myself for it.
The person I am dealing with has a lifelong habit of lying so it is really hard to tell if this is dementia or the usual garbage. I found this helpful and can use some of these ideas like not giving him as many choices about really important stuff and realizing he isn't doing it on purpose. Dealing with his denial has been confusing for me. I have not tried to challenge it and just let him be with it. I would rather wrestle with a barbed wire fence than deal with the difficulties of dementia so thank you for this video. It does help.
I'm so glad you found the video helpful! I wish you the best in living with the person you describe and thanks for watching!
This is very helpful and it helps me better understand the disease and learn how to cope with the day to day of dementia. Thank you!
I'm so happy to hear that the video was helpful! Thanks for watching and leaving a comment!
Look into trauma bonding. If you are trauma bonded and have never taken the step to differentiate yourself from that person, you will find yourself taking much of the person's dementia personally. Also, if the person was abusive to you, you have a lot of work to do to separate yourself from them and forgive them. I have had to do a LOT of personal work to even be around my parent. This was helpful because if I see it as their dementia rather than abuse I can manage to not have arguments. I have to remember the person is no longer capable of abuse and that that was the old them. To forgive, as they were only ever abusive because of their own wounds, but also to take breaks and space and even talk it out with others if I find myself taking it personally and reacting to it. This was helpful.
My mother is a covert narcissist and she emotionally and mentally abused me as a child and all through my adult life to now. I am her caregiver and it seems that the narcissistic traits are magnified now that she has dementia. She still tried to manipulate me and get me into trouble with my ever-loving father, and she has a tongue just as sharp as it ever was. So a lot has changed, but also a lot is the same (the seeming abuse). How am I supposed to heal when my mother still abuses me just the same as she always has? I am always kind and respectful to her, but I'm sorry to say I do still have resentments. maybe if her behavior of manipulating, etc, went away, it would be different. I don't know how to handle this and it is getting to me. I think I'm suffering from burnout. HAHA I can just see me trying to take my mother to a day program. It would be a battle of the ages.
@@MarcyStehlingsame situation! 😭
How do you know she has dementia. My mom also has always been a very abusive narcissist. How did you find out it's no longer an abuser talking but a dementia patient???? 😢
@@MarcyStehlinglol no kidding my mom has always been like wrestling an alligator over just small life issues!