True stuff. I am restarting the no contact after my narc ex antagonized, then silent treated me. I explored, and all I saw was black.. i prayed and said God please deal with them before i do." Leaving it in Gods hands... leaving my stolen money and everything. I wish them no well. I wish them nothing. It's a daily moment by moment exercise .
People who spent their childhood listening and learning and figuring out how to be a good person struggle to come to the realization that a lot of people spend their childhoods figuring out how to manipulate by practicing on you. Like I finally get it, but I still can't believe it. It's such a completely different worldview.
@@TheLaurdawgmacdaddy Same. I am into this topic since 2017, but Lee describes the things differently, so that the last missing points start making sense now. The cognitive dissonace is slowly vanishing. Thank god.
That was one of the most difficult concepts for me to accept. It was also what held me in those abusive relationships. I couldn't believe that that was what some people wake up to do. Once I accepted it, I was free.
Yes I've been dealing with many of them from different angles. This lion portal and Saturn return is definitely helping me get over this once and for all that's why I found you today I know it's no coincedence.
I was stunned hearing him say that…that’s relationship ending for me. To cut so deep and cold like that n stay in the same bed or house or neighborhood with that person ?! Nope. There is no coming back frm that
Yes! I am the youngest in the family and my narcissistic family throws my trauma in my face. I finally went no contact. I had enough of all the emotional abuse and constant lies.
@@realhealing7802 I don't even want to know what that feels like. Saying that's awful is an understatement. It's sub human behavior. You would think being with fam ur safe..and yet bcuz they know u on the deepest level, they inflict the most pain. I really hope u find help and peace.
Ugh it's so hard to not be triggered! I start out not reacting and he will keep going until I lose my s**t! He treats everyone else whom he cant bully with respect.😭 thank you so much for your videos!
FACTS. I'm almost 5 months no contact and the hoovering attempts have really ramped up and not reacting is the key. Is it hard? Hell yeah it is! Internally you might be heart racing, mind freezing, etc but if you can just not react outwardly in any way and calmly walk away - 100%. And, it gets easier. Not easy. But easier. 👊🏼 PS - remember any reaction is welcome by true NPD. Positive, negative doesn't matter. Your only hope is to not react and calmly walk away.
I know this might be too late, but the tip I gave a friend is “write your responses in a digital diary. One with a password on it.” Despite not reacting, you still need an outlet to pour your anger into so it doesn’t get bottled up.
im the same honey once you find out some one just does not give 2 fuks about ypu .never cared never loved ypu it was all fake 🤥 lies ypu get that way ..to only care about yourself and your loved ones who does care about you . keep your boundaries up im 3 years now he keeps sending me fake accounts on Facebook he's blocked on every social media and phone numbers changed...
This channel had become the father figure I've always needed... A self aware narcissist to help me outgrow the narcissists in my life. " How can they attack you if they are disarmed. Take your power back" Thank you Lee
I hope these 2k likes turn into 2 million likes because since I found theses videos I have been so happy to know how to deal with a narcissist. No contact feels amazing. My healing is going wonderfully. I'm ready to protect myself from narcissist for the rest of my life. Narc free is the way to be.
That is so correct I do remember my ex-narc told me once I know your triggers...and I once told him something that was personal and painful about my father and when he got mad at me he told it to my kids which I had never told my kids. It was unbelievable how evil he was.
@@realhealing7802 Yes. A game with an ultimate goal of belittling, triangulation and ultimately control. 🙄.. They hate to be ignored. They plot to do things, and sabotage things around you. In order to gain back control in anyway possible. They are secretive too, and lie bare faced!
💯! My ex took some of my most greatest pains and threw it in my face. Pure evil, and when I was younger I didn’t know how to NOT react. Now, when something is said by ANYONE, I say my peace and keep it moving. It took me a long time to get to this point, but preserving my peace is 🔑! I’m far from healed, but way closer than I was.
I’m listening to this after a long night working… it’s a little pep-talk. “Do not react….” Whatever comes at me when i walk through the door- I will not react. I will stay calm. I will not feed the narc. I will not engage. I will not take the bait. 🧘🏼♀️🕉🥒☮️ …here I go.
When you remain calm, be prepared to be accused of being dismissive. Say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and stand back... Also "weaponized trauma" is so terrifyingly accurate.
This explains my neighbor. Always doing spiteful things to make me mad and get a reaction. He doesn't get a reaction from me but still continues to do these annoying, spiteful charades.
When someone tells you they love you in the first few weeks or days of knowing you, the question is “how can you love me you don’t even know me.” Anyone who tires to align them self with you that fast is an empty person, nothing is real. You reachion to this should be run away as fast and as far as you can.
This isn’t always true. I have been in love with someone in the early stages of knowing them and I am not an empty vessel. It isn’t one size fits all when it comes to love and emotional attraction. Y’all making it seem as if people who fall in love quickly with others are all some bunch of narcissists which isn’t true.
Thank you Lee! You’re helping me understand and heal from a 35 year marriage to a covert narcissist. When I learned to set a couple of boundaries he got so evil and mean that I wanted to die. God saved me from that and helped me get away. Thanks again for helping me heal (I’m 71yo)
That why we pray for our sinner & those who have trespassed against us, but not everyone is blessed with a higher power, end up trap, imprison, life destroyed living as all the know, endless amounts lives surrender to death, We have a continuous goal to reach what faithful call lost souls. Pray we know the difference between lost souls & evil spirit. They are so alike but the evil spirt knows GODS WORDS! Uses word play,
Yup. I only realised he was a narcissist the day he left (a friend said it and I googled it, it was him and my life to a T!) And I told him he was one. He Googled, came back and said yeah maybe I am. But it didn't stop the rant. He was the most vile he's ever been that day, and yeah, he told me I was the common denominator because my mother was a sociopath and step dad was abusive (and probably a narc now I think about it) and I shouldn't have cut them out of my life 😳😒 SO weird! He'd always supported me about my step dad, and he was there with my mother! She lived with us 18 months and was a nightmare and he wanted her gone as much as me! Pure vitriol. Your videos have definitely helped me to understand, accept and start to heal
Once I realized I'm a hyper sensitive empath, I figured our personality type have the hardest/biggest responsibility to protect our healthy boundaries.
This is spot on! I got really good at not reacting with the narcissistic ex, but in my current relationship he’s definitely a button pusher, I just walk away or ignore, I’ve not always been perfect at it but practice makes perfect, over time he does it less and less. Early on, (after getting married of course)he found out a word I hate bc it brings up a traumatic memory and even though I told him it really bothered me and not to say it he just kept it up, but the beauty of it is, it desensitized me on that word, it doesn’t bother me anymore, he never gets nasty abusive or evil, just immature, like he’s mentally still in JR high. I don’t think he’s narcissistic, but he picked up a few tactics and when it comes down to it he KNOWS I WILL walk away and he doesn’t want that, just immature, for awhile I allowed it to drain me, but I checked myself and I was the one reacting and allowing him to leak my energy and control my emotions, no more. You gotta check yourself on occasion, if you’re playing victim in your mind/heart you’re in for trouble, hold onto your own power
My ex narcissist & I broke up 7 months ago and watching your videos and has helped me with understanding more of what I was dealing with. I'm still battling the trauma bond but I have faith that eventually I won't feel it anymore. I caused him a narcissistic injury by calling his ass out on FB and haven't heard from him since. He hasn't hoovered me and I doubt he ever will, and I haven't reached out to him. I can still a lot of clearly now of what that relationship was all about. BTW, it didn't take him long to replace me. Anyway, thank you so much for all of your inspiring videos!
I dealt with a similar situation 20 days back and caused him a narcissistic injury by discarding him the same way he would discard me and called him out on his lie and cheating. I called him all the names that he labelled me and haven't heard back since. I don't think I shall be hoovered back because he knows I won't entertain
Dude. Seriously, you win (for the narcissist). You are awesome. All your videos are insightful and I believe in what you are doing. Three of your videos were presented on just the right topic, at the right moment, and used the magical words I needed to hear. Mere words cannot convey my gratitude to you. You have prepared me for this moment for a few months now and I think I am going to be better than okay. Time will tell. Thank you. Thank you
Admittedly, I accidentally found out that not responding was the best thing to do. I don't bite the bait that quickly either. But here i am, also a victim but not yet defeated.
Thank you for this. Lately he's been picking arguments and I have no idea why and we're divorced and our babies are getting older. It's like he still wants my energy.
How difficult is that .. specially with a person we loved once .. how easier said than done .. yesterday again .. that fucker .. love makes everything harder
Lee, you changed my life! As an empath from an abusive childhood, I have accepted unknowingly so many narcissists into my life. I never understood why it was always so painful and unfulfilling. You have educated me with dozens and dozens of your videos. This one #87 really stood out for me. You could not be any more accurate or truthful. You are helping me forgive myself and heal, and your instructions will help me in the future. You totally deserve this "supply"! 🙏💝
I’m glad I found your channel….I’ve watched so many of your videos and they are helping me deal with the narcissist in my life and the technique and strategies have been working…thank you
Thank you for finally being that person that realizes and verbalizes that not everyone can leave their abuser. Our daughter is 5 and I REFUSE to leave because I don’t want her to have to deal with her narcissistic father alone. If I leave that only solves the abuse problem for me and leaves her there ALONE to deal with it when he would have her. You are so amazing. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s helping more people than you could ever imagine.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 everything you say is so true. My ex is a narcissistic. I didn’t realize it to the end. When I found out what narcissistic mean, I was like.. yet he’s a narcissistic. I start handling him the way you say to handle a narcissistic. I was winning. He did not like that. Great info. Thanks for sharing.
Not reacting does not work with All narcissist. Some like my husband will take no reaction as a form of disrespect. You have to know and figure out what coping skills will work with that person for you. Some narcissist are higher on the narcissistic scale. My husband narcissist/psychopath. That's what my therapist told me. I controlled my reactions but the more i controlled the angrier he became. He was not going to be disrespected. Smh.
@@MentalHealness it was still a choice, based mostly on fear to stay. I wish i had courage to leave. He has left now/past away which leaves a different uncertain hurt. I am getting use to freedom and finally learning about trauma bond.
I love how real you are man. I wish my Partner would recognize his Narcissism. When it's good it's great but when you point something out about him...it goes downhill.
Yes exactly narcs especially hate it when you point out a flaw it causes them to go into narc rage and throw a temper tantrum. My ex did the same thing. Relationship only Lasted 3 months I was out once I realized what they were
I had a bad habit of expressing myself and my truth to him and it was always used as a tool to hurt me when he felt like it. I was isolated and had no one else to talk to so for obvious reasons I turned to him. My mimd was constantly flooded with what I was put thru..Raw healing for me to this day. Worst experience for me was when my aunt had told him about my mothers past with my father, I knew it was abusive but the incident mentioned I did not know about and why she told him I do not know but when it got mad at me he mimicked what my mum was told to do by my father. He made my mum get on her knees naked and crawl in circles and oink like a pig in front of his family. That shattered me to bits just hearing of it and to see this person who says he loves me act that way(with his clothes on)just shattered me to bits. I felt so un-co around my father after that and my heart broke for my mum, I did not question her about it but I just wanted to take her, myself and my kids and run away from those monsters. I did not have the strength at the time. All I know is that my kids dad who I was with put me thru hell and my mum experienced the same with my dad. 40 years of her life robbed and 16 years of mine. I'm now free but it's very raw stages and my mother is now in a better place! I feel it is my duty im honor of my loved ones and my kids to breal that sick cycle. These people are broken and dangerous. And Lee, you have given me the closure to move forward as you are answering the questions and thoughts that have haunted my mind for years with no care from this person..You are literally saving lives! Bless you
Yes. I have become so much more resilient in learning how to respond in the moment, then making a plan they know nothing about to protect myself in the future. I'm limiting information I share, and with every intentional hurtful move, I just keep pushing back that line. They don't need to know that though and they might not ever figure it out. But their joy isn't my priority anymore. It has taken me decades to learn to lean into the love of my friends for support instead of those you think just should.
I could never understand the way my father treated me, until today. How long it took me to discover "Reactive abuse" and to feel validated that it's a real thing. Thank you ♥️
How does this video have nearly 5000 views and less than 500 likes. Smh. THANK YOU !!! I truly appreciate what you're doing here. I have several family members with NPD and have learned 80% of what I know about it thru trial and error. What you share has given me a new perspective on what I know and I can honestly say, that you have changed my life for the better and I never would have thought that this life changing information would be delivered to me by someone like them. (No offense intended) I Love what you're doing, please continue to do so for as long as you can, you and your family are on my Prayer list and GOD Bless !!
Ok here is your supply....thank you from the bottom of my soul...I was dealing with a dark triad so I really hate narcissist. But I guess I can look them compassionately but from verrrrry far. That malignant narcissist really became the reason for my CPTSD. We were coworkers and eventhough I am married he kept harassing me via sexual innuendos. We do not know the damage done to someone untill we experience it.
@@MentalHealness I tried this with my ex narc towards the end because when I reacted he would go to a different level. I absolutely refused to react to him when he would get started and when I did he punched holes in the wall and broke the furniture.
Thank-you Lee. You have helped to save my life. I’m finally getting to the other side and am getting my life back. You are doing amazing work. Thank-you for helping us that have been trauma bonded.
Thank you for being completely transparent to the world and in doing so provide people with the knowledge and tools to live a better life. You live once don’t compromise your happiness You are amazing!!!
For me, it's my grandmother. She's a covert! She mask her abuse with laughter love and care. She says and does little things that piss me off big time, but from the outside looking in it looks like I'm the one tripping and she's the victim. It takes a lot of self control to not react but I guess anything that's worth it ain't easy to acquire.
I have so much empathy for you with your grandmother. I have exactly the same - my mother in law. She’s a covert stealth narcissist. She can do this abuse surrounded by family and friends and nobody will know except me. She is so sneaky with this. Then when I was hurt I would pull back and then she would be really loving and kind to me and then I would fall for it and come back and open myself up again and then the whole process would repeat itself again and again. I Later on I could actually see and feel how she fed off of abusing me. The satisfaction and energy she got out of it. Almost as if she desperately needed it. She is also deeply involved in the church. She always chooses church projects where she is the leader and she can boss people around and also always projects where she can be noticed and seen. She never does the quiet, humble work in the background ( which is usually the work that really matters). Family friends and the church people say that I am the bad guy. Since I have cut myself off from her. They say I’m bitter and unforgiving, but I am not. Church people often don’t understand about setting boundaries. I’m only trying to protect myself and I pray for her. Everybody thinks she’s an angel, because she’s so brilliant at pretending- putting on her sweet face smile. It took more than 2 decades of me and my husband being emotionally abused before I found out she’s a narcissist and then all the puzzle pieces fell in place. Then I stopped reciprocating. But even now I still suffer from her to an extent, because she’s family and I can never be cut off from her a 100 %. My husband knows what she is, but he loves his mother and still want contact with her. She still plays nice with me from time to time, because she wants to suck me back in, but I ignore her flatout and on the rare occasion that I have to see her I put on a poker face and pretend I don’t notice. This seems to cause great frustration for her. I suspect that when you set boundaries with your grandmother, you will also experience that you cannot completely avoid the abuse, because she’s family and you cannot avoid her all the time, but boundaries will make a big difference for you.
I understand, my mom is a covert narc as well. She runs her own business and is very charismatic and likeable to her clients, friends and people that aren't too close with her. It's the inner circle of family that gets all of the abuse. I still slip up but I've been putting this non reacting thing into practice recently and it does help me to stand my ground and it also pisses her off at the same time. I have to remind myself that the things she says to degrade me are not true and she's only saying them to get a reaction from me, and so I don't give her what she wants.
Same here. I started researching covert passive aggressive narcissism because his ex baby mama did this shit to me while presenting completely the opposite to others… he’s already sick and this became apparent that I was alone in my truth. Set boundaries snd the silent treatment- textbook- started from her. Then I started to see how sick he really was…. Eff me. I know how all this feels and I commend you all❤️
I cannot express my appreciation of you & your ability to reflect. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly & completely!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I am truly amazed at your videos and talks and growth and honesty. I feel like a doorway has been opened for me and I can stand up for myself and in my own two feet. I hadn't heard of reactive abuse before this video but boy i have lived it, didn't get it and why but it doesn't even matter bc it's totally too have power over me. I am done with fighting and crying over the horrible things that are said and then downplaying them like he didn't mean it that way and I am so sensitive, ha ha ha. No im not! God has been trying to get me to see this but my own issues of trying to be the bigger person get in the way. So it's you Lee to show me what i'm doing bc his behavior is exactly what I experience. And ewh narcissistic harem, ugh, ick and ewh. That's it for me. Made so many comments as it my person, I gave him to much Intel on me. I'm good though. I seen ok, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate you and believe in you. You are a gift and a blessing, have an awesome day
Leave, honestly leave. If its money that keeps you in this sort of relationship, there will never be enough to justify giving your peace away. If its children, by staying and allowing them to witness abuse, as harsh as this sounds you are allowing it to happen. Get out, or start to plan your escape. Get professional help. Work hard on youself, learning how to stop reacting and it impacting you and your day is key. How you get to that point is personal but it needs to decrease to it impacting you for minutes rather than days. You have been conditioned to react, you need to now condition yourself not to.its hard as they target kind hearted people, we seem to have a problem being kind to ourselves though.
People think leaving is the easiest thing in the world as if every body has all this money & help. I would end up homeless and alone in the world the way they set me up and i am their child. Children of narcissists are perfectly i’m talking perfectly dependent on them
Towards the end with my boys' father, he would argue with me and when I wouldn't react (I was numb by this point) he would get meaner and meaner with what he would say. I wouldn't react and it made him so mad. I was a dummy with my narc... I only had a couple of weak spots but he loved to throw them up. I didn't react strongly but he knew he got to me, either way.
Thank you for your channel. Helps me understand a lot of former relationship dynamics after the fact. It now helps a lot to deal with folks I can’t get rid of, like co-workers and clients.
Dude… you have NO idea how helpful you are for me rn. I could NOT figure out why my fiancé of 4yrs would do ALL of these things and now… i actually get it. Super sucks bc I have been so in love with him. So he’s always been able to get me back. THIS time… I’m learning soo much (bc of people like you) so when I miss the “perfect parts of him”…. and us & my heart starts to ache for him, I WATCH YOUR videos!!! Sooo hard but you help SOO much. THANK YOU🤍
Lee. You are awesome. I love that you have Gods guidance. To share the knowledge and understanding of your own disorders is so brave. Thank you for sharing to help yourself and others like you. And give us survival tools. Because you and others like you, still deserve to be heard seen and loved
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making content like this. After watching these videos, I feel so much better. What you are doing for the community is really appreciated and you have no idea how your words have the power to heal. It's true- " when you want to test a man's character, give them power." You had the power but you chose to become a more responsible person and help others survive and this indeed is the most noble thing to do. You had the choice and you chose to be kind.
I recently found your videos trying to understand my guy I was dating 6 years of abuse thank you for your openness and vulnerability to the world it's much appreciated I have an open mind and better understanding of what I was going thru I'm no longer with him as time went on he got worse and became physically abusive to me and verbally abused my kids blessings to you Lee!!🙏🏾🧿❤
This is great info. Since I've been listening to your videos i understand more of what I've gone through with a narcissist. I've pulled away because all he has givene is fslse hope of an ongoing happy relationship. I think living on the surface is what he enjoys most.
The test of a man is how he handles power. The history of British rule has quite a few examples that seem to support this point, specifically the men who’ve occupied the position of Lord Protector of England (men who either were appointed to rule England in the King’s stead or usurped the power of the King for a time, sanctioned by Parliament). Wonderful observation.
It was hard to stop reacting until I discovered changing the subject!! It worked every time. Starve them from your energy w a smile on your face at a time they don’t have much supply..or quality sub supply. And they will flee. It’s quite sad to see them become no one. They get desperate- I don’t think I had ever experienced watching anyone to that level of desperation in my long life. But enough was enough.
Im doing this but they are amping their game up on social media with lies. Its getting to the point people have made subtle jokes of throwing hands. Im married to a pastor and she is smearing the church now. Its horrible.
Thank you for being so transparent....l tried to get my EX Narc to listen to your video's. Please continue doing what you do because it definitely helps others put things into perspective. God Bless 🙏🏽
Just Wanna say thank you to your mom for having you! Your honesty help me so Much to understand my friend. Sorry for my english im from Québec and speak french. But if by any chance you see this message i have à question for you , and i dont think that any nacissique ever respond to that question . Thank you xo
We’re in our early 60’s and just celebrated our 4th Yr. Anniversary , he has everything I want in a man except this one issue we keep bumping into. I didn’t know what Narcissus meant,but a lot of what you’ve described fits him. I’ve taken bits & pieces from your Podcast ie; Listen to respond instead of listening to react, so I applied this to our recent conversation of said situation and to my surprise he did just that. We do Love each other, so just as long as I don’t react we should be fine. I will continue to listen to your UA-cam, and Podcast channels, Never to old to learn 🙏
I totally agree with this however it takes a terrible toll on your mental well being to have to shut down all emotions in order to go grey rock. It’s perfectly normal to express your emotions and react to vile treatment. I went grey rock but I felt dead inside. I became very depressed. If you react they will destroy you, if you grey rock, you will destroy you.
🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐
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🐐 🐐 🐐
What do these horses mean?
@@avocado3748 it’s not a horse it means a goat aka the best at what they do
@@avocado3748greatest of all time 😅 🐐
And the second you do react, YOU will be labeled crazy and abusive. These people are relentless.
True
Truth
Not always give him the answer if he tries to make you crazy and he will stop it He will use the threathening methode or more.
Yes
True stuff. I am restarting the no contact after my narc ex antagonized, then silent treated me. I explored, and all I saw was black.. i prayed and said God please deal with them before i do." Leaving it in Gods hands... leaving my stolen money and everything. I wish them no well. I wish them nothing. It's a daily moment by moment exercise
.
People who spent their childhood listening and learning and figuring out how to be a good person struggle to come to the realization that a lot of people spend their childhoods figuring out how to manipulate by practicing on you. Like I finally get it, but I still can't believe it. It's such a completely different worldview.
I just discovered this channel and it's opening up a lot of insights for me. Really interesting to see this from the other side!
@@TheLaurdawgmacdaddy Same. I am into this topic since 2017, but Lee describes the things differently, so that the last missing points start making sense now. The cognitive dissonace is slowly vanishing. Thank god.
^^^^^
"It's such a completely different world view"
This is PROFOUND
After trying to become the best me I could be..I finally realised THAT.!
U literally put my thoughts into words
That was one of the most difficult concepts for me to accept. It was also what held me in those abusive relationships. I couldn't believe that that was what some people wake up to do. Once I accepted it, I was free.
“Control your emotions controls your power!” WOOOO! ALL OF THIS!!!!
🙌🏾💪🏽💪🏽
I always felt a narcissist needs a hobby. They are so bored they treat other people like toys.
Amen!
This is so true. They throw back in your face all of your childhood traumas and insecurities.
Yep 💯
Yes I've been dealing with many of them from different angles. This lion portal and Saturn return is definitely helping me get over this once and for all that's why I found you today I know it's no coincedence.
I was stunned hearing him say that…that’s relationship ending for me. To cut so deep and cold like that n stay in the same bed or house or neighborhood with that person ?! Nope. There is no coming back frm that
Yes! I am the youngest in the family and my narcissistic family throws my trauma in my face. I finally went no contact. I had enough of all the emotional abuse and constant lies.
@@realhealing7802 I don't even want to know what that feels like. Saying that's awful is an understatement. It's sub human behavior. You would think being with fam ur safe..and yet bcuz they know u on the deepest level, they inflict the most pain. I really hope u find help and peace.
May he face the hurt he caused .. I hate him
Not reacting to anyone triggering you is very important
Ugh it's so hard to not be triggered! I start out not reacting and he will keep going until I lose my s**t! He treats everyone else whom he cant bully with respect.😭 thank you so much for your videos!
You got it
Right??! He use to accuse me of cheating with everybody but when he got around those people he never said anything to them... Weird.
OMGGGG SAME!!! It’s so hard not to react.
Omg yes like how do you not react bc they do and say things until they get you
@@tentoes4936 because they’re punks for real
FACTS. I'm almost 5 months no contact and the hoovering attempts have really ramped up and not reacting is the key. Is it hard? Hell yeah it is! Internally you might be heart racing, mind freezing, etc but if you can just not react outwardly in any way and calmly walk away - 100%. And, it gets easier. Not easy. But easier. 👊🏼 PS - remember any reaction is welcome by true NPD. Positive, negative doesn't matter. Your only hope is to not react and calmly walk away.
Block them if you haven’t already!
I know this might be too late, but the tip I gave a friend is “write your responses in a digital diary. One with a password on it.”
Despite not reacting, you still need an outlet to pour your anger into so it doesn’t get bottled up.
Omg please stay strong!! You know it’s best for your peace!
Wheewwee!!! 13 years, 10 years married....I'm done...thanks for this page
This is facts! It's easier for me to disconnect once I know the person doesn't actually care about me. I guard my spirit after that.
Amen
im the same honey once you find out some one just does not give 2 fuks about ypu .never cared never loved ypu it was all fake 🤥 lies ypu get that way ..to only care about yourself and your loved ones who does care about you . keep your boundaries up im 3 years now he keeps sending me fake accounts on Facebook he's blocked on every social media and phone numbers changed...
This channel had become the father figure I've always needed... A self aware narcissist to help me outgrow the narcissists in my life.
" How can they attack you if they are disarmed. Take your power back"
Thank you Lee
Speed is the weapon of a narc. Yep. Thank you!
🙏🏽👍🏼
She was in a hurry for me to buy her a house
Yep .. experienced that ... should have been wiser...
I hope these 2k likes turn into 2 million likes because since I found theses videos I have been so happy to know how to deal with a narcissist. No contact feels amazing. My healing is going wonderfully. I'm ready to protect myself from narcissist for the rest of my life. Narc free is the way to be.
i appreciate it. stay strong
Agree not reacting and ignoring them best thing
That is so correct I do remember my ex-narc told me once I know your triggers...and I once told him something that was personal and painful about my father and when he got mad at me he told it to my kids which I had never told my kids. It was unbelievable how evil he was.
That is terrible. I am so sorry.
😯😯😯
Yes! That is soo evil and he did it on purpose. The narcissists know what they are doing.
@@realhealing7802 Yes. A game with an ultimate goal of belittling, triangulation and ultimately control. 🙄.. They hate to be ignored. They plot to do things, and sabotage things around you. In order to gain back control in anyway possible. They are secretive too, and lie bare faced!
Awful 😢
thanks,,, i reacted and learnt this the hardway....if u dont react u keep ur power
💯! My ex took some of my most greatest pains and threw it in my face. Pure evil, and when I was younger I didn’t know how to NOT react. Now, when something is said by ANYONE, I say my peace and keep it moving. It took me a long time to get to this point, but preserving my peace is 🔑! I’m far from healed, but way closer than I was.
👏 stay safe
I’m listening to this after a long night working… it’s a little pep-talk.
“Do not react….”
Whatever comes at me when i walk through the door- I will not react.
I will stay calm. I will not feed the narc.
I will not engage. I will not take the bait.
🧘🏼♀️🕉🥒☮️ …here I go.
You dont even know us but you really are the big brother we all need. We appreciate you so much.
When you remain calm, be prepared to be accused of being dismissive. Say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and stand back...
Also "weaponized trauma" is so terrifyingly accurate.
🎯
Very Well Put Indeed!
This explains my neighbor. Always doing spiteful things to make me mad and get a reaction. He doesn't get a reaction from me but still continues to do these annoying, spiteful charades.
It's a shame most narcissists don't do good/positive things to get supply!
👏
They do from time to time……… when the supply gets low and you stop reacting to their machinations.
The best part about your platform is: These tips apply to deal with parents as well as partners. They literally have the entire same patterns.
💯
The narcs in my life have a hard time getting a hold of me. They are so mad 😠 at me. 😂
😆
I'm SO HAPPY & EXCITED for you!! You did the right thing.
😂😂😂🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️❤️❤️🥳🥳🥳🥂🥂🥂 CELEBRATION!!
You nail it I'm the same!
When someone tells you they love you in the first few weeks or days of knowing you, the question is “how can you love me you don’t even know me.” Anyone who tires to align them self with you that fast is an empty person, nothing is real. You reachion to this should be run away as fast and as far as you can.
This isn’t always true. I have been in love with someone in the early stages of knowing them and I am not an empty vessel.
It isn’t one size fits all when it comes to love and emotional attraction.
Y’all making it seem as if people who fall in love quickly with others are all some bunch of narcissists which isn’t true.
@@rudy5865 Most nacs don’t even know it.
Thank you Lee! You’re helping me understand and heal from a 35 year marriage to a covert narcissist. When I learned to set a couple of boundaries he got so evil and mean that I wanted to die. God saved me from that and helped me get away. Thanks again for helping me heal (I’m 71yo)
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Cool congrats you rock
Thank you for sharing! Needed to hear your voice this morning ❤
This works for family too. Don't react. They HATE it.
No Weapon Formed Against us shall prosper,in Jesus name.Amen.
That why we pray for our sinner & those who have trespassed against us, but not everyone is blessed with a higher power, end up trap, imprison, life destroyed living as all the know, endless amounts lives surrender to death, We have a continuous goal to reach what faithful call lost souls. Pray we know the difference between lost souls & evil spirit. They are so alike but the evil spirt knows GODS WORDS! Uses word play,
Amen Joann Byrd
Amen
Amen
Using god for power?
I love your humility in recognizing yourself in the traits described. Also, love that you turned to God's Word for help!
"We can't control our emotions so we try to control yours"...that's so insightful. The after math of love bombing. Is SOOOOO painful
Over the years, the more I figured out how to not respond to the traps and triggers, the more the behaviors escalated.
Yup. I only realised he was a narcissist the day he left (a friend said it and I googled it, it was him and my life to a T!) And I told him he was one. He Googled, came back and said yeah maybe I am. But it didn't stop the rant. He was the most vile he's ever been that day, and yeah, he told me I was the common denominator because my mother was a sociopath and step dad was abusive (and probably a narc now I think about it) and I shouldn't have cut them out of my life 😳😒 SO weird! He'd always supported me about my step dad, and he was there with my mother! She lived with us 18 months and was a nightmare and he wanted her gone as much as me! Pure vitriol. Your videos have definitely helped me to understand, accept and start to heal
My dude, you putting me up on so much game. Keep doing this
Worse thing is if you stay too/ long enough you become the villain for defending yourself....
Great advice, Lee. I’m a highly sensitive Empath, though. It’s tough out here. 😂
Stay empowered
Truth! 💚💙
Once I realized I'm a hyper sensitive empath, I figured our personality type have the hardest/biggest responsibility to protect our healthy boundaries.
Thanks!
Thank you!!
This is spot on! I got really good at not reacting with the narcissistic ex, but in my current relationship he’s definitely a button pusher, I just walk away or ignore, I’ve not always been perfect at it but practice makes perfect, over time he does it less and less. Early on, (after getting married of course)he found out a word I hate bc it brings up a traumatic memory and even though I told him it really bothered me and not to say it he just kept it up, but the beauty of it is, it desensitized me on that word, it doesn’t bother me anymore, he never gets nasty abusive or evil, just immature, like he’s mentally still in JR high. I don’t think he’s narcissistic, but he picked up a few tactics and when it comes down to it he KNOWS I WILL walk away and he doesn’t want that, just immature, for awhile I allowed it to drain me, but I checked myself and I was the one reacting and allowing him to leak my energy and control my emotions, no more. You gotta check yourself on occasion, if you’re playing victim in your mind/heart you’re in for trouble, hold onto your own power
My ex narcissist & I broke up 7 months ago and watching your videos and has helped me with understanding more of what I was dealing with. I'm still battling the trauma bond but I have faith that eventually I won't feel it anymore. I caused him a narcissistic injury by calling his ass out on FB and haven't heard from him since. He hasn't hoovered me and I doubt he ever will, and I haven't reached out to him. I can still a lot of clearly now of what that relationship was all about. BTW, it didn't take him long to replace me. Anyway, thank you so much for all of your inspiring videos!
I dealt with a similar situation 20 days back and caused him a narcissistic injury by discarding him the same way he would discard me and called him out on his lie and cheating. I called him all the names that he labelled me and haven't heard back since. I don't think I shall be hoovered back because he knows I won't entertain
“That’s why your dad didn’t want you” I’ve heard that one b4. Everything I shared was used against me
Thank you for another great video Lee. As narcissistic as you are, you may have a lot more light in you than you realize! Keep up the great work!
Appreciate it
Dude. Seriously, you win (for the narcissist). You are awesome. All your videos are insightful and I believe in what you are doing. Three of your videos were presented on just the right topic, at the right moment, and used the magical words I needed to hear. Mere words cannot convey my gratitude to you. You have prepared me for this moment for a few months now and I think I am going to be better than okay. Time will tell. Thank you. Thank you
If you can’t be triggered, you can’t be controlled.
Admittedly, I accidentally found out that not responding was the best thing to do. I don't bite the bait that quickly either. But here i am, also a victim but not yet defeated.
Thank you for this. Lately he's been picking arguments and I have no idea why and we're divorced and our babies are getting older. It's like he still wants my energy.
Thank you for this invaluable information
Although narcs are selfish people, this is some very selfless advice you are giving
How difficult is that .. specially with a person we loved once .. how easier said than done .. yesterday again .. that fucker .. love makes everything harder
Lee, you changed my life! As an empath from an abusive childhood, I have accepted unknowingly so many narcissists into my life. I never understood why it was always so painful and unfulfilling. You have educated me with dozens and dozens of your videos. This one #87 really stood out for me. You could not be any more accurate or truthful.
You are helping me forgive myself and heal, and your instructions will help me in the future. You totally deserve this "supply"! 🙏💝
I’m glad I found your channel….I’ve watched so many of your videos and they are helping me deal with the narcissist in my life and the technique and strategies have been working…thank you
You’re welcome. Stay strong
I'm 6o years old and only found this out for a fact 4years ago not my first rodeo. Appreciate your honesty Lee 🙏 😌 👌 🙌 👏
Glad to help
Wow. People do look for a REACTION FROM YOU. wow. You said it! Lee you are speaking the truth!
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you for finally being that person that realizes and verbalizes that not everyone can leave their abuser. Our daughter is 5 and I REFUSE to leave because I don’t want her to have to deal with her narcissistic father alone. If I leave that only solves the abuse problem for me and leaves her there ALONE to deal with it when he would have her. You are so amazing. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s helping more people than you could ever imagine.
you're welcome. stay strong on your journey
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 everything you say is so true. My ex is a narcissistic. I didn’t realize it to the end. When I found out what narcissistic mean, I was like.. yet he’s a narcissistic. I start handling him the way you say to handle a narcissistic. I was winning. He did not like that. Great info. Thanks for sharing.
Your sharing your knowledge is a blessing.
♥️
Not reacting does not work with All narcissist. Some like my husband will take no reaction as a form of disrespect. You have to know and figure out what coping skills will work with that person for you. Some narcissist are higher on the narcissistic scale. My husband narcissist/psychopath. That's what my therapist told me. I controlled my reactions but the more i controlled the angrier he became. He was not going to be disrespected. Smh.
There’s no winning in a situation like that. Sounds like you’re a prisoner
Leaving such insanity is the best-case scenario, full no-contact. Not easy, may be dangerous.
@@MentalHealness it was still a choice, based mostly on fear to stay. I wish i had courage to leave. He has left now/past away which leaves a different uncertain hurt. I am getting use to freedom and finally learning about trauma bond.
@@strictnonconformist7369 i totally agree. I wish i could have left and stayed gone. Now, he is gone but not how i wished.
So true
I love how real you are man.
I wish my Partner would recognize his Narcissism.
When it's good it's great but when you point something out about him...it goes downhill.
appreciate it. stay strong
Narcissism is also on a spectrum. Therefore, not all can get help and do not stay in therapy long enough, it’s too painful for them, so they quit.
Yes exactly narcs especially hate it when you point out a flaw it causes them to go into narc rage and throw a temper tantrum. My ex did the same thing. Relationship only Lasted 3 months I was out once I realized what they were
AMEN…. Not Reacting is the Antidote to being controlled😎💥
I had a bad habit of expressing myself and my truth to him and it was always used as a tool to hurt me when he felt like it. I was isolated and had no one else to talk to so for obvious reasons I turned to him. My mimd was constantly flooded with what I was put thru..Raw healing for me to this day. Worst experience for me was when my aunt had told him about my mothers past with my father, I knew it was abusive but the incident mentioned I did not know about and why she told him I do not know but when it got mad at me he mimicked what my mum was told to do by my father. He made my mum get on her knees naked and crawl in circles and oink like a pig in front of his family. That shattered me to bits just hearing of it and to see this person who says he loves me act that way(with his clothes on)just shattered me to bits. I felt so un-co around my father after that and my heart broke for my mum, I did not question her about it but I just wanted to take her, myself and my kids and run away from those monsters. I did not have the strength at the time. All I know is that my kids dad who I was with put me thru hell and my mum experienced the same with my dad. 40 years of her life robbed and 16 years of mine. I'm now free but it's very raw stages and my mother is now in a better place! I feel it is my duty im honor of my loved ones and my kids to breal that sick cycle. These people are broken and dangerous. And Lee, you have given me the closure to move forward as you are answering the questions and thoughts that have haunted my mind for years with no care from this person..You are literally saving lives! Bless you
Yes. I have become so much more resilient in learning how to respond in the moment, then making a plan they know nothing about to protect myself in the future. I'm limiting information I share, and with every intentional hurtful move, I just keep pushing back that line. They don't need to know that though and they might not ever figure it out. But their joy isn't my priority anymore. It has taken me decades to learn to lean into the love of my friends for support instead of those you think just should.
That is so true!! You will see exactly who he is when you give him power!!
I could never understand the way my father treated me, until today. How long it took me to discover "Reactive abuse" and to feel validated that it's a real thing. Thank you ♥️
How does this video have nearly 5000 views and less than 500 likes. Smh. THANK YOU !!! I truly appreciate what you're doing here. I have several family members with NPD and have learned 80% of what I know about it thru trial and error. What you share has given me a new perspective on what I know and I can honestly say, that you have changed my life for the better and I never would have thought that this life changing information would be delivered to me by someone like them. (No offense intended) I Love what you're doing, please continue to do so for as long as you can, you and your family are on my Prayer list and GOD Bless !!
Ok here is your supply....thank you from the bottom of my soul...I was dealing with a dark triad so I really hate narcissist. But I guess I can look them compassionately but from verrrrry far. That malignant narcissist really became the reason for my CPTSD. We were coworkers and eventhough I am married he kept harassing me via sexual innuendos. We do not know the damage done to someone untill we experience it.
Yep. It's horrible.
Stay safe
I appreciate your honesty 🙏 Lee
🙏🏽
@@MentalHealness I tried this with my ex narc towards the end because when I reacted he would go to a different level. I absolutely refused to react to him when he would get started and when I did he punched holes in the wall and broke the furniture.
You can control your reactions you can control your power
Your thoughts and presentation are new, exciting and true. I see you helping and reaching many many people as well as yourself. You help me.
You are helping me heal and get my power back. Lots of love. You are an inspiration and a great example. You are unique.
Thank-you Lee. You have helped to save my life. I’m finally getting to the other side and am getting my life back. You are doing amazing work. Thank-you for helping us that have been trauma bonded.
Thank you for being completely transparent to the world and in doing so provide people with the knowledge and tools to live a better life. You live once don’t compromise your happiness
You are amazing!!!
For me, it's my grandmother. She's a covert! She mask her abuse with laughter love and care. She says and does little things that piss me off big time, but from the outside looking in it looks like I'm the one tripping and she's the victim. It takes a lot of self control to not react but I guess anything that's worth it ain't easy to acquire.
I have so much empathy for you with your grandmother. I have exactly the same - my mother in law. She’s a covert stealth narcissist. She can do this abuse surrounded by family and friends and nobody will know except me. She is so sneaky with this. Then when I was hurt I would pull back and then she would be really loving and kind to me and then I would fall for it and come back and open myself up again and then the whole process would repeat itself again and again. I Later on I could actually see and feel how she fed off of abusing me. The satisfaction and energy she got out of it. Almost as if she desperately needed it. She is also deeply involved in the church. She always chooses church projects where she is the leader and she can boss people around and also always projects where she can be noticed and seen. She never does the quiet, humble work in the background ( which is usually the work that really matters). Family friends and the church people say that I am the bad guy. Since I have cut myself off from her. They say I’m bitter and unforgiving, but I am not. Church people often don’t understand about setting boundaries. I’m only trying to protect myself and I pray for her. Everybody thinks she’s an angel, because she’s so brilliant at pretending- putting on her sweet face smile. It took more than 2 decades of me and my husband being emotionally abused before I found out she’s a narcissist and then all the puzzle pieces fell in place. Then I stopped reciprocating. But even now I still suffer from her to an extent, because she’s family and I can never be cut off from her a 100 %. My husband knows what she is, but he loves his mother and still want contact with her. She still plays nice with me from time to time, because she wants to suck me back in, but I ignore her flatout and on the rare occasion that I have to see her I put on a poker face and pretend I don’t notice. This seems to cause great frustration for her. I suspect that when you set boundaries with your grandmother, you will also experience that you cannot completely avoid the abuse, because she’s family and you cannot avoid her all the time, but boundaries will make a big difference for you.
I understand, my mom is a covert narc as well. She runs her own business and is very charismatic and likeable to her clients, friends and people that aren't too close with her. It's the inner circle of family that gets all of the abuse. I still slip up but I've been putting this non reacting thing into practice recently and it does help me to stand my ground and it also pisses her off at the same time. I have to remind myself that the things she says to degrade me are not true and she's only saying them to get a reaction from me, and so I don't give her what she wants.
Same here. I started researching covert passive aggressive narcissism because his ex baby mama did this shit to me while presenting completely the opposite to others… he’s already sick and this became apparent that I was alone in my truth. Set boundaries snd the silent treatment- textbook- started from her. Then I started to see how sick he really was…. Eff me. I know how all this feels and I commend you all❤️
I know someone like this!!
I cannot express my appreciation of you & your ability to reflect. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly & completely!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Thank you
Deadass I'm putting some of the shit you said in this video on some sticky notes around my room so I can keep them front of mind-
Hey Lee you are helping me change my life. Thank you
I am truly amazed at your videos and talks and growth and honesty. I feel like a doorway has been opened for me and I can stand up for myself and in my own two feet. I hadn't heard of reactive abuse before this video but boy i have lived it, didn't get it and why but it doesn't even matter bc it's totally too have power over me. I am done with fighting and crying over the horrible things that are said and then downplaying them like he didn't mean it that way and I am so sensitive, ha ha ha. No im not! God has been trying to get me to see this but my own issues of trying to be the bigger person get in the way. So it's you Lee to show me what i'm doing bc his behavior is exactly what I experience. And ewh narcissistic harem, ugh, ick and ewh. That's it for me. Made so many comments as it my person, I gave him to much Intel on me. I'm good though. I seen ok, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate you and believe in you. You are a gift and a blessing, have an awesome day
Every word out of Lee's mouth is facts!
♥️🙌🏾
Leave, honestly leave. If its money that keeps you in this sort of relationship, there will never be enough to justify giving your peace away. If its children, by staying and allowing them to witness abuse, as harsh as this sounds you are allowing it to happen. Get out, or start to plan your escape. Get professional help.
Work hard on youself, learning how to stop reacting and it impacting you and your day is key. How you get to that point is personal but it needs to decrease to it impacting you for minutes rather than days. You have been conditioned to react, you need to now condition yourself not to.its hard as they target kind hearted people, we seem to have a problem being kind to ourselves though.
Having this issue as I type...
People think leaving is the easiest thing in the world as if every body has all this money & help. I would end up homeless and alone in the world the way they set me up and i am their child. Children of narcissists are perfectly i’m talking perfectly dependent on them
Towards the end with my boys' father, he would argue with me and when I wouldn't react (I was numb by this point) he would get meaner and meaner with what he would say. I wouldn't react and it made him so mad.
I was a dummy with my narc... I only had a couple of weak spots but he loved to throw them up. I didn't react strongly but he knew he got to me, either way.
You were not a dummy. You didnt know or understand what you were in.
So glad I found your channel you have answered several of my questions.
You got it
Thank you again, for your bravery in looking at yourself. Own your shit. I have 3 boys, and I’ve drilled that in their heads.. 🙏🏼❤️
My mother jus passed away n he said exactly what u said.. now I know he actually meant it
Thank you for your channel. Helps me understand a lot of former relationship dynamics after the fact. It now helps a lot to deal with folks I can’t get rid of, like co-workers and clients.
You’re welcome
Awesome!!!!!!! Your insight is mind blowing. Thank you bless you so much. ❤ truly life changing!!!!!
Thank you
Dude… you have NO idea how helpful you are for me rn. I could NOT figure out why my fiancé of 4yrs would do ALL of these things and now… i actually get it. Super sucks bc I have been so in love with him. So he’s always been able to get me back.
THIS time… I’m learning soo much (bc of people like you) so when I miss the “perfect parts of him”…. and us & my heart starts to ache for him, I WATCH YOUR videos!!! Sooo hard but you help SOO much. THANK YOU🤍
Thank you for your honesty 🙏
you’re welcome
Thank you for your transparency
you're welcome
Lee.
You are awesome.
I love that you have Gods guidance.
To share the knowledge and understanding of your own disorders is so brave.
Thank you for sharing to help yourself and others like you.
And give us survival tools.
Because you and others like you, still deserve to be heard seen and loved
My ENTIRE situation, Thank you, you have been the most helpful🙏🏿🙏🏿
These videos are valuable man. Thanks for the insight.
Thank you.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for making content like this. After watching these videos, I feel so much better. What you are doing for the community is really appreciated and you have no idea how your words have the power to heal. It's true- " when you want to test a man's character, give them power." You had the power but you chose to become a more responsible person and help others survive and this indeed is the most noble thing to do. You had the choice and you chose to be kind.
Don't argue Grey rock for sure used to do this with my dad for years growing up in the 70s. Just then a narcissistic was not under stood.
I recently found your videos trying to understand my guy I was dating 6 years of abuse thank you for your openness and vulnerability to the world it's much appreciated I have an open mind and better understanding of what I was going thru I'm no longer with him as time went on he got worse and became physically abusive to me and verbally abused my kids blessings to you Lee!!🙏🏾🧿❤
This is great info. Since I've been listening to your videos i understand more of what I've gone through with a narcissist. I've pulled away because all he has givene is fslse hope of an ongoing happy relationship. I think living on the surface is what he enjoys most.
The test of a man is how he handles power. The history of British rule has quite a few examples that seem to support this point, specifically the men who’ve occupied the position of Lord Protector of England (men who either were appointed to rule England in the King’s stead or usurped the power of the King for a time, sanctioned by Parliament). Wonderful observation.
It was hard to stop reacting until I discovered changing the subject!! It worked every time. Starve them from your energy w a smile on your face at a time they don’t have much supply..or quality sub supply. And they will flee. It’s quite sad to see them become no one. They get desperate- I don’t think I had ever experienced watching anyone to that level of desperation in my long life. But enough was enough.
Im doing this but they are amping their game up on social media with lies. Its getting to the point people have made subtle jokes of throwing hands. Im married to a pastor and she is smearing the church now. Its horrible.
Thank you for being so transparent....l tried to get my EX Narc to listen to your video's. Please continue doing what you do because it definitely helps others put things into perspective. God Bless 🙏🏽
You are so welcome
Just Wanna say thank you to your mom for having you! Your honesty help me so Much to understand my friend. Sorry for my english im from Québec and speak french. But if by any chance you see this message i have à question for you , and i dont think that any nacissique ever respond to that question .
Thank you xo
We’re in our early 60’s and just celebrated our 4th Yr. Anniversary , he has everything I want in a man except this one issue we keep bumping into. I didn’t know what Narcissus meant,but a lot of what you’ve described fits him. I’ve taken bits & pieces from your Podcast ie; Listen to respond instead of listening to react, so I applied this to our recent conversation of said situation and to my surprise he did just that. We do Love each other, so just as long as I don’t react we should be fine. I will continue to listen to your UA-cam, and Podcast channels, Never to old to learn 🙏
Thank you Lee you have no idea how much I needed to hear this message today ✌️
🙏🏽🙏🏽
I totally agree with this however it takes a terrible toll on your mental well being to have to shut down all emotions in order to go grey rock. It’s perfectly normal to express your emotions and react to vile treatment. I went grey rock but I felt dead inside. I became very depressed. If you react they will destroy you, if you grey rock, you will destroy you.
stay strong
I hope youre ok now and came out stronger. Ive had to get a support system around me which has helped remind me that I am not who they are saying I am