Mall NINJA WEAPONS are getting WORSE!!!
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- Опубліковано 1 тра 2023
- We're looking at MORE MALL NINJA WEAPONS!!!
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I desperately want to watch a poorly written fantasy movie where every single weapon is some mall ninja monstrosity
'The Devil's Sword' (1984) might be up your alley then
I'm not saying I disagree, but why do you hate actors so much
Where they follow the true path of the bullshido
Oh God me too
That'd actually be _amazing._
Mall Ninja Weapons, the things that make fantasy sword designs look practical by default.
Well, some. Typical World of Warcraft weapons look like they are made of thick cast iron. And so are many of their armour and airships.
5:50 The club designer must have played D&D when he thought: Hang on? What if my quarry was immune to blunt weapons? Let's include a blade... ^_^. Problem solved.
@@michaelpettersson4919 Depends on the era. A lot of the older WoW weapon designs are a lot more restrained, There are still some weird designs, and really thick designs. But, they are also fighting gigantic dragons and stuff.
Makes the buster sword look normal
It makes sense that more visually exotic and novelly cool weapons would be in a mall display over my shovel axe, katanas look pretty nice too though. I definitely remember hearing the story about the chubby kid that brought the shredder gauntlets to school, though back in those days I don't think anybody got hurt too bad anyway.
I can actually feel the aneurysm that poor Shad experiences while viewing these monstrosities.
Now we just need to see the one he'd get from "weapon" testing them. lmao
I was wondering what that popping sound was a month ago. I hope he recovered.
😂😂😂🙈
@@insertianameia2224 😂😂😂🙈🙈🙈
I actually had the scorpion arm blade thing. Grandma got it for me. It is exactly as awful as it looks. It was very heavy for its size. Literally none of the edges were sharp so it can only poke things if you tried to fight with it. On the "belly" was a thin flap of fake leather for a bad cushion, best use was keeping most of the cold metal from touching your skin. The pad was badly glued on like with elmers elementary school glue so it fell off without anyone ever messing with the thing. Truly Peak Mall Ninja.
So you never learned the magic word that would bring it to life as a minion sworn to do your bidding?
Your grandma is a legend, that's a cool ass gift
@@donkeysaurusrex7881so I'm nor tge only one who had that idea I mean ether using it as a mechanical familiar or an assassin drone would be interesting as just knock off shredder gauntlets it looks so cheesy
Your grandma bought you impractical weapons with skulls on them? That woman sounds amazing.
Fighter: What in the nine hells is that weapon?
Wizard: Oh, that's not a weapon. It's the material component for the spell confusion.
Fighter: Well in that case it works great
Wizard: But I haven't cast it yet?
Pfft fake news, Swordchucks are Fighter's ultimate weapon
@@TrevFirestorm Fighter: Get this monk bullshit out of here
Wunderful! More upvotes to this comment!
@@steemlenn8797 Uuuuuh.... found the Redditor? =/
@@TrevFirestorm I think that reference is older than most viewers
They're not getting worse, they're evolving. Protecting themselves better against those who would misuse them, by becoming increasingly dangerous and confusing to a would-be wielder
That sounds like a cool legendary weapon idea...
A weapon that transforms when wielded by someone, seemingly terrible but through understanding it's form, the person realises it changed into the perfect weapon. Culminating all of their skills developed through their life to be potentially weilded in a perfect fighting style. Just for them.
That however, is a new skill they must develop themself.
Lmao
Perhaps they fuse to our souls flooding our brains with the memory and knowledge of masters from long ago 😂
@@3ftninja132and you die by it impractical before master it😂
They're so Ninja they made my eyes bleed over a long distance!
Shadiversity having a stress-induced stroke for 29 minutes looking at mall ninja weapons and I'm loving every second of it
I now want to see Shad review AI generated Mall Ninja weapons
If you pull one of these out in a fight you might be able to bewilder your opponent to death.
nono clearly they will laugh so hard they suffocate
To be fair, unconventional weapons are good in the sense that a conventional fighter won’t understand your weapon or how to fight it while you’ll understand theirs and how to fight it.
But these things stretch that. A conventional fighter might accidentally hurt themselves on it trying to understand it after they’ve killed you
That's what dildo chucks were made for..... and that other reason too but um yeah. Also check out the dinger slinger 500😂
@@tbnrrenagade9507 i would love to see an alien go into a mask, and deck himself out in ninja mall weapons, and actually become a threat because his weird body can actually properly hold the damn things
@@joseguadalupemartineztorre9702 in that example they’d be fairly difficult to fight
That flail hammer is actually a piece of art from an artist who makes non usable utensils, like soap spoons with holes and little flail forks
So basically he's a psychopath.
florks
@@puffincz3482 "Make haste squire! I require my trusty Flork!"
So a fake artist.
@@marvalice3455 that seems unnecessarily rude. An artist is allowed to make absurd things. That's sort of what art is.
Shad's psyche was absolutely shwrecked by that Scorpion thing
I think The hammer flail is actually an art exhibit from a series of uncomfortable tools. They have a similar soup spoon.
indeed... there was a whole series of absurd tools and kitchen utensils
I will say it again. Mall Ninja weapons are the ones you give to those you hate but have to tolerate for a time during the zombie apocalypse.
Just use Hammer ⚒️. Zombonies 🧟♂️can't bleed out. You have to shatter skulls to destroy them or bones to make them even more awkward and slow.
Zombies make fun of the zombies killed by these weapons.
I'd rather be eaten by zombies than be caught with a mall ninja weapon.
Until you hurt yourself with these pieces of junk that pose more threat to you than any thing you'd want to use it on
"We have purposefully equipped him wrong, as a joke."
Nothing will ever beat out the McDonald's brass knuckles and people are LOVIN IT!!!!!
I like the faux chain mail hoodie. You should try the Monty Python style. Except for King Arthur, all the other characters wore a particular yarn knit dyed black and then highlighted with silver in a stye similar to dry brushing. When you watch the movie it's hard to actually tell they aren't wearing real chain mail unless you specifically look for it.
I couldn't help but shake my head at the claw hammer flail. A few weeks back I actually made a similar abomination with a cross peen hammer head I had laying around the shop and the 4ft chain I forged. I aspire to make proper blades and weapon, but somewhere down the line I have lost my way and tumbled into the dark realm of Mall Ninja. I'm not part of the solution, I'm part of the problem.
The dragon axe thing was the most painful one for me because I'm a fan of axes and it does *not* look like it can seriously hurt someone at least; I can't even tell if the light silver color at the end of each wing is a blade or not for goodness sake!!
Also, by the way, the name of the Japanese war club is Kanabo.
I'll admit what got me on that one is that wings are upside down...Like from the dragon head's perspective, they're on upside down. Like I had to rewatch that part because of how much that got me and i couldn't focus on what they pointed out.
@@insertianameia2224 **loading circle**
Di- . . . did they seriously screw that part up too??? 8|
There is a Japanese flail called the chigiriki
@@tommyfox854 yes they did somehow
@@jacthing1 **Inhale** , well that's. . annoying. (O)_(e)
Mall ninja weapons are useful in combat the same way that nun-chucks are. You display the "weapon" to the enemy as a distraction. Then when the enemy are laughing manically, then, that is when your sneaky ally launch a devastating sneak attack.
You could just chuck the "weapon" at your opponent and beat them by making them "catch" it while hurting themselves.
Is that before or after you accidentally stab yourself.
A true numchuck master would wreck you like a tornado of whoop ass... I've seen vids of Chinese masters using the numchucks and if you think they are useless,go fight one of them.. He'd hit you 15 times before your corpse hits the ground
Gameshow idea: A fighting bracket where contestants fight 1vs1 fights with randomly assigned, impractical mall ninja/fantasy weapon replicas, along with protective gear to make it safe of course. Each time someone wins a fight, they move up the bracket, but have to now use the loser's weapon for it. Ultimately this would lead to a finale with two best fighters, with two worst weapons possible.
That definitely sounds like a show I would watch
We could call it 'Mall Ninja Warriors'.
1:35 My dad has the middle one, I remember being with my dad when he bought it at an "asian collection weapon" shop back in 2001 - 2002, I was around 7 at the time. My dad bought a few... "special" weapon from there. Like a gladius with double brass dragon head crossguard (one head each side), the blade is like forearm length and it weights easily 7 to 10lb because of that massive crossguard. As for that specific middle "dagger" (it was sold as being a dagger), I remember it being extremely sharp and heavy, it cut through the wooden holder from its sheer sharpness and weight combined. Also, as anyone could guess, it is really not comfortable to hold.
Edit: I double checked, it is not the exact same ninja mall weapon, though extremely similar, my dad's version has an "axe" blade at the bottom of the middle spiky "hold" and the blade is a little thinner at the end of that thing that goes across the blade.
Has Shad ever analyzed the sword from the 80's movie "The Sword and the Sorceror"? As a kid, it was cool. As an adult, you realize it's stupid and wonder how medieval level technology could develop a blade firing sword.
ua-cam.com/video/0aQWP8YkFhE/v-deo.html&t
@@shadiversity shad, do you think a arm mounted blade would have a bit more practicality if your stance was more sideways like a fencing style?
Magic. It's magic. And still a bad design.
@@shadiversity hey Shad, please make another video about castles. Btw, have you seen the castle video by Dr. Ludwig?
@@bruticus1496 I don’t think it’s practical. To prevent your arm from immediately becoming ground beef, you’d need a full rigid gauntlet. It also limits the range of motion to an insane degree compared to just holding the sword.
The scorpion one looks like a great weapon for Shad to do a review on. Maybe he will have found something worse than num chucks...
The Scorpion Gauntlet, inspired by poorly CGI’d Dwayne Johnson. j/k
Somebody said that nunchucks are just a flail made only with handles, and that observation made me nun-chuckle.
I had one. Grandma got it for me. None of the edges are even sharp lol
@@lestatstaton7856 That's a good thing though, at least you can't cut yourself on it.
@@lestatstaton7856 You didn't get a good one, mine came with razor edges and I hate even touching it because of that 😂
As a person who enjoys the blade profile of the ninjato, mall ninjas hit me personally.
Would love to see a mall ninja weapon test with a bunch of crazy impractical (or maybe surprisingly effective) blades! 😁
Some serious protective gear will be required.
@@NagaDarmag This exactly. Made me think of that old clip from Shop at Home channel
YES MALLNINJA EDGELORD GOODNESSES !
Say what you want even if those weapons are crap, they are amazingly crap. Like watching The Room or Troll 2.
Of course Mall Ninja weapons suck 🤷🏾♂️ *you didn't enchant them!*
Hearing you talk about grinding the plane of zombie sword to improve it, gets me thinking.
firstly, do it,
secondly…… “fixing mall ninja weapons!” Could make a decent mini series!
I love how when talking about his little knife his mic starts cutting out 😂
I am in love with this series of videos. So very entertaining.
oh no, theyre devolving!
I was laughing through the entire video because I had subtitles turned on and it said “morning gel” every time you guys said “mall ninja”. 😂
The deer foot "numb chucks" is a real thing.
In 3rd world countries they usually make them out of goat's foot and cordage and they will sharpen the hoofs to give them a deadly cutting edge.
Many people have been viciously beaten to death with goat foot nunchaku.. and they are a favorite weapon of choice among many street youths, with some having the ability to swing them around on a high skill level like that of Bruce Lee.
most UA-cam live streamers keep their VODs unlisted but on a playlist. that way, they don't get recommended, but people can still easily watch them if they want. not sure about your specific situation but that could work. huge fan, btw
Mauler (from Efap) does it with his let's plays on his main channel. Shad is good friends with him, he could always ask Mauler about it if he had worries.
It's also common to keep them on a channel specifically for VODS. Especially full VODs. this way they don't drag down the overall views of the channel but already fans can subscribe to see what they missed or rewatch and new ones can binge in addition to the main channel. While it doesn't make as much money, you can still make some decent pocket change and every once in a while, you'll get a little boost in views and revenue on it. I follow and used to follow several that are around Shad's level of views and they, overtime, get a pretty decent amount of views.
But that said, I'm sure Shad would change things if he felt the need to.
Just woke up, perfect timing for a new upload!
Same!
I want to slowly assemble a blade dragon made out off all these goofy mall ninja weapons 🐉
I suggest using most of these weapons in a trebouchet as ammunition. Maybe some of the spiky bits will connect.
I don't know why, but I love the Hammer-Flail.
It's such a cool caricature of a weapon.
I agree. It's kinda cute how bad and ineffective it would be.
It's actually an art piece designed to be as impractical and useless as possible. It's part of a series of useless tools and utensils.
My only issue with the hammer fail was chain length otherwise yeah I agree it was cool.
😂😆🤣😝😭💀
"Stop it Shad...I can't...I can't breathe! They're just SO stupid!"
I'd love to see a mall ninja gaming edition instead reacting to weapons in videogames. Here's a few ones:
- War blade and Razor Wind from Turok 2
- Several of the weapons in Ninja Gaiden such as the Vigoorian Flain and Dabilahro from which become MORE mall ninja-y when you upgrade them
- Any Monster Hunter weapon
The must cursed parts of the one handed executioner swords was the tacticool sandals the guy was wearing, and the S3X-007 mark on the blades. But apart from that, they looked functional, with a nice Cyberpunk aesthetic.
They kinda looked like helicopter blades to me, like someone had pulled them off the tail of a crashed military helicopter. Make do and mend with a modern punk-punk flavour.
Oh boy shad suffering for half an hour my favorite
I'm sure several of these are from movies, can't think which movies at the moment except for the Scorpion gauntlet, which I'm pretty sure was used by Daniel Wu Yin-cho when fighting Jackie Chan in Around The World In 80 Days.
These may be worst weapons but quite entertaining when Shad and co. get involved
To answer some of your guys's questions you brought up. I actually owned the red and black shredder leather strap thing near the end of the video I bought it years ago And The spikes on the fingers are screwed in as if you can unscrew them with your hand and are removable and the blades on top are Removable as well
I would love to know his thoughts on gas station pocket knives, which are more tacticool than mall ninja. Personally I have a swmp6s that I've had for about a decade. Mind you that swmp's aren't typically sold in civilian areas, but still.
Eh, I bought a gas station pocket knife (a normal one not a mall ninja-esque one), and it was okay. Held up enough to last quite some time before needing sharpened, and was durable enough. It wasn't amazing or mind blowing, but it wasn't bad either. It was just okay.
5 seconds in and Shad.exe has stopped working.
Love the livestream super cuts! And your mall ninja videos are hilarious. Would be super cool to see a similar angle to the multi-part carbon blade series you guys are on but instead “rescuing mall-ninja weapons” where you take some of the salvageable ones and make fantasy “ridiculous” but functional items.
Love the content Shad. That skull-scorpion-gauntlet THING was hilarious XD
This is truly depressing indeed.
The most effective way to use these is to run
I had a few of those "finger breaker" claw things.
When I used them, the top blade would always break off or fall out, but the rest of it held up really well and fit my finger really well.
I wanted a whole gauntlet made with them.
22:30 quickly call the saw doctors he's having a sword stroke
man.... i REALLY want to see you look at melee weapons in warframe because i think you'll have a blast with that one.
One hundred percent
AGREED
Warframe should've called its player hub stations malls and not relays
Those sword weapons that you pointed out were actually wooden suburito
Costs about $100 each.
In my town we had a shop that sold knifes and japanese Weapons. If you were not certified by club, you could only buy none sharpened cheap spring steel katanas. But I guess that would still be far better as a weapon as shads mall katana.
The shop had to close down when they changed the weapons law and they checked his shop.
Well....add a chain mail hoodie to my shopping list. That's a thing I didn't know I needed til now.
Being female (and I only add it because I can conceal things in, on average, more places than a male) I actually like my tiny folding knife. The blade is about 2 cm long and the entire thing is 4.5 cm. Granted not useful for much, but I can cut off seatbelts in an accident and open packages and give someone an ouch in a pinch. And most importantly win a tiny knife competition with Shad. Lol!
Yeah I think you win that competition, especially with that handle. I have what I thought was the tiniest of knives, but it's a gargantuan 10 cm overall with a 3.5 cm blade. I use it for opening mail and prying up drink can tabs.
How do females conceal weaponry more places than guys? More importantly, where do they conceal them? Seems women would have less places than guys due to the tiny pockets, etc in clothing (btw I am NOT a proponent of sexist clothing, nor am I binary, jsyk.)
@@fl0atpvnk approaching this answer in hopefully the same spirit you asked it, it honestly depends on the taste of the female, much like the males as well.
Please let me clarify, I am not referring to gender identity in the biological sense or the personal identification or any other such touchy area. I refer only to gender silhouette and and general accepted clothing associated with the “gender” in question. There are as many variations of both groups as there are colors and I cannot speak for everyone.
Now in modern clothing if the person in question prefers skin tight clothing, obviously they would have fewer options in terms of concealed carry. Personally I prefer fitted but relaxed cut clothing and am on the slightly “bustier” side of things, I also have mid to long hair and prefer to wear boots. So I have a tendency to hide a sai or two in my hair as hair sticks, one or two knives in my bra (underwires/padded versions are fantastic for this. Sports bras being a close third. A well fitting corset is queen of all concealed carry options though.), two to three at my waist, and anywhere from two to four in my boots, as well as the odd one or four on my arms (when I’m feeling particularly anxious, some not pleasant life experiences being a moderately well endowed female in a world that people don’t respect the word no.) when i go full carry. And that’s just my person. If I include my purse or backpack the tally goes up. So on a bare day maybe 3, on a fully loaded day 15 plus. And I actually practiced with a cousin to see if any of these would interfere with carrying say a sword, bow and arrows, or a firearm. Depending on the size of everything, you could quite easily add the other weapons without sacrificing any knifes. And if you change out a single sheath for a throwing knife sheath, add anywhere from 2 to 20 individual blades.
Historical clothing and period clothing changes things yet again.
Did that answer your question satisfactorily? The only male I have seen go as fully loaded was the fictional ronon dex. Perhaps there are others or even real life examples, I do not know. But what I do know is that curves allow opportunity to conceal things in them if you smooth out the lines, so as women in general have curves that men in general to not, they would have greater flexibility.
@@fl0atpvnk You'll figure that out when you grow up.
@@Jaeler9 yeah I didn’t mean anything sexist as I’m personally agender. Was more so wondering since women’s clothes manufacturers make those useless small pockets on jeans and such. So I have to ask why do you carry so many weapons on you? Live in a rough area? 😬
wow, those are horrible.
I want them all.
Full disclosure, my top 3 favorite video topics on this channel are Shad hanging with his brothers, Shad critiquing mall Ninja weapons, and whenever Shad gets to say "MACHICOLATIONS!!!".
Keep the fun train rollin', man.
S
21:50 "I agree with your first comment... Sorry" seeing Shad process what he said while they hold in a laugh was GOLD
8:20 I have a green version of the double-edged blade in the middle, and it works best when mounted on a pole. Nice for slashing/stabbing cardboard boxes, although...
The tip broke as soon as I hit a rock
Mall ninja weapons are great for entertainment. On a different topic I’d love to see a review on the Bowie knife.
That hammer-head flail is the best thing since gold teeth!
Hey Shad, I've been loving your videos lately, just got interested in them all, from your fantasy and pop-culture videos, to your historical analysis & informational videos. I'd personally like to see a few videos on the videogame Mount & Blade Bannerlord, mainly on the weapons, armor, and combat itself. I'd also love to see you talk about the castles & fortified town designs in the game. But that's just me, I really hope you consider this.
Shad being out of words is hilarious!
Hearing you talk about zombies around 10-11 minutes in made me think of the apocalypse staple lawnmower blade swords. Any idea if we may at some point get to see improvised apocalypse swords and how they fare against regular swords? I know the regular sword is far more optimized than improvised blades but I’m curious how drastic the difference would be.
While you were studying the blade, I was posing at the mall.
Or however that meme goes.
Thanks!
I would love to see more of these edited down livestreams for the people who miss them (aka me lol).
19:00 I have seen on YT, a guy that made a flail style axe. Then he swings it around and actually split a bunch of logs with it... scary and astonishing
25:24 It's the Shedder's wristguard!
You guys should order some of the most weirdest and test them out for "practicality" :D
It is ironic that the men talking about mall ninja blades, are themselves wearing chainmail printed shirts and fake armor. 😂
The bottom knife in the first picture looks like it would make for an awesome movie prop for some magical elven dagger, Its not to crazy but has a sleek look to it.
For the first batch i actually like that bottom blade design. Its got no weird spikey bits. Just needs a real handle
Just a comment for the algorithm
Nice
FOR THE ALGORITHM!!
Here I am doing my duty for the algorithm and asking for a video about the American saber or about how sword technology and or design evolved throughout history kinda like the helmet video.
Just imagine getting mugged by someone with that scorpion thing.
I feel like I'd laugh.
Oh. I really hoped it's a continuation of that live stream. It was hilarious!
YEAH MORE MALL NINJA WEAPONS
Is it functional? Hell no!
Is it cool..........(ashamed) yes.....
Great video Shad!
If you ever end up in a fight against someone using one of these, all you have to do is wait, they'll eventually cut themselves trying to hit you...
I have nothing witty or funny to say here... even my weapony noob ass says no.
This is probably a really bizarre take, but I feel like some of the Mall Ninja style could work for weapons used by some shapeshifter/slime-folk fantasy race. Such a creature would be capable of handling such unique handle and blade configurations. Yeah, this could work in a story so long as it's set in the right context.
Like the Halo energy sword being specifically designed for an Elite's 3 fingered hand.
Based on literally nothing but speculation, but a slime could probably use a polarm style weapon better than most of these weird grips. The creature could get a really solid grip on the long shaft by just stabbing it through the middle of its body and it wouldn't have to worry as much about the blade rotating in its grip, if it was swinging fast enough.
@Un7n0wing Totally. I was thinking that it would be interesting because slime-folk would be the only ones to handle these kind of weapons, so they wouldn't have to worry about getting their stuff stolen and used against them. I love the polearm idea though.
@@un7n0wing85 how does slime folk create nearly enough force for that weapon without bones?
mall ninja weapons would be far better. with spikes and blades everywhere you just need to get close and the clunky thing does it by itself.
That very first picture with the three knives: the one on top is definitely modeled after the Morrowind version of the daedric dagger.
I've seen all the stuff in the first half about 20 years ago in a mail order catalogue. The days when I was a clueless teen and even bought a ring with a skull and barbs on it. Turned out to be totally impractical to wear because of the weight, size and getting caught on everything. :D
FIRST VIEW SHAD BABY LETS GO
Your mall ninja weapon videos are always a treat.
I bought one of those scorpion thingies in my youth.
Sharpened up the front "claws", added a strap for the forearm and put a washer around the screw for the tail so that it doesn't loosen up.
I will say it was fairly sturdy.
If you extended the chain on the flail clawhammer, you’d have the world’s most dangerous kusari-fundo
22:22 I've been looking for this for decades! Saw something like this at a Renaissance fair when I was really little! Wanted it so bad!
As a highschoolers, this was half the inspiration for a time traveler character. (Other half was the person he's based on, who started WWI by killing an archduke)
Scorpion Death Stalker knife
The Classic series RETURNS!.........Yes!
The "deer leg numb chucks"! It's hilarious that these made it on the list. I work as an EMT in the town that they were listed in. (Aurora, IN). Although I've never seen them myself, the meme has gained slight notoriety in our community.
I wonder though as much as we talk about these fantasy weapons, I wonder if there's any way to make them functional and how shad and the crew would go about it?
13:32 my older sister had that exact same dagger? And the thing weighed like 3pounds(1.3 kilos) and had the build quality of a rickety old fence
The weapon depicted at 18:14 isn't a bladed weapon. It's a wooden stick with no cutting edge. It's meant to resemble a cyberpunk Bokken of sorts. It's manufactured rather well too for something made for cosplay purposes.
Mall ninja weapons reaction videos will always be an upload i must watch immediately.
Somewhere out there is a mall ninja master that has thousands of hours of experience and a certificate in using these mall ninja weapons to deadly effect. It's all fun and games now till you meet them!
That final gold dragon head abomination BROKE me. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. How... how do you pick it up? Which bit is the grabbable bit? It has actually transcended the realm of crap and become something more, something sublime. The mind that could conceive of such a thing is formidable; but the human hands that would actually create it, would birth such exquisite nonsense into the waking world, those are the hands of an artist. Neither logic nor reason, common sense nor wise council could stop the dreamer from summoning forth his great work. The artist has moved beyond such petty human considerations. He has devolved.