So... I DID stop socializing. I stopped going out to bars and clubs, I deleted dating apps, I pretty much stay at home by myself if I'm not out working. I dove into a lot of old projects and hobbies I had a passion for and for the first time in years, I'm starting to feel good. I hardly deal with anxiety anymore, my depression is all but gone. I gave up, and it's been nothing but good for me.
Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. We need to stand strong in that mindset. That high line thinking will automatically shine through in our actions and how we are with people, putting less pressure on them and giving more room for the good stuff. 🙏
@Lon Spector Anytime I've been envious of other people's success in love, sooner or later the cracks begin to show and I'm then happy that I'm not in their situations. All that glitters is not gold.
@@Mmmmkaaay True. But I think the way I look at it is, those cracks are just a part of the relationship. All things that last must be mended at some point.
@Melmano Yeah. I mean society just doesn't abandon women in the same way it does men. So yeah it's really fucked up. But she's right. And men just won't ever know what that feels like. Because we are only valued based on how much money we make.
Two years ago I was going through a phase where I hated my job and was very unfulfilled in my social life. I quit drinking alcohol over a year and half ago and stopped going to bars and clubs. I thought rather than playing videos games and watching Netflix I would write a novel. I've always written since school but never did anything with it. My Novel now published on Amazon and I am working on the follow up. Great feeling of achievement and people seem to really like my writing. Abstinence is very powerful.
Congratulations on your book I have a desire to become an author as well I wrote a small book I’m trying to get it published I’m glad you’re doing well
Yes, it happens every time. Or actually it’s a vicious cycle between caring too much and trying too aggressively to show them that I’m not going to accept less than what I deserve. And then feeling desperate again so I go back to caring too much, and letting them get away with stuff again. I doubt myself, because they turn it around on me and tell me I’m the one doing something wrong. The more dating advice I read/watch, the more confused and frustrated I get. I understand what Cecelia meant about just wanting to find something organically. I’m tired of overthinking every word I say and every move I make, trying to make something happen before I’m too old to have kids. I just want it to be more natural and simple again. This “struggle” is sucking all the joy out of it.
That's what I felt when that beautiful woman shared. I'm losing the desire to care. I've decided to have great Sex with younger men . I'm 59 after dating for almost 10 years. I could die soon and I really want to relax and not care anymore. Broken Hearts suck. However the younger girls reading this don't give up nor give in. I've been in fantastic loving relationships they still exist unfortunately they are not as easy to find do to the total lack of trust but Love is still out there....
I admit I have done this in the past (taken all the bs), but now I am basically done with dating. I am not interested in meeting anyone. I am fine by myself and don’t want a relationship. It’s too much work and gives me more anxiety than anything else. To answer your question, I have given up hope. But it’s ok. I am peaceful and enjoy my own company. 🌸
* Lotusblume * I totally understand how you feel! But if you don’t mind me saying, please don’t give up hope. I think Matthew is saying don’t give up anything, change your mindset. Value yourself, be optimistic. It isn’t easy, but prize yourself and KNOW someone will too because you are awesome and you know it. Confidence and truly believing in yourself will set you apart because you are living your best life and when someone wants to join you in living it with you, you’ll be open to it and not negative about a future partner. Hope that makes sense and that I didn’t overstep. Good things are out there for all of us! We all deserve love if we believe and know that we do. It just takes time, work and a belief in ourselves to get there.
Anyone can be a complete person on their own, but imagine that giving up when you’re closer than you think to finding the right person means that your “would be” significant other is also left with no choice but to give up as well because they can’t find someone who could correlate with them quite as perfect as you would be able to? What I’m trying to say is just don’t give up.😥
OMG, this really spoke to me! I’ve recently begun dating again after a long break, and have been so disappointed in the selection of men that I started having the “scarcity mindset” you mentioned. I met a guy who checked off all my boxes and naively thought he could be The One after our first date. He friend-zoned me almost immediately and it damn near broke my heart. I tried to get past it and couldn’t understand why I was so upset. Logically, it made no sense to be so torn up about a man I didn’t really know and only met once. But now I see!!! I thought he was the only one out there like that, the rare breed that I was looking for, and I’d never find another one like him. I get it now. Shew! Thank you, Matthew!
Women have unrealistic standards and women only date up but not down whereas men date up and down; however, both genders are frustrated with the dating market. Moreover, sexual liberation has let women down because it makes it easier for men to have sex without commitment.
@@Speedy300 Also, men that "check all the boxes" and are also aware of their dating value have insurmountable choice in the dating market. They can simply NEXT anyone that doesn't meet their standards in terms of beauty, personality, and demeanor.
"What's the thing that you give up?" - it's the hope that you'll meet someone good. The mindset, the open mind, the "waiting". That's what you want to know that you should give up.
Hypergamy doesn't care. This is why a woman in the long run, also in a LTR/marriage, will always seek a better partner. Not all women are like that, but all women can do that and the legal system will protect women and discard/dispose men. TV, cinema, social media and today's social dynamics have raised the standards.
Every girl and woman should hear about this. Everything you explained is what I fell into in my first "real" relationship. I thought that if you love someone you let them be themselves and forgive, but really I was "teaching" my ex how to treat me badly. The scarcity mindset is gold for the narcissist to prey on. This mindset is how emotional and physical abuse continues it's vicious cycle. I pray that every young girl in high school and college will receive this message because this would have helped save me a lot of heartache and time when dealing with my emotionally abusive narcisstic ex boyfriend. As always, thank you Matthew for your educational and inspiring videos. God bless you. Kat
"The scarcity mindset is gold for the narcissist to prey on. " Wow! Yes!....so true..And with a narcisstic boyfriend, there is never an end..You just should run and no contact ever again..I was in his game for 6 years!
*One man's point of view:* Intelligence itself does not add or subtract from the desirability of a woman. It multiplies. I don't care if a woman is intelligent. I care if she is kind hearted and healthy. I care if she is a nice person to spend time with. If she is kind she will likely be a good partner to raise a family with. If she is healthy she is inherently attractive physically, and more likely to be an active contributor to daily life over the long term. Instinct also tells me that her health is an indication of her potential children's health. Most importantly though, if she is a nice person to spend time with that is the strongest indicator of what life may be like by her side. Intelligence multiplies the sum of her other characteristics. Intelligent, selfish and arrogant is highly undesirable. But Intelligent, kind and healthy are highly desirable.
@bzs I'm not sure I understand your comment. I don't use tinder but have met a lot of very beautiful women in my lifetime. Many of them educated with kind hearts too. Some of them assumed the worst of me at first, but I think that's because women are more selective than men and undoubtedly get preyed upon more often. Others are some of the most decent and caring people I've ever met, who remain part of my life many years later.
Adam Blois it is if you want it to be :) Me personally I need a partner with a certain level of intelligence so that we can discuss certain topics or so that I won’t be offended by bad grammar, which in my mind means bad logical thinking as well.
Well said. High intelligence doesn't automatically mean there is also a mature and healthy emotional mind. The intelligent person that keeps intimidating people just needs to learn how to take care of their own emotional needs and growth so that they can become better able to show warmth and kindness to the others around them.
I love your response to the lady in the room - you dissected her statement and narrowed it down to the actual question in it. this is why I had got to the conclusion fast that the work you do isn't "dating tricks/what to say to get a date" but it comes with a way more profound understanding of people, socialization and with a lot of wit. You're amazing, Matt. Thanks for finding your thing and sharing it.
@What Not To Do At a Stoplight ew sorry, but that's not it chief. She's cute and I see nothing masculine in her. She's a queen. Others apparently are peasants.
@What Not To Do At a Stoplight This is the problem with most women, they can't handle the truth, you speak logic they speak emotions. Don't waste your time trying to make a point, it is a losing scene. Analysis; Based on how she speaks about how smart/ intelligent she is or how she intimidates men, her mannerisms or tone of voice, Cecilia gives off the vibe that is off putting and most logical men can see through her. She is not necessarily masculine but she has certainly hit the wall or has a "combative" vibe about her. She might be a "queen" or cute to some but her sexual market value (SMV) is diminishing to the type of man she probably desires; the 666 man ( 6ft+ tall, 6+ figure income, 6''+... type man ), hence not as desirable for long term marriage material to these types of men. She needs to be at level 8+ on the face and body to meet these 666 type men or stop tying to date above her league. Also she did not state how she is as a woman, other than her intelligence.. what else does does she bring to the table. The question is not how intelligent or intimidating she is to men but what lack of "feminine quality" is she displaying to dismiss high value men she desires.
@@ogun3378 I love your comment! I wish someone could analyse me, so I can see my 'flaws' and correct what I can about myself. ^^ Although I don't have much problem with dating, I actually like meeting new people, and my last dates really liked me, but unfortunately I didn't :/ hope I'll like someone real soon
it applies to friendships! that happened to me with friends years ago. I thought the world of friends I used to have. Hard times? I was their cheerleader. Hard times for me, cricket sounds. They got sick, I cared. I got sick, nothing. They needed to vent I was there, I needed an ear, nada. Now I have friends that always ask me how I'm doing even when I'm doing fine. I just started investing a little and then expecting others to make a move, even when it comes to making conversation. Never try and make everything easier for others, you want for it to be smooth sailing by taking the wheel, don't.
WOW!😃 wise. Do not accept to TAKE ON THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES. Then they esp. Control freaks are EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE LIKE an INFANT. NEEDY. GIVE ME ALL YOUR KINDNESS & ATTENTION & your HARD EARNED 💰 MONEY While i SPEND it on junk & SELF-DESTRUCTIVE DRUGS ALCOHOL Tobacco weed drugs poisons to degrade US ALL. So. We CAN GET ANGRY Together. Chaos resulting. Thrilling & HURTFUL for & to FEEL something. Anything. Too Numb to notice. Is SELF-HATE. DESTRUCT. 😥😩😤😖😟😧😡😱😈 LACKING RESPECT DIGNITY & honor & CONSIDERATION FOR EACH OTHER:Courteous listening.POLITE BEHAVIOURS in daily conduct. This is love. Love is EFFORT TO DOING GOOD WORKS : WELL BEING (Satisfaction /Affection for well done. etc. Not self-ABSORBED.
If you help someone and expect something in return maybe check your playbook. Try reading Dale Carnegie’s book; it changed my perspective on other people.
@@Orandu I read Carnegie's book. There's such thing as 50/50 interactions and relationships. There should be a back and forth in healthy ones. So if there isn't one should leave, plain and simple
Okay now let’s be realistic: Online dating is one of the platforms for meeting your future partner but to me personally, it’s the most dangerous, least romantic and even a bit toxic for us women to step in nowadays. My own experience: 2 years using dating apps (on and off), tried at least 4 different ones, paid money for them, have met a few guys, properly dated only 1 but with one clear conclusion: immature guys who only look for fun are the only result that I’ve got from online dating. Also, it’s not only about the mindset that we women have that’s about to lose hopes of the whole dating thing, it’s also about getting physically and mentally tired for trying. If you work full time, earning and trying to take good care of yourself, you know exactly what I mean. I just DONT HAVE ANY ENERGY for meeting new guys anymore. I just wanna be healthy, happy and chill. It’s hard to go out and talk to strangers cuz I simply just wanna nap that’s all!
Sylvia, I love your comment so much. It sums up how I am feeling right now. Hopeless! Dating is like a second job...but a dead end job with no promotion, living paycheck to paycheck, and having a crappy boss. lol I've dated off and on for the last 4 years and there have been no rewards, or bonuses, just disappointment, and time wasted.
I'm a guy and if you think e-dating for you as a woman is a disaster, here is my story which you probably won't believe anyway but here goes: I say dating is MUCH harder for men and let my answers to these questions sink in: - Q: How many succesfull relationships did you get out of real life?: A: None ----------------- - Q: Have you tried Tinder or any datingsite?: A: Yes Tinder mostly but I also tried some datingsites, ie OkCupid and some popular paid ones. ----------------- - Q: And how long have u been using them?: A: Tinder for over 4 years now and like 2/3 months a bunch of the other sites over the course of god knows how long. ----------------- - Q: How many dates out of those?: A: zero ----------------- Now you might think: "What?? Zero dates in 4 years? 😕 .... uhm okay" - Q: Okay well so how many girls have you had a chat with then?: A: ZERO! Yes in all those years I have had zero conversations ever on Tinder! ----------------- But hold on it doesn't stop there: - Q: How many matches on Tinder in all those years?: A: ZERO! ----------------- That's right, 0 matches. This is the TRUTH right here. I have genuinly never ever had a single match, from what's supposed to be the easiest way possible to come into contact with women, e-dating. I've tried everything on there. Professional photo's, no weird stuff like fish in hand, no nasty things in descriptionbox, at times completely empty, most times like 5-6 sentences max, I'm not disabled or ill, not fat either, still relatively young but out of uni. I don't swipe everyone left, but not right either. In all these years I must've atleast liked probably like 20K women minimum. Go figure. Conclusion? ... You tell me?
Sylvia, your story and mine are identical ! 2 years of online dating, over 2 dozen first dates and quite a few "almost" relationships.... and I have nothing to show for it. Nothin. But frustration, heartbreak, physical and mental exhaustion? I've got PLENTY of that 😅
Wow, as a man I found this to be totally relatable, whilst I didn't ever really pursue the idea of giving up new experiences and new people, I contemplate it very seriously because I was tired of being treated like dog shit (ghosted, orbited, zombied... you name it) and exposing myself to a potential failure/rejection. Nowadays I understand it is part of the process, and that the true, long-lasting love comes from inside, anything you possess (material things, relationships) can be taken away at any moment, whilst true self-reliance and self-worth can't be taken away from someone else other than you, and I really believe no one's is important or necessary enough to ever prevent you keep living your life. Thanks Matthew, really important and revealing insights can be found in each of your videos.
She states my sentiments exactly. I'm not getting younger. I wasn't on the "preference" list of guys while I was young. I was so tired of hearing guys say " I prefer this or that". In other words they didn't prefer what I had to offer as a human being. So the behavior that I'm giving up is HOPE. Every year I hoped "this is the year" only to realize I've lied to myself again. HOPE is the behavior I'm giving up. Because hoping I'm going to meet the guy I'll mesh with is killing my spirit and giving me severe social anxiety.
No please never give up hope. They say people in the worst situations survive because of that. You just switch the direction of your hope. Without hope life is meaningless. All the best to you.
Hmm... I partially agree. And partially not. Your hope has been resting in a single action to save your life... Finding a man. This single point of failure determines how you feel about your entire life. So yes, you have to get this idea of a single saviour out of your head. Let go of the hope that this one event will happen and it will be so magical as to rescue your entire life and give you purpose at last. But don't give yourself over to meaninglessness and depression. Instead, place you positive emotion into something you can control. Become a fantastic version of you. Learn another language, volunteer, make clothing of your own design, become a great cook, etc etc. This will give your life meaning regardless of your singleness. And btw, behaving in this way.. relaxed, confident, open to the universe, providing value to others, expanding your social network... These happen to be highly attractive and effecting ways to draw the interest of good men. Best of luck sister.
Oh no no no. I haven't given up on life or new adventures. I do volunteer. I teach Zumba two days and I go to the gym three days a week. I travel at least once a year, last year twice. I have taken up sewing. I teach recovering drug addicts. I've even saved a man's life by giving him CPR. I am a great cook. I've run 5k's and half marathons. I go to concerts, movies, and restaurants alone. I am by no means sitting around waiting. I am very confident in my gifts and talents. However it would have been nice to have these experiences with someone. That is what I've lost hope in, having a relationship. You're right I shouldn't AND I DON'T expect a man to come along and save me. I dont need to be rescued. I am going on a 7 day cruise later this year--- ALONE. Everything I do - I do it alone. I've just come to accept THIS IS IT. I'll be alone. My Hope/Joy for life is to the moon. I will never stop enjoying life. I am already researching where I am going next year for my milestone birthday. ALONE. I am giving up hope that I will get married.
@@cardiac711 ... Awesome! Well done. And with such a rich life, and adding in the relaxation that comes from not pining for a specific outcome like marriage... Who knows what might come along. And if it does, you can enjoy it. Kudos on building a good life! (That reminds me, I have got to try Zumba, it looks fun) Cheers!
Yes Lon Spector A vibrator because people like you are useless in bed That's why we women use Vibrators Men don't know how to MAKE love only fuck A real woman need real Men MAATE
1. Abundance mindset 2. Perpetual self improvement 3. Follow your passions 4. Genuinely care about others It wasn’t until I added #4 that I would find and/or get randomly approached by women with amazing energy. Everything Matt says is spot on.
An abundance mindset in a world where men are becoming less masculine, less straight, more porn addicted, selfish, emotionally unavailable... yeahh... maybe not a great idea.
@@helenarichard Porn needs to be banned. It literally rewires mens brains similar to cocaine or sugar. It often makes men more sexually violent as after a while they require more perverted and sadistic types of porn to get off. It sets unhealthy standards for sex and it is also very abusive to the women who star in it. Most women regret it and alot of young women get groomed into the industry. The whole thing is sick. There are also alot of chemicals in plastics and the water that don't get filtered out and act like estrogen in the body of men or block testosterone. We are currently literally castrating men.
@@unyieldingmonotony4453 on a personal yes. But, liberal values and less restrictions on sex appears to give us more freedom and to being able to connect. Tyrannical control for things that is unsavory is not the why to set up a liberal democracy.
@@lpslancelot05 How much damage would porn have to do before you would say it is justified to ban it? I would say that perhaps a good way to ban it would be to make it illegal to make money from it, Don't allow any industries to pop up. Then you would have only amatuer, low quality and probably more healthy forms of porn. Human beings brains, especially mens, are not desgined to live in a world with such high quality imagery. Historically you would not be able to see even a fraction of some of the things that happen in porn. Before you'd have to go to an orgy to see even a fraction of it.
If I'm being honest. I have been down this trap so many times, it's now to the point where I give up, and stop trying with men. It's like you said they are not going to take me seriously if I'm falling for the traps, so I've stopped and decided that me myself and I can be better, however it's always so much better to share it with someone
I stopped dating 10 years ago because I couldn't find someone who was interested in me. They were interested in my body but tuned me out whenever the conversation wasn't about them. There is so much availability so why would a man want to settle (especially for a regular woman)?
Sims Machinema I haven’t given up yet myself, but I’m sorry you’ve had a rough go of it! That sucks. :( I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I agree with you on the part about the high availability of sexual partners. Since I want something long term, I feel INSTANTLY outcompeted by so many other women who are willing to get physical very early on. Many men will accept sex from women they don’t take seriously, but they often don’t seem to give the time if day it women who want to get to know them and invest a little at a time before physical intimacy. I guess I also do feel that the tricky dating we see is largely due to women’s choices and allowing bad behavior from potential partners. We teach others how to treat us, and traditionally speaking, women are the mate choosers in humans.
The best thing you can do is really take a look into your own behaviours when you date. Watch more of Matthews videos and see what you can do to become high value. This is a process and it will take a while to change your behaviours, but it is really worth it, take it from someone who's been extremely insecure and gave everything to men I dated :). Work on being ok on your own and build a work on finding happiness with friends and family, so that a man can come in and share in that hapiness and you don't wish for him to be your entire happiness :). Good luck
Yes. Exactly my scenario. Someone stringing me along with no serious intentions and me having the scarcity mentality allowing bad behavior. The situation got worse for me, still trying to leave this situation at the moment. Pray for me.
This is the paradox of choice!!! There is so much access to options through dating apps, everybody (or almost) is wondering if there is still a better option out there!! One click and you have access to 1000’s people. So 1 little thing feels off, and hop here we go swiping 🙄
Interesting to see this coming from the females perspective. As a guy, it seems so many women are hurt or aren’t open. At least the ones I’m attracted to. Maybe my standards are too high, but I don’t need or want a model, just someone who is comparable in attraction. I do think the multitude of choice though basically stalls people from committing, to these I agree 100%.
I'm a male and I'm currently in a relationship that' 100% a mirror image of the "worse behavior" = "not taken seriously" model. 4 years and I just didn't know better. Thank you for your knowledge and advice!
This video resonates with me deeply. Thank you, Matthew. I'm still single, but my dating selection and whom I choose to invest in as drastically improved as I shed the scarcity mindset. I am proud of how I date now: as you put it, I dropped the bullshit. I have a lot of flaws, but clarity is not one of them.
The idea here is to learn who is worthy of your time. Someone can show up being real nice but how much is this the real face of that person? This is pure gut feeling, Matt. Getting to worship yourself is good but if your clients feel something is missing is because they still are in the mind-set they need the other to be happy.
It gets extra depressing when you are having the first convo or first date and already know what their intentions are.. and normally, they're not what you want. Damn shame.
@@astgoddess It's frustrating and childish as hell! Why do you gals do it!I had one l I messaged over a month ago finally gets back to me apologising she took so long, seemed nice, I message her back no worries how's it going seeing that she's still on the site....10 minutes....20 minutes.....30 minutes....I went for a shower and came back telling myself f*ck this if she hasn't replied by the time I'm done I'm deleting the contact, sure enough no reply..delete! Don't have time for this childish shit, we're supposed to be grown adults. The trouble is and you know I'm right, these sites give women floods of attention and validation and I was in the cue...'please hold' yea no thanks!
@@jaymcd8577 Trust that it isn't just girls who do this. This is about the character of the individual, not gender. Too many people think it's fine to just not talk to people but really, if someone isn't getting back to you much, they probably aren't interested. If they were interested, they lost interest. It isn't okay to show someone this way, they should have the decency to tell you. But some people are just not that considerate, or they are cowards.
I think the digital age has made people more superficial than ever. Even friendships are harder than ever before because our world is being globalized, people move around so quickly and don't spend much time in one place, which makes any sort of meaningful interpersonal relationship not possible, because a quality relationship (or friendship) takes time. And don't get me started on instagram models and their effects on what men value in women...... it's all about the looks and the ease of "access". I'm tired of small talk after small talk, where I meet people who are not capable of deeper, more meaningful conversation. But that is somehow how our world has become, with the advancement of internet. Everything is quick and only surface-deep.
Yes but how we combat this is having FEWER more MEANINGFUL friendships!! Studies have shown people are much happier with this than having many superficial friends that you mentioned. I have a couple really good friends now and we talk about EVERYTHING I leave intellectually satisfied when we meet up it’s such a great thing. You’re totally right people are missing that these days.
The same human problems people are complaining about on the Internet, were around before the internet. What the internet has done is magnify the condition and people who were frustrated with it are finding each other and sharing notes. The solution is the same - work on becoming a better person yourself, relax and enjoy the ride that is life. Be happy with or without a partner.
Mantra that I am getting for the whole video " When I stand in my wholeness and in my worth, I come from an abundant mindset, I can attract those who see me as worthy and love me for who I am" Thank you!
A. Yes I've done this! And what you're saying is true. He saw my investment as weakness and no longer valued nor respected me. B. Yes! What you said to that young woman resonated with me. I stopped taking chances with dating for 6 years and obviously it has gotten me any further. I may as well try.
I can relate to every word Cecilia said here.i got goosebumps just thinking about the fact that i can relate to someone miles away from me who feel the same!!
I feel like regular hangout is much better than a "date" in 2k19. What you end up with a date is just exchange contact info and never text that person again afterward
Is not dating that sucks is people that sucks :) We should be more open, vulnerable and not judgemental with one another, not just in the dating world. But maybe not all hope is lost. Good luck to everyone
No. That's a selfish way of thought. No one in this world has to open up to you and show vulnerability. That's an expectation that will get you nowhere. No one owes you trust. You have to earn that. No one owes you respect. You have to earn that. The Devil is deceiving you and so many others. Particularly people who've been damaged by humility and closed their hearts to the world. You have to earn everything in life.
Currently, in this situation. Friends have told me to give it up. Family has asked me, "what is wrong with you?" And although I know they are 100% right I still hang on. But after watching your video, it all makes crystal clear sense. I'm scared to give up the "connection"and fearful I won't ever find it again. Right on! Your explanation is the extra push I needed to make the best decision. Thank you so much!!
I was fooled once when I was nineteen and it was enough for me. I’m getting married next month with my boyfriend of six years but I always watch your videos because of their healthy and positive messages and to check if I’m on the right track. So thank you :) I agree that if it hurts too much you’re probably doing it wrong. Have fun & stay curious.
So at the 6 year mark, you're bored having sex with him. But you hope a wedding will change that. It might for 1-3 years. Then, dollars to donuts, you'll be regularly scanning your DMs, fantasizing about other men and eventually cheating (which you'll later claim "didn't count").
I do not want to offend anyone. But there you go: The least attractive thing to a man: "I am not getting any younger. I want to meet someone mature and intelligent who has drive in life and wants to build a solid relationship with me, be equal with me and respect me while appreciating my feminine nature." Because this communicates as: "I have spent my prime years on assholes which makes me think men in general are immature assholes. Now I have already had all the excitement in life with better men, now I need a lesser man that would appreciate me at my older age. He can only get me at this age and he is just a consolation prize to me. He also must not act immaturely because that was a prerogative of bad boys not yours. Also even though all the people have questions about themselves whether they are fulfilling their full potential, I do not even think about whether I am making men who approach me, question their success in life with this "driven as much as I am" talk, hence making them insecure about something almost everyone is insecure, especially men with being success-objects in society. I also want them to commit to me before I commit to them or even meet them in person by asking for a blank check that says solid and serious relationship on it. Plus I add the subtext of that I not only want all the good parts of modernity but I also want the good parts of classical society by subtly making him not forget that he is talking to a woman. Essentially I want all the things from you that I did not want from other men. Only thing that has changed is that I am older now."
Ah. A fellow mgtow here. She looks like a decent personn though. She'll find a simp and she MAY (she seems smart) be treating him correctly even if he gives less thrilling and/or is less successfull that her expectation. But i wouldn't take her burden and the risk myself.
@@longnamenocansayy yep saw similar things during my time in the military during the Vietnam era. Still it took me a lifetime to have a basic understanding if female nature, I should have been much more cynical much younger, could have saved myself a lot of pain.....slow learner.
"...you know Cecilia, you ARE too smart, guys can't *get one over you*..." Why are we in competition in the first place? Why does anyone have to get one over the other? Ladies please understand that there's nothing intimidating about a sharp mind if you're using it in favor of your partner rather than against him/her. Jordan Peterson said in one of his talks "You shouldn't aim to WIN in arguments with your partner, because if you win frequently enough, you're living with a loser and the relationship will fall appart" If you're smarter than me, but affectionate, femenine, highly empathetic and understanding and empowering, why would that bother me? Let's play a game and reverse the roles: If a man would say "Women are intimidated by my physical strength!" you would immediately assume he's not misusing it in some horrible way instead of providing protection and all the other good things to better the relationship. Secondly, although I admit that there has been very little feedback from the woman asking the question, she seems to accept the status quo of her being perfect and "wanting to find someone who accepts her for what she is" And Matthew, goes along with this from what I assume is the desire for the audience to like him, which is okay, but the advice he gives isn't productive. This modern age has brought about a curius taboo: change. If you so much as suggest to somen that they should improve or change something the reactions are often quite volotile. Thirdly and perhaps the most important point I'm consistently encountering with my female friends: *you don't know what the thing you want LOOKS LIKE* , hence you're having a rough time recognizing it in the world. I can name 10 guys off the top of my head who are single and when you hung out with them you wouldn't believe they are. So what you're looking for IS out there, but you have to learn 1. What YOU are after and 2. What it looks like. Just a guy's perspective, my apologies if I sounded a bit harsh at any point.
Because women ruthlessly compete with each other, due to socialisation starting in primary school, and taught they are equal to men, so do the same to those that they claim to love there. Pair bonding gives way to slow pace polyamory, multiples instead of one pair bonded.
I can relate. And the behavior I have stopped is chasing. Once they signal interest, especially if it's not authentic interest, I chased after that like a carrot on a stick. I've stopped a self sabotaging pattern in my life. I'm so grateful for this video. Thank you for all you do 🌈💙
Thats the problem. Men get taught to stop chasing and women get taught to stop chasing. If both do it 100%, noone will ever have a relationship ever again. So what does the future hold if noone ever is going to ask someone else for their number (="chasing"). Im serious, im so confused how that advice helps anyone? I mean dont get me wrong, im happy and currently improving myself and truly dont mind that im single. But if everyone does it, there wont be any relationship ever, will there? Can you maybe help me understand this? 3 years have passed, what are your experiences since then?
Just like Howdie said, how is "not chasing" helping anyone at all? I can understand the idea of not throwing yourself completely at someone in hopes of quickly locking them down, but what happened to just casually socializing with them and getting to know them in a two-way conversation, totally not worrying about the idea of it being a "date"? Why do we have to perpetuate this idea of "don't chase" as if your future partner is gonna magically fall into your arms if you don't even give ONE hint or sign of interest? Do you think that's going to happen with you? Because I can guarantee the only guys that are gonna fall into your lap and latch onto you by not chasing are the simps of society (that is, if your looks are 100% going to be how you get someone in the first place). If by "don't chase" you mean don't talk or express any sign of interest at all, then you have yet another unfavorable outcome awaiting you, and it's gonna involve a ton of guys losing interest after you give them what they were chasing. Attracting someone is more than just playing games. Its showing them you're a person of substance who can have fun around your partner, and someone who has a lot in common. Not someone who doesn't chase, give any signs, doesn't drop hints, and promotes this borderline narcissistic behavior.
Dating just means "collecting data". People just make it harder than it has to be by falling too fast and jumping into bed too soon. Just as friendships develop slowly over time, so should romantic connections.
Definitely ! This is the most valuable comment out here. It necessary to 'collect data' as you say and try out dating someone at least 2 or 3 months to really see if that is the person you wanna spend your life with.
@@ChoiceSC The sad fact of life is that we can't make people do or feel what we want them to. We can only be our best selves and trust that in doing that, we will meet a partner who finds it effortless to be around us and eventually fall in love. Love shouldn't be difficult, especially in the beginning stages. Now marriage is a different story because that can come with serious trials and tribulations, however in the first few years of a courtship, things should flow. However, there are cases when a man has a LOT of baggage from previous relationships and is running on fear (more common with men over 40). But either way, whether he's scared to commit or he is " just not that into you", the best course of action for the woman is to pull away. Men don't respond to nagging or pleading or manipulation. They respond to no contact. And as a woman, we need to keep the attitude that: " Hey, there's no hard feelings. You simply don't want what I want so I'm going to continue my search for a man that DOES want what I want". Sometimes a man needs the opportunity to miss us in order to realize our value and how we contribute to his life. If he doesn't come back, have a good cry, eat some ice cream, and then get back on the horse. He clearly wasn't THE ONE.
Against all advice and her own prejudices, I have a friend who jumped into bed with a guy waay soon (she met him in an all inclusive in Mexico) and now they've been together for 3 years
@@antov7569 I agree that sometimes becoming intimate soon doesn't ruin a good thing. I slept with my exhusband after the 2nd date and we were married for 13 years. However, I think those odds are stacked against us, particularly because of internet dating which gives men a huge inventory of choices to move on to after they've conquered, as opposed to the old days where a guy might be more inclined to hold on to a woman because it was a lot of work to find her in the first place.
Notice that when she was questioned about what she might do differently she had no clue. Probably never even gave it thought before. That's the problem. It's always, "there's something wrong with the men but never me."
Everyone does this in an aspect of their lives. It's a matter of taking ownership over the role they play in their own problems, and actually keeping an open mind, rather than just saying they have one. Her mind is closed. Bad habits and bad thinking aren't easy to change.
After getting burned and told I was inadequate enough times, I just accepted I would never have the wife I wanted, focused on my goals exclusively, and my life has dramatically improved. 🥳
Matt - thank you so much for making this video. This is EXACTLY what is going on right now for me in a relationship of 2.5 years, and I’ve started to take some measures against this. But the thing that is stopping me most in creating something that is right for me is the fear of losing this connection all together and that I might be losing “the love of my life”. Hope you have some answers as to how to lose this fear & how to create the lasting mindset and tools within yourself that enable you to get rid of the bullshit quicker and more permanently (i.e. not falling back into accepting bad behavior). Looking forward to what you have to say next week, again you hit the nail on the head with this video!
Hi Mat, I’ve been following your channel for some time now and I just wanted to tell you that you’ve really helped me in letting me understand my worth and value in this dynamic dating world. I love the content and all your videos are super exuberant. Keep up the amazing work.
The problem is that available singles that think "I'm smart, strong, successful, and have high standards?" are all living in a high horse, and when they fall off of it (as they often do) their egos get hurt really bad!
......kind of like "pride coming before the fall" All of this 'success' is based on greed and it is living on the edge all the time.....until as you state......"fall off".
Ye, the woman in this video was the prime example. When he reacted to her, i was thinking, oh he is going to try and be gentle when telling the truth, it will come soon in some nice and friendly wording. It never came. He never told the truth. Her high horse is the problem and the reason she won't find a man.
@Inebriatd Oh i always thought there are more bare women in marketing because both men and women react to it each in their own ways. bare men are much less interesting because both men and women react much less strongly to that.
@Inebriatd It really sounds like your elaboration stems from frustration actually. I am frustrated too, else i wouldn't be in this comment section, but at least i know it, and i am not gonna make a fool out of myself by acting like women are less than men in any way.
I understand your frustrations ... but I rather spend energy being ‘hope-filled’ and doing activities or investing in experiences that either fulfils or challenges me 😘 after all ... I’ll be having a relationship with myself the whole of my life .... I’m happy getting to know me better 😉😘💕 hugs to you 🤗
@coptic777 ikr or even women who are some what good looking, but want a guy who looks like a model or body builder. Even women who have somewhat professional careers want a guy with better careers and I live in small town where that type of mentality has infected.
One guy on another video said it perfectly, "Either women are looking to just hook up or if they want a LTR or marriage it's for all the wrong reasons" i.e. you have to making 6 figures so they can build their 'nest' in your house and then of course dump you later when they get bored of you because the legal system *facilitates* that and now you have to pay them to live for free. With your children. Whom you will never see
Dude there’s been a literal and deliberate attack on family structures and men vs. women with the gender wars and other nonsense. The waters have become very muddied so it takes a very willing heart these days and a STRONG filtering process to sort the wheat from the chaff. Best wishes to you on your journey
I had this type of situation too many times in life and didn't understand what I was doing until now. It's so clear to me in this moment. I have to watch this a few times more, not to forget it. I am ready to create something real in my love life 💪
I am at a point where I’ve completely lost confidence in dating and I think it’s exactly because of what you said. My mindset has been one of scarcity and it has had that effect in all of my relationships: I’ve never been valued. Thanks for helping me open my eyes and realize it’s under my control to change the outcome of my relationships.
Yes. I have lowered my standards almost every time I care too much. And I tend to fall exactly for the ones who make it hard for me to feel loved I guess because that’s my issue. I have also dated somebody I don’t like that much so I feel less lonely but i was aware it was settling for something I didn’t desire. I am ready to experience a real relationship. I just hope there is the guy right for me.
spot on - fell into the trap of caring too much about a connection - because I am genuinely kind I was far too understanding and accommodating of shitty behavior. I decided to change the dynamic. Made my standards clear. Two months later... still have not heard from the guy... and it is ok.
Amazing ! So true ! I did my best for them and they just took it for granted I did my best for myself And they are now lining up ! I don’t understand but this is how it works !
Anyone who tells a woman her problem is she’s “too smart” is literally a yes-person who’s giving you bad information. That’s like telling a guy who can’t find a girl he’s just too handsome. You need self reflection not gratuitous validation. She’s probably smart but i hope she wasn’t dumb enough to fall for that line.
The "men don't like smart women" meme is bullshit. At worst men don't care if you are smart. But the reality is that most women who think they are "too smart" are just stupid and obnoxious. The whole sentence shines someone not being based in reality.
This needs to be translated to Spanish and other languages asap! Sometimes loneliness can play with our hearts and we allow ourselves to take bullshit in so many aspects of our lives 🤦 Gracias por este recordatorio 😘
Yes loneliness is a big factor and is epidemic now with so much selfishness! We all wounded how badly we treated we become closed down to others stop trying and never trusting 😤😝😕
I call it the Pepe Le Pew effect... that cartoon from warner that used to pursue love so hard that always ended scaring the ones he fell in love with ... when i meet someone interesting i behave like if i were another person, that does exactly what it's said on the video... if a friend or any person i'm not interested in treats me wrong i cut the relationship off inmediatly without hesitate a minute and i dont get angry, there is plenty of other people... but when the possibility of love is involved... i become so stupid that if i were my friend i'd slap me in the face...
Omg.. I actually feel sick because this has been me for so long in multiple relationships even beyond romantic. Family and friends too. I am so glad I watched this through the end. Wow. Thank you Matthew. So so so much.
Im 24... And I hv opted out ... Dating, Relationship, MARRIAGE... Too dangerous,Much more effort than previous generation ( stated by my parents married for 26y), Too little gain.
bizkitgto MGTOW is very toxic lmfao. Just like feminism. Most of their community is full of self pity and self entitlement. Of course there’s women who only want to screw over men. There’s plenty of men who think nothing when they screw a woman over. How bout this? Be mature and give those people no time of day. Dating sucks for everyone.
No dude wants some used up whore for a bride, but we will happily pump and dump girls with zero self respect. If you don't like this, thank feminism - we used to hold the door and sit on sinking ships for you, we won't be doing that for sluts. No hymen = no diamond.
I'm a woman and I feel the same way about marriage. Maintenance sex SUCKS! It's demoralizing and not nearly as exciting as the real thing. I can't live the rest of my life like that. After 18 years, I got out and I'm never getting married again. Not sure if I ever want to live with anyone again, either unless he knows how to take care of himself and has the same views about money that I do.
@@parrotshootist3004 Yes, this...is a perfectly reasonable reply that has some vague relationship to what I wrote. Oh- no, wait! That doesn't sound like you, does it?
I think some people are intimidated by smart people who use their intelligence as a weapon against others. That are condescending because they feel they're superior. They can be extremely sarcastic, which is sometimes a sign of intelligence. Others pick up on that and withdraw from you. Intelligent women tend to use their intelligence as a way of telling themselves they're too good for most men. Men pick up on that.
Lol, this video is for women... This video says: I see. I heard you. I feel you. Yes, it is hard. Keep doing what you do. U do u, go girl. Here I saved 10 minutes of your life
Good summary of the main points, but I think that it's the way that Matthew packaged that advice to convince her not to give up that's important. Anyone can say 'awwh, don't give up, girl', but not everyone can actually convince her not to give up! Respect to Mathew for being a good motivational speaker.
He should have shut down that women when she did where is the man that’s attracted to my strength .... strength is a masculine quality .... men like soft gentle feminine women ....
@@coreybrown4192 Yeah but not all. I am also masculine in some ways and I still found a guy eventually even when I was myself and not hiding that part because at least one guy liked it who I liked as well :)
That’s because that guy was acting feminine at the time .... we each have masculine and feminine frames.... but by law of sexual polarity it’s when we are at our opposites is when attraction occurs ....
Just an idea, but if you are constantly thinking "I'm smart, strong, and near perfect" instead of "what can I do to improve myself" then you are probably not strong, smart, or near perfect...
I half-joke that I'm smart enough to wish I was smarter. There's always someone out there better at everything than you. The higher up you climb your chosen profession, the more you run across this.
The last relationship I had was great, but every day she'd come up with something I needed to change about myself, and whenever I brought up something she should work on, it was met with a "like I give a shit." She was perfect and I was never going to be good enough. To me, that's what dating a woman is.
I'm sorry for you, but what you experienced then was not an actual deep relationship. If she truly cared for you and wanted to spend her life with you, she would seek in which way you could come closer together, not by what you could change about yourself that would benefit her, but by reaching common terms (if that's even proper english). Anyway, to cut it short: *_B E W A R E O F T H OT S_*
that's the way i see it,, and that's the way a lot of men see it. how many unhappy marriages are there? almost all of them. probably most men in the world see it your way.
I know two people where it was the same, except the genders were reversed. According to the man, the woman had to change pretty much everything about herself and the man was perfect. They went to relationship counselling, but the therapist said they couldn't work with the man. He was impossible. It became an extremely toxic divorce and their poor little son was the biggest victim, even though the woman tried pretty much everything to make the divorce amicable. People throw the word around all the time, but the man is a true narcissist. Daniel, I'm sorry that that's how you see dating a woman. I don't agree with that view. That's dating an asshole of any gender.
Please don't define the rest of your dating life by one crappy relationship. The main problem with relationships nowadays is that people seem to think they need to change the person they're with because they have some odd idea in their head about the perfect person. If that person doesn't fit they try to make them fit. No one should do this. She was wrong for that. If you're still interested in dating, find someone who loves you for YOU and if they try to change you but aren't willing to invest equally in what they need to work on, it's not worth it. You can do better Daniel, you will do better :)
I’ve kicked out the bs! It’s like you’re talking to me directly! Wow! This is helping me so much. YES! Everything point that you have brought up makes sense beyond anything I’ve ever known about dating. I’m truly humbled by your wisdom Matthew. I’m really starting to change my inner dialogue. A million Thank yous. I hope to attend a live seminar soon.
I don't like how he fills her head with BS. She was not wrong when she said "I'm not getting any younger." Why deny it? Also it's not a bad thing to be smart, especially when it comes to marriage. Some men prefer smart women. BUT these women are still feminine. She's probably very assertive, competitive and can't be relaxed and gentle around her man. That is what repells men, not her brains.
@Makeup Minion Most men don't marry a "strong" woman. They prefer agreeable women, just like most women prefer taller men. Men can have standards too. If you can't meet them, better get some cats.
@Makeup Minion I'm a woman and by the way I'm celebrating my first wedding anniversary next week. If you want to keep a man, better respect his wants and needs.
Very smart and perceptive young lady you are, the woman in this video equates her degree(s) with being smart, but intelligence is nuance. She has only developed one side of her personality. Your comment shows you are intelligent and men are never intimidated by that. Congratulations on your first anniversary and many more to you and your husband!
Dating apps have been nothing but crap. Too many choices, breadcrumbing, ghosting, flakey people. Finding someone in person is hard to get started but more successful in the long run.
To me, her question was: should I lower my standards and start accepting invitations from people less good looking, with less money and less successful or should I continue waiting for prince charming?
i think that's right. she probably was asking that question. why she didn't just say it in front of a whole room full of women who feel the same thing? because women would rather play a game of double talk than just speak the truth.
Problem is, being with the wrong person is far worse than being alone. I'm not looking for prince charming but there has to be some chemistry there or I will get bored and start to feel trapped. I don't know why everyone is talking about being alone like it's a fate worse than death. It's not that big a deal.
That's female hypergamy, they will settle with someone who's more valuable than them. They think by overpricing themselves they'll eventually find mr.right.
@@longnamenocansayy You can never be direct with females. They would rather beat around the bush for hours than get to the point, its entertaining to them. And yes, even though she was asking that she would never actually do it unless she is completely desperate. Women would rather be dead than be seen with a less successful men by other women.
I noticed it's an audience full of obviously lonely post-30 women... This guy looks like the love interest in every chick flick ever... I'm sure there's no connection.
Cheap but tastes good? Cause you're exactly right. Unfortunately for all the women who listen to this guy, none of them realize that he does this shit to make money and lonely post wall women are his gold mine. He can give all the generic superficial advice in the world. But the one thing all these women have in common is that its already too late for them. Why buy used when you can rent for free in todays society? If a man is gonna buy, he's buying new and young, women need to take that to heart. Women still think they can sleep around in their younger years without committing, giving away their sexual value freely, as is their right. But young women tend to like older guys for their money, stability and maturity. Now knowing this if you are in your 30's how can you expect guys your age or even older to settle for your used and abused body and mind? Then these delusional women still get mad that men date younger women when really they're just mad that they wasted their own youth and are jealous of the younger girl with options.
It is as you described very frustrating. After a long distance relationship of just over a year ended last March, I have tried online dating. Never make it more than a week before I throw in the towel. No one seems genuine and if they do they vanish which reinforces the notion that they were never genuine to begin with. I’m not giving up. I know the person I’m meant to be with is out there. I will just go on about my life until the time is right and we meet.
Yes. One of the reasons I feel is the prevalence of texting and online communication. It's superficial, impersonal and I hate it. Guys love it, but it's not real. It erases originality and depth. The little things don't matter anymore. I want the little things to matter again.
synyster gaitas The last two guys that I started dating both questioned my commitment to building a connection due to my tardy (couple of hours late) replies to texts. I'm just not stuck to my phone. It wasn't personal. Dating is just impossible. It's just too complex.
@@acs2735 Yup, I get your point. Same thing happens to me, go for dudes that like person to person comunication. Like me, but not me because I live in Portugal.
synyster gaitas In addition, I also try hard to value each individual that crosses my path. I don't understand how expendable (in terms of online connections) everyone is nowadays. It's so sad.
@@acs2735 you try to value each individual but the last two guys questioned your commitment to building a connection... why you lying, the truth will set you free
I spent 4 years caring way too much and was left feeling like I was caring enough or wasn't loving him the way he wanted to be loved but still boasted in the fact that he took advantage of me in so many ways that left me feeling worthless. After all that, even when I find someone special, I definitely won't be tolerating the bullshit. I want to find someone who will see my value. Although I do have so many blind spots and uncertainties within myself. Thanks Matt, great video x
Just remember Love doesn't hurt or force you in anyway. If you meet anyone like that make yourself walk away. Most of you are young and have 3-4 years of hell to be with an asshole then one day you wake up and your 60 and can't get that time back nor the healing time back. Then your single and 60. Uh not a good place to be alone either. Do not waste time anyone men or women with obvious bad behaviors.
He is so amazing I am so impressed with how self-aware Matthew is. His guidance helped me in so many situations where I would put less value on myself and like he says, sabotage myself as a result. I have taken a stand behind my own standards and went through a horrible breakup just to keep them and persevere my ability to keep exploring and be open to people I meet.
I went on 2 dates that felt like a job interview. 1 of them was really intimidated. But it’s good to find out on the first date (: I feel like now I’m getting more quality men because I love who I am and what I do. So my pool is getting larger cuz I’ve got my shit together ❤
Honestly, I've tried Matthew's tip of giving just enough in my words that both shows my interest but also my standard~ and honestly, wow 😍 I think it's also about the guy too, whether or not they want to be serious, it's best to not entertain those guys (that's my choice, but I'm sure there's great guys there too)
Omg have I fallen nto this.Never again I am worth far more, alone or with someone. You always push the penny to drop thank you so much. You are actually giving me my value back.
1:54 - Oh yeah, you're just too damn intimidating, strong and smart for men in this day and age. Here's some free advice from a man - men are never intimidated by a pleasant disposition . . .
'Smart and strong' in female world means *spiteful, ungrateful, unaccountable, demanding, entitled, self-centered, rebellious like a catty 13 year old with a wildly deluded ego.* This man just needs to tell all this women, "It's simple, stop being CUNTS, feminism failed. You SUCK at being men. It's over. Time to get back to being housewives"
Agreed. You can be a successful xyz, but if you have a pleasant disposition it makes all the difference. I work with female doctors, most of them dont have a pleasant disposition, just a constant competitive attitude.
I'm coming in here with some harsh truth, ladies, but this dating landscape is exactly what you want it to be. You'd all rather share and get pumped and dumped by the top 20% of men than settle for the men out there who right now would give you the relationship you want. Mind you that most women consider "settling" dating a guy in the 30-40% range. There are so many great men out there that you turn your nose up at because your becky ass friends won't be jealous, or because they make 50k a year vs 100k a year, or because they can't take you on fancy vacations multiple times a year, or because they don't look like Chris Hemsworth. Where did all the good men go? You told us we weren't good enough for you, so we found better shit to dedicate our lives to. Ourselves.
well said. all women are in the 80 to 100% desirability range. only 10% or fewer men are within the standards of acceptability. most all men are fat ugly stupid smelly poor dressers short don't talk well or murderers. most all men are not worthy of the wonderful countesses make up the world. lucky for me i have other intersts, because i know i would never find a woman to share my life with.
@Witch's Brew Views Money...simple as. We're told all the time that actually looks count less with you ladies. Once other needs are met of material security and comfort you'll settle for that instead. While ducking the pool boy on the side, of course
Matthew, that is EXACTLY the point! "The higher the frequency you're living on, the less people are gonna be either availble to you or desireable to you." The consequence is actually to give up. I gave up on all of these concepts and all of these do's and don'ts. It is not about giving up going out, talking to people but I gave up on dating. Giving up on dates which are not working was the best thing ever. Yes indeed. It increased my joy of life again. The right word is BTW not "giving up" but "surrendering".
The difference is that a man won't hold it against a girl if she's intimidated by him and might even lower himself to make her feel more comfortable. A woman will most certainly drop or ignore a guy if he's intimidated by her.
I bet when Matt met his wife to be she was quite pretty BUT I would bet double thaf she was also cheerful, with a gsoh and a warm genuine personality! Sorry but men don't care about a woman's career! It's just biology. The truth is a quality man like Matt will go for a sweet girl next door type over a lawyer with some attitude any day. If you are reasonably good looking, with a WARM personality, good soh, keep fit and slim, have ANY job that allows you to live comfortably then you shouldn't have any problem attracting a good guy. Just look at the young girls you might know that are settled with quality men. They must be doing something that you aren't! They come from good families, they keep fit, they work and have little or no debt, they don't get drunk, they don't sleep around, they respect themselves and others and they have similar friends! Just a thought. We are all learning.
@@viralityfactor987 hey, it's a little hard trying to figure out if a user name is M or F! I re read the OP. Good point how many Female film stars of Matt's calibre marry would marry a male bartender! M and F definitely have their issues but F seem to be alot more choosy with their dating. The 80/20 rule etc. But the "wall" is waiting for women who get it wrong. Its a risky game they play.
The average women aims way to high and those top men do not care about the average girl at all. so no wonder they get let down, you won't take the man who's your equal, and only take men who only want sex because they can get better marriage material. so no wonder you are let down.
@@LegoSwordViedos absolutely. I enjoy watching women eat the karma of their own shallowness, when they're forced to face reality. They reject themselves every time they reject a guy who is on their level, in their hope to wait for a guy who would never settle for them.
what's strange about this channel is that a few years ago this comment section was full of women now as I'm reading I mostly find mgtow lmao. y'all hurting my man's pockets stop it lol
@Thelondonbadger It's true, the CEO of google is on video clapping after someone said white men need to check their privilege and do bias training. ua-cam.com/video/FRf9UxsM-NE/v-deo.html
@@keshavnemeli God means something different to every individual. Your higher being will support you whether you believe or not. Energy cannot be created or destroyed. I believe in the energy of the Universe. There's no denying that. I wish you healing
I am at the point where I look forward to your videos Matthew. You are doing a Fantastic job with your content, please keep using this Wonderful gift you've been Blessed with! 👏❤
those words are just so truthful! Im binge watching here and writing literally everything down. So thankful that we are in those days where there is you tube and social media, so that you can spread this freakin message, everybody should hear.
I’ve definitely fallen victim to thinking in scarcity terms ESPECIALLY as a black woman scarcity is the main narrative that is sold to us through the media and entertainment. My most recent dating experience, I walked away early because I knew I was dealing w someone that wanted to string me along, years ago I would have held on and devalued myself out of fear and scarcity thinking. So I’m still single but I know I’m living my life for me now and I’m gonna keep valuing myself no matter what
And guess what that’s all that matters black queen. Our worth as women is not determined by a loving relationship. It would be lovely to be in one but it shouldn’t be the end all be all of life. If it’s true that tomorrow is not promised then we shouldn’t allow things that are not in our control to validate us because from the moment we are born, we are all worthy of life and love. If a man can’t see that, he can go. As black women it’s true things are more challenging depending on where you are in this world but if you buying into that “woe is me” “scarcity” mentality just give you low self esteem in the long run. And as Queens we can’t afford to operate in that frequency.
Scarcity is a real thing. The thing is though that there's no scarcity among any women, including black women. Single men are all around you. So there's only one explanation. You just reject them.
Ladies, as a man, I apologize for how you are treated. Modern dating for men and women both is frustrating, and I don't think it's assisted AT ALL by dating apps. I too felt jaded and wronged for a couple years as I felt marginalized and turned into one option of many for ladies who were playing the field. I haven't online dated in close to 10 years, and even then it was 1-2 dates max before I peaced out, but I've seen the negative repercussions of dating apps. How being mistreated, ghosted, or bread crumbed, just causes people to do the same to others. So even though I didn't online date, I ended up dating gals and meeting them in real life when they were using apps, and they were so much different than women I dated who eschewed apps. They were less empathic, less kind, and poor communicators. And then, this year, I met one special lady. And it was wonderful for the short time I had her, and even knowing that it would probably end, since most relationships do, I appreciated every single moment I had with her. We broke up, ultimately, because we miscommunicated some life goals, but that's OK. The lesson is this: when you have one bad dating experience after another, it really brings you down, so much so that you perhaps don't realize just how bad it's become until you date one good person. And then you realize that, yes, you are a fully rounded, capable person. A person capable of loving, appreciating, compromising with, and journeying with another. My advice, ladies? Strive to be that type of woman who is smart and emotionally intelligent. And get rid of the apps. You'll meet far better men taking that time and money and spending it elsewhere to meet the right guy. It only takes one of us to give you the life of romance, happiness, and fulfillment. And trust me--the right guys? We're ready to give it to you.
@@Nadine-bx2dg not lame at all! I empathize. It's tough for you ladies. Just keep your EYES OPEN to the awesome guys. There are more of us than you know. It's hard for us dudes too. I'm 30, good looking, in shape, good job, passions, and just want a kind woman to share that with. I cope with singledom by watching a LOT of romantic comedies, haha.
@@MagnumoftheMountains I like what you wrote. I just find it interesting how I have a bad experience with people gosting so far and every guy say they experience the same. Why can we not meet in the middle and just be real with each other? Good luck !
@@kimmiller2297 There aren't a lot of bad people in the world--just a lot of average people. Men and women who can still sleep at night after doing things like ghosting. That's not you, not me, and not a lot of folks who follow Matt's work. I'm sorry that's been your experience with men--you deserve to have a guy tell you straight up how he's feeling, whether it's, "Wow, I feel this great connection/attraction, let's keep dating," or "Hey, you're an awesome person but I don't feel a spark--let me tell you that straight up rather than make you suffer by wondering and then have me ghost you."
I love Matthew because he is compassionate before all else. He is not cocky and vain. Plus he is easy in the eyes. I am grateful for people like him all over the world. A perfect mix of humbleness and drive.
It is good to know that more than one person feels that dating sucks. I guess we just have to focus on making ourselves happy, and eventually that person will come along.
It kinda bothered me when everyone started laughing when he asked that if finding love and the one was completely taken off the table, that hope of that is eliminated, would you stop talking to people, stop going on dates, and stop sex. Because, yeah. I would. I already am. The only reason I do/have done any of these things is for the hope of finding the right and perfect partner for me. At this point, I've experienced enough to know that I can not handle having sex without knowing that it's true and permanent love. Dates feel forced and unbalanced and uncomfortable if it's not about that hope that this may be the right person. And, I've become very picky who I even socialize with, because I'm really a one person kind of person, only wanting deep associations in my life with people who are truly wonderful and who can understand me. And, that is as rare as eff. Generally, people aren't even worth the risk of extending random and simple pleasantries anymore for the cost and tax it often affords. So, yeah. If I didn't have that hope of finding love and the kind of connection that I desire from others, I'd be just doing my own thing by my lonesome, not having much to do with anyone, which is what I'm starting to do.
I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone who didn't value me and I accepted it right from the beginning because he was my first real relationship. He ended up cheating on me a year before our wedding. I'm in a much better place now and will never settle for that again, I would rather be single than treat that way.
If this woman is so smart, she would have figured this out sooner, and would not have done things to scare off potential partners. She wouldn't be middle aged, and asking someone else for advice on a simple matter.
Yesssssss.....that mindset of tooo much care degrades us in our own eyes. We feel that one person is our god. And his ignorance can turn the universe upside down for us. And that the worst thing is that's exactly when we get ignored in tons! And then in more tons! Till we realize we need to let go off our own mind set of chasing this person. Just let go!! That's what i had started telling myself 3-4-5 times a day "just let go" and it seriously has improved my mindset significantly. My mind has practiced to "let go" i am way better...way better!! Thanks matthew! Your videos gives me mental power....
Dating costs men money and the outcome is unpredictable. It's basically gambling with unknown odds. I've saved thousands of dollars not dating over the years. I'm still happy and have my life since I've never married.
Women can make the argument that they're expected to put out and the outcome of an unwanted pregnancy and being left holding the bag is also unpredictable. So each gender has their mix of shit that comes along with dating.
So... I DID stop socializing. I stopped going out to bars and clubs, I deleted dating apps, I pretty much stay at home by myself if I'm not out working. I dove into a lot of old projects and hobbies I had a passion for and for the first time in years, I'm starting to feel good. I hardly deal with anxiety anymore, my depression is all but gone. I gave up, and it's been nothing but good for me.
Robert Kolb good for you man imma do the same
Congratulations you've done the right thing! Best wishes from Spain.
It's called mgtow
@@wond3rer lmao I was gonna say exactly the same
Way to go MGTOW!
Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. We need to stand strong in that mindset. That high line thinking will automatically shine through in our actions and how we are with people, putting less pressure on them and giving more room for the good stuff. 🙏
Your first sentence says it all. We should never hand over our worth to someone else to quantify.
@Lon Spector Anytime I've been envious of other people's success in love, sooner or later the cracks begin to show and I'm then happy that I'm not in their situations. All that glitters is not gold.
@@Mmmmkaaay True. But I think the way I look at it is, those cracks are just a part of the relationship. All things that last must be mended at some point.
@Amanda Davies Women who aren't nice don't take the bullshit. Some dudes like a feisty bitch :P
@Melmano Yeah. I mean society just doesn't abandon women in the same way it does men. So yeah it's really fucked up. But she's right. And men just won't ever know what that feels like. Because we are only valued based on how much money we make.
Two years ago I was going through a phase where I hated my job and was very unfulfilled in my social life. I quit drinking alcohol over a year and half ago and stopped going to bars and clubs. I thought rather than playing videos games and watching Netflix I would write a novel. I've always written since school but never did anything with it. My Novel now published on Amazon and I am working on the follow up. Great feeling of achievement and people seem to really like my writing. Abstinence is very powerful.
RESPECT❤
Abstinence isn't powerful. Focusing your energy is powerful.
What's the name of your book?
Congratulations on your book I have a desire to become an author as well I wrote a small book I’m trying to get it published I’m glad you’re doing well
Wow congratulations
Yes, it happens every time. Or actually it’s a vicious cycle between caring too much and trying too aggressively to show them that I’m not going to accept less than what I deserve. And then feeling desperate again so I go back to caring too much, and letting them get away with stuff again. I doubt myself, because they turn it around on me and tell me I’m the one doing something wrong. The more dating advice I read/watch, the more confused and frustrated I get. I understand what Cecelia meant about just wanting to find something organically. I’m tired of overthinking every word I say and every move I make, trying to make something happen before I’m too old to have kids. I just want it to be more natural and simple again. This “struggle” is sucking all the joy out of it.
This is so relatable to me!!
That's what I felt when that beautiful woman shared. I'm losing the desire to care. I've decided to have great Sex with younger men . I'm 59 after dating for almost 10 years. I could die soon and I really want to relax and not care anymore. Broken Hearts suck. However the younger girls reading this don't give up nor give in. I've been in fantastic loving relationships they still exist unfortunately they are not as easy to find do to the total lack of trust but Love is still out there....
Exactly no fun nor joy
Totally get you
I’m in the same boat 😢
I admit I have done this in the past (taken all the bs), but now I am basically done with dating. I am not interested in meeting anyone. I am fine by myself and don’t want a relationship. It’s too much work and gives me more anxiety than anything else. To answer your question, I have given up hope. But it’s ok. I am peaceful and enjoy my own company. 🌸
Me too
* Lotusblume * I totally understand how you feel! But if you don’t mind me saying, please don’t give up hope. I think Matthew is saying don’t give up anything, change your mindset. Value yourself, be optimistic. It isn’t easy, but prize yourself and KNOW someone will too because you are awesome and you know it. Confidence and truly believing in yourself will set you apart because you are living your best life and when someone wants to join you in living it with you, you’ll be open to it and not negative about a future partner. Hope that makes sense and that I didn’t overstep. Good things are out there for all of us! We all deserve love if we believe and know that we do. It just takes time, work and a belief in ourselves to get there.
When you are ready.. to meet sum1.. you will just know. But stay open minded n smiling n follow the tgings that give u fulfilment.
@Lotusblume agree, valuing myself.
Anyone can be a complete person on their own, but imagine that giving up when you’re closer than you think to finding the right person means that your “would be” significant other is also left with no choice but to give up as well because they can’t find someone who could correlate with them quite as perfect as you would be able to?
What I’m trying to say is just don’t give up.😥
OMG, this really spoke to me! I’ve recently begun dating again after a long break, and have been so disappointed in the selection of men that I started having the “scarcity mindset” you mentioned. I met a guy who checked off all my boxes and naively thought he could be The One after our first date. He friend-zoned me almost immediately and it damn near broke my heart. I tried to get past it and couldn’t understand why I was so upset. Logically, it made no sense to be so torn up about a man I didn’t really know and only met once. But now I see!!! I thought he was the only one out there like that, the rare breed that I was looking for, and I’d never find another one like him. I get it now. Shew! Thank you, Matthew!
Women have unrealistic standards and women only date up but not down whereas men date up and down; however, both genders are frustrated with the dating market. Moreover, sexual liberation has let women down because it makes it easier for men to have sex without commitment.
@@Speedy300
And then there's the huge possibility of divorce and financial ruin in middle age.
@@Speedy300 Also, men that "check all the boxes" and are also aware of their dating value have insurmountable choice in the dating market. They can simply NEXT anyone that doesn't meet their standards in terms of beauty, personality, and demeanor.
Wow. This really hit 🎯 me. .. I feel like you are describing me...
@@indigodp7 ikr
"What's the thing that you give up?" - it's the hope that you'll meet someone good. The mindset, the open mind, the "waiting". That's what you want to know that you should give up.
Hypergamy doesn't care.
This is why a woman in the long run, also in a LTR/marriage, will always seek a better partner.
Not all women are like that, but all women can do that and the legal system will protect women and discard/dispose men.
TV, cinema, social media and today's social dynamics have raised the standards.
I would be giving up peace, quiet and freedom - and the trade is simply not worth it.
Every girl and woman should hear about this. Everything you explained is what I fell into in my first "real" relationship. I thought that if you love someone you let them be themselves and forgive, but really I was "teaching" my ex how to treat me badly.
The scarcity mindset is gold for the narcissist to prey on. This mindset is how emotional and physical abuse continues it's vicious cycle. I pray that every young girl in high school and college will receive this message because this would have helped save me a lot of heartache and time when dealing with my emotionally abusive narcisstic ex boyfriend.
As always, thank you Matthew for your educational and inspiring videos. God bless you.
Kat
Kat Huffines :: well said!!
"The scarcity mindset is gold for the narcissist to prey on. " Wow! Yes!....so true..And with a narcisstic boyfriend, there is never an end..You just should run and no contact ever again..I was in his game for 6 years!
*One man's point of view:*
Intelligence itself does not add or subtract from the desirability of a woman. It multiplies. I don't care if a woman is intelligent. I care if she is kind hearted and healthy. I care if she is a nice person to spend time with.
If she is kind she will likely be a good partner to raise a family with. If she is healthy she is inherently attractive physically, and more likely to be an active contributor to daily life over the long term. Instinct also tells me that her health is an indication of her potential children's health. Most importantly though, if she is a nice person to spend time with that is the strongest indicator of what life may be like by her side.
Intelligence multiplies the sum of her other characteristics. Intelligent, selfish and arrogant is highly undesirable. But Intelligent, kind and healthy are highly desirable.
@bzs I'm not sure I understand your comment. I don't use tinder but have met a lot of very beautiful women in my lifetime. Many of them educated with kind hearts too. Some of them assumed the worst of me at first, but I think that's because women are more selective than men and undoubtedly get preyed upon more often. Others are some of the most decent and caring people I've ever met, who remain part of my life many years later.
Adam Blois it is if you want it to be :)
Me personally I need a partner with a certain level of intelligence so that we can discuss certain topics or so that I won’t be offended by bad grammar, which in my mind means bad logical thinking as well.
Beautiful said. Great comment!
Well said. High intelligence doesn't automatically mean there is also a mature and healthy emotional mind. The intelligent person that keeps intimidating people just needs to learn how to take care of their own emotional needs and growth so that they can become better able to show warmth and kindness to the others around them.
I love your response to the lady in the room - you dissected her statement and narrowed it down to the actual question in it. this is why I had got to the conclusion fast that the work you do isn't "dating tricks/what to say to get a date" but it comes with a way more profound understanding of people, socialization and with a lot of wit. You're amazing, Matt. Thanks for finding your thing and sharing it.
You put what I was feeling into words
@What Not To Do At a Stoplight ew sorry, but that's not it chief. She's cute and I see nothing masculine in her. She's a queen. Others apparently are peasants.
@What Not To Do At a Stoplight
This is the problem with most women, they can't handle the truth, you speak logic they speak emotions. Don't waste your time trying to make a point, it is a losing scene.
Analysis; Based on how she speaks about how smart/ intelligent she is or how she intimidates men, her mannerisms or tone of voice, Cecilia gives off the vibe that is off putting and most logical men can see through her. She is not necessarily masculine but she has certainly hit the wall or has a "combative" vibe about her.
She might be a "queen" or cute to some but her sexual market value (SMV) is diminishing to the type of man she probably desires; the 666 man ( 6ft+ tall, 6+ figure income, 6''+... type man ), hence not as desirable for long term marriage material to these types of men. She needs to be at level 8+ on the face and body to meet these 666 type men or stop tying to date above her league.
Also she did not state how she is as a woman, other than her intelligence.. what else does does she bring to the table.
The question is not how intelligent or intimidating she is to men but what lack of "feminine quality" is she displaying to dismiss high value men she desires.
@@ogun3378 I love your comment! I wish someone could analyse me, so I can see my 'flaws' and correct what I can about myself. ^^
Although I don't have much problem with dating, I actually like meeting new people, and my last dates really liked me, but unfortunately I didn't :/ hope I'll like someone real soon
it applies to friendships! that happened to me with friends years ago. I thought the world of friends I used to have. Hard times? I was their cheerleader. Hard times for me, cricket sounds. They got sick, I cared. I got sick, nothing. They needed to vent I was there, I needed an ear, nada. Now I have friends that always ask me how I'm doing even when I'm doing fine. I just started investing a little and then expecting others to make a move, even when it comes to making conversation. Never try and make everything easier for others, you want for it to be smooth sailing by taking the wheel, don't.
WOW!😃 wise. Do not accept to TAKE ON THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES. Then they esp. Control freaks are EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE LIKE an INFANT. NEEDY. GIVE ME ALL YOUR KINDNESS & ATTENTION & your HARD EARNED 💰 MONEY While i SPEND it on junk & SELF-DESTRUCTIVE DRUGS ALCOHOL Tobacco weed drugs poisons to degrade US ALL. So. We CAN GET ANGRY Together. Chaos resulting. Thrilling & HURTFUL for & to FEEL something. Anything. Too Numb to notice. Is SELF-HATE. DESTRUCT. 😥😩😤😖😟😧😡😱😈 LACKING RESPECT DIGNITY & honor & CONSIDERATION FOR EACH OTHER:Courteous listening.POLITE BEHAVIOURS in daily conduct. This is love. Love is EFFORT TO DOING GOOD WORKS : WELL BEING (Satisfaction /Affection for well done. etc. Not self-ABSORBED.
Spartan Elf sounds like I could've written this myself....I get it.
hear hear 🥂
If you help someone and expect something in return maybe check your playbook.
Try reading Dale Carnegie’s book; it changed my perspective on other people.
@@Orandu I read Carnegie's book. There's such thing as 50/50 interactions and relationships. There should be a back and forth in healthy ones. So if there isn't one should leave, plain and simple
He said that dating is fun and should not exclude it from my life, but unfortunately dating has never been fun for me.
Okay now let’s be realistic: Online dating is one of the platforms for meeting your future partner but to me personally, it’s the most dangerous, least romantic and even a bit toxic for us women to step in nowadays. My own experience: 2 years using dating apps (on and off), tried at least 4 different ones, paid money for them, have met a few guys, properly dated only 1 but with one clear conclusion: immature guys who only look for fun are the only result that I’ve got from online dating.
Also, it’s not only about the mindset that we women have that’s about to lose hopes of the whole dating thing, it’s also about getting physically and mentally tired for trying. If you work full time, earning and trying to take good care of yourself, you know exactly what I mean. I just DONT HAVE ANY ENERGY for meeting new guys anymore. I just wanna be healthy, happy and chill. It’s hard to go out and talk to strangers cuz I simply just wanna nap that’s all!
Sylvia, I love your comment so much. It sums up how I am feeling right now. Hopeless! Dating is like a second job...but a dead end job with no promotion, living paycheck to paycheck, and having a crappy boss. lol I've dated off and on for the last 4 years and there have been no rewards, or bonuses, just disappointment, and time wasted.
I’m a man, and I go through the exact same thing.
I'm a guy and if you think e-dating for you as a woman is a disaster, here is my story which you probably won't believe anyway but here goes:
I say dating is MUCH harder for men and let my answers to these questions sink in:
- Q: How many succesfull relationships did you get out of real life?:
A: None
-----------------
- Q: Have you tried Tinder or any datingsite?:
A: Yes Tinder mostly but I also tried some datingsites, ie OkCupid and some popular paid ones.
-----------------
- Q: And how long have u been using them?:
A: Tinder for over 4 years now and like 2/3 months a bunch of the other sites over the course of god knows how long.
-----------------
- Q: How many dates out of those?:
A: zero
-----------------
Now you might think: "What?? Zero dates in 4 years? 😕 .... uhm okay"
- Q: Okay well so how many girls have you had a chat with then?:
A: ZERO!
Yes in all those years I have had zero conversations ever on Tinder!
-----------------
But hold on it doesn't stop there:
- Q: How many matches on Tinder in all those years?:
A: ZERO!
-----------------
That's right, 0 matches. This is the TRUTH right here. I have genuinly never ever had a single match, from what's supposed to be the easiest way possible to come into contact with women, e-dating.
I've tried everything on there. Professional photo's, no weird stuff like fish in hand, no nasty things in descriptionbox, at times completely empty, most times like 5-6 sentences max, I'm not disabled or ill, not fat either, still relatively young but out of uni. I don't swipe everyone left, but not right either. In all these years I must've atleast liked probably like 20K women minimum. Go figure.
Conclusion? ... You tell me?
Sylvia, your story and mine are identical ! 2 years of online dating, over 2 dozen first dates and quite a few "almost" relationships.... and I have nothing to show for it. Nothin. But frustration, heartbreak, physical and mental exhaustion? I've got PLENTY of that 😅
Sylvia Liang agreed
honestly, i don’t find dating fun. i think spending time with my own friends and family and spending time with myself is more fun than dating...
I can honestly say the same thing..there is too much pressure ..Being free and single isnt necessarily a bad thing !!
dating is fun when you're taller than 1m80, have all your hair and no scocial/physics problem otherwise it will be real painful for you
Me too
Dating is not fun at all, it`s really shitty
Wow, as a man I found this to be totally relatable, whilst I didn't ever really pursue the idea of giving up new experiences and new people, I contemplate it very seriously because I was tired of being treated like dog shit (ghosted, orbited, zombied... you name it) and exposing myself to a potential failure/rejection. Nowadays I understand it is part of the process, and that the true, long-lasting love comes from inside, anything you possess (material things, relationships) can be taken away at any moment, whilst true self-reliance and self-worth can't be taken away from someone else other than you, and I really believe no one's is important or necessary enough to ever prevent you keep living your life. Thanks Matthew, really important and revealing insights can be found in each of your videos.
She states my sentiments exactly. I'm not getting younger. I wasn't on the "preference" list of guys while I was young. I was so tired of hearing guys say " I prefer this or that". In other words they didn't prefer what I had to offer as a human being. So the behavior that I'm giving up is HOPE. Every year I hoped "this is the year" only to realize I've lied to myself again. HOPE is the behavior I'm giving up. Because hoping I'm going to meet the guy I'll mesh with is killing my spirit and giving me severe social anxiety.
LaT How This makes me sad but I hear you. Hoping almost feels like expectation-and that inevitably leads to feeling let down.
No please never give up hope. They say people in the worst situations survive because of that. You just switch the direction of your hope. Without hope life is meaningless. All the best to you.
Hmm... I partially agree. And partially not.
Your hope has been resting in a single action to save your life... Finding a man.
This single point of failure determines how you feel about your entire life.
So yes, you have to get this idea of a single saviour out of your head. Let go of the hope that this one event will happen and it will be so magical as to rescue your entire life and give you purpose at last.
But don't give yourself over to meaninglessness and depression.
Instead, place you positive emotion into something you can control. Become a fantastic version of you. Learn another language, volunteer, make clothing of your own design, become a great cook, etc etc.
This will give your life meaning regardless of your singleness.
And btw, behaving in this way.. relaxed, confident, open to the universe, providing value to others, expanding your social network... These happen to be highly attractive and effecting ways to draw the interest of good men.
Best of luck sister.
Oh no no no. I haven't given up on life or new adventures. I do volunteer. I teach Zumba two days and I go to the gym three days a week. I travel at least once a year, last year twice. I have taken up sewing. I teach recovering drug addicts. I've even saved a man's life by giving him CPR. I am a great cook. I've run 5k's and half marathons. I go to concerts, movies, and restaurants alone. I am by no means sitting around waiting. I am very confident in my gifts and talents. However it would have been nice to have these experiences with someone. That is what I've lost hope in, having a relationship. You're right I shouldn't AND I DON'T expect a man to come along and save me. I dont need to be rescued. I am going on a 7 day cruise later this year--- ALONE. Everything I do - I do it alone. I've just come to accept THIS IS IT. I'll be alone. My Hope/Joy for life is to the moon. I will never stop enjoying life. I am already researching where I am going next year for my milestone birthday. ALONE. I am giving up hope that I will get married.
@@cardiac711 ... Awesome! Well done.
And with such a rich life, and adding in the relaxation that comes from not pining for a specific outcome like marriage... Who knows what might come along. And if it does, you can enjoy it.
Kudos on building a good life!
(That reminds me, I have got to try Zumba, it looks fun)
Cheers!
Yes all of the above
Now I'm done caring
If they don't care
I don't care
Since my love was not enough
Now their words are not
ENOUGH
Yes you can only see if they are honest by actions never believe in words cuz its easy to say anything
Sbeve
wow..ur words gave me an indescribable strength..thanx.
Yes Lon Spector
A vibrator because people like you are useless in bed
That's why we women use
Vibrators
Men don't know how to MAKE love only fuck
A real woman need real
Men MAATE
Lon Spector
You're the Divine Feminine
Not me reversals
Re member xx
1. Abundance mindset
2. Perpetual self improvement
3. Follow your passions
4. Genuinely care about others
It wasn’t until I added #4 that I would find and/or get randomly approached by women with amazing energy. Everything Matt says is spot on.
Worthy By Nature m
An abundance mindset in a world where men are becoming less masculine, less straight, more porn addicted, selfish, emotionally unavailable... yeahh... maybe not a great idea.
@@helenarichard Porn needs to be banned. It literally rewires mens brains similar to cocaine or sugar. It often makes men more sexually violent as after a while they require more perverted and sadistic types of porn to get off. It sets unhealthy standards for sex and it is also very abusive to the women who star in it. Most women regret it and alot of young women get groomed into the industry. The whole thing is sick.
There are also alot of chemicals in plastics and the water that don't get filtered out and act like estrogen in the body of men or block testosterone. We are currently literally castrating men.
@@unyieldingmonotony4453 on a personal yes. But, liberal values and less restrictions on sex appears to give us more freedom and to being able to connect. Tyrannical control for things that is unsavory is not the why to set up a liberal democracy.
@@lpslancelot05 How much damage would porn have to do before you would say it is justified to ban it? I would say that perhaps a good way to ban it would be to make it illegal to make money from it, Don't allow any industries to pop up. Then you would have only amatuer, low quality and probably more healthy forms of porn.
Human beings brains, especially mens, are not desgined to live in a world with such high quality imagery. Historically you would not be able to see even a fraction of some of the things that happen in porn. Before you'd have to go to an orgy to see even a fraction of it.
If I'm being honest. I have been down this trap so many times, it's now to the point where I give up, and stop trying with men. It's like you said they are not going to take me seriously if I'm falling for the traps, so I've stopped and decided that me myself and I can be better, however it's always so much better to share it with someone
I stopped dating 10 years ago because I couldn't find someone who was interested in me. They were interested in my body but tuned me out whenever the conversation wasn't about them. There is so much availability so why would a man want to settle (especially for a regular woman)?
Sims Machinema I haven’t given up yet myself, but I’m sorry you’ve had a rough go of it! That sucks. :( I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I agree with you on the part about the high availability of sexual partners. Since I want something long term, I feel INSTANTLY outcompeted by so many other women who are willing to get physical very early on. Many men will accept sex from women they don’t take seriously, but they often don’t seem to give the time if day it women who want to get to know them and invest a little at a time before physical intimacy.
I guess I also do feel that the tricky dating we see is largely due to women’s choices and allowing bad behavior from potential partners. We teach others how to treat us, and traditionally speaking, women are the mate choosers in humans.
Same...no energy
The best thing you can do is really take a look into your own behaviours when you date. Watch more of Matthews videos and see what you can do to become high value. This is a process and it will take a while to change your behaviours, but it is really worth it, take it from someone who's been extremely insecure and gave everything to men I dated :). Work on being ok on your own and build a work on finding happiness with friends and family, so that a man can come in and share in that hapiness and you don't wish for him to be your entire happiness :). Good luck
Sit on my face please
Flip me that was crazy timing. You spying on my thoughts Matthew
Yes. Exactly my scenario. Someone stringing me along with no serious intentions and me having the scarcity mentality allowing bad behavior. The situation got worse for me, still trying to leave this situation at the moment. Pray for me.
....lower ur standards n I'll find the one.
the best part is reading comments. Love it!
Me too really interesting
This is the paradox of choice!!! There is so much access to options through dating apps, everybody (or almost) is wondering if there is still a better option out there!! One click and you have access to 1000’s people. So 1 little thing feels off, and hop here we go swiping 🙄
Interesting to see this coming from the females perspective. As a guy, it seems so many women are hurt or aren’t open. At least the ones I’m attracted to. Maybe my standards are too high, but I don’t need or want a model, just someone who is comparable in attraction.
I do think the multitude of choice though basically stalls people from committing, to these I agree 100%.
I'm a male and I'm currently in a relationship that' 100% a mirror image of the "worse behavior" = "not taken seriously" model. 4 years and I just didn't know better. Thank you for your knowledge and advice!
This video resonates with me deeply. Thank you, Matthew. I'm still single, but my dating selection and whom I choose to invest in as drastically improved as I shed the scarcity mindset. I am proud of how I date now: as you put it, I dropped the bullshit. I have a lot of flaws, but clarity is not one of them.
The idea here is to learn who is worthy of your time. Someone can show up being real nice but how much is this the real face of that person? This is pure gut feeling, Matt. Getting to worship yourself is good but if your clients feel something is missing is because they still are in the mind-set they need the other to be happy.
ghosting, mixed signals, breadcrumbs.....am living that
It gets extra depressing when you are having the first convo or first date and already know what their intentions are.. and normally, they're not what you want. Damn shame.
Yes, all people dating in 2020 are dealing with that stupid crap. It's due to the fact that many people don't have respect or common courtesy anymore.
@@astgoddess It's frustrating and childish as hell! Why do you gals do it!I had one l I messaged over a month ago finally gets back to me apologising she took so long, seemed nice, I message her back no worries how's it going seeing that she's still on the site....10 minutes....20 minutes.....30 minutes....I went for a shower and came back telling myself f*ck this if she hasn't replied by the time I'm done I'm deleting the contact, sure enough no reply..delete! Don't have time for this childish shit, we're supposed to be grown adults. The trouble is and you know I'm right, these sites give women floods of attention and validation and I was in the cue...'please hold' yea no thanks!
@@_Colie to get laid?
@@jaymcd8577 Trust that it isn't just girls who do this. This is about the character of the individual, not gender. Too many people think it's fine to just not talk to people but really, if someone isn't getting back to you much, they probably aren't interested. If they were interested, they lost interest. It isn't okay to show someone this way, they should have the decency to tell you. But some people are just not that considerate, or they are cowards.
I think the digital age has made people more superficial than ever. Even friendships are harder than ever before because our world is being globalized, people move around so quickly and don't spend much time in one place, which makes any sort of meaningful interpersonal relationship not possible, because a quality relationship (or friendship) takes time. And don't get me started on instagram models and their effects on what men value in women...... it's all about the looks and the ease of "access". I'm tired of small talk after small talk, where I meet people who are not capable of deeper, more meaningful conversation. But that is somehow how our world has become, with the advancement of internet. Everything is quick and only surface-deep.
Agree but I won't say it made people more superficial; I think it just showed how superficial people always were; unfiltered.
@@DMHR100 i agree with you. It's like the saying money doesn't change a person it just multiplies who they already were.
Yes but how we combat this is having FEWER more MEANINGFUL friendships!! Studies have shown people are much happier with this than having many superficial friends that you mentioned. I have a couple really good friends now and we talk about EVERYTHING I leave intellectually satisfied when we meet up it’s such a great thing. You’re totally right people are missing that these days.
The same human problems people are complaining about on the Internet, were around before the internet. What the internet has done is magnify the condition and people who were frustrated with it are finding each other and sharing notes.
The solution is the same - work on becoming a better person yourself, relax and enjoy the ride that is life. Be happy with or without a partner.
Excellent summation of the problem right here.
Mantra that I am getting for the whole video " When I stand in my wholeness and in my worth, I come from an abundant mindset, I can attract those who see me as worthy and love me for who I am" Thank you!
👌
We woman can't thank you enough Mathew for your work. You are saving souls around the world.
A. Yes I've done this! And what you're saying is true. He saw my investment as weakness and no longer valued nor respected me.
B. Yes! What you said to that young woman resonated with me. I stopped taking chances with dating for 6 years and obviously it has gotten me any further. I may as well try.
"He saw my investment as weakness and no longer valued nor respected me." Thats what 99% of men do probably..
@@seadd1 its the same the other way around. if i match over dating apps and invest too much the girls always lose interest .
I can relate to every word Cecilia said here.i got goosebumps just thinking about the fact that i can relate to someone miles away from me who feel the same!!
Mather Hussey you really know how to talk. Respect for you brother. The way you told that women to lower her standards is amazing.
I don't like dating, I wouldn't mind giving it up. It's not fun.
Agreed. I's exhausting and kind of a waste of energy.
I feel like regular hangout is much better than a "date" in 2k19. What you end up with a date is just exchange contact info and never text that person again afterward
You people are so selfish and addicted to worldly things. You will never find joy unless you find God and connect with Him!
Why is dating not fun for you?
@@stephanieganowski spending money, lol!!
Is not dating that sucks is people that sucks :) We should be more open, vulnerable and not judgemental with one another, not just in the dating world. But maybe not all hope is lost. Good luck to everyone
laboomerang :: Well said!
@@newtuber4freedom43 -You make TOO MUCH sense. . . .women will HATE you!
May I add insecure. People need to stop being insecure.
very true
No. That's a selfish way of thought. No one in this world has to open up to you and show vulnerability. That's an expectation that will get you nowhere. No one owes you trust. You have to earn that. No one owes you respect. You have to earn that. The Devil is deceiving you and so many others. Particularly people who've been damaged by humility and closed their hearts to the world. You have to earn everything in life.
Currently, in this situation. Friends have told me to give it up. Family has asked me, "what is wrong with you?" And although I know they are 100% right I still hang on. But after watching your video, it all makes crystal clear sense. I'm scared to give up the "connection"and fearful I won't ever find it again. Right on! Your explanation is the extra push I needed to make the best decision. Thank you so much!!
I was fooled once when I was nineteen and it was enough for me.
I’m getting married next month with my boyfriend of six years but I always watch your videos because of their healthy and positive messages and to check if I’m on the right track. So thank you :)
I agree that if it hurts too much you’re probably doing it wrong. Have fun & stay curious.
So at the 6 year mark, you're bored having sex with him. But you hope a wedding will change that. It might for 1-3 years. Then, dollars to donuts, you'll be regularly scanning your DMs, fantasizing about other men and eventually cheating (which you'll later claim "didn't count").
@@stevehehn if you see them this way. be careful..you might be seeing your own reflection. shallow human
I do not want to offend anyone. But there you go:
The least attractive thing to a man: "I am not getting any younger. I want to meet someone mature and intelligent who has drive in life and wants to build a solid relationship with me, be equal with me and respect me while appreciating my feminine nature."
Because this communicates as: "I have spent my prime years on assholes which makes me think men in general are immature assholes. Now I have already had all the excitement in life with better men, now I need a lesser man that would appreciate me at my older age. He can only get me at this age and he is just a consolation prize to me. He also must not act immaturely because that was a prerogative of bad boys not yours. Also even though all the people have questions about themselves whether they are fulfilling their full potential, I do not even think about whether I am making men who approach me, question their success in life with this "driven as much as I am" talk, hence making them insecure about something almost everyone is insecure, especially men with being success-objects in society. I also want them to commit to me before I commit to them or even meet them in person by asking for a blank check that says solid and serious relationship on it. Plus I add the subtext of that I not only want all the good parts of modernity but I also want the good parts of classical society by subtly making him not forget that he is talking to a woman. Essentially I want all the things from you that I did not want from other men. Only thing that has changed is that I am older now."
Ah. A fellow mgtow here.
She looks like a decent personn though. She'll find a simp and she MAY (she seems smart) be treating him correctly even if he gives less thrilling and/or is less successfull that her expectation. But i wouldn't take her burden and the risk myself.
Damn u seen right through her too
@@longnamenocansayy yep saw similar things during my time in the military during the Vietnam era. Still it took me a lifetime to have a basic understanding if female nature, I should have been much more cynical much younger, could have saved myself a lot of pain.....slow learner.
"...you know Cecilia, you ARE too smart, guys can't *get one over you*..."
Why are we in competition in the first place? Why does anyone have to get one over the other?
Ladies please understand that there's nothing intimidating about a sharp mind if you're using it in favor of your partner rather than against him/her. Jordan Peterson said in one of his talks "You shouldn't aim to WIN in arguments with your partner, because if you win frequently enough, you're living with a loser and the relationship will fall appart"
If you're smarter than me, but affectionate, femenine, highly empathetic and understanding and empowering, why would that bother me?
Let's play a game and reverse the roles: If a man would say "Women are intimidated by my physical strength!" you would immediately assume he's not misusing it in some horrible way instead of providing protection and all the other good things to better the relationship.
Secondly, although I admit that there has been very little feedback from the woman asking the question, she seems to accept the status quo of her being perfect and "wanting to find someone who accepts her for what she is" And Matthew, goes along with this from what I assume is the desire for the audience to like him, which is okay, but the advice he gives isn't productive. This modern age has brought about a curius taboo: change. If you so much as suggest to somen that they should improve or change something the reactions are often quite volotile.
Thirdly and perhaps the most important point I'm consistently encountering with my female friends: *you don't know what the thing you want LOOKS LIKE* , hence you're having a rough time recognizing it in the world. I can name 10 guys off the top of my head who are single and when you hung out with them you wouldn't believe they are. So what you're looking for IS out there, but you have to learn 1. What YOU are after and 2. What it looks like.
Just a guy's perspective, my apologies if I sounded a bit harsh at any point.
Because women ruthlessly compete with each other, due to socialisation starting in primary school, and taught they are equal to men, so do the same to those that they claim to love there. Pair bonding gives way to slow pace polyamory, multiples instead of one pair bonded.
I'm a woman
Nd this was such a kind explaination I was searching for
This perspective was so perfect nd to the point
Thank you
Very well said!!!
@@mariamiranda3208 Thank you Maria!
@@thedoublep Just glad to offer a different perspective on things. Cheers!
I can relate. And the behavior I have stopped is chasing. Once they signal interest, especially if it's not authentic interest, I chased after that like a carrot on a stick. I've stopped a self sabotaging pattern in my life. I'm so grateful for this video. Thank you for all you do 🌈💙
Thats the problem.
Men get taught to stop chasing and women get taught to stop chasing.
If both do it 100%, noone will ever have a relationship ever again.
So what does the future hold if noone ever is going to ask someone else for their number (="chasing").
Im serious, im so confused how that advice helps anyone?
I mean dont get me wrong, im happy and currently improving myself and truly dont mind that im single.
But if everyone does it, there wont be any relationship ever, will there?
Can you maybe help me understand this? 3 years have passed, what are your experiences since then?
Just like Howdie said, how is "not chasing" helping anyone at all? I can understand the idea of not throwing yourself completely at someone in hopes of quickly locking them down, but what happened to just casually socializing with them and getting to know them in a two-way conversation, totally not worrying about the idea of it being a "date"? Why do we have to perpetuate this idea of "don't chase" as if your future partner is gonna magically fall into your arms if you don't even give ONE hint or sign of interest? Do you think that's going to happen with you? Because I can guarantee the only guys that are gonna fall into your lap and latch onto you by not chasing are the simps of society (that is, if your looks are 100% going to be how you get someone in the first place).
If by "don't chase" you mean don't talk or express any sign of interest at all, then you have yet another unfavorable outcome awaiting you, and it's gonna involve a ton of guys losing interest after you give them what they were chasing. Attracting someone is more than just playing games. Its showing them you're a person of substance who can have fun around your partner, and someone who has a lot in common. Not someone who doesn't chase, give any signs, doesn't drop hints, and promotes this borderline narcissistic behavior.
lol YOU can relate ? women have it 5000 % more easier then men in dating , sex and love. your spoiled already get outta here
Dating just means "collecting data". People just make it harder than it has to be by falling too fast and jumping into bed too soon. Just as friendships develop slowly over time, so should romantic connections.
Definitely ! This is the most valuable comment out here. It necessary to 'collect data' as you say and try out dating someone at least 2 or 3 months to really see if that is the person you wanna spend your life with.
What if someone falling off fast during this 'collecting data' period?
What's your advice for that?
@@ChoiceSC The sad fact of life is that we can't make people do or feel what we want them to. We can only be our best selves and trust that in doing that, we will meet a partner who finds it effortless to be around us and eventually fall in love. Love shouldn't be difficult, especially in the beginning stages. Now marriage is a different story because that can come with serious trials and tribulations, however in the first few years of a courtship, things should flow. However, there are cases when a man has a LOT of baggage from previous relationships and is running on fear (more common with men over 40). But either way, whether he's scared to commit or he is " just not that into you", the best course of action for the woman is to pull away. Men don't respond to nagging or pleading or manipulation. They respond to no contact. And as a woman, we need to keep the attitude that:
" Hey, there's no hard feelings. You simply don't want what I want so I'm going to continue my search for a man that DOES want what I want".
Sometimes a man needs the opportunity to miss us in order to realize our value and how we contribute to his life. If he doesn't come back, have a good cry, eat some ice cream, and then get back on the horse. He clearly wasn't THE ONE.
Against all advice and her own prejudices, I have a friend who jumped into bed with a guy waay soon (she met him in an all inclusive in Mexico) and now they've been together for 3 years
@@antov7569 I agree that sometimes becoming intimate soon doesn't ruin a good thing. I slept with my exhusband after the 2nd date and we were married for 13 years. However, I think those odds are stacked against us, particularly because of internet dating which gives men a huge inventory of choices to move on to after they've conquered, as opposed to the old days where a guy might be more inclined to hold on to a woman because it was a lot of work to find her in the first place.
Notice that when she was questioned about what she might do differently she had no clue. Probably never even gave it thought before. That's the problem. It's always, "there's something wrong with the men but never me."
kuunami narcissists never question themselves 🤷♂️
Everyone does this in an aspect of their lives. It's a matter of taking ownership over the role they play in their own problems, and actually keeping an open mind, rather than just saying they have one. Her mind is closed. Bad habits and bad thinking aren't easy to change.
After getting burned and told I was inadequate enough times, I just accepted I would never have the wife I wanted, focused on my goals exclusively, and my life has dramatically improved. 🥳
Because they aren't dating. They are shopping and they think the product is defective. "The customer is always right."
God forbid i leave my comfort zone and start a conversation with a man...
Matt - thank you so much for making this video. This is EXACTLY what is going on right now for me in a relationship of 2.5 years, and I’ve started to take some measures against this. But the thing that is stopping me most in creating something that is right for me is the fear of losing this connection all together and that I might be losing “the love of my life”. Hope you have some answers as to how to lose this fear & how to create the lasting mindset and tools within yourself that enable you to get rid of the bullshit quicker and more permanently (i.e. not falling back into accepting bad behavior). Looking forward to what you have to say next week, again you hit the nail on the head with this video!
Hi Mat, I’ve been following your channel for some time now and I just wanted to tell you that you’ve really helped me in letting me understand my worth and value in this dynamic dating world. I love the content and all your videos are super exuberant. Keep up the amazing work.
saying, "super exuberant" is just saying "super super".
The problem is that available singles that think "I'm smart, strong, successful, and have high standards?" are all living in a high horse, and when they fall off of it (as they often do) their egos get hurt really bad!
......kind of like "pride coming before the fall" All of this 'success' is based on greed and it is living on the edge all the time.....until as you state......"fall off".
Ye, the woman in this video was the prime example. When he reacted to her, i was thinking, oh he is going to try and be gentle when telling the truth, it will come soon in some nice and friendly wording. It never came. He never told the truth. Her high horse is the problem and the reason she won't find a man.
@@antondegroot6061 These 'coaches' simply prolong the attachment to illusion.
@Inebriatd Oh i always thought there are more bare women in marketing because both men and women react to it each in their own ways. bare men are much less interesting because both men and women react much less strongly to that.
@Inebriatd It really sounds like your elaboration stems from frustration actually. I am frustrated too, else i wouldn't be in this comment section, but at least i know it, and i am not gonna make a fool out of myself by acting like women are less than men in any way.
Extremely thought provoking... as always, grateful thanks Matthew 🤗😉
I understand your frustrations ... but I rather spend energy being ‘hope-filled’ and doing activities or investing in experiences that either fulfils or challenges me 😘 after all ... I’ll be having a relationship with myself the whole of my life .... I’m happy getting to know me better 😉😘💕 hugs to you 🤗
I haven't dated in 5 years, because every woman I've dated didn't have realistic expectations, so I just got tired of it.
@coptic777 ikr or even women who are some what good looking, but want a guy who looks like a model or body builder. Even women who have somewhat professional careers want a guy with better careers and I live in small town where that type of mentality has infected.
Not to mention the inflated undeserved sense of self-worth.
One guy on another video said it perfectly, "Either women are looking to just hook up or if they want a LTR or marriage it's for all the wrong reasons" i.e. you have to making 6 figures so they can build their 'nest' in your house and then of course dump you later when they get bored of you because the legal system *facilitates* that and now you have to pay them to live for free. With your children. Whom you will never see
Dude there’s been a literal and deliberate attack on family structures and men vs. women with the gender wars and other nonsense. The waters have become very muddied so it takes a very willing heart these days and a STRONG filtering process to sort the wheat from the chaff. Best wishes to you on your journey
Good for you bro it ain't worth it. Chase excellence not women.
I had this type of situation too many times in life and didn't understand what I was doing until now. It's so clear to me in this moment. I have to watch this a few times more, not to forget it. I am ready to create something real in my love life 💪
I am at a point where I’ve completely lost confidence in dating and I think it’s exactly because of what you said. My mindset has been one of scarcity and it has had that effect in all of my relationships: I’ve never been valued. Thanks for helping me open my eyes and realize it’s under my control to change the outcome of my relationships.
why do you think you've never been valued?
@@MartinZhel because she is only attracted to chad and tyrone and they look good but treat her like crap. She completely ignores all the normal men.
@@rev.jimjonesandthekool-aid4488 that may not be the case. some times you just attract crappy people so they are your only options.
Yes. I have lowered my standards almost every time I care too much. And I tend to fall exactly for the ones who make it hard for me to feel loved I guess because that’s my issue. I have also dated somebody I don’t like that much so I feel less lonely but i was aware it was settling for something I didn’t desire. I am ready to experience a real relationship. I just hope there is the guy right for me.
Allie, you go after the unavailable Chad's and you walk past tons of good guys. You created your own situation. Tons of women are like that.
spot on - fell into the trap of caring too much about a connection - because I am genuinely kind I was far too understanding and accommodating of shitty behavior. I decided to change the dynamic. Made my standards clear. Two months later... still have not heard from the guy... and it is ok.
Katrin Atnikov, you look stunning 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌺🌹 🌹🥀 🥀🌹🌹 🌷
Amazing ! So true !
I did my best for them and they just took it for granted
I did my best for myself
And they are now lining up !
I don’t understand but this is how it works !
Anyone who tells a woman her problem is she’s “too smart” is literally a yes-person who’s giving you bad information. That’s like telling a guy who can’t find a girl he’s just too handsome. You need self reflection not gratuitous validation. She’s probably smart but i hope she wasn’t dumb enough to fall for that line.
The "men don't like smart women" meme is bullshit. At worst men don't care if you are smart. But the reality is that most women who think they are "too smart" are just stupid and obnoxious. The whole sentence shines someone not being based in reality.
Amen dude. It's a pandering line some women eat up to avoid introspection.
Some people also say that as an excuse to mask the truth like a guy saying your too good for him... He prob mean your not good enough
Of course she fell for it. Most women just want to be told they were right.
@@sumsar01 agree
Thank you for this phrase: "Statistics don't matter to the individual". It says it all: answers all the prayers and gives hope. There's no excuses.
This needs to be translated to Spanish and other languages asap! Sometimes loneliness can play with our hearts and we allow ourselves to take bullshit in so many aspects of our lives 🤦 Gracias por este recordatorio 😘
👍👍
Yes loneliness is a big factor and is epidemic now with so much selfishness! We all wounded how badly we treated we become closed down to others stop trying and never trusting 😤😝😕
Estoy completamente de acuerdo contigo
@@nutricionormal2 Sorry don't understand Spanish😕
I call it the Pepe Le Pew effect... that cartoon from warner that used to pursue love so hard that always ended scaring the ones he fell in love with ... when i meet someone interesting i behave like if i were another person, that does exactly what it's said on the video... if a friend or any person i'm not interested in treats me wrong i cut the relationship off inmediatly without hesitate a minute and i dont get angry, there is plenty of other people... but when the possibility of love is involved... i become so stupid that if i were my friend i'd slap me in the face...
This was actually the best advice I’ve heard in a while. And the way it was phrased was so much better than, live your life and he’ll show up.
Let me ask you, is it possible for women to have unrealistic expectations of men and relationships?
Stacey Curry,you got a smile ☺️lol 😁
Omg.. I actually feel sick because this has been me for so long in multiple relationships even beyond romantic. Family and friends too.
I am so glad I watched this through the end. Wow. Thank you Matthew. So so so much.
Im 24... And I hv opted out ... Dating, Relationship, MARRIAGE... Too dangerous,Much more effort than previous generation ( stated by my parents married for 26y), Too little gain.
@@s1leh
No S***
bizkitgto MGTOW is very toxic lmfao. Just like feminism. Most of their community is full of self pity and self entitlement.
Of course there’s women who only want to screw over men. There’s plenty of men who think nothing when they screw a woman over. How bout this? Be mature and give those people no time of day. Dating sucks for everyone.
No dude wants some used up whore for a bride, but we will happily pump and dump girls with zero self respect. If you don't like this, thank feminism - we used to hold the door and sit on sinking ships for you, we won't be doing that for sluts. No hymen = no diamond.
I'm a woman and I feel the same way about marriage. Maintenance sex SUCKS! It's demoralizing and not nearly as exciting as the real thing. I can't live the rest of my life like that. After 18 years, I got out and I'm never getting married again. Not sure if I ever want to live with anyone again, either unless he knows how to take care of himself and has the same views about money that I do.
@@FairandUnbalanced MONEY MONEY MONEY
"Men are intimidated by smart women" = self-limiting belief
Its literally the sour grapes story.
Also okay, so some men are intimidated--that's good! That means they'll leave you alone! Which is what you want.
@@ariadnewolf8667 Just ignore reality, stroke your ego.
@@parrotshootist3004 Yes, this...is a perfectly reasonable reply that has some vague relationship to what I wrote. Oh- no, wait! That doesn't sound like you, does it?
I think some people are intimidated by smart people who use their intelligence as a weapon against others. That are condescending because they feel they're superior. They can be extremely sarcastic, which is sometimes a sign of intelligence. Others pick up on that and withdraw from you. Intelligent women tend to use their intelligence as a way of telling themselves they're too good for most men. Men pick up on that.
Lol, this video is for women... This video says: I see. I heard you. I feel you. Yes, it is hard. Keep doing what you do. U do u, go girl.
Here I saved 10 minutes of your life
Good summary of the main points, but I think that it's the way that Matthew packaged that advice to convince her not to give up that's important. Anyone can say 'awwh, don't give up, girl', but not everyone can actually convince her not to give up! Respect to Mathew for being a good motivational speaker.
You actually wasted about a minute of my life.
He should have shut down that women when she did where is the man that’s attracted to my strength .... strength is a masculine quality .... men like soft gentle feminine women ....
@@coreybrown4192 Yeah but not all. I am also masculine in some ways and I still found a guy eventually even when I was myself and not hiding that part because at least one guy liked it who I liked as well :)
That’s because that guy was acting feminine at the time .... we each have masculine and feminine frames.... but by law of sexual polarity it’s when we are at our opposites is when attraction occurs ....
Just an idea, but if you are constantly thinking "I'm smart, strong, and near perfect" instead of "what can I do to improve myself" then you are probably not strong, smart, or near perfect...
This woman thinks she has already arrived, she clearly has a lot of work to do on herself.
I half-joke that I'm smart enough to wish I was smarter. There's always someone out there better at everything than you. The higher up you climb your chosen profession, the more you run across this.
@@manictiger A smart person is smart enough to wish they were dumber.
@@gurusmurf5921
Bullshit. If you really wanted to be dumber, there are a myriad of ways to do it, like huffing paint thinner.
thank you.
Thank you for offering realistic optimism as an alternative to "giving up."
The last relationship I had was great, but every day she'd come up with something I needed to change about myself, and whenever I brought up something she should work on, it was met with a "like I give a shit." She was perfect and I was never going to be good enough. To me, that's what dating a woman is.
I'm sorry for you, but what you experienced then was not an actual deep relationship. If she truly cared for you and wanted to spend her life with you, she would seek in which way you could come closer together, not by what you could change about yourself that would benefit her, but by reaching common terms (if that's even proper english).
Anyway, to cut it short:
*_B E W A R E O F T H OT S_*
that's the way i see it,, and that's the way a lot of men see it. how many unhappy marriages are there? almost all of them. probably most men in the world see it your way.
I know two people where it was the same, except the genders were reversed. According to the man, the woman had to change pretty much everything about herself and the man was perfect. They went to relationship counselling, but the therapist said they couldn't work with the man. He was impossible. It became an extremely toxic divorce and their poor little son was the biggest victim, even though the woman tried pretty much everything to make the divorce amicable. People throw the word around all the time, but the man is a true narcissist. Daniel, I'm sorry that that's how you see dating a woman. I don't agree with that view. That's dating an asshole of any gender.
Please don't define the rest of your dating life by one crappy relationship. The main problem with relationships nowadays is that people seem to think they need to change the person they're with because they have some odd idea in their head about the perfect person. If that person doesn't fit they try to make them fit. No one should do this. She was wrong for that. If you're still interested in dating, find someone who loves you for YOU and if they try to change you but aren't willing to invest equally in what they need to work on, it's not worth it. You can do better Daniel, you will do better :)
Anna133199 that's not the norm. It's almost always the woman telling the man to change
The REAL lesson here is that this guy is making serious money pandering to women's inflated egos and massive sense of entitlement. lol
he is teaching how they can get a man to give them everything they want, typical
Straight facts G
if you listen to what he says, he actually don't give any solution
@@albertp3721 Of course not. Women don't want solutions. The just want to bitch about things. lol
Yes and no. He did have that video straight up telling women their time isn't as valuable as they think it is.
I’ve kicked out the bs! It’s like you’re talking to me directly! Wow! This is helping me so much. YES!
Everything point that you have brought up makes sense beyond anything I’ve ever known about dating. I’m truly humbled by your wisdom Matthew.
I’m really starting to change my inner dialogue.
A million Thank yous. I hope to attend a live seminar soon.
How old are you ,?
I fell in that trap before. Guilty af🙋♂️ But with this new informations I'm sure I'll act differently from now on
I don't like how he fills her head with BS. She was not wrong when she said "I'm not getting any younger." Why deny it? Also it's not a bad thing to be smart, especially when it comes to marriage. Some men prefer smart women. BUT these women are still feminine. She's probably very assertive, competitive and can't be relaxed and gentle around her man. That is what repells men, not her brains.
That's his business. Despair of people.
@Makeup Minion Most men don't marry a "strong" woman. They prefer agreeable women, just like most women prefer taller men. Men can have standards too. If you can't meet them, better get some cats.
@Makeup Minion I'm a woman and by the way I'm celebrating my first wedding anniversary next week. If you want to keep a man, better respect his wants and needs.
Op : you are a rare one and really smart to figure that out.
Bless both of you and all my best wishes.
Very smart and perceptive young lady you are, the woman in this video equates her degree(s) with being smart, but intelligence is nuance. She has only developed one side of her personality. Your comment shows you are intelligent and men are never intimidated by that. Congratulations on your first anniversary and many more to you and your husband!
Dating apps have been nothing but crap. Too many choices, breadcrumbing, ghosting, flakey people. Finding someone in person is hard to get started but more successful in the long run.
To me, her question was: should I lower my standards and start accepting invitations from people less good looking, with less money and less successful or should I continue waiting for prince charming?
i think that's right. she probably was asking that question. why she didn't just say it in front of a whole room full of women who feel the same thing? because women would rather play a game of double talk than just speak the truth.
Problem is, being with the wrong person is far worse than being alone. I'm not looking for prince charming but there has to be some chemistry there or I will get bored and start to feel trapped. I don't know why everyone is talking about being alone like it's a fate worse than death. It's not that big a deal.
That's female hypergamy, they will settle with someone who's more valuable than them. They think by overpricing themselves they'll eventually find mr.right.
@@longnamenocansayy You can never be direct with females. They would rather beat around the bush for hours than get to the point, its entertaining to them. And yes, even though she was asking that she would never actually do it unless she is completely desperate. Women would rather be dead than be seen with a less successful men by other women.
Yo women don’t care if a man is successful to other women’s eyes. That’s not how we work.
For these women, this guy is the equivalent of box wine.
Box wine is so good though lol I also keep it in my parents' garage, is that where Matthew is?
I noticed it's an audience full of obviously lonely post-30 women...
This guy looks like the love interest in every chick flick ever...
I'm sure there's no connection.
@@nightmathzombieethan Matthew is hot. Lol
Cheap but tastes good? Cause you're exactly right. Unfortunately for all the women who listen to this guy, none of them realize that he does this shit to make money and lonely post wall women are his gold mine. He can give all the generic superficial advice in the world. But the one thing all these women have in common is that its already too late for them. Why buy used when you can rent for free in todays society? If a man is gonna buy, he's buying new and young, women need to take that to heart. Women still think they can sleep around in their younger years without committing, giving away their sexual value freely, as is their right. But young women tend to like older guys for their money, stability and maturity. Now knowing this if you are in your 30's how can you expect guys your age or even older to settle for your used and abused body and mind? Then these delusional women still get mad that men date younger women when really they're just mad that they wasted their own youth and are jealous of the younger girl with options.
@@Kindaul because the guys are used and abused body and mind too lol . Not all young girls dumb enough to go for used old guys.
It is as you described very frustrating. After a long distance relationship of just over a year ended last March, I have tried online dating. Never make it more than a week before I throw in the towel. No one seems genuine and if they do they vanish which reinforces the notion that they were never genuine to begin with. I’m not giving up. I know the person I’m meant to be with is out there. I will just go on about my life until the time is right and we meet.
Yes. One of the reasons I feel is the prevalence of texting and online communication. It's superficial, impersonal and I hate it. Guys love it, but it's not real. It erases originality and depth.
The little things don't matter anymore.
I want the little things to matter again.
Most guys hate it, they just do it because it's the most accepted means of approaching in dating.
synyster gaitas The last two guys that I started dating both questioned my commitment to building a connection due to my tardy (couple of hours late) replies to texts. I'm just not stuck to my phone. It wasn't personal. Dating is just impossible. It's just too complex.
@@acs2735 Yup, I get your point. Same thing happens to me, go for dudes that like person to person comunication. Like me, but not me because I live in Portugal.
synyster gaitas In addition, I also try hard to value each individual that crosses my path. I don't understand how expendable (in terms of online connections) everyone is nowadays. It's so sad.
@@acs2735 you try to value each individual but the last two guys questioned your commitment to building a connection... why you lying, the truth will set you free
I spent 4 years caring way too much and was left feeling like I was caring enough or wasn't loving him the way he wanted to be loved but still boasted in the fact that he took advantage of me in so many ways that left me feeling worthless. After all that, even when I find someone special, I definitely won't be tolerating the bullshit. I want to find someone who will see my value. Although I do have so many blind spots and uncertainties within myself. Thanks Matt, great video x
Just remember Love doesn't hurt or force you in anyway. If you meet anyone like that make yourself walk away. Most of you are young and have 3-4 years of hell to be with an asshole then one day you wake up and your 60 and can't get that time back nor the healing time back. Then your single and 60. Uh not a good place to be alone either. Do not waste time anyone men or women with obvious bad behaviors.
He is so amazing I am so impressed with how self-aware Matthew is. His guidance helped me in so many situations where I would put less value on myself and like he says, sabotage myself as a result. I have taken a stand behind my own standards and went through a horrible breakup just to keep them and persevere my ability to keep exploring and be open to people I meet.
I went on 2 dates that felt like a job interview. 1 of them was really intimidated. But it’s good to find out on the first date (: I feel like now I’m getting more quality men because I love who I am and what I do. So my pool is getting larger cuz I’ve got my shit together ❤
Honestly, I've tried Matthew's tip of giving just enough in my words that both shows my interest but also my standard~ and honestly, wow 😍 I think it's also about the guy too, whether or not they want to be serious, it's best to not entertain those guys (that's my choice, but I'm sure there's great guys there too)
Omg have I fallen nto this.Never again I am worth far more, alone or with someone. You always push the penny to drop thank you so much. You are actually giving me my value back.
1:54 - Oh yeah, you're just too damn intimidating, strong and smart for men in this day and age. Here's some free advice from a man - men are never intimidated by a pleasant disposition . . .
Of course you know best, dear. I'm not worrying my pretty little head. Here's your sammich
@@aphroditeg2712 - I forbid you to make me a sandwich, lmao.
@@stevet6665 why?
'Smart and strong' in female world means *spiteful, ungrateful, unaccountable, demanding, entitled, self-centered, rebellious like a catty 13 year old with a wildly deluded ego.* This man just needs to tell all this women, "It's simple, stop being CUNTS, feminism failed. You SUCK at being men. It's over. Time to get back to being housewives"
Agreed. You can be a successful xyz, but if you have a pleasant disposition it makes all the difference. I work with female doctors, most of them dont have a pleasant disposition, just a constant competitive attitude.
I'm coming in here with some harsh truth, ladies, but this dating landscape is exactly what you want it to be. You'd all rather share and get pumped and dumped by the top 20% of men than settle for the men out there who right now would give you the relationship you want. Mind you that most women consider "settling" dating a guy in the 30-40% range. There are so many great men out there that you turn your nose up at because your becky ass friends won't be jealous, or because they make 50k a year vs 100k a year, or because they can't take you on fancy vacations multiple times a year, or because they don't look like Chris Hemsworth. Where did all the good men go? You told us we weren't good enough for you, so we found better shit to dedicate our lives to. Ourselves.
well said. all women are in the 80 to 100% desirability range. only 10% or fewer men are within the standards of acceptability. most all men are fat ugly stupid smelly poor dressers short don't talk well or murderers. most all men are not worthy of the wonderful countesses make up the world. lucky for me i have other intersts, because i know i would never find a woman to share my life with.
They made their bed, now they should sleep in it. Alone... Well, perhaps with some unfortunate cats.
What bullshit MGTOW is this. This is for people who want relationships.
Amen brother
@Witch's Brew Views Money...simple as. We're told all the time that actually looks count less with you ladies. Once other needs are met of material security and comfort you'll settle for that instead. While ducking the pool boy on the side, of course
Matthew, that is EXACTLY the point! "The higher the frequency you're living on, the less people are gonna be either availble to you or desireable to you." The consequence is actually to give up. I gave up on all of these concepts and all of these do's and don'ts. It is not about giving up going out, talking to people but I gave up on dating. Giving up on dates which are not working was the best thing ever. Yes indeed. It increased my joy of life again. The right word is BTW not "giving up" but "surrendering".
The difference is that a man won't hold it against a girl if she's intimidated by him and might even lower himself to make her feel more comfortable. A woman will most certainly drop or ignore a guy if he's intimidated by her.
Matt Damon met his wife in a bar. She was a minimum wage bartender.How many women of calibre of Matt Damon are going make a choice like him?
I bet when Matt met his wife to be she was quite pretty BUT I would bet double thaf she was also cheerful, with a gsoh and a warm genuine personality!
Sorry but men don't care about a woman's career! It's just biology.
The truth is a quality man like Matt will go for a sweet girl next door type over a lawyer with some attitude any day.
If you are reasonably good looking, with a WARM personality, good soh, keep fit and slim, have ANY job that allows you to live comfortably then you shouldn't have any problem attracting a good guy.
Just look at the young girls you might know that are settled with quality men. They must be doing something that you aren't!
They come from good families, they keep fit, they work and have little or no debt, they don't get drunk, they don't sleep around, they respect themselves and others and they have similar friends!
Just a thought.
We are all learning.
@@marks-0-0 She had a 7 yr old kid from another marriage. His wife was never a sort of "looker". She just looked okay now and then.
@@viralityfactor987 hey, it's a little hard trying to figure out if a user name is M or F!
I re read the OP. Good point how many Female film stars of Matt's calibre marry would marry a male bartender!
M and F definitely have their issues but F seem to be alot more choosy with their dating. The 80/20 rule etc.
But the "wall" is waiting for women who get it wrong. Its a risky game they play.
@@marks-0-0 they do. After they hit the wall. For example, Charlize Therone went desperate xD
@@marks-0-0 Men and women look for different things in relationships.
I've been ready for something REAL for years but it just gets harder and harder with the games people play. But I still remain positive.
Keep trying causes depression after so many let downs
The average women aims way to high and those top men do not care about the average girl at all. so no wonder they get let down, you won't take the man who's your equal, and only take men who only want sex because they can get better marriage material. so no wonder you are let down.
@@LegoSwordViedos absolutely. I enjoy watching women eat the karma of their own shallowness, when they're forced to face reality. They reject themselves every time they reject a guy who is on their level, in their hope to wait for a guy who would never settle for them.
what's strange about this channel is that a few years ago this comment section was full of women now as I'm reading I mostly find mgtow lmao. y'all hurting my man's pockets stop it lol
But I gotta admit, the comments are a hecka lot more entertaining
If they were really MGTOW they would not be hanging out on DATING VIDEOS! It is a contradiction.
@@lh2435 I'm here for the comments and laughter
@Thelondonbadger It's true, the CEO of google is on video clapping after someone said white men need to check their privilege and do bias training.
ua-cam.com/video/FRf9UxsM-NE/v-deo.html
@@boogiemcsploogie True feminism doesn't need to die. It's okay for women to fight for equality.
People just need to respect each other.
Matt’s the best man.... helping girls understand what good dudes are thinking 💭 keep it up man and thanks again
Some people are not destined to be married or in a relationship. That's ok. I have God in my life. That matters to me the most.
you are the creator of your destiny. God will help you
Lady Warrior big mood
Pssst little secret you should know. GOD DOESNT EXIST.
@@keshavnemeli God means something different to every individual. Your higher being will support you whether you believe or not. Energy cannot be created or destroyed. I believe in the energy of the Universe. There's no denying that. I wish you healing
Keep that up and we should see to it you might get a darwin award. I don't think your imajinary friend will be of much help.
I am at the point where I look forward to your videos Matthew. You are doing a Fantastic job with your content, please keep using this Wonderful gift you've been Blessed with! 👏❤
those words are just so truthful! Im binge watching here and writing literally everything down. So thankful that we are in those days where there is you tube and social media, so that you can spread this freakin message, everybody should hear.
I’ve definitely fallen victim to thinking in scarcity terms ESPECIALLY as a black woman scarcity is the main narrative that is sold to us through the media and entertainment. My most recent dating experience, I walked away early because I knew I was dealing w someone that wanted to string me along, years ago I would have held on and devalued myself out of fear and scarcity thinking. So I’m still single but I know I’m living my life for me now and I’m gonna keep valuing myself no matter what
I hear you!
And guess what that’s all that matters black queen. Our worth as women is not determined by a loving relationship. It would be lovely to be in one but it shouldn’t be the end all be all of life. If it’s true that tomorrow is not promised then we shouldn’t allow things that are not in our control to validate us because from the moment we are born, we are all worthy of life and love. If a man can’t see that, he can go. As black women it’s true things are more challenging depending on where you are in this world but if you buying into that “woe is me” “scarcity” mentality just give you low self esteem in the long run. And as Queens we can’t afford to operate in that frequency.
Scarcity is a real thing. The thing is though that there's no scarcity among any women, including black women. Single men are all around you. So there's only one explanation. You just reject them.
Clarissa Davis for real
Ladies, as a man, I apologize for how you are treated. Modern dating for men and women both is frustrating, and I don't think it's assisted AT ALL by dating apps.
I too felt jaded and wronged for a couple years as I felt marginalized and turned into one option of many for ladies who were playing the field.
I haven't online dated in close to 10 years, and even then it was 1-2 dates max before I peaced out, but I've seen the negative repercussions of dating apps. How being mistreated, ghosted, or bread crumbed, just causes people to do the same to others.
So even though I didn't online date, I ended up dating gals and meeting them in real life when they were using apps, and they were so much different than women I dated who eschewed apps. They were less empathic, less kind, and poor communicators.
And then, this year, I met one special lady. And it was wonderful for the short time I had her, and even knowing that it would probably end, since most relationships do, I appreciated every single moment I had with her. We broke up, ultimately, because we miscommunicated some life goals, but that's OK.
The lesson is this: when you have one bad dating experience after another, it really brings you down, so much so that you perhaps don't realize just how bad it's become until you date one good person.
And then you realize that, yes, you are a fully rounded, capable person. A person capable of loving, appreciating, compromising with, and journeying with another.
My advice, ladies? Strive to be that type of woman who is smart and emotionally intelligent.
And get rid of the apps. You'll meet far better men taking that time and money and spending it elsewhere to meet the right guy.
It only takes one of us to give you the life of romance, happiness, and fulfillment.
And trust me--the right guys? We're ready to give it to you.
That was refreshing. Good comment to end my youtube procrastination with. All the best to you from a gal in the belly of the beast (Washington, DC)!
Thank you for this, it kinda made my day as lame as that sounds.
@@Nadine-bx2dg not lame at all! I empathize. It's tough for you ladies. Just keep your EYES OPEN to the awesome guys. There are more of us than you know.
It's hard for us dudes too. I'm 30, good looking, in shape, good job, passions, and just want a kind woman to share that with.
I cope with singledom by watching a LOT of romantic comedies, haha.
@@MagnumoftheMountains I like what you wrote. I just find it interesting how I have a bad experience with people gosting so far and every guy say they experience the same. Why can we not meet in the middle and just be real with each other? Good luck !
@@kimmiller2297 There aren't a lot of bad people in the world--just a lot of average people. Men and women who can still sleep at night after doing things like ghosting. That's not you, not me, and not a lot of folks who follow Matt's work. I'm sorry that's been your experience with men--you deserve to have a guy tell you straight up how he's feeling, whether it's, "Wow, I feel this great connection/attraction, let's keep dating," or "Hey, you're an awesome person but I don't feel a spark--let me tell you that straight up rather than make you suffer by wondering and then have me ghost you."
I love Matthew because he is compassionate before all else.
He is not cocky and vain.
Plus he is easy in the eyes.
I am grateful for people like him all over the world.
A perfect mix of humbleness and drive.
Bloody hell, I swear you have a direct link to my thoughts, always appreciate having someone else bring some reality to the subject ❤ thanks!
It is good to know that more than one person feels that dating sucks. I guess we just have to focus on making ourselves happy, and eventually that person will come along.
It kinda bothered me when everyone started laughing when he asked that if finding love and the one was completely taken off the table, that hope of that is eliminated, would you stop talking to people, stop going on dates, and stop sex. Because, yeah. I would. I already am. The only reason I do/have done any of these things is for the hope of finding the right and perfect partner for me. At this point, I've experienced enough to know that I can not handle having sex without knowing that it's true and permanent love. Dates feel forced and unbalanced and uncomfortable if it's not about that hope that this may be the right person. And, I've become very picky who I even socialize with, because I'm really a one person kind of person, only wanting deep associations in my life with people who are truly wonderful and who can understand me. And, that is as rare as eff. Generally, people aren't even worth the risk of extending random and simple pleasantries anymore for the cost and tax it often affords.
So, yeah. If I didn't have that hope of finding love and the kind of connection that I desire from others, I'd be just doing my own thing by my lonesome, not having much to do with anyone, which is what I'm starting to do.
I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone who didn't value me and I accepted it right from the beginning because he was my first real relationship. He ended up cheating on me a year before our wedding. I'm in a much better place now and will never settle for that again, I would rather be single than treat that way.
If this woman is so smart, she would have figured this out sooner, and would not have done things to scare off potential partners. She wouldn't be middle aged, and asking someone else for advice on a simple matter.
nobody called her smart but herself, if she is so smart why is she telling everybody?
@@gigantopithecushominoidea8779 yeah nobody should mention it themselves
Self praise shows that you r nothing but a fool
"Dating! Suuuuuuuuucks..." XD
😓
dante sparda
Mr average 35: bitches you wont get my money... meanwhile he still can't get sex or a relationship (dont forget that part lol)
@@dantesparda7719 lol, you cheeky bastard.
For men it does. Women have it easy lol.
Yesssssss.....that mindset of tooo much care degrades us in our own eyes. We feel that one person is our god. And his ignorance can turn the universe upside down for us. And that the worst thing is that's exactly when we get ignored in tons! And then in more tons! Till we realize we need to let go off our own mind set of chasing this person. Just let go!! That's what i had started telling myself 3-4-5 times a day "just let go" and it seriously has improved my mindset significantly. My mind has practiced to "let go" i am way better...way better!! Thanks matthew! Your videos gives me mental power....
Dating costs men money and the outcome is unpredictable. It's basically gambling with unknown odds. I've saved thousands of dollars not dating over the years. I'm still happy and have my life since I've never married.
Not arguing with you, but a cup of coffee and a walk make for a great date.
@@aphroditeg2712 I live in an open desert in the midst of an extreme heat advisory. A cup of coffee and a walk is a great dare where I'm from.
Women can make the argument that they're expected to put out and the outcome of an unwanted pregnancy and being left holding the bag is also unpredictable. So each gender has their mix of shit that comes along with dating.