John’s Dementia vlog - Heather in the backyard - June 9, 2024
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- Here you can see the state of constant confusion, as I suggest she do some watering in the garden. There’s no comprehension at all and there’s that constant sort of uncomfortable half laugh, half cry. It comes up frequently during the day.  However, she’s generally in a good mood and doesn’t get too upset about things and that makes it all manageable. I get a little frustrated sometimes, or maybe frustrated isn’t the right word for it… but with many of the dementia and Alzheimer’s care guides they suggest doing puzzles, or simple word games, or giving your person some type of activity to keep them busy during the day. None of that works here… nothing. Bear in mind that this is just three years into the journey from the very first sign that there might be something wrong. 
Love and prayers. As Ram Das said, "We're all just walking each other home." You are doing it with grace.
@@amyberg1413 I think that’s my favourite expression in the world. Thank you so much for your comment, you really touched my heart ❤️
Amen
@@JohnvanGurp I agree, it gives me great comfort❣
I really like that quote. Very nice.
In sickness and in health. She is so lovely and you have my utmost respect ❤
That laugh...haunting and disturbing. So sad for you , what a kind man you are...
I wonder if it's a laugh and cry
It does sound plaintive. The brain is mysterious.
@@T1201 Crying !
It is haunting, sadly I have to say 😢. John you are truly amazing ❤❤❤
Your yard is beautiful. You are obviously a very loving man. I wish you and your lovely wife the best.
Your patience has no bounds. Love personified.
You are so sweey to give her normal everyday experiences, and you treat her so normally and lovingly.
She is getting joy of "painting" with the water.
This is heartbreaking
She liked playing in the water. Very sweet of you.
Heather sure had a good time watering the driveway, with her sweet giggle.❤❤
I used to follow another couple, the wife had early onset dementia and unfortunately lost the battle. This is such a gut-wrenching disease and I pray for your wife and you as the caregiver.
I followed the same couple, her husband was like John, so caring and attentive.
was it theresa pippen?
@@jazziez6467 Yes, it was.
@@jazziez6467 yes, such a sad loss
It's not a battle.
My neighbor just had to place her husband in a care facility because she couldn't do it alone anymore...my daughter cleans their house and my son mows their yard, so we have known them for years. His decline began about four years ago, but just this past year really ramped up. After he began getting up in the middle of the night to wander the house and get into things, his wife knew she couldn't keep up with his needs.
It's inspiring to see you respecting your wife's dignity as a human being, deserving of love and care no matter what she can offer back to you. After my in-laws can no longer do it, my husband and I will be care-givers for his older brother who has profound brain injury from a car crash decades ago - I pray we can do it as lovingly and patiently as you are doing here.
I think Heather really enjoyed the water and the hose!
You are a good man. I don’t know what else to say…I am helping with my 91-year-old mother-in-law and her issues as she lives in assisted living and it exhausts me. I cannot imagine dealing with this 24/7.
She can see the change on the pavement I guess. She's excellent at watering the walkway! A+ 😂 I think its sweet. ❤
She did get one plant watered at least by accident but she still did it. Everything dementia people accomplish whether it be by accident or not is a good moment.
I love how beautifully planted your yard is. ❤ I’m so sorry you’re all having to go through this. I’ll support by subscribing and watching all your old videos. 😊
You are a wonderful husband.❤ Gosh bless you both. Such a cruel disease.
What a horrible, horrible disease! God bless you, sir. I know this has to be difficult watching a loved one who is now seemingly a shell of herself due to this disease! God, please let there be a cure soon!!😢❤
John your patience, kindness and encouragement of Heather's involvement is so touching for us watching, but I cannot imagine how at times you must miss the other Heather♥️
You're a good and patient man. Bless you.......
I could cry John I really could. You are truly an Angel with the patience of a saint ❤. Your beautiful Heather doing the best she can half laughing half crying. I could cry for you both. My Dad had dementia and by the time he was diagnosed he couldn’t do anything like this, sending hugs from Yorkshire ❤xx
What a beautiful yard~! It's clear you have both put a lot of TLC into it over the years. It's good that you have Heather spending time out in it. I'm sure it helps bring her peace. Your patience, kindness and love for her is evident.
Such a cruel disease. You are an amazing husband. I watched my dad take care of my stepmom, it was really rough. By the way, your plants are really beautiful!
Seeing Heather watering the yard brings back another memory of my Daddy who struggled with Alzheimer's. My father loved animals and used to have a big 55 gallon drum filled with cat food, and every morning for decades he'd scoop out food and put them in piles on a table under his open garage for the kitties. One day, I went out and found little piles of fertilizer on the table and realized he didn't even know what cat food was anymore, but still wanted to put out food for the kitties. I imagine there were some confused kitties that day too! One thing that Daddy never lost was his love for cats, and after he died, the family cat "Big Head" laid with his body for over an hour until the funeral home arrived--they had quite a bond. Keep watering the yard, Heather, and keep pulling the hose out, John:-)
@@lorih.1087 What a story about your dad - it sounds like he was a kind and loving man. Thanks for sharing and for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.
Muscle memory is so real. My husband can still bowl in a senior men’s league but shuffles when he walks, can’t make money change, drive a car or follow simple directions. The mind is fascinating and resilient.
@@juliamundt101 Thanks for sharing about your husband, and how wonderful that he can still bowl! I always reminded myself that my Dad was a "whole person and had a whole life that contained all the ups-and-downs that life dishes out to us all," and that Alzheimer's only defined a little bit of it.Wishing you and your husband the best.
My husband loved taking care of our yard, mowing the lawn, filling the bird feeders and other yard maintenance stuff. I finally had to take over all of it as he was incapable and I didn’t have the patience of watching him do things incorrectly. Sweet how your wife has a laugh and calm demeanor. Gorgeous yard.
Thank you for your faithfulness
Prayers for you sir 🙏 thank you for staying by her side . It so hard to watch some one die twice ...
She can see the water on the pavement, perhaps not on the ground. Show her the plants, in small increments, she is to water and maybe she will then water them. The whole yard is too much, she will be distracted and forget. Small sections at a time. You have a great deal of patience. Your love and patience is giving you both the best in her life. I love how you thank her. Whatever her contribution is, she knows she has helped because you thank her and give her jobs she can do to the best of her ability. We choose our life path and whatever falls within it. You both chose each other to help with your life paths. You are both learning valuable lessons. May your love and patience last for as long as necessary. When you tire, ask your angels and guides to give you what you need to continue. Blessings to you and your wife.
She isn't learning anything unfortunately. It is daily decline.
My husband and I made plans to move into a retirement village that has all levels of care. The Dementia unit is top notch. I am hopeful that our forgetfulness is typical aging, but if not, we will be able to age in place until we can no longer be safe. Life seems so unfair sometimes. So happy Heather is able to be at home with you for now. Be good to yourself once in a while! You deserve it!👏💕
That’s an excellent plan! I think the time has come for more of these retirement and multilevel care communities. It’s just such a great and humanistic way to allow people to age. Thank you for your comments!
Man this is powerful stuff man The human mind is just still full of such mystery It’s crazy how she can walk around normally Not run into things And hold on to something But she doesn’t know really anything about speech or how what she is doing connects to the world
Hopefully they will figure it out sooner rather than later At least she doesn’t appear to be in pain or extremely unhappy or anything But the bad part about it is you just don’t really know I guess……. Bless you John Really quite the soldier you are sir
God bless. Our prayers are with you .
Your garden is beautiful and so is your wife.
How sweet, she seems to be enjoying herself 😊
It’s hard to say what was going on in her mind… But she wasn’t upset and she seemed to be laughing a bit so you’re right, that’s all good.
God bless you both 🥰
John so much respect for your unconditional love and support for your wife through this difficult journey.
My husband died a few years ago and he suffered dementia also. It is very difficult to watch the one you love go through such a decline. .🙏🏻n💞 to you and family.
Dear Jesus this breaks my heart. I went to your oldest video and Heather is so beautiful! This has to be hard....
Hahahaha, she is chasing the cat with the water! So fun.
Also, the way she just laughs at everything is entirely….. surreal and lovely at the same time.
So very, very sad. You, sir, are an extraordinary husband and caregiver. I hope you can get some competent and caring in-home help soon.
That’s so sad 😢
Bless you guys. Dementia is such a nightmare but I had some fun days over the 7 years of taking care of my grandmother who had it. I miss her but I’m so happy she’s at peace now. ❤
What a sweet loving husband you are. My husband had a stroke that affected his speech and cognitive ability 2 years ago. It has been very hard on him. God bless you and give you many joyful days with her❤
lovely backyard,so much fun heather is having
John you one amazing man !
Thank you, John ♥
Damn, brother.
My grandmother went through this for many years until her death in 2022. She sat in the hospice with us and watched my mother die in 2016. You could see her fade into the reality of what was happening then...gone.
Afterward, she would ask me, "How is your mother doing?"
Fuck. This is worse than the cancer that killed my mother.
Edit to add: I volunteer for hospice now. We have to look after those who go before.
☹
Oh John, this is so hard to see I can only imagine how it is to live this life. My mom needs memory care now - we have not pulled the trigger yet.
@@lauriemontgomery3697 it’s such a hard decision! Wishing you peace and strength going forward. Thanks for the comment.
Such happy sounds❤ such respect and love from you. Wonderful to see😊
She's having a great time,and that's what's important,bless you both.
Activates are goid keeps the mind going even if heather don't remember she use to water flowers but it helps.John your doing good
So patient.. I feel it for you. And you have great understanding
This is so sad! 😢
I’m so sorry this is happening to your wife, and to you. It is definitely heart wrenching. When I watch this and listen to your stories, I wonder how strong and patient I would be. I’m not sure I would do as well as you are, but I hope I’m wrong and I would step up. Do you have pictures of you and your wife, maybe wedding pictures or some before she began getting worse. Hang in there and know that we are all thinking about you both.
Heather is enjoying the watering xxx
Hello thank you for your videos. I am caregiver for my dad who has stage 5/6 vascular dementia. The videos by Dr Tam Cummings (Wellmed) are a huge help.
Praying for you ❤
A lovely setting..what you do find in these moments remarkable. 🌺🥰💫
Blessings to you both sir.
What a beautiful wife watering her beautiful yard❤
So sad…so scary!
Love to you ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you. This is coming for my family so I'm learning a lot from you.
Hang in there… You can do it.
This is a devastating disease and it must be heartbreaking to witness the deterioration of your wife’s condition.
I'm so sorry. This can only be incredibly difficult for you both. It's a horrible disease.
So sad. I’m sorry
It’s a terrible and cruel disease. I feel for you as I am taking care of both my parents. One will sever dementia and my mom with very poor memory. You’re a good man for taking care of your wife. Is Heather laughing or crying? Has she lost her ability to communicate? My heart goes out to you! I have home care that comes in 2 times a day which is really helpful. Maybe you have the same service there in the east. I’m living in Alberta.
Omg.That laugh.
When I look at old videos of her laughing and talking, it brings tears to my eyes. I miss her so much.
@@JohnvanGurpI know that must be so hard but you will be so glad that you have those videos one day to look back on! It's so great that you took the time to document things y'all did, I love that!
I lost my Mom when I was a kid and I can't remember her voice (like I thought I could) because I don't have any videos or sound of her and it breaks my heart. I'd give 10 years off my life for 10 minutes with her (or my Dad).
I prayed for you both. Bless you... you're doing a great job! ❤
i swear if that happens to me i want a vaca to sweden, we all know what happens there
Ha, yes I agree!
Does Sweden have physician assisted death? If so, I'm with you.
100%. If given the choice, I will vacate this planet with such a swiftness.
Could it be crying and not laughing? Poor sweet Heather. She is trying.
Makes me feel like weeping, my dear father would want to go and get in the car because he just wanted a trip somewhere. We had to start locking the door because he would just try and and go out, he once wandered over to another home we had, and dressed himself in a woman's dress and hat.
Sad..yet poignant the collage effect of wayward aging. 🍃
@@mercywilliams2698, My father used to play the hamonica, it was so sad when this gift went from his memory, I painted a watercolor of him playing it and called it, 'Fading Memories.'
@@TheLamba444 A lovely tribute 🦋✨
@@mercywilliams2698 , Thank You, I feel that painting a portrait leaves a beloved part of your loved one with you.
Peace on you. ❤
Hi John. My husband was almost to this point. We saw a psychiatrist who prescribed meds which have turned things around. His confusion is greatly reduced. Life is livable again and my stress level is actually coming down. I hope you are getting all the help that might be available
Also, I wanted to ask, does she sleep well? And, does she make the sounds during the night? Does she sit most of the time or does she walk around like she is in this video? If I’m being too nosy, please don’t feel you have to respond. Thank you for being so brave and letting us in to your life. You are helping many.
She sleeps quite well, although sometimes makes noises or thrashes around a little bit. She usually gets up at least once for a pee and I sit up to attention and accompany her to the bathroom every time. At home, she is starting to sit in a chair for longer periods of time and pace a little less, but she will still sometimes get up and just pace around the house for an hour or so. It used to make me a little anxious, but now I just tried to ignore it and let her do her thing. Sometime soon, I will put together a retrospective with videos and photos of when we were younger and everything was beautiful.
@@JohnvanGurp😢
So sorry….
Such a horrid disease. Almost as if there’s something there and she knows but can’t bring it back. Maybe a touch of crying not laughing. 😢. You are so patient, John 🤗s to both of you.
I believe she can SEE the pavement best, and that's why she is giving it water.
Oddly enough, I just watched your video on the shower issue. She seems to enjoy walking with the garden water sprayer. Maybe incorporate watering the garden into the shower setting? I'm not being facetious, I'm being serious. Make her think she is watering the garden but yet, she will actually be in the shower. Maybe even use the garden sprayer instead of the shower sprayer. She seems calmed by the lighter spray. It sound silly but it actually makes sense.
Edit addition - I just thought of something else. Maybe put some plastic plant or ivy around the inside of the shower and she can think she is watering them as you help her shower? She'll think she's outside in the garden. If you try this idea, you'll have to let us know if it worked out for her.
I’d like these creative ideas! Thanks for sharing!
99 plants to water, and she focuses on watering pavement only. If only we understood from a patient's point.
My partner has dementia he can still speak but doesn’t make much sense it scares
How the dog deals with heather ? Does he understand that something have changed?
Sad
At least she is still walking. It will come quick and she will not stand up even if you try to make her. This time is sooner then later. It’s OK to get some support kind sir, I highly recommend it. Just because your wife is sick doesn’t mean your not a man with needs. Alzheimer’s support group in your area?
Yes, thank you for the suggestion, I’m already attending one once a month and it’s a tremendous help. I’ve made a couple of friendships there and we stay in touch during the week too. I appreciate your comment.
How was her diet before her diagnosis ? did blood test show any nutrient deficiencies. I've heard some medicines can shrink the brain .
She had a full blood panel as part of the diagnosis process and everything was fine. We have a very healthy diet. Thanks for the suggestion though.
How is her feeling about food? Does she enjoy eating? Will her interest in food change?
She has always loved food and she still has a great appetite and eats everything I make for her.
She's having a blast!
Is that a cairn terrier I see in the garden 😊
Yes, it is! That’s our cairn Penny
what a cruel disease.
thank you for sharing. have you done any research into how a ketogenic diet may help?
No, I haven’t explored that. I think we are well beyond that point anyways… the brain atrophy shows up on CT scan.
@@JohnvanGurp i think the concept is on the keto diet your body starts producing ketones which the brain can use for energy instead of glucose. its not a fix but might make things a bit better.
She’s wasting water and getting herself tangled. She’s not understanding what her husband is saying. How long has she needed 24/7 care?
@@lisawall9068 I haven’t been able to leave her home alone for around a year. Also, we have lots of water here. Never any drought or shortage.
@@JohnvanGurp I live in Texas. Our water bills are high💸 Thank you for sharing with us. Blessings to you and Heather.
It doesn’t matter that Heather isn’t watering the flowers and getting tangled up. She has dementia and is unable to do better as a result. The point is, she is feeling like she’s doing something useful and is outside. Win-win.
@@lisawall9068 I understand… here we have granite bedrock and many lakes surrounding the city. We sell them have really dry periods and when it rains, it really rains. In the winter time, we have a heavy snow load and that helps raise the water table as well. My city is on a municipal water supply and the reservoir lake is always in great shape. I really love sharing information like this, it’s been nice chatting.
The laughing seems to be involuntary! Does she even know you or where she is?
That’s just how she expresses herself now… There’s no longer any language so what comes out is a half laugh, half crying sound. I think she knows I’m her husband… But I don’t think it goes much deeper than that.
At what age did you first notice her dementia? Prior to that was she productive?
I first noticed it at age 60, three years ago. Yes, Heather was a well educated professional for her whole career and both there and at home was very much on top of things. She ran the house so efficiently it was such kindness and care and warmth as she took care of us as a family as well. She was always very active, cheerful and easy to get along with. She has an undergraduate science degree and had a professional designation as well. We retired early and when this came on, it happened so rapidly.
Is that the only sound she makes now? Is it supposed to be a chuckle?
That’s about it. The occasional yes or yup.
What stage of dementia is this?
I really have a hard time pinning it down and the doctors have washed their hands of us. But I would say it’s mid to late stage.
When I see Heather in your current videos John she reminds me of my husband when he was in early stage 7. He was still ambulatory and talking and doing pretty well for the most part even at that late stage. But his behavior issues became unmanageable and he went downhill over the last few months quite rapidly. He got his wings less than a month ago. He was still walking and laughing pretty much up til very close to the end. @@JohnvanGurp
How old is she?
63