This is a great video and a very personal video... But I kind of feel like its just that: personal. I feel like a lot of people in their quater-part of their lives (including me) aren't coming up with the possibility of landing their dream job and having to choose other paths; rather, I feel a lot of us are simply coming to the daunting reality that we're simply not going to get whatever our dream was, or don't even have a dream or know what we want to do, and have no alternative either way. The stark truth of the matter is, a lot of us end up not getting what we feel we wanted in life, or end up in a situation that we feel we're not happy with, but don't know how to move ahead. I understand that this video is very helpful for certain people, and that Caitlin has poured a lot of personal emotion into this video and provided genuine advice for people in similar situations, but I can't really relate because my current situation is so different from hers, and I feel I'm not alone in this.
Simalacrum Thanks for the comment! I understand what you're saying. One of the toughest parts of growing up, I think, is the disillusionment you face when you have to grapple with an "expectations hangover." I would never ever want to go back in time to high school, but I must confess that I sometimes pine for the way I *saw the world* in high school, and the way I imagined my place in it. I was going to be, it went without saying, both the next Steven Spielberg and next Stephen King, like pretty much instantly. But here's the thing: Once you let go of certain expectations, and learn to not hate yourself for not achieving them, you can become much more open to the non-illusion realities around you. And usually (often!), things turn out better than your initial dreams, which were often built with a measure of naïveté and unrealistic timelines. I know now that if I had wound up being Spielberg and/or King, especially on the timeline I prayed for, it would have wrecked me. I've tried to learn that I shouldn't be beholden to a particular vision of joy. This is perhaps cold comfort, I know, when you're in the thick of things. My heart is with you, if you find yourself in that place right now. I hope you'll find some help in a Tumblr post I wrote about all of this; it seems to have been popular for people. It's at learnhowtoadult.tumblr[dotcom]/post/120185674353/sailingtoalaska-learnhowtoadult Thanks again, and please, don't despair, buddy! :] - Mike
Simalacrum Agreed, this may have been a nice video but I turned it off halfway through. I didn't get into graduate school and ruined my chance of living the life I had imagined for myself for over a decade. It heartbreaking, I went through an identity crisis, and in general had to re-think basically the way I viewed myself and my entire life. Having THAT kind of quarter life crisis (which is the kind most people I know had, or similar- bad economy, etc) and then coming to watch someone talk about having TWO amazing opportunities was not helpful or inspiring. The title of the video I think was quite misleading...it's basically the opposite of what I have heard of as a quarter life crisis.
Simalacrum Yeah, so much this. As someone whose quarter life crisis revolves around being unemployed and struggling to find ANY job, much less a dream job, watching a video where someone talks about having to turn down jobs is not exactly helpful. I liked the steps she outlined and I think they have broader significance that could be helpful, but I would love if this video was expanded to include other kinds of quarter life crises.
Brittany Pines Simalacrum Hey, guys! Thanks for the thoughtful comments! I see your points, and even if I don't *totally* agree (b/c we're different people and different people have different opinions), I really respect and understand what you're saying, and I empathize with it, too. I love that you're being so civil, though I guess I should expect it because our community is just so lovely and awesome. :] I thought about it this weekend, and I *think* I may have made a mistake in how I titled this video. To be clear, that was my decision, not Caitlin's (although she did like the title). When I'm honest w/ myself, I think I chose that title partly b/c Caitlin so well described the quarter-life crisis *I'VE* been going through -- namely, the realization that the dreams Past Me had are not always entirely fulfilling to Present Me. This is a privileged situation, I know, and I'm sure Past Me would want to kick Present Me right in the butt-buns for complaining at all. But even if the specifics of Caitlin's video may not apply to a not-as-awesome quarter-life crisis, I really do think the broader themes of identity and disillusionment and the releasing of expectations do. So I'm split on whether I chose the right title, I am open to changing it, and I'm really sorry if it made you guys feel misled or "less than" for having a different situation than I or Caitlin do. (And FWIW, I had to go through many many years of literally selling my body to science before I got to the place I am now.) Anyway, all of this to say, if you have suggestions on a different title, I'd be very interested to hear them and change the title. Thanks so much, guys! I heart you! - Mike
I love this video! And it's come at a time that I really needed it. I'm not between jobs, but majors. I didn't make it into nursing school this last semester, which has been my dream for about 3-4 years. I put a lot of hardwork into my classes and exams and it wasn't enough. Now I'm on the path of english education. I love to read and write and work with kids so I feel like this will be a good fit while I wait to reapply. I think some of my friends and family don't totally understand that I need to grow up and move on to something will be less weight on my mental health and will actually get out of my school faster. I'm favoriting this video to watch it in those moments when I feel confused and get down on myself for questioning my path in life. Thanks again for putting this up!
gingernet Whoa, I can totally relate to this! For me, it was trying to get into an MFA program for Creative Writing. I was rejected twice. Thank goodness I was, because 1. I wouldn't have finished the novel that I eventually sold and that allowed me to become a full-time writer, and 2. I wouldn't *definitely* not have started making UA-cam videos. Thanks for watching! - Mike
gingernet I'm honored that you're putting this in your pocket for future use. A friend of mine who is older than I am has always wanted to be a writer AND a nurse. She's finally gotten herself in a position where she can be a traveling nurse part time and a writer most of the time. Dream jobs are constantly morphing and just because you don't get them figured out and locked in right away doesn't mean they won't work out in a way that makes you happy. Also, I think having a wide experience base is always good. Your nursing studies will make you a more well-rounded teacher, and if you go back to nursing, working with kids will definitely make you better at being a nurse. I feel like working with kids makes people better at most everything.
I'm in the middle of experiencing the dream I always had for myself, but while achieving this, I'm having to mourn the dream I never thought I wanted. Let me explain... I grew up in rural Northern Arizona, which I hated. I hated my school, I had almost no friends and basically from the time I could talk I said I was leaving the area the second I turned 18. But life happened and I ended up doing my first 2 years of college at a local University in Arizona, and I loved every second of that experience. For the first time I was seeing the area in which I grew up as a desirable place to be. I was so happy. But then opportunity came knocking and I had a chance to move to a town just outside of Chicago, to finish my education. This is what I had wanted my whole life, to leave Northern Arizona and live in a big city and discover new and exciting and terrifying things, so I took it. I left. I packed up my Honda Civic and drove across the country. And I fought back tears from New Mexico to Kansas. This dream is what I wanted, but it was not my only option. Leaving home was scary and lonely and difficult. Coming to a city I didn't know, that ended up not being what I expected at all has been really hard. I'm not as happy as I was at home, but if I was home I don't think I'd be as happy as I was before I had the chance to move. I have accepted my decision, I'm proud of myself for the bravery it took to uproot my life and leave everything familiar to me in my rear view mirror. I graduate in December and I already have some interesting opportunities knocking. I can potentially go home, or I can move into the heart of Chicago, which was the point of moving here in the first place. I honestly have no idea which choice I will make come December, or if I'll be happy with the one I choose. But I've decided that's what life is for. It's for moving forward, for looking back with a hindsight of 20/20, for introspection, and education and risk taking. That's what comforts me when I think about how happy I was before the move, that the only thing that has changed from then and now is my potential to find happiness in a new place.
schpookendike You are, sincerely, a badass. :D - Mike PS Did you see Lindsey's recent vid on our channel about making tough decisions? Might be helpful!
How to Adult Thanks Mike, that feels really awesome to hear from you guys, I will be checking Lindsey's video ASAP. Thanks for the amazing videos and for the platform to share my story. It's awesome to relate to people who are also attempting to adult :)
schpookendike Oh, feels! I'm tearing up at this. You are awesome. Congrats on graduating soon and for being so brave. Good luck with your next adventures!
Caitlin Hofmeister I was fangirling when Mike replied to me but I think I just felt my heart skip a bit a little, I love the content you produce and you are such an inspiration. thank you so much for everything you do and for replying to me. SciShow has been a big part of me getting the degree I'll earn in December.
I started feeling really emotional watching this video because I think that I am struggling with the idea of a dream job, if I really have one, are the things I love doing lifelong hobbies or career options... and mourning growing up is really hard. I can tell it was hard for you, Caitlin, but you have (and will continue to have) done such a great job adulting. Thanks for sharing this whole ordeal with us. I certainly don't know if I could have made the mature decision you did had I been in your shoes.
That is a great way to cope. For me it was realizing and accepting that nothing is what I expect it to be, that nothing is permanent, that I'm not permanent, that nothing I/others do will be permanent. That all doors are open and closed simultaneously at the same time I need only genuinely engage with them. Creating happiness and benefiting others, if that's where I find my own fulfillment and joy, than no matter where I found myself or what I found myself doing I'll find joy. There will be 7 billion+ chances to find fulfillment. A lot of wisdom helps too haha, something easily found from the works of such kind people as here on How to Adult and SciShow!
Last fall got a call from a company I'd applied to years ago offering me what had been that dream technical job at what still is a dream technical company and I had to turn it down. It wasn't the direction I had gone or wanted to go any more and would have required throwing away a lot of time and experience and re-training myself for a career route I no longer wanted. The call caught me while in Australia and turning down that offer took a LONG two weeks and dozens of emails/skype calls with people to try and convince myself it was ok. It was a damn hard realization (and thing to explain to people not in the field). Great video Caitlin!
When I was growing up, I was sure I would be a writer of novels and trendy magazine articles. That dream has morphed so many times that I now, at 30, hardly recognize it. This year in particular has been rough in the dreams department. I'm happy with my life, it just hasn't gone according to ANY of my plans. I married at 19, I now have 6 pretty cool kids, and we currently homeschool. This, plus my continuing struggle to be organized at all, means I have no time to pursue lifelong dreams. That doesn't mean I resent any of my life choices. It's not that simple. I love my family-centered life and I just have to hang on right now, confident that whatever dreams I have when I get more space and am needed a little less, I will pursue then with the passion I always carry. But yeah. I'm in that mourning stage. I just am. Not regret. Mourning.
VLicious8704 I *so* understand this. Have you seen our videos on getting organized, and avoiding procrastination? They might be helpful! Also, I've found this old saying to be very true: "Life's delays are not life's denials." It may not happen on the timeline you'd envisioned, but that does not make it any less possible. Thanks so much for watching, and good luck! - Mike
I congratulate you, having found something substantial and worthwhile. I have never known what I was going to do with my life. I got decent grades and my teachers liked me but no one said "This is your destiny" and Ive never felt destined to do something. Nowim 25 starting college and Im still lost. Im starting to worry if Ill ever find that true happiness. Im not even sure what Im looking for. Its all just a foggy mess.
I'm in a really weird situation, where... I don't know what "job" I'd do. I'm 20, and I'm currently studying Physics. It's been my dream ever since I was a kid. I love it, I'm good at it, and so on. The thing is... I'm not sure what physicists... "do"? Every single time someone asked me what I was gonna do for a living, I've just confidently said "I'll do physics and stuff will work out". And that's been my philosophy for as long as I can remember. And my reaction to thinking about it is just going on Tumblr, obviously. Because that helps. ....The more I think about it the more lost I feel. On one hand, people have told me "just do what you love! A job will come to you in time, no need to worry about it now" ...on the other, people have told me that I need to work hard to get a job, and start thinking about it now. And naturally, I went for the easier option. And I don't think I could do the harder option, honestly. Because I have no idea where to start. Or if it's even the right thing. I convinced myself that the former is better, but is it?
***** A lot of engineers I know have a physics degree so maybe that's a possibility? Engineering really covers a very broad range of things. I'm a software engineer (i.e. programming) but a lot of physicists go into systems engineering (overall system design). Your degree shows that you have the right sort of mind for this kinda thing and if you join as part of a graduate program a lot of companies won't necessarily expect any engineering experience. If possible I'd try a work placement before you leave uni... give you a chance to see if you like it.
Ian Robinson That's the thing... I don't want to be an engineer. I'm a lot more into the theory than into the actual... designing and testing and stuff? I want to just be a physicist. Solving problems of how a mechanism works. Theoretical physics, even. And.... I... guess people somehow make money from that? I'm still not sure how. But it's something I'm really interested in. And it's what I'd want to do, even if it didn't make me any money.
***** Cool. I can completely respect that. Sounds like you want to stay in academia then? You can certainly make money from that eventually when you get into research. At the end of the day there's nothing wrong with not knowing what job you want to do. Just keep doing whatever interests you and see where you end up. If anything this video proves that it's not always helpful to have a "dream job" in mind.
***** Do you have an advisor or anything at school? My suggestion to you would be to join a current research project or ask a professor for help in starting one. I don't think you have to know what you want to research. Depending on your school, there would be projects underway that you can help with. This way you can try things out without committing to them as a job. Your school should also have a career fair at some point. You should go to that and talk to people just to see what is out there even if you don't apply. But if you find something interesting, having an internship is, again, easier to use as a trial "do I like this kind of work/company?" Good luck.
***** Speaking as one with a bachelor's in physics: Have you thought about doing summer research? If you're in the US, the NSF (National Science Foundation) offers REUs (Research Experience for Undergraduates) at universities all across the US. Not only do 1) you get to see what the research process is like, 2) you get to learn what academia / grad school is like, but also 3) you get paid for it. My REU summer was one of the most valuable learning experiences of my undergraduate career, and it was while looking into REUs that I found out which subfield of physics I was most interested in.
As someone realizing that their goal since forever probably won't happen, this video was very helpful. The idea of enjoying doing something other than your dream is foreign and strange, but I'm starting to come to terms with the idea. Thanks for sharing!
I agree the title is a bit off but OHMYGAWD I love this video. Most adult-y video so far imho. It really speaks to me realizing that I will probably never go to college, but in spite of this I have trip-fallen into a job that is better for me than my dream job. Thank you for sharing your story Caitlin!!
I've been through simular. Grew up wanting to work with little kids in daycare - worked in a couple for work experience in high school - realised it was NOT what I thought it would be - so floated around lost from 15-25yrs old. THANK goodness for supportive parents and TAFE!
I've always (like, since fourth grade) imagined myself as a physicist, I was one of those kids who knew exactly where I was headed. I worked really hard to graduate third of my class in high school so that I can get in to a good program in a good university, which I did, and there I was the youngest student. And, to be honest, it was nothing like I imagined it would be, and I really hated it. I quit four months ago, after just one semester. I knew I was making the right decision, but it was really hard to let go of the idea I've dreamt up for so many years.
***** Dang, I see myself in this comment. I've been making some biggish decisions lately myself. Still not quite sure what path to settle on, but this video *definitely* helped! :D Thanks for watching! - Mike
Caitlin Hofmeister Thank you! I have to be honest, this still doesn't feel very brave, mostly because it still occasionally causes some good cries, even a few months later, but I'm sure eventually I'll look back and know it was, and even with the hard feelings that come with the whole situation, I know that it was the right decision.
***** Oh hon, you are the norm rather than the exception! However, I am willing to bet that your interest in physics will not be wasted, nor will the discipline you learned that got you to the program that you ended up leaving. Good luck with all your future endeavors!
The honesty behind this video was very relatable! Always enjoyed watching Caitlin on SciShow Space but this video was definitely a super cool change up!
Thanks so much for this awesome video. I faced a similar situation recently when I was deciding where to go to graduate school. I was blessed with several incredible options and when it came down to the final decision between two schools, I struggled SO hard, because one was totally my dream school, incredible reputation and would have likely set me up for success in my career. But something was holding me back from going for it. Something I couldn't really quantify. I overanalyzed the crap out of it and ultimately decided to go to the other (still an amazing school!). I had to realize that my dreams changed, and there were other factors that were more important than going to the number one school. I feel amazing about the decision. So I appreciate the way you explained your personal story, Caitlin, because it helped me normalize and validate my decision even more. I found myself going "YEAH! You go, Caitlin!" while you were talking! Thank you for sharing!!
Best video on this channel yet. I'm currently going through a quarter life crisis while I exit out of grad school with only a MSc and not continuing my plan of getting a PhD (at this point in my life) and that adjustment is hard. I do have some great opportunities, but like you expressed, it is weird of letting go of potential dream jobs even when you have other excellent opportunities that you are excited about.
I love this! I'm so lucky that my dream job working with HGTV came along at exactly the right time, but every time an opportunity or design projects comes up that I just don't have time for, I feel so bad for saying no, since for the longest time I was able to take everything that was offered to me. I think knowing your worth is definitely a big part of this.
YESSSSS I feel this video so hard. In December, my transfer application to my dream college was deferred, but when they accepted me this spring, I decided to go somewhere completely different instead. My approach to these things is to choose whichever acceptance/job offer/whatever one makes me cry inexplicably, because they always end up being tears of joy!
the person you are today has no obligation to the person of yesterday, or last year, or 10 years ago. this has been a mantra and a life saver to me over the past few years
I had to go through a similar-ish thing in college when I realized that there was no way I could handle medical school. It had been my dream since I was little, but in the process of working toward it, I realized that it wasn't something I could do or even wanted to do anymore. So I finished school, thought about my next step, started ON my next step and realized that wasn't going to work out either. so now I have an CNA job while I save up and mentally prepare to get my RN. It's hard to give up dreams, but it ultimately feels so much better when you finally figure out what you're going to do.
I'm not at the turning down my dream job phase yet, but I've definitely seen how things can be very different than your dreams and still be good. I lived with my parents until I got married at 30 because I could only get low-paying jobs, and my husband's job isn't fantastic, but we've cobbled a life together, and that life is good.
Also knowing that it's OKAY not to have a job that uses your 'major'. Is a big step. You learned a LOT of things in college. It's okay to use those skills that are transferable for other departments. And you shouldn't feel guilty about that. I went to school for Theatrical Lighting design. Now I work as a Purchasing/Project manager in Sales and Rentals at a Theatrical supply warehouse, and freelance Stage manage and Playwright in my free time. I haven't touched a lighting board in ages. But I love what I do and I love the people I work with. It took me a while to get over that 'but this isn't what I went to school for' hump.
As someone who knew since I was 8 what I wanted to do with my life and worked really hard to get there to see the work not quite paying off I'm glad to see that at least someone is getting, not only an opportunity to fullfil their dreams, but also the opportunity to do something even better than the dreams. Too soon to tell if that's the case with me, but I'm happy someone got there. And guys, really, these guest hosts of yours... THEY SEEM SO NICE! I mean, Mike and Emma still seem to be the nicest and most awesome, but really, I wish I knew people IRL who seemed so positive and awesome and NICE as How to Adult hosts! Thank you for another great video! :)
***** I've known what my ultimate dream job was since I was 8 too. I've had some really cool jobs, but the one I really really want stopped hiring when I finally obtained all the qualifications to do it. It was a long shot anyway, but now there really just isn't any chance. I hope everything works out for you.
Thank you for sharing this story. I hadn't considered I might have to turn down a dream job before. If I ever am faced with that decision, I think it would help to have watched this.
I'm currently experiencing a massive quarter-life crisis, and part of that is due to me trying to digest the idea that being a workaholic is not my only option. Work has always been my life, and I took pride in never truly having a day off, and being available to my various projects and co-workers above all-else. I was the one who said yes, who was dependable, and always prioritized work. Now, as part of my own learning how to adult, I've realized that living is so much more than just work. And after recently having a nightmarish experience on my last project or two, I've come to the conclusion that I can no longer take my work home with me, and always be at everyone else's beck and call. I want to be able to make a life, not just make a living. So now I feel as though I'm back at square one, have to find a new career, and that by rerouting my journey, I'll be disappointing everyone who's held doors open for me. What's worse, due to overworking and over focusing myself these past few years, I''m left with little to no support group to help me through this. Any Nerdfighters out there wiling to lend some advice?
Wow this was so raw and personal. Thank you for sharing that Caitlin. :) The video had an amazing message to it...one that's rarely talked about...and you delivered it well. It's encouraging to know that the Greens are so great to work for too.
this video just got really really real for me. it's been in the back of my mind for a while, but now i have some new context. in the past two weeks i've started a new (but temporary) job, withdrawn from all my classes, replaced them with minimesters, and changed my major so i can graduate this coming December instead of in two and a half years. in doing that, i effectively gave up the major i've been pursuing for 20 years-- not because i didn't think i could do it, or because i'd stopped caring about it, but because i think i've found something i care more about, and it finally hit me that it was actually possible. it's really scary (and now i have like, eight months to figure out my life, in stead of two years), but i think i'll be okay.
Hey, congratulations Caitlin! Three years ago I accepted my current job despite a 'weird feeling'. It was (and is) an amazing opportunity in my field, and I was hired right on graduation, where several of my classmates were unable to find jobs in our field for over a year. But I've known since the beginning that it's not a good fit for me. I've learned a lot, and I'm grateful for the experience, but now I'm scared to leave. I make a pretty decent salary and have really good benefits and I don't know exactly what it is I want to do, so it's easier to just stay where I am. I'm kind of scared I'll never have a job where I look forward to going to work in the morning (one of my best friends has a job like that; I'm envious).
I've recently been rejected from the career I've wanted to do. And now I'm drifting, I don't know what to do and I feel I'm just burning through cash. I've gone from being close to my dream job to desperately looking for any job, and that's getting me down right now. Anyway...
Ever since Oregon Trail, I wanted to program computers. It took four years of military service to pay for college, but I now have a job that I didn't know existed. I get to do programming routinely, too. :) I oversee a team of technicians and programmers and operators as part of a facility that images and customizes over 400 machines daily. I very much enjoyed Caitlin's experiences and how she extrapolated solid points for a general struggle in many young adult lives -- the fear of settling. I recall Hank saying something like, "You do not owe your younger self anything. You are so much smarter than that person anyway... Plus that person doesn't exist." It's not settling for less if you already have more than you dremt possible.
I worked in a caboose too, once. But it was on a property way up in the mountains and used as a sort of sidehouse. We were clearing stuff out for a guy who had some problems with his brother and wanted to get his stuff out of the familiy cabin in order to… I don't even remember. That was one of the weirder jobs I worked, just because of the family issues. Weirdest was probably Boy Scout camp counselor. You get pretty loopy after four or five weeks of living in the woods.
Definitely the opposite of the quarter-life crises myself and everyone I know is having. There might be some abstract level on which this is useful, though, in terms of acknowledging the differences between past-you and present-you and letting go.
I made a big mistake on what decisions I made in the past of what degree I'm going after in school which, as the result, didn't got me into a dream job. This got me into a quarter-life crisis and I thought to myself I wasted my whole youth for nothing and it's too late to fix it. I felt self-betrayed. How could I forgive myself to all this?
I just got an interview at a game design company, one that is making games in Unity for VR, exactly what I want to be a part of. I bombed the interview, but I was given a chance. I have to complete a game in Unity (something I've never done before) in around six days. I've been working on it since I got home from the interview, and I know I can make something, but he told me I really need to blow them away. I don't know if I can do that... And, I'm really worried that if I do somehow manage to make it, I won't be able to hold out in a real business atmosphere. I've only ever been a huge fan of game design and the people who make these amazing experiences, when I should have been working on becoming one. Right now I'm just going to try my best and hope it leads to good places.
High fives, fellow member of the Spelling-Caitlin-Correctly Club! Do you guys have any advice for someone who's on about Plan H in terms of life goals? Who keeps making plans and having them not work out? I know that hearing "no" and being able to keep going is a HUGE part of making dreams come true, especially in creative fields, but what if "no" is all you're hearing? What happens when you're speeding through the alphabet in terms of plans and are running out of ideas?
Caitlin O'Connell Yay Caitlins! I was really lucky because early on one of my favorite professors, a poet, showed me a shoe box overflowing of his rejection letters. He told me that he'd fill it up, then eventually throw them out or store them, and then fill it up again. He had TONS of rejection letters and he's had many, many poems, and a handful of books published. He's a cool, big deal. He said he wasn't sure why he kept them, but he just did. Which I loved. I loved that he kept them near, but put them in a box. He didn't know how many there were, but he compartmentalized them and literally boxed them up away from his work. I think you're right, that creative endeavors come with a lot of "no," but that's just part of it. Maybe stop lettering your plans? Or don't limit yourself to 26, at least! :)
When i saw it being about quarter-life crisis i was thinking it would more about the that the feeling that thinking at this point in my life - there will be less changes in who i am - that my brain is losing it's elasticity. - that I will start losing those around me that i care about, not because of things i have control over but because their time is up and there's really nothing i can do about it. - that if i don't make a discovery before my 30's, my input into the world is insignificant as major discoveries are made by those under 30. - that those memories that i have don't really belong to me, as it does belong to a "different me" at that point in time. I don't really have claim on those memories because what i recall is recalling those memories and not those initial memories. - that my life will develop at a slower pace than it used to things like that are what i considered as my quarterlife crisis.
jeez, I know it wasn't meant this way, but for me that whole video just felt like bragging. And I know it's because the title left me under the impression that it was going to be a motivational message about how to not freak out about being 25 with nothing to show for your hard work, but instead it was about someone with multiple opportunities that were actually something they wanted. As a recent 25 year old with no job prospects, sending out at least 12 applications a day just to try to find work to survive this video wasn't helpful, it just showed me where I wish I was. Congratulations on all of your success though! This channel has been helpful to me in the past and I'm sure it will be again in the future. I just want to clarify that I'm not trying to be rude or mean in any way, just to express my impression that the title doesn't really fit the video. maybe something about decision making would be a better title? I don't think most peoples quarter-life crisis involves turning down their dream job. :)
veronica pickles If you're sending 12 applications a day you're way overdoing it. You need to focus more and ask yourself what you actually wanna do. That doesn't have to be something big, but just what kind of company would you wanna be in, what kind of job, what do you wanna learn there, what do you have to offer them. I suggest looking online on how to better your CV and how to write an awesome cover letter, there's a lot to gain from that. For the record, I'm 26 now and rounding of my studies (I study international business) and in a few of my classes we deal with CV making and letter writing, because it's basically half the work. I recently applied for an internship position and got accepted, I think purely because I was focused, I knew what I wanted and I knew how to bring it. If you want some more tips on how to improve your resume and cover letter, let me know. I'll look for some good resources for you if you want :).
veronica pickles First and most importantly, you have an awesome name. One of my favorite people is named Deidre Peaches and I wish you knew her and you two could have a UA-cam channel together called Pickles and Peaches. Second and equally importantly, thank you for your carefully worded and kind comment. My biggest fear was that this video would sound like bragging and I appreciate that you know it wasn't meant that way. I'm not sure what Mike and Emma's process is for titling episodes, but I like what they chose for this one because it's another part of an early life crisis. Being young is, your right, all about making new and sometimes scary decisions. I just turned 30, which frequently doesn't feel like more than 25 to me, but it is 5 more years of working toward getting those job offers I've been wanting. When I was 25, I was going to school, working a very low-paying part-time job and spending most of my time working for free on independent film projects. I worked for free for a long time before anyone thought to pay me. My friend Katie always says the reward for good work is more work. In my case, that has been true, and you sound like a very hard worker, so I'm sure it'll end up being true for you too. You have that awesome name, so that will help your resumes stand out. After that, follow up on what you want. The people I've hired at SciShow (1) definitely have awesome names, (2) really wanted to work for SciShow and were honest and excited about that, and (3) were themselves. You seems honest and real and that goes a long, long way. Hiring is weird. We've definitely turned down really talented people because we couldn't get a human read on them. You want to work with people you'll like. So show your personality in those resumes you're sending out and call and go into visit people you want to work with. Searching for a job is more than a full-time gig, so take care of yourself while you're going through it too. Take breaks and reward yourself after little victories or long stints of cover letter writing. Good luck, Veronica Pickles!
I'm not in a place where I need to change my life direction. But does anyone have any advice for when your life feels like it's not moving forward? Real life example, I was not supposed to be 20 without a car and living at home, and yet here I am. So now it just feels like I'm stuck in a loop, and worse it feels like other people aren't having this problem. Either they have moved out and are doing adult stuff, or they don't care that they aren't. But I do care. If anyone has advice about that, that would be awesome.
Crystalvampire66 When I was 20 and living at home I complained to my dad about not having a car. I felt like I was making responsible decisions and trying to save money, but all my friends from high school were buying these BRAND NEW cars and their lives seemed so put together. He told me to wait ten years and all those guys will have is a 10-year-old car. And he was right. I have a car now. It is more than 10 years old, but the rest of my life has moved forward in ways that I'm really happy with. Moving forward starts off really slowly, but then it ramps up and goes really fast. With or without a car, promise!
Caitlin Hofmeister Thank you so much for replying. That really helps to just know that I will get somewhere. It's comforting to know that somebody else was in the same spot as me and moved forward. Thanks Caitlin :)
Is it common for people who are having a quarter life crisis, to yearn for a a prolonged lifespan? When the host whispered "I'm going to live to be 116" that resonated me, because when I was having my crisis, I yearned to live to be 200, so that I can have all the time I'd need to fulfill the outrageously inflated goals.
hey. I think that this is going to be me. I want to work in film, but I don't know where the hell that's going to lead me. I want advice or to hear someone's personal experience, but I don't know where to get that... do you have a blog or anywhere I can hear more about all this? I probably won't get a response.. but.. thanks.
Caitlin is gorgeous, can i just say that? haha. anyhow this channel is easily one of my favorites and its a tremedous help to me along with being really fun and enjoyable to watch ;) thanks for making this stuff guys.
It almost feels like this was a "third-life crisis" instead of a "quarter-life crisis." I think this video was great and valuable for some people, but it's not really at all what I struggle with in my more current quarter-life crisis. Maybe it'll be helpful for me 5-15 years from now.
my life is kind of like a car starting but it's stuck on the *rum dum dum, rum dum dum, rum dum dum* instead of getting started and sounding like *rum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum* if you catch my drift
Couldn't you find a way to make it work? Find time to have both your happy job and your dream job? To have your cake *_and_* eat it? I don't think I could ever do what you did, Caitlin. I just couldn't. If I was offered that option, I'd try to have both jobs even if it ended up stressing me out until I crashed and burned, and ended up accomplishing nothing. I can't let go of stuff like that unless it's yanked away from me. But me, making that decision, consciously? I'd never be able to.
So let me get this straight: because of your previous commitments with your jobs you skipped out on your dream job. It sounds like your judgment was clouded by Scishow and the work and effort you placed (or misplaced in it). Don't get me wrong though, working for Scishow is probably a great job and one that I wouldn't say no to either, but skipping out on your dream job, the one you had for a long time, just seems foolish to me. Maybe its because I personally still have not given up (and I am still actively trying to land my dream job) that I would jump to grab that job at the first opportunity, because in all likelihood it will never come again. You had three chances and denied the job, I am not going to say it was a bad move, but for someone in my position, I would not hesitate to take it. Forget about what I might have invested in previously or what my current job it, a dream job is just that, a dream come true. It is what you have been working for your whole life (maybe) and what motivated you to get into the field you wanted. To see someone skip out on a chance like that I can't help but shake my head.
***** You know, as people get older and mature, they change. Sometimes the dream of yesterday isn't the dream of today anymore, and there's nothing wrong with that. And it's stupid to let past you decide what's best for current you, cause current you has all the knowledge and experience that past you has, and more. With time, people's wants and needs change, and that's how it's supposed to be. It takes a lot of courage to own up to that and be able to turn a former dream job down, because past you often has a loud voice. Ten years ago I wanted to become a professional dancer and I managed to get into a good school, but there I realized that it wasn't what I wanted anymore, so I quit and I'm happy I did, even though it hurt. Holding on to a dream of the past is only gonna make you unhappy in the long run.
***** Definitely don't turn down your dream job! In my case, I had changed my mind about what my dream job was without realizing it. I became overqualified for my original dream job and didn't want to take a step backward. I agree with you--keep moving forward. Best of luck with your goals!
***** Hi! I hear what you're saying. One important thing to remember is that dreams often change over time. IMO, you mustn’t be beholden to a particular vision of joy. Letting go is not giving up. This bears repeating. Letting go is not giving up. Like, I know now that if I had clung viciously to one specific, rigid idea of What Success Looks Like To Me, simply because it was what I’d thought I wanted, my life would have been lesser and even destructive. This was so difficult to understand! After all, in discarding or at least delaying one particular path, doesn’t that mean we’re not “shooting for the stars” but “being realistic and settling”? No. No. No. The thing is, life can be so wonderful in its weirdness. I have a BFA in Screenwriting. All I wanted to do, ever, was be a screenwriter. Through a series of completely unforeseeable events, I make my living now as a novelist and UA-camr. And I am a very happy and grateful man. It is okay (it is fabulous) if things don’t go according to your plan. You will have no shortage of detours, coincidences, speed bumps, and miracles. But the reason that this is all okay is that, if you keep going, your life will be at least as good (if not better than) the one you envisioned. Anyway, just one fella's opinion. :] Thanks for commenting! - Mike
Andrej Parunovic I'm gonna assume you're talking to me. Here is my reply: :::puts on sunglasses::: :::mounts Harley::: :::puts toothpick in mouth as you tell me I'm cool::: :::looks back and says, "Why'd it take you so long to notice?" :::roars off toward the romance and promise of the sunset horizon::: - Mike
This is a great video and a very personal video... But I kind of feel like its just that: personal. I feel like a lot of people in their quater-part of their lives (including me) aren't coming up with the possibility of landing their dream job and having to choose other paths; rather, I feel a lot of us are simply coming to the daunting reality that we're simply not going to get whatever our dream was, or don't even have a dream or know what we want to do, and have no alternative either way.
The stark truth of the matter is, a lot of us end up not getting what we feel we wanted in life, or end up in a situation that we feel we're not happy with, but don't know how to move ahead.
I understand that this video is very helpful for certain people, and that Caitlin has poured a lot of personal emotion into this video and provided genuine advice for people in similar situations, but I can't really relate because my current situation is so different from hers, and I feel I'm not alone in this.
Simalacrum Thanks for the comment!
I understand what you're saying. One of the toughest parts of growing up, I think, is the disillusionment you face when you have to grapple with an "expectations hangover." I would never ever want to go back in time to high school, but I must confess that I sometimes pine for the way I *saw the world* in high school, and the way I imagined my place in it.
I was going to be, it went without saying, both the next Steven Spielberg and next Stephen King, like pretty much instantly.
But here's the thing: Once you let go of certain expectations, and learn to not hate yourself for not achieving them, you can become much more open to the non-illusion realities around you. And usually (often!), things turn out better than your initial dreams, which were often built with a measure of naïveté and unrealistic timelines.
I know now that if I had wound up being Spielberg and/or King, especially on the timeline I prayed for, it would have wrecked me. I've tried to learn that I shouldn't be beholden to a particular vision of joy.
This is perhaps cold comfort, I know, when you're in the thick of things. My heart is with you, if you find yourself in that place right now. I hope you'll find some help in a Tumblr post I wrote about all of this; it seems to have been popular for people. It's at learnhowtoadult.tumblr[dotcom]/post/120185674353/sailingtoalaska-learnhowtoadult
Thanks again, and please, don't despair, buddy! :]
- Mike
Simalacrum Agreed, this may have been a nice video but I turned it off halfway through. I didn't get into graduate school and ruined my chance of living the life I had imagined for myself for over a decade. It heartbreaking, I went through an identity crisis, and in general had to re-think basically the way I viewed myself and my entire life. Having THAT kind of quarter life crisis (which is the kind most people I know had, or similar- bad economy, etc) and then coming to watch someone talk about having TWO amazing opportunities was not helpful or inspiring. The title of the video I think was quite misleading...it's basically the opposite of what I have heard of as a quarter life crisis.
Brittany Pines I agree, this seemed like a tough decision, not what I've heard of as a quarter-life crisis.
Simalacrum Yeah, so much this. As someone whose quarter life crisis revolves around being unemployed and struggling to find ANY job, much less a dream job, watching a video where someone talks about having to turn down jobs is not exactly helpful. I liked the steps she outlined and I think they have broader significance that could be helpful, but I would love if this video was expanded to include other kinds of quarter life crises.
Brittany Pines Simalacrum Hey, guys! Thanks for the thoughtful comments!
I see your points, and even if I don't *totally* agree (b/c we're different people and different people have different opinions), I really respect and understand what you're saying, and I empathize with it, too. I love that you're being so civil, though I guess I should expect it because our community is just so lovely and awesome. :]
I thought about it this weekend, and I *think* I may have made a mistake in how I titled this video. To be clear, that was my decision, not Caitlin's (although she did like the title). When I'm honest w/ myself, I think I chose that title partly b/c Caitlin so well described the quarter-life crisis *I'VE* been going through -- namely, the realization that the dreams Past Me had are not always entirely fulfilling to Present Me. This is a privileged situation, I know, and I'm sure Past Me would want to kick Present Me right in the butt-buns for complaining at all.
But even if the specifics of Caitlin's video may not apply to a not-as-awesome quarter-life crisis, I really do think the broader themes of identity and disillusionment and the releasing of expectations do. So I'm split on whether I chose the right title, I am open to changing it, and I'm really sorry if it made you guys feel misled or "less than" for having a different situation than I or Caitlin do. (And FWIW, I had to go through many many years of literally selling my body to science before I got to the place I am now.)
Anyway, all of this to say, if you have suggestions on a different title, I'd be very interested to hear them and change the title.
Thanks so much, guys! I heart you!
- Mike
I love this video! And it's come at a time that I really needed it. I'm not between jobs, but majors. I didn't make it into nursing school this last semester, which has been my dream for about 3-4 years. I put a lot of hardwork into my classes and exams and it wasn't enough. Now I'm on the path of english education. I love to read and write and work with kids so I feel like this will be a good fit while I wait to reapply. I think some of my friends and family don't totally understand that I need to grow up and move on to something will be less weight on my mental health and will actually get out of my school faster. I'm favoriting this video to watch it in those moments when I feel confused and get down on myself for questioning my path in life. Thanks again for putting this up!
gingernet Whoa, I can totally relate to this! For me, it was trying to get into an MFA program for Creative Writing. I was rejected twice. Thank goodness I was, because 1. I wouldn't have finished the novel that I eventually sold and that allowed me to become a full-time writer, and 2. I wouldn't *definitely* not have started making UA-cam videos.
Thanks for watching!
- Mike
gingernet I'm honored that you're putting this in your pocket for future use. A friend of mine who is older than I am has always wanted to be a writer AND a nurse. She's finally gotten herself in a position where she can be a traveling nurse part time and a writer most of the time. Dream jobs are constantly morphing and just because you don't get them figured out and locked in right away doesn't mean they won't work out in a way that makes you happy. Also, I think having a wide experience base is always good. Your nursing studies will make you a more well-rounded teacher, and if you go back to nursing, working with kids will definitely make you better at being a nurse. I feel like working with kids makes people better at most everything.
I'm in the middle of experiencing the dream I always had for myself, but while achieving this, I'm having to mourn the dream I never thought I wanted. Let me explain...
I grew up in rural Northern Arizona, which I hated. I hated my school, I had almost no friends and basically from the time I could talk I said I was leaving the area the second I turned 18. But life happened and I ended up doing my first 2 years of college at a local University in Arizona, and I loved every second of that experience. For the first time I was seeing the area in which I grew up as a desirable place to be. I was so happy. But then opportunity came knocking and I had a chance to move to a town just outside of Chicago, to finish my education. This is what I had wanted my whole life, to leave Northern Arizona and live in a big city and discover new and exciting and terrifying things, so I took it. I left. I packed up my Honda Civic and drove across the country. And I fought back tears from New Mexico to Kansas. This dream is what I wanted, but it was not my only option. Leaving home was scary and lonely and difficult. Coming to a city I didn't know, that ended up not being what I expected at all has been really hard.
I'm not as happy as I was at home, but if I was home I don't think I'd be as happy as I was before I had the chance to move. I have accepted my decision, I'm proud of myself for the bravery it took to uproot my life and leave everything familiar to me in my rear view mirror. I graduate in December and I already have some interesting opportunities knocking. I can potentially go home, or I can move into the heart of Chicago, which was the point of moving here in the first place. I honestly have no idea which choice I will make come December, or if I'll be happy with the one I choose. But I've decided that's what life is for. It's for moving forward, for looking back with a hindsight of 20/20, for introspection, and education and risk taking. That's what comforts me when I think about how happy I was before the move, that the only thing that has changed from then and now is my potential to find happiness in a new place.
schpookendike You are, sincerely, a badass. :D
- Mike
PS Did you see Lindsey's recent vid on our channel about making tough decisions? Might be helpful!
How to Adult Thanks Mike, that feels really awesome to hear from you guys, I will be checking Lindsey's video ASAP. Thanks for the amazing videos and for the platform to share my story. It's awesome to relate to people who are also attempting to adult :)
schpookendike Oh, feels! I'm tearing up at this. You are awesome. Congrats on graduating soon and for being so brave. Good luck with your next adventures!
Caitlin Hofmeister I was fangirling when Mike replied to me but I think I just felt my heart skip a bit a little, I love the content you produce and you are such an inspiration. thank you so much for everything you do and for replying to me. SciShow has been a big part of me getting the degree I'll earn in December.
I started feeling really emotional watching this video because I think that I am struggling with the idea of a dream job, if I really have one, are the things I love doing lifelong hobbies or career options... and mourning growing up is really hard. I can tell it was hard for you, Caitlin, but you have (and will continue to have) done such a great job adulting.
Thanks for sharing this whole ordeal with us. I certainly don't know if I could have made the mature decision you did had I been in your shoes.
sipofstarrshine Thank you!
That is a great way to cope. For me it was realizing and accepting that nothing is what I expect it to be, that nothing is permanent, that I'm not permanent, that nothing I/others do will be permanent. That all doors are open and closed simultaneously at the same time I need only genuinely engage with them. Creating happiness and benefiting others, if that's where I find my own fulfillment and joy, than no matter where I found myself or what I found myself doing I'll find joy. There will be 7 billion+ chances to find fulfillment. A lot of wisdom helps too haha, something easily found from the works of such kind people as here on How to Adult and SciShow!
Last fall got a call from a company I'd applied to years ago offering me what had been that dream technical job at what still is a dream technical company and I had to turn it down. It wasn't the direction I had gone or wanted to go any more and would have required throwing away a lot of time and experience and re-training myself for a career route I no longer wanted. The call caught me while in Australia and turning down that offer took a LONG two weeks and dozens of emails/skype calls with people to try and convince myself it was ok. It was a damn hard realization (and thing to explain to people not in the field). Great video Caitlin!
When I was growing up, I was sure I would be a writer of novels and trendy magazine articles. That dream has morphed so many times that I now, at 30, hardly recognize it. This year in particular has been rough in the dreams department. I'm happy with my life, it just hasn't gone according to ANY of my plans. I married at 19, I now have 6 pretty cool kids, and we currently homeschool. This, plus my continuing struggle to be organized at all, means I have no time to pursue lifelong dreams. That doesn't mean I resent any of my life choices. It's not that simple.
I love my family-centered life and I just have to hang on right now, confident that whatever dreams I have when I get more space and am needed a little less, I will pursue then with the passion I always carry.
But yeah. I'm in that mourning stage. I just am. Not regret. Mourning.
VLicious8704 I *so* understand this. Have you seen our videos on getting organized, and avoiding procrastination? They might be helpful!
Also, I've found this old saying to be very true: "Life's delays are not life's denials." It may not happen on the timeline you'd envisioned, but that does not make it any less possible.
Thanks so much for watching, and good luck!
- Mike
I congratulate you, having found something substantial and worthwhile. I have never known what I was going to do with my life. I got decent grades and my teachers liked me but no one said "This is your destiny" and Ive never felt destined to do something. Nowim 25 starting college and Im still lost. Im starting to worry if Ill ever find that true happiness. Im not even sure what Im looking for. Its all just a foggy mess.
I've been having life crisis since I was 15
I'm in a really weird situation, where... I don't know what "job" I'd do. I'm 20, and I'm currently studying Physics. It's been my dream ever since I was a kid. I love it, I'm good at it, and so on. The thing is... I'm not sure what physicists... "do"? Every single time someone asked me what I was gonna do for a living, I've just confidently said "I'll do physics and stuff will work out". And that's been my philosophy for as long as I can remember. And my reaction to thinking about it is just going on Tumblr, obviously. Because that helps.
....The more I think about it the more lost I feel. On one hand, people have told me "just do what you love! A job will come to you in time, no need to worry about it now" ...on the other, people have told me that I need to work hard to get a job, and start thinking about it now. And naturally, I went for the easier option. And I don't think I could do the harder option, honestly. Because I have no idea where to start. Or if it's even the right thing. I convinced myself that the former is better, but is it?
***** A lot of engineers I know have a physics degree so maybe that's a possibility? Engineering really covers a very broad range of things. I'm a software engineer (i.e. programming) but a lot of physicists go into systems engineering (overall system design). Your degree shows that you have the right sort of mind for this kinda thing and if you join as part of a graduate program a lot of companies won't necessarily expect any engineering experience. If possible I'd try a work placement before you leave uni... give you a chance to see if you like it.
Ian Robinson That's the thing... I don't want to be an engineer. I'm a lot more into the theory than into the actual... designing and testing and stuff? I want to just be a physicist. Solving problems of how a mechanism works. Theoretical physics, even. And.... I... guess people somehow make money from that? I'm still not sure how. But it's something I'm really interested in. And it's what I'd want to do, even if it didn't make me any money.
***** Cool. I can completely respect that. Sounds like you want to stay in academia then? You can certainly make money from that eventually when you get into research. At the end of the day there's nothing wrong with not knowing what job you want to do. Just keep doing whatever interests you and see where you end up. If anything this video proves that it's not always helpful to have a "dream job" in mind.
***** Do you have an advisor or anything at school? My suggestion to you would be to join a current research project or ask a professor for help in starting one. I don't think you have to know what you want to research. Depending on your school, there would be projects underway that you can help with. This way you can try things out without committing to them as a job. Your school should also have a career fair at some point. You should go to that and talk to people just to see what is out there even if you don't apply. But if you find something interesting, having an internship is, again, easier to use as a trial "do I like this kind of work/company?" Good luck.
*****
Speaking as one with a bachelor's in physics:
Have you thought about doing summer research? If you're in the US, the NSF (National Science Foundation) offers REUs (Research Experience for Undergraduates) at universities all across the US. Not only do 1) you get to see what the research process is like, 2) you get to learn what academia / grad school is like, but also 3) you get paid for it.
My REU summer was one of the most valuable learning experiences of my undergraduate career, and it was while looking into REUs that I found out which subfield of physics I was most interested in.
As someone realizing that their goal since forever probably won't happen, this video was very helpful. The idea of enjoying doing something other than your dream is foreign and strange, but I'm starting to come to terms with the idea. Thanks for sharing!
I agree the title is a bit off but OHMYGAWD I love this video. Most adult-y video so far imho. It really speaks to me realizing that I will probably never go to college, but in spite of this I have trip-fallen into a job that is better for me than my dream job.
Thank you for sharing your story Caitlin!!
That catchphrase was ON POINT! It's like she's been making catchphrases for How to Adult since the beginning!
I've been through simular. Grew up wanting to work with little kids in daycare - worked in a couple for work experience in high school - realised it was NOT what I thought it would be - so floated around lost from 15-25yrs old. THANK goodness for supportive parents and TAFE!
I've always (like, since fourth grade) imagined myself as a physicist, I was one of those kids who knew exactly where I was headed. I worked really hard to graduate third of my class in high school so that I can get in to a good program in a good university, which I did, and there I was the youngest student. And, to be honest, it was nothing like I imagined it would be, and I really hated it. I quit four months ago, after just one semester. I knew I was making the right decision, but it was really hard to let go of the idea I've dreamt up for so many years.
***** Dang, I see myself in this comment. I've been making some biggish decisions lately myself. Still not quite sure what path to settle on, but this video *definitely* helped! :D
Thanks for watching!
- Mike
How to Adult I absolutely agree, this video is wonderful and very helpful. Good luck with those decisions!
***** Good for you! Changing direction, or even just putting something on pause, is scary. You're brave and that's something to be really proud of.
Caitlin Hofmeister Thank you! I have to be honest, this still doesn't feel very brave, mostly because it still occasionally causes some good cries, even a few months later, but I'm sure eventually I'll look back and know it was, and even with the hard feelings that come with the whole situation, I know that it was the right decision.
***** Oh hon, you are the norm rather than the exception! However, I am willing to bet that your interest in physics will not be wasted, nor will the discipline you learned that got you to the program that you ended up leaving. Good luck with all your future endeavors!
The honesty behind this video was very relatable! Always enjoyed watching Caitlin on SciShow Space but this video was definitely a super cool change up!
Thanks so much for this awesome video. I faced a similar situation recently when I was deciding where to go to graduate school. I was blessed with several incredible options and when it came down to the final decision between two schools, I struggled SO hard, because one was totally my dream school, incredible reputation and would have likely set me up for success in my career. But something was holding me back from going for it. Something I couldn't really quantify. I overanalyzed the crap out of it and ultimately decided to go to the other (still an amazing school!). I had to realize that my dreams changed, and there were other factors that were more important than going to the number one school. I feel amazing about the decision.
So I appreciate the way you explained your personal story, Caitlin, because it helped me normalize and validate my decision even more. I found myself going "YEAH! You go, Caitlin!" while you were talking! Thank you for sharing!!
Best video on this channel yet. I'm currently going through a quarter life crisis while I exit out of grad school with only a MSc and not continuing my plan of getting a PhD (at this point in my life) and that adjustment is hard. I do have some great opportunities, but like you expressed, it is weird of letting go of potential dream jobs even when you have other excellent opportunities that you are excited about.
I love this! I'm so lucky that my dream job working with HGTV came along at exactly the right time, but every time an opportunity or design projects comes up that I just don't have time for, I feel so bad for saying no, since for the longest time I was able to take everything that was offered to me. I think knowing your worth is definitely a big part of this.
YESSSSS I feel this video so hard. In December, my transfer application to my dream college was deferred, but when they accepted me this spring, I decided to go somewhere completely different instead.
My approach to these things is to choose whichever acceptance/job offer/whatever one makes me cry inexplicably, because they always end up being tears of joy!
the person you are today has no obligation to the person of yesterday, or last year, or 10 years ago.
this has been a mantra and a life saver to me over the past few years
I had to go through a similar-ish thing in college when I realized that there was no way I could handle medical school. It had been my dream since I was little, but in the process of working toward it, I realized that it wasn't something I could do or even wanted to do anymore. So I finished school, thought about my next step, started ON my next step and realized that wasn't going to work out either. so now I have an CNA job while I save up and mentally prepare to get my RN. It's hard to give up dreams, but it ultimately feels so much better when you finally figure out what you're going to do.
i recently skipped over my dream job to my even bigger (and more secret) dream job
I'm not at the turning down my dream job phase yet, but I've definitely seen how things can be very different than your dreams and still be good. I lived with my parents until I got married at 30 because I could only get low-paying jobs, and my husband's job isn't fantastic, but we've cobbled a life together, and that life is good.
Also knowing that it's OKAY not to have a job that uses your 'major'. Is a big step.
You learned a LOT of things in college. It's okay to use those skills that are transferable for other departments. And you shouldn't feel guilty about that.
I went to school for Theatrical Lighting design.
Now I work as a Purchasing/Project manager in Sales and Rentals at a Theatrical supply warehouse, and freelance Stage manage and Playwright in my free time.
I haven't touched a lighting board in ages. But I love what I do and I love the people I work with.
It took me a while to get over that 'but this isn't what I went to school for' hump.
As someone who knew since I was 8 what I wanted to do with my life and worked really hard to get there to see the work not quite paying off I'm glad to see that at least someone is getting, not only an opportunity to fullfil their dreams, but also the opportunity to do something even better than the dreams. Too soon to tell if that's the case with me, but I'm happy someone got there.
And guys, really, these guest hosts of yours... THEY SEEM SO NICE! I mean, Mike and Emma still seem to be the nicest and most awesome, but really, I wish I knew people IRL who seemed so positive and awesome and NICE as How to Adult hosts!
Thank you for another great video! :)
***** I've known what my ultimate dream job was since I was 8 too. I've had some really cool jobs, but the one I really really want stopped hiring when I finally obtained all the qualifications to do it. It was a long shot anyway, but now there really just isn't any chance. I hope everything works out for you.
SciJoy Thank you! I hope that even though you didn't get it your way better things come up to you! Have a great week! :)
Thank you for sharing this story. I hadn't considered I might have to turn down a dream job before. If I ever am faced with that decision, I think it would help to have watched this.
I'm currently experiencing a massive quarter-life crisis, and part of that is due to me trying to digest the idea that being a workaholic is not my only option.
Work has always been my life, and I took pride in never truly having a day off, and being available to my various projects and co-workers above all-else. I was the one who said yes, who was dependable, and always prioritized work. Now, as part of my own learning how to adult, I've realized that living is so much more than just work. And after recently having a nightmarish experience on my last project or two, I've come to the conclusion that I can no longer take my work home with me, and always be at everyone else's beck and call.
I want to be able to make a life, not just make a living.
So now I feel as though I'm back at square one, have to find a new career, and that by rerouting my journey, I'll be disappointing everyone who's held doors open for me. What's worse, due to overworking and over focusing myself these past few years, I''m left with little to no support group to help me through this.
Any Nerdfighters out there wiling to lend some advice?
Wow this was so raw and personal. Thank you for sharing that Caitlin. :) The video had an amazing message to it...one that's rarely talked about...and you delivered it well.
It's encouraging to know that the Greens are so great to work for too.
this video just got really really real for me. it's been in the back of my mind for a while, but now i have some new context.
in the past two weeks i've started a new (but temporary) job, withdrawn from all my classes, replaced them with minimesters, and changed my major so i can graduate this coming December instead of in two and a half years.
in doing that, i effectively gave up the major i've been pursuing for 20 years-- not because i didn't think i could do it, or because i'd stopped caring about it, but because i think i've found something i care more about, and it finally hit me that it was actually possible. it's really scary (and now i have like, eight months to figure out my life, in stead of two years), but i think i'll be okay.
i needed this video. thank you so much
Hey, congratulations Caitlin!
Three years ago I accepted my current job despite a 'weird feeling'. It was (and is) an amazing opportunity in my field, and I was hired right on graduation, where several of my classmates were unable to find jobs in our field for over a year. But I've known since the beginning that it's not a good fit for me. I've learned a lot, and I'm grateful for the experience, but now I'm scared to leave. I make a pretty decent salary and have really good benefits and I don't know exactly what it is I want to do, so it's easier to just stay where I am. I'm kind of scared I'll never have a job where I look forward to going to work in the morning (one of my best friends has a job like that; I'm envious).
I've recently been rejected from the career I've wanted to do. And now I'm drifting, I don't know what to do and I feel I'm just burning through cash. I've gone from being close to my dream job to desperately looking for any job, and that's getting me down right now. Anyway...
Ever since Oregon Trail, I wanted to program computers. It took four years of military service to pay for college, but I now have a job that I didn't know existed. I get to do programming routinely, too. :) I oversee a team of technicians and programmers and operators as part of a facility that images and customizes over 400 machines daily.
I very much enjoyed Caitlin's experiences and how she extrapolated solid points for a general struggle in many young adult lives -- the fear of settling. I recall Hank saying something like, "You do not owe your younger self anything. You are so much smarter than that person anyway... Plus that person doesn't exist." It's not settling for less if you already have more than you dremt possible.
wow what a huge problem/crisis! having to decide between two amazing jobs!!
I worked in a caboose too, once. But it was on a property way up in the mountains and used as a sort of sidehouse. We were clearing stuff out for a guy who had some problems with his brother and wanted to get his stuff out of the familiy cabin in order to… I don't even remember.
That was one of the weirder jobs I worked, just because of the family issues. Weirdest was probably Boy Scout camp counselor. You get pretty loopy after four or five weeks of living in the woods.
Highly inspiring! Thank you for that 🙏
Definitely the opposite of the quarter-life crises myself and everyone I know is having. There might be some abstract level on which this is useful, though, in terms of acknowledging the differences between past-you and present-you and letting go.
That was a weird job (caboose). Thank you for sharing your story.
lordcoyote2000 ha! Thank you!
EEEEEE! Go Caitlin Go!!!! :D
thelonelydirector I know! :D She did SUCH a wonderful job with this!!!
- Mike
I made a big mistake on what decisions I made in the past of what degree I'm going after in school which, as the result, didn't got me into a dream job. This got me into a quarter-life crisis and I thought to myself I wasted my whole youth for nothing and it's too late to fix it. I felt self-betrayed. How could I forgive myself to all this?
YAY CAITLIN! I love this so hard.
I love you even more. Thanks yall 💪💜💜💜
I just got an interview at a game design company, one that is making games in Unity for VR, exactly what I want to be a part of. I bombed the interview, but I was given a chance. I have to complete a game in Unity (something I've never done before) in around six days. I've been working on it since I got home from the interview, and I know I can make something, but he told me I really need to blow them away. I don't know if I can do that...
And, I'm really worried that if I do somehow manage to make it, I won't be able to hold out in a real business atmosphere. I've only ever been a huge fan of game design and the people who make these amazing experiences, when I should have been working on becoming one. Right now I'm just going to try my best and hope it leads to good places.
Thank you for your service.
Caitlin COULD live to be 116, or she could just've been going through her 1/3-life crisis. #DFTBA
High fives, fellow member of the Spelling-Caitlin-Correctly Club!
Do you guys have any advice for someone who's on about Plan H in terms of life goals? Who keeps making plans and having them not work out? I know that hearing "no" and being able to keep going is a HUGE part of making dreams come true, especially in creative fields, but what if "no" is all you're hearing? What happens when you're speeding through the alphabet in terms of plans and are running out of ideas?
Caitlin O'Connell Yay Caitlins! I was really lucky because early on one of my favorite professors, a poet, showed me a shoe box overflowing of his rejection letters. He told me that he'd fill it up, then eventually throw them out or store them, and then fill it up again. He had TONS of rejection letters and he's had many, many poems, and a handful of books published. He's a cool, big deal. He said he wasn't sure why he kept them, but he just did. Which I loved. I loved that he kept them near, but put them in a box. He didn't know how many there were, but he compartmentalized them and literally boxed them up away from his work. I think you're right, that creative endeavors come with a lot of "no," but that's just part of it. Maybe stop lettering your plans? Or don't limit yourself to 26, at least! :)
When i saw it being about quarter-life crisis i was thinking it would more about the that the feeling that thinking at this point in my life
- there will be less changes in who i am
- that my brain is losing it's elasticity.
- that I will start losing those around me that i care about, not because of things i have control over but because their time is up and there's really nothing i can do about it.
- that if i don't make a discovery before my 30's, my input into the world is insignificant as major discoveries are made by those under 30.
- that those memories that i have don't really belong to me, as it does belong to a "different me" at that point in time. I don't really have claim on those memories because what i recall is recalling those memories and not those initial memories.
- that my life will develop at a slower pace than it used to
things like that are what i considered as my quarterlife crisis.
This was released just in time. I turn 25 tomorrow
WOW, that was a fucking rollercoaster of emotions
is it just me or does this seem to resonate a lot with relationships too ?
jeez, I know it wasn't meant this way, but for me that whole video just felt like bragging. And I know it's because the title left me under the impression that it was going to be a motivational message about how to not freak out about being 25 with nothing to show for your hard work, but instead it was about someone with multiple opportunities that were actually something they wanted. As a recent 25 year old with no job prospects, sending out at least 12 applications a day just to try to find work to survive this video wasn't helpful, it just showed me where I wish I was. Congratulations on all of your success though! This channel has been helpful to me in the past and I'm sure it will be again in the future. I just want to clarify that I'm not trying to be rude or mean in any way, just to express my impression that the title doesn't really fit the video. maybe something about decision making would be a better title? I don't think most peoples quarter-life crisis involves turning down their dream job. :)
veronica pickles If you're sending 12 applications a day you're way overdoing it. You need to focus more and ask yourself what you actually wanna do. That doesn't have to be something big, but just what kind of company would you wanna be in, what kind of job, what do you wanna learn there, what do you have to offer them. I suggest looking online on how to better your CV and how to write an awesome cover letter, there's a lot to gain from that. For the record, I'm 26 now and rounding of my studies (I study international business) and in a few of my classes we deal with CV making and letter writing, because it's basically half the work. I recently applied for an internship position and got accepted, I think purely because I was focused, I knew what I wanted and I knew how to bring it. If you want some more tips on how to improve your resume and cover letter, let me know. I'll look for some good resources for you if you want :).
veronica pickles First and most importantly, you have an awesome name. One of my favorite people is named Deidre Peaches and I wish you knew her and you two could have a UA-cam channel together called Pickles and Peaches.
Second and equally importantly, thank you for your carefully worded and kind comment. My biggest fear was that this video would sound like bragging and I appreciate that you know it wasn't meant that way. I'm not sure what Mike and Emma's process is for titling episodes, but I like what they chose for this one because it's another part of an early life crisis. Being young is, your right, all about making new and sometimes scary decisions.
I just turned 30, which frequently doesn't feel like more than 25 to me, but it is 5 more years of working toward getting those job offers I've been wanting. When I was 25, I was going to school, working a very low-paying part-time job and spending most of my time working for free on independent film projects. I worked for free for a long time before anyone thought to pay me.
My friend Katie always says the reward for good work is more work. In my case, that has been true, and you sound like a very hard worker, so I'm sure it'll end up being true for you too. You have that awesome name, so that will help your resumes stand out. After that, follow up on what you want. The people I've hired at SciShow (1) definitely have awesome names, (2) really wanted to work for SciShow and were honest and excited about that, and (3) were themselves. You seems honest and real and that goes a long, long way. Hiring is weird. We've definitely turned down really talented people because we couldn't get a human read on them. You want to work with people you'll like. So show your personality in those resumes you're sending out and call and go into visit people you want to work with. Searching for a job is more than a full-time gig, so take care of yourself while you're going through it too. Take breaks and reward yourself after little victories or long stints of cover letter writing.
Good luck, Veronica Pickles!
Caitlin Hofmeister Oh, man. I heart Caitlin so much.
- Mike
Caitlin Hofmeister Ugh! I used the wrong "your." How embarrassing. I'm sorry Veronica Pickles! I meant to write, "you're right." :)
How to Adult I heart you, Mike!
1:55 that is 'the secret' in acton right there
Great video. I can totally relate, except I'm not as mature and honest with myself as you are...
I'm not in a place where I need to change my life direction. But does anyone have any advice for when your life feels like it's not moving forward? Real life example, I was not supposed to be 20 without a car and living at home, and yet here I am. So now it just feels like I'm stuck in a loop, and worse it feels like other people aren't having this problem. Either they have moved out and are doing adult stuff, or they don't care that they aren't. But I do care. If anyone has advice about that, that would be awesome.
Crystalvampire66 When I was 20 and living at home I complained to my dad about not having a car. I felt like I was making responsible decisions and trying to save money, but all my friends from high school were buying these BRAND NEW cars and their lives seemed so put together. He told me to wait ten years and all those guys will have is a 10-year-old car. And he was right. I have a car now. It is more than 10 years old, but the rest of my life has moved forward in ways that I'm really happy with. Moving forward starts off really slowly, but then it ramps up and goes really fast. With or without a car, promise!
Caitlin Hofmeister Thank you so much for replying. That really helps to just know that I will get somewhere. It's comforting to know that somebody else was in the same spot as me and moved forward. Thanks Caitlin :)
Is it common for people who are having a quarter life crisis, to yearn for a a prolonged lifespan?
When the host whispered "I'm going to live to be 116" that resonated me, because when I was having my crisis, I yearned to live to be 200, so that I can have all the time I'd need to fulfill the outrageously inflated goals.
You're amazing!
hey. I think that this is going to be me. I want to work in film, but I don't know where the hell that's going to lead me. I want advice or to hear someone's personal experience, but I don't know where to get that... do you have a blog or anywhere I can hear more about all this? I probably won't get a response.. but.. thanks.
Caitlin is gorgeous, can i just say that? haha.
anyhow this channel is easily one of my favorites and its a tremedous help to me along with being really fun and enjoyable to watch ;) thanks for making this stuff guys.
Anacondas101 This makes us feel really awesome. Thank you!
- Mike
Can you please do a video on surviving a mid-life crisis next?
I'm holding on to past me's dream job because I don't know what I would do if I didn't do this.
You have my dream job!
You go!
"Feel all the feels"...
It almost feels like this was a "third-life crisis" instead of a "quarter-life crisis." I think this video was great and valuable for some people, but it's not really at all what I struggle with in my more current quarter-life crisis. Maybe it'll be helpful for me 5-15 years from now.
my life is kind of like a car starting but it's stuck on the *rum dum dum, rum dum dum, rum dum dum* instead of getting started and sounding like *rum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum* if you catch my drift
The catchphrase of How to Adult is, "What's our catchphrase?"
Couldn't you find a way to make it work? Find time to have both your happy job and your dream job? To have your cake *_and_* eat it? I don't think I could ever do what you did, Caitlin. I just couldn't. If I was offered that option, I'd try to have both jobs even if it ended up stressing me out until I crashed and burned, and ended up accomplishing nothing. I can't let go of stuff like that unless it's yanked away from me. But me, making that decision, consciously? I'd never be able to.
Yeeeaaah that title is kind of misleading. For me at least. Not what I expected but it might resonate with others idk.
you should have put scishow on holf
Is there a way to get an ex back from a quarter life crisis?
I was wondering that too.
So let me get this straight: because of your previous commitments with your jobs you skipped out on your dream job. It sounds like your judgment was clouded by Scishow and the work and effort you placed (or misplaced in it). Don't get me wrong though, working for Scishow is probably a great job and one that I wouldn't say no to either, but skipping out on your dream job, the one you had for a long time, just seems foolish to me. Maybe its because I personally still have not given up (and I am still actively trying to land my dream job) that I would jump to grab that job at the first opportunity, because in all likelihood it will never come again. You had three chances and denied the job, I am not going to say it was a bad move, but for someone in my position, I would not hesitate to take it. Forget about what I might have invested in previously or what my current job it, a dream job is just that, a dream come true. It is what you have been working for your whole life (maybe) and what motivated you to get into the field you wanted. To see someone skip out on a chance like that I can't help but shake my head.
***** You know, as people get older and mature, they change. Sometimes the dream of yesterday isn't the dream of today anymore, and there's nothing wrong with that. And it's stupid to let past you decide what's best for current you, cause current you has all the knowledge and experience that past you has, and more. With time, people's wants and needs change, and that's how it's supposed to be. It takes a lot of courage to own up to that and be able to turn a former dream job down, because past you often has a loud voice. Ten years ago I wanted to become a professional dancer and I managed to get into a good school, but there I realized that it wasn't what I wanted anymore, so I quit and I'm happy I did, even though it hurt. Holding on to a dream of the past is only gonna make you unhappy in the long run.
***** Definitely don't turn down your dream job! In my case, I had changed my mind about what my dream job was without realizing it. I became overqualified for my original dream job and didn't want to take a step backward. I agree with you--keep moving forward. Best of luck with your goals!
***** Hi! I hear what you're saying. One important thing to remember is that dreams often change over time.
IMO, you mustn’t be beholden to a particular vision of joy. Letting go is not giving up.
This bears repeating.
Letting go is not giving up.
Like, I know now that if I had clung viciously to one specific, rigid idea of What Success Looks Like To Me, simply because it was what I’d thought I wanted, my life would have been lesser and even destructive.
This was so difficult to understand! After all, in discarding or at least delaying one particular path, doesn’t that mean we’re not “shooting for the stars” but “being realistic and settling”?
No. No. No.
The thing is, life can be so wonderful in its weirdness. I have a BFA in Screenwriting. All I wanted to do, ever, was be a screenwriter. Through a series of completely unforeseeable events, I make my living now as a novelist and UA-camr. And I am a very happy and grateful man.
It is okay (it is fabulous) if things don’t go according to your plan. You will have no shortage of detours, coincidences, speed bumps, and miracles. But the reason that this is all okay is that, if you keep going, your life will be at least as good (if not better than) the one you envisioned.
Anyway, just one fella's opinion. :] Thanks for commenting!
- Mike
I am still a puzzle to myself
- 97 year old philosopher
okay, but what if you don't have a dream job?
so. . . what does "dftba" mean?
Don't Forget To Be Awesome
24 and i think i cant survive
You`re cool
Andrej Parunovic I'm gonna assume you're talking to me. Here is my reply:
:::puts on sunglasses:::
:::mounts Harley:::
:::puts toothpick in mouth as you tell me I'm cool:::
:::looks back and says, "Why'd it take you so long to notice?"
:::roars off toward the romance and promise of the sunset horizon:::
- Mike
weird. I thought every stage of life was a crisis.
Maybe they should have chosen someone who's had a bit of a harder time than her to present this.
why was this entire video about you?
she's a company employee, and this may serve as case study, with hopefully helpful hints, but your mileage may vary
Omg
Who the eff is Hank?