Kenny, first of all I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for these free videos that you share with us all of the time. It just shows what a compassionate heart you have, to want ro help everyone. I'm turning 70 years old, and I wish I had found you and your healing wisdom years ago. I was in therapy for years, and I quit going because nothing was being accomplished or changing in my life. Since I've found your videos months ago, I've learned more in your free videos, than I've learned in all the years of counseling that I paid for. Honestly I think your wisdom, knowledge, and approach on how you deliver your messages with compassion, are by far the most enlightening I've ever known. Thank you so much for giving freely to those of us that cannot afford to pay for your brilliant services. God bless you.
Thank God for the internet and mostly American people who are sharing their wisdom with the world. I’ve healed myself thanks to the internet. If not then my life would have taken a very different course. Thank you to all the wonderful people who are writing books, sharing knowledge, their expertise. You are very much valued ❤
What a day. Healing has finally arrived. My entire life has been plagued by codependency and now that I know I’m a codependent, projecting my pain and shame onto anyone will only hinder healing. God bless you Mr. Weiss for this channel. Real and honest.
I’m learning more from your videos than I have in the last 8 months of weekly counseling. I will watch this again. I guess because of pride we minimize our childhood pain and own dysfunctional family of origin and sadly repeat bad behavior raising our own kiddos. I still have so much to learn. Thank you Kenny!
I'm sad to hear that you aren't getting the help you deserve from your counselor but very happy that you are finding solutions that help you in my videos. if you would like to learn even more, I now have an online magazine with tons of FREE content to help you on the journey. Here is the link if you are and interested and would like to subscribe. www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
Thank you for this. I will heal. Co-Dependency has hurt me as a single Dad, and also in my dating relationships. Somehow I have been randomly meeting damaged abusive manipulative women.
Kenny I am having my kids overnight for the first time tonight after almost 2 years of battling the world. You helped me face myself and from there, I've gotten here. I gotta take a second and say thank you so much to you. Totally not even relative to this video. But you gotta know that you've helped and I recommend you to people. Thanks for your no nonsense yet sensitive approach. I needed so bad then. Stay awesome and sporting purple ❤🎉 my moms favorite color❤😊
@kennyweiss Hey buddy, I've got a doozy of a situation going on. I had to drop 35k last month on attorneys. My narc ran away from rehab with some dude. I tried to hold her accountable in court. She made some crazy accusations, and it got ugly. Can we speak? I looked at your site. I'm being bled like a pig. Can we work something out?
Everything you said is so true. I gone through all this with my parents growing up with getting hit, getting called names, getting yelled at , and so much more. I am now a parent myself I don't raise my children the way I was raised. I never hit my children or yelled at them. I say sorry to my children when I am wrong. I knew growing up something wasn't right the way I went through stuff with my parents with everything. My parents never said sorry or didn't care how I felt etc. I 'm a single mother. I gone to celebrate recovery and other groups at church. I am a Christian for over 10 years. It's the best thing I ever done was accept Jesus in my life. Hope this helps someone else out.
This video is so very excellent & beneficial!! You’re wonderful, Kenny, (& handsome too!) You’re addressing so many of my issues which I deeply desire to understand. I want to greatly improve. I love all of your details & explanations, as well as honesty! Thank you, & God bless you.
Salvaging relationship with parents - nailed it. I have seen my ugly looking friends and not so talented friends not looking for acceptance from parents. And here I was good looking, charming and good at academia still looking for acceptance. I couldn’t nail why they were indifferent towards me. I guess, they have their own issues. I was so wrong to think their life should revolve around me. I became severely co dependent Inspite of being well educated. Waking up and knowing my relationship with my parents can not be salvaged is such a relief. I am not scared or sad anymore. Thank you!
Wow…I have had the light bulb moment…at how abusive I was to my children as well as the abuse I dealt with growing up…like many people I really thought my childhood was pretty great and normal and definitely not abusive. I have learned so much listening to you and I’d like to think I am growing and becoming a better person. I fully accept the perfectly imperfect parenting I received and I understand it more now. Thank you thank you thank you!!
Many of us now know why we attracted narcissists and that we are from same terrible childhoods! Trauma bond as our norm. We just went internal and nurturing to get self worth while the narcissist chose the mean evil path! I get it that we attracted the toxic people! Makes sense now Kenny! It hurts but I hope to get past this somehow
I like the fact that it is all being exposed. We're making progress because now, we have the knowledge, to understand the cause of a disease is crucial, and very important. I appreciate you and Pia for bringing it up. To delve into our faults, our mistakes, our deep desire that I wish I had known. I forgave my parents already. I knew at seven that I did not choose the right parents. Both of them were very sick, but I loved them dearly for providing me with a home, school, clothing. I love that my Dad works and unlike his Dad, he brought the money home and not at the bar like his Dad. My mother, way too young to have six children by the time she was 27. A young bride at seventeen. There are things that are getting better in my life daily. I must continue to focus on that yellow brick road. I got the information now, I got the cause, now I am looking forward every day for the healings, the results, the love, the appreciation, and most of all the instructions. I compare it all to the things I have to overcome in my lifetime. Civil rights, women's rights. We matter. Thanks, Kenny for sharing your knowledge, your time with us. God bless you.
Yikes! I think the whole list you mentioned applies to me. I wanted to b a great mo to my daughters yet I tuned the worse. They do not even talk to me. It hurts to the core to see how much pain I caused them. I felt like I woke up from a dream with a knife in my hand and bloody bodies of my children around me. I find myself asking what the he’ll happened here and the undeniable realization that I did it. I was mad yet the damage is done and now I must live with the consequences on not having my children around, not even a phone call once in a while. The worst part is that I did not know what I was doing, I was dealing with my own repressed traumas. There has been a deep remorse for all these behaviors? Yet I was myself like a wild animal fighting to 15:47 survive that blinded me to the beauty and joy of just enjoying my time with them. Waking up to my reality now is like crossing the ocean not knowing how to swim, dragging my children with me, yet I am at the other shore yet they drown in the process. Now all that is left is to pray they wake up sooner than I did. My hood for them is to heal themselves before they have children. Thank you for your videos, they are very insightful.
That's an extremely important thing to become aware of! I was listening to your reading and realized I got all of those abuse/neglect from my family. I was raised in 3-generational home. With one narcissist, one borderline, one avoidant and one fearful one. I believe I had CPTSD since my early childhood. It pushed me into neverending cycles of being taken advantage of and abused in relationship, friendships and at work. To the point I lost my health and ability to work. I think people rarely mention that in multigenerational homes, you can be traumatized by more that 2 people! It got diagnosed with CPTSD as an adult, but got no real help. By God's grace, I met a person (now my coach and mentor) who decided to help me. I'm 40 this year. I am learning from my dear friend how to be a human being. From the beginning. I feel like a baby in an adult's body! How to don't accept abuse, how to love/like myself, how to value myself. Sometimes is ask her : "Listen, what do healthy / normal people do in such and such situation?". I am learning slowly and I love it. When I discovered your channel I had a thought that "Wow, this gentleman is like a father I always want to have.Or like a dear uncle." (My Dad is a good man, but he believes in many unrealistic things.I.e., as you quoted from the book, that I should figure out everything about life all by myself. Actually all my family members believe in it, so whatever I know, I had to figure out by myself.) I wonder how to forgive my caregivers. In my home no one ever forgave anyone. Their definition of forgiveness is simply silent holding grudges. Which is not forgivness. And how to forgive myself for having terrible life. Acknowledging they were traumatized themselves doesn't help. I understand why they are/were like that, but I I don't "feel" forgiveness, because the consequences of their action haunt my life in a tremendous way up to this point. Same for my ex boyfriend, who is, unfortunately NPD and antisocial PD. Or my former co-worker, who used to sabotage my work up to the point I got autoimmune disease out of fear and stress. Those people live happy lives on their own terms. They lost nothing. I lost everything. And I could do nothing about it years ago. I could barely survive. They have good health, money, career, relationships, children. I have nothing. I don't have a "victim mentality", I seek solutions to escape learned helplessness. I want to change this situation. But I don't know how to deal with feeling like the ultimate loser in the zero-sum game. They enjoy life, I learn the names of feelings and learn how to ask for help. How to forgive them... . Thank you for what you're doing and for all the videos and teachings. It's all precious. I'm so grateful!
I strongly recommend the book “Toxic parents : overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life ” by Susan Forward. Excellent lecture 📖 👌 on that matter .
All this learning has really haunted me badly and I am in a big funk isolating myself from people. My childhood was zero nurturing from a broken home, devalued in school and in sports by a mean snake narcissist coach and gaslighters abound! I was happy in college away from that childhood for a new start in another state, and had no idea I was very damaged until now after narcissist abuse opened my eyes! My workplace life was full of narcissists abusers and evil manipulators too! I guess I will be totally broken to rebuild myself again. I am studying and working my boundaries right now. I don’t trust anyone anymore and feel alone in my struggle to feel anything but emptiness. I can detect narcissist easy now so that’s a great help! I won’t date or befriend another Narc! these are 2 steps forward. Where I go from here I am not sure. My mindset is a crutch at the present at age 60. Feel like I will be alone rest of my days. My self worth is crumbled now. I used to be confident when I was ignorant! Maybe I was better off not knowing?? I do need boundaries though above all else! Need to learn how to change my “attachment style” next maybe? Right now I am in Avoidance. Can’t do that forever!
People that make these youtube videos have helped countless people. I learned about narcissism and codependency because of youtube videos. I now live a healthy life because I was able to find out what the problem was thanks to people like Kenny. I was raised by narcissistic baby boomer parents that turned me into a co dependent. I was attracting toxic narcissists into my life because of my toxic codependency. The only way our society is going to get fixed is if the younger generations take charge. I am an older millenial and I have had the opportunity to see the cause and effect of the problems we have in America today. I am raising my child in a healthy environment. I stay away from toxic people and I put my child first. I was emotionally neglected as a child so I am taking proper care to make sure that my child does not suffer like that.
I am 70 years old I am still living the abuse of my chilwood.My mom and father always say I wasn't smart I would be good for nothing.So I believed it.I never felt like I should study because I was told I would never be anybody. My symbles have a degree .I had to work in factories, cleaning homes and I still an insecure woman.My older sister also always put me down in front of people.Now I don't work any more but still I don't like to do things on my own.I understand my parents now but still always in my mind that I am not smart etc.I do have very good qualities never hit or put my children down.My mother always told me I was ugly.I still believe today I am ugly.Listening to you I became more aware that they didn't realize what they did to me.But they scrud my life .
But what they did to you was wrong. We can have empathy and understanding for how they didn’t recognize their imperfections but it is also loving to hold them accountable for choosing not to learn about how to be a parent and that the way they were doing it with you was unkind and unloving. Both are true. They are imperfect and they are responsible. Therefore it is perfectly OK for you to feel angry, sad, and hurt
I always knew it was wrong and inappropriate. I never thought it was normal and I was always screaming for help drowning in plain sight, but no one ever intervened because my mother would always tell people I was being overly dramatic.
I can easily see and agree with this list, with the exception of non-sexual nudity. The body is not shameful and nurturing that awareness is not abuse.
I agree with you on non-sexual nudity. I recall a good friend's mother who would walk around her naked and she wasn't phased a bit by it, I believe I was hyper sexual as a young child because nudity was forbidden in every sense.
The worst of all was 2 years ago she called me and shouted to me i don t will you come to me to say goodbye. But i have had a very good and lovely father. When i was 5 years old my mother want a divorce she was in love with another man. And from that moment i was alone with my father. And i was going for few hours once a week to my mother. That is my story
I can see how traumatised by parental abuse, I know they didn’t mean it and I have forgiven them. I have made mistakes raising my daughter. I smacked her once when she was younger and I did apologise because she didn’t deserve that. There are things you read out that I wouldn’t have thought of as abuse but can see that actually they are. My mum confided in me and I in turn did that with my daughter. This is so interesting and helpful. Thank you
I enjoy your videos, Kenny. One (late) objection here, though. If we apply the word "abuse" to any and all instances of suboptimal care from parents, that stretches the word "abuse" to the point where it loses all meaning and impact. It makes every parent on Earth, even the best, into a chronic child abuser. There's no nuance to it. It seems very black and white -- "either you're perfect, or you're abusive." Stretching the term to encompass any instance of imperfect parenting is also disrespectful to the people who suffered real abuse -- you know, children who were raped, beaten, intentionally and repeatedly demeaned, etc. Naturally, you can use any words you like, but I'd suggest considering finding another word -- maybe "harmful"? -- for suboptimal actions that hurt children but don't rise to the level of abuse. One more thought, kind of tongue in cheek ... as a counselor, you are ethically obligated to report instances of child abuse. If you took the definition in this video seriously, you'd have to spend most of your day filing reports with Child Protective Services. :) Take care. I do enjoy your videos (currently binge watching in an attempt to help with shame) and don't mean this as an attack, just a suggestion.
I was raised by a schizophrenic mother so there's no way I learned the correct way to parent. I lean toward the lenient nurturing side of parenting , my husband is authoritarian. I think he's too tough sometimes . My daughter(14) stayed in my room with me last night, like a sleep over, it was fun. We watched TV and goofed off. I hope that's not what you meant by sleeping in the same bed.
I understand and agree with most of this but I cannot understand why sleeping with your child is abusive. DO you mean in a sexual way? Bc yes then it is definitely abusive. But laying down and rubbing their back and offering them a cuddle to help sooth them to sleep, I don't get how that could be abusive. I thought that was nurturing. I feel guilty about when my child asks for me to lie down with her and I can't bc I feel like she thinks I am ignoring her or abandoning her.
Yes, i agree with you Renee, Why is this abusive? i can remember lying in my bed watching a Disney movie with my small girls and we would all fall asleep in my bed. What is wrong with that?
@@kimb4346 Thanks. I have no idea. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Unless he didn’t mean it the way it came across. I think laying down with your kids, spending quality time with them, and helping them drift off to sleep, feeling your safety and warmth, offering them a sweet, loving snuggle, good night kiss and soft loving words only teaches them that they should only lay with someone who will treat them that way and that is what they should expect from partners.
@@rachelmurphy9679 I think he meant if the parent falls asleep with the child. So it would be fine if the child falls asleep in the parents arms, but then the parent hasto put them in their own bed and go sleep somewhere else.
I also don't understand this. We feel a sense of safety sleeping in bed with our partner who shouldn't our children be allowed to sleep in our bed? Obviously in a non sexual manner.
Kenny, first of all I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for these free videos that you share with us all of the time. It just shows what a compassionate heart you have, to want ro help everyone. I'm turning 70 years old, and I wish I had found you and your healing wisdom years ago. I was in therapy for years, and I quit going because nothing was being accomplished or changing in my life. Since I've found your videos months ago, I've learned more in your free videos, than I've learned in all the years of counseling that I paid for. Honestly I think your wisdom, knowledge, and approach on how you deliver your messages with compassion, are by far the most enlightening I've ever known. Thank you so much for giving freely to those of
us that cannot afford to pay for your brilliant services. God bless you.
Thank God for the internet and mostly American people who are sharing their wisdom with the world. I’ve healed myself thanks to the internet. If not then my life would have taken a very different course. Thank you to all the wonderful people who are writing books, sharing knowledge, their expertise. You are very much valued ❤
What a day. Healing has finally arrived. My entire life has been plagued by codependency and now that I know I’m a codependent, projecting my pain and shame onto anyone will only hinder healing. God bless you Mr. Weiss for this channel. Real and honest.
You're amazing! Sooooo helpful! 🙏👏🙏
I’m learning more from your videos than I have in the last 8 months of weekly counseling. I will watch this again. I guess because of pride we minimize our childhood pain and own dysfunctional family of origin and sadly repeat bad behavior raising our own kiddos. I still have so much to learn. Thank you Kenny!
I'm sad to hear that you aren't getting the help you deserve from your counselor but very happy that you are finding solutions that help you in my videos. if you would like to learn even more, I now have an online magazine with tons of FREE content to help you on the journey. Here is the link if you are and interested and would like to subscribe. www.thegreatnessuniversity.com/
@@kennyweiss thank you for your reply!! I’m all signed up and got my first email today! Looking forward to learning all I can.
I'm trying the link and the page is blank. And I really could use some help in this area.
Thank you for this. I will heal. Co-Dependency has hurt me as a single Dad, and also in my dating relationships. Somehow I have been randomly meeting damaged abusive manipulative women.
Kenny I am having my kids overnight for the first time tonight after almost 2 years of battling the world. You helped me face myself and from there, I've gotten here. I gotta take a second and say thank you so much to you. Totally not even relative to this video. But you gotta know that you've helped and I recommend you to people. Thanks for your no nonsense yet sensitive approach. I needed so bad then. Stay awesome and sporting purple ❤🎉 my moms favorite color❤😊
Thank you so much, and congratulations., I am so happy for you. You got this!
I love you dude! You're no nonsense and raw. The only way to grow is to see the truth. Thank you Kenny!
@kennyweiss Hey buddy, I've got a doozy of a situation going on. I had to drop 35k last month on attorneys. My narc ran away from rehab with some dude. I tried to hold her accountable in court. She made some crazy accusations, and it got ugly. Can we speak? I looked at your site. I'm being bled like a pig. Can we work something out?
Everything you said is so true. I gone through all this with my parents growing up with getting hit, getting called names, getting yelled at , and so much more. I am now a parent myself I don't raise my children the way I was raised. I never hit my children or yelled at them. I say sorry to my children when I am wrong. I knew growing up something wasn't right the way I went through stuff with my parents with everything. My parents never said sorry or didn't care how I felt etc. I 'm a single mother. I gone to celebrate recovery and other groups at church. I am a Christian for over 10 years. It's the best thing I ever done was accept Jesus in my life. Hope this helps someone else out.
Dear Kenny, thank you forbteaching us in such a loving way
Always happy to help!
This video is so very excellent & beneficial!! You’re wonderful, Kenny, (& handsome too!)
You’re addressing so many of my issues which I deeply desire to understand. I want to greatly improve. I love all of your details & explanations, as well as honesty!
Thank you, & God bless you.
Salvaging relationship with parents - nailed it. I have seen my ugly looking friends and not so talented friends not looking for acceptance from parents. And here I was good looking, charming and good at academia still looking for acceptance. I couldn’t nail why they were indifferent towards me. I guess, they have their own issues. I was so wrong to think their life should revolve around me. I became severely co dependent Inspite of being well educated. Waking up and knowing my relationship with my parents can not be salvaged is such a relief. I am not scared or sad anymore. Thank you!
Wow…I have had the light bulb moment…at how abusive I was to my children as well as the abuse I dealt with growing up…like many people I really thought my childhood was pretty great and normal and definitely not abusive. I have learned so much listening to you and I’d like to think I am growing and becoming a better person. I fully accept the perfectly imperfect parenting I received and I understand it more now. Thank you thank you thank you!!
Many of us now know why we attracted narcissists and that we are from same terrible childhoods! Trauma bond as our norm. We just went internal and nurturing to get self worth while the narcissist chose the mean evil path! I get it that we attracted the toxic people! Makes sense now Kenny! It hurts but I hope to get past this somehow
Thank you♥️♥️♥️
I like the fact that it is all being exposed. We're making progress because now, we have the knowledge, to understand the cause of a disease is crucial, and very important. I appreciate you and Pia for bringing it up. To delve into our faults, our mistakes, our deep desire that I wish I had known. I forgave my parents already. I knew at seven that I did not choose the right parents. Both of them were very sick, but I loved them dearly for providing me with a home, school, clothing. I love that my Dad works and unlike his Dad, he brought the money home and not at the bar like his Dad. My mother, way too young to have six children by the time she was 27. A young bride at seventeen.
There are things that are getting better in my life daily. I must continue to focus on that yellow brick road. I got the information now, I got the cause, now I am looking forward every day for the healings, the results, the love, the appreciation, and most of all the instructions. I compare it all to the things I have to overcome in my lifetime. Civil rights, women's rights. We matter. Thanks, Kenny for sharing your knowledge, your time with us. God bless you.
You are very welcome
Yikes! I think the whole list you mentioned applies to me. I wanted to b a great mo to my daughters yet I tuned the worse. They do not even talk to me. It hurts to the core to see how much pain I caused them. I felt like I woke up from a dream with a knife in my hand and bloody bodies of my children around me. I find myself asking what the he’ll happened here and the undeniable realization that I did it. I was mad yet the damage is done and now I must live with the consequences on not having my children around, not even a phone call once in a while.
The worst part is that I did not know what I was doing, I was dealing with my own repressed traumas. There has been a deep remorse for all these behaviors? Yet I was myself like a wild animal fighting to 15:47 survive that blinded me to the beauty and joy of just enjoying my time with them.
Waking up to my reality now is like crossing the ocean not knowing how to swim, dragging my children with me, yet I am at the other shore yet they drown in the process.
Now all that is left is to pray they wake up sooner than I did. My hood for them is to heal themselves before they have children. Thank you for your videos, they are very insightful.
That's an extremely important thing to become aware of! I was listening to your reading and realized I got all of those abuse/neglect from my family. I was raised in 3-generational home. With one narcissist, one borderline, one avoidant and one fearful one. I believe I had CPTSD since my early childhood. It pushed me into neverending cycles of being taken advantage of and abused in relationship, friendships and at work. To the point I lost my health and ability to work.
I think people rarely mention that in multigenerational homes, you can be traumatized by more that 2 people!
It got diagnosed with CPTSD as an adult, but got no real help. By God's grace, I met a person (now my coach and mentor) who decided to help me. I'm 40 this year. I am learning from my dear friend how to be a human being. From the beginning. I feel like a baby in an adult's body!
How to don't accept abuse, how to love/like myself, how to value myself. Sometimes is ask her : "Listen, what do healthy / normal people do in such and such situation?". I am learning slowly and I love it. When I discovered your channel I had a thought that "Wow, this gentleman is like a father I always want to have.Or like a dear uncle." (My Dad is a good man, but he believes in many unrealistic things.I.e., as you quoted from the book, that I should figure out everything about life all by myself. Actually all my family members believe in it, so whatever I know, I had to figure out by myself.)
I wonder how to forgive my caregivers. In my home no one ever forgave anyone. Their definition of forgiveness is simply silent holding grudges. Which is not forgivness. And how to forgive myself for having terrible life. Acknowledging they were traumatized themselves doesn't help. I understand why they are/were like that, but I I don't "feel" forgiveness, because the consequences of their action haunt my life in a tremendous way up to this point. Same for my ex boyfriend, who is, unfortunately NPD and antisocial PD. Or my former co-worker, who used to sabotage my work up to the point I got autoimmune disease out of fear and stress.
Those people live happy lives on their own terms. They lost nothing. I lost everything. And I could do nothing about it years ago. I could barely survive. They have good health, money, career, relationships, children. I have nothing. I don't have a "victim mentality", I seek solutions to escape learned helplessness. I want to change this situation. But I don't know how to deal with feeling like the ultimate loser in the zero-sum game. They enjoy life, I learn the names of feelings and learn how to ask for help.
How to forgive them... .
Thank you for what you're doing and for all the videos and teachings. It's all precious. I'm so grateful!
Awesome....thankyou
So true !! ThankYou!
You’re welcome
I strongly recommend the book “Toxic parents : overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life ” by Susan Forward.
Excellent lecture 📖 👌 on that matter .
Thank you Kenny, ~Peace
All this learning has really haunted me badly and I am in a big funk isolating myself from people. My childhood was zero nurturing from a broken home, devalued in school and in sports by a mean snake narcissist coach and gaslighters abound! I was happy in college away from that childhood for a new start in another state, and had no idea I was very damaged until now after narcissist abuse opened my eyes!
My workplace life was full of narcissists abusers and evil manipulators too! I guess I will be totally broken to rebuild myself again. I am studying and working my boundaries right now. I don’t trust anyone anymore and feel alone in my struggle to feel anything but emptiness. I can detect narcissist easy now so that’s a great help! I won’t date or befriend another Narc! these are 2 steps forward. Where I go from here I am not sure. My mindset is a crutch at the present at age 60. Feel like I will be alone rest of my days. My self worth is crumbled now. I used to be confident when I was ignorant! Maybe I was better off not knowing?? I do need boundaries though above all else! Need to learn how to change my “attachment style” next maybe? Right now I am in Avoidance. Can’t do that forever!
I need to start reading this book I have it but I haven’t started reading it I think that is something need to do in 2023
People that make these youtube videos have helped countless people. I learned about narcissism and codependency because of youtube videos. I now live a healthy life because I was able to find out what the problem was thanks to people like Kenny. I was raised by narcissistic baby boomer parents that turned me into a co dependent. I was attracting toxic narcissists into my life because of my toxic codependency. The only way our society is going to get fixed is if the younger generations take charge. I am an older millenial and I have had the opportunity to see the cause and effect of the problems we have in America today. I am raising my child in a healthy environment. I stay away from toxic people and I put my child first. I was emotionally neglected as a child so I am taking proper care to make sure that my child does not suffer like that.
I got my answer for everything
I am 70 years old I am still living the abuse of my chilwood.My mom and father always say I wasn't smart I would be good for nothing.So I believed it.I never felt like I should study because I was told I would never be anybody. My symbles have a degree .I had to work in factories, cleaning homes and I still an insecure woman.My older sister also always put me down in front of people.Now I don't work any more but still I don't like to do things on my own.I understand my parents now but still always in my mind that I am not smart etc.I do have very good qualities never hit or put my children down.My mother always told me I was ugly.I still believe today I am ugly.Listening to you I became more aware that they didn't realize what they did to me.But they scrud my life .
But what they did to you was wrong. We can have empathy and understanding for how they didn’t recognize their imperfections but it is also loving to hold them accountable for choosing not to learn about how to be a parent and that the way they were doing it with you was unkind and unloving. Both are true. They are imperfect and they are responsible.
Therefore it is perfectly OK for you to feel angry, sad, and hurt
I always knew it was wrong and inappropriate. I never thought it was normal and I was always screaming for help drowning in plain sight, but no one ever intervened because my mother would always tell people I was being overly dramatic.
#kennywiess thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you
You're welcome :)
I enjoyed this. However, I think we all have grown up in some kind of dysfunction. We are all just doing the best we can.
Yes we have and yes we are. ;-)
I can easily see and agree with this list, with the exception of non-sexual nudity. The body is not shameful and nurturing that awareness is not abuse.
I agree with you on non-sexual nudity. I recall a good friend's mother who would walk around her naked and she wasn't phased a bit by it, I believe I was hyper sexual as a young child because nudity was forbidden in every sense.
GreatAdvice
In the old days it was "children should be seen and not heard. No wonder!!!
❤
Is purple your favorite color? Looks good on you and around you!
Yes it is and thank you 🕺😁
❤❤❤
The worst of all was 2 years ago she called me and shouted to me i don t will you come to me to say goodbye. But i have had a very good and lovely father. When i was 5 years old my mother want a divorce she was in love with another man. And from that moment i was alone with my father. And i was going for few hours once a week to my mother. That is my story
I can see how traumatised by parental abuse, I know they didn’t mean it and I have forgiven them. I have made mistakes raising my daughter. I smacked her once when she was younger and I did apologise because she didn’t deserve that. There are things you read out that I wouldn’t have thought of as abuse but can see that actually they are. My mum confided in me and I in turn did that with my daughter. This is so interesting and helpful. Thank you
Yall need to STOP saying theyre doing the best they CAN because that implies effort and intention. They did the best they WANTED to do.
I part of me does question if my mom is abusive
I enjoy your videos, Kenny. One (late) objection here, though. If we apply the word "abuse" to any and all instances of suboptimal care from parents, that stretches the word "abuse" to the point where it loses all meaning and impact. It makes every parent on Earth, even the best, into a chronic child abuser. There's no nuance to it. It seems very black and white -- "either you're perfect, or you're abusive." Stretching the term to encompass any instance of imperfect parenting is also disrespectful to the people who suffered real abuse -- you know, children who were raped, beaten, intentionally and repeatedly demeaned, etc. Naturally, you can use any words you like, but I'd suggest considering finding another word -- maybe "harmful"? -- for suboptimal actions that hurt children but don't rise to the level of abuse. One more thought, kind of tongue in cheek ... as a counselor, you are ethically obligated to report instances of child abuse. If you took the definition in this video seriously, you'd have to spend most of your day filing reports with Child Protective Services. :) Take care. I do enjoy your videos (currently binge watching in an attempt to help with shame) and don't mean this as an attack, just a suggestion.
What Is codependency?
I was raised by a schizophrenic mother so there's no way I learned the correct way to parent. I lean toward the lenient nurturing side of parenting , my husband is authoritarian. I think he's too tough sometimes . My daughter(14) stayed in my room with me last night, like a sleep over, it was fun. We watched TV and goofed off. I hope that's not what you meant by sleeping in the same bed.
Ads keep interrupting your video.
Sorry about that
@@kennyweiss No problem just thought you would like to know. ❤️ YOUR WORK AND THANKS FOR INCLUDING ME.
Ive seen alot of "therapists" on YT as of late and 99% of them are so fake. Its plain to see.
However, I dont see that with you...
Thanks, the can of worms has been opened to deal with...
I understand and agree with most of this but I cannot understand why sleeping with your child is abusive. DO you mean in a sexual way? Bc yes then it is definitely abusive. But laying down and rubbing their back and offering them a cuddle to help sooth them to sleep, I don't get how that could be abusive. I thought that was nurturing. I feel guilty about when my child asks for me to lie down with her and I can't bc I feel like she thinks I am ignoring her or abandoning her.
Yes, i agree with you Renee, Why is this abusive? i can remember lying in my bed watching a Disney movie with my small girls and we would all fall asleep in my bed. What is wrong with that?
@@kimb4346 Thanks. I have no idea. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Unless he didn’t mean it the way it came across. I think laying down with your kids, spending quality time with them, and helping them drift off to sleep, feeling your safety and warmth, offering them a sweet, loving snuggle, good night kiss and soft loving words only teaches them that they should only lay with someone who will treat them that way and that is what they should expect from partners.
@@rachelmurphy9679 I think he meant if the parent falls asleep with the child. So it would be fine if the child falls asleep in the parents arms, but then the parent hasto put them in their own bed and go sleep somewhere else.
@@hilol9358 what’s wrong with that?
I also don't understand this. We feel a sense of safety sleeping in bed with our partner who shouldn't our children be allowed to sleep in our bed? Obviously in a non sexual manner.
Her," I just need sperm and money". After all I'm an independent woman!!!
Para makabili ka ng kotse mo. ...at iba pa.