I always like the topic of "the nice guy". It is my conclusion that nice guy behavior stems from false expectations. It's as if many men have a mindset that assumes that "nice" gestures merit love & sex.
Absolutely, Michael - there's this transactional edge to their behaviour which leads to a lot of disappointed expectations on their side, and then a bubbling anger and resentment because it feels like they're being cheated of their return on investment. But relationships aren't like going to McDonald's - you're not getting a burger just because you put down a few dollar bills!
I usually listen to Voices in the Dark but watching it is more entertaining! I think there are different levels to Nice Guys. There is the asshole Nice Guy who pretends to be nice. Could he be considered a psychopath? Then there's the I'm too nice Nice Guy, which is just boring. Third level Nice Guy is one who doesn't know that he's a Nice Guy. He's authentic and doesn't have double standards. I've definitely been with the asshole Nice Guy and Too Nice Guy. I think with age, I've come to understand that in a relationship, people tend to blend into one person. I find that two individuals coming together while maintaining their personalities is a grown up relationship on a whole different level. I do agree with you on the sex part, it's not the main part of the relationship. Telling your partner what you want, and like Dre said going from pushing buttons to leading is such a big deal. I really enjoyed this episode! Love the Human and Alien t-shirts. I'm definitely the latter. xx
Really good points - you're right, there's definitely different varieties going on. But a lot of the behaviour can be the same, whether it's consciously or unconsciously applied. I guess we can make more of a moralising judgement on Nice Guys who do these things consciously (though if they're psychopaths, they're not really getting what they want, so they're not very effective psychopaths), but maybe the end results are more or less the same.
Sure fam. Cause everyone is looking for a girlfriend just to have sex with her. That's is the difference between a bad guy and a REAL nice guy. A REAL nice guy isn't looking for sex and pleasure, he is looking for a stable relationship that can be able to show love to the person... Not the reproductive system (at least that's what I think)
I'd love to refer you to an audiobook on here. I'm unable to link or else I'd have to discard my comment , I apologize. If you're curious , look up No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover It fully defines what a "nice guy" is in these modern times. Anecdotes from men, women, and the author himself, to relate the message . The issues of the "nice guy" may go a lot deeper than just the topic of sex for some. A lot of issues that would require some deep digging into the past. It's not necessarily to gain sex from gratitudes and favors . A lot of "nice guys" of these days hold a deep feeling that they are not good enough as they are , which could be due to abandonment, fear of abandonment , mental and physical abuse as a child, etc. This leads a lot of them to thinking that the only way to succeed is by being as nice as they possibly can , putting on a "mask" , saying yes to everything , hiding their true feelings and personality, due to this deep seated feeling mentioned before. You seemed interested in the topic. Even though your comments two years old, I'm hoping I shed a little light on this topic. For you and anyone else wandering through UA-cam.
I always like the topic of "the nice guy". It is my conclusion that nice guy behavior stems from false expectations. It's as if many men have a mindset that assumes that "nice" gestures merit love & sex.
Dre makes the point at 11:15
Absolutely, Michael - there's this transactional edge to their behaviour which leads to a lot of disappointed expectations on their side, and then a bubbling anger and resentment because it feels like they're being cheated of their return on investment. But relationships aren't like going to McDonald's - you're not getting a burger just because you put down a few dollar bills!
I usually listen to Voices in the Dark but watching it is more entertaining! I think there are different levels to Nice Guys. There is the asshole Nice Guy who pretends to be nice. Could he be considered a psychopath? Then there's the I'm too nice Nice Guy, which is just boring. Third level Nice Guy is one who doesn't know that he's a Nice Guy. He's authentic and doesn't have double standards. I've definitely been with the asshole Nice Guy and Too Nice Guy. I think with age, I've come to understand that in a relationship, people tend to blend into one person. I find that two individuals coming together while maintaining their personalities is a grown up relationship on a whole different level.
I do agree with you on the sex part, it's not the main part of the relationship. Telling your partner what you want, and like Dre said going from pushing buttons to leading is such a big deal.
I really enjoyed this episode! Love the Human and Alien t-shirts. I'm definitely the latter. xx
Really good points - you're right, there's definitely different varieties going on. But a lot of the behaviour can be the same, whether it's consciously or unconsciously applied. I guess we can make more of a moralising judgement on Nice Guys who do these things consciously (though if they're psychopaths, they're not really getting what they want, so they're not very effective psychopaths), but maybe the end results are more or less the same.
Voices in the Dark Very good points made. Xx 😀
Sure fam. Cause everyone is looking for a girlfriend just to have sex with her. That's is the difference between a bad guy and a REAL nice guy. A REAL nice guy isn't looking for sex and pleasure, he is looking for a stable relationship that can be able to show love to the person... Not the reproductive system
(at least that's what I think)
I'd love to refer you to an audiobook on here. I'm unable to link or else I'd have to discard my comment , I apologize.
If you're curious , look up
No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover
It fully defines what a "nice guy" is in these modern times. Anecdotes from men, women, and the author himself, to relate the message .
The issues of the "nice guy" may go a lot deeper than just the topic of sex for some. A lot of issues that would require some deep digging into the past. It's not necessarily to gain sex from gratitudes and favors . A lot of "nice guys" of these days hold a deep feeling that they are not good enough as they are , which could be due to abandonment, fear of abandonment , mental and physical abuse as a child, etc. This leads a lot of them to thinking that the only way to succeed is by being as nice as they possibly can , putting on a "mask" , saying yes to everything , hiding their true feelings and personality, due to this deep seated feeling mentioned before.
You seemed interested in the topic. Even though your comments two years old, I'm hoping I shed a little light on this topic. For you and anyone else wandering through UA-cam.