On hiding tattoos, my mom is 55. She lost her husband suddenly and my gran and i rushed to be with her. At bed that night she said "mom, im too tired to try to hide it, i have a tattoo on my back" 😅 we all burst into laughter, because that worry seemed so silly in that moment but it is a real fear for many adults!
I don’t understand how people don’t see the force that Michelle is. By watching the show I clearly saw that she runs that family every bit as much as JB does and more, in many ways. She is NOT a meek little submissive woman and does not hesitate to stand against JB. She may have that little baby voice and say all the right things about women submitting but she says a lot of things. Rewind to the times when she says that the kids are free to make their own choices about dress and dating.
Michelle is such an interesting figure to me. I used to say she had a “slapped ass look” on her face. But I can see how that placid expression could function as a wall. There’s no getting past it.
I grew up in a household where Gothard/IBLP was a bit of a thing, and it came down so hard on my sister. There were no expectations for boys to wear or not wear this or that or the other thing. But the Girls Rules List was long. Shout out to all girls who had all this nonsense land on their shoulders. I see you and I see what was done to you.
Hi! New subscriber here! I can totally relate to you, I was raised in the Jehovah’s Witness cult. I was a born in 4th generation & I left at 42 years of age!!! Next month, will be 11 years since I left. For the last 8 years of my mothers life, she shunned me. The last thing she ever said to me was that I was going to die with my kids! I told I didn’t care, I’ll be dead!! So, I know how it feels. I lost everyone I’d known in the past 42 years😰 I was able to get my older sister out so I have her back & I have my kids, well grown up kids! My daughter is 29 & just got married in March, my son is 31 & married too Just glad we have each other! I think it’s great you talked about your similarities with the IBLP. To me all the religions sound a lot alike! Good luck😃
I study sociology so my venture into the fundie world was academic. I find your videos not only informative but also your presentation allows a compassionate insight into the lived experience of not only being within these groups but leaving and existing independently outside. These insights and analysis are so valuable. Id love to read your autobiography when the time is right for you ❤
Until Shiny Happy People and the many videos of survivors like yourself, I never thought of the concept of therapy for ex-IBLP members. Thank goodness for it. I was so pleased when Jill Duggar called IBLP a cult in her book. Peace and happiness! You deserve it.
I cut off my biological father as a teenager and avoided him until I was able to move away as an adult (my parents being divorced and living separately helped). I haven't spoken to him or seen him since. He has made many attempts to contact me or find out about me since then and I have blocked all of them. I have made it known to my other family that he isn't to know about me or where I am. I no longer put up with the abusive, demoralizing, passive-agressive treatment. The pedophilic behavior when I was young, and the sexualizing me to his adult male friends and making me apologize to him if I didn't do everything he wanted. He treated me like I was dead to him when I wouldn't kiss him on the lips or let him grope me in a hug while he sat on the couch. He sent emails to me outlining that I was a terrible daughter, and other demeaning things which a father should never say to their teenage daughter. Fat shamed me when I was a pre-teen and in the chubby stage of my life before evening out in my teens. There was so much abusive behavior and when I tries to call him out on it or the way he mistreated my mother, he basically said that I was too young to understand. Which was very far from the truth. Abuse is abuse, and age has nothing to do with it. All that to say I am not afraid to cut off family who mistreat me and back it up with their interpretation of scripture, and excuse their own behavior with statements like "you're too young to understand", or "I'll pray that you will come back to god and love your father". Sucks to suck.
I admire your personal integrity, your moral clarity and your strength. And everyone who went through any type of abuse understands and supports you 100%. Hugs from Switzerland 🤗
Gosh, absolutely not a mess. This was lovely. You've touched on so many necessary things. I'm no contact and my mom is controlling and narcissistic, which is another thing very much not talked about.
I feel I just need to say that I am so sorry for all the pain you had to endure at the hands of those who should’ve been loving and protecting you. I know you didn’t make this video looking for sympathy but I can see the pain as you share and how you try to laugh it off. I really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your story even though it must be incredibly difficult to bring up all those memories. No one should have to go through what you did and it stinks that the pain isn’t over once you are an adult. Sending you loving and healing thoughts. 💕
I didn't grow up quite so conservative as the duggars, but was homeschooled, and was taught a LOT of the same principles as the duggars and was friends with kids in that same lifestyle, so manipulative and I'm finally trying to learn to heal from this. Thanks for sharing your story ❤
As someone who had an abusive parent growing up, the feeling of wanting a relationship with them while knowing that it can never be genuine hit HARD. I've gone non-contact twice now, the first time I caved at my sibling telling me I would regret it one day. Second time it's been three or four years now and I wish I could tell you it's easier, but that would be a lie. I'm proud of you for figuring out what your limits are and the way that you can have some of the contact you want while still keeping yourself safe. It's an incredibly difficult balance I think no matter what. I know no contact is best for me (my mental health has improved leaps and bounds since) and it's still something I struggle with. I still have days I think I should try and reach out. All this to say, it's such a nuanced and personal thing, how we have relationships that have harmed us in the past and it is absolutely something that should be more openly discussed, so thank you for sharing your life as well. 🖤🖤
Do you have support from people who realize that no contact is best for you? I spent years hearing “but they’re your family”. I knew that no contact was healthiest for me and it helped a lot when I joined an online group of people who understood. Instead of having to explain myself I was with people who encouraged and supported what I knew to be right for me.
@@Holdenwhat I do thankfully. One of my three siblings did have a hard time understanding and as a result we did have to have a real blunt conversation about the effect of communication on me with our parent and I think he now understands. The other two have been supportive thankfully, as is my partner. I'm glad you were able to find people to understand that you made that decision to ensure your own safety and well-being. And I'm glad you did so too. I may not know you or your story but I understand how big a choice it is to go non-contact and I'm sure it was not a decision made lightly. Wishing you all the best in life
Using the accusation of "spreading gossip and discourse" to shut down survivors talking about their own abuse is intentional and very re-traumatising. Edit: Meghan Markle tried to go no contact with some members of her family and she got so much backlash for that. It made me so sad for her.
so glad to hear your thoughts. it was very powerful to hear you speak about your own family situation. it sounds unbelievably difficult to balance the connection you have with them and the need to protect yourself. I hope you find more peace going forward.
Im getting Jill's book on Audible as soon as my credit arrives tomorrow! One thing that always struck me about the Duggars was how Jim Bob and Michelle claimed that the children all CHOSE to follow the modesty and courtship rules when that clearly isn't the case. Two specific things really struck me. One, when JB and Jill visited Derrick in Nepal and they were walking around town with Jill and Derrick side by side. Derrick out hus hand on the small of Jill's back and JB aggressively shoved Jill aside ans fir between them. Two, when Derrick came home and the Duggars met them at the airport. Jill ran up and full on hugged him. Michelle looked like she was going to have a stroke. Later, in the interview, Michelle sias something like "Im sure Jill regrets going that far."
Love this so much!! I find myself buying things to wear & decorate with that I know that would offend certain people so they will avoid me!🤣 Sending you so much & joy in your journey!!😘😘😘😘
Thank you for sharing your story, perspective, and thoughts regarding these things. Your content is entertaining, informative, and I'm sure helping a lot of people
Your video was very enlightening , made me understand more than what I knew , Jim Bob is still a sicko in my mind , I still have the outmost respect for Jill , what courage it took for her to state the truth and how damaging it was to her , she had NO support from either of her parents , that " Sweet Little Michele " ls an absolute fraud as far as I'm concerned , what a sorry excuse she is as a Mother , GO JILL !
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on her book! It's rough. I know the cult lifestyle and beliefs are hard on everybody but I feel the girls and women definitely bear the brunt of the restrictions. It must be so hard to live that way, but also to break away. ❤
I really enjoyed your insight, you should make more longer videos like this, your life & story is so interesting. What I am surprised about in your story is your parents didn't shun you, never left you, that is still quite something. I think they love you in their own dysfunctional way because many Christian parents who are not even fundamentalists will disown their gay children. I really hope your father has a change of heart. I am so happy you were strong enough to take your own path. Right now you would be a closeted skirt wearing homeschooling mom of 5 kids living in poverty having to be joyfully available. I am so happy for you!
The 'mom as mediator' (aka enabler/invalidator) phenomenon is sadly common even in non-religious abusive families, but is hyper-present in fundie families since doctrine lends itself so much to abusive men avoiding any accountability. We see this in the generational and religious divide a lot, where mothers are taught that disrespect and abuse are normal, and so their survival mode is to essentially helicopter-parent their spouse: sweeping anything out of the way that might 'set him off' as a survival tactic to keep things in the home peaceful. This in itself is a toxic and enabling approach, but becomes even more harmful when the thing that could potentially set the head of the house off is a child, a child's identity, a child's independence, etc. By attempting to soften or sweep it under the rug, the enabler parent subconsciously validates the abusive behavior of the father, and teaches a child to fear or hate the aspect of themselves that--according to the enabling parent--must be kept 'hidden'. Enabling parents also try to 'keep the peace' by talking children out of their anger (since a child standing up for themselves could 'set the other parent off'). Unfortunately this most often means gaslighting the child into thinking the abuse and invalidation they experienced was justified, wasn't as bad as it was, or even didn't happen at all. This revictimizes the child, since they first experience the pain and trauma of abuse, and then also experience the confusion and hurt of being told by a trusted caretaker that that trauma was ok, even deserved. It's such a complicated tangle of emotions to deprogram oneself from as an adult, and as I grew up I found more and more that I had sympathy for the women in my life who did this--since they were themselves primary victims, and in many cases thought they were doing this to 'protect' other potential victims--but also deep resentment that the only other adult in the room chose to appease and allow the abuse rather than calling it out.
I was homeschooled growing up, my parents are conservative Southern Baptists, my dad started seminary when I was 10 and is a pastor now and has pretty much gone as far toward conservatism as one can get without becoming a fundamentalist. Thankfully we never went near IBLP, at least if my parents considered it I never found out. We had some friends who were and it always seemed so cultish from the outside. There was a IBLP family that lived down the road from us with a couple of boys and those kids creeped me out, I never wanted to hang out with them. I would not be at all surprised if they have their own IBLP families now and are abusive husbands... As for me, I left religion over a decade ago. My family doesn't know and I have no intention of telling them. I have no idea how my dad would react. I was recently disappointed to find out my oldest little sister is just as conservative as the rest, I thought she was better, but she threw away a friendship with someone we've known for nearly 30 years because they have a trans daughter. It was so painful to see, and to see how much pain she caused our friend. I have to imagine our younger sisters who still live with our parents are the same way.. but I don't bring up those sorts of things.
On a recent episode of “Last Week Tonight” about homeschooling, someone said that her family would actually have drills about what to do if CPS ever came knocking.(It involved locking all doors and handing the telephone-after dialing the HSLDA hotline-to the caseworker through an open window.)
I’m so glad that bitterness has not destroyed your love for your parents. You are brave and mature and your sweet kind spirit shows. I know that Jesus walks with you. I realize you had a very hard upbringing and I am thrilled that you are an Overcomer.
Ive gone no contact and while it was necessary for me. I dont enjoy it. My home is an emotionally and physically safe space for my child and thats priceless, it doesnt come without sacrifices. If you feel like you can make it work with your family, i love that. Going no contact with your family should be a last resort.
I am a Conservative Christian, but I am not in the IBLP. Bill Gothard really disgusts me. I am glad Jill found her voice and is saying the truth. I hope one day she will get an honest apology. I am so sorry for all the pain she went through.
We don’t know how to fix sex offenders so probably it wouldn’t have made any difference except that a real therapist could have told Jim Bob and Michelle that the problem was serious and likely going to be life long. They might have been told that their priority should be to protect their daughters. They also might have been told that the IBLP was only exacerbating the problem with its objectification of women and girls.
Ooof. I feel ya on that homeschooling arguing thing. The more i hear about how other families did it, the more i realize that my esperience was an outlier. And even with how positive i feel about mine, i wouldn’t want ro homeschool my children bc I know I missed out on so many things. It's not just about education.
Oh wow I was in ATIA as well, so screwed up, really messed up our family and we are all kind of like former inmates as kids and way less like family all with social issues.
Non sequitur because I ate a gummy: you have such a gorgeous profile omg On-topic: thank you for explaining that Ginger's book was written for IBLP folks
Thanks for your insight into Jills book. It's always good to have another perspective or II'm a little confused about what you were talking about around 10:30. Her book made you feel "sosie?" The cited books made you feel "sosie?" I know, it's probably something simple and I'm going to feel like a fool.
People talk about how cringe TLC is - but that's the least of its problems. It's downright exploitative. It even interfered allegedly with marriage laws in Utah for the sake of Sister Wives. It put young children on camera since they were infants in Kate plus Eight. They've damaged so many lives and enabled so much abuse.
What people don't seem to understand is that it's easy for us to view them as wholly bad parents, because we're a third party to the whole situation. Having a parent who is abusive is horrible, because more often than not, you just wish they could be a normal/good parent to you. You long for it and cling to any good moments, because they're the parents you were born to. I have a strained relationship with one parent (to the point where cutting them off has been considered), however, I still care about them and wish they could see the error of their ways and improve. Do I think it's actually likely? No. Does the idea of never talking to them again sound sad and scary? Yes. Both feelings can exist at once.
It took me about three years after my mother died to realize that she was not, in fact, the “good” parent. In some ways she was worse than my father. It’s very complex, and very hard to untangle when they are still alive and you have even a small sliver of hope that they will in any way be the parents they should have been.
@@kalieris you've hit the nail on the head, there. It's unbelievably complicated, navigating the whole mess of emotions and needs that we're left with, as a result of poor parenting. I'm so sorry you had a hard time with your parents, I hope you're doing well and I'm grateful for your input on this matter! 💜
Take your time of course to process the information you received and are emotionally able to handle it but a video about how accurate Shiny Happy People Jingers book and Jills book present IBlP. That would be so interesting
Another reason you differ from the Duggars is that you started dressing In pants on your own, right? The Duggar girls didn't do it till they were married.
Yes! I forgot to go into this in this video but going to a college, however fundie it is, was the key to me learning my own identity. Marriage works for some former IBLP kids while college and moving out is another lifesaver for others
Maybe your dad also realized that by you wearing pants. He was losing control over you. So he punished you with silent treatment in hopes that you would stop and you would return to being under his authority. Did your brothers have the same upbringing?
Bill Gotham’s ideas are just sick . To start the have your baby pick out a toy that they want to play with , then to put them on a blanket with the toy out of reach , then when your sweet innocent baby goes to reach for it getting off the blanket, after you told them to stay there , you hit them , repeat till you make them listen to you , if you walk down the street seeing a ‘normal woman ‘ wearing something that may cause the male to ‘have thoughts , Michelle days one certain word , they all lower their eyes , didn’t help Josh did it ??? To never cut you hair , no wearing pants ( what’s that going to do ??? Full cover of your arms & legs because you MAY cause the male to lust for you or give him ‘ideas ‘??? Too have people think that’s the way they want to live , is to brain wash your kids to complete control over your kids for life , JB even after the daughters got married to want to control them still , if they stray away from your weird ways , he disowns you .
It is nice to to hear the truth from another person that has walked the walk. I would love you to do a full account of Jill's book. Before it is all over I believe that Reality tv will be a thing of the past. I think Jim Bob may be looking at federal tax problems. TLC may not make it. I think it's time to have to have real pure tv. Not exploiting children. All in all these are my opinions. We all know everyone has opinions. So hopefully everyone an agree this is a mess for the Duggar brood.
On my channel people are free to argue because I may not have the following you do but how can we fight against the adoption/ foster care industry if we cut off open dialog. As for Goddard there is nothing new under the sun. Most of the stuff quiver full came up with was just stolen and made slightly more toxic from the Republican Bible belt homeschooling movement in the south. The language used for forcing certain behaviors on women and children are somewhat different but the effects were very similar. I ended up in one of those homes where words meant one thing but actions spoke another. Where I never went to school or learned normal dating or how to live in the outside world.if you called the neighbors kid a jerk your mouth got rinsed out with soap . Adult needs were more important than a child's and a child's were more important than an adoptee's. You were taught to try to be a saint. That a Christian doesn't get their feelings hurt and also that no one gets to be a saint because we are born with originally sin and therefore bad.my mother was a great person for getting rid of me and alot of other true garbage.
Listening you talk about your mom. You are super, super cute…great skin and hair …so this isn’t meant to be mean. But your mom should have paid for orthodontics. You’re cute either way, but it will cause more dental problems later in life. They owed that to you unless they were just dirt poor. It makes me mad they didn’t worry more about this than whether you wore dresses all the time.
Okay...this just popped up on UA-cam...I don't get it...why would anyone want to watch some random person putting makeup on...very different...of course, definitely won't be watching again...watched about 10 minutes...that's it...much better content out there where someone isn't doing their facial beauty care?...
On hiding tattoos, my mom is 55. She lost her husband suddenly and my gran and i rushed to be with her. At bed that night she said "mom, im too tired to try to hide it, i have a tattoo on my back" 😅 we all burst into laughter, because that worry seemed so silly in that moment but it is a real fear for many adults!
I don’t understand how people don’t see the force that Michelle is. By watching the show I clearly saw that she runs that family every bit as much as JB does and more, in many ways. She is NOT a meek little submissive woman and does not hesitate to stand against JB. She may have that little baby voice and say all the right things about women submitting but she says a lot of things. Rewind to the times when she says that the kids are free to make their own choices about dress and dating.
Michelle is such an interesting figure to me. I used to say she had a “slapped ass look” on her face. But I can see how that placid expression could function as a wall. There’s no getting past it.
I grew up in a household where Gothard/IBLP was a bit of a thing, and it came down so hard on my sister. There were no expectations for boys to wear or not wear this or that or the other thing. But the Girls Rules List was long. Shout out to all girls who had all this nonsense land on their shoulders. I see you and I see what was done to you.
Incredible sentiment ❤ I hope your sister is well
Damn, you're a good brother and man!
Hi! New subscriber here! I can totally relate to you, I was raised in the Jehovah’s Witness cult. I was a born in 4th generation & I left at 42 years of age!!! Next month, will be 11 years since I left. For the last 8 years of my mothers life, she shunned me. The last thing she ever said to me was that I was going to die with my kids! I told I didn’t care, I’ll be dead!! So, I know how it feels. I lost everyone I’d known in the past 42 years😰 I was able to get my older sister out so I have her back & I have my kids, well grown up kids! My daughter is 29 & just got married in March, my son is 31 & married too Just glad we have each other!
I think it’s great you talked about your similarities with the IBLP. To me all the religions sound a lot alike! Good luck😃
I study sociology so my venture into the fundie world was academic. I find your videos not only informative but also your presentation allows a compassionate insight into the lived experience of not only being within these groups but leaving and existing independently outside. These insights and analysis are so valuable. Id love to read your autobiography when the time is right for you ❤
Until Shiny Happy People and the many videos of survivors like yourself, I never thought of the concept of therapy for ex-IBLP members. Thank goodness for it. I was so pleased when Jill Duggar called IBLP a cult in her book. Peace and happiness! You deserve it.
I am so sorry you had to suffer through all of that abuse. Taking your glasses away was particularly cruel.
I cut off my biological father as a teenager and avoided him until I was able to move away as an adult (my parents being divorced and living separately helped). I haven't spoken to him or seen him since. He has made many attempts to contact me or find out about me since then and I have blocked all of them. I have made it known to my other family that he isn't to know about me or where I am. I no longer put up with the abusive, demoralizing, passive-agressive treatment. The pedophilic behavior when I was young, and the sexualizing me to his adult male friends and making me apologize to him if I didn't do everything he wanted. He treated me like I was dead to him when I wouldn't kiss him on the lips or let him grope me in a hug while he sat on the couch. He sent emails to me outlining that I was a terrible daughter, and other demeaning things which a father should never say to their teenage daughter. Fat shamed me when I was a pre-teen and in the chubby stage of my life before evening out in my teens. There was so much abusive behavior and when I tries to call him out on it or the way he mistreated my mother, he basically said that I was too young to understand. Which was very far from the truth. Abuse is abuse, and age has nothing to do with it.
All that to say I am not afraid to cut off family who mistreat me and back it up with their interpretation of scripture, and excuse their own behavior with statements like "you're too young to understand", or "I'll pray that you will come back to god and love your father".
Sucks to suck.
I'm glad you're standing your ground and not letting your father have any more chances to abuse you.
Omg 😢😢😢😢 so sorry to hear... you are doing the right thing, you are a strong person
I admire your personal integrity, your moral clarity and your strength. And everyone who went through any type of abuse understands and supports you 100%. Hugs from Switzerland 🤗
Gosh, absolutely not a mess. This was lovely. You've touched on so many necessary things. I'm no contact and my mom is controlling and narcissistic, which is another thing very much not talked about.
I have really enjoyed listening to you talk about the book and your own life. You have a great personality can't wait to keep watching. ❤
Aw, this is so kind!
I feel I just need to say that I am so sorry for all the pain you had to endure at the hands of those who should’ve been loving and protecting you. I know you didn’t make this video looking for sympathy but I can see the pain as you share and how you try to laugh it off. I really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your story even though it must be incredibly difficult to bring up all those memories. No one should have to go through what you did and it stinks that the pain isn’t over once you are an adult. Sending you loving and healing thoughts. 💕
I didn't grow up quite so conservative as the duggars, but was homeschooled, and was taught a LOT of the same principles as the duggars and was friends with kids in that same lifestyle, so manipulative and I'm finally trying to learn to heal from this. Thanks for sharing your story ❤
As someone who had an abusive parent growing up, the feeling of wanting a relationship with them while knowing that it can never be genuine hit HARD. I've gone non-contact twice now, the first time I caved at my sibling telling me I would regret it one day. Second time it's been three or four years now and I wish I could tell you it's easier, but that would be a lie. I'm proud of you for figuring out what your limits are and the way that you can have some of the contact you want while still keeping yourself safe. It's an incredibly difficult balance I think no matter what. I know no contact is best for me (my mental health has improved leaps and bounds since) and it's still something I struggle with. I still have days I think I should try and reach out. All this to say, it's such a nuanced and personal thing, how we have relationships that have harmed us in the past and it is absolutely something that should be more openly discussed, so thank you for sharing your life as well. 🖤🖤
Do you have support from people who realize that no contact is best for you? I spent years hearing “but they’re your family”. I knew that no contact was healthiest for me and it helped a lot when I joined an online group of people who understood. Instead of having to explain myself I was with people who encouraged and supported what I knew to be right for me.
@@Holdenwhat I do thankfully. One of my three siblings did have a hard time understanding and as a result we did have to have a real blunt conversation about the effect of communication on me with our parent and I think he now understands. The other two have been supportive thankfully, as is my partner. I'm glad you were able to find people to understand that you made that decision to ensure your own safety and well-being. And I'm glad you did so too. I may not know you or your story but I understand how big a choice it is to go non-contact and I'm sure it was not a decision made lightly. Wishing you all the best in life
Using the accusation of "spreading gossip and discourse" to shut down survivors talking about their own abuse is intentional and very re-traumatising.
Edit: Meghan Markle tried to go no contact with some members of her family and she got so much backlash for that. It made me so sad for her.
Markle seems like a liar, though...
Great video, the moment about how we find good parts of people who also harmed us, and trying to sort that out was very relatable.
Thank you for continuing to share your life with us.
so glad to hear your thoughts. it was very powerful to hear you speak about your own family situation. it sounds unbelievably difficult to balance the connection you have with them and the need to protect yourself. I hope you find more peace going forward.
Im getting Jill's book on Audible as soon as my credit arrives tomorrow! One thing that always struck me about the Duggars was how Jim Bob and Michelle claimed that the children all CHOSE to follow the modesty and courtship rules when that clearly isn't the case. Two specific things really struck me. One, when JB and Jill visited Derrick in Nepal and they were walking around town with Jill and Derrick side by side. Derrick out hus hand on the small of Jill's back and JB aggressively shoved Jill aside ans fir between them. Two, when Derrick came home and the Duggars met them at the airport. Jill ran up and full on hugged him. Michelle looked like she was going to have a stroke. Later, in the interview, Michelle sias something like "Im sure Jill regrets going that far."
I believe she said 'well, that won't happen again'
Love this so much!! I find myself buying things to wear & decorate with that I know that would offend certain people so they will avoid me!🤣 Sending you so much & joy in your journey!!😘😘😘😘
Thank you for sharing your story, perspective, and thoughts regarding these things. Your content is entertaining, informative, and I'm sure helping a lot of people
Your video was very enlightening , made me understand more than what I knew , Jim Bob is still a sicko in my mind , I still have the outmost respect for Jill , what courage it took for her to state the truth and how damaging it was to her , she had NO support from either of her parents , that " Sweet Little Michele " ls an absolute fraud as far as I'm concerned , what a sorry excuse she is as a Mother , GO JILL !
Wonderfully said. Thank you for your thoughts and raw feelings ❤️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on her book! It's rough. I know the cult lifestyle and beliefs are hard on everybody but I feel the girls and women definitely bear the brunt of the restrictions. It must be so hard to live that way, but also to break away. ❤
I cried at the end of the book, too. ❤ I felt that deeply.
I was listening on Audible while driving, and I was like 😮 through the ending. I could not believe it. Jim Bob's own hateful words.
I really enjoyed your insight, you should make more longer videos like this, your life & story is so interesting. What I am surprised about in your story is your parents didn't shun you, never left you, that is still quite something. I think they love you in their own dysfunctional way because many Christian parents who are not even fundamentalists will disown their gay children. I really hope your father has a change of heart. I am so happy you were strong enough to take your own path. Right now you would be a closeted skirt wearing homeschooling mom of 5 kids living in poverty having to be joyfully available. I am so happy for you!
The 'mom as mediator' (aka enabler/invalidator) phenomenon is sadly common even in non-religious abusive families, but is hyper-present in fundie families since doctrine lends itself so much to abusive men avoiding any accountability. We see this in the generational and religious divide a lot, where mothers are taught that disrespect and abuse are normal, and so their survival mode is to essentially helicopter-parent their spouse: sweeping anything out of the way that might 'set him off' as a survival tactic to keep things in the home peaceful. This in itself is a toxic and enabling approach, but becomes even more harmful when the thing that could potentially set the head of the house off is a child, a child's identity, a child's independence, etc. By attempting to soften or sweep it under the rug, the enabler parent subconsciously validates the abusive behavior of the father, and teaches a child to fear or hate the aspect of themselves that--according to the enabling parent--must be kept 'hidden'. Enabling parents also try to 'keep the peace' by talking children out of their anger (since a child standing up for themselves could 'set the other parent off'). Unfortunately this most often means gaslighting the child into thinking the abuse and invalidation they experienced was justified, wasn't as bad as it was, or even didn't happen at all. This revictimizes the child, since they first experience the pain and trauma of abuse, and then also experience the confusion and hurt of being told by a trusted caretaker that that trauma was ok, even deserved.
It's such a complicated tangle of emotions to deprogram oneself from as an adult, and as I grew up I found more and more that I had sympathy for the women in my life who did this--since they were themselves primary victims, and in many cases thought they were doing this to 'protect' other potential victims--but also deep resentment that the only other adult in the room chose to appease and allow the abuse rather than calling it out.
Exactly this.
I was homeschooled growing up, my parents are conservative Southern Baptists, my dad started seminary when I was 10 and is a pastor now and has pretty much gone as far toward conservatism as one can get without becoming a fundamentalist. Thankfully we never went near IBLP, at least if my parents considered it I never found out. We had some friends who were and it always seemed so cultish from the outside. There was a IBLP family that lived down the road from us with a couple of boys and those kids creeped me out, I never wanted to hang out with them. I would not be at all surprised if they have their own IBLP families now and are abusive husbands...
As for me, I left religion over a decade ago. My family doesn't know and I have no intention of telling them. I have no idea how my dad would react. I was recently disappointed to find out my oldest little sister is just as conservative as the rest, I thought she was better, but she threw away a friendship with someone we've known for nearly 30 years because they have a trans daughter. It was so painful to see, and to see how much pain she caused our friend. I have to imagine our younger sisters who still live with our parents are the same way.. but I don't bring up those sorts of things.
I have 4 tattoos that i hide whenever i have to see my parents!! Nobody understands why bc I'm a full adult lol
On a recent episode of “Last Week Tonight” about homeschooling, someone said that her family would actually have drills about what to do if CPS ever came knocking.(It involved locking all doors and handing the telephone-after dialing the HSLDA hotline-to the caseworker through an open window.)
I’m so glad that bitterness has not destroyed your love for your parents. You are brave and mature and your sweet kind spirit shows. I know that Jesus walks with you. I realize you had a very hard upbringing and I am thrilled that you are an Overcomer.
Excellent video, well done!
It's a shame your mom felt the need to secretly buy things for your sister and her baby, just so she could avoid your dad's wrath.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And I agree we should all go to therapy! 😊
Thank you for such a great video! It was so cozy to hear your opinions. I wish you happiness and healing and good health
Ive gone no contact and while it was necessary for me. I dont enjoy it. My home is an emotionally and physically safe space for my child and thats priceless, it doesnt come without sacrifices. If you feel like you can make it work with your family, i love that. Going no contact with your family should be a last resort.
I relate so much to this video, sending love to you.
I am a Conservative Christian, but I am not in the IBLP. Bill Gothard really disgusts me. I am glad Jill found her voice and is saying the truth. I hope one day she will get an honest apology. I am so sorry for all the pain she went through.
Jim Bob and Michelle should have sent Josh to a real therapist instead of the IBLP place. Maybe then the problem could have been nipped in the bud!
We don’t know how to fix sex offenders so probably it wouldn’t have made any difference except that a real therapist could have told Jim Bob and Michelle that the problem was serious and likely going to be life long. They might have been told that their priority should be to protect their daughters. They also might have been told that the IBLP was only exacerbating the problem with its objectification of women and girls.
You're brave to share your trauma & I hope life keeps getting better for you
Ooof. I feel ya on that homeschooling arguing thing. The more i hear about how other families did it, the more i realize that my esperience was an outlier. And even with how positive i feel about mine, i wouldn’t want ro homeschool my children bc I know I missed out on so many things. It's not just about education.
Oh wow I was in ATIA as well, so screwed up, really messed up our family and we are all kind of like former inmates as kids and way less like family all with social issues.
I'm shocked at the amount of abuse your parents put you through. Your bravery is admirable
He doesn't know how to have a relationship with them outside of controlling them. Absolutely
You should be on Cults to Consciousness
Non sequitur because I ate a gummy: you have such a gorgeous profile omg
On-topic: thank you for explaining that Ginger's book was written for IBLP folks
The most shocking part of this video is when you said your dad is in law school. 🤯 Does he see anything he did to his children wrong now?
These are really illuminating
Liz your story is fascinating to me, have you thought about writing a book about your life?
Love your reactions and makeup looks good
Thanks for your insight into Jills book. It's always good to have another perspective or II'm a little confused about what you were talking about around 10:30. Her book made you feel "sosie?" The cited books made you feel "sosie?" I know, it's probably something simple and I'm going to feel like a fool.
She said "so seen", just talking a bit fast
People talk about how cringe TLC is - but that's the least of its problems. It's downright exploitative. It even interfered allegedly with marriage laws in Utah for the sake of Sister Wives. It put young children on camera since they were infants in Kate plus Eight. They've damaged so many lives and enabled so much abuse.
michelle's arc from furniture to actual person was something that I found interesting to note.
YES!! Ive not even bought a copy yes been busy and im a poor bitch but my god im glad you are talking about this Liz!! xx
What people don't seem to understand is that it's easy for us to view them as wholly bad parents, because we're a third party to the whole situation.
Having a parent who is abusive is horrible, because more often than not, you just wish they could be a normal/good parent to you. You long for it and cling to any good moments, because they're the parents you were born to.
I have a strained relationship with one parent (to the point where cutting them off has been considered), however, I still care about them and wish they could see the error of their ways and improve. Do I think it's actually likely? No. Does the idea of never talking to them again sound sad and scary? Yes. Both feelings can exist at once.
It took me about three years after my mother died to realize that she was not, in fact, the “good” parent. In some ways she was worse than my father. It’s very complex, and very hard to untangle when they are still alive and you have even a small sliver of hope that they will in any way be the parents they should have been.
@@kalieris you've hit the nail on the head, there. It's unbelievably complicated, navigating the whole mess of emotions and needs that we're left with, as a result of poor parenting. I'm so sorry you had a hard time with your parents, I hope you're doing well and I'm grateful for your input on this matter! 💜
19:35 sleepy puppy 😭💜
PS I still walk on eggshells and people please and figure what Im going to say to not get certain close relatives angry.
Take your time of course to process the information you received and are emotionally able to handle it but a video about how accurate Shiny Happy People Jingers book and Jills book present IBlP. That would be so interesting
Have you read Educated: A Memoir?
That was a good one too!
Another reason you differ from the Duggars is that you started dressing In pants on your own, right? The Duggar girls didn't do it till they were married.
Yes! I forgot to go into this in this video but going to a college, however fundie it is, was the key to me learning my own identity. Marriage works for some former IBLP kids while college and moving out is another lifesaver for others
Your father gave you the silent treatment for two weeks just for cutting your hair?! Geez!
Maybe your dad also realized that by you wearing pants. He was losing control over you. So he punished you with silent treatment in hopes that you would stop and you would return to being under his authority. Did your brothers have the same upbringing?
Have you read Educated by Tara Westover
You were 19 years old, and your mother put you on restriction and forbade you to talk to anyone?! *SMDH*
Bill Gotham’s ideas are just sick . To start the have your baby pick out a toy that they want to play with , then to put them on a blanket with the toy out of reach , then when your sweet innocent baby goes to reach for it getting off the blanket, after you told them to stay there , you hit them , repeat till you make them listen to you , if you walk down the street seeing a ‘normal woman ‘ wearing something that may cause the male to ‘have thoughts , Michelle days one certain word , they all lower their eyes , didn’t help Josh did it ??? To never cut you hair , no wearing pants ( what’s that going to do ??? Full cover of your arms & legs because you MAY cause the male to lust for you or give him ‘ideas ‘??? Too have people think that’s the way they want to live , is to brain wash your kids to complete control over your kids for life , JB even after the daughters got married to want to control them still , if they stray away from your weird ways , he disowns you .
It is nice to to hear the truth from another person that has walked the walk. I would love you to do a full account of Jill's book. Before it is all over I believe that Reality tv will be a thing of the past. I think Jim Bob may be looking at federal tax problems. TLC may not make it. I think it's time to have to have real pure tv. Not exploiting children. All in all these are my opinions. We all know everyone has opinions. So hopefully everyone an agree this is a mess for the Duggar brood.
On my channel people are free to argue because I may not have the following you do but how can we fight against the adoption/ foster care industry if we cut off open dialog. As for Goddard there is nothing new under the sun. Most of the stuff quiver full came up with was just stolen and made slightly more toxic from the Republican Bible belt homeschooling movement in the south. The language used for forcing certain behaviors on women and children are somewhat different but the effects were very similar. I ended up in one of those homes where words meant one thing but actions spoke another. Where I never went to school or learned normal dating or how to live in the outside world.if you called the neighbors kid a jerk your mouth got rinsed out with soap . Adult needs were more important than a child's and a child's were more important than an adoptee's. You were taught to try to be a saint. That a Christian doesn't get their feelings hurt and also that no one gets to be a saint because we are born with originally sin and therefore bad.my mother was a great person for getting rid of me and alot of other true garbage.
Shiny Happy People
Listening you talk about your mom. You are super, super cute…great skin and hair …so this isn’t meant to be mean. But your mom should have paid for orthodontics. You’re cute either way, but it will cause more dental problems later in life. They owed that to you unless they were just dirt poor. It makes me mad they didn’t worry more about this than whether you wore dresses all the time.
Okay...this just popped up on UA-cam...I don't get it...why would anyone want to watch some random person putting makeup on...very different...of course, definitely won't be watching again...watched about 10 minutes...that's it...much better content out there where someone isn't doing their facial beauty care?...
This is a common thing for UA-camrs to put on make up when discussing difficult topics
Please STOP laughing all the time, and you talk way to fast.