The thing about narc parents is that. They want you to stay with them or below them. They would do everything to make you disbelieve yourself. As I grew old I started to learn more and my knowledge helped me to know what was wrong. She got scared that she'll lose her constant supply. But I had hard time realise my potential. The thing is, until you process your trauma you wouldn't know your true potential.
After a childhood babysitting my younger siblings while they went playing skittles with friends twice a week, I was told I was selfish when I told them I wasn’t comfortable being left for 2 weeks alone to care for my siblings aged 13 and 4 while they left the country for a holiday. I was 18. I was taking major exams that year, but apparently I was the selfish one.
This is so true. The moment you stand up for yourself or tell them you are not ok with how they are treating you, then they make sure to put you in your place by saying 'you're selfish'. My mother did that to me my entire life.
She did and still does. I'm just trying to mind my business and live my life and I'm selfish because I don't leave the very pleasant and fairly successful life I've built and move down the street from her and jump when she tells me to. No thanks. She had enough years of my life. Thank you for the very helpful videos!
I remember my narc parents stealing a cold/flu medicine from me, when i confronted them about it they told me that i needed to learn how to share and i was being selfish. I told them if they wanted the medicine they just could have asked me and i would have given it to them. this happened years ago but reflecting back on this shows me how the narc brain operates on the level of a child
I’m now 29 going on 30 and my mom called me selfish and disrespectful because my partner and I can only go see her on Christmas Day as Boxing Day is our day as a couple which we’ve chosen because we work a lot and would like a full day to spend on our relationship and do our shopping we do with the Boxing Day deals. I was asking her if we could come over on Christmas Day. She first said that the conversation was too much drama and then called me those things and said that she isn’t going to make an extra Christmas event just for me. I didn’t see it as an extra Christmas event, just us spending time on Christmas Day and she was only projecting her own selfishness on me because she wanted everyone to see her kids showing up on Boxing Day as if were this happy close family when we really aren’t because she never actually speaks to us or spends time with us for months or years. Only actually plans stuff with the big step family on Xmas and other holidays and then hardly talks to us when we’re there.
I was constantly told I was selfish by my mother's partner. Most of the time I didn't know what I did (or hadn't done.) I think two times at least I hadn't done a chore he (supposedly) told me to do. Every day, I was told I was selfish, that I didn't care about anybody but myself, and that I never thought of anybody but myself. He would scream at me: "Why don't you think of somebody else for a change?" (Once he screamed this because I put an oven tray on top of his laptop- that he had left on top of the oven! So I just put the oven tray on top without thinking.) I don't know how selfish I actually was. On reflection, he was a very narcissistic person who was in general just a very miserable guy. He would complain about everything and was always angry or upset about something. When I say most of the time I didn't know what I did, I mean it- sometimes I'd just walk into a room and he'd be there ready to rant and rave at me. Like, maybe in his mind I'd done (or hadn't done) something, but it was rarely communicated what it was. I did go into, particularly when I became a teenager, this mentality of "I'm going to be yelled at no matter what I do, so I might as well do whatever the hell I want." So I hid in my room most of the time, didn't really do any household chores, and even started stealing. I'd also set traps in the house just to piss off my mum's partner, like taking his things from the bathroom. I also didn't eat proper meals (mostly unhealthy snacks) except for dinner and didn't shower or brush my teeth. I was completely depressed and rarely slept for more than three hours at a time, just in constant fear of him. (This was between the ages of around 11 and 16. When I was 16 my mum left and her partner kicked me out of the house.) Again, I don't know how selfish I actually was as a child, but it definitely didn't help or change any inconvenient behaviour to constantly scream at me and call me selfish.
TYSVM for this, such a gift for me to help me understand what has been so troubling me. My narcissistic mother was never concerned w what I was thinking, feeling, experiencing or learning, life was always centered around her & everyone else simply existed to support her whims. Refuse to play along w her drama & she plays 'the victim' role. So exhausting. Still is. She is currently quite elderly, should be in assisted living, she can afford the very best, but instead, insists on imposing on her children to be at her beck and call so she can continue to live at her home, where she keeps falling & lately ended up in hospital & rehab facility, but insists that she is going to return home & has recently issued an email edict that we are all to be there to help her move back home. Ugh.
My mother constantly called me “you little spoiled brat” OMG. I heard this repeatedly and as recently as a month ago. My mother would say it with such venom too. Its her go to label. I just sent this video to her via email with a header that says “see why you called me a spoiled brat”.
When I was 4 years old my narcissistic father dropped me off at a local police station for taking a piece of candy from a store. He made the police officer place me in a jail cell while he took off and I was left screaming for help. When I was 9 my mother told me I looked “like a fag” after I put peroxide in my hair. She wouldn’t let me buzz my hair off, yet made me keep it so that she and other kids at school could make fun of me. When I was 16, my father told me I was going to hell and was going to die of AIDS for being homosexual. They later punished me for an entire summer by grounding me to my room and cutting me off from all friends, later took me to a number of “therapists” for counseling for said homosexuality. Interestingly, the last therapist was a PhD psychologist who suggested I was fine and they needed counseling. Then there was a golden period when I was doing things they “wanted me to do” - including earning multiple degrees, the highest being a clinical doctorate, from a “prestigious” American school of medicine. Does it even matter? Not really. I was living my life for them, not me. After slaving away for years at a matrix job, it was becoming quite clear I was remarkably depressed. When I was 39, my mother began telling people I was bipolar, having “mood swings” - which in a sense I was, until I woke up and realized there was a term for it - reactive abuse. When I was 40, my mother told me I was worthless, a loser, looked scary and homeless. She broke into my apartment, trashed it, then told everyone I was a drug addict for not taking medicines that she wanted me to take. When I was 41 my mother asked my sister, “Is he still breathing? Well, hopefully not for much longer.” Now, this was after she made multiple false claims that I was “suicidal” (I was not). Unfortunately, my sister is still under her trauma bond spell and although she recognizes she was abused as well, refuses to see her parents for what they are. I, on the other hand, am going on 1 year of no-contact from both my parents, and have never felt more at peace. That’s only some of it. Trust, the screenplay of my experience would look something along the lines of “Mommy Dearest” vs. “The Exorcist” vs. “Fatal Attraction.” That woman, who is a false mother, still pretends she’s an innocent little thing. I’ve seen what’s on the other side of the mask and it’s certainly Satan. These people are very sick. May they one day find peace. ✌🏻
There are layers upon layers of trauma! I am so sorry for your awful abuse. I am glad you can finally live life authentically now that you have cut ties. It's such a shame that it takes soo many of us too long to finally cut ties. I reckon you would be a brilliant author. Writing a book about your abuse could be cathartic. Hugs to you
@@CourageCoaching Funny you mention - I am currently working on a collection of writings and such. I will let you know when they are complete. Thank you for your continued excellent work. 💜🙏🏻
The thing about narc parents is that. They want you to stay with them or below them. They would do everything to make you disbelieve yourself. As I grew old I started to learn more and my knowledge helped me to know what was wrong. She got scared that she'll lose her constant supply. But I had hard time realise my potential. The thing is, until you process your trauma you wouldn't know your true potential.
After a childhood babysitting my younger siblings while they went playing skittles with friends twice a week, I was told I was selfish when I told them I wasn’t comfortable being left for 2 weeks alone to care for my siblings aged 13 and 4 while they left the country for a holiday. I was 18. I was taking major exams that year, but apparently I was the selfish one.
This is so true. The moment you stand up for yourself or tell them you are not ok with how they are treating you, then they make sure to put you in your place by saying 'you're selfish'. My mother did that to me my entire life.
She did and still does. I'm just trying to mind my business and live my life and I'm selfish because I don't leave the very pleasant and fairly successful life I've built and move down the street from her and jump when she tells me to. No thanks. She had enough years of my life. Thank you for the very helpful videos!
Well done to you I’m still struggling but no contact for 3 months did you find it easy
I remember my narc parents stealing a cold/flu medicine from me, when i confronted them about it they told me that i needed to learn how to share and i was being selfish. I told them if they wanted the medicine they just could have asked me and i would have given it to them. this happened years ago but reflecting back on this shows me how the narc brain operates on the level of a child
I’m now 29 going on 30 and my mom called me selfish and disrespectful because my partner and I can only go see her on Christmas Day as Boxing Day is our day as a couple which we’ve chosen because we work a lot and would like a full day to spend on our relationship and do our shopping we do with the Boxing Day deals. I was asking her if we could come over on Christmas Day. She first said that the conversation was too much drama and then called me those things and said that she isn’t going to make an extra Christmas event just for me. I didn’t see it as an extra Christmas event, just us spending time on Christmas Day and she was only projecting her own selfishness on me because she wanted everyone to see her kids showing up on Boxing Day as if were this happy close family when we really aren’t because she never actually speaks to us or spends time with us for months or years. Only actually plans stuff with the big step family on Xmas and other holidays and then hardly talks to us when we’re there.
I was constantly told I was selfish by my mother's partner. Most of the time I didn't know what I did (or hadn't done.) I think two times at least I hadn't done a chore he (supposedly) told me to do. Every day, I was told I was selfish, that I didn't care about anybody but myself, and that I never thought of anybody but myself. He would scream at me: "Why don't you think of somebody else for a change?" (Once he screamed this because I put an oven tray on top of his laptop- that he had left on top of the oven! So I just put the oven tray on top without thinking.)
I don't know how selfish I actually was. On reflection, he was a very narcissistic person who was in general just a very miserable guy. He would complain about everything and was always angry or upset about something. When I say most of the time I didn't know what I did, I mean it- sometimes I'd just walk into a room and he'd be there ready to rant and rave at me. Like, maybe in his mind I'd done (or hadn't done) something, but it was rarely communicated what it was.
I did go into, particularly when I became a teenager, this mentality of "I'm going to be yelled at no matter what I do, so I might as well do whatever the hell I want." So I hid in my room most of the time, didn't really do any household chores, and even started stealing. I'd also set traps in the house just to piss off my mum's partner, like taking his things from the bathroom. I also didn't eat proper meals (mostly unhealthy snacks) except for dinner and didn't shower or brush my teeth. I was completely depressed and rarely slept for more than three hours at a time, just in constant fear of him. (This was between the ages of around 11 and 16. When I was 16 my mum left and her partner kicked me out of the house.)
Again, I don't know how selfish I actually was as a child, but it definitely didn't help or change any inconvenient behaviour to constantly scream at me and call me selfish.
@@taurnilx I am so sorry you went through such abuse. You were not selfish! You were a child trying to cope in an impossible home environment!
Keep it up, your message is doing good things in our lives. Thank you, subscribed!
I’ve got called selfish several times for crying.
TYSVM for this, such a gift for me to help me understand what has been so troubling me. My narcissistic mother was never concerned w what I was thinking, feeling, experiencing or learning, life was always centered around her & everyone else simply existed to support her whims. Refuse to play along w her drama & she plays 'the victim' role. So exhausting. Still is. She is currently quite elderly, should be in assisted living, she can afford the very best, but instead, insists on imposing on her children to be at her beck and call so she can continue to live at her home, where she keeps falling & lately ended up in hospital & rehab facility, but insists that she is going to return home & has recently issued an email edict that we are all to be there to help her move back home. Ugh.
I am sorry you are still suffering so much..It only ends when they die sadly..and then there is still the grief..
My mother constantly called me “you little spoiled brat” OMG. I heard this repeatedly and as recently as a month ago. My mother would say it with such venom too. Its her go to label. I just sent this video to her via email with a header that says “see why you called me a spoiled brat”.
Oh wow! That was brave!
BROOO savage!!! Good for u tho!
Thanks!
Thank you HeidiLovesLiberty! Glad you found the content helpful :-)
Yes..and also that life is gonna be a struggle..😓😐
Yep 💯
Yep they did ❤
When I was 4 years old my narcissistic father dropped me off at a local police station for taking a piece of candy from a store. He made the police officer place me in a jail cell while he took off and I was left screaming for help.
When I was 9 my mother told me I looked “like a fag” after I put peroxide in my hair. She wouldn’t let me buzz my hair off, yet made me keep it so that she and other kids at school could make fun of me.
When I was 16, my father told me I was going to hell and was going to die of AIDS for being homosexual. They later punished me for an entire summer by grounding me to my room and cutting me off from all friends, later took me to a number of “therapists” for counseling for said homosexuality. Interestingly, the last therapist was a PhD psychologist who suggested I was fine and they needed counseling.
Then there was a golden period when I was doing things they “wanted me to do” - including earning multiple degrees, the highest being a clinical doctorate, from a “prestigious” American school of medicine. Does it even matter? Not really. I was living my life for them, not me.
After slaving away for years at a matrix job, it was becoming quite clear I was remarkably depressed.
When I was 39, my mother began telling people I was bipolar, having “mood swings” - which in a sense I was, until I woke up and realized there was a term for it - reactive abuse.
When I was 40, my mother told me I was worthless, a loser, looked scary and homeless. She broke into my apartment, trashed it, then told everyone I was a drug addict for not taking medicines that she wanted me to take.
When I was 41 my mother asked my sister, “Is he still breathing? Well, hopefully not for much longer.” Now, this was after she made multiple false claims that I was “suicidal” (I was not).
Unfortunately, my sister is still under her trauma bond spell and although she recognizes she was abused as well, refuses to see her parents for what they are.
I, on the other hand, am going on 1 year of no-contact from both my parents, and have never felt more at peace.
That’s only some of it. Trust, the screenplay of my experience would look something along the lines of “Mommy Dearest” vs. “The Exorcist” vs. “Fatal Attraction.” That woman, who is a false mother, still pretends she’s an innocent little thing. I’ve seen what’s on the other side of the mask and it’s certainly Satan.
These people are very sick.
May they one day find peace.
✌🏻
There are layers upon layers of trauma! I am so sorry for your awful abuse. I am glad you can finally live life authentically now that you have cut ties. It's such a shame that it takes soo many of us too long to finally cut ties. I reckon you would be a brilliant author. Writing a book about your abuse could be cathartic. Hugs to you
@@CourageCoaching Funny you mention - I am currently working on a collection of writings and such.
I will let you know when they are complete.
Thank you for your continued excellent work.
💜🙏🏻