I forced myself to (attempt to) function in constantly uncomfortable situations for almost two decades, but the consequences were horrible. I was undiagnosed at that point, so didn’t know why I couldn’t do “what I was supposed to, like everyone else”, so I kept trying harder, and failing harder, and eventually became physically ill. I’m now trying to learn what kind of life I will need going forward in order to avoid burnout and stay healthy 🙏🏼 you’re not alone! ❤
I am 61 and diagnosed about 18 months ago. I appreciate this video soooooo much. Thank you. It is so validating. What you are talking about is something I am just starting to realize and implement. I want you to know you really made a difference in somebody’s life today.
Indeed-it’s impossible to grow from touching the hot stove. You can temporarily increase your tolerance, yes, but you might end up seriously burning your hand, and once you stop, your tolerance will return to normal. Being autistic is like that. We can learn scripts to make social situations easier, but that won’t suddenly make the stove cold.
Pushing too hard can cause us to develop negative relationships with the things that we are trying to do, if we are not conscious enough. It's a tricky balance. I don't want to be afraid of doing things in the world. But I don't want autistic overwhelm or shutdown as well. The world just expects us to do neurotypical things or else categorizes this as social anxiety or anxiety. But it's not social anxiety when your body is getting to a shutdown due to overwhelm of senses and emotions... And even medical professionals don't understand/agree with this a lot of times.
To tire oneself is a reality I'm now mindful of. I have a routine and I'm privileged enough to have at least one good whole day to myself. It is hard when things get out of hand and we have to break our routines to "function in society". Our brain literally works different, there's no way out of that, and part of being autistic is knowing that things will be hard and exhausting, but also having consciousness of it, it's important for us to take better care of ourselves - whatever that means.
What you're describing is stress-training, which is intended to help build resilience. While this can be beneficial in small doses for us neurodivergents, society often expects us to endure stress-training 24/7-which is completely unreasonable and ultimately does more harm than good. The other day, I learned how to make a French baguette from scratch-something I’d never done before. It was fun, but also nerve-racking for me. It reminded me how important it is to step back and not expect constant progress or productivity all the time.
Oh my gosh, I so relate to this. I totally get it. Any unfamiliar situation can be really difficult, and I need time to recover. Even just making a phone call is hard. Not so much to someone I know for a specific purpose, but like to customer service or something. I rehearse over and over my questions, so I know what to say, and then I still mess up. Sometimes I am even shaking afterward and nothing bad even happened. I sleep a lot afterward. But also, I can't just chat on the phone without a specific reason.
Wow, this is just like hearing my boyfriend talk. And he hasn't had an autistic assessment although we have also always kinda known, but also been confused as to why are "simple" things so hard for him and why is he always exhausted... So yeah, this video made me cry and understand a lot. Thank you so much. Please keep sharing your experience because you are actually very well articulated and it helps me a lot to understand my boyfriend. Please also talk about how can I help as a gf. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hey Trevor, Just wanted to drop by and say how much I loved your latest nine-minute video-it was the perfect length to really hear you out without feeling rushed. I appreciate how openly you’re processing everything that comes with being autistic, and it’s so cool to see how much you’ve grown over time. I’ve been following you on Instagram as well, and I’m really happy to see you continuing to do your thing and share these insights. I noticed the conversation about comfort zones and how society tends to push everyone to “go out of them,” but for us on the spectrum, that can look very different. It’s not about “touching a hot stove” as someone said in the comments, just because someone says it’ll make us grow-sometimes that can do more harm than good. From my perspective, you absolutely are growing, and it’s amazing to watch. I especially loved those moments in the video where you weren’t hard on yourself; that little break from self-criticism was exactly the vibe I needed. The background with the plants, lights, and gentle music really gave it a personal, calming feel, too. (By the way, what kind of music did you use? It felt super chill and matched the ambiance perfectly.) Also, I see you’ve been posting quite a few videos lately-awesome stuff, man! Your voice is needed out there. Just remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I only mention that because I know firsthand how posting regularly can turn into a pressure cooker if you’re not careful (been there, done that, plus I’m in grad school now, so I get it). I’m definitely not saying “stop” (I’m excited for every new upload!)-just that I hope you’re finding a sustainable rhythm that works for you. Anyway, I’m really grateful for how authentically you share your journey, Trevor. Wishing you a fantastic holiday season, and I can’t wait to see what you come up with next! Take care, Sam
Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate it because you explain very clearly what I also experience, but I find it very difficult to articulate. I'm 35 and still learning what uncomfortable situations are wise to push through or not, though I am saying no to a lot more now as I have spent much of my life burnt out without any benefit (other than to make others around me more comfortable). Your words are relatable, thank you.
Thank you for posting this. I celebrated christmas with my family today and when i got home i was just completely exhausted i don’t know if this is related to autism or not but it felt like my body was an extra 20 pounds and i could barely move.
To quote a favorite comic of mine ‘I don’t suffer from my disability. I suffer from people’ So much that is hard about being on the spectrum is because we’re forced to conform to completely unfair, and often downright abusive neurotypical social/work/life norms. You essentially end up with ptsd from years of being punished/mistreated/mocked/penalized for not behaving ‘normal’ Here’s the thing though. Normal doesn’t exist anywhere in reality but the setting knob of your dryer. Just know that whatever struggles you may have faced, it’s ok to be you. It’s ok to advocate and set boundaries that respect you being you. And it’s ok to distance yourself from people, jobs and situations that don’t respect that.
🙏 🙏 this video is really helpful, thank you for existing, please continue especially the end of the video is my favorite part, i really need more acceptance of myself and less blame and shame
I see you using "and also" - are you familiar with DBT? And I appreciate how you validate hard emotions. That's so important. I'm 29 and in a pretty good place mentally, but when I got my first job out of college it completely broke me. I had no vocabulary for how overstimulated I was - or why that was such a problem for me (surprise! I have autism). I got so burnt out and depressed. A lot of people would quit their job if they hated it that much, but I couldn't express to them how starting all over and going through that change again would be so much worse. I've been there 7 years now and have learned a lot about myself and feel a lot more confident. Still have to take baby steps into new adult responsibilities, but I try not to rush or push myself. We have to give ourselves grace.
Hi Trevor, I think as you do these uncomfortable tasks in the future hopefully it will get a little easier each time you do. It never feels good to be uncomfortable but I think it was good that you were able to sit down and talk through your struggles. One thing you should do is count your Blessings daily on the things that you are able to do successfully at the end of each day. Best wishes Trevor as well start a New Year in 2025.
There are two possible causes of autism. One is damage to the brain during development that causes the consciousness to fail to adapt, but this is likely to lead to other, more serious mental illnesses. More likely is a mismatch between consciousness and brain structure. The brain structure of your previous body is very different from the brain structure of humans on Earth. If you were Homo erectus in your previous life, you'd have low ability autism. If you were an Avatar in your previous life, you would show high ability autism. But as you get older, your consciousness will gradually adapt to the human brain.
I forced myself to (attempt to) function in constantly uncomfortable situations for almost two decades, but the consequences were horrible. I was undiagnosed at that point, so didn’t know why I couldn’t do “what I was supposed to, like everyone else”, so I kept trying harder, and failing harder, and eventually became physically ill. I’m now trying to learn what kind of life I will need going forward in order to avoid burnout and stay healthy 🙏🏼 you’re not alone! ❤
❤
I am 61 and diagnosed about 18 months ago. I appreciate this video soooooo much. Thank you. It is so validating. What you are talking about is something I am just starting to realize and implement. I want you to know you really made a difference in somebody’s life today.
Indeed-it’s impossible to grow from touching the hot stove. You can temporarily increase your tolerance, yes, but you might end up seriously burning your hand, and once you stop, your tolerance will return to normal. Being autistic is like that. We can learn scripts to make social situations easier, but that won’t suddenly make the stove cold.
Pushing too hard can cause us to develop negative relationships with the things that we are trying to do, if we are not conscious enough.
It's a tricky balance. I don't want to be afraid of doing things in the world. But I don't want autistic overwhelm or shutdown as well. The world just expects us to do neurotypical things or else categorizes this as social anxiety or anxiety. But it's not social anxiety when your body is getting to a shutdown due to overwhelm of senses and emotions... And even medical professionals don't understand/agree with this a lot of times.
To tire oneself is a reality I'm now mindful of. I have a routine and I'm privileged enough to have at least one good whole day to myself. It is hard when things get out of hand and we have to break our routines to "function in society". Our brain literally works different, there's no way out of that, and part of being autistic is knowing that things will be hard and exhausting, but also having consciousness of it, it's important for us to take better care of ourselves - whatever that means.
What you're describing is stress-training, which is intended to help build resilience. While this can be beneficial in small doses for us neurodivergents, society often expects us to endure stress-training 24/7-which is completely unreasonable and ultimately does more harm than good. The other day, I learned how to make a French baguette from scratch-something I’d never done before. It was fun, but also nerve-racking for me. It reminded me how important it is to step back and not expect constant progress or productivity all the time.
Oh my gosh, I so relate to this. I totally get it. Any unfamiliar situation can be really difficult, and I need time to recover. Even just making a phone call is hard. Not so much to someone I know for a specific purpose, but like to customer service or something. I rehearse over and over my questions, so I know what to say, and then I still mess up. Sometimes I am even shaking afterward and nothing bad even happened. I sleep a lot afterward. But also, I can't just chat on the phone without a specific reason.
Hard relate. Unscripted situations (99% of which is around other people) are complex and difficult. Thanks for making us feel seen.
Wow, this is just like hearing my boyfriend talk. And he hasn't had an autistic assessment although we have also always kinda known, but also been confused as to why are "simple" things so hard for him and why is he always exhausted... So yeah, this video made me cry and understand a lot. Thank you so much. Please keep sharing your experience because you are actually very well articulated and it helps me a lot to understand my boyfriend. Please also talk about how can I help as a gf. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Got the same anxiety issues and feeling overwhelmed in situations that "shouldn't be" problematic.
It's hard to live with.
I have Autism I'm 18 and ever since then I didn't really belonged in this cruel world
Hey Trevor,
Just wanted to drop by and say how much I loved your latest nine-minute video-it was the perfect length to really hear you out without feeling rushed. I appreciate how openly you’re processing everything that comes with being autistic, and it’s so cool to see how much you’ve grown over time. I’ve been following you on Instagram as well, and I’m really happy to see you continuing to do your thing and share these insights.
I noticed the conversation about comfort zones and how society tends to push everyone to “go out of them,” but for us on the spectrum, that can look very different. It’s not about “touching a hot stove” as someone said in the comments, just because someone says it’ll make us grow-sometimes that can do more harm than good. From my perspective, you absolutely are growing, and it’s amazing to watch. I especially loved those moments in the video where you weren’t hard on yourself; that little break from self-criticism was exactly the vibe I needed. The background with the plants, lights, and gentle music really gave it a personal, calming feel, too. (By the way, what kind of music did you use? It felt super chill and matched the ambiance perfectly.)
Also, I see you’ve been posting quite a few videos lately-awesome stuff, man! Your voice is needed out there. Just remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I only mention that because I know firsthand how posting regularly can turn into a pressure cooker if you’re not careful (been there, done that, plus I’m in grad school now, so I get it). I’m definitely not saying “stop” (I’m excited for every new upload!)-just that I hope you’re finding a sustainable rhythm that works for you.
Anyway, I’m really grateful for how authentically you share your journey, Trevor. Wishing you a fantastic holiday season, and I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!
Take care,
Sam
thank you so much you don't know how much this video means to me and i don't even know how to put it into words but it just felt like a deep hug
Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate it because you explain very clearly what I also experience, but I find it very difficult to articulate. I'm 35 and still learning what uncomfortable situations are wise to push through or not, though I am saying no to a lot more now as I have spent much of my life burnt out without any benefit (other than to make others around me more comfortable). Your words are relatable, thank you.
Thank you for posting this. I celebrated christmas with my family today and when i got home i was just completely exhausted i don’t know if this is related to autism or not but it felt like my body was an extra 20 pounds and i could barely move.
thank you to Trevor for building community. My thoughts are with each Autistic here at Christmas.
I need that squishy thing
To quote a favorite comic of mine ‘I don’t suffer from my disability. I suffer from people’
So much that is hard about being on the spectrum is because we’re forced to conform to completely unfair, and often downright abusive neurotypical social/work/life norms.
You essentially end up with ptsd from years of being punished/mistreated/mocked/penalized for not behaving ‘normal’
Here’s the thing though. Normal doesn’t exist anywhere in reality but the setting knob of your dryer.
Just know that whatever struggles you may have faced, it’s ok to be you. It’s ok to advocate and set boundaries that respect you being you. And it’s ok to distance yourself from people, jobs and situations that don’t respect that.
🙏 🙏 this video is really helpful, thank you for existing, please continue
especially the end of the video is my favorite part, i really need more acceptance of myself and less blame and shame
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!!!! Just getting out of bed is a TASK!!!!! I damn near have to coach myself out of bed.
Life is difficult for all of us
I told my therapist that self-regulation feels like my full-time job.
I see you using "and also" - are you familiar with DBT? And I appreciate how you validate hard emotions. That's so important. I'm 29 and in a pretty good place mentally, but when I got my first job out of college it completely broke me. I had no vocabulary for how overstimulated I was - or why that was such a problem for me (surprise! I have autism). I got so burnt out and depressed. A lot of people would quit their job if they hated it that much, but I couldn't express to them how starting all over and going through that change again would be so much worse. I've been there 7 years now and have learned a lot about myself and feel a lot more confident. Still have to take baby steps into new adult responsibilities, but I try not to rush or push myself. We have to give ourselves grace.
Hi Trevor, I think as you do these uncomfortable tasks in the future hopefully it will get a little easier each time you do. It never feels good to be uncomfortable but I think it was good that you were able to sit down and talk through your struggles.
One thing you should do is count your Blessings daily on the things that you are able to do successfully at the end of each day. Best wishes Trevor as well start a New Year in 2025.
I would really like one of those stim things you have. Where can I get one ?
❤
thanks for this video is really helpfull. I'm curious about how old are you Trevor. regards!
There are two possible causes of autism. One is damage to the brain during development that causes the consciousness to fail to adapt, but this is likely to lead to other, more serious mental illnesses. More likely is a mismatch between consciousness and brain structure. The brain structure of your previous body is very different from the brain structure of humans on Earth. If you were Homo erectus in your previous life, you'd have low ability autism. If you were an Avatar in your previous life, you would show high ability autism. But as you get older, your consciousness will gradually adapt to the human brain.
Brother if past lives are even a thing