Surviving Narcissism | Herby House Podcast | EP 020
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2023
- Dealing with a narcissist is incredibly challenging and can leave you feeling lost and filled with overwhelming emotions. Qveen Herby and Jedi Nick have your back. On this episode of HOH you'll hear examples of some of the warning signs that you might be dealing with a narcissist and learn some practices on how to get away from and survive narcissism.
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Co-host: @Jediiinick
Producer: @WhatWouldAlexanderDo
My mother is and the thing I struggled with the most was I was never going to get closure. I went no contact with her and it was the best decision I've made. It was hard but being around her was harder truly
❤ I am no contact with my mother also. The social pressure from people who don't understand is a heavy weight to bear. Being raised by a mother that emotionally attacks you is the deepest of scars in the soul. I am so sorry for your suffering, but please know you aren't the only one who was denied a childhood. You will make the world better with your hard earned knowledge. ❤
@@snaxolotl2.0
Please know you're not wrong for your choice. Neither of you are.
I hate that people have made you feel that way, and i understand it.. they dont know your struggles and pains and they dont know how hard it probably was for you to make that decision. You're strong for it, not wrong for it.
I went no contact with my mom almost a year ago at this point. I don't know where I'd be without support from people online who have experienced similar situations and abuse because growing up nobody around me understood or could relate. Sending all of you love 💕
The biggest reason I won't give my narcissistic mother "another chance" is she can't apologize. Every "apology" is followed by a reason why she isn't actually at fault. I wish she could see her flaws and work on them - instead of pretending she has none.
I have the same with Mother
8 narcs in a room is literally REALITY TV
I am deeply traumatized because I just got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist. Actually getting out is horrible turmoil. The trauma bond is strong!! Thank you for bringing awareness.
Her voice and personality are so nice.
I've been using the song "nah" since The Muse released to cope while in a marriage, with children, with a narcissist. I truly appreciate your art.
This video changed my husband and I’s relationship to his family. You both helped us understand what was happening and make positive changes in our lives to solve this issue and improve our lives. Thank you!
I’ve always wished for the relationship that you and Nick have been following you guys since Karmin I always will
All hail the QUEEN! I was raised by a Narc with Borderline Personality Disorder. The pain is bottomless. I look forward to future therapy sessions with Herby. ❤
Qveen Herby has done a very good job over here. I have studied NPD for a few months now, and I was surprised to hear everything she had to say about narcissism. QUEEN was literally on point!!!
I needed this podcast. I have worked with a couple ppl in my professional life that I would say have chronic narcissism. I don't even understand how they don't see their "the world revolves around me" syndrome. Every day, they feed off ppl feeling small. They belittle you, and they will tell you to your face that with your personality, you will never be successful. They are nice to you if they know you're useful to them. Once you're not, you're invisible to them. I agree with the Jedi and Qveen, if you can record your interaction in some way, do it. Record your online meetings even. So many times have I not been able to protect myself because I don't have enough evidence "against" my boss. I ended up quitting because dealing with someone's chronic insecurity was above my pay grade. I have tried fixing this relationship ONCE, and never again. I have never talked to them since, and my mental health is so much better afterwards.
The song Farewell by Qveen serves very well to stop serving narcissists
Thank you for this free therapy 🙏🏼
I was with a narc for 9 yrs bc I didn’t love myself enough to leave. Toxic and abusive. But I finally left 2 yrs ago and life’s been amazing since!
I needed to watch this episode again because I’m literally dealing with a narcissist person now. I hope I find someone better to replace them
When I heard Herbie say about how your health issues will resolve themselves once you cut the toxic ppl out of your life.. that rly caught my attention. My soon to be ex-husband of 7 years has been ruining my life and I am finally learning my worth..it took a lot to finally get to this point. But he has aged me and caused me a lot of physical ailments over time..I have only gotten sicker since I met him and his family. They are all insane and drive people to their breaking point..everybody runs from them at some point. Or they push people to drugs..it's pretty fuckin bad. But I am learning a lot about myself and I have been doing everything I can to spread the love and positivity so others also know their worth and don't give up. I have always used my experiences to help ppl as much as I can..I always figured why not make it worth something at least? I can help somebody w it in some way, shape or form. I can already feel that this year is going to get better for a lot of us..and always remind yourself how blessed you are, esp when you are feeling low. It helps you push thru. ❤❤❤
Narcissistic dad and I've been no contact for at least 10 years. He tried to contact me semi-recently and that contact REALLY stepped me back in my resolve to self-heal and make my own closure. This is such a great episode to break down the bits and pieces, narcissism is made up of a longterm pattern of small aggressions and the only way I've found to set firm boundaries was zero contact. It sucks because the good times are amazing but the bad times are BAD.
thank you for being here and helping us feel less alone. sending so much love to you.
@@QveenHerby and thank you all for sharing and bringing your empathy and creativity to the masses. It makes a difference and I really hope to one day catch the tour :)
at the beginning of this episode I was afraid i was a narcissistic person T.T, I don't think I am. but I definitely know people who are. how scary.
this particular podcast episode was the catalyst of so, so, *so* much personal growth for me. i resonate heavily with every episode, for one reason or another - but this one in particular hit hard the first time that i listened to it in march of 2023, & it's hitting even harder listening to it again, 8 months later in the new year. the level of spiritual expansion that i've been able to achieve in that short amount of time has been nothing short of life-changing & monumental. i'm no longer in a long-term relationship with or living with a narc, & by proxy, i was i was able to transform my whole view of myself & my whole life for the better. best of all, i'm not feeling the least bit bad or guilty for looking out for & caring about myself in a way that i used to reserve strictly for people that were simply incapable of being able to do the same for me. that's their issue to work out, not mine.
thank you guys. i'm so grateful to have found your music, & that you started this amazing podcast. i'm enjoying my re-listening journey just as much as i enjoyed taking in all the episodes for the first time! 💙 hindsight is 20/20, is all i can really say!
Yes! narcissism is a spectrum. I love this episode.
The first time I heard nah I immediately thought about my narcissistic ex and That song made it so much easier to keep him cut off so thank you so much for writing that song. Also I cannot wait for a 'we need your art' shirt I was hoping you'd make one
Thank you SO much for this! It was such a supportive and encouraging experience. You all are amazing
Big red flag for me is when you feel distressed and confused (like you're going crazy) on a regular basis. If it's a healthy relationship your anxiety will go waaaaaaaay down and you'll know when you're in a healthy relationship.
After many years of being " gas lighted" I now know the definition of that. I have moved on.
I wish I had seen this about 9 years ago, but it still feels good to know I wasn't alone or unseen all those yrs ago ❤
The universe keeps placing you in my life via the algorithm at just the right times. Thank you. ❤❤❤
Narcissists are the bedbugs of people.
I love the spiritual and emotional awareness you both have - just gorgeous 💞
Your music will absolutely help. Actually I discovered your music at a very low period in my life while I was still working heavily on recognizing my codependency and when people around me were narcissistic and toxic. I realize now I’ve developed my own narc traits to cope. I’ve been focusing on myself and unraveling the threads in my life for a little over a year now- in part thanks to you.
you're doing amazing I can tell you've come so far. love you dearly babe.
@@QveenHerby love you too, you absolute legend. 💖
The universe is so funny and amazing. I'm making art while I listen to this. I'll tag you. Love everything you do and we are on the same path in so many ways and I feel so seen and supported. Thank you ❤
Same. Art from the HeArt heals this level of bs! 🎨
I personally look at challenges all as opportunities for growth/learning in order to grow/evolve (you can just go through it and learn nothing and probably have that cycle eventually repeat again or you can grow through it by learning from it and potentially prevent those cycles from being attracted to you I the future)
I was raise by a narcissist and it took me 38 yrs to figure it all out but damn did I grow so much and able to relate to so many others now and able to offer guidance to others on this subject too.
I heard "going to change the people pleasing servitude mentality"... Challenge ACCEPTED!! Interested and curious how to continue shedding old skin as a transitioning people pleaser 😊
I totally agree that the universe/life brings that into your life till you learn what's happening, how to recognize it, and how to deal with it. Like so many, I had to go through abuse before learning that lesson.
Also, wanted to say I love you Qveen Herby and Jedi Nic,both you you are super knowledgeable and wise in your own ways and I can't tell you how much the world needs your art, mind, voice, soul, I am learning so much about myself and things around me and at first I didn't subscribe to your Pateron but then after a while I found myself missing your words so I did subscribe and I am glad I did, there are just so many great conversations happening and topics I am interested in so Thank You.
I did this and I dreamed a lot and they would come through dreams. Gray rocking method. Oh the astral world
Every relationship I've been in was with a narcissists, one of them tried to take my life multiple times..during covid in lockdown, so I couldn't leave. It affected my self esteem, they all cheated, mirrored me to make me feel understood. They all had full control over me at one point even some of my family members.. it made me feel so naive and worthless.. they all were tryna steal my joy, THEY DIDNT! Its been a year now that I've been single sober and healing! I'm very glad I made it out alive and I hope all 3 of them stay out of relationships and don't do it to another girl!! you are very correct though, none of them think they are narcissists though and they refuse any therapy, THANK YOU FOR EDUCATING PEOPLE its very dangerous!! ❤❤
We NEED YOUR ART ❤💗🙏🏼🔥🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 0:04
Yup I've just dealt with this off and on for four years
Another full episode thank you. I got free of my narcissist and their hangers on almost two years ago now and I've never been happier. I had to move out of LA to make that happen though. If you guys are ever in the Palm Springs area let me know ❤
The pitch thing of Maya could be a reference to her mom. Her mom had a great pitch and range for her hit song and gets referenced in pop culture from time to time.
When it’s your parents it’s a whole other thing it’s crazy
Beautiful talk, so important! I appreciate the call to not harshly judge narcissists. Especially if parented by one, it's possible to have taken on those traits so disowning that way of being is like disowning a part of the self which brings us back to self love.
Queen you are so right I am in a relationship like that right now I have been in one in the past alot of narcissist gravitate towards me because I am an empath I am a ballerina I'm professional singer songwriter an actress I own a performing arts centre I've dealt with narcissism for the past 34 years of owning my business it is on a rampage and everything that you and Nick said is the absolute truth love you both keep up the excellent open forum for all of us artists you're both extremely talented individuals and also with that comes a lot of substance and wit I am a Capricorn and I am always researching keep doing what you're doing again love you both xxoo💕💕💕
I love you guys so much 🥺 I went through 2 relationships this year that completely broke me. I'm in therapy now and I still have a lot of healing to do but I'm getting there. This episode helped me so much and it's one of the things I look forward to most each week. ❤
I love your podcast!❤ It gets people thinking and hopefully motivated.
I am currently dealing with this topic with my daughters father. I didn't see it for almost 5 yrs! My eyes are open and I can't believe what I see. I could write a book. I've always been a fixer. Since I was a kid patching the holes missing in our house. Its definitely hard to deal with. Big lesson to learn for sure.🦋
LOOK AT THAT GOOD DOGGO! Oh my goshhhhhhh
I love how spiritual you are
I needed this
This was a f$ckin amazing episode. Thank youuuuuu!!!! 😭😭🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼♥️♥️♥️♥️ xoxo
Personally I love being the weirdo of my friend group.
And just to say, not all narssesist is someone from trauma. I am someone who was diagnosed as PTSD at 5. My child developed narssesism. It took them sending me into a 3 year PTSD panic attack to realize what was happening. They had DHSS at my door telling me what he saw. So now I am working on me. And encouraging my 4 months to 18 child to find themself. And encouraging them search for a happy for them.
And yes. Queen Herby's music has been a large part of the music therapy I've been using to help me recover.
Oh god the description gives me flashbacks of my ex.
Mother and father as well but some people are muuuuuuuch worse than others. And he is the epitome of a narcissist. And i blamed myself the whole time. Im just starting to not.
Being trained to be a narcissists victim my whole life hasnt helped.
It really is wild how you continue to go back to people like this without even realizing it. My ex and bestfriend were both just the textbook definition of narcissists. Like to an extreme degree... my mother sure she is but she doesnt seem to get off on it. Its just different. Shes broken. Theyre malicious.
They suggest everything in writing for legal purposes. By saving everything it shows the truth about what happened and showcases character. Specifically for restraining orders it proves harassment. The problem is tho that unless your cell provider sends you written copies of texts or emails they are considered hearsay bc you could have typed them. For parents I suggest apps that are court ordered like Our Family Wizard.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you for sharing this is real
Please do a numerology episode!!!
And a Gaslighting episode !!
Plz plz do a cover for (Drum go Dum) from K/DA !
It's the fastest rap parts I have ever heard and we wish queen Q can sing it to us 🥰
Thank you so much for this episode. Love you guys so fuckin much. ❤
32:29
36:26 - the doggo eyes when she said "boring" hahahaha
Such a great podcast 🌈💙🧿😘
ILY, QVEEN!
Every time I brainstorm and think deeply about trying to define myself and my traits I always end up with all the opposites. I realise I am narcistic, but I am also the exact opposite - I am very understanding and insightful, but at the same time Im also very judgy and intolerant - pretty much everything I think about when trying to figure out myself, especially when I watch some of these episodes. Thats why "label" and define myself as paradoxical personality.
On point.
I have only ever known 2 narcissists, how lucky am I that they are my mother & the father of my 2 children.. yea, I’m okay 😂 I guess 👀
Great perspectives on this almost over used term now-a-days - yet Narcissistic humans are quite prevalent!! As an Empath I can relate and I’d like to add the healing sometimes - for my experiences - take YEARS to get to the “other side”. And. LISTEN to Spirit when “she” says GO! GOOOO!! I’m writing a book on my experiences of my Empath dance w Narcs. Even if I don’t publish it. I’m getting the gunk outta my Soul! Sending big hugs to All that resonate with this episode and my words from Mama Kaua’i and me!!! ✨🌈🌺✨ p.s. it has taken me 7 years to feel like I’m finally on the other side -- my energy reserves are almost filled… yet I can feel/sense a deep shift of now innerstanding my experiences and LOVING myself for my courage!! ♾️🫶🏼👑❤️🔥🌈🌺☀️💜
Please do en episode on numerology:’)
The Ls help you grow- AMEN!
I believe that she's from Nebraska, probably why she's so nice. 😂
Im co-parenting with some who has NPD. I believe his personality disorder is genetic though. It's absolutely horrible and consuming and there's no escape bc we children. He legitimately is trying to destroy every part of my life, all while he bully's every day basically. On one hand I have gratitude for the lessons he's taught me and the growth in the perspective on myself, but dang dude NPD isn't a joke.
Thank you for this insight. I felt like you were READING me for filth. I'm not sure if I am that narcissistic but maybe I am. 😭😭 I am almost always caught up into the drama in such an intense way that each year feels like a war at my jobs, where ever I go. I k own that sounds problematic but I swear I have reasons. Not that this excuses anything but I am very much a Leo, so Drama seems to play an integral part in my life unfortunately. 😭😭😭 I always feel like a reality TV villian, even though that's not what I want to be, yet I haven't found where I belong yet. I have nothing still even after 31 years but I am on a mission to find everything I want but I feel like it'sn not in the place I am in, but I can't shake the feeling that everything I have gone though is leading up to the next arc. I plan on physically leaving my state, in hopes of a better way of living because for the longest time all I've been doing is what ever I can to survive which feels like an upstream battle, except perhaps I'm a shark of fishes. I tell myself a the Lion does not care about the option of the sheep's but it's been Hard, and I am unkind to those who are thoughtless about me and kind to those who care, problem is now surrounded by almost no who cares so in response I am the one who doesn't care. I've been called Toxic and I am trying to change that, bit people have really been trying me and I have lately been trying to just ignore it, but I don't forget it so I now just keep to myself as much as I can. Idk. I suppose this is too much info.
am constantly thinking about the point when this person reaches back out to me. I cant stop playing it out in my head. all the things I want to say about how badly I was hurt. How do you work through that?
Yeah, you have to have positive and negative….You have to educate yourself hence Ms. Lauryn Hill to be miss, educated and learn from it.
❤
I am definitely weird.. but not as weird as my sister haha
💙🕸🕷🕸💙...🎉...Thankyou...
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Invite Bonnie McKee she just release her New single
But when its your mom and you were raised with it.... breaking generational curses and finding identity is a rough path.
Where is episode 16?🙏🏽🌊💕🤸♂️🌌🌠
Your Savannah sugar daddies want to see you!!!
🙏💖☮️💞☮️💖🙏
Narcissism is dna related. A lot of ppl miss that part.
And the most problematic trait is always severe lack of empathy.
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