Best HFY Stories: The Ritual of Steel

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  • Опубліковано 10 січ 2025

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  • @Logajam.
    @Logajam. 3 дні тому +23

    Fairly sure the Crow Nation finally picked up a new batch of War Chiefs in that mess.

  • @user-sq5mr8ut1o
    @user-sq5mr8ut1o 4 дні тому +78

    Their first mistake was not reading human history. The second mistake was not going to a reenactment

    • @anathardayaldar
      @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому +5

      And they should have watched youtube playthroughs of TotalWar games.

    • @aeternusdoleo4531
      @aeternusdoleo4531 16 годин тому

      No, their second mistake was *being* the reenactment...

  • @RainFire1313
    @RainFire1313 4 дні тому +51

    I LOVE this one! So many different warrior types and fighting styles represented! It’s beautiful! Honestly, the only thing I was sad about not seeing was archers and mounted archers representation. Oh well, still super entertaining (especially the call back to the Chinese general who psyched his arch-nemesis out with a cup of tea and a chair outside the gates of a stronghold)

    • @Boopboob
      @Boopboob 4 дні тому

      Mounted archers were in the first few battles !

    • @dannygarcia9828
      @dannygarcia9828 4 дні тому +10

      We had Mongols I believe harrying the first group that were fighting the Spartans.

    • @weybye91
      @weybye91 4 дні тому +1

      ​@@dannygarcia9828could have been a Roman legion

    • @dannygarcia9828
      @dannygarcia9828 4 дні тому +3

      @weybye91 true, but it was the spears and the red capes that said spartan to me, plus the shield wall and the way they fought with the spears coming over the shoulders of those in front to deal with any enemies that got too close. Besides, pretty sure the Roman legions used the gladius and not spears. At least until they had to switch from foot to cavalry and make the spatha? (Could be wrong about the name) that was just a longer gladius to use from horse back.

    • @Jaegerrants
      @Jaegerrants 3 дні тому +3

      ​@@dannygarcia9828 Gladius was the main weapin for the legions of republic, but we do know that before that and early rebublic spears were in heavy use. But the description of the warriors, armour, spears, cloack, fighting style says spartan hoplite.
      Persobally I am at loss at the representation of the hammer wielders but enjoyed the northmen Berserker description.

  • @black1917
    @black1917 4 дні тому +45

    That one alien just thinking NOPE and walking the other way.

    • @ccsorn
      @ccsorn 4 дні тому +12

      That made me laugh so hard. I love it when stories have a character with this type of logical reaction.

    • @BudTheStud
      @BudTheStud 4 дні тому +9

      It reminds me of that scene from Batman where a goon walks into a bedroom and sees Batman glaring at him. The then closes the door and his boss said, "Something wrong?" And the guy just says, "Nope" and he just walks away
      😂

    • @stevedixon921
      @stevedixon921 4 дні тому +5

      @@BudTheStud Saw that in a short recently. Guy made the right choice.

  • @black1917
    @black1917 4 дні тому +37

    Human ambassador: So. Who wants to find out what we can do with modern weapons and tactics?

  • @billcook7285
    @billcook7285 4 дні тому +31

    "yeah, look, whatever it is you think you got, we did that already".
    Humans:

  • @TheLastRhapsody
    @TheLastRhapsody 4 дні тому +42

    15:18
    "a" rich warrior culture. Singular. How about *several* warrior cultures developed in just about every climate that won't kill you outright.

    • @TheDarkwoIf
      @TheDarkwoIf 3 дні тому +2

      And probably a few that will

    • @number3766
      @number3766 2 дні тому

      *Laughs of the Natives of the Mojave*

  • @EasyPlaying
    @EasyPlaying 4 дні тому +29

    First time I seen Pict's represent in an HFY story. Loved this one.

    • @MechanicaMenace
      @MechanicaMenace 4 дні тому +3

      Well the Picts haven't existed for over a thousand years so it's pretty hard work. We do have some Pictish writings, but not many so most of what we know about them is from outsiders at best and often enemies. And while the Gaels did adopt some Pictish customs they were the group who wiped out the Picts so that pretty much falls into the "stories about them from enemies" category. At best they'll have been adapted to make the Gaels look good, at worst changed to make the Picts look bad.

  • @jefftitterington7600
    @jefftitterington7600 4 дні тому +12

    Bagpipers were a glaring omission. I love them, but they would be another form of psychological warfare to thise who hadn't heard them before.

  • @nk_3332
    @nk_3332 4 дні тому +28

    What was hard to explain, they kept the Gurkhas and Canadians in reserve.

    • @jefftitterington7600
      @jefftitterington7600 4 дні тому +5

      It's not a war crime the first time!!!! (Sorry the Geneva checklist is so long. )

    • @anathardayaldar
      @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому

      Canada not existing until gunpowder may have disqualified them.

    • @tristanridley1601
      @tristanridley1601 7 годин тому

      The best Canadians were there. Waking up in the dark to find your campmates dead, dying or kidnapped? That's the natives of North America if it's anyone.

  • @tonyliu6721
    @tonyliu6721 4 дні тому +14

    They got things easy, as there are many other warriors humanity have through history.

  • @USS_Grey_Ghost
    @USS_Grey_Ghost 4 дні тому +18

    Heck, if it’s supposed to be our medieval or we could’ve used Pike and shot tactics because that was invented during the medieval era heck we had sege cannons in the 1200s i believe

    • @timothycotner3492
      @timothycotner3492 4 дні тому +7

      Probably would have disallowed any kind of firearms

    • @USS_Grey_Ghost
      @USS_Grey_Ghost 4 дні тому +1

      Well, that would be cutting out over half of the earths medieval period

    • @timothycotner3492
      @timothycotner3492 4 дні тому

      @USS_Grey_Ghost Oh, i meant the firearms themselves. Not the time periods

    • @timothycotner3492
      @timothycotner3492 4 дні тому

      They would probably define firearms of any type as too advanced for "ancient warfare"

    • @Logajam.
      @Logajam. 3 дні тому +3

      Greek fire. Burning pigs. Fire ships. I did expect fire tactics to make an appearance.

  • @Roberto-zn5lw
    @Roberto-zn5lw 4 дні тому +10

    In the first battle the armies represented; gold armor and red cloaks, Roman; archers on scaled horses with pointed helmets, Ottoman circa 1400; armored cavalry with lances, medieval European?; armored demons with masks of ogres and lacquered armor, Samurai; armored men with maces and hammers, European again?

    • @Myomer104
      @Myomer104 3 дні тому +2

      Golden armor means bronze, thus Spartans.

    • @rikospostmodernlife
      @rikospostmodernlife 2 дні тому

      First battle was with spears, those were phalanxes

    • @SilverGamingFI
      @SilverGamingFI День тому

      I head cannon those heavy lancers as winged hussars, and you can't change my mind

    • @Roberto-zn5lw
      @Roberto-zn5lw 14 годин тому

      @@Myomer104 true but it said the helmets were open. Spartan helmets are pretty closed off, Roman Legionnaire helmets are open with the whole face visible

  • @TJCID22
    @TJCID22 4 дні тому +21

    "Finally" - every Stellaris player ever.

    • @anathardayaldar
      @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому +4

      Me to the NPC faction that just declared war on me: "Did you not see the seven full stacks of armies that I had waiting outside your border?"

  • @anathardayaldar
    @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому +2

    For those who want more iron age formations fighting filthy zenos, look for "Ranks Of Bronze" by David Drake.
    It's about a roman legion being kidnapped by space aliens to fight in interstellar wars against other iron age xenos.
    Its some kind of prime directive that they are not allowed to use advanced tech on primitive worlds. So space factions send in their own iron age "mercenaries" to do the fighting for them.

  • @benjimarkham5082
    @benjimarkham5082 4 дні тому +21

    They're literally just trolling them at this point.

    • @CheeseyBreezey
      @CheeseyBreezey 3 дні тому +3

      "repeatedly kneeling and then standing up" ...holographic tbagging?

  • @MabusTiefsee
    @MabusTiefsee 4 дні тому +10

    What people always overlook. That something like this (civilized war with rules) can be enforced, there must be a power way more powerful than both partys combined that enforces those rules. And they need to have some motivation to overwatch those primitiver cilvilisations. May it be to jeep order in the universe or just entertainment for them. Some true eldrich horror.

    • @Jszar
      @Jszar 3 дні тому +3

      I figure that the main incentive to play by the rules is the threat of getting unrestricted warfare if found out. For all we know, that might be antimatter bombs and planet-destroying relativistic kill missiles. Additional enforcement could be heavy economic sanctions by everyone else, or even more third parties joining the opponent's side of the subsequent war.

    • @Myomer104
      @Myomer104 3 дні тому +4

      @@Jszar The time-honored concept of "M.A.D." (Mutually Assured Destruction).

    • @Jszar
      @Jszar 3 дні тому +1

      @Myomer104 It became a classic for a reason. Long may mutual deterrence hold.
      Now that I've had a bit longer to think about it, the story reminds me of the intermittent border skirmishes between China & India. Both are nuclear-armed states, so they've agreed to minimize escalation risks by not using firearms or artillery in the contested areas. Instead, their soldiers have been fighting with thrown rocks, service knives, batons, and the occasional baseball bat wrapped in razor wire.

  • @alexfranz817
    @alexfranz817 2 дні тому +1

    I was definitely waiting for the winged hussars arrived moment

  • @nerovalquel1844
    @nerovalquel1844 4 дні тому +13

    Larping inter galactic

  • @PolymurExcel
    @PolymurExcel 4 дні тому +3

    They’re lucky they didn’t go against the Texas Rangers/Comanche. Even worse if it was the British Grenadiers.
    “Some talk of Alexander, and others of Heracles…”

    • @CheeseyBreezey
      @CheeseyBreezey 3 дні тому +2

      Pretty sure the Comanche, or another similar nation showed up and stole their space-horses. "painted men wearing audacious plumages"

    • @PolymurExcel
      @PolymurExcel 3 дні тому

      @ they didn’t outright mention the Comanche’s legendary archery skills though, I don’t think.

    • @CheeseyBreezey
      @CheeseyBreezey 3 дні тому +2

      @@PolymurExcel in regards to the feathers they did say only a master archer would be able to fell the birds required.

    • @PolymurExcel
      @PolymurExcel 3 дні тому

      @@CheeseyBreezey fair argument. I still stand by Texas Rangers and British Grenadiers though. Even if they aren't ancient.

  • @weybye91
    @weybye91 4 дні тому +5

    They even used winged hussars

    • @CheeseyBreezey
      @CheeseyBreezey 3 дні тому +1

      You mean in the bit with the stolen mounts and "Painted men wearing audacious plumages" ? cause I'm pretty sure that was the Native American nations showing up. depending on the nation, stealing the enemy's horses is one of the requirements to become a war chief.

  • @anathardayaldar
    @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому +1

    And so the space xenos too experienced the frustration of fighting parthian horse archers.
    rip.

  • @quantemwensday
    @quantemwensday 3 дні тому +2

    16:20 missed opportunity to have it make an explosion noise

    • @KuDastardly
      @KuDastardly 3 дні тому

      Or even yet, have the Celt play those horns while the Aztecs play the death whistles just to mindfuck those xenos, lol!

  • @dariustiapula
    @dariustiapula 4 дні тому +5

    Do they know the riddle of steel?.

    • @anathardayaldar
      @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому +3

      To cwush yoor enemeees. To see dem dwibben befow yoo. And to hear da laemtations of der women.

  • @Resomius
    @Resomius 15 годин тому

    Ok that teabagging was glorious.
    I did not away.that

  • @rat_king-
    @rat_king- 4 дні тому +3

    Heilung | LIFA - Alfadhirhaiti
    Should be playered from this point 10:10

  • @tudogeo7061
    @tudogeo7061 4 дні тому +10

    Hey, Vlad! Long time no see 😁

  • @KuDastardly
    @KuDastardly 3 дні тому

    This is what happens when you let humans re-enact _"The Battle of Tutenburg"._ lol! The xeno emperor would be screaming _"Give me back my legion!"_
    BTW, does anyone think this has a similar vibe to an HFY story called _"When the Trees Speak."_ ?

  • @jamescustodio3094
    @jamescustodio3094 2 дні тому

    Bro sent them a hologram device of a knight Teabagging the general.

  • @norneaernourn8240
    @norneaernourn8240 2 дні тому

    Breaking. Humans go medieval on Xeno warrior race. Xeno warriors shat bricks.

  • @quantemwensday
    @quantemwensday 3 дні тому +2

    the ritual of
    stealing

  • @Michael-fd1gx
    @Michael-fd1gx 4 дні тому +2

    Psychological warfare.

  • @anathardayaldar
    @anathardayaldar 4 дні тому +1

    I would pay to watch Space Zulu.
    And by pay, I mean wait until a bunch of youtubers reacted to that movie after it's IP owner gave up trying to copywrite claim all of them.

  • @maryrosetran5109
    @maryrosetran5109 2 дні тому

    Huh. That's a lot of warrior cultures. A combination of warrior cultures.

  • @Aminuts2009
    @Aminuts2009 4 дні тому +1

    Fire and wind come from the sky, from the gods of the sky. But Crom is your god, Crom and he lives in the earth. Once, giants lived in the Earth, Conan. And in the darkness of chaos, they fooled Crom, and they took from him the enigma of steel. Crom was angered. And the Earth shook. Fire and wind struck down these giants, and they threw their bodies into the waters, but in their rage, the gods forgot the secret of steel and left it on the battlefield. We who found it are just men. Not gods. Not giants. Just men. The secret of steel has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, Conan. You must learn its discipline. For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts: This you can trust.

  • @HellsingRuler
    @HellsingRuler 4 дні тому +1

    I am not that educated when it comes to south american warfare from history. Was it not a poisonous dart that hit the kid, and almost put him in shock?

    • @SythDracous
      @SythDracous 4 дні тому

      Given the frankly silly amount of toxins in that part of the world it was laced with something nasty the xeno just didn't think that something as simple as a splinter could be used as a vector for whatever toxin it was to be applied.

    • @Myomer104
      @Myomer104 3 дні тому +1

      Certain species of cactus have naturally poisonous spines. A number of Meso-American nations weaponized those spines, as seen here.

  • @DanielKuligowski-y4o
    @DanielKuligowski-y4o 2 дні тому

    what was the meaning behind 16:35 'cause I don't get it?

  • @konekillerking
    @konekillerking 4 дні тому +2

    A-
    Enjoyed.

  • @johnhenrix3894
    @johnhenrix3894 3 дні тому

    Didnt even reach the romans.

  • @BackJonh
    @BackJonh 4 дні тому +4

    Can you a seriers about steel guns and Industrial party

  • @Philip-KA4KOE
    @Philip-KA4KOE 4 дні тому

    Why do so many aliens on these stories have mandibles

  • @MrDanneauxs
    @MrDanneauxs День тому

    Love these stories but this narrator is nasaly, very 80's books on tape sounding.

  • @royalwolf27
    @royalwolf27 4 дні тому +6

    First