THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTHER'S DAY || Why You Can't Celebrate It ||
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- Опубліковано 13 тра 2023
- Mother's Day can be the most beautiful time of the year for good and healthy mothers who are dedicated to supporting their children no matter the age.
I have a mother just like this and I am eternally grateful for her.
But what about those who are struggling with the reality that their mother isn't a healthy mother, isn't there for them, cannot be what they need, and will never change?
Unhealthy mothers and those with #narcissistic behaviors/attitudes/cognitions are difficult to embrace on days like this.
To embrace Mother's Day or to "celebrate" them can be extremely difficult -- especially if there is a history of #trauma and #toxicfamily dynamics.
If you are an adult child of a #mother like this, this short video is for you.
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#trauma #TOXICFAMILY
#tamarahilllpc
#MOTHERSDAY
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
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Sometimes family members can be one of the most confusing aspects of your life. One of the reasons why is because families often operate like a big city. Everyone is doing their own thing and trying to function. However, if one or more individuals decides to create chaos, the entire city shuts down. Even more, if that family member has calculating personality traits, things become more serious.
To watch: "HOW TO IDENTIFY DARK EMPATH FAMILY TRAITS?|Psychotherapy Crash Course" click here:
• HOW TO IDENTIFY DARK E...
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I truly appreciate this video and your message(s) about this topic, Támara! So many folks do not talk about this openly and the feelings that can come up. I have reframed this day into something different though ☺I am a mother myself, so I celebrate me. I do all the things I want to do, eat my favorite foods, and simply validate my existence. It is pretty quiet otherwise. I am estranged from my mama and simply send a prayer. I can't change the past, but I have made peace. I realized what I didn't receive - on any holiday or whatever day it is - I can give to myself, step by step. I appreciate you 💚
Thank you Christine! I appreciate you too!
And I LOVE that you celebrated yourself and being a mom. That's wonderful and a great way to re-condition yourself.
How are you feeling about Mother's Day today? Please do not feel ashamed, hurt, or angry about today. So many people are struggling with this holiday and that's okay. Our society has "hijacked" our minds to believe that ALL mother's are to be celebrated. They're not! I believe in the theory that only good, healthy, and truly honest/dedicated mother's deserve celebration. It's okay to feel like your mother doesn't deserve today if she has never been the kind of mother you've always needed.
not good. i feel guilty not acknowledging the biological mother, yet why should i reward a mother who was abusive and negligent! i am a better mother to my cats than she ever was to me!
I was always the person who spent an hour in Target or Hallmark looking for the proper card for my mother on her birthday or Mother's Day. I would ALWAYS END UP purchasing a blank card and fill in a few sentences of truth to her chagrin.
Pete Walker's books were my catalyst as a tween. Then a couple years of therapy in undergrad. These holidays don't trigger me as they did as a teenager. I don't buy gifts or cards either.
A cousin a few years ago who was SILENT about the emotional abuse my mother caused and her mother (my aunt) also financially benefited by protecting my mother's toxicity tried to "guilt me" for not partaking into these pretentious family celebrations especially the ones orchestrated by my mother from Christmas to holidays as today.
*I reminded her I don't celebrate abusive people nor fall prey to the commercial aspect of this holiday.*
*People with loving, emotionally balanced and nurturing mothers celebrate and rejoice their mothers often no holiday needed.*
*May I also shoutout the MILLIONS OF MOTHER FIGURES to FRIENDS who were there for people like me with a narcissistic mother. I love and honor you.*
💗🤍🤍💗
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. This is one of the many challenges of having an unhealthy mother. You clearly see the problem. Perhaps others do too. But when you don't acknowledge the birthdays or the holidays with your mother, guilt builds inside of you because you have a conscience and you fully understand how things should be. That's why my video today at 2:30pm est will be posted because a lot of the guilty thoughts and feelings are the result of social conditioning and seeing "family" and "parents" through the wrong lens.
A bit horrible, and its also my birthday 😒
My mom knows her problems, but she refuses to accept change or responsibility by her past acts. Inmature parents... oh
Love and respect are roads of two ways, I can't put myself to the side only for me to feel that I have a mother 😢
You girls and guys are so important, remember to also love yourself, be kind and wise, take care!❤
Thank you Tamera! I appreciate you taking the time to record this message. It’s not easy and it’s a grieving process to know some of us never had a true, kind and caring mother.
You're welcome! And absolutely, I agree. It's sad to think that not all mothers are worthy of the day as well.
🌺Thank you so much for posting this video! I wish that I had a loving mother, but I don't. My mother is a narcissist and terribly abusive, so I went No Contact with her years ago. This choice was made to protect me, and it was more difficult than my choice to divorce my narcissistically abusive husband. BTW, marrying a spouse just like the abusive parent seems to be a shared experience from what I've learned and studied, and it is a devastating way that the abuse continues.
🙏Those who do not understand any of this and encourage you to work things out because "she's your mom" have no idea what they are talking about, and they should stop speaking. They mean well, but they should not offer advice about something they could never understand. Frankly, they should be grateful they do not understand it. I would not wish this on anyone.
⚔I avoid all the Mother's Day commercials and such. It can be too much! Also, I tend to stay off social media. The years have taught me that it's too painful--especially when I am usually strong otherwise throughout the year. I simply do not need my mother and our lack of a relationship thrown in my face by the media numerous times a day. That's all. Today, I encourage others who also feel this pain. It hurts like nothing else. Remember this: You are still here. You survived. You are not alone. Peace and safety to all... 🙏⚔💖
I think in Japan, they have a holiday called Children's Day.
You're right! I think it's May 5th. It celebrates children's happiness among many other things.
Thank you ❤
You're welcome! Hope you are well today.
Today is indeed difficult for me. I’m choosing not to celebrate Mothers Day for several reasons you mentioned, but I am also trying to redirect my feelings from anger towards feelings of “letting go”. I want my soul to be intact in the process of “letting go”. May be this can be helpful for those not only feeling pain but also anger and resentment.
Thank you for sharing this Rick. You are doing the right thing by "displacing" or redirecting your hurt, anger, etc. Filling yourself with the things that are restorative is also healthy.
my mother has been rude to people who call her on mother's day, yet was suprised when the calls stopped.
she always expected people to fawn over her, treat her like a queen and expects it more at age 91, despeite her mistreatment of them.
i won't be calling her today. she is my biological mother but has been abusive, a bully and neglectful most of my life. she doesn't call me, not even on my birthday!
Your ain’t doing anything wrong. Protect your peace.
Oh my. I'm sorry to hear this. She may need a lot of deep psychotherapy to overcome this hurdle. To get upset isn't logical.
Well said @Vince
@@vince263 Thank you. I did just that.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I thought about this and maybe it has to do with the fact that she knows she has never been a good mother and it makes her feel unworthy of the acknowledgement and praise.🤷🏿
Thank you Tamara for your words of support. It meams a lot to me. Hope your day is going well!
You're welcome! I'm glad to hear that. And thank you. Hope you are doing well.
Everyday should be love your neighbor as you love yourself
Thank you for this video ❤
You're welcome. 🤗 It's not a video I wanted to make but it is, sadly, our reality in this world.
To learn how to heal from feeling alone in your family, check out my video from earlier today: ua-cam.com/video/XRyAbVZCNnc/v-deo.html
I only sent a happy mothers day group text to my mother & sisters & wished them well...i felt so guilty because i always get her a gift for the most part. i felt i was accepting their mistreatment by doing so in the past. Its going on a year since i went no contact with my sister so im proud of that but ive only been low contact with my mother. But they are the type if ur gona be involved you need to be involved all the way type of folks..in or out...black & white thinkn.
GRATITUDE 👑 TAMARA 💖✨💞💐🤗.💯😞
🤗Thank you and you're welcome
❤
I don't celebrate mother's day because I have a toxic grandmother who has dementia and also, was an alcoholic and a heavy smoker. My own mother doesn't celebrate mother's day either and I'm ok with that. now, my grandmother's husband kept saying to me, this is your grandmother and she needs to be respectful to her and you should be thankful. She took you in from a group chat home etc. He is shaming me for it and every time I stand up for myself and say how I feel and express my feelings, I'm being bash for speaking up for myself etc. I don't know what else to do 😢and I'm being shamed bashed, my grandmother's husband saying to me I'm selfish, unappreciated and I don't care about my grandmother, not worrying about her and not thinking about her etc. 😢 please can anyone please help me here and what is sounded advice about the situation? Please and thank you 😢😢😢😢
I'm sorry, but I want to ask how old you are. The advice you are seeking should align with where you are in life.
You deserve to celebrate mothers day for yourself. Your grandmother sounds like a selfish person who is undeserving of you. He is wrong & you have every right to go no contact & celebrate elsewhere or by yourself or not at all. You can choose to not celebrate too! But don’t let others guilt tripping of you make you go back to people pleaser mode. Stay strong!
🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖❤️
Mother’s Day is hard for me now because my mother passed away in 2021 this month.
I'm so sorry. My family and I know the feeling. The best way to cope is to fill your time with things that restore you.
Mothers day is a pagans holiday invented by men . Everyday should love your neighborbas yourself day and honor and respect your parents til u or them are gone 1st . Simple as that
Can only honor and respect what is honorable and respectable. Simple as that.
I have good relationships with my mum. Still, i can't stand the celebration. It is just corny generalization and categorising, putting all in one box and labeling with *mother* stamp.
I get that angle of things for sure.