I’ll Be Here in the Morning (Parts 1 & 2)
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- Опубліковано 2 лют 2018
- Call or direct someone to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at
1-800-273-8255 if you/they need free crisis counseling.You do not ave to be suicidal to call. Each and every one of us mean something to this world, even if you don't know you do.
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Featuring the following music from Townes Van Zandt:
"Waiting Around to Die"
"I'll Be Here in the Morning"
Brother Bailey's Instagram @theboyscottyb
Alistair, the depth of your love for Zach is most apparent in your silence. You listen well, knowing instinctively that your words will only interfere. Your presence, the warmth of you hand as you take your lover's hand into yours, heals him, helping him tell his story. Your presence gives him the ability to fight through this barrier.
It is the simple gesture that has the greatest impact.
It is in the simpliest of gestures that we love most perfectly.
Zach, as a retired journalism educator and a published author, I can say with full confidence that you are well along on your journey to create, to communicate, to inspire and be inspired. The words may not be flowing from the pen. They have, however, found another form in the video you shoot and the soulful editing of your footage.
Your vlog is, in and of itself, a dynamic way for you to tackle your need to write and your inability to communicate what consumes you. The raw beauty of this most recent blog screams your anguish from the four corners of the world. The battle with your demons has commenced, and you are winning.
Be at peace. Sleep well. You need your strength for the battle that lies ahead.
It's so beautiful when masculine country bros who deserve each other actually end up finding each other
10mintwo yes so true
11:50 look ate Alastair face about Zach's history. OMG HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH! you can feel the pain in his face just imagining the man of his life falling
Wow, Zach...this episode blew our minds. I feel, after watching you for damn near two years now, that this is the most raw and human we’ve ever seen you. It just goes to show us that all your previous episodes are just the tips of the iceberg that is both yours and now Alastair’s life. Your subscribers including myself and my fiancé have said it countless times before, that you and your husband have been such an inspiration to us, and I one hundred percent continue to hold this true. I think this has been one of your most authentic episodes thus far, and I honestly cannot wait to see your next. Thank you guys SO much for allowing us into your lives and showing us we are not drowning in these oceans of emotions alone. Take care fellas~
Dre Cama yup I agree
It seems to me that these videos are the new artistic portrait of your life while writing evades you. They are quite beautiful and honest. You should be proud.
I’m very proud of this one. Thanks bud
Zach, this video hit my emotions like a ton of bricks. Very well done, so real and emotional. The emotion on Alistair's face when you were talking about the parking garage is what really hit me. You will get past the writers block with Alistair at your side. Love wins out over all. Thanks for sharing this very intimate part of your lives.
Lonnie Duran fuck you idiot! Two guys trying to make some money off you tube. A generation of I’m young I get shit for FREEEEEEEEE no one knows if anyone works on You tube. False perception.
BUD! 😀😀😂😂😂😂😂
Lonnie Duran hi im marj duran same surname...
"Close your eyes, I'll be here in the morning" Beautiful words.
Here4Years Forever alone tears engage.
You can see the love and pain on Alastair’s face when Zach was talking about his depression. You two have something so precious and so special!
Your voice. your voice is killing me i can't get enough of it.
You guys are lucky to have each other. You are a beautiful couple! Good luck with the writing!
Thomas Mead yes so true
12:37 `'I don't want you ever to get to a point like that"---well said Mr A!!!!
Going through some creative blocks of our own. Sucks, but you guys are awesome and we're here if you guys ever need a good chat.
Husband and Husband Very nice, Aaron.❤️ I'm learning that the timing isn't always up to us. Love to you and Jon
Alastair looks at him with so much love and tender concern......it brings tears to my eyes. Love you guys!
The "Thumb's up" DOES NOT do this video justice ! The light coming in, and the shadows it produces on the wall, the darkness of the other half of your face, are astounding. It's grittyness brings a viewer deep and down to feel the emotions of which you are feeling and describing. Amazingly Awesome content. Though the Pen is mightier than the sword, the words you speak into the Mic are a nuclear weapon.....Awesome. Alastsir, continue to stand by your Man, Damn, you got this Brother.....Blessings !
Alastair cracks me up "Winfred just shitted everywhere, OMG baby I have shit on my hands". Then the coming out straight story for Bailey. Was too funny.
that was so intimate , and heart warming. Zach are story teller.Let it be it will happen you will see . And that husband of yours he is a keeper
keith rasnake -that husband of his should be cloned 😊
i honestly think the best thing to help writers block, is to stop thinking. whether you write about love, or happiness, or overcoming your struggles, just stop thinking and write what comes to you. i’ve been known to write my best when im depressed and it was hard to write once i was happy
Depression is serious. Been there. But...remember...your videos and life help many! Thanks for sharing. The inspiration WILL come!
I think my favorite thing about you two is that in every video it seems as if you learn something new about each other . Your page is so real and authentic . See so many different sides of you that it’s just captivating .
You think you’re blocked, little do you know you’re creating the most beautiful story. Thanks for being real. Great video Zach.
So beautiful, beyond words.......
Your creativity clearly hasn't suffered from the writers block! Your creativity just has found a different outlet in pictures/video's instead of words. And may I add it is wonderful, beautiful, emotional and exceptionally honest. 🤗
I suffer from depression too. Thanks for sharing your story. People need to talk about this stuff. You've changed lives. Both you and Alistair have. 💓
My lowest point in my life was when I was 14 and life had gotten so bad and I was bullied severely during that time and I tried talking to people and my parents and teachers and they basically told me it was nothing and I made the decision on that Friday that I was going to kill myself because I felt that the world would be better off without me and I wrote how I was going to do it in my journal and my teacher literally saved my life by finding it and calling my parents because I was going to do it and the best advice I got was to write a letter to myself that was at that low point and let them know life will get better and has gotten better and then after reading it out loud I burned the letter and everything came flowing back to me...just wanted to share my story in hopes it helps you all out and to see that whatever struggles you have experienced are nothing but grand stories that you can tell...this was a dope video my friend. I pray it raises so much awareness to people and opens their heart to compassion
I was watching a video the other day with Tom Daley and Lance Black and Lance mentioned that we still have a long way to go. I would add that gay marriage in the US and being able to serve openly in the US Military are recent huge wins. I then decided that the day in which we can say that we have achieved just about everything that we need is the day that no one include ourselves second guesses about who we are and the day that young LGBT people stop killing themselves for who they are.
About 10 years ago some friends and I were introduced to a support group for young LGBT under the age of 18. One of their members was a 14 year old boy. About 4 month later the support group was presenting at a small LGBT event and they mentioned that the 14 year old boy took his life a month earlier.
I had a distant friend when I was in high school back in the mid 1980s. He died in his senior year in what most thought was an accident. Five years later I realized that he came up to me a few days before his death which ended up being a suicide flag. A few years later after I came out, I ran into some former classmates who also came out. They confirmed that not only did my friend kill himself but he did so due to his sexual orientation. Till this day I still have his funeral card. He was very well known, his funeral procession was three miles long.
I can't change the past and bad things still happen but when I heard from a former colleague who was very conservative that her grandson was not only on the town's high school football team and not only was he gay but he had a boyfriend and everyone in town knew about it and no one had any problems with it. Now that is awesome!!!!!!
Zach, your vids are your story. Honest, pure. Always talk it out with Alastair. Writing in journals saved me as a kid, so I relate. Keep up the vids. Love you guys.
Thank you for such a heartbreaking yet uplifting dose of real life. Alastair said it best "we are all just works in progress". Writing is an art form and like any artform inspiration comes at the most unexpected time. It will come when you least expect it. Thanks Zach and Alastair for letting us peek into your lives once again.
Hello, Zach and Alistair (And B & W),
Me spouse recently found your channel just by chance. There is something about the way you blend creativity with real life. Your videos are really engaging. We can tell that you're a very creative person, so it does not surprise me that you have periods of depression. It seems to be a trap of extremely creative people. To creative people, expressing themselves through their art, etc is like breathing. When they hit a wall, temporarily blocking their creativeness it feels like the life has literally been sapped from their souls. Just remember that when you hit these blocks there is still a lot of love around you to carry you through.
Watching you and Alistair go through life really brings joy to my husband and me. I was 26 and he was 23 when we found each other. As of August, 2017 we've been together for 28 years. Since marriage was illegal for us then, we used the day we moved in together as our anniversary. We were finally able to make it legal in 2016. We wanted to get legally married in 2015, but my husband was recovering from spinal surgery. Since we wanted to have our legal marriage date on our actual anniversary that we celebrate, we waited until the next year.
To see a young couple like you two building your life together so openly really warms our hearts. We truly HAVE come a long way.
Sorry about leaving such a long post. I get that way sometimes when I'm writing. All our best to you and your new family. Cheers! 🥂
EDITED for typos.
I had forgot how much I liked Townes Van Zandt thanks for bringing him back into my life....
I love your videos. There’s so much depth to them, they’re such seemingly honest windows into who you are.
really love this...you're survivor and must be have a great heart...
God bless you guys! love you!
This was such a beautifully shot video, so raw and deep. I sometimes drink a little to get inspired when I write. The creative juices just flow better. You remind me so much of myself. Since coming out of depression, my writing has basically come to a halt. I can't seem to write anything interesting. We will prevail, Zach. We will.
Thanks for sharing. Both raw and emotional
Zach, I just want to reach through my screen and hug you! So emotional after watching this video.
Much love to you all from Australia xo
Its so obvious how much Alistar loves you. You now are the strength of two.
This is your best video. Especially the beginning and from 10:12 on. So powerful, so deep and so full of love. You guys are very special and it's so evident the depth of Alastair's love for you Zach. I had tears in my eyes because I could feel and identify with the pain. When I use to get depressed I would turn to alcohol, but I realize now, alcohol only makes it worse. Much love......
Great video, great couple. I fully support you in whatever you decide to do. I follow you from the beginning of the channel and I know that you are a very nice guy and deserve all the happiness that a man can dream in this life. God bless you.
This video is so deep! Thank you for making it!!
Wise words from Alastair: "We are all a work in progress." You guys are so lucky to have each other. Knowing that will always get you through the tough times ahead.
Superb direction and editing. Moving, timeless and a classic feeling to the pace and honesty of the video. Love it. Love you two.
One of my favorite videos you've done! The raw emotion and footage was amazing!! Love always from Alabama!! ❤❤
You've put a huge amount of your time and life into this amazing video. It's nothing but stunning.
This was the biggest tear jerker but also a inspirational video at the same time... Thanks! 😊
Something I learned recently, connected to chronic depression, is that nail-biting is an example of non-suicidal self-harm. It is a form of control. Now, I notice my emotions when I go to bite my nails and it makes more sense.
I’m gonna look into that. Never thought the nail biting was anything but a bad habit
My heart goes out to you in this sad time of your life, Zach. I struggled with depression in the past as well and know that difficult doesn’t even to begin to describe getting through. But I also know you have a great support - in person and through UA-cam - to help get you through. Best wishes on the writing, the block will pass in time and not have to be forced through.
Also, shout out to Alastair for being an amazing husband during that very vulnerable moment. You both make an amazing couple and team.
I just cried.but am so proud of both you! Be strong! I love you both!
I love you guys your awesome.
Very cool....Stay together because you guys are very cool....
This is actually a super beautiful tribute to Townes, thanks for keeping his music alive in your stories!
Best video thus far! So real with heart. Love the end, you driving with your sidekick 🐶.
I love this video and the emotion that’s felt while watching, you two are such an inspiration for people dealing with the same issues. Thanks for sharing
This is like the best video i've seen from this channel..so raw and pure.. Keep it up. Kudos Al-Zach
Love you both - have a blessed day!
Hi Zach and Alastair! Thanks for this video. Powerful and moving. Greetings from Quebec Canada!
my dear Zach what a video, loved it so much, u made this old man cry! love u guys.
guys, your video touched my heart more than i can say, so many of us deal with depression, thank you, i love you guys!
I watch each of your episodes, and always appreciate both of your honesty, with us and with one another. Your best videos are exactly like this because they share how to live, love, and sometimes survive. My guess is that these vids are a burden for you both sometimes. Please know that on this end, what you do is far more than worthwhile. It helps. It often heals. Love you guys.
I'm an artist + am currently struggling with a bout of emptiness myself. Thank you, Zach, for reminding all of us that vulnerability is so important to express, even if it feels like a struggle to be vulnerable. Thank you, Alastair, for the wisdom that expression can come from other feelings as well, not such sadness. Thank you for this channel. Y'all are helping so many people.
You had me at Townes Van Zandt. You are a remarkable young man.
Zach I would just like to say thank you for opening up about something personal that you felt
Thank you for this video. You guys have a big difference in my life.
You speak here of struggling to find a way to execute creative work that's meaningful and poignant anymore, yet you've created this video. You bottlenecked that feeling into something else. Something so good. It counts. And is of such great value.
I have been going through your videos and this one makes me feel like I’m glad you have each other.love the music!
Zach, I just wanna send you all the happiness I can give. wish I could send it to you. I've had clinical depression and I feel you 100%. And as you said at points its more the emptiness than it is the sadness. I actually teared up watching that dim lit part of the video. reminded me of my own low points. I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm sending you a virtual hug all the way from across the world and I hope it reaches you. I don't know if you are like me, but I'm the type of person that usually does not fight emotions, I let them pass through me and leave when they are done so that I can healthily heal without having extra struggles or residues of those feelings (stubborn repressions) later on. remember to always confide in Alastair and let him be your rock when you need it. there is no reason to go through this alone when you have someone who loves you this much and whom you love back just as much. wishing you and Alastair the best of luck and happiness.
Hey Zach, I want to start off by saying this is by far one of the best videos you've put out. I can relate so much to what you are going through. I've been writing a story for a few years now that touches issues I have dealt with in life, from depression, coming to terms with my sexuality, drug use, alcohol abuse, physical abuse love, broken heart... What better story to write than the one we're living? I know the words will come to you, they always do.
Be happy, man. It’s heartbreaking to see you guys depressed. You are our inspiration.
This video is definitely one of my very favorites of yours. This really does have grit. And you have balls of steel to be so transparent, and so vulnerable to just dig down and deep inside and share such raw emotion. I’ll agree with you that a number of us have had a walk down that road, but knowing how to express it to someone else is something else all together. So much of the content you create at its core is to help someone else, that’s admirable. There was also a ton of creative energy that went into this, and I think it turned out really nice.
I have watched your videos for a while, and this is one of my favorites. Take care guys .
Hi Zach, i've been a sub for over a year, watching you grow... you're doing great... i understand that yr writing comes from emotions that are stirred from low points in yr life... writing from complex situations is deep... i wonder if yr thinking needs to be that deep to get words.. im sure you cud write from love .... sometimes the greatest songs wete wtitten in a few minutes...on the road...
Im not one to give u advice...you've inspired me immensely along your journey... but i do know when trying hard to do something rarely gets the desired result... simple is often the best... dont drink too much on yr own... do it yr hubby n friends. you are loved by many. Life is awesome ... write about the beauty of life - prospective is a matter of choice 😊😉 Lastly thank you for the vids they help many of us
You my dear just saved my life. Thank you!
Thank you guys for being so real with us and showing this side to us. I know you have fun with your videos and we laugh and all. But this also helps those that are struggling to see the real side of you guys. I know you will write amazing stories we love you.
I've looked forward to this video like I do my paychecks. Thankfully you put one out every week instead of every two. Zach if you read this, I am so sorry to hear you struggle with depression. I too have this problem and on medication for it. I've been to the edge and it was the darkest hour of my life, but I finally gave in and went to seek help, and while I still have dark days, they are nowhere like that one. I wish I were in a position to do more than offer these words, and I know talking about things like this isn't easy, but I'm here for you if need. I know most everyone here would be if called upon, but I am most sincere since I share
your struggle. Alastair please stay close and be understanding even when you don't. I don't want to preach to a guy who is far more educated than myself, however I do want to remind you that alcohol is a depressant and the worst thing to turn to when your mind is running low. I'll say it again... God Bless the two of you..... I can honestly say I am a better person since I started following you! You are changing the world.
Thank you, I really enjoyed this video. I think it is the unpolished imperfection that resonated with me.
I love that you are allowing yourself to show your vulnerabilities. It's nice to see all sides of you. As well as how loving the two of you are towards each other. Always be there for each other. Depression can be difficult, just keep in mind that you have people that care for you. Open up, talk out your feelings. All the best to you & Alastair. Keep the great videos coming!
When I was your age I was wondering aimlessly just bumping into things as I went. I didn't think I could have a real relationship so I didn't have goals or dreams. I was just numb as you said. I didn't think of it as depression, it was just an everyday thing. Having someone is loves you and has your back is the prize. Being sucessful at whatever you want to do, that is the journey of life. Share that journey and keep each other safe. Thanks for sharing. Your videos are becoming more significant and meaningful. I am sure it has someting to do with you and Alastair being together everyday, learning about each other and about yourselves.
I am so thankful you are here. You are a good man.
This has to be one of my favorite videos from you guys
"We're all just a work in progress."
Zach don't ever give up, you're videos are just getting better and better. Keep up the good work bud.
And so honest and sincere. so many people can relate to this. I'm so happy that i get to see you guys make videos and share it here on you tube.
You guys are loved very much by an entire world of people. Never forget that.
I hope things are turning around and that you aren’t so sad this week. I have admired you for ages because you are always so positive and happy.
Zack I've watched you from the start and Ive always enjoyed listening to your stories. I've been able to identify closely with them and they've helped me in my own life. These latest episodes show just how much your story telling has grown and matured. They're so personal and so real. I watch a lot of vlogers and today you've blown most of them out of the water. You've dared to share so much of yourself and for that I thank you. Please keep up the great work. Cheers. Kevin
OMGI love this sooo much brought me to tears....... Zack & B have sooo much love between them ... nothing can break that wall DOWN I WISH them all the BEST AND MANY MANY YEARS TO COME .....
Zach, you don't understand how much I related to youuuuu in this freaking video, like I swore you were just describing my entire state of mind for like 4 minutes straight. This is why I love your content so much because although you present such a different perspective to life in comparison to mine, you are still so relatable and down to earth. I've been in a creative slump for like 6 months now and like you, I would be my most creative and find therapeutic release during my darkest emotional states. My depressive thoughts fueled my writing so extensively but once I began to find more and more outlets of happiness it became harder to achieve that drive, motivation or simply a source to write from. It's like I almost wanted to be sad again in order to get the raw, organic material that came so easily before, but like you said my current happiness is soooo not worth it. If anything it was my ability to be so expressive that has aided in my current mental state. So hopefully we can both draw inspiration from life's beauty or the varying light in our lives to fuel our passion for writing.
Guys, thank you for sharing such intimate moments. I was very moved watching this, as I've struggled with down times and depression more that I care to admit. Having someone by your side helps so much, and you men are so fortunate to have each other. Love and hugs to you and your pups.
Zach and Alastair I am very glad to see you! we are always with you, we really love you guys! I'm looking forward to your video every day! Guys, you gave me hope and strength to live on! Thank you for this very personal video. Unfortunately this time there was no translation at the bottom. I'm very pleased to look at your sincerity and kindness. I love you guys! May God bless you on ! ! Greeting from Ukraine! ❤️
This was a very moving and beautiful video...I'm sorry about the writers block, I get creative blocks sometimes with painting.
I get that Sadness and depression were the source for your writing before and a cathartic way for you to overcome some of those feelings. Now that you're not so sad and depressed you no longer have that source for filtering out your feelings so you don't write because there's nothing to purge and expel.
It's hard having to find a new source of inspiration when what you've been using no longer works, but that also gives you the opportunity to look at things in a different way, explore and figure out something new about yourself.
Honestly its going to take time but usually when I'm in that kind of head space I either read, go to museums or work in my garden.
Maybe try absorbing as much as you can from multiple outlets that you enjoy in order to get your mind thinking.
I hope you find a new well to source from soon.
Y'all truly deserve each other, I can feel the love just from the way you look at each other. Less struggles are coming soon! This video really hit home for me. I remember my low point I was drinking whiskey and took a bunch of Adderal rolling around on country roads middle of no where Ohio. I climbed a transformer tower in a field, my drunk logic, I was tryin to see where the highway was and while I was up there I started thinking and thinking about if I fell my pain would be over. I did almost fall my left leg went between where the poles go together and I caught myself by my leg and upside down staring at the ground a good 150ft from the ground. I got down and leaned against my truck and thats when I had my moment of clarity and thought well hell gotta be alive for a reason of some sort... (Btw I hate heights) lol. Im 28 now and its taken me a good 4yrs to be completely comfortable and happy with who I am.
Love your video's find myself watching them over and over again ,this one I can really relate to as I also have struggled with depression all my life threw and still do to this day . Keep smiling guy's and Be Happy !
wow. amazing video Zach man it's incredible. You know I have said this before but I just feel like seriously you are a Brother I never had and found on youtube. I can't say we share the same lives but we definitely share the same minds, everything from how we play music based on our emotions, how depression has gotten the best of us, how it was so hard to come in to terms of being who we really are as gay men and even how we tend to have a "better" story to write down when we are feeling uneased. This video you shared is not only raw but just had a message behind it and I see it every single time you post a video similar to this if not all of them. The only difference between us is possibly the fact that you are from the country side and I am from the city but it's insane to me how much I relate to you.. ha even to the point that our birthdays are only a week apart (Literally we are both the same age).. I am also a Writer and to be quite honest I started writing a book in March.. I remember specifically because that month I was going thru HELL with myself, I had let depression get the best of me in every corner and couldn't seem to shake it off so I ended up grabbing my notebook and just started writing down a story... I wrote it for a whole month only to get stuck because the feeling went away and then I decided to reread the story only to realize that the story was showing how emotional I really was when I wrote it.... It went from feeling empty and hurt to looking for sexual interaction as comfort to feeling angry and then escaping to a different environment, the book opened my eyes and made me realize what kind of emotions I have and what I go through in life.. 4 chapters of raw emotions that went up and down like a roller coaster and it was a little scary to notice it because I knew at that moment I didn't have control over them and I needed to figure out a way to have control over it and not let things especially depression get the best of me and my talent along with what I have to offer in this world. Honestly, I would love to meet you and Alastair in the near future and not as a fan I mean like a real friend that I keep in touch because for me it's so hard to have people who understand me as a person and have yet to find someone who just gets it the way I do. I promise this isn't a comment of attention nor wanting anything from you this is just pure honesty. Have a Great Year Zach and Alastair, I definitely keep y'all in my prayers and hope nothing but the absolute best.
I love you guys so much!
You two and how you found each other and the timing of how you found each other is the perfect story!!!
Zach, I've watched you from the beginning and you have accomplished so much and come so far. We love your videos and they just keep getting better and better. Better filming, camera angles, music, narration, editing, format, locations, and subject. Your talent and creativity shows up more and more. The more you do, the better you get. Don't get mad, but alcohol only increases depression. It doesn' t make it go away or increase a. persons creativity. Know that we all love and care about you and Alistair , and want only the best for you and want you to get through the rough patches and find your stride and your path. And one final compliment- your have the best voice and greatest laugh I've ever heard. Keep your head up, work hard, enjoy your life, and make us all jealous as fuck.
Zach you are a BEAUTIFUL INDIVIDUAL..You are doing great and just continue to be an inspiration to everyone... Both of you and Alastair are doing a great job...THANK FOR BOTH OF YOU...Love both of you :)
I commend you on this video Zach. Not easy to open your heart and state your true feelings to strangers.. Mental illness / depression is more out there than people can even realize. Kudos to you and that Alastair is one special gem. Hang in there and your writing skills will get you back writing when least expected. Good luck guys!
I was going to try to write a long post but instead I'll just say beautiful vlog , you are beautiful, you both are. THANKS.
A famous writer once said, "write everyday, even if it's one word, one sentence, or one paragraph" you never know when you come up with something. Some days we are creative some days nothing. I have written and published three books. They did not sell well but I did it just the same.
Zack you are wonderful and amazing. You are an inspiration to many. Love and prayers to you.
Thanks for sharing your emotion. It really helps me deal with mine.
Wow this is my favorite video that you’ve uploaded.
Hey guys loved this video and it just shows how sweet you both are and how real down to earth you are too, its good to show that everyone goes through some hard stuff and depression is one of the worst things to go through but there is always light at the end, but sometimes you don't see it so clearly, but its there. Thank you for highlighting this issue x
Respect for putting yourself out there, Zach. Respect for standing by your man so strongly and yet so softly, Alistair. Every one of us have been through similar moments, struggled and emerged better in a way different from what we'd expected, but better nevertheless. So, hang in there both you. You guys are truly unique. Touchwood. God bless.