Wowie, last video going live before baby arrives!! Hope y'all enjoy. // Thanks, Factor! Use code TIFFANYFERG50 to get 50% OFF your first Factor box plus 20% off your next month at bit.ly/4eGaa3z!
what I did when my nephew was born was but something from the registry that was an essential item but then got a more cute/ personal item for the baby as well
Good luck, hope you and baby have a healthy, safe and wonderful birth. I hope your healing is smooth. Soak up the time with your baby and remember you know your baby best 🤍
I know you don’t want to have to research more things but to combat the “bouncing back” idea. I encourage people to look into Korean afterbirth traditions. Just so you don’t feel the need to punish yourself for having a baby. They really focus on making mom and baby as comfortable as possible. Its called “Sanhujori.”
We used factor for the first month postpartum, had three meals a day delivered and it was the best choice ever. I’ve told so many other pregnant women to do the same, it was such a relief to have food available without cooking
Same. At least let the one who carries and births the child, pick out their clothes. That’s surely one of the fun parts? Having said that, I had a lot of hand-me-down clothes, toys etc & no complaints.
Yes! The first time I went to one of those big consignment sales and saw at least 45 (not exaggerating) Laugh and Learn dogs. And dozens of boppies and thousands of bottles, on and on. I didn't learn about the sales until after my son was born, but after that I essentially stopped buying anything new if I could help it.
I got some many things from family and friends who were done having babies and I've passed on all that stuff to other new parents. A nice crib or high chair will last through years and multiple kids, it would be a shame to only use them for one kid or one family.
After hearing about the litter box that has literally killed people's cats, I definitely would side eye baby products being pushed by drop-shipping sites 💀
@@newfoundling9275name brand baby product recalls are unfortunately nothing new. it is a different situation from one manufacturer shipping out the same poorly made and dangerous products through many “brands” and making consumers think they’re getting a unique and trustworthy item.
I always thought the main purpose of baby shower, was to help take some of the financial strain off the new mom with all the new stuff she needs. So when I see massive over the top baby showers with just decorations probably costing more than the gifts it feels so dystopian.
Saaame. When I was a kid I joined my mom at a lot of baby showers for ladies in our church community, and they were never over the top. It was like, sandwiches, veggies, tea and coffee, at most for refreshments. Decorations were non-existent, and they were almost exclusively hosted in the choir practice room at the church or else somebody's home. Zero cost to the pregnant person.
absolutely this!!! i had mine last october and did a halloween theme since i love halloween and already had so many decorations. but i was almost embarrassed when my shower didn’t look as put together as all my friends and my self-made balloon arch wasn’t as big and beautiful. obviously now i don’t see it that way and i still enjoyed the day so much but at the time it somehow made me feel like i should have put in more effort and money
Yes! And some of this comes down to who is throwing the baby shower I think. I don't care about etiquette enough to care whether or not someone hosts their own baby shower, but it does feel weird to essentially spend money to receive gifts. The big over the top baby shower thrown by friends or family is less crazy to me if the friends and family are still supporting the new parents in a significant way. Even if the level of decorations still feels excessive and wasteful.
It’s one thing if it’s friends of family spending their own money to celebrate the new parents (hosting for my SIL in 2 weeks) but yeah I do hate seeing bougie requests at a bougie shower from parents who need no financial support from family who likely has less than them.
i think that was the initial intention, but now everyone just wants a reason to throw an extra party. its the reason these same parents also throw themselves elaborate gender reveals. the societal expectations we have now around weddings and babies is INSANE.
Our baby joined us through adoption, we got the call on Saturday, met him Thursday, and he moved in the Thursday after that. When I tell you we had NOTHING, not a single baby product when we got that call! It forced me to get a lot of my stuff from family (used) and whatever was at my closest Walmart. In retrospect, thank gosh we didn't have time to research every little decision. He's a year old now and perfectly content, whatever we bought and used was fine. Whatever everyone gets is fine! The research for the best one is unnecessary, if it's usable then it's perfect 👌🏼
I think the inclination to research online can get in the way of making a decision and with being happy with your decision. There is some value, but when the best of lists are driving you to spend more with minimal/no value gained for the money, or if it leaves you in analysis paralysis it's no good anymore.
I have decision fatigue and suffer from perfectionism and am vulnerable to social pressure. My boyfriend has the best advice - ask yourself: is it good enough? Does it suffice? Does it do the job? If the answer is yes - get it or buy it or choose it and stop process.
Deleting social media was the best thing I could do for my child and my parenting. Learning from real people around me who I trust and respect. Following intuition. Not being swayed by trends or marketing just the vibes of my little dude.
Added bonus: you won't be over sharing your kids lives in a way that could embarrass them when they're older! Focusing on the help that people you know and trust is so much more valuable than any Internet parenting trend.
Already considering this. It is so harmful in so many ways. I’m in my first trimester and made the mistake of going on UA-cam for tips for handling nausea…now all I’m getting is recommended videos with peoples first trimester miscarriage stories. Like I know the the statistics and know the risk is there but I’m just trying to survive feeling like crap and don’t need the reminder in my face to be anxious too.
So true. I’m my mom’s oldest, her youngest child was born in 2012 so her firsthand experience isn’t too outdated (for my taste) on the important stuff. With this first pregnancy of mine I have absolutely deferred to her for what is really necessary. And I feel closer to my mom for it! She gives me real peace of mind on what is actually helpful for raising a baby and what is pure marketing.
here's the things i found helpful after 2 kids (here's a hint, it's mostly not things lol): - meal prep/frozen meals/meal delivery service for the first month or so, and lots of easy snacks - paid for a cleaning service for the first few months - had the house deep cleaned before due date - got a mental health referral in case i developed pnd again (i'm in australia) - i, and my family, had all our checkups done - dentist/eyes etc so i wouldn't need to worry about these for a while - had my car cleaned inside/out - some comfy pregnancy clothes/huge soft high rise underwear because i wore these after pregnancy too - newborns dont really need toys, my kids literally loved staring at the curtains for the first 3 months lol - don't go nuts with clothes, they grow so quick babies and caring for babies can be hard, nothing you buy will take that away. having an extremely expensive nappy bag, expensive bassinet, expensive baby clothes... none of that helps if you happen to get a colicky baby (i had a colic baby first), or if you develop pnd, or your baby hates the bassinet... a lot of what is marketed to mums, especially first time mums is so unnecessary and just designed to take your money. i think mummy marketing is some of the most insidious and you are correct - you look at it and for an instant you're like "yep i gotta buy this, i don't want my baby hitting her head!" and that's exactly what they use to convince us to buy their crap, which we don't need. we'll always be worried about our kids and we always want the best for them, but we don't actually need most of this stuff.
This is a fantastic comment! And you're so right, I wish I'd spent less time obsessing over baby stuff and more time on life prep and the things that do make a difference to a post-partum, sleep-deprived, frazzled mind. It's a learning curve, and I take solace in the fact that if I go in for a second, I'll have my priorities in order lol (and possibly print off your list!)
Side note on the turtle backpack (and other items in the same category) they are actually not recommended because 1. You baby is learning how to do things upright and it throws them off balance and 2. Babies need to learn how to fall down safely. With something like that to protect them (and I have to point out that it only protects backwards falls) they can’t fully grasp how to fall safely because they don’t realize pain comes with it. They can’t wear the pillow for their entire lives, they are going to find out falling down = pain eventually and it’s better for it to happen when they’re literally built for falling down and are more bouncy 😂
I was coming to the comments to see if someone said this! Also it's not going to break your baby to fall backwards like that. Yes it's absolutely heartbreaking and scary to see your baby hit their soft baby head, but they're actually pretty durable. And they're gonna hit their head in accident a lot growing up, no matter how much you try to prevent it. It's part of growing up and you're not a bad parent if your kid has a genuine accident.
Came here to say the same! It also helps that babies fall from a very low height when they fall over, so even though it's scary, they don't hit their head with a lot of force
lol also came to say the same. I let mine bump his head. He’s 18mo and has actually been pretty coordinated for a long time because I wanted him to naturally develop good proprioception. Another thing I do is if he falls or gets hurt I never rush to his aid unless it looks really bad. I always observe for a second because if he is just fine and gets up in a good mood, I don’t want to overreact and turn it into a whole thing. If he cries or appears hurt I will always comfort him but I don’t want him to get worked up over every little bump and scrape just because I did!
I gave my step brother and his wife things for THEM, not their baby. Some healing/birth items like ice packs/labor comb/etc. for her and a new stovetop espresso pot for him. (He will need the caffeine for sure). And I told them we'll bring dinner over when we meet the baby so they won't have to "host" us at all. They were so grateful, but I just think it makes sense to be practical. Especially for first-time parents!
Yes! Trying to explain this to the people at work who organize gifts for coworkers on mat leave. Like no they don’t need another cute blanket, booties, and cutesy outfit for the baby. Let’s get them meal delivery gift cards and stuff for mom! But people want to send the cute stuff.
This is what I do also - for any new parents, I also get a couple good quality scrub tops for the parents. Scrubs are designed to hold up to bodily fluids (tight weave cotton means it’s unlikely to soak through to your skin and make you feel even more gross) and can be washed and dried with minimal extra care or considerations.
Another thing to consider is that: the world doesn’t end once one has a baby. Target, Amazon, etc.. will still be there! There’s this pressure to have EVERYTHING that the baby could possibly need the moment they make it earth side, and it’s unnecessary. You need only very little in the early days, like… VERY LITTLE stuff, and as baby needs more items, you can then purchase. That allows for the budget to be more spread out and gives time for return in case it doesn’t work out.
I know, it somehow felt as if I was taking this baby to live on a deserted island. I am 10 minutes from Fred Meyer and Target. Even on vacation, I just didn't pack a ton of diapers. I went to Target twice on vacation. (Sunscreen, lol.)
@@kristin4160 yes! Even for ourselves. After I had this epiphany, I no longer panic to pack the absolute everything even for myself on a trip. If I forget something, there’s a store close by and you can get a trial size of what you need. The idea we need to stockpile everything for a little baby is a pressure put on mom’s by social media mostly.
Im not a mom but i would imagine that individualist culture plays a part in this. I can understand wanting to prepare for every possible scenario where you suddenly need something n arent able to go out n buy it yourself when you live in a culture where the average amount of reliable support you get is like 2 or 3 people. Its a very big flaw of individualist culture that people often have very few people in their lives they can call up for help with this stuff. I come from a collectivist culture n most of my family have always either lived together or in very close proximity, so if a need occurs there is always someone available to provide support quickly. I lived with my extended family for most of my childhood n i grew up helping care for my cousins in the ways i could as a kid n watching my mom n aunts all help each other out. I cant imagine the stress of trying to care for a baby, let alone your first baby, without that level of support. Its not surprising that new parents try n plan so far ahead.
One of my friends was a very minimalist mother. Her first was born in May in CA. Their house had little A/C, so the baby basically wore a diaper and maybe a cotton gauze blanket for the first 6 months. She had boxes of unused clothes. She also never used a stroller (baby carrier only) and had a Patagonia sling pack as her “diaper bag.” When I compare her setup to other friends and family the contrast is wild. It’s like they live on different planets.
I just had my first baby 2 months ago and honestly we bought/were gifted so many things that we truly did not need or have not used. I’ve sold things on marketplace & to Once Upon a Child to make room, returned things to TJMaxx and Marshall’s, etc. it has just created so much extra work. All my baby has truly needed was a place to sleep, diapers, SOME clothes, and a way to eat. Thrift, trade, and borrow!! Make Mommy friends! I’ve traded pacifiers with another new mom, borrowed a Moby wrap from my sister, and thrifted my diaper bag!
Yes no one talks about all the extra work all these extra errands create! The baby really doesn't need much, I would add a play mat and a bouncer to your list and that's it.
You are gonna want all the extra clothes when the baby starts teething and then eating. Just because the drool makes everything wet. So, so wet. And eating is very dirty. On bad days I’m changing about 5-6 times a day sometimes more.
@@adorabell4253 We truly never had this problem. We used neck bibs we could change but our baby just wasn't that drooly. We also barely bought clothes as our friends were all so kind and generous to lend us all their kids old clothes.
Pregnant with my third baby. I would de-influence any first time mom from buying an expensive diaper bag! Using any bag you already have or thrifting one is the best option. Especially one that has a water battle holder for bottles. Having too many things felt really overwhelming with my first. Obviously I already have almost everything I need the third time around, but I can tell you I’ve gotten rid of a lot since my first! Also, getting more neutral newborn clothes so you can reuse them for future babies is nice. It is cute to get a few pictures of course, but not necessary to have so many clothes for the first few months. I’m sure if you have any mom friends, they have a cute newborn outfit you could use!
Or if people really want a new diaper bag, there are inexpensive options that last ages. I had an Eddie Bauer back one that was around $40, had all the fancy stuff, and lasted me 5.5 years.
Yeah, it's going to be befouled by every bodily fluid and food imaginable and it won't hold up better just because it's expensive. Also, if you think the expensive bag is cute look for it at consignment stores.
Seconding this! You can always use smaller travel pouches inside your existing bag if you really need more internal sorting. I have one friend who doesn't even put a whole pouch of wipes in her bag, she just puts a few into a waterproof baggie!
I have a tradition of hand crocheting baby blankets for my family/ close friends when they have a baby. I know a lot of people like to give baby blankets and i’ve made it clear that i understand my baby blanket may not be *THE* baby blanket that the baby attaches to. I’ve had people tell me they love the size/texture to use as a car blanket, baby carrier blanket, etc and I love that! BUT I ALWAYS buy at least 1-3 practical things, FROM THE REGISTRY, because i’m not crazy and I’m aware that mom and baby need those things WAY more than they need another blanket. I just crochet a lot and love to make the blankets 😂
I’m a young person and didn’t realize all this stuff! I like to crochet too and made a baby sweater for my first niece but I didn’t realize how much people rely on the registry! I should’ve got something there too
This is my go to gift too! It definitely depends on the recipient, means more when youre close to the giftee, but I've found most people really love and appreciate a handmade gift AND it brings me joy to share a thing I made.
Every one of my friends/family/pretty much anyone I know (and I’m 34, so still in prime time for friends and family of similar age having children) gets a hand knit or crocheted blanket from me! I knit or crochet almost every single day and they’re some of my favourite things to make! I also donate a bunch to my local Project Linus branch every so often. It gives blankets to babies and kids in tough situations like hospital units and foster children.
I'm a doula & student midwife and see all the time people spend so much money on baby stuff like the Snoo and fancy tools but then turn around and say it's "not in the budget" to hire a doula, postpartum doula, housekeeper, meal prepper, etc. Those are the people that can actually make your life way easier and help ensure your rights are respected during birth and give you incredible support postpartum, way more than any toy.
my mom had a postpartum doula for a bit after i was born and always told me how amazing it was to have that extra help, and from someone able to think more clearly bc they're not exhausted
True …best thing I spent money on was on a breastfeeding consultant. Baby’s first bed was one of those baby boxes for £10. Literally a cardboard box with a mattress in the bottom that they give out for free in some countries.
Learned this the hard way, that’s why if I get pregnant again I’m not doing a registry or asking for any baby items, just for money to put towards hiring a postpartum doula
Babies need so much less than people would make you believe!!! I've had the same car seat for my three kids, and although it's not aestheticly pleasing, it kept them safe! I got an off-brand baby backpack, and it still looks amazing after two kids! Diapers, go for the brand in the middle, neither high end nor low. I thrifted the baby clothes because they only use them a few months per size. Babies DON'T need shoes, nor a lot of toys, those are industry traps, and calendula or vaseline both work amazing on diaper and face rashes. Replace newborn mittens with clean baby socks, etc. You got this, Tiffany!
All good points except as a very important friendly PSA, car seats actually expire! Wear and tear makes them less effective and therefor less safe. A lot of people don't know this, but you can check the expiration on the tag
@@byabbs I think what the poster meant was actual shoes that look like adult shoes, which are often marketed to new parents for the "cute" factor of giving your newborn sneakers. Of course babies need something on their feet, but lots of baby clothes have built-in feet which will suffice if baby is in a cosy bag when they are outside anyway.
I work in childcare and when it comes to toys, there’s a reason why fisher price and those companies use primary colors for most things. It helps them learn the colors at an early age. I have had moms use all the new boho colored toys and their kids won’t know their primaries until they go to school. It’s totally fine to have electronic light toys mixed with wooden Montessori toys. People go too far with one thing and cancel the others. A good mix is the best. Kids need some stimulation to want to learn.
Montessori doesn't mean beige toys though. Montessori has nothing to do with products, and you can raise your kid with the principles with whatever you have. But they do put emphasis on things that are open ended and developmentally appropriate
But why would the play stuff have to be colorful? There's so many things in our house that are very colorful and interesting for kids. But what I don't need is one of those really really ugly play mats in the middle of the living room.
A note about keeping things in case of another baby: I’ve had six kids in the last 15 years, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with passing things on between pregnancies. There simply isn’t enough room in a home for all the gear, especially for that 6-12 month stage. Ideally, you can pass it to a friend or relative with the understanding that you want it back in the near-ish future. Having kids over a wide swath of years is interesting too, because there are things I couldn’t have lived without for my most recent baby that were not even on my radar in 2009 with my first….and there were plenty of things I bought for my first that were unnecessary and were never seen or heard from again. All of this to give some encouragement and hopefully peace about all the stuff. Babies need things, but they need you the most. You’re going to be a great mom!
I will neverrrr understand the registry thing because I think it’s amazing to be able to buy people the small boring things!! Like you’re telling me I can check 5 things off your registry & only spend $50 doing so?!?! THAT is what gives me the rush!
I had so many people come to me and ask me what I wanted and when I pointed them to my registry they would say “oh I don’t use registry’s so what do you want?” I even included a small list in my invitations of some general items I need multiples of like clothes.
Tiffany, as a new mom, I recommand putting these items as well in your diaper bag! Snacks for you, extra baby clothing and an extra top for you incase it gets messy. Great video, so glad this gets talked about!!
Definitely have extra clothes for you too! I learned that just working in childcare, when a colleague (a fellow university summer student) had to borrow a pair of pants from someone when the still sleepy two year old who was on her lap after nap time well, fully emptied her bladder onto said colleague’s pants! And I had baby spit up all over me one time when I was working in my church’s nursery. And this is from someone who isn’t even the parent! Babies and toddlers are messy!
It’s all so predatory! It’s already a gigantic long term expense to bring a child into the world, let alone the staggering cost of medical care surrounding pregnancy and birth alone. I’m one of the people who doesn’t have kids specifically for cost reasons… I’m 34, and I’m not sure I’ll EVER be able to justify that decision financially!
my parents have been married for 24 years and my mom STILL brings up that a single ratcheting screwdriver with exchangeable heads was the best wedding gift she got. functionality is so overlooked in gift giving
Highly recommend having a friend or family member that has young children help with the registy. My SIL helped me when I was pregnant with my first and it really helped me have a better understanding of what you actually need vs what the baby industry thinks you need.
I never ever comment on UA-cam videos, but I have something to say about this. I had my first baby, bought everything on these lists (thankfully, I purchased most second hand). My baby hated all of it and I mean all of it. I ended up selling everything and I'm down to the basics now. Every baby is so different. What works for one may not work for another. There is no point in buying 99% of these things before your baby comes because you just don't know who they are yet. If I could do it all over, I would buy some diapers, wipes, some onesies, a car seat, a carrier, and a floor bed. The rest can be purchased as you go and as the need presents itself.
This is why I watched videos on UA-cam of “minimal baby registry” and baby registry regrets etc so I could get opinions from multiple moms of their pros and cons and see what is actualllly necessary and not just being marketed to me…
Quick note for those who plan on donating their used baby items, from someone who worked at a thrift store: ALWAYS check the policies of the place you're donating to BEFORE dropping stuff off. Many stores have a lot of limits on what they can sell due to safety reasons ranging from actual laws to simply not having the time and resources to research the items for recalls. A few examples from my store included 1. Any sort of equipment that a baby could lie in, such as high chairs and bouncers and cribs, with the exception of bath tubs and super simple strollers that we could tag as for dolls. Car seats were illegal to be resold bc we had no way of knowing if it had been in an accident before. 2. Baby clothes for ages under 18 months with any sort of physical buttons, bows, pompoms, etc that could be ripped off and choked on. 3. Blankets, pjs, sleep sacks, swaddles, etc that didn't have a tag bc we couldn't verify if the fabric was flame retardant, only exception was handmade knitted/crochetted stuff. 4. Most things that go in a baby's mouth like pacifiers, bottles (we could sell the base bottle but not the nipples), thermometers, medicine syringes, etc. Again, bc we didn't have the time to research recalls on every item. A lot of this might seem silly, but it's important to keep in mind that thrift stores can't track down the donor of an unsafe item if a customer's baby got hurt by it. The store holds all the liability and non-profits like these just can't take that risk. Also because they don't have the resources or space to deal with all the stuff they can't sell, the vast majority of it ends up in the trash. If they're lucky they'll be able to toss the fabric stuff in a bin to get sent off to clothing recycling. But that bouncer your kid never used that you dropped off at goodwill's back door and drove off? Yeah, it likely ended up in the dumpster. If you do find an alternative place to donate to that says they'll take everything, such as a shelter or church, make a list of everything you're donating and for anything that's not clothing go ahead and check for recalls yourself. Mark which things you were able to verify and which you weren't, as well as all the items you've sanitized (i.e. bottles, pacifiers, booger suckers, etc) and how you sanitized them. Yes, it will take some extra time. But if the goal is to make sure that you are reducing waste and assuring the things you used get to continue to be used, having that list will be hugely helpful to both you and the recipients of the items. And this goes for gifting stuff to a friend or family member that's having a baby too. Including the resaleability and donateability of items in your research is also a good idea. Because if nowhere in your area will accept it as a donation and it can't be resold (or you decide it's not worth the hassle to resell) then you can make a better judgement call on whether it's worth spending extra money for a fancy or trendy version if it means it's going to sit in storage or have to be thrown away when you no longer need it in 2 years. Thinking about what you'll do with all the baby crap after it's served it's purpose is something most new parents don't think about but it's super important to consider your space limitations and wastefulness in addition to all the usual considerations of safety and cost and function.
I’m SO HAPPY someone is talking about this. I waited until I was like 6 months pregnant to actually make my registry because I was so overwhelmed by not only the amount of things I apparently “needed” but also the prices. 🥴😳
I had to finish my registry earlier because my mom was throwing a baby shower. But now I'm 7 months and have to choose a breast pump and it's overwhelming all over again...
11 weeks postpartum with my first baby! I'm finding that simple things work best for us. So many products claim to be safe for babies but are unnecessary and often unsafe, causing clutter that can't be donated in good faith. So excited for you in the coming weeks, soak up all the newborn snuggles and don't let anyone tell you that you're holding her too much or spoiling her!
You nailed it when you said all you need to start is diapers, a way to feed your baby and a safe place to sleep (and maybe a car seat cause most hospitals won’t let you take the baby home until they check the car seat.) I’m a first-time mom as of June. My baby was born at 10lbs and totally skipped being able to fit in any newborn-sized things. So all that stuff went untouched right off the bat. And anything that is safe to buy second hand is soooo cost effective and great for the landfill 😅 Good luck, new moms! You got this!
Yes, 'A way to feed your baby!' Please research pumps and bottles, EVEN if you are planning on solely breastfeeding. Learning how to breasfeed can be HARD, and can even take time. Especially if the baby is colicky or has a tongue tie. You want an alternative way to feed them while you learn to breastfeed.
Go second hand! Save your budget for after baby comes. You will be SHOCKED at your Amazon bill after baby comes and you realise you had no idea what was coming and are up at all hours of the night googling solutions to problems you never expected to have. Best purchase we ever made was buying the beside-me crib that attaches to your own bed. We originally had a bassinet but it became clear that this would not work and it was so difficult to get baby in and out while sleep deprived and healing from the birth. We ended up buying the same brand that they used in the hospital, thank god for online orders. Expensive-ish but we had the budget because the bassinet we originally planned to use was second hand and we got it for free.
Oh and, I meant to say, GOOD LUCK! I hope all goes well and you and baby both come through healthy and well, both mentally and physically. I hope you have the birth experience you want and that you have all the support you need, when you need it, and with as little hassle as possible.
On the note of a baby registry - my boyfriend's sister had a baby shower recently, and I was late to buying stuff off the registry - budgeting issues and all that. So I figured, at least I can pick whatever thing people have decided to NOT buy. I was so surprised to see that it looked like all the stuff that was left behind was the 'smaller' things - the spoons, the plates, the washcloths, the diaper cream, stuff along those lines - while most people had opted for the 'bigger' things, or stuffed toys, or 'cute' things. Obviously I'm not one to speculate on what people choose to buy and not buy, but it was so interesting to me! I ended up buying a bunch of the leftover stuff on the registry, and even ended up going BACK a week before the baby was due to buy more small things that she had on the registry that people didn't buy (thermometer, shower ladle thing, etc)
Coming from a mom, I bet you buying her those items meant the most to her ❤ when someone buys me the non glamorous essentials it can bring you to tears. You feel seen in your needs.
@@KaitTheUnfunny a perfect example of how people have been brainwashed into thinking they need to spend money for a special piece of plastic for every purpose. What's wrong with a plastic cup, bowl, odd piece of tupperware etc?
My daughter is 2,5 years old now and I'm currently pregnant with my second child. Things I've learned: second hand is great! Newborns really only need something to keep them warm, something to eat and somewhere to poop. And love from their surroundings. You have time to still acquire the extra stuff. The toughest thing for me was to get used to have someone on me 24/7. About gifting stuff, gift cards to grocery shops or drug stores etc are always a good option too! Oh and I don't get the need for diaper bags, any bag will do. I have a little bag with the essential changing stuff and can put that in any other bag. I find that more useful than compartments.
My great aunt went out of her way to tell my dad to tell me to ADD MORE to my registry because it was “too picked over” even though plenty of items I had picked out were still available. So I did. I added. SHE STILL DIDNT BUY OFF THE REGISTRY. 🙃
Something I loved from my baby shower was that we requested people (if they were able to) to bring a childrens book. I think it was nice cause it could direct them to the utilitarian registry and/or give them an opportunity to bring something cute but still useful that wasn't already researched. If I were to do it again I would request it be second hand or thrifted. The waste of all the new stuff we got for our baby weighs on me a bit. In general I think we got everything we needed and use it all regularly, but there is SO MUCH baby stuff on FB marketplace/Thrift stores.
I think the small extra item is a good way to do! I've done that before, bought the boring functional items off the registry and then added in a small cute toy as a bonus gift. I get that the baby shower is a party and people want the present opening to be fun and cute but like, we gotta remember the overall point of it is to help the parents.
I’m so glad I saved my money and bought or received most of my baby gear second hand. Baby #3 is loving my $5 bouncer that I bought 5 years ago at a yard sale. We got a great quality almost new stroller on marketplace for half the price of what it would’ve been brand new. We’re done having babies and since we don’t have a ton of money invested in these things, I am really enjoying giving my baby gear away to friends and people in my community who need them. Trust me, your baby is not going to care whether they’re in a baby bjorn bouncer or a fisher price one. Do what works for you and your budget. Having the most expensive highest quality items doesn’t make anyone a better parent. Loving, caring for and keeping your babies safe is all that matters.
My mum used to be a midwife, and found herself frequently talking people out of buying expensive baby stuff because they were told they were "essential". Some items were actually actively dangerous - look up birthing pillows if you have time 😬
hi! I noticed you mentioned birthing pillows being dangerous? do you mean the U or C shaped body pillows for sleep support, or something else? I can't find any information with warnings 😭 hoping it's not the sleeping body pillows you mean
Pediatrics resident here. I see so much advertised to new parents that is unnecessary and/or detrimental for the newborn. DON'T get: - Pillows, plushes, blankets (except a couple light small blankets to swaddle, if baby likes.), weighted ANYTHING, angled/sloped ANYTHING. I see a lot of people using weighted blankets or cushions for their infant and swear baby loves it. Which is fine, but infant MUST be monitored CLOSELY in-person the ENTIRE TIME a weighted item is being used. - Hats for every outfit. Unless you're going outside and YOU need a hat, then baby doesn't need a hat unless advised by a medical professional. Newborn will just get hot. - A pacifier, if breastfeeding. Don't recommend introducing pacifier until newborn has been breastfeeding for at least 3 weeks. Then go for it! - Any equipment to monitor vitals unless specifically advised by a medical professional. (It is almost never advisable. Really, only seen this advised with infants that have seizures or are on life-sustaining medical equipment full-time.) - A rectal thermometer, unless you are a medical professional that is familiar with taking rectal temps for infants. Get one compatible with armpit or ear. A rectal temp will be obtained at doctor's office or hospital if necessary. Do get: - A safe and appropriate sleeping arrangement. Flat only with firm sleeping pad/mattress with fitted sheet only. Sleeping in parent/parents room until at least 6 months. - Simple clothes compatible with frequent diaper changes. Love second-hand anything. - Feeding tools that are compatible with your lifestyle and parenting needs, though understand many babies have certain feeding needs only known after birth (slow flow nipples, for example). - Diapers, gentle soap, gentle oil, barrier ointment. All the nurses I know swear by using soft disposable cloths with water instead of baby wipes, but whatever is available to you. - Suction bulb (with instructions on how to use, many people try without saline and get mediocre results). - All the recommended vaccines for baby and anyone around baby! : ) The best enrichment for a newborn is attention from the people that love them. Treat yourself well and give yourself grace. Your baby loves you. : )
I am expecting twins in a few months and have been so overwhelmed by trying to figure out what I need for my babies too. On top of learning about the pregnancy, post partum, baby care, ect., trying to figure out what is needed for the babies seems like a never ending confusion. Especially how to afford things on a low income. And the decision fatigue on top of pregnancy fatigue is real. This video was so incredibly relatable and it was comforting to hear someone else talk about these things so realistically. Thank you! Blessings to you and your baby! 💜
Good luck and congrats, Tiffany! Something I didn't feel like anyone warned me about was the late-night online shopping. You will spend hours and hours awake with your baby in the middle of the night and you may find yourself scrolling on your phone (I certainly did). There was nothing like complete exhaustion mixed with unfettered access to Amazon that had me shopping for all those "essentials" that we had been getting by fine without. The best advice I have for you, no matter what kind of mom you end up being (late-night shopping mom, Montessori mom, minimalist mom) is to be gentle with yourself. As long as you are trying your best (most of the time. You won't always be able to give it your all), you're doing a great job!
my niece was my sister in law's second baby - my nephew is her older brother. there were some "baby girl specific" items on the registry, but most of it was practical stuff that's gone out of date or been used up since my nephew was a newborn (wipes, diapers, creams, medications). i made some hair bows for my niece, but went and bought the meds and some diapers and put everything in a basket. she was much more excited about my basket than she was about the several bins of baby clothes her aunt bought (none of which was on the registry, and most of it came from temu)
Pregnant with baby #3. The most empowering thing as a parent was learning what baby products have standards that must be followed (high chairs, cribs, bassinets, car seats, changing tables) to be sold in the US (EU has their own as well). That means if you can buy it in a store it is safe. Spend more if you want but the cheapest version is just as good. My $100 ikea crib/toddler bed is still going strong. My $250 convertible single to double stroller and baby car seat from Sam’s club is still going strong. Never owned a bouncer. Or a swing. My changing table was the top of a used dresser with a cheap pad screwed to it for safety. I didn’t have a village to pass down baby stuff to us but you can still have a baby on a budget and bag will thrive!
Loved that you brought attention to this ❤ and also, the immense pressure for your new life to be ‘perfect’ - like “don’t you want your newborn experience to be amazing? Don’t you want to just relax and enjoy it knowing you bought all new and best of the best? What if you don’t get to do this again?” It plays on the fears and insecurities of vulnerable mothers in so many different ways
When I was pregnant with our first baby, we had literally zero extra money. we were living with my parents, and I was underemployed. But looking back, it did help my mindset with parenting in general. I didn’t have the luxury of being picky, so I was grateful every time someone gave me anything, regardless of brand or popularity. Watching my friends and sisters-in-law go through this process with more money and Instagram is absolutely wild. Neither is better or worse. Just wholly different experiences.
I'm just a few weeks away from giving birth to my 2nd baby girl. I've done much better this time around in not buying things right away and finding less expensive, but still durable, items. The one thing that still gives me anxiety is the want to give my new baby her own toys, but also knowing we have waaaay too many toys already that my 2 year old no longer plays with. Ugh! Mommy guilt is never-ending.
I get that too sometimes. I've got three boys and I feel guilty that my oldest gets more new things and his brothers mostly get his hand me downs. For the most part though, they still feel like they are getting something "new" and it has the added cool factor that the older brother they think is awesome used to wear it or play with it, which makes it a little more special to them.
You can think of it as your oldest sharing toys with the baby ❤ my baby is obsessed with my older kid, and definitely wants to share all his toys (when it’s safe). The only things I got specifically for her were some silicone teethers (she’s popping four teeth at once right now!)
I packed up most of the baby toys from my first and then pull them back out slowly when age appropriate. My second has no idea they were used and gets excited as if they are new toys. I have purchased just a few special outfits for my 2nd, so that not all of my pictures are just both of them in all the same clothes, haha.
Another aspect of the absurdity of how expensive and overhyped and overwrought all this baby stuff is that just occurred to me is like. Unless you're having multiple children you're only gonna be using a lot of this for what is actually an incredibly short period of time in the grand scheme of your life and your child's life, and these are products tuned very specifically for that period of time. Like unless you know for absolute certain you're gonna have more kids investing this much time money and energy into baby products feels in the long run not that worth it (disclaimer: i'm childfree by choice forever and even if i change my mind will be adopting older kids so the mindset and needs of someone with infants and small children are foreign to me no yell me i cry)
I think the scariness of having a tiny newborn is part of it. Many people don't have a good support system to reassure them that everything is going to be okay and give them some help and breaks. For example, if I could pay a thousand dollars for something that made my baby sleep perfectly, I would. Even two or three thousand. I'm taking a $10k pay cut and stepping back at work because I can't sleep enough to stay focused and sane.
I’ve always seen registries as a checklist for the future parents so they can keep specific track of everything they need. Wild that some folks think it’s a suggestions list. Honestly, I wish people used registries for even more things: birthdays, Hanukkah, Christmas, etc. It would make my life so much easier and prob theirs too.
The thing I think most people who buy All the Cute (but unneeded) Things either from or not a part of a registry don’t realize is that, in giving the utilitarian items, you’re giving the gift of not having to have an expecting mom or her partner having to do more work to get the things they need (and deal with items they don’t want or asked for) AND you’re giving them time, breathing room, and other intangible benefits that people need when they’re expecting a child. Think of the gift giving for a new baby as the gift giving you’d do for someone going to higher ed/university vs giving gifts for a wedding: it’s the practicality and usefulness of what you give that’s the gift.
Any parenting trends, clothing, feeding, cribs, etc. are always a different world from me. My mother's "bassinet" was an open drawer of a chest of drawers. The only new thing bought for my sister was a Mobi, everything else was happily donated from family who always keep any baby supplies just in case or found at many a swap meet. My favorite toy as a child was a Dora the Explorer playhouse we got by chance at a neighbor's yard sale. It's like the cultural divide hearing people spend almost $2000 on a bassinet that, realistically, a baby can use for maybe 3 months?
My childhood best friend just had her baby and for the shower I managed to get a whole baby quilt done- it wasn't on the registry, but my mom also came and made sure to get her some good necessities. It felt like a good balance, useful and asked for, and then something homemade and thoughtful. I love that baby so so much now that she's here. We also saved the shower decorations for me to decorate her hospital room! It made it so much nicer of a stay.
Watching this video two weeks post partum with my second child sleeping on my belly and very glad we borrowed or second hand bought most of our baby items. They just need sleep, food, love and safety
My baby came prematurely, so we didn't have the nursery fully set up and for a while I felt guilty that it wasn't this aesthetic, gorgeous baby room and then I realized it didn't matter at all and what mattered was that my baby and I were healthy and thriving. We bought a nice backpack but we ended up using a backpack from t.j Maxx because it was just handier. So easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need certain things. One thing I'm very glad we got that was our BOB stroller. It rolled BEAUTIFULLY, it was a bright orange color for visibility, it had great sispension so you could take it on hiking trails, it had a big visibility window, and had great storage. It was truly a joy to use. They are other great strollers out there -it doesn't have to be the one I used. But make sure you buy one that feels comfortable for you because a badly weighted stroller that doesn't roll well makes walks a lot less fun. Thrift stores like once upon a child often have great strollers, too. We got a travel stroller from them that folded up a bit smaller and it was great, too. Also some of these more expensive items go on sale so it's nice if you can look out for those deals. We got our stroller at REI using dividend money and then earning dividend money back while it was on a promotion. Stacking deals is awesome!
I'm a FTM due September 25th and the mommy marketing is crazy! When I feel overwhelmed by the lists and "must haves," I think about both of my grandmothers, one had 10 kids and the other had 8. They birthed and raised healthy children with a lot less. While they've both have passed, I like to think that I've inherited their strength and will survive just fine. This helps me tune out the marketing noise and resist the pressure to be a "perfect" mom.
So here’s a tip: you don’t need a diaper bag. Just take a bag you already have and get a diaper clutch (something with a change mat and room for diapers and wipes), and then use packing cubes or makeup pouches etc to organize the rest of the contents. For the first three months of my first baby’s life I literally just used a tote bag until it occurred to me I could be using a backpack I already owned. All that said, I would absolutely love to get a “real” diaper bag that’s cool and convenient, and the algorithm knows to serve ads to me for it.
Thoughts- 1. The pacifier they gave us at the hospital was the best, my kiddo ended up using it sparsely and not long. 2. When going to a shower, I get things on the registry I know are good and effective, and occasionally an item or 2 off of it and note that these items worked best for my kiddo and I swore by them (that are practical, not decor). Always provide a receipt with it in case it's truly not needed. The research is great and understandable, but there is some benefit to the wisdom of the people who have experienced it before you.
Thank you for this video!! It’s timely, too, since we just welcomed our second baby last month, and my mind is on all things baby even more than normal 🩵 two things I’d also share: 1) not to go full-blown minimalist, but there is definitely something to the “less is more” mentality. I love that my kids have a good amount of toys and clothes that they’ve been gifted, but stuff like that also adds to the amount of work you do as parents, especially in the baby/toddler stage, where they can’t effectively take care of or help with their own items/cleaning. Of course I still want my kids to have stuff and not be a sad beige mom (lol), but it greatly helps with my own sanity to know I can do a quick clean in 15 minutes max, or that we don’t have an overwhelming amount of baby clothes to wash. The more stuff you have, the more you have to maintain and clean, which couldn’t be more apparent as a sahm, when I have to clean quite a bit every single day. 2) parent (especially mom) community is SO necessary for many reasons, but on this video’s topic-I’ve been fortunate to have a wonderful circle of mom friends, and one benefit of that has been loaning and borrowing baby gear! I’ve tried out baby carriers, swaddles, pumps, etc, which helps especially with those pricy items. For instance, I’m glad we never got a Baby Bjorn bouncer since my kids never took to them, but we’ll probably end up splurging on a higher quality baby carrier, since my 2 month old needs to be held at all times 🤪 I do think there are some items that are worth more money, but I’m so glad I actually know what’s worth it, and what works for *my* specific children before I drop potentially hundreds of dollars! Best of luck on labor and postpartum, Tiffany! You will be an AMAZING mother. (Also, I had the same “books instead of a card” thing at my baby shower! I loved it, and it’s special that I end up reading the sweet messages more often, since I’m reading books to my kids!)
Oh my, this video brings me back to when our first son was born! We lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. Baby got a corner! We didn't even buy a crib, just one of those folding cots. We used a low bookshelf and put a pad on top of it for a changing table. Baby clothes were placed in fabric bins on said bookshelf. Our only splurge was a nice stroller-not a travel system or anything fancy with cup holders, an activity table, storage bin-just a stroller that rolled really nicely. You'll be fine! Lean into help from loved ones and spend lots of precious time with your baby.
I'm a childless cat lady (because my cat is my child) and I still sat for this video lol! Thank you for the video, Tiffany and please take care of yourself ❤
I've bought everything second hand except the stroller (need the five year warranty as I live in the Arctic and strollers have to take a beating here) and baby bed as it was recommended to have a new bed and mattress for infants. Saved so much money buy buying everything else second hand! Highly recommend. Some essentials in my circle is: - an ergonomic baby carrier/wrap to have your hands free - a sleep carrier that can be transferred to the stroller as well
Hello…I am a mommy of 2…okay this is the quick and simple advice I have. First kid…I was just like you exhausted trying to figure out what I needed. My second…legit he had 10 onesies, 2 newborn outfits, a good car seat (the only place you should not scrimp on prices), one bottle of the local store’s brands (there were 4 types I got one of each to see what one he liked), a pack and play with newborn bassinet, used bouncer from Once Upon A Time, a used swing also from OUAT, 4 burp rags and a package of each brands diapers/wipes (the small packs). It was crazy to buy anything more without seeing what works best for my son.
19:53 I love that you said this about second hand…I think the boomers who are better positioned to push the mindset “it needs to be new” that are spear heading the mom shame. Always seems to be the grandma’s being pushy
This topic is SO INTERESTING to me. It really is part of a whole culture of what I think of as “competitive parenting” that is especially prevalent online. I PROMISE you don’t need any of the expensive, trendy items. I know because I didn’t have any and my son is just fine! It is so hard not to compare yourself to other moms and feel less than, but avoiding toxic social media is so helpful, especially in those early days. 90% of my sons stuff was second hand and I didn’t have the luxury (or burden I guess) of researching every item and trying to pick the optimal one. Yes, buy from reputable brands, especially when considering safety like car seats and safe sleep. But if you accidentally buy a stroller you don’t like, it’s way less of big deal if it was a secondhand $35 one. And I ended up loving my second hand $35 stroller! Babies mostly need love and care and attention and they literally don’t care if the crib they sleep in was used or new.
As a mom of 2, I found myself nodding my head to all of this! I remember researching away many sleepless night during pregnancy and even afterwards, trying to find what worked best for our family. It was very overwhelming because, i there was b9th too much & not enough into. Thankfully we got alot 2nd hand, and grow-with-me big items like carseats, crib, & stroller. I have found that the fellow moms in my circle are better resources for advice/ assistance. You're not alone girl! You got this mama!
Probably more a comment for the upcoming gifting video but I can relate to the frustrations of the expectant mothers when it comes to the gift registries. My family are constantly asking for a wishlist because they don't know what I like but want to give me gifts. It’s stressful because I have to shop for myself on top of the stress of the other holiday shopping; inventing things they can buy while being mindful of costs so i don't seem greedy. I end up adding functional items I *need*, but they don’t like buying “boring” things, so I often don’t get them or get asked to add something else that fits what they want to gift.
Thank you so much for doing this video. One of my closest friends is having her first baby in December, and I have so much to learn about being an "aunt." I appreciate this video so much. Congratulations on your baby. You will make a wonderful mom.
When I had my first girl, I admit I was overwhelmed! Then I researched everything, as I do with everything. I'm usually a very low-spending person. I bought many secondhand items and joined a Facebook group where moms give free stuff. Im sure I've saved thousands of dollars. With my second, I said I would try to buy the Snoo secondhand, which I did, but my baby did not like it. The ad for Snoo got me because I was so scared I would not get any sleep with the baby and toddler. 1. It's not worth buying new baby stuff. They use it for such a short time. 2. Do yourself a favor and buy Walmart-brand diapers and wipes. They are the cheapest on the market and very efficient. 3. Graco car seats, strollers, etc, are good and affordable.
I first found your channel last year when my son was a newborn! I would watch you in the middle of the night while breastfeeding 😆 Best of luck with the birth!! I loved this video. It feels like yesterday that I was dealing with all of these same issues. Creating a registry and picking baby items felt like it was my JOB for awhile. I would dedicate an hour or so a day to working on it, and that task doesn't actually end once the baby arrives, either. Now that my son is about to walk and is climbing on everything, there are even more decisions to make. 😂 I hope you love being a mom! It's the best thing I've ever done. It's the good kind of difficult. ❤
I was raised on Walmart, Zellers and secondhand baby/toddler products, and it was all sufficient and safe. I think we forget that baby things at these stores undergo tons of safety protocols and regulations and in modern times, the market has upped their game greatly to match the desires of the consumer.
Just wanted to pop in and wish you an easy delivery in full hands ❤ so excited for you guys in this new chapter of your life, I remember watching you over a decade ago and I love being able to follow your journey all the way here. I wish you well and the best of luck, and may these next couple of weeks be as easy as can be ❤
a concept that seems to be getting lost is the borrowing of baby stuff. like, in my extended family it's very common that when someone is pregnant , the cousin , aunt , sister , etc. that ALREADY has kids would lend you all of the baby stuff. Someone gives you all the clothes , the carries , maybe monitors. Like , realistically you are going to use half of that stuff for what? 6 months? and if talking about clothes the sizes will change monthly and even weekly
When I was pregnant I was incredibly overwhelmed with all the things you're supposed to get. We got a stroller, car seat and a crib that connects to the parents bed new, got a ton of clothes and stuff second hand from friends and that was more or less it. I wasn't psychologically able to do more and tbh: that was enough. In hindsight I'm glad I didn't spend that much time on that topic, even though the reason was my bad psyche at that moment (which I got help for and I was also encouraged to not overthink it and get crazy about those lists). Also: absolutely had the same impression about having a baby being similar to all the wedding planning etc. After you spend tons of money for the wedding industrial complex you're spending now on the baby industrial complex 😅
Being a childfree singleton who just broke up out of a LTR last year - the idea of people not getting stuff off your registry is insane to me! I had a housewarming list and people all got me exactly what I asked for, and that's just for ME and it was home decor. The idea of not getting useful things for your BABY or PREGNANCY CARE is absurd, but it feels like pregnancy makes people stop caring about your wishes as the parents even more than usual, I feel.
Do Americans have registries for every life event? Excuse me for the assumption that you're American. I've never heard of a registry for a house warming. it sounds intense.
@@TessaAvonlea I don't think housewarmings typically have registries, but my circumstances after a breakup were a little on the bare side because moving cleaned out all of my savings and was splitting stuff between a long-term partnership so I was missing basics. I still don't have a lot of furniture.
not a parent, but the registry/gift-giving segment really struck a chord with me as a disabled person. every Christmas my family asks me what I want. I say "money to put towards [medical device I've needed for years]." my mom goes "but that's no _fun,_ you need to have something you can open on Christmas!! just send me a list of things you'd like!" so I send her a list of wrist and ankle braces, household gadgets for people with mobility issues, compression socks, other things of that nature. well, all of those are too _functional_ for her tastes, they're not _glamorous_ enough, so she's convinced I wouldn't be excited to open them (even though I would be overjoyed and deeply relieved). come Christmas day, each year, I find myself winding up with some random decorative object I don't need or want. and I can't say this to her, because then I'm "ungrateful." and I still have trouble getting around the house :( all this is to say, I empathize VERY strongly with those parents who are begging for someone to gift them diapers instead of stuffed toy #23. it's just so, so presumptuous for another person to believe they know what you want better than you do yourself. gifts like these should reduce someone's burdens, not add to them!
I never had nor used a diaper bag. I bought a $15 gray backpack from TJMaxx as my diaper bag. It was big enough to store the essentials, and as my child grew up, was able to adapt as our outing bag to fill with extra clothing/gear as well as activities, toys, and food. And now it is my carry-on backpack when I travel. A simple backpack is best for transitioning from the baby era to the toddler era, as well as functionality once past the initial use. And because it wasn't a crossbody bag or a purse like bag, it was easy to carry at all times as well as convenient for my husband to use.
I'm telling myself it's "research" for when my bestie gets pregnant, when my entire plan is to lead with my fierce protectiveness of her, her wellbeing, and her sanity. She is not even pregnant yet, I and my spouse are childfree by choice, and yet, I'm here watching this. Thanks for a thoughtful video, Tiffany! Those of us in the village also need to prepare to be the voice of kindness and sanity for our birthing friends and family
November mama here! I have into the hype on some things, but also got SO many things second hand. My mom and aunt went HARD at yard sales this summer and I honestly feel so blessed because if I tried to get everything myself or put it on my registry, I’d be BROKE and exhausted. I appreciate this video so so much because the mom guilt is SO real. Good luck on your last month!!
Congratulations on your baby! I just had my baby girl in July, I was NOT prepared for the amount of mental labor it took to create a registry. I thought it would be super straightforward, but like you said it takes so much time and research for every little thing! I was even researching for over an hour about what kind of towel/bedding materials were best for baby 😅 I will say that having baby girl has been way more easy going than preparing for her arrival. You will do great with whatever you have and she will love you just as much no matter what brand you buy things from. Congratulations again 💗
My spouse and I have one child and we were so grateful to get so many hand-me-downs 🙌 Our favorite diaper bag was a backpack from Babies 'R Us for like $30? Obviously this was not recently, lol. We never did a nursery because honestly the baby spent most of their time with us in our room and the living room. Trying to be aesthetic all the time seems to add an extra level of pressure and exhaustion that I just never had time or patience for. Registry story: I was given a gently used infant mattress by my friend and my FIL and his girlfriend bought us a mattress and insisted it was on the registry, which it was NOT, and then made us deal with the return. It was so annoying. Overall I looked at the registry as a shopping list for us and if anyone buys anything off it, cool.
My go-to baby shower gift formula is a diaper caddy/some other storage off their registry, 1-2 of the smaller essentials from the list like ointments or grooming items, a board book, and a treat just for the pregnant friend, like a DoorDash gift card or their favorite snack or maybe some nice body wash. And of course diapers to fill up any of the extra space! I'm the only single/childless one in a group of couples so I worry about not being able to give gifts based on personal experience, but I've found that this is always received pretty well and lets me personalize the gift a bit more.
So glad you made a video about this!!! I’ve been talking about this since I had my first child 8 years ago in my early 20’s. It makes me so sad looking back at just how much my inexperience and vulnerability was preyed upon.
I think a lot of people see the consumable boring items on the registery as regular shopping and not gifts. They rather get the person something that will have them be seen in that gift like a clothing item. Putting a message with the registry explaining why you want the items on your list might help bridge that gap in miscommunication between gift giver and receiver.
Since my baby is year of the dragon and I'm half Chinese, our decorations were just paper dragon decorations we got from Chinatown and our food was dim sum in catering trays and Nothing Bundt Cake cupcakes. Games were simple, passive ones that didn't involved much more than some cups and paper. Chill, affordable, loved it. I explicitly told me sister NO BALLOONS.
I'm pregnant with my first and this video is super relatable. I'm grateful though that my friends and family mostly bought things that were on my registry, plus gave me a bunch of hand me down baby clothes. So I am pretty well set! I do hope more people get the message to buy things from the registry because the parent picked that specific stuff for a reason
@@tiffanyferg Thank you!!!! It’s my first and I fall on the younger side, so I needed this video. Your videos help me understand myself and society so much better.
@@SarahWolkowitz congrats🎉 read the comments and know, that you do not need all these stuff. My little one is nearly two and you need a safe place to sleep, some diapers (one package, cause you do not know babys size), a car seat and two to three onesies/outfits in newborn and a little bigger (sizes of newborns do vary!). Everything else is not that important and can be purchased later when you know your little human. A carton of baby milk and a bottle is recommended even if you want to feed your child naturally, not every woman can. Wishing both of you the best!
@@Celestichthysmargaritatus The good thing is I have studied child development. Give a baby an empty remote and they will make it a toy. I’m thinking of skipping a bassinet unless it’s gifted. I’m just thinking about long term efficiency.
@@SarahWolkowitz i did, too😄 yea, but your child will tell what it needs. I found after a few weeks baby sleeping in a safe nook with me better than the bed i bought(my solution was sleep safe also) and now my baby likes to sleep next to my bed in its own bed, even if it can always cosleep when needed. Its about your baby, not about what anyone says.
I wish I could send this to my mom. Her coworker had a baby registry detailing what was needed but my mom decided to buy baby clothes. Baby clothes were not on the registry. 🙃
I have been to a number of baby showers where there were not registries, but most people still gave very practical things. The gifts are often grab bags of practical stuff (nappy rash creams and diapers etc.) with a few cute items thrown in. The best gift I have seen is one friend who always gives a ton of baby products in sample sizes. Her view is that for a lot of things you will only find out what product works best once you try them out, so her gift makes it easy for the mother to be to try out different products. I think the trend towards practical gifts or unpractical ones is cultural. We do sometimes have registries and when that is in place most people buy off it. (I am South African)
It is amazing how much stuff is marketed to parents. I remember buying this extra fancy food that had to be kept refrigerated. Waste of money, but at the time it seemed reasonable. My biggest expense was our recliner ~1000 and it was clutch. I slept in it after my c-section and used it for feeds and we still use it for bedtime stories. Just about everything else is second hand/refurbished. It so easy to get overwhelmed though.
I'm not planning on getting pregnant in the next 2 years or so, but I'm kind of obsessed with baby/parenting talk and all the consumerism around it. I find it so intriguing. On the one hand, I'm aware that very few items are ACTUALLY ESSENTIAL. Most 'essentials' are really 'nice-to-haves'. You just need a place for baby to sleep, something to keep the baby the right temperature, something to keep the baby fed, something to move the baby from one place to another without permanently injuring yourself, and something to keep the baby clean. Those are essential, yet I see all these people on Reddit rave about wipe warmers and tubes to put in the baby to get out snot or farts. Do these items actually add value to people's lives? Can't wait to find out.
Would highly recommend the snot one, lmao. But that is mostly because i saw a video where they did it the og way aka parents mouth blowing or sucking the snot out and it makes me gag just thinking about it.
I'm never having kids, but I'm mindblown by how much stuff people say a baby needs now compared when my sister & cousins were born in the late 90s. Wipes were sometimes cold, and babies needed to fart without help, yet it doesn't seem to have done them any harm.
Wowie, last video going live before baby arrives!! Hope y'all enjoy. // Thanks, Factor! Use code TIFFANYFERG50 to get 50% OFF your first Factor box plus 20% off your next month at bit.ly/4eGaa3z!
Wishing you and your family the best
what I did when my nephew was born was but something from the registry that was an essential item but then got a more cute/ personal item for the baby as well
Good luck, hope you and baby have a healthy, safe and wonderful birth. I hope your healing is smooth.
Soak up the time with your baby and remember you know your baby best 🤍
I know you don’t want to have to research more things but to combat the “bouncing back” idea. I encourage people to look into Korean afterbirth traditions.
Just so you don’t feel the need to punish yourself for having a baby.
They really focus on making mom and baby as comfortable as possible.
Its called “Sanhujori.”
We used factor for the first month postpartum, had three meals a day delivered and it was the best choice ever. I’ve told so many other pregnant women to do the same, it was such a relief to have food available without cooking
Am I a mother? No. Am I planning on being a mother? No.
Am I sat? Glued to my seat? Eyes on the screen? Absolutely.
Exactly, me too.
Same! Haha I watch a lot of parenting content even though I'll never be a parent. I work with kids tho so it is needed
same here, and I'm a man with no plan to have kids or even a live-in partner. could not have less skin in this game.
Same. At least let the one who carries and births the child, pick out their clothes. That’s surely one of the fun parts? Having said that, I had a lot of hand-me-down clothes, toys etc & no complaints.
Lol same. Zero plan to have kids but absolutely fascinated
Hey sweetie, Mom and Dad here, very excited for your baby girl to be born! ❤❤❤. We love you so much!!!
Oh 🥺 wholesome moment.
😭 this is so adorable
Oh my gosh, i could cry. Amazing to have such support!!
Lol my daughter is only 5 but I hope to always be this wholesome as a parent 🥹💞
So wholesome ❤
Second-hand baby items are amazing and helps to reduce the massive amount of waste created by the baby industry.
Yes! The first time I went to one of those big consignment sales and saw at least 45 (not exaggerating) Laugh and Learn dogs. And dozens of boppies and thousands of bottles, on and on. I didn't learn about the sales until after my son was born, but after that I essentially stopped buying anything new if I could help it.
We got so much stuff from family and friends and I was so grateful. Buy nothing groups are also a great resource as well.
I got some many things from family and friends who were done having babies and I've passed on all that stuff to other new parents. A nice crib or high chair will last through years and multiple kids, it would be a shame to only use them for one kid or one family.
Especially as babies will use something for a hot minute before they grow out of it.
This look out for kids consignment sales like JBF
After hearing about the litter box that has literally killed people's cats, I definitely would side eye baby products being pushed by drop-shipping sites 💀
I forgot witch brand but a some high end strollers have a recall for collapsing and killing the baby
@@newfoundling9275name brand baby product recalls are unfortunately nothing new. it is a different situation from one manufacturer shipping out the same poorly made and dangerous products through many “brands” and making consumers think they’re getting a unique and trustworthy item.
ugh I heard about that too, so horrible! Really scary to see unsafe products being sold and consumers have no idea
@@tiffanyferg Are you planning on publishing a survey about the topic of public housing in the US?
@@newfoundling9275 Cityscape Travel Jogger Strollers
I always thought the main purpose of baby shower, was to help take some of the financial strain off the new mom with all the new stuff she needs. So when I see massive over the top baby showers with just decorations probably costing more than the gifts it feels so dystopian.
Saaame. When I was a kid I joined my mom at a lot of baby showers for ladies in our church community, and they were never over the top. It was like, sandwiches, veggies, tea and coffee, at most for refreshments. Decorations were non-existent, and they were almost exclusively hosted in the choir practice room at the church or else somebody's home. Zero cost to the pregnant person.
absolutely this!!! i had mine last october and did a halloween theme since i love halloween and already had so many decorations. but i was almost embarrassed when my shower didn’t look as put together as all my friends and my self-made balloon arch wasn’t as big and beautiful. obviously now i don’t see it that way and i still enjoyed the day so much but at the time it somehow made me feel like i should have put in more effort and money
Yes! And some of this comes down to who is throwing the baby shower I think. I don't care about etiquette enough to care whether or not someone hosts their own baby shower, but it does feel weird to essentially spend money to receive gifts. The big over the top baby shower thrown by friends or family is less crazy to me if the friends and family are still supporting the new parents in a significant way. Even if the level of decorations still feels excessive and wasteful.
It’s one thing if it’s friends of family spending their own money to celebrate the new parents (hosting for my SIL in 2 weeks) but yeah I do hate seeing bougie requests at a bougie shower from parents who need no financial support from family who likely has less than them.
i think that was the initial intention, but now everyone just wants a reason to throw an extra party. its the reason these same parents also throw themselves elaborate gender reveals. the societal expectations we have now around weddings and babies is INSANE.
Our baby joined us through adoption, we got the call on Saturday, met him Thursday, and he moved in the Thursday after that. When I tell you we had NOTHING, not a single baby product when we got that call! It forced me to get a lot of my stuff from family (used) and whatever was at my closest Walmart. In retrospect, thank gosh we didn't have time to research every little decision. He's a year old now and perfectly content, whatever we bought and used was fine. Whatever everyone gets is fine! The research for the best one is unnecessary, if it's usable then it's perfect 👌🏼
I think the inclination to research online can get in the way of making a decision and with being happy with your decision. There is some value, but when the best of lists are driving you to spend more with minimal/no value gained for the money, or if it leaves you in analysis paralysis it's no good anymore.
I have decision fatigue and suffer from perfectionism and am vulnerable to social pressure. My boyfriend has the best advice - ask yourself: is it good enough? Does it suffice? Does it do the job? If the answer is yes - get it or buy it or choose it and stop process.
I think buying second hand helps reduce the options (take what’s good enough when it comes up), and reduce the cost.
No you do need to research because some stuff is actually not safe!
Deleting social media was the best thing I could do for my child and my parenting. Learning from real people around me who I trust and respect. Following intuition. Not being swayed by trends or marketing just the vibes of my little dude.
Yes, same!
Added bonus: you won't be over sharing your kids lives in a way that could embarrass them when they're older! Focusing on the help that people you know and trust is so much more valuable than any Internet parenting trend.
Already considering this. It is so harmful in so many ways. I’m in my first trimester and made the mistake of going on UA-cam for tips for handling nausea…now all I’m getting is recommended videos with peoples first trimester miscarriage stories. Like I know the
the statistics and know the risk is there but I’m just trying to survive feeling like crap and don’t need the reminder in my face to be anxious too.
Right?? Intuition is key, you know your baby best!
So true. I’m my mom’s oldest, her youngest child was born in 2012 so her firsthand experience isn’t too outdated (for my taste) on the important stuff. With this first pregnancy of mine I have absolutely deferred to her for what is really necessary. And I feel closer to my mom for it! She gives me real peace of mind on what is actually helpful for raising a baby and what is pure marketing.
here's the things i found helpful after 2 kids (here's a hint, it's mostly not things lol):
- meal prep/frozen meals/meal delivery service for the first month or so, and lots of easy snacks
- paid for a cleaning service for the first few months
- had the house deep cleaned before due date
- got a mental health referral in case i developed pnd again (i'm in australia)
- i, and my family, had all our checkups done - dentist/eyes etc so i wouldn't need to worry about these for a while
- had my car cleaned inside/out
- some comfy pregnancy clothes/huge soft high rise underwear because i wore these after pregnancy too
- newborns dont really need toys, my kids literally loved staring at the curtains for the first 3 months lol
- don't go nuts with clothes, they grow so quick
babies and caring for babies can be hard, nothing you buy will take that away. having an extremely expensive nappy bag, expensive bassinet, expensive baby clothes... none of that helps if you happen to get a colicky baby (i had a colic baby first), or if you develop pnd, or your baby hates the bassinet... a lot of what is marketed to mums, especially first time mums is so unnecessary and just designed to take your money.
i think mummy marketing is some of the most insidious and you are correct - you look at it and for an instant you're like "yep i gotta buy this, i don't want my baby hitting her head!" and that's exactly what they use to convince us to buy their crap, which we don't need. we'll always be worried about our kids and we always want the best for them, but we don't actually need most of this stuff.
I’m child free but how you view things is so obvious to me it’s a shame it’s not talked about more. This is an awesome comment!
This is a fantastic comment! And you're so right, I wish I'd spent less time obsessing over baby stuff and more time on life prep and the things that do make a difference to a post-partum, sleep-deprived, frazzled mind. It's a learning curve, and I take solace in the fact that if I go in for a second, I'll have my priorities in order lol (and possibly print off your list!)
This was really comforting, not a mom yet, but I want to be and this is so helpful
I won’t ever have a child, but my best friend will so I saved this for her. So many good things
Yess
Side note on the turtle backpack (and other items in the same category) they are actually not recommended because 1. You baby is learning how to do things upright and it throws them off balance and 2. Babies need to learn how to fall down safely. With something like that to protect them (and I have to point out that it only protects backwards falls) they can’t fully grasp how to fall safely because they don’t realize pain comes with it. They can’t wear the pillow for their entire lives, they are going to find out falling down = pain eventually and it’s better for it to happen when they’re literally built for falling down and are more bouncy 😂
I was coming to the comments to see if someone said this! Also it's not going to break your baby to fall backwards like that. Yes it's absolutely heartbreaking and scary to see your baby hit their soft baby head, but they're actually pretty durable. And they're gonna hit their head in accident a lot growing up, no matter how much you try to prevent it. It's part of growing up and you're not a bad parent if your kid has a genuine accident.
Came here to say the same! It also helps that babies fall from a very low height when they fall over, so even though it's scary, they don't hit their head with a lot of force
@@ube_flanmy toddler literally bumped his head on a wall 1hr ago 😂 he’s 3, that wall has always been there 😂
lol also came to say the same. I let mine bump his head. He’s 18mo and has actually been pretty coordinated for a long time because I wanted him to naturally develop good proprioception. Another thing I do is if he falls or gets hurt I never rush to his aid unless it looks really bad. I always observe for a second because if he is just fine and gets up in a good mood, I don’t want to overreact and turn it into a whole thing. If he cries or appears hurt I will always comfort him but I don’t want him to get worked up over every little bump and scrape just because I did!
I gave my step brother and his wife things for THEM, not their baby. Some healing/birth items like ice packs/labor comb/etc. for her and a new stovetop espresso pot for him. (He will need the caffeine for sure). And I told them we'll bring dinner over when we meet the baby so they won't have to "host" us at all. They were so grateful, but I just think it makes sense to be practical. Especially for first-time parents!
Yes! Trying to explain this to the people at work who organize gifts for coworkers on mat leave. Like no they don’t need another cute blanket, booties, and cutesy outfit for the baby. Let’s get them meal delivery gift cards and stuff for mom! But people want to send the cute stuff.
@@madhu7983 One cute item + meal delivery card. I can understand the urge. A present just looks more complete when you add the cute to the practical.
This is what I do also - for any new parents, I also get a couple good quality scrub tops for the parents. Scrubs are designed to hold up to bodily fluids (tight weave cotton means it’s unlikely to soak through to your skin and make you feel even more gross) and can be washed and dried with minimal extra care or considerations.
Another thing to consider is that: the world doesn’t end once one has a baby. Target, Amazon, etc.. will still be there! There’s this pressure to have EVERYTHING that the baby could possibly need the moment they make it earth side, and it’s unnecessary. You need only very little in the early days, like… VERY LITTLE stuff, and as baby needs more items, you can then purchase. That allows for the budget to be more spread out and gives time for return in case it doesn’t work out.
I know, it somehow felt as if I was taking this baby to live on a deserted island. I am 10 minutes from Fred Meyer and Target.
Even on vacation, I just didn't pack a ton of diapers. I went to Target twice on vacation. (Sunscreen, lol.)
@@kristin4160 yes! Even for ourselves. After I had this epiphany, I no longer panic to pack the absolute everything even for myself on a trip. If I forget something, there’s a store close by and you can get a trial size of what you need. The idea we need to stockpile everything for a little baby is a pressure put on mom’s by social media mostly.
Im not a mom but i would imagine that individualist culture plays a part in this. I can understand wanting to prepare for every possible scenario where you suddenly need something n arent able to go out n buy it yourself when you live in a culture where the average amount of reliable support you get is like 2 or 3 people. Its a very big flaw of individualist culture that people often have very few people in their lives they can call up for help with this stuff. I come from a collectivist culture n most of my family have always either lived together or in very close proximity, so if a need occurs there is always someone available to provide support quickly. I lived with my extended family for most of my childhood n i grew up helping care for my cousins in the ways i could as a kid n watching my mom n aunts all help each other out. I cant imagine the stress of trying to care for a baby, let alone your first baby, without that level of support. Its not surprising that new parents try n plan so far ahead.
One of my friends was a very minimalist mother. Her first was born in May in CA. Their house had little A/C, so the baby basically wore a diaper and maybe a cotton gauze blanket for the first 6 months. She had boxes of unused clothes. She also never used a stroller (baby carrier only) and had a Patagonia sling pack as her “diaper bag.” When I compare her setup to other friends and family the contrast is wild. It’s like they live on different planets.
I just had my first baby 2 months ago and honestly we bought/were gifted so many things that we truly did not need or have not used. I’ve sold things on marketplace & to Once Upon a Child to make room, returned things to TJMaxx and Marshall’s, etc. it has just created so much extra work. All my baby has truly needed was a place to sleep, diapers, SOME clothes, and a way to eat. Thrift, trade, and borrow!! Make Mommy friends! I’ve traded pacifiers with another new mom, borrowed a Moby wrap from my sister, and thrifted my diaper bag!
Yes no one talks about all the extra work all these extra errands create! The baby really doesn't need much, I would add a play mat and a bouncer to your list and that's it.
You are gonna want all the extra clothes when the baby starts teething and then eating. Just because the drool makes everything wet. So, so wet. And eating is very dirty. On bad days I’m changing about 5-6 times a day sometimes more.
Re drooling I got some cheap, heavy duty drool bibs online. Saved so much laundry!
I love thrifting baby clothes! Once Upon a Child is awesome. So many barely used or new items there at such a great price.
@@adorabell4253 We truly never had this problem. We used neck bibs we could change but our baby just wasn't that drooly. We also barely bought clothes as our friends were all so kind and generous to lend us all their kids old clothes.
Pregnant with my third baby. I would de-influence any first time mom from buying an expensive diaper bag! Using any bag you already have or thrifting one is the best option. Especially one that has a water battle holder for bottles. Having too many things felt really overwhelming with my first. Obviously I already have almost everything I need the third time around, but I can tell you I’ve gotten rid of a lot since my first! Also, getting more neutral newborn clothes so you can reuse them for future babies is nice. It is cute to get a few pictures of course, but not necessary to have so many clothes for the first few months. I’m sure if you have any mom friends, they have a cute newborn outfit you could use!
Also, I saw that Graco just came out with a Snoo dupe for less than a quarter of the price. I haven’t used it, I but im really curious!!
Or if people really want a new diaper bag, there are inexpensive options that last ages. I had an Eddie Bauer back one that was around $40, had all the fancy stuff, and lasted me 5.5 years.
My brother and SiL use an old waterproof washable backpack as diaper bag at this point with multiple kids.
Yeah, it's going to be befouled by every bodily fluid and food imaginable and it won't hold up better just because it's expensive.
Also, if you think the expensive bag is cute look for it at consignment stores.
Seconding this! You can always use smaller travel pouches inside your existing bag if you really need more internal sorting.
I have one friend who doesn't even put a whole pouch of wipes in her bag, she just puts a few into a waterproof baggie!
I have a tradition of hand crocheting baby blankets for my family/ close friends when they have a baby. I know a lot of people like to give baby blankets and i’ve made it clear that i understand my baby blanket may not be *THE* baby blanket that the baby attaches to. I’ve had people tell me they love the size/texture to use as a car blanket, baby carrier blanket, etc and I love that! BUT I ALWAYS buy at least 1-3 practical things, FROM THE REGISTRY, because i’m not crazy and I’m aware that mom and baby need those things WAY more than they need another blanket. I just crochet a lot and love to make the blankets 😂
I’m a young person and didn’t realize all this stuff! I like to crochet too and made a baby sweater for my first niece but I didn’t realize how much people rely on the registry! I should’ve got something there too
Omg a crocheted blanket is an incredibly sweet gift! Personally, handmade gifts are always appreciated 💛
This is my go to gift too! It definitely depends on the recipient, means more when youre close to the giftee, but I've found most people really love and appreciate a handmade gift AND it brings me joy to share a thing I made.
Agree!! I was frustrated with all the purchased items I didn’t need, but handmade is totally different and meaningful.
Every one of my friends/family/pretty much anyone I know (and I’m 34, so still in prime time for friends and family of similar age having children) gets a hand knit or crocheted blanket from me! I knit or crochet almost every single day and they’re some of my favourite things to make! I also donate a bunch to my local Project Linus branch every so often. It gives blankets to babies and kids in tough situations like hospital units and foster children.
omg perfect timing i was just looking for something to watch while eating olives with feta cheese
me
Same but I’m straightening my hair
i got 2 chicken wraps, cheers!
salmon + sweet potato for me haha
Very Greek of you!! 😂
I'm a doula & student midwife and see all the time people spend so much money on baby stuff like the Snoo and fancy tools but then turn around and say it's "not in the budget" to hire a doula, postpartum doula, housekeeper, meal prepper, etc. Those are the people that can actually make your life way easier and help ensure your rights are respected during birth and give you incredible support postpartum, way more than any toy.
my mom had a postpartum doula for a bit after i was born and always told me how amazing it was to have that extra help, and from someone able to think more clearly bc they're not exhausted
I agree so hard. It’s just consumption instead of actually helping mom after a VERY hard physical event.
True …best thing I spent money on was on a breastfeeding consultant. Baby’s first bed was one of those baby boxes for £10. Literally a cardboard box with a mattress in the bottom that they give out for free in some countries.
A housekeeper, meal prepper, doula, night nurse all cost much much more than a snoo 😬
Learned this the hard way, that’s why if I get pregnant again I’m not doing a registry or asking for any baby items, just for money to put towards hiring a postpartum doula
Babies need so much less than people would make you believe!!! I've had the same car seat for my three kids, and although it's not aestheticly pleasing, it kept them safe! I got an off-brand baby backpack, and it still looks amazing after two kids! Diapers, go for the brand in the middle, neither high end nor low. I thrifted the baby clothes because they only use them a few months per size. Babies DON'T need shoes, nor a lot of toys, those are industry traps, and calendula or vaseline both work amazing on diaper and face rashes. Replace newborn mittens with clean baby socks, etc. You got this, Tiffany!
I will say not needing shoes is climate dependent. We live in an extremely cold place so her toes need to be warm. Frostbite is real.
All good points except as a very important friendly PSA, car seats actually expire! Wear and tear makes them less effective and therefor less safe. A lot of people don't know this, but you can check the expiration on the tag
@@imjustdandy9799 that's very interesting, I didn't know that!
@@byabbs This is true!
@@byabbs I think what the poster meant was actual shoes that look like adult shoes, which are often marketed to new parents for the "cute" factor of giving your newborn sneakers. Of course babies need something on their feet, but lots of baby clothes have built-in feet which will suffice if baby is in a cosy bag when they are outside anyway.
I work in childcare and when it comes to toys, there’s a reason why fisher price and those companies use primary colors for most things. It helps them learn the colors at an early age. I have had moms use all the new boho colored toys and their kids won’t know their primaries until they go to school. It’s totally fine to have electronic light toys mixed with wooden Montessori toys. People go too far with one thing and cancel the others. A good mix is the best. Kids need some stimulation to want to learn.
My baby loves her fisher price playmat just as much as she loves any sort of fan, light fixture, or ceiling vent😆
Montessori doesn't mean beige toys though. Montessori has nothing to do with products, and you can raise your kid with the principles with whatever you have. But they do put emphasis on things that are open ended and developmentally appropriate
But why would the play stuff have to be colorful? There's so many things in our house that are very colorful and interesting for kids. But what I don't need is one of those really really ugly play mats in the middle of the living room.
@@nadjak3410people really have an issue with parents have a particular style.
A note about keeping things in case of another baby: I’ve had six kids in the last 15 years, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with passing things on between pregnancies. There simply isn’t enough room in a home for all the gear, especially for that 6-12 month stage. Ideally, you can pass it to a friend or relative with the understanding that you want it back in the near-ish future. Having kids over a wide swath of years is interesting too, because there are things I couldn’t have lived without for my most recent baby that were not even on my radar in 2009 with my first….and there were plenty of things I bought for my first that were unnecessary and were never seen or heard from again. All of this to give some encouragement and hopefully peace about all the stuff. Babies need things, but they need you the most. You’re going to be a great mom!
I will neverrrr understand the registry thing because I think it’s amazing to be able to buy people the small boring things!! Like you’re telling me I can check 5 things off your registry & only spend $50 doing so?!?! THAT is what gives me the rush!
I bundle gifts on registries too 😊 and then you can make a cute little basket for the shower!
I had so many people come to me and ask me what I wanted and when I pointed them to my registry they would say “oh I don’t use registry’s so what do you want?” I even included a small list in my invitations of some general items I need multiples of like clothes.
Tiffany, as a new mom, I recommand putting these items as well in your diaper bag! Snacks for you, extra baby clothing and an extra top for you incase it gets messy. Great video, so glad this gets talked about!!
Definitely have extra clothes for you too! I learned that just working in childcare, when a colleague (a fellow university summer student) had to borrow a pair of pants from someone when the still sleepy two year old who was on her lap after nap time well, fully emptied her bladder onto said colleague’s pants! And I had baby spit up all over me one time when I was working in my church’s nursery. And this is from someone who isn’t even the parent! Babies and toddlers are messy!
It’s all so predatory! It’s already a gigantic long term expense to bring a child into the world, let alone the staggering cost of medical care surrounding pregnancy and birth alone.
I’m one of the people who doesn’t have kids specifically for cost reasons… I’m 34, and I’m not sure I’ll EVER be able to justify that decision financially!
my parents have been married for 24 years and my mom STILL brings up that a single ratcheting screwdriver with exchangeable heads was the best wedding gift she got. functionality is so overlooked in gift giving
Highly recommend having a friend or family member that has young children help with the registy. My SIL helped me when I was pregnant with my first and it really helped me have a better understanding of what you actually need vs what the baby industry thinks you need.
I never ever comment on UA-cam videos, but I have something to say about this. I had my first baby, bought everything on these lists (thankfully, I purchased most second hand). My baby hated all of it and I mean all of it. I ended up selling everything and I'm down to the basics now. Every baby is so different. What works for one may not work for another. There is no point in buying 99% of these things before your baby comes because you just don't know who they are yet. If I could do it all over, I would buy some diapers, wipes, some onesies, a car seat, a carrier, and a floor bed. The rest can be purchased as you go and as the need presents itself.
This is why I watched videos on UA-cam of “minimal baby registry” and baby registry regrets etc so I could get opinions from multiple moms of their pros and cons and see what is actualllly necessary and not just being marketed to me…
Quick note for those who plan on donating their used baby items, from someone who worked at a thrift store: ALWAYS check the policies of the place you're donating to BEFORE dropping stuff off. Many stores have a lot of limits on what they can sell due to safety reasons ranging from actual laws to simply not having the time and resources to research the items for recalls. A few examples from my store included
1. Any sort of equipment that a baby could lie in, such as high chairs and bouncers and cribs, with the exception of bath tubs and super simple strollers that we could tag as for dolls. Car seats were illegal to be resold bc we had no way of knowing if it had been in an accident before.
2. Baby clothes for ages under 18 months with any sort of physical buttons, bows, pompoms, etc that could be ripped off and choked on.
3. Blankets, pjs, sleep sacks, swaddles, etc that didn't have a tag bc we couldn't verify if the fabric was flame retardant, only exception was handmade knitted/crochetted stuff.
4. Most things that go in a baby's mouth like pacifiers, bottles (we could sell the base bottle but not the nipples), thermometers, medicine syringes, etc. Again, bc we didn't have the time to research recalls on every item.
A lot of this might seem silly, but it's important to keep in mind that thrift stores can't track down the donor of an unsafe item if a customer's baby got hurt by it. The store holds all the liability and non-profits like these just can't take that risk. Also because they don't have the resources or space to deal with all the stuff they can't sell, the vast majority of it ends up in the trash. If they're lucky they'll be able to toss the fabric stuff in a bin to get sent off to clothing recycling. But that bouncer your kid never used that you dropped off at goodwill's back door and drove off? Yeah, it likely ended up in the dumpster.
If you do find an alternative place to donate to that says they'll take everything, such as a shelter or church, make a list of everything you're donating and for anything that's not clothing go ahead and check for recalls yourself. Mark which things you were able to verify and which you weren't, as well as all the items you've sanitized (i.e. bottles, pacifiers, booger suckers, etc) and how you sanitized them. Yes, it will take some extra time. But if the goal is to make sure that you are reducing waste and assuring the things you used get to continue to be used, having that list will be hugely helpful to both you and the recipients of the items. And this goes for gifting stuff to a friend or family member that's having a baby too.
Including the resaleability and donateability of items in your research is also a good idea. Because if nowhere in your area will accept it as a donation and it can't be resold (or you decide it's not worth the hassle to resell) then you can make a better judgement call on whether it's worth spending extra money for a fancy or trendy version if it means it's going to sit in storage or have to be thrown away when you no longer need it in 2 years. Thinking about what you'll do with all the baby crap after it's served it's purpose is something most new parents don't think about but it's super important to consider your space limitations and wastefulness in addition to all the usual considerations of safety and cost and function.
I’m SO HAPPY someone is talking about this. I waited until I was like 6 months pregnant to actually make my registry because I was so overwhelmed by not only the amount of things I apparently “needed” but also the prices. 🥴😳
I had to finish my registry earlier because my mom was throwing a baby shower. But now I'm 7 months and have to choose a breast pump and it's overwhelming all over again...
11 weeks postpartum with my first baby! I'm finding that simple things work best for us. So many products claim to be safe for babies but are unnecessary and often unsafe, causing clutter that can't be donated in good faith. So excited for you in the coming weeks, soak up all the newborn snuggles and don't let anyone tell you that you're holding her too much or spoiling her!
You nailed it when you said all you need to start is diapers, a way to feed your baby and a safe place to sleep (and maybe a car seat cause most hospitals won’t let you take the baby home until they check the car seat.)
I’m a first-time mom as of June. My baby was born at 10lbs and totally skipped being able to fit in any newborn-sized things. So all that stuff went untouched right off the bat.
And anything that is safe to buy second hand is soooo cost effective and great for the landfill 😅
Good luck, new moms! You got this!
Yes, 'A way to feed your baby!' Please research pumps and bottles, EVEN if you are planning on solely breastfeeding. Learning how to breasfeed can be HARD, and can even take time. Especially if the baby is colicky or has a tongue tie. You want an alternative way to feed them while you learn to breastfeed.
@@melanieserensen9021 we love in a world of next day/click and collect/24/7 stores. If it's not working out you can typically get stuff quick
Go second hand! Save your budget for after baby comes. You will be SHOCKED at your Amazon bill after baby comes and you realise you had no idea what was coming and are up at all hours of the night googling solutions to problems you never expected to have. Best purchase we ever made was buying the beside-me crib that attaches to your own bed. We originally had a bassinet but it became clear that this would not work and it was so difficult to get baby in and out while sleep deprived and healing from the birth. We ended up buying the same brand that they used in the hospital, thank god for online orders. Expensive-ish but we had the budget because the bassinet we originally planned to use was second hand and we got it for free.
Oh and, I meant to say, GOOD LUCK! I hope all goes well and you and baby both come through healthy and well, both mentally and physically. I hope you have the birth experience you want and that you have all the support you need, when you need it, and with as little hassle as possible.
On the note of a baby registry - my boyfriend's sister had a baby shower recently, and I was late to buying stuff off the registry - budgeting issues and all that. So I figured, at least I can pick whatever thing people have decided to NOT buy. I was so surprised to see that it looked like all the stuff that was left behind was the 'smaller' things - the spoons, the plates, the washcloths, the diaper cream, stuff along those lines - while most people had opted for the 'bigger' things, or stuffed toys, or 'cute' things. Obviously I'm not one to speculate on what people choose to buy and not buy, but it was so interesting to me! I ended up buying a bunch of the leftover stuff on the registry, and even ended up going BACK a week before the baby was due to buy more small things that she had on the registry that people didn't buy (thermometer, shower ladle thing, etc)
Coming from a mom, I bet you buying her those items meant the most to her ❤ when someone buys me the non glamorous essentials it can bring you to tears. You feel seen in your needs.
Why would you need a ladel for a baby bath? Are they cooking babies into soup?
@@TessaAvonlea omg 😂 I worded that horribly but I meant the little scoop thing you can use to pour water over the baby in a controlled amount 😂
@@KaitTheUnfunny a perfect example of how people have been brainwashed into thinking they need to spend money for a special piece of plastic for every purpose. What's wrong with a plastic cup, bowl, odd piece of tupperware etc?
Potentially adorable anecdote: when I myself was but a youngling, and people said "the baby will be arriving soon", I thought they meant by train 😂
My daughter is 2,5 years old now and I'm currently pregnant with my second child. Things I've learned: second hand is great! Newborns really only need something to keep them warm, something to eat and somewhere to poop. And love from their surroundings. You have time to still acquire the extra stuff. The toughest thing for me was to get used to have someone on me 24/7. About gifting stuff, gift cards to grocery shops or drug stores etc are always a good option too!
Oh and I don't get the need for diaper bags, any bag will do. I have a little bag with the essential changing stuff and can put that in any other bag. I find that more useful than compartments.
My great aunt went out of her way to tell my dad to tell me to ADD MORE to my registry because it was “too picked over” even though plenty of items I had picked out were still available. So I did. I added. SHE STILL DIDNT BUY OFF THE REGISTRY. 🙃
UGH!
Something I loved from my baby shower was that we requested people (if they were able to) to bring a childrens book. I think it was nice cause it could direct them to the utilitarian registry and/or give them an opportunity to bring something cute but still useful that wasn't already researched. If I were to do it again I would request it be second hand or thrifted.
The waste of all the new stuff we got for our baby weighs on me a bit. In general I think we got everything we needed and use it all regularly, but there is SO MUCH baby stuff on FB marketplace/Thrift stores.
I think the small extra item is a good way to do! I've done that before, bought the boring functional items off the registry and then added in a small cute toy as a bonus gift. I get that the baby shower is a party and people want the present opening to be fun and cute but like, we gotta remember the overall point of it is to help the parents.
When someone’s baby hates a high-end product, that’s your opportunity to stroll in and pick it up for cheap 😅
I’m so glad I saved my money and bought or received most of my baby gear second hand. Baby #3 is loving my $5 bouncer that I bought 5 years ago at a yard sale. We got a great quality almost new stroller on marketplace for half the price of what it would’ve been brand new. We’re done having babies and since we don’t have a ton of money invested in these things, I am really enjoying giving my baby gear away to friends and people in my community who need them. Trust me, your baby is not going to care whether they’re in a baby bjorn bouncer or a fisher price one. Do what works for you and your budget. Having the most expensive highest quality items doesn’t make anyone a better parent. Loving, caring for and keeping your babies safe is all that matters.
My mum used to be a midwife, and found herself frequently talking people out of buying expensive baby stuff because they were told they were "essential". Some items were actually actively dangerous - look up birthing pillows if you have time 😬
hi! I noticed you mentioned birthing pillows being dangerous? do you mean the U or C shaped body pillows for sleep support, or something else? I can't find any information with warnings 😭 hoping it's not the sleeping body pillows you mean
I looked up birthing pillow dangerous and only got stuff about nursing pillows.
Is that what you meant?
Pediatrics resident here. I see so much advertised to new parents that is unnecessary and/or detrimental for the newborn.
DON'T get:
- Pillows, plushes, blankets (except a couple light small blankets to swaddle, if baby likes.), weighted ANYTHING, angled/sloped ANYTHING. I see a lot of people using weighted blankets or cushions for their infant and swear baby loves it. Which is fine, but infant MUST be monitored CLOSELY in-person the ENTIRE TIME a weighted item is being used.
- Hats for every outfit. Unless you're going outside and YOU need a hat, then baby doesn't need a hat unless advised by a medical professional. Newborn will just get hot.
- A pacifier, if breastfeeding. Don't recommend introducing pacifier until newborn has been breastfeeding for at least 3 weeks. Then go for it!
- Any equipment to monitor vitals unless specifically advised by a medical professional. (It is almost never advisable. Really, only seen this advised with infants that have seizures or are on life-sustaining medical equipment full-time.)
- A rectal thermometer, unless you are a medical professional that is familiar with taking rectal temps for infants. Get one compatible with armpit or ear. A rectal temp will be obtained at doctor's office or hospital if necessary.
Do get:
- A safe and appropriate sleeping arrangement. Flat only with firm sleeping pad/mattress with fitted sheet only. Sleeping in parent/parents room until at least 6 months.
- Simple clothes compatible with frequent diaper changes. Love second-hand anything.
- Feeding tools that are compatible with your lifestyle and parenting needs, though understand many babies have certain feeding needs only known after birth (slow flow nipples, for example).
- Diapers, gentle soap, gentle oil, barrier ointment. All the nurses I know swear by using soft disposable cloths with water instead of baby wipes, but whatever is available to you.
- Suction bulb (with instructions on how to use, many people try without saline and get mediocre results).
- All the recommended vaccines for baby and anyone around baby! : )
The best enrichment for a newborn is attention from the people that love them. Treat yourself well and give yourself grace. Your baby loves you. : )
I am expecting twins in a few months and have been so overwhelmed by trying to figure out what I need for my babies too. On top of learning about the pregnancy, post partum, baby care, ect., trying to figure out what is needed for the babies seems like a never ending confusion. Especially how to afford things on a low income. And the decision fatigue on top of pregnancy fatigue is real. This video was so incredibly relatable and it was comforting to hear someone else talk about these things so realistically. Thank you! Blessings to you and your baby! 💜
Good luck and congrats, Tiffany! Something I didn't feel like anyone warned me about was the late-night online shopping. You will spend hours and hours awake with your baby in the middle of the night and you may find yourself scrolling on your phone (I certainly did). There was nothing like complete exhaustion mixed with unfettered access to Amazon that had me shopping for all those "essentials" that we had been getting by fine without. The best advice I have for you, no matter what kind of mom you end up being (late-night shopping mom, Montessori mom, minimalist mom) is to be gentle with yourself. As long as you are trying your best (most of the time. You won't always be able to give it your all), you're doing a great job!
my niece was my sister in law's second baby - my nephew is her older brother. there were some "baby girl specific" items on the registry, but most of it was practical stuff that's gone out of date or been used up since my nephew was a newborn (wipes, diapers, creams, medications). i made some hair bows for my niece, but went and bought the meds and some diapers and put everything in a basket. she was much more excited about my basket than she was about the several bins of baby clothes her aunt bought (none of which was on the registry, and most of it came from temu)
Pregnant with baby #3. The most empowering thing as a parent was learning what baby products have standards that must be followed (high chairs, cribs, bassinets, car seats, changing tables) to be sold in the US (EU has their own as well). That means if you can buy it in a store it is safe. Spend more if you want but the cheapest version is just as good.
My $100 ikea crib/toddler bed is still going strong.
My $250 convertible single to double stroller and baby car seat from Sam’s club is still going strong.
Never owned a bouncer. Or a swing. My changing table was the top of a used dresser with a cheap pad screwed to it for safety.
I didn’t have a village to pass down baby stuff to us but you can still have a baby on a budget and bag will thrive!
Loved that you brought attention to this ❤ and also, the immense pressure for your new life to be ‘perfect’ - like “don’t you want your newborn experience to be amazing? Don’t you want to just relax and enjoy it knowing you bought all new and best of the best? What if you don’t get to do this again?” It plays on the fears and insecurities of vulnerable mothers in so many different ways
I have 4 kids and I'm absolutely here for your no nonsense attitude.
When I was pregnant with our first baby, we had literally zero extra money. we were living with my parents, and I was underemployed. But looking back, it did help my mindset with parenting in general. I didn’t have the luxury of being picky, so I was grateful every time someone gave me anything, regardless of brand or popularity. Watching my friends and sisters-in-law go through this process with more money and Instagram is absolutely wild. Neither is better or worse. Just wholly different experiences.
I'm just a few weeks away from giving birth to my 2nd baby girl. I've done much better this time around in not buying things right away and finding less expensive, but still durable, items. The one thing that still gives me anxiety is the want to give my new baby her own toys, but also knowing we have waaaay too many toys already that my 2 year old no longer plays with. Ugh! Mommy guilt is never-ending.
Your baby will not care. ❤ Try not to stress! Congrats on baby 2!
I get that too sometimes. I've got three boys and I feel guilty that my oldest gets more new things and his brothers mostly get his hand me downs.
For the most part though, they still feel like they are getting something "new" and it has the added cool factor that the older brother they think is awesome used to wear it or play with it, which makes it a little more special to them.
You can think of it as your oldest sharing toys with the baby ❤ my baby is obsessed with my older kid, and definitely wants to share all his toys (when it’s safe). The only things I got specifically for her were some silicone teethers (she’s popping four teeth at once right now!)
I packed up most of the baby toys from my first and then pull them back out slowly when age appropriate. My second has no idea they were used and gets excited as if they are new toys. I have purchased just a few special outfits for my 2nd, so that not all of my pictures are just both of them in all the same clothes, haha.
In Brasil we have public health and they give to each family a ‘basic kit’ for the mom and the baby, and it’s pretty great❤
Another aspect of the absurdity of how expensive and overhyped and overwrought all this baby stuff is that just occurred to me is like. Unless you're having multiple children you're only gonna be using a lot of this for what is actually an incredibly short period of time in the grand scheme of your life and your child's life, and these are products tuned very specifically for that period of time. Like unless you know for absolute certain you're gonna have more kids investing this much time money and energy into baby products feels in the long run not that worth it (disclaimer: i'm childfree by choice forever and even if i change my mind will be adopting older kids so the mindset and needs of someone with infants and small children are foreign to me no yell me i cry)
I think the scariness of having a tiny newborn is part of it. Many people don't have a good support system to reassure them that everything is going to be okay and give them some help and breaks.
For example, if I could pay a thousand dollars for something that made my baby sleep perfectly, I would. Even two or three thousand. I'm taking a $10k pay cut and stepping back at work because I can't sleep enough to stay focused and sane.
I’ve always seen registries as a checklist for the future parents so they can keep specific track of everything they need. Wild that some folks think it’s a suggestions list. Honestly, I wish people used registries for even more things: birthdays, Hanukkah, Christmas, etc. It would make my life so much easier and prob theirs too.
The thing I think most people who buy All the Cute (but unneeded) Things either from or not a part of a registry don’t realize is that, in giving the utilitarian items, you’re giving the gift of not having to have an expecting mom or her partner having to do more work to get the things they need (and deal with items they don’t want or asked for) AND you’re giving them time, breathing room, and other intangible benefits that people need when they’re expecting a child.
Think of the gift giving for a new baby as the gift giving you’d do for someone going to higher ed/university vs giving gifts for a wedding: it’s the practicality and usefulness of what you give that’s the gift.
In Scotland (and other countries) new parents are given a baby box with a bunch of essentials to help reduce child poverty!
plus our culture also just doesn't encourage you to buy the highest end fucking garbage or these "registries"
Any parenting trends, clothing, feeding, cribs, etc. are always a different world from me. My mother's "bassinet" was an open drawer of a chest of drawers. The only new thing bought for my sister was a Mobi, everything else was happily donated from family who always keep any baby supplies just in case or found at many a swap meet. My favorite toy as a child was a Dora the Explorer playhouse we got by chance at a neighbor's yard sale. It's like the cultural divide hearing people spend almost $2000 on a bassinet that, realistically, a baby can use for maybe 3 months?
My childhood best friend just had her baby and for the shower I managed to get a whole baby quilt done- it wasn't on the registry, but my mom also came and made sure to get her some good necessities. It felt like a good balance, useful and asked for, and then something homemade and thoughtful. I love that baby so so much now that she's here. We also saved the shower decorations for me to decorate her hospital room! It made it so much nicer of a stay.
Watching this video two weeks post partum with my second child sleeping on my belly and very glad we borrowed or second hand bought most of our baby items. They just need sleep, food, love and safety
My baby came prematurely, so we didn't have the nursery fully set up and for a while I felt guilty that it wasn't this aesthetic, gorgeous baby room and then I realized it didn't matter at all and what mattered was that my baby and I were healthy and thriving. We bought a nice backpack but we ended up using a backpack from t.j Maxx because it was just handier. So easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need certain things. One thing I'm very glad we got that was our BOB stroller. It rolled BEAUTIFULLY, it was a bright orange color for visibility, it had great sispension so you could take it on hiking trails, it had a big visibility window, and had great storage. It was truly a joy to use. They are other great strollers out there -it doesn't have to be the one I used. But make sure you buy one that feels comfortable for you because a badly weighted stroller that doesn't roll well makes walks a lot less fun. Thrift stores like once upon a child often have great strollers, too. We got a travel stroller from them that folded up a bit smaller and it was great, too. Also some of these more expensive items go on sale so it's nice if you can look out for those deals. We got our stroller at REI using dividend money and then earning dividend money back while it was on a promotion. Stacking deals is awesome!
I'm a FTM due September 25th and the mommy marketing is crazy! When I feel overwhelmed by the lists and "must haves," I think about both of my grandmothers, one had 10 kids and the other had 8. They birthed and raised healthy children with a lot less. While they've both have passed, I like to think that I've inherited their strength and will survive just fine. This helps me tune out the marketing noise and resist the pressure to be a "perfect" mom.
Took me a moment to figure out that’s first time mom not female to male 😂
So here’s a tip: you don’t need a diaper bag. Just take a bag you already have and get a diaper clutch (something with a change mat and room for diapers and wipes), and then use packing cubes or makeup pouches etc to organize the rest of the contents. For the first three months of my first baby’s life I literally just used a tote bag until it occurred to me I could be using a backpack I already owned.
All that said, I would absolutely love to get a “real” diaper bag that’s cool and convenient, and the algorithm knows to serve ads to me for it.
Thoughts-
1. The pacifier they gave us at the hospital was the best, my kiddo ended up using it sparsely and not long.
2. When going to a shower, I get things on the registry I know are good and effective, and occasionally an item or 2 off of it and note that these items worked best for my kiddo and I swore by them (that are practical, not decor). Always provide a receipt with it in case it's truly not needed. The research is great and understandable, but there is some benefit to the wisdom of the people who have experienced it before you.
Thank you for this video!! It’s timely, too, since we just welcomed our second baby last month, and my mind is on all things baby even more than normal 🩵 two things I’d also share: 1) not to go full-blown minimalist, but there is definitely something to the “less is more” mentality. I love that my kids have a good amount of toys and clothes that they’ve been gifted, but stuff like that also adds to the amount of work you do as parents, especially in the baby/toddler stage, where they can’t effectively take care of or help with their own items/cleaning. Of course I still want my kids to have stuff and not be a sad beige mom (lol), but it greatly helps with my own sanity to know I can do a quick clean in 15 minutes max, or that we don’t have an overwhelming amount of baby clothes to wash. The more stuff you have, the more you have to maintain and clean, which couldn’t be more apparent as a sahm, when I have to clean quite a bit every single day. 2) parent (especially mom) community is SO necessary for many reasons, but on this video’s topic-I’ve been fortunate to have a wonderful circle of mom friends, and one benefit of that has been loaning and borrowing baby gear! I’ve tried out baby carriers, swaddles, pumps, etc, which helps especially with those pricy items. For instance, I’m glad we never got a Baby Bjorn bouncer since my kids never took to them, but we’ll probably end up splurging on a higher quality baby carrier, since my 2 month old needs to be held at all times 🤪 I do think there are some items that are worth more money, but I’m so glad I actually know what’s worth it, and what works for *my* specific children before I drop potentially hundreds of dollars!
Best of luck on labor and postpartum, Tiffany! You will be an AMAZING mother.
(Also, I had the same “books instead of a card” thing at my baby shower! I loved it, and it’s special that I end up reading the sweet messages more often, since I’m reading books to my kids!)
Oh my, this video brings me back to when our first son was born! We lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. Baby got a corner! We didn't even buy a crib, just one of those folding cots. We used a low bookshelf and put a pad on top of it for a changing table. Baby clothes were placed in fabric bins on said bookshelf. Our only splurge was a nice stroller-not a travel system or anything fancy with cup holders, an activity table, storage bin-just a stroller that rolled really nicely. You'll be fine! Lean into help from loved ones and spend lots of precious time with your baby.
I'm a childless cat lady (because my cat is my child) and I still sat for this video lol! Thank you for the video, Tiffany and please take care of yourself ❤
I've bought everything second hand except the stroller (need the five year warranty as I live in the Arctic and strollers have to take a beating here) and baby bed as it was recommended to have a new bed and mattress for infants.
Saved so much money buy buying everything else second hand! Highly recommend.
Some essentials in my circle is:
- an ergonomic baby carrier/wrap to have your hands free
- a sleep carrier that can be transferred to the stroller as well
Hello…I am a mommy of 2…okay this is the quick and simple advice I have. First kid…I was just like you exhausted trying to figure out what I needed. My second…legit he had 10 onesies, 2 newborn outfits, a good car seat (the only place you should not scrimp on prices), one bottle of the local store’s brands (there were 4 types I got one of each to see what one he liked), a pack and play with newborn bassinet, used bouncer from Once Upon A Time, a used swing also from OUAT, 4 burp rags and a package of each brands diapers/wipes (the small packs).
It was crazy to buy anything more without seeing what works best for my son.
19:53 I love that you said this about second hand…I think the boomers who are better positioned to push the mindset “it needs to be new” that are spear heading the mom shame. Always seems to be the grandma’s being pushy
This topic is SO INTERESTING to me. It really is part of a whole culture of what I think of as “competitive parenting” that is especially prevalent online. I PROMISE you don’t need any of the expensive, trendy items. I know because I didn’t have any and my son is just fine! It is so hard not to compare yourself to other moms and feel less than, but avoiding toxic social media is so helpful, especially in those early days. 90% of my sons stuff was second hand and I didn’t have the luxury (or burden I guess) of researching every item and trying to pick the optimal one. Yes, buy from reputable brands, especially when considering safety like car seats and safe sleep. But if you accidentally buy a stroller you don’t like, it’s way less of big deal if it was a secondhand $35 one. And I ended up loving my second hand $35 stroller! Babies mostly need love and care and attention and they literally don’t care if the crib they sleep in was used or new.
I could listen to you talk about this topic for like another 2 hours
As a mom of 2, I found myself nodding my head to all of this! I remember researching away many sleepless night during pregnancy and even afterwards, trying to find what worked best for our family. It was very overwhelming because, i there was b9th too much & not enough into. Thankfully we got alot 2nd hand, and grow-with-me big items like carseats, crib, & stroller. I have found that the fellow moms in my circle are better resources for advice/ assistance. You're not alone girl! You got this mama!
Probably more a comment for the upcoming gifting video but I can relate to the frustrations of the expectant mothers when it comes to the gift registries. My family are constantly asking for a wishlist because they don't know what I like but want to give me gifts. It’s stressful because I have to shop for myself on top of the stress of the other holiday shopping; inventing things they can buy while being mindful of costs so i don't seem greedy. I end up adding functional items I *need*, but they don’t like buying “boring” things, so I often don’t get them or get asked to add something else that fits what they want to gift.
Thank you so much for doing this video. One of my closest friends is having her first baby in December, and I have so much to learn about being an "aunt." I appreciate this video so much. Congratulations on your baby. You will make a wonderful mom.
When I had my first girl, I admit I was overwhelmed! Then I researched everything, as I do with everything. I'm usually a very low-spending person. I bought many secondhand items and joined a Facebook group where moms give free stuff. Im sure I've saved thousands of dollars. With my second, I said I would try to buy the Snoo secondhand, which I did, but my baby did not like it. The ad for Snoo got me because I was so scared I would not get any sleep with the baby and toddler.
1. It's not worth buying new baby stuff. They use it for such a short time.
2. Do yourself a favor and buy Walmart-brand diapers and wipes. They are the cheapest on the market and very efficient.
3. Graco car seats, strollers, etc, are good and affordable.
I first found your channel last year when my son was a newborn! I would watch you in the middle of the night while breastfeeding 😆 Best of luck with the birth!! I loved this video. It feels like yesterday that I was dealing with all of these same issues. Creating a registry and picking baby items felt like it was my JOB for awhile. I would dedicate an hour or so a day to working on it, and that task doesn't actually end once the baby arrives, either. Now that my son is about to walk and is climbing on everything, there are even more decisions to make. 😂
I hope you love being a mom! It's the best thing I've ever done. It's the good kind of difficult. ❤
I was raised on Walmart, Zellers and secondhand baby/toddler products, and it was all sufficient and safe. I think we forget that baby things at these stores undergo tons of safety protocols and regulations and in modern times, the market has upped their game greatly to match the desires of the consumer.
Just wanted to pop in and wish you an easy delivery in full hands ❤ so excited for you guys in this new chapter of your life, I remember watching you over a decade ago and I love being able to follow your journey all the way here. I wish you well and the best of luck, and may these next couple of weeks be as easy as can be ❤
a concept that seems to be getting lost is the borrowing of baby stuff.
like, in my extended family it's very common that when someone is pregnant , the cousin , aunt , sister , etc. that ALREADY has kids would lend you all of the baby stuff. Someone gives you all the clothes , the carries , maybe monitors. Like , realistically you are going to use half of that stuff for what? 6 months? and if talking about clothes the sizes will change monthly and even weekly
When I was pregnant I was incredibly overwhelmed with all the things you're supposed to get. We got a stroller, car seat and a crib that connects to the parents bed new, got a ton of clothes and stuff second hand from friends and that was more or less it. I wasn't psychologically able to do more and tbh: that was enough. In hindsight I'm glad I didn't spend that much time on that topic, even though the reason was my bad psyche at that moment (which I got help for and I was also encouraged to not overthink it and get crazy about those lists).
Also: absolutely had the same impression about having a baby being similar to all the wedding planning etc. After you spend tons of money for the wedding industrial complex you're spending now on the baby industrial complex 😅
Being a childfree singleton who just broke up out of a LTR last year - the idea of people not getting stuff off your registry is insane to me! I had a housewarming list and people all got me exactly what I asked for, and that's just for ME and it was home decor. The idea of not getting useful things for your BABY or PREGNANCY CARE is absurd, but it feels like pregnancy makes people stop caring about your wishes as the parents even more than usual, I feel.
Do Americans have registries for every life event? Excuse me for the assumption that you're American. I've never heard of a registry for a house warming. it sounds intense.
@@TessaAvonlea I don't think housewarmings typically have registries, but my circumstances after a breakup were a little on the bare side because moving cleaned out all of my savings and was splitting stuff between a long-term partnership so I was missing basics. I still don't have a lot of furniture.
not a parent, but the registry/gift-giving segment really struck a chord with me as a disabled person. every Christmas my family asks me what I want. I say "money to put towards [medical device I've needed for years]." my mom goes "but that's no _fun,_ you need to have something you can open on Christmas!! just send me a list of things you'd like!" so I send her a list of wrist and ankle braces, household gadgets for people with mobility issues, compression socks, other things of that nature. well, all of those are too _functional_ for her tastes, they're not _glamorous_ enough, so she's convinced I wouldn't be excited to open them (even though I would be overjoyed and deeply relieved). come Christmas day, each year, I find myself winding up with some random decorative object I don't need or want. and I can't say this to her, because then I'm "ungrateful." and I still have trouble getting around the house :(
all this is to say, I empathize VERY strongly with those parents who are begging for someone to gift them diapers instead of stuffed toy #23. it's just so, so presumptuous for another person to believe they know what you want better than you do yourself. gifts like these should reduce someone's burdens, not add to them!
whatsinmy AI fixes this. "Mommy marketing and luxury baby."
I never had nor used a diaper bag. I bought a $15 gray backpack from TJMaxx as my diaper bag. It was big enough to store the essentials, and as my child grew up, was able to adapt as our outing bag to fill with extra clothing/gear as well as activities, toys, and food. And now it is my carry-on backpack when I travel. A simple backpack is best for transitioning from the baby era to the toddler era, as well as functionality once past the initial use. And because it wasn't a crossbody bag or a purse like bag, it was easy to carry at all times as well as convenient for my husband to use.
I'm telling myself it's "research" for when my bestie gets pregnant, when my entire plan is to lead with my fierce protectiveness of her, her wellbeing, and her sanity. She is not even pregnant yet, I and my spouse are childfree by choice, and yet, I'm here watching this.
Thanks for a thoughtful video, Tiffany! Those of us in the village also need to prepare to be the voice of kindness and sanity for our birthing friends and family
November mama here! I have into the hype on some things, but also got SO many things second hand. My mom and aunt went HARD at yard sales this summer and I honestly feel so blessed because if I tried to get everything myself or put it on my registry, I’d be BROKE and exhausted. I appreciate this video so so much because the mom guilt is SO real.
Good luck on your last month!!
We been having kids since caveman years. The pressure is so unessesary and expensive for little gain in the grand scheme of things.
Congratulations on your baby! I just had my baby girl in July, I was NOT prepared for the amount of mental labor it took to create a registry. I thought it would be super straightforward, but like you said it takes so much time and research for every little thing! I was even researching for over an hour about what kind of towel/bedding materials were best for baby 😅 I will say that having baby girl has been way more easy going than preparing for her arrival. You will do great with whatever you have and she will love you just as much no matter what brand you buy things from. Congratulations again 💗
My spouse and I have one child and we were so grateful to get so many hand-me-downs 🙌 Our favorite diaper bag was a backpack from Babies 'R Us for like $30? Obviously this was not recently, lol. We never did a nursery because honestly the baby spent most of their time with us in our room and the living room. Trying to be aesthetic all the time seems to add an extra level of pressure and exhaustion that I just never had time or patience for.
Registry story:
I was given a gently used infant mattress by my friend and my FIL and his girlfriend bought us a mattress and insisted it was on the registry, which it was NOT, and then made us deal with the return. It was so annoying. Overall I looked at the registry as a shopping list for us and if anyone buys anything off it, cool.
My go-to baby shower gift formula is a diaper caddy/some other storage off their registry, 1-2 of the smaller essentials from the list like ointments or grooming items, a board book, and a treat just for the pregnant friend, like a DoorDash gift card or their favorite snack or maybe some nice body wash. And of course diapers to fill up any of the extra space! I'm the only single/childless one in a group of couples so I worry about not being able to give gifts based on personal experience, but I've found that this is always received pretty well and lets me personalize the gift a bit more.
Best wishes for the upcoming weeks. Hope you have a safe delivery.
So glad you made a video about this!!! I’ve been talking about this since I had my first child 8 years ago in my early 20’s. It makes me so sad looking back at just how much my inexperience and vulnerability was preyed upon.
I think a lot of people see the consumable boring items on the registery as regular shopping and not gifts. They rather get the person something that will have them be seen in that gift like a clothing item.
Putting a message with the registry explaining why you want the items on your list might help bridge that gap in miscommunication between gift giver and receiver.
Wishing you a peaceful and safe labor and delivery, Tiffany! Blessings to you and your family ✨
Since my baby is year of the dragon and I'm half Chinese, our decorations were just paper dragon decorations we got from Chinatown and our food was dim sum in catering trays and Nothing Bundt Cake cupcakes. Games were simple, passive ones that didn't involved much more than some cups and paper. Chill, affordable, loved it. I explicitly told me sister NO BALLOONS.
I’m having a dragon baby too! 😝🐉
That's very cuteeeee!!!!!!! I'm a dragon and my baby will be year of the snake 🐍🐍🐍❤ I think Im going to get them a snake toy 😅
I'm pregnant with my first and this video is super relatable. I'm grateful though that my friends and family mostly bought things that were on my registry, plus gave me a bunch of hand me down baby clothes. So I am pretty well set! I do hope more people get the message to buy things from the registry because the parent picked that specific stuff for a reason
Please tell me how Tiffany and UA-cam knew I just came out of my 8 week appointment for my pregnancy. Of all my subscriptions, this one came up first.
Aww congratulations!!
@@tiffanyferg Thank you!!!! It’s my first and I fall on the younger side, so I needed this video. Your videos help me understand myself and society so much better.
@@SarahWolkowitz congrats🎉 read the comments and know, that you do not need all these stuff. My little one is nearly two and you need a safe place to sleep, some diapers (one package, cause you do not know babys size), a car seat and two to three onesies/outfits in newborn and a little bigger (sizes of newborns do vary!). Everything else is not that important and can be purchased later when you know your little human. A carton of baby milk and a bottle is recommended even if you want to feed your child naturally, not every woman can. Wishing both of you the best!
@@Celestichthysmargaritatus The good thing is I have studied child development. Give a baby an empty remote and they will make it a toy. I’m thinking of skipping a bassinet unless it’s gifted. I’m just thinking about long term efficiency.
@@SarahWolkowitz i did, too😄 yea, but your child will tell what it needs. I found after a few weeks baby sleeping in a safe nook with me better than the bed i bought(my solution was sleep safe also) and now my baby likes to sleep next to my bed in its own bed, even if it can always cosleep when needed. Its about your baby, not about what anyone says.
I wish I could send this to my mom. Her coworker had a baby registry detailing what was needed but my mom decided to buy baby clothes. Baby clothes were not on the registry. 🙃
I have been to a number of baby showers where there were not registries, but most people still gave very practical things. The gifts are often grab bags of practical stuff (nappy rash creams and diapers etc.) with a few cute items thrown in. The best gift I have seen is one friend who always gives a ton of baby products in sample sizes. Her view is that for a lot of things you will only find out what product works best once you try them out, so her gift makes it easy for the mother to be to try out different products. I think the trend towards practical gifts or unpractical ones is cultural. We do sometimes have registries and when that is in place most people buy off it. (I am South African)
Oooo the sample sizes is a great idea!
It is amazing how much stuff is marketed to parents. I remember buying this extra fancy food that had to be kept refrigerated. Waste of money, but at the time it seemed reasonable.
My biggest expense was our recliner ~1000 and it was clutch. I slept in it after my c-section and used it for feeds and we still use it for bedtime stories. Just about everything else is second hand/refurbished. It so easy to get overwhelmed though.
Good luck with your baby! Sending so much love. Crazy to think I've been watching you since you were talking about uni to now being a mum. 💗💗💗
I'm not planning on getting pregnant in the next 2 years or so, but I'm kind of obsessed with baby/parenting talk and all the consumerism around it. I find it so intriguing. On the one hand, I'm aware that very few items are ACTUALLY ESSENTIAL. Most 'essentials' are really 'nice-to-haves'. You just need a place for baby to sleep, something to keep the baby the right temperature, something to keep the baby fed, something to move the baby from one place to another without permanently injuring yourself, and something to keep the baby clean. Those are essential, yet I see all these people on Reddit rave about wipe warmers and tubes to put in the baby to get out snot or farts. Do these items actually add value to people's lives? Can't wait to find out.
Would highly recommend the snot one, lmao. But that is mostly because i saw a video where they did it the og way aka parents mouth blowing or sucking the snot out and it makes me gag just thinking about it.
I'm never having kids, but I'm mindblown by how much stuff people say a baby needs now compared when my sister & cousins were born in the late 90s. Wipes were sometimes cold, and babies needed to fart without help, yet it doesn't seem to have done them any harm.