Weight Gain and Loss in France I Body Image in France I Fatphobia in France?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 9 кві 2022
- 👉 Find out more about Lingoda's Language Sprint here: try.lingoda.com/KateSprint
⭐ Use code “KATESPRINT" for 20 euro discount on sign up!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I opened up in today's video about my experience gaining and losing weight in France, which was not easy for me. Weight in France is a hot topic because french women are seen around the world as slim and chic, so the stereotype that French women don't get fat and that all French women are slim is still really relevant. When i moved to France, i was curious for sure about the french relationship with food and I noticed how different the French perceived weight compared to the US. The whole idea about accepting yourself for who you are no matter what you look like, isn't the message that the french society sends and for me, it had some long term consequences on my body image. I hope you enjoy the video and i'll see you in the comments below!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check out some of my other culture shock videos!
USA Culture Shocks: • USA CULTURE SHOCKS | W...
The French Do It Better: • REVERSE CULTURE SHOCKS...
French Culture Shocks: • FRENCH CULTURE SHOCKS ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you ❤ France, being an expat in France or learning about French culture shocks, then SUBSCRIBE here: bit.ly/2Xg1UQ6!
There's a lot more coming where this came from!✌
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
❤ Hop on board to the hot mess express that is Kate! I’m a pizza loving, wine guzzling American thriving in Paris. Eh… scratch the thriving part and put surviving. I’ve got an endless love/hate relationship with France, that drives me to do unexplainable things. If you like pizza recommendations and some expat excitement, you’re in the right place. ✌Subscribe for new videos every week!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
❤ FOMO NO MORE!
❤️ Subscribe to my UA-cam channel here! bit.ly/2Xg1UQ6
🐸 Check out my blog here: bit.ly/2E1HGkh
💎Subscribe to my blog here : bit.ly/2Sfc3sk
📷 Come hang out on Instagram with me here! bit.ly/2GA5Nu2
I moved to France in 2017 and I was very heavy-about 200 pounds/ 5ft 4inches. I had been on thyroid meds for 3 years before arriving. When I went to a doctor to get a refill, I was told I needed to loose weight and thyroid meds were “an American thing”. I moved to a small village in 2020 with a lovely medical office. A doctor there spoke English. At my first visit, he asked a lot of questions and when he found out I had not been on meds for three years, had me get lab work and come back…and put me back on meds. Never once did he comment negatively on my weight. I made HUGE changes and have lost about 60 pounds in the past 2 years. He never comments on my weight, but talks about my mental health. I know how lucky I am. Your gynecologist was horrible and I am so sorry you had that experience.
Wow, I don't know any doctor here who talks about mental health when it has to do with weight, so super happy that you found a great doctor, especially if you're in a small village when you have less options! I also take thyroid meds too!
the view of weight does depend of the region you're in. having lived in paris and in normandy i see a difference. about pregnancy though it's not specific to one doctor it's a general opinion especially in Paris.
Yes my doctor was in a very small place in north of france - lens/lievin and I must say I was treated much better than Toronto doctor !
What a pleasant experience! My friend's 2nd pregnancy visit included the doctor telling her that she likes to est too much... My goodnessss!! Haha she put on like 5 lbs
I'm shocked about the "American thing" comment on the thyroid meds, especially considering that France had a big scandal related to... Levothyrox, the leading thyroid medication!
Glad you've found a better doctor, best wishes Amy!
I usually never comment, but felt compelled to. I live in Switzerland (French-speaking part) and gained 18kg for each of my pregnancies (mind you my weight at the start was 51kg).
My first gynaecologist was German and she knew my history of infertility and miscarriage, so was actually the one to encourage me to stop sports, as I was bleeding during the pregnancy. She didn’t do births, so referred me to another gynaecologist at the end of the pregnancy.
That doctor scolded me for my weight gain and told me gaining too much weight wasn’t good for my baby. I asked what I could do and she said « well it’s too late now, you shouldn’t have eaten so much to start with ». She then proceeded to prod my legs saying « that’s not only water retention, that’s fat ». And then tell me she never gained more than 10kg for each of her 3 pregnancies.
I want to point out that 1) both my kids are very slender and healthy 2) I lost the weight both times in the months that followed and 3) I gained the exact same weight during both pregnancies.
I think each body is different and has different needs during pregnancy and doctors need to take that into consideration. (Another doctor for my 2nd pregnancy did not care about the 18kg).
Calories and weight are one thing.
Quality fats, 'clean carbs', fruits/juices, fresh soups etc are another thing.
I am French , two kids and trust me gynecologists are the woooooorst. I went through the exact same experience and how many times was I told « careful, losing the pregnancy weight is not that easy, it’s gonna be hard, try and not put on weight … ». Things are slowly changing in France but we still have a looooong way to go and we have a lot to learn about body positivity !
Let’s hope it happens sooner rather than later
I could not agree more. I am French but lived in the US for 8 years (my husband is American). Everything that you are describing is absolutely right. I have experienced it myself.
Back when I was a teenager living in France, I lost a good amount of weight (I was fairly thin before that so I got pretty skinny) linked to a depression and I got so much praised. It was extremely hurtful and insensitive. Leaving France to go live in the US, I found so much freedoms in that sense and felt much more comfortable with my body there.
With my family, we actually just recently moved back to France and we are having a second child. I am therefore living my second pregnancy in France (the first one happened in the US). I am having such a bad experience about weigh gain, and it is causing so much anxiety. My pregnancy in the US went great. I gained a good amount of weight (that I lost really quickly after) and my doctors never told me anything negative, on the contrary they said it was great. Here in France my pregnancy has been such a different experience. Even though I have been gaining the exact same weight so far, my doctor keeps telling me to be careful and watch what I am eating, that I am gaining too much weight.
There is a lot of fat phobia in France and it is extremely strange how people fell the right to talk about these things that are very personal and none of their business.
I am sending you all a lot of love and compassion ❤️
PM
And May all that compassion surround you. You are SO right! I stopped going to my doctor because I was so afraid of his shaming me. That’s a terrible price to pay. I only gained 11 pounds and my baby weighed 7. Not healthy.
You are wise and I send you so much love.
Is anorexia an issue in France?
When I was about 16, I remember proudly telling my grandmother that I had lost 20 pounds and now weighed 140.
Instead of being happy for me, she distainfully said, “No woman in our family has ever weighed so much!”
I was 5’7” and this was a normal weight. I felt crushed because I wanted her to be proud of me. She meant a lot to me. But fortunately. even though I was hurt, I knew I had done something really good for myself.
Thank you so much for shedding some love on this topic.🌺♥️🌿
I’ve been overweight most of my adult life. People think that is a good to comment if I lost weight. To me was so hurtful. They forget that inside I’m the same person they ‘now’ think is better looking. I would never imagine someone of your size would also have weight issues. Thank you for sharing! xoxo
It's always amazing to see what people struggle with that you wouldn't even realize! xoxo
Patricia, I can totally relate to your experience! I hope you're doing well :)
Hey Kate, really relatable topic. It's unbelievable that a male doctor- who can only ever study the theory of pregnancy- would dissmiss what a pregnant woman feels her body needs in her real life lived experience. And of course women need more nutrients while pregnant because nutrients is being funneled to the baby! My biology professor said it is not uncommon for women to become diabetic during pregnancy because the baby is using so much of their blood sugar- so it makes sense that your body wanted carbs! Also I saw a TED talk of someone who studied "morning" sickness and he essentially said that it is an adaptation that leads women to eat what they need to (and avoid and dispell what they need to) in order to have a healthier pregnancy. So take that, outdated doctor! My heart goes out to you that you had this negative pressure at a time that like you said is very special- I mean building a damn baby is work and no one should judge women for doing what they need to get through it.
Women: listen to your body! You are the expert on you and how it feels to be you. Much love to you Kate. Keep shining.
Thanks for watching this long one Mar! I think you're right about listening to your own body and sometimes just knowing what's best for you. i think pregnancy is a hard one because everything is so new that you tend to take an expert's point of view and follow it so strictly. And for me, i cared so much that it was just detrimental to the whole experience!
It’s really not a feminist issue.
@@ZacharyVannett What do you mean exactly? I don’t think anyone is saying that it is. It’s just that women who get pregnant have stories to tell.
Do you mean men have challenges with attitudes about gaining and losing weight in France?
If so, I hope you will share your experience if you are comfortable.
@@mamaahu Um idk what you mean. What I'm saying is: the whole "listen to your body because you know you" thing is kind of débile. You're going to a doctor to get his opinion, not for him to say whatever it is that will make a hormonal mother most at ease. Also, undermining a doctor because he is male and never has been pregnant: the 4th wave feminism just oozes out of that.
The bottom of the line is women gain weight during pregnancy and at the same time women use pregnancy as an excuse to feed their gluttony.
The comment felt like more than "a woman telling a story" to me. The comment felt like a call to action to shame the terrible male doctors who are too misogynistic to understand women and approve of their overeating during pregnancy. Here's another thing to think about; Kate looks great after her pregnancy, but I didn't hear any appreciation to the frank doctor for her preserved figure.
I am French man and I really make a strong link between health and weight. However, a doctor is not supposed to make you cry. I think you should never go back to this one.
I comment poeple weight (sorry... just an habit) and I got comments on mine. All my life my family, collegues, friends... told me to "lose my belly" ("perd ton ventre" I'm not sure of my translation here. Sorry.). It's not nice to hear this but I really think it is said to be mean. When I get a flue my mom tell me to take medecine or to see a doctor ; when I put on weight she tells me to lose weight.
It is not a financial issue because health care is free. It's more to be sad for someone because you can see he or she is not healthy (at least for me).
I really see how it is difficult for you and I am sorry for that.
*it is NOT said to be mean
Thanks Jean! Really interesting to see a French man's perspective and to hear that you comment or get commented on because for you it's linked to health, not beauty. I do understand that this is culturally different, i just think it can be hard to hear when you aren't used to it because it's not a subject you usually talk about.
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified That's the thing: it's allowed to comment if you speak about health. If you speak about beauty, you have to be very very careful because it may be rude so easily. You should know the person, be close to him or her, it must be a safe space... For example, when you speak about your boss it is shocking to me. You are his employee not an enjoyment for his eyes! The limit is very thin and of course we use it to speak about beauty being hidden behind health. However, speaking about beauty outside a safe space is consider as impolite for sure.
Kate, you are brave for sharing. Don't let the negative shut you down. We miss you. Hope to see you soon. Stay strong! Be Blessed!
Bravo for being so honest and sharing your feelings. I think your reactions to both losing and gaining weight are absolutely understandable. It doesn't make you oversensitive. Getting scolded for gaining weight must have been awful when you were going to those regular pregnancy appointments. Sharing the reality of what it was like will definitely help others in the future. Thank you. xxx
I'm sorry you had those experiences. That's tough, and I can see how it would continue to affect you. I live in Francophone Africa, and here it's the opposite, although it's not talked about as much as weight is in more developed countries. People will compliment you for gaining weight. At first, I didn't know how to act. After a trip, the polite thing to say to someone is "You got fat." It means they had plenty of food to eat and didn't have to do hard work, so they were able to put some weight on. Even if someone didn't gain weight, it's just the polite thing to say. I learned to accept their intentions (a compliment) instead of feeling so self-conscious about it. At one point, an African friend who hadn't seen me for 4-5 months, was really concerned because she thought I lost weight. I didn't think that I had, and I was trying to tell her that I was fine. She spoke to my husband about it, too, because obviously, he needed to solve that problem. I do understand it in a way though because in this context people who are skinny are often those who are seriously ill. Rapid weight loss can be a sign of serious illness. So if you see someone losing weight, you are concerned. If you see someone gaining weight, you think they're doing well.
Such a great video. Thank you for sharing such personal moments with us. Takes courage and resilience to share real life experiences and opinions on UA-cam
Thank you!
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 thank you for being so transparent!
Hi Kate! I really don't think you're too sensitive. That doctor was definitely an asshole... I'm sorry you experienced all of this. I'm French and I live in Canada and when I moved here I realized how much french people judge eachother. It was very liberating to be here and not have to worry so much about my physical appearance. I grew up with the idea that gaining weight was a bad thing (when I was a teenager I weighed around 60kg and I thought I was fat) and I think it is so very damaging. Life happens and it's completely normal to gain or lose weight and also, we all have different bodies that work differently. People seem to forget about that. Being fat in France is definitely seen as a bad thing.
Poor you..
Super interesting to have a French point of view and also glad to hear you found a better balance for yourself in Canada!
Your video are refreshing! It’s so good to hear your POV.💕
Kate, thank you for sharing your experiences. You are VERY brave. I am so sorry you had a negative experience with your OBGYN in particular. I've only ever seen French doctors for broken bones, so weight has not been an issue. Your weight journey sounds familiar, though, and I'm really glad to hear you have found a happy set point. Oddly, though I have lived in Paris, my comments on weight have been primarily from 1. American inlaws and 2. a chef in Italy. I developed a serious illness in Italy and my weight dropped severly as a result. The chef showed me a before and after/sick photos (I lived near her, plus I spent some time working for her) and she said "I see how good Italy has been for you!" Reminds me of your colleagues. I had to get a nutritionist when I left Italy to recover. She gave me a useful piece of advice: tell people you know what is good for you/you are comfortable with your body. I honestly don't know if I ever used one of those lines, but I found them psychologically empowering. Meanwhile, my high school bestie (who is also "frenchified") is on the other end of the spectrum and gets an overwhelming amount of criticism from her Parisian friends. At the same time, she has found an increasing number of plus-size fashion boutiques and I think this lets her feel chic regardless of the comments. Random note: I LOVE YOUR WHITE VASE AND NEEEEEED ONE!
I'm an au pair in France and my host mom is about 12 weeks pregnant. She is beating herself up all the time about gaining weight, and I'm over here celebrating for her! Trying to instill some American body positivity where I can. I've lost some weight moving to France and I didn't think much of it until a neighbor, who I've only met twice in my 8 months of living here, made a comment about it. Really strange to me! Thanks for your honesty, always
Keep your cancerous 'body positivity' to yourself.
*Gaining weight in France was NEVER A PROBLEM* before the ruinous americanization (all its flavours).
So keep your 'solutions' as well as your influence to yourself.
All accross Europe we Euro-Europeans are getting really, really sick and tired of your American BS. We know lots of places in the US and in other countries. We also know about History. We can compare. We're not stupid.
We're sick and tired.
_
Hey Addison! Sounds very similar to what I went through! You didn't really pay as much attention to the weight loss until someone else started saying something and depending on who it is, it can feel really strange!
Its really brave of you to share this experience with us & it was eye opening! U crying after the doctor constantly reminding you of the weight gain & almost scolding you about it will definitely make anyone cry! As if we don’t have more things to worry about during a pregnancy🥲
So sorry to hear but glad you’re doing alright. I still need to get into healthier habits, at least for my own perceptions. Take care, thanks for sharing on this tough topic! ❤
I will never understand any comment anywhere about what a person looks like (size, hair, face, whatever). To my mind no one has the right to make a comment, especially if they do not know you. And, especially if they *think*it is a positive encouraging comment - they never ever are in reality.
This is a great!! I hope you the best while you’re growing your UA-cam channel.
Thank you for sharing your personal story ❤️ you're very brave for opening up about your anxieties. I don't live in France but Austria. People aren't THAT direct here but also I've noticed people commenting on weight loss like a lot. Not that you should lose weight but once you do for whatever reason it gets commented on. And of course this plays right into the feels of self worth. It's so hard escaping this thought spiral. I'm still fighting with my weight related self worth and anxiety despite starting to feel good in my body and being grateful for it being strong and healthy overall instead of slim..
Intelligent analysis! Well done!
I feel really bad for young women today. Regardless of the country or the culture, women are saturated and conditioned with 'body image' messages and stereotypes in everyday life and in the media. It doesn't matter if it is body positive, judgment or shaming. It doesn't matter if it's connected to health, beauty, or to femininity, women are disproportionately targeted with almost subliminal standards and expectations. It is no wonder self-worth has become inextricably linked to external appearances. No woman needs external validation to know how she feels. Perhaps we can eliminate the question of how we feel _about_ ourselves and just focus on how we feel. Good for you for having the courage to address this issue so honestly and with such grace.
Not only women. People need to stop about this belief, it's at least the same thing for men if not more.
Women are way more protected about this problem today than man when men it's normal to make joke and make comment about it. I've friend which had weight issue, everyday he had comments, jokes about it from my other friends when in another hand a women friend of mine had no comment at all and never had.
And she never had problem to find boyfriend despite this weight (clearly obesity) when it's was not a possibility when my friend was overweight.
In general, where I Iive (big city in France) we ask to a men to be fit, tall and have a muscular body when we only ask a women to be nice it's enough. An overweight women will find way more easily a boyfriend than a normal men.
So no, I'm not agreed about this myth.
Whine more.
@@camsimed Prepare to get lots of angry responses..
Shredded men on PEDs everywhere..
+
I wonder a lot how i'm going to raise my daughter to be someone who just focuses on how she feels about herself and not what others say or think. I can barely manage and the world has changed A LOT since i was a teenager. But great message and vibe to send out to the world!
Totally agree that it's not just about women, but also a lot of expectations for men too. But i wouldn't agree that men must be tall, fit and have a muscular body to find a woman and a woman must just be "nice" to find a guy. I think women are expected to be a lot more than just nice.
I gained and lost 70 pounds several times living in the U.S. When I was fat, no friend said anything, and I was invisible to strangers. When I lost the weight, I got so many comments from friends (which made me feel as if I was "sasquatch" before), and strangers were smiling at me, salespeople approached me in stores, etc. In France, I lose weight naturally. The way of life (I walk everywhere), the portion sizes, the majority of people being an acceptable weight, all contribute to my mindset about my body. It blows my mind that I eat a three-course lunch in a restaurant with my husband every day, I eat croissants and dessert every day, and I'm losing weight (cooking from scratch in the US every day barely moved the needle- maybe it was the stress). I also know a group of girls from high school, they've remained friends all this time, and they haven't gained hardly any weight. I wonder if it's because they know each other from way back when, and make comments when one of them starts to gain. They are very unselfconscious and casual about it, not snarky at all. I think it has to do with mindset, and feeling stressed/unhappy about what is being said.
I totally agree.
This was so honest and thank you
Ugh so hard for you. Thanks for sharing. I'm a fellow midwest gal and I share the same sensitive personality traits of overthinking it...I live in Bordeaux and I feel like maybe there is less pressure here compared to Paris in regards to having that cool/fashionable/beautiful look...and my french husband has a little belly on him so that helps :) Less pressure on me! Kudos to you for sharing. I've lived here for 6 months now and man oh man...sometimes it's so hard. Thanks again for sharing and keep up the great work!
Interesting. Thank you for sharing! Bless you!
Thank you for sharing. There really are significant mentality differences.
Sorry but the excuse of being so concerned about your weight being out of concern for your health is BS. How would your health be of concern to the boss of a boss of a boss? I don’t hear stories about the french telling someone not to have another cigarette, but yet telling someone not to have another chip is concern for health? And yes, being obese is not healthy. But being thin doesn’t guarantee health. And bottom line, why do others think they have a say in your health at all? This is really about a culture obsessing over being thin and projecting it onto each other.
100% this.
Best comment!!
Salut, mon premier commentaire sur ta chaîne aha.
Sans parler de ta grossesse, mais par rapport à ta perte de poids due à ton entrainement pour le marathon je t'avoue être assez surpris de ta perception des choses. Pour moi complimenter quelqu'un sur sa perte de poids ou sa prise de muscle est très flatteur.
Je n'aurais pas pensé que ça aurait remis en question ta confiance en toi (physiquement).
Au contraire à ta place j'aurais été agréablement surprise. Enfin c'est mon opinion haha. Ce n'est pas parce qu'on te complimente sur ton physique que ça voulait dire que tu était en surpoids ou enveloppée, mais juste que maintenant c'est super !
Je ne sais pas si j'ai été clair mais voilà, en tous cas si j'avais un conseil : écouter le moins possible les gens, pense à toi !
Avec du recul je me rends compte que c'est vrai, les français peuvent être très directs (peut-être particulièrement les parisiens) et tu n'avais pas été habituée à cela auparavant.
Bref, des bisous d'un parisien
Le bon sens.
Everything must be 'problematic' nowadays..
wohoo premier commentaire! :) Franchement tu as raison. Cela peut aussi être vu comme un compliment et peut-être que d'autres personnes, ne l'aurait pas pris négativement. Mais pour moi, j’étais vraiment pas habituée aux commentaires sur mon poids. Même mes parents ne m'a jamais fait une remarque quand j'ai pris 8 kilos a la fac puis j'ai tout perdu en France. Donc quand plusieurs personnes (pas des proches) ont fait des commentaires comme quoi je dois me sentir incroyable, je me sentais plutôt mal a l'aise comme si j’étais pas bien avant. mais après il faut des fois avoir peut-être plus de recule et être moins sensible....
Coucou! What's your impressions or feelings about weight perception in France whether it's related to gaining it or losing it? I didn't have a great experience either way, so curious to hear your thoughts! xx ⭐Find out more about Lingoda's Language Sprint here: try.lingoda.com/KateSprint and use the code “KATESPRINT" for 20 euro discount on sign up!
I love your videos about French culture. It has been very educational. If you don't mind and if it's not inconvenient to you, can you talk about different groceries/ways to save while buying healthy meals in France?
Thank you for sharing, and opening up 💕
So sorry for your experience, and I and I can relate to loosing weight and people feel they have a need to comment on it. Not so much when I gained, but loosing, so many feel the need to comment.. Especially when I started to loose weight, so many told me how great I now looked..
I did have a doctor last year that recommended me stopping to use a medication because then I could stop the weight gain. I didn’t gain, I was stable, but that comment got me right back in eating disorders mode, and I loosened 10 kilos in couple of months. I have not gained it back, and I am really struggling, so I am wondering how people with eating disorders and other mental health issues are doing in France when this is so common? 🤔😢 Here in Norway it’s rude to comment like your doctor did, but there are some that could have done it, but I believe it’s not that common. I will think we are some where between France and USA, because I have got my fair share of comments on my weight, also being on a normal bmi, but most people in the health care system would get that it’s not okay, and you can inform them that you have struggles with eating disorders now or earlier and ask for them to be extra careful.
Sending you love and thank you for talking about an important topic. Johanne, Norway 🇳🇴
Thank you for sharing. I can see how it was hard to find the courage so bravo! I’ve only lived in the US so, as you know, there seems to be a bit more latitude to weight fluctuations here. But… the stigmas still exist. I’m 5’6” too and spent my teens in the 120lbs-130 range. With depression and a desk job I ballooned to 200 and then went crazy with exercise to get down to 140. My body wouldn’t budge any lower. Now at 52 I rest around 170 and frankly, I’m too old to care. Fortunately my friends and family were generally subtle though all these phases but I occasionally received a zinger. Those hurt. Brush them off as best you can with the smiles and cuddles you’ve created 🌹😊💃
It's awesome that you have reached a set point and are able to ignore the "haters." Brava!
Love to hear that you've gotten to a place where you feel comfortable and you don't mind what other people think. With age comes a whole lotta wisdom!
Thank you for the video. I'm so sorry for your experience. I wanted to share my experience, it's a bit long, sorry for that.
I have battled with weight my whole life. I was never fat, but I was never what people call actually thin. I lived in Israel until 2007 (now I live in Belgium), and also went through IVF and pregnancy there. I have never ever gained any comments on my weight from doctors (I was around 65 kg in high school, and I gained a lot of weight during he IVF). But I always got comments from friends and family- like they were joking, but it was enough for me to have issues and diet constantly.
After the IVF's I was something like 82 kg, and then I got pregnant. In the end of my pregnancy I was over a 100 kg and I felt absolutely terrible physically. I didn't enjoy my pregnancy, and it was difficult for me to breath and climb stairs, and I remember that I asked myself- how do people that carry this weight and they are not pregnant- can do it for such a long time. I just felt bad.
When my son was about one year old I started taking better care of myself. I didn't lose the weight from the IVF, but went back to the same weight - 82 kg, and I stayed there for a few years.
The real change came around 2-3 years ago, when I decided that I want to lose this weight. NO ONE ever said anything bad to me about my weight here in Belgium. Also the doctors didn't say anything, ever. But I did loose a lot of weight and now I'm back to where I was in my twenties (I'm 44 now).
People DID comment a lot when I lost weight and told me that I look great, and they still call me thin even though I'm not, I weigh 67 kg.
I wanted to tell you this, and I realise it as I'm getting older- I am going to the gym a few times a week, and I usually eat whatever I want, while trying to keep it mostly healthy, and when I feel like it- I eat treats and cakes (and I have a bakery!) and trying to balance because I know how physically bad I felt before. I didn't make peace with food and I would probably never will. I just love to eat.
But in the last years it became ok to be obese and that's not healthy- no matter how you look at it. Here in Belgium a lot of people are obese- and it became normal to start taking meds at a young age, have diabetes in your 40-50. I think Bill Maher said something true about obesity in the US- people are not being asked to participate in their own health, and that's why it's ok to sell and drink 1 liter of coke with your lunch. There are extremities of this situation.
You had a bad doctor, who probably had issues with weight, like many of them. I would probably change a doctor if it would happen to me now. But when I was younger I would probably want to burry myself somewhere. So I'm totally with you on this.
I think we need to understand that there isn't black and white. If you are obese- it's ok for the doctor to tell you that you need to loose weight- not as a way of shaming- but in the sensitive manner it needs to be said. But when you are in the what considered to be a healthy weight- they should keep their opinions to themselves.
You look great!
The health system is public, yes. I can assure you that French do not do not comment each other's weight because of the health system, but just because it is in the culture (mainly in Paris). People comment about weight because in the French standards, obese or very overweight is not culturally accepted.
Thanks for opening up Kate! I would def react the same way you did if I was in a smilar position.💔 I was shocked by your experience at the gyno. In The Netherlands it is considered normal to gain 12-18 kgs during pregnancy. I gained 11kg and people were suprised because gaining weight around 20kg is common here and completely fine! Everybody is different and me gaining 11kg went kind of natural but I got a lot of comments about that too. Which I found odd and a little bit disturbing because it is not an accomplishment. So important to keep listening to your own body 🙌🏼
So sorry you had an unfortunate experience!
I moved from Paris to the US and learned that the only way to be truly happy is to shut the noises and don’t let anyones opinion impact the way I see my body or the way i feel. Now, it’s OBV easiest said than done, especially when it comes from your doctor. Tu es géniale, ne laisses personne te faire croire le contraire ;)
You are so beautiful! I have taken a lot of my style from your he past few years. I am headed back to Europe this summer and I am very excited to not feel like a frump.
I've watched a TON of your videos lately - thanks to my interest in TAPIF and this video hurt so much. I've never been pregnant but WOW. I don't know if this is the norm or if you just had a really bad experience. No one should ever feel like crap BEFORE going to the dr and especially while pregnant. I don't know... I just felt a lot of pain watching this video coming from you. Yeah, we have a ton of problems when it comes to health and weight in the US, but this is one of those specific times where I don't think the French do it better. You can always lose that extra 5-10 lbs you gained, but you can't lose this awful experience. Sending extra love and hugs your way!!
Hey, I relate so.much with what you described on your pregnancy. As a matter of fact, I was pregnant of my 1st daughter approximately at the same time as you! ;) I'm French and never had any weight issues, but I do remember very well my gynecologist's comment after 3 months pregnancy telling me that the 3kg I just gained were way too much and that the target at the end my pregnancy was top 9kg, so I was already not on track (as you rightly said most weight comes at the end of the prenancy)... I never ever focused on my weight before and all of sudden this weight gain during pregnancy was for some reason a big focus on which I was already failing...
Hello! Thanks for sharing this. It is a very vulnerable topic. I first lost a lot for health and to feel better. Ive gained some in recent years...im sensitive about that. This whole journey is personal.
Throughout the weight fluctuations, what made me uncomfortable were the comments or compliments. First I was too big and had to lose, then I was too skinny (to some), then its 'oh, i see you gained' and then 'oh ..you lost' and among that compliments as well (ones i wouldnt get before). I hated it. I dont want to know that youre observing my body. That youre paying attention that closely to me. I dont know how to describe it....perhaps being in a very awkward spotlight. oy..
Hey ! Thanks for you video :) I’m French, grew up in Paris and I hate when people comment my weight, even in a positive way I completely understand you !! I’ve always been thin (IMC max of 20) and I lost few kilos 3 years ago (cause I almost stopped eating meet) and since then, I always get comments from family, some people telling me that I look so good, some other that maybe I should be vigilant about my weight… sometimes it feels like 5kg are my value ! And I just feel like it’s not their business 🥴
In the late '60s, I spent my junior year abroad in Aix-en-Provence. I was part of a group of 40 students. This was before obesity became an issue in the U.S. All of us students were of a "normal" weight. Except for one woman, who was quite overweight. She was the subject of a huge amount of open ridicule by the French during our year in France. I felt very sorry for her. One interesting fact: the average weight gain by our group during this year abroad was at least 10 lb per person! I was very underweight before the trip, and came back looking much healthier. But isn't it strange that almost all of us gained weight. However, thinking back to those days, I find it interesting that, in general, no one was talking about or focused on weight at all. And also, when I look at UA-cam videos of events in the '60s and '70s, including sitcoms or game shows, everyone seems to be thin. So I think it's interesting to look at weight in a kind of historical context. I am very sorry to hear about your negative experiences with people--including doctors--essentially shaming you for being in a normal weight range. By the way, when you mention U.S. doctors having a better bedside manner? All I can say, is "non, non, et non!" Not from my experience, anyway. I've been insulted, disrespected, and patronized by many doctors. Also, during my 15-minute office visits, they typically have their back to me the entire time, as they type our their notes on a computer. In my opinion, healthcare in this country is abysmal from every point of view.
France is not France since the end of World War 1..
''Quite overweight'' = obese? (just to be sure)
Sounds familiar! My mom lived in Paris around the time you were in Aix and had similar weight gain. She has always said she "learned to eat in France." 😃
Interesting to hear what things were like in the 60's! It's true that you can find doctors who don't have great bedside manner and I also completely agree that you spend more time sometimes with their assistant or nurse than you do with the doctor. However from what i've been told (never researched it) in the US, bedside manner is part of what they take into account to be accepted in med school and not the case in France. And sometimes i've felt like that really shows!
During my pregnancies I choose to get followed by "sage femme " (midwife) to avoid gynecologist. It is so much more a support.
Very interesting and important topic! I'm an atypical French woman (I don't eat the typically balanced French way), and have struggled with my weight my entire life... it's very discouraging.
Some examples of French attitudes to weight:
- My coworker was freaking out about "eating too much sugar" (while eating *no* refined sugar whatsoever), because she was eating a spoonful of honey a day for about a week to soothe her sore throat...
- A super-thin friend once described herself as "I'm not thin, I'm just normal" (to me... she knows how I struggle with my weight, what did that imply about me? ;(
- When I did lose some weight, my coworkers kept telling me "You must be feeling SO much better about yourself!" (which, admittedly, I did - but it sounds like the same experience you had after the marathon...)
PS - About the bedside manner of doctors, my rudest doctor ever was my primary care physician in the US, he literally slammed the door on the way in, sat down with a sigh and said "OK, what can I do for you?" as if the patient was inconveniencing him... Of course, I can't generalise, but there are good and bad doctors everywhere, sorry about your experience! Just a genuine question (not judging obviously! :) - did you consider changing doctors? Would you change if you had another future pregnancy?
Thanks for addressing this sensitive topic!
yes, totally agree that you can find bad doctors anywhere and you do spend more time with your actual doctor in France than the US who usually have assistants and secretaries and nurses galore so that's a positive side. Thanks for sharing your experience as well!
Agree about good and bad doctors everywhere. I had a good doctor in Paris, very kind and helpful. Bad doctors in US. So, it's really trial and error.
I wanted to thank you for your comment, it opened my eyes on something ! (As well as the video!) French woman here. When i notice a gain loss to someone, i usually praise it. The thought behind that isn't bad, I know it is difficult to lose weight - as i've tried and i know too well, 'cause I'm a bit overweight - so i want to praise the person on the effort they made. Like i would for a sport achievement for example. I always thought people would like to be praised for their efforts, i know realise it can be hurtful and I'll be careful from now on !
Also on why people generally comment about weight, i've never thought of the public service explanation. Maybe it is true for some people. But if this was a major concern for french people then smoking would be badly portrayed, which it isn't totally yet - lungs cancer costing a lot to the sécu. I think the reason behind the comments on weight in France is that being thin is valorized in France in terms of beauty, and any step towards it will be remarked and praised upon.
And i agree on fatphobia here, my sister was scolded publicly by her sport teacher for being overweight and that "of course she can't do the climbing exercises, she is too fat for that". I was shocked when i heard this. The impact on the mental health of a teenager... Unimaginable.
@@Grytem Good points :)
I wouldn't think twice about congratulating someone who gave up smoking, but weight is a more sensitive issue - I'm even hesistant to compliment women who are very slim because I wonder: are they happy to be like this? do they struggle with an eating disorder or have they? or another illness that causes weight loss? One never knows...
When I have managed to lose some weight (I've struggled with my weight all my life) and people complimented me, I always thought "I wonder what they thought of me before..." :S
There's definitely an unhealthy and dangerous diet/body shaming culture in France, my native country. It was a breath of fresh air to move to London.
Wow, that’s terrible that your doctor made those remarks during your pregnancy. I’m sorry. Thank you for sharing and you look amazing!
I always find videos like this so interesting. I grew up in Canada and I have only been in France for 6 years. I live in the south west (close to the Spanish border). I see many more overweight women here than thin women. And I never hear anyone I know comment about weight, whether it’s losing or gaining. I have done both because I had a baby here. There are also very few stylish/high fashion women here where I live. Sometimes I feel like I don’t live in the real France. But it’s ok. I’ll take it. I feel less judged here than in Canada to be honest.
Immediately after my baby was born, I weighed 149 lbs, at 5'7". The first thing my Midwestern mother said when she came to see the baby for the first time was " wow, you look fat". This was before a single comment on the baby. It's not just France.
149 at 5’7 ??? Geezus. That’s not even chubby .
So, about the way the doctor spoke about the weight do not surprise me that much as a French. I think that it must have felt brutal to you since you grew up in a place where people are overwhelmingly nice (even if they probably don't mean it) and where privacy is a rule above everything.
However, like many other subjects, I think that the French tend to involve more into people's business. They are for instance always correcting each other while speaking, or they will tell you when you did something wrong. I think the rule here is ''you can tell the person about it if you think the person can't notice it him/her self''.
Like, if someone Someone wears new clothes, they will tell you about it because they think giving your opinion about it will help you dress well...
Anyway if you're not used to it, it might feel like a lot of criticism, even if the intention is good at the beginning.
Hi, the USA is very different from any other country, I grew up in Mexico and is very similar to Europe or France you can’t gain weight, I have lived in France as well and I can relate on the weight gaining issue. I had my kids in the USA and they are so relax about gaining weight with pregnancy, but let me tell you it pays a toll when you don’t watch your weight with pregnancies and it’s better to take care of yourself at the moment.
I've heard a lot of people who said that it does really help with weight loss post birth! I've only been pregnant once, so i have nothing to compare it with, but i lost the weight afterwards (though I did have to work for it)
I had to work hard to gain 30 lbs for my pregnancy. I had health issues beforehand. Every woman and pregnancy is different. So is how much you need to gain. The dr was a prick
I feel you. I've been overweight almost my whole life and I've experienced fat shaming in my country to the point that it really messed up my self esteem and self worth. When I moved to the states I was considered "normal". Every time I go back home my family has to make some comment about my weight and I've just learned to disregard them. I've visited France many times and I have heard people make snarky comments about my weight. The last 2 times I've visited , one was definitely in mocking term from my sister in law's husband and the other one from my friend's husband who didn't do it intentionally mocking but stated that I was "high risk" for covid since I was "forte". On the 1st instance, I just brushed it off and laughed. My sister in law was embarrassed and told him to shut up and on the 2nd case I turned things around and said "ah so you are calling me fat? " Then I turned to my friend and told her "he called me fat". The guy got flustered and the I began laughing so hard. I really don't care. The only reason I want to get to a healthy weight is because I am over 40 and diabetes runs in my family. I am happy with my body and my progress and I just want to be healthy. Rude comments will be addressed by rude replies and I can also be hurtful when I want to.
Great topic and video!
Give it right back. So tired of the comments…
I love eating, and I could survive on bread, butter, rare meat, and wine. Oh, and pastries. I lived one year in Paris and I lost 8 Kg having pleasure while eating.
I moved to London and I got the 8 Kg back eating poorly.
I’ve never understood that 🤔
Interesting! Did you walk a lot more in Paris? I find London is so big that i walk less than when i am in Paris? Or it could just be the ingredients in the food.
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified you got it right: Paris is cozy and London is gigantic. Most times I was riding a Vélib or walking. Even when I took the metro, the stairs and corridors between lines burnt all the extra calories.
Well more transformed food in England. Used to work there, healthy food is so expensive 😞
As a fellow American, I want to encourage you and let you know I think you’re absolutely beautiful! I have lost weight before and had a friend make the comment..you look so much better! I thought, did I look bad before? I only lost maybe 10 pounds or less. So, I understand where you’re coming from. I find that judging others is a weakness in them. Lots of love from PA xoxox 💜💜💜
'Compliments = insults' to some people..
Thank you! xx
I think a lot of it depends on how it's said if a compliment turns into an insult.
I feel you🥺 i hear you 🥺
Thanks
Thank you for this video. For me it confirms that France is about 30 years behind the New World. Since moving here just a year ago, and I keep having the feeling that France is stuck in the 90s in so many aspects of life (use of internet, emails, online booking, taking advantage of digital development of the rest of the world in general). Obsession with weight, and the actual number on scale (!!!) is so bad here. I have 2 coworkers who are bulimic, and have heard comments on that being a means to keep a figure 🤦🏼♀️😳Another way of “not eating so much” is smoking (!!!), so it’s better to risk getting cancer, rather than God forbid being heavier/fat 🤦🏼♀️ Then again I met few doctors for various reasons (and I am plus size, US 14) who after asking me how much I weigh, me replying that I don’t know, because I am happy not knowing and not being affected by the diet culture, they’d ask me to get on the scale, turn the reader away from me, and had no comment, just marked in on file 👍🏻 So I may be lucky in that sense. But it’s definitely much more noticeable here than anywhere I have ever lived in North America 🇺🇸🇨🇦
Kate, I would love for you to do another rather sensitive content video about France: cultural appropriation. Bisous 😘
Yeah. Being obese is the top of modernity
@@iparipaitegianiparipaitegi4643 I think you attempted being sarcastic, but unfortunately you only confirmed the bias, eh? Anyways, I hope you’re ok, and healthy. Bisous 😽
Doctors here are indeed very cautious regarding weight gain during pregnancy but so are most women at least in Paris.
Most of my friends gained no more than 10/12kg (I gained 5). The advantage of that is that you lose wight super fast after the baby is born.
Regarding fat phobia, it's a very Parisian thing. In small towns you will not be facing it so brutally
, besides in the type of company you work for, this is exacerbated and you will very seldom see anybody who is overweight especially in key positions.
You should just relax about it and you will feel less affected by comments about your weight.
Yes, I found it much worse in Paris as well!
'fat phobia' means nothing.
Thanks michelle!
I loved this. My numbers are almost exactly the same as yours. I am 5'8" but went from 145 to 135 and I will never forget my French husband saying to me, I always thought that my friend Ingrid was large but she is petite compared to you. But you don't seem big to me? Back then I was thin enough to fit in almost all french women's clothes except for my shoulders and butt, but I was a model in USA (at 130 pounds)
Thanks for your honesty. In the U.S. there is social regulation around looking your BEST & some will ostracize you for wanting to look your Best! Will go so far as to put your gender into question.
I’m a little late watching the video but found it super interesting! I’ve never thought much about this topic, but am now realizing that it’s true that my French friends and family do comment on weight (even if it’s never “mean” just comments). I will say that I also just had a baby and during my pregnancy my midwife was very nice, she didn’t even have a scale in her office. She said that as long as I looked and felt healthy, that weight gain didn’t really matter. That if I was gaining too much weight and it was dangerous for me or baby, there would be other signs but that I shouldn’t be worried about the number on the scale!
I did have a midwife at the actual maternity ward who was shocked when she saw that I gained like 17 kilos (yes 17! And you couldn’t really tell by looking at me just by the number on the scale!). She was a little rude about it but mainly wanted to explain to me that when you gain more than 12 kilos during a pregnancy, you’re more at risk for gestational diabetes and also ovarian cancer and that’s why a lot of doctors in France are so over the top strict about weight gain. Not that it’s an excuse to be treated poorly, but I thought it was an interesting piece of information.
My experience post partum is probably where I heard the most comments about my weight. Luckily it was in a positive light as I was fitting back into jeans and regular clothes 1 week after giving birth but even now, 7 months after, I’m still hearing comments like “You melted down so quickly after birth” “you really bounced back, you don’t look like you’ve had a baby” “you’re back to your normal weight, aren’t you?”
Which definitely affects your mental image especially with all the other things you feel about giving birth.
Here is some advice: the way you would protect your mom or best friends or daughter, try to protect yourself as well. By that, i mean that if someone says something hurtful, speak up the way you would for them. Even if youre afraid of being rude (im a natural people pleaser so i could understand if thats the case), with a swift, yet elegant tone you can comment back saying something along the lines of "whatever happened to caring about how we feel? my appearance is not all there is to me you know...".
As for your gyno, my goodness... please make sure that the next time you walk out of that office and simply say "i didnt come here to also rack up a psychologist bill after each meeting i have with you. Youre supposed to be a professional. Were done here!". Youre a phenomenal woman and have earned the right to create a peaceful environment for yourself wherever you go in the world 💪🏻💪🏻
I went through a very similar experience regarding weight loss, but as an American performer in Hong Kong. I went at 5’7” and 130 lbs and was treated like I was enormous. I then rapidly got down to 114 lbs. I looked so sick, but my employers were thrilled. What is my secret to losing 16 lbs in 2 weeks, you ask? I contracted giardiasis.
Running à marathon is next on my goal list (for weight and health)! I met my ex when I had started at uni in Nice . I lost 10 lbs walking from my apartment to school each day. Then I gained à good half of it back at least and despite no mean comments, I could feel the disappointment. I struggled to lose it back and not obsess over it since then. I'm 5'7" 128 lbs so not extrême in either way, but struggle not to want to be "waify" like Frenchies I know (mainly from when I lived in Paris. My friends here vary in size lol). Both my ex's mom and current partner's mom are tinier than me. 😭 Can totally relate!
Ugh I am soo sorry about your pregnancy experience! What a jerk. (My doctors (not for preg) were pretty blunt too though with other things, but culture is no excuse ugh). I hope other aspects of your pregnancy were much more positive!
I think that the best advice I can give to people living abroad, is to let go of the expectations of what is polite or rude from your own culture. I'm living in Korea, and I'm still trying my best to adjust. But the only person I can change is myself, only I can make myself happy 😊. People talk a lot about health in France, and that includes weight (and smoking - yes we do nag smokers, though we still have a long way to go) but in general in comes from a good place! Also in Korea and Japan, they expect you to gain no more than 5kgs during a pregnancy (11pounds) 😅😂
Hello,
I’m french and had one child. During pregnancy I gained 18 kilos. Never got a bad comment from my doctor. She just told me AFTER giving birh that there was no reason for me not to lose all those extra kilos now that it was over.
Mabe for the next one you should change your doctor. Maybe a female who already got a baby.
For thé rest I must say I don’t live in Paris I live in Nice. And parisians are known for being uptight. And as you know Paris n’est pas la France. Life in the ´province is much more chill than in Paris.
Yeah, in my late 20s when I became semi-annorexic, I got all kinds of positive feedback...after losing 15 lbs. No wonder young women have such trauma around weight.
Je suis tellement désolée que tu es du vivre ca. Bien sur je trouve ça horrible et absolument intolerable mais malheureusement je ne suis pas étonnée. Je suis française et obèse selon l'imc et nous avons vraiment un problème avec ça en France. Le poids est non seulement relié avec la santé, la beauté mais aussi au bien être, car la société a décidé que si on est gros, on est forcément malheureux et mal dans sa peau. Merci pour ton partage
I am visiting Paris for the first time and that when I came across your videos. One thing I find interesting is how many people amok and smoke in public. In my state in the US it is illegal to smoke inside public places and many places you must be 50 ft from the building to smoke. Are there similar “social welfare” comments about smokers? Smoking effects more people than just the person smoking. Just curious. Also after I heard you say that the French speak more quietly, I noticed that. The metro was so quiet lol.
During my second/last pregnancy (in the US), I gained 9lbs in the first couple of months and was scolded for this. With an ED history, I freaked out, cried, got very angry at my doctor but never said anything to her. From then on, I consciously moved more and tried to eat less. I then was commended at my next appointment for “only gaining” a pound. I agree that as a pregnant woman, I should have been embracing the joy of a changing body. Instead, one terrible comment from my clueless OB exacerbated my poor body image. It’s a daily struggle and that comment didn’t help.
I’m moving to France next month and am nervous because I weigh more than is good. I worry about these kinds of comments.
I wonder how you respond to them? What do you say, given that people are genuinely well-meaning it sounds like?
And it’s a huge cultural leap from this being probably the most taboo thing to comment on in the US!
Even if they say it’s “for your health”, we all know it is really a comment on how they judge your experience!
Thanks Kate. It is fascinating how many of our societal neuroses cluster around weight and body image, and social media hasn't helped at all. Also it's curious how these these change from culture to culture. Right now I live in Georgia (not the US state) where the young women are quite beautiful in general. But if you look at the women in their 50s, you'd never guess that these are the same women. Something happens after the birth of the first child. And it is very complex. I have a very intelligent creative friend who at 30 was tall and slim in a very healthy way. Then she had her first child, and now a few years later she is seriously struggling with her weight and losing the battle. There seem to be two cultural attitudes related to this. One, that men find mothers to sacred, thus seeing mother as an erotic image becomes highly problematic. And two, the women start to shift into the pleasant hostess mode, which means feeding others. The men too change as a result. This doesn't happen to all women, but enough that it is noticeable. So that is a very different issue, but somehow related. I do think it is impossible to have an idea of what we look like apart from our culture. In American we tend to fluctuate between binge and purge. And then there's always surgery, if you can afford it. But I think we need to have a source of meaning separate from our self and also that can question the cultural pressure as well. Hard to do, but worth it.
Super interesting to hear the weight gain from another culture's perspective. France is quite the opposite around mothers where you really should "bounce back" after having kids and basically live the same life as before. They have no problem seeing mothers in an erotic way. Would you say that the women in Georgia really embrace their new body or is it a struggle for most of them?
So in some places mothers don't have enough sex and start to eat a lot?
''Cultural pressure''? Like in Africa and the Middle-East?
Christians have a DUTY to satisfy husbands/wives regarding sex.
There's also a historical association with thinness in France. Louis IX decided that France would be the epicenter of fashion and beauty. His vision of beauty included being thin and it was then instilled in French culture. Look it up, very interesting. (P.S. Also an American who lived in France and experienced weight phobia).
Will do! I didn't realize that there was a strong tie to Louis IX!
@@UnintentionallyFrenchified Yes, I wish I had known this when I lived there. I think it will change things a little for you.
I'm Parisian and my experiences with gynecologists range from meh to terrible. From ignoring itches because "they're nothing" to asking me ten times weather I was pregnant because the symptoms I experienced might have been cause by pregnancy, even though I knew and said that was impossible, therefore forcing me to disclose very painful intimate details that were none of the doctor's concerns, I've always faced pretty rude and dismissive practicitonners who never made me want to stick with them past the initial reason I sought appointment. I've been disappointed by other types of doctors, but on the whole the OBGYN have been the worse. (And this is true of female practicionners as well.)
I also had several urelated doctors (at least a neurologist and a dermatologist) implying various health issues were linked to me being overweight, and in a very judgemental manner, when I actually was a very normal BMI, all the while I was a teenager with big self esteem issues. In the last decade I find this is getting a little better, but I don't know if this is linked to society on the whole being more "woke" or if it's just because I'm older and inspiring more respect to medical professionnals.
I'm sorry you've faced such insensitive doctors. I hear there are listing for "feminist" OBGYN now, maybe that could help you find someone better should you be pregnant again.
You look great and I’m so sorry you had a bad experience during your pregnancy.
Thanks Traci! I got a smart, sassy little daughter out of it, so it was worth it :)
I’m French, but my mother is Canadian. She told me that she loved being pregnant (while in France). She ate a lot, but she didn’t get much weight (she was eating mostly fruits, tho). There’s an obsession for French women over having a flat belly and men are quite thin too. It’s more of a canon of beauty rather than a health thing, when you’re not obese. Another thing is that it’s very French to point people mistakes (like during speaking) and weight can fall in this category too. It can be very harsh, but it feels natural and there’s no ill feeling in the cruelty of having someone focusing on their mistakes until they fix it.
This doctor you had is not quite in his right mind..i gained 17kg during my preganacy and Lost 23 in the first tow months and m'y doctor was very nice the whole Time
It must be difficult to live in a country where you are coming out crying from the doctors appointment!!! That’s insane! I used to live in Paris so I know how hard and difficult life can be there, their way of thinking on anything is so different than any other countries so very hard to get used to it, hence I moved to London and had no bad experiences at all!!! Good luck continuing living there!
I think you are a very lucky lady to have kept it all in perspective. :) You had a typically rude french man, being rude to you for no other reason than he saw no benefit from being kind and polite. Most of the them are like that. But if you are tall and thin oh how polite they will be. You're clearly a bright, intelligent woman and while he made you feel lousy, you do sound like you have kept it in perspective and haven't let it drive you to the edge of your sanity.
So that's a French man thing, huh. I hate to sound super judgy, but I find a lot of them to be far removed from the typical ideal of masculinity, that I find them nitpicking about women's looks to be a big mark against them.
Carbs are great for weight loss as long as they are as "whole foods" as possible and without too much fat. Pasta isn't really an exception, you can eat that and loose weight too.
I am I m 156cm tall and 86kg and my doctor is not complaining in Australia ❤
(French here) This subject is always touchy, I remember reading somewhere a long time ago that french associate weight gain to a lack of self-control.
Which fits in a general theme in french society, we control and curate what we wear, what our face look like, etc.
We have strict rules about everything and sadly gaining weight is viewed as a sign of inability to follow personnal rules which is associated with an inability to follow society rules.
Which make it very unfair to people who gain weight due to mental or physical illness.
I guess, maybe, everybody knows that losing weight is an effort, and complimenting someone on a weight loss is more about complimenting the work done than the aesthetic result. At least I hope.
Last time I lost a significant amount of weight, I had gallbladder stones, I simply didn't eat for 6 or 7 weeks. It's incredible how little food you can survive on, actually. I think I dropped between 15 and 20 kilograms. Nobody commented. Granted, I certainly looked green all along so nobody was going to tell me I looked great. And I started eating like an ogre hours after the surgery so I gained it back in no time.
Good point, sometimes its about complimenting the person for the hard work when you know that they have worked hard!
Sometimes it's also about 'rewarding' the effort when you know a real effort (bit of discipline, bit of pain, bit of sacrifice, etc) was there. It's about encouraging LASTING good/healthy habits.
It's also a way to imply that the wife/husband/children will be pleased with a 'better shape'/increased fitness-energy/'libido'.
I'm about to move and now I'm nervous as I'm over 200lbs though I am activley tryong to be healthier and lose some weight, so it may be motivation to have people tell me I look good since I will be losing weight hopefully though but if I lose enough they'll keep telling me to lose more. It's bs that they would tell a thin person to be thinner or do it at all but 🤷♀️
The weight loss comments is not a France thing at all. I was a normal and athletic person my whole life up until age 15. I lost weight and developed an eating disorder which I still struggle with 15 years later. Part of what caused me to spiral was that everyone would make comments on my weight and how good I looked now. I was totally normal and healthy before, but when I got closer to the underweight range, people acted like I looked way better. I actually still think I only look good thin, even though I am still thin now, just not emaciated anymore. This was in high school. Both adults and peers (15-16 year olds) gave me comments about it. This is in California. The USA is absolutely obsessed with weight and they will 100% make comments on it constantly. I literally had a homeless person on the street in college make a comment about how I looked like I was gaining weight (I was super underweight and sick with my ED at the time).
I've had doctors, actual doctors with supposed degrees, tell me I "look fine" when I was super underweight, malnourished, starving myself and just admitted I was purging a lot. But I was skinny and pretty so I "looked fine" to them...
Well coming from a "the customer is king" society, where the seller is incentivized to outright lie to the customer in order to not hurt his/her feelings thereby possibly losing the fat profit and revenue, I think your reaction is understandable.
I had my daughter 23 years ago here. I gained 15kg and my dr was really cool about it. But I did hear from colleagues that I shouldn't gain more than 11.
Goes to show that you can find some more relaxed doctors for pregnancy weight gain here!
Did you ask your doctor what to do about the nausea? I experienced the same thing with both of my pregnancies. Eating crackers and bagels were the only things that helped me and I gained a ton of weight.
How do other French women feel when they're basically called fat by other French ppl & doctors? Is it just normal for them?
In North America people don't talk about weight gain to your face but will speculate about it when you're not in the room.
Gerard Depardieu has always been huge, and they love him, so I guess the fat phobia in France is very much about policing WOMEN's bodies.
Hi Kate, one question, did your Gyno explain or did you ask why the 9-12 max weight is acceptable? I ask because here --I live in Canada 🇨🇦--I often hear that there is pregnancy induced diabetes and it sounds prevalent.
I'm not judging just wondering if the medical reason for the top-off is something related to that.
But however you slice 'n dice it sounds like the Gyno could have been more forthcoming with information. I can't imagine the stress those appointments put on you and the baby.
The straight shooter approach I have grown up with it. My father always had to comment on how fat I looked (I've always been between a US10-14, 5'4).
It's beyond unpleasant.
Thank you for this video -- it's a topic that is sensitive to be sure. Hugs from 🇨🇦🙏🥰
Thank you for sharing, I am so sorry you had to go through this. French doctors, and French people in general can really be a**holes. I grew in France and now live in the U.S., and definitely feel less self-conscious about my weight here (as a kid, I was in the upper portion of the normal BMI range - but still well within it - and that made me the heaviest kid in my class). However, I find that in the U.S. I've gotten more self-conscious about other things - I find that women are higher maintenance here, and I often feel weird about not having my nails done or my teeth whitened, and because I wear glasses instead of contacts on a day-to-day.
I wonder if it is the same as a visitor?? ... I have wanted to visit Europe( esp Paris) but am so afraid that people will comment on my weight (5 ft 6 in and 225 pounds ) that i have talked myself out of traveling a dozen times . I admire your willingness to comment on such a painful subject
I am not going to lie, they will judge you. I am 5'4 aprox 194 lbs and I've had people comment about my weight when visiting Paris.(I've gone multiple times now). But guess what? I don't give a f** so don't let that be a deterrent for you traveling. People will always judge no matter what, the important thing when you travel is to be happy and show respect for the their culture.
Please don't let it deter you from visiting! Paris is the number 1 tourist destination, nobody will judge you. Bon voyage! :)
In France people eat as a human should eat both quality and quantity wise. In the US (and UK) people eat like pigs. I'm sorry but this is my observation. Very few pay attention to what they consume. Also, food portions in America are 25% bigger than French portions. And this is not about the fact that obese people are not "pleasing to the eye" , the problem is that they're unhealthy as a result of their life choices (obesity is almost always associated with metabolic syndrome) and are sooner or later burden to healthcare. I think this is the reason why doctors in France are very straightforward about gaining weight, especially when pregnant, no one wants to have gestational diabetes.
Hi Kate, I'm an assiduous follower of your channel and being of French nationality, I'm primarily interested in your American regard on our culture and I also take the opportunity to understand some quirks of American English.
Hence at 7:21, when you say "I was never WAFEY and super thin..." the UA-cam transcription (automatically generated English) gives the word WAFEY but I'm having serious trouble finding a valid French translation. To add more confusion, the word is unknown to some dictionary or translation apps! As it's not the first time I hear this word, I'm quite certain it's not a mistake of YT, you even use it again at 8:54 and further too...
Can you tell me more about it?
wafey is a slang term in many anglophone areas especially North America. I think it's related to something being wafer thin, wafer as in the biscuit for communion maybe, lol, light and thin like about to float away
@@aeolia80 Hi Emilie. Thank you for trying👍😀, it may be ok for the host, the embodied religious wafer 😇, even if I find the explanation a bit far-fetched 🤔... In any case, it's hard to validate because as I've already said, I can't find a translation in my usual apps.
The word is spelled “waifey “ That a kind of slang, making an adjective out of the noun “waif”, which means a lost, helpless, ungrounded, fragile, thin, dependent , young girl whose looks appeal to the archetypal White Knight who sees her in need of rescue.
It is not just “thin”, but a whole character with a story line. One would never describe her as capable, Indepentant or successful. Much less mature or menopausal!🤣😂
On préfère la vérité qui va te sauver que le mensonge qui fait du bien et qui va te tuer. Aussi on a cette formule "ne le prends pas mal mais..."
Same experience
As someone who is 5ft 2 and just a little over 100lbs I feel like people in States comment more about my size than the French did when I was an au pair or language assistant.
Same. I'm in Australia, 163 centimetres and under 50 kilos and people feel free to comment on my weight a lot, and I really wish they would just leave it alone and not make assumptions about my lifestyle.
I think the French would say nothing, since they approve.