I think the BIG problem is really the person cared for is lonely and craves stimulation, attention, love, entertainment and the caregiver is exhausted and craves a break, time for themselves, sleep, quiet, so both have opposite needs and one needs to suffer if the other's needs are fulfilled.
@@jeannehoffman1060 Have you looked into Respite Care relief? I was advised that as an option one can take their loved one to Adult daycare as a way of getting a break. May be another option for you. best of luck. stay strong
@@clipperbob960 Thank you. Yes, I have, and it is only a few hours long, and she wouldn’t go, unless I went with her. We live in a smallish town. 8 years. I moved here to take care of my Mom and Dad when he was ill. He died 8 months later, and I have been taking care of her ever since. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t love her and don’t want her, but I can’t accomplish anything, and she is still with it enough to think that. I just need a few months to myself to get some projects done in the yard and house, without having to watch a clock, jump when she calls (often), and, take care of all the things that make her happy, but make more work for me. I have two sisters that live in other states that could do this for me, but never think to offer. I cannot talk to them, so that is why I will be talking to my brother and let him do the talking to them. He can’t take her, and I completely understand why, so not upset with him. Sorry for my rant. Thank you for caring.
My mother currently lives with me. It was obvious she could not live alone anymore when she kept flipping the switch in her fuse box and turned off the furnace a few times and could flip it back herself because she forgot what she had done. She was living alone. I had to drive 2 hours to fix the issue every time. I grew up with her of course, and left home at 17 and didn't look back. I am now 60. She was very abusive and allowed abusive men in our lives as well. I couldn't wait to get out of there and did at my first opportunity. I kept my distance for many years. When I would let her back in, she became very abusive again and again. I had cut her from my life and had been living in happiness and peace for quite some time. One day I received a call that my mothers mental and physical health was in decline. I struggled with what to do. Eventually I decided that she is my mother and wanting to set a good example to my children, I began one more time with her. I have been taking her to doctor appointments and buying her groceries, amount other things. I noticed the dementia getting worse. So after the last 2 hour trip to turn her furnace on again, I decided to have her live with me for a while. She decided she didn't want to be alone in her home anymore and she wanted me to help her sell it. While being here in my home with my husband and I, her abusive ways are escalating. She has turned my tranquility into a nightmare and I am having flashbacks of my childhood and why I left home to begin with. My husband and I have decided to put her in a nursing home after all her financial stuff is in order. I am feeling very guilty about the decision. But I can not allow the toxicity of my mother continue to control my life. My kids get it. They understand my past with their grandmother and understand my decision. Everything my mother did, I did the opposite. Now I am blessed with 3 beautiful children who didn't grow up the way I did. But the guilt is still there. And I will feel guilty for the rest of my life the decision to put her in a nursing home. I do love my mother. But I have to love myself more.
Find the best place you can and monitor her stay there. You can't ruin your life and your husband's and children's lives. You would feel guilty for that. If she's abusive when you visit, at least you can go home to peace. My dad was in a shitty nursing home and I have guilt. He also was abusive but no one deserves that. When you visit frequently and stay on top of things they will take better care of her. At least you'll have peace at home.
Examples of her abuse would have been nice. I know adults who today still despise parents for not letting them date at 13, or go to so and so's party around that same age. You just shared with us, your mother is sick but inability to let go of the past, ignores this dreaded disease. Forgiving Mom will go a long way in your kids memory; I would hate for them to throw you under the bus,,. Nursing homes are often where our demise gets expedited. Your husband married the whole package, we all do/did. Mom had her faults but nowhere in your letter did you say she walked out/dumped you. I hope you read my response with an open mind.
@JamesMena-ym9vf My mother used to beat me until I was black and blue and bleeding. My whole body. She didn't care where she was hitting. She allowed the men in her life to do the same. We lived in a religious culture where this was a normal thing and highly encouraged. That is the type of abuse that was inflicted on me. She and her men would verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse me and my sister. Thank goodness the only abuse they didn't inflict on us was molestation. That was done to us by others in our lives. I finally had to leave in order to live. There you go. Now you know what kind of abuse I'm speaking about.
We are to honor our parents but not to the point that it dishonors ourselves especially when it comes to our children. If a parent is toxic, regardless of their mental state, I think it’s ok to put them in a care facility. Your home is your sanctuary and nothing should disturb what you and your husband created. Find her a place and visit often.
I just wanted to say what a great service your are doing. I’m a full - time attorney and I decided to keep my mom at home during her dementia journey after she spent a horrific few months in a nursing home. She spent about three years with me and a live in care giver before she passed away. There were many nights that I cried myself to sleep and was too exhausted to even put on make - up the next day. These videos would have been very welcome, just to feel that you are not alone is so important.
Absolutely agree! This educational journey- the videos by Dr Natali and the Care Course have kept me mostly sane! Priceless connections and survival skills! Looking back.. what was you biggest challenge Helen?
I have my 87 year old mother with memory loss living with me, i am single and have almost totally given up on doing almost everything that i have enjoyed since i retired around 15 plus years ago and all but stopped dating or thinking about having a female companion since I moved mom in with me instead of going along with my older sister trying to put our mom into a assisted living situation. my mom absolutely loves being able to go outside and do things and her physical health is awesome actually better than mine. I am disabled but i can still get around ok . My sister is married to a dermatologist who is retired, they have been trying to put mom in a home for a few years now but mom wants to live out her years in the same place her husband lived out his last years with cancer. They had both moved in my home when dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and given a few months , i sent dad to karmanos cancer in detroit for stem cell therapy and he lived almost 5 and a half years with the stem cell and the mushroom tincture i make with a couple friends for people who have cancer that is treatable with the medicinal mushroom and the combination with cancer therapeutics. my friends and i have been supplying medicinal mushroom tinctures to anyone who has a team of doctors who will agree to use one or more types of the mushroom tinctures we make ourselves and I fortunately have access to testing them for purity and actual strain of each. My sister and her husband were absolutely against my dad using our own tinctures even though karmanos said they would be happy to include it in the treatment of our dad . They have always had a thing about avoiding natural medicine and have pushed every drug on my parents from statins to other prevention pharmaceuticals and then this mRNA vaccine. after mom got the second poke she started to lose her short term memory in a couple days and down hill rapidly since even though i fought it as best i was able to. mom was never sick in my 62 years other than having a hysterectomy at around 55 years old because they said it was causing her migraines. she exercises still daily has for my entire life and she was a professional balet dancer until i was born. I have tried to explain to my sister and husband about natural medicine but they are hard core take this or you are going to die too soon stuff . I had colon cancer and when it was discovered by a colonoscopy but it hadn’t spread and the doctor said it was the first time in his career in the united states that he had seen that and questioned me for a few hours and i brought up that my friends and i had found medicinal mushrooms on our property and we started making tinctures from our own mushrooms and making tea from the chaga drinking it everyday and the expression on his face was definitely a moment i will never forget. he explained that he was taught medical school in iran and they use natural resources for medicinal purposes as much as possible and chaga mushroom tinctures are used instead of chemo because no one has access to it there but mushroom tinctures are cheap if not free as is red yeast rice that they make tea from and drink everyday and not even a 0.5 % of the population has access to pharmaceutical drugs. The doctor has been a very close friend ever since and we provide mushroom tinctures to him for his patients. He was very insistent on asking if we would grow a specific strain of mushroom and make tinctures from it for older patients of his who were starting to get a little bit of memory loss. we did and everyone who he prescribed it to says they regained there memory within a few months. Granted they were in early stage of memory loss but they regained their memory without pharmaceuticals and it didn’t cost them anything because we provide it to the doctor for free. my sister and her husband are absolutely against anything natural but i have seen what these pharmaceuticals that doctors push to get a free vacation or something do to ruin your health
I am fortunate to have loved ones be honest with me and my inability to sustain the trajectory I was on caring for mom,, e ach symptom you described I related to. Down to losing grip and strength in my right hand which was caused by severe irritation on Cervical root 8. I had to have an EMG , MRI, Spinal tap and a mylogram. I am working through my disappointments. Mom is with my niece and enrolled in Hospice. Please Careblazers take good care of you. 💚💚💚❤💯
I’ve been grieving my moms death now for 4 years I’ve been with her most of my life. She was sick a lot so I worked. Took her out of the nursing home last year for covid. I’ve died inside everyday she’s going back into a nursing home dementia unit I hope is better than the last one. There’s no way out but this is the best option I’ve been saying for a year now I will die before my mom I honestly can’t figure out why God hasn’t taken her. I couldn’t bare to watch her starved during covid. Honestly she would have been better off getting covid and going to heaven. But here we are she’s gotten healthier and stronger with me even though she can’t walk she’s pretty much total care total feed diapers incontinent of bowel/bladder. I have 2 more days and the guilt of putting her in the nursing home is almost too much to bare. I can see how family caregivers Contemplate suicide and some do. It’s sad at every angle. I hate dementia
Beth, how are you now? The nursing home is sometimes the best place when your loved one is so far into dementia. Our post is a year old. I pray you’ve had some relief in your life🙏
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm tearing up because I've been fighting for my mental health while taking care of my mom. I've been shamed and made to feel guilty for tending to my basic needs while caring for my mom. Your videos are so validating, and this one is especially so. Thank you so much for what you do.
Hope that you have found some resources that have been able to dig you out of the empty vessel we seem to become without even realizing it! I agree that the “validation” of the true depths of how we are effected are critical for our own health and survival. Dr Natali has been such a blessing!
I'm a 3 out of 5 but that's only because I have no relationships to kill or friends to lose. I'm definitely an "F" but I DO have something positive to share here: I don't know whether this tip will help anyone else, but it's help me reduce my stress in ONE specific situation. I must wear a hat in the sun, so I have a collection of ball caps. I printed "ALZHEIMER'S" in a large font on a strip of heavy paper and stapled it to the underside of the brim on one of them. My wife doesn't seem to notice it, but it's easily read when I take my hat off and hold it vertically (brim up). I've been able to flash this to people my wife encounters while we're out in public, and it helps them deal with her conversation, lack of social distancing, etc.
That’s actually an awesome idea! It would help so that I don’t have to “explain”... and yet I wonder if people who don’t know about the disease even UNDERSTAND that the inappropriate behavior is coming from a mind that is shattered and failing. 😭
@@lynylcullen8370 - I used this approach dozens and dozens of times. Not everyone we met knew quite how to handle it, but EVERYONE recalibrated their approach and tried to help. So... I would say that my little banner helped in 100% of encounters. My wife's disease moved several times as fast as "average" and she died last January while I was holding her hand. They made me dress in a gown, gloves, mask, and face shield. I humored them instead of asking, "Why bother?" Best of luck to you.
@@ralphwaters8905 - Wow! That’s an incredible example! And how else are people going to learn and be aware of what it’s like .. in all it’s stages! I can’t imagine your loss..& sitting there gowned up!? Ugh! I know they have their protocols but SERIOUSLY..! I’m thankful to know that you have survived and I’m wishing you healing and peace!
I am 27, my mom is 68. She’s lived with my boyfriend and me for over a year and a half now. We couldn’t find any good outside help so we do it all ourselves. I do most of the caring but my bf helps too. Meditating every day, never drinking alcohol, adopting furry friends, and opening myself fully to love from humans and nature have been game changing. The best way to care for our loved ones is to care for ourselves.
Hi everyone my husband has vascular mixed dementia and prostate cancer and can't see very well, I'm his only carer, I have just got carers in to wash dress and shave and change his catheter, and just found out I have to find £127 a week, my husband money pays the bills and mine buys food we haven't got that money on top of this, I have tried to get social services to pay more, I got told no ,so I said he will have to go into care, they said because he is only on early stage of his dementia he will have to agree and we all don't think he will, I am my wits end and don't know what to do, I have copd,emphysema, 5 discs out in my back, and I have been having chest pains and been investigated and the valves is slightly fured up,
I hear you. I took a few extra minutes in the bathroom to regain my patience after a bad morning, and when I came out my 86 yo mom with Alzheimer’s was teetering on a wobbly stool. I am afraid of what she could get up to when I can’t hear her per the shower.
My two sibs and I have been sharing the care of our 88-yr old mother with dementia since Jan. We are starting to realize that our lives, relationships, and health are suffering. The most immediate one is lack of sleep due to anxiety for the next day. Yikes, I scored 5 out of 5 and I'm sure my sibs are right there with me. It's time we discussed changes. Thanks for your vids, Dr. Natalie, they've been so helpful!
I am a complete "F". The last time I talked to a social worker, I ended up with police at the door, accuse me of abuse ( I had my husband arrested for spousal abuse before). DCF got involved checked on Ed how he was, was he afraid etc. I went to get help for ME, the care giver!!! I get 4 hours of sleep, if I take a nap in afternoon he keeps waking me up, yells I was going to sleep!, I have no one in family since they are so far away. I am exhausted mentally, physically, no able to get away from him. Last time was 2 years ago I spent 2 hours away from house, he was safe, he went to social worker and said I was leaving him alone, etc social worker was no help for me, she was on his side! I just want to walk out of this house and never look back. I am just sick of it all.
It is amazing how much Denial kicks in and we think it is all okay, until something like this brings us back to reality. I am already in the process of taking mom to a facility after over 10 yrs of caring for her and I was still contemplating the possibility of ,maybe, pushing myself to end of the year. Thank you Dr Natalie for always reminding us of the true facts of taking care of anyone! including ourselves!!!
My mom has no money. She only has me. She has no one else. My mom was the BEST mother I could have ever asked for. I can’t..I just can’t give up on her. I trust no one to have my mom’s best interest to heart. How do I give up caring for my mom if I fear that others will not be kind to her? I’m an F .. I was just diagnosed with high blood pressure. My mom is delusional and angry. But she was the most caring and loving person I have ever known.
How is your mom? My mom is my everything I felt the same way you did it's nice talking with others that understand your grief your worries your anxiety...Mothers are our world...I just felt the need to reach out to you cause everything you voiced is the same way I am feeling....I've had my mom for 2.5 years someday it's so hard and then some days are good...How is your mom doing?
I have all five signs. Don’t remember last time I watched this video having all. Have no idea how to change anything. Trapped without money for help thanks to husband spending us into financial nightmare before I figured things out. Praying. Only God can help at this point. Can only talk to friends and family on phone. Thanks for heads up though. What a bad time when the world is this upside down to deal with this. Sorry to everyone else in my same boat, and other health crisis. Blessings and love ❤️
I live 600miles from my parents. Dad has dementia, I never realised how difficult it was to look after a Dementia patient, until I went to help mum, It is a two person job at least. To all looking after your loved one, you are doing a terrific job of looking after them, but please look out for your health too. Your friends and family will back this video 100%.
Oh boy, you are so right on. I have been worried alot lately and cry almost everyday and whenever I think of my/our current situation. Thank God I have friends and my church community!!
my stress last summer cleaning out my grandmothers house because of the hoarding before she got in the nursing home caused me to get type 2 diabetes as of January.but since then I lost weight been going to the gym. and lost a couple of pant sizes
No caregiver would ever pass this test!! My 89 yo father was diagnosed with early dementia in 2019 - the time that I moved in with him. Fast forward to 2021 and the dementia has gotten worse. Family stopped coming because he doesn't want them here, so I have no friends. The only person that I could talk to is my therapist. I have no life and I'm 60 years old. Dementia steals your mind and your soul. This disease is the long goodbye - at least it is for me!!
I just found you videos and have been binge watching them. I’ve learned so much and realize that my husband and I are in clear need of more help. I get frustrated because he thinks he’s ok and he wants to buy a car and start driving again and he has excuses why he falls 2 and 3 times a day and on and on. He has the diagnosis of PSP and FTD. In my opinion everything is progressing rapidly, but to him, nothing is wrong. A huge thank you for helping me realize what is happening. I didn’t know I shouldn’t argue or remind him of his diagnoses. I was thinking and acting on the fact that it’s better to be straight up and brutally honest.
RaKell Worton I am no expert on dementia. Based on personal experience. As well as everything that I have read and watched. It is recommended not to over explain or argue your point with a person with dementia or Alzheimers. At best you can try redirecting their attention to something else. With my loved one. I have found letting the doctors enforce the things that he can no longer do, that are unrealist or unsafe, to be beneficial. For some reason he will not argue with the doctors and tends to agree with their advice. When he starts it again. I remind him of what the doctor said. I do it using as few words as possible. With sincerity but direct and to the point. The disease is such, that the fewer words to stress your point the better. The more they hear 'no you can't do that' the more you risk them becoming combative. During the early to moderate stages of the disease. They may not articulate their feelings logically with losing their Independence. During these stages, I believe they have moments in what they perceive as clarity of mind. With that comes the greatest struggles. As irrational as their ideals and arguments may sound. In reality, it is human nature, that they fight to maintain as much control of their Independence as possible. For which we may very well be acting the same way. If we we're in their shoes.
@@sarahcrain8083 I know this was written 3 yrs ago, but it is so relevant to me now…just had to place my wonderful husband of 41 yrs in memory care…hardest thing I have ever done, and hard on him too. We have lived at home with his diagnosis of stroke/Parkinson’s/LBD (in that order) for the past 3 years and he is really starting to act out aggressive behavior/falling, etc. and must have everything done for him except eating most times. There are times he seems totally rational, but they are few and far between. I hate this journey so much…
This video really hit home! I'm living with my mom as her primary caregiver. She is 88, I'm 64. I left a 35 yr marriage with a covert narcissist, so trying to deal and heal from that. I am definitely 4 and 5. My BP is extremely high, but working with my doctor. This is not the home i grew up in, but a mobile home in a very nice park, so i don't feel like "home" . I also work part time which is a break. My blessings is the time i am able to spend with my kids and grandbabies. ❤
WOW! Huge! Crying now and gonna call Alzheimer’s Association Crisis line ..again. Called for the first time week and half ago and they were incredible!
Thank u for your videos. They have helped me alot over the years. I suffer from all 5 symptoms. I don't know how to change anything. She's my mother and I love her so much. I just can't put her in a home. She took care of me when I was a baby. She didn't throw me away. She loved me with all her heart. Know I'm just doing what she did all those years ago
I'm all 5. Have HBO, anxiety attacks and depression. I don't look forward to a future as it scares me. The worst is still to come. Don't visit family or friends anymore. Sometimes o lose itvisit a pub get drunk and gamble like crazy and just switch my phone off, closing my mind to it but next day I'm guilty as hell for leaving him alone knowing his a fall risk. Then I spiral into anxiety attacks and depression, wishing I were dead. No one else to care for my hwp and cannot afford care home.
No. 4 is a real eye opener & also 5 hits home. I have been so ill over last 12 months , lost my voice for 3 months then had 7 weeks with vertigo but cannot get much help. Mum turns 100 at end of month & I have been doing this for 7 years.......
Thank you so much again, I'm so relieved someone knows what I'm going through. My doctor suggested an antidepressant. I don't think a pill will fix this...
Bible Thumber, you are welcome. Also, you are correct. Nothing will "fix" what you are going through but there are things that you can do to try to help things be a bit more bearable.
I'm sorry I can't give you any specific advice about medication for you. What has helped many caregivers is being open to ideas to help themselves cope with the situation in any way possible. For some caregivers it's a support group, for some it's exercise, for others it's prayer, and for some it's medication. It's really up to you to decide what you want to try, but I encourage you to be open to the many different ways to help cope with your situation, even though it won't technically "fix" the situation.
I begin a small antidepressant after my alzheimers husband had a stroke. I couldn’t tell any difference at the time. He died. 18 months later I can tell that highs aren’t so high but lows aren’t so low. Very tough transition when you love your spouse so much
Social support from positive people and agencies may be helpful. Caregivers can become quite *ISOLATED* when they *live in the caregiver 'Bubble'* -- folks can be feeling so alone in this. Support from people 'who get it' and have 'been there' is really really vital.
Al the signs are true for me. Even the night is a dread to me. A few weeks ago, my chilldren had to take me to the E.R. I do not have answers and my only hope and recue is my relationship with Farther God. I started on a book that I have to write, but under these circumstances it's going down the drain. We are both retired, but all the strength I have left, is going into caring for him. I did not think things would end up like this.
I think some caregivers fight within themselves weather they want to continue to live because they already don't have a life. The person that they care for is there life and when they're gone, there is no life to live.
It is important to find ways to make a life for yourself, do things to better yourself and your health. In the midst of struggle, it is often difficult to see the light, but there is always hope. Caregivers have to make themselves a priority. It is difficult, but it is possible and life can go on in ways never thought possible. Please call the 24/7 Alz Association number to receive some support. 1.800.272.3900
This is absolutely the truth. This journey has left me unable to even envision any life after this. I try..& it is very scary. I’m empty. I know I can do hard things and survive. I know that I WILL figure it out but right now I’m so scared.
I came home to help my Mom 7 years ago. Since that time I was laid off from a job I'd had for 15 years, got another job and after 6 months was laid off. Now, my mother needs me home full time. I cook, clean, everything. I don't have employment, no health insurance and no friends. My brother lives out of state with his family and my other older brother and his wife have decided to be distant. My mother is currently in rehab after suffering from a bout of diverticulitis and I have eaten everything and binge watched all the series shows in my blu ray collection. I am currently working on a bag of peanut M&M's. Welp.
Thank you for sharing, I was the primary live in caregiver for my mom and we finally got her into care at a local nursing home after a two month hospital stay last spring when the Delta Covid Variant. We finally got a formal diagnosis of moderate Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia which didn't surprise us while the other co morbitities did surprise us a bit. I didn't bother dating throughout most of my 40s as living with mom as a caregiver, the optics weren't great not matter the explaination why, and I got tired of explaining. Thankfully I maintained relationships with friends but I really couldn't travel all that far for long. For the most part I just kept my head down and got stuff done, and thankfully photography was a great outlet along with going to the gym.
I have them all. I cared for my husband through cancer and his death. I’m a single mom now trying to take care of my loved one with Alzheimer’s too. I have no time for me anymore and I feel stuck and empty. I’m tired of always having to put my needs last. When it’s all said and done with my loved one then it will be my turn to make myself a priority. The next, and last person that I will take care of is going to be me.
I came here because I'm caring for my cat with (the equivalent of..) Alzheimer's. No one seems to talk about those scenarios, and there s lot of judgement from others.But your vid covers the exact same scenarios pet caregivers face 😟. Right at the end of my tether and looking to see how other caregivers cope with the day after life- sucking days of little sleep and constant stress. Every little bit of encouragement could only help 🙏
Dementia Careblazers ; " Blessings " I have no friend or family - & most days I do dread getting up - My life has become a pretending - Pretending I'm happy & clam . When I want to hit something - But what els can I do ?
I hope that you have been able to find your way this pst year SebastianUSA! I’m in the same boat.. however I’m determined to keep searching & making the phone calls (even when I absolutely have no strength and have lost faith) searching for resources and connections and praying that I can reach SOMEONE who will guide me in this next stage!
I here you my life has stopped 5 years now no one else's mum is all most stopped eat now so I no its all most time I'm happy for mum but I'm happy for me to take care
Definitely call the Alzheimer’s Association. I’ve had very helpful advice and support! The first person you talk to will find out what kind of needs you have and then the right counselor will call you back. Let me know if you need the number.. or more support after you’ve called. And I want to know if they helped
I am caregiving to both parents. My father for Alzhimers/ Pseudo dementia. And my mother has multiple medical problems, she also has Borderline Personality Disorder. I am a veteran with PTSD and bipolar disorder.i was living out of state and left my job 5 months ago with the intention of getting a job here. I haven't had time to get away from obligations here to look for a job much less to go to work. I can briefly visit one neighbor, otherwise the only time I see anyone i know is chance encounters on shopping trips. , Although I'm not suicidal I'm to the point that 9 dont care if I live or die. I'm having great difficulty dealing with both Alzhiemers, and Borderline personality disorder. My Psychologist and all out of state friends strongly recommend I "GET OUT " the problem is my mother has pretty much driven anyone else from the family who would help away, and if I leave there is no one else to help. Do you have any ideas.
In order to Care for them - you must Heal & Care for yourself, otherwise you will ending needing HeLP yourself. Let them be come wards of the state. Get a Job, your own place, Heal your self & THeN .. you can step in to Lend a hand of compassion & Give them your LovE..
Being a sole-caregiver is the quickest way I know to kill relationships. 'Friends' and family are uncomfortable and/or in denial. People don't have a personal point of reference for either the needs of the patient or the demands on the caregiver. I have forgotten everything about having light-hearted conversation or socializing. Unfortunately, the only place I can think of that I might feel at ease would be a caregiver support group.
I am so burn out, I dont get enough sleep. My husband pushes me for all I'm worth. I am an awful person cause there are times I want to hit him. I stay with him because of my cats. If he goes to the NH I lose them and what little freedom I have. I am 52, he is 69. We have 2 children and my son helps a little but I rather my daughter didnt cause she raises stress levels. I feel hopeless. I feel like it's all going to come crashing down around me. I worry most about hitting or weirdly enough spanking him, anyone else feel this way 😪. He will probably outlive me.
I'm so thankful I found your channel ❤️ I'm still able to work and look after my Grandma but it has been getting really hard. We're going to do a CT scan next trying to get a diagnosis seems tricky. She needs it though so we can add some in home health care for her. Any tips from anyone are appreciated. God bless 🙏
All of the above. Now what? Have watched tons of videos. After years of working with different Home Care agencies I'm forced to consider placement of my loved one in a nursing home.
1 yes, used to walk miles. Now can’t go out. 2 no, other than walking friends no one. 3 not really, no 4 no. 5 no, not due to caring. Just health changes that would happen anyway having health condition pre caring. Brilliant video though. Thank you
I've been taking care of my father 11 years and I have stopped being able to be there for him as much because for the last 5 years I've been taking care of my husband who has dementia I have all 5 of these signs my kids are worried about me and my health tomorrow we are going to talk to a person to help us figure out some help for me like day care or possibly a nursing home I feel sick to my stomach thinking of having to do this . we've been together 36yrs but I've developed heart issues depression anxiety and more. how does one not feel guilty for putting a loved one in a home . It breaks my heart.
Marion Kirk I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Loving and caring for someone with dementia certainly comes with a lot of health risks. I’m so sorry to hear about how it has hurt your health. I’m glad you will be talking with family about how to best handle the care AND your health. As hard of a decision as it is to put your loved one in a nursing home, you have to ask yourself how much longer you will be able to provide care given your current health. In order to give good care, you have give yourself good care. I did a video on your current situation. You can find it here. ua-cam.com/video/F6_0coly0Yw/v-deo.html I hope it helps. I’m sorry your heart is breaking and I’m wishing you all the best during this difficult time. 💕
Caregiving absolutely ruins the caregiver, my wife has been destroyed caregiving for her grandmother whom we live with. I try but it has changed our marriage and there is NO ONE to help and we dred every morning we wake up. Caregiving 24/7 destroys everything and robs people of their lives, literally!
I'm sorry I completely understand...my boyfriend and I lived together then mom got sick we was together for 7 years ..He asked me to move out with my mom taking care of a dementia mother has been hard...she ruined my relationship now he ghost me....But I love my mother dearly ...
I am a live in care giver for someone whom is bed ridden. With no transportation and from another state, it does get that way. I sometimes feel I am in prison. I promised to do this and feel badly. We go out when the weather is good. Listen to music, read and wacth tv. I try to use what I've learned as an OTA. It has been 6yrs since grad and I never took the NBCOTA and have given up. Thank you for opening my eyes.
It's so hard because our being a caregiver can last for a very long time. I do have a Care Class releasing soon on all things self-care, how to handle the stress, what to do if you have no help, and how to break out of the prison that you feel you are in while still caring for your loved one. I'm sending you all the best! Take care of yourself.
Christian's Grandma I'm a live in caregiver too, for my bedridden grandmother... this is so stressful. I'm so thankful I get to break away just to go to the grocery store in the mornings when there is a home health aide with her for 4 hours. I think these 4 hours each day have been my saving grace. Is there any way you can get help?
Carol Narramore it’s okay. Now that you know where you are, you can make some positive changes. If you head to my website www.careblazers.com, I’ve got some free classes coming up focused on improving self-care! :)
My father with dementia came to live with us a couple years ago, I also care for and worry about my schizophrenic son. The non profit I was starting has been put on the back burner, I have no time as I also work full time. I am struggling to keep my head above water.
I understand i care for my mom who has Dementia my son also has schizophrenia...I asked God why? It's been so hard so I don't work I lock myself in my room when my mom gets mean...I will be praying for you
@@phoenixrising3338 Prayers to you as well. Hang in there. My father passed away in March. I miss him, I loved him, but I'll be honest, a sigh of relief was also expressed. The parent worry is so real when a child is suffering and you can only do so much to help..hugs
I’m beginning to feel like an “I don’t care“giver…. My mom was the best person I have ever known. It’s so sad she is ending up this way. Sometimes I catch glimpses of how she used to be, but mostly I don’t even like her anymore. I’m a “strong Christian” but now I am constantly frustrated and swear and say horrible things under my breath.I know I am blessed in many ways and try to focus on the positives. But really I just want to be free and see no way that will happen.
Thank You. Finally found some understanding. Sadly I’ve hit everyone of your points. I took a deep breath and now I’ll make some time for myself. Thanks, Thanks and a million Thanks.
I love your videos of yours almost all of them are dead right on the nose . I'm actually starting to lose my patience with my mom. I've been doing this for so long I don't even know if I could have a life anymore .
Exactly. My person would run out of $ in like 2 months in even assisted living. Less than the time assisted living facilities want as notice of moving out. Sooner than even Medicaid Longterm Care Waiver application could be reviewed and/or longer than the subsidized-care waitlists, assuming they'd even be eligible with the 5-year financial look-back period. (People with dementia make questionable decisions with their money that could raise red flags.) My greatest fear is that they would then be returned to me without _any_ money left for their home care.
Sign number 1 hit particularly hard, though 4 and 5 hit very close to home. I looked back over the past 6 years and I have eliminated everything I used to enjoy. Everything went one by one because it was ‘too much’ and something had to give so it was things I enjoyed. 😭
No joy in life, I don't spend time with others anymore, everyone wants me to go to a psychiatrist and get onto heavy meds, every day is just full of more things I don't have the coping skills for or funds to pay for, health is in the tank today I got all of 25 minutes of sleep and had to work a 12 hour stressful night shift. To give some insight into my world I was told today that I have 3 days to move my mothers stuff out of her room. So yep, she is spot on with her advice as usual.
My dad is caregiving for my mom and has every sign. I’m trying to help him make a change and get them moved into an assisted living so they can have support but unfortunately he’s resistant to the change. It’s getting to the point where it’s getting scary for them to live alone in their current house.
One thing I would suggest you do, and hope that people will watch it, is.....do a video on friends of caretakers, and what to say, and what NOT to say. When I was voicing concern about our financial situation, this friend was explaining of how they could be penalized for having too much money in one account. I really didn't need to hear that. And when they try to compare what they are going through with a family member, that no way reaches the seriousness of what I'm going through. I need words of encouragement or offers of help. Not their sad story. Or when I'm working hard at doing something, it would be nice to have an offer of help, not just offering me your tools. I could go on and on. Not meaning to sound like im feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I want to just tell these friends to go just go away. I don't mean they have to walk on eggshells, just be more aware of the words they use. Oh, something else, don't ask me why I'm not doing anything! If I'm not doing anything, it's because I am physically and mentally exhausted!!! Give me a break!!
Definitely a challenge to find anyone who understands unless they are walking in your shoes. Even if I WANT to have a conversation..I always end up getting derailed and back on the dementia bus. And “advise” is sooo crazy! Ppl! All the snappy answers are the most frustrating!
I moved away from all my friends to be here and take care of my mother she is my priority , when Dad was alive i was able to occasionally get out and do things , but he passed in February ,...and if any of my Friends or family ,ever said they are worried about me , especially if its family we are talking about .....Then why don't they pitch in to help ..otherwise they can just leave me alone like that have done since this started ...at the final stage mom needs 24/7 supervision so yeah i used to go fishing and to the movies etc ...but i can't do those things now ...do i dread tomorrow YES AND YES .. so i hit four out of five ........But without me mom would have no one ....and i will not put her in one of those death trap nursing homes and forget about her like , other family members would do if it was up to them ...
I care for my grandma. I have done so since Covid. She had mobility issues before and when she had that heart attack in 2021 I have had to put life on hold. No one really said anything about me not acting like myself and they don't help with her as much as I would like. Yeah, they do but some of the things she needs and that is it. It has been 3 years since I spent time with my friends and my therapy sessions might end because I have no way to get there. I just get the feeling they know how burned out I am and they just don't care.I tell my grandma about this and says that she prefers my help over anyone else. Am I being selfish about this?
No, not selfish. You have your whole life ahead of you. I’m sure she prefers you over others. But nobody-not me, not you, nobody-can always have what they prefer. Meanwhile, your family doesn’t have to do anything, because you are. Telling them you can’t, is really hard. But they’ll step up when they have to. My spouse is in later-stage Alzheimer’s, at a facility for almost year. Family was no help at all in earlier years-until I was hospitalized with cardiac problems, due to caregiving. They helped when they had to, and it didn’t take long until were ok with hiring more help, then later, a facility. Yea, everybody is busy. But everybody has to get involved. It’s not fair, it stinks. But that’s what happens, a lot. Nobody can promise or predict how their life will go. Caregiving is the hardest job ever. It CAN kill you. The person with dementia already has a terminal disease. Will the disease claim the caregiver, too? There is no scenarios, none, that says it’s ok for you to do everything.
I'm really struggling. I have severe anxiety and depression as well as living with and trying to care for my mother with dementia and swallowing difficulty. She never stops eating through she chokes and spits most out. I'm in tears here watching her choking. I'm not the only person here to care for her but I'm often left alone to care for her and I'm chronically suicidal. I overdosed twice a few months back. I won't do that now but it's all I want to do. I've lost the will to live long ago and now I'm watching my shell of a mother slowly die infront of me
I had 0 on first 4 and D emotionally and physically. I’ve had to leave my home 4 + years ago my husband and a grandchild I am raising. I only leave my mom 2 days a week for a few hours to go to church. I have siblings but they only come when I go to church. No help with finances either. Very hard because moms getting worse. I have missed so much of my life yes as hard as I try not to dread the day it’s overwhelming. I don’t know what I would do without God.
5 out of 5 my sister lives next door i told her i need at least 1 day a week so got a job on Saturdays my only day out Only day of the week i see her in passing as shes leaving when i come home. Her husband brings supper to Momma and will come if i need help.
The signs that you said are extremely important in dedetermining the intiation of the said disorder . I would like to suggest please add some action oriented talk as it can enhance the grasping power of the viewers this is only a personal suggestion .
I care for my neighbour now for the last seven years, seven days a week. I clean her apartment before she wakes up and make dinner for her. I also take her to all her doctor visits. Her alcoholism makes it unbearable some days. Her pattern is, drink and rip the apartment apart five days a week. Get sober and complain the apartment is a mess. I try to engage with her as little as possible but she is totally alone. Thanks for this video, I try to take care of myself though after seeing this: I need to do more for myself. Please do a video on alchohol abuse in dementia cases because I don't think I'm the only one going through this.
Totally alone, as in no family anywhere? If so, you could well be talking with your state or local Adult Protective Services. No neighbor should have to do all this. There are very valid stats from national health care groups that show how much more danger, including risks of death, caregivers face from stress-related causes from caregiving.
Thank you for your reply. I try to set bounders and a schedule to keep myself safe from burnout. She is alone, I assisted her with her only brother's death and we stood alone at his grave site. Reality to her situation hit home that day, Even though at times it sucks. I am grateful to be able to give her some dignity and protection. @@bettyparker3317
I think the BIG problem is really the person cared for is lonely and craves stimulation, attention, love, entertainment and the caregiver is exhausted and craves a break, time for themselves, sleep, quiet, so both have opposite needs and one needs to suffer if the other's needs are fulfilled.
We are both suffering.
I can't say that has not been my experience at all. There are massive problem on my shoulders but none that you listed.
I flunked. Told my brother we need to talk. I am at my wit’s end.
@@jeannehoffman1060 Have you looked into Respite Care relief? I was advised that as an option one can take their loved one to Adult daycare as a way of getting a break. May be another option for you. best of luck. stay strong
@@clipperbob960 Thank you. Yes, I have, and it is only a few hours long, and she wouldn’t go, unless I went with her. We live in a smallish town. 8 years. I moved here to take care of my Mom and Dad when he was ill. He died 8 months later, and I have been taking care of her ever since. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t love her and don’t want her, but I can’t accomplish anything, and she is still with it enough to think that. I just need a few months to myself to get some projects done in the yard and house, without having to watch a clock, jump when she calls (often), and, take care of all the things that make her happy, but make more work for me. I have two sisters that live in other states that could do this for me, but never think to offer. I cannot talk to them, so that is why I will be talking to my brother and let him do the talking to them. He can’t take her, and I completely understand why, so not upset with him. Sorry for my rant. Thank you for caring.
I answered yes to all 5. I'm so tired and burnt out I don't even know or have the energy to even think on how to change.
My mother currently lives with me. It was obvious she could not live alone anymore when she kept flipping the switch in her fuse box and turned off the furnace a few times and could flip it back herself because she forgot what she had done. She was living alone. I had to drive 2 hours to fix the issue every time.
I grew up with her of course, and left home at 17 and didn't look back. I am now 60. She was very abusive and allowed abusive men in our lives as well. I couldn't wait to get out of there and did at my first opportunity. I kept my distance for many years. When I would let her back in, she became very abusive again and again. I had cut her from my life and had been living in happiness and peace for quite some time. One day I received a call that my mothers mental and physical health was in decline. I struggled with what to do. Eventually I decided that she is my mother and wanting to set a good example to my children, I began one more time with her.
I have been taking her to doctor appointments and buying her groceries, amount other things. I noticed the dementia getting worse. So after the last 2 hour trip to turn her furnace on again, I decided to have her live with me for a while. She decided she didn't want to be alone in her home anymore and she wanted me to help her sell it. While being here in my home with my husband and I, her abusive ways are escalating. She has turned my tranquility into a nightmare and I am having flashbacks of my childhood and why I left home to begin with.
My husband and I have decided to put her in a nursing home after all her financial stuff is in order. I am feeling very guilty about the decision. But I can not allow the toxicity of my mother continue to control my life. My kids get it. They understand my past with their grandmother and understand my decision. Everything my mother did, I did the opposite. Now I am blessed with 3 beautiful children who didn't grow up the way I did.
But the guilt is still there. And I will feel guilty for the rest of my life the decision to put her in a nursing home.
I do love my mother. But I have to love myself more.
Find the best place you can and monitor her stay there. You can't ruin your life and your husband's and children's lives. You would feel guilty for that. If she's abusive when you visit, at least you can go home to peace. My dad was in a shitty nursing home and I have guilt. He also was abusive but no one deserves that. When you visit frequently and stay on top of things they will take better care of her. At least you'll have peace at home.
Examples of her abuse would have been nice. I know adults who today still despise parents for not letting them date at 13, or go to so and so's party around that same age.
You just shared with us, your mother is sick but inability to let go of the past, ignores this dreaded disease. Forgiving Mom will go a long way in your kids memory; I would hate for them to throw you under the bus,,.
Nursing homes are often where our demise gets expedited. Your husband married the whole package, we all do/did. Mom had her faults but nowhere in your letter did you say she walked out/dumped you.
I hope you read my response with an open mind.
@JamesMena-ym9vf My mother used to beat me until I was black and blue and bleeding. My whole body. She didn't care where she was hitting. She allowed the men in her life to do the same. We lived in a religious culture where this was a normal thing and highly encouraged. That is the type of abuse that was inflicted on me. She and her men would verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse me and my sister. Thank goodness the only abuse they didn't inflict on us was molestation. That was done to us by others in our lives. I finally had to leave in order to live. There you go. Now you know what kind of abuse I'm speaking about.
We are to honor our parents but not to the point that it dishonors ourselves especially when it comes to our children. If a parent is toxic, regardless of their mental state, I think it’s ok to put them in a care facility. Your home is your sanctuary and nothing should disturb what you and your husband created. Find her a place and visit often.
@@teacup3133I agree. I just said the same.
I just wanted to say what a great service your are doing. I’m a full - time attorney and I decided to keep my mom at home during her dementia journey after she spent a horrific few months in a nursing home. She spent about three years with me and a live in care giver before she passed away. There were many nights that I cried myself to sleep and was too exhausted to even put on make - up the next day. These videos would have been very welcome, just to feel that you are not alone is so important.
Absolutely agree! This educational journey- the videos by Dr Natali and the Care Course have kept me mostly sane! Priceless connections and survival skills!
Looking back.. what was you biggest challenge Helen?
I have my 87 year old mother with memory loss living with me, i am single and have almost totally given up on doing almost everything that i have enjoyed since i retired around 15 plus years ago and all but stopped dating or thinking about having a female companion since I moved mom in with me instead of going along with my older sister trying to put our mom into a assisted living situation. my mom absolutely loves being able to go outside and do things and her physical health is awesome actually better than mine. I am disabled but i can still get around ok . My sister is married to a dermatologist who is retired, they have been trying to put mom in a home for a few years now but mom wants to live out her years in the same place her husband lived out his last years with cancer. They had both moved in my home when dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and given a few months , i sent dad to karmanos cancer in detroit for stem cell therapy and he lived almost 5 and a half years with the stem cell and the mushroom tincture i make with a couple friends for people who have cancer that is treatable with the medicinal mushroom and the combination with cancer therapeutics. my friends and i have been supplying medicinal mushroom tinctures to anyone who has a team of doctors who will agree to use one or more types of the mushroom tinctures we make ourselves and I fortunately have access to testing them for purity and actual strain of each. My sister and her husband were absolutely against my dad using our own tinctures even though karmanos said they would be happy to include it in the treatment of our dad . They have always had a thing about avoiding natural medicine and have pushed every drug on my parents from statins to other prevention pharmaceuticals and then this mRNA vaccine. after mom got the second poke she started to lose her short term memory in a couple days and down hill rapidly since even though i fought it as best i was able to. mom was never sick in my 62 years other than having a hysterectomy at around 55 years old because they said it was causing her migraines. she exercises still daily has for my entire life and she was a professional balet dancer until i was born. I have tried to explain to my sister and husband about natural medicine but they are hard core take this or you are going to die too soon stuff . I had colon cancer and when it was discovered by a colonoscopy but it hadn’t spread and the doctor said it was the first time in his career in the united states that he had seen that and questioned me for a few hours and i brought up that my friends and i had found medicinal mushrooms on our property and we started making tinctures from our own mushrooms and making tea from the chaga drinking it everyday and the expression on his face was definitely a moment i will never forget. he explained that he was taught medical school in iran and they use natural resources for medicinal purposes as much as possible and chaga mushroom tinctures are used instead of chemo because no one has access to it there but mushroom tinctures are cheap if not free as is red yeast rice that they make tea from and drink everyday and not even a 0.5 % of the population has access to pharmaceutical drugs. The doctor has been a very close friend ever since and we provide mushroom tinctures to him for his patients. He was very insistent on asking if we would grow a specific strain of mushroom and make tinctures from it for older patients of his who were starting to get a little bit of memory loss. we did and everyone who he prescribed it to says they regained there memory within a few months. Granted they were in early stage of memory loss but they regained their memory without pharmaceuticals and it didn’t cost them anything because we provide it to the doctor for free. my sister and her husband are absolutely against anything natural but i have seen what these pharmaceuticals that doctors push to get a free vacation or something do to ruin your health
I am fortunate to have loved ones be honest with me and my inability to sustain the trajectory I was on caring for mom,, e ach symptom you described I related to. Down to losing grip and strength in my right hand which was caused by severe irritation on Cervical root 8. I had to have an EMG , MRI, Spinal tap and a mylogram. I am working through my disappointments. Mom is with my niece and enrolled in Hospice. Please Careblazers take good care of you. 💚💚💚❤💯
So true Helen... too true
I’ve been grieving my moms death now for 4 years I’ve been with her most of my life. She was sick a lot so I worked. Took her out of the nursing home last year for covid. I’ve died inside everyday she’s going back into a nursing home dementia unit I hope is better than the last one. There’s no way out but this is the best option I’ve been saying for a year now I will die before my mom I honestly can’t figure out why God hasn’t taken her. I couldn’t bare to watch her starved during covid. Honestly she would have been better off getting covid and going to heaven. But here we are she’s gotten healthier and stronger with me even though she can’t walk she’s pretty much total care total feed diapers incontinent of bowel/bladder. I have 2 more days and the guilt of putting her in the nursing home is almost too much to bare. I can see how family caregivers Contemplate suicide and some do. It’s sad at every angle. I hate dementia
Beth, how are you now? The nursing home is sometimes the best place when your loved one is so far into dementia. Our post is a year old. I pray you’ve had some relief in your life🙏
5 out of 5, loss of weight, no appetite, depressed, anxiety just soaring and hair falling out, drained and depleted.....😪
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm tearing up because I've been fighting for my mental health while taking care of my mom. I've been shamed and made to feel guilty for tending to my basic needs while caring for my mom. Your videos are so validating, and this one is especially so. Thank you so much for what you do.
Hope that you have found some resources that have been able to dig you out of the empty vessel we seem to become without even realizing it! I agree that the “validation” of the true depths of how we are effected are critical for our own health and survival.
Dr Natali has been such a blessing!
Tell anyone trying to shame you to take over for a few days and walk in your shoes. That should shut them right up.
How are you doing today? ❤
I'm a 3 out of 5 but that's only because I have no relationships to kill or friends to lose. I'm definitely an "F" but I DO have something positive to share here:
I don't know whether this tip will help anyone else, but it's help me reduce my stress in ONE specific situation. I must wear a hat in the sun, so I have a collection of ball caps. I printed "ALZHEIMER'S" in a large font on a strip of heavy paper and stapled it to the underside of the brim on one of them. My wife doesn't seem to notice it, but it's easily read when I take my hat off and hold it vertically (brim up). I've been able to flash this to people my wife encounters while we're out in public, and it helps them deal with her conversation, lack of social distancing, etc.
That made me laugh a little! Yep, you never know what's going to come out of their mouth.
That’s actually an awesome idea! It would help so that I don’t have to “explain”... and yet I wonder if people who don’t know about the disease even UNDERSTAND that the inappropriate behavior is coming from a mind that is shattered and failing. 😭
@@lynylcullen8370 - I used this approach dozens and dozens of times. Not everyone we met knew quite how to handle it, but EVERYONE recalibrated their approach and tried to help. So... I would say that my little banner helped in 100% of encounters. My wife's disease moved several times as fast as "average" and she died last January while I was holding her hand. They made me dress in a gown, gloves, mask, and face shield. I humored them instead of asking, "Why bother?" Best of luck to you.
@@ralphwaters8905 - Wow! That’s an incredible example! And how else are people going to learn and be aware of what it’s like .. in all it’s stages!
I can’t imagine your loss..& sitting there gowned up!? Ugh!
I know they have their protocols but SERIOUSLY..! I’m thankful to know that you have survived and I’m wishing you healing and peace!
This is an excellent idea! Bless you and thank you for sharing.
I am 27, my mom is 68. She’s lived with my boyfriend and me for over a year and a half now. We couldn’t find any good outside help so we do it all ourselves. I do most of the caring but my bf helps too. Meditating every day, never drinking alcohol, adopting furry friends, and opening myself fully to love from humans and nature have been game changing. The best way to care for our loved ones is to care for ourselves.
I would rate myself an F thank you for allowing me to be able to rate myself without feeling guilty for my answers.
It’s a rough ride. I feel guilty that I am so unhappy as I know many have it so much worse than me.
Can't even remember things I used to do. How about a conversation with an adult? Just trying to outlive my spouse by 30 minutes.
I'm the same, I feel that my husband is going out live me,
Hi everyone my husband has vascular mixed dementia and prostate cancer and can't see very well, I'm his only carer, I have just got carers in to wash dress and shave and change his catheter, and just found out I have to find £127 a week, my husband money pays the bills and mine buys food we haven't got that money on top of this, I have tried to get social services to pay more, I got told no ,so I said he will have to go into care, they said because he is only on early stage of his dementia he will have to agree and we all don't think he will, I am my wits end and don't know what to do, I have copd,emphysema, 5 discs out in my back, and I have been having chest pains and been investigated and the valves is slightly fured up,
I can be your spouse 30 mins.. lets talk! I'm in my 30s.. I'm sure you can share good movies to watch. Praying you have fun!
tbh taking a shower in the morning feels like an accomplishment. 🤣
I hear you. I took a few extra minutes in the bathroom to regain my patience after a bad morning, and when I came out my 86 yo mom with Alzheimer’s was teetering on a wobbly stool. I am afraid of what she could get up to when I can’t hear her per the shower.
Exactly, that means its a good day.....very alarming
My two sibs and I have been sharing the care of our 88-yr old mother with dementia since Jan. We are starting to realize that our lives, relationships, and health are suffering. The most immediate one is lack of sleep due to anxiety for the next day. Yikes, I scored 5 out of 5 and I'm sure my sibs are right there with me. It's time we discussed changes. Thanks for your vids, Dr. Natalie, they've been so helpful!
I am one of 9 kids and I've had 99% of the burden for 10 years.
I am a complete "F". The last time I talked to a social worker, I ended up with police at the door, accuse me of abuse ( I had my husband arrested for spousal abuse before). DCF got involved checked on Ed how he was, was he afraid etc. I went to get help for ME, the care giver!!! I get 4 hours of sleep, if I take a nap in afternoon he keeps waking me up, yells I was going to sleep!, I have no one in family since they are so far away. I am exhausted mentally, physically, no able to get away from him. Last time was 2 years ago I spent 2 hours away from house, he was safe, he went to social worker and said I was leaving him alone, etc social worker was no help for me, she was on his side! I just want to walk out of this house and never look back. I am just sick of it all.
It is amazing how much Denial kicks in and we think it is all okay, until something like this brings us back to reality. I am already in the process of taking mom to a facility after over 10 yrs of caring for her and I was still contemplating the possibility of ,maybe, pushing myself to end of the year. Thank you Dr Natalie for always reminding us of the true facts of taking care of anyone! including ourselves!!!
Thank you for this video. 5 out of 5 =F for me. Just don't know how to change it.
Thank you for this video. I flunked the test. You've made me realize I need to actively search for a person to sit with my dad during the day.
You can do it!
My mom has no money. She only has me. She has no one else. My mom was the BEST mother I could have ever asked for. I can’t..I just can’t give up on her. I trust no one to have my mom’s best interest to heart. How do I give up caring for my mom if I fear that others will not be kind to her? I’m an F .. I was just diagnosed with high blood pressure. My mom is delusional and angry. But she was the most caring and loving person I have ever known.
How is your mom? My mom is my everything I felt the same way you did it's nice talking with others that understand your grief your worries your anxiety...Mothers are our world...I just felt the need to reach out to you cause everything you voiced is the same way I am feeling....I've had my mom for 2.5 years someday it's so hard and then some days are good...How is your mom doing?
I have all five signs. Don’t remember last time I watched this video having all. Have no idea how to change anything. Trapped without money for help thanks to husband spending us into financial nightmare before I figured things out. Praying. Only God can help at this point. Can only talk to friends and family on phone. Thanks for heads up though. What a bad time when the world is this upside down to deal with this. Sorry to everyone else in my same boat, and other health crisis. Blessings and love ❤️
I live 600miles from my parents. Dad has dementia, I never realised how difficult it was to look after a Dementia patient, until I went to help mum, It is a two person job at least. To all looking after your loved one, you are doing a terrific job of looking after them, but please look out for your health too. Your friends and family will back this video 100%.
Oh boy, you are so right on. I have been worried alot lately and cry almost everyday and whenever I think of my/our current situation. Thank God I have friends and my church community!!
Yeah....I suffer from all 5. Do.not know the way out. Family "can't" help and there are no resources. I've tried everything I know. 😫
Wow when she mentioned step 4, it hit me like a freight train!
Wow what a video thank you i also feel tired and out of energy to tired to do any thing else at home when i am taking care of alzeimers dementia
my stress last summer cleaning out my grandmothers house because of the hoarding before she got in the nursing home caused me to get type 2 diabetes as of January.but since then I lost weight been going to the gym. and lost a couple of pant sizes
Thank you so much. I am all of these. I felt so alone, until watching this. Number 4 is my biggest problem. Again thank you. I have subscribed!🙂
Anthony Glass hang in there. You are not alone. Feel free to join the close Careblazer community on FB to connect with others in similar situations.
Support systems are important. Care givers need to take care of themselves. I'm learning this a little at a time.
No caregiver would ever pass this test!! My 89 yo father was diagnosed with early dementia in 2019 - the time that I moved in with him. Fast forward to 2021 and the dementia has gotten worse. Family stopped coming because he doesn't want them here, so I have no friends. The only person that I could talk to is my therapist. I have no life and I'm 60 years old. Dementia steals your mind and your soul. This disease is the long goodbye - at least it is for me!!
I just found you videos and have been binge watching them. I’ve learned so much and realize that my husband and I are in clear need of more help. I get frustrated because he thinks he’s ok and he wants to buy a car and start driving again and he has excuses why he falls 2 and 3 times a day and on and on. He has the diagnosis of PSP and FTD. In my opinion everything is progressing rapidly, but to him, nothing is wrong. A huge thank you for helping me realize what is happening. I didn’t know I shouldn’t argue or remind him of his diagnoses. I was thinking and acting on the fact that it’s better to be straight up and brutally honest.
RaKell Worton I am no expert on dementia. Based on personal experience. As well as everything that I have read and watched. It is recommended not to over explain or argue your point with a person with dementia or Alzheimers. At best you can try redirecting their attention to something else. With my loved one. I have found letting the doctors enforce the things that he can no longer do, that are unrealist or unsafe, to be beneficial. For some reason he will not argue with the doctors and tends to agree with their advice. When he starts it again. I remind him of what the doctor said. I do it using as few words as possible. With sincerity but direct and to the point. The disease is such, that the fewer words to stress your point the better. The more they hear 'no you can't do that' the more you risk them becoming combative.
During the early to moderate stages of the disease. They may not articulate their feelings logically with losing their Independence. During these stages, I believe they have moments in what they perceive as clarity of mind. With that comes the greatest struggles. As irrational as their ideals and arguments may sound. In reality, it is human nature, that they fight to maintain as much control of their Independence as possible. For which we may very well be acting the same way. If we we're in their shoes.
@@sarahcrain8083 I know this was written 3 yrs ago, but it is so relevant to me now…just had to place my wonderful husband of 41 yrs in memory care…hardest thing I have ever done, and hard on him too. We have lived at home with his diagnosis of stroke/Parkinson’s/LBD (in that order) for the past 3 years and he is really starting to act out aggressive behavior/falling, etc. and must have everything done for him except eating most times. There are times he seems totally rational, but they are few and far between. I hate this journey so much…
This video really hit home! I'm living with my mom as her primary caregiver. She is 88, I'm 64. I left a 35 yr marriage with a covert narcissist, so trying to deal and heal from that. I am definitely 4 and 5. My BP is extremely high, but working with my doctor. This is not the home i grew up in, but a mobile home in a very nice park, so i don't feel like "home" . I also work part time which is a break. My blessings is the time i am able to spend with my kids and grandbabies. ❤
WOW! Huge! Crying now and gonna call Alzheimer’s Association Crisis line ..again.
Called for the first time week and half ago and they were incredible!
Thank u for your videos. They have helped me alot over the years. I suffer from all 5 symptoms. I don't know how to change anything. She's my mother and I love her so much. I just can't put her in a home. She took care of me when I was a baby. She didn't throw me away. She loved me with all her heart. Know I'm just doing what she did all those years ago
Thank God for you.
I'm all 5. Have HBO, anxiety attacks and depression. I don't look forward to a future as it scares me. The worst is still to come. Don't visit family or friends anymore. Sometimes o lose itvisit a pub get drunk and gamble like crazy and just switch my phone off, closing my mind to it but next day I'm guilty as hell for leaving him alone knowing his a fall risk. Then I spiral into anxiety attacks and depression, wishing I were dead. No one else to care for my hwp and cannot afford care home.
No. 4 is a real eye opener & also 5 hits home. I have been so ill over last 12 months , lost my voice for 3 months then had 7 weeks with vertigo but cannot get much help. Mum turns 100 at end of month & I have been doing this for 7 years.......
Thank you so much again, I'm so relieved someone knows what I'm going through. My doctor suggested an antidepressant. I don't think a pill will fix this...
Bible Thumber, you are welcome. Also, you are correct. Nothing will "fix" what you are going through but there are things that you can do to try to help things be a bit more bearable.
I'm sorry I can't give you any specific advice about medication for you. What has helped many caregivers is being open to ideas to help themselves cope with the situation in any way possible. For some caregivers it's a support group, for some it's exercise, for others it's prayer, and for some it's medication. It's really up to you to decide what you want to try, but I encourage you to be open to the many different ways to help cope with your situation, even though it won't technically "fix" the situation.
I begin a small antidepressant after my alzheimers husband had a stroke. I couldn’t tell any difference at the time. He died. 18 months later I can tell that highs aren’t so high but lows aren’t so low. Very tough transition when you love your spouse so much
Social support from positive people and agencies may be helpful. Caregivers can become quite *ISOLATED* when they *live in the caregiver 'Bubble'* -- folks can be feeling so alone in this. Support from people 'who get it' and have 'been there' is really really vital.
Unfortunately many careblazers simply do not have anyone to help to give them the break they need.
Al the signs are true for me. Even the night is a dread to me. A few weeks ago, my chilldren had to take me to the E.R. I do not have answers and my only hope and recue is my relationship with Farther God. I started on a book that I have to write, but under these circumstances it's going down the drain. We are both retired, but all the strength I have left, is going into caring for him. I did not think things would end up like this.
I have all of these signs......I also dread the nights worrying that my Husband will get up in the early hours and wake me
Oh you just said exactly what I feel....I love my darling...but also dread that going to bed...keep well
I think some caregivers fight within themselves weather they want to continue to live because they already don't have a life. The person that they care for is there life and when they're gone, there is no life to live.
It is important to find ways to make a life for yourself, do things to better yourself and your health. In the midst of struggle, it is often difficult to see the light, but there is always hope. Caregivers have to make themselves a priority. It is difficult, but it is possible and life can go on in ways never thought possible. Please call the 24/7 Alz Association number to receive some support. 1.800.272.3900
Careblazers: dementia care heroes Thank you.
Wishing you all the best.
This is absolutely the truth. This journey has left me unable to even envision any life after this.
I try..& it is very scary. I’m empty.
I know I can do hard things and survive. I know that I WILL figure it out but right now I’m so scared.
I came home to help my Mom 7 years ago. Since that time I was laid off from a job I'd had for 15 years, got another job and after 6 months was laid off. Now, my mother needs me home full time. I cook, clean, everything. I don't have employment, no health insurance and no friends. My brother lives out of state with his family and my other older brother and his wife have decided to be distant. My mother is currently in rehab after suffering from a bout of diverticulitis and I have eaten everything and binge watched all the series shows in my blu ray collection. I am currently working on a bag of peanut M&M's. Welp.
Thank you for sharing, I was the primary live in caregiver for my mom and we finally got her into care at a local nursing home after a two month hospital stay last spring when the Delta Covid Variant. We finally got a formal diagnosis of moderate Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia which didn't surprise us while the other co morbitities did surprise us a bit. I didn't bother dating throughout most of my 40s as living with mom as a caregiver, the optics weren't great not matter the explaination why, and I got tired of explaining. Thankfully I maintained relationships with friends but I really couldn't travel all that far for long. For the most part I just kept my head down and got stuff done, and thankfully photography was a great outlet along with going to the gym.
I have them all. I cared for my husband through cancer and his death. I’m a single mom now trying to take care of my loved one with Alzheimer’s too. I have no time for me anymore and I feel stuck and empty. I’m tired of always having to put my needs last. When it’s all said and done with my loved one then it will be my turn to make myself a priority. The next, and last person that I will take care of is going to be me.
I'm seriously a hot mess. Major depression. I feel frozen. I don't know what to do.
I came here because I'm caring for my cat with (the equivalent of..) Alzheimer's. No one seems to talk about those scenarios, and there s lot of judgement from others.But your vid covers the exact same scenarios pet caregivers face 😟. Right at the end of my tether and looking to see how other caregivers cope with the day after life- sucking days of little sleep and constant stress. Every little bit of encouragement could only help 🙏
Dementia Careblazers ; " Blessings " I have no friend or family - & most days I do dread getting up - My life has become a pretending - Pretending I'm happy & clam . When I want to hit something - But what els can I do ?
So, what do you advise if I have a failed all? How do I take care of myself if there is no one else to take care of my loved one except me?
Nursing home.
I hope that you have been able to find your way this pst year SebastianUSA! I’m in the same boat.. however I’m determined to keep searching & making the phone calls (even when I absolutely have no strength and have lost faith) searching for resources and connections and praying that I can reach SOMEONE who will guide me in this next stage!
I here you my life has stopped 5 years now no one else's mum is all most stopped eat now so I no its all most time I'm happy for mum but I'm happy for me to take care
@@richardmorley7439 - It’s a sad state ..& yet we will know they are at peace when they pass. The NEXT challenge will be FINDING MYSELF again. Whew!
Definitely call the Alzheimer’s Association. I’ve had very helpful advice and support! The first person you talk to will find out what kind of needs you have and then the right counselor will call you back. Let me know if you need the number.. or more support after you’ve called. And I want to know if they helped
I am caregiving to both parents. My father for Alzhimers/ Pseudo dementia. And my mother has multiple medical problems, she also has Borderline Personality Disorder. I am a veteran with PTSD and bipolar disorder.i was living out of state and left my job 5 months ago with the intention of getting a job here. I haven't had time to get away from obligations here to look for a job much less to go to work. I can briefly visit one neighbor, otherwise the only time I see anyone i know is chance encounters on shopping trips. , Although I'm not suicidal I'm to the point that 9 dont care if I live or die. I'm having great difficulty dealing with both Alzhiemers, and Borderline personality disorder. My Psychologist and all out of state friends strongly recommend I "GET OUT " the problem is my mother has pretty much driven anyone else from the family who would help away, and if I leave there is no one else to help. Do you have any ideas.
Hope you have found support. Crisis line at Alzheimer’s Association is absolutely amazing!!
In order to Care for them - you must Heal & Care for yourself, otherwise you will ending needing HeLP yourself. Let them be come wards of the state. Get a Job, your own place, Heal your self & THeN .. you can step in to Lend a hand of compassion & Give them your LovE..
A care facility
Taking care of mom is hard.Thank you for sharing good tips!
Eye opening I scored F. I need to work on me! Thank you!!
Being a sole-caregiver is the quickest way I know to kill relationships. 'Friends' and family are uncomfortable and/or in denial. People don't have a personal point of reference for either the needs of the patient or the demands on the caregiver. I have forgotten everything about having light-hearted conversation or socializing. Unfortunately, the only place I can think of that I might feel at ease would be a caregiver support group.
I am so burn out, I dont get enough sleep. My husband pushes me for all I'm worth. I am an awful person cause there are times I want to hit him. I stay with him because of my cats. If he goes to the NH I lose them and what little freedom I have. I am 52, he is 69. We have 2 children and my son helps a little but I rather my daughter didnt cause she raises stress levels. I feel hopeless. I feel like it's all going to come crashing down around me. I worry most about hitting or weirdly enough spanking him, anyone else feel this way 😪. He will probably outlive me.
Feeling for you, Grace. XX
I'm so thankful I found your channel ❤️ I'm still able to work and look after my Grandma but it has been getting really hard. We're going to do a CT scan next trying to get a diagnosis seems tricky. She needs it though so we can add some in home health care for her. Any tips from anyone are appreciated. God bless 🙏
It is hard to think obout me when the person doesnt know what is happing to them it hurts so much .
Dr you give such sytematic practical approach.Tks i nd to learn more understanding ans insight from your videos
All of the above. Now what? Have watched tons of videos. After years of working with different Home Care agencies I'm forced to consider placement of my loved one in a nursing home.
Good for you
The best vid of the many I have turned to for help.
1 yes, used to walk miles. Now can’t go out.
2 no, other than walking friends no one.
3 not really, no
4 no.
5 no, not due to caring. Just health changes that would happen anyway having health condition pre caring.
Brilliant video though.
Thank you
I've been taking care of my father 11 years and I have stopped being able to be there for him as much because for the last 5 years I've been taking care of my husband who has dementia I have all 5 of these signs my kids are worried about me and my health tomorrow we are going to talk to a person to help us figure out some help for me like day care or possibly a nursing home I feel sick to my stomach thinking of having to do this . we've been together 36yrs but I've developed heart issues depression anxiety and more. how does one not feel guilty for putting a loved one in a home . It breaks my heart.
Marion Kirk I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Loving and caring for someone with dementia certainly comes with a lot of health risks. I’m so sorry to hear about how it has hurt your health. I’m glad you will be talking with family about how to best handle the care AND your health. As hard of a decision as it is to put your loved one in a nursing home, you have to ask yourself how much longer you will be able to provide care given your current health. In order to give good care, you have give yourself good care. I did a video on your current situation. You can find it here. ua-cam.com/video/F6_0coly0Yw/v-deo.html I hope it helps. I’m sorry your heart is breaking and I’m wishing you all the best during this difficult time. 💕
No caregiver will pass this test
Caregiving absolutely ruins the caregiver, my wife has been destroyed caregiving for her grandmother whom we live with. I try but it has changed our marriage and there is NO ONE to help and we dred every morning we wake up. Caregiving 24/7 destroys everything and robs people of their lives, literally!
I'm sorry I completely understand...my boyfriend and I lived together then mom got sick we was together for 7 years ..He asked me to move out with my mom taking care of a dementia mother has been hard...she ruined my relationship now he ghost me....But I love my mother dearly ...
I am a live in care giver for someone whom is bed ridden. With no transportation and from another state, it does get that way. I sometimes feel I am in prison. I promised to do this and feel badly. We go out when the weather is good. Listen to music, read and wacth tv. I try to use what I've learned as an OTA. It has been 6yrs since grad and I never took the NBCOTA and have given up. Thank you for opening my eyes.
It's so hard because our being a caregiver can last for a very long time. I do have a Care Class releasing soon on all things self-care, how to handle the stress, what to do if you have no help, and how to break out of the prison that you feel you are in while still caring for your loved one. I'm sending you all the best! Take care of yourself.
Christian's Grandma I'm a live in caregiver too, for my bedridden grandmother... this is so stressful. I'm so thankful I get to break away just to go to the grocery store in the mornings when there is a home health aide with her for 4 hours. I think these 4 hours each day have been my saving grace. Is there any way you can get help?
Wow. All 5. I made/arranged for change after all 5 of these. Plus it interfered with my job that paid me money. That's sign number 6.
I needed to hear this! I scored an F! Thank you. 👍
Carol Narramore it’s okay. Now that you know where you are, you can make some positive changes. If you head to my website www.careblazers.com, I’ve got some free classes coming up focused on improving self-care! :)
My father with dementia came to live with us a couple years ago, I also care for and worry about my schizophrenic son. The non profit I was starting has been put on the back burner, I have no time as I also work full time. I am struggling to keep my head above water.
I understand i care for my mom who has Dementia my son also has schizophrenia...I asked God why? It's been so hard so I don't work I lock myself in my room when my mom gets mean...I will be praying for you
@@phoenixrising3338 Prayers to you as well. Hang in there. My father passed away in March. I miss him, I loved him, but I'll be honest, a sigh of relief was also expressed. The parent worry is so real when a child is suffering and you can only do so much to help..hugs
@@farmgirlrebel1333 yeah my son takes medication along with Biweekly injections.. It has been so hard... I take it day by day...
I have all 5 signs but don't know what changes to do
Much needed to hear this. Thank you ❤
I’m beginning to feel like an
“I don’t care“giver….
My mom was the best person I have ever known. It’s so sad she is ending up this way. Sometimes I catch glimpses of how she used to be, but mostly I don’t even like her anymore. I’m a “strong Christian” but now I am constantly frustrated and swear and say horrible things under my breath.I know I am blessed in many ways and try to focus on the positives. But really I just want to be free and see no way that will happen.
Thank you so much for these videos
Thank You. Finally found some understanding. Sadly I’ve hit everyone of your points. I took a deep breath and now I’ll make some time for myself.
Thanks, Thanks and a million Thanks.
Thank you for these videos! They are so helpful.
That's me. Mmm? Gotta think about my options maybe. I'm not doing well. I'll take the advice and make some changes if i can. Thx
i had all of the above before i started , long stressful career .
I love your videos of yours almost all of them are dead right on the nose . I'm actually starting to lose my patience with my mom. I've been doing this for so long I don't even know if I could have a life anymore .
Welcome, glad it was helpful!
Not knowing how long the loved one will live is the biggest deterrent to using a nursing home. How many years worth can you afford is the question?
*
Exactly. My person would run out of $ in like 2 months in even assisted living. Less than the time assisted living facilities want as notice of moving out. Sooner than even Medicaid Longterm Care Waiver application could be reviewed and/or longer than the subsidized-care waitlists, assuming they'd even be eligible with the 5-year financial look-back period. (People with dementia make questionable decisions with their money that could raise red flags.) My greatest fear is that they would then be returned to me without _any_ money left for their home care.
Sign number 1 hit particularly hard, though 4 and 5 hit very close to home. I looked back over the past 6 years and I have eliminated everything I used to enjoy. Everything went one by one because it was ‘too much’ and something had to give so it was things I enjoyed. 😭
So very helpful. Thank you.
What are the statistics for caregiver nervous breakdown?
No joy in life, I don't spend time with others anymore, everyone wants me to go to a psychiatrist and get onto heavy meds, every day is just full of more things I don't have the coping skills for or funds to pay for, health is in the tank today I got all of 25 minutes of sleep and had to work a 12 hour stressful night shift. To give some insight into my world I was told today that I have 3 days to move my mothers stuff out of her room. So yep, she is spot on with her advice as usual.
My dad is caregiving for my mom and has every sign. I’m trying to help him make a change and get them moved into an assisted living so they can have support but unfortunately he’s resistant to the change. It’s getting to the point where it’s getting scary for them to live alone in their current house.
Caring for my wife with advanced dementia. Really is a privilege. But you have to love always, argue never, and enjoy life
One thing I would suggest you do, and hope that people will watch it, is.....do a video on friends of caretakers, and what to say, and what NOT to say. When I was voicing concern about our financial situation, this friend was explaining of how they could be penalized for having too much money in one account. I really didn't need to hear that. And when they try to compare what they are going through with a family member, that no way reaches the seriousness of what I'm going through. I need words of encouragement or offers of help. Not their sad story. Or when I'm working hard at doing something, it would be nice to have an offer of help, not just offering me your tools. I could go on and on. Not meaning to sound like im feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I want to just tell these friends to go just go away. I don't mean they have to walk on eggshells, just be more aware of the words they use. Oh, something else, don't ask me why I'm not doing anything! If I'm not doing anything, it's because I am physically and mentally exhausted!!! Give me a break!!
Definitely a challenge to find anyone who understands unless they are walking in your shoes.
Even if I WANT to have a conversation..I always end up getting derailed and back on the dementia bus.
And “advise” is sooo crazy! Ppl! All the snappy answers are the most frustrating!
Thanks for your reply. Have a great day. Hoping all is going well your way. Take care.
If I hear one more 'family/friend/stranger' say: "Well, just put her in Assisted Living, the government will pay for it." [Wrong!] ...I will scream!
You got that right!!
First 3 yes.
Still love starting a new day.
4 yes.
Don’t know how to change all this.
I'm already feeling like Miss Bates and her hard of hearing old mum, in the film Emma, with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Your amazing Natalie
I moved away from all my friends to be here and take care of my mother she is my priority , when Dad was alive i was able to occasionally get out and do things , but he passed in February ,...and if any of my Friends or family ,ever said they are worried about me , especially if its family we are talking about .....Then why don't they pitch in to help ..otherwise they can just leave me alone like that have done since this started ...at the final stage mom needs 24/7 supervision so yeah i used to go fishing and to the movies etc ...but i can't do those things now ...do i dread tomorrow YES AND YES .. so i hit four out of five ........But without me mom would have no one ....and i will not put her in one of those death trap nursing homes and forget about her like , other family members would do if it was up to them ...
Thank you
I care for my grandma. I have done so since Covid. She had mobility issues before and when she had that heart attack in 2021 I have had to put life on hold. No one really said anything about me not acting like myself and they don't help with her as much as I would like. Yeah, they do but some of the things she needs and that is it. It has been 3 years since I spent time with my friends and my therapy sessions might end because I have no way to get there. I just get the feeling they know how burned out I am and they just don't care.I tell my grandma about this and says that she prefers my help over anyone else. Am I being selfish about this?
No, not selfish. You have your whole life ahead of you. I’m sure she prefers you over others. But nobody-not me, not you, nobody-can always have what they prefer. Meanwhile, your family doesn’t have to do anything, because you are. Telling them you can’t, is really hard. But they’ll step up when they have to.
My spouse is in later-stage Alzheimer’s, at a facility for almost year. Family was no help at all in earlier years-until I was hospitalized with cardiac problems, due to caregiving. They helped when they had to, and it didn’t take long until were ok with hiring more help, then later, a facility.
Yea, everybody is busy. But everybody has to get involved. It’s not fair, it stinks. But that’s what happens, a lot. Nobody can promise or predict how their life will go.
Caregiving is the hardest job ever. It CAN kill you. The person with dementia already has a terminal disease. Will the disease claim the caregiver, too?
There is no scenarios, none, that says it’s ok for you to do everything.
I'm really struggling. I have severe anxiety and depression as well as living with and trying to care for my mother with dementia and swallowing difficulty. She never stops eating through she chokes and spits most out. I'm in tears here watching her choking. I'm not the only person here to care for her but I'm often left alone to care for her and I'm chronically suicidal. I overdosed twice a few months back. I won't do that now but it's all I want to do. I've lost the will to live long ago and now I'm watching my shell of a mother slowly die infront of me
So...So True...
Thank you,
This was me taking care of my wife even without dementia before she passed away.
I had 0 on first 4 and D emotionally and physically.
I’ve had to leave my home 4 + years ago my husband and a grandchild I am raising. I only leave my mom 2 days a week for a few hours to go to church. I have siblings but they only come when I go to church. No help with finances either. Very hard because moms getting worse. I have missed so
much of my life yes as hard as I try not to dread the day it’s overwhelming. I don’t know what I would do without God.
5 out of 5 my sister lives next door i told her i need at least 1 day a week so got a job on Saturdays my only day out
Only day of the week i see her in passing as shes leaving when i come home. Her husband brings supper to Momma and will come if i need help.
The signs that you said are extremely important in dedetermining the intiation of the said disorder . I would like to suggest please add some action oriented talk as it can enhance the grasping power of the viewers this is only a personal suggestion .
definitely 3 out of 5 .... isolation and burnout are the big ones ... if you can get extra carers in to help, DO IT, otherwise you collapse
Thank you!
I care for my neighbour now for the last seven years, seven days a week. I clean her apartment before she wakes up and make dinner for her. I also take her to all her doctor visits. Her alcoholism makes it unbearable some days. Her pattern is, drink and rip the apartment apart five days a week. Get sober and complain the apartment is a mess.
I try to engage with her as little as possible but she is totally alone.
Thanks for this video, I try to take care of myself though after seeing this: I need to do more for myself.
Please do a video on alchohol abuse in dementia cases because I don't think I'm the only one going through this.
You care for your neighbour? Wow!
I still care for her. I don't think it's dementia after posting this. She was diagnosed with alcoholic cognitive issues.@@mhkee7909
Totally alone, as in no family anywhere? If so, you could well be talking with your state or local Adult Protective Services. No neighbor should have to do all this. There are very valid stats from national health care groups that show how much more danger, including risks of death, caregivers face from stress-related causes from caregiving.
Thank you for your reply. I try to set bounders and a schedule to keep myself safe from burnout. She is alone, I assisted her with her only brother's death and we stood alone at his grave site. Reality to her situation hit home that day, Even though at times it sucks. I am grateful to be able to give her some dignity and protection. @@bettyparker3317
People have time to take a shower?
My mom just wants to eat, eat, eat......
A im fine. I have confidence in myself
Thank you 💜
You are very welcome, Raghad!
I worry so much for my step mom and good friend. My dad is wearing her down.