When A Bid For Connection Turns Into Criticism | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубліковано 21 лют 2024
- According to the Gottman Institute, criticism is one of the four predictors of divorce. But have you ever considered the possibility that your partner’s criticism might actually be a bid for connection? We’re not saying criticism is always an attempt for connection. Some people are critical in their nature, and that is not what we are talking about here. Neither are we justifying criticism as an acceptable method of communication. We are talking specifically about someone who has made numerous attempts to connect with a spouse who neither acknowledges or reciprocates their desire to connect. When a person’s attempt to connect is consistently dismissed and ignored, or met with contempt and hurtful comments, these bids for connection will inevitably turn into an unhealthy expression of a deep need and desire to connect. Listen in as Dr. Hawkins explains why criticism might actually be a bid for connection, specifically in the case of emotional abuse victims.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#criticism #bidforconnection
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You are so right, i went back and forth through these stages during 35 years and i always thought we recovered because when i am totally withdrawn, he starts being nice, sort of, temporarily. And now i finally understand he did not change at all. I would want to get out quietly, don't hate him, he is more broken than i am.
😢 yep, totally alone and unheard, disrespected, devalued, basically treated like a servant... Thank you Dr Hawkins for confirming and reconfirming how a narcissists world dehumanizes the victim! Thank you for reaching out and providing your time and experience to those that are unaware😊
This made me cry😢 finally someone who can explain it well. My husband saw my criticism as an attack or blame. Where i only wanted is to make a connection and tell him that what he did was not okay.😢
Why am I'm either bothering or watching. I just need to divorce
People who are yelled at for year's are AFRAID to sit down and talk. Can you address that too please?
My issue is that every time I try to fix whatever I’m being criticized for, I then get criticized for doing that too. It feels like a lose lose situation.
Yep… point number four hit the mark.
Sometimes the bid is for power, control and domination 😮
Dr Hawkins great LIGHT 👌💡👌
in the inner Journey of shared
Love, Trust and Authentic
Stable & Healthy
Human Connection ..
I like to call it reciprocal
open FEEDBACK coming
from an inner place of shared
care and love 🤔🕊🤔
This topic reminds me of the time I set a beautiful table with a nice tablecloth and name cards for everyone hoping the grandchildren would enjoy the special time together. Our daughter and her husband thought it was silly and said so as though I had done something wrong. They turned what could have been a happy time full of laughter and connection into garbage as they sour-facedly taught their children that hospitality was foolish. I was so thankful they do not show up more than once a year. They lived thousands of miles away and visited only once a year. Now they expect us to come and see them but I have no desire to see them at their home. I know if I were to tell them about their rudeness they would turn it into be being guilty of something. They would focus on the complaint rather than their own rude behavior.
Im so sorry. I cant imagine how hurtful that was. I have experienced similar things and am praying for God to lead me to others to invite for special occasions since my own family members are unedifying and cause me pain. I have had some lovely occasions with other “disenfranchised” ladies: single gals, moms and widows etc wherein i was able to make them feel very special with the utmost in hospitality that was both noticed and appreciated. God bless.
When we want to build a better world, we need the people (e.g. woman), who look from a different perspective on things. Because they are looking from another point of view, they will bring with "criticism" always something in the daylight that is hidden for other eyes. We cannot be how Narcisst wants us to be, we can only be the people we are. Thanks God 👏🎉🍀💯. Women are the better men, that's for sure.
Exactly
The story of my marriage.
Certain things matter, especially to trauma survivors. For example, my mother inflicted a ton of covert and narcissistic abuse on me, and this was baked into our history, when she opportunitically pounced on a person she knew was close to me, to spy, pry, and game her out of her ownership of her abusive behavior towards me. I gradually caught on that i was being violated by an abuser I had deliberately put thousands of miles of space between, and there was ethical breach, yet again. It was her world, and I only lived in it. I HAD hoped to have a life of my own.
Im here now im giving up and he doesnt care. I kniw in my heart hes only with me for money now
Dr Hawkins, can you please explain how I am supposed to sit and listen every day about everything that is wrong me with no reciprocity? I can’t even ask this man to put his dishes in the dishwasher like he tells his adult children to do without getting “do as I say, not as I do” in return. He is flawless, yet I’m accused of being a perfectionist … 🤷♀️ Heartbroken Every Single Day