A summary of British History but you know what this video needs... More tea! Follow my Twitch NOW where I will be streaming a 2 hours after the videos upload: www.twitch.tv/masterofroflness Consider supporting me on Patreon to get your name in the description + special discord role: www.patreon.com/masterofroflness Join my Discord where we host gaming events and you get updated on all Roflness Content: discord.gg/g2A92uCz6N
Let's just they invented the faster than light space travel technology centuries ago then they'd probably be the first nation to colonize the entire nook and cranny of the known universe
Belgian history be like >conquered by the Celts >conquered by the Romans >Conquered by the Franks >Conquered by Burgundy > Conquered by the Holy Roman Empire >Given to the Dutch >Conquered by Spain >Conquered by Austria-Hungary >Conquered by France >Given to the Dutch >INDEPENDENCE >Conquered by the Germans >Independence >Conquered by the Germans >Independent country consisting out of two different demographs who hate each other
@@christophermichaelclarence6003 90% of all battles the British fought historically were just them and France being petty. Without the other either country would have pretty easily have achieved global conquest.
@@eudacye709 they had the largest empire and navy and conquered Canada, they may have lost wars but they invaded France 100 year war and won battles so really they France just had the manpower and resources to beat a tiny island nation
You missed the part when All of the colonising gets put on hold for a while because a king was killed/upset the nobles/died without a heir so the entire kingdom gets involved in a massive war (Viking England/The Normans/the wars of the roses/the Civil war) But then suddenly another king from a different nation realises "This is stupid" and singlehandedly wins the war to become king themselves and continue the progress towards the empire (Canute, William the 1st, Henry the 7th, William the 3rd)
@@LeviathanSpeaks1469 England went from being bullied (the vikings and romans ) to being the biggest Bully ever ( biggest empire ) to saying Bullying is bad (Abolished slavery in the west )
Britain: I’m tired of being invaded it’s time to pimp out my navy * after pimping out navy Britain: now it’s time for me to do the invading * conquers a quarter of the earth
@user-jf5qw6vg3h Usually Jamestown is considered to be the first English settlement in the New World. This happened after Elizabeth died and James was king (hence the name) but since Elizabeth laid pretty much all of the ground work for this you can arguably say she started the empire.
@@goonsdoona2979 ...it's also incredibly one-sided and engages in the good guys vs the bad guys, ethnoresentment version of history, as opposed to actually telling you how the Empire came to be and how it worked. Scramble for Africa is good, though not specifically about Britain. Empire of the Deep is alright for a Naval History. Ron Hyam's book 'Understanding the British Empire' is one the few books on the BE I'd describe as excellent.
I’ve seen everyone and their dog try and claim this quote to be their own, and it’s still the corniest quote I’ve ever heard besides the one with those two fish fighting being Englands fault (fish literally fight all the time, English people walking past doesn’t change that)
Who needs exotic spices when Britain has salt,vinegar,lard and deep fat fryers lol ...the full English,fish and chips and deep fried mars bars are culinary masterpieces ...far better than the French that kill an animal and shove a ton of garlic up it's arse 😂
I don't think there's actually any substance to this "colonised for spices" trope. I'm not a historian but as far as I understand it the EIC primarily set up in India for exporting fabrics then later diversified into crops, the Americas was mostly about sugar and tobacco, southern Africa diamonds and gold and Malay etc primarily rubber. So you know, I don't really get why it gets said over and over.
@@daquaviousbingleton9763 the French did it and the British were the ones that were meant to be free so they freed their slaves to be free-er than france
At this point, I am almost convinced that Brits only surrendered their empire because they got bored of taking care of all their colonies and thought it would be funnier to conquer them all again in the future.
Pirate History be like : >Captain Chadvery makes a bold move and captured 100000 pound worth ship and lives like a king >Chadvery is searched by authorities but disappears without leaving a trace >suddenly dozens of pirates from all across Europe, England, France, Norway, Danemark, Spain, Ireland and Portugal move out to the new world >Economy is growing and the isles are unguarded >French bucanneers capture fort de la Isla muerta San Pellegrinos Santa Maria de La Cruz and the Spanish crown flees the scene >Suddenly thousands of spanish ships hoarding gold crash into rocks >black market is instaured as soon as pirates get their hands on them >Colonies led by Captain Gigagold and Colonel Chadaverick keep on growing as sailors keep on coming along with the doctors and contre maîtres they capture >Pirates go plunder, get gold, and then get drunk and get prostitutes >Managing to terrorize the richest merchants using nothing but heavily armed pirogues and sloops >Suddenly British King Henry Wallerton the VIIIIIIIII claims pardon for all pirates who surrender >they all surrender >The end
@@JJaqn05 isnt the whole point of adding spices to the food is to enhance and increase the flavour of the food? Oh maybe because you are too slow to understand that 🤡🤡
You guys are lucky to have A/O level history. The subject is severly limited to some schools and colleges in Pakistan, I am a history geek and had to cope with O level Environmental management
@@kelvinekline5950Every powerful kingdom, country or empire committed atrocities. Conquest is not all Britain did. British inventions changed the world and are used globally daily. That doesn’t mean atrocities should be forgiven or forgotten, but the history of nations is more than just their invasions.
French medieval history be like : > Louis XLVII die of a random case of diarhea > his son Louis XLVIII the Chad get to power at the age of six > goes through a regency and decentrelize the country to apease the nobles > nobles rebel anyway led by Phillipe Soyrepel of Boulogne and Pierre Coomclerc of Brittany but get crushed by his mother Blanchade of Castille > centralize the country, makes huges reforms through more war with nobles > Get married with Chadette of Provence and live a happy marriage > name all of his children Louis to make sure every French king has the exact same name > win a war against Henry XXI of England to reclaim the duchy of Aquitaine, Anjou and Normandy > go to crusades because why not, travelling is fun but guet his ass beaten by Chadlik al-Salih Ayoub > dies of a random case of diarrhea > his son Louis XLIX get to power at the age of six > repeat until the revolution
@@callthepolice4988 It means 47, 48 and 49 and is a joke about the fact that France got a lot of kings named Louis However, the whole story is largely based on Louis IX the saint
@Thomas Also one Raoul, one Eude, and two Robert (arround the same time period as Hugues Capet) The Raoul one is special because he belong to no dynasty
@@nanoboso3656 if you think the frenchies had a naming shortage look at the prussians the only 3 names were william, frederick, and william - frederick
Brazilian History be like: -Thousands of native tribes just vibing - Chief Chadmim of the Tupi tribes conquers Chief Tunivirgin of the Tupinamba tribes - Conquered tribes eaten alive - Portuguese arrive in 1500 - Convert, assimilate and massacre the natives and bring 5 morbillion african slaves - 300 years later Napoleon forces the Portuguese royals to flee to colonial Brazil - Colony becomes full-blown Kingdom - Prince Pedro the 1th ''the madlad'' declares independence against himself and becomes emperor - Coups his own goverment for more constitutional power - Leaves his 5 year son as emperor to reconquer his old kingdom and dies - his son Pedrochad the 2th becomes 18 at 14, and creates golden age, his daughter and regent abolishes slavery - Emperor Pedrochad gets deposed in a coup - Republic. Corrupt officials rule the country - Brazil figths in both world wars for some reason - President Cumtulio Vargas creates 15-year long proto-facist dictadorship but gets ousted from power. - Gets back to power democratically - Has a random military officer assasinated in broad daylight for no reason then Kermits suicide - Brazilian democracy gets couped by chad military junta - 500 billion left-wing figures tortured - Chad military get bored with torturing left-wingers and allowDemocracy returns - Status: Come to Brazil
China has this weird thing where it does like a decades long brutal war every century. Like, you guys make up 3 of the top 6 deadliest events in history. I’m American and only know cuz my major, but I see you
You forgot the part where Elizachad dies after starting two colonies and then the rest get achieved by her upstart Scottish nephews whose Mum/Grandmother she had killed.
Underestimated them how? More like they underappreciated their value as a colony since as soon as shit got real they peaced out while the Germanics were like it's free real estate.
What blows your mind is that Britain was one of the last to get into the colonial game, the big reason they outdid all the orhers was because their economy was better, so they could afford a bigger and better navy than the others. That's what it boils down to.
how to be a colonial power: > build ship >use ship > find new land >build ship with the new land you got >loot the new land like a clash of clan village >Repeat the process enjoy😊
Nobody : British : *"Nobody expects the British invasion! Now give us your tea and spices!"* It's much easier to list countries that British didn't invade back then 😂
As a British person, I can confirm that this is how you create the superior global empire, but you did miss the part about kicking the shit out of the French, very important that.
@@JoeWithTheHoesBiden Britain didn’t send a single troop into Vietnam for the USA. Not even a ship. All they offered was a “good luck” tbh. If that’s your idea of support… idk what to tell you
No, the empire was bad for the UK. It was only kept for prides sake. Being overtaken was the world's greatest power before you even lose most of your empire makes you reconsider spending all your budget on a profitless empire. Not to say the British didn't exploit their colonies, or aren't still exploiting their old colonies, but fighting for them wouldn't have been worth it.
They tried that with france during the Suez Crisis, unfortunately, the US and USSR saw it as a chance to support Egypt to basically gain influence in their cold war and threatened both, denouncing it as Neo-colonialism/Imperialism, whatever that means idk sounds like libtard nonesense you'd expect from gay r*publics.
If u ever do a Spanish one, I hope it goes like: War - > Renaissance cool - > then getting down until you reach the point of civil war and civil war and civil war and... You guess it: CIVIL WAR!
Irish history be like: - Settlers arrive in Ireland - Build churches and Christianity flourishes - Raiders arrive from overseas and pillage everything - Raiders establish themselfs as the dominant force - Convert to the local culture - Preists arrive to convert everyone to christianity -Repeat
conquering the entire world and be the most powerful nation of the world only to be mocked for preposterous cuisine and shanking in London in the modern days
It kinda became an inside joke with my 6th grade social studies (basically geography) class because most countries we talked about were controlled by them at some points.
People a 1000yrs from now will probably be looking back at the british empire the way we are looking back at the romans.That is if humans are still around at that time of course.
As Britain is the country most known for *invading* conversely there should be a country most known for *getting invaded* I'm looking forward to that country's history...
@@Spygon It's what happens when you refuse all offers of peace in which you don't feel like you've won anything. Works until it doesn't. They didn't have to fight, they just didn't want not to win when they finally got the war started. Or like Churchill put it: "Received on January 24, 1944 Most Secret and Personal Message from Mr Churchill to Marshal Stalin ... I am sure you know that I would never negotiate with the Germans separately and that we tell you every overture they make as you have told us. We never thought of making a separate peace even in the year when we were all alone and could easily have made one without serious loss to the British Empire and largely at your expense. Why should we think of it now, when our triple fortunes are marching forward to victory? .." and Stalin's reply: "January 29, 1944 Personal and Secret from Premier J. V. Stalin to the Prime Minister, Mr Winston Churchill ... To come to the gist of the matter, I cannot agree with you that Britain could easily have made a separate peace with Germany, largely at the expense of the U.S.S.R. and without serious loss to the British Empire. I think that that was said rashly, for I recall statements of a different nature made by you. I recall, for example, that when Britain was in difficulties, before the Soviet Union became involved in the war against Germany, you believed that the British Government might have to move to Canada and fight Germany across the ocean. ..." Source: Correspondence Between the Chairman of the Council of Ministers of the USSR and the Presidents of the USA and the Prime Ministers of Great Britain During the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945 Volume 1 Correspondence with Winston S. Churchill and Clement R. Attlee (July 1941-November 1945) Progress Publishers Moscow
@@tak4043 yeah its a shame the British empire didnt just give up trying to stop Nazi's overrunning Europe. But i guess sometimes you got to sacrifice things to stop Nazi's
@@Spygon Yes, would have been a shame if the worst country on planet at the time(one could argue even now) would have fallen. Better fight to the end for Russia! Thus refusing German offer to withdraw from Western Europe in exchange for peace. As evidenced by Rudolph Hess' adjutant and to which Churchill referred to. It's a shame also that no one was allowed to talk to Hess himself about it and the documents he brought with him are still to this day secret.
The empire was basically "rebranded" as "the commonwealth or British overseas territories" after ww2 purely because colonialism was seen as archaic. Even today the UK literally does have an empire. Its not as big as it was but it is still there
@@lightfootpathfinder8218 All of these countries have independence though. They are self governing and have their own currency. Unlike some French colonised countries in Africa who even still speak French.
@@cattysplat some former parts of the empire are completely independent but countries like Australia, Canada, new Zealand, Jamaica etc still have the British monarch as their head of state. it's just they have their own government. King Charles iii is the king of Canada, Australia,new Zealand etc just as he is the king of England and Scotland. The British overseas territories are the sovereign territory of the United Kingdom they are not independent countries they belong to the UK and their citizens are British.
Mexican history be like: General Blanco de San Sebastian led the revolt against Emperor Juan Carlos Pablo Javier Braganza IV de Hapsburg y Orleans and established the Mexican Empire. His rule was marked by corruption and endemic poverty which led to the Revolution of Feb. 12 where peasanty under command of Francisca Maximiliano overthrew the Junta and instituted a dictatorship, which was marked by corruption and endemic poverty. After loosing the 12th Mexican-Comanche-American war, Francisca was overthrown by General Raul Pedro de Gorgonzola, who established a oligarchic dictatorial republic marked by corruption and endemic poverty.
Reconquista be like: - Romero San Patrón de Virgindez request for help to ChadHamza-almaguyai in a campaing to invade other cristians territories - Succed in the campaing PLOT TWIST ; chadhamza almaguyai invades Romero San Patrón territories too -A little castle remains in control of the Christians - Literaly a random soldier says that santa maría de los cristos renacidos y por renacer appeared inself in his room saying that he is Jesús christ II - the soldier tells the story to all the remain troops, they believe him - Chad el campeador rodrigo Díaz takes the control of the army that remains in the Castle - It goes to a legendary Battle VS chadhamza - Chad campeador wins - The peasants start saying that Chad campeador is being help by literally all the saints in heaven, and that is killing one trillion moors with his hands (lmao) - the others christians villages support his campaing - he conquers territories, kill all the muslim generals and creates a superChad reign - Chad Campeador dies in a campaign and all the reign brokes in a lot of feudal states. -repeat
i'd take british or scandinavian food over american food, unless it's from the southern united states. those west african immigrants can cook darn good food.
A summary of British History but you know what this video needs...
More tea!
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Maybe a bit of Civil Warring and Rival Naval Armada Hunting
You didn't even mention the time they went to war twice(!) for the right to sell drugs to fuel their own tea addiction.
A video on Nepal
You should have mentioned that the British then lose their empire and colonies after fighting some Germans in two world wars.
At this point its far easier to list the countries that Britain didn't colonize....
@its Time stop it, get some help.
Uuuuhhh… Finland?
Ethiopia
Mongolia
The rest was colonised by France
List of places colonized by Britain
This list is incomplete. You can help by
E X P A N D I N G I T
@Morbius time omg, it really is 😱😱🤯🤩🤪
Named "morbius time" while having a picture of cowbelly. These bots can be baffling sometimes.
Let's just they invented the faster than light space travel technology centuries ago then they'd probably be the first nation to colonize the entire nook and cranny of the known universe
TALLY HO LADS!
@@ekosubandie2094 give it time and the Mother of all Tea Bags and the British empire will get it done.
>Functionally dominates the planet effortlessly
>Hyperoptimises the spice trade
>uses none of said spices
>refuses to elaborate
>dissolves
Yes, we conquered a third of the world in search of good food, then decieded we liked our shitty cuisine better anyway
@@CunkGungler Consume jellies eel and crumblebrapton
@@derbyblade9572 Fish, chips, mashed potatoes, bacon, sausage and mushy peas are all you need to sustain a good life
You could say British cuisine is the colour of London, grey and plain.
@@CunkGungler bangers and mash moment
Belgian history be like
>conquered by the Celts
>conquered by the Romans
>Conquered by the Franks
>Conquered by Burgundy
> Conquered by the Holy Roman Empire
>Given to the Dutch
>Conquered by Spain
>Conquered by Austria-Hungary
>Conquered by France
>Given to the Dutch
>INDEPENDENCE
>Conquered by the Germans
>Independence
>Conquered by the Germans
>Independent country consisting out of two different demographs who hate each other
Repet
You forgot colonization of congo
The last step is a common Colonial tactic to hamper the growth of the colonies they once occupied.
Oh you’re Belgian? Name a single time in history when Belgium was a sovereign country before 1830.
@@AttaBek1422 iam egyption
Looking forward to 'Polish History be like' it's gonna be glorious.
it's like british history, but backwards
yh
Like a phoenix
Partition, rapete
Polish History: Exists, Dies, Repeat
Britain: *builds one of the largest empires in history*
Also Britain: "right, so what does it do?"
Literally the largest
Gives everyone Independence then fucks off back to blighty.
Me as French : Not so fast
Two things:
1. Grows tea.
2. Prevents others colonising instead.
@@christophermichaelclarence6003 90% of all battles the British fought historically were just them and France being petty. Without the other either country would have pretty easily have achieved global conquest.
That's a nice looking island it would be a shame somebody colonized it.
Britian: It's free realestate!
France: Wait thats mine!
Britian: Like I said, free realestate.
Native Population: ...can you all just leave?
@@Hemdael Sure, we'll leave right after we share some of this lovely diseases we just brought and bring 1000 times more European immigrants.
Argentina crying on a corner
*TEA DRINKING INTENSIFIES*
USA
British history be like :
- Building a navy
- Fighting France
- Colonizing
- Forming an alliance with France when the german nation attacked
Beating the German nation twice losing there empire abd letting there oldest son take over 🇬🇧🇺🇸
@@suckyourdeadnan4805 🇬🇧🤝🏻🇺🇲
And now getting colonized by Africans
And losing against France again, again, again ... again and A G A I N.
@@eudacye709 they had the largest empire and navy and conquered Canada, they may have lost wars but they invaded France 100 year war and won battles so really they France just had the manpower and resources to beat a tiny island nation
On average, a nation celebrates independence from the British Empire every 12 days
this makes too much sense
bro thats unruly ruined my day
t.colonised
Cry harder.
@@allyourbeatsarebelongtome8193 see a therapist
What does that mean
You missed the part when All of the colonising gets put on hold for a while because a king was killed/upset the nobles/died without a heir so the entire kingdom gets involved in a massive war (Viking England/The Normans/the wars of the roses/the Civil war) But then suddenly another king from a different nation realises "This is stupid" and singlehandedly wins the war to become king themselves and continue the progress towards the empire (Canute, William the 1st, Henry the 7th, William the 3rd)
Almost all of those were pre-colonial. After the English Civil war there was hardly any internal conflict in Britain.
We hadn't colonised anywhere for 3 of the 4 of these events like.
England: The fat kid who got bullied in school and grew up to be that muscle bound bruiser in the gym…
@@LeviathanSpeaks1469
England went from being bullied (the vikings and romans ) to being the biggest Bully ever ( biggest empire ) to saying Bullying is bad (Abolished slavery in the west )
eh I mean most of that shit happened before coloanialism
Britain pre-colonialism:
"What's wrong with the world today?"
"That it isn't ours."
We gave y'all independence so y'all can be independent
Be independent and deal with it
The ">repeat" implies the return of the British Empire
I think they are allergic to spices now with how bland the food is.
YES TEA FOR THE WHOLE WORLD
CANZUK
More like survive Scotland breaking up lol
@@ShireTommy_1916_Somme-Mametz 🇬🇧🇦🇺
Britain: I’m tired of being invaded it’s time to pimp out my navy
* after pimping out navy
Britain: now it’s time for me to do the invading
* conquers a quarter of the earth
That's a very tidy summary. Good show!
Builds biggest navy.
Someone invents gunpowder.
"Where we dropping boys?"
Britain: I would rather force the world to speak English than learn a language
And they actually did it.....well with the help of the United States continuing their legacy of conquering
The British empire began with a Queen Elizabeth and ended with a Queen Elizabeth. It’s rather poetic when you think about it.
Just like the Byzantine empire started with a Constantine and ended with a Constantine.
@@DesignGeek06 yeah but it was Constantine XI, There were only two Elizabeths, the beginning and the end.
Didn't England start colonising Americas under Henry VIII?
@user-jf5qw6vg3h Usually Jamestown is considered to be the first English settlement in the New World. This happened after Elizabeth died and James was king (hence the name) but since Elizabeth laid pretty much all of the ground work for this you can arguably say she started the empire.
You unironically made me wanna read a thicc ass book about all of the Brittish colonization
Please do, but you are going to end up extremely depressed, mad or incredulous with the amount of bullshit done
Inglorious empire is a good one but it’s only ab India
ua-cam.com/video/AYYy9GrSByI/v-deo.html this is an excellent overview, thank me later
@@goonsdoona2979 ...it's also incredibly one-sided and engages in the good guys vs the bad guys, ethnoresentment version of history, as opposed to actually telling you how the Empire came to be and how it worked. Scramble for Africa is good, though not specifically about Britain. Empire of the Deep is alright for a Naval History. Ron Hyam's book 'Understanding the British Empire' is one the few books on the BE I'd describe as excellent.
You would be reading for so long the British empire would return
And then you would have to start reading it again
"The sun never sets on the British Empire, because God doesn't trust 'em in the dark."
-One of my Irish ancestors
if the Irish didn't want to be colonized for 800 years they should've learned how fight better.
I’ve seen everyone and their dog try and claim this quote to be their own, and it’s still the corniest quote I’ve ever heard besides the one with those two fish fighting being Englands fault (fish literally fight all the time, English people walking past doesn’t change that)
Bollocks. Most overused quote known to history. Your ancestors were turnip diggers, same as mine, probably.
the sun never sets on the British empire, because it never rose there to begin with. So fucking cold all the time.
It's not your fucking quote, nor your ancestors. Stop claiming it
In Star Wars, everyone speaks English, suggesting that the british colonized space.
You forgot the part where England invaded/colonized many of these places for exotic spices, which they then proceeded to not actually use.
Who needs exotic spices when Britain has salt,vinegar,lard and deep fat fryers lol ...the full English,fish and chips and deep fried mars bars are culinary masterpieces ...far better than the French that kill an animal and shove a ton of garlic up it's arse 😂
And how they abolished slavery world wide but no one till this day really knows 100% why they did it Cus they could??
@@daquaviousbingleton9763 they did it because it was immoral. The britons and the English had been enslaved themselves in the past.
I don't think there's actually any substance to this "colonised for spices" trope. I'm not a historian but as far as I understand it the EIC primarily set up in India for exporting fabrics then later diversified into crops, the Americas was mostly about sugar and tobacco, southern Africa diamonds and gold and Malay etc primarily rubber. So you know, I don't really get why it gets said over and over.
@@daquaviousbingleton9763 the French did it and the British were the ones that were meant to be free so they freed their slaves to be free-er than france
At this point, I am almost convinced that Brits only surrendered their empire because they got bored of taking care of all their colonies and thought it would be funnier to conquer them all again in the future.
Pirate History be like :
>Captain Chadvery makes a bold move and captured 100000 pound worth ship and lives like a king
>Chadvery is searched by authorities but disappears without leaving a trace
>suddenly dozens of pirates from all across Europe, England, France, Norway, Danemark, Spain, Ireland and Portugal move out to the new world
>Economy is growing and the isles are unguarded
>French bucanneers capture fort de la Isla muerta San Pellegrinos Santa Maria de La Cruz and the Spanish crown flees the scene
>Suddenly thousands of spanish ships hoarding gold crash into rocks
>black market is instaured as soon as pirates get their hands on them
>Colonies led by Captain Gigagold and Colonel Chadaverick keep on growing as sailors keep on coming along with the doctors and contre maîtres they capture
>Pirates go plunder, get gold, and then get drunk and get prostitutes
>Managing to terrorize the richest merchants using nothing but heavily armed pirogues and sloops
>Suddenly British King Henry Wallerton the VIIIIIIIII claims pardon for all pirates who surrender
>they all surrender
>The end
Oof
British history be like:
Conquer lands of spice
Don't use any of the spice on your food
imagine your food being so bland that you have to add thousands of spices
Tbf spice trade was huge for medicine not just food
@@JJaqn05 isnt the whole point of adding spices to the food is to enhance and increase the flavour of the food?
Oh maybe because you are too slow to understand that 🤡🤡
@@JJaqn05 By your logic Indian food must be the blandest in the world since they use the most spices.
@@songcramp66 i mean, have you ever tried dhal without spice? its not dhal anymore :')
As a British student studying A-level history, I can indeed confirm this is true.
You guys are lucky to have A/O level history. The subject is severly limited to some schools and colleges in Pakistan, I am a history geek and had to cope with O level Environmental management
@@intesllar compared to other countries education system we are pretty lucky.
@@progamingbrosyo5068 that is true tbh, my nation's matric system is nothing more than a circus
@@kelvinekline5950Every powerful kingdom, country or empire committed atrocities. Conquest is not all Britain did. British inventions changed the world and are used globally daily. That doesn’t mean atrocities should be forgiven or forgotten, but the history of nations is more than just their invasions.
@@intesllar Us bhai us.
French medieval history be like :
> Louis XLVII die of a random case of diarhea
> his son Louis XLVIII the Chad get to power at the age of six
> goes through a regency and decentrelize the country to apease the nobles
> nobles rebel anyway led by Phillipe Soyrepel of Boulogne and Pierre Coomclerc of Brittany but get crushed by his mother Blanchade of Castille
> centralize the country, makes huges reforms through more war with nobles
> Get married with Chadette of Provence and live a happy marriage
> name all of his children Louis to make sure every French king has the exact same name
> win a war against Henry XXI of England to reclaim the duchy of Aquitaine, Anjou and Normandy
> go to crusades because why not, travelling is fun but guet his ass beaten by Chadlik al-Salih Ayoub
> dies of a random case of diarrhea
> his son Louis XLIX get to power at the age of six
> repeat until the revolution
Beuh what are these Roman numbers, u sure u werent drunk when writing this comment
@@callthepolice4988 It means 47, 48 and 49 and is a joke about the fact that France got a lot of kings named Louis
However, the whole story is largely based on Louis IX the saint
@Thomas Also one Raoul, one Eude, and two Robert (arround the same time period as Hugues Capet)
The Raoul one is special because he belong to no dynasty
@@nanoboso3656 if you think the frenchies had a naming shortage look at the prussians
the only 3 names were william, frederick, and william - frederick
@@JoeWithTheHoesBiden Otto too
Brazilian History be like:
-Thousands of native tribes just vibing
- Chief Chadmim of the Tupi tribes conquers Chief Tunivirgin of the Tupinamba tribes
- Conquered tribes eaten alive
- Portuguese arrive in 1500
- Convert, assimilate and massacre the natives and bring 5 morbillion african slaves
- 300 years later Napoleon forces the Portuguese royals to flee to colonial Brazil
- Colony becomes full-blown Kingdom
- Prince Pedro the 1th ''the madlad'' declares independence against himself and becomes emperor
- Coups his own goverment for more constitutional power
- Leaves his 5 year son as emperor to reconquer his old kingdom and dies
- his son Pedrochad the 2th becomes 18 at 14, and creates golden age, his daughter and regent abolishes slavery
- Emperor Pedrochad gets deposed in a coup
- Republic. Corrupt officials rule the country
- Brazil figths in both world wars for some reason
- President Cumtulio Vargas creates 15-year long proto-facist dictadorship but gets ousted from power.
- Gets back to power democratically
- Has a random military officer assasinated in broad daylight for no reason then Kermits suicide
- Brazilian democracy gets couped by chad military junta
- 500 billion left-wing figures tortured
- Chad military get bored with torturing left-wingers and allowDemocracy returns
- Status: Come to Brazil
Chad military junta foi foda kkkkkkk
"Pedrochad the 2th becomes 18 at 14"
the most progressive bolsominion
Hosts 2016 Olympics
Naked Natives: *Bing Chillin*
The Portuguese: OH GOD IM COOOOOOOOOOMLONIZINNNNNNNNNGGGGG AHHHHHHHHHHH
Ancient Chinese history be like:
>new dynasty
>corruption
>splits apart like glass
>repeat
Modern Chinese history be like: We hate Japanese and Western imperialism, but we hate our democratic government even more. Communism.mp4
China has this weird thing where it does like a decades long brutal war every century. Like, you guys make up 3 of the top 6 deadliest events in history. I’m American and only know cuz my major, but I see you
- get colonies
- oh no German Empire is attacking
- lose some colonies
- oh no German Empire is attacking
- lose all the colonies
As a French man I must admit I'm a bit disappointed France does not appears though we had much fun together
You can sleep tight knowing a Francized Viking created the England we know and love today.
An an english man I commend your ancestors for creating england. I Also disavow them for creating france.
@@songcramp66 we create Germany...
@@tiernfrenchkroissan, who?
@@adamthetired9319 when the French Empire of Charlemagne has been divised, the Kingdom the Eastern Francie and the lotharingia have "born"
You forgot the part where Elizachad dies after starting two colonies and then the rest get achieved by her upstart Scottish nephews whose Mum/Grandmother she had killed.
Elizabeth chose not to marry and have children, so she can be somewhat credited with the Stuarts becoming monarchs of England.
@@archivesoffantasy5560 The original femcel unleashed.
you forgot to include fighting france for fun
Queen ElizaChadess is now a Thing.
Britain itself was a Roman Colony and the Romans underestimated them as most of them lived in the forests
Underestimated them how? More like they underappreciated their value as a colony since as soon as shit got real they peaced out while the Germanics were like it's free real estate.
Retarded Naruto hater
They didn’t underestimate them… they built two separate walls that went across the entirety of Great Britain to try and block them out lmao
@@XXXTENTAClON227 key word try
@@abhi5504 tbh even a cripple could probably climb the walls, I’m not surprised
It’s kinda crazy how being kicked out of the 13 colonies only made the British Empire even stronger
What blows your mind is that Britain was one of the last to get into the colonial game, the big reason they outdid all the orhers was because their economy was better, so they could afford a bigger and better navy than the others. That's what it boils down to.
how to be a colonial power:
> build ship
>use ship
> find new land
>build ship with the new land you got
>loot the new land like a clash of clan village
>Repeat the process
enjoy😊
Nobody :
British : *"Nobody expects the British invasion! Now give us your tea and spices!"*
It's much easier to list countries that British didn't invade back then 😂
@its Time your dick is as long as the Arab league survived against israel
Which is 0.6
wait... were they countries at that time?..
As a British person, I can confirm that this is how you create the superior global empire, but you did miss the part about kicking the shit out of the French, very important that.
Or getting kicked by farmers?
@@swarajkar3086 ???
@@vatsal7640 So French defeated you too then?
@@vatsal7640 you like to forget you were on the USA's side during that ordeal
@@JoeWithTheHoesBiden Britain didn’t send a single troop into Vietnam for the USA. Not even a ship. All they offered was a “good luck” tbh. If that’s your idea of support… idk what to tell you
Love how 90% of the video is just the place of colonies.
As Britain itself (mostly modern-day England and Wales) used to be a colony of the Roman Empire
@@royasturias1784 Britain: "He(Roman Empire) lives in me doesn't he"
*Sips tea in satisfaction*
>Decide to end the slave trade single handedly.
>succeeds.
>goes into debt.
As soon as he started listing out the country's England has colonized, I just sat there waiting for my country's name to get called out
Hey britain, how many colonies did you have?
“Yes”
I am British. This is the most comprehensive illustration of our history ever
The sun never sets on British Empire because even God can't ensure that what they will do in dark....
We went round the world saying "fucking stick em up" and it was glorious
🤣🤣
>steal all of the worlds spices
>only make shit food
"They can't call my cooking bland if food has no flavour."
ww2 rationing and it's consequences have been a disaster for the briton race
Sigma Chad move right there.
"The entire Indian subcontinent"
Goa: "Am I a joke to you?"
>Conquer 1/3 of world
>acquire untold spices and herbs
>fuckthatwhere'sthebisto.jpg
The UK was weird.
Had the largest empire and lost it faster than any other too after WWII.
You would think they would fight to keep it.
No, the empire was bad for the UK. It was only kept for prides sake. Being overtaken was the world's greatest power before you even lose most of your empire makes you reconsider spending all your budget on a profitless empire. Not to say the British didn't exploit their colonies, or aren't still exploiting their old colonies, but fighting for them wouldn't have been worth it.
Easy for those who never had an empire to say. And if the Brits had fought to keep the empire, another world war would happen with USSR/China
They tried that with france during the Suez Crisis, unfortunately, the US and USSR saw it as a chance to support Egypt to basically gain influence in their cold war and threatened both, denouncing it as Neo-colonialism/Imperialism, whatever that means idk sounds like libtard nonesense you'd expect from gay r*publics.
@@mojowwwav4357 the suez crisis, where the Americans backstabbed the British/Israeli forces, only to lose in the Vietnam war
The empire in a way got transferred to the USandA aka Amerrrica.
At 0:24 you can see even the elephant is pissed off by the bri*ish
imagine colonising parts of every continent
you forgot they bully anyone with more than 5 ships
If u ever do a Spanish one, I hope it goes like: War - > Renaissance cool - > then getting down until you reach the point of civil war and civil war and civil war and... You guess it: CIVIL WAR!
Irish history be like:
- Settlers arrive in Ireland
- Build churches and Christianity flourishes
- Raiders arrive from overseas and pillage everything
- Raiders establish themselfs as the dominant force
- Convert to the local culture
- Preists arrive to convert everyone to christianity
-Repeat
Funny enough Anguilla literally had to start a war just to stay with the British Empire
This video sums up the past 4 years of my life studying history.
Its good to be British and to have been from a place formerly part of the British Empire.
No. British sucks. 🇪🇦
Malaysia/Singapore?
@Morgan Wheeler Year 11 🇦🇺🇬🇧 Don't forget us.
@@arakami8547 how could we forget you? Aussies are just desert Brits and Brits are just cold Aussies.
conquering the entire world and be the most powerful nation of the world only to be mocked for preposterous cuisine and shanking in London in the modern days
I’m pleased that the British lore’s been revealed (I live there)
Where's Yakko's World when you need it.
What haven’t we conquered!
*Proceeds to name all the countries in the world*
"Hippity Hoppity, Your Land Is Now My Property"
-British Empire
>Be British
>Conquered 1/3 of the world for spices
>Doesn't put spices on food
>Mfw food taste like a cement mix
A video on irish history would be cool, it's just rebel, fail and repeat
and exploded cars in london
Their 1922 borders are what it should be rn
It kinda became an inside joke with my 6th grade social studies (basically geography) class because most countries we talked about were controlled by them at some points.
Spanish history when? By the way, great video as always!
People a 1000yrs from now will probably be looking back at the british empire the way we are looking back at the romans.That is if humans are still around at that time of course.
British when mars don't colonized yet:
As Britain is the country most known for *invading* conversely there should be a country most known for *getting invaded*
I'm looking forward to that country's history...
Poland?
Yes that was the joke dziękuję bardzo
That's actually India. 200 Times Invaded.
India
Isreal, Afghanistan, Iraq and Poland. I would say Iraq and Israel as top at this one.
and we're coming back for round 2
Don't forget the part where eventually most of them were like: "Aight, imma head out" and started several revolutions.
“The sun never sets!”
*sets*
German tankers in WWII: *"Why do I hear boss music?"*
Ironically England lost the most terrain by far out of all countries after ww2.
@@Chestyfriend Its what what happens when you have to fight every part of two World Wars.
@@Spygon It's what happens when you refuse all offers of peace in which you don't feel like you've won anything. Works until it doesn't. They didn't have to fight, they just didn't want not to win when they finally got the war started.
Or like Churchill put it:
"Received on January 24, 1944
Most Secret and Personal
Message from Mr Churchill to Marshal Stalin
...
I am sure you know that I would never negotiate with the Germans separately and that we tell you every overture they make as you have told us. We never thought of making a separate peace even in the year when we were all alone and could easily have made one without serious loss to the British Empire and largely at your expense. Why should we think of it now, when our triple fortunes are marching forward to victory?
.."
and Stalin's reply:
"January 29, 1944
Personal and Secret from Premier J. V. Stalin to the Prime Minister, Mr Winston Churchill
...
To come to the gist of the matter, I cannot agree with you that Britain could easily have made a separate peace with Germany, largely at the expense of the U.S.S.R. and without serious loss to the British Empire. I think that that was said rashly, for I recall statements of a different nature made by you.
I recall, for example, that when Britain was in difficulties, before the Soviet Union became involved in the war against Germany, you believed that the British Government might have to move to Canada and fight Germany across the ocean.
..."
Source:
Correspondence
Between the Chairman of the Council of Ministers of the USSR and the Presidents of the USA and the Prime Ministers of Great Britain During the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945
Volume 1
Correspondence with Winston S. Churchill and Clement R. Attlee
(July 1941-November 1945)
Progress Publishers
Moscow
@@tak4043 yeah its a shame the British empire didnt just give up trying to stop Nazi's overrunning Europe. But i guess sometimes you got to sacrifice things to stop Nazi's
@@Spygon Yes, would have been a shame if the worst country on planet at the time(one could argue even now) would have fallen. Better fight to the end for Russia!
Thus refusing German offer to withdraw from Western Europe in exchange for peace. As evidenced by Rudolph Hess' adjutant and to which Churchill referred to.
It's a shame also that no one was allowed to talk to Hess himself about it and the documents he brought with him are still to this day secret.
Well fun fact the kingdom which conquered quarter of the earth also was the most invaded kingdom in Europe
As a frenchman I would like to ask...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "REPEAT ?"
LOL
Department of Algeria when?
What else start another 100 years war.
Next surrender I think so
Fear not! We've come to liberate you from yourselves.
You know you made it when theres only 22 countries that haven't been invaded by you
Entire subcontinent? Didn't Nepal, Bhutan, and Sikkim resist colonial rule?
No they didnt
@@someguywholikestalking4196 Yes they did as a matter of Fact Nepal never became part of empires
their foreign policy and trade was restricted by british treaties, in bhutan iirc the british had the right to cut down trees
Prépare yourselfs guys there comes thé Indians Who are gonna cry about thé British empire.
@@Letnistonwandif xd
You forgot that we taught them all how to play cricket whilst we were there
0:15 Poggers my country XDD
MAltA
This video is so much British it Colonized my PC
V E R Y A C C U R A T E
Mad respect for counting all colonies 🙏😂
everybody always talks about how the British contoured half the world but none ever talks about them loosing it all in the span of 10 years
The empire was basically "rebranded" as "the commonwealth or British overseas territories" after ww2 purely because colonialism was seen as archaic. Even today the UK literally does have an empire. Its not as big as it was but it is still there
@@lightfootpathfinder8218 All of these countries have independence though. They are self governing and have their own currency. Unlike some French colonised countries in Africa who even still speak French.
@@cattysplat some former parts of the empire are completely independent but countries like Australia, Canada, new Zealand, Jamaica etc still have the British monarch as their head of state. it's just they have their own government. King Charles iii is the king of Canada, Australia,new Zealand etc just as he is the king of England and Scotland. The British overseas territories are the sovereign territory of the United Kingdom they are not independent countries they belong to the UK and their citizens are British.
'Losing'
@@Darrenski I mean they gave it back yeah but kind of pussy ass country just gives shit back
What a great video!
Mexican history be like: General Blanco de San Sebastian led the revolt against Emperor Juan Carlos Pablo Javier Braganza IV de Hapsburg y Orleans and established the Mexican Empire. His rule was marked by corruption and endemic poverty which led to the Revolution of Feb. 12 where peasanty under command of Francisca Maximiliano overthrew the Junta and instituted a dictatorship, which was marked by corruption and endemic poverty. After loosing the 12th Mexican-Comanche-American war, Francisca was overthrown by General Raul Pedro de Gorgonzola, who established a oligarchic dictatorial republic marked by corruption and endemic poverty.
Reconquista be like:
- Romero San Patrón de Virgindez request for help to ChadHamza-almaguyai in a campaing to invade other cristians territories
- Succed in the campaing
PLOT TWIST ; chadhamza almaguyai invades Romero San Patrón territories too
-A little castle remains in control of the Christians
- Literaly a random soldier says that santa maría de los cristos renacidos y por renacer appeared inself in his room saying that he is Jesús christ II
- the soldier tells the story to all the remain troops, they believe him
- Chad el campeador rodrigo Díaz takes the control of the army that remains in the Castle
- It goes to a legendary Battle VS chadhamza
- Chad campeador wins
- The peasants start saying that Chad campeador is being help by literally all the saints in heaven, and that is killing one trillion moors with his hands (lmao)
- the others christians villages support his campaing
- he conquers territories, kill all the muslim generals and creates a superChad reign
- Chad Campeador dies in a campaign and all the reign brokes in a lot of feudal states.
-repeat
Thank you for mentioning Singapore!
British history be like: 300 years to build an empire, only 30 years to destroy it.
British Empire when they somehow annex every country, and realizing the only land left is their island / isle:
BRITISH BRITISH EMPIRE
Imagine having food so bland that you conquer the whole world for spices
Then just use Indian food (best in the world) to eat after you get pissed as newts at 2am
i'd take british or scandinavian food over american food, unless it's from the southern united states. those west african immigrants can cook darn good food.
*5 seconds into colony names*: "That's the whole video right there"
British history be like....PIRACY
"Ok chaps! Today we have the new to invade list! Let me see... ah, like last time,
conquer E A R T H ."
Sealand History be like:
Too based
Yes splendid video my goodsir.
-Fight two horrible and costly wars
-Become vassal of one of its former colonies
What are you talking about? UK as vassal state?
@@unknowuser9821 yes, of the US