Wow I went a year as a fwb. Then one day I saw him after being gone for a week in another state and he said he wanted to talk to me. He said he wanted to give us a chance since we got along so well. I was so caught off guard. Now we're almost 7 months in and he told me he loved me after the first month of seeing me. I couldn't imagine asking after 2 weeks what we are lol.
How did it catch you off guard? Sexual intimacy bonds people together lol. It’s more likely to happen. But also more likely to not work out long term. Are you still in the relationship?
I jus slowly took my feelings out of it. And processed in my mind we don't want the same things. Stopped asking him for it, prepared myself to date others. Then he came out and asked me to be his girl. It was some years later. But it turned out he was telling the truth that he really weren't ready before. So maybe what made him claim me is he feels more ready now.
you should never keep hooking up with a guy in order to reel him in and win him over when its killing you emotionally all the while, because you need to feel worth wanting from the begining. You dont need to emotionally damage yourself that way! Fuck that. There are too many guys that come around and are like "Marry MEEE!! GD!! i FKN LOVE YOUUU" to be chasin someone you have to psychologicall tiptoe around like omggg...A man shouldnt EVEN be willing to use you sexually when he literally has no interest in keeping you around at all. its pretty low honestly. people should sleep with someone that they like a lot..and would at least want to CONSIDER being with. if not..then dont waste each others time or hurt anyone. its just rotten and dishonest.
I started to do this and then I said “ man fuck this I’m not bout to jump through all these hoops for foo . It felt “ pick me chickish “ to me so I fell back. And with that They all always come back ( they all float down here lookin asses lol ) but nah fr I started scaling back on daily all day conversations, time spent , sex, just to emotionally detach myself then all of a sudden he wants to go on more dates , giving more gifts, having flowers sent to my house TO STILL not be talking bout shit foreal . I don’t wanna hear how amazing I am constantly everyday from him so amazing that he clearly wants everything but a title that succeeds “friend “ . Now that I’ve pulled back tor my own emotional protection and created friendship boundaries with my actions they’re all over the kid but im coo . Like Elliot said “ I come from a place of abundance not scarcity “ I love you Elliot !
Hi there. You said you come from a place of abundance, not scarcity or something to that affect. That is a very powerful statement! I believe that society sends a message of urgency to women that tells us we are not as valuable as a woman unless we are in a relationship. And until society stops placing undue pressure on women to get married or at least in a long term relationship and have children by a certain age, both Men and Women will always have a major breakdown in communication when it comes to dating and relationships.
BINGO!! You have no idea how much I want to make a video about how much society and everything you believe is bullshit, how society is actually your worst enemy, and that the amount of free will you think you have is less than 1% but if I do, its all going to be voodoo Illuminati shit to a lot of my followers hahaha.
We both did all of what you described together - all of the intellectual and emotional connection, the fun and the hanging out, spending a lot of time together, becoming a big part of each other's life, befriending friends&family, sharing loads of interests and passions, taking care of each other, helping each other in need, supporting each other, movies, dinners, ALL of it! We had been friends for nearly 10 years and then we had the more intense physical and emotional intimacy I just described over 5 months. And yet at the end of it all he still didn't want a relationship with me specifically because he didn't think we match.
Karrie Dreammind don't worry because those types of men always end up either all alone or with a 300 pound nasty attitude woman lol. I've seen it a hundred times lol!
Miss Kitty Haha I'd like to see him with a woman like that, lol! :D But I think he's more likely to stay alone because he has this attitude that no one is a good enough match for him to be in a relationship with.
+Karrie Dreammind ...a guy told me that there are so many fish in the sea and they're all so great that no one woman can fulfill all needs and essentially have all the qualities the other women have...so he won't settle for one girl.
@@Deedra_ Yes, he's been happy in a relationship with someone else since the moment we broke up and I ended up with someone else too. The difference is he and his girlfriend seem to be quite serious, living together etc while my current boyfriend doesn't want to live together with me and doesn't want things to progress more than what they are now. I'm starting to think there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I think I lack self confidence and self love and guys sense that subconsciously and that makes them not love me either and not take me seriously.
So far so good. I made my intentions clear and then dropped it and slightly pulled back. Just took my feelings out of it a little and physically pulled away a tiny bit. LoL he did an immediate behavior modification. He slept over at my place and started texting me more. I’m still a “friend” I think, but I see the wheels turning in his brain :P
My thing is this..the guy doesn't want to just be friends. So you really have only 1 card; it's about your intentions before you play that 1 card. Unfortunately, in every case I've found the guy wants to feel out and do as little as possible to get what he wants. So YOU, as the girl--has to make it clear. IT's like a negotiation--you have get what you want BEFORE you give him what he wants. or else he holds the power in the negotiation. You want that commitment---COMMITMENT FIRST before sex. Period..... He has to put a ring on it first.
I always end up doing the wrong stuff that means all that begging nagging being over clingy. Sometimes I fail to create a space. Moreover I know it would spoil his mood but I end up doing that too . So I need a real break.
@@ElliotScottDating That's probably their fear talking and not the person. Keep doing what you do because you serve as confirmation for people like myself who had to figure the game out the hard way, lol. I'm going through this exact situation right now and I was doing what you say do in the video before I knew you existed and now he is starting to act like his ass is starting to like me more than he planned to. Too bad I don't really care anymore. I know from experience that doing this gives you internal peace and allows you to enjoy the moment and switches your energy from a place of scarcity to abundance as you say. Once I removed expectations, we legit have fun just hanging out with each other without sex sometimes. I've shared this channel with a couple of my friends. You are the real deal.
I am sure your videos are helping people in some way to better understand this whole dating relationship game, though I find it very sad that this is where we are as a society. Have we not evolved further then this kind of game playing? If being truthful and honest with each other is an expression of our desperation and vulnerabilities we are truly doomed. Peace.
I agree with you but at the same time, when you say "we as a society", it's society itself that is doing all this too you. By you saying that, it shows me you're structured and conformed to believe in marriage, one-lover for the rest of your life, morals/values, and so on. while I am not against any of that and would like to get married myself, society and religion (the concept of marriage )brainwashed everyone so heavily that they believe the ultimate goal of attraction and dating is to find a soulmate and marry and stay together until they die. You might even find yourself a little pulled back or defensive when you hear me say that's not how it should be. That's because that's what you were thought to believe. When it comes to Darwinism or evolutionary theory, those two things don't give a shit about marriage or morals/values because they dont play a role in the bigger scheme of things. They're all human made ideologies.
You have me totally wrong...lol I would think at this stage of the game we (man and woman) would be communicating better. I understand the influences facing folks ie the media that support these thoughts of separation. Marriage is not for everyone I agree, however we need to be who we are in relation to others. Evolution plays a role but its not the whole dance. You're a smart guy and like I said what you are teaching can help some to a better understanding and I thank you.
Jody Watson I concur fully to you logical mature authenticity mind set. Never make men a God in because the soul is polluted from ungodly spirits in my oppinion. programing from media and social norms one accepts. Stand your ground and standers.
I was friends with benefits with a guy for 1 1/2 but I am sure he could feel that I wanted more. In the end, he wasn't that enthusiastic to meet me anymore and suddenly he wanted to end it because he met someone else. He wanted to stay friends but I declined.....I wish I would have watched your video earlier. I really regret it. Now it's too late...Because now there's nothing I could do to win his attraction back without looking needy. XD
Can you make a video about when guys say things like "I don't want to waste your time"? I get the impression that they do this because THEY feel like they're wasting their time, but they don't want to have to be the ones to break it off, in a sense. I'm thinking it's cowardly? Kind of like when someone doesn't want to be in a relationship, but they wait for you to do the breaking up so they don't have to.
Yay! You're back 😬 Maybe you could do like the scenery or places you visit in the beginning then transition &put it on yourself when you're talking because it feels more like a one on one when you do that. But thanks for all you do!
The man I currently am in the fwb category with, told me straight up in the beginning he did not want a relationship. I respected his honesty, whatever reason he had to hold back. I've been low key...no drama or emotional meltdowns. Red flags in check. I have removed myself from having high expectations. Slow and steady wins the race! Elliot you're the most authentic and honest relationship couch out there. Thanks! 💋
This is such a good video. It's so true I can't explain it any other way haha yes just be in the moment. I'm currently experiencing hearing anxieties and insecurities in the guy I'm with. Can you do a video about guys with anxieties and insecurities? It's very rare he bring something up but can feel it stressing him because he says it.
+Elliott Scott enlighten me. You state that a female should live in the moment have fun hook up. How long does this or should go on? Women are naturally nurturing independent and ambitious. So I would think after 6 months at least it would not be wrong for a woman to know what is going on. Especially if the man is 30+ just seems to me that men are very immature almost like "Peter Pan" and don't wanna grow up. Once the honeymoon phase is over and reality kicks in I find you tend to run. Childish really.
This video is what I needed to hear! Thanks Elliot! Always quality content! It's so important for a woman to navigate carefully in this type of scenario - you want to get what you want but you also need to give him incentives too. Wish we can just walk away from that type of man easily rather than going through this whole process not knowing if it will pay off or not...
Ok so i have this friend with benefits since 7 months ( right after he got out of a 5 year relationship) and i exatly did what you said not to wich is to give him an ultimatum! His answer was that he didint want a relationship BUT surprisingly that he was ready to have more activities with me and i told him no!! Im so mad at myself! He suggested me what i tought i would have to! Is it to late to talk about this with him? Its been 2 week but i went to his house 2 days ago( yes i wasnt able to stop seeing him lol). Thank you :D
Oh lord, yes please. Elliott?! What about self-sabotaging a good thing because we can't trust his true intentions. Recently did this. Screwed it up real good. Of course I recognized that and pulled away indefinitely. Didn't ask why or beg for a chance to have a do-over. Just bowed out gracefully, knowing I fucked up. Before that, I was falling hard for him..., but the damage was done. Then my ex of 24 years started calling me and the new guy changed his thinking, put me into the FWB category, and that's not an option with me. I'm sad about this, but it's for the best if he could be swayed that easily. 47 yrs old, been through enough to know woman can hurt too. I'm 41, going through a divorce (2 years now), and not in the position to be playing around with men anyway.
+S Davis OR he was good at acting and has me in the FWB's category all along. Like I said, I can't trust even the most sincere comments because of some things I've experienced.
It was all there, he says he is not prepared for a relationship and doesn’t like me that way despite acting that way all the time, when I told him that I will have to stop talking to him, he got super upset and decided to make me a platonic friend and stop having sex saying that we had “romantic chemistry” and we should try not indulging in that so we stay friends and I don’t stop talking, nevertheless I managed to seduce him into having sex that very night, I am so NOT getting into the friend zone
What should be things you talk about to a guy on your first date? Not sure what to say. Especially if they are so nervous and really expecting me to talk all night ? Tips please
why not just wait until you can both give each other what is wanted. Sex for women is emotional, period. If you say otherwise, that's naive and it goes against science. Men want sex (they need it I should say) and it can get more complicated than that, depending on how things develop )women want and need love. Sex is like a form of intimate commitment. It's a form of communication all in itself. You may not be in love, that implies ultimate commitment. Just love, adoration and respect can be enough for a chick. Some guys like developing feelings with a woman, even if they decide later that it's not what they want. It's better that way, both people grow in experiences like that. In my opinion, women who chase the guy who only wants what he needs, is a naive, desperate woman. Get yours lady, and if he doesn't want to budge on his stance and only desires to take from you and not give to you (what you need) honey trust me, your worth so much more. To me, a good guy will respect your anatomy. Your true nature. Do you feel me? Can I get an amen?
'because attraction isnt' a choice. It's not like one day it will arrive at your doorstep. You have to create it. you sitting there and hoping or waiting isn't going to do anything. you gotta take action. I agree with you 100% tho when you say, "women who chase the guy who only wants what he needs, is a naive, desperate woman. Get yours lady, and if he doesn't want to budge on his stance and only desires to take from you and not give to you (what you need) honey trust me, your worth so much more." Love is about giving. If either is only worried about only taking, that's not love that's a transaction. I agree if a man doens't want to give her what she wants she needs to leave. Easier said than done though. That is why I made the vid.
+Elliot Scott Dating it's always so disappointing to walk away, cause if I really like a guy, it's because I see his potential :( but whatever, it's not for me. I got to stay loving me and continue to grow. I can't be with a guy that doesn't want to grow with me. I think your video is solid advice though, to turn something imperfect or whatever into something good.
If a woman sleeps with ten men then no she won’t be attached to all of them. If you sleep with only one guy multiple times then yes feelings can arise not only because of sex but because of the time spent together. That’s why it’s better to either be a slut or in a relationship. The point of fwbs is you can sleep with others.
Hey i made a painting of you. If you hook up to my email teachandtranslate@yahoo.com, i'll send the photo. That is to thank you for all your 'giving' to the community. You're cool.
Started as friends with benefits as he wasn't ready due to breaking up with someone a couple of months before we have been FWB for 4 months I knew him as a booty call approx 7 years ago but I feel something has changed between us in the past month he texts me regularly daily and I have my toothbrush n toys over at his and we meet up 2 to 3 times every week........he's met my grown up kids but I haven't his or any friends etc I'm struggling with asking if things are changed without scaring him off n pulling away 🙈🙈
I am in this situation right now . A good comparison , men to dogs 😆. I have to withdraw slowly from him . We both are 45 he came fast and furious, and wanted a long term relationship but now he wants to be friend . I am more educated , pretty , talented , he can’t resist me . The sad thing he has mental problems , bipolar disorder .
This is backwards. Why not build up the rapport before the sex? It’s called dating and getting to know a person because you like a person. If I were the guy I wouldn’t take any woman who did this or started sleeping with a man to get him in a relationship seriously. Think about it if the woman was really serious would she degrade herself and hunt down a man? What is she the huntress and the guy is the prey? I thought men were the hunters? This is manipulation and immaturity. Real grown ups don’t engage in sleeping with people freely to get a relationship. That is backwards.
Would the girl be ok to be upfront with the guy and be like “hey, I’m starting to catch feels, just wanna let you know, maybe we needa cool off a while etc” would that work alright, would it maybe make him step up to maybe see her romantically too? Or would he just stop talking to her altogether?
There is a reason why such video titles aren't directed towards men. Girls... Go ahead have a Fwb if u want only sex... If ur current relationship isn't fulfilling ur needs then just leave. This is the fundamental difference between guys and girls.
I have no idea what the hell I am to this guy Scott. He told me recently that he has a girlfriend with the other girl he liked but for me not to worry and that he can't stay away from me because I am sweet, nice, kind and kute and he loves to relax me and hold me. It's been 2 years since we met we only see each-other monthly.
how do you mean? Is it because it has been two years? he loves alot of his own time to himself and to travel and at the beginning I suggested we meet monthly because I also visit my family at weekends and am in college and I love some weekends by myself. I just really didn't know what to do. I know we both enjoy each-others company as well as cuddles and chatting about many things in life and him giving me advise and me giving him advise. I wonder if maybe I created a barrier to him seeing value in me. There is a change.
AmyNirvana87 Irish You need to leave him alone, like Elliot said he doesn't really care. He's just keeping you around because you let him. I think its a good idea to start pulling away and date other guys and let him know you're seeing other people.
Hi Elliot, I could use some advice!! I’ve been texting with someone pretty consistently for over a year now. We’ve known each other for longer than that. I’ve been attracted to him since before the texting started. We’ve had pauses when he was in a relationship that was about a year and they broke up once in that year.. and broke up again in the beginning of September. I can’t tell what he feels/wants from me. He “seems” to care, at least that’s how I feel when he looks into my eyes.. we hooked up for the first time in the end of September. Then again the following week. Then nearly a month later. And here about another month after this last time, we’re supposed to be getting together tonight. He isn’t seeing anyone, I know that for a fact. But, something seems to hold him back with me and idk what it is. He is his father’s caretaker whom he lives with so he’s going through that.. and also, what may or not be part of what holds him back, I’m a mom, he isn’t a parent.. my child’s father is his ex best friend 😣 I also know he’s not a one night stand kind of guy.
What if you gave him the ultimatum, he declined, you said "don't ever talk to me again", but he's still clearly obsessed with you sexually? Can you come back from that?
It's a much deeper theory to go into than that and as much as I want to go into it I know a lot of women aren't going to like the video and hate me for it lol. I personally never date a woman unless we at least go to 3rd base before. But no, it's not the only way into a relationship.
No I’ve dated many times without giving it up first. If he really wants you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. Every man is different as are women. Age also plays a factor.
So, would a good way of hinting towards my intentions be to say that I got asked on a date with someone else but I said no.? This is what happened legitimately - it’s not like I’m in love or anything right now, but I definitely want more from him than just friends with benefits... I’ve been in a pretty toxic relationship before where The guy gaslighted me and emotionally abused me...so I’m scared of the rejection, but I also still have a voice in the back of my head telling me that no matter what I say it will sound desperate or clingy and that’s not it. I just want to communicate that I think being more would be cool, and that I don’t fully understand our boundaries because he keeps changing them. Like I assumed no sleepovers, but he invites himself over for them - I assumed no meeting friends but he’s told his all about me and asked if I wanted him to come to my friends 30th as my plus 1... it seems like maybe he wants more but I don’t trust my own opinion tbh
I'm so confused with my situation I'm seeing a guy and it was going very well He came out to my friends housewarming party and everyone told me how he only talked about me was feeling me out and asking about me and was very happy to be around me But I did think he was flirting with someone else and he said he was upset cause I attacked his integrity I did sincerely apologize but since then he said he wanted to be friends with benefits because his work life doesnt give him a chance to get committed and last time he was in a relationship was highschool He doesnt want to put a title on it and rush into a relationship so I guess I'm slowly trying to transition but I'm not sure if the change in mind was because I accused him of flirting or if he always felt this way lol long I know but atleast this kinda video helps me a little idk where to start
Hi I posted to your video of few weeks ago. It may have been another one but it was your series. I told you that my friends with benefits asked me to be his girlfriend and you posted it. Anyway things have been moving along well with him but I'm concerned about a female friend of his. She's married but she's rich and buys him a whole bunch of stuff and he admits to having slept with her 11 years ago and I'm worried that she's still interested in him. Because let's face it these days marriage means nothing as far as if you're sleeping with somebody sadly. Anyway how do I bring up that I'm concerned about it without being one of those types that it's like he can't talk to other females because that's not the case? Am I just being paranoid? He assured me that everything is fine and he treats me like a queen but I can't help the nagging thought in my head. I trust him completely but it's her that I don't trust. How do I bring this up without it becoming an issue? Like I don't want him to think that I'm one of those jealous type swear he can't talk to any other women because as I said that's not the case. Thank you for your help. I love your videos. They're easy to understand and to the point.
Can you please make a video on what to do if you slept with your ex boyfriend after the break up, but you want to get back together officially with him. They say it's never a good idea to have sex with your ex until you guys are back together otherwise your value will decrease in his eyes and he won't want you anymore. Thanks
last time I went to the guy I'm hooking up house... we watch TV, talked ... he smoked his weed we had sex... than afterwards we cuddle and talk some more ... as we cuddle and talked tears started running thru my eyes .. Cause I really care for him and like him. .. i hope he didn't see me crying since it was dark then he fell asleep on top of me. then he woke up .. we talked .. then kiss him goodbye and I left. now 4 days since we talked or seen each other giving him his space . I haven't text him. nor will I. I'm just patiently waiting till he hit me up. we work at the same job ... so even if he don't hmu... it's not like I won't see him this Thursday. Before I Use To Go OD crazy when he don't text or hmu for a min. but now I'm okay with it. when he would finally hmu .. i would get angry. But now I know he will always come back when he wants some. But the thing is .. i ain't gonna give it to him everytime tho. agh I was even debating going celibate again.. i swear it was easier that way.
First video that's bad advice . There's rapport in many friends with benefits situations already ,so continuing to sleep with Him is the worst advice ever ! If you stop and he disappears then you dodged a bullet
I hooked up with a guy friend after we got completely drunk. I like him but I'm fine with just hanging out. How do I know if wants the same thing...friends who have occasional great sex?
Wow I went a year as a fwb. Then one day I saw him after being gone for a week in another state and he said he wanted to talk to me. He said he wanted to give us a chance since we got along so well. I was so caught off guard. Now we're almost 7 months in and he told me he loved me after the first month of seeing me. I couldn't imagine asking after 2 weeks what we are lol.
That is beautiful!
Anything is possible
How did it catch you off guard? Sexual intimacy bonds people together lol. It’s more likely to happen. But also more likely to not work out long term. Are you still in the relationship?
@@chrisherber1635 yep. Almost 8 years soon
I jus slowly took my feelings out of it. And processed in my mind we don't want the same things. Stopped asking him for it, prepared myself to date others. Then he came out and asked me to be his girl. It was some years later. But it turned out he was telling the truth that he really weren't ready before. So maybe what made him claim me is he feels more ready now.
Daughter oftheKing this is interesting how do u get ur feelings out of it slowly?
Daughter oftheKing are y’all still together? How did you know he was really committed this time?
I am doing this with my ex. It's hard. We both want each other but we're both not ready to be in a commitment again.
“Suppress your red flags. No problems here sir.” Lmao I love it.
See that’s my issue my red flags 🚩 bleed 🩸
ultimatums never work. stupid idea all around. Elliot is right. you should just withdraw and watch and see what he does.
"I come from a place of abundance not scarcity " that's powerful
you should never keep hooking up with a guy in order to reel him in and win him over when its killing you emotionally all the while, because you need to feel worth wanting from the begining. You dont need to emotionally damage yourself that way! Fuck that. There are too many guys that come around and are like "Marry MEEE!! GD!! i FKN LOVE YOUUU" to be chasin someone you have to psychologicall tiptoe around like omggg...A man shouldnt EVEN be willing to use you sexually when he literally has no interest in keeping you around at all. its pretty low honestly. people should sleep with someone that they like a lot..and would at least want to CONSIDER being with. if not..then dont waste each others time or hurt anyone. its just rotten and dishonest.
I love it when men are super nice. I find it very attractive. Seeing a little vulnerability helps me to relax
I started to do this and then I said “ man fuck this I’m not bout to jump through all these hoops for foo . It felt “ pick me chickish “ to me so I fell back.
And with that They all always come back ( they all float down here lookin asses lol ) but nah fr I started scaling back on daily all day conversations, time spent , sex, just to emotionally detach myself then all of a sudden he wants to go on more dates , giving more gifts, having flowers sent to my house TO STILL not be talking bout shit foreal .
I don’t wanna hear how amazing I am constantly everyday from him so amazing that he clearly wants everything but a title that succeeds “friend “ .
Now that I’ve pulled back tor my own emotional protection and created friendship boundaries with my actions they’re all over the kid but im coo . Like Elliot said “ I come from a place of abundance not scarcity “ I love you Elliot !
I'm a dog trainer , I love how you compare the dog training with guys . lol
🤣
Makes sense
Hi there. You said you come from a place of abundance, not scarcity or something to that affect. That is a very powerful statement! I believe that society sends a message of urgency to women that tells us we are not as valuable as a woman unless we are in a relationship. And until society stops placing undue pressure on women to get married or at least in a long term relationship and have children by a certain age, both Men and Women will always have a major breakdown in communication when it comes to dating and relationships.
BINGO!! You have no idea how much I want to make a video about how much society and everything you believe is bullshit, how society is actually your worst enemy, and that the amount of free will you think you have is less than 1% but if I do, its all going to be voodoo Illuminati shit to a lot of my followers hahaha.
Elliot Scott Dating id love a video about that i try to explain this to people!!!
Georgina Wanderlust exactly!!! 👍👍👍👏
A woman has a window of opportunity for fertility! That's where the pressure comes. By the time she's 35, the clock is ticking
We both did all of what you described together - all of the intellectual and emotional connection, the fun and the hanging out, spending a lot of time together, becoming a big part of each other's life, befriending friends&family, sharing loads of interests and passions, taking care of each other, helping each other in need, supporting each other, movies, dinners, ALL of it! We had been friends for nearly 10 years and then we had the more intense physical and emotional intimacy I just described over 5 months. And yet at the end of it all he still didn't want a relationship with me specifically because he didn't think we match.
Karrie Dreammind don't worry because those types of men always end up either all alone or with a 300 pound nasty attitude woman lol. I've seen it a hundred times lol!
Miss Kitty Haha I'd like to see him with a woman like that, lol! :D But I think he's more likely to stay alone because he has this attitude that no one is a good enough match for him to be in a relationship with.
+Karrie Dreammind ...a guy told me that there are so many fish in the sea and they're all so great that no one woman can fulfill all needs and essentially have all the qualities the other women have...so he won't settle for one girl.
Any updates ?
@@Deedra_ Yes, he's been happy in a relationship with someone else since the moment we broke up and I ended up with someone else too. The difference is he and his girlfriend seem to be quite serious, living together etc while my current boyfriend doesn't want to live together with me and doesn't want things to progress more than what they are now. I'm starting to think there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I think I lack self confidence and self love and guys sense that subconsciously and that makes them not love me either and not take me seriously.
So far so good. I made my intentions clear and then dropped it and slightly pulled back. Just took my feelings out of it a little and physically pulled away a tiny bit. LoL he did an immediate behavior modification. He slept over at my place and started texting me more. I’m still a “friend” I think, but I see the wheels turning in his brain :P
Update pls ?
Im in the exact same situation hahaha
My thing is this..the guy doesn't want to just be friends. So you really have only 1 card; it's about your intentions before you play that 1 card. Unfortunately, in every case I've found the guy wants to feel out and do as little as possible to get what he wants. So YOU, as the girl--has to make it clear. IT's like a negotiation--you have get what you want BEFORE you give him what he wants. or else he holds the power in the negotiation. You want that commitment---COMMITMENT FIRST before sex. Period..... He has to put a ring on it first.
I always end up doing the wrong stuff that means all that begging nagging being over clingy. Sometimes I fail to create a space. Moreover I know it would spoil his mood but I end up doing that too . So I need a real break.
This dog analogy cracks me up! Thanks for making an otherwise serious topic light-hearted and funny!
Operant conditioning. B. F. Skinner. Don't always give the guy sex every time or he expects it every time, and no cold turkey or he loses interest.
Sparkle Evenmore this shit right here
intermittent schedule, lol
+Elliot can we get a part 2 of this more in depth for people trying to play the long game and have already invested a significant amount of time?
I like that you state your intentions and don't settle. That's what all people should do.
I just found this guy and he is speaking facts! Most realistic advice on UA-cam.
Thank you that means a lot. I usually get shit for being honest. lol
@@ElliotScottDating That's probably their fear talking and not the person. Keep doing what you do because you serve as confirmation for people like myself who had to figure the game out the hard way, lol. I'm going through this exact situation right now and I was doing what you say do in the video before I knew you existed and now he is starting to act like his ass is starting to like me more than he planned to. Too bad I don't really care anymore.
I know from experience that doing this gives you internal peace and allows you to enjoy the moment and switches your energy from a place of scarcity to abundance as you say. Once I removed expectations, we legit have fun just hanging out with each other without sex sometimes.
I've shared this channel with a couple of my friends. You are the real deal.
Haha the dog analogy! Good boy! Haha love it! 😂😘
I am sure your videos are helping people in some way to better understand this whole dating relationship game, though I find it very sad that this is where we are as a society. Have we not evolved further then this kind of game playing? If being truthful and honest with each other is an expression of our desperation and vulnerabilities we are truly doomed. Peace.
I agree with you but at the same time, when you say "we as a society", it's society itself that is doing all this too you. By you saying that, it shows me you're structured and conformed to believe in marriage, one-lover for the rest of your life, morals/values, and so on. while I am not against any of that and would like to get married myself, society and religion (the concept of marriage )brainwashed everyone so heavily that they believe the ultimate goal of attraction and dating is to find a soulmate and marry and stay together until they die. You might even find yourself a little pulled back or defensive when you hear me say that's not how it should be. That's because that's what you were thought to believe. When it comes to Darwinism or evolutionary theory, those two things don't give a shit about marriage or morals/values because they dont play a role in the bigger scheme of things. They're all human made ideologies.
You have me totally wrong...lol I would think at this stage of the game we (man and woman) would be communicating better. I understand the influences facing folks ie the media that support these thoughts of separation. Marriage is not for everyone I agree, however we need to be who we are in relation to others. Evolution plays a role but its not the whole dance. You're a smart guy and like I said what you are teaching can help some to a better understanding and I thank you.
+Jody Watson i wasnt directing all that towards you haha. if you say it that way, i agree with you totally
I get it. Be well.
Jody Watson I concur fully to you logical mature authenticity mind set. Never make men a God in because the soul is polluted from ungodly spirits in my oppinion. programing from media and social norms one accepts. Stand your ground and standers.
I was friends with benefits with a guy for 1 1/2 but I am sure he could feel that I wanted more. In the end, he wasn't that enthusiastic to meet me anymore and suddenly he wanted to end it because he met someone else. He wanted to stay friends but I declined.....I wish I would have watched your video earlier. I really regret it. Now it's too late...Because now there's nothing I could do to win his attraction back without looking needy. XD
It was the the “ okay get outta here “ for me 😂😂😂😂 .. you are so funny without even trying Elliot lol
Dating advice from a dude in a parked car in a Home Depot parking lot lol
phatato he’s not lying tho so what’s your point
@@AmareshAsmara I think he or she meant it is a joke ;DD
That wasn't a good stragegy to market his dating consulting business in a car, speaking of business wise.
He’s actually one of the best out there 🤣
And a hair bun! 😂😂😂
Youre so right. Make more videos like this
Can you make a video about when guys say things like "I don't want to waste your time"? I get the impression that they do this because THEY feel like they're wasting their time, but they don't want to have to be the ones to break it off, in a sense. I'm thinking it's cowardly? Kind of like when someone doesn't want to be in a relationship, but they wait for you to do the breaking up so they don't have to.
😂 Elliott !!! Lol btw can you make a video on how do you know if He is THE One???
Can you make a video on how to get out of the friendzone?
yes please! for me too!
My favorite dating coach I got my man with this advice
Yay! You're back 😬 Maybe you could do like the scenery or places you visit in the beginning then transition &put it on yourself when you're talking because it feels more like a one on one when you do that. But thanks for all you do!
How long do you think you should wait before you have that "I want more" talk
Natalie Simmons a while 😂
My suggestion is to let the guy broach the topic, not you...
Never lmao. Leave him for someone who does
The man I currently am in the fwb category with, told me straight up in the beginning he did not want a relationship. I respected his honesty, whatever reason he had to hold back. I've been low key...no drama or emotional meltdowns. Red flags in check. I have removed myself from having high expectations. Slow and steady wins the race! Elliot you're the most authentic and honest relationship couch out there. Thanks! 💋
@@FM-zg5hz no.
Thanks, Elliot. It's nice when you're going through something & it's confusing, and you recognize & name what's going on.
Hey Elliot, what's the best way for you to let him know what you want without coming off as needy or clingy?
7:05 i am not a option. He cant treat you like an option if you believe and know you are not one. I am 1 of 1.
This is such a good video. It's so true I can't explain it any other way haha yes just be in the moment. I'm currently experiencing hearing anxieties and insecurities in the guy I'm with. Can you do a video about guys with anxieties and insecurities? It's very rare he bring something up but can feel it stressing him because he says it.
How did it end up
So good of you to help out your friend. Anything for you, Elliot!
+Elliott Scott enlighten me. You state that a female should live in the moment have fun hook up. How long does this or should go on? Women are naturally nurturing independent and ambitious. So I would think after 6 months at least it would not be wrong for a woman to know what is going on. Especially if the man is 30+ just seems to me that men are very immature almost like "Peter Pan" and don't wanna grow up. Once the honeymoon phase is over and reality kicks in I find you tend to run. Childish really.
Can you make a video on what women should wear the first date please +Elliot Scott Dating
This video is what I needed to hear! Thanks Elliot! Always quality content! It's so important for a woman to navigate carefully in this type of scenario - you want to get what you want but you also need to give him incentives too. Wish we can just walk away from that type of man easily rather than going through this whole process not knowing if it will pay off or not...
That tree in the background is fabulous
How do you "tell" him your intentions?
"I'll love you forever" LMAO definitely understands a woman's psychology.....
I have one question... when is too soon to let him know your intentions? Don't wanna scare him away. LOL
go with the flow. 6-8 weeks if you want a concrete answer
THE MAN BUN KILLS ME....LUV iT!!
OH THANK GOD, there’s hope! 🙌 lol
Swayze i know right ugh 🥺😩
Updates?
Ok so i have this friend with benefits since 7 months ( right after he got out of a 5 year relationship) and i exatly did what you said not to wich is to give him an ultimatum! His answer was that he didint want a relationship BUT surprisingly that he was ready to have more activities with me and i told him no!! Im so mad at myself! He suggested me what i tought i would have to! Is it to late to talk about this with him? Its been 2 week but i went to his house 2 days ago( yes i wasnt able to stop seeing him lol). Thank you :D
what if you're the ex downgraded to fwb?
Yeahhhhh
Best advice ever Elliot you know I kinda forget all about him when I watch your vids because you’re so captivating haha ❤️
can u also do a video on how to not fuck up a good (starting out) dating relationship with a guy who wants to b more than FWBs please?
Oh lord, yes please. Elliott?! What about self-sabotaging a good thing because we can't trust his true intentions.
Recently did this. Screwed it up real good. Of course I recognized that and pulled away indefinitely. Didn't ask why or beg for a chance to have a do-over.
Just bowed out gracefully, knowing I fucked up. Before that, I was falling hard for him..., but the damage was done. Then my ex of 24 years started calling me and the new guy changed his thinking, put me into the FWB category, and that's not an option with me. I'm sad about this, but it's for the best if he could be swayed that easily. 47 yrs old, been through enough to know woman can hurt too.
I'm 41, going through a divorce (2 years now), and not in the position to be playing around with men anyway.
+S Davis OR he was good at acting and has me in the FWB's category all along. Like I said, I can't trust even the most sincere comments because of some things I've experienced.
That intro is DOPE
has anybody had success doing this? lol
It was all there, he says he is not prepared for a relationship and doesn’t like me that way despite acting that way all the time, when I told him that I will have to stop talking to him, he got super upset and decided to make me a platonic friend and stop having sex saying that we had “romantic chemistry” and we should try not indulging in that so we stay friends and I don’t stop talking, nevertheless I managed to seduce him into having sex that very night, I am so NOT getting into the friend zone
Update?
Well he has to show me the benefits I will then let him know if we can be friends. I loooooooooove your videos!!!
What should be things you talk about to a guy on your first date? Not sure what to say. Especially if they are so nervous and really expecting me to talk all night ? Tips please
why not just wait until you can both give each other what is wanted. Sex for women is emotional, period. If you say otherwise, that's naive and it goes against science. Men want sex (they need it I should say) and it can get more complicated than that, depending on how things develop )women want and need love. Sex is like a form of intimate commitment. It's a form of communication all in itself. You may not be in love, that implies ultimate commitment. Just love, adoration and respect can be enough for a chick. Some guys like developing feelings with a woman, even if they decide later that it's not what they want. It's better that way, both people grow in experiences like that. In my opinion, women who chase the guy who only wants what he needs, is a naive, desperate woman. Get yours lady, and if he doesn't want to budge on his stance and only desires to take from you and not give to you (what you need) honey trust me, your worth so much more. To me, a good guy will respect your anatomy. Your true nature. Do you feel me? Can I get an amen?
'because attraction isnt' a choice. It's not like one day it will arrive at your doorstep. You have to create it. you sitting there and hoping or waiting isn't going to do anything. you gotta take action. I agree with you 100% tho when you say,
"women who chase the guy who only wants what he needs, is a naive, desperate woman. Get yours lady, and if he doesn't want to budge on his stance and only desires to take from you and not give to you (what you need) honey trust me, your worth so much more."
Love is about giving. If either is only worried about only taking, that's not love that's a transaction. I agree if a man doens't want to give her what she wants she needs to leave. Easier said than done though. That is why I made the vid.
+Elliot Scott Dating it's always so disappointing to walk away, cause if I really like a guy, it's because I see his potential :( but whatever, it's not for me. I got to stay loving me and continue to grow. I can't be with a guy that doesn't want to grow with me. I think your video is solid advice though, to turn something imperfect or whatever into something good.
I'm gonna reflect on that though. "Attraction is not a choice, you have to create it" I like that. Thanks
If a woman sleeps with ten men then no she won’t be attached to all of them. If you sleep with only one guy multiple times then yes feelings can arise not only because of sex but because of the time spent together. That’s why it’s better to either be a slut or in a relationship. The point of fwbs is you can sleep with others.
good idea for the intro...but the music sucks... ;)
Still enjoying all the videos. Peace
hahaha thank you
Hey i made a painting of you. If you hook up to my email teachandtranslate@yahoo.com, i'll send the photo. That is to thank you for all your 'giving' to the community. You're cool.
i totally am going to take your advice...nailed it!
I am pretty smart huh? ;)
Elliot Scott Dating oh yes...wish i had known about you before...but i subscribed!!
Elliot Scott Dating yes u r also very wise with ur advice to
This was really helpful Elliot. :)
That was such great advice.
U can leave and find some one that will give what u want why waste your time .
Killin it! Love your videos. -E
Started as friends with benefits as he wasn't ready due to breaking up with someone a couple of months before we have been FWB for 4 months I knew him as a booty call approx 7 years ago but I feel something has changed between us in the past month he texts me regularly daily and I have my toothbrush n toys over at his and we meet up 2 to 3 times every week........he's met my grown up kids but I haven't his or any friends etc I'm struggling with asking if things are changed without scaring him off n pulling away 🙈🙈
Great video 😍 love your work 😘
I am in this situation right now . A good comparison , men to dogs 😆. I have to withdraw slowly from him . We both are 45 he came fast and furious, and wanted a long term relationship but now he wants to be friend . I am more educated , pretty , talented , he can’t resist me . The sad thing he has mental problems , bipolar disorder .
This is great thank you so much :)))
This is backwards. Why not build up the rapport before the sex? It’s called dating and getting to know a person because you like a person. If I were the guy I wouldn’t take any woman who did this or started sleeping with a man to get him in a relationship seriously. Think about it if the woman was really serious would she degrade herself and hunt down a man? What is she the huntress and the guy is the prey? I thought men were the hunters? This is manipulation and immaturity. Real grown ups don’t engage in sleeping with people freely to get a relationship. That is backwards.
Elliot when you said suppress those red flags no problem here sir that was the best laugh :)
Just put your toothbrush in his/her medicine cabinet. A conversation starter at least. lol!
What's the purpose of that? What if they bought a toothbrush for me and put it in there??
Great advice 👌
Would the girl be ok to be upfront with the guy and be like “hey, I’m starting to catch feels, just wanna let you know, maybe we needa cool off a while etc” would that work alright, would it maybe make him step up to maybe see her romantically too? Or would he just stop talking to her altogether?
love your videos, youre the best!!
❤ from Rio. 😘
There is a reason why such video titles aren't directed towards men. Girls... Go ahead have a Fwb if u want only sex... If ur current relationship isn't fulfilling ur needs then just leave. This is the fundamental difference between guys and girls.
I have no idea what the hell I am to this guy Scott.
He told me recently that he has a girlfriend with the other girl he liked but for me not to worry and that he can't stay away from me because I am sweet, nice, kind and kute and he loves to relax me and hold me.
It's been 2 years since we met
we only see each-other monthly.
he said he loves being with me and he does ask about me and tell me bit about himself.
He doesn't care. Trust me
how do you mean?
Is it because it has been two years?
he loves alot of his own time to himself and to travel and at the beginning I suggested we meet monthly because I also visit my family at weekends and am in college and I love some weekends by myself.
I just really didn't know what to do. I know we both enjoy each-others company as well as cuddles and chatting about many things in life and him giving me advise and me giving him advise.
I wonder if maybe I created a barrier to him seeing value in me. There is a change.
AmyNirvana87 Irish You need to leave him alone, like Elliot said he doesn't really care. He's just keeping you around because you let him. I think its a good idea to start pulling away and date other guys and let him know you're seeing other people.
Great advice. Thanx
Is there a timeframe as far as how long I should wait before pulling off if he doesn’t show an effort ?
No problems here, Sir! 😂😂😂
That never work out with me
So i stop doing friends benefits
I just date now and hope to fine right guy to settle down with but no luck yet :(
Can you do a new update video on ex’s like if they will come back or something in general
I'm confused. One minute they say you should put a label on and then come to this they say you shouldn't put a label on. What are we supposed to do?
you're supposed to listen to me and no one else. Obviously.
Hi Elliot, I could use some advice!! I’ve been texting with someone pretty consistently for over a year now. We’ve known each other for longer than that. I’ve been attracted to him since before the texting started. We’ve had pauses when he was in a relationship that was about a year and they broke up once in that year.. and broke up again in the beginning of September. I can’t tell what he feels/wants from me. He “seems” to care, at least that’s how I feel when he looks into my eyes.. we hooked up for the first time in the end of September. Then again the following week. Then nearly a month later. And here about another month after this last time, we’re supposed to be getting together tonight. He isn’t seeing anyone, I know that for a fact. But, something seems to hold him back with me and idk what it is. He is his father’s caretaker whom he lives with so he’s going through that.. and also, what may or not be part of what holds him back, I’m a mom, he isn’t a parent.. my child’s father is his ex best friend 😣 I also know he’s not a one night stand kind of guy.
What if you gave him the ultimatum, he declined, you said "don't ever talk to me again", but he's still clearly obsessed with you sexually? Can you come back from that?
Why did you say something that clearly didn't mean in the first place? Strange
If s guy been using you 4 months...now you want a relationship? Well good luck
Is hooking up the only way into a relationship. I've lost the last few guys because I was unwilling to sleep with them.
It's a much deeper theory to go into than that and as much as I want to go into it I know a lot of women aren't going to like the video and hate me for it lol. I personally never date a woman unless we at least go to 3rd base before. But no, it's not the only way into a relationship.
No I’ve dated many times without giving it up first. If he really wants you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. Every man is different as are women. Age also plays a factor.
*what about trust issues afyer?*
Hang out, have fun, hookup. Where have I heard that before???
You already know ;) the coach!
Yes. I recognize that saying. It's etched into my memory. :-)
So, would a good way of hinting towards my intentions be to say that I got asked on a date with someone else but I said no.? This is what happened legitimately - it’s not like I’m in love or anything right now, but I definitely want more from him than just friends with benefits... I’ve been in a pretty toxic relationship before where The guy gaslighted me and emotionally abused me...so I’m scared of the rejection, but I also still have a voice in the back of my head telling me that no matter what I say it will sound desperate or clingy and that’s not it. I just want to communicate that I think being more would be cool, and that I don’t fully understand our boundaries because he keeps changing them. Like I assumed no sleepovers, but he invites himself over for them - I assumed no meeting friends but he’s told his all about me and asked if I wanted him to come to my friends 30th as my plus 1... it seems like maybe he wants more but I don’t trust my own opinion tbh
"No problems here sir!" Guys it's a trap!! Runnnn!!! 😂
Thank you
There are so many fish in the sea. Just find another one.
I'm so confused with my situation
I'm seeing a guy and it was going very well
He came out to my friends housewarming party and everyone told me how he only talked about me was feeling me out and asking about me and was very happy to be around me
But I did think he was flirting with someone else and he said he was upset cause I attacked his integrity I did sincerely apologize but since then he said he wanted to be friends with benefits because his work life doesnt give him a chance to get committed and last time he was in a relationship was highschool
He doesnt want to put a title on it and rush into a relationship so I guess I'm slowly trying to transition but I'm not sure if the change in mind was because I accused him of flirting or if he always felt this way lol long I know but atleast this kinda video helps me a little idk where to start
Hi I posted to your video of few weeks ago. It may have been another one but it was your series. I told you that my friends with benefits asked me to be his girlfriend and you posted it. Anyway things have been moving along well with him but I'm concerned about a female friend of his. She's married but she's rich and buys him a whole bunch of stuff and he admits to having slept with her 11 years ago and I'm worried that she's still interested in him. Because let's face it these days marriage means nothing as far as if you're sleeping with somebody sadly. Anyway how do I bring up that I'm concerned about it without being one of those types that it's like he can't talk to other females because that's not the case? Am I just being paranoid? He assured me that everything is fine and he treats me like a queen but I can't help the nagging thought in my head. I trust him completely but it's her that I don't trust. How do I bring this up without it becoming an issue? Like I don't want him to think that I'm one of those jealous type swear he can't talk to any other women because as I said that's not the case. Thank you for your help. I love your videos. They're easy to understand and to the point.
Elliot how come phone sessions are US only? can you take international calls pls?
Is it 30 minutes a day or a month ?
Can you please make a video on what to do if you slept with your ex boyfriend after the break up, but you want to get back together officially with him. They say it's never a good idea to have sex with your ex until you guys are back together otherwise your value will decrease in his eyes and he won't want you anymore. Thanks
Nothing you can do. Pull away and if he chases great. If not then there is your answer
last time I went to the guy I'm hooking up house... we watch TV, talked ... he smoked his weed we had sex... than afterwards we cuddle and talk some more ... as we cuddle and talked tears started running thru my eyes .. Cause I really care for him and like him. .. i hope he didn't see me crying since it was dark then he fell asleep on top of me. then he woke up .. we talked .. then kiss him goodbye and I left. now 4 days since we talked or seen each other giving him his space . I haven't text him. nor will I. I'm just patiently waiting till he hit me up. we work at the same job ... so even if he don't hmu... it's not like I won't see him this Thursday. Before I Use To Go OD crazy when he don't text or hmu for a min. but now I'm okay with it. when he would finally hmu .. i would get angry. But now I know he will always come back when he wants some. But the thing is .. i ain't gonna give it to him everytime tho. agh I was even debating going celibate again.. i swear it was easier that way.
Do guys apply this technic too?..... lol I think they are applying this to me.....
First video that's bad advice . There's rapport in many friends with benefits situations already ,so continuing to sleep with Him is the worst advice ever ! If you stop and he disappears then you dodged a bullet
Does Elliot have a girlfriend/wife?
Single for 3 years
really? Haven't found a girl you like?
+Elliot Scott Dating Much love from Italy Elliot:)
I hooked up with a guy friend after we got completely drunk. I like him but I'm fine with just hanging out. How do I know if wants the same thing...friends who have occasional great sex?