Tex saves the Habsburg dynasty [Part 2] - Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts
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- Опубліковано 25 вер 2024
- #ultimateadmiraldreadnoughts #ultimateadmiral #blackpantslegion
This is not a serious take on naval history, but more a shitpost thereof. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I'm sorry, Elmo Zumwalt.
The game is Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts: store.steampow...
In Ultimate Admiral: Dreadnoughts you play as the head of a navy doing what the head of navies do best - spend entirely too much money on holes in the water, or, in laymans terms, ships. You can design very stupid things. I do this.
Music from Epidemic Sound - www.epidemicso...
![Tex saves the Habsburg dynasty [Part 3] - Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HmXReRTbeE4/mqdefault.jpg)
![Tex saves the Habsburg dynasty [Part 3] - Ultimate Admiral Dreadnoughts](/img/tr.png)
"And the Spanish Empire has been dissolved"
That is what Portugal was doing with all those ships.
Tex needs a "Chin" class battleship with the most pronounced bow possible.
This comment needs many more upvotes 😂
I’m picturing something like a Nelson, but minus the A and B turrets 😂
@@twodaves9480 I think you nailed it.
They will class it as: THE BLOATY FLOATY
I’ve seen that class of ship. Bows were sharp enough to puncture the hulls of destroyers and doubled as a bridge for marines to run across to take the ship.
Had a weak armor placement around the fuel tanks. Even the smallest ding would bleed the ship dry even if it was patched.
Dockyard supervisor sees the refit orders for 350 ships in a month
*incoherent rageful screaming*
*passes out from lack of oxygen*
[Distant Work crew cackling in various languages.]
@@grimos6490 😂😂😂
Meanwhile you get that one worker "this will be the most RIVETING tale"
@@TheShardsFamily 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
There's always that *one* asshat making puns out of rage and confusion
"... so, that's a yes, right?"
Regarding command language. In the army, command was done in something called army-latin, an unholy amalgamation of dumbed down church latin and german. The navy was mostly commanded in venetian dialect italian, seeing as almost all sailors were either venetian, or dalmatian. So yeh, the dual monarchie's command language was more or less high gothic from 40k.
That's awesome.
Awesome... and terrifying.
The Tower of Babel at Work
@@grimos6490Conning Tower of Babel.
Ave Imperator, baby!
Tex: This is a bad ship.
Also Tex: Keeps building the ship.
Quantity has a quality all its own
"And remember, every ship can be a submarine - once." - Tex
Yes the proper once should really be called Unsubmarines because that is their party trick.
"Sir, report from the engine room!"
"What did they say?"
*Murloc sounds*
Also with that tossing, it'll also be *sounds of continuous upchuck*
"I have one more torpedo which is the ship itself."
There are torpedo boats, and there are TORPEDO BOATS.
It really is a small world. It blows my mind that two of my favorite creators (Tex and Perun) shitpost together.
Right?
Venomgeek and drach just did a colab
I need tex, hard thrasher, and lazerpig on a series
The BPL is credited several times in Perun videos for research assistance if you look. Think the Legion has been lending him a hand since like video three or four.
The BPL Has a very scattershot skillset overall, and to be honest they and the AUX [or Black Pants Legion Auxiliary to use the full name] have some fun experience overall.@@elijahsnow3119
does Perun have a youtube? I want to sort of play this, but I'm nto a boat autistic ( i'm a robot autistic)
@@megasxlr2X Search for PerunGaming. But he specializes more in games like Terra Invicta and Phoenix Point than he does Most Accursed Boat Simulator.
"When your ship has expended all torpedoes, you still have one more torpedo."
- Austro-Hungarian Naval Maxim
Tex: "Please leave Serbia alone"
Look if the Empire could have figured that out they might be here today
240,000 army losses in one month against serbia. That's 8000 KIA every day. What are they doing, holding hands and prancing in to machine gun fire?
@@Urziel99 End result of like 600 years of generals marrying their cousins.
@@honeybadger6275 Also the result of officers buying commissions and not earning them.
@@Urziel99 Pretty sure most of the positions were just hereditary.
The fishing boat fleet. In peace time they pull fish from the water. In times of war they put fishes in the water.
Tex: "The fleet is a solid 7!"
Hapsburgs: "7 out of 10 isn't bad."
Tex: "7 out of a 100"
😂😂
Dr. Christmas approves!
@@matthewhermosillo9813 that suddenly makes the Bullet make more sense...
Instead of the wings flying off like the bullet the ship just snaps in two
I feel that point blank torpedo launches from deck mounts are just you pulling alongside and throwing it onto their deck and saying "TAG!"
*thunk*
'Hot potato!'
*torpedo whirring noises*
If a pocket battleship shoots Picric acid, does that make it a hot pocket battleship?
Sir I am going to have to ask you to leave.
😂😂😂 yes ..
( crawls away crying )
Ah yes, the legendary Austro Hungarian Swarm of angry bees naval tactics
Fleet Factor SEVEN!?!?!?
Where is Tex, Dr. Christmas? What have you done with him?!?!?
Thanks to the efforts of Admiral Tex, the Habsburg Lineage will continue until their disfigured chins may serve as a bridge to space, setting us upon the golden path.
Tex is out here building the Yugo of the Sea.
"We're just invading Serbia now, because reasons...and we're going into the Balkans?"
AI is as determined to commit national suicide as the real empire.
Started playing an alongside campaign. Italy decided to somehow expand their fleet to the be the absolute largest so I made friends with them. Then the army decides to invade Italy. I handily defeat their larger navy and start wrecking their economy but the army loses anyway. Italy counter-invades, and we immediately fold.
Tex prefers flags for fleet communications.
Full stop if Grey, Full send if Grey, Everyone Scuttle your Ship if Grey
Italian intelligence officer watching from shore: "You know a, the AHE's fleet flags are supposed to be a different colors a. They look a grey all the time because of the SMONK a."
A cruel way for such a mighty admiral as Tex to discover his colourblindness.
@@Deridusthat works out great because the signal for "you all suck we are going home" IS smonk grey, saves time
To answer your question at about 01:50 about how you work a military with 15-odd main languages: as I recall, individual units tended to all speak the same language. The field-grade and above officers were specifically recruited and trained to be polylingual, so as to be able to issue orders to all different of these units. So naturally, once these officers started dying in WWI, cohesion went to shit VERY quickly and literally could not be recovered.
That's just what I recall from my reading off the top of my head. If anyone has a better and/or deeper answer, please correct me. I at least would love to read it. :)
Bote class....the Urbanmech of the Med.
All the Bote class has done is looked scary off the Georgian and Albanian coasts while the marines took the ports. Urbanmechs atleast get into scraps.
@@corwinhyatt519 It's an urbanmech equipped with only small lasers.
"Tower of Babel of the Battleship" Oh Good God, I love that!
with the amount of semi subersables tex is producing he should pick up a job with the cartels.
I realized this actually perfectly simulates the behavior of politicians!
Is it wrong that half the reason I love watching Tex play this is for all the brilliant sidebar history lessons? I can't be the only one here for the incredibly interesting history lessons......
Hanging out for the AH version of the Exporto to emerge, never expecting it to actually be the army.
Jolly good show. A potato water fueled military campaign for the ages.
Tex mentioning ships running into each other remains me of the William D. Porter
Every time one of my destroyers torpedoes one of my battleships in this game, I am reminded of the Porter.😁😆
Bote things
Like, unsafe at any speed bote things
I somehow glitched my 182000 ton German super battleship into 64 knts and rammed it into a AHE cruiser and the resulting damage was... underwhelming.
Tex... really REALLY needs to learn how to say no. XD
but but... they pay for BOTE!
@@SharienGaming but they are buying so much BOTE, he's not getting to build his OWN BOTE XD
The BT version of his strategy - "For every Steiner Scout Squad, we will build 100 Savannah Masters...."
I love watching I like watching the funny gruff man play with the trains of the seas, truly he shall save this woe begotten empire with his might ocean railiners.
Also youtube not letting me edit comments allows my morning groggy comment mistakes to be seen for all time, thanks youtube!
@@kingalphawerewolf it’s okay, we love you regardless of your follies.
Tex got me to try this game out. Helluva learning curve, but once you get all the intricacies figured out, it's an absolute blast.
Recently did a Chinese Campaign, rushed BB development, and was able to build 80,000 ton modern battleships as early as 1908. 32 Knots, 22 inch belt, 7x Centerline 3x 12 inch turrets, more 5 inch secondaries than you can count...
...And so bloody expensive they're literally bankrupting my Government. Built 5, and I can only afford to mobilize 2 at a time. In combat though, it's the 1908 equivalent of the Deathstar. Sinks entire fleets like nothing. Far more concerned about running out of ammo than I am losing a ship.
Lesson Learned. Don't rush BB development as a 3rd rate economy, because hilarity ensues.
Austro-Hungarian Uzbekistan is a wild direction for history to take. I'd love to see what kind of strudels you could get in Samarkand a few years into the occupation.
"What do you call your navy units, Admiral Tex? We call ours a squadron, a battlegroup, and a fleet in order of increasing size."
Tex: "Well you see, we have THE battleship, some cruisers, and an 'Ocean' of torpedo boats"
"But what if they weren't cruisers?"
Tex: "Then they would be 'some ships'."
The thing is that austria-hungary considered the existence of an independent Serbia an affront to god, common sense and good taste. The way they saw it was that it had been their land that'd gone back and forth between rightful habsburg dominion and vile ottoman occupation. So when the ottomans fell apart they naturally expected to finally get it back for good...
Now do a navy themed after the Taurian Concordat
So japan?
or the modern Indian Navy. they are kicking ass and taking names in the middle east right now@@Neithan02
@@EricDKaufman Taurin, Aka get off my property and being subject to colonial foreign I terests, so China or Japan may be suitable.
India is just a colony
He basically just did lol
...Tex proves once more that he is the Discount Dan of naval engineering 😎
Coal haze and smonk
Harbor going *BONK*
As an Pennsylvania coal haze is so weird to me. Coal is 96-99 percent pure carbon. It burns cleaner than wood.
Then I remember that it is shitty European “coal”, which is mostly just dirt.
IMO the point of cruisers early on is to get to 100k tons cheaply for invasions.
I enjoy the Battletech content, but this, this content hits differently and I enjoy each upload of this.
It's 3:30 AM locally. My sleep schedule is fucked anyway, might as well watch some Tex shenanigans
Livin that mountain time life
Good morning gents 🫡
All hands, man your battlestations!!!
MAKE SMONK 💨💨💨
Smokeless powder? *HERESY!*
@Deridus We don't need flags or signal lamps, we use snoke signals to communicate!!!
I can't believe I'm launching the video and as the generic runs I remember the Sitzkrieg. And I'm dead laughing.
How come the Sitzkrieg is such a great joke it hit me again an episode apart.
Because it's absurdly hilarious as a word and concept.
Look up zwetschgenrummel or kartoffelkrieg
Fun fact, the hull of the Turbinia is on display in a local museum, a couple of miles from where I live, however it's revolutionary engine is displayed separately down in London.
Fleet factor of 7.... The Doctor Christmas effect transcends time apparently.
at this point the videos on this channel have become like a regular meeting with very good aquaintances (or old friends). it certainly feels like a warm and welcome exchange at a comfy slow pace. just wonderful. 😄
So I decided to butt in on this challenge. By 1913 I own all of the important choke points of the Med. Gibraltar, yep; Sicily, Malta, the Italian Boot, Libya, Port Said, yep. So think I dun good.
I gave the Austrians a go after episode 1. I've designed a "Friendship" class battleship which is as expensive as possible while having the least possible tonnage. They are trash in a fight, but they make good money for the shipyard capacity. Good times all around after my war with France and the wonderful career of what I'll call a "torpedo ram cruiser"...
Would love to see Tex make a torpedo battleship like the ones the US navy was looking at in the 1910's.
The Great Hapsburg Torpedo Patch
I'm glad that I'm here. I'm glad that Tex didn't support skirting the laws. It is good not to cross the powers that be when you are building a battleship. I am only 1 minute in don't judge
First, I am not judging just giving my opinion of the playthrough. Now the to point, he skirted the law at the opposite end. "What is the smallest, cheapest floating object I can qualify as a battleship?"
I feel you on the positive emotion thing. Keep on keeping on. You bring me great joy with your antics.
Firstly, love your rambling stories that lose the plot, the bit with the time machine was premium drunk humour.
Also the bit where you said "Greece you're not listening," "Okay." That hits home hard when you have a kid with ADHD who does the same thing...
This two hours video feels far too short. You make this very entertaining, thank you.
As to the question regarding 'how did they issue commands?' Well, they didn't. That's part of why they lost. The officers would communicate to each other in French, and sometimes, they spoke the same language as those underneath them. And sometimes the people in the same unit could even speak to each other.
This was a problem
It worked just fine for america for centuries.
You want to know why there are so little records of Pennsylvania military history? You know; the key state that hard carried the country through every war in our history?
Because it wasn’t until the very start of the 20th century that we stopped keeping records in German. And to a lesser extent, Gaelic.
This playthrough is basically the same as most of mine, IE: don't do anything for the first decade or two to build up a technology base (and because fighting in the early years is a test of patience not skill - because no one can hit anything) so by the time you start fighting you out tech everyone you face and so the numbers don't really matter anymore, but Tex went a different route: Constantly building and refitting a fleet while killing time. It's an interesting choice, sir :)
33:10 "You just need the right Soundtrack." "Please don't hurt me." ... don't hurt me.... no more! God dangit now I have that fudging song in my head for the rest of the day!
The fact that Spain started "rebuilding" from the northern part is a nice deja vu.
So when your transport capacity is at 200%, moving that bar to where you aren’t adding % is a great way to get funding back, as it doesn’t do anything after 200% anyway
Finally picked up this game after part one of this playthrough ame out. As i play it, i keep finding myself saying, "What would Tex do?" So far as Austro-Hungaria i have bested china, Japan, & Italy by the time part 2 dropped. Been interesting thus far.
The Hapsburg, only battleship built where the entire hull is hinged to open like a lunchbox every five years
The moment I saw this video drop, I knew what I was watching over my Easter brunch.
Which I'm doing right now. Most excellent, Tex and BPL, and a Happy Easter to you all.
3:40 Ah yes, you truly are an Inner Spheroid. Houses Kurita and Liao would be proud. As sad as that is.
Sorry can we get Fortunate Hapsburg as a stand alone song? That's fricken great.
Watching the battles with the swarms of 12-man crew torpedo boats ripping into their enemies like piranhas while dying with frightening speed makes me wonder what sort of mad bastards are crewing those ships.
I'm somehow imagining men either facing the noose or several years in the fleet.
A bunch of torpedo boats full of mad lads that have to get really close to use their extremely short-range torpedoes sounds like Knife Fight City at sea.
Austro- Hungary was one of the most chill empires that ever existed.
I love the Polka "Fortunate Son"
Tex vs Perun, yes please
I named my ONE Coastal Defense Ship, "Cancerous." At 4000 tonnes, it has survived literally dozens of battles against Soviet and Japanese fleets. It has a top speed of a whopping 13.4 knts! It has sunk 4 battleships, 4 cruisers of various tonnage, and ran out of ammo wiping out swarms of TB's and Dd's on at least three occasions. It is now 1917 and is partaking in the conquest of Magadan after my taking Parimambo... It is the only one of it's class ever built and has outlasted Spain, Japan, and Italy, all of which collapsed due to ecomonic disintegration, whereas my conquest of China was outright insanely lucky. I also have a peacetime GDP growth of 8.4%.
All because I watched Tex and said, "I can do that, but crazier."
Turns out the 1890's campaign end at 75 years. Lame.
Every time Tex mentions picric acid, I am amazed and horrified that people used that in real life. I mean, on purpose.
It's basically condensed hate.
We have the protected cruiser USS Olympia on the Philadelphia waterfront. I don't know how many times I've driven past it in my life going to and from my grand mom's house and never realizing it was an old warship. It's cool to look at. Oldest US steel warship afloat!
yeah, the Georgios Averof is an armored cruiser, which means it has belt armor (the Olympia was very good, but had a turtleback deck armor scheme only, making it a protected cruiser)
@@scytheseven9173Interesting! Thank you.
There better be a full version of that Accordion version of Fortunate Son out there somewhere, or god as my witness I will do terrible things to this Urbanmech right here.
300 reserve torp boats
"TORPEDO BOATS, WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?!" -Tex probably
Fishing, sir.
Really liking the history lessons and editing. Almost feels like I'm watching a documentary with Tex narrating.
So Tex, regarding languages in the A-H empire, I’m not sure about the navy, but the army worked something like this. Aside from entirely German or entirely Hungarian speaking units, there would be a regimental language, what the majority of the enlisted spoke. To be an officer in these units you had to speak the regimental tongue AND German fluently, while senior NCOs are strongly encouraged to take language courses. So you have uniformly Polish, or Czech, Croatian, Italian, Slovenian, Ruthenian, and so on squads and platoons getting orders in their native language from bi-, tri-, and even more multilingual officers. It worked, but not well, and so after the A-H army takes a hammering in 1914-15 and loses all those fantastically educated officers the machine falls apart.
This run is gloriously cursed. I love it.
Did you polka Fortunate Son?! Absolute mad lads.
Tapping the unbridled power of the Weird Al Dimension.
If there is one thing that keeps me from really playing this game is that it doesn't handle large fleets at all in-between turns.
Doing battles with a large fleet isn't all that intuitive either but has gotten better than what it once was.
Soooo the Austro-Hungarian Army actually made sure to organize, at the regimental level, troops of the same or, at most, two nationalities. At lower levels, it's usually be exclusively be one nationality in one unit. Orders were given in either German or the regimental language if the officer assigned could. Bilingualism was very common, at least, and every soldier knew (usually) the basic orders in German. Since regiments were based in and recruited from specific regions, it worked out for the most part.
... until the trained officers and NCOs (who did a fuckton of translation work between usually-German-speaking officers and the men of his regiments) died en masse. Then the Austro-Hungarian army was basically a big militia. Still managed to outlive the Empire, though.
As for the navy, a book describes that different roles were filled by specific nationalities, keeping things compartmentalized. It's a bit odd because the vast majority of sailors were recruited from the coastal regions, making them mostly Croatian, Slovenian, or Italian, with German officers. Italian officers used to be common until Venice was lost.
Somehow, the British described Austro-Hungarian Navy officers and sailors extremely highly as professional and well-trained/educated, apparently "unlike the Army". Considering the Navy actually mostly survived the war despite massively outnumbered by the combined British-French-Italian fleet is fairly interesting and underappreciated.
3:32 I see Tex is once again acting as an agent of the Jeune École in yet another high level infiltration of yet another Holy Roman Empire allumnni.
First Italy, now Austria-Hungary, and it is utterly hilarious, especially if you know history.
"Panzer Schnapps"
The Battleship needs to be Named the Tower of Bable
- I can't wait to watch this later on my big screen!
Turns out this is my most played game on steam with over 500 hours into it. Sooooo addicted despite all that is wrong with it.
new music from Goat is always welcome to sing along with
We don't read books!
That explains more than i thought it would 😂
In the first battle, tex's entire line hits of torpedo boats collides the sinking battleship.
The difference between positive and negative 69 is where you are in it. Doesn't make it any less nice.
Hi Tex thanks for the great videos. I just bought the game because you made it look so fun.
I'm convinced Portugal is being made to come accept ownership of their boats At the docks, and Every time they sink the boat on their way home cause Ocean+coastal boats=reefs, and Every time they're just like Maybe we'll get a boat from the AHE this time and not a new Pacific reef, but they Never do cause None of your AHE boats are made for open ocean😂
My morning has been made significantly better since this video launched!
You need Mike or Goat next to you with a ruler to smack your hand with every single time you tell a forgien power you'll build a ship for them when you need the dockspace yourself.
I love equipping the micro powers with my horrifical advanced and overpowered warships. because I'm not messing with them, but the other major powers get ideas on free real-estate and i like the idea of their 36k ton battleships with 15" guns running into an 82k ton superbattleship armed with 18" guns and radar fire control, but it's owned by egypt or portugal
As an EU4 player hearing Portugal described as a minor power makes me chuckle.
@@AGrumpyPanda The Ottomans are described by this game as a 'minor power.' Despite having more territory and probably more income than a couple of the playable nations.
It does mean, if they can keep the empire from flying apart, that they have lots of cash to buy other people's warships. See, for example, the Ottoman fleet that destroyed Tex's spaghetti navy.
The weird thing is that minor powers _never_ retire or refit old ships. It's 1964 and the Canadians still have six or seven battleships that were designed in 1890 that've spent the entire game sitting in Vancouver or Halifax.
@@boobah5643 And hearing the Ottomans described as a minor power also makes me laugh for the same reason. It has nothing to do with this game, and everything to do with the fact that I mostly play EU4.
in one of my play thoughts finland bought 22 battleships and 90 odd torpedo boats and light cruisers
That's ah susghetti! Youse ah impastor!
Greece: Ship behind is only behind five decades, its good.
Goat knocked it out of the park with that intro song XD