“i started to obsess over the fact that i have ocd” YES. it’s so hard. i was diagnosed with ocd only a year ago and there’s this weird sense of imposter syndrome since i have little to no physical compulsions even though it’s still just as real without that. i also get so nervous explaining my ocd to others because its so misinterpreted and stigmatized. thank you for sharing some of your experience nicole. i’ve always related to you and now it just makes even more sense. you’re not alone
you might have pure o then. i have it and its basically a rare case where your intrusive thoughts are enough to cause obsession and anxiety so u dont end up doing any physical comulsions
Only 15 minutes into the video and I finally got the courage to reach out to a therapist because of this ❤️ I'm sure this video is helping a lot of people, but just wanted to say personally thank you for it!!
I have OCD (largely based in obsession) and some of your descriptions made me cry. When it first got really bad I remember I would just have to scream and cry in my car because it was the only place nobody would be able to hear me and I felt safe there. I would scream at my own intrusive thoughts like I was fighting with my own brain. This shit is hard.
Hey are you okay? It's been 2 years since you wrote this and I hope your feeling more better now! I myself can relate to all this too, so your not alone 🫂
@@Gatozpartyhey r u ok its been (…*queue “1 week” song sorry lol wtf*) 7mos since u replied to the other persons comment but I was abt to say the same thing as U to them so figured I’d try U 1st since more recent ok hi/bye I just got actually legit fr diagnosed OCD frfr smfh wtf do u do abt it tho like bffr
obsessing over OCD itself is called meta OCD. When I tell people that I struggle with OCD and it’s my biggest mental illness i usually get “oh that’s like straightening and organizing right?” and it’s like…no actually. There’s so many subsets and none of my OCD has to do with cleaning, germs, or organization. I struggle with harm OCD, pure O, and body symmetry. There are other subsets I struggle with i’m not comfortable discussing here. Just know you’re not alone, and you’re valid. I wouldn’t wish living in my head on anyone. There’s a reason OCD is in the top 15 worst mental ilnesses.
Random bits from my poetry about OCD because someone here might relate: "I doubt I'll take any place above, because oh, how haunted I am by the impurity of my own soul." "I wonder who I should have been, had a symphony of guilt, shame and fear not consumed me, reminding me of fictitious memories, Loudly accusing me of heinous acts of cruelty. obsessively. compulsively."
Full version of the second poem: sometimes I wonder. I wonder who I might have been, had invisible laws not taken a hold of me, had I not become a prisoner of my own mind: with every breath controlled, and every step calculated. I wonder who I could have been, had I not yielded to every empty threat: “do this, do that, that way nobody gets hurt.” “do this, do that, that way nobody gets hurt.” it doesn’t make sense, and yet I’m powerless. I wonder who I should have been, had a symphony of guilt, shame and fear not consumed me, reminding me of fictitious memories, Loudly accusing me of heinous acts of cruelty. obsessively. compulsively. oh, how I sometimes wonder.
Full version of the first poem (tw mentions of death): I think I’m dying. all that escapes me lately are my silent screams these are the songs of my insecurities, and of all my sorrows. I think I’ll be a teenage tragedy. With her memory embellished by false appearances, and carefully falsified evidence of virtue: "such a kind heart, such a senseless tragedy, heaven has claimed another angel." I doubt I’d take any place above, because oh, how haunted I am by the impurity of my own soul. But if I accidentally conned my way there, I would be the only angel crying, begging for hell, begging to atone, Just for a fleeting sense of relief.
There’s this one customer who comes into my store who has OCD, partially a cleanliness thing (he comes with a big respirator and face shield and thick gloves which like, god bless in covid, the anti-mask Karens and Richards could learn from him). The main interesting thing tho is he can’t have scanners on his items. Idk why the laser touching it bothers him and I haven’t asked, but it basically just means typing all the barcodes. But I don’t mind because he’s so patient about how much longer it takes. But the point of this comment, he’s always SO grateful that I don’t make a big deal out of it and that I don’t mind. I feel bad knowing that other people have clearly treated him differently
This might be random, but I got really emotional when you looked at the clock and it said "11:11." You've said multiple times that you see the number 11 when you're doing something right in life, so when you're talking about burnout and taking a break and working on yourself and all that fun stuff, you just looked at the clock and it said your time.
this video literally picked up my soul with delicate, goddess-like hands and caressed my deepest worries and pains saying "it's okay" ✨to anyone who reads this: you got it, take it one step at a time ✨
Ahhh OCD isn’t fun. Last year I got diagnosed after I couldn’t shut my mind up. I would think about all the “bad” or “unloyal” things my husband did in high school. And I wouldn’t stop thinking about it. Even overthinking about how he hugged his ex. And me obsessing with the idea that he HAS to have a better apology for it even though it happened years ago. And the thing is, you wouldn’t be able to tell I’m having an episode. It usually would happen while painting and doing my favorite hobbies so it really got in the way and just made me sad and miserable. It started to affect the relationship as well, that’s when I decided to go to the doctor. Good luck girl, it’s gonna get easier and better. It’s good to hear you have a therapist that is helping you. We love you! Stay safe, happy, and healthy
"I would think about all the 'bad' or 'unloyal' things my hunband did in hs" YES LITTERALY. I don't have a husband but I do that too with people I love and it's SO exausting. I can't shut these thoughts off and I feel so bad about it. I never heard anyone talk about OCD in this terms, I relate so hard. And it lalso happens while I'm doing things I enjoy. I could be with my friends, or a family dinner, or alone, watching one of my favorite movies and during the scenes I love the most these thoughs just pop out out of nowhere and stop me from enjoying anything.
I feel soooo valid. This was actually what was a big indicator for my new therapist that I had OCD. I went years with pretty obvious signs with my other therapist never realizing or giving me the help for it! My new therapist has been AMAZING with getting me helped!!
Diagnosis can be cathartic as well as painful. On the one hand, you have an answer to all the questions you've had about certain things that occur, but on the other hand, getting those answers can be painful. Also stigma can cause alot of worry since if you're honest about your diagnosis, you can't guarantee how someone will react to it. It gets better, but it starts off being hard ❤️
Shit, this video hit deep. I don’t have OCD, just anxiety, but I related to so much that you said. Especially at the end, when you were talking about how “the rest of my life is gonna suck and it’s always gonna be like this and I’m gonna live the the rest of my life feeling like shit and nothing can be done.” When you said that, it was like someone had reached into my brain and pulled out that exact thought. I’m not great at articulating what I wanna say, but thank you for this video. It helped me feel less alone and inspires me to better myself and find what makes me happy.
in my experience, getting a diagnosis (especially for an anxiety/intrusive thought based disorder) is such a double edged sword because the diagnosis explains why you feel that way and why you have those thoughts, but it also creates this strange imposter syndrome where you feel as if you tricked people because your symptoms aren't the absolute worst and it can't be "that serious" because you're trying to get better. going on medication REALLY helped me because it allowed my brain chemicals to chill out enough for me to have enough control to access and use coping mechanisms. thanks for talking about mental health in such a realistic and honest way.
I don't have OCD, but this video is immensely relatable to my own mental health struggles, especially this past year. Thank you for sharing. We can all feel less alone together 💛
I have some type of anxiety and i sometimes wonder if i have OCD but theres a bit of overlap and it's definitely not bad enough for me to go to a doctor but it meant i related to a lot of things she said, especially about feeling normal (but with some quirks) until you get a diagnosis and suddenly you're an outsider and your whole life revolves around it
@@user-dq1jl4pb9d i have the same feelings too but im scared of going to a therapist because like what if i have a mental illness that i don't wanna know of you know? ik it's so dumb but my brain is so fucked up sometimes. i think it whould be better if we get help and i hope everything works out for you
i am SO glad you took the month off to process and take care of yourself. seeing you model something i've been considering for months now is making it that much easier to take a sabbatical myself. diagnoses are as clarifying as they are challenging -- hoping you find a lot more great days in your future
I’ve suffered with OCD since I was a child and not gonna lie it makes me so nervous when someone comes out and describes their experience. But I’m glad you are spreading awareness and sharing your story ❤️ it can feel so isolating. Especially when people believe it to be something completely different.
Since the pandemic has started, my anxiety has gotten so much worse. Everyday, I feel like i have a new disease and that im going to die, and that if I don’t say the exact same words everyday before going to sleep something terrible is going to happen. Nicole, I love you so much. Thank you for speaking up.
hey! you are not alone in this. obviously our situations are different but i struggle with a similar thing where i’m so hyper aware of my own body and i always think i have a illness, or something is really wrong even if it’s nothing. we will get through this ❤️
i have diagnosed ocd. i’d say my ocd is pretty “stereotypical” because it’s cleaning related, it’s how everyone imagines. my house is very very clean, if i see a hair on the floor i can’t just ignore it, i genuinely can’t describe the feeling i get when one of my “episodes”starts up i just wanna scream and cry a lot of the time i wish i could just lay in bed and press a button on my forehead and turn my brain off. i’m still struggling, i was going to therapy but it didn’t help me i’ve been trying exposure therapy and i’m successful 20% of the time i’d say. i also get triggers where i think if i don’t do something specific my loved ones will die, i convince myself that very unrealistic situations occur, it’s hard. it gets tiring, but we out here. i hope you know you’re never alone! here for you babes.
as someone who is going into the counseling field and also has obsessive based OCD, thank you for this video. explaining that you are so scared that someone might have died is my BIGGEST thing and its so hard to explain it to the person that this obsession is about. it is so open + honest and that is what we need more of. OCD is so. so. hard. and people tend to belittle it. BUT just know that you have a whole community of individuals around you.
*not diagnosing myself whatsoever!!* but recently everywhere i’m going i can’t stop thinking abt death and it makes me stay at home overthinking all the time. i have really bad anxiety but i can’t open up to anyone abt it. it’s freaking me out so i’m wondering if you may know something abt it
@@lydiabarakamongane8052 honestly im not diagnosed with ocd either but i feel u sm. lately i've been so scared of death i literally started crying so badly because i imagined that my parents died >:( it's really really reaaally bad and you feel like you're the only one suffering and that the voice in your head won't ever shut the hell up. we should seek help because it's gonna be easier to know what were going through. i hope u find the help u need i love u sm
I always had a feeling throughout my childhood that I had OCD, but I constantly doubted myself because I never had those compulsions of "if I don't do this thing I'm gonna die." It showed itself as perfectionism, as obsessing over things being super neat and clean, and if anything went wrong I'd get SO anxious and angry. One time I got a tiny stain on my new clothes on my way to a party, and I got so unbelievably upset - my mom kept telling me that it was no big deal and I just needed to talk to myself, and I think that's when I realized that I don't have that capability. I CAN'T talk to myself and calm down when I'm like that, the emotional regulation just isn't there. Just got diagnosed two weeks ago. If you struggle with OCD too, I see you and I love you ❤
Pure "o" or heavily focused "o" is a bitch bc it feels like an invalid form of ocd bc I don't have hands that are raw from washing or checking things. I'm stuck in my head and it lasts hours of extreme discomfort and it's exhausting on my body because the stress doesn't leave me unless i do something (but anything i do!! Could have!!! Negative!! Consequences!! Lol) but i know i gotta do something at some point. I'm so glad you spoke about this, and I am so glad you are getting help and are healing (i know this is an old video, but still). Thanks for talking about it, I was reeled into your channel a while ago for the entertaining content and stayed for the humanity you share 💛
I super relate to obsessing that just because someone hasn't texted back, didn't tell me where they went or didn't come at the exact time they told I think something bad happened to them. I've been dealing with it since I was 9 so hearing that someone else has similar feelings is so good. You're so strong
Last year I read “Turtles all the way down” and literally 2 pages in the book I started bawling because I realized I probably had OCD. I’ve never been diagnosed but that book focuses around the main character and her OCD. I literally couldn’t believe there was a name to what I had been going through my entire life. I was so relieved to find out I wasn’t the only one going through this. I had truly always thought i was the only person who felt this way
I have a lot of mental illnesses due to trauma, genetics, and intergenerational trauma so I'm not sure if I have OCD, but the bf not texting you back and searching for mass shootings or crashes is so relatable to me. I have also convinced myself that every small health or body thing that happens to me is something that is going to kill me. I relate to this so hard and love you parasocially very much. Thank you for sharing and making this video. Glad you're back!
The little "nobody talks about" rant you went on really made me feel like I wasn't alone hahah there was so many things you said that really halter my life and I've never considered it being OCD related. I've never known there was a 'reason'. I hope the journey you go on now has some positive effects!
that whole bathroom analysis has literally left me in awe because that’s exactly how i’ve felt and it makes so much sense to explain it like that. i’m undiagnosed but i feel you on so many levels throughout this video. when you were talking about your feelings in the car i started to cry a bit because that’s how i’ve felt for the longest time. nicole i wish you only the best and i hope you know it’s perfectly fine to take those breaks when you need them 🤍
Girl, how are we always on the same wavelength? I just started seeing a therapist regularly again and in our second session she evaluated me for OCD and found that I scored in the moderate severity range. Initially, I felt relief, but then for the following week I started getting daily panic attacks, overanalyzing and freaking out over every perceived "trigger" I experienced. Long story short now my therapist won't specifically give me a set diagnosis b/c of how much the possibility affected me. Therefore, this video hit really close to home, and I'm glad someone finally said it. Thank you for the perfectly timed video as always, I hope you continue to heal and feel better! Much love
Thank you for this, the vivid trauma memories and the audible shouting or ticking and the constant checking hit home cause I thought I was alone in that.
It’s honestly heartbreaking how little credit we give ourselves when we are burntout, depressed, anxious, etc. It becomes so hard to see how we contribute, which a lot times it’s even just our presence and essence. I recently got diagnosed with bipolar 2, so different from you, but relatable in the sense of it being a mental health struggle. For me the hardest thing was losing trust in myself before I knew what was going on because I would go from having everything in life clear and all the energy to do it, to being uncertain, like zero self esteem, and no energy to move toward. I’m just a stranger but you’re literally my favorite UA-camr and I’ve been so looking forward for you to come back but more than that I’m so happy you’re prioritizing yourself 💕 we’re never done healing but congrats on focusing on that journey
as someone who just started watching your channel a couple months ago but quickly became a big fan, i’ve been going back and watching these older videos. i think it is so brave and so important that you spoke out on OCD and mental health. i’ve started making little videos of me talking about my mental health and then just deleting them for the catharsis of it all because of videos like these where people are open and honest and raw about their mental wellbeing. thank you for doing this, nicole.
i reached out recently to a therapist because i thought i can't take my thoughts any more and i'm ready to find a way out of my brain. i'm crying just listening to you explaining many of the thoughts i have and felt like they were "weird". thank you for that,i hope things get better for you
It's strange having come into this channel from the "chronically online girl" videos and jumping backwards to this. It's very open and raw in a way I'm not used to from Nicole, but I like it. Having Major Depressive Disorder and a heaping helping of anxiety, I empathize with the struggle to accept your diagnosis. It is kind of weird, though, hearing that no one is okay with mental illness unless it's depression or anxiety, because I had the exact opposite experience with my family. I was afraid to tell them I was depressed because their opinion was that mental illness was stuff like OCD, schizophrenia, etc. and that depression and anxiety were just people "being dramatic" who "don't have anything to **actually** be upset about." It's interesting how different individual experiences of mental illness stigma can be. But that's just life, I guess.
I just wanted to let you know that I have diagnosed OCD as well and this literally made me sob because I had never seen a larger platform describe the type of OCD that I experience on a daily basis, I had the same preconceived notions that you described and always saw my OCD as "less-valid" because it wasnt the same as all these notions. Anyways, I'm sending my love and thank you for everything ❤
Seeing the imposter syndrome in action it makes me feel less alone and I hope knowing other people feel this annoying anxiety and intermittent crying and feeling like you’re always going two steps back, but each day, no matter if you did good or not... is a step forward 💕
i’m in the point you were talking about where jve have had moments of questioning if ocd was something i have and this video gave me. a lot of insight. i kind of started lowkey tearing up because i’ve felt like i was losing my shit for so long and this really made it all feel like such a human experience. idk this doesn’t really make sense, just thank you sm for sharing
Fellow ocd babe checking in. Diagnosed two years ago and still struggling but remembering to look back and appreciate how far I’ve come. It gets better, remember to reflect on the improvements no matter how small xx
@@NicoleRafiee I’ve recently started coming out of a bit of a depressive episode (plateaued on my meds but starting a higher dose next week) but as The clouds are clearing I really do see how far I’ve come. Also I saw a TikTok about holding an ice pack to your chest when you’re anxious and by lord it really helps. The temperature change helps to activate your nervous system. 10/10 would recommend. Love you Nicky nasty gal
thank you so much for talking about OCD, especially predominantly O OCD. It can feel so isolating to know you have something but never hear other people talk about it. we're very glad to have you back :)
aaahh you’re back! also 35 minutes omg we’re getting fed today, I’m glad you took a break that you needed from posting content, health in all aspects always comes first and we’ll always be here no matter what 💕
I got diagnosed back in 2017/18, and things have gotten a lot better for me OCD vice since then. I have been through a lot of therapy and used meds, and recently did intensive therapy for it :) To anyone struggling: It can get better, and I hope it does.
Dude.. THANK YOU! I have struggled with the more obsessive side of OCD. I’ve been back and forth with reaching out to a therapist, and your video popped up on my notifications today. I watched half of it, and paused it to call and finally make an appointment. Just finishing it now, and want to say thank you for being the push I needed and for helping raise awareness. Keep being you dude, you’re truly making a difference.✨🦋
I was diagnosed with OCD in August. I was so convinced that my therapist was wrong. I had obsessed about OCD when I was younger and was concerned that I had it, but then when I was diagnosed, I felt like I wasn’t “bad” enough to actually have it. I genuinely have never heard anyone else that has a diagnosis talk about having symptoms like mine until now. So…thank you. So much. I really really needed to see this.
This is wild - this past year I started suffering with obsessive thought spirals and actually listened to your podcast to calm down and distract myself (lmao). I haven't sought diagnosis but I HAVE obsessed over the possibility that I have OCD, so hearing you share and normalize your experiences definitely makes me feel less alone :)
I watched this video when it first came out and cried, I am now 14 and diagnosed with ocd and anxiety and I am on medication to help. I finally feel free from my intrusive thoughts and happy. Thats all thanks to you without your video I would not have researched ocd and went to therapy for help, I cannot thank you enough you have helped so many people with this video, you deserve all the love in the world.
Thank you, Nicole 🙏💛 You did (make me feel that I'm not alone), just in the right moment too. So thank you. And you know, I knew it already; and I still needed to feel it. I still needed that reminder in a very specific and transparent way. So thank you, for opening up, even if it was two years ago. Turns out you're still helping someone 👍
It is hard I know, I wish people didn't have to feel like this, myself included. But as queen Nicole Rafiee once said "you get what you get and you don't get upset". I am proud of you and I am glad you are back. Thank you for helping people the way you do, thank you for making me feel understood. Love from Portugal ❤
UNRELATED but thanks for this statement "you get what you get so dont get upset" cause billie asked wat the second part of the saying was in her insta story SKSKSK
I was diagnosed with OCD at a very young age. It took years and years to learn how to deal with it. But I promise it gets so much better. Through both treatment and medications it all becomes so much more manageable. ❤️
I cannot even begin to imagine the immense courage it took to film, edit, and upload this video! Thank you for it! As someone diagnosed with obsessive based OCD it was very validating. I remember feeling all the same feelings when I got diagnosed. (I later came to find out I was actually autistic but regardless I remember getting the diagnosis and going through a lot of the similar feelings and similar experiences)
Nicole thank you so much for this video, it genuinely makes me want to cry because of how relatable it is. I remember Emma Chamberlain talking about how people only want to hear about mental health when it's been 'healed', and nobody wants to hear the ugly ongoing side of it. So thank you for being so vulnerable, it makes people like me feel less alone. I'm so happy you and your outro song is back!😁
rewatching this again because I've just started seeing a new therapist and it's been overwhelming af, but your videos always make me wanna get my shit together in like a calm and collected way and I appreciate that a lot!!
I myself don’t suffer from OCD but I do suffer from some type of anxiety, haven’t tried looking into it because of said anxiety either. But you said you wanted to make someone out there feel like they’re not alone. You talking about your own struggles, your bad days and you seeking help… it makes me realise I could also get the help I actually need. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, especially sharing everything online but thank you Nicole. Thank you for reminding me that the anxiety we feel isn’t our fault and that everyone deserves to get the help they need
I dont have OCD but I do have anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia. I also have a VERY similar personality to you (and the same age). I’ve always tried to hide how I feel because I feel it doesnt correlate with the fun ‘funny’ side of my personality (i.e. the side that I try to make sure is the only one people see). The past year has been utter shite for me as my anxiety and depression reached an all-time debilitating high. Im slowly getting there with the help of meds and therapy. It’s SO refreshing to see someone you relate to experience similar shit. Thanks for posting this.
thank you so much for making this because the way ocd is portrayed in media and the way people view it is so incorrect. we have a very similar experience in terms of our obsessions so i can relate to this so much
I have OCD, was diagnosed as a young kid, and I didn't know that a lot of my issues were because of my OCD until watching your video and it's all just making SO MUCH SENSE NOW. Everything you mentioned that you've been struggling with is EXACTLY what I struggle with! Thank you.
You, Nicole, are a very brave person. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal like that online to half a million people. As a fellow mental health warrior, remember that that's what we are - warriors. Every day is a war inside our head, some days there are wins and some days you feel as if you've died. I send you so much love and strength, thank you for being so courageous while others can't ❤
ok well this video has now convinced me to seek a diagnosis…as a kid i used to complain about “nightmares during the day” which I now know are very visual intrusive thoughts. i’ve never had typical compulsions except for skin picking (which I thought was just an anxiety thing). also have very vivid and scary dreams, I’ll be nearly paralyzed for hours of the day with intrusive spirals…I think I need to see a psychologist 😭 thank u nicole 💕
I know this video is old but it touched my soul. I have only recently been diagnosed with OCD (pure OCD, in fact) and I’ve been stuck in a horrible cycle or survival mode after it took over my life over the last year. This made me feel less alone. Thank you.
I have OCD too, and it gets so hard to live in my head sometimes. My obsessions are the biggest part of my diagnosis, and they make me relive my biggest traumas every day. My compulsions are what people see, so that’s all people think about and it sucks. This video makes me feel seen.
I’m not diagnosed with ocd but I’ve been thinking about getting a diagnosis for the past 2 years or so. When you said you felt like giving up the whole day and starting over tomorrow, I felt that to my core! Thank you for making this video because I finally will go get a diagnosis and hopefully start making real changes in my life to deal with it.
Dear anyone who is struggling out there, don't give up. Don't lose hope and remember, you're not alone. It's okay to be sad sometimes but remember don't hang on there for too long. World need someone amazing like you to be beautiful. ❤
nicole, thank you so so much for sharing about this. I’ve struggled with OCD myself and it’s so comforting to hear about someone online also struggling with it, to know that I’m not alone and someone else out there understands the way that I’m feeling.
Thank you so much for this. I think society is opening more to the topic of mental health and discussing mental health, but there still isn't a discussion about how debilitating mental health can be. I feel similar to you in the way that if there's one thing I'm worried about then I will worry about it until it's resolved. I really appreciate your vulnerability and openness.
I’ve never finished a full video because I always start new ones just in case I forget about them (videos other than the one im watching). However this makes a first I love this video. I hope you stay on a good path with your OCD and anything else you are struggling with.
Thank you for talking about this! I have OCD too, and mine was also difficult to diagnose because it doesn't fit the stereotype of what OCD is "supposed to be like" or whatever. Medication was a lifesaver to me. I told my psychiatrist that it was like magic, because it kinda really was. Once you find a medication that works for you, it does great things. Wishing the best for you
Thank you so much for this Nicole I live in a household where I literally cannot get a diagnosis I cannot have a therapist and I cannot talk to a doctor and I don't know what's wrong with me but seeing you talk about your diagnosis and your frustration really helped me for some reason so thank you.
@@fremont111 I'm still living under my parent's roof and my dad doesn't believe in therapists or mental illnesses. I hope that's self explanitory enough.
@@alli4534 i don't know how old you are but if you are still in school there are usually mental health counsellors that you can talk to there...confidentially, parents don't have to know.
I’m so glad you’re talking about this. When I tell people I have ocd, they say things like “I don’t see you being extremely clean” and they just don’t get that it is nit that way all the time. My mom also got diagnosed with cancer during the pandemic and I was under psychiatric treatment because I would not leave my room at all, not even my bed, and going to therapy helped me understand why I do the things that i do. And sometimes I feel sad that this is happening to me But I also try to embrace what is good about me and don’t let my diagnosis affect me as much… I’ve been crying for four days… a friend passed away and I’m barely coming to terms with it.
Thank you for this! I have genetic OCD, which means I was diagnosed officially at 2 and again at 11 via brain scan. I’m 22 now and it’s a daily struggle. Best wishes!
I haven't watched this video yet and I don't think I will for a while because I think it will be triggering, but thank you so so much Nicole for spreading awareness about what OCD is actually like. I can't even begin to list the ridiculous things people have said to me due to misconceptions and stereotypes. I think a good example though is when one of my classmates saw that my locker was pretty messy and accused me of lying about having OCD because if I "really had OCD" then my locker would be "super neat and tidy".
I've been diagnosed since I was 14, and it's been louder and quieter at different points through my life. I also have mostly obsessive based OCD as well, and the majority of my symptoms don't look like the stereotypes, so I love that you're sharing this video and giving a look into an experience a lot of us have that often go ignored. But yes, the stove and the door and the scary scary assuming everyone is dead if they don't reply quickly. It's so cathartic to hear someone talk about it in that way. I'm so glad you've been able to share this and help break the stereotypes.
thank you so much for making this video nicole. OCD is one of the least talked about mental illnesses. as someone else who suffers from OCD, and mostly obsessional OCD too it is amazing to hear someone else's experience. seriously cannot thank you enough for making this video.
Getting a diagnosis can be one of the hardest things to do because it makes everything so much more real but going through with it and getting help will be so much better for you in the long run! Your followers will be here for you and support you in taking the breaks you need in order to be Nicole. We are PROUD of you! (Also I really like your Apple Watch band)
Thank you, i know this video is old but i never saw myself in someone so clearly and I'm at work trying not to cry because this is me and I've just been suffering for years and not knowing at all how i even felt or why
I've been to 3 different therapists, and they were able to diagnose me but "had a hard time" because I have the obsessive tendencies way stronger than the compulsive tendencies. it's a hard road that often is ignored and misunderstood. I hear you. I understand you. and we're all here for you.
Hearing your experiences was so interesting for me… I have ADHD and PTSD from complex childhood trauma & many of my symptoms match yours to a T. Particularly the nightmares, indecision, obsessions, and feeling like something bad is going to happen. I was actually misdiagnosed with OCD and unfortunately, conventional therapy and treatments didn’t work for me. When I got properly diagnosed it was a HUGE relief because treatment is actually helping me now. The point of this comment is to say mental health isn’t necessarily a one-size-fits-all & if you or someone else has these symptoms but finds OCD treatment isn’t helpful, it’s 100% valid to get a second opinion!
Thank you for posting this, I have struggled with severe OCD since I was very little and its comforting to know someone I look up to a lot will speak on this.
nicole, the editing, the vibes, the ocd awareness. thank you for this. i have ocd and honestly the intrusive thoughts are really difficult to deal with. thank you so much for spreading awareness :) 💗
i´ve been dealing with ocd my entire life, first being noticed 16 years ago, when I was 10. It´s a f*cking rollercoaster. The best advice I can give you is please stay in therapy and say every little this-gonna-make-me-sound-crazy thing that comes up on this beautiful brain of yours. With time you´ll be able to know a lot more about yourself and this condition, and you´re gonna be able to control more and more those intrusive thoughts, i promise you!
This hit home really hard 😞 the only time I’ve seen OCD portrayed well is in Girls and a great show called Pure. you’re so right that it isn’t palatable, so thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability, videos like this can really help mitigate the societal stigma ❤️
i cant thank you enough for making this video, it means so much to have people have the courage to talk about it. i have ocd and i relate so much to what you were saying. when you were talking about after your diagnosis how you were crying because you remembered instances where you were struggling but you didn’t know why, i relate so hard to that and it’s nice knowing i’m not the only one. it’s such a hard thing to talk about but it’s truly inspiring to hear you tell your story and it makes me want to share mine as well ! i’m literally crying rn lol but seriously thank you so much
(2 years late to the party but) thank you so much for this video. It's been kindly suggested by a few of loved ones that I have OCD and I didn't quite get it. Your OCD is sooooo similar to what I'm experiencing and it's clicking now for the first time 💜
just wanna say that this has been one of the most therapeutic videos to watch.. to feel less alone and you're literally just being so raw and real and I fkn appreciate that
i watched this on the day it came out and i am coming back to it because i was just diagnosed with ocd today. i started watching your videos last year and they mean so much to me. thank you
Nicole I’ve been watching you for a while and I feel like I can really relate to you. You made a video before about living in guilt and I really felt like it was sent to me. When I’m in this state of overwhelming guilt I search up on UA-cam things like “ocd and guilt” & “feeling guilty” to find something that I can relate to to not feel so alone. And now there is also this video, thank you so much for it. It is so honest and real and I am just so thankful for it and for you. (We also kind of look alike I feel)
“i started to obsess over the fact that i have ocd” YES. it’s so hard. i was diagnosed with ocd only a year ago and there’s this weird sense of imposter syndrome since i have little to no physical compulsions even though it’s still just as real without that. i also get so nervous explaining my ocd to others because its so misinterpreted and stigmatized. thank you for sharing some of your experience nicole. i’ve always related to you and now it just makes even more sense. you’re not alone
this is literally me too.
I have the same experience. I find that most people misunderstand OCD so it's comforting to know that people out there do understand :)
This is so true. Lots of people do not understand either and the reactions may vary
SAME SAME SAME SAME
you might have pure o then. i have it and its basically a rare case where your intrusive thoughts are enough to cause obsession and anxiety so u dont end up doing any physical comulsions
Only 15 minutes into the video and I finally got the courage to reach out to a therapist because of this ❤️ I'm sure this video is helping a lot of people, but just wanted to say personally thank you for it!!
Sometimes reaching out to a therapist is a way to rewire the brain and get a different perspective on something we can get so stuck in.
I have OCD (largely based in obsession) and some of your descriptions made me cry. When it first got really bad I remember I would just have to scream and cry in my car because it was the only place nobody would be able to hear me and I felt safe there. I would scream at my own intrusive thoughts like I was fighting with my own brain. This shit is hard.
Hey are you okay? It's been 2 years since you wrote this and I hope your feeling more better now! I myself can relate to all this too, so your not alone 🫂
@@Gatozpartyhey r u ok its been (…*queue “1 week” song sorry lol wtf*) 7mos since u replied to the other persons comment but I was abt to say the same thing as U to them so figured I’d try U 1st since more recent ok hi/bye I just got actually legit fr diagnosed OCD frfr smfh wtf do u do abt it tho like bffr
obsessing over OCD itself is called meta OCD. When I tell people that I struggle with OCD and it’s my biggest mental illness i usually get “oh that’s like straightening and organizing right?” and it’s like…no actually. There’s so many subsets and none of my OCD has to do with cleaning, germs, or organization. I struggle with harm OCD, pure O, and body symmetry. There are other subsets I struggle with i’m not comfortable discussing here. Just know you’re not alone, and you’re valid. I wouldn’t wish living in my head on anyone. There’s a reason OCD is in the top 15 worst mental ilnesses.
Random bits from my poetry about OCD because someone here might relate:
"I doubt I'll take any place above,
because oh, how haunted I am
by the impurity of my own soul."
"I wonder who I should have been,
had a symphony of guilt, shame and fear not consumed me,
reminding me of fictitious memories,
Loudly accusing me of heinous acts of cruelty.
obsessively. compulsively."
Full version of the second poem:
sometimes I wonder.
I wonder who I might have been,
had invisible laws not taken a hold of me,
had I not become a prisoner of my own mind:
with every breath controlled,
and every step calculated.
I wonder who I could have been,
had I not yielded to every empty threat:
“do this, do that, that way nobody gets hurt.”
“do this, do that, that way nobody gets hurt.”
it doesn’t make sense, and yet I’m powerless.
I wonder who I should have been,
had a symphony of guilt, shame and fear not consumed me,
reminding me of fictitious memories,
Loudly accusing me of heinous acts of cruelty.
obsessively. compulsively.
oh, how I sometimes wonder.
Full version of the first poem (tw mentions of death):
I think I’m dying.
all that escapes me lately are my silent screams
these are the songs of my insecurities,
and of all my sorrows.
I think I’ll be a teenage tragedy.
With her memory embellished by false appearances,
and carefully falsified evidence of virtue:
"such a kind heart, such a senseless tragedy,
heaven has claimed another angel."
I doubt I’d take any place above,
because oh, how haunted I am
by the impurity of my own soul.
But if I accidentally conned my way there,
I would be the only angel crying,
begging for hell,
begging to atone,
Just for a fleeting sense of relief.
my god, this is incredible- thank you so much for sharing this. it’s so hard to put these feelings into words & this is exactly it
THIS!!! Thank you for sharing so generously.
@@sidneymandros7137
There’s this one customer who comes into my store who has OCD, partially a cleanliness thing (he comes with a big respirator and face shield and thick gloves which like, god bless in covid, the anti-mask Karens and Richards could learn from him).
The main interesting thing tho is he can’t have scanners on his items. Idk why the laser touching it bothers him and I haven’t asked, but it basically just means typing all the barcodes. But I don’t mind because he’s so patient about how much longer it takes.
But the point of this comment, he’s always SO grateful that I don’t make a big deal out of it and that I don’t mind. I feel bad knowing that other people have clearly treated him differently
Also: your hair looks so good, big Joan Jett vibes
This might be random, but I got really emotional when you looked at the clock and it said "11:11." You've said multiple times that you see the number 11 when you're doing something right in life, so when you're talking about burnout and taking a break and working on yourself and all that fun stuff, you just looked at the clock and it said your time.
this video literally picked up my soul with delicate, goddess-like hands and caressed my deepest worries and pains saying "it's okay" ✨to anyone who reads this: you got it, take it one step at a time ✨
same♥️
Ahhh OCD isn’t fun. Last year I got diagnosed after I couldn’t shut my mind up. I would think about all the “bad” or “unloyal” things my husband did in high school. And I wouldn’t stop thinking about it. Even overthinking about how he hugged his ex. And me obsessing with the idea that he HAS to have a better apology for it even though it happened years ago. And the thing is, you wouldn’t be able to tell I’m having an episode. It usually would happen while painting and doing my favorite hobbies so it really got in the way and just made me sad and miserable. It started to affect the relationship as well, that’s when I decided to go to the doctor.
Good luck girl, it’s gonna get easier and better. It’s good to hear you have a therapist that is helping you. We love you! Stay safe, happy, and healthy
"I would think about all the 'bad' or 'unloyal' things my hunband did in hs" YES LITTERALY. I don't have a husband but I do that too with people I love and it's SO exausting. I can't shut these thoughts off and I feel so bad about it. I never heard anyone talk about OCD in this terms, I relate so hard.
And it lalso happens while I'm doing things I enjoy. I could be with my friends, or a family dinner, or alone, watching one of my favorite movies and during the scenes I love the most these thoughs just pop out out of nowhere and stop me from enjoying anything.
WAIT I DIDNT KNOW THIS WAS A PART OF OCD THATS SO INTERESTING BUT ALSO OFC UNFORTUNATE
I feel soooo valid. This was actually what was a big indicator for my new therapist that I had OCD. I went years with pretty obvious signs with my other therapist never realizing or giving me the help for it! My new therapist has been AMAZING with getting me helped!!
Diagnosis can be cathartic as well as painful. On the one hand, you have an answer to all the questions you've had about certain things that occur, but on the other hand, getting those answers can be painful. Also stigma can cause alot of worry since if you're honest about your diagnosis, you can't guarantee how someone will react to it. It gets better, but it starts off being hard ❤️
Shit, this video hit deep. I don’t have OCD, just anxiety, but I related to so much that you said. Especially at the end, when you were talking about how “the rest of my life is gonna suck and it’s always gonna be like this and I’m gonna live the the rest of my life feeling like shit and nothing can be done.” When you said that, it was like someone had reached into my brain and pulled out that exact thought. I’m not great at articulating what I wanna say, but thank you for this video. It helped me feel less alone and inspires me to better myself and find what makes me happy.
in my experience, getting a diagnosis (especially for an anxiety/intrusive thought based disorder) is such a double edged sword because the diagnosis explains why you feel that way and why you have those thoughts, but it also creates this strange imposter syndrome where you feel as if you tricked people because your symptoms aren't the absolute worst and it can't be "that serious" because you're trying to get better. going on medication REALLY helped me because it allowed my brain chemicals to chill out enough for me to have enough control to access and use coping mechanisms. thanks for talking about mental health in such a realistic and honest way.
I don't have OCD, but this video is immensely relatable to my own mental health struggles, especially this past year. Thank you for sharing. We can all feel less alone together 💛
I have some type of anxiety and i sometimes wonder if i have OCD but theres a bit of overlap and it's definitely not bad enough for me to go to a doctor but it meant i related to a lot of things she said, especially about feeling normal (but with some quirks) until you get a diagnosis and suddenly you're an outsider and your whole life revolves around it
@@user-dq1jl4pb9d i have the same feelings too but im scared of going to a therapist because like what if i have a mental illness that i don't wanna know of you know? ik it's so dumb but my brain is so fucked up sometimes. i think it whould be better if we get help and i hope everything works out for you
i am SO glad you took the month off to process and take care of yourself. seeing you model something i've been considering for months now is making it that much easier to take a sabbatical myself. diagnoses are as clarifying as they are challenging -- hoping you find a lot more great days in your future
Love you Nicole!! 💛 and omg I’ve been wanting to read Burnout too!
love you too!! highly recommend, i think you’ll love it
I’ve suffered with OCD since I was a child and not gonna lie it makes me so nervous when someone comes out and describes their experience. But I’m glad you are spreading awareness and sharing your story ❤️ it can feel so isolating. Especially when people believe it to be something completely different.
Seriously, the reason it took me so long to get diagnosed was bc my OCD looks so far from the stereotypical idea of what people believe OCD to be
Since the pandemic has started, my anxiety has gotten so much worse. Everyday, I feel like i have a new disease and that im going to die, and that if I don’t say the exact same words everyday before going to sleep something terrible is going to happen. Nicole, I love you so much. Thank you for speaking up.
hey! you are not alone in this. obviously our situations are different but i struggle with a similar thing where i’m so hyper aware of my own body and i always think i have a illness, or something is really wrong even if it’s nothing. we will get through this ❤️
i have diagnosed ocd. i’d say my ocd is pretty “stereotypical” because it’s cleaning related, it’s how everyone imagines. my house is very very clean, if i see a hair on the floor i can’t just ignore it, i genuinely can’t describe the feeling i get when one of my “episodes”starts up i just wanna scream and cry a lot of the time i wish i could just lay in bed and press a button on my forehead and turn my brain off. i’m still struggling, i was going to therapy but it didn’t help me i’ve been trying exposure therapy and i’m successful 20% of the time i’d say. i also get triggers where i think if i don’t do something specific my loved ones will die, i convince myself that very unrealistic situations occur, it’s hard. it gets tiring, but we out here. i hope you know you’re never alone! here for you babes.
as someone who is going into the counseling field and also has obsessive based OCD, thank you for this video. explaining that you are so scared that someone might have died is my BIGGEST thing and its so hard to explain it to the person that this obsession is about. it is so open + honest and that is what we need more of. OCD is so. so. hard. and people tend to belittle it. BUT just know that you have a whole community of individuals around you.
*not diagnosing myself whatsoever!!* but recently everywhere i’m going i can’t stop thinking abt death and it makes me stay at home overthinking all the time. i have really bad anxiety but i can’t open up to anyone abt it. it’s freaking me out so i’m wondering if you may know something abt it
@@lydiabarakamongane8052 honestly im not diagnosed with ocd either but i feel u sm. lately i've been so scared of death i literally started crying so badly because i imagined that my parents died >:( it's really really reaaally bad and you feel like you're the only one suffering and that the voice in your head won't ever shut the hell up. we should seek help because it's gonna be easier to know what were going through. i hope u find the help u need i love u sm
@@sillycatsayshi ily! and the thing abt parents, i can’t stop thinking abt it. it’s so terrifying bc it feels so real and trips the shit out of me:(
I always had a feeling throughout my childhood that I had OCD, but I constantly doubted myself because I never had those compulsions of "if I don't do this thing I'm gonna die." It showed itself as perfectionism, as obsessing over things being super neat and clean, and if anything went wrong I'd get SO anxious and angry. One time I got a tiny stain on my new clothes on my way to a party, and I got so unbelievably upset - my mom kept telling me that it was no big deal and I just needed to talk to myself, and I think that's when I realized that I don't have that capability. I CAN'T talk to myself and calm down when I'm like that, the emotional regulation just isn't there. Just got diagnosed two weeks ago. If you struggle with OCD too, I see you and I love you ❤
This is so relatable oh my, it's awful.
Pure "o" or heavily focused "o" is a bitch bc it feels like an invalid form of ocd bc I don't have hands that are raw from washing or checking things. I'm stuck in my head and it lasts hours of extreme discomfort and it's exhausting on my body because the stress doesn't leave me unless i do something (but anything i do!! Could have!!! Negative!! Consequences!! Lol) but i know i gotta do something at some point. I'm so glad you spoke about this, and I am so glad you are getting help and are healing (i know this is an old video, but still).
Thanks for talking about it, I was reeled into your channel a while ago for the entertaining content and stayed for the humanity you share 💛
taking the little nib cap off of pens is one of the simpler pleasures of life and we honestly don’t talk about it enough
I super relate to obsessing that just because someone hasn't texted back, didn't tell me where they went or didn't come at the exact time they told I think something bad happened to them. I've been dealing with it since I was 9 so hearing that someone else has similar feelings is so good. You're so strong
Last year I read “Turtles all the way down” and literally 2 pages in the book I started bawling because I realized I probably had OCD. I’ve never been diagnosed but that book focuses around the main character and her OCD. I literally couldn’t believe there was a name to what I had been going through my entire life. I was so relieved to find out I wasn’t the only one going through this. I had truly always thought i was the only person who felt this way
WOAH i didnt know it was about ocd i ve been meaning to read for like 3 years lol
I have a lot of mental illnesses due to trauma, genetics, and intergenerational trauma so I'm not sure if I have OCD, but the bf not texting you back and searching for mass shootings or crashes is so relatable to me. I have also convinced myself that every small health or body thing that happens to me is something that is going to kill me. I relate to this so hard and love you parasocially very much. Thank you for sharing and making this video. Glad you're back!
The little "nobody talks about" rant you went on really made me feel like I wasn't alone hahah there was so many things you said that really halter my life and I've never considered it being OCD related. I've never known there was a 'reason'. I hope the journey you go on now has some positive effects!
that whole bathroom analysis has literally left me in awe because that’s exactly how i’ve felt and it makes so much sense to explain it like that.
i’m undiagnosed but i feel you on so many levels throughout this video. when you were talking about your feelings in the car i started to cry a bit because that’s how i’ve felt for the longest time.
nicole i wish you only the best and i hope you know it’s perfectly fine to take those breaks when you need them 🤍
Girl, how are we always on the same wavelength? I just started seeing a therapist regularly again and in our second session she evaluated me for OCD and found that I scored in the moderate severity range. Initially, I felt relief, but then for the following week I started getting daily panic attacks, overanalyzing and freaking out over every perceived "trigger" I experienced. Long story short now my therapist won't specifically give me a set diagnosis b/c of how much the possibility affected me. Therefore, this video hit really close to home, and I'm glad someone finally said it. Thank you for the perfectly timed video as always, I hope you continue to heal and feel better! Much love
Thank you for this, the vivid trauma memories and the audible shouting or ticking and the constant checking hit home cause I thought I was alone in that.
It’s honestly heartbreaking how little credit we give ourselves when we are burntout, depressed, anxious, etc. It becomes so hard to see how we contribute, which a lot times it’s even just our presence and essence. I recently got diagnosed with bipolar 2, so different from you, but relatable in the sense of it being a mental health struggle. For me the hardest thing was losing trust in myself before I knew what was going on because I would go from having everything in life clear and all the energy to do it, to being uncertain, like zero self esteem, and no energy to move toward. I’m just a stranger but you’re literally my favorite UA-camr and I’ve been so looking forward for you to come back but more than that I’m so happy you’re prioritizing yourself 💕 we’re never done healing but congrats on focusing on that journey
as someone who just started watching your channel a couple months ago but quickly became a big fan, i’ve been going back and watching these older videos. i think it is so brave and so important that you spoke out on OCD and mental health. i’ve started making little videos of me talking about my mental health and then just deleting them for the catharsis of it all because of videos like these where people are open and honest and raw about their mental wellbeing. thank you for doing this, nicole.
i reached out recently to a therapist because i thought i can't take my thoughts any more and i'm ready to find a way out of my brain. i'm crying just listening to you explaining many of the thoughts i have and felt like they were "weird". thank you for that,i hope things get better for you
It's strange having come into this channel from the "chronically online girl" videos and jumping backwards to this. It's very open and raw in a way I'm not used to from Nicole, but I like it.
Having Major Depressive Disorder and a heaping helping of anxiety, I empathize with the struggle to accept your diagnosis. It is kind of weird, though, hearing that no one is okay with mental illness unless it's depression or anxiety, because I had the exact opposite experience with my family. I was afraid to tell them I was depressed because their opinion was that mental illness was stuff like OCD, schizophrenia, etc. and that depression and anxiety were just people "being dramatic" who "don't have anything to **actually** be upset about." It's interesting how different individual experiences of mental illness stigma can be. But that's just life, I guess.
I just wanted to let you know that I have diagnosed OCD as well and this literally made me sob because I had never seen a larger platform describe the type of OCD that I experience on a daily basis, I had the same preconceived notions that you described and always saw my OCD as "less-valid" because it wasnt the same as all these notions. Anyways, I'm sending my love and thank you for everything ❤
Seeing the imposter syndrome in action it makes me feel less alone and I hope knowing other people feel this annoying anxiety and intermittent crying and feeling like you’re always going two steps back, but each day, no matter if you did good or not... is a step forward 💕
i’m in the point you were talking about where jve have had moments of questioning if ocd was something i have and this video gave me. a lot of insight. i kind of started lowkey tearing up because i’ve felt like i was losing my shit for so long and this really made it all feel like such a human experience. idk this doesn’t really make sense, just thank you sm for sharing
Fellow ocd babe checking in. Diagnosed two years ago and still struggling but remembering to look back and appreciate how far I’ve come. It gets better, remember to reflect on the improvements no matter how small xx
thank you, this means a lot to me ❤️
@@NicoleRafiee I’ve recently started coming out of a bit of a depressive episode (plateaued on my meds but starting a higher dose next week) but as The clouds are clearing I really do see how far I’ve come. Also I saw a TikTok about holding an ice pack to your chest when you’re anxious and by lord it really helps. The temperature change helps to activate your nervous system. 10/10 would recommend. Love you Nicky nasty gal
thank you so much for talking about OCD, especially predominantly O OCD. It can feel so isolating to know you have something but never hear other people talk about it. we're very glad to have you back :)
aaahh you’re back! also 35 minutes omg we’re getting fed today, I’m glad you took a break that you needed from posting content, health in all aspects always comes first and we’ll always be here no matter what 💕
As someone with pure O, I have always seen a lot of myself in you. Glad to see you opening up ❤️
I have lowkey been wanting to reach out to you to recommend getting it checked out, but I didn't want to overstep my boundaries.
I got diagnosed back in 2017/18, and things have gotten a lot better for me OCD vice since then. I have been through a lot of therapy and used meds, and recently did intensive therapy for it :) To anyone struggling: It can get better, and I hope it does.
Dude.. THANK YOU! I have struggled with the more obsessive side of OCD. I’ve been back and forth with reaching out to a therapist, and your video popped up on my notifications today. I watched half of it, and paused it to call and finally make an appointment. Just finishing it now, and want to say thank you for being the push I needed and for helping raise awareness. Keep being you dude, you’re truly making a difference.✨🦋
best of luck ❤️❤️❤️
@@NicoleRafiee Thanks Love☺️🦋
I was diagnosed with OCD in August. I was so convinced that my therapist was wrong. I had obsessed about OCD when I was younger and was concerned that I had it, but then when I was diagnosed, I felt like I wasn’t “bad” enough to actually have it. I genuinely have never heard anyone else that has a diagnosis talk about having symptoms like mine until now. So…thank you. So much. I really really needed to see this.
This is wild - this past year I started suffering with obsessive thought spirals and actually listened to your podcast to calm down and distract myself (lmao). I haven't sought diagnosis but I HAVE obsessed over the possibility that I have OCD, so hearing you share and normalize your experiences definitely makes me feel less alone :)
after watching this video i obsessed over the fact i have loads of ocd traits and now i’m even more worried lol
I watched this video when it first came out and cried, I am now 14 and diagnosed with ocd and anxiety and I am on medication to help. I finally feel free from my intrusive thoughts and happy. Thats all thanks to you without your video I would not have researched ocd and went to therapy for help, I cannot thank you enough you have helped so many people with this video, you deserve all the love in the world.
Oh my God the vivid traumatic memories!!! I thought I was just whiny, I never connected it with my OCD. Thank you for talking about this! ❤
Glad youre back queen, dont forget to take care of yourself!!!
Thank you, Nicole 🙏💛
You did (make me feel that I'm not alone), just in the right moment too. So thank you.
And you know, I knew it already; and I still needed to feel it. I still needed that reminder in a very specific and transparent way. So thank you, for opening up, even if it was two years ago. Turns out you're still helping someone 👍
It is hard I know, I wish people didn't have to feel like this, myself included. But as queen Nicole Rafiee once said "you get what you get and you don't get upset". I am proud of you and I am glad you are back.
Thank you for helping people the way you do, thank you for making me feel understood.
Love from Portugal ❤
UNRELATED but thanks for this statement "you get what you get so dont get upset" cause billie asked wat the second part of the saying was in her insta story SKSKSK
@@stardolphin783 JUST SAW IT
I was diagnosed with OCD at a very young age. It took years and years to learn how to deal with it. But I promise it gets so much better. Through both treatment and medications it all becomes so much more manageable. ❤️
I cannot even begin to imagine the immense courage it took to film, edit, and upload this video! Thank you for it! As someone diagnosed with obsessive based OCD it was very validating. I remember feeling all the same feelings when I got diagnosed. (I later came to find out I was actually autistic but regardless I remember getting the diagnosis and going through a lot of the similar feelings and similar experiences)
Nicole thank you so much for this video, it genuinely makes me want to cry because of how relatable it is. I remember Emma Chamberlain talking about how people only want to hear about mental health when it's been 'healed', and nobody wants to hear the ugly ongoing side of it. So thank you for being so vulnerable, it makes people like me feel less alone. I'm so happy you and your outro song is back!😁
rewatching this again because I've just started seeing a new therapist and it's been overwhelming af, but your videos always make me wanna get my shit together in like a calm and collected way and I appreciate that a lot!!
I myself don’t suffer from OCD but I do suffer from some type of anxiety, haven’t tried looking into it because of said anxiety either. But you said you wanted to make someone out there feel like they’re not alone. You talking about your own struggles, your bad days and you seeking help… it makes me realise I could also get the help I actually need. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, especially sharing everything online but thank you Nicole. Thank you for reminding me that the anxiety we feel isn’t our fault and that everyone deserves to get the help they need
I dont have OCD but I do have anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia. I also have a VERY similar personality to you (and the same age). I’ve always tried to hide how I feel because I feel it doesnt correlate with the fun ‘funny’ side of my personality (i.e. the side that I try to make sure is the only one people see). The past year has been utter shite for me as my anxiety and depression reached an all-time debilitating high. Im slowly getting there with the help of meds and therapy. It’s SO refreshing to see someone you relate to experience similar shit. Thanks for posting this.
thank you so much for making this because the way ocd is portrayed in media and the way people view it is so incorrect. we have a very similar experience in terms of our obsessions so i can relate to this so much
I have OCD, was diagnosed as a young kid, and I didn't know that a lot of my issues were because of my OCD until watching your video and it's all just making SO MUCH SENSE NOW. Everything you mentioned that you've been struggling with is EXACTLY what I struggle with! Thank you.
You, Nicole, are a very brave person. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal like that online to half a million people. As a fellow mental health warrior, remember that that's what we are - warriors. Every day is a war inside our head, some days there are wins and some days you feel as if you've died. I send you so much love and strength, thank you for being so courageous while others can't ❤
ok well this video has now convinced me to seek a diagnosis…as a kid i used to complain about “nightmares during the day” which I now know are very visual intrusive thoughts. i’ve never had typical compulsions except for skin picking (which I thought was just an anxiety thing). also have very vivid and scary dreams, I’ll be nearly paralyzed for hours of the day with intrusive spirals…I think I need to see a psychologist 😭 thank u nicole 💕
I know this video is old but it touched my soul. I have only recently been diagnosed with OCD (pure OCD, in fact) and I’ve been stuck in a horrible cycle or survival mode after it took over my life over the last year. This made me feel less alone. Thank you.
I have OCD too, and it gets so hard to live in my head sometimes. My obsessions are the biggest part of my diagnosis, and they make me relive my biggest traumas every day. My compulsions are what people see, so that’s all people think about and it sucks. This video makes me feel seen.
I’m not diagnosed with ocd but I’ve been thinking about getting a diagnosis for the past 2 years or so. When you said you felt like giving up the whole day and starting over tomorrow, I felt that to my core! Thank you for making this video because I finally will go get a diagnosis and hopefully start making real changes in my life to deal with it.
This genuinely helped me so much, I've been weeping this entire time. Thank you for this.
Dear anyone who is struggling out there, don't give up. Don't lose hope and remember, you're not alone. It's okay to be sad sometimes but remember don't hang on there for too long. World need someone amazing like you to be beautiful. ❤
your so real for liking the garden
nicole, thank you so so much for sharing about this. I’ve struggled with OCD myself and it’s so comforting to hear about someone online also struggling with it, to know that I’m not alone and someone else out there understands the way that I’m feeling.
Thank you for this video, in 2023 it’s still helpful for those who feel similarly to you. Sending love to you 🤍
Thank you so much for this. I think society is opening more to the topic of mental health and discussing mental health, but there still isn't a discussion about how debilitating mental health can be. I feel similar to you in the way that if there's one thing I'm worried about then I will worry about it until it's resolved. I really appreciate your vulnerability and openness.
I genuinely just journaled so intensely while sobbing and I can’t tell you how much less alone this makes me feel ❤️
I’ve never finished a full video because I always start new ones just in case I forget about them (videos other than the one im watching). However this makes a first I love this video. I hope you stay on a good path with your OCD and anything else you are struggling with.
Thank you for talking about this! I have OCD too, and mine was also difficult to diagnose because it doesn't fit the stereotype of what OCD is "supposed to be like" or whatever. Medication was a lifesaver to me. I told my psychiatrist that it was like magic, because it kinda really was. Once you find a medication that works for you, it does great things. Wishing the best for you
The Garden YES. i love them so much and i find them to be super inspirational
Thank you so much for this Nicole I live in a household where I literally cannot get a diagnosis I cannot have a therapist and I cannot talk to a doctor and I don't know what's wrong with me but seeing you talk about your diagnosis and your frustration really helped me for some reason so thank you.
why can't you talk to a doctor or have a therapist?
@@fremont111 I'm still living under my parent's roof and my dad doesn't believe in therapists or mental illnesses. I hope that's self explanitory enough.
@@alli4534 i don't know how old you are but if you are still in school there are usually mental health counsellors that you can talk to there...confidentially, parents don't have to know.
@@fremont111 I'm in college, not sure if there is one here but I'll look, thanks for the advice :)
@@alli4534 i'm sure there is...i work at a university as a counsellor and pretty much all of them have counsellors for free for students. good luck!
I’m so glad you’re talking about this. When I tell people I have ocd, they say things like “I don’t see you being extremely clean” and they just don’t get that it is nit that way all the time. My mom also got diagnosed with cancer during the pandemic and I was under psychiatric treatment because I would not leave my room at all, not even my bed, and going to therapy helped me understand why I do the things that i do. And sometimes I feel sad that this is happening to me But I also try to embrace what is good about me and don’t let my diagnosis affect me as much… I’ve been crying for four days… a friend passed away and I’m barely coming to terms with it.
Thank you for this! I have genetic OCD, which means I was diagnosed officially at 2 and again at 11 via brain scan. I’m 22 now and it’s a daily struggle. Best wishes!
I haven't watched this video yet and I don't think I will for a while because I think it will be triggering, but thank you so so much Nicole for spreading awareness about what OCD is actually like. I can't even begin to list the ridiculous things people have said to me due to misconceptions and stereotypes. I think a good example though is when one of my classmates saw that my locker was pretty messy and accused me of lying about having OCD because if I "really had OCD" then my locker would be "super neat and tidy".
please nicole never delete this video
i’m so glad you posted this to really showcase how serious this can be. i’m so proud of you 🤍
I've been diagnosed since I was 14, and it's been louder and quieter at different points through my life. I also have mostly obsessive based OCD as well, and the majority of my symptoms don't look like the stereotypes, so I love that you're sharing this video and giving a look into an experience a lot of us have that often go ignored. But yes, the stove and the door and the scary scary assuming everyone is dead if they don't reply quickly. It's so cathartic to hear someone talk about it in that way. I'm so glad you've been able to share this and help break the stereotypes.
thank you so much for making this video nicole. OCD is one of the least talked about mental illnesses. as someone else who suffers from OCD, and mostly obsessional OCD too it is amazing to hear someone else's experience. seriously cannot thank you enough for making this video.
Getting a diagnosis can be one of the hardest things to do because it makes everything so much more real but going through with it and getting help will be so much better for you in the long run! Your followers will be here for you and support you in taking the breaks you need in order to be Nicole. We are PROUD of you! (Also I really like your Apple Watch band)
i appreciated this raw honesty more than you could ever know. sending you so much love
Is it okay if I say I missed you too much!!! I've been re-listening to the entire 'talk nasty to me' podcast and re-watching my favorite videos ❤️✨
I relate to this with ADHD! Sending love to you. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. It's powerful and appreciated.
Thank you, i know this video is old but i never saw myself in someone so clearly and I'm at work trying not to cry because this is me and I've just been suffering for years and not knowing at all how i even felt or why
I've been to 3 different therapists, and they were able to diagnose me but "had a hard time" because I have the obsessive tendencies way stronger than the compulsive tendencies. it's a hard road that often is ignored and misunderstood. I hear you. I understand you. and we're all here for you.
Hearing your experiences was so interesting for me… I have ADHD and PTSD from complex childhood trauma & many of my symptoms match yours to a T. Particularly the nightmares, indecision, obsessions, and feeling like something bad is going to happen. I was actually misdiagnosed with OCD and unfortunately, conventional therapy and treatments didn’t work for me. When I got properly diagnosed it was a HUGE relief because treatment is actually helping me now. The point of this comment is to say mental health isn’t necessarily a one-size-fits-all & if you or someone else has these symptoms but finds OCD treatment isn’t helpful, it’s 100% valid to get a second opinion!
I’ll come back to this video everytime my ocd makes me feel like I’m trapped. Thank u Nicole for making me feel less lonely
Thank you for posting this, I have struggled with severe OCD since I was very little and its comforting to know someone I look up to a lot will speak on this.
nicole, the editing, the vibes, the ocd awareness. thank you for this.
i have ocd and honestly the intrusive thoughts are really difficult to deal with. thank you so much for spreading awareness :) 💗
hey nicole!!
i´ve been dealing with ocd my entire life, first being noticed 16 years ago, when I was 10. It´s a f*cking rollercoaster. The best advice I can give you is please stay in therapy and say every little this-gonna-make-me-sound-crazy thing that comes up on this beautiful brain of yours. With time you´ll be able to know a lot more about yourself and this condition, and you´re gonna be able to control more and more those intrusive thoughts, i promise you!
This hit home really hard 😞 the only time I’ve seen OCD portrayed well is in Girls and a great show called Pure. you’re so right that it isn’t palatable, so thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability, videos like this can really help mitigate the societal stigma ❤️
thank you! i will have to give those shows a watch.
@@NicoleRafiee no worries, girlie! Pure is about a girl with Pure O, so quite apt. Much love x
i cant thank you enough for making this video, it means so much to have people have the courage to talk about it. i have ocd and i relate so much to what you were saying. when you were talking about after your diagnosis how you were crying because you remembered instances where you were struggling but you didn’t know why, i relate so hard to that and it’s nice knowing i’m not the only one. it’s such a hard thing to talk about but it’s truly inspiring to hear you tell your story and it makes me want to share mine as well ! i’m literally crying rn lol but seriously thank you so much
(2 years late to the party but) thank you so much for this video. It's been kindly suggested by a few of loved ones that I have OCD and I didn't quite get it. Your OCD is sooooo similar to what I'm experiencing and it's clicking now for the first time 💜
just wanna say that this has been one of the most therapeutic videos to watch.. to feel less alone and you're literally just being so raw and real and I fkn appreciate that
i watched this on the day it came out and i am coming back to it because i was just diagnosed with ocd today. i started watching your videos last year and they mean so much to me. thank you
Omg I'm soooo glad that you're back but I'm more glad that you took this time to take care of yourself❤️
Me: "oh look! She looks like that guy, who plays Hannah Montana's dad. I forgot his name..."
Nicole: "Do I look like Billy Ray Cyrus?"
😂😂😂😂😂
Nicole I’ve been watching you for a while and I feel like I can really relate to you. You made a video before about living in guilt and I really felt like it was sent to me. When I’m in this state of overwhelming guilt I search up on UA-cam things like “ocd and guilt” & “feeling guilty” to find something that I can relate to to not feel so alone. And now there is also this video, thank you so much for it. It is so honest and real and I am just so thankful for it and for you. (We also kind of look alike I feel)
i can see parts of myself when you speak, im sending a hug ❤️