How did Julianna learn to talk to Abel about widower issues? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/
I have come to the conclusion after dating a widower unsuccessfully after 5 years that if I have to tip toe around issues then forget it. I was too patient, tip toed, and the EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW became more important than me. Screw that sh*t.
@@Stephanieshairiam907 oh, yes, the grownmarried ass "child" was a major problem, too. Forgot to mention the kid and gramdma/ex-other-in-law would team up against me. They were horrible people.
A man that has his act together would not let such things happen Apparently, you were not important enough to him. Why pay for the cow if I get the milk for free.
Dude, you are the bomb to do this series. Great Video. Glad to hear my instincts are right , Thank You. Best bit, the look inside, 8:45, Priceless You are a Hero Man! 💪
Thanks for your videos! I am widower for 2 years now with 3 year old triplet girls. I really have to much to say, so I will leave it as thank you for your advice!
As someone who has dated a widower, I think the best thing you can do is focus on your 3 young triplet girls. You have a lot on your plate right now. Stick close to your family and friends. Getting involved with dating this early will only be a disaster. No eligible woman can compete with 3 young daughters and your grieving process, even if she had children of her own. She will be #4 or #5 on your list due to your obligations. I would not want that. Best of luck to you.
How are you doing now mate? I’m a widow of six months with a 2 and 6 year old and feel completly out of my depth just keeping us all fed, clothed and a roof on ver our heads 😅
@@WannonCreekWildlife man idk. I’m getting by as He intended. I have put my faith in Jesus and it has helped. I’m so sorry for ur loss! This ain’t easy! I’d love to talk with u!
How do you deal with the wifes collections around the house? I couldn't stand looking at the teacup collection or the friggin doilies or a ton of fake floral arrangements? I wouldn't have my ex husbands fishing poles or big fish over the fireplace. Why should I be so accomodating?
I’ve known my widower for 10 months now and I’ve not seen his apartment he said he’s worried about rumors. He has introduced me to his friends and does not wear the wedding band he had on when I first met him but he wears a lot of rings on all fingers so I’m really just assuming! Guess when he’s ready he’ll let me know or invite me home? Love all your videos Abel they’ve been a really big help!❤️🌹
Glad you're enjoying the videos. A widower's actions always speak louder than his words. If he's not treating you like #1, you're probably not #1 in his heart. Hope he finds the courage to invite you over soon.
If you are inviting him over and he won't invite you over for ANY nonsense reason, then I wouldn't be so accommodating. I'd stop the visits, meet him out for lunch/dinner, meet him at the park, meet him to go to the movies, etc. If he doesn't like it, too bad or move on & find someone new. You are not #1.
Are there any resources to help with stepping into the stepmother role for the young children of a widower? I really want to do the best I can by these kids and while some things are probably obvious (like reaffirming that you will never replace their mom and are not trying to, allowing them space to grieve for and remember and honor their mom, etc), but I’d love more tips about navigating challenges I may not expect or innately know how to deal with.
Mine is the fb profile picture and him listed as married still. I made a post that Im dating a widower, but that was like 5 months ago. It now seems like Im dating a married man, bc Im sure everyone forgot the widower part. He changed his phone to the kids.
How do you ask the widower to change his FB profile picture from him and the LW, to anything else but the two of them, and having him listed as married to Widower? He's removed her as his home screen and lock screen on his cellphone without me asking and replaced it with his kids instead, he did that a couple months ago. He's not too active on FB, like he shares videos about Biblical topics, political topics (we're on the same page with these BTW), and memories of important life events of the kids. Never posts personal stuff, that was always the LW who would tag him in stuff, but I can't tag him in anything important to me, because he's still listed as married and I feel awkward, even though all my friends and family know he's a widower since I made a FB post telling everyone I was dating and he was a widower, but I'm sure people forget and it looks like I'm having an affair.
I’m going out with widower and I’m widow. He keeps on telling me to rip my photos of my husband. I know that I don’t tell him that about his wives. I know that he is not serious and he wants us to have sex. I don’t understand what he wants me to do.
Dating a Widower I was dating and having fun but I did not like him telling me that my husband that passed away isn’t my husband. So I’m going to tell that I am supposed to be sealed to the Mormon Temple. I am okay with friendship deal and I’m not sure about swirl relationship and he keeps on telling me that he is away better than my husband. I will tell that I am better being with my husband instead some widower instructing my life.
I think the bigger issue here is dating someone who is has a controlling personality rather than not being serious. Rip up your photos? I wouldn't rip up any pictures for anyone nor would I ask anyone to do that. There are too many red flags here in your few sentences. Don't knock yourself trying to figure him out. Just move on. He sounds like a douzy. Yikes!
Here's a question I have. My husband passed away. I have a5 year old. I'm afraid he won't be able to remember his dad so I leave up pictures of my husband and he likes to look at them and talk about his dad. I can understand another man not wanting to look at pictures of my husband but also want my son to be able to remember as much as he can of his dad. You see my problem?
I’m in the same boat I have a 6 year old daughter and 2 year old son I have taken down the “couples photos” but the photos of the kids first birthdays, christenings ect contain their mother, I feel like I wouldn’t expect a divorced person to pretend their kids other parent doesn’t exist
Depending on the number of pictures they can go in your son's room, or in the hallway closer to his bedroom. I would remove all pictures of JUST you and your husband, but family ones can stay, but more centered around where the kid is.
What to do or say when it is obvious the widower wants to move on and be happy with you, but seems to have guilt in doing so? Especially when he lived in a marriage that was not good, but all others (kids, family) were led to believe it was good?
It was too soon. He asked for a year but now it has been 15 months, I am trying to be patient and give him time but I want to see some movement in our relationship. I’m trying to be sensitive to his needs however I need the same consideration. Please Tell me how to broach the conversation.
I would say something to the effect of this: You're putting your children over me. I can't be part of a relationship where I'm treated like some dirty little secret. Either I meet them or we go our separate ways. (You can probably word it better than this but that's basically what you need to tell him.
There are phases of grief. If a widower or widow for that matter, has not completed this process they cannot move on. To insist on his changing anything before he is ready is counter productive. This will work against his emotional growth and therefore will hurt any future relationship. He has to put the past in the past first.
A light finally turned on yesterday…after a year of dating a widower…i felt myself becoming emotionally detached. He has a 4bedroom home that he had with the late wife. I requested that we remove the bed from the bedroom I use to allow for more space and turn into an office/workout room. He sd no, in case his ex-MIL comes to town. I realized then, he isn’t interested in a future with me. He hasn’t put away the past yet. Moving day.
YOU should have seen the behavior right from the start. He is absolutely not interested in you after that statement. You gave him.the milk for free, so why should he pay for the cow. Didn't do things right and now you wasted all your time an energy only to end up disappointed. There are a lot of people both men and women, who have no qualms about using someone to get through the phases of their grief. Some are very aware. Others are don't think about. But always, ACTIONS PROVE INTENT.
Great advice Abel ! Thank you so very much! I am currently dating a widower whose wife passed 6 years ago! I’ve been seeing him for 10 months now and all we do is what he wants! Should I just be pushy and ask if we can do something else? He had said if we go out to dinner?! If? Not sure how to respond! He knows what I like to do but he doesn’t leave his apt after dark? So I’m kinda stuck! Also he’s never invited me to his apt!? He is a CNA and his patient lives in his bldg! He says he’s afraid of rumors?help!
How did Julianna learn to talk to Abel about widower issues? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/
How do you handle taking care of the widower children and the family of his late wife as regards their daughter child/children
I have come to the conclusion after dating a widower unsuccessfully after 5 years that if I have to tip toe around issues then forget it. I was too patient, tip toed, and the EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW became more important than me. Screw that sh*t.
For me it’s the grown ass children dictating the what’s what in the relationship and him acting clueless.
@@Stephanieshairiam907 oh, yes, the grownmarried ass "child" was a major problem, too. Forgot to mention the kid and gramdma/ex-other-in-law would team up against me. They were horrible people.
Agreed
A man that has his act together would not let such things happen
Apparently, you were not important enough to him.
Why pay for the cow if I get the milk for free.
@@Stephanieshairiam907Same here...he was practically married to his daughterd
Dude, you are the bomb to do this series.
Great Video.
Glad to hear my instincts are right , Thank You.
Best bit, the look inside,
8:45, Priceless
You are a Hero Man! 💪
Wow these videos are so helpful! Thanks for explaining what's going on in his mind.
You’re wife is really blessed to have found a guy like you.
He is also blessed to have found a woman like her. She had the patience of Job. Marathon Girl, as Abel sometimes calls her, was very tactful.
Your comment on addressing one issue at a time is crucial!
You know what?
GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY!
Thanks for your videos! I am widower for 2 years now with 3 year old triplet girls. I really have to much to say, so I will leave it as thank you for your advice!
As someone who has dated a widower, I think the best thing you can do is focus on your 3 young triplet girls. You have a lot on your plate right now. Stick close to your family and friends. Getting involved with dating this early will only be a disaster. No eligible woman can compete with 3 young daughters and your grieving process, even if she had children of her own. She will be #4 or #5 on your list due to your obligations. I would not want that. Best of luck to you.
How are you doing now mate? I’m a widow of six months with a 2 and 6 year old and feel completly out of my depth just keeping us all fed, clothed and a roof on ver our heads 😅
@@WannonCreekWildlife man idk. I’m getting by as He intended. I have put my faith in Jesus and it has helped. I’m so sorry for ur loss! This ain’t easy! I’d love to talk with u!
How do you deal with the wifes collections around the house? I couldn't stand looking at the teacup collection or the friggin doilies or a ton of fake floral arrangements? I wouldn't have my ex husbands fishing poles or big fish over the fireplace. Why should I be so accomodating?
I’ve known my widower for 10 months now and I’ve not seen his apartment he said he’s worried about rumors. He has introduced me to his friends and does not wear the wedding band he had on when I first met him but he wears a lot of rings on all fingers so I’m really just assuming! Guess when he’s ready he’ll let me know or invite me home?
Love all your videos Abel they’ve been a really big help!❤️🌹
Glad you're enjoying the videos. A widower's actions always speak louder than his words. If he's not treating you like #1, you're probably not #1 in his heart. Hope he finds the courage to invite you over soon.
If you are inviting him over and he won't invite you over for ANY nonsense reason, then I wouldn't be so accommodating. I'd stop the visits, meet him out for lunch/dinner, meet him at the park, meet him to go to the movies, etc. If he doesn't like it, too bad or move on & find someone new. You are not #1.
Are there any resources to help with stepping into the stepmother role for the young children of a widower? I really want to do the best I can by these kids and while some things are probably obvious (like reaffirming that you will never replace their mom and are not trying to, allowing them space to grieve for and remember and honor their mom, etc), but I’d love more tips about navigating challenges I may not expect or innately know how to deal with.
How do you ask to remove late wife picture of him and her on cell phone as screen saver?
Mine is the fb profile picture and him listed as married still. I made a post that Im dating a widower, but that was like 5 months ago. It now seems like Im dating a married man, bc Im sure everyone forgot the widower part. He changed his phone to the kids.
How do you ask the widower to change his FB profile picture from him and the LW, to anything else but the two of them, and having him listed as married to Widower? He's removed her as his home screen and lock screen on his cellphone without me asking and replaced it with his kids instead, he did that a couple months ago. He's not too active on FB, like he shares videos about Biblical topics, political topics (we're on the same page with these BTW), and memories of important life events of the kids. Never posts personal stuff, that was always the LW who would tag him in stuff, but I can't tag him in anything important to me, because he's still listed as married and I feel awkward, even though all my friends and family know he's a widower since I made a FB post telling everyone I was dating and he was a widower, but I'm sure people forget and it looks like I'm having an affair.
This is great advice with any man i choose. My widow waves to me from across the street. Thanks to you I will be ready should he ask me over lol.
Omg, I can't believe you were wearing a wedding ring around your neck AND DATING? GOOD LORD! No woman would want that for even 1 date. Yikes. Sorry !
I’m going out with widower and I’m widow. He keeps on telling me to rip my photos of my husband. I know that I don’t tell him that about his wives. I know that he is not serious and he wants us to have sex. I don’t understand what he wants me to do.
Why are you dating someone who's not serious about a relationship? (I'm assuming you are serious about one.)
Dating a Widower I was dating and having fun but I did not like him telling me that my husband that passed away isn’t my husband. So I’m going to tell that I am supposed to be sealed to the Mormon Temple. I am okay with friendship deal and I’m not sure about swirl relationship and he keeps on telling me that he is away better than my husband. I will tell that I am better being with my husband instead some widower instructing my life.
I think the bigger issue here is dating someone who is has a controlling personality rather than not being serious. Rip up your photos? I wouldn't rip up any pictures for anyone nor would I ask anyone to do that. There are too many red flags here in your few sentences. Don't knock yourself trying to figure him out. Just move on. He sounds like a douzy. Yikes!
This guy sounds like a disaster. GET OUT WHILE THE GOING IS GOOD!
Always remember, Why pay for the cow when I can get the milk for free.
@@ChristinaOstil115Sounds like a controlling narcissistic.
Get out while the going is good.
Here's a question I have. My husband passed away. I have a5 year old. I'm afraid he won't be able to remember his dad so I leave up pictures of my husband and he likes to look at them and talk about his dad. I can understand another man not wanting to look at pictures of my husband but also want my son to be able to remember as much as he can of his dad. You see my problem?
Put pics in your son's room.
I’m in the same boat
I have a 6 year old daughter and 2 year old son
I have taken down the “couples photos” but the photos of the kids first birthdays, christenings ect contain their mother, I feel like I wouldn’t expect a divorced person to pretend their kids other parent doesn’t exist
Depending on the number of pictures they can go in your son's room, or in the hallway closer to his bedroom. I would remove all pictures of JUST you and your husband, but family ones can stay, but more centered around where the kid is.
What to do or say when it is obvious the widower wants to move on and be happy with you, but seems to have guilt in doing so?
Especially when he lived in a marriage that was not good, but all others (kids, family) were led to believe it was good?
I’m not sure of how to talk to my guy about meeting his adult children, I feel like I’m the other woman. She pasted away 15 months ago.
frances duncan When you ask to be introduced to him, what does he say?
It was too soon. He asked for a year but now it has been 15 months, I am trying to be patient and give him time but I want to see some movement in our relationship.
I’m trying to be sensitive to his needs however I need the same consideration. Please Tell me how to broach the conversation.
I would say something to the effect of this: You're putting your children over me. I can't be part of a relationship where I'm treated like some dirty little secret. Either I meet them or we go our separate ways. (You can probably word it better than this but that's basically what you need to tell him.
There are phases of grief. If a widower or widow for that matter, has not completed this process they cannot move on. To insist on his changing anything before he is ready is counter productive. This will work against his emotional growth and therefore will hurt any future relationship. He has to put the past in the past first.
Have you met the children yet?
How long should I bring down her photos from the wall?
As soon as you're in a serious relationship.
That sure is true...all I heard was that I was jealous of his wife and his grown.daughters
A light finally turned on yesterday…after a year of dating a widower…i felt myself becoming emotionally detached. He has a 4bedroom home that he had with the late wife. I requested that we remove the bed from the bedroom I use to allow for more space and turn into an office/workout room. He sd no, in case his ex-MIL comes to town. I realized then, he isn’t interested in a future with me. He hasn’t put away the past yet.
Moving day.
YOU should have seen the behavior right from the start. He is absolutely not interested in you after that statement.
You gave him.the milk for free, so why should he pay for the cow.
Didn't do things right and now you wasted all your time an energy only to end up disappointed.
There are a lot of people both men and women, who have no qualms about using someone to get through the phases of their grief. Some are very aware. Others are don't think about. But always, ACTIONS PROVE INTENT.
Widower of a 42 year marriage. Never plan on marrying again. No woman can compare to my memory of her. Thanks for your other advice.
Good for you. It's wrong to use people.
Widower of 60 year marriage. No plans to get married again. But I would enjoy friendship with a woman for day trips and theater events.
@@michaeldixon7961Why not just a guy friend instead?
But I still prefer ba widower than a divorcee
Great advice Abel ! Thank you so very much! I am currently dating a widower whose wife passed 6 years ago! I’ve been seeing him for 10 months now and all we do is what he wants! Should I just be pushy and ask if we can do something else? He had said if we go out to dinner?! If? Not sure how to respond! He knows what I like to do but he doesn’t leave his apt after dark? So I’m kinda stuck! Also he’s never invited me to his apt!? He is a CNA and his patient lives in his bldg! He says he’s afraid of rumors?help!
Setting boundaries isn't being pushy. Speak up for yourself!
Hey how are you doing today...?
The people met kept the memory if their spouse as sacred. Pedestallized.
NO TO WIDOWERS! I deserve better!