There needs that only the Lord can meet, not a spouse. Our security is in the Lord Jesus, He will help us to be more communicative, and, affectionate. My Grandmother was helpful, God does that. Christ first.🙏both have to be willing 🙏
Communication starts with the woman. Tell the man you want to vent and he will listen. Dump on a man and he will try and fix. Men need to know what role you want us to play when it comes to communication. By default men fix things, don't want him to fix it... Let him know up front you need a sounding board. Once the burden of not providing a solution, he can become empathic and just listen. The reverse can be said for a man who just wants to blow off steam and to ensure it is not directed as the partner. Just an opinion of a married man for 30 years
I agree it starts with the woman and many of them suck at it. As an example, instead of of asking for the thermostat to be turned up or for a blanket to be grabbed she'll simply state that its cold. By her saying, "its chilly" we guys are supposed to know that she is saying, "I'm feeling really cold so could you go turn up the thermostat for me". By not understanding and meeting out this request it is us guys who are somehow at fault and the bad communicators when we weren't actually asked to do anything in the first place. So yes, if you women want a guy to do something put some words into it. We'd love to fix the temperature for you. You just have to let us know.
@@earnestrobinson7453not to mention the fact that when a husband shows empathy to his wife, she loses attraction for him, and often 💩-tests him to see if he still has a set of nuts in his pants. Instead of going to her man to waffle on about the garbage of the day, a woman needs to see her female friends. That way, she won't be friend-zoning her man while subjecting him to listening to rubbish that makes him think "you should've been over that in two seconds flat!"
It’s hard to lead when your wife micromanaged and criticizes you choices and the way you do things... or you don’t do them fast enough. I like to do the dishes, but my wife often takes over because she thinks I’m too slow. Then she wonders why she feels like she has to do everything herself.
Amen to that! You try to help then she asks afterwards why you didnt do it right. SO in time I learned to ignore the criticism as I was happy with the job I did. I had to stop doing her laundry for her though, that really blew up in my face too often because I dont hang it the right way or in the right order. Maybe I should have learned better, cant say I am Mr perfect like that, because that little voice pops up in my head: You know what honey just do it yourself if its just causing a conflict now!
Tell her to go away. You got this. Do not let her dominate you. You need a partner not another boss. Keep a lot of everytime she is negative towards you. Then at the end of the month tally it up and see if this is the life you want.
Women will always _Shit Test_ men. It’s wired into them. You’re getting Shit Tested constantly and you don’t even know it or see it. How do you pass the Shit Test? Ignore her, make fun of her for even trying it, or truncate it - immediately. Re-establish the Alpha role so when she pushes and pushes and pushes you, she learns there’s something there to push up against. You don’t need her love, you need her respect. Ask yourself: how much longer can you, as a man, take this abuse? And it *IS* abuse. Always remember… “NO” is a complete sentence.
I taught my wife to tell me she needs to vent before doing so, so that I wouldn't go into 'fix it' mode. This helped both of us greatly, since I then knew what was expected of me and she received the support she needed. Also, some examples of what is considered affection would be helpful. As you hinted, men view affection as more physical. What would be some examples how to display affection form a woman's perspective?
Bro tbh once you start needing to sit there and differentiate between listening and fix it mode its time to find another girl. Buts that's just me i don't believe in marriage, it ends up one sided benefiting women and not men in 99% of the time, and usually men are the ones needing affection since women pull away when they initiate
@@dragorn3212 It's not about the pills. The law system is pretty much against you. You can deal with wmn, sure but you can't do the same with the entire system.
@@RebeccaBarrett I appreciate your advice but your not the first women to post videos like these. So how am I supposed to know if the person you portray yourself as in these videos is the real you? Are you legitimately trying to help or are you just another chameleon?
You make a lot of good points from the man perspective and the woman perspective. My wife and I (both second marriages) are going on 40 years now. We are getting to be old buggers but still love each other very much.
I’ve been married almost 50 years (been husband school almost 50 years). Rebecca is amazingly accurate. How, for so one so young is beyond me. Maybe she had a wise mother or grandmother.
Before this video, I watched: 3 things a man needs from his woman... and for both videos, she is on point. If you wonder if she is saying things just like that, she isn't Rebecca, you are a shining jewel in our society, please continue this great work and incredible dedication you have to want a great marriage and wishing the same for others.
Communication- This reminds me of the TikTok video going around now about how you know you have found the women to spend the rest of your life with. You are willing to come home and listen to her stories and offer no advice just listen and be quite, nod and move on. She will add lots of characters along the way that have no relevance but these people pop in her head so she adds them to the story. It is so true to life. Now days my wife even adds commentary and says their not relevant to the story keeps on going with them anyway.
Excellent explaination! I agree 100%. Youre husband is obviously a very lucky man, and I hope and pray that he is giving you the affection, the security and the loving communication that you deserve! I would like to add here another Nine Things that everyone wants: Everyone wants to be loved, praised and honored, comforted, protected and rewarded, and also admired, respected and consulted. If a man has not made the great effort to obtain financial, physical and spiritual security, then, ladies, please dont even consider him as a potential mate! He is undisciplined, ucommited, unmotivated, aimless, immature and useless and probably even dangerous.
Commanding her respect is more important than all 3 of these combined. To not have her respect is to sentence your relationship to death. Doesn't matter how much security, communication, and affection you throw at the problem. But if I am completely honest with myself, the reason I never commanded respect is clear. And I think a lot of men share my experience.
This is the truth that women don’t want you to understand! Women don’t even understand themselves, but we learn these things through experience! Right on the money
@@davidkrueger9053 yup it is fairly similar to being high ranking in a military. How can your men respect you if you cannot lead the unit? That is something that is not taught anymore to men en masse. Leadership skills. And it’s applicable to nearly all aspects of life. It’s a lost art
@@trevorking2820 yup. And now that more dudes are waking up and remembering what they’re supposed to be, they’re developing the leadership skills, but don’t want to lead a lot of these women. Unwiring all the college professor crap they were taught and teaching femininity isn’t worth it. Especially if they’ve been around the block one too many times. What’s the point is a question I find myself asking all the time when I reflect on this. I want there to be a point and purpose but I’m not seeing it
I must’ve been lucky or the 4 years of therapy prior to meeting my wife helped me set proper boundaries this time. However, I ended a 19 year marriage over many of the issues she brings up here. I provided all of these things for the ex, and SHE was happy. Once I started standing up for myself and setting boundaries the ex was no longer happy…she’d lost control. Now I’m married to a woman with a similar mindset as me. We have separate bank accounts but we split all expenses evenly at her insistence because she wants to contribute too. From the onset we were both very clear with what we wanted out of a relationship and life; we respect each other’s boundaries. We mutually support one another and joke that we have a commonwealth system rather than a traditional marriage. So far so good…
I'm with ya, brother. Had a relationship of 21 years end because I found my testicles and started saying "No". Princess couldn't handle it. With that disaster several years in the past, I'm happier now than I have been in over a decade.
@@Mr._Anderpson yup. Its all about the beginning. Don't maker her happy make her understand. That for a relashionship to work both parties must be willing oy make each other happy. Oh and forgiveness before sleeping, that's another one. Never start the day with anger.
I hear you chemtrooper! Would love to hear more of the little details, of your commonwealth. I don't know if you have an earnings gap between you, but how would do you deal with it? Have you had any time she could not pay the 50% or even needed you to pay the full amount, do you keep tabs on the amount owed, do you accept payments in kind ( like christmas with my family). A commonwealth is hard.
I was talking to a woman and at the same time I was designing a little roadside store for a farm I want to have in the next few years. So one day I was working on the store security (It is a small roadside store , I expect someone will think of robbing it ) . Well I am a real security nut and I was designing a really safe and secure building , and she suddenly seemed really interested in what I was working on and became much more affectionate than she had been up to that point. So I totally agree with your first point , want to move the relationship to the next level start talking about security glass , alarm systems , shotguns under the counter , electric remote door locks , Etc.
I read The Five Languages and Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles at the same time morphing them into a relationship/business book and vice versa. Communication goes both ways with sender/receiver. Totally agree Loving your channel
Your talk about what a woman needs is great, I've tried those techniques - flowers, date for breakfast, her favorite meal with conversation, with little success. It's gotten to the point that I feel my whole purpose here is to listen, run errands and pay the bills. Financially we are very stable, to the point that my paychecks are now mostly going into savings accounts which we had agreed on. Still the relationship is nothing more than a companionship - any type of physical contact is minimal and I usually get a suspicious look from her. Will keep trying - so thank you.
"We had agreed on" ??? It's your money. You sound like your purpose is to please her. Maybe you should focus on yourself and on your own needs - she doesn't.
Communications; where she wakes you up in the middle of the night with a problem. You then spend the rest of the night thinking (stewing) on the problem, and then you go to talk with her about the problem with a solution, and she says “Oh I don’t need to fix the problem, I just needed to talk about it.”. Us guys are solution driven and if you do the middle of the night thing enough, you get a guy who no longer “hears” you. If you don’t want the guy to find a solution to an issue then you need to be upfront about that, or your guy is no longer going to be concerned, but angry.
I mean, hummm... Does it sound normal to vomit and have an emotional diarrhea at any given moment? And then later say, I just wanted you to listen!!! So, simmering and sharing in the toxic sauce of no solution is their recipe to a good relationship?? Hummm Houston we have a problem!!
The things you say here are all valid, as far as I know. Some time ago, it was common sense that all agreed with. Too bad that it has been lost and must be re-stated.
To summarize: women want reassurance. The communication part should be really easy and I often usually just listen to her and confirming that i listen and paying attention. But sometimes it’s hard because as you said we men want to fix things and you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to say anything. So sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and be quiet.
Women are more social. They use more words on a daily basis than women. A man often come home after a work day fully talked out while she has not started.
There's a big difference between "giving your woman EVERYTHING she WANTS" and "taking your woman's BASIC NEEDS seriously". You are right that when you act like her servant she (understandably) doesn't respect you. But Rebecca is talking about something different. It's not about her making demands and you fulfilling them. It's about you figuring out ways which are good for her and okay for you to address these three basic needs she has. It might feel like work for you to a certain degree, but if you're not ready to do this why be in a partnership in the first place? Especially the first point, security, is anyway easily understood by any mature man. It's like Rebbecca says,:if a woman has to provide the security, she can do it to a certain degreee, but she feels awkward. A man on the other hand feels his self-respect growing when he does the work to provide (different kinds of) security and therefore doesn't even need the validation of the woman for this. And it might not be always possible to fully provide all types of security. But one type of security is still better than none. And two and a half types are better than one. A good woman understands that her man is not superman and appreciates when he does a reasonable effort in the areas which are possible at the moment. Communication and affection is mainly based on taking the personality of your partner seriously and giving her some of your time and attention whithout changing your own personality and drive. Both sides have to take at least some steps towards eachother. You decide how you do it. A good woman will actually like it a lot if you do it YOUR WAY and not feel forced to play a certain role. In this way it's honest and genuine. Equally important is that she takes the three basic needs of a man (in Rebecca's other video) seriously and addresses them in a way which is good for you and okay for her. That can also feel like work for her to a certain degree. I'm sure if both sides do this, that's like booom! 90% of relationship success. And both sides have a huge increase in the feeling that their life makes sense.
@@gomaxim7057 _It's about you figuring out ways which are good for her and okay for you to address these three basic needs she has_ Does any woman do the same for her man? Ha, haha, hahaha.... bitter laughs among the male audience, including even the very successful with women men, those very men who don't sit long with a single female precisely because they know she is a depreciating asset and she will give less and less and less the more they spend time with her. Forget about trying to "find ways" to satisfy her...and this ... and that... and the other. Just be a man. Treat her like a child, don't ask her much, don't care about her wishes much, just decide and act and make her follow. If she does not follow, you leave her.
@@redgeraniumwolf Why don't we stay away from them altogether and avoid all this train wreck of quadruple ambiguity. When convenient THIS. When inconvenient THAT. Sounds like a life of running hoops and obstacles for what??
…but if your man starts to talk like you in a communicative way like you, you lose interest. I have tried it, many times. We are there to listen, not to talk. So its a one way communication.
I am sorry that you and many others are having this experience. I never notived that before. Because I know I am emotionally sensitive and need to be listened to. So I thought it is obvious that I will return the favour always. And check in if I sense that encouragement to share might be needed. Women can be insensitive just as much as men and it is just wrong to take and not give. Men are strong and have things to share too. Good partners know and value this. I hope you meet a good partner if that is what you want in your life.
Relationships take work, co-oporation, trust and respect. What people miss, is this means you need to make yourself worthy of these things, not give them irrespective of the other persons actions. the three things you listed are meaningless long turm if there is a lack of willingness to work on the relatiionship, co-oporation, trust or respect.
My last relationship, she had all this and more. many times she told me I treated her like a queen, and was amazed at being respected this much. Three years later, gone. People want to know why I'm now a lone wolf
#2, as presented, is a subset of #1. The communication presented isn't about actually communicating but rather comforting her, such as providing emotional security, while she destresses. The point isn't about actual communication and being on the same page. Rather sometimes the way to fix the problem isn't to hunt for the solution but put your arm around her and listen. But women, it helps if you communicate that this is what you want and need at the moment. #3 is a subset of both #1 and #2.
in terms of affection most of the women end up in a relationship with a guy that isnt that interested in them so he stops eventually with affection and the guy or guys who were giving them affection were disposed as nice or needy guys
Yesssss, 👍👍👍👍 I value that feeling being secure in a relationship. Feeling protective by him and feeling safe that my man won't entertaint other women. And I need some affections like he kisses, hugs, hold my hand while together, giving surprised gifts ☺️.... And I need my man appreciate and listen to me.. That's all.....
Security is an illusion, nothing is secure, all we can do is responsiveness to potentially unsecure situations, just because life IS unsecure everytime.
Guys need communication too. A lot of girls will be upset about something the man did and not say anything expecting him to figure it out and when the guy gets tired of trying to figure it out he will eventually give up and start playing video games or something which just pisses her off more.
What a woman wants is a man who never contradicts her world view no matter how unhealthy it is. Usually this involves complimenting her vices and condemning her virtues. This is a secondary reason why men are attracted to younger women. Because women don't let men challenge their worldview that get more and more messed up in the head as they age.
@@DR--- So much to learn. Women also grow up. They do learn their lessons, often too late in life because they never make the effort when it counts-- when they are young and command enormous power with no brains. I have lived with 3 different women in VERY long term relationships. I changed all of them in their world view-- one a proud feminist. Lead by example, be gentle in your execution and don't tolerate any shit.
It’s really refreshing to see a feminine woman like yourself and good views. But tbh dating in this age is done (for the most part). Too much feminism , social media toxic culture, and etc .. nobody wants a combative and masculine woman at all. But great Channel !
Yeah. At the end of the day the woman has to let the man be the man. If a women comes out swinging with masculine energy to test her man he will walk away,if he is smart, or he will be like oh this is how she is and im fine with that, giving her the space to be like that in the relationship. Which as we now know is a ticking time bomb for the failure of said relationship.
@@outlaw451 So I have an honest question...not trying to just antagonize...just an honest question: men complain about women and our 'being female' and 'those female ways' and how it is stupid and annoying and a turn off. So if being feminine is a problem for the men and acting masculine is a problem for the men, that kind of leaves us with 'be nothing' or just ditch the men. Can you explain this? Cause I am a bit frustrated and genuinely would like to understand...😀
@@jenniferpinaire2605 this is a good quedtion. So the issue a lot of the time is that women your in a relationship with complain a lot when they dont need to. There is a time and place to do that but its not every day. Its important to adress issues, like reminding your man that there is a medical bill that needs paid or something. But the reality is that people come home to someone who is ready to complain and want to be pampered and entertained. You need to be doing that for him, not the other way around. Sitting there and being submissive is feminant, having needs and want for protection is femenine. What a lot of moder women are doing is more childish. They want there man to lead and protect them, but all they do is complain, questional a ñot for no real reason, and ask for more. They have been taught this becsuee in moder societty complaining is how you get what you wsnt espetially if you are female. So they bring that into a relationshup, men deal with it, but a lot of times the only thing that we can do is emotionally abort the relationship because WE GET NOTHING AND LOSE EVERYTHING, and no one cares. So we stick around And you losing it all to the person who is suposed to care for you and suport you. But you test a man and tare him down.
@@outlaw451 men have to provide an enviroment for women to be feminine to their masculinity. Submission is earned when a man can actually lead. Expecting a woman to just submit to anyone is asking for abuse.
I'm am now 69yrs and 2 failed marriages. and though I'm enjoying my remaining years "off the market" I wish I knew this "precious knowledge" before! But a Big Thank You for making this video! I hope you save many burgeoning relationships through your care!
Well then. There's alot to unpack here as usual. I'm sure you mean well, but the man isn't the unloading dock for your woes and concerns. Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." There. Solved your security and communication problems. The affection portion will come inevitably if both man and woman know and follow the biblical archtype. Side note: If you don't like this solution, let me drop a bit of wisdom on yall. Unlike other faiths, the God of the Bible can be tested in one way. And this is how: Give 10% of your net gain from your paychecks to God. (If you don't have a job, then give your time) I didn't say the church or some kind of charity because most of these institutions are shady. Instead give that 10% to the actual poor/homeless, sick, hungry, thirsty, etc. Matthew 25:36-40 I swear in the name of the Most High, you will receive a blessing that you cannot contain. Malachi 3:10
Great stuff Rebecca, let me break it down for my ADHD brothers: Security = $$$ Communication = listen, don't talk. Affection = gifts, flowers, etc. You should do three things NOT to do. I'll kick it off: Don't tell her you love her (very often). Don't tell her you how beautiful you think she is ( save for special occasions). Don't tell her YOUR problems and fears. She will lose all respect and confidence in you. I hope some women are listening to your channel. It's a good starting point for them.
@@oldtymer9106 That means you provided the video equivalent of a “Too Long; Didn’t Read” summary. Although i disagree affection equates to gifts and flowers.
@@brittybee6615 well, if you read "the five love languages" gift giving is one of the languages and seems to be a pretty popular one among the ladies (not universally, though). It was my wife's primary love language. She was a gifted gift giver, always looking for things for different people in her life. Me? I was just trying to keep a roof over our heads and food in the fridge, so unfortunately I didn't live up to her expectations. I did manage to give her a beautiful funeral earlier this year after she lost her battle to CoVid. RIP Michelle Natividad Mascella.
“We automatically assume the worst” Yup. Sounds like my wife. “That girl at the checkout was jealous of me.” Honey. All she did was call for a price check.
21st Century Feminist 1) Security: stop choosing the, "Bad boy thugs" to be a partner. 2) no one cares about your feelings; spill them to your girlfriend or therapist 3) reference #1 as men are sick and tired of listening to women in their 30's and 40's cry and whine about where are all the good guys. Women.....it's not all about you. Make better choices.
Women have always complained about something. Men are providers, hunters, a safety net for women. The problem isn't feminism it is not having Christ in their life. Feminism is the result of not having Christ in our lives both as individuals and as a nation. Ponder this and search scripture to find your answers.
1. I provide security in various forms. Stop undermining OUR financial security by spending every dime we have on stupid shoes etc. 2. I will listen and empathize with you almost anytime you want to "talk". But why do your emotions ALWAYS need attention when I finally find the time to do something I want to do. (play my guitar or watching a game) Also, effective communication always happens with fewer words. If I ask you if you want something, (a soda from the kitchen, a throw to keep your legs warm while watching TV etc.) the correct response """""ALWAYS"""!!!! begins with a yes or a no. THEN, if you want to explain to WHY you said yes or no I will be happy to listen. 3. I adore giving physical affection to my woman, but when you start making a schedule of when I should give a specific type of affection at certain times and in certain places and continually reject my affection because it doesn't fit into your schedule which you have failed to share with me, I will stop giving it to you. Even when you ask.
One thing I don't understand about women is they are often cryptic when it comes to communication. They'll say one thing and mean the opposite. They will clam up when we ask them what's wrong and then get upset when we can't figure out why they are angry. Those same women will complain that their men can't communicate.
The irony is that controlling is based on the feeling of insecurity and ultimately creates the reality of insecurity as the partner becomes rebellious and resentful while withdrawing affection.
I agree 100% at the same time, to a man affection is mostly followed by sex 99% of the time because women do not have the equipment we have so it easier for you to say “it is just affection”. As a husband I agree with you on being more affectionate which is very good for a healthy relationship at the same time, women need to understand the importance of sex to men in general because all men know women go through a monthly cycle so every opportunity is gold so if we can both meet in the middle everything will be fine but if we only focus on what we want from the other and not what I can also give in exchange to the other it is not fair. On conversation, I have a question Why do women take too long to express themselves in conversations that supposed to last 10-20 minutes but last over one hour?
I gotta say I disagree with #2. If you want it fixed, come to a man. If you don't, then you can have the feels, tears, empathy & sympathy [only] from a gf, or female family member. Asking or telling your man to not fix a problem you brought to him is emasculating and embarrassing. Its something that will fester in us and make us feel useless or weak, and eventually resentful. And in most cases we're stuck with giving the "I told you so" later that never goes over well.
You nailed it. It's not that we don't care either, it's just that's not how our brains work. I still to this day have no idea how to react when a woman is getting emotional around me because I know she is not looking for advice but it's just not in me to be the shoulder to cry on. I agree about the resentful part too, not wanting our help is very devaluing to us men.
If you don’t know how to react, I think the first thing you can do is ask what’s wrong and listen to her problem. You can just use Her love language to show affection, that way you don’t feel like you didn’t do anything. U listened, she ranted, you made her feel better ❤️🩹 I feel like if she asks you what should she do then that’s when you give her a solution, then everyone is happy, whether she takes it or not is now up to her.
3 things a woman wants from her man- 1 money 2 good enough to make her friends jealous ( over 6 foot, rich, 6 pack, good education, big car, big house etc ) 3 more money.
Immature women, yes. Mature men shouldn't want those women, fun as they may be for a fling. But it still sucks that, apparently, so many young women fall into that category, these days. It's great to see women like Rebecca carrying the torch for maturity in a decrepit generation.
@@MatthewLMaw Carrying the torch!!! Boy!!?? You are another one that believes in this super girl fixing a deep moral problem. Everything is in shaky grounds. Everything!! It's a rigged system against you. Starting with their vote. The legislature, family court, criminal, labor, civil, etc.. Work. Education etc... Until nothing changes there. It's nothing but words and more words. Why do you lean against the idea that this woman is going to save the world?
@@lur3950 Well romance ( money ), wedding ( money ), divorce ( LOTS OF money ), and in England she'll get half of your private pension ( money ). But don't forget that women also have " certain needs " and it's their right to receive it, but if you want the same your making unrealistic demands of her and you're a pervert.
Exactly. Why do men have to more or less be the breadwinner? Why can't I be with someone who makes way more money than me and provides for me financially? Because it's lazy and entitlement. Women (and men) need to stop feeling that they are entitled to so much. Especially financial security.
Why on #2 does this communication have to be so negative. Like the example you use of stop being friends with that girl (so obviously, the female was engaged it a negative story). I can no longer ask how my wife's day at work was, as much as I would like to. This negativity only brings down the listener and as the saying goes - misery loves company. There is little encouragement to engage in #2 and really exhibits why so many woman are on percription antidepressants.
Not disputing that, what I am saying is that for the none depressed you don't want to get caught up in their cycle of negativity. I think that their pathotic cycle should be a personal matter, to be shared with mental health care professionals and not made into the foundation of a relationship.
Yeah, I failed on all three fronts. She even told me later she didn’t like the fact that I retired. I was 62. I was drawn three pensions. She wanted me to be making six figures like her sister and her brother. She was working and she felt like I wasn’t. I moved out. We continued to talk even though she had a living boyfriend. She told me one day on the phone when she called that she didn’t realize how much I did around the house and around the yard and for her. Now she’s in a relationship she talk to me all the time. I’m meeting other women. If she doesn’t come back soon, I’ll be gone with one of them.
Such a lovely girl, but there are issues with some of these ideas. Communication….until recently, it has never in history been the man’s job to listen to the constant barrage of drama that comes from women. This is why women in a community had each other. The modern woman is expecting something from men that they are not designed to do. You can’t bake a cake with a tire iron! Security….This should no longer be an issue for women. This should actually be an issue for men. Women have guaranteed their security with their “right” to vote. Women have really married the government. The government, and all it’s entitlements and benefit programs are the security blanket for the modern woman. Government is the mechanism in which women hold men hostage to continue to support them long after the relationship is over. 70% of all taxes are paid by men….yet men have no access to this welfare state. The truth is, men take far greater risk when having a relationship with a woman, and at this point, should be avoiding it at all cost. It is men who need the security guarantee. All of the problems we see in society were not an issue when men had security in marriage. When government handed over all power and authority in the family to women, it guaranteed the destruction of the family unit. And no, no man has authority in the family….if you think you do, just see what happens when your wife goes to the courthouse and files on you. First will be the restraining order, which gets you removed from your own house. Then you will lose your finances and your children. When a man says “I do,” he is really saying “I no longer have authority over my life or the life of my family.”
I support your message 100% Conveniently she does not even touch the surface on this issues of far greater importance. I support the complete absolute distancing from them. One you forgot to mention. Now with all this support system they have. They arogantly claim this powerful, independant, strong female thing. They look down on men all the way, all they long. Their dudu don't stink. I mean, it's endless. I wish them good luck in their powerful heaven on earth they have created.
Man you have spoken the truth like a guy who had to live it out, this happened to me, just like you laid it out; this marriage cabal is like handing a knife to a mass murderer and expecting her to behave! Once you are married she will forever hold the knife to your throat and there is no turning back. So everything taken into account what choice does a young man have? But now it seems there is a massive downtick not only from dating but also from marriage rates as well. Lets see how Femi nazis will do once they have, like Lu R mentioned, created a living hell for themselves as they hit the wall and become isolated and lonely, forcing animals to be their friends! And the guys now keep their assets safe from these jackals, younger men coming up will see the trends and back away from a deal where thy lose everything and have no rights afterwards. It really is the beginning of the end for western civilizaiton!
The 2nd one made me chuckle. Women need to express themselves and sometimes that can be complaining about something. I know this because I used to live in a household with sisters and a mother and they complained a lot especially to me. It's understandable and I like to listen anyways.
I think, feel, and believe the words you speak are how it's supposed to be. However, as you can see by the comment section Men have been crushed. Men are walking away altogether and they're not coming back. There's no benefit and the court system leaves us literally living in either our truck or a cardboard box. But do keep up the good work, maybe you might change the mind of a few reckless females.
Jimmy, I whole heartedly support your message. But, when has a woman fixed anything? Do you really want to put your hopes on somebody that represents them. So far all I've heard, is come down guys!! Relationships are good!! All you need is this and that. Never mentioned the root of the problem. Meaning, her base is just having been in psychological therapy. You and I know, even with therapy and all that, if upset all of it goes out the window. And court filing & court proceeding starts!!! The root problem is them voting!
@@lur3950 people may not be as religious anymore, but one thing religion did well was get people to treat sex and marriage as something to be kept holy between two people
I had a girlfriend tell me, if she found a guy that already had a home he paid off, she would want him to sell it off so they could go buy the one she really wanted for her and possible children.
Sounds like anxiety rules a lot of women’s relationships. So, is being “more emotional” just a lack of introspection? Or is being “more emotional” just an inherent trait?
Inherent trait from evolution. Think about it like what would happen to a cave woman so how should she think? If her man and society abandon her, her and her children die. That's why they're so keen to drama. They want affection to be reassured that he will bring her and the kid food, maintain their shelter, and protect them from predators. That's the most basic way I can explain it. I hope it helps.
I would say a mixture of both, but more so inherent. It depends on the individual. I say more inherent, due to how throughout history women are generally treated. Even in modern days, women are a part of a vulnerable population, because genetically we are weaker than men. We are constantly told that we need to be careful or the big-ol boogie man is going to snatch us. We need to feel safe physically. Also due to how some women are conniving manipulators, women can fall victim to back stabbing and betrayal, so emotional security is also very important to us in that regard. Hope this helps. This is just my personal understanding though.
@@hayleyb.2648 Women are not a vulnerable population…..this idea is just feminist fantasy. Women are a protected population. In virtually every negative and dangerous category, men are most effected. The only thing women are vulnerable to is the results of their own bad decisions. The statistics in the US show us that more men are raped than women. More men are murdered than women. More men die in workplace incidents. More men are homeless. On top of this, the government does everything it can to disenfranchise men and to cater to women. The government purposely is doing everything it can to destroy men and the family. Female vulnerability in the modern world is a myth. There is only one gender that the world is at war with. Please stop this nonsense of female vulnerability.
@@rednab2001 Dude. Chill. I’m not talking societal vulnerability. I agree that women are the most protected right now. I’m talking about how genetically women are born physically weaker and smaller. Older folks and people with a disability that affects movement are also in the vulnerable population. Those people are more likely to be attacked.
A lot of times what I've found that Modern Women have insecurities and fears that don't allow them to feel secure. A lot of Women today suck @ Communication and don't know how to effectively communicate in a Relationship. Also, a lot of Women are closed off with walls and don't allow themselves to fully embrace the affection of a Man for the Long-term. All of these are great pieces of Advice, but Ms. Rebecca if you only knew what a lot of us Guys go through with Females...I do disagree with aspects of what you said about Communication as well.
Rebecca, I've watched a few of your videos for the last few days. I've also watched other videos the last few days. The videos I've watched are on the subject of relationships. I normally shut up and just hit the like button or just don't say anything at all. In this subject, a family man of 20+ years needs to bring some clarity. Of the few videos I have watched, a lot of folks are screaming men this and women that. But the core issue that NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IS..... what is a man and what is a woman??? 🤔🤔. Everybody wants one, but these videos are not breaking down what men and women are. You can't ask for a man if you've never been raised with a REAL DADDY. This is fact. Because as a woman, you don't know all of what a man is supposed to do to keep a marriage functional and happy. These books are teaching bullshit. Without a dad in the house, the mom never truly exhibited the true essence of womanhood. So guys cannot ask for a woman because they haven't seen one. Women take on the man role and it fucks things up. The man takes on the woman's role and it fucks things up. That is why I tell people be very careful when dealing with this new age of "gender identity". A woman WILL NEVER HAVE THE DNA AND BORN CHARACTERISTICS OF A MAN. And vice versa with women. Gender identity is the elephant in the room nobody wants to talk about. That's why I shut up. I love everyone, but different genders taking on other genders roles....we as a human race are headed for guaranteed doom down the line. Sorry for the rant. But it needed to be said once and for all. I have more, but if I don't get a reply, I'll just keep my mouth shut. Good night everyone
Thank you for this great compilation of tips. So rare to find a high quality women giving high quality tips to help a man create a happier relationship. The 1st aspect I can relate to particularly well, after 25 years of a largely stormy water marriage (but still sailing ahead), is "security" - the more tidal waves that hit me, the more I had to strengthen the ship (me). The security grew, and so did the respect. Self-improvement is often not easy, but a high-quality woman will value it.
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” The heart is more important than the temporary external beauty.
The security thing is huge. I have a friend who has floundered around for his entire adult life. He's almost 59 years old and still has nothing but dreams but hasn't achieved anything really. Consequently he has been dumped by many girlfriends and a few wives. He can't provide any sense of security so relationship after relationship has failed. His communication skills suck too but that's another issue.
What momen WANT, and what they SAY THEY WANT are not the same things. This makes women sound virtuous, so they say it. What they really want makes them seem like beasts.
This is why the vetting process is so important. Many times people ignore the blatant red flags early in the relationship because they are in “love”. Love won’t make the marriage last, hard work, selflessness and dedication to the marriage and to your partner is what keeps people married. Also, it takes two to sign the divorce papers. It can’t be filed unless both parties sign so at some point the other person throws in the towel. Marriage should be fought for.
@@RebeccaBarrett I'll whole heartedly agree with you on vetting process. We need to bring back judgement and destigmatize it. The idea of selflessness and fighting for a relationship I can't get on board with. Selflessness is ultra rare, what more often then not happens is people treat their efforts as almost like equity or like a loan. "I am selfless for you so you owe me ____" Like a covert contract. This is the people who will snap and lose it screaming "I gave you everything" when you walk away from the relationship. Also with the fighting for a relationship, think about what that really is. It's an idealization of the relationship that your in love with, not the person your in love with.
@@RebeccaBarrett it's a function of the instinct of romantic attraction: to obsess and believe your partner is the only one for you. This mating instinct is often so strong that most people can't resist it. I studied it since I'm aro and don't have the romantic attraction instinct. It was a very effective way to force people to pass on their genes pre-birth-control.
I acknowledge the difference between the sexes, however, when a woman can't or won't let go of her insecurities the reason is predominantly 1) a psychological impairment 2) a shit test designed for power assessment 3) she has been taught All women Do this or 4) she wants to fast track ending the relationship . I will use your own testimony "My husband is amazing. He is strong and confident." That is a great statement how you view your husband and reflects the trust and respect you give him. Now ladies acknowledge the difference between the sexes again; you want security, compassion, acknowledgement from the same man who you depend on to be logical, stoic, forthright, ambitious, protective and strong, what part of your own desires for character in a man lends its self to switching into Mother Theresa? Women DON'T respect soft men so drop the hypocrisy. Telling men they Should Listen more, give flowers, be empathetic is an attempt to change a man's nature. Stop it. The fact is this ladies: men will protect, provide (empathy, comfort etc.) When it is really needed. A wife supports her husband, as you should know being a Christian, it is counter-productive to bombard your man with the rainbow of emotional FEELS elicited by various conversations, sights, smells, noises encountered during the day especially since you expect him to bury those same experiences from his day. Here is a good rule of thumb, if you feel that too much sensory input requires release negotiate a time when your man will let you vent for five minutes (the elevator pitch) and when you are done talking and become silent he, your man, will take you into his arms and hold you. This will satisfy the insecurity needs while not imposing a false state on either of you. You might be surprised to find this courtesy for your man will be rewarded with a closeness that makes you want to blow off all the nonsense of the day, change the five minute venting session into flirting in the shower and postpone the hug until after sex. When you stop allowing the outside world from coloring your relationship what you both desire can be up front with each other.
the thoughts & verbalizing: My wife explained that when the thoughts go round and round in the head, they all start to collided and lead to really weird blind alleys and worst case scenarios. If they are said out loud, the obvious 'dumbness' pops out and she can dismiss them as 'well that's just silly'. So guys most of what women say out loud is meant to be ignored. Problem is sorting out the good stuff from the weird stuff, to us is sounds the same.
Be glad. Very glad. The so called value men are victims of the worst divorce rapes and betrayals. There are endless cases. Recent one, famous doctor, the wife was working for a high end call girl business. She has been doing it for 5 years. Ok! And because the legislature is rigged, like no fault divorce. This low life, will get anything she wants. Just watch! And she will look like a victim with some manufactured thesis from a wackologist.
When I met my now wife she was making $40K and I was making $32K. Five years later I'd gone back and gotten a degree, found a career path and gotten my entry job, and was making $$50K and she was making $50K. Five years after that I was making six figures and she 'retired' to raise our son and volunteer at school. You need to come up with a plan to improve your financial situation. Find a career with that kind of potential and get the schooling/training to get into it. It's a problem....work the problem. You can improve your situation.
@@jameswalling8838 Hello James, you forget to mention that you found someone you could work this out throughout the process from begining to end. What you are talking about cannot be done overnight. And it takes sacrifice, a tighter budget, strength & a few other things. Agreed, you can do movement & find light in the horizon. But, the quality of the partnership is crucial. Having the understanding that your field could become obsolete or face underpayment suddenly & with no warnings. And there you are back to the drawing board. So, partnership of the sorts is of great importance. Just when people face life and death is when we suddenly realise what's truly important. And what we thought was of supreme importance, it no longer is. Have a blessed day.
@@lur3950 You are correct, it does not happen overnight. I put together a 5 year plan to transition from carpentry to finance. I spent 4 years getting a new degree, with the loans to prove it, while working and studying for a professional designation. For 2 years I had zero downtime...there was always something that I needed to be doing. My point is that you don't give up, you step up. You do what needs to be done. I could have done this, in fact it would have been easier, without someone in my life, but I made the choice to add even more to the load because I saw the potential and refused to remain in my existing circumstances.
It’s not just up to guys for us to learn how to communicate-it’s a two way street. You want to vent, cool-say so before hand to set a man up for success and in the mode to listen and not fix something. Just like how guys don’t want to hear about people 3X’s removed from their circle of folks they don’t know. Jill from work, her boyfriend’s sister stories…that’s gonna make our brain melt and give less room to hear you 💁🏼♂️ I’d encourage folks to read men are like waffles and when are like spaghetti-amazing book!
Then what do you do with a girlfriend that demands you slap her face, spit in her mouth and do other things in a forceful manner. Not kidding here. She freaks me out with these intense demands.
You aren’t valued in the relationship...90% of you. You do almost nothing of benefit and have no character. You’re feelings of not being loved for who you are are spot on. You have to do valuable things in order to be valued. Women bringing value to relationships ended about 60 years ago for the most part.
The problem with what women what from us is the difference between what us as men want. We get what we want we are satisfied. We give women what they want and it changes, or they will add on, or its not good enough or they say you're boring so men feel like what's the use she will never be satisfied or happy and if she is, it won't last long because like she said women have thoughts and emotions running through their heads 1000 times a minute, can never be satisfied
"Security" I get, "Communication" translates to "listen to me complain for half an hour and do nothing to correct that which I complain about, and tomorrow - I'll do it all again." Important information must also be gleaned during this venting which requires attention but no corrective action, just noting where the land mines were placed. "Affection" is impacted by the satisfaction of the prior two needs on a sliding scale that is not "communicated." Me? Married 35 years - same woman.
3 things women need from men:
1) Security
2) Communication
3) Affection
1) your money
2) you not to saying a thing on how they spend it
3) you complementing what she spent it on.
@@mnomad9173 Hahahahaha, that's true for the wrong kind of woman, but you don't want them, trust me.
@@mnomad9173 Show her the door...
There needs that only the Lord can meet, not a spouse. Our security is in the Lord Jesus, He will help us to be more communicative, and, affectionate. My Grandmother was helpful, God does that. Christ first.🙏both have to be willing 🙏
Communication starts with the woman. Tell the man you want to vent and he will listen. Dump on a man and he will try and fix. Men need to know what role you want us to play when it comes to communication. By default men fix things, don't want him to fix it... Let him know up front you need a sounding board. Once the burden of not providing a solution, he can become empathic and just listen. The reverse can be said for a man who just wants to blow off steam and to ensure it is not directed as the partner. Just an opinion of a married man for 30 years
I agree it starts with the woman and many of them suck at it. As an example, instead of of asking for the thermostat to be turned up or for a blanket to be grabbed she'll simply state that its cold. By her saying, "its chilly" we guys are supposed to know that she is saying, "I'm feeling really cold so could you go turn up the thermostat for me". By not understanding and meeting out this request it is us guys who are somehow at fault and the bad communicators when we weren't actually asked to do anything in the first place. So yes, if you women want a guy to do something put some words into it. We'd love to fix the temperature for you. You just have to let us know.
Very well said, sir!
If a man showing emphaty for a woman is so important to women, why is it that women show such little emphaty to men in return?
@@earnestrobinson7453not to mention the fact that when a husband shows empathy to his wife, she loses attraction for him, and often 💩-tests him to see if he still has a set of nuts in his pants. Instead of going to her man to waffle on about the garbage of the day, a woman needs to see her female friends. That way, she won't be friend-zoning her man while subjecting him to listening to rubbish that makes him think "you should've been over that in two seconds flat!"
Married 23 years, you’re spot on .👍🏻
A wife must be happy with herself first. If not, no matter what a man does, he can not make her happy. It's not his job to make her happy.
100 % This goes for BOTH men and women.
It’s hard to lead when your wife micromanaged and criticizes you choices and the way you do things... or you don’t do them fast enough. I like to do the dishes, but my wife often takes over because she thinks I’m too slow. Then she wonders why she feels like she has to do everything herself.
Amen to that! You try to help then she asks afterwards why you didnt do it right. SO in time I learned to ignore the criticism as I was happy with the job I did. I had to stop doing her laundry for her though, that really blew up in my face too often because I dont hang it the right way or in the right order. Maybe I should have learned better, cant say I am Mr perfect like that, because that little voice pops up in my head: You know what honey just do it yourself if its just causing a conflict now!
My wife does everything at home including looking after the kids, my job is to bring the money home. Works great. I help out on the weekends though.
@@VT01 My man does everything at home with me. Works great too.
I hope she doesn't have a job too if that is your setup.
Tell her to go away. You got this. Do not let her dominate you. You need a partner not another boss. Keep a lot of everytime she is negative towards you. Then at the end of the month tally it up and see if this is the life you want.
Women will always _Shit Test_ men. It’s wired into them. You’re getting Shit Tested constantly and you don’t even know it or see it. How do you pass the Shit Test? Ignore her, make fun of her for even trying it, or truncate it - immediately. Re-establish the Alpha role so when she pushes and pushes and pushes you, she learns there’s something there to push up against. You don’t need her love, you need her respect. Ask yourself: how much longer can you, as a man, take this abuse? And it *IS* abuse.
Always remember… “NO” is a complete sentence.
I taught my wife to tell me she needs to vent before doing so, so that I wouldn't go into 'fix it' mode. This helped both of us greatly, since I then knew what was expected of me and she received the support she needed.
Also, some examples of what is considered affection would be helpful. As you hinted, men view affection as more physical. What would be some examples how to display affection form a woman's perspective?
exactly, what is affection for woman?
Bro tbh once you start needing to sit there and differentiate between listening and fix it mode its time to find another girl. Buts that's just me i don't believe in marriage, it ends up one sided benefiting women and not men in 99% of the time, and usually men are the ones needing affection since women pull away when they initiate
@@dragorn3212 you spend too much time with the black pill crowd. If you know the difference between unhealthy and healthy women, you'll be okay.
@@RockStationForChrist well said
@@dragorn3212 It's not about the pills. The law system is pretty much against you. You can deal with wmn, sure but you can't do the same with the entire system.
Back when I was interested in relationships I used to say that women need the three As: attention, affection and appreciation.
This are all true. You nailed it
My last gf used to call it the 3 F's, but I figured out it took 4.
Not any different than men.
@@RebeccaBarrett I appreciate your advice but your not the first women to post videos like these. So how am I supposed to know if the person you portray yourself as in these videos is the real you? Are you legitimately trying to help or are you just another chameleon?
@@nickcox1408 That concerned me too (is she another chameleon).
You make a lot of good points from the man perspective and the woman perspective. My wife and I (both second marriages) are going on 40 years now. We are getting to be old buggers but still love each other very much.
I’ve been married almost 50 years (been husband school almost 50 years). Rebecca is amazingly accurate. How, for so one so young is beyond me. Maybe she had a wise mother or grandmother.
1:38 funniest quote "we'll happily follow"
Before this video, I watched: 3 things a man needs from his woman... and for both videos, she is on point.
If you wonder if she is saying things just like that, she isn't
Rebecca, you are a shining jewel in our society, please continue this great work and incredible dedication you have to want a great marriage and wishing the same for others.
Communication- This reminds me of the TikTok video going around now about how you know you have found the women to spend the rest of your life with. You are willing to come home and listen to her stories and offer no advice just listen and be quite, nod and move on. She will add lots of characters along the way that have no relevance but these people pop in her head so she adds them to the story. It is so true to life. Now days my wife even adds commentary and says their not relevant to the story keeps on going with them anyway.
Yup! Security, affection and an open ear are imperative. I'm blessed to have a husband who understands this. ❤
Excellent explaination! I agree 100%. Youre husband is obviously a very lucky man, and I hope and pray that he is giving you the affection, the security and the loving communication that you deserve! I would like to add here another Nine Things that everyone wants: Everyone wants to be loved, praised and honored, comforted, protected and rewarded, and also admired, respected and consulted. If a man has not made the great effort to obtain financial, physical and spiritual security, then, ladies, please dont even consider him as a potential mate! He is undisciplined, ucommited, unmotivated, aimless, immature and useless and probably even dangerous.
Commanding her respect is more important than all 3 of these combined. To not have her respect is to sentence your relationship to death. Doesn't matter how much security, communication, and affection you throw at the problem. But if I am completely honest with myself, the reason I never commanded respect is clear. And I think a lot of men share my experience.
This is the truth that women don’t want you to understand! Women don’t even understand themselves, but we learn these things through experience! Right on the money
@@davidkrueger9053 yup it is fairly similar to being high ranking in a military. How can your men respect you if you cannot lead the unit?
That is something that is not taught anymore to men en masse. Leadership skills. And it’s applicable to nearly all aspects of life.
It’s a lost art
@@lordofgingers Indisputable.
@@lordofgingers Correct. Most masculine traits are leadership traits. Women want a leader. Period.
@@trevorking2820 yup. And now that more dudes are waking up and remembering what they’re supposed to be, they’re developing the leadership skills, but don’t want to lead a lot of these women. Unwiring all the college professor crap they were taught and teaching femininity isn’t worth it. Especially if they’ve been around the block one too many times.
What’s the point is a question I find myself asking all the time when I reflect on this. I want there to be a point and purpose but I’m not seeing it
I must’ve been lucky or the 4 years of therapy prior to meeting my wife helped me set proper boundaries this time. However, I ended a 19 year marriage over many of the issues she brings up here. I provided all of these things for the ex, and SHE was happy. Once I started standing up for myself and setting boundaries the ex was no longer happy…she’d lost control. Now I’m married to a woman with a similar mindset as me. We have separate bank accounts but we split all expenses evenly at her insistence because she wants to contribute too. From the onset we were both very clear with what we wanted out of a relationship and life; we respect each other’s boundaries. We mutually support one another and joke that we have a commonwealth system rather than a traditional marriage. So far so good…
Reading your story gave me hope in my own. It’s scary, but I’m willing to try again
I wish you all the best🙂
I'm with ya, brother. Had a relationship of 21 years end because I found my testicles and started saying "No". Princess couldn't handle it. With that disaster several years in the past, I'm happier now than I have been in over a decade.
@@Mr._Anderpson yup. Its all about the beginning. Don't maker her happy make her understand. That for a relashionship to work both parties must be willing oy make each other happy.
Oh and forgiveness before sleeping, that's another one.
Never start the day with anger.
I hear you chemtrooper! Would love to hear more of the little details, of your commonwealth. I don't know if you have an earnings gap between you, but how would do you deal with it?
Have you had any time she could not pay the 50% or even needed you to pay the full amount, do you keep tabs on the amount owed, do you accept payments in kind ( like christmas with my family). A commonwealth is hard.
I was talking to a woman and at the same time I was designing a little roadside store for a farm I want to have in the next few years. So one day I was working on the store security (It is a small roadside store , I expect someone will think of robbing it ) . Well I am a real security nut and I was designing a really safe and secure building , and she suddenly seemed really interested in what I was working on and became much more affectionate than she had been up to that point.
So I totally agree with your first point , want to move the relationship to the next level start talking about security glass , alarm systems , shotguns under the counter , electric remote door locks , Etc.
Thank you for the advice. After 16 years together my wife and i are working on reigniting our relationship and this video is very helpful for me
I read The Five Languages and Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles at the same time morphing them into a relationship/business book and vice versa.
Communication goes both ways with sender/receiver.
Totally agree
Loving your channel
Your talk about what a woman needs is great, I've tried those techniques - flowers, date for breakfast, her favorite meal with conversation, with little success. It's gotten to the point that I feel my whole purpose here is to listen, run errands and pay the bills. Financially we are very stable, to the point that my paychecks are now mostly going into savings accounts which we had agreed on. Still the relationship is nothing more than a companionship - any type of physical contact is minimal and I usually get a suspicious look from her. Will keep trying - so thank you.
She’s probably a narcissist and you don’t recognize it took a while for me to recognize it blessings
She sounds ungrateful.
"We had agreed on" ??? It's your money.
You sound like your purpose is to please her. Maybe you should focus on yourself and on your own needs - she doesn't.
Well said rebecca.important priorities for a healthy relationship
Communications; where she wakes you up in the middle of the night with a problem. You then spend the rest of the night thinking (stewing) on the problem, and then you go to talk with her about the problem with a solution, and she says “Oh I don’t need to fix the problem, I just needed to talk about it.”.
Us guys are solution driven and if you do the middle of the night thing enough, you get a guy who no longer “hears” you. If you don’t want the guy to find a solution to an issue then you need to be upfront about that, or your guy is no longer going to be concerned, but angry.
Dude that is so effing annoying ! I have a hard enough time waking up in the night because my brain is trying to solve problems while I sleep.
I mean, hummm...
Does it sound normal to vomit and have an emotional diarrhea at any given moment?
And then later say, I just wanted you to listen!!!
So, simmering and sharing in the toxic sauce of no solution is their recipe to a good relationship??
Hummm
Houston we have a problem!!
The things you say here are all valid, as far as I know. Some time ago, it was common sense that all agreed with. Too bad that it has been lost and must be re-stated.
To summarize: women want reassurance.
The communication part should be really easy and I often usually just listen to her and confirming that i listen and paying attention.
But sometimes it’s hard because as you said we men want to fix things and you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to say anything.
So sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and be quiet.
Yea pretty much that’s the gist lol.
A good video to look up is “it’s not about the nail” it’s the perfect depiction of communication that women need.
Women are more social. They use more words on a daily basis than women. A man often come home after a work day fully talked out while she has not started.
I am 61 and you taught me something! Thank you!
giving your women everything she wants is the best way to make her not love or respect you
There's a big difference between "giving your woman EVERYTHING she WANTS" and "taking your woman's BASIC NEEDS seriously". You are right that when you act like her servant she (understandably) doesn't respect you. But Rebecca is talking about something different. It's not about her making demands and you fulfilling them. It's about you figuring out ways which are good for her and okay for you to address these three basic needs she has. It might feel like work for you to a certain degree, but if you're not ready to do this why be in a partnership in the first place? Especially the first point, security, is anyway easily understood by any mature man. It's like Rebbecca says,:if a woman has to provide the security, she can do it to a certain degreee, but she feels awkward. A man on the other hand feels his self-respect growing when he does the work to provide (different kinds of) security and therefore doesn't even need the validation of the woman for this. And it might not be always possible to fully provide all types of security. But one type of security is still better than none. And two and a half types are better than one. A good woman understands that her man is not superman and appreciates when he does a reasonable effort in the areas which are possible at the moment. Communication and affection is mainly based on taking the personality of your partner seriously and giving her some of your time and attention whithout changing your own personality and drive.
Both sides have to take at least some steps towards eachother. You decide how you do it. A good woman will actually like it a lot if you do it YOUR WAY and not feel forced to play a certain role. In this way it's honest and genuine. Equally important is that she takes the three basic needs of a man (in Rebecca's other video) seriously and addresses them in a way which is good for you and okay for her. That can also feel like work for her to a certain degree. I'm sure if both sides do this, that's like booom! 90% of relationship success. And both sides have a huge increase in the feeling that their life makes sense.
@@gomaxim7057 _It's about you figuring out ways which are good for her and okay for you to address these three basic needs she has_
Does any woman do the same for her man? Ha, haha, hahaha.... bitter laughs among the male audience, including even the very successful with women men, those very men who don't sit long with a single female precisely because they know she is a depreciating asset and she will give less and less and less the more they spend time with her.
Forget about trying to "find ways" to satisfy her...and this ... and that... and the other. Just be a man. Treat her like a child, don't ask her much, don't care about her wishes much, just decide and act and make her follow. If she does not follow, you leave her.
Needs and wants are very different things, especially for women.
Women just want men to listen...don't give advice.
Wife: "you don't care. I am telling you all this and you just sat there".
@@redgeraniumwolf
Why don't we stay away from them altogether and avoid all this train wreck of quadruple ambiguity. When convenient THIS. When inconvenient THAT.
Sounds like a life of running hoops and obstacles for what??
Very good explanation!!!
Thx for sharing this video.
You hit the nail on the head your right
These are SUCH wise words! I get none of these things from the man I live with, and so I am going to play him this Video! 🙂 Thanks SO much!
Great info and short, easy to understand 👍. Will be playing these with my wife. Thank you
I appreciate a womans thoughts on relationships. It really does help me understand better what you all are thinking.
1 - Security;
2 - Communication;
3 - Affection;
Well-Said M'Lady! (Like R.E: Location-Location-Location! For MY Woman: Affection-Affection-Affection!) Brava, Donna-Bella!
…but if your man starts to talk like you in a communicative way like you, you lose interest. I have tried it, many times. We are there to listen, not to talk. So its a one way communication.
we only have to talk about facts, not feeling :v
It's true IME woman aren't really good listeners, they are more happy talking than listening
I am sorry that you and many others are having this experience. I never notived that before. Because I know I am emotionally sensitive and need to be listened to. So I thought it is obvious that I will return the favour always. And check in if I sense that encouragement to share might be needed.
Women can be insensitive just as much as men and it is just wrong to take and not give.
Men are strong and have things to share too. Good partners know and value this. I hope you meet a good partner if that is what you want in your life.
Yeah, this is a problem that many Modern Women have today.
@@rub800 It depends upon the Woman, but many today are trash @ Listening.
You said communication but described listening. I agree women don't always need to be communicated with but listened to.
Relationships take work, co-oporation, trust and respect. What people miss, is this means you need to make yourself worthy of these things, not give them irrespective of the other persons actions. the three things you listed are meaningless long turm if there is a lack of willingness to work on the relatiionship, co-oporation, trust or respect.
Well, they alway wait for you to make a move. She comes after with less. It's always less!!
Point #1 is very overlooked and sometimes unknown to men as that term has different meaning to different people. Great clarification
My last relationship, she had all this and more. many times she told me I treated her like a queen, and was amazed at being respected this much. Three years later, gone. People want to know why I'm now a lone wolf
Because you met all her needs dude.
Do not be Blue pill dude. Be a red pill dude. 👍
#2, as presented, is a subset of #1. The communication presented isn't about actually communicating but rather comforting her, such as providing emotional security, while she destresses. The point isn't about actual communication and being on the same page. Rather sometimes the way to fix the problem isn't to hunt for the solution but put your arm around her and listen. But women, it helps if you communicate that this is what you want and need at the moment.
#3 is a subset of both #1 and #2.
in terms of affection most of the women end up in a relationship with a guy that isnt that interested in them so he stops eventually with affection and the guy or guys who were giving them affection were disposed as nice or needy guys
Yeah, you see that quite a bit.
They blame men, but they are notorious relationship wreckers.
They destroy them
This is terribly often true.
Thank you Rebecca for sharing your wisdom,more grace.
I'm all for better relationships and appreciate your videos..
No kidding!!
Half the ingredients for the cake are rotten.
Yesssss, 👍👍👍👍
I value that feeling being secure in a relationship. Feeling protective by him and feeling safe that my man won't entertaint other women.
And I need some affections like he kisses, hugs, hold my hand while together, giving surprised gifts ☺️....
And I need my man appreciate and listen to me..
That's all.....
Security is an illusion, nothing is secure, all we can do is responsiveness to potentially unsecure situations, just because life IS unsecure everytime.
You got it!!!
I support your message
100%
That's why nobody fits the bill.
How can you provide security to something so unpridictibly insecure?
But, you did not get her heart stamp of approval!!
Damm!!
Typing the words, and getting them uploaded here, is security.
Guys need communication too. A lot of girls will be upset about something the man did and not say anything expecting him to figure it out and when the guy gets tired of trying to figure it out he will eventually give up and start playing video games or something which just pisses her off more.
Affection, love, security , understanding etc..etc…”The surest way to make a woman miserable is to give her everything she wants."
Less is More
Facts
What a woman wants is a man who never contradicts her world view no matter how unhealthy it is. Usually this involves complimenting her vices and condemning her virtues. This is a secondary reason why men are attracted to younger women. Because women don't let men challenge their worldview that get more and more messed up in the head as they age.
@@frogprinceceo9609 What kind of a stupid comment is that? Real life experiences shared by millions of people ARE FACTS!
@@DR--- So much to learn. Women also grow up. They do learn their lessons, often too late in life because they never make the effort when it counts-- when they are young and command enormous power with no brains. I have lived with 3 different women in VERY long term relationships. I changed all of them in their world view-- one a proud feminist. Lead by example, be gentle in your execution and don't tolerate any shit.
Yes! Love and to be loved is world's Greatest Joy!!
It’s really refreshing to see a feminine woman like yourself and good views. But tbh dating in this age is done (for the most part). Too much feminism , social media toxic culture, and etc .. nobody wants a combative and masculine woman at all. But great Channel !
Yea, it's basically'too little, too late' now.
Yeah. At the end of the day the woman has to let the man be the man. If a women comes out swinging with masculine energy to test her man he will walk away,if he is smart, or he will be like oh this is how she is and im fine with that, giving her the space to be like that in the relationship. Which as we now know is a ticking time bomb for the failure of said relationship.
@@outlaw451 So I have an honest question...not trying to just antagonize...just an honest question: men complain about women and our 'being female' and 'those female ways' and how it is stupid and annoying and a turn off. So if being feminine is a problem for the men and acting masculine is a problem for the men, that kind of leaves us with 'be nothing' or just ditch the men. Can you explain this? Cause I am a bit frustrated and genuinely would like to understand...😀
@@jenniferpinaire2605 this is a good quedtion. So the issue a lot of the time is that women your in a relationship with complain a lot when they dont need to. There is a time and place to do that but its not every day. Its important to adress issues, like reminding your man that there is a medical bill that needs paid or something. But the reality is that people come home to someone who is ready to complain and want to be pampered and entertained. You need to be doing that for him, not the other way around. Sitting there and being submissive is feminant, having needs and want for protection is femenine. What a lot of moder women are doing is more childish. They want there man to lead and protect them, but all they do is complain, questional a ñot for no real reason, and ask for more. They have been taught this becsuee in moder societty complaining is how you get what you wsnt espetially if you are female. So they bring that into a relationshup, men deal with it, but a lot of times the only thing that we can do is emotionally abort the relationship because WE GET NOTHING AND LOSE EVERYTHING, and no one cares. So we stick around And you losing it all to the person who is suposed to care for you and suport you. But you test a man and tare him down.
@@outlaw451 men have to provide an enviroment for women to be feminine to their masculinity. Submission is earned when a man can actually lead. Expecting a woman to just submit to anyone is asking for abuse.
I'm am now 69yrs and 2 failed marriages. and though I'm enjoying my remaining years "off the market" I wish I knew this "precious knowledge" before! But a Big Thank You for making this video! I hope you save many burgeoning relationships through your care!
Well then. There's alot to unpack here as usual. I'm sure you mean well, but the man isn't the unloading dock for your woes and concerns.
Philippians 4:6-7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
There. Solved your security and communication problems. The affection portion will come inevitably if both man and woman know and follow the biblical archtype.
Side note: If you don't like this solution, let me drop a bit of wisdom on yall. Unlike other faiths, the God of the Bible can be tested in one way. And this is how: Give 10% of your net gain from your paychecks to God. (If you don't have a job, then give your time) I didn't say the church or some kind of charity because most of these institutions are shady. Instead give that 10% to the actual poor/homeless, sick, hungry, thirsty, etc. Matthew 25:36-40
I swear in the name of the Most High, you will receive a blessing that you cannot contain. Malachi 3:10
Great biblical Wisdom. 🙏🙏👏👏👏👊👊
Great advice! I will try to remember, at least, these three things.
Great stuff Rebecca, let me break it down for my ADHD brothers:
Security = $$$
Communication = listen, don't talk.
Affection = gifts, flowers, etc.
You should do three things NOT to do. I'll kick it off:
Don't tell her you love her (very often).
Don't tell her you how beautiful you think she is ( save for special occasions).
Don't tell her YOUR problems and fears. She will lose all respect and confidence in you.
I hope some women are listening to your channel. It's a good starting point for them.
TL; DR
@@sapitron ?
@@oldtymer9106 That means you provided the video equivalent of a “Too Long; Didn’t Read” summary.
Although i disagree affection equates to gifts and flowers.
@@brittybee6615 well, if you read "the five love languages" gift giving is one of the languages and seems to be a pretty popular one among the ladies (not universally, though). It was my wife's primary love language. She was a gifted gift giver, always looking for things for different people in her life. Me? I was just trying to keep a roof over our heads and food in the fridge, so unfortunately I didn't live up to her expectations. I did manage to give her a beautiful funeral earlier this year after she lost her battle to CoVid.
RIP Michelle Natividad Mascella.
@@oldtymer9106 Sorry for your loss man. Truly
communication is just fine but not all the time! sometimes less can be more. let's give that try.
“We automatically assume the worst”
Yup. Sounds like my wife.
“That girl at the checkout was jealous of me.”
Honey. All she did was call for a price check.
🤣🤣
Lol 😂
😁😁
Very nice, clear points made---thanks.
21st Century Feminist
1) Security: stop choosing the, "Bad boy thugs" to be a partner.
2) no one cares about your feelings; spill them to your girlfriend or therapist
3) reference #1 as men are sick and tired of listening to women in their 30's and 40's cry and whine about where are all the good guys.
Women.....it's not all about you. Make better choices.
Agree 100%
Where are All the good men?
With the good Women or single.
Women have always complained about something. Men are providers, hunters, a safety net for women. The problem isn't feminism it is not having Christ in their life. Feminism is the result of not having Christ in our lives both as individuals and as a nation.
Ponder this and search scripture to find your answers.
You are awesome. Fantastic information. Thank you ❤️👍
1. I provide security in various forms. Stop undermining OUR financial security by spending every dime we have on stupid shoes etc.
2. I will listen and empathize with you almost anytime you want to "talk". But why do your emotions ALWAYS need attention when I finally find the time to do something I want to do. (play my guitar or watching a game) Also, effective communication always happens with fewer words. If I ask you if you want something, (a soda from the kitchen, a throw to keep your legs warm while watching TV etc.) the correct response """""ALWAYS"""!!!! begins with a yes or a no. THEN, if you want to explain to WHY you said yes or no I will be happy to listen.
3. I adore giving physical affection to my woman, but when you start making a schedule of when I should give a specific type of affection at certain times and in certain places and continually reject my affection because it doesn't fit into your schedule which you have failed to share with me, I will stop giving it to you. Even when you ask.
One thing I don't understand about women is they are often cryptic when it comes to communication. They'll say one thing and mean the opposite. They will clam up when we ask them what's wrong and then get upset when we can't figure out why they are angry. Those same women will complain that their men can't communicate.
10000000% true!!
A professional is more economical than a relationship. No apologies.
Now that's funny.
Beautiful what you say in the video Rebecca!
Sounds good. But my experience is that women want a 6 foot tall minimum, 6 figure income minimum, and 6 pack abs with a cocky bad boy attitude.
Absolutely True ❤️
Did you hear about the really romantic Norwegian man?
He loved his wife so much he almost told her.
His Finnish wife was so happy she almost smiled.
The irony is that controlling is based on the feeling of insecurity and ultimately creates the reality of insecurity as the partner becomes rebellious and resentful while withdrawing affection.
I agree 100% at the same time, to a man affection is mostly followed by sex 99% of the time because women do not have the equipment we have so it easier for you to say “it is just affection”. As a husband I agree with you on being more affectionate which is very good for a healthy relationship at the same time, women need to understand the importance of sex to men in general because all men know women go through a monthly cycle so every opportunity is gold so if we can both meet in the middle everything will be fine but if we only focus on what we want from the other and not what I can also give in exchange to the other it is not fair. On conversation, I have a question Why do women take too long to express themselves in conversations that supposed to last 10-20 minutes but last over one hour?
Good day. I'm so glad that I've discovered you and your nuggets for a happy marriage. God bless you ☺️
I gotta say I disagree with #2. If you want it fixed, come to a man. If you don't, then you can have the feels, tears, empathy & sympathy [only] from a gf, or female family member. Asking or telling your man to not fix a problem you brought to him is emasculating and embarrassing. Its something that will fester in us and make us feel useless or weak, and eventually resentful. And in most cases we're stuck with giving the "I told you so" later that never goes over well.
You nailed it. It's not that we don't care either, it's just that's not how our brains work. I still to this day have no idea how to react when a woman is getting emotional around me because I know she is not looking for advice but it's just not in me to be the shoulder to cry on. I agree about the resentful part too, not wanting our help is very devaluing to us men.
If you don’t know how to react, I think the first thing you can do is ask what’s wrong and listen to her problem. You can just use Her love language to show affection, that way you don’t feel like you didn’t do anything. U listened, she ranted, you made her feel better ❤️🩹 I feel like if she asks you what should she do then that’s when you give her a solution, then everyone is happy, whether she takes it or not is now up to her.
This info made my day!! Thanks (x100)
3 things a woman wants from her man-
1 money
2 good enough to make her friends jealous ( over 6 foot, rich, 6 pack, good education, big car, big house etc )
3 more money.
Immature women, yes. Mature men shouldn't want those women, fun as they may be for a fling. But it still sucks that, apparently, so many young women fall into that category, these days. It's great to see women like Rebecca carrying the torch for maturity in a decrepit generation.
@@MatthewLMaw
Carrying the torch!!!
Boy!!??
You are another one that believes in this super girl fixing a deep moral problem.
Everything is in shaky grounds.
Everything!!
It's a rigged system against you. Starting with their vote. The legislature, family court, criminal, labor, civil, etc.. Work. Education etc...
Until nothing changes there. It's nothing but words and more words. Why do you lean against the idea that this woman is going to save the world?
So, its basicly money, money, money and more money
@@lur3950 Well romance ( money ), wedding ( money ), divorce ( LOTS OF money ), and in England she'll get half of your private pension ( money ). But don't forget that women also have " certain needs " and it's their right to receive it, but if you want the same your making unrealistic demands of her and you're a pervert.
@@joejoejoejoejoejoe4391
Exactly!!
You nailed it!!
I support your message 100%
I say, we men need to distance ourselfs from them asap
Thank you security a listening ear and affection
All I hear is that we are expected to pay their way. What makes a woman so red carpet worthy?
Exactly. Why do men have to more or less be the breadwinner? Why can't I be with someone who makes way more money than me and provides for me financially? Because it's lazy and entitlement. Women (and men) need to stop feeling that they are entitled to so much. Especially financial security.
@@Criner05 I totally get where you're coming from.
Rebbeca ! I like your personality and the way you present. You come across honest and fair!
Why on #2 does this communication have to be so negative. Like the example you use of stop being friends with that girl (so obviously, the female was engaged it a negative story). I can no longer ask how my wife's day at work was, as much as I would like to. This negativity only brings down the listener and as the saying goes - misery loves company. There is little encouragement to engage in #2 and really exhibits why so many woman are on percription antidepressants.
There is many many more reasons why there is an epidemic use of antidepressants
Not disputing that, what I am saying is that for the none depressed you don't want to get caught up in their cycle of negativity.
I think that their pathotic cycle should be a personal matter, to be shared with mental health care professionals and not made into the foundation of a relationship.
Yeah, I failed on all three fronts. She even told me later she didn’t like the fact that I retired. I was 62. I was drawn three pensions. She wanted me to be making six figures like her sister and her brother. She was working and she felt like I wasn’t. I moved out. We continued to talk even though she had a living boyfriend. She told me one day on the phone when she called that she didn’t realize how much I did around the house and around the yard and for her. Now she’s in a relationship she talk to me all the time. I’m meeting other women. If she doesn’t come back soon, I’ll be gone with one of them.
Such a lovely girl, but there are issues with some of these ideas. Communication….until recently, it has never in history been the man’s job to listen to the constant barrage of drama that comes from women. This is why women in a community had each other. The modern woman is expecting something from men that they are not designed to do. You can’t bake a cake with a tire iron!
Security….This should no longer be an issue for women. This should actually be an issue for men. Women have guaranteed their security with their “right” to vote. Women have really married the government. The government, and all it’s entitlements and benefit programs are the security blanket for the modern woman. Government is the mechanism in which women hold men hostage to continue to support them long after the relationship is over. 70% of all taxes are paid by men….yet men have no access to this welfare state. The truth is, men take far greater risk when having a relationship with a woman, and at this point, should be avoiding it at all cost. It is men who need the security guarantee. All of the problems we see in society were not an issue when men had security in marriage. When government handed over all power and authority in the family to women, it guaranteed the destruction of the family unit. And no, no man has authority in the family….if you think you do, just see what happens when your wife goes to the courthouse and files on you. First will be the restraining order, which gets you removed from your own house. Then you will lose your finances and your children. When a man says “I do,” he is really saying “I no longer have authority over my life or the life of my family.”
I support your message 100%
Conveniently she does not even touch the surface on this issues of far greater importance.
I support the complete absolute distancing from them.
One you forgot to mention.
Now with all this support system they have. They arogantly claim this powerful, independant, strong female thing. They look down on men all the way, all they long. Their dudu don't stink. I mean, it's endless. I wish them good luck in their powerful heaven on earth they have created.
Man you have spoken the truth like a guy who had to live it out, this happened to me, just like you laid it out; this marriage cabal is like handing a knife to a mass murderer and expecting her to behave! Once you are married she will forever hold the knife to your throat and there is no turning back. So everything taken into account what choice does a young man have? But now it seems there is a massive downtick not only from dating but also from marriage rates as well. Lets see how Femi nazis will do once they have, like Lu R mentioned, created a living hell for themselves as they hit the wall and become isolated and lonely, forcing animals to be their friends! And the guys now keep their assets safe from these jackals, younger men coming up will see the trends and back away from a deal where thy lose everything and have no rights afterwards. It really is the beginning of the end for western civilizaiton!
The 2nd one made me chuckle. Women need to express themselves and sometimes that can be complaining about something. I know this because I used to live in a household with sisters and a mother and they complained a lot especially to me. It's understandable and I like to listen anyways.
I think, feel, and believe the words you speak are how it's supposed to be. However, as you can see by the comment section Men have been crushed. Men are walking away altogether and they're not coming back. There's no benefit and the court system leaves us literally living in either our truck or a cardboard box. But do keep up the good work, maybe you might change the mind of a few reckless females.
Jimmy, I whole heartedly support your message. But, when has a woman fixed anything? Do you really want to put your hopes on somebody that represents them. So far all I've heard, is come down guys!!
Relationships are good!!
All you need is this and that.
Never mentioned the root of the problem. Meaning, her base is just having been in psychological therapy.
You and I know, even with therapy and all that, if upset all of it goes out the window. And court filing & court proceeding starts!!! The root problem is them voting!
@@lur3950 people may not be as religious anymore, but one thing religion did well was get people to treat sex and marriage as something to be kept holy between two people
@@hebercluff1665
You nailed it 100%
I support your message under no hesitation.
In those two videos it's a description of true love. Dancing ignites love. Therefore dance it's in all cultures.
I had a girlfriend tell me, if she found a guy that already had a home he paid off, she would want him to sell it off so they could go buy the one she really wanted for her and possible children.
That's incredibly terrible.
So true!
His Needs Her Needs List: Women's Needs
1 Affection & Adoration
2 Intimate Conversation
3 Honesty and Openness
4 Financial Commitment
5 Family Commitment
Book: His Needs, Her Needs Book.
Author: Dr. Willard Harley
Sounds like anxiety rules a lot of women’s relationships. So, is being “more emotional” just a lack of introspection? Or is being “more emotional” just an inherent trait?
Inherent trait from evolution.
Think about it like what would happen to a cave woman so how should she think? If her man and society abandon her, her and her children die.
That's why they're so keen to drama.
They want affection to be reassured that he will bring her and the kid food, maintain their shelter, and protect them from predators.
That's the most basic way I can explain it. I hope it helps.
Emotional immaturity is a symptom of a core issue (men or women).
I would say a mixture of both, but more so inherent. It depends on the individual. I say more inherent, due to how throughout history women are generally treated. Even in modern days, women are a part of a vulnerable population, because genetically we are weaker than men. We are constantly told that we need to be careful or the big-ol boogie man is going to snatch us. We need to feel safe physically. Also due to how some women are conniving manipulators, women can fall victim to back stabbing and betrayal, so emotional security is also very important to us in that regard. Hope this helps. This is just my personal understanding though.
@@hayleyb.2648 Women are not a vulnerable population…..this idea is just feminist fantasy. Women are a protected population. In virtually every negative and dangerous category, men are most effected. The only thing women are vulnerable to is the results of their own bad decisions. The statistics in the US show us that more men are raped than women. More men are murdered than women. More men die in workplace incidents. More men are homeless. On top of this, the government does everything it can to disenfranchise men and to cater to women. The government purposely is doing everything it can to destroy men and the family. Female vulnerability in the modern world is a myth. There is only one gender that the world is at war with. Please stop this nonsense of female vulnerability.
@@rednab2001 Dude. Chill. I’m not talking societal vulnerability. I agree that women are the most protected right now. I’m talking about how genetically women are born physically weaker and smaller. Older folks and people with a disability that affects movement are also in the vulnerable population. Those people are more likely to be attacked.
A lot of times what I've found that Modern Women have insecurities and fears that don't allow them to feel secure. A lot of Women today suck @ Communication and don't know how to effectively communicate in a Relationship. Also, a lot of Women are closed off with walls and don't allow themselves to fully embrace the affection of a Man for the Long-term. All of these are great pieces of Advice, but Ms. Rebecca if you only knew what a lot of us Guys go through with Females...I do disagree with aspects of what you said about Communication as well.
Rebecca, I've watched a few of your videos for the last few days. I've also watched other videos the last few days. The videos I've watched are on the subject of relationships. I normally shut up and just hit the like button or just don't say anything at all. In this subject, a family man of 20+ years needs to bring some clarity. Of the few videos I have watched, a lot of folks are screaming men this and women that. But the core issue that NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IS..... what is a man and what is a woman??? 🤔🤔. Everybody wants one, but these videos are not breaking down what men and women are. You can't ask for a man if you've never been raised with a REAL DADDY. This is fact. Because as a woman, you don't know all of what a man is supposed to do to keep a marriage functional and happy. These books are teaching bullshit. Without a dad in the house, the mom never truly exhibited the true essence of womanhood. So guys cannot ask for a woman because they haven't seen one. Women take on the man role and it fucks things up. The man takes on the woman's role and it fucks things up. That is why I tell people be very careful when dealing with this new age of "gender identity". A woman WILL NEVER HAVE THE DNA AND BORN CHARACTERISTICS OF A MAN. And vice versa with women. Gender identity is the elephant in the room nobody wants to talk about. That's why I shut up. I love everyone, but different genders taking on other genders roles....we as a human race are headed for guaranteed doom down the line. Sorry for the rant. But it needed to be said once and for all. I have more, but if I don't get a reply, I'll just keep my mouth shut. Good night everyone
@katharina kaffee Thank-you!!! Exactly!
Very well said, sir! 🙏🙏👊👊👏👏👌👌💪💪
Exactly my thoughs.
Thank you for this great compilation of tips. So rare to find a high quality women giving high quality tips to help a man create a happier relationship. The 1st aspect I can relate to particularly well, after 25 years of a largely stormy water marriage (but still sailing ahead), is "security" - the more tidal waves that hit me, the more I had to strengthen the ship (me). The security grew, and so did the respect. Self-improvement is often not easy, but a high-quality woman will value it.
Pppprrrrrrffffffhhhhh!!!!!!
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Thank you very much for bringing religion, aka your hobby, in to the discussion. I will now provide quotes from my favorite Fiction book.....
Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” The heart is more important than the temporary external beauty.
@@Eaglejake Your relationship will never be right unless God is the center
The security thing is huge. I have a friend who has floundered around for his entire adult life. He's almost 59 years old and still has nothing but dreams but hasn't achieved anything really. Consequently he has been dumped by many girlfriends and a few wives. He can't provide any sense of security so relationship after relationship has failed. His communication skills suck too but that's another issue.
What momen WANT, and what they SAY THEY WANT are not the same things.
This makes women sound virtuous, so they say it.
What they really want makes them seem like beasts.
Well, let's get that lie out of the way. Let's start calling them what they really are.
@@lur3950 bi.tches?
Where do they say they have and what do they really want?
@@lur3950 🫣
I like the way you teach.All you say in your teachings are facts
Divorce rate is 75- 80%. If you know that you got 20% of chance that you parachuting will open did you jump?? I don't think so.
This is why the vetting process is so important. Many times people ignore the blatant red flags early in the relationship because they are in “love”. Love won’t make the marriage last, hard work, selflessness and dedication to the marriage and to your partner is what keeps people married.
Also, it takes two to sign the divorce papers. It can’t be filed unless both parties sign so at some point the other person throws in the towel.
Marriage should be fought for.
@@RebeccaBarrett I'll whole heartedly agree with you on vetting process. We need to bring back judgement and destigmatize it.
The idea of selflessness and fighting for a relationship I can't get on board with. Selflessness is ultra rare, what more often then not happens is people treat their efforts as almost like equity or like a loan. "I am selfless for you so you owe me ____" Like a covert contract. This is the people who will snap and lose it screaming "I gave you everything" when you walk away from the relationship.
Also with the fighting for a relationship, think about what that really is. It's an idealization of the relationship that your in love with, not the person your in love with.
@@RebeccaBarrett it's a function of the instinct of romantic attraction: to obsess and believe your partner is the only one for you. This mating instinct is often so strong that most people can't resist it. I studied it since I'm aro and don't have the romantic attraction instinct. It was a very effective way to force people to pass on their genes pre-birth-control.
You nailed it.
I acknowledge the difference between the sexes, however, when a woman can't or won't let go of her insecurities the reason is predominantly 1) a psychological impairment 2) a shit test designed for power assessment 3) she has been taught All women Do this or 4) she wants to fast track ending the relationship . I will use your own testimony "My husband is amazing. He is strong and confident." That is a great statement how you view your husband and reflects the trust and respect you give him. Now ladies acknowledge the difference between the sexes again; you want security, compassion, acknowledgement from the same man who you depend on to be logical, stoic, forthright, ambitious, protective and strong, what part of your own desires for character in a man lends its self to switching into Mother Theresa? Women DON'T respect soft men so drop the hypocrisy. Telling men they Should Listen more, give flowers, be empathetic is an attempt to change a man's nature. Stop it.
The fact is this ladies: men will protect, provide (empathy, comfort etc.) When it is really needed. A wife supports her husband, as you should know being a Christian, it is counter-productive to bombard your man with the rainbow of emotional FEELS elicited by various conversations, sights, smells, noises encountered during the day especially since you expect him to bury those same experiences from his day.
Here is a good rule of thumb, if you feel that too much sensory input requires release negotiate a time when your man will let you vent for five minutes (the elevator pitch) and when you are done talking and become silent he, your man, will take you into his arms and hold you. This will satisfy the insecurity needs while not imposing a false state on either of you.
You might be surprised to find this courtesy for your man will be rewarded with a closeness that makes you want to blow off all the nonsense of the day, change the five minute venting session into flirting in the shower and postpone the hug until after sex. When you stop allowing the outside world from coloring your relationship what you both desire can be up front with each other.
the thoughts & verbalizing: My wife explained that when the thoughts go round and round in the head, they all start to collided and lead to really weird blind alleys and worst case scenarios. If they are said out loud, the obvious 'dumbness' pops out and she can dismiss them as 'well that's just silly'. So guys most of what women say out loud is meant to be ignored. Problem is sorting out the good stuff from the weird stuff, to us is sounds the same.
Barely making 40k I will never be able to offer anyone security. I would love to be married, but I just don’t qualify.
Be glad. Very glad. The so called value men are victims of the worst divorce rapes and betrayals. There are endless cases. Recent one, famous doctor, the wife was working for a high end call girl business. She has been doing it for 5 years. Ok! And because the legislature is rigged, like no fault divorce. This low life, will get anything she wants. Just watch! And she will look like a victim with some manufactured thesis from a wackologist.
When I met my now wife she was making $40K and I was making $32K. Five years later I'd gone back and gotten a degree, found a career path and gotten my entry job, and was making $$50K and she was making $50K. Five years after that I was making six figures and she 'retired' to raise our son and volunteer at school. You need to come up with a plan to improve your financial situation. Find a career with that kind of potential and get the schooling/training to get into it. It's a problem....work the problem. You can improve your situation.
@@jameswalling8838
Hello James, you forget to mention that you found someone you could work this out throughout the process from begining to end. What you are talking about cannot be done overnight. And it takes sacrifice, a tighter budget, strength & a few other things. Agreed, you can do movement & find light in the horizon. But, the quality of the partnership is crucial. Having the understanding that your field could become obsolete or face underpayment suddenly & with no warnings. And there you are back to the drawing board. So, partnership of the sorts is of great importance. Just when people face life and death is when we suddenly realise what's truly important. And what we thought was of supreme importance, it no longer is.
Have a blessed day.
@@lur3950 You are correct, it does not happen overnight. I put together a 5 year plan to transition from carpentry to finance. I spent 4 years getting a new degree, with the loans to prove it, while working and studying for a professional designation. For 2 years I had zero downtime...there was always something that I needed to be doing. My point is that you don't give up, you step up. You do what needs to be done. I could have done this, in fact it would have been easier, without someone in my life, but I made the choice to add even more to the load because I saw the potential and refused to remain in my existing circumstances.
Bruce, get a second job, bring in an extra $20K/year and you are golden!
It’s not just up to guys for us to learn how to communicate-it’s a two way street. You want to vent, cool-say so before hand to set a man up for success and in the mode to listen and not fix something. Just like how guys don’t want to hear about people 3X’s removed from their circle of folks they don’t know. Jill from work, her boyfriend’s sister stories…that’s gonna make our brain melt and give less room to hear you 💁🏼♂️
I’d encourage folks to read men are like waffles and when are like spaghetti-amazing book!
Then what do you do with a girlfriend that demands you slap her face, spit in her mouth and do other things in a forceful manner. Not kidding here. She freaks me out with these intense demands.
That's called a masochism fetish...
Yuck.
There's light bdsm and then there is Satan worship... 😂🛐
Without faith, no woman will feel security. What comes from God will never come from flesh and blood.
You aren’t valued in the relationship...90% of you. You do almost nothing of benefit and have no character. You’re feelings of not being loved for who you are are spot on. You have to do valuable things in order to be valued. Women bringing value to relationships ended about 60 years ago for the most part.
It's very hard to do when the woman is pushing you away and not letting you do anything to her
The problem with what women what from us is the difference between what us as men want. We get what we want we are satisfied. We give women what they want and it changes, or they will add on, or its not good enough or they say you're boring so men feel like what's the use she will never be satisfied or happy and if she is, it won't last long because like she said women have thoughts and emotions running through their heads 1000 times a minute, can never be satisfied
"Security" I get, "Communication" translates to "listen to me complain for half an hour and do nothing to correct that which I complain about, and tomorrow - I'll do it all again." Important information must also be gleaned during this venting which requires attention but no corrective action, just noting where the land mines were placed. "Affection" is impacted by the satisfaction of the prior two needs on a sliding scale that is not "communicated." Me? Married 35 years - same woman.