Autism & Holidays: An Autistic Survival Guide for the Holiday Season [5 Step Plan]

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  • Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
  • Don’t you wish that there's a "Survival Guide for the Holidays" that you can just refer to at this time of year? The holiday season often means increased social demands like Christmas parties, year-end functions, and other cultural events. Most people really love it, but for many autistic people who find socializing difficult, all that stress is magnified several times over, and it can be an absolute nightmare to navigate. So, in this video, let's walk through the ultimate survival guide for surviving the holiday season and maybe you can even have a good time!
    🎞️Timestamps:
    0:00 Introduction
    2:14 Step No. 1
    2:54 Why it’s practical
    3:23 Step No. 2
    3:48 What it means
    4:06 The Doctor’s Certificate
    5:18 Step No. 3
    5:48 What do you want to do?
    8:41 Step No. 4
    9:30 Ask “What can I do?”
    10:51 Step No. 5
    11:14 The critical step to feel safe
    -----------------------------------------------
    👋Welcome to Autism From The Inside!!!
    If you're autistic or think you or someone you love might be on the autism spectrum, this channel is for you!
    I'm Paul Micallef, and I discovered my own autism at age 30.
    Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this channel in the first place because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
    Autism affects many (if not all!) aspects of our lives, so on this channel, I want to show you what Autism looks like in real people and give you some insight into what's happening for us on the inside. We'll break down myths and misconceptions, discuss how to embrace autism and live well, and share what it's like to be an autistic person.
    Join me as I share what I've found along my journey, so you don't have to learn it the hard way.
    Make sure to subscribe so you won’t miss my new video every Friday and some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
    ➡️️ / @autismfromtheinside
    👋Connect with me:
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    Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy my channel!
    Peace,
    ~ Paul
    #autism #asd #autismawareness

КОМЕНТАРІ • 96

  • @Autisticelder
    @Autisticelder 5 місяців тому +7

    I do not enjoy any aspect of these celebrations so I don’t do Christmas, new year, or any holiday celebrations period. I don’t buy presents or get caught up in the stress or any commercial aspect of these times of year, thus I treat them like any other day of the year. I have been doing that for so long now no one bothers or pressures me to attend anything anymore. Many autistic people do not even like these celebrations for the sensory issues they provide, and try to people please at the cost of their own mental health. Sometimes there is just no compromise but rather we do not attend these celebrations. I do not feel guilty or obligated to do so ever and are happy for them to enjoy themselves without my presence. I just wont apologise for this or make up excuses for not attending.

    • @danieldaniels7571
      @danieldaniels7571 5 місяців тому +2

      Same here. I enjoy being able to pick up extra shifts at work that often have extra holiday pay and free food at work.

  • @Felsenkeks
    @Felsenkeks 5 місяців тому +40

    Christmas is a huge trauma trigger for me. As a high masking autist, getting all the cues about what gifts to buy that people will actually enjoy and that are socially acceptable in the face of what they get me and then assess their reactions while also adequately emoting being happy with my own gifts all while probably having failed at several preparatory tasks because of executive function and in the face of some highly critical family members that don't acknowledge my diagnosis and who will probably make comments... literally feels like taking a crucial maths test I know I will fail again every year.
    What I really desperately want is to avoid those critical family members and to not do gifts in general so I can avoid those draining mental gymnastics. But no, we have to do gifts. And because my parents are divorced, I have to do it twice.
    For that reason I genuinely enjoy going back to work on the 27th, like more than maybe any other day of the year.

    • @TheseAreMyHooves
      @TheseAreMyHooves 5 місяців тому +2

      Dayum yeah i feel you. At least when i was a kid my parents lived in seperate countries, so it made sense just to choose one parent for christmas break, although i loved getting flinged back and forth by plane 3 or 4 times a year for 15 years... now that we all live in the same country and ive got a romantic partner i gotta do 3 ! Lol... edit: although now actually due to the newest addition of the 3rd, theres a unoccupied house with a piano in it for christmas eve (when we do the whole present and big gathering thing), which im gonna make use of this time around and skip the usual. Theres plenty of other gatherings and do's to choose from around this time, so we dont have to do all of them, or any really...

    • @Skuu
      @Skuu 5 місяців тому +1

      Really don't mean for this to sound like it's easy or critical of you, it's maybe more of a self projection thing, but, is there any reality where you could see yourself just saying 'I don't want to do christmas this year?' I myself have attended christmas with family every year of my life, except one year. I was mentally done that year and I told my family that I was spending it with an ex at the time. They didn't react much, and it ended up being chill. But probably they would be upset if I kept not coming for xmas. Even if you think your family would be resistant, do you think that could just be a thing that you quit?

    • @AquaticHedgehog
      @AquaticHedgehog 5 місяців тому +2

      Wow, I so identify with this and I said ‘dayum ’ too. 😅

    • @acrobaticanna
      @acrobaticanna 5 місяців тому +3

      Your work on the 27th gives you back your routine which is very nice.

  • @KupcakeKitty
    @KupcakeKitty 5 місяців тому +4

    #1. Not visiting more than one place on the same day. Not have to deal with a lot of people I don't like. Break up socializing meetups by having a TLC day in between and maybe think of hosting my own together on my own time.
    #2. I don't have to go to events, do an activity, or respond to questions that make me uncomfortable. No one is my boss. I'm an adult.
    #3 I'm allowed to play with my Switch or fidget toys as long as I'm comfortable engaging with others.
    #4. Come over early to party. I'm there to be a guest, not to people, please. I have the right to walk away at any time.
    #5. I'm not trapped or can't go home. I can leave and go home whenever my battery is low or having a sensory overload.

  • @kimberlyb8774
    @kimberlyb8774 5 місяців тому +5

    I find that arriving very late is a workable solution for me in most situations. People are more relaxed and the socialization of the event has decreased. Some people are preparing to leave so my conversations with them are shorter. I just find the room less chaotic when people have eaten and are "talked out." I don't care if I miss the "formal dinner" I eat differently than most people anyway so I'm glad to avoid having everyone stare at my sparse plate. Good luck everyone, lol.

  • @AlexLouiseWest
    @AlexLouiseWest 5 місяців тому +18

    I love the music - choirs / duo / teaching singing. But I can’t stand flashing lights and crowds, and I’m totally exhausted in the UK Winter. Autism plus ME and fibromyalgia.
    As a Christian, I find the familiarity of the church services helpful for feeling safe.
    Parties are really hard but if there is a cat or dog I talk to them instead of humans.

  • @user-yv6xw7ns3o
    @user-yv6xw7ns3o 5 місяців тому +20

    Can't wait for this one! Holidays are insane to me.

  • @jamesmoore5630
    @jamesmoore5630 5 місяців тому +1

    I made a deal with my science teacher and my gym coach in 5th grade. I never had to go to gym class again, but, received an A in each class!!! The deal was to be locked in the science room and grade the other kids papers! In high school, the deal continued.

  • @laymayday
    @laymayday 5 місяців тому +11

    My one and only tactic is that I always have to have a way to get home without the help of others. If I have to rely on another person they can suddenly say that I have to wait (I’m talking about half an hour or longer). That makes me feel trapped and will in all probability end in a shutdown. I find shutdowns extremely distressing, so I’d rather it not happen.

    • @kats7930
      @kats7930 5 місяців тому

      What do you do if you can't control that going home bit? I literally can't drive cuz of my cognitive/executive delays and slight motor issues...So I have no way to escape really. Do you have any suggestions that work for you?

    • @laymayday
      @laymayday 5 місяців тому +1

      @@kats7930 I usually make sure that I at least know when we are going there and when we are leaving. Plus: I make sure that I know who’s going to be there.
      I don’t have more advice than that unfortunately 😔 Maybe you can ask people in an autistic facebook group or something like that? 😃

    • @kats7930
      @kats7930 5 місяців тому

      @@laymayday Kind of found facebook to be toxic. Most of the "autism" groups there are just anti-autistic "autism moms" who believe they are superheroes for putting up with the "burden" of enduring a disabled child, all while promoting their own subtle abusive behaviours... Reddit has some nice autistic peer groups I've found, but facebook isn't really a safe space for us. That said I don't know if there's really a good answer. My grandma keeps pressuring me, even today, but I know how this goes, and if I go I'll suffer... I don't know if there's any real way to make it work, and feels a bit too late to ask now that it's Christmas Eve...

    • @laymayday
      @laymayday 5 місяців тому +1

      @@kats7930 Oh, that sounds shitty! I won’t try Facebook then. Up until now I’ve just listened to different autistic youtubers, and sometimes commented on their videos. Maybe I should try Reddit too.
      I understand! It’s horrible to be pressured into going to gatherings like that 😩 I usually, unfortunately, have a shutdown during such events, which in a way keeps it from hurting as much but takes a big toll on the psyche. Maybe you’re the same? I hope you’re able to be alone and recover the next days after the event today!

  • @wendyheaton1439
    @wendyheaton1439 5 місяців тому +5

    I am married to a minister/priest. This season is so crazy for us we've called it the silly season for years... Love the idea of a sick note...

  • @davidromero3122
    @davidromero3122 5 місяців тому +12

    I enjoy your videos man but for some reason I can't stop admiring and thinking "Wow, he has amazing spider plants". Nice spider plants man! Also, merry Christmas why not. Hope we all pass it without much drama.

  • @yvonne3903
    @yvonne3903 5 місяців тому +6

    Hi, I must be Australian because I've been calling this season the silly season for 50 years. Love and best wishes from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

  • @linden5165
    @linden5165 5 місяців тому +14

    Since I've started looking after myself, setting boundaries and negotiating with family over what really matters it has opened up their eyes to us actually having choice and being allowed to meet our needs and they have benefitted from it too. ❤
    This year we have additional degrees of difficulty with one family member having surgery and another big event unrelated to Christmas happening right before Christmas.
    I love the permission slip idea. I'm trying to find the enjoyment in Christmas but I think I need more freedom from demands to get clear of the resentment first.
    Boundaries are so important too. Keeping ear plugs in and sunglasses on can help me participate more.
    The escape plan strategy is something I use in all my life and it reduces stress greatly.

  • @acharris
    @acharris 5 місяців тому +3

    Sensory issues are extremely difficult for me during the holidays, almost more than the social anxiety. All of the extra lights and sounds quickly become overwhelming this time of year

  • @amandaferrareli2632
    @amandaferrareli2632 5 місяців тому +10

    Thanking God so much for the family I got.
    Small family.
    All of us with food seletivy.
    Year after year the same routine.
    Toys and gifts at 7pm
    Dinner at 9pm
    Sweets at 10pm
    Cleaning up and be ready to midnight.
    Midnight we hug very quickly and go home. 😅
    I live in Brazil and we are in the summer now... so we celebrate at night.

  • @nonsequitor
    @nonsequitor 5 місяців тому +5

    The "silly season" for news stories in the UK is caused by parliament being on holiday, so there's no political news, so tabloids need to look elsewhere for drama, and no policy is being made so broadsheets have less to cover. The principle is probably global though.
    And of course, I agree that it's a perfectly apt description of the commercial "festive" season too

  • @marthamurphy7940
    @marthamurphy7940 5 місяців тому

    Ask each of your family members for their one favorite part of celebrating the holiday, then make sure those things get done and "forget" the rest. My parents grew up during the Great Depression, so Christmas at our home was decorating a tree, a nice Christmas dinner, and one or two gifts for each child. Sometimes we'd drive around to see the Christmas lights. We were at home every third year and with one or the other set of grandparents in the alternate years. The celebrations at my grandparents' homes were even less "elaborate," with a different mix of extended family visiting each time.

  • @whyismyhair2d
    @whyismyhair2d 5 місяців тому +2

    The most heartwarming christmas gift from my mother this season is her not forcing me to spend the entire christmas day with the family in the living room

  • @autisticcaroline2005
    @autisticcaroline2005 5 місяців тому +2

    Thank you so much for this ! I’m autistic as well and I feel like God sent you to me , because I never have liked the holidays and need help!

  • @peterwynn2169
    @peterwynn2169 5 місяців тому

    We can call it the Silly Season in Australia for this reason. While some Australians, especially retirees, migrate to Queensland for the winter, some younger people in England take a summer holiday and decide to spend 2-4 weeks at the Costa del Sol, Ibiza, the south of France or other warmer continent countries, even Greece. The Australian Christmas is in the middle of summer, and it's full of parties, and on Boxing Day, some people rush to the sales, and businesses want to clear their summer stock and end of year stock. And between Christmas and New Year, a lot happens, and paradoxically very little happens.
    A traumatic experience I remember of the silly season was New Year's Eve, 1985. A colleague of my father's invited us to their house for a NYE party, and I had to mix with people with whom I had no compatibility. If I'd had the time again, I would have liked nothing better than to be able to walk into their garage with someone like Professor Tony Attwood, and had the colleague say, "Who's that?!" And my father reply, "That's Professor Tony Attwood, Peter's support worker." "What does Peter need a support worker for?" "You're about to find out." Teatime rolls around. Professor Tony Attwood approaches the host. "Peter and I would like to have tea in the games room, please. By ourselves." Host sighs, "All right." We select a plate each and fill it and go into the games room. We eat. Host tells a guest that they're in charge. Professor Tony Attwood speaks up. "Not of Peter, they aren't."
    By around 9:30pm, Professor Attwood approaches my father. "Peter wants to go home." "All right. Here's the front door key." Home we go.
    Fortunately, those days are over. I have a low-key Christmas and new year.

  • @ivanaamidzic
    @ivanaamidzic 5 місяців тому +4

    It is only Dec 14, and I am already out of capacity to deal with and process the onslaught of numerous, pointless, superficial, small talk loaded, forced work events that I can't avoid. The number of these events I actually wanna take part in is zero (food choices at these events are even worse than small talk and such - beyond unhealthy and heavily processed). Except one monthly workshop that I help co-organize and is meant for wellness and health and has some real meaning to me and has nothing to do with holidays. Otherwise, I just wanna hide and speak to no one and see no one from work for at least until the end of the year. ☹

  • @astraaj435
    @astraaj435 5 місяців тому

    I can't recall Xmas season being stressful 😊 because growing up and living in a neurodiverse family (even though none of us had been diagnosed back then) - we always have been so much aware of everyone having their sensory needs, likes, preferences and stuff. Getting into festive season it would be always accommodated for everyone around as much as we are aware of their likes. And if someone tells they're having enough then it's never a problem - anyone can disappear into their bed or whatever. A nightmare starts when it is about everyday communication to neurotypicals (i.e. people out of family)

  • @Levermonkey
    @Levermonkey 5 місяців тому +1

    You have no idea how hard it was for me to click on this. It took me over an hour to watch this, I kept having to come away and do other things.
    Excellent if difficult video.
    Brit and I don't mind you calling it the silly season.

  • @Myslexia
    @Myslexia 5 місяців тому +1

    I recently discovered I’m autistic and now I finally understand why I hate the holidays so much. I don’t hate fun, everyone else is just obnoxious 😂

  • @lethalogicax2474
    @lethalogicax2474 5 місяців тому +4

    I like the idea of giving myself permission to disengage from the event briefly! I've always found the celebrations to be enjoyable, but overwhelming, so giving myself permission to disengage from the events to recharge my social battery before re-engaging might be a good idea! I can tell the others (and myself) that I need to be alone for a little while in order to recharge before I come and rejoin the festivities!

  • @BLKDOLPHNDK
    @BLKDOLPHNDK 5 місяців тому +10

    I love your silly season video. It hit home so much. I noticed that when I went to a Christmas party this year I volunteered to help out and it made the party so much better because all of the steps were in place of what I needed to do what I did not need to do if I needed to take a break everything was manageable for me. Thank you and happy holidays

  • @joycecz
    @joycecz 5 місяців тому +1

    The "Silly Season" is a perfect descriptor for it!

  • @kensears5099
    @kensears5099 4 місяці тому

    Even before my seismic ASD discovery last April/May I already knew (of course) much of this about myself instinctively. Not having a name or diagnosis for it certainly doesn't mean you're unaware that "something" is there. Anything but! And one thing I have learned over decades of trial-and-error on such family/crowd-gathering occasions is the "rule" that works at least for me: Keep Moving. Not having either the terms or "excuse" to expect others to cut me a break, as it were (i.e., I could hardly say, "You know, because of my ASD this environment is simply too overwhelming for me right now"), I had to instinctively and, yes, in a very lonely way, contrive my coping mechanisms for the things that, bewilderingly, I just couldn't stand. Now, what "Keep Moving" means is, if that particular cauldron of chaotic reverberation and engulfing sensory assault in, say, the dining room where everybody's roaring and chortling and chattering and the walls are practically pulsing with frenetic energy, is just totally beyond my brain's capacity to "place" and cohere in, then of course I just can't be there, no debate. But it won't do to just stand there on the periphery watching, out of some false sense of social debt to be near the "collective." Nor will it do to just sit in another room by myself staring at a wall. Nor can I spend an hour in the bathroom. Any one of those three resorts is simply too obvious and too (regardless of my intention) attention-seeking. It's just too much of a downer to everybody else to know (they will inevitably know) that Ken is "pouting" or "in a bad mood" or maybe even "angry at us?" because, look, he's isolating himself and doesn't want to talk to anybody. Well, not only do I NOT want to spoil everybody else's time, even more than that I DON'T want that attention! But what I find is, nobody is bothered by, or even notices, a person who's scurrying about apparently doing something necessary. It presents the appearance of being involved, of making your contribution, of attending to the "party" and being part of the production. Indeed, it perpetually looks like a moment's digression, to anybody who happens to notice, like you're just popping out of the crowd for a sec to get some extra cutlery, or to wipe up a spill, or to replenish the pretzels, or WHATEVER. No one person pays attention for long enough to notice that this momentary diversion is actually how you're spending practically the entire party or a significant portion of it, and that's great. From my observation over decades, absolutely nobody notices or is any way bothered by it. This is infinitely preferable to hiding in your room only to have somebody come knocking and asking what's wrong. Between occasional escapes to your room, to the bathroom, to the car ("What? We're out of milk? No problem, I'll run to the store!") and then the "Keep Moving" rule when there's absolutely nowhere else to escape to at the moment--and then, yes, punctuate all these "escapes" with the occasionally pleasant, personal, meaningful encounters, those little oases of genuinely substantial exchange on the edges of the obsessive merry-making--all of this combines, in my experience, to a survival strategy that keeps me sane without making anybody else miserable.

  • @seattlesalt5248
    @seattlesalt5248 5 місяців тому +2

    7:48 "Maybe it's because they always ask me the same questions, and I'm sick of answering them." this is SO accurate, people always ask me **the exact same questions over and over again** and i don't think i can take it anymore!! And for some reason it's always about school... "How's school?" and "What grade are you in?" literally always pop up for every single person I talk to, and i'm not even exaggerating! This year I'm tempted to print out business cards for small talk or just wear a name tag that says "if you ask me how school is i will flip this table right now"

    • @marymegrant1130
      @marymegrant1130 5 місяців тому

      If it is helpful, consider that your Inquisitor likely feels under some pressure to converse and they really have little interest in your schoolwork. It just occured to me that you might turn the tables on them and ask them a question. They may not notice that you changed the subject. Of course, that might trap you into listening to some subject you have zero interest in.

  • @RetroSmoo
    @RetroSmoo 5 місяців тому +18

    I enjoy spending time with friends and family during holidays but I hate the gift giving culture it's all just a scam

    • @Catlily5
      @Catlily5 5 місяців тому +1

      In my family we only give presents to the kids at Christmas time!

    • @chesspiece4257
      @chesspiece4257 5 місяців тому +1

      i like giving gifts for birthdays but having to get a gift for everyone at the same time means i always end up failing somebody Xᗡ

    • @chrispybacon3
      @chrispybacon3 5 місяців тому +1

      Yes I decided that I only give gifts if I *want* to, otherwise it’s not really a gift, is it, if it is expected?

    • @philipp7382
      @philipp7382 5 місяців тому

      From an anthropologucal perspective it's kind of interesting how selfish the community bonding purpose at the heart of gift giving culture is.
      And also all the wrong people profit from the purchasing spikes of this Christmas tradition

  • @avgdrummer
    @avgdrummer 5 місяців тому

    People are generally good at entertaining themselves, so if they're not focused on you, then you can sit off to the side or in another room. There's going to be a decent amount of small talk, which I like to keep short, or deflect to making the other person talk more if I can, and then make an escape (go get a refreshment). Sometimes I can find another dude or two who are also just kind of standing around not engaging, so then we all kind of stand around together King of the Hill style and people think we're all socializing. Sometimes there's a TV on that you can pretend to be watching while you think about something else. The best parties have a pet that you can play with.
    I did hear a story (maybe a social media post, so could be fake) about someone's uncle who shows up to family holiday parties just in time to eat, then eats and immediately leaves without saying anything. It was told in a way that wasn't condemning or anything. So maybe you can be that uncle.

  • @rita.amstlv
    @rita.amstlv 5 місяців тому +6

    Why can't I just go into a winter-sleep like the bears in the winter? And then wake up in January again. Seems like a perfect solution 🛌💤💤💤💤

  • @johannbredendieck7568
    @johannbredendieck7568 5 місяців тому +1

    Stress reducing tactic number one this year: only one gift. (It's difficult enough to find something that is beautiful and not useless!). Number two: not too many people, especially no one i don't like. Number three: to do nothing after these three crazy days of christmas (really absolutely nothing except what's really fun )to recover from these days. Merry christmas!

  • @martinm1968
    @martinm1968 5 місяців тому

    To me the good exit strategy is key. Usually I do not care what people think if I pull out. Around Christmas I may care about the people…

  • @leokot7228
    @leokot7228 5 місяців тому +1

    I try to think through exit strategies for any situations in life 😃

  • @EmberShadowtempest
    @EmberShadowtempest 5 місяців тому +2

    This was very useful. I find I feel trapped and overwhelmed at social functions a lot so having an idea of how to plan for them and reduce stress is very useful. Silly season is a good description also the phrase has a nice.sound.

  • @oneeyedphotographer
    @oneeyedphotographer 5 місяців тому +1

    I think that the definition of Silly Season you found is entirely appropriate to Australia. Many regular (ABC) programs go on holiday and are replaced by inconsequential matter, people get interested in cricket and not the wars in Ukraine and Israel. And the population goes weird, eating Xmas dinner more suited to northern Europe, worshiping a fat block in an overweight red suit, singing silly songs about snow.
    Really!

  • @AquaticHedgehog
    @AquaticHedgehog 5 місяців тому +1

    I just started watching your videos and identify so much. I appreciate the precise and sensitive way you present the material.

  • @RanDom-bk8tt
    @RanDom-bk8tt 5 місяців тому +2

    Such helpful and timely tips~ Thank youuuuu

  • @gloriarourajaulin5748
    @gloriarourajaulin5748 5 місяців тому

    You describe what an autistic need, and I agree and feel happy to share this, but to do it first it would be necessary that people around you accept autism, and also that you think you can share you are autistic...In my case, very late diagnosis, my sisters don't accept it at all, and my husband he understand I'm autistic, but by now he don't accept that I say it to his family...but thank you for your explanation, I can plan something with my possibilities...and it make me feeling less alone

  • @philipp7382
    @philipp7382 5 місяців тому

    This is very helpful not only for Christmas season. How did you get so much knowledge on how to advise people, it has something of a therapist imo

  • @catherinethiemann9760
    @catherinethiemann9760 5 місяців тому +2

    Very helpful and well structured plan!

  • @thebradc
    @thebradc 5 місяців тому +3

    This is a really good video with great advice. It’s just the loneliness I have through out the year for a partner. That’s hardest at Christmas and that’s when I see my family and having to mask extra hard to keep everyone happy. It’s hard to be lonely around the people you love. I’ll definitely refer to this video.

  • @peterdalton200
    @peterdalton200 5 місяців тому +1

    Thanks, Paul, for your sound advice in relation to the Christmas season. One coping strategy is downloading, and listening to music. I tend to withdraw for own sanity. Often, I would visit the elderly in the community.

  • @29sasha
    @29sasha 5 місяців тому

    Exit strategy…. Glad you brought that up. Have a blessed Christmas.

  • @gloriarourajaulin5748
    @gloriarourajaulin5748 5 місяців тому +1

    Thanks a lot Paul, this is very helpful at that moment

  • @danielaldridge5886
    @danielaldridge5886 5 місяців тому +3

    Thanks for the video Paul, interesting topic. Is good to have backup plan in case things don’t work out. Cya next time :)

  • @joybringer7500
    @joybringer7500 5 місяців тому

    Thank you so much for making this video, it is helping me a lot to deal with the sensory aspect of the holidays this year, and you have provided some really great ideas and tips!

  • @yvonne3903
    @yvonne3903 5 місяців тому +1

    That is such a good method and I think a plan is in the making. I don't believe that nearly everything out of your mouth is exactly right. I hate the silly season but this may be doable, thanks Paul xx
    PS I always have an exit strategy but for some reason its never applied to the silly season, it does now.

  • @BenKlassen1
    @BenKlassen1 5 місяців тому +3

    Thanks Paul!

  • @spiicyliime22
    @spiicyliime22 5 місяців тому +1

    This was really helpful, thank you!

  • @cherylyoke4872
    @cherylyoke4872 5 місяців тому +1

    Thank you for the good ideas

  • @lisasosin9683
    @lisasosin9683 4 місяці тому

    I love this! Thank you so much for your wisdom and support!

  • @cowsonzambonis6
    @cowsonzambonis6 5 місяців тому +1

    Fantastic video- I’ve been unsure if I could get through the traditional Christmas Eve party at my in-laws this year. Im going to talk about these points with my husband and come up with a plan.

  • @lauraluey
    @lauraluey 5 місяців тому +2

    Great ideas!

  • @JustJoshDavis
    @JustJoshDavis 5 місяців тому

    This is SO helpful, Paul. Thank you. For most of my life, my social rules have not allowed me to have an exit plan. And, I have also not given myself the permission to do what I need to care for myself. That is changing this year, and I am grateful to have these step by step considerations to help me try something new during the holiday season. I look back on my whole life and holidays have always been really distressing, but I didn't understand why. (Just got diagnosed autistic as a 47 year old.) And, I always kept all the distress inside. I am glad to have imagination about new ways of showing up to the holidays.

  • @timbobshe
    @timbobshe 5 місяців тому +3

    I’m actually applying this for a holiday next year. It’s going to be really overwhelming with really strong characters, so I need this engrained in my brain.
    Thanks! Good to see you back!
    Also looking at the spider plant throughout. Do they have a name? Mine is called Eric.

    • @LittleKikuyu
      @LittleKikuyu 5 місяців тому +1

      I think this one kind of looks like a Tiffany 😂

  • @nicky9187
    @nicky9187 5 місяців тому +4

    Thanks!

  • @OperationDarkside
    @OperationDarkside 5 місяців тому

    I dread almost everything of that season. Gingerbread was the only saving grace, but I found out, that I'm gluten intolerant. And I don't have the energy to look for gluten free options. I avoid any social contact at times like these, because all aspects (events, talking, gift exchange, coordination/planning, culture, drunk people) cost more energy, than they provide. I set the goal last year to avoid any actions with a negative energy balance. It worked pretty good so far.

  • @bladygw2
    @bladygw2 5 місяців тому +3

    You opened up a new way of thinking for me.
    I struggle very much with the allowing myself to have an exit plan and looking out for my needs.
    Thank you for the many options you presented I will keep them in mind and plan ahead 😊.
    Are you going to make a video in january about reflecting the Christmas and New Year's season?
    I would find it helpful to reflect by appreciating successful changes, noticing avoiding strategy, understanding and naming overwhelming situations or/and working on a more objective point of view which would be helpful in therapy or just self-reflection. 😊

  • @CydoniaPhysGeekGirl
    @CydoniaPhysGeekGirl Місяць тому

    Step one: Lock the front door.
    Step two: Refer to step one.
    Ho ho ho!

  • @mle794
    @mle794 5 місяців тому

    Thank you so much for your videos. I learn a lot from them. I did want to note that the word positive, when it appears on screen is spelled postive. It might be too late to fix it, but I thought you would want to know if you don't already.

  • @kylebarvel
    @kylebarvel 5 місяців тому

    the holiday season used to give me enjoyment, until I am unemployed.

  • @mikaeljacobsson1437
    @mikaeljacobsson1437 5 місяців тому

    Really dont like to be apart of this time of the year. Never have as an adult atleast. It was intense as a kid too when I had to meet larger groups of relatives. Have no interests at all being a part of any of it. Have been ignoring it all for over 20 years as much as i can. Feel so much better not being a part of it. Worst have been when you work at some place where its forced on you. Luckily i have not been at a place like that for the last 10 years.
    December is really the worst. Dont like any holidays including birthdays. People really dont expect me to be a part of anything anymore which is such a good feeling. My mother nags me a bit sometimes though. I am ok to give her a small bit of me for a short time.

  • @Grey_Warden_Invasion
    @Grey_Warden_Invasion 5 місяців тому

    So much of the "let's get stuff done"-mentality gets thrown out of the window? You have to be kidding... December is literally the most stressful time at any job I ever had so far. Because it's the end of the year and all of a sudden people seem to wake up for the first time and realise, "Oh I still got things to do before the close of the yearly accounts - stuff that I could have done months earlier and that other departments needed for their work/I need help from other departments with. So let's send out just very vague and half-arsed replies to those who need my help and strongly worded, pressuring requests to those I need help from and make like 30 other people scramble to do the work of 6 months within 20 days." And then throughout an already stressful work month they additionally expect you to take part in several work events and then for the last week of the year you're additionally stuck with as many family members as possible.
    On one hand I love this month because of the Christmas markets and all the decorations that are put up - but I could really do without the heaviest workload of the entire year.

  • @kats7930
    @kats7930 5 місяців тому

    What if none of that flexibility is in your control though? I can't drive, so I can't leave if I need to, and when I've gone before, my ride just thought once I got there I should "want to" stay. Like those people don't want to understand. I don't get a choice. I think the message is good for those who are stressed about thinking about things, but what do I do if I'm truly not in control of any aspect? I can't even leave the group when I'm there. I get yelled at... 😢 Even if I need to. I am "supposed" to 100% be a part of whatever is going on, and there's absolutely zero mercy. I think if my needs mattered to anyone else, I could probably do exactly what you said, but they don't treat me right...😢 And I genuinely have no control of anything if I go. I am not given choices, even as an adult, and I don't have the ability to defend myself basically...

  • @angelc8114
    @angelc8114 5 місяців тому

  • @Am-graphix
    @Am-graphix 5 місяців тому

    This year if I go the Google speaker thing in my room has to be off. Last year the music got too much and I went to take a break in my room and it was on the speaker there as well and I couldn't get it turned off.

  • @turtleanton6539
    @turtleanton6539 5 місяців тому +1

    😊😊😊

  • @nicoledeshore6997
    @nicoledeshore6997 Місяць тому

    I don’t like holidays, I just want simplicity and not decorate and I act like it’s fun but it’s not - it’s stressful

  • @jamesmoore5630
    @jamesmoore5630 5 місяців тому +1

    It is easier to just find a hole and climb into it!!!

  • @FulanitoDTal-Lugar
    @FulanitoDTal-Lugar 5 місяців тому

    but I wanna know more about the Silly Season

  • @nadiaadnan5816
    @nadiaadnan5816 5 місяців тому

    i need to get scholarship for my son

  • @Oliver71717
    @Oliver71717 5 місяців тому

    Thank you, but this video is way too optimistic. You can do a lot of damage in a very short time during such parties when you suddenly start feeling bad, no matter how well you try to plan your excuses to disappear. As a result there will be trauma and regrets keeping you busy for weeks. The best is probably to stay away and meet friends individually rather than in big groups.

  • @retedil
    @retedil 5 місяців тому

    Maybe the problem is the company, not the engineer: ua-cam.com/video/BGDOKD7ZZqI/v-deo.html

  • @dougeyler126
    @dougeyler126 5 місяців тому

    You have what looks like juggling balls on the table to your right side. Do you juggle?