The ultimate play - give your wife a footrub in the bedroom, and when she says "We're not in the closet", you say "But I am" and then you leave her for her brother. She'll never see it coming.
I read this comment before watching the video and it made that moment significantly funnier. I actually laughed out loud for several minutes, thank you.
I know it does in ASL, but I didn't think it did in British sign language. I could be wrong, of course, but I love the idea of poundland trying so hard and still being too cheap to get it right 🤣🤣🤣
That's a much more innocent meaning that I was thinking of. My mind immediately went to 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink. Maybe it was all the prior talk of dildos?
Can't believe I forgot you can divide X from each side. I was like "Fuck off, that's not a real question" but then junior high me kicked me in the shin.
So you are down in your basement pretending you are in East Germany? I guess it could be worse. I want to be in the Stassi so I can round people up and generally cause terror.
I watched the inside poundland documentary last night & they were showing them planning & designing the adult toy range, I thought "that is going to make a cracking ashens vid"
well I hope they are using NX, or at least SSH to tunnel RDP through. I'd never trust Microsoft or Teamviever with my .... -- wait - er, maybe you don't mean that kind of "remote"?
@@AtheistOrphan sometimes very cheap underwear can make it easier for women to develop UTIs. Not to mention it's very uncomfortable and can cause rashes. I wouldn't trust anything from poundland anywhere near my hooha
I find it fitting that Ashens wrote out an algebra problem in his heart-shaped chalkboard, because algebra is a lot like love: You spend a lot of time staring at your X, trying to figure out Y.
Foot Rub in The Closet is going to be the name of my new prog rock band. I think it'll be big. Keep an eye out for FRTC, playing at a local yogurt shop near you
@Back from the Deadpool OMG sex toys are everywhere nowadays - a quick google found Beistle Plastic Cactus on Amazon. Some people are soooo weird edit: and Aliexpress item 4001211311228 - I mean - wtf?
This is literally the only thing that I look forward to each Valentines day. The added algebra has improved my Valentine's day in an insignificant, but also meaningful way.
So, if you do that while sticking your tongue out, in traditional rock appreciation style, does that sometimes get confused as meaning "I love you, giz a snog?"
Spider-Man and Doctor Strange were both drawn by Steve Ditko, if you were wondering about the hand thing. Ditko liked to emphasize hands, and giving them forms like that made it easier to make out on the page. Doctor Strange's use is also a direct reference to a type of hand sign used to ward off evil spirits.
Fun fact: There is a plant that looks like the cactus. Its name is the hoya kerrii and they usually sell just a leaf of the whole plant for Valentine’ Day. The full plant is like a vine with those heart shaped leaves sprouting out from it.
Other fun fact, unless the growers cut a good bit of stem when collecting the leaves, which they never do, those planted leaves are basically zombies, that will never grow into plants, just stay leaves till they eventually die for real
I think there's every chance it is meant to be one. I think the long fingers could be there to... erm... fill two different niches at the same time, then the thumb is there to follow the advice of the Sugababes number one single and "Push the Button".
@@chrisphobia Please don't start with that. Correct pronunciation is a hot topic now and thanks to that, I can't watch people on UA-cam like Ashens or Pycrocynical without noticing that they don't pronounce the hard T's in words like bottle or water.
@@chrisphobia The problem is “mathematics” isn’t plural. It’s singular. It describes a thing-a field of study-not many things. The S on the end doesn’t indicate plurality.
I work in a poundland and the hand statue was introduced during the christmas range. There was like 3-4 variations in hand symbol and you could get them in 3 colours 😊
Actually you DO use algebra everyday just not in the form you realise. Every time you go buy something from the supermarket. '5apples plus 6 bananas= £2.50'. Thats algebra whether you like it ir not.
@@AngelEmfrbl the point about the calculator is kind of fair though - mental maths with money and stuff is useful (and algebra is definitely more useful than people think) but we all carry calculators around in our pockets now. The curriculum changes way slower than the world does. Not saying we shouldn't learn it but it's an interesting discussion nonetheless
The holiday specials are some of my favorites, which is kind of awesome because that means I always get one around my birthday (Valentine’s Day) and it’s like an extra present.
True! For "the horns", the thumb would be folded over the middle and ring finger. Though for the ILY sign, there's usually a larger angle between the index and pinky finger than in this statue.
I’m very pleased that I’ve watched enough of your channel in this one year of subscription and binging that writing “Bum” was my second guess. “Tat” was first and the math stumped me, haha. 😁
It's #2 because the first one is the spocker, then we have the rocker, the shocker, the show-stopper, and at last... The minivan (5 in the back, 2 in the front)
A bit like a running gag in the movie 'Mallrats', where the question: "An uncomfortable place to have sex?", is usually answered with: "In the back of a Volkswagen?"
Nope, I did it, too. I even considered scrolling down to see how many people commented with the solution, but I didn't want to risk having something from the rest of the video spoiled. ashens solved it himself, anyway, probably to stop a million comments with the solution.
“Hey babe, ready to go to Poundland tonight?”
Smooth
I thought you’d never ask
Got to Poundland, then go to pound town! 😉
Well, that would get me going! 😉
Yeah, to get some sweets.......... right?
You've heard of "Panic! at the Disco" now get ready for "Foot Rub! in the Closet"
The ultimate play - give your wife a footrub in the bedroom, and when she says "We're not in the closet", you say "But I am" and then you leave her for her brother.
She'll never see it coming.
I read this comment before watching the video and it made that moment significantly funnier. I actually laughed out loud for several minutes, thank you.
i chimed in with a haven't you people heard of, closing the closet door.
Oh yeah. That band that opened for weezer once
I was almost certain he would write "BUM" on the chalkboard, and I was disappointed. Then the cactus came out and all was right in the world
I was hoping for "PISS"
I want "Ashens After Dark" where we explore the the mature side of tat.
Give Big Clive a few days...
complete with a foot rub in the closet?
Ashens: Tit for Tat.
@@04whim wouldn’t it more appropriately be “tat for tits?”
I never knew I needed that until just now
That hand actually makes sense for Valentine's Day. It says "I love you" in sign language.
I know it does in ASL, but I didn't think it did in British sign language.
I could be wrong, of course, but I love the idea of poundland trying so hard and still being too cheap to get it right 🤣🤣🤣
How Shocking 😅
@@peterclarke7240 made in China, they dont care if it's for England or America lol
That's a much more innocent meaning that I was thinking of. My mind immediately went to 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink. Maybe it was all the prior talk of dildos?
@@TheLoopyTiger yes... That was the joke..
x=4/7
Thank you
no its 5
came here to say this only to see someone already solved it
8x + 2 = x + 6
7x + 2 = 6
7x = 4
x = 4/7
Can't believe I forgot you can divide X from each side. I was like "Fuck off, that's not a real question" but then junior high me kicked me in the shin.
A moment of silence for the Valentines prompt scroll heart box with tweezers, gone but not forgotten.
Well, Ashens forgot it
Or lost it
My humor has devolved so low that i’m laughing at a heart shaped plastic cactus with the word bum on it
Poundland really living up to the name this Valentine's day
not really, not everything costs a pound anymore...
@@Jamal_Tyrone r/woosh
@@gokaisilver3801 child
Wow actually the best pun of all time
Underrated comment
Turns out hearing Ashens say “sexy ladies panties” made me feel strange.
*does the therapist look* And why _did_ you feel that way, Rebecca?
@@ellaapril194 remember while not medically qualified, Stuart does have a PhD in Psychology.
In america, our gas stations sell single roses inside of a glass tube, but they're actually just crack pipes
*valentines rose*
Because you’ll LOVE using that shit
😂😂😂😂😂
Crack - the gift that keeps on taking.
My dad used to get one for my mom every year and they'd leave it out till it rotted never did have the heart to explain it to em
Heart shaped crack pipes
I thought those things were thongs?
"Making lonely people feel even worse"
You didn't have to call me out like that, Stuart.
Now excuse me while I get back to playing DDR in my basement.
So you are down in your basement pretending you are in East Germany? I guess it could be worse. I want to be in the Stassi so I can round people up and generally cause terror.
DDR?
@@Jamal_Tyrone He either means Dance Dance Revolution or he is pretending to be in East Germany as I said.
@@wulfone5961 Prque no los dos?
But yeah, I'm talkin about the rhythm game, lol.
@@LazerLord10 full cabinet or just a softpad/hardpad?
"Tickle me on the couch"
now thats raunchy as hell gd
I guess Poundland thought since everyone is stuck inside let’s make a bunch of toys....
better than a shagging in the local park
They took their name too literally...
@@LordDragox412 Is Pound Town the capital of Poundland?
Smart store
0:39 I now have a soundbyte of Ashens enthusiastically saying Dild*s
They're really trying to put the Pound in Poundland this year by the sounds of it.
“Tickle Stuart on the couch”
OK
*opens the violin outtake*
Comment approved by Antonio Stella Bottom Tile, the King of musical instruments.
Nothing says "I love you nearly as little as I love myself" than a poundland valentine's gift.
Valentines Day cactus is the gift you give your ex to remind them how much of a prick they were to you.
Omg I love this comment 🤣
You're not just a prick, you're the whole cactus
I watched the inside poundland documentary last night & they were showing them planning & designing the adult toy range, I thought "that is going to make a cracking ashens vid"
Where can I find poundland documentary?
@@author.jessica.kemery Either Channel 4 or 5, I couldn't imagine anyone else being responsible.
I wonder if they are hiring product testers
An echo reporter was disgusted by the nooky range
I would not trust poundland to make even remotely safe toys
Or underwear tbf
@@IanC14 - How can underwear be ‘unsafe’? The mind boggles!
well I hope they are using NX, or at least SSH to tunnel RDP through. I'd never trust Microsoft or Teamviever with my .... -- wait - er, maybe you don't mean that kind of "remote"?
@@AtheistOrphan sometimes very cheap underwear can make it easier for women to develop UTIs. Not to mention it's very uncomfortable and can cause rashes. I wouldn't trust anything from poundland anywhere near my hooha
Dildos with an unacceptable amount of lead.
I find it fitting that Ashens wrote out an algebra problem in his heart-shaped chalkboard, because algebra is a lot like love:
You spend a lot of time staring at your X, trying to figure out Y.
Unlike algebra, you can't really solve this problem by graphing it :/
@@hvymtal8566 But much like algebra, it's a _lot_ more complicated than it has any _right_ to be.
The thought of a dollar store vibrator is making me clench in fear
....or anticipation.
@@BobMonkeypimp with sex toys you generally get what you pay for it's not a great idea to get cheap ones
@@JustAskMeTV101 How am I to get cheap thrills without cheap toys?!
@@BobMonkeypimp get expensive thrills instead they'll be better on your thrill bits
@@BobMonkeypimp I got the image of a toy falling apart and the cheap plastic shards getting stuck inside me in my head. Preeetty sure it’s fear.
X=4/7 in case you wanted to know.
Ashens did it at the end clever shite🙄
absolute shithousery
Thank you, I was trying to do the maths but its late and I got to 2x=x+1 and got all confused XD
@@cheekbonestrenchcoat you do 8x-x=7x and 6-2=4, put them together gets you 7x=4, then divide by the 7 so you get x=4/7
"What's this? A bag of DISEEEEASE?" had me rolling lmfao
Foot Rub in The Closet is going to be the name of my new prog rock band. I think it'll be big. Keep an eye out for FRTC, playing at a local yogurt shop near you
Shush, don't say it more than once or Rick Wakeman appears!
@Back from the Deadpool OMG sex toys are everywhere nowadays - a quick google found Beistle Plastic Cactus on Amazon. Some people are soooo weird
edit: and Aliexpress item 4001211311228 - I mean - wtf?
This is literally the only thing that I look forward to each Valentines day. The added algebra has improved my Valentine's day in an insignificant, but also meaningful way.
It’s not a holiday without an ashens holiday special
Not really a holiday though is it?
Its only a holiday if ashens does a special
It’s not a holiday.
The hand is “I love you” in American Sign Language. So kind of valentines?
Apparently it’s the same in British Sign Language too?
So, if you do that while sticking your tongue out, in traditional rock appreciation style, does that sometimes get confused as meaning "I love you, giz a snog?"
It also has... uses.
You know- stick it to the wall, and it can hold your keys! ;D
🥰 “I… love… you!”
😅 “No… thank… you!”
Honestly.. I was thinking "two in the pink, one in the......" Oh no.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone write an x like that. Huh. Neat.
I was coming here to say that he's clearly a sociopath based on the way he writes his Xes. :P
I'm shocked that more people aren't shook by it. It disturbs me so much! 😳😳😳
X's are sometimes drawn like that in maths to differentiate them from times symbols
The hand is the American sign language sign for "I love you"
Bit weird for a UK store, but I guess fits the valentines theme
It's exactly the same in British sign 🤘🏻 language
@Back from the Deadpool 🤟🏻 sorry wrong emoji
It's Spider-man shooting his webs.
@@johnthwaites5976 I didn't know that! Thanks for the info 🤟🏻
Spider-Man and Doctor Strange were both drawn by Steve Ditko, if you were wondering about the hand thing. Ditko liked to emphasize hands, and giving them forms like that made it easier to make out on the page. Doctor Strange's use is also a direct reference to a type of hand sign used to ward off evil spirits.
As are the Rock Horns. Ronnie James Dio got it from his Italian Catholic grandmother.
Nothing is more romantic than cheap tat.
well, besides a foot rub in the closet.
Fun fact: There is a plant that looks like the cactus. Its name is the hoya kerrii and they usually sell just a leaf of the whole plant for Valentine’ Day. The full plant is like a vine with those heart shaped leaves sprouting out from it.
Let it never be said you can't learn anything interesting from reading UA-cam comments.
Other fun fact, unless the growers cut a good bit of stem when collecting the leaves, which they never do, those planted leaves are basically zombies, that will never grow into plants, just stay leaves till they eventually die for real
Ah I was wondering why there were no spines on that cactus.
The answer to every maths problem is “scary grass mask”.
That is a great new euphemism for a lady's muff.
I thought it was HORSE.
@@EternalSeneschal pmsl
It 4/7
classic ashens jokes, i likeey
"That's my throat gone for this week" Ah... the spirit of Valentines Day
i’ve been watching this channel for like 10 years, since i was a literal child and i never thought i’d still be here in the year 2021
The confetti is like the European SNES controller vs the American SNES controller.
Watching Ashens write an "x" that way is going to puzzle me long enough I'll forget to cry through the weekend. Touché, doc!
That's how you write x in Algebraic equations
"What's this? A bag of disease?"
I wheezed at that exact point
Ashens: "This isn't a sex toy."
You never know....could be used as one
Poundland knows the best what people like getting pounded by... ;)
Anything can be a sex toy if you're brave enough
@@davidbronstein2040 my exact thoughts!
Is that some sort of sick variation on "Everything's a meleè weapon if you're mad enough?"
I think there's every chance it is meant to be one. I think the long fingers could be there to... erm... fill two different niches at the same time, then the thumb is there to follow the advice of the Sugababes number one single and "Push the Button".
Is this the 2nd year or 3rd year in a row that Stuart hasn't opened the paper-filled heart-shaped box?
Rose cloche sounds more like a character from toast of London
Or a drag Queen.
I love gloriously inept tat that breaks before you've even gotten it free of the packaging
Ashens has taught me so much, and now he's finally taught me math.
Just the one math is it? A solitary mathematic? Weird (-;
@@chrisphobia Please don't start with that. Correct pronunciation is a hot topic now and thanks to that, I can't watch people on UA-cam like Ashens or Pycrocynical without noticing that they don't pronounce the hard T's in words like bottle or water.
He taught me something as well! He taught me not to buy anything from poundland! Especially anything that is edible!
@@chrisphobia I mean, it's called "MATHematics" not "MATHSematics"
@@chrisphobia The problem is “mathematics” isn’t plural. It’s singular. It describes a thing-a field of study-not many things. The S on the end doesn’t indicate plurality.
I'll be saving this for Valentine's day.
Not like I'd have anything else to do anyway.
And just like that, the best part of valentine's day has come and gone
hehe come
I see "pound" land is trying to live up to their name.
The "Rock and Roll Horns" is actually sign language for "I love You"
Unless you make an arc motion with it, then it means "Airplane"
Ah yes it is the time again. I loom in the darkness in the search for love. Aww how sweet 🥲
In the USA, they sell cheap roses in what can only be described as budget test tubes. They are used as pipes for suspicious rocks.
Ashens - "this isn't a sex toy"
Everyone else - "errrrrrrrrr ahem" *whistles softly
One in the pink and one in the stink
@@hwogrillo bring that thumb into play...
Also other comments are saying it means "I love you" in sign language...
Coinkidink or not 😂
I mean, they could try. But they'd have better luck if it was the Shocker: TWO in the pank, one in the stank.
Everything's a sex toy with enough imagination, lubrication , determination, and, on occasion, the judicious application of a mallet.
@@peterclarke7240 as long as that's not Timmy Mallet...
How did Operation Yewtree miss that one...
The "rock and roll statue" is sign language for "I love you."
"This isn't any form of sex toy at all".
But it could be Ashens, it could be.
That's sign language for "one in the pink, one in the stink"
Most people: "February 14th is Valentine's Day."
Me: "February 14th is Singles Awareness Day."
aka "SAD"
Forever alone
@@tncorgi92 - How about we add two more A's to that acronym?
SAAAD (Singles and Aromantics Awareness Day)
February 14th is cheap candy eve.
@@tncorgi92 Indeed it is.
I just love how he is so happy about that vase
First: "He's gonna write 'bum' on the chalkboard."
But then: "...awwwh, I was wrong."
But a moment later: "Yaaaay!"
Put silver liquid in the glass bottle.
And you'll get +1 mercury per day 😊
8:11 - when the dice resolved the location with "In the ?", who else yelled "IN THE ARSE" ??
I work in a poundland and the hand statue was introduced during the christmas range. There was like 3-4 variations in hand symbol and you could get them in 3 colours 😊
That heart cactus is actually supposed to be a Hoya kerrii, it's an incredible looking plant because the leaves are actually heart-shaped.
This is my first time watching a Valentine's Day Tat Special with someone to be with on Valentine's Day. :)
x = 4/7
either that or trying to recall GCSE maths at 1am is a bad idea
GCSE? You mean year 7?
ashens was right about the nerds having done this in their heads already 😂
I agree with your answer so therefore it's right
@@bartholomewdan well i FIRST did this in year 6 for the 11+, but GCSE would have been the last time i needed to know how to do it.
@@monageeuk6504 11+ what's that?
I love how his sofa hasn't changed for years
I'm guessing Ashens thought the golden hand was some-one doing "The Shocker"
Yes, that vase is very wonkily made.
The idea of sex toys being at a discount store is a funny idea to me. Don't think I've ever seen anything raunchy at a Canadian dollar store before.
Me neither and I'm sure I'd hear about him from mom
I mean. They are pound land
Don't buy a sex toy from a dollar store...that's just asking for something to break and hurt you
@@Silver_wind_1987_ all the poundland stuff is rather high quality, can't speak for other discount stores across the globe
I certainly agree with the closing sentiment. It is much harder to have a date for Valentine's Day if you can't show you're working! ;)
Thumbs out means love, thumbs in you're a fan of Black Sabbath.
Or giving Sicilian protection against the Evil Eye. Dio was Sicilian.
Thanks for the DVD with your movie Ashens and the Polybius Heist!
“The Poundland Sextoys” good name for a band.
Don't show this to maths teachers, this is the only time anyone ever has used algebra in the real world.
The boring mantra of the Maths teacher: "You'll need it in the real world!"
Utter bollocks. The real world was why calculators were invented.
Actually you DO use algebra everyday just not in the form you realise. Every time you go buy something from the supermarket. '5apples plus 6 bananas= £2.50'. Thats algebra whether you like it ir not.
@@AngelEmfrbl the point about the calculator is kind of fair though - mental maths with money and stuff is useful (and algebra is definitely more useful than people think) but we all carry calculators around in our pockets now. The curriculum changes way slower than the world does. Not saying we shouldn't learn it but it's an interesting discussion nonetheless
The holiday specials are some of my favorites, which is kind of awesome because that means I always get one around my birthday (Valentine’s Day) and it’s like an extra present.
I see a million firsts even though it's only been up 14 seconds.
You should join my over-exaggeration club. I only started it yesterday and we already have over 9 billion members.
@@TemporaryName80 Do you want to join my 'like your own comments' club?
first
First
@@BobMonkeypimp I will
For those who want an actual plant version of the 'plastic heart cactus' it's a leaf of the vine plant called Hoya Kerrii, you're welcome.
That hand isn't just metal horns, it's the international sign language symbol for "I love you"
True! For "the horns", the thumb would be folded over the middle and ring finger. Though for the ILY sign, there's usually a larger angle between the index and pinky finger than in this statue.
@@stijnvandrongelen5625 Yep very true
I’m very pleased that I’ve watched enough of your channel in this one year of subscription and binging that writing “Bum” was my second guess. “Tat” was first and the math stumped me, haha. 😁
"Foot rub in the Closet!"
Closeted foot-fetishs: "Yes?"
The only thing I like about Valentine’s Day is getting to watch the valentines special 😂
I suck at math, i actually would've failed my senior year if my teacher didn't like me so much, so she basically gave me the answers to everything
Maths. Mathematics.
@@gerrypippin2263 Eh, plurals are weird when abbreviated. "Anime" is short for "animation" in both the singular and plural ("animations").
For Valentine's Day I celebrated my birthday, played a few games, got a birthday cake, and of course, an Ashens video~!
There are more designs of that hand thing. Number one is just an open palm.
Gives "Pound land" a whole new meaning.
x=4/7ths
I win a cookie.
🍪
You get nothing. You lose! Good day, sir!
Every holiday I look forward to these specials
„in the ?“ I say what what
THE AMOUNT OF NOSTALGIA I GET FROM WATCHING YOU
I don't know if I'd encourage anyone putting anything electronic from poundland inside of themselves.
Poundland sex toys: You'll have a shocking time!
Especially not those decent but tiny computer mice they do.
You are the best man to have ever existed. I really enjoy these videos. Thanks.
Last time I came this early I ruined Valentine's Day.
Last time I came this early you were conceived
@@KenMabie Last time I came this early I gave your Mam a pearl necklace.
I hope you have a really enjoyable and safe Valentine’s Day Ashens! Your videos are my favorite overall! You are so funny🤣
Stuart: *writes bum on a cactus*
English teachers: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
By the way the answer is x=0.57142857142.
it's a reference to Mentski who enters a BUM into his high scores on old video games.
@@Jamal_Tyrone Interesting
It's #2 because the first one is the spocker, then we have the rocker, the shocker, the show-stopper, and at last...
The minivan (5 in the back, 2 in the front)
the statue means "Love" in sign language, Ashens. good job
Making good use of the confetti at the end I see!
“You choose” “In the ?”
A bit like a running gag in the movie 'Mallrats', where the question:
"An uncomfortable place to have sex?", is usually answered with:
"In the back of a Volkswagen?"
"Yes."
'Well you COULD give them this, or you could give them something more tasteful'
You summed up poundland perfectly in one sentence
TWENTY THIRD.
You.
Hmph. 24th. *dances off with a sneer*
Do another crossover episode
BUM
OOO yes, put some soap mixed with glow in the dark powder in the vase... but next to sink! can have a shelf full of potions
...Show of hands: who else paused the video and tried to solve for X?
...Just me?
Former Art student here, i wouldn't know how...
@@Jamal_Tyrone Current art student, but my dad's a math major, so I had a lot of the rules and practices of algebra drilled into me as a kid.
Nope, I did it, too. I even considered scrolling down to see how many people commented with the solution, but I didn't want to risk having something from the rest of the video spoiled. ashens solved it himself, anyway, probably to stop a million comments with the solution.
4/7th's
😅