Having a sprained ankle vs. a broken leg doesn’t mean that you don’t still need help with walking around. Some days are harder than others, and support needs can change. That’s something I’m struggling with right now since I’m in burnout. Thank you for your insight and videos 💜
I heard something similar many years ago, and it's completely true. The existence of people with other, larger challenges doesn't make the challenges that you've got any easier. It just means that there are other people that have larger challenges. And unless you're in a position to help with that, then it's not relevant anyways.
And when it comes to support needs, someone with a sprained ankle and someone with a broken leg may both need crutches. But the solution isn't to give crutches to the person with the broken leg and have the person with a sprained ankle make do without, the solution is to have enough crutches for both. If you're getting help, you shouldn't feel worried that you're taking supports from someone else just because your case isn't as serious as someone else's. And if you feel you need the supports but are worried that you don't align with or aren't in a serious enough position to get them, the fact that you need them is proof enough to show that you should get them. I'm definitely struggling with this myself, early in my journey into discovering if I have autism or not. But regardless of what's going on in my brain is called professionally, I know I still need help navigating social situations, focusing without distractions, reducing loud sounds and limiting the overwhelming nature of crowded environments, and getting a job where I won't be overwhelmed by obligations or other people.
I had a sprained ankle, I said that it hurt, that I needed help (avoid walking, people driving me, working from home...) and EVERYBODY HELPED and TRUSTED me when I said something was wrong (family, work, doctors) even if I had no proof (nothing on X-ray). I cried because for any physical pain, people will believe you and help you. For any mental issues, nothing will be done 😢
"Am I autistic enough" is the question that stops me from calling my GP to discuss getting an ASD assessment. Bloody jackal brain getting in the way again...
This thought has stopped me too!! And takes up alot of time thinking about this and in my head im asking so many questions playing out so much its tiring
I bit the bullet and asked for a referral since she was having my son assessed. She looked at me dumbfounded and said, "why do you want that? What would that do for you?" 😐🤯
I'm so silly feeling bad for not suffering enough (64, self diagnosed). But I think it is SO important to show that there are Autists in the world liking themselves, even their job and family, being successful. The picture of Autists needs to be as diverse as the picture of neurotypicals. People need role models.
Allowing a mom of a late undiagnosed daughter age 37 to see the contrast of this very real video versus your other edited work is a beautiful gift. A pure demonstration of bravery. Thank you. I'm beginning to understand more how to be helpful and encouraging her to be diagnosed.
I'm 56 and diagnosed as Autistic only a couple of months ago. (My assessor also strongly suspects ADHD although not tested at this time.) I definitely have the ongoing wonder if I'm 'autistic enough'. I mean no-one spotted it for 56 years, so... But at the same time it explained so many of the things I'm really bad at (Relationships/friendships/social situations/planning/bright lights/loud noises/overwhelm/anxiety etc etc). You very likely wouldn't pick me as autistic when you meet me... so good job on the masking I guess, but it does make me wonder if am autistic enough. (Interestingly though, my Assessor said to me literally within 3 minutes of meeting me, "Well, you're definitely on the spectrum.") Still getting my head around it. Going from 'quirky' to neurodivergent is taking some time to process. But happy to get to know some of the lovely people in this community. Congrats on the 100k Taylor!
Yep the imposter syndrome when I first got diagnosed was a real thing especially as I sought out the diagnosis, when I was going through that every time a video/infographic said something that was a trait I have I was yay it is real, if it wasn't something that I could relate to then it was a spiral. I have been diagnosed for a bit over 2 years now (was diagnosed at 48) and am now settled that yes I am autistic. Something that really helped me was that I ran into someone that is autistic and we were just talking and had so much stuff in common regarding traits etc. It also helps that my current psychologist (who I started with a few months ago) I had said that I was autistic and at the end of the first session she said that it was slight but she could see it. The 2nd session where she was still getting more history at various times she said that is autistic. This gave me the extra that other people who knew what they were looking for could see it in me. I am also highly verbal, can do eye contact etc so I do have people look at me if I bring it up.
I can relate. Went my whole life (30+ years) without anyone suspecting anything. I've even worked with people who specialized with working with individuals with special needs in school settings that could look at a student and just tell that they were on the spectrum, had ADHD, etc. Nobody said a word to me about it, so I always thought there was just something wrong with me for why I struggled so much on the inside and struggled doing what everyone else seemed to do as naturally as breathing. I've even had people tell me that I COULDN'T be autistic. At the beginning of this year I started stumbling across videos by chance; I thought maybe I could be autistic, but then basically convinced myself that couldn't be the case because someone should have noticed SOMETHING by now. As the year has progressed, I just related more and more to videos, and things just made too much sense. It was as if the speakers in the video were in my head and had lived my life. It also explains why I related most to people like my aunt who got diagnosed as an adult with autism and ADHD as well as one of the boys I babysit that is autistic. It also explains why students who were autistic always seemed naturally drawn to me--it's actually how I started babysitting the one boy because he was insistent to his mom that I needed to be his babysitter.
@@jessicac6189 yes... I always thought I was just 'wrong' somehow too. I don't know any autistic people so had nothing to relate to. The only autistic people I've noticed are the ones with more outwardly apparent support needs, and i didn't relate to their experience. Like you I think a lot of my autistic experience is internal, and hidden from sight so not necessarily noticed by others.
Talk about divine timing. I was just telling my son that the other night I was questioning whether I have autism...reeally. I was watching a girl on tiktok and I was feeling exactly what you described in this video. My son turned around and told me to never doubt my autism. We're going through the diagnosis process together. He was the one who started it and messaged me saying he thinks I have it too and had me a take to test. I took it to please him thinking nothing of it. I was dumbfounded. Doesn't everyone think like this is what ran through my mind. The rabbit hole was formed. Thank you for sharing this. Again, such divine timing. 💗🤗
My issue with this question is am I autistic enough for a proper diagnosis? Am I autistic enough for my family and friends to believe me? Because they don't. I believe I am, my son believes I am, because he's also autistic. My long-time therapist believes I am, but I'm in the middle of being diagnosed by a new and different therapist who is unsure because I mask so well. Life is hard when you're not autistic enough.
Think of all of the research that ISN'T being done, due to so many undiagnosed people! Hearing you talk about this has me picture a raffle where there are only so many autistic tickets to give out & if you don't receive one, then you can't be. If all those who are autistic WERE diagnosed, then everyone else around them could get to understand how varied being autistic is.
And women.... And audhd'ers. And being menopausal....going from trainspotting as a typical special interest but it could also be....like fermenting veggies or makeup...
Thank you for this! I took the tests you linked for and what I suspected is true. At 73, I confirmed it. And I am married to another… for 35 years! He took the tests but he went the safe way on his answers so didn’t score as I did. He will not admit it. On a later visit to my Dr. I told her… She almost scoffed, asked me how I knew and had I been confirmed by a Proffessional, and what would I do now with that information and did I trust the internet? I told my immediate family and immediately regretted it. As you said highly intelligent people can really mask. I will continue being my masking self when I need to, thankfully knowing now that I’m not the only “strange” one. Thank you, thank you, for being there for me. 😊
Thanks for this video, Taylor. As an 81-year-old, diagnosed at 80 (July of 2023), this question resonates hugely with me. I learned to help myself throughout my life. Childhood trauma/people-pleasing/etc., all had me counter-dependent. I was depressed a great deal of my life and yet still accomplished what many would think was a LOT. Educated, 25-year job teaching (early retirement), and a 2/3 pension - I “should have been” happy and satisfied with my life. Two long-term relationships were not right for me. I chose men who leaned on me, when I needed to be able to “lean” sometimes. Allowing myself to “lean” on my friends and family, giving myself grace when I’m not feeling 100%, physically, mentally, emotionally, and several other parts of being an autist are things that I’m learning. Am I autistic enough? Not by the typical stereotype of autism that the world still seems to acknowledge. To many, I am too self-sufficient, too educated, too successful to be autistic. However, I feel more at home being neurodivergent and needing support at times, than the neurotypical person I thought I should emulate - who knows the social cues, doesn’t back away from people and events, etc. I give myself permission to NOT go places or do things that I thought I HAD to do. Instead of wordlessly walking away from people and events, I let people know that “I’m done”, and go home, or not go out in the first place. I admit that being older, I can rely on being an “old lady” and if I happen to be tired or cranky (my form of meltdown), I let people think whatever they like. Keep on doing your thing, Taylor. I appreciate whatever you think would help us autists. ❤️
@@Snowshowslow Counter-dependent is the opposite of dependent. I refused help, refused to ASK for help, a lot of my life. My childhood upbringing taught me that I was ALONE and I could trust no one, that I had to do everything myself. My EMDR trauma therapy has helped me to see that my upbringing as NOT truthful. My FATHER trusted no one and his lies taught me to do the same. I’m happy to say that I’m still cautious, but capable of asking for help. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counterdependency
@@Snowshowslow Counter-dependent means the opposite of dependent. I usually don’t depend on anyone. Most of my life, I’ve learned that the only person I can depend upon is the person I am. As I let go of my trauma in therapy, I have become willing to depend on some people in my life. It does take time, though. People who are all “talk” are not the ones I will depend upon. The ones who do what they say they will do - in other words, follow through on their commitments - are the ones toward whom I tend to gravitate.
Literally this is exactly how I feel. I work in education, and know what to look for in students and how to help them, yet it’s taken me till 42 to see it clearly in myself. Loads of my colleagues say “no, surely not, well maybe just a little (because you are a maths teacher)”. Yet underneath it all and looking back through my life experiences, life would have been so so much easier if I had better understanding of myself, and the wide variation that autism takes. You’re one of the most real and honest people on the internet, so well done! And thank you!
I was called "gifted" which meant high expectations and zero accommodations, leading to burnout and decades of wondering why I have so many seemingly unrelated issues. I only wish it hadn't taken until age 40 to figure this out.
Idk if I'm autistic or not, but I know I have a lot of autistic traits, and it's enough that just trying to deny it and fit in with neurotypical society hasn't really worked well over the years. So I find the autism community to be helpful because the things they deal with are closest to the things I deal with in everyday life. As an adult with low support needs in the US, there wouldn't be help for me if I got diagnosed anyway, so it's really about self help and learning my own limits and risk factors and relating to others' experiences, and I don't need a label or external validation for that. But I will say it's different if you're an autistic content creator and represent the community in some way. Taylor has a valid concern there.
just discovered all of this recently. I've been, all my life, fighting a ghost. Shadow boxing. I have social anxiety, I am OCD, I have insecure attachment, ADD, I have unhealed childhood trauma, rape altered my self image, I was in a domestic abuse situation too long.. The fact is. All of this can be true, but without knowing I was autistic, I was going about healing all wrong. I was trying everything I could. Conventional methods to "fix me". And when these had minimal-moderate impact, I'd be left feeling defeated. I took a Myers Briggs test years ago in an effort to understand myself. With an INFJ result, the rarest type, I was like.. That's it! That's why I'm different. But it still didn't explain my childhood and the cripling social anxiety I had as far back as I had memories. I came across one of your videos regarding characteristics of autism. It was jarring. I looked up autism characteristics and was shocked. Took online testing, received a positive result. I probably won't get professional testing. I'm 45 and at this stage I've developed so many coping mechanisms that idk of the result would even be conclusive. I know in my soul that it is true and that's all that matters. It's like lightning bolts are firing in my head! All the connections I'm making. I did cry. Cried for the young girl and woman that didn't know. But I'm so relieved to have an answer. I'm ready for wherever this road takes me and I am sure that I'll eventually, with patience and grace, reach a place where I can have some confidence and begin to love myself as I am. Thank you so much for making these videos. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. To be vulnerable and raw.
Hi Taylor. I'm so glad I found this channel. I'm knackered, totally burnt out and have just lost my high paying job due to a meltdown. I couldn't face group remote meetings after our last face to face offsite and needed a few days to decompress. Before the last offsite, I had worked all weekend and had to mask loads the two weeks before I flew out as I was delivering back to back training sessions. Sadly missing a few routine meetings did not go down well and all the great things I did at my job over the last 12 months were completely forgotten about. The focus was on me not showing up remotely for just a few days. I was working on a project that was overdue due to my impossible workload and yet they still expected me at these pointless calls where people repeat themselves at every single meeting throughout the week when it would just add to my burnout. I feel so used and abused. We do have needs. Yes I've got two beautiful kids (and play the flute and sit too long in my car like you!) and was a high achiever. But for what? To be jobless in mid life? People sense we are different and we are treated differently, even if we aren't "out". Anyway, very comforting channel. Thank-you Taylor.
aw, thank you so much for edit free program. can't say how great it is to be able to watch a production without music, movement, stock photos, sound effects, whistles, bells, poor sound quality, video effects, distractions and all things horrible. you are spoiling us.
I have been gaslighting myself for years thinking I don't present enough symptoms to be on the spectrum but the more I watch your videos the more I relate. It's relieving to find a community that understands my brain! It makes me more confident to potentially seek my own diagnosis one day.
Gosh. "I don't want to appropriate a term that isn't mine" and "I don't want to take resources from someone that needs them more." These are *all* things I've said in my head before getting the official diagnosis. Thank you for validating these thoughts, or at least letting my know that I'm not the only one that feels these things.
You are “autistic enough.” As a very late diagnosed autistic person who masks and has functioned and been successful for over half a century in neurotypical society I relate to everything you said in this. It’s been exhausting. I too was worried if my assessment would confirm the diagnosis I knew I had. But it did and as you pointed out, each of us is unique. The challenges are unique to each of us but very real nonetheless. Keep doing your thing, it has purpose.
I paused the video to comment. I'm one of those autistics whose high intelligence has helped them come across as not needing support or even not being autistic. And for anyone who might think that's a good thing, believe me when I say that it's at least as much of a hundred as a help. People think intelligence can and will compensate for anything. Yeah, no. Having my support needs minimized or denied because "you don't need that" is horrible. A broken arm and a broken wrist are two different things but both are painful and require treatment.
YES! I've always felt like an awkward duck, trying so hard to do things "right." People have constantly told me that I'm not struggling and that I do just fine, but I'm constantly on the struggle bus. It's such a struggle to keep up with the rest of the world; from the surface it may seem like I have things effortlessly together, but there's so much crazy effort going on below the surface like a duck. The more I've learned about autism this year, the more it feels like it has been my whole life despite living 30+ years of being undiagnosed. I'm always just so drained and exhausted, and it makes so much more sense now.
Thank you for posting this, unedited, Taylor. I suspected I was on the spectrum for decades but was told I was too smart to need help...that I made eye contact too easily...and finally went for a diagnosis a few years back but the testing was so stressful I don't feel I was at my best....and came away with an ADD diagnosis. I may or may not have an ADD brain...but I gave up trying to get a "professional" agree with something I know deep in my bones...I'm on the spectrum. I'd love to have someone "professional" agree with me but oh well...that's on them and their own short-sighted definition of what Autism looks like...Guess what, world...Taylor /is/ what one part of autism looks like...and so am I.
A professional has opinion and agendas. A confirmation may feel validating but only inside can one find the reality. Sad about all those fakers for bait which makes a dx attractive, but only go through that for a good reason.
I find people who respond negatively to the stories of others are displaying their inner struggles rather than accurately critiquing someone else. I appreciate your stories and your examples. They are helpful and valid to me, and I appreciate you!
I have asked myself if I'm autistic enough too. My intelligence and how I've had to make do for so many years, and the fact that my way of viewing the world is all I know, tends to mask my autism even from me. If I could read other people's minds, I would probably see a lot more of my autism differences than I currently do. But I can't. So when this question pops up for me again, I have to review the traits of autism again, and then I say, "Well, I guess the doctor did diagnose me correctly."
It's almost uncanny how EVERYTHING you talk about here is identical to my thoughts/feelings...I'm not officially diagnosed, but from all my research (my son was diagnosed 8 months ago) and various self tests, I find myself belonging on the spectrum too. It's the only thing that, to my initial surprise, answered so many questions I've had throughout my life...even though I might not seem autistic enough to the eye of the public. Thanks for sharing, your content truly matters to so many. 100 000 of us so far. 🧡
I don’t share my autism BECAUSE OF THIS. I fear people challenging me on it or thinking less of me because they disagree with it. I genuinely don’t know what to expect. They probably already know, but still 😆 Thank you for this topic.
Yes 💜 I’ve also been learning a lot about how ADHD can mask Autism. I realized in my late 20s that I probably have ADHD. Finally got diagnosed this year, at 37…and now that I’m deep into autism research, I’m realizing that I probably have both. It was hard to tell, because ADHD traits are often at odds with autism traits, so it’s hard to identify with either completely, because you might go back and forth. It’s a frustrating experience… 😅
I'm the same except I was diagnosed with ADHD as a little kid and was medicated for most of my year's in school, they just said I had ADD and not the hyper part.Later in life I started realizing it's not just simply ADHD I had many issues with socializing and being consistent and retaining friendships and I could only do certain jobs in certain environments. I liked routines but at the same time I would fight with routines. As a kid I was always doing small movements like rocking shaking my leg I'd become obsessed with topics I liked, but at the same time I could quickly lose interest in the snap of a finger.
As you are both autistic and a strong communicator, rather than others questioning whether you “are autistic enough” to be a representative for the community, instead I think “how fortunate to have such a wonderful communicator” as not everyone has that skill and it benefits everyone. Just my perspective as a non autistic person who finds the spectrum of humanity interesting by parenting a neurodivergent child.
Taylor, thank you so much for posting this "raw". It's so relatable for me. The question, am I autistic enough? echoes the attitudes of some of those around me, particularly early in my life. It's a dismissive attitude, like, "Oh, you're just faking your symptoms." As if being on the spectrum was somehow an easy way out!!! No words.... Thanks for all you do!
@@nryane One of the real issues is that you're always equally autistic or ADHD or whatever other neurodivergence, but that doesn't mean that it's always equally obvious to you or others. And the gap can get pretty large for higher masking and lower support needs individuals.
Thanks Taylor, perfect for today. 18 months after my diagnosis and still so much learning/relearning to allow myself accommodations and not just ‘put up with how I’ve/it’s always been’. Because that didn’t work - for my life or in terms of having ultimately led to massive burnout I’m still recovering from. Of course you need yr privacy, but I’m so grateful for what you choose to share. Makes a massive difference to me x
This is exactly what I need to hear right now. I was phoning around today trying to find a doctor, and these exact thoughts went through my head. Every single one.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD but I strongly suspect that I also have ASD. Unfortunately, I can't talk to anyone about this - pretty much everyone I have mentioned this to so far has completely shut me down or invalidated my feelings. It's really isolating and upsetting for me because I don't know how to explain to people what it is that I go through. I'm medicated for ADHD which helped to some extent, but it's only a crutch. I still find it extremely difficult to navigate through life. So much so that sometimes I fantasise about a day when I won't have to do that anymore. And - it's NOT depression.
Thanks you for sharing about this, Tay! I relate to what you said about being used to living without support. I was so used to going through life unsupported that I thought that was how life was supposed to feel. Now that I accommodate my needs more, I realize how many autistic needs I do have. I think this is a challenge for autistic people who seem to “get by” without support. The struggle is hidden, like the duck’s legs, but incredibly hard nonetheless ❤
One of the worst situations I found myself in was finding myself in conversation with an old friend. I had just told him I had received an autism diagnosis. This was a person adjacent to mental health care. I thought he'd understand. Instead he tells me " wow you must be very high functioning" which made me cringe... I tried explaining about how it presented in me and he replies..." but....don't we all struggle with those things?? I mean...I know I do." to which his constant invalidation set me off and I said " hey, maybe get yourself tested,...who knows you may also be autistic." In another conversation he basically told me he has seen autistic children,.... and I act nothing like them. The idea he has is,...if a person does not present like the stereotype,.... they aren't autistic. He even said " well, I always felt that the critera for the diagnosis, has become kinda loose,... I mean it is almost meaningless now." Just because he feels the only people who shouold be able to say they are autistic, must be either non-verbal,...or cognitively impaired. He failed to see the Irony. And when I brought it up,... I can imagine him saying " too smart by half and so well spoken to be autistic." He even suggested I get a second opinion. Guy is no longer a friend. I want to say I know it is hard enough being autistic,... I wish people would not gatekeep who they feel deserves the name, and who doesn't because when everyone around you invalidates your disgnosis,..." Am I autistic enough??" Takes up more and more and more of your headspace. We should not be wasting our thoughts on " Am I autistic enough?"... so that we can focus on " Ok, I'm autistic period. Now what?"
Thanks for this Taylor. Late self discovery of Autism has been simultaneously a destabilizing process and a liberating one. Even though at this point, I feel like I’ve collected enough data points to know that I am, I still have these intense moments of doubt since I have been masking my whole life to fit in, then I’ll worry that I am trying to fit in, but deep down I know that everything finally made sense when I figured out I am very much neurodivergent.
When it comes to that question. One thing that triggers me as an Autistic person is when someone says “you don’t look autistic”. Or that angry accuse me of using it as an excuse an a crutch. It shows how the word autism is widely known but at the same time extremely misunderstood, where people tend to think autism is one size fits all. Forgetting that there is a reason the diagnosis has the word “spectrum” in it. See it’s triggering me just to try and right this comment. I’ve had to really train myself hard not to have this raw reaction to people saying I don’t look autistic or telling me I’m making excuses. It’s not one size fits all and every autistic person is unique in their own way in how they experience autism and what level of autism they have. Great job on an unedited video! I wish I had that skill. But my brain isn’t well spoken. Lots of pauses and um and uh it’s the reason why when I make a video I need to slightly edit it the pauses would would probably ware peoples patience down and they would skip out of my video. Great job!
This is off topic, but I wanted to say thank you for the video on "Why Late Autism Diagnosis Matters: What I Wish My Family and Friends Knew." I showed it to my wife and it helped so much. I've been this "weird" individual (though I would choose to emphasize the latter term) my whole life and felt so out of place. My test is in March, so I'm not formally diagnosed, but your videos and those of others who are #ReallyAutistic have given me a sense of belonging. I have watched these videos crying with relief that, in this context, my life finally makes some sort of sense. So, thank you. It's an honor to be a member of your channel.
Thank you! I'm beginning to be able to convince my mind that I am. Autistic enough. That I'm not being a "hypochondriac" because I've finally come to let myself rest, after being active and/or out and about for five hours in a day. Accepting my limited energy available and acting accordingly in a pased manner so not to overdo and burn out completely, is hard.
I think you could point people to your unedited burnout video - the one where you're stuck on the couch, with the noise-cancelling headphones and the weighted pillow. That's an interesting snapshot of someone who's been kind of incapacitated by having to do neurotypical levels of work as an autistic person?
I second everything you said and appreciate all the members of the community sharing their stories. I would like to add that in my experience in online spaces it‘s never high-support needs autistic people themselves telling others they are somehow taking away from their resources - it‘s always allistic parents/providers/caretakers who do, who believe that us broadening the conversation and awareness about what being on the spectrum looks like will somehow make lawmakers etc go „oh, no more benefits for you and your mentally disabled autistic kid because that autistic adult over there can live on their own“… mind boggeling…
I don't understand the comments about "not leaving room" for others with ASD. In most ways, I can't identify with you. I'm not a parent and not a woman. You're very pretty. You had an active social life in h.s. I think I saw you were the homecoming queen or something. I can't identify with any of that. I've never been attractive to girls/women. I didn't have friends in school, and have only had a few intermittently, since. Despite all that, I _am_ a late-diagnosed adult, so I find some of your videos quite helpful. I think what you're doing helps a lot more people than it hinders.
Thank you so very much for talking about this. It was just what I needed to hear. Been having a lot of imposter syndrome recently about my diagnosis, despite the fact that being so self-critical and worrying has actually *increased* my support needs. I appreciate you and all the hard work and vulnerability that you put into your channel. 💜
Thank you for all that you do. The fact that you've only been officially diagnosed just a few years ago and already have created many resources for the autistic community is mind blowing and phenomenal. And now you are at just over 100 000 subscribers. Wow. I am blown away. Take good care! 🤗
Thank you. I've just received my official diagnosis at almost 43. I've lived my life in an almost constant state of burnout but done a majority of the adult things. House, kid, job, and partner. I ended up taking today off work as my morning got thrown for a loop, and when dropping kiddo at daycare, I realised i was a hairsbreath from meltdown. I feel so bad for not going (i work with kids with disabilities in a school, so always short staffed). Is 230pm and I've not left the lounge and my weighted blanket and still fairly shut down so i know it was the right thing but argh ableism sucks. Thank you for your video. It helped me be more ok letting myself stop today.
absolutely. And I know what you mean - my best friend is a social worker and everything is always short-staffed and it's so hard to feel like you can ever take a break because you are ALWAYS needed. But you deserve rest, comfort, health, and recovery time. You will show up more fully for yourself and others as a result! Thank you for the work you do.
@MomontheSpectrum thanks, it's been a journey this last 6 months. I had a healing breakdown with my diagnosis. I'm doing better because of it, but it's meant I've had so much time off already this year. Hey, I started asking you a question on insta and accidentally sent it before I was ready. Out of respect for you, I didn't want to ask the question on a video comment for everyone to see but it's something that is worrying me about your merch. Would you mind responding when you have some time please.
Diagnosed weeks before my fiftieth birthday, and pretty much every word of this resonated *hard*. Especially your point about becoming more conscious of the way we’ve built accommodations into our lives without realising it - to which I’d add, the extent to which we’ve also dissociated from acknowledging even to ourselves how hard some things are. And then your point about how “low support needs” often overlooks the energy we have been expending for our whole lives to support our own needs without even realising we’re doing so - and the energy our loved ones have expended in the same way
that's a good reminder that autistic person feels more comfortable on his / her own, e.g. making video, where everything can be controlled vs being around people where nothing can be controlled outside
Very relatable. "You can do this, so why can't you do that?" or "That's not a thing." are the types of attitudes that get me second guessing like this. Are autistics capable? Sure, to varying degrees. Seems that ASD level 1 (or aspergers) struggles tend to fly under the radar for everyone but the people closest to the person in question.
Yes!! I sooo identify with this. I’ve taken the free questionnaires on Embrace Autism’s website and watched hours of videos like this, and read research articles. I have CPTSD, ADHD, OCD, and a few other acronyms as well (🤦🏻♀️🤔🤭) so I wonder constantly if I’m not just confusing myself into thinking I have autism as well. Even though I scored fairly high according to the questionnaires. It’s exhausting-like a puzzle I can’t solve because pieces are missing.
I constantly have these thoughts, but hearing what you are saying, it becomes clear to me that we are part of what defines autism, rather than the question of whether enough of me(us) fit into the definition. Sure, we are getting diagnosed with the same criteria but from what I have been hearing from other autistic people, we are a lot more diverse and variable (both between individuals, and over time within each invidivual) than the diagnostic criteria and stereotypes. At the end of the day, I consider the diagnosis and the knowledge about autism as a lens to understand myself better. Whether certain traits are directly connected with autism or not almost becomes less important.
Congratulations on 100k!! The duck reference hit perfectly. I'm still learning what I need and how to deal with it (such as a mandatory shutdown - recharge). Navigating this whole process is exhausting at times. All the research you've done, sharing your experiences, and creating easier ways to find resources has made life a bit easier, both emotionally and in understanding how to "get through". Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being a place I can come to when I have questions and doubts. Most of all, thank you for the hard work you put into this channel. I know it isn't easy.
Congratulations on 100K!!! 🥳🎉👏 Well deserved! I feel this, especially since my son has high support needs and is nonspeaking. I downplay my experience all the time, dismiss my struggles, and keep pushing on. I know, though, that if I keep ignoring my needs, I burn out and can't be present for those who depend on me. Thanks for tackling this topic! 💞
I'm so glad I came across your channel 😊 congrats on 100k! That's amazing and shows how many people out there, like myself, are thankful for you and being real ❤ I'm self diagnosed ATM and you've helped me more than you'll ever know to learning more about myself and that I matter. Thankyou for being you and for sharing such a fab community xx
Thank you for sharing! I find your channel extremely helpful. I’ve wondered if I’m autistic for a couple of years. Me binging your videos for the last couple of days is a part of my latest obsession as a result of starting couples therapy the other day… The issues my partner is pointing out includes: 1. My lack of regard, physical touch and presence i.e. in the morning he’d like a hug and kiss. 2. The fact that I obsess about stuff all the time. My thoughts: 1. I can totally give a hug and kiss in the morning - just tell me and I’ll work it into my routine! I have meant nothing bad about not showing affection in that way. It just has not crossed my mind 🤦♀️ 2. Obsessions are my favorite thing. Magic happens when I obsess, it’s my superpower!!!! I will die if I can’t go down rabbit holes 😳 Can anyone relate?
@@MrDaydreamer1584 yeah it’s not just that, didn’t want to bore everyone with all my symptoms 😅 I realize now that I have struggled since childhood. Thought it might be adhd but doesn’t quite fit. I’ve taken multiple tests on my own and always score as highly likely autistic. I have gotten multiple other professional diagnosis in the neurodivergent spectrum like Bipolar and Schizoaffective disorder but that hasn’t proven to be necessarily correct.
@@MrDaydreamer1584 I experience: - overactive mind (I think this was assumed to be mania as a young adult) - depression (I’ve suffered several bouts of deep depression that I now think was from extreme burnout from masking during childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. I did not do well at all in a school environment. I now work mostly from home and can maintain my energy levels better) - sensory processing issues (sound, smell, touch, stack too many and I feel like my brain is having a short circuit) - easily get overwhelmed/burnt out from social situations - people misunderstand my directness a lot - it often bothers me that most other people don’t seem to see things logically - I’m pretty rigid in my routines and the way I like to keep my environment. It stresses me to the point of feeling physically ill if I can’t keep things my way. - I stim with facial expressions like eye rolling, rocking my body or fidgeting - I obsess about anything that matters to me. I’m basically off or on. Idk, I’m going to bring it up with my therapist…
I was diagnosed at 5 and i still find you rather helpful. I've been told I'm just a contrarian most of the time. It's definitely a spectrum. I work and have a fairly regular life. However, most people despise me. It used to eat me alive but im at peace with it now.
I was diagnosed about nine years ago. I'm 36 now and have only just started to accept the diagnosis. And then a week passes and I'm back to "but am I /really/ autistic though?". So I go back to my psychologist and we talk about it and I admitt that yes, I have trouble with this and this and that and this... we've been over my diagnosis in detail this last year and it has helped a bit. But I slide back all the time. I'm full to the brim of internalised abelism and impostor-syndrome.
Thank you thank you thank you. I’m 33. My 11 year old has Asperger’s and it’s fairly obvious to anyone who knows him well enough. Just this year it has hit my husband and I that I absolutely do too. Straight up apple and tree situation 😆 I do not have a diagnosis, but there is really no doubt about it. And yet, I am suffering terribly from imposter syndrome. It’s so “trendy” right now to toss around ADHD self-diagnoses and so many moms like me are having their own breakthroughs that I find myself afraid to tell anyone. I have only told one friend. I know how extremely well I mask and pass as neurotypical. I know I don’t look or seem autistic to most people. I am so afraid of getting the same response so many have given me about my son over the years, telling me “what are you talking about, nothing is wrong with him”. 🙄 it’s always been easy for me to advocate for him but defending myself in the moment is another challenge altogether which I am not very comfortable with. I truly don’t feel the need to be tested or diagnosed. It’s kind of pointless for me at this time. But without such I feel like a fraud and afraid to tell people. 😭
This is my story, too! My son is 13 and was diagnosed at 3. We got him every available therapy, so now he’s “caught up” and low needs. It only occurred to me this year that he got it from ME! I’m his best advocate bc I know what he’s feeling! And though my family of origin recognize HIS autism, they insist that I am not autistic. It’s painful that they can’t accept what I’m telling them I am. It’s making me feel vulnerable and misunderstood with them. My hubby believes me though and says not to worry about getting a diagnosis to PROVE anything. I am who I am. Hugs, friend!!
I am 37 and my psychiatrist suggested that I have Aspargers. I questioned the diagnosis, because I also had ADHD diagnosed this year and some of the symptoms are similar. Now I know I have ASD. It's harder to wrap my head around then the ADHD diagnosis. I started remembering how hard it was to understand people and how stressful life was (as a kid). I also wonder how much of a job of reading people I do right now. People sometimes complain, but my previous therapist said I should trust my judgment. The previous therapist did not acknowledge ADHD and never suggested ASD. I was in therapy for 10 years. She just said that some things should not happen, like I should be able to tell how I feel in the moment. It's a bit of a mind f... Thank you for this video.
The duck on a pond analogy is fitting. 42 year old single dad here that started looking into this sort of content out of concern for my teenage son. I've come to the realization that both he and I are probably on the spectrum. Thank you for making the content you do. It's been very helpful.
3:28 ooooooooh! Thank you for tackling this issue and especially THANK YOU for mentioning this! I am struggling so much with tests because of this exactly this thing: I don't want to skew my tests, but on the other hand I don't want to skew the test the other way by overdoing it in the other direction. And so I usually spend way too much time overanalysing each question and being frustrated out of my mind because there is never an answer that's nuanced enough to express what I really am. Which in itself is probably a telltale of my ASD (+ADHD). It's good to hear I'm not the only one. That's what I wanted to say in this message.
Wonderful message, you have said most of what has been in my mind, but couldn’t think of how to put it into words! I’ve never been professionally diagnosed (age 45), but a family member noticed it in me many years ago and my now 11 eleven year old son has been professionally diagnosed and through him and people like you, and others, I’ve learned a lot about myself! I don’t think the U.S. knew as much about Autism 40 or so years ago as the U.K., but we’ve come a long way. Thank you for your message!
I find that u help a certain dynamic. There are a ton of ppl who have been able to coast or go undiagnosed for decades and are now getting help. Its great to see other perspectives.
I resonate so much with this as I I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50, so I had masked for 5 decades! I'm going through menopause now and wowsers my symptoms and how much I really struggle are becoming very apparent. You and your channel are fantastic, I totally get the doubting yourself, but please don't. Your channel has helped me and doubtless tons of orhers immensely. ❤ thank you xx
This might sound odd but a really great way to unmask is practicing letting your thoughts pass. I do meditating sometimes where I sit and focus on my breathing and I let my brain think but I don’t interact with those thoughts. I just let them pass. This helps a lot because you’ll be able to do this with thoughts like “am I standing right” “what if I’m being weird” “am I talking too much?” You can just kind of let them go and what you’re left with is how you actually are.
My husband caused a massive burnt out or shutdown. More like shutdown. Everyday it's a struggle. Hopefully it goes away soon. Sleep is a big deal which I'm not getting.
I was researching autism wondering about a close relative. But now I see MYSELF in most of what I'm viewing (here and with Morgan, another youtuber). It's helping ME. Thank you.
Thank you so much for making this video...I so desperately needed some encouragement and validation right now after being completely invalidated, unsupported and hurt by my current therapist who I have no intention of ever seeing again.
As a 47 year old very high masker and extreme people-pleaser/others-referencer, I am on my way to my autism screening today and having these EXACT same thoughts and questions. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing. I’m 71 years old man and live in the United Kingdom. I have a friend of mine who recently said that I may have autism. I have been watching your UA-cam channel and others as well. I have found that I have been masking all my life. I have asked another friend about it. And they said that you may be adhd as well. I think that I can tick some of both of those conditions. Thank you for your time on your channel . All the best Ron
3:50 Very important video. I was thinking i was the only person who wondered if I was autistic enough. I think the feeling is part of what people call imposter syndrome. It was also very poignant about not wanting to unfairly influence online tests. I spent thousands to travel to a place that specialized in adult diagnosis.
I had to stop at five minutes and comment, I am going through this exact same thing right now. Your videos and the way you describe everything feels like you're inside my head (In a good non creepy way). It's like, "Oh, but you have a good job and a family!" But they don't see the torment underneath just trying to hold all that together. I found humour when I was quite young, it's been the only way I could deal with social situations, but as I've gotten older it's been harder and harder to maintain. I have only met two people in my life who really understood me, both are sadly gone, both were very dear friends. Right now all I can say is thank you, I feel validated if not for you I'd keep doubting instead of dealing.
Congratulations for this milestone of followers. After 7 days of having more energy and electricity running through my body I could feel it. I had a mental breakdown after masking and suppressing for 52 years. I have learned most social cues and struggled through the years. I know when and why but not how. I am recovering and reached a milestone after 7 days and on the 10th day I looked in the mirror, I was amazed that I recognized myself for the first time in my life. Thanks for the videos!!👍😎👻🌶️
Congrats Tay on 100K!!! :) Your videos are part of the reason I even considered I might be autistic. I am diagnosed a year ago now at 38. As a mom, your insights and thoughts have been super helpful. This video today was just what I needed to hear. As a "lower obvious needs" person, it is sometimes difficult thinking "am I autistic enough", then I don't listen to my needs and wham I am overloaded, burntout and overstimulated...... which again is not a good cycle to be in. 😅😅😘😘 Thanks for all you do!!!!
I am 48, and just went through the evaluation process with my oldest son. At the end of it, he was diagnosed as Type 1 ASD, which I expected. After telling us that the Doctor turned to me and said Mr B, you are also almost certainly on the autism spectrum, and I would encourage you to consider being evaluated yourself. Whoa. Shocked. This was three days ago. I'm reading Unmasking Autism right now, and I cannot believe how seen I feel, or how ignorant I have been all of my life about what autism is. I tried to tell my Mom, and of course she freaked out, told me I was fine and should never tell anybody about this, and stop pursuing it immediately. Thanks Mom. I took the Monotropism questionnaire. Monotropism Score: 194 / 235 Your Average: 4.13 This score suggests that you are more Monotropic than about 48% of autistic people and about 95% of allistic people based on data from the initial validation study. Hello me, it's me, nice to meet you. I can't believe I am just learning about all of this now. Of course I live in the US, so there are no adult autism specialists within 50 miles of me, at least not that are covered by my insurance, so I guess I get to figure it out for myself, and if I am being honest I am kind of spinning out right now.
This channel has changed my life. After decades of wondering what was wrong with me, I'm feel like I finally have a chance to heal and be my real self. Thank you.
Your videos have been helpful to me. I don't know if I'm ever going to officially claim autism+ADHD, but people who have been diagnosed that way are obviously the same as me in a hundred ways. Hearing what life is like for AuDHD people allows me to sort of "look ahead" and plan my life better, or at least not be as surprised at my future as it unfolds. I have to remember that I did genuinely enjoy life before there were labels I could use for myself, and now I can still enjoy life, only with more realistic expectations.
"Am I still talking about the same thing that I started talking about?" I legit laughed out loud at this because this was too freaking relatable. Thank you for posting this unedited - it is uncanny how similar your speaking style and little movement patterns are to mine. Ever since I realized this year that I'm autistic, I've been highly self-conscious about how I speak and act around others, because I worry that I'm being distracting with my stimming or losing people in conversation when I start rambling or info dumping. Hearing you talk naturally and watching your quirky hand movements made me realize there's nothing wrong with us, and people like you and me are still highly endearing to others.
Every time I start questioning my (yet to be official) diagnosis I watch one of your videos and feel so validated. It feels really good to not be alone in my experience. Thank you so much for all that you're doing. It's helped me so so much and I'm truly appreciative
A very timely video for me. A few days ago my GP said I have mild autism and it's a part of my personality. I have level 2 autism. Anyway it was so hurtful and annoying. My level of functioning is not good at all. I decided not to argue with him. I have done so much research into it and I also worked mainly with autistic children for 20 years. Since my diagnosis I have come across at least 3 or 4 health professionals who have been very invalidating and said many hurtful things due to lack of education and awareness of what Autism actually is. I hope I can find a way to rise above their ignorance instead of feeling awful about their erroneous views. It's been really hard. Even with a diagnosis I'm still flying under the radar.
So relate to this question. 53 and just recently wondered if I'm on the spectrum. I definitely know I'm not neurotypical, as I think/react to things differently than almost everyone I know. My last therapist thought I was quirky, but that's about it 🙄 Sitting here in distress because I still don't know how to "people" properly, even with family, and don't know if my lack of a strong social network is because I've inadvertently broken some social rule, offend, or because I'm just "off" enough to put-off close relationships. Thank you for being transparent!
Currently awaiting an assessment and I regularly question if I actually am autistic or not, sometimes it feels like I am but other times when I see other people who struggle with the same disability worse than me it always feels like maybe I'm not actually autistic
Love you and this channel Taylor. In fact this is the only subscription I have. I am 60 and it was my 25 year old non binary child who pointed out I am likely also autistic when they got their official diagnosis. My entire is snapping into a new focus for me. I feel you are on the same ride ... and I am so happy you are 'getting ' this now and not when you are 60. ❤❤❤
Just found your channel after watching a vid called I’m not an alien, I’m just autistic which made me sob. I’m enjoying seeing all your thoughts and I’m relating so hard with everything you’re saying. I’m 22 and have been questioning whether I’m autistic since I was around 14. Your vids are so helpful so far
Hiya Taylor! I think you may be going through "Imposter Syndrome". I go through this too. Some of those comments may not be "negative" but the part of tge blunt, straightforward conversation that we use to convey how we think. I dont think for the most part, that it is meant to be personal, rude or hurtful. Its just another one of our Autism traits. A trait that gets us in trouble alot with relationships.
Just like you "breezed" through life appearing quite NT, for me at 62, i did too. This week, I'll find out if the medical community thinks im autistic or not. Your duck on the water is a perfect description!
That all make so much sense. I got my diagnosis ten years ago & still am learning how to accept how autism presents in me. I have been heavily involved in the disabled/special needs community due to it being a special interest & gravitating towards that community. In this, I was able to be a caregiver with an 18 year old autistic male - he needed full time support. I loved getting to spend time with him & work with him. I knew I am autistic when I worked with him, but didn't tell his parents because I knew their idea of autism is directly filtered through their experience with their son. I find myself wondering if I am autistic enough, however I have come to realize that the way my autism presents itself on the outside & how it impacts me on the inside don't always parallel. Ive been recently, since finding your channel, giving myself permission to let myself go, so to speak, rather than conforming to social norms. I believe eventually my internal experience & external experience will moreso parallel as I learn to undo the years of masking & desperately striving to fit in.
Hi Taylor, this is so helpful! Tomorrow I am starting fase 1 of (maybe?) getting diagnosed with autism. I have already been diagnosed as ADHD 5 years ago, but I always felt something was not fully right. Your channel has really helped me to see what autism looks like when it's diagnosed in a woman and also later on in life.
I really enjoyed the short part share you talked about high intelligence autistics. Would love a video about being 2e, as there is just not much info about being a 2e adult. Or parenting as a 2e person. Its weird & hard & my giftedness has covered up my autism for my whole life until recently.
I am 56 yo with late diagnosed ADHD about eight years ago, and now completed the picture with autism diagnosis (two autistic children-who would have thought, haha). I am here to say in no uncertain terms that I am appropriating the term as hard as I can. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I think full acceptance is going to get me the thing I need most - rest.
Thanks so much for what you do choose to share online; I really liked this video. About the people who say that sharing your experience is somehow taking away from other people, I don’t see how that can be. As far as I can see there is space for everyone, especially on the internet, and the word “autism” isn’t in limited supply.
I'm so happy I found your channel. I'm a 52 year old gay man who for the past 32 years has felt different from most people. I struggle with eye contact. I don't enjoy small talk. Social gatherings are scary for me. I struggle to have adult conversations with people my own age. I bounce my right leg non stop even when I don't feel nervous. I get fixated on a particular creative project, and if I'm interrupted I get frustrated. I don't like changes to my routines. People who don't know assume I'm stuck-up because I'm so quiet. I was in special Ed since the 6th grade after a humiliating battery of tests by some unpleasant mental health professionals hired by the school. My parents refused to tell me what the findings were (this was the early 80s btw). After tons of research and self reflection, I came to realize I might be autistic. Since I've self diagnosed (I just cannot afford the testing), I've felt better about myself and I've come to like myself so much more. Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm just feeling like a weight has been lifted for the first time in many years. I'm excited to watch your videos and thank you for this channel. Take care ❤
cw: imposter syndrome, gaslighting, and hopelessness i know i shouldn't care about being professionally diagnosed or not, but listening to this makes me think of this intense fear i have: that after all this growth, self-discovery, burnout and struggle, increasing support needs, undeniable truth, if i ever get the opportunity to get assessed, they'll tell me it's not real, again. it's all i've been told my whole life by every adult i talk to: "i know how you feel", "you'll grow out of it", "you're going through what everyone goes through", "it's puberty", "it's anxiety", "you're overthinking it", etc. i don't trust myself. i don't know if i'm exaggerating or not. i've improved so much, discovering my identity after having no sense of self due to chronic dissociation and masking, working on unmasking, etc. but now that i'm supposed to be an adult, i'm realizing everything i can't do, everything i'm not ready for, everything i need help with, everything i don't understand, and i'm terrified that i'll have to do it all myself, and since i can't do that, i'll just crumble and fail without support. and i'm afraid that even when i'm as sure of myself as ever and my Autism is as obvious as ever, even now that i know myself and have that "proof" that undiagnosed Autistics seek, i'll tell them everything and it still won't be enough, they still won't believe me, they'll still not take me seriously. they'll still say what my therapists and all other adults in my life said: that i'm wrong, and i'm not any different from anyone else, it's just anxiety, it's just trauma (which, i don't have any trauma outside of the context of growing up Autistic), that i'm just a normal person who can't be normal and needs things that i'm not supposed to need and struggles more than i'm supposed to struggle and i've just got to face my fears and cure myself, get over it, deal with it like everyone else. i'm afraid that i'll have to live with imposter syndrome and never get the help i need for the rest of my life.
Having a sprained ankle vs. a broken leg doesn’t mean that you don’t still need help with walking around. Some days are harder than others, and support needs can change. That’s something I’m struggling with right now since I’m in burnout. Thank you for your insight and videos 💜
Love your analogy❤
I heard something similar many years ago, and it's completely true. The existence of people with other, larger challenges doesn't make the challenges that you've got any easier. It just means that there are other people that have larger challenges. And unless you're in a position to help with that, then it's not relevant anyways.
And when it comes to support needs, someone with a sprained ankle and someone with a broken leg may both need crutches. But the solution isn't to give crutches to the person with the broken leg and have the person with a sprained ankle make do without, the solution is to have enough crutches for both. If you're getting help, you shouldn't feel worried that you're taking supports from someone else just because your case isn't as serious as someone else's. And if you feel you need the supports but are worried that you don't align with or aren't in a serious enough position to get them, the fact that you need them is proof enough to show that you should get them.
I'm definitely struggling with this myself, early in my journey into discovering if I have autism or not. But regardless of what's going on in my brain is called professionally, I know I still need help navigating social situations, focusing without distractions, reducing loud sounds and limiting the overwhelming nature of crowded environments, and getting a job where I won't be overwhelmed by obligations or other people.
Ur a kind person 💜
I had a sprained ankle, I said that it hurt, that I needed help (avoid walking, people driving me, working from home...) and EVERYBODY HELPED and TRUSTED me when I said something was wrong (family, work, doctors) even if I had no proof (nothing on X-ray).
I cried because for any physical pain, people will believe you and help you. For any mental issues, nothing will be done 😢
"Am I autistic enough" is the question that stops me from calling my GP to discuss getting an ASD assessment. Bloody jackal brain getting in the way again...
This thought has stopped me too!! And takes up alot of time thinking about this and in my head im asking so many questions playing out so much its tiring
I bit the bullet and asked for a referral since she was having my son assessed. She looked at me dumbfounded and said, "why do you want that? What would that do for you?"
😐🤯
I'm so silly feeling bad for not suffering enough (64, self diagnosed).
But I think it is SO important to show that there are Autists in the world liking themselves, even their job and family, being successful.
The picture of Autists needs to be as diverse as the picture of neurotypicals.
People need role models.
You have suffered plenty. Late diagnosed 47 male.
I'm 63, self diagnosed and completely agree with you.
Agreed.
Allowing a mom of a late undiagnosed daughter age 37 to see the contrast of this very real video versus your other edited work is a beautiful gift. A pure demonstration of bravery. Thank you. I'm beginning to understand more how to be helpful and encouraging her to be diagnosed.
Same. Self-diagnosed at 56
I'm 56 and diagnosed as Autistic only a couple of months ago. (My assessor also strongly suspects ADHD although not tested at this time.) I definitely have the ongoing wonder if I'm 'autistic enough'. I mean no-one spotted it for 56 years, so... But at the same time it explained so many of the things I'm really bad at (Relationships/friendships/social situations/planning/bright lights/loud noises/overwhelm/anxiety etc etc). You very likely wouldn't pick me as autistic when you meet me... so good job on the masking I guess, but it does make me wonder if am autistic enough. (Interestingly though, my Assessor said to me literally within 3 minutes of meeting me, "Well, you're definitely on the spectrum.") Still getting my head around it. Going from 'quirky' to neurodivergent is taking some time to process. But happy to get to know some of the lovely people in this community. Congrats on the 100k Taylor!
I'm 50 and my story is the same as yours!!! It's all a bit tricky to take on board at the moment. ❤
@@rachel79934 Yep... but we'll get through it. If we can get to this point, then we can definitely get beyond it too
Yep the imposter syndrome when I first got diagnosed was a real thing especially as I sought out the diagnosis, when I was going through that every time a video/infographic said something that was a trait I have I was yay it is real, if it wasn't something that I could relate to then it was a spiral.
I have been diagnosed for a bit over 2 years now (was diagnosed at 48) and am now settled that yes I am autistic. Something that really helped me was that I ran into someone that is autistic and we were just talking and had so much stuff in common regarding traits etc. It also helps that my current psychologist (who I started with a few months ago) I had said that I was autistic and at the end of the first session she said that it was slight but she could see it. The 2nd session where she was still getting more history at various times she said that is autistic. This gave me the extra that other people who knew what they were looking for could see it in me.
I am also highly verbal, can do eye contact etc so I do have people look at me if I bring it up.
I can relate. Went my whole life (30+ years) without anyone suspecting anything. I've even worked with people who specialized with working with individuals with special needs in school settings that could look at a student and just tell that they were on the spectrum, had ADHD, etc. Nobody said a word to me about it, so I always thought there was just something wrong with me for why I struggled so much on the inside and struggled doing what everyone else seemed to do as naturally as breathing. I've even had people tell me that I COULDN'T be autistic. At the beginning of this year I started stumbling across videos by chance; I thought maybe I could be autistic, but then basically convinced myself that couldn't be the case because someone should have noticed SOMETHING by now. As the year has progressed, I just related more and more to videos, and things just made too much sense. It was as if the speakers in the video were in my head and had lived my life. It also explains why I related most to people like my aunt who got diagnosed as an adult with autism and ADHD as well as one of the boys I babysit that is autistic. It also explains why students who were autistic always seemed naturally drawn to me--it's actually how I started babysitting the one boy because he was insistent to his mom that I needed to be his babysitter.
@@jessicac6189 yes... I always thought I was just 'wrong' somehow too. I don't know any autistic people so had nothing to relate to. The only autistic people I've noticed are the ones with more outwardly apparent support needs, and i didn't relate to their experience. Like you I think a lot of my autistic experience is internal, and hidden from sight so not necessarily noticed by others.
Talk about divine timing. I was just telling my son that the other night I was questioning whether I have autism...reeally. I was watching a girl on tiktok and I was feeling exactly what you described in this video. My son turned around and told me to never doubt my autism. We're going through the diagnosis process together. He was the one who started it and messaged me saying he thinks I have it too and had me a take to test. I took it to please him thinking nothing of it. I was dumbfounded. Doesn't everyone think like this is what ran through my mind. The rabbit hole was formed. Thank you for sharing this. Again, such divine timing. 💗🤗
💓💓💓 your relationship with your son sounds very special!
My issue with this question is am I autistic enough for a proper diagnosis? Am I autistic enough for my family and friends to believe me? Because they don't. I believe I am, my son believes I am, because he's also autistic. My long-time therapist believes I am, but I'm in the middle of being diagnosed by a new and different therapist who is unsure because I mask so well. Life is hard when you're not autistic enough.
Think of all of the research that ISN'T being done, due to so many undiagnosed people! Hearing you talk about this has me picture a raffle where there are only so many autistic tickets to give out & if you don't receive one, then you can't be. If all those who are autistic WERE diagnosed, then everyone else around them could get to understand how varied being autistic is.
That's so true! I'm really hoping the next DSM takes into account what autism looks like for high masking, high functioning adults.
And women.... And audhd'ers. And being menopausal....going from trainspotting as a typical special interest but it could also be....like fermenting veggies or makeup...
Thank you for this! I took the tests you linked for and what I suspected is true. At 73, I confirmed it. And I am married to another… for 35 years! He took the tests but he went the safe way on his answers so didn’t score as I did. He will not admit it.
On a later visit to my Dr. I told her… She almost scoffed, asked me how I knew and had I been confirmed by a Proffessional, and what would I do now with that information and did I trust the internet? I told my immediate family and immediately regretted it. As you said highly intelligent people can really mask. I will continue being my masking self when I need to, thankfully knowing now that I’m not the only “strange” one. Thank you, thank you, for being there for me. 😊
You’re welcome and you’re definitely not alone! Thanks for your comment.
Thanks for this video, Taylor. As an 81-year-old, diagnosed at 80 (July of 2023), this question resonates hugely with me.
I learned to help myself throughout my life. Childhood trauma/people-pleasing/etc., all had me counter-dependent.
I was depressed a great deal of my life and yet still accomplished what many would think was a LOT. Educated, 25-year job teaching (early retirement), and a 2/3 pension - I “should have been” happy and satisfied with my life. Two long-term relationships were not right for me. I chose men who leaned on me, when I needed to be able to “lean” sometimes.
Allowing myself to “lean” on my friends and family, giving myself grace when I’m not feeling 100%, physically, mentally, emotionally, and several other parts of being an autist are things that I’m learning.
Am I autistic enough? Not by the typical stereotype of autism that the world still seems to acknowledge. To many, I am too self-sufficient, too educated, too successful to be autistic. However, I feel more at home being neurodivergent and needing support at times, than the neurotypical person I thought I should emulate - who knows the social cues, doesn’t back away from people and events, etc.
I give myself permission to NOT go places or do things that I thought I HAD to do. Instead of wordlessly walking away from people and events, I let people know that “I’m done”, and go home, or not go out in the first place.
I admit that being older, I can rely on being an “old lady” and if I happen to be tired or cranky (my form of meltdown), I let people think whatever they like.
Keep on doing your thing, Taylor. I appreciate whatever you think would help us autists. ❤️
Thank you for this.
It's very valuable to give yourself permission to respond to your needs. Can I just ask: what does being counter-dependent mean?
@@Snowshowslow
Counter-dependent is the opposite of dependent. I refused help, refused to ASK for help, a lot of my life.
My childhood upbringing taught me that I was ALONE and I could trust no one, that I had to do everything myself.
My EMDR trauma therapy has helped me to see that my upbringing as NOT truthful. My FATHER trusted no one and his lies taught me to do the same.
I’m happy to say that I’m still cautious, but capable of asking for help.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counterdependency
@@Snowshowslow
Counter-dependent means the opposite of dependent.
I usually don’t depend on anyone. Most of my life, I’ve learned that the only person I can depend upon is the person I am.
As I let go of my trauma in therapy, I have become willing to depend on some people in my life. It does take time, though. People who are all “talk” are not the ones I will depend upon. The ones who do what they say they will do - in other words, follow through on their commitments - are the ones toward whom I tend to gravitate.
@@nryane Thank you for the explanation :)
Literally this is exactly how I feel.
I work in education, and know what to look for in students and how to help them, yet it’s taken me till 42 to see it clearly in myself. Loads of my colleagues say “no, surely not, well maybe just a little (because you are a maths teacher)”. Yet underneath it all and looking back through my life experiences, life would have been so so much easier if I had better understanding of myself, and the wide variation that autism takes.
You’re one of the most real and honest people on the internet, so well done! And thank you!
Just today fought for an undiagnosed, unhappy autist in my 7th grade class...greeting from a fellow math teacher...:-)
@@crowkraehenfrau2604you are making a real difference, keep supporting the little auties!🌻
I was called "gifted" which meant high expectations and zero accommodations, leading to burnout and decades of wondering why I have so many seemingly unrelated issues. I only wish it hadn't taken until age 40 to figure this out.
Idk if I'm autistic or not, but I know I have a lot of autistic traits, and it's enough that just trying to deny it and fit in with neurotypical society hasn't really worked well over the years. So I find the autism community to be helpful because the things they deal with are closest to the things I deal with in everyday life. As an adult with low support needs in the US, there wouldn't be help for me if I got diagnosed anyway, so it's really about self help and learning my own limits and risk factors and relating to others' experiences, and I don't need a label or external validation for that. But I will say it's different if you're an autistic content creator and represent the community in some way. Taylor has a valid concern there.
just discovered all of this recently. I've been, all my life, fighting a ghost. Shadow boxing. I have social anxiety, I am OCD, I have insecure attachment, ADD, I have unhealed childhood trauma, rape altered my self image, I was in a domestic abuse situation too long..
The fact is. All of this can be true, but without knowing I was autistic, I was going about healing all wrong. I was trying everything I could. Conventional methods to "fix me". And when these had minimal-moderate impact, I'd be left feeling defeated.
I took a Myers Briggs test years ago in an effort to understand myself. With an INFJ result, the rarest type, I was like.. That's it! That's why I'm different. But it still didn't explain my childhood and the cripling social anxiety I had as far back as I had memories.
I came across one of your videos regarding characteristics of autism. It was jarring. I looked up autism characteristics and was shocked. Took online testing, received a positive result.
I probably won't get professional testing. I'm 45 and at this stage I've developed so many coping mechanisms that idk of the result would even be conclusive. I know in my soul that it is true and that's all that matters.
It's like lightning bolts are firing in my head! All the connections I'm making. I did cry. Cried for the young girl and woman that didn't know. But I'm so relieved to have an answer. I'm ready for wherever this road takes me and I am sure that I'll eventually, with patience and grace, reach a place where I can have some confidence and begin to love myself as I am.
Thank you so much for making these videos. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. To be vulnerable and raw.
Hi Taylor. I'm so glad I found this channel. I'm knackered, totally burnt out and have just lost my high paying job due to a meltdown. I couldn't face group remote meetings after our last face to face offsite and needed a few days to decompress. Before the last offsite, I had worked all weekend and had to mask loads the two weeks before I flew out as I was delivering back to back training sessions. Sadly missing a few routine meetings did not go down well and all the great things I did at my job over the last 12 months were completely forgotten about. The focus was on me not showing up remotely for just a few days. I was working on a project that was overdue due to my impossible workload and yet they still expected me at these pointless calls where people repeat themselves at every single meeting throughout the week when it would just add to my burnout. I feel so used and abused. We do have needs. Yes I've got two beautiful kids (and play the flute and sit too long in my car like you!) and was a high achiever. But for what? To be jobless in mid life? People sense we are different and we are treated differently, even if we aren't "out". Anyway, very comforting channel. Thank-you Taylor.
aw, thank you so much for edit free program. can't say how great it is to be able to watch a production without music, movement, stock photos, sound effects, whistles, bells, poor sound quality, video effects, distractions and all things horrible. you are spoiling us.
I have been gaslighting myself for years thinking I don't present enough symptoms to be on the spectrum but the more I watch your videos the more I relate. It's relieving to find a community that understands my brain! It makes me more confident to potentially seek my own diagnosis one day.
Gosh. "I don't want to appropriate a term that isn't mine" and "I don't want to take resources from someone that needs them more." These are *all* things I've said in my head before getting the official diagnosis. Thank you for validating these thoughts, or at least letting my know that I'm not the only one that feels these things.
You are “autistic enough.” As a very late diagnosed autistic person who masks and has functioned and been successful for over half a century in neurotypical society I relate to everything you said in this. It’s been exhausting. I too was worried if my assessment would confirm the diagnosis I knew I had. But it did and as you pointed out, each of us is unique. The challenges are unique to each of us but very real nonetheless. Keep doing your thing, it has purpose.
I paused the video to comment. I'm one of those autistics whose high intelligence has helped them come across as not needing support or even not being autistic. And for anyone who might think that's a good thing, believe me when I say that it's at least as much of a hundred as a help. People think intelligence can and will compensate for anything. Yeah, no. Having my support needs minimized or denied because "you don't need that" is horrible. A broken arm and a broken wrist are two different things but both are painful and require treatment.
YES! I've always felt like an awkward duck, trying so hard to do things "right." People have constantly told me that I'm not struggling and that I do just fine, but I'm constantly on the struggle bus. It's such a struggle to keep up with the rest of the world; from the surface it may seem like I have things effortlessly together, but there's so much crazy effort going on below the surface like a duck. The more I've learned about autism this year, the more it feels like it has been my whole life despite living 30+ years of being undiagnosed. I'm always just so drained and exhausted, and it makes so much more sense now.
Thank you for posting this, unedited, Taylor. I suspected I was on the spectrum for decades but was told I was too smart to need help...that I made eye contact too easily...and finally went for a diagnosis a few years back but the testing was so stressful I don't feel I was at my best....and came away with an ADD diagnosis. I may or may not have an ADD brain...but I gave up trying to get a "professional" agree with something I know deep in my bones...I'm on the spectrum. I'd love to have someone "professional" agree with me but oh well...that's on them and their own short-sighted definition of what Autism looks like...Guess what, world...Taylor /is/ what one part of autism looks like...and so am I.
💓
Exactly and same here .
A professional has opinion and agendas. A confirmation may feel validating but only inside can one find the reality. Sad about all those fakers for bait which makes a dx attractive, but only go through that for a good reason.
I find people who respond negatively to the stories of others are displaying their inner struggles rather than accurately critiquing someone else. I appreciate your stories and your examples. They are helpful and valid to me, and I appreciate you!
100K subscribers!!! 🎉 So proud and excited for you Tay.
I have asked myself if I'm autistic enough too. My intelligence and how I've had to make do for so many years, and the fact that my way of viewing the world is all I know, tends to mask my autism even from me. If I could read other people's minds, I would probably see a lot more of my autism differences than I currently do. But I can't. So when this question pops up for me again, I have to review the traits of autism again, and then I say, "Well, I guess the doctor did diagnose me correctly."
It's almost uncanny how EVERYTHING you talk about here is identical to my thoughts/feelings...I'm not officially diagnosed, but from all my research (my son was diagnosed 8 months ago) and various self tests, I find myself belonging on the spectrum too. It's the only thing that, to my initial surprise, answered so many questions I've had throughout my life...even though I might not seem autistic enough to the eye of the public. Thanks for sharing, your content truly matters to so many. 100 000 of us so far. 🧡
I don’t share my autism BECAUSE OF THIS. I fear people challenging me on it or thinking less of me because they disagree with it. I genuinely don’t know what to expect. They probably already know, but still 😆
Thank you for this topic.
Yes 💜
I’ve also been learning a lot about how ADHD can mask Autism. I realized in my late 20s that I probably have ADHD. Finally got diagnosed this year, at 37…and now that I’m deep into autism research, I’m realizing that I probably have both. It was hard to tell, because ADHD traits are often at odds with autism traits, so it’s hard to identify with either completely, because you might go back and forth. It’s a frustrating experience… 😅
I'm the same except I was diagnosed with ADHD as a little kid and was medicated for most of my year's in school, they just said I had ADD and not the hyper part.Later in life I started realizing it's not just simply ADHD I had many issues with socializing and being consistent and retaining friendships and I could only do certain jobs in certain environments. I liked routines but at the same time I would fight with routines. As a kid I was always doing small movements like rocking shaking my leg I'd become obsessed with topics I liked, but at the same time I could quickly lose interest in the snap of a finger.
This is how I feel and I was diginosed with ADHD but not ASD and I have never had medication for ADHD
As you are both autistic and a strong communicator, rather than others questioning whether you “are autistic enough” to be a representative for the community, instead I think “how fortunate to have such a wonderful communicator” as not everyone has that skill and it benefits everyone. Just my perspective as a non autistic person who finds the spectrum of humanity interesting by parenting a neurodivergent child.
Taylor, thank you so much for posting this "raw". It's so relatable for me.
The question, am I autistic enough? echoes the attitudes of some of those around me, particularly early in my life. It's a dismissive attitude, like, "Oh, you're just faking your symptoms." As if being on the spectrum was somehow an easy way out!!! No words....
Thanks for all you do!
Yep.
You said it more succinctly than I.
That “faking your symptoms” comment! Trouble is, I have said it to MYSELF more times than I care to admit!
@@nryane One of the real issues is that you're always equally autistic or ADHD or whatever other neurodivergence, but that doesn't mean that it's always equally obvious to you or others. And the gap can get pretty large for higher masking and lower support needs individuals.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade
Thanks. That’s what I’ve been finding out, as I learn more about me as an autist, not a “broken” neurotypical.
Thanks Taylor, perfect for today. 18 months after my diagnosis and still so much learning/relearning to allow myself accommodations and not just ‘put up with how I’ve/it’s always been’. Because that didn’t work - for my life or in terms of having ultimately led to massive burnout I’m still recovering from.
Of course you need yr privacy, but I’m so grateful for what you choose to share. Makes a massive difference to me x
Thank you so much for your comment!
This is exactly what I need to hear right now. I was phoning around today trying to find a doctor, and these exact thoughts went through my head. Every single one.
Thank you for being "Kind Enough" to do these videos to help all of us in the Autistic Community. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You!!!
I've been diagnosed with ADHD but I strongly suspect that I also have ASD. Unfortunately, I can't talk to anyone about this - pretty much everyone I have mentioned this to so far has completely shut me down or invalidated my feelings.
It's really isolating and upsetting for me because I don't know how to explain to people what it is that I go through.
I'm medicated for ADHD which helped to some extent, but it's only a crutch. I still find it extremely difficult to navigate through life. So much so that sometimes I fantasise about a day when I won't have to do that anymore.
And - it's NOT depression.
Thanks you for sharing about this, Tay! I relate to what you said about being used to living without support. I was so used to going through life unsupported that I thought that was how life was supposed to feel. Now that I accommodate my needs more, I realize how many autistic needs I do have. I think this is a challenge for autistic people who seem to “get by” without support. The struggle is hidden, like the duck’s legs, but incredibly hard nonetheless ❤
One of the worst situations I found myself in was finding myself in conversation with an old friend. I had just told him I had received an autism diagnosis. This was a person adjacent to mental health care. I thought he'd understand.
Instead he tells me " wow you must be very high functioning" which made me cringe... I tried explaining about how it presented in me and he replies..." but....don't we all struggle with those things?? I mean...I know I do." to which his constant invalidation set me off and I said " hey, maybe get yourself tested,...who knows you may also be autistic."
In another conversation he basically told me he has seen autistic children,.... and I act nothing like them. The idea he has is,...if a person does not present like the stereotype,.... they aren't autistic.
He even said " well, I always felt that the critera for the diagnosis, has become kinda loose,... I mean it is almost meaningless now." Just because he feels the only people who shouold be able to say they are autistic, must be either non-verbal,...or cognitively impaired. He failed to see the Irony. And when I brought it up,... I can imagine him saying " too smart by half and so well spoken to be autistic." He even suggested I get a second opinion.
Guy is no longer a friend.
I want to say I know it is hard enough being autistic,... I wish people would not gatekeep who they feel deserves the name, and who doesn't because when everyone around you invalidates your disgnosis,..." Am I autistic enough??" Takes up more and more and more of your headspace.
We should not be wasting our thoughts on " Am I autistic enough?"...
so that we can focus on " Ok, I'm autistic period. Now what?"
Thanks for this Taylor. Late self discovery of Autism has been simultaneously a destabilizing process and a liberating one. Even though at this point, I feel like I’ve collected enough data points to know that I am, I still have these intense moments of doubt since I have been masking my whole life to fit in, then I’ll worry that I am trying to fit in, but deep down I know that everything finally made sense when I figured out I am very much neurodivergent.
When it comes to that question. One thing that triggers me as an Autistic person is when someone says “you don’t look autistic”. Or that angry accuse me of using it as an excuse an a crutch.
It shows how the word autism is widely known but at the same time extremely misunderstood, where people tend to think autism is one size fits all. Forgetting that there is a reason the diagnosis has the word “spectrum” in it.
See it’s triggering me just to try and right this comment. I’ve had to really train myself hard not to have this raw reaction to people saying I don’t look autistic or telling me I’m making excuses. It’s not one size fits all and every autistic person is unique in their own way in how they experience autism and what level of autism they have.
Great job on an unedited video! I wish I had that skill. But my brain isn’t well spoken. Lots of pauses and um and uh it’s the reason why when I make a video I need to slightly edit it the pauses would would probably ware peoples patience down and they would skip out of my video.
Great job!
This is off topic, but I wanted to say thank you for the video on "Why Late Autism Diagnosis Matters: What I Wish My Family and Friends Knew." I showed it to my wife and it helped so much. I've been this "weird" individual (though I would choose to emphasize the latter term) my whole life and felt so out of place. My test is in March, so I'm not formally diagnosed, but your videos and those of others who are #ReallyAutistic have given me a sense of belonging. I have watched these videos crying with relief that, in this context, my life finally makes some sort of sense. So, thank you. It's an honor to be a member of your channel.
Oh wow. Thank you for this beautiful comment! And for sharing this part of your journey with me. So grateful to be connected with you.
Thank you!
I'm beginning to be able to convince my mind that I am. Autistic enough. That I'm not being a "hypochondriac" because I've finally come to let myself rest, after being active and/or out and about for five hours in a day.
Accepting my limited energy available and acting accordingly in a pased manner so not to overdo and burn out completely, is hard.
I think you could point people to your unedited burnout video - the one where you're stuck on the couch, with the noise-cancelling headphones and the weighted pillow. That's an interesting snapshot of someone who's been kind of incapacitated by having to do neurotypical levels of work as an autistic person?
This video is “unmasked”! Love it! It helps to see the unedited form, so we see ourselves in you. Thank you for all you do in this space.
I second everything you said and appreciate all the members of the community sharing their stories. I would like to add that in my experience in online spaces it‘s never high-support needs autistic people themselves telling others they are somehow taking away from their resources - it‘s always allistic parents/providers/caretakers who do, who believe that us broadening the conversation and awareness about what being on the spectrum looks like will somehow make lawmakers etc go „oh, no more benefits for you and your mentally disabled autistic kid because that autistic adult over there can live on their own“… mind boggeling…
I don't understand the comments about "not leaving room" for others with ASD. In most ways, I can't identify with you. I'm not a parent and not a woman. You're very pretty. You had an active social life in h.s. I think I saw you were the homecoming queen or something. I can't identify with any of that. I've never been attractive to girls/women. I didn't have friends in school, and have only had a few intermittently, since. Despite all that, I _am_ a late-diagnosed adult, so I find some of your videos quite helpful. I think what you're doing helps a lot more people than it hinders.
Thank you so very much for talking about this. It was just what I needed to hear. Been having a lot of imposter syndrome recently about my diagnosis, despite the fact that being so self-critical and worrying has actually *increased* my support needs. I appreciate you and all the hard work and vulnerability that you put into your channel. 💜
You’re right that being self critical actually adds stress and extra work! I’m working on how to let go of more of this myself.
Thank you for all that you do. The fact that you've only been officially diagnosed just a few years ago and already have created many resources for the autistic community is mind blowing and phenomenal. And now you are at just over 100 000 subscribers. Wow. I am blown away. Take good care! 🤗
Thank you. I've just received my official diagnosis at almost 43. I've lived my life in an almost constant state of burnout but done a majority of the adult things. House, kid, job, and partner.
I ended up taking today off work as my morning got thrown for a loop, and when dropping kiddo at daycare, I realised i was a hairsbreath from meltdown. I feel so bad for not going (i work with kids with disabilities in a school, so always short staffed).
Is 230pm and I've not left the lounge and my weighted blanket and still fairly shut down so i know it was the right thing but argh ableism sucks. Thank you for your video. It helped me be more ok letting myself stop today.
absolutely. And I know what you mean - my best friend is a social worker and everything is always short-staffed and it's so hard to feel like you can ever take a break because you are ALWAYS needed. But you deserve rest, comfort, health, and recovery time. You will show up more fully for yourself and others as a result! Thank you for the work you do.
@MomontheSpectrum thanks, it's been a journey this last 6 months. I had a healing breakdown with my diagnosis. I'm doing better because of it, but it's meant I've had so much time off already this year.
Hey, I started asking you a question on insta and accidentally sent it before I was ready. Out of respect for you, I didn't want to ask the question on a video comment for everyone to see but it's something that is worrying me about your merch. Would you mind responding when you have some time please.
Diagnosed weeks before my fiftieth birthday, and pretty much every word of this resonated *hard*.
Especially your point about becoming more conscious of the way we’ve built accommodations into our lives without realising it - to which I’d add, the extent to which we’ve also dissociated from acknowledging even to ourselves how hard some things are.
And then your point about how “low support needs” often overlooks the energy we have been expending for our whole lives to support our own needs without even realising we’re doing so - and the energy our loved ones have expended in the same way
that's a good reminder that autistic person feels more comfortable on his / her own, e.g. making video, where everything can be controlled vs being around people where nothing can be controlled outside
Very relatable. "You can do this, so why can't you do that?" or "That's not a thing." are the types of attitudes that get me second guessing like this. Are autistics capable? Sure, to varying degrees. Seems that ASD level 1 (or aspergers) struggles tend to fly under the radar for everyone but the people closest to the person in question.
Yes!! I sooo identify with this. I’ve taken the free questionnaires on Embrace Autism’s website and watched hours of videos like this, and read research articles.
I have CPTSD, ADHD, OCD, and a few other acronyms as well (🤦🏻♀️🤔🤭) so I wonder constantly if I’m not just confusing myself into thinking I have autism as well. Even though I scored fairly high according to the questionnaires. It’s exhausting-like a puzzle I can’t solve because pieces are missing.
I constantly have these thoughts, but hearing what you are saying, it becomes clear to me that we are part of what defines autism, rather than the question of whether enough of me(us) fit into the definition. Sure, we are getting diagnosed with the same criteria but from what I have been hearing from other autistic people, we are a lot more diverse and variable (both between individuals, and over time within each invidivual) than the diagnostic criteria and stereotypes. At the end of the day, I consider the diagnosis and the knowledge about autism as a lens to understand myself better. Whether certain traits are directly connected with autism or not almost becomes less important.
8:15 you are literally describing me, and the struggles I had, without even know why - until now.
Congratulations on 100k!!
The duck reference hit perfectly. I'm still learning what I need and how to deal with it (such as a mandatory shutdown - recharge). Navigating this whole process is exhausting at times. All the research you've done, sharing your experiences, and creating easier ways to find resources has made life a bit easier, both emotionally and in understanding how to "get through". Thank you for showing up. Thank you for being a place I can come to when I have questions and doubts. Most of all, thank you for the hard work you put into this channel. I know it isn't easy.
You're very welcome. Thank you so much for the support and encouragement. I couldn't do it without this beautiful community!
Congratulations on 100K!!! 🥳🎉👏 Well deserved!
I feel this, especially since my son has high support needs and is nonspeaking. I downplay my experience all the time, dismiss my struggles, and keep pushing on. I know, though, that if I keep ignoring my needs, I burn out and can't be present for those who depend on me. Thanks for tackling this topic! 💞
Thanks for being there since the beginning!! 💓💓💓
I'm so glad I came across your channel 😊 congrats on 100k! That's amazing and shows how many people out there, like myself, are thankful for you and being real ❤ I'm self diagnosed ATM and you've helped me more than you'll ever know to learning more about myself and that I matter. Thankyou for being you and for sharing such a fab community xx
Thank you for sharing! I find your channel extremely helpful. I’ve wondered if I’m autistic for a couple of years. Me binging your videos for the last couple of days is a part of my latest obsession as a result of starting couples therapy the other day…
The issues my partner is pointing out includes:
1. My lack of regard, physical touch and presence i.e. in the morning he’d like a hug and kiss.
2. The fact that I obsess about stuff all the time.
My thoughts:
1. I can totally give a hug and kiss in the morning - just tell me and I’ll work it into my routine! I have meant nothing bad about not showing affection in that way. It just has not crossed my mind 🤦♀️
2. Obsessions are my favorite thing. Magic happens when I obsess, it’s my superpower!!!! I will die if I can’t go down rabbit holes 😳
Can anyone relate?
Its possible you are autistic, but what you describe doesn't sound like autism per se.
What specifically makes you think you are autistic?
I held my daughter as an infant, but was not “huggy”, as her father was.
Thank you for your comments/questions.
@@MrDaydreamer1584 yeah it’s not just that, didn’t want to bore everyone with all my symptoms 😅 I realize now that I have struggled since childhood. Thought it might be adhd but doesn’t quite fit. I’ve taken multiple tests on my own and always score as highly likely autistic. I have gotten multiple other professional diagnosis in the neurodivergent spectrum like Bipolar and Schizoaffective disorder but that hasn’t proven to be necessarily correct.
@@MrDaydreamer1584
I experience:
- overactive mind (I think this was assumed to be mania as a young adult)
- depression (I’ve suffered several bouts of deep depression that I now think was from extreme burnout from masking during childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. I did not do well at all in a school environment. I now work mostly from home and can maintain my energy levels better)
- sensory processing issues (sound, smell, touch, stack too many and I feel like my brain is having a short circuit)
- easily get overwhelmed/burnt out from social situations
- people misunderstand my directness a lot
- it often bothers me that most other people don’t seem to see things logically
- I’m pretty rigid in my routines and the way I like to keep my environment. It stresses me to the point of feeling physically ill if I can’t keep things my way.
- I stim with facial expressions like eye rolling, rocking my body or fidgeting
- I obsess about anything that matters to me. I’m basically off or on.
Idk, I’m going to bring it up with my therapist…
I was diagnosed at 5 and i still find you rather helpful. I've been told I'm just a contrarian most of the time. It's definitely a spectrum. I work and have a fairly regular life. However, most people despise me. It used to eat me alive but im at peace with it now.
I was diagnosed about nine years ago. I'm 36 now and have only just started to accept the diagnosis. And then a week passes and I'm back to "but am I /really/ autistic though?". So I go back to my psychologist and we talk about it and I admitt that yes, I have trouble with this and this and that and this... we've been over my diagnosis in detail this last year and it has helped a bit. But I slide back all the time. I'm full to the brim of internalised abelism and impostor-syndrome.
Thank you thank you thank you. I’m 33. My 11 year old has Asperger’s and it’s fairly obvious to anyone who knows him well enough. Just this year it has hit my husband and I that I absolutely do too. Straight up apple and tree situation 😆 I do not have a diagnosis, but there is really no doubt about it. And yet, I am suffering terribly from imposter syndrome. It’s so “trendy” right now to toss around ADHD self-diagnoses and so many moms like me are having their own breakthroughs that I find myself afraid to tell anyone. I have only told one friend. I know how extremely well I mask and pass as neurotypical. I know I don’t look or seem autistic to most people. I am so afraid of getting the same response so many have given me about my son over the years, telling me “what are you talking about, nothing is wrong with him”. 🙄 it’s always been easy for me to advocate for him but defending myself in the moment is another challenge altogether which I am not very comfortable with. I truly don’t feel the need to be tested or diagnosed. It’s kind of pointless for me at this time. But without such I feel like a fraud and afraid to tell people. 😭
This is my story, too! My son is 13 and was diagnosed at 3. We got him every available therapy, so now he’s “caught up” and low needs. It only occurred to me this year that he got it from ME! I’m his best advocate bc I know what he’s feeling! And though my family of origin recognize HIS autism, they insist that I am not autistic. It’s painful that they can’t accept what I’m telling them I am. It’s making me feel vulnerable and misunderstood with them. My hubby believes me though and says not to worry about getting a diagnosis to PROVE anything. I am who I am. Hugs, friend!!
I am 37 and my psychiatrist suggested that I have Aspargers.
I questioned the diagnosis, because I also had ADHD diagnosed this year and some of the symptoms are similar.
Now I know I have ASD.
It's harder to wrap my head around then the ADHD diagnosis.
I started remembering how hard it was to understand people and how stressful life was (as a kid).
I also wonder how much of a job of reading people I do right now.
People sometimes complain, but my previous therapist said I should trust my judgment.
The previous therapist did not acknowledge ADHD and never suggested ASD.
I was in therapy for 10 years.
She just said that some things should not happen, like I should be able to tell how I feel in the moment.
It's a bit of a mind f...
Thank you for this video.
The duck on a pond analogy is fitting. 42 year old single dad here that started looking into this sort of content out of concern for my teenage son. I've come to the realization that both he and I are probably on the spectrum. Thank you for making the content you do. It's been very helpful.
3:28 ooooooooh! Thank you for tackling this issue and especially THANK YOU for mentioning this! I am struggling so much with tests because of this exactly this thing: I don't want to skew my tests, but on the other hand I don't want to skew the test the other way by overdoing it in the other direction. And so I usually spend way too much time overanalysing each question and being frustrated out of my mind because there is never an answer that's nuanced enough to express what I really am. Which in itself is probably a telltale of my ASD (+ADHD).
It's good to hear I'm not the only one. That's what I wanted to say in this message.
Wonderful message, you have said most of what has been in my mind, but couldn’t think of how to put it into words! I’ve never been professionally diagnosed (age 45), but a family member noticed it in me many years ago and my now 11 eleven year old son has been professionally diagnosed and through him and people like you, and others, I’ve learned a lot about myself! I don’t think the U.S. knew as much about Autism 40 or so years ago as the U.K., but we’ve come a long way. Thank you for your message!
I find that u help a certain dynamic. There are a ton of ppl who have been able to coast or go undiagnosed for decades and are now getting help. Its great to see other perspectives.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Taylor, you’re so wonderful. Thank you so much and congratulations.💖
💓💓💓
At the beginning, it almost sounded like after diagnosis, you were thinking about how to put on an autistic mask rather than being authentically you!
Ohhh wow!! Yes. This.
I resonate so much with this as I I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50, so I had masked for 5 decades! I'm going through menopause now and wowsers my symptoms and how much I really struggle are becoming very apparent. You and your channel are fantastic, I totally get the doubting yourself, but please don't. Your channel has helped me and doubtless tons of orhers immensely. ❤ thank you xx
This might sound odd but a really great way to unmask is practicing letting your thoughts pass. I do meditating sometimes where I sit and focus on my breathing and I let my brain think but I don’t interact with those thoughts. I just let them pass. This helps a lot because you’ll be able to do this with thoughts like “am I standing right” “what if I’m being weird” “am I talking too much?” You can just kind of let them go and what you’re left with is how you actually are.
My husband caused a massive burnt out or shutdown. More like shutdown. Everyday it's a struggle. Hopefully it goes away soon. Sleep is a big deal which I'm not getting.
Yeah not getting enough sleep affects a lot of things. Hope you get some rest and support soon.
I was researching autism wondering about a close relative. But now I see MYSELF in most of what I'm viewing (here and with Morgan, another youtuber). It's helping ME. Thank you.
Thank you so much for making this video...I so desperately needed some encouragement and validation right now after being completely invalidated, unsupported and hurt by my current therapist who I have no intention of ever seeing again.
As a 47 year old very high masker and extreme people-pleaser/others-referencer, I am on my way to my autism screening today and having these EXACT same thoughts and questions. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing. I’m 71 years old man and live in the United Kingdom. I have a friend of mine who recently said that I may have autism. I have been watching your UA-cam channel and others as well. I have found that I have been masking all my life. I have asked another friend about it. And they said that you may be adhd as well. I think that I can tick some of both of those conditions. Thank you for your time on your channel . All the best Ron
Ignore the haters you are helping save lives... Like mine
3:50 Very important video. I was thinking i was the only person who wondered if I was autistic enough. I think the feeling is part of what people call imposter syndrome. It was also very poignant about not wanting to unfairly influence online tests. I spent thousands to travel to a place that specialized in adult diagnosis.
I really need this today. Thank you Tay.
You’re welcome pass.
I had to stop at five minutes and comment, I am going through this exact same thing right now. Your videos and the way you describe everything feels like you're inside my head (In a good non creepy way). It's like, "Oh, but you have a good job and a family!" But they don't see the torment underneath just trying to hold all that together. I found humour when I was quite young, it's been the only way I could deal with social situations, but as I've gotten older it's been harder and harder to maintain. I have only met two people in my life who really understood me, both are sadly gone, both were very dear friends. Right now all I can say is thank you, I feel validated if not for you I'd keep doubting instead of dealing.
so glad you're learning not to doubt your experiences! This is a life changing practice. You're not alone. Stay the course!
Congratulations for this milestone of followers. After 7 days of having more energy and electricity running through my body I could feel it. I had a mental breakdown after masking and suppressing for 52 years. I have learned most social cues and struggled through the years. I know when and why but not how. I am recovering and reached a milestone after 7 days and on the 10th day I looked in the mirror, I was amazed that I recognized myself for the first time in my life. Thanks for the videos!!👍😎👻🌶️
1000% relating to so much of this - it was almost autobiographical to listen to at times - THANKS Taylor!!!
You’re welcome!! Thanks for your comment
Congrats Tay on 100K!!! :) Your videos are part of the reason I even considered I might be autistic. I am diagnosed a year ago now at 38. As a mom, your insights and thoughts have been super helpful. This video today was just what I needed to hear. As a "lower obvious needs" person, it is sometimes difficult thinking "am I autistic enough", then I don't listen to my needs and wham I am overloaded, burntout and overstimulated...... which again is not a good cycle to be in. 😅😅😘😘 Thanks for all you do!!!!
I am 48, and just went through the evaluation process with my oldest son. At the end of it, he was diagnosed as Type 1 ASD, which I expected. After telling us that the Doctor turned to me and said Mr B, you are also almost certainly on the autism spectrum, and I would encourage you to consider being evaluated yourself. Whoa. Shocked. This was three days ago. I'm reading Unmasking Autism right now, and I cannot believe how seen I feel, or how ignorant I have been all of my life about what autism is. I tried to tell my Mom, and of course she freaked out, told me I was fine and should never tell anybody about this, and stop pursuing it immediately. Thanks Mom.
I took the Monotropism questionnaire.
Monotropism Score: 194 / 235
Your Average: 4.13
This score suggests that you are more Monotropic than about 48% of autistic people and about 95% of allistic people based on data from the initial validation study.
Hello me, it's me, nice to meet you. I can't believe I am just learning about all of this now. Of course I live in the US, so there are no adult autism specialists within 50 miles of me, at least not that are covered by my insurance, so I guess I get to figure it out for myself, and if I am being honest I am kind of spinning out right now.
This channel has changed my life. After decades of wondering what was wrong with me, I'm feel like I finally have a chance to heal and be my real self. Thank you.
Your videos have been helpful to me. I don't know if I'm ever going to officially claim autism+ADHD, but people who have been diagnosed that way are obviously the same as me in a hundred ways. Hearing what life is like for AuDHD people allows me to sort of "look ahead" and plan my life better, or at least not be as surprised at my future as it unfolds. I have to remember that I did genuinely enjoy life before there were labels I could use for myself, and now I can still enjoy life, only with more realistic expectations.
"Am I still talking about the same thing that I started talking about?"
I legit laughed out loud at this because this was too freaking relatable. Thank you for posting this unedited - it is uncanny how similar your speaking style and little movement patterns are to mine. Ever since I realized this year that I'm autistic, I've been highly self-conscious about how I speak and act around others, because I worry that I'm being distracting with my stimming or losing people in conversation when I start rambling or info dumping. Hearing you talk naturally and watching your quirky hand movements made me realize there's nothing wrong with us, and people like you and me are still highly endearing to others.
This was so validating, especially unedited. This video was just like the voice messages I send my bestie
I have the very same experience you just described 😢
Every time I start questioning my (yet to be official) diagnosis I watch one of your videos and feel so validated. It feels really good to not be alone in my experience. Thank you so much for all that you're doing. It's helped me so so much and I'm truly appreciative
A very timely video for me. A few days ago my GP said I have mild autism and it's a part of my personality. I have level 2 autism. Anyway it was so hurtful and annoying. My level of functioning is not good at all. I decided not to argue with him. I have done so much research into it and I also worked mainly with autistic children for 20 years. Since my diagnosis I have come across at least 3 or 4 health professionals who have been very invalidating and said many hurtful things due to lack of education and awareness of what Autism actually is. I hope I can find a way to rise above their ignorance instead of feeling awful about their erroneous views. It's been really hard. Even with a diagnosis I'm still flying under the radar.
So relate to this question. 53 and just recently wondered if I'm on the spectrum. I definitely know I'm not neurotypical, as I think/react to things differently than almost everyone I know. My last therapist thought I was quirky, but that's about it 🙄 Sitting here in distress because I still don't know how to "people" properly, even with family, and don't know if my lack of a strong social network is because I've inadvertently broken some social rule, offend, or because I'm just "off" enough to put-off close relationships. Thank you for being transparent!
Currently awaiting an assessment and I regularly question if I actually am autistic or not, sometimes it feels like I am but other times when I see other people who struggle with the same disability worse than me it always feels like maybe I'm not actually autistic
Love you and this channel Taylor. In fact this is the only subscription I have. I am 60 and it was my 25 year old non binary child who pointed out I am likely also autistic when they got their official diagnosis. My entire is snapping into a new focus for me. I feel you are on the same ride ... and I am so happy you are 'getting ' this now and not when you are 60. ❤❤❤
Thank you for your comment and for your support. So glad to have you in the community!
Just found your channel after watching a vid called I’m not an alien, I’m just autistic which made me sob. I’m enjoying seeing all your thoughts and I’m relating so hard with everything you’re saying. I’m 22 and have been questioning whether I’m autistic since I was around 14. Your vids are so helpful so far
Hiya Taylor! I think you may be going through "Imposter Syndrome". I go through this too.
Some of those comments may not be "negative" but the part of tge blunt, straightforward conversation that we use to convey how we think.
I dont think for the most part, that it is meant to be personal, rude or hurtful. Its just another one of our Autism traits.
A trait that gets us in trouble alot with relationships.
Just like you "breezed" through life appearing quite NT, for me at 62, i did too. This week, I'll find out if the medical community thinks im autistic or not. Your duck on the water is a perfect description!
That all make so much sense. I got my diagnosis ten years ago & still am learning how to accept how autism presents in me. I have been heavily involved in the disabled/special needs community due to it being a special interest & gravitating towards that community. In this, I was able to be a caregiver with an 18 year old autistic male - he needed full time support. I loved getting to spend time with him & work with him. I knew I am autistic when I worked with him, but didn't tell his parents because I knew their idea of autism is directly filtered through their experience with their son. I find myself wondering if I am autistic enough, however I have come to realize that the way my autism presents itself on the outside & how it impacts me on the inside don't always parallel. Ive been recently, since finding your channel, giving myself permission to let myself go, so to speak, rather than conforming to social norms. I believe eventually my internal experience & external experience will moreso parallel as I learn to undo the years of masking & desperately striving to fit in.
Woohoo! Congrats on your 100k Taylor
Thanks me too!!
Hi Taylor, this is so helpful! Tomorrow I am starting fase 1 of (maybe?) getting diagnosed with autism. I have already been diagnosed as ADHD 5 years ago, but I always felt something was not fully right. Your channel has really helped me to see what autism looks like when it's diagnosed in a woman and also later on in life.
I really enjoyed the short part share you talked about high intelligence autistics. Would love a video about being 2e, as there is just not much info about being a 2e adult. Or parenting as a 2e person. Its weird & hard & my giftedness has covered up my autism for my whole life until recently.
I am 56 yo with late diagnosed ADHD about eight years ago, and now completed the picture with autism diagnosis (two autistic children-who would have thought, haha).
I am here to say in no uncertain terms that I am appropriating the term as hard as I can. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I think full acceptance is going to get me the thing I need most - rest.
full acceptance and rest sounds like a pretty good track to me :) sending you good vibes!
Thanks so much for what you do choose to share online; I really liked this video. About the people who say that sharing your experience is somehow taking away from other people, I don’t see how that can be. As far as I can see there is space for everyone, especially on the internet, and the word “autism” isn’t in limited supply.
I'm so happy I found your channel. I'm a 52 year old gay man who for the past 32 years has felt different from most people. I struggle with eye contact. I don't enjoy small talk. Social gatherings are scary for me. I struggle to have adult conversations with people my own age. I bounce my right leg non stop even when I don't feel nervous. I get fixated on a particular creative project, and if I'm interrupted I get frustrated. I don't like changes to my routines. People who don't know assume I'm stuck-up because I'm so quiet. I was in special Ed since the 6th grade after a humiliating battery of tests by some unpleasant mental health professionals hired by the school. My parents refused to tell me what the findings were (this was the early 80s btw). After tons of research and self reflection, I came to realize I might be autistic. Since I've self diagnosed (I just cannot afford the testing), I've felt better about myself and I've come to like myself so much more. Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm just feeling like a weight has been lifted for the first time in many years. I'm excited to watch your videos and thank you for this channel. Take care ❤
cw: imposter syndrome, gaslighting, and hopelessness
i know i shouldn't care about being professionally diagnosed or not, but listening to this makes me think of this intense fear i have: that after all this growth, self-discovery, burnout and struggle, increasing support needs, undeniable truth, if i ever get the opportunity to get assessed, they'll tell me it's not real, again.
it's all i've been told my whole life by every adult i talk to: "i know how you feel", "you'll grow out of it", "you're going through what everyone goes through", "it's puberty", "it's anxiety", "you're overthinking it", etc.
i don't trust myself. i don't know if i'm exaggerating or not. i've improved so much, discovering my identity after having no sense of self due to chronic dissociation and masking, working on unmasking, etc. but now that i'm supposed to be an adult, i'm realizing everything i can't do, everything i'm not ready for, everything i need help with, everything i don't understand, and i'm terrified that i'll have to do it all myself, and since i can't do that, i'll just crumble and fail without support.
and i'm afraid that even when i'm as sure of myself as ever and my Autism is as obvious as ever, even now that i know myself and have that "proof" that undiagnosed Autistics seek, i'll tell them everything and it still won't be enough, they still won't believe me, they'll still not take me seriously. they'll still say what my therapists and all other adults in my life said: that i'm wrong, and i'm not any different from anyone else, it's just anxiety, it's just trauma (which, i don't have any trauma outside of the context of growing up Autistic), that i'm just a normal person who can't be normal and needs things that i'm not supposed to need and struggles more than i'm supposed to struggle and i've just got to face my fears and cure myself, get over it, deal with it like everyone else.
i'm afraid that i'll have to live with imposter syndrome and never get the help i need for the rest of my life.