i'm aro and i wish people knew that some people just don't like being romantically intimate. i really don't. doesn't change how deeply i love the people around me. doesn't mean i never want a relationship either
I would like people to know, that "romantic gestures" like going out for dinner or watching the sunset with someone doesn't mean it's a date. Or even meant in a romantic way. I'm so sick of not being able to do these things or even to look at someone of the opposite gender for longer than a second, because people immediately start assuming, that I do it because romance or something. And doing those "romantic things" by yourself also doesn't inherently mean, that you are lonely or desperately looking for someone. I JUST WANT TO WATCH A PRETTY SUNSET! And I want a friend with me, so they can enjoy the beautiful things in life too.
By telling the truth she wasn't rejecting you. We need people to understand it is *friendship* that holds all relationships together. And platonic love is the highest love we can share. 💛
Just because you prefer one type of love doesn't mean everyone else does or that it is objectively better. People are all different with different tastes and likes and it's fine for someone to not think platonic love is the highest love.
@@nephatrine So you're not here to understand Aros, then. I'm trying to explain as a 55-yr-o AroAce who has been lonely her entire life. Please do not negate my voice like everyone else has done.
I'm a 53 year old "ace of spades" as we used to be called and I just stopped explaining it. People just don't understand that you don't want or need a relationship. I miss the days when AVEN was popular because you could find meet ups in your area.
What is also a bit annoying to me personally, is when the few aro "allies" I known in my life would try to tell other aros/arospecs who are in romantic relationships (or in any relationship at all, tbh), one of these few things: "You're in a relationship, so how can you be aromantic?" "I thought you said you can't/rarely/weakly experience romantic attraction?" "What was the point of you saying you're aromantic when you're in a relationship?" "So are you no longer aromantic?" None of that helps at all, because it policies how we initiate our own relationships that may be of a certain structure because the partners involved deemed it okay (e.g. if an aro is dating an allo person, they both may or may not agree the relationship is romantic to which then that's just the label slapped onto the relationship regardless if romance is actually present) and it erases the complexities of romantic attraction which can be fluid and abstract. Not everything is black and white when it comes to attraction, nor is everything black and white within the aromantic community.
Unfortunately I can't tell you. But for me (as an Aro) romantic attraction is the need to kiss people and download a dating app to meet strangers you barely know. Then you spend all your time with that partner instead of your friends and then you never have time for them and your friends feel hurt, because they don't matter anymore. But that is just my experience. If you want a less subjective view on romantic attraction, you could ask other people in your life, do some research, or watch more videos about this topic. It also helps to reflect on your own wants and feelings to know, what romantic attraction is and if you have it 🙂
@einsannika1167 idk if i have it or not. ive looked at aven forums and there many different theories but each theory is discredited by some or the other person and i dont know what to think anymore 😭 idk where else to look, this vid randomly popped up on my yt so i watched it
@einsannika1167 What you described is the opposite of romantic to me. The first part sounds like desperation, the latter like unhealthy attachment. Romance the way I understand it, is when you want more out of a (non platonic) relationship than just sex. It's taking things slow, showing interest in the person itself and not just their body. It's taking them out for a nice dinner and enjoying the little things in life, rather than immediately jumping in their bed and fucking. When I'm romantically attracted to a person, I want to care for them, make them happy, be emotionally close to them and share my life and heart with this person. Very different from when I'm just sexually attracted to someone and merely think it would be nice to go down on them. And unlike platonic love, this person would be included in more intimate facets of my life. Also, romantic sex and sex for the sake of sex feel very different. Romantic sex is veery intense, you feel like you're connecting with the person and you focus on making THEM feel good. Every touch is special, tender and careful. It can be rough and dirty, but will still hold an oddly wholesome and loving character. It feels very intimate and gives you a feeling of warmth and connection, killing all the loneliness that may be left in your heart. Casual sex on the other hand, only feels good for the body. It's not nearly as intense and doesn't have that special feel to it. You don't feel like you're bonding with the person and the focus lies on making the body feel good, on using the opportunity that was offered to you. It doesn't feel intimate oddly enough, and simple things like caresses and kisses feel boring. It doesn't feel emotionally satisfying, just fun. That's how I understand romance, as a very romantic person myself. Sometimes when I hear aro people talk about romance, it feels like nobody has a consensus for what it means. I always thought that it just referred to people who are incapable of feeling the way I described, but it seems to be largely undefined. What do you think?
@@bellumxyz1421 a lot of the the things you described as romantic can also be done in a platonic context. The only difference that youve given between romantic and platonic (as far as i can tell) is sex. And sex is definitely not a prerequisite for romance. Also sex can happen between platonic partners too. Romantic sex and casual sex are not the only two contexts in which sex can exist. And i assume that platonic sex should also be as about emotional connection as romantic sex. It is difficult to find any clear differences between romantic and platonic affection as there is a huge overlap. That is why it remains undefined. And why i dont really understand romance 😭
@@bellumxyz1421 I'm Ace/Aro spec and to me all 18+ activities are intimate. Intimate means you're willing to get personal. And s3x is in fact personal. Even if you're not romantically involved.
i'm aro and i wish people knew that some people just don't like being romantically intimate. i really don't. doesn't change how deeply i love the people around me. doesn't mean i never want a relationship either
Always have been in ally to one aromantic friend despite getting rejected by her before we both supporting each other
I would like people to know, that "romantic gestures" like going out for dinner or watching the sunset with someone doesn't mean it's a date. Or even meant in a romantic way. I'm so sick of not being able to do these things or even to look at someone of the opposite gender for longer than a second, because people immediately start assuming, that I do it because romance or something. And doing those "romantic things" by yourself also doesn't inherently mean, that you are lonely or desperately looking for someone. I JUST WANT TO WATCH A PRETTY SUNSET! And I want a friend with me, so they can enjoy the beautiful things in life too.
💛
By telling the truth she wasn't rejecting you. We need people to understand it is *friendship* that holds all relationships together. And platonic love is the highest love we can share. 💛
Just because you prefer one type of love doesn't mean everyone else does or that it is objectively better. People are all different with different tastes and likes and it's fine for someone to not think platonic love is the highest love.
@@nephatrine So you're not here to understand Aros, then. I'm trying to explain as a 55-yr-o AroAce who has been lonely her entire life. Please do not negate my voice like everyone else has done.
I'm a 53 year old "ace of spades" as we used to be called and I just stopped explaining it. People just don't understand that you don't want or need a relationship. I miss the days when AVEN was popular because you could find meet ups in your area.
Thank you so much! This is exactly what I want people to understand and respect about us aros!
That "romantic love" and "love" are NOT the same thing! Aro doesn't mean "incapable of feeling of love"!
What is also a bit annoying to me personally, is when the few aro "allies" I known in my life would try to tell other aros/arospecs who are in romantic relationships (or in any relationship at all, tbh), one of these few things: "You're in a relationship, so how can you be aromantic?" "I thought you said you can't/rarely/weakly experience romantic attraction?" "What was the point of you saying you're aromantic when you're in a relationship?" "So are you no longer aromantic?" None of that helps at all, because it policies how we initiate our own relationships that may be of a certain structure because the partners involved deemed it okay (e.g. if an aro is dating an allo person, they both may or may not agree the relationship is romantic to which then that's just the label slapped onto the relationship regardless if romance is actually present) and it erases the complexities of romantic attraction which can be fluid and abstract. Not everything is black and white when it comes to attraction, nor is everything black and white within the aromantic community.
I wish people were more open and invalidating towards other relationships.
Hi can someone explain to me what romantic attraction is? And how does it differ from other emotion based attractions like platonic?
Unfortunately I can't tell you. But for me (as an Aro) romantic attraction is the need to kiss people and download a dating app to meet strangers you barely know. Then you spend all your time with that partner instead of your friends and then you never have time for them and your friends feel hurt, because they don't matter anymore. But that is just my experience. If you want a less subjective view on romantic attraction, you could ask other people in your life, do some research, or watch more videos about this topic. It also helps to reflect on your own wants and feelings to know, what romantic attraction is and if you have it 🙂
@einsannika1167 idk if i have it or not. ive looked at aven forums and there many different theories but each theory is discredited by some or the other person and i dont know what to think anymore 😭
idk where else to look, this vid randomly popped up on my yt so i watched it
@einsannika1167
What you described is the opposite of romantic to me. The first part sounds like desperation, the latter like unhealthy attachment.
Romance the way I understand it, is when you want more out of a (non platonic) relationship than just sex. It's taking things slow, showing interest in the person itself and not just their body. It's taking them out for a nice dinner and enjoying the little things in life, rather than immediately jumping in their bed and fucking.
When I'm romantically attracted to a person, I want to care for them, make them happy, be emotionally close to them and share my life and heart with this person. Very different from when I'm just sexually attracted to someone and merely think it would be nice to go down on them. And unlike platonic love, this person would be included in more intimate facets of my life.
Also, romantic sex and sex for the sake of sex feel very different. Romantic sex is veery intense, you feel like you're connecting with the person and you focus on making THEM feel good. Every touch is special, tender and careful. It can be rough and dirty, but will still hold an oddly wholesome and loving character. It feels very intimate and gives you a feeling of warmth and connection, killing all the loneliness that may be left in your heart.
Casual sex on the other hand, only feels good for the body. It's not nearly as intense and doesn't have that special feel to it. You don't feel like you're bonding with the person and the focus lies on making the body feel good, on using the opportunity that was offered to you. It doesn't feel intimate oddly enough, and simple things like caresses and kisses feel boring. It doesn't feel emotionally satisfying, just fun.
That's how I understand romance, as a very romantic person myself. Sometimes when I hear aro people talk about romance, it feels like nobody has a consensus for what it means. I always thought that it just referred to people who are incapable of feeling the way I described, but it seems to be largely undefined.
What do you think?
@@bellumxyz1421 a lot of the the things you described as romantic can also be done in a platonic context. The only difference that youve given between romantic and platonic (as far as i can tell) is sex. And sex is definitely not a prerequisite for romance. Also sex can happen between platonic partners too. Romantic sex and casual sex are not the only two contexts in which sex can exist. And i assume that platonic sex should also be as about emotional connection as romantic sex. It is difficult to find any clear differences between romantic and platonic affection as there is a huge overlap. That is why it remains undefined. And why i dont really understand romance 😭
@@bellumxyz1421 I'm Ace/Aro spec and to me all 18+ activities are intimate. Intimate means you're willing to get personal. And s3x is in fact personal. Even if you're not romantically involved.