I'm the same! Most of my close friends are queer and in happy with relationships. And I am very happy for them. But I can't help but think that maybe I'm doing something wrong??? It's tough when they constantly affirm me that "I'll find someone eventually" like it is easy to be sure of this when you're with the love of your life ???
this is interesting. i definitely feel this as a bi girl - it makes me feel like a walking talking stereotype that i've "ended up" dating a guy, and i think that's the reality for a lot of other bi women as well, if only because it's so much easier to, as you said, fall into a relationship with a guy than it is with another woman.
And then that feeds into stereotypes around bi women just "experimenting" because they "end up with men anyway" - there's definitely ways in which different queer women's experiences overlap and intersect but have their own unique issues and stereotypes that put assumptions on their relationships (or lack thereof). Thanks for sharing xx
Yes! I know the feeling that's been my experience as well. I've only been in a situation where I felt able to ask out a woman once and she wasn't interested, and I've only been approached by a woman once and I was already in a serious relationship.
I've had a similar experience as a bi guy; I've only dated women. I don't even know how to meet guys or how to tell if they're into other guys or not! Opposite-sex relationships are SO much easier to fall into than same-sex ones. But then I feel like I'm missing out on so many potential relationships with men!
This video just took such a weight off my shoulders. I'm also a 20-ish lesbian who has that fear of never finding someone. I live in a small town and the lgbt community here is pretty much nonexistent (also my anxiety keeps me pretty isolated). It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who has these worries.
@@memereview9803 I'd totally forgotten about this comment. I moved away to a bigger city within 6 months of writing that and pretty much instantly met a cute butch and fell in love. We live together now. I still feel isolated from the community sometimes, but on the whole life is much better, even in quarantine.
@@OctagonalGolbat That's good to hear! I'm 18 and am also from a small town with very few queer people. Hopefully I have a similar experience. Small towns can definitely be very lonely
THIS , this is video is so important. I'm 21, i have been out for 4 years to all my friends and family, and yet i never had a girlfriend, hell i have not even kissed a girl in my life, AND i live in a big city. Why ? Because i don't know how to meet wlw with the same interest, because i don't like to party, because i just can't bring myself to ask a girl if she is gay out of fear. This sucks, this sucks so much and as sad as it is, i'm kind off relieffed to see i'm not alone un this. This means so much to me
I'm a gay man and I didn't have my first relationship until I was 26. I connect with the feeling of being alone. I was scared to date too, I felt like I didn't fit in and that nobody would accept me. I'm 28 now and unfortunately my relationship has just ended but the lessons I've learned from it are invaluable. I just can't help but feel like all my heterosexual friends learned those same lessons more than a decade ago.
thank you for this video! i'm a teenager, and it's painful to watch my friends have the experience of high school relationships, dating, first kisses etc, when i've never even held someone's hand romantically. as a lesbian i often feel as though i'm missing out on those experiences, but it helps to know that i'm not alone :)
feel the same too. Also I'm really uncomfortable on the topic, not because I'm pan or whatever, but love-related things in general make me that way. Also this is the first time I write it/say it to anyone lol. I plan to go to a psychologist for this because I really need to face this issue and I am so wear out I can't keep going like this
fuck this resonates so hard with me. only experiencing the ghost of romance, like watching a queer movie or living vicariously through writing fiction, seems the closest i will ever know at present. a feeling of a feeling, an abstraction of an theoretical.
The moment you mentioned the words 'ace spectrum' I basically started crying because I have all these same problems and at 24 have never been in a relationship because of my confusion over that part of my identity, and to hear someone else vocalise these issues and identify them specifically as playing into that intersection was super helpful. Thank you!!
Being ace and dating is hard. Unless you are lucky enough to find an other ace with whom you feel great there's always a sh*t tons of problems and questions. "how do we handle our sex life?" "do I want to have sex w my partner?" "should I force myself" (spoilrr :don't force yourself) "should we open our relationship?" "am I ready for that" etc etc. I'm Panro-Ace and so far I've dated only men. The first one I came out to tried to make some compromise "we have to have sex at least one time per week" Etc, and it ended up with me forcing myself, feeling abused and everything, and the second one I was out to cheated on me and fucked another girl because "he could handle it anymore". At this point, I'm 23 and seriously questioning my future. Watch me, all by myself, at 40, in a tiny house in the middle of nowhere, with a big fluffy dog and no love life.
Same same same! I don’t know what to do. I’ve never dated anyone and I’m so afraid they’ll want to have sex when I’m sex repulsed. I’m afraid they’ll at best be disappointed and annoyed but at worst they could be angry.
@@pokipwet_ I deal with the same thing being a sex-repulsed panro-ace. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man who is much more sexual than I am. He is very patient and doesn't force anything on me which is great but there's always that feeling that I'm damaged goods or that I'm not giving my partner what they need because I literally just don't even want to think about sex most of the time. It's a difficult aspect of my otherwise wonderful relationship I wish I could just ****ing get rid of to be normal. Even with a partner who is great with all these things, it's still something that is constantly in the back of my mind. I would be devastated if he broke up with me or cheated on me because of something I can't control like that. I can't even imagine how I would keep trying to date people if I couldn't even make it work with someone who *is* so accepting of it. Gooooodddneessss I feel for you and hope you find someone that won't be shitty and abusive towards you
Absolutely! It is so difficult to find someone LGBT romantically speaking while closeted, but being out doesn't make it much easier. That's why representation and normalization is absolutely VITAL for the media consumption of younger people like me and other people who are having a "different" adolescence experience. Great video!
I think the problem is that a majority of people are straight. And lgbtq people have to sift through the waves of straight people to find someone. It would be unfair how ever to expect straight people to not be straight.
GwendolynRaine Part of having privilege is that, unexamined, it just looks like normal life. And then you look deeper, widen the scope of your worldview, and realize that you have things that other people don’t. Straight people need to be shown the privilege that they have in order to see it, because it’s right under their nose.
Not all straight or bi people have it - they can be fat, have bad skin, weird style in clothes, poor, shy, disabled, neurologically non-normative, or in other ways not conventionally attractive. Even straight white dudes can be really lonely. Lonelyness is wide-spread and can affect pretty much anyone. So I challenge you to look out for the lone person in your school, work and/or other communities, and befriend them, even if they are a little bit inconvenient or annoying. Because everyone deserves to have friends. I have actually always done this since 3rd grade. I take the weird ones under my wing. I have paid for it with bitterness and lonelyness for a couple years in middle school, but after that, after knowing how it feels, I'm more determined, that no person should ever feel that again. It's much worse than having a slightly unmatching friend.
@@raapyna8544 Having privilege doesn't mean you have no issues, it means you have one less issue. After all, LGBT people can also be poor, fat and shy.
@@emilyscloset2648 no they got it. no straight or bi person has to deal with not finding ample straight people. There are plenty of other factors, but this one factor is a privilege for ALL straight and bi people compared to gay people. That doesn't diminish the other factors at all, but it's worth discussing in isolation, especially since, as they point out, some gay people not only have to deal with this issue but also the issues with being poor fat and shy. Saying "well everyone has issues" neglects the people who have ALL the issues or at least multiple of them.
It's nice to know that I am not alone in this. I am also 26 and never dated. I used to jokingly tell my best friend that my type is unavailable because at the time I had a 'crush' on a married woman.
Thanks for talking about this. I’ve just turned 18 recently, so it’s really been at the forefront of my mind just how much of the ‘stereotypical teen experience’ I haven’t experienced. Even though I know it’s ridiculous, I can’t help but feel slightly childish when sexual health week rolls round at college and we’re being reminded to wear condoms and be safe, and meanwhile I’ve never dated, or even flirted with a girl. (Not to mention the fact that these sex ed things are extremely ‘hetero-focused’)
True. In most schools they teach you How to wear condoms, which anticonceptive methods exist and how to avoid Sexually Transmitted Illnesses (always having in mind an infection between male-female sex), but they barely even talk about safety during homoerotic sex, how to stay healthy while having anal sex or any other type outside vaginal penetration, I'm just about to be 18 and I feel like I know nothing about sexual education because the one they taught me at school simply does not make sense with my actual sexual preference.
ƒ。 it was like that thirty years ago when I was in school - you'd think they'd have caught on by now. I understand schools having a priority of contraception, because people that young if they're only involved with each other have a relatively low risk of sti infection but an unplanned pregnancy can really mess with a girl's schooling, but they really do need to teach you life knowledge, not just survive-school knowledge. I hope you've been able to find what you need online. Incognito browser tabs and switching off the adult content filter can both be helpful there - and a robust personal filter to detect and reject the sort of content you just don't want to see.
totally! that whole feeling like you "missed out" on these experiences that are portrayed as kinda vital to growing up at least in movies and stuff really sucks
I feel that. 19, barely out, and I’ve never even kissed a girl. I just - I’m ready. I want to get married and have kids and live in a little house with a huge vegetable garden and - I’m just ready. I want that so bad. I’ve promised myself when COVID is over I’m going to put myself out there - I’m in a decent sized city so I’m really hoping to be able to find someone. Even if I don’t find my forever person right away I just want some experience, I just want to go out for coffee with a queer girl and - not feel so isolated. I need some gay friends. Anyways, hope this is helpful to someone. You’re not alone ❤️🏳️🌈
I'm turning 22 in three weeks, never had a girlfriend and I pretty much don't date. I thought things would change when I go to uni in a bigger city since I was raised in a small town, but three years later there's still nothing. I'm pretty sure I'll end up forever alone.. oh well.
I am a quite feminine girl who's mostly attracted to other feminine girls. I'm still in school and in no way in any rush to find a partner, but the other day my friend (who's also a queer girl, but who's far more in the middle when it comes to presenting. Short, dyed hair, no makeup, androgynous clothing etc, and who has more stereotypically masculine hobbies) and I was talking about a crush of hers, and she showed me a picture of this girl with short, dyed hair and it made me realise that there's a very real chance she could be queer as well? I never experience this for myself because all my crushes are on more feminine women and I just assume they're most likely straight. I realised that because neither I, nor the girls I like, fall into most of the stereotypes of queer women, we are way less likely to ever try to initiate anything. It's my own fault for assuming based on appearance, but it's still another layer of difficulty. I'm also definitely on the ace spectrum. It can take years for me to develop anything beyond a mild crush, and I'm not old enough, nor interested in going to bars or hitting up large events to find someone. Sometimes I think I'm just built to not ever have a girlfriend, which is silly, and also sad. It was good to hear that this can be a struggle for others too, wonderful people like you even, although it's also really sad
OH MY GOD GIRL THANK YOU. I am also a 25 year old lesbian on the ace spectrum who has never dated anyone and has experienced all of these worries. Seriously, I’ve always related to your content, but I’ve never related to any media as strongly as this video. We need to talk more about the difficulty of dating in the queer community and we need to validate that it’s okay if it takes a little longer for us, that the heteronormative “timeline” of dating doesn’t really apply to us and that’s okay. Thank you so, so much for talking about this- sending so much love your way
I'm not the only one. It's been hard in college because I came into it thinking "yes I finally get to date a girl" but I am in a place where if anything ever happens I feel like I am forcing it and I am too awkward to do anything. I just feel ridiculously inexperienced and immature for my age when it comes to dating. I just want an actual relationship where I don't have to force it you know?
This really hit home to me. I had never kissed anyone, let alone had a relationship until this year. I am 23. And until I met my girlfriend this was a huge source of anxiety for me. I too had been out for what felt like a long time and STILL nothing was happening. I had moved to the captial for uni, I had queer friends (many of whom were actually in a similar position) but it seemed like I just couldn't figure this part out. And it made me feel so inadequate. When other people around me were talking about relationships or hooking up I internally started to panic. I wish this topic was more talked about and that society wouldn't belittle people who don't find a partner in their teens. Because the older I got the more ashamed I felt of my lack of experience and the more awkward I felt about dating in fear of being judged. And being on the ace spectrum didn't make it any easier. I am so, so glad you made this video. It will help so many people. In fact I am going to send it to some friends right now. Also my girlfriend was in the same boat. She just texted me earlier saying "did you see Rowan Ellis' new video??? I needed that years ago." It just showes how you are not alone and how necessary it is to talk about this. sending good vibes and courage! you are strong, smart and beautiful and I find it unlikely that you would end up lonely. I totally understand though, that it is terrifying to start a relationship (and start dating before that, of course). P.S. : I met you at VidCon in Amsterdam and I had the biggest crush on you. You are pretty amazing.
I'd never really heard this articulated before, and it so resonates with me. I'm in the exact same boat, and I thought I must be doing something wrong. THANKYOUTHANKYOU
Reading the comments you can see this is so much more common than we think, LGBTIQ folks just have it harder when it comes to finding a partner, the majority of 'safe' spaces for us are bars or clubs, and we also didnt get to have our high school dating experience the way straight People do so we feel like maybe our time Will never come, but it will, it has to, so whoever is reading this, you are beautiful, you are worthy and you deserve to have a great love.
Rowan I have watched your videos for quite a long time now and they have both informed and entertained me but I haven’t commented on them. However, this is an instance where I need to thank you for putting this video out there. It was so real. I am from Northern Ireland and we as yet do not have marriage equality. Coming from a small country where some of the people have even smaller minds makes dating EXTREMELY difficult. So thank you far sharing, it resonates so strongly with me and I appreciate you so much for saying what you have said. Thank you.
inkypurplesky wow it’s so interesting to see someone on here from the same place as me! And so close in age too! Whereabouts here are you from? It really is such a small world 🌎
i feel you... even though i have dated a girl once it is really hard to find new people for potential relationships even if you go on the internet which i don't really like for dating to be honest. i ve been on tinder for over a yer now and i haven't had a date yet and not due to a lack of matches
at first i was proud to overcome the shame of being queer, but now that i'm like a _real_ lesbian in my own eyes, i just want to cry because a lot of stuff comes with being lgbtq+ and i'm not sure i can handle it well, i feel _so_ lonely
I feel this kind of loneliness too. I’m 17 and I live in Romania. I feel like I’ll never have the life I want. I had a girlfriend, but she lived far away from me and she pretty much ghosted me. I just have this feeling that no one gets me and this makes me isolate myself from others. I want sooo much to leave my country but feel like I’m stuck here. My life at the moment is pretty much on youtube and I’m very happy for every queer video that exists.
Hello, I like to be photographed na♥ked, w♥rite to me on Lovedati︆︆.︆︆com I rarely sit on UA-cam .......♥Se♥xy♥...... MIL GRASIAS POR TANTA BEYESAS I loro stati di salute rispettivi prevenirli まさかのカメラ切り忘れでやら1かしたのもドキドキでした！ È difficile dire perché gli imprenditori su Internet siano oggettivamente considerati dalle autorità competenti. , jest grożąc torturami rzepaku hełmy pożądanych 。現代の技術の導入が外国の経済政策を再考することへの高い需要を事前に決定するのと同じように。
All of the anxiety around this subject is so real... I get really anxious just by talking with a girl and if i have a crush i can't even deal with the idea of bothering or get humiliated.
You pretty much hit the nail in the coffin with everything you shared. Being a gay guy about to turn 21 and never had a boyfriend. And most gay guys my age just want to hookup or not even want to have a relationship, meanwhile everyone in my group of friends (mainly bi and allies) have already found partners. It’s so frustrating!!
I'm 22. Never been on a single date. I've come to terms with the fact that getting married is an "if" not a "when". My little brother says that he'll let me spoil the crap out of his kids when he has them. It's nice to know that, even if I don't get married or have a romantic relationship, I won't be alone. I'll still have some people I can (platonically) love.
Asura Heterodyne I’m in the same boat. I tell myself it’ll be okay if I don’t find someone who loves me. But I’m really not okay with that prospect, deep down. Platonic love is great but can’t compare to the feeling of being desired. I really crave affection and someone to express love for
Oh man I really needed to see this video. This is so relatable. I've never really had a girlfriend either. Last spring I went on a few dates with this girl I really liked, and we kissed, and it seemed to be going somewhere, but she broke things off before it even really started and I had a huge breakdown. I felt really ashamed that being rejected got me so depressed but I kept doing the math in my head and it just destroyed me that after so many crushes on straight girls and even a few queer girls who weren't interested I had finally found this girl who was 1. absolutely amazing, 2. into girls and 3. interested in me, and even THEN it didn't work out. It just seemed impossible that it ever would, I felt like all the odds were against me, especially since I don't drink, can't be around drunk people, and am also on the ace spectrum (demi) which makes onilne dating incredibly difficult. To be honest I still feel like that a lot of the time. I'm worried that I'm never going to find someone and I'm lonely and scared and I feel so ashamed of that for some reason. It sucks. Society bombards you with all of these romanticized narratives of romantic love being the most important thing in a woman's life but then somehow also makes you feel bad for wanting that if you don't have it.
I never even got to that point that a girl liked me, so I understand how incredibly frustrating it must be, to "lose" that again and to see that even then it sometimes hust doesnt work out!
Wow, your experiences are incredibly similar to mine. I met this incredible girl a year ago who asked me out and we went on a few dates. She was my first kiss and I really fell in love with her - and then she broke things off and I was heartbroken. And I felt terrible for being so affected by it when it wasn't even a proper relationship or anything, but it felt just as you described - the chances of meeting someone who seemed so perfect for me are already tiny and I thought if it didn't even work out then, what hope was there? I relate so much to all of the feelings you're talking about here. I'm also on the ace spectrum and don't drink so that does limit our options. Thank you for writing this comment, it made me feel a lot less alone
nokiddingbrainless it happened to me too, I met a girl last year, amazing girl, she is introvert too but we live in different countries, I thought our destiny was to be together but after a few months she started to change, she is demisexual like me, but I am a high sensitive person, and I think it was fault it didn't work with her, I guess the way I am (introvert, demi, most of all high sensitive and insecure about me, over think, etc) makes me become a difficult person to deal with. And I wonder how couldn't work with someone that was introvert, demi, with the same personality type like me (INFP)? And I only can think that the problem is me. And I feel very depressed too, I am glad that now there are more laws and rights for lgbt and there are couples that are getting married, knowing each other, overcoming distance, language, introversion, etc. I'm very glad for them, it just makes me feel I am the exception to all that, that doesn't matter my effort, I'm never going to be have the happiness they have.
You know, before watching this video and reading this comment chain, I had no idea that other people actually felt the same as I did... Which sounds silly in retrospect I guess 😂 but yeah. Thanks to all y'all for sharing your stories, and I'm sorry I can't share mine but as I'm writing this it feels a little too real. So :/ If it helps, I just think of all the far right politicians, white nationalists, and casually racist/homophobic/misogynistic/[insert other shitty ideologies here] people in the world who have somehow found love - if someone like that can do it, so can we. And our love can be a shitload better ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Just to add to these voices sharing similar experiences, same here. I remember in middle school thinking, "It's just going to happen -- that's how it works in movies, right?" I remember in high school starting to panic and thinking, "Why isn't it happening yet, why isn't anything happening?" I'm actually in tears a little bit right now; my 22nd birthday is coming up soon, and since I've moved away from my hometown and I had to break up with the first girl I ever dated, I've been feeling really desperate and lonely. It does really help to see so many people sharing similar experiences.
im so sorry to hear that, its true even people in the community struggle in the spaces carved out for them because there are some toxic people there like 'gatekeepers' or some people like my uncle who as he describes himself to me as "an old school gay who believes theres just gay lez and bi and none of that complicated stuff young people come up with." even people in our own community can be extremely narrow minded and backwards!
Hi Nick. As a gay man, I do apologize for my peers and I understand. I try my best to break these barriers and go with my trans friends in gay spaces, help them as an ally to feel safer. I do discuss that at length with gay men too and I do hope this is going to be better soon. Xxx
Thank you for this video. A lot of this really resonated, especially in the context of being on the ace spectrum. I sometimes feel like the confusing grey area in the kinds of relationships I'd be comfortable with are just so limiting to the possibility of anyone being satisfied in a relationship that's also satisfying for me. It can be a difficult feeling, particularly because it's a feeling that, even within the queer community, isn't really talked about.
TheLetterFifteen Agreed. When one is such a minority, the possible dating pool is so small, especially if one doesn't live in big population centers. I tend to just give up. I guess it's just predicated on me being introvert and satisfied with other types of relationships - mostly friendships, interest groups and internet interactions.
This is like... one of my biggest fears. I'm a lesbian, but I thought I was bi & had a boyfriend for over a year until a few months ago. Even though I was sexually confused at the time, it felt natural & nice to have a good friendship become a relationship. Now it feels like I can never have that experience again, & I don't even know how to meet other single wlw who I would be compatible with because dating apps & bars don't appeal to me. I've only ever had guys show interest in me. Even if unrealistic, the fear of being alone forever as a gay/lesbian is very real.
My problem is I dont even know what I want. I even have problems with making friends. Im bisexual but I dont know if I can fall in love with a man or woman because I never have. I dont believe I am asexual or aromantic either. I want a relationship but also dont care about having one. So ive just decided to live my life doing what I want to do and not care about what Im supposed to do. I will pursue happiness in any way I can now with what I have. I feel things will just work out for me in the end if Im true to myself. I think people who are happy with their lives and themselves will naturally attract others who connect with them. I encourage people to live like this even if not everything is perfect. Also, I would date you :) Actually I would date so many people who are commenting on this vid, why do you all live far away
As a gay guy, I totally feel you on this one. One added element of stress, in the male gay community (idk what it's like among lesbians), is the extreme superficial obsessiveness. I do believe (I agree) it is wholly due to a strong sex focus, in which everything gets reduced down to having the most favorable physical attributes (might as well, if nothing else matters). There is this hysteria about being fit and young, and it makes you feel like an expiring piece of cheese that has been left on the table. Feeling like your time is up (even if you're still young) is such a sadness, feeling like you have missed out on life itself. Meanwhile, your straight friends keep telling you to go off your apps and put yourself more out there (thanks Gretchen), your gay friends tell you to go out on clubs and have random sex (already having given up themselves, I suppose..). I have remained optimistic through thick and thin, believing that I too can have an organic relationship manifest out of regular life (every time, new hope turns out to be a mirage), but oftentimes it is so disheartening and really black thoughts gather. Eventually your straight friends grow tired of hearing you talk about it, as they're moving on with their lives. It's really difficult. But I see some progress locally, at least for the young trans and lesbian community, for some reason gay guys still don't seem to form these emotion based communities. I never see any guys if I go to a gay "function". It's such a strange feeling, when everyone around you keep telling you to wait patiently, meanwhile they're all getting married and you're under a blanket at home stress eating lol
Robin Lagelius Hey! I totally relate to your situation. As a minor (16) I don’t even have the options of “gay functions” like bars or clubs. I’m literally 16 and I feel like I’m running out of time. My only goal is to date someone for at least a month before highschool is over, and that’s a fleeting dream. And I totally get what you mean with the superficial functions of the gay male community. When I was younger I uh, lied a lot about my age when I was online so I could talk to guys. It actually got me a date with a guy my age once (heh) but that was literally it. And when it comes to guys who are actually my type, they are never at the types of “gay functions” I can go to. Like 16+ dating apps, the local GSA, Pride etc. life fucking sucks, man.
Be grateful that you're gay. Gay men have way lower standards than straight girls. I'm straight man and, even being ugly, I got approached by other men dozens of time. But I never got any approach of a single gay - It's always me approaching them, and failing 99% of time.
I don’t even ever leave UA-cam comments but my mind was just blown. You have encapsulated so much of my life - something that has been a HUGE source of depression and anxiety that I almost always suffered in silence because I felt so much shame in my perceived undesirability. I’m a lesbian who in high school and college was hyper out in a liberal area. At this point in my life I have had a couple of short term relationships and a few sexual partners - I’m lucky that these people have been kind and decent, because I more often than not entered those relationships out of desperation. I’m 22, it’s been 2 years since I was in both an internal and external space where it became possible to date. I am finally coming to a place where I am secure enough in the privileges that made that possible that I can think about being single without spiraling. I would still love to eventually have a serious relationship tho! Thanks to you and to everyone who is commenting, this is so wonderful to be able to talk about.
I watched this video 2 years ago and i cried because it made me realise that I was demisexual. I’m watching it again now as I realise I might never find love. Thanks for making this video Rowan. It’s helped me to accept my life as it is and to love myself regardless.
the “falling into relationships” bit really hit me. i dated one girl in high school, and it’s been 2 years since we broke up. i’ve been looking and waiting, but the loneliness is really difficult. i just don’t want to be alone forever
This! Sometimes I catch myself feeling inadequate because at my age people are getting married and having kids, but I've never even kissed or dated anyone before. It's important to remember that there is no deadline to find love and everyone experiences things at their own pace
I'm in high school still (I'm 17), and when I was around 15 I just remember all my friends starting experimenting and dating, and kissing boys, and I just remember even grown ups talking about how that was one the most memorable things in their teens. And looking back at it its so painfully obvious how much I wanted to experience that, so far as going on dating apps and having coversations with men that are way to old for me, just because I wanted to experience something. Now these days I see all the errors of my ways, and I understand that that is not something that I need to experience to be happy, but I still want it so bad. I remember that last year (2019) I was in love with a boy and I really thought he was gay, and I was so goddman happy to just imagine that I could actually date someone, that there was even a chance that I could *naturally* meet someone that I could just fall in love, just like most people do, just like my parents did. We are still very good friends but I still catch myself from time to time imagining what it would be like if we were together, not because I still have feelings for him, but because I'm so, so lonely... It just, doesn't seem fair that I, and pretty much all of my lgbt familly, don't get that. Edit: Posted this comment in 2020, 2 years later I still feel all the same ways, I still havent had any romantic interactions ever, I still cry watching this video everytime, and i still cry writing this edit. Passing on here after watching Heartstopper for the second time in a row. Its a really good show
Rowan, I'm a 40-year-old gay(ish) male(ish) living in a coastal island village in southeastern Georgia, and I *completely* relate. During my late 20s, I experienced a similar realization to the one you shared, and it did me in. It was years before I could even start to think critically about the conventional narrative of relationship -- how dating is, from one perspective, a numbers game, and, compared to our heterosexual brothers and sisters, they are not stacked in our favor.
Shufei Yeah I’m so over the bar/clubbing scene. Girls at these places only ever want casual sex. And they’re drunk so it doesn’t even mean shit/isn’t fulfilling at all when it happens. Tinder feels hopeless too because it requires a lot of time and effort to go on dates, most of which don’t work out. I guess I do have the advantage of living in a city where there are lgbt events on Meetup. But most women who go to these are 30+. I’m 21. I have a lot of lesbian friends on social media, who all seem to be dating and having the time of their lives. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. Never had a girlfriend. Only brief “things”
Olive sexuality is fluid and a spectrum. Also let’s not invalidate someone’s definition and understanding of themselves or the labels they identify with
I myself didn't even have my first kiss/girlfriend until I was 23. It took moving to NYC before things opened up for me and I still don't think I've had very much experience actually. I still take the whole thing very seriously, and I loathe dating. But I do want to say it does get easier. My relationships always come to me when I least expect it, when I'm happy being me. It's always surprising, and silly me I never see it coming, but it does happen.
I've found this video kinda late, but thanks for sharing. I'm in my 20s and I've never had a gf and often times i feel like there's something wrong with me and yeah the loneliness is sometimes so painful that you can actually feel it in your body
Thank you for this video! I've been feeling so lonely and depressed recently and it's nice to hear someone has a similar experience. I'm 27 and bi and I haven't been in a relationship either. A couple of times I was at the point of those "almost-relationships", but it never worked out. In the end, it just left me more doubtful that I will ever find a partner. And while I greatly value my independence, at the end of the day I want someone to grow old with. I have tried dating apps but I find it difficult to establish a connection that goes beyond the initial physical attraction. The struggle is real.
I feel this so hard. I'm 28 and the oldest of 4. All of my siblings are in long term relationships and one is getting married next year, while I've never been in a romantic relationship. I've only been on 5 dates total, and two were accidental, and all men even though I wasn't really interested in any of them. While a part of me doesn't care (especially since I'm terrified of dating as an asexual person), another part of me really craves a romantic relationship. Thank you for sharing. I know it's hard to put oneself out there like that, but it did help me feel a little less lonely.
Ok, wow, I did not expect to find this video at the top of my subscription feed when I opened my YT app. Chiming in with all the other people who already said “thank you for making this” because seriously. Thank you. You putting all of that into words means a great deal to me.
#relateable Omg, this was literally on my list of videos to make too!! Don't worry, I have never had a girlfriend either... and I'm now 28... I find it so hard to find someone. I've never even been on a second date :/
I love that this video resonates with so many people - myself included. I'm also a perpetually single lesbian and this peer support, even "just" via internet, honestly makes me feel a lot less lonely in my experiences.
@@damngirl9573 Haha, I'm self-partnered now (painfully single) lol. It's okay, I like my own company... and I'd rather be alone that with the wrong person. I'm almost 31 now... I did managed to get to about a sixth date with someone pre-lockdown... but then things fell apart.
@@TortorSmith oh yeah i wanted to try to go on a few dates this year but yep lockdown. We're not on lockdown anymore here so i guess i could give these dating apps another go but yeah... still painfully single like you said lol i just turned 30 and i feel really stupid having zero romantic experience. i'm sorry that you didn't get the chance to have a seventh date
Thank you so much for making this! This is my experience too. I am 22 and about to finish college, and only just had my first kiss last year because it was the first time I had been in the right situation for it with another queer girl (it was also her first kiss). I feel so frustrated when I think about how everything in the media, and in real life with straight friends/family/coworkers, sets us up to think love is meant to just happen spontaneously, but being queer we just don't get to have that. This video made me feel less alone in that feeling at least, so thank you.
I’m lesbian and demisexual myself and I feel invisible in my country. I don’t even fit in my community and this is sad. I want to be this open and activist person and yet I’m completly alone because I don’t know any other gay activist.
I'm a trans girl from Brazil and I'm fresh out of high school. I started my transition in the middle of the second year and, by the end of the third year, I was the only student in my class who haven't kissed anyone in their life. I can definitely feel the "queer loneliness" that you talked about and living in such a transphobic country like Brazil makes everything even worse. Thank you for making this video. It's very conforting to know that I'm not the only queer person going through this.
i'm a trans lesbian, and what feels especially difficult to me is that i struggled with the whole "watching your peers just fall into relationships" thing even before i transitioned (back when i thought i was a straight guy). so now i'm transitioning it feels even harder, in a sort of "well i wasn't having any luck before, but it's gonna be even worse now" kind of way. plus the insecurities and fears i have about transphobic cis wlw. but yeah this video really spoke to me, and highlights just how damaging heteronormativity can be to lgbt+ people in situations where straight people don't even have to think about it. thanks for sharing your thoughts
Thank you so so much for this video. Particularly the part about being gay and on the ace spectrum - could you maybe do a follow up video on that? As somebody who is themselves somewhere on that spectrum I can relate to basically all your struggles and nobody is talking about these intersections of gay and ace. It would be so so powerful to hear your thoughts about it in more detail
Me from a year ago would identify with a lot of what you said. Being from a rather homophobic, narrow-minded country, I'm not out in any significant way to more than a handful of people, so finding a girl to date has always seemed like an impossible feat. And it does make one feel unspeakably alone. But having been in a happy, fullfilling relationship for the better part of this year, I do believe that it's possible to overcome all those hurdles. It's tough as hell, it sometimes feels like you might end up alone forever and ever, but you should keep on hoping it won't be like that in the end. Things happen to people at different moments in life, and it seems for us queer folk they almost always happen later than to others. Lots of love and best wishes (from a queer 28-year-old in her first serious relationship) xo
I can't even say how much I needed this video though; it's all too easy to feel alone in your loneliness. I have been in 1 relationship but for various reasons I won't go into, it didn't properly feel like one for me. But other than that, I've always been single, been on maybe 1 date ish, and I've felt on and off sad/insecure/angry about this for a long time but in the last few months it's become a lot more consuming. My straight best friend met a girl and fell in love, thus discovering she was in fact very not straight. They have a beautiful and supportive, if long-distance, relationship. Let alone pure jealousy, I feel at such a loss because I've had years of questioning my sexuality, trying to find queer communities, coming out, and then she just skips to the good bit lol. We had a conversation and she was all like "oh we just need to get you dating we just need to you to use an app or go to a bar" and it's like... ok yeah maybe but it's just not that simple. I would love to meet someone but at this point not only does it seem unlikely/difficult for my prospects to change, I also can't imagine I'd be very good at not being single as I'm an incredibly busy and independent person. Also, the main way I meet people at uni is through dance and drama. Plenty of queers in drama lol but you don't want to start dating someone you're in a cast with because that's dangerous territory, and dance is just a bit funny about queerness that isn't gay cis-men tbh. So, tl;dr - i totally feel you, but it's a great comfort to know I'm not the only one who's """""getting on a bit"""" (I'm 22) and has never had any kind of relationship.
in addition to being a lesbian i also have awful social anxiety and at 21 years I've never actually been in a relationship with a woman. and at some point it starts feeling desperate and lonely....
I understand you so well. I never had a girlfriend until I turned 25, and I only managed to have one because I put an extreme amount of effort into using dating apps. Problem is, it's hard to find a good match on dating apps and everything feels very forced. Plus, because of this fear of ending up alone for the rest of your life, many wlw force relationships that aren't really meant to be. It's a mess.
hit me so hard when you talked about a life of perpetual loneliness...I'm either ace or demi and biromantic and legit don't think anyone will ever want me because I don't fit that supposed narrative box of like sex or wanting a family :(
If we can have gay bars and clubs we should be able to have gay cafes bookstores and general hang out places that minors can go to and meet other lgbtq+ people
This is so real, I know I’m late to the party but my mum recently told me that she doesn’t see me ever getting married or having children and it kinda broke my heart.
Gay Date: gayvoo.︆︆com 18+!!! みゃあこさん！ฅ( ̳• ·̫ • ̳ฅ)ﾆｬﾝ まさかのカメラ切り忘れでやら1かしたのもドキドキでした！ In particolare, l'inizio del lavoro quotidiano di formazione di una posizione presuppone modalità indipendenti di attuazione dei requisiti di priorità. circondato da libri, scaffali che spesso 。現代の技術の導入が外国の経済政策を再考することへの高い需要を事前に決定するのと同じように。
Found this video just when I needed it. I’m turning 27 next month and have never had a girlfriend, while all the people around me are getting married. It’s really hard to explain to people that I have more hurdles to jump if I were to find someone and build a relationship as a queer woman. I realise that actually being in a relationship with a woman feels impossible sometimes. I’ve tried to fill my life with things that make me happy in case I don’t find someone. I think there’s something noble in finding love in other aspects of life. However, queer women should be able to build intimate relationships with one another, it shouldn’t be this hard. Love to my queer fam.
I am currently questioning whether I am straight or bi...People always tell me to "just try it" when I talk about it, but like you decribed it's not that easy to meet someone, especially if you are not even sure whether you are really attracted to them.
This video is incredible. I'm heterosexual and I've never thought about any of the difficulties described in the video before. As it progresed, I really felt like I could empathise a little bit better with some of the experiences and struggles of trying to date not being antes heterosexual. I'm really glad this made me think a little bit better about that
Im ace and a lesbian and im 24 never dated, never even kissed, and its terribly lonely and disheartening and i feel like theres so much wrong with me, but i really admire and look up to you and to see you having these same problems makes me feel less lonely and its just validating and radical to even hear you talk about this. thank you for sharing this vid
I can't thank you enough Rowan for making this video. I too am in my mid 20s and am recently out of university where I was fairly out and dated a couple women. But since then it's so hard for me to move forward with my life romantically. I struggle with whether I'm meant to spend my life alone or rather I'm convincing myself that's a fine alternative because dating is such a struggle. What you said about dating apps and the vulnerability that goes into being on them and the decision you have to make to go on them in the first place, where others seem to have love tossed at them, it resonates so much with me and my experiences. Thank you for making me feel less alone in all of this. Wishing you the best. 💙
As someone who is ace and nb "a perpetual life of loneliness" was (and still is to some extent) something I worry about a lot. I felt that no one would wanna be in a relationship where sex wasn't guaranteed. Even now in my current relationship I'm worried that I won't be enough or that he expects that I'll give more than I'm willing to. The feeling that straight men are the only option is both saddening and makes me feel invalid as a nb person, since I assume that they just see me as a woman (I'm afab). I know the video is old but its nice to know others can relate to this experience. Also I go by Yuki but this account is linked to a work email so I had to use my birth name.
this is literally my experience and now i'm crying because it's the first time i've heard anyone talk about this. i've been out since high school and i've never dated. finding girls who would be interested in dating me is already hard enough (i'm mostly surrounded by straight people), but being asexual, even in queer spaces it's hard to find people who see relationships the same way i do. a lot of dating is very sex-centric, and like you said, lesbian media in particular is very sex-oriented. and i can honestly say that i don't see a future in which i ever get a girlfriend. it just seems impossible. what are the odds that i'll meet another asexual lesbian who is into me and whom i'm into, in my area? not very likely. idk this is all super depressing to think about lol
I am a gay high schooler in an urban and accepting community with a fair number of out queer teens, but I nevertheless feel like I will be alone forever. I’m holding out hope that college will be better but I just can’t shake the fear that I’ll never find anyone, the closest I’ve ever gotten to having a gf was when I was in a very brief LDR that left me feeling more lonely than before. This video really resonated with me.
I turned 20 this year, and with classes online and everything, I feel so bad about not taking the opportunities I had in person to seek out other LGBT+ people to try to date (lol...). College is flying by, and I was waiting for someone to come along naturally in college maybe, but this video is hitting close to home.
I don't know how or why the algorithm knew to serve me this when I was just sobbing about it in my journal yesterday, but damn. I'm usually pretty resigned to it and fine, but when it hits it hits. And I've just been thinking so much about that isolation that first hit around thirteen when everyone started dating, and I just felt increasingly alone, not even necessarily because of my friends abandoning me for boys or anything, but more the self-fulfilling prophecy of feeling like they were changing and we wouldn't be friends anymore. It just feels so fundamentally lonely to be an ace lesbian. Anyway, I hope you're well.
I understand, dear. I really relate to your experience as a lesbian with an intense fear of loneliness and isolation. I promise, you will find someone. Don't give up.
- 0:00 👩🎤 The speaker is an openly gay 25-year-old who has never had a girlfriend despite being very active in the LGBT community. - 0:24 📖 The speaker discusses the challenges of finding romance as a queer person compared to straight individuals who can assume others around them are also straight. - 1:24 🌈 Queer individuals face additional concerns when pursuing relationships, such as safety and potential homophobia, which aren't typically issues for straight people. - 1:38 🚫 Many LGBT spaces are adult-oriented, making it hard for younger queer individuals to find appropriate social settings. - 1:55 📱 The speaker highlights the dangers young queer people face when using dating apps to find others like them due to a lack of safe spaces. - 2:31 🏳🌈 In college, the speaker was very open about their sexuality and held leadership roles in LGBT organizations, but still only went on three dates. - 3:13 🤝 Despite being outspoken and comfortable with their identity, the speaker avoided holding hands on dates due to fear and internalized panic. - 3:27 💔 The speaker observes how easily straight friends fall into relationships, a luxury not afforded to them as a queer person. - 3:43 📅 Queer individuals often have to actively seek out potential partners through apps and specific social groups, unlike straight people who find romance more naturally. - 4:27 😢 After university, the speaker struggled with feelings of loneliness and the fear of never finding a partner. - 5:01 ⏳ The speaker finds solace in others their age discussing how it takes longer for queer people to experience similar milestones as their straight peers. - 5:11 💍 Straight friends are getting married and having kids, while the speaker faces more hurdles in achieving similar milestones. - 5:36 👰 The speaker recalls being questioned about traditional gender roles and marriage, which were not legally available to them at the time. - 6:03 🚫 In school, peers expressed that gay people shouldn't have the same rights, highlighting societal barriers. - 6:09 🏳🌈 The speaker struggles with identifying their relationships in both heterosexual and lesbian media, finding neither fully representative. - 6:36 💡 The video aims to enlighten and resonate with others facing similar struggles, encouraging viewers to share their thoughts and support the content through Patreon.
I relate to this cause all the cool gay girls are taken and all my crushes are straight The struggles are real as a Asexual Panromantic (I mainly like girls)
Honestly, I'm so tired of bisexual women that actually don't date, erm, other women (and seem to simply prefer men). How do non-heterosexual people meet, I often wonder... Anyways, I can truly relate! & would appreciate making friends!
I imagine that only wanting to date "cool" gay girls is your problem. Since other gay girls only want to date "cool" gay girls, maybe the girls that you find "cool" don't think the same about you. I'm a straight man, and if I only wanted to date "cool girls", I would've only dated one single girl my entire life, because among the girls I dated, I was really interested only in one of them. It's necessary to low your standards if you don't want to be single all your life.
It is hard as pre transtioned transgender female and pansexual person living in a rural latinx community in texas border country but rowan u r my inspiration love yours aspen
I hope you could do a second part, Rowan. I'm recently dealing with the fact that I am bisexual, I'm out for some of my friends and also for my current boyfriend (who is also bi), however, I've never dated a girl before and that's something that resonates big time in my head, thanks a lot!
I'm so glad you brought up asexuality. The way you were describing the difficulty of finding partners ringed true to me as an ace person (only even more unnecessarily complicated), so when you mentioned your personal intersection with asexuality I felt very seen.
I have definitely felt everything you have talked about. Thank you for being vulnerable and making this video. I’m sure it helped a lot if people feel better about themselves. You show that people aren’t alone in how they feel, and they can be a great and attractive person and still have a hard time finding people to date.
This resonates with me so much. Growing up I assumed I was asexual bc I had no attraction to men at all. I "wanted" a boyfriend, but anytime a boy would like me I would freak out because i knew if we dated we would have to have sex and I didn't want that. Spent all my high school years grossed out by romantic things and knowing I would be alone forever because I couldn't see myself with a man. I realized a year or so ago that I am actually lesbian and everything has clicked. Even so, I can't help but to feel grossed out by myself when I'm attracted to a girl because I don't want to give them unwanted attention bc I know how it feels like when men hit on you and you don't want it. I'm so afraid of making a move or (falling for a straight girl again😭) and them to leave. I've always envied my friends who find relationships so easily. I want to date more but gay dating in public is so awkward bc you never know how/if the people around you will react. That's something straight people never have to think about I guess.
Hello sister from another nation. Where have you been? Your experience mirrors my own. I hypothesized that I was aro/ace for a while, until six months ago I reached the conclusion “f*ck. I like girls”. And it has been an emotional roller coaster. Ky romantic experience involves, rejecting two guys who I never had talked to and having a crush on a girl who I never talked to and only awkwardly waved hello at. I do still have like, a kind of “respect women” (this is so silly) filter on, like, I don’t feel like I should look at them or think of them in any way, this feeling of wrongness towards them, as if I was suddenly seen as a predator to them. Also, just a feeling of “I should not bother anyone with my sexuality” as people around me have made mean comments about lgbt people being “attention seeking”.
Ahh I feel this so much. Even with plenty of out girls out my school its still such a small dating pool. I've never rly found anyone i really romantically clicked with even aproaching my senior year :(
What makes me sad is that it seems to be the only gay guy out in my school who has never had a boyfriend. All the other gay boys have had at least three relationships up to this point, and they never lasted more than a month because they only dated for sex. I feel that, in order to have a relationship I must look first for sex, and I don't want that.
I know it's been years since you posted this video, but I just wanted to let you know that this really resonates with me. I'm already 30, and I feel like I'm way "behind" on a lot of things, like what you said about having friends who are having children and getting married... meanwhile I've had 'one' truly serious relationship in my life (aside from several much briefer dating experiences), and when me and my girlfriend of nearly 2 years broke up, largely due to her being uncomfortable being "out" in public, which despite my efforts not to put pressure on her took a massive toll on me... well, let's just say our breakup felt very much like a life sentence of loneliness for me. It fel like I'd just missed my one chance at a life lasting relationship, because I'm from a small town and the situation here can be a bit tricky for us gays. The fact that she and I somehow found each other and happened to be mutually attracted to one another seemed almost miraculous. Meanwhile, I'm watching many of my straight friends just "fall into relationships", and even though some of those relationships don't last, it's not as though they'll be facing the issue of having limited options (or putting themselves in danger) due to their sexual/romantic preferences when they go searching for a new partner. "Plenty of fish in the sea", and all that. For me, a gay demisexual, there's just a puddle. I really hope I get to fall in love again some day, and have that person love me back, because even though I enjoy my own company and don't necessarily feel like I 'need' a partner... being in a loving relationship is really nice.
So relatable. Im almost 24 y/o and I am extremally scared of telling anyone that I am gay. Mostly about my straight friends rejecting me. I internalised the fact that I will never fell in love with anyone. I dont know what even love is. Maybe I just cannot feel it? Maybe I am aro? Or hetromantic? I was charmed by several girls in my life, never as much as with guy. The closest encounter with other gay man was hug. Jfkviivjbjvj jvvjvkvvkigjhkbvo
GIRL LISTEN TO ME!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND YOU ARE ADORABLE AND I LOVE YOUR ACCENT!!!!! I’m gay too and I am also single, so TRUST me hunny you ARE 👏NOT 👏alone👏but you will find someone. I will you all my love and appreciation because YOU deserve it. 💕💕💕💕 So wipe those beautiful eyes of yours and have faith cause the perfect girl for you is out there somewhere.💕💕💕💕
I am very happy that this video exist but also sad that it have to be that way for us. I am 23 and never had a gf and also have had few dates. I am finishing college this year and I am really afraid of what expects me out side my college lgbt bubble. I feel that adulthood will be very lonely and even harder to find/engage in a relationship :(
Very brave and open of you Rowan. I've just turned 29 and I still have never had a boyfriend. The opportunities for us as queer people are definitely limited, along with all the discrimination that we'll find if we do actually find someone. A lot of my friends have gotten married and have kids and it can make me feel more sad and lonely because the likelihood of me also having that is very low. Also my many mental health struggles make the possibility even more unlikely for me. So many straight people are ignorant to the restrictions and discriminations that queer people face, because it doesn't effect them. That's why I feel your videos are so important. You're helping to articulate our struggles and make them very clear to understand for everyone. What you're doing on this platform is so important not just to young queer people but older queers as well who have never had someone like you to listen and relate to, and even for the first time, feel less alone. Thank you for using your voice so well. 💝
Thank you so much for making this video! I could relate so much. I remember growing up and constantly being asked who I had a crush on and never having an answer. It seemed as though all of my friends had a new crush every month and they were getting in to relationships and then there was me who didn't find any boys attractive. I didn't even allow myself to have crushes on girls because I knew that there was no point since they would have no chance of feeling the same way. The idea of being in a relationship just sounded impossible and it still kind of does..
Aw, hearing your story made me feel emotional. I can relate. It's really hard to see that fairytale but anyway I wish you the best in your future endeavors
I just cried a bit listening to what you had yo say because it resonated with me so much. I'm 27 and have never kissed anyone or even held hands with a woman, romantically. Some days, the loneliness and lack of physical touch is painful and I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to be loved and wanted and touched, but it seems like almost an impossible task to find and connect with someone compatible. It's really hard to process those feelings, sometimes. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤
This video resonated with me so so much, I’m also 25 and so many of friends and colleagues are engaged, married, having kids and there definitely is a sense of loneliness and being left behind, for want of a better phrase? I’m also totally out with everyone and happy about it but hearing you talk about the ways we have to jump over more hurdles and hold ourselves back for our own safety was like hearing my own thoughts put into words. Thank you so much for making this video and I wish you all the best Rowan
This is literally me right now coming to the end of my second year at uni, I was expecting uni to be the point in my life where I get out there and find someone but I just can’t, it is really difficult and also upsets me when it seems so easy for others
I almost convinced myself it is OK to be 22 and still not having any relationships. I guess living with a couple of cats somewhere far away is not that bad actually
when you said, 'perpetual life of loneliness."
my heart jerked. I feel really lonely as well.
Mikhail Stewart How do I like a comment more than once? 😭
+
I'm the same! Most of my close friends are queer and in happy with relationships. And I am very happy for them. But I can't help but think that maybe I'm doing something wrong??? It's tough when they constantly affirm me that "I'll find someone eventually" like it is easy to be sure of this when you're with the love of your life ???
Doesn't we all? :/
You can talk to me if you want :)
this is interesting. i definitely feel this as a bi girl - it makes me feel like a walking talking stereotype that i've "ended up" dating a guy, and i think that's the reality for a lot of other bi women as well, if only because it's so much easier to, as you said, fall into a relationship with a guy than it is with another woman.
And then that feeds into stereotypes around bi women just "experimenting" because they "end up with men anyway" - there's definitely ways in which different queer women's experiences overlap and intersect but have their own unique issues and stereotypes that put assumptions on their relationships (or lack thereof). Thanks for sharing xx
yes! exactly.
Yes! I know the feeling that's been my experience as well.
I've only been in a situation where I felt able to ask out a woman once and she wasn't interested, and I've only been approached by a woman once and I was already in a serious relationship.
I've had a similar experience as a bi guy; I've only dated women. I don't even know how to meet guys or how to tell if they're into other guys or not! Opposite-sex relationships are SO much easier to fall into than same-sex ones. But then I feel like I'm missing out on so many potential relationships with men!
A thousand time this!
This video just took such a weight off my shoulders. I'm also a 20-ish lesbian who has that fear of never finding someone. I live in a small town and the lgbt community here is pretty much nonexistent (also my anxiety keeps me pretty isolated). It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who has these worries.
TuneLola
how has that aspect of your life changed in the year since you've posted this comment ?
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@@memereview9803 I'd totally forgotten about this comment. I moved away to a bigger city within 6 months of writing that and pretty much instantly met a cute butch and fell in love. We live together now. I still feel isolated from the community sometimes, but on the whole life is much better, even in quarantine.
@@OctagonalGolbat That's good to hear! I'm 18 and am also from a small town with very few queer people. Hopefully I have a similar experience. Small towns can definitely be very lonely
Did you find anyone yet?
THIS , this is video is so important.
I'm 21, i have been out for 4 years to all my friends and family, and yet i never had a girlfriend, hell i have not even kissed a girl in my life, AND i live in a big city. Why ? Because i don't know how to meet wlw with the same interest, because i don't like to party, because i just can't bring myself to ask a girl if she is gay out of fear. This sucks, this sucks so much and as sad as it is, i'm kind off relieffed to see i'm not alone un this. This means so much to me
same :/
Yes. I see this comment is 2 years ago, I hope you might have found someone by now :)
I'm a gay man and I didn't have my first relationship until I was 26. I connect with the feeling of being alone. I was scared to date too, I felt like I didn't fit in and that nobody would accept me. I'm 28 now and unfortunately my relationship has just ended but the lessons I've learned from it are invaluable. I just can't help but feel like all my heterosexual friends learned those same lessons more than a decade ago.
thank you for this video! i'm a teenager, and it's painful to watch my friends have the experience of high school relationships, dating, first kisses etc, when i've never even held someone's hand romantically. as a lesbian i often feel as though i'm missing out on those experiences, but it helps to know that i'm not alone :)
i relate completly
scout i feel that myself
Never gotten my first kiss yet like i am 17 year old girl
feel the same too. Also I'm really uncomfortable on the topic, not because I'm pan or whatever, but love-related things in general make me that way. Also this is the first time I write it/say it to anyone lol. I plan to go to a psychologist for this because I really need to face this issue and I am so wear out I can't keep going like this
@@ValentinaTeodorani maybe you're aromantic, check it out maybe you'll feel less alone
@@monomonito929 no no, it's not that. I have felt in love so i don't think it is that ✌
fuck this resonates so hard with me. only experiencing the ghost of romance, like watching a queer movie or living vicariously through writing fiction, seems the closest i will ever know at present. a feeling of a feeling, an abstraction of an theoretical.
Felt this
ikwym
This is very true for me. Especially as a young queer person
The moment you mentioned the words 'ace spectrum' I basically started crying because I have all these same problems and at 24 have never been in a relationship because of my confusion over that part of my identity, and to hear someone else vocalise these issues and identify them specifically as playing into that intersection was super helpful.
Thank you!!
same T.T
Being ace and dating is hard. Unless you are lucky enough to find an other ace with whom you feel great there's always a sh*t tons of problems and questions. "how do we handle our sex life?" "do I want to have sex w my partner?" "should I force myself" (spoilrr :don't force yourself) "should we open our relationship?" "am I ready for that" etc etc. I'm Panro-Ace and so far I've dated only men. The first one I came out to tried to make some compromise "we have to have sex at least one time per week" Etc, and it ended up with me forcing myself, feeling abused and everything, and the second one I was out to cheated on me and fucked another girl because "he could handle it anymore".
At this point, I'm 23 and seriously questioning my future. Watch me, all by myself, at 40, in a tiny house in the middle of nowhere, with a big fluffy dog and no love life.
Same same same! I don’t know what to do. I’ve never dated anyone and I’m so afraid they’ll want to have sex when I’m sex repulsed. I’m afraid they’ll at best be disappointed and annoyed but at worst they could be angry.
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@@pokipwet_ I deal with the same thing being a sex-repulsed panro-ace. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man who is much more sexual than I am. He is very patient and doesn't force anything on me which is great but there's always that feeling that I'm damaged goods or that I'm not giving my partner what they need because I literally just don't even want to think about sex most of the time. It's a difficult aspect of my otherwise wonderful relationship I wish I could just ****ing get rid of to be normal. Even with a partner who is great with all these things, it's still something that is constantly in the back of my mind. I would be devastated if he broke up with me or cheated on me because of something I can't control like that. I can't even imagine how I would keep trying to date people if I couldn't even make it work with someone who *is* so accepting of it. Gooooodddneessss I feel for you and hope you find someone that won't be shitty and abusive towards you
Absolutely! It is so difficult to find someone LGBT romantically speaking while closeted, but being out doesn't make it much easier. That's why representation and normalization is absolutely VITAL for the media consumption of younger people like me and other people who are having a "different" adolescence experience. Great video!
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I think the problem is that a majority of people are straight. And lgbtq people have to sift through the waves of straight people to find someone. It would be unfair how ever to expect straight people to not be straight.
I think so too 😅
This video made me incredibly sad. It's insane the amount of privilege straight people have, and they don't even realize it.
GwendolynRaine Part of having privilege is that, unexamined, it just looks like normal life. And then you look deeper, widen the scope of your worldview, and realize that you have things that other people don’t. Straight people need to be shown the privilege that they have in order to see it, because it’s right under their nose.
Not all straight or bi people have it - they can be fat, have bad skin, weird style in clothes, poor, shy, disabled, neurologically non-normative, or in other ways not conventionally attractive. Even straight white dudes can be really lonely. Lonelyness is wide-spread and can affect pretty much anyone. So I challenge you to look out for the lone person in your school, work and/or other communities, and befriend them, even if they are a little bit inconvenient or annoying. Because everyone deserves to have friends.
I have actually always done this since 3rd grade. I take the weird ones under my wing. I have paid for it with bitterness and lonelyness for a couple years in middle school, but after that, after knowing how it feels, I'm more determined, that no person should ever feel that again. It's much worse than having a slightly unmatching friend.
@@raapyna8544 Having privilege doesn't mean you have no issues, it means you have one less issue. After all, LGBT people can also be poor, fat and shy.
@@WhiteScorpio2 I think you missed the point of the sentiment
@@emilyscloset2648 no they got it. no straight or bi person has to deal with not finding ample straight people. There are plenty of other factors, but this one factor is a privilege for ALL straight and bi people compared to gay people. That doesn't diminish the other factors at all, but it's worth discussing in isolation, especially since, as they point out, some gay people not only have to deal with this issue but also the issues with being poor fat and shy. Saying "well everyone has issues" neglects the people who have ALL the issues or at least multiple of them.
I feel this so much!!!! I'm 26 almost 27 never been on a date!
Me too rn
me too ☹️
Folks don’t know the struggle we have!!
Same here, just turned 28
It's nice to know that I am not alone in this. I am also 26 and never dated. I used to jokingly tell my best friend that my type is unavailable because at the time I had a 'crush' on a married woman.
Thanks for talking about this. I’ve just turned 18 recently, so it’s really been at the forefront of my mind just how much of the ‘stereotypical teen experience’ I haven’t experienced. Even though I know it’s ridiculous, I can’t help but feel slightly childish when sexual health week rolls round at college and we’re being reminded to wear condoms and be safe, and meanwhile I’ve never dated, or even flirted with a girl. (Not to mention the fact that these sex ed things are extremely ‘hetero-focused’)
True. In most schools they teach you How to wear condoms, which anticonceptive methods exist and how to avoid Sexually Transmitted Illnesses (always having in mind an infection between male-female sex), but they barely even talk about safety during homoerotic sex, how to stay healthy while having anal sex or any other type outside vaginal penetration, I'm just about to be 18 and I feel like I know nothing about sexual education because the one they taught me at school simply does not make sense with my actual sexual preference.
ƒ。 it was like that thirty years ago when I was in school - you'd think they'd have caught on by now. I understand schools having a priority of contraception, because people that young if they're only involved with each other have a relatively low risk of sti infection but an unplanned pregnancy can really mess with a girl's schooling, but they really do need to teach you life knowledge, not just survive-school knowledge.
I hope you've been able to find what you need online. Incognito browser tabs and switching off the adult content filter can both be helpful there - and a robust personal filter to detect and reject the sort of content you just don't want to see.
totally! that whole feeling like you "missed out" on these experiences that are portrayed as kinda vital to growing up at least in movies and stuff really sucks
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I feel that. 19, barely out, and I’ve never even kissed a girl. I just - I’m ready. I want to get married and have kids and live in a little house with a huge vegetable garden and - I’m just ready. I want that so bad. I’ve promised myself when COVID is over I’m going to put myself out there - I’m in a decent sized city so I’m really hoping to be able to find someone. Even if I don’t find my forever person right away I just want some experience, I just want to go out for coffee with a queer girl and - not feel so isolated. I need some gay friends. Anyways, hope this is helpful to someone. You’re not alone ❤️🏳️🌈
I'm turning 22 in three weeks, never had a girlfriend and I pretty much don't date. I thought things would change when I go to uni in a bigger city since I was raised in a small town, but three years later there's still nothing. I'm pretty sure I'll end up forever alone.. oh well.
Same -.-
magnificent pretty much same
@Shufei god im 16 and gay and that just made me sad lol
Same. 22, school in a big city, never dated. All of it.
I am a quite feminine girl who's mostly attracted to other feminine girls. I'm still in school and in no way in any rush to find a partner, but the other day my friend (who's also a queer girl, but who's far more in the middle when it comes to presenting. Short, dyed hair, no makeup, androgynous clothing etc, and who has more stereotypically masculine hobbies) and I was talking about a crush of hers, and she showed me a picture of this girl with short, dyed hair and it made me realise that there's a very real chance she could be queer as well? I never experience this for myself because all my crushes are on more feminine women and I just assume they're most likely straight. I realised that because neither I, nor the girls I like, fall into most of the stereotypes of queer women, we are way less likely to ever try to initiate anything.
It's my own fault for assuming based on appearance, but it's still another layer of difficulty. I'm also definitely on the ace spectrum. It can take years for me to develop anything beyond a mild crush, and I'm not old enough, nor interested in going to bars or hitting up large events to find someone. Sometimes I think I'm just built to not ever have a girlfriend, which is silly, and also sad.
It was good to hear that this can be a struggle for others too, wonderful people like you even, although it's also really sad
I experience the exact same thing.
'Sometimes I think I' m just built to not ever have a girlfriend'.... Damn. That's exactly how I feel and it scares me so much.
OH MY GOD GIRL THANK YOU. I am also a 25 year old lesbian on the ace spectrum who has never dated anyone and has experienced all of these worries. Seriously, I’ve always related to your content, but I’ve never related to any media as strongly as this video. We need to talk more about the difficulty of dating in the queer community and we need to validate that it’s okay if it takes a little longer for us, that the heteronormative “timeline” of dating doesn’t really apply to us and that’s okay. Thank you so, so much for talking about this- sending so much love your way
I'm not the only one. It's been hard in college because I came into it thinking "yes I finally get to date a girl" but I am in a place where if anything ever happens I feel like I am forcing it and I am too awkward to do anything. I just feel ridiculously inexperienced and immature for my age when it comes to dating. I just want an actual relationship where I don't have to force it you know?
This really hit home to me.
I had never kissed anyone, let alone had a relationship until this year. I am 23. And until I met my girlfriend this was a huge source of anxiety for me. I too had been out for what felt like a long time and STILL nothing was happening. I had moved to the captial for uni, I had queer friends (many of whom were actually in a similar position) but it seemed like I just couldn't figure this part out. And it made me feel so inadequate. When other people around me were talking about relationships or hooking up I internally started to panic. I wish this topic was more talked about and that society wouldn't belittle people who don't find a partner in their teens. Because the older I got the more ashamed I felt of my lack of experience and the more awkward I felt about dating in fear of being judged. And being on the ace spectrum didn't make it any easier.
I am so, so glad you made this video. It will help so many people. In fact I am going to send it to some friends right now. Also my girlfriend was in the same boat. She just texted me earlier saying "did you see Rowan Ellis' new video??? I needed that years ago." It just showes how you are not alone and how necessary it is to talk about this.
sending good vibes and courage! you are strong, smart and beautiful and I find it unlikely that you would end up lonely. I totally understand though, that it is terrifying to start a relationship (and start dating before that, of course).
P.S. : I met you at VidCon in Amsterdam and I had the biggest crush on you. You are pretty amazing.
I'd never really heard this articulated before, and it so resonates with me. I'm in the exact same boat, and I thought I must be doing something wrong. THANKYOUTHANKYOU
Reading the comments you can see this is so much more common than we think, LGBTIQ folks just have it harder when it comes to finding a partner, the majority of 'safe' spaces for us are bars or clubs, and we also didnt get to have our high school dating experience the way straight People do so we feel like maybe our time Will never come, but it will, it has to, so whoever is reading this, you are beautiful, you are worthy and you deserve to have a great love.
I feel this. And I think that lesbians are really susceptible to unhealthy relationships too because we think that's the best we're gonna get.
True
Rowan I have watched your videos for quite a long time now and they have both informed and entertained me but I haven’t commented on them. However, this is an instance where I need to thank you for putting this video out there. It was so real. I am from Northern Ireland and we as yet do not have marriage equality. Coming from a small country where some of the people have even smaller minds makes dating EXTREMELY difficult. So thank you far sharing, it resonates so strongly with me and I appreciate you so much for saying what you have said. Thank you.
thanks so much for this Naomi, it means a lot, I hope things get better for you soon
inkypurplesky wow it’s so interesting to see someone on here from the same place as me! And so close in age too! Whereabouts here are you from? It really is such a small world 🌎
@@naomidorrans9914 I'm from NI too and I completely get what you mean
Hi Naomi, can you spare me some of your time
@@naomidorrans9914 yeah am really impressed by your comment and won't mind to chat more with you, have being a lonely bisexual 😞😞
I'm a bisexual nearly 25 year old and i haven't even had a first kiss. I live in a tiny town and am the only LGBT person in town (that i am aware of)
internet dating, nerd. do it.
@shakespearean sonnet maybe the other person could travel to them?
i feel you... even though i have dated a girl once it is really hard to find new people for potential relationships even if you go on the internet which i don't really like for dating to be honest. i ve been on tinder for over a yer now and i haven't had a date yet and not due to a lack of matches
at first i was proud to overcome the shame of being queer, but now that i'm like a _real_ lesbian in my own eyes, i just want to cry because a lot of stuff comes with being lgbtq+ and i'm not sure i can handle it well, i feel _so_ lonely
I feel this kind of loneliness too. I’m 17 and I live in Romania. I feel like I’ll never have the life I want. I had a girlfriend, but she lived far away from me and she pretty much ghosted me. I just have this feeling that no one gets me and this makes me isolate myself from others. I want sooo much to leave my country but feel like I’m stuck here. My life at the moment is pretty much on youtube and I’m very happy for every queer video that exists.
Hey, wondering, has your situation gotten better?
I feel you, also from Romania here. I hope you're doing better.
I just kinda wish there were more gay people around so I could fall in love instead of have to look for others when I'm older.
Hello, I like to be photographed na♥ked, w♥rite to me on Lovedati︆︆.︆︆com I rarely sit on UA-cam .......♥Se♥xy♥......
MIL GRASIAS POR TANTA BEYESAS I loro stati di salute rispettivi prevenirli
まさかのカメラ切り忘れでやら1かしたのもドキドキでした！
È difficile dire perché gli imprenditori su Internet siano oggettivamente considerati dalle autorità competenti.
,
jest grożąc torturami rzepaku hełmy pożądanych
。現代の技術の導入が外国の経済政策を再考することへの高い需要を事前に決定するのと同じように。
All of the anxiety around this subject is so real... I get really anxious just by talking with a girl and if i have a crush i can't even deal with the idea of bothering or get humiliated.
You pretty much hit the nail in the coffin with everything you shared. Being a gay guy about to turn 21 and never had a boyfriend. And most gay guys my age just want to hookup or not even want to have a relationship, meanwhile everyone in my group of friends (mainly bi and allies) have already found partners. It’s so frustrating!!
I'm 22. Never been on a single date. I've come to terms with the fact that getting married is an "if" not a "when".
My little brother says that he'll let me spoil the crap out of his kids when he has them. It's nice to know that, even if I don't get married or have a romantic relationship, I won't be alone. I'll still have some people I can (platonically) love.
Asura Heterodyne I’m in the same boat. I tell myself it’ll be okay if I don’t find someone who loves me. But I’m really not okay with that prospect, deep down. Platonic love is great but can’t compare to the feeling of being desired. I really crave affection and someone to express love for
Oh man I really needed to see this video. This is so relatable. I've never really had a girlfriend either. Last spring I went on a few dates with this girl I really liked, and we kissed, and it seemed to be going somewhere, but she broke things off before it even really started and I had a huge breakdown. I felt really ashamed that being rejected got me so depressed but I kept doing the math in my head and it just destroyed me that after so many crushes on straight girls and even a few queer girls who weren't interested I had finally found this girl who was 1. absolutely amazing, 2. into girls and 3. interested in me, and even THEN it didn't work out. It just seemed impossible that it ever would, I felt like all the odds were against me, especially since I don't drink, can't be around drunk people, and am also on the ace spectrum (demi) which makes onilne dating incredibly difficult. To be honest I still feel like that a lot of the time. I'm worried that I'm never going to find someone and I'm lonely and scared and I feel so ashamed of that for some reason. It sucks. Society bombards you with all of these romanticized narratives of romantic love being the most important thing in a woman's life but then somehow also makes you feel bad for wanting that if you don't have it.
I never even got to that point that a girl liked me, so I understand how incredibly frustrating it must be, to "lose" that again and to see that even then it sometimes hust doesnt work out!
Wow, your experiences are incredibly similar to mine. I met this incredible girl a year ago who asked me out and we went on a few dates. She was my first kiss and I really fell in love with her - and then she broke things off and I was heartbroken. And I felt terrible for being so affected by it when it wasn't even a proper relationship or anything, but it felt just as you described - the chances of meeting someone who seemed so perfect for me are already tiny and I thought if it didn't even work out then, what hope was there? I relate so much to all of the feelings you're talking about here. I'm also on the ace spectrum and don't drink so that does limit our options.
Thank you for writing this comment, it made me feel a lot less alone
nokiddingbrainless it happened to me too, I met a girl last year, amazing girl, she is introvert too but we live in different countries, I thought our destiny was to be together but after a few months she started to change, she is demisexual like me, but I am a high sensitive person, and I think it was fault it didn't work with her, I guess the way I am (introvert, demi, most of all high sensitive and insecure about me, over think, etc) makes me become a difficult person to deal with. And I wonder how couldn't work with someone that was introvert, demi, with the same personality type like me (INFP)?
And I only can think that the problem is me. And I feel very depressed too, I am glad that now there are more laws and rights for lgbt and there are couples that are getting married, knowing each other, overcoming distance, language, introversion, etc. I'm very glad for them, it just makes me feel I am the exception to all that, that doesn't matter my effort, I'm never going to be have the happiness they have.
You know, before watching this video and reading this comment chain, I had no idea that other people actually felt the same as I did... Which sounds silly in retrospect I guess 😂 but yeah. Thanks to all y'all for sharing your stories, and I'm sorry I can't share mine but as I'm writing this it feels a little too real. So :/
If it helps, I just think of all the far right politicians, white nationalists, and casually racist/homophobic/misogynistic/[insert other shitty ideologies here] people in the world who have somehow found love - if someone like that can do it, so can we. And our love can be a shitload better ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Sending hugs!
Just to add to these voices sharing similar experiences, same here. I remember in middle school thinking, "It's just going to happen -- that's how it works in movies, right?" I remember in high school starting to panic and thinking, "Why isn't it happening yet, why isn't anything happening?"
I'm actually in tears a little bit right now; my 22nd birthday is coming up soon, and since I've moved away from my hometown and I had to break up with the first girl I ever dated, I've been feeling really desperate and lonely. It does really help to see so many people sharing similar experiences.
I dont feel safe in gay spaces either as a trans person.
Nick Torok I'm sorry. The terfs have a lot to answer for. You absolutely have a right to feel safe in LGBT+ places.
im so sorry to hear that, its true even people in the community struggle in the spaces carved out for them because there are some toxic people there like 'gatekeepers' or some people like my uncle who as he describes himself to me as "an old school gay who believes theres just gay lez and bi and none of that complicated stuff young people come up with." even people in our own community can be extremely narrow minded and backwards!
Hi Nick. As a gay man, I do apologize for my peers and I understand. I try my best to break these barriers and go with my trans friends in gay spaces, help them as an ally to feel safer. I do discuss that at length with gay men too and I do hope this is going to be better soon. Xxx
Hi am Ryan Donald am single looking for a serious relationship with a man
What is causing you to feel this way?
Thank you for this video. A lot of this really resonated, especially in the context of being on the ace spectrum. I sometimes feel like the confusing grey area in the kinds of relationships I'd be comfortable with are just so limiting to the possibility of anyone being satisfied in a relationship that's also satisfying for me. It can be a difficult feeling, particularly because it's a feeling that, even within the queer community, isn't really talked about.
TheLetterFifteen Agreed. When one is such a minority, the possible dating pool is so small, especially if one doesn't live in big population centers. I tend to just give up. I guess it's just predicated on me being introvert and satisfied with other types of relationships - mostly friendships, interest groups and internet interactions.
I FEEL THIS SO HARD and i'm so glad that i'm not the only one
Thank you for saying this, this is such a REAL feeling.
I feel you on this
I thought I was the only one. I know that sounds unlikely, but... I truly did. Thank you so, so much.
Im on the asexual spectrum and im 28 and never been kissed let alone had a partner this video hit so many points. Thank you
This is like... one of my biggest fears. I'm a lesbian, but I thought I was bi & had a boyfriend for over a year until a few months ago. Even though I was sexually confused at the time, it felt natural & nice to have a good friendship become a relationship. Now it feels like I can never have that experience again, & I don't even know how to meet other single wlw who I would be compatible with because dating apps & bars don't appeal to me. I've only ever had guys show interest in me. Even if unrealistic, the fear of being alone forever as a gay/lesbian is very real.
My problem is I dont even know what I want. I even have problems with making friends. Im bisexual but I dont know if I can fall in love with a man or woman because I never have. I dont believe I am asexual or aromantic either. I want a relationship but also dont care about having one. So ive just decided to live my life doing what I want to do and not care about what Im supposed to do. I will pursue happiness in any way I can now with what I have. I feel things will just work out for me in the end if Im true to myself. I think people who are happy with their lives and themselves will naturally attract others who connect with them. I encourage people to live like this even if not everything is perfect.
Also, I would date you :) Actually I would date so many people who are commenting on this vid, why do you all live far away
As a gay guy, I totally feel you on this one. One added element of stress, in the male gay community (idk what it's like among lesbians), is the extreme superficial obsessiveness. I do believe (I agree) it is wholly due to a strong sex focus, in which everything gets reduced down to having the most favorable physical attributes (might as well, if nothing else matters). There is this hysteria about being fit and young, and it makes you feel like an expiring piece of cheese that has been left on the table. Feeling like your time is up (even if you're still young) is such a sadness, feeling like you have missed out on life itself. Meanwhile, your straight friends keep telling you to go off your apps and put yourself more out there (thanks Gretchen), your gay friends tell you to go out on clubs and have random sex (already having given up themselves, I suppose..). I have remained optimistic through thick and thin, believing that I too can have an organic relationship manifest out of regular life (every time, new hope turns out to be a mirage), but oftentimes it is so disheartening and really black thoughts gather. Eventually your straight friends grow tired of hearing you talk about it, as they're moving on with their lives. It's really difficult. But I see some progress locally, at least for the young trans and lesbian community, for some reason gay guys still don't seem to form these emotion based communities. I never see any guys if I go to a gay "function". It's such a strange feeling, when everyone around you keep telling you to wait patiently, meanwhile they're all getting married and you're under a blanket at home stress eating lol
Robin Lagelius
Hey! I totally relate to your situation. As a minor (16) I don’t even have the options of “gay functions” like bars or clubs. I’m literally 16 and I feel like I’m running out of time. My only goal is to date someone for at least a month before highschool is over, and that’s a fleeting dream.
And I totally get what you mean with the superficial functions of the gay male community. When I was younger I uh, lied a lot about my age when I was online so I could talk to guys. It actually got me a date with a guy my age once (heh) but that was literally it.
And when it comes to guys who are actually my type, they are never at the types of “gay functions” I can go to. Like 16+ dating apps, the local GSA, Pride etc.
life fucking sucks, man.
I hope you're doing better now my dude
@@redfox3481 thanks 🦊 still some ways to go.
Be grateful that you're gay. Gay men have way lower standards than straight girls.
I'm straight man and, even being ugly, I got approached by other men dozens of time. But I never got any approach of a single gay - It's always me approaching them, and failing 99% of time.
I don’t even ever leave UA-cam comments but my mind was just blown. You have encapsulated so much of my life - something that has been a HUGE source of depression and anxiety that I almost always suffered in silence because I felt so much shame in my perceived undesirability. I’m a lesbian who in high school and college was hyper out in a liberal area. At this point in my life I have had a couple of short term relationships and a few sexual partners - I’m lucky that these people have been kind and decent, because I more often than not entered those relationships out of desperation. I’m 22, it’s been 2 years since I was in both an internal and external space where it became possible to date. I am finally coming to a place where I am secure enough in the privileges that made that possible that I can think about being single without spiraling. I would still love to eventually have a serious relationship tho! Thanks to you and to everyone who is commenting, this is so wonderful to be able to talk about.
I watched this video 2 years ago and i cried because it made me realise that I was demisexual. I’m watching it again now as I realise I might never find love. Thanks for making this video Rowan. It’s helped me to accept my life as it is and to love myself regardless.
the “falling into relationships” bit really hit me. i dated one girl in high school, and it’s been 2 years since we broke up. i’ve been looking and waiting, but the loneliness is really difficult. i just don’t want to be alone forever
This! Sometimes I catch myself feeling inadequate because at my age people are getting married and having kids, but I've never even kissed or dated anyone before. It's important to remember that there is no deadline to find love and everyone experiences things at their own pace
I'm in high school still (I'm 17), and when I was around 15 I just remember all my friends starting experimenting and dating, and kissing boys, and I just remember even grown ups talking about how that was one the most memorable things in their teens. And looking back at it its so painfully obvious how much I wanted to experience that, so far as going on dating apps and having coversations with men that are way to old for me, just because I wanted to experience something. Now these days I see all the errors of my ways, and I understand that that is not something that I need to experience to be happy, but I still want it so bad. I remember that last year (2019) I was in love with a boy and I really thought he was gay, and I was so goddman happy to just imagine that I could actually date someone, that there was even a chance that I could *naturally* meet someone that I could just fall in love, just like most people do, just like my parents did. We are still very good friends but I still catch myself from time to time imagining what it would be like if we were together, not because I still have feelings for him, but because I'm so, so lonely... It just, doesn't seem fair that I, and pretty much all of my lgbt familly, don't get that.
Edit: Posted this comment in 2020, 2 years later I still feel all the same ways, I still havent had any romantic interactions ever, I still cry watching this video everytime, and i still cry writing this edit. Passing on here after watching Heartstopper for the second time in a row. Its a really good show
This definitely resonated with me. Thank you for sharing, Rowan.
Rowan, I'm a 40-year-old gay(ish) male(ish) living in a coastal island village in southeastern Georgia, and I *completely* relate. During my late 20s, I experienced a similar realization to the one you shared, and it did me in. It was years before I could even start to think critically about the conventional narrative of relationship -- how dating is, from one perspective, a numbers game, and, compared to our heterosexual brothers and sisters, they are not stacked in our favor.
Shufei Yeah I’m so over the bar/clubbing scene. Girls at these places only ever want casual sex. And they’re drunk so it doesn’t even mean shit/isn’t fulfilling at all when it happens. Tinder feels hopeless too because it requires a lot of time and effort to go on dates, most of which don’t work out. I guess I do have the advantage of living in a city where there are lgbt events on Meetup. But most women who go to these are 30+. I’m 21. I have a lot of lesbian friends on social media, who all seem to be dating and having the time of their lives. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. Never had a girlfriend. Only brief “things”
How can you be maleish
Olive sexuality is fluid and a spectrum. Also let’s not invalidate someone’s definition and understanding of themselves or the labels they identify with
Emilia Grace gender fluidity
@@MysticHeather - _-
I myself didn't even have my first kiss/girlfriend until I was 23. It took moving to NYC before things opened up for me and I still don't think I've had very much experience actually. I still take the whole thing very seriously, and I loathe dating. But I do want to say it does get easier. My relationships always come to me when I least expect it, when I'm happy being me. It's always surprising, and silly me I never see it coming, but it does happen.
so there is hope... apparently :D
I've found this video kinda late, but thanks for sharing. I'm in my 20s and I've never had a gf and often times i feel like there's something wrong with me and yeah the loneliness is sometimes so painful that you can actually feel it in your body
Thank you for this video! I've been feeling so lonely and depressed recently and it's nice to hear someone has a similar experience. I'm 27 and bi and I haven't been in a relationship either. A couple of times I was at the point of those "almost-relationships", but it never worked out. In the end, it just left me more doubtful that I will ever find a partner. And while I greatly value my independence, at the end of the day I want someone to grow old with. I have tried dating apps but I find it difficult to establish a connection that goes beyond the initial physical attraction. The struggle is real.
I feel this so hard. I'm 28 and the oldest of 4. All of my siblings are in long term relationships and one is getting married next year, while I've never been in a romantic relationship. I've only been on 5 dates total, and two were accidental, and all men even though I wasn't really interested in any of them. While a part of me doesn't care (especially since I'm terrified of dating as an asexual person), another part of me really craves a romantic relationship.
Thank you for sharing. I know it's hard to put oneself out there like that, but it did help me feel a little less lonely.
Ok, wow, I did not expect to find this video at the top of my subscription feed when I opened my YT app. Chiming in with all the other people who already said “thank you for making this” because seriously. Thank you. You putting all of that into words means a great deal to me.
#relateable Omg, this was literally on my list of videos to make too!! Don't worry, I have never had a girlfriend either... and I'm now 28... I find it so hard to find someone. I've never even been on a second date :/
I love that this video resonates with so many people - myself included. I'm also a perpetually single lesbian and this peer support, even "just" via internet, honestly makes me feel a lot less lonely in my experiences.
@@sannam5248 wow, I've used that phrase "perpetually single" about myself too!
it's been 2 years since you've posted this, have you met someone now ? we're the same age and i've never even been on a first date lmao
@@damngirl9573 Haha, I'm self-partnered now (painfully single) lol. It's okay, I like my own company... and I'd rather be alone that with the wrong person. I'm almost 31 now... I did managed to get to about a sixth date with someone pre-lockdown... but then things fell apart.
@@TortorSmith oh yeah i wanted to try to go on a few dates this year but yep lockdown. We're not on lockdown anymore here so i guess i could give these dating apps another go but yeah... still painfully single like you said lol i just turned 30 and i feel really stupid having zero romantic experience. i'm sorry that you didn't get the chance to have a seventh date
there's not a day i don't think about this rowan :(
Thank you so much for making this! This is my experience too. I am 22 and about to finish college, and only just had my first kiss last year because it was the first time I had been in the right situation for it with another queer girl (it was also her first kiss). I feel so frustrated when I think about how everything in the media, and in real life with straight friends/family/coworkers, sets us up to think love is meant to just happen spontaneously, but being queer we just don't get to have that. This video made me feel less alone in that feeling at least, so thank you.
I’m lesbian and demisexual myself and I feel invisible in my country. I don’t even fit in my community and this is sad. I want to be this open and activist person and yet I’m completly alone because I don’t know any other gay activist.
I'm a trans girl from Brazil and I'm fresh out of high school. I started my transition in the middle of the second year and, by the end of the third year, I was the only student in my class who haven't kissed anyone in their life. I can definitely feel the "queer loneliness" that you talked about and living in such a transphobic country like Brazil makes everything even worse. Thank you for making this video. It's very conforting to know that I'm not the only queer person going through this.
I know this is old, but I really hope you're doing well. Stay strong.
i'm a trans lesbian, and what feels especially difficult to me is that i struggled with the whole "watching your peers just fall into relationships" thing even before i transitioned (back when i thought i was a straight guy). so now i'm transitioning it feels even harder, in a sort of "well i wasn't having any luck before, but it's gonna be even worse now" kind of way. plus the insecurities and fears i have about transphobic cis wlw. but yeah this video really spoke to me, and highlights just how damaging heteronormativity can be to lgbt+ people in situations where straight people don't even have to think about it. thanks for sharing your thoughts
M M she’s just sharing her experience
@@FlaminHell my existence is not homophobic. im gonna assume you just read up to the word trans then tuned out. have a good day
Thank you so so much for this video. Particularly the part about being gay and on the ace spectrum - could you maybe do a follow up video on that? As somebody who is themselves somewhere on that spectrum I can relate to basically all your struggles and nobody is talking about these intersections of gay and ace. It would be so so powerful to hear your thoughts about it in more detail
I really needed this video right now. Thank you. It helps knowing I'm not alone.
Me from a year ago would identify with a lot of what you said. Being from a rather homophobic, narrow-minded country, I'm not out in any significant way to more than a handful of people, so finding a girl to date has always seemed like an impossible feat. And it does make one feel unspeakably alone.
But having been in a happy, fullfilling relationship for the better part of this year, I do believe that it's possible to overcome all those hurdles. It's tough as hell, it sometimes feels like you might end up alone forever and ever, but you should keep on hoping it won't be like that in the end.
Things happen to people at different moments in life, and it seems for us queer folk they almost always happen later than to others.
Lots of love and best wishes (from a queer 28-year-old in her first serious relationship) xo
I can't even say how much I needed this video though; it's all too easy to feel alone in your loneliness. I have been in 1 relationship but for various reasons I won't go into, it didn't properly feel like one for me. But other than that, I've always been single, been on maybe 1 date ish, and I've felt on and off sad/insecure/angry about this for a long time but in the last few months it's become a lot more consuming. My straight best friend met a girl and fell in love, thus discovering she was in fact very not straight. They have a beautiful and supportive, if long-distance, relationship. Let alone pure jealousy, I feel at such a loss because I've had years of questioning my sexuality, trying to find queer communities, coming out, and then she just skips to the good bit lol. We had a conversation and she was all like "oh we just need to get you dating we just need to you to use an app or go to a bar" and it's like... ok yeah maybe but it's just not that simple. I would love to meet someone but at this point not only does it seem unlikely/difficult for my prospects to change, I also can't imagine I'd be very good at not being single as I'm an incredibly busy and independent person. Also, the main way I meet people at uni is through dance and drama. Plenty of queers in drama lol but you don't want to start dating someone you're in a cast with because that's dangerous territory, and dance is just a bit funny about queerness that isn't gay cis-men tbh.
So, tl;dr - i totally feel you, but it's a great comfort to know I'm not the only one who's """""getting on a bit"""" (I'm 22) and has never had any kind of relationship.
in addition to being a lesbian i also have awful social anxiety and at 21 years I've never actually been in a relationship with a woman. and at some point it starts feeling desperate and lonely....
I understand you so well. I never had a girlfriend until I turned 25, and I only managed to have one because I put an extreme amount of effort into using dating apps. Problem is, it's hard to find a good match on dating apps and everything feels very forced. Plus, because of this fear of ending up alone for the rest of your life, many wlw force relationships that aren't really meant to be. It's a mess.
hit me so hard when you talked about a life of perpetual loneliness...I'm either ace or demi and biromantic and legit don't think anyone will ever want me because I don't fit that supposed narrative box of like sex or wanting a family :(
If we can have gay bars and clubs we should be able to have gay cafes bookstores and general hang out places that minors can go to and meet other lgbtq+ people
This is so real, I know I’m late to the party but my mum recently told me that she doesn’t see me ever getting married or having children and it kinda broke my heart.
Gay Date: gayvoo.︆︆com 18+!!!
みゃあこさん！ฅ( ̳• ·̫ • ̳ฅ)ﾆｬﾝ
まさかのカメラ切り忘れでやら1かしたのもドキドキでした！
In particolare, l'inizio del lavoro quotidiano di formazione di una posizione presuppone modalità indipendenti di attuazione dei requisiti di priorità.
circondato da libri, scaffali che spesso
。現代の技術の導入が外国の経済政策を再考することへの高い需要を事前に決定するのと同じように。
Found this video just when I needed it. I’m turning 27 next month and have never had a girlfriend, while all the people around me are getting married. It’s really hard to explain to people that I have more hurdles to jump if I were to find someone and build a relationship as a queer woman. I realise that actually being in a relationship with a woman feels impossible sometimes. I’ve tried to fill my life with things that make me happy in case I don’t find someone. I think there’s something noble in finding love in other aspects of life. However, queer women should be able to build intimate relationships with one another, it shouldn’t be this hard.
Love to my queer fam.
I'm lesbian, trans, and ace. Where do I even look for someone? If anyone has an answer, I'd love to hear it.
I am currently questioning whether I am straight or bi...People always tell me to "just try it" when I talk about it, but like you decribed it's not that easy to meet someone, especially if you are not even sure whether you are really attracted to them.
This video is incredible. I'm heterosexual and I've never thought about any of the difficulties described in the video before. As it progresed, I really felt like I could empathise a little bit better with some of the experiences and struggles of trying to date not being antes heterosexual. I'm really glad this made me think a little bit better about that
Im ace and a lesbian and im 24 never dated, never even kissed, and its terribly lonely and disheartening and i feel like theres so much wrong with me, but i really admire and look up to you and to see you having these same problems makes me feel less lonely and its just validating and radical to even hear you talk about this. thank you for sharing this vid
date an ace person, I mean jesus Christ. Don't know one? find one online.
@@shvlking1578 wow omg youre so right thanks for solving all my problems with your wise words. incredible
I can't thank you enough Rowan for making this video. I too am in my mid 20s and am recently out of university where I was fairly out and dated a couple women. But since then it's so hard for me to move forward with my life romantically. I struggle with whether I'm meant to spend my life alone or rather I'm convincing myself that's a fine alternative because dating is such a struggle. What you said about dating apps and the vulnerability that goes into being on them and the decision you have to make to go on them in the first place, where others seem to have love tossed at them, it resonates so much with me and my experiences. Thank you for making me feel less alone in all of this. Wishing you the best. 💙
As someone who is ace and nb "a perpetual life of loneliness" was (and still is to some extent) something I worry about a lot. I felt that no one would wanna be in a relationship where sex wasn't guaranteed. Even now in my current relationship I'm worried that I won't be enough or that he expects that I'll give more than I'm willing to. The feeling that straight men are the only option is both saddening and makes me feel invalid as a nb person, since I assume that they just see me as a woman (I'm afab).
I know the video is old but its nice to know others can relate to this experience.
Also I go by Yuki but this account is linked to a work email so I had to use my birth name.
this is literally my experience and now i'm crying because it's the first time i've heard anyone talk about this. i've been out since high school and i've never dated. finding girls who would be interested in dating me is already hard enough (i'm mostly surrounded by straight people), but being asexual, even in queer spaces it's hard to find people who see relationships the same way i do. a lot of dating is very sex-centric, and like you said, lesbian media in particular is very sex-oriented. and i can honestly say that i don't see a future in which i ever get a girlfriend. it just seems impossible. what are the odds that i'll meet another asexual lesbian who is into me and whom i'm into, in my area? not very likely. idk this is all super depressing to think about lol
I am a gay high schooler in an urban and accepting community with a fair number of out queer teens, but I nevertheless feel like I will be alone forever. I’m holding out hope that college will be better but I just can’t shake the fear that I’ll never find anyone, the closest I’ve ever gotten to having a gf was when I was in a very brief LDR that left me feeling more lonely than before. This video really resonated with me.
I turned 20 this year, and with classes online and everything, I feel so bad about not taking the opportunities I had in person to seek out other LGBT+ people to try to date (lol...). College is flying by, and I was waiting for someone to come along naturally in college maybe, but this video is hitting close to home.
I don't know how or why the algorithm knew to serve me this when I was just sobbing about it in my journal yesterday, but damn. I'm usually pretty resigned to it and fine, but when it hits it hits. And I've just been thinking so much about that isolation that first hit around thirteen when everyone started dating, and I just felt increasingly alone, not even necessarily because of my friends abandoning me for boys or anything, but more the self-fulfilling prophecy of feeling like they were changing and we wouldn't be friends anymore. It just feels so fundamentally lonely to be an ace lesbian. Anyway, I hope you're well.
I understand, dear. I really relate to your experience as a lesbian with an intense fear of loneliness and isolation. I promise, you will find someone. Don't give up.
- 0:00 👩🎤 The speaker is an openly gay 25-year-old who has never had a girlfriend despite being very active in the LGBT community.
- 0:24 📖 The speaker discusses the challenges of finding romance as a queer person compared to straight individuals who can assume others around them are also straight.
- 1:24 🌈 Queer individuals face additional concerns when pursuing relationships, such as safety and potential homophobia, which aren't typically issues for straight people.
- 1:38 🚫 Many LGBT spaces are adult-oriented, making it hard for younger queer individuals to find appropriate social settings.
- 1:55 📱 The speaker highlights the dangers young queer people face when using dating apps to find others like them due to a lack of safe spaces.
- 2:31 🏳🌈 In college, the speaker was very open about their sexuality and held leadership roles in LGBT organizations, but still only went on three dates.
- 3:13 🤝 Despite being outspoken and comfortable with their identity, the speaker avoided holding hands on dates due to fear and internalized panic.
- 3:27 💔 The speaker observes how easily straight friends fall into relationships, a luxury not afforded to them as a queer person.
- 3:43 📅 Queer individuals often have to actively seek out potential partners through apps and specific social groups, unlike straight people who find romance more naturally.
- 4:27 😢 After university, the speaker struggled with feelings of loneliness and the fear of never finding a partner.
- 5:01 ⏳ The speaker finds solace in others their age discussing how it takes longer for queer people to experience similar milestones as their straight peers.
- 5:11 💍 Straight friends are getting married and having kids, while the speaker faces more hurdles in achieving similar milestones.
- 5:36 👰 The speaker recalls being questioned about traditional gender roles and marriage, which were not legally available to them at the time.
- 6:03 🚫 In school, peers expressed that gay people shouldn't have the same rights, highlighting societal barriers.
- 6:09 🏳🌈 The speaker struggles with identifying their relationships in both heterosexual and lesbian media, finding neither fully representative.
- 6:36 💡 The video aims to enlighten and resonate with others facing similar struggles, encouraging viewers to share their thoughts and support the content through Patreon.
I relate to this cause all the cool gay girls are taken and all my crushes are straight
The struggles are real as a Asexual Panromantic (I mainly like girls)
Honestly, I'm so tired of bisexual women that actually don't date, erm, other women (and seem to simply prefer men). How do non-heterosexual people meet, I often wonder... Anyways, I can truly relate! & would appreciate making friends!
I imagine that only wanting to date "cool" gay girls is your problem. Since other gay girls only want to date "cool" gay girls, maybe the girls that you find "cool" don't think the same about you.
I'm a straight man, and if I only wanted to date "cool girls", I would've only dated one single girl my entire life, because among the girls I dated, I was really interested only in one of them. It's necessary to low your standards if you don't want to be single all your life.
It is hard as pre transtioned transgender female and pansexual person living in a rural latinx community in texas border country but rowan u r my inspiration love yours aspen
I hope you could do a second part, Rowan. I'm recently dealing with the fact that I am bisexual, I'm out for some of my friends and also for my current boyfriend (who is also bi), however, I've never dated a girl before and that's something that resonates big time in my head, thanks a lot!
I'm so glad you brought up asexuality. The way you were describing the difficulty of finding partners ringed true to me as an ace person (only even more unnecessarily complicated), so when you mentioned your personal intersection with asexuality I felt very seen.
I have definitely felt everything you have talked about. Thank you for being vulnerable and making this video. I’m sure it helped a lot if people feel better about themselves. You show that people aren’t alone in how they feel, and they can be a great and attractive person and still have a hard time finding people to date.
This resonates with me so much. Growing up I assumed I was asexual bc I had no attraction to men at all. I "wanted" a boyfriend, but anytime a boy would like me I would freak out because i knew if we dated we would have to have sex and I didn't want that. Spent all my high school years grossed out by romantic things and knowing I would be alone forever because I couldn't see myself with a man. I realized a year or so ago that I am actually lesbian and everything has clicked. Even so, I can't help but to feel grossed out by myself when I'm attracted to a girl because I don't want to give them unwanted attention bc I know how it feels like when men hit on you and you don't want it. I'm so afraid of making a move or (falling for a straight girl again😭) and them to leave. I've always envied my friends who find relationships so easily. I want to date more but gay dating in public is so awkward bc you never know how/if the people around you will react. That's something straight people never have to think about I guess.
Hello sister from another nation. Where have you been? Your experience mirrors my own. I hypothesized that I was aro/ace for a while, until six months ago I reached the conclusion “f*ck. I like girls”. And it has been an emotional roller coaster. Ky romantic experience involves, rejecting two guys who I never had talked to and having a crush on a girl who I never talked to and only awkwardly waved hello at.
I do still have like, a kind of “respect women” (this is so silly) filter on, like, I don’t feel like I should look at them or think of them in any way, this feeling of wrongness towards them, as if I was suddenly seen as a predator to them.
Also, just a feeling of “I should not bother anyone with my sexuality” as people around me have made mean comments about lgbt people being “attention seeking”.
Ahh I feel this so much. Even with plenty of out girls out my school its still such a small dating pool. I've never rly found anyone i really romantically clicked with even aproaching my senior year :(
Side note: your voice is so calming I could listen to you for hours
What makes me sad is that it seems to be the only gay guy out in my school who has never had a boyfriend. All the other gay boys have had at least three relationships up to this point, and they never lasted more than a month because they only dated for sex.
I feel that, in order to have a relationship I must look first for sex, and I don't want that.
I know it's been years since you posted this video, but I just wanted to let you know that this really resonates with me. I'm already 30, and I feel like I'm way "behind" on a lot of things, like what you said about having friends who are having children and getting married... meanwhile I've had 'one' truly serious relationship in my life (aside from several much briefer dating experiences), and when me and my girlfriend of nearly 2 years broke up, largely due to her being uncomfortable being "out" in public, which despite my efforts not to put pressure on her took a massive toll on me... well, let's just say our breakup felt very much like a life sentence of loneliness for me. It fel like I'd just missed my one chance at a life lasting relationship, because I'm from a small town and the situation here can be a bit tricky for us gays. The fact that she and I somehow found each other and happened to be mutually attracted to one another seemed almost miraculous. Meanwhile, I'm watching many of my straight friends just "fall into relationships", and even though some of those relationships don't last, it's not as though they'll be facing the issue of having limited options (or putting themselves in danger) due to their sexual/romantic preferences when they go searching for a new partner. "Plenty of fish in the sea", and all that. For me, a gay demisexual, there's just a puddle. I really hope I get to fall in love again some day, and have that person love me back, because even though I enjoy my own company and don't necessarily feel like I 'need' a partner... being in a loving relationship is really nice.
So relatable. Im almost 24 y/o and I am extremally scared of telling anyone that I am gay. Mostly about my straight friends rejecting me. I internalised the fact that I will never fell in love with anyone. I dont know what even love is. Maybe I just cannot feel it? Maybe I am aro? Or hetromantic? I was charmed by several girls in my life, never as much as with guy. The closest encounter with other gay man was hug. Jfkviivjbjvj jvvjvkvvkigjhkbvo
GIRL LISTEN TO ME!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND YOU ARE ADORABLE AND I LOVE YOUR ACCENT!!!!! I’m gay too and I am also single, so TRUST me hunny you ARE 👏NOT 👏alone👏but you will find someone. I will you all my love and appreciation because YOU deserve it.
💕💕💕💕 So wipe those beautiful eyes of yours and have faith cause the perfect girl for you is out there somewhere.💕💕💕💕
I am very happy that this video exist but also sad that it have to be that way for us. I am 23 and never had a gf and also have had few dates. I am finishing college this year and I am really afraid of what expects me out side my college lgbt bubble. I feel that adulthood will be very lonely and even harder to find/engage in a relationship :(
Same!
Very brave and open of you Rowan. I've just turned 29 and I still have never had a boyfriend. The opportunities for us as queer people are definitely limited, along with all the discrimination that we'll find if we do actually find someone. A lot of my friends have gotten married and have kids and it can make me feel more sad and lonely because the likelihood of me also having that is very low.
Also my many mental health struggles make the possibility even more unlikely for me.
So many straight people are ignorant to the restrictions and discriminations that queer people face, because it doesn't effect them. That's why I feel your videos are so important. You're helping to articulate our struggles and make them very clear to understand for everyone.
What you're doing on this platform is so important not just to young queer people but older queers as well who have never had someone like you to listen and relate to, and even for the first time, feel less alone.
Thank you for using your voice so well. 💝
Thank you so much for making this video! I could relate so much. I remember growing up and constantly being asked who I had a crush on and never having an answer. It seemed as though all of my friends had a new crush every month and they were getting in to relationships and then there was me who didn't find any boys attractive. I didn't even allow myself to have crushes on girls because I knew that there was no point since they would have no chance of feeling the same way. The idea of being in a relationship just sounded impossible and it still kind of does..
Aw, hearing your story made me feel emotional. I can relate. It's really hard to see that fairytale but anyway I wish you the best in your future endeavors
I love how honest and real this is. can relate so much.
Thank you so much for posting this video. It means a lot to know that there is someone out there who’s going through the same thing I am.
I just cried a bit listening to what you had yo say because it resonated with me so much. I'm 27 and have never kissed anyone or even held hands with a woman, romantically. Some days, the loneliness and lack of physical touch is painful and I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to be loved and wanted and touched, but it seems like almost an impossible task to find and connect with someone compatible. It's really hard to process those feelings, sometimes.
Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤
This video resonated with me so so much, I’m also 25 and so many of friends and colleagues are engaged, married, having kids and there definitely is a sense of loneliness and being left behind, for want of a better phrase? I’m also totally out with everyone and happy about it but hearing you talk about the ways we have to jump over more hurdles and hold ourselves back for our own safety was like hearing my own thoughts put into words. Thank you so much for making this video and I wish you all the best Rowan
This is literally me right now coming to the end of my second year at uni, I was expecting uni to be the point in my life where I get out there and find someone but I just can’t, it is really difficult and also upsets me when it seems so easy for others
I almost convinced myself it is OK to be 22 and still not having any relationships. I guess living with a couple of cats somewhere far away is not that bad actually