“Her credit card debt is stopping us from getting married”
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Becki, 42, and Dustin, 36. Becki moved to North Caroline from California two years ago, into Dustin’s house but is feeling disconnected from her family, like the space is still his, not shared. Her troubling credit card history keeps them from getting married and building a future together.
Watch Part 2 with Becki and Dustin: • “I can’t afford my $1,...
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Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Ramit you have been spammed hard in your comments! You gonna have to go on a power cleanse to remove them. It's a crazy amount.
My finances are not close to any of your couples, so You are right Ramit. The next time I see your podcast and the time it takes to watch it, I'm going to read my Bible first lol which is what I should have done in the beginning. Thank you.
Time management. Btw I enjoy your podcasts!🙂🙂
Man, this free podcast is better and more useful than anything on primetime television.
faaaccccts. ive almost seen every episode. even the ones that werent videos. the audio only
At first I convinced myself I was watching these for “financial education.”
Now I’m convinced I’m guilty of tuning into a daytime TV drama or old school soap opera.
👀🍿
🍿🍿
For real!
😂 A little from column A, a little from column B!
Same 😂
lolol yess!!!
Ramit is more skilled than 99% of actual therapists.
I so agree!! he has really exceptional talent in this area! I wish he would publish more podcasts or even do UA-cam marriage therapy sessions, I think it would be a hit!
Yes because he is extremely logical, great with money/finances, communicative, and very compassionate
im a therapist...and agreed!
Lmaoooo he always goes yeah I'm not a marriage therapist and then proceeds to be the most bomb ass marriage therapist. 😂
I'm a therapist and he's one gazillion times better than me. I'm learnjng a lot from watching his financial sessions hahaha
I'm so confused. She pays no rent, hasn't been paying her student loan, makes $8,333/month and has no savings.... WHERE IS HER MONEY GOING?!
On Starbucks and b******* everyday
To be honest, many people are like this. I find it's often that 1 partner uses emotions which leads to spending without an active spending plan. It tends to happen more with women, but Ive seen with men too.
Travel she said... N a birthday n now she has money after a new biz
Distraction through spending is a common coping mechanism. But it doesn't have to be this way.
It’s so sad she is destroying that nan too. This may be her wake up call.
I have been self-employed for 15 years with no employees. I can still tell you how much I make on average. For anyone reading this.... IF YOU'RE NOT PAYING TAXES YOU ARE NOT MAKING MONEY. There is no secret self-employment trick to not paying taxes. You can choose to waste money on a business in order to avoid taxes. But that's not the same as making money.
I mostly agree, except you can take cash under the table and make it look like you don’t make money. The people who brag about how they “avoid paying taxes” by buying new equipment and trucks drive me crazy. Like yeah, you didn’t pay taxes, but it’s only because you decided that a 80000 truck that’ll depreciate like it’s on fire was better than actually paying yourself and having money. Overall though, I agree. Revenue is completely worthless if there isn’t enough profit for you to take home a 6 figures. Personally, I don’t think running a small business is worth the stress unless you’re making 6 figures or unless it’s just something you’re doing on weekends. Personally, I’m never running another one if I can’t see it paying me 250k+ a year after 3-4 years in business
Well said! Same goes for employment taxes. The more taxes you pay - the more money you're making.
Another tip - pay the lower corporate taxes, leave the money in the corporation and invest it. Let that money make you more money.
This was one of the WILDEST episodes. I gasped out loud at that monthly payment WTF. wow. Can’t wait until part 2! And Ramit’s video cutting out at the end was SOOOO HYSTERICAL
I hope we get to a point where you give us more than 1 episode per week....having to wait an entire week for part 2 or another episode is killing me!!😢😂
Ramit, thank you for all do.
Yes
thank the whole team, its a 20 person operation
This was a surprise episode and can't wait for next week. Honestly, some moments turned my stomach upside down. Something about their dynamic felt very odd to me. I'm not a therapist and can only go on my lived experience with very similar conversations and/or expectations about money and moving cross-country while being in codependent relationships. There was a weird power dynamic … it reminded me a lot of codependency. One looking to be rescued, and the other is the savior (having the upper hand). The dynamic became even clearer when they talked about their income. Pretending to have it figured out and being successful while not really making any money. And the kind words … which kind words? There weren't any kind words. Maybe it was me but I wished Ramit would have dug deeper.
Anyways, can't wait for next week.
Agreed on the power dynamic. She is acting financially irresponsibly, that is true. But something about her waiting for him to decide she has passed his test and marry her (having relocated cross country to be with him) doesn't sit right. I am strongly anti-debt so I agree with his principles in theory. But I think she should consider moving back to California to be closer to other people that care for her. Even if he marries her, would she be happy?
I don't think he wants to marry her and the financial thing is just an excuse
Because they are totally incompatible. She’s wasting valuable time with a man that frankly doesn’t love her.
What no one is saying!!! Agreed 100%.
I'm at a point where I'm only watching these because I am kinda hooked, not so much for the financial lessons as I'm proud to say I know and practice pretty much all of them. But Ramit saying "there are never too many nice things you can say" is teaching me how to have better relationships.
Thank you Ramit.
OMG sameeeee!
Ramit. I appreciate your work. I got married a month ago. You have helped us navigate the topics of debt, savings, lifestyle choices, in laws, housing, communication and future kids without hurt feelings or fighting. (All tought subjects as newly weds). We are stronger becasue of you. Thank you so much.
Watch til the end if you can’t wait to judge Becky, you financially and emotionally perfect other commenters, ya boy Dustin has some surprises of his own. Proud of them for doing the show and facing their problems, I think they can succeed with that willingness to be there for each other.
I was in chock! I couldnt belive it😮
😮
Watched until the end and can’t wait until next weeks episode. Dustin and the truck 🤦🏾♀️ I’m sure there will be more! However, that doesn’t take away from Becky’s financial irresponsibility. I wouldn’t combine my life with someone whose finances are in shambles. Money is on the top for why couples divorce in the States. It would be silly to continue combining your life with a person who is already demonstrating they cannot consistently manage money.
Dustin 100% has some taxes hes owing.
I was NOT prepared for that ending 😮
I was in a really similar situation, but I was Dustin and my husband was Becky. Shockingly we worked it out, are debt free, and got married last year. He’s finally happy here in Florida, and I’m thrilled with how he’s been managing money. It’s possible, you guys can do it!
That’s amazing! Well done to you guys 😊
He got into a good routine here and made an effort to get out of the house and meet some people (plays basketball a lot etc), and stopped using credit card. We also took a trip back to where he's from so he could spend some time with his people. But I can't say there was a big key, just a mental shift and commitment to making sacrifices and making it work. @@Run4Ever77
I have so many questions... how does someone who makes $8,000 per month and only pays for groceries and subscriptions end up with $7,000 in debt in 3 months due to travel and a party? That must of been one hell of a trip and party! That would make me SUPER uncomfortable in a relationship... but an even bigger question is what the hell kind of number game is Dustin playing? He makes $2,000 per month but pays for the entire mortgage and utilities and a $1,400 per month truck payment, etc. That math aint mathing. And he bought a truck for the tax write-off? What a mess... He has no idea how much money his business makes vs how much money he makes. That's SCARY. Like, this is the type of guy that is going to end up owing the IRS tens of thousands of dollars some day--if not already. I think they are sweet people but... Holy Hannah.
Both are financially immature ….
Yes! This was so confusing in the end. I suspect since they don't track their spending they don't realize that their money is already combined and she is actually paying for a lot of (his) costs.
On top of paying a mortgage and a truck payment this guy has 67k in savings! All this on 2k a months income?! Math is not mathing.
@@angelikalaser7778you are so right. My ex was on my case about credit card debt but in reality I wasn’t making progress on paying it down because I kept absorbing basic household expenses. I didn’t have anything extravagant to show for it. Groceries, sheets, towels, cleaning supplies, children’s clothing
He does not earn 2k- He is a business owner and probably showing less earning to grow the business and offset tax. Something is not adding up
The math ain't mathing is right! Dustin KNOW EXACTLY how much he makes. A truck he drives everyday he doesn't know how much gas he puts in. DUSTIN STOP IT! I think he's (cya) taxes. 🤔
This is definitely one you have to watch till the end. I was stunned! Firstly, Becky needs to go visit her family. She can afford to live on her own if she wants to, but her mindset is making her feel trapped. Don’t let a man fool you into thinking he’s more financially savvy than you because he owns a home, big truck, and a business.
He is more financially savvy than her though. He feels like he can’t trust her because she literally put 7k on a card out of nowhere without consulting him.
That’s not a person you marry and tie your financial future to.
@@ChristianSedaPlays have we seen the same video? She literally says she puts things on CC because she fears him belittering her if she doesn't. If he doesn't mind being nasty to her in front of a camera and Ramit, I can only imagine how agressive he gets in private conversations with her.
He barely finished high school while she has a masters degree and a job she makes good money from.
His business depends on his physical ability which is very risky and good economy. Who needs a pool during a Great depression?!
She is better off on her own but given her age and the time she sunk into the relationship I don't see her letting go.
@@ChristianSedaPlaysShe said she was out of the country.
Dammit Ramit. Why can’t we have a 2 hour episode and see the end??? Ugh living in suspense for a week is just rude 🤣
😂😂😂 agreed, like for real.
seriously! I usually wait to binge them but I accidentally clicked on this one 😭
Haha, back in the day it was normal to wait a week on a cliffhanger. Greys Anatomy, Desperate Houswives, you name it, new season showed only one episode a week 😅
So this is the first time I'm seeing these people for the first time. I've listened to 50+ hours of the podcast. Relistened to many episodes and have just now started watching the UA-cam channel...I am BLINDSIDED by who I envisioned these people to be and who they physically are. It's really giving me a new appreciation for shows like "Love is Blind".
This episode was buckwild!
That Dustin seems to run a successful business made him super confident enough to make his gf feel bad about her spending is wild... considering he too makes poor financial/business decisions. Side note, since he isn't drawing that much of a salary, the numbers for his business look good.
And at the same time, I'd be JUST as shocked and concerned about a partner who makes over 8k a month (in an LCOL/MCOL area) and STILL manages to rack up that much CC debt.
Both are disorganized about money, but in different ways. I cant wait for episode 2. Can't wait to get into these numbers.
Nahhh the dude has over 60k in savings... He bought the best truck for his business so what... He gave her one job... one f ing job with 8k a month salary and she still has 7k in credit card debt... The dude is in the right here..
@@lorenzovonmatterhorn7402 I have to agree with you here, episode 2 will definitely shine some light on the truth when it comes to his income. He seems to have made a lot of sound decisions in life and like you said you don't own a house (with significant equity) and have 60k in savings without making a lot of good choices along the way. I have a feeling that in the end he makes solid choices and decisions he is just not an accountant type and does not know the business numbers perfectly. I also felt like although it might sound a little rough, but he was very consistent about how important financial health was to him and her continuation into debt is a major setback for the boundary he had set.
@@lorenzovonmatterhorn7402 Dustin co-mingles his business and personal accounts. And he admits to pulling money from the business regularly. And he's underpaid himself. Not a great way to handle money as a business person.
Also... I might concede on the hauling capacity, but he absolutely waaaaaay overpaid for that truck... especially for the 1) yearly revenue and 2) the fact that he basically treats his business like a personal piggy bank.
Dustin is 100% right to be concerned about Becky's spending habits (honestly they should break up) ... but his business habits are pretty reckless, which puts his own finances at risk in addition to Becky.
Episode 2 is probably gonna shed more light on this. Hopefully we get more info on the business side (especially other costs).
@lorenzovonmatterhorn7402 It's a relationship, not a contest, and they both have issues that need to be dealt with if they're going to make it work.
Oh my... Just started but, as someone who has relocated cross country a few times, if she's still missing her gym after 2 years and hasn't found a replacement locally, I think that's a sign that this is probably not going to work. Plus the elderly parents -- so hard to be far away.
Yep if you say "I gave up my gym" after 2 years, it's a sign you are resentful about moving in the first place. He is clearly not blameless but there is nothing he will be able to do that makes her not regret the move imo, so he's in a no-win situation pretty much.
@@4thand133She just feels like a lack of commitment so it has to be worth it.
Becki, please dont beg a man to love you. And dont ever question your worthiness. After the numbers came out, he should be the one to asking!
I love listening in the car on the podcast but youtube is another level. How do these get better every week? Obsessed with this podcast. It’s helping motivate me to payoff my debt and also entertainment.
This show not on major network is a gain for all of us lol.
4 minutes in and hes referencing his exwife as his highschool sweetheart, i know its a term, but i wouldnt be calling any ex a sweetheart with my current girl there. Thats for sure
That’s what you’re focusing on and not this woman being financially dishonest and basically taking advantage of this man? 😂
@@isabelreyes6387 Exactly 🤦🏾♀️
Wow, this episode.... really keeps you on the edge of your seat! The closer to the end you're like... wait, what!!! I guess we will all be back for part two. We all made it this far. 😅
so many plot twists!! lol
That ending 😂😂 Ramit was so shocked his screen froze.
😂😂😂😂
The problem here is that she has low self esteem. If she valued herself she would have already walked away from this dead end relationship and focus on her family. You have to value yourself enough so you’re not WAITING on someone’s approval to marry you, that’s ridiculous
Yep she doesn’t value herself and is waiting for him to find value in her. After she was literally in tears 😢 he said sarcastically “okay” …
Agree.
Dustin is simply not ready to be married again in the near future. His first marriage hurt him in some way which I can understand. He needs to be honest with himself and with Becky, so they both can move forward.
RUN BECKY RUN!
She's making herself cry at this point. (IMO)
Her way of spending it’s irresponsible who will marry someone who is careless with funds? She has to work on herself he is not responsible for the way she is feeling.
@@jaddek.astrie3071 I mean she paid it all off. I mean she makes enough to pay it off in one month.
I admit I usually skip the adverts (mostly because I have seen them now and again), but the conversation was so intense at the point of the pool, that I was glad the adverts were here to take a break. I think it takes so much courage to share these things and much respect for the couples that are willing to put themselves forward. I believe the process is healthy, but painful to see. Thanks to your guests and thanks Ramit for making the show, as I learn from these every time.
Taking on someone's debts is like taking on another man's kid. You had none of the pleasure in creating the debt/child but have the responsibility of taking care of it. Find someone childless/with little to no debt and enjoy your life with a clean slate
1. Her first mistake is moving in with a man without engagement or marriage. I don’t care what others say, but a woman should never give herself to man without full commitment.
2. You should not combine finances if not married, so I’m on his side on this.
3. If she’s asking herself & others if this is the right relationship for her, it isn’t. Live & Learn or Leave & Learn. Move on.
4. He is correct in paying for the monthly mortgage since the house is under his name and not build a pool using both their income just to satisfy her neediness of belonging. If things don’t work out and they eventually break up, it’s good that they never combined any of their finances. Won’t be too messy of a break up.
5. She’s 42 and her biological clock is ticking so it’s only normal that she’s panicking. He’s been married before and already know his wants & needs from a partner and not wanting to settle for anything less. Let that sink in.
Nailed it, point for point.
I’m so confused . She makes 100k a year , only pays for groceries and subscriptions and has no savings , retirement basically and has 7k credit card debt . The math isn’t mathing ….
As far as Justin , while his truck purchase is ridiculous, he has 65k in savings .
Im feeling like he has a lot of hurt and resentment carrying over from his first wife and hes putting it on her. I went through that as well. I was so scared to be used and hurt AGAIN that i really made my current partner suffer. I had to look at MYSELF .😢❤
She has a spending issue
@@truebengalsfan HE has a spending issue too 😂
@@joshdawson5850 they need to figure that out as well
@@joshdawson5850 not really. he has a 65K truck that he could've bought in cash and his company nets 12.5K/month (14.5K if he didn't take a salary) after the company pay's the $1450 note on the truck
He'd actually likely be in a better place financially if he never met her. She'd be even deeper in cc debt.
Their situations are NOT the same.
@@joshdawson5850people with spending issues don't typically have 60 grand in savings and 30 grand invested.
I’m sorry but why be with anyone if you don’t say nice things to each other? 😢
Woah, my mind is blown. I thought Becky made pennies by the way she talked about herself and money. She’s the breadwinner! You got this! Debt will be paid off in no time.
Ramit and team, you're doing a great job bringing a diverse range of couples on.
😂 this episode SURPRISED ME! I have some thoughts but my intention isn’t to be divisive. The best way to say it is we have to be careful of the roles we assign to others and ourselves, we tend to rise to or even drop down to what is expected of us : the hero, the careless one ect. It’s clear there was room for a partnership once the illusion of the roles were shattered
Why are they trying to combine incomes if they're not married?
This one was a rougher listen for me. Honestly, I can’t help but feel like she would be better off moving back home with her family and friends. I don’t know if he’s going to marry her or if that would even be a good thing. I didn’t sense a lot of real love between them that’s worth her giving up everything for.
Becky please break up with this man. He will never marry you. He doesn’t respect you. His lack of compassions after Remit asked if he heard what you said is who he is. You moved for him, he didn’t even give you clarity on what to do to end up married. He’s forever gonna be this person.
In all fairness she "moved for him" and it sounds like she hasn't let him forget it since. My guess is nothing he can do or buy for her will make her OK with leaving her entire life behind in CA for him. He needs to either move to CA with her or they should break up. I don't see it working when she clearly resents being there.
Becky will always be drown in de the that’s the sad reality no one wants to marry a partner that it’s irresponsible with money. No one.
This is the BEST thing on podcast right now. I literally wait for it to come out on Tuesday evenings and Im in Ireland so had to learn all the USA terminology. I love Ramits questions - like he always knows what to ask to draw the conversation out. I like this couple but I have so many questions! If she earns that much and he earns that little, why does she need him to bail her out of her credit card debt? Why can’t she pay it herself? Like why is he controlling her and why is she letting him dictate so much? Looking forward to hearing more about the figures next week and hopefully explaining more around this. I’m rooting for them, but also want her to be happier - she is very hard on herself and maybe seems low in self-confidence ❤
i am confused too, but it seems like he doesnt have an understanding of business and taxes and maybe unknowingly evading taxes and could get in trouble?
@@TheSharmamI think he’s wilfully ignoring it. Personally, I think he’s intentionally evading taxes, but not in a smart way
@bellamoon8341 I’m in Ireland too and have been listening to Ramit on Spotify but the visual is great. Yeah his advice is not always applicable in Ireland certainly we get screwed with investment returns taxed as CGT 33%every 8 years I think regardless of cashing them in or not pensions and property were the gold standard here for investing, not sure about property unless landlording and then revenue get 50% of the rent, couldn’t cope with that. Glad I’m retired on my state and HSE defined benefit pension combo. So idk 🤷♀️ sh1t about investing but I enjoy the show!
I am from Europe and my main takeaways are how our parents dynamic with money and relationship dictates our own. The other one are the stories we keep telling ourselves because we have been told them or for whatever reason.
Once I started to pay attention I can't unsee it. For example the go to from my parents was: we can't afford it. It was true for a period in my childhood but their financial situation changed and they have now a house and an investment property fully paid of, while I have financial anxiety and guilt when it comes to money.
They still say that they can't afford to retire or buy certain things, which they can. I am laser focused not to use the same phrases with my kids, but I still have them as a voice in my head.
It is 100% obvious that Becki is resentful of being away from her family, friends, and home in CA. No amount of pools, gyms, or home renovations will change that. She will blame Dustin for missing her life at home even after the pool is built, and even if he builds her a home gym to rival Equinox. In my opinion the only valid choices are for him to move to CA with her, or go their separate ways.
That is not to say Dustin is blameless or that Becki is a bad person. But you cannot make someone happy by buying them things... especially if you resent buying them in the first place (which he clearly does). I just think they want different things. She feels that she is sacrificing her whole life, and the things that are important to her, just to be with him. And that is a complete no-win situation for him.
This episode was interesting on all fronts and a lot to learn from. The ending was the crescendo, $1400+ truck payment to save taxes in the business. I can’t wait for part 2, I am sure the business makes more than he is alluding to
The problem is that he doesn't seem to know his numbers. But yeah, episode 2 is gonna be a TREAT!
And buying a 65k truck when the gross (likely) is 150k lol the previous year? He wanted the truck more than the truck made sense for the business. He didn't need this F350. This was a want and he had a business that could absorb it.
Edit: Also, the business probably looks great on paper because he's not drawing a real salary. If he did, the revenue would look REALLY different. But we'll see in episode 2.
@@chukuemekaoje1015 he said he clears $150,000 I have a feeling he means that’s the net profit. If so, that would be after buying the truck which means he could be pulling out $10,000 a month. It would explain why he has $67,000 in savings.
The F350 is for hauling heavy equipment to dig pools silly city slicker.
@@regdomain4690 For sure, I don't think the truck size is in question here. Some of the equipment for pools (especially digging) I would guess are pretty heavy so having 15k+ towing capacity is a necessity. The issue I and @chukuemekaoje1015 are highlighting is that in a business with revenue (not profit) of $150k, servicing the debt on a $65k truck feels like a lot. We will see though, episode 2 should be really interesting. In general, Dustin really seems like he has his stuff together so I bet we were just getting teased there at the end.
@@chukuemekaoje1015 They definitely alluded to him not knowing his numbers at all so I think it will make for a really interesting second episode. Drawing $2k a month from the business is an impossibility to live on, so I think there is definitely more to the story
Ramit, you are so good at this! I learned so much and this makes me want to be better. Rooting for Becki and Dustin!
If someone has debt and they show they're working to Pay it off that's fine. But if they're piling on debt continuously that's scary.
Generally speaking yes. However with this couple, to me it seems there are stories they keep telling themselves that are untrue. Like this guy said that his girlfriend is a gold digger, since he pays for the mortgage. And she tells the story of him being frugal while he has a truck payment size of a mortgage! I am sure she puts their combined expenses on the CC but he is gaslighting her that its only her costs.
@@angelikalaser7778She racked up 7 grand of credit card debt in 3 months, when all she had to pay is her groceries and car payment. THAT'S INSANE AND VERY SCARY.
She needs to run and run fast! He is the money pit and makes her feel guilty.
I understand her issues but she needs to leave this relationship. There are some real red flags with him
He is so not ready for marriage. There would be no “we” without resentment.
On one hand, I understand his concern with combining finance with her and marriage given her demonstrably bad cc habits, and on the other hand I get her wanting to spend what she doesn’t have in the moment to avoid harder conversations and criticism. They are clearly in a viscous cycle when it comes to money and the success of the relationship. There is also trust issues on Dustin’s end and self worth issues on Becky’s end. The issues that they have may be solved better separately, because I don’t think this couple is very fundamentally compatible at all tbh. but I wish them the best.
I totally agree with you about their fundamental incompatibility. 🫤
Yeah after 4 years, if it’s not working it’s just time to move on.
Agree. The lack of ability to say nice things to each other until Ramit prompted them was very sad and a huge relationship red flag.
Should have never moved in together. There was no commitment to begin with! She has put herself in a tenuous situation. By moving in and she did not contribute as an equals partner. She was wrong to begin with by not taking care of her money issue before moving in and she knew the major debt was a concern to him. He was wrong for accepting her as roommate. They started their “together” relationship on top of a major problem. She needs address her issues before bringing someone else into them and then seems to blame him for exactly what he clearly said he clearly did not like!
In almost every video someone says the couple should just break up. But I'm holding out hope for these two. It's hard to say what they can't fix when they're this new to both personal finance and relationship counseling. If it's still not working after trying the basics that's a different story.
This is a fun one. I like the mix of so many emotions and that the two of them are really letting it all hang out. Look forward to the follow-up next week.
“I pay a tax for you living here.”
Well, give him his “tax rebate” and MOVE the h*ll OUT, girly! This is so clearly NOT a guy you should be marrying.
My mouth fell open when he said that.
He needs to run away from her! Especially since she earns $8,000 a month and yet is still $7,000 in debt after just 3 months...In other words she earned $24,000 in those 3 months but blew through all of it so needed to put an additional $7,000 on credit cards bringing her grand total of spending to $31,000 in 3 months!
Dustin is right, he is paying a tax for this selfish woman. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Since he won't move to California, she is trying to force him to spend spend spend to punish him for not capitulating to her whims and demands.
They should part ways the issue will continue for her she will go back to CA and drown in more debts. 😢
Great episode! Can’t wait until next week. They seem to have great potential but have a lot to learn. Wishing them all the best!
So far, I loved this couple's approach and attitude. Nothing is ever perfect but I loved how they heard each other.
27:34 It’s been 4 years. It sounds like she wanted to feel comfortable going into his space and he’s looking at her as a roommate. There’s no end goal for this couple. He doesn’t want to share.
And she won't be trustworthy and spends blaming him
This is a great modern financial conversation. A lot of people are marrying later in life and thus, marrying into other people’s financial patterns.
Which begs the question why get married? If you aren't comfortable sharing finances to get tax benefits, I doubt you want people making medical decisions for you. Also, he clearly doesn't want her to get anything he owns.
Wow, I'm barely 22 minutes in and I'm shocked. I looked at other comments and hear that he's no angel either, but how can the wife go from debt free to $7k in the hole in 3 months, WHILE employed. Meaning she must have spent $15-20k on NON-bill stuff in a season if you count her disappearing salary!
Ooof, I just got through it. #1, Dustin needs a CPA before he ends up in jail if he doesn't know how his income or taxes are handled. He's clearly good at his craft, he just needs to know or have a person who handles the books. #2, Becki seems incredibly entitled to the money. No rent, makes tons of cash, and is still going in the hole while expecting Dustin to upgrade the house so she can feel special. She's literally making him pay for being away from her family. Bring on the finale, and a glass of wine STAT!
The suspense!! I need part two now 😂
This one had my jaw dropping the entire time… 😮 can’t wait for pt. II 😅
There is an odd co-dependency/ power dynamic situation going on ; quite unhealthy sadly; interested to see part 2
This is a great episode! I thought Becki was sketchy but after the numbers it seems the other way around!
Love these episodes. We are learning a lot. Thank you, Ramit. You are awesome!!
When he says he “clears” $150,000 a year in his business, is he saying that’s the net profit? Because if it is that would be after the payment of the truck. It seemed like he was saying is he bought the $65,000 truck so that he put it against his profit and pay less in taxes.
By that logic, he could be making $150,000 a year. He’s just running everything through his business and pulling out $2000 a month.
Based on his overall attitude towards money, I am pretty sure he's saying that's revenue, not net profit.
@@Capycorg it will be interesting to see because I could definitely see both sides of it. If he’s making $150,000 of revenue before expenses, then getting a truck was not the move obviously 😬
When you own a business, there should be a huge wall (with a small window) between business money and personal money. I suspect that Dustin doesn't really understand accounting, but he has been conditioned to always avoid paying taxes. There are always tax considerations when a business buys an asset, like the truck. If the business really needs the truck and it generates income, it's a good decision. However, if the only reason he bought the truck was to avoid taxes, it was a very bad decision.
Just wait till we find out the house is a business expense too.
He mixed business and personal income together in the account for years. But didn't pay taxes. He's fucked if the IRS decides to audit.
Tax tail wagging the dog.
You can not combine your finances with a “roommate”.
You def shouldnt
Exactly - no ring = no combining finances
@@deirdrekiely6187yep
Facts
I feel like they brought up the truck and she felt like all her bad choices went away. and then talking down on him saying "he barely passed high school". he's payed off her debt, pays for all the bills and she can't take care of her credit card debt?? yes, he needs to get his business finances worked but not much else. I think they should split up
He should definitely leave her crazy irresponsible ass
Way to end on a cliffhanger!!! 👏 Can't wait till next week ⏰
I'm not your typical viewer: I'm single, I live in a country where most of the financial info doesn't really apply (grew up in the US, so I know how all this works), and I hate reality shows, but I love this podcast!!
Ooh curious where you live that US financial stuff doesn't apply.
@@Capycorg I just meant that I use general principles rather than specific information. I have retirement accounts, but not one is a 401K (that kind of account doesn't exist outside the US). As it happens, I have a Roth IRA, but living abroad means that there is no tax benefit to putting any money into it. I'm not even sure if it's allowed to put money into it because it's a retirement account, not a regular investment account. Buying a car or house is a completely different process. I know about compound interest but have yet to find an account where this is actually applied. Investment accounts are handled completely differently and trying to negotiate any of it in a foreign language without a financial planner is a recipe for disaster. Credit cards don't even work the same way (balance transfer to lower % of interest is not a thing, you can't get dozens of cards, I'm not even sure there's a "credit score").
What I got from Ramit's book 10 years ago when I first read it was to automate my finances and find a way to make more money. Now I'm overwhelmed by the idea of doing a conscious spending plan. But I'll get there.
The podcast fascinates me because of the psychology and dynamics between people. That part is universal.
My three favorite channels: I Will Teach You To Be Rich, Stock Brotha, & How Money Works. Make my week complete! 🔥 🔥 🔥
Add My First Million and you're good to go.
These intros are so dramatic that it pulls you in thinking *yaaassss, let's judge these lowlifes❗️"* then by the end of the episode you're like 😈 *how dare Ramit come for me through this beautiful, everyday couple* 😂
He needs to run away from her! Especially since she earns $8,000 a month and yet is still $7,000 in debt after just 3 months...In other words she earned $24,000 in those 3 months but blew through all of it so needed to put an additional $7,000 on credit cards bringing her grand total of spending to $31,000 in 3 months! With very few bills to pay at all!
Dustin is right, he is paying a tax for this selfish woman. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Since he won't move to California, she is trying to force him to spend spend spend to punish him for not capitulating to her whims and demands.
I guess he really cares for her, but no way would I combine finances. She's crazy irresponsible.
She really doesn't need anything financially from Dustin.
She should go back to California and live her life the way she wants to with HER MONEY. (IMO)
It sounds like shes just waiting to still be paid for that job. Shes good money per month. She doesnt need him financially.
good lord. both people are operating in the wrong direction for the money they make. one person who makes too much to be that broke, and one person who doesnt make enough and acts like they make too much.
That's it in a nutshell!
Shocker for sure! Can’t wait till part 2 comes out!
Anyone else feel like she should run for the hills? There is so much blame and judgement coming from him. Even when asked to say something nice to her, he doesn't say "I believe in you", he says "I've always believed she..." He seems like a crappy partner who still has baggage from his last relationship.
While she has some financial messiness to clean up, that doesn't change the fact that this man doesn't want to marry her. She earns a good income, so she's in a good position to tackle this. However, she needs to do it without him and preferably closer to her support system in CA! It just doesn't seem like they're a good match - his personality type just ramps up her insecurity and they create this vicious cycle together.
The lady makes 8K and doesn’t pay any bills but likes to rack up debt. She seems like the problem here. The guy gives himself a 2K allowance to take care of bills and other stuff for himself. Come on… he seems decent. I wouldn’t wana marry her either… she’s financially immature and this is coming from a financially immature person….
"I've believed in you the whole time".
Dusty needs to run. She will run all his hard work into the ground.
I definitely agree that he's not keen on marrying her. I have no commentary on whether he should or shouldn't, but idk how you move in with someone, talk about combining finances, but still have all this talk of "hers/mine". If her finances were such a problem, why not ask that she handle it before she moves in with you?
i really enjoyed this episode Ramit. i agree, i was totally caught by surprise as to who actually earned what towards the end. can't wait to see the part 2!
I knew from the very beginning of the episode something wasn’t right with Dustin’s situation. And he was putting it all on his partner. From the beginning the dynamic seems unbalanced and almost purposefully disempowering for Becky.
Yeah. I was just as surprised as Ramit when I saw her income.
"We worked all this time to get it paid off, to then go seven grand in debt in three months" That's certainly an issue that needs addressed.
Pleaseee post part 2 sooner!!!! What a great episode!!!!
Bro, you could be an amazing relationship therapist! 🙏🏻
Right?!?!?! I say that every episode!
I just find it odd that she's 6 years older than him, yet has no savings at all. Shouldn't she have money saved for retirement and emergency savings with less debt. I'm older and couldn't imagine throwing an awesome party if my sh** wasn't together. I'd love someone to offer me limited living expenses while I pay off my personal debts. They should have never moved in together. They're not financially compatible.
I’m a few years older than her , and was feeling anxious just listening to her talk about credit debt over having a PARTY ??? She is so behind on savings and retirement, I don’t know if she can catch up without someone serious hard work . Also ….not sure how she has paid no bills ( except groceries) makes 100k yearly and is broke .
Where was the conversation about them maybe moving closer to her family? It would have been a perspective he could have needed. But also im truly on his side about not wanting to take on someone's debt or get married when he is working with her to get rid of it and she still is displaying the bad habits. Heck No she shouldn't be entitled to half his stuff!! Cry all you want about not having a wedding. He wants a team member so step up or step out of each other's lives.
That plot twist made me clutch my pearls
Imagine if she had to pay rent in California- where she was before she came into a house where she doesn’t pay rent/utilities. And these are NC prices, not CA prices- HUGE difference.
He makes a lot of sense. I don’t blaming him for not moving forward. He’s already paying for most things and it’s not getting better.
i agree. It seem manipulative for her to spend crazy amounts of money and expect him to accept it. What if the roles were switched and he had no money?
Great vid! Really relative situation for me to learn from!
The place where the zoom froze is HILARIOUS 🤣Can't wait to watch part 2
What an interesting turn of events at the end! I am curious if Ramit is going to circle back to old stories and Dustin’s confidence.
Such a nuanced and tough discussion. Handled incredibly well.
Cant wait for Part 2!!
The face of Ramit (@29:55) when Dustin talks about building the pool 😂 Wasn't supposed to be funny but still couldn't help but to.
Man’s taking a nap 😂
This was great! What a plot twist at the end! Looking forward to ep 2
I so enjoy watching this every week. I'm addicted.
Never give someone multiple opportunities to say they don’t want to marry you. He DOES NOT want to marry you girl. LEAVE.
He slapped the table so hard he broke his camera 😂. Great episode. Also as a Floridian and fellow southerner, dualies are very common.
I can’t wait for episode 2 of this couple. Wild how there’s a plot twist 🤣💲
I’m out! If I give you $2k to get out of debt and you don’t do it.
He gave her one job and was blindsided when she ran the debt back up. I would be pissed too, and it would definitely make me weary of spending money on a house or renovations or travel when the person that I could potentially spend the rest my life with can’t pay off credit card debt and keep it off.
Yup. Thats a breach of trust
Asking someone to move in with you and abandon their life for you and not marrying them is a breach of trust. But let’s not talk about that. She left her life and elderly parents for him. He blindsided her.
@@TJrules299 he never said come live with me and I’ll marry you he said come live with me and we’ll be in a relationship. Why does he have to be held to a time schedule for proposing?
@@TJrules299 No he didn't. Are you saying a 40ish year old woman can't calculate distance from her parents to her new home? ...calculate time and money on how home visits will work?...he had his home before he met her. SHE CHOSE to move too him. SHE CHOSE to run up the credit card due to impulse control. HE CHOSE to give her $2K to help her out. then she chose to blow it, which is basically giving him the big middle finger to their discussed plans together.
True.
I think the issue is that because he's dragged his feet on everything else, saying I love you, being monogamous , etc, she knows that he'll come up w any excuse to not priotize the relationship. If she was w a guy who she knew loved her unconditionally, she wouldn't be as non challant about the debt in my opinion
Amen!!!
I wish all of these couples luck and it so amazing that they have the courage to come on the podcast. I cannot wait to see part 2 because something is not adding up here with the numbers. Keep in mind that Dustin has $67,000 in his savings and therefore can pay the truck off in cash. His numbers are showing that he has some money coming in and that he knows how to save it because he has a positive net worth of almost $400,000. Looking forward to part 2.
I cannot understand why people spent the money they’d don’t have and always overspend. It is a sign of lack of self control.
What a plot twist at the end!! Can't wait for next week's episode.
I love this episode (I say that every episode) Cant wait for part 2
Loved this episode!
He should not have let her move without resolving whatever qualms he had with her financial discipline.
I think she ran her credit card up again after getting it down to punish Dustin because he is so controlling with money and because she feels like she will never measure up to his standards with money. I get the feeling that this relationship is not going to work because their veiwpoints on money are too far apart and Justin has taken the position of "decision maker" because he views himself more important because he has more money.
So she puts herself in debt and spends money on herself because he’s controlling…. Bet she really showed him
How is that punishing him? The cc debt is still in her name
What a surprising turn in conversation, this discussion really could’ve gone either of two ways. And yes, Dustin, you could’ve gotten a bigger truck. My neighbor has at least 2 F450s and 2 F550s, they keep going up.
how does she blame him for not being ready when its clear shes making consistently bad decisions but expects him to pick up the slack
I love Ramit's reaction at 54:16. Is this his version of "Does not compute"?