From my recent experience. They aren’t able to have healthy relationships with anyone due to their disorder/mental illness. It’s NOT personal. They WILL continue to act out until they get the help they need and choose to work on themselves. Which will take a long time, IF they even do. You don’t want to be around for that. You can’t help them. Most professionals can’t even help them (in my experience). For your own safety and wellbeing. You need to remove yourself completely. It’s the only way you can heal and protect yourself. There is only more pain in store if you stay. It will only got worse and potentially ruin your life. They can be very dangerous, to themselves and others. Thank you for your help David. Austin.
You act as if people with BPD aren’t human beings. Sure if they are unaware of their behaviors and are not actively trying to improve themselves FOR themselves then keep them at a distance. I have bpd myself and have dealt with people with bpd and have been destroyed by them. I have been the asshole too but it’s usually for a good reason (in my opinion). Like if I’m being lied to or cheated on I’ll get angry. Maybe a little TOO angry but I’m really aware of my actions and have had therapy a few times.
I know from experience that my borderline ex girlfriend would go crazy and abusive while denying whenever I made accusations she was cheating and questions about her past....come to find out I was right in my instincts all along
I'm so sorry. Why we must go by our feelings before their actions is because it doesnt matter if we don't catch someone cheating or dont find out later. What matters is we felt insecure in the relationship, cheating or not.
There's probably a handful of reasons they won't admit it.. I agree with David completely. I typed out what just happened with me in the comments now. What matters is how you handle yourself moving forward and what you will accept and not accept going forward. I disrespected myself so much in that relationship, I abandoned so many values I had just to try to make the relationship work, and she ended it anyway. I lost myself as a bonus, which is why we should never abandon ourselves for a relationship.
@@Joshy2-SFguys like us are codependents and need to seek treatment for that. I’m seriously looking into getting involved in a coda group and doing the 12 steps for it.
A BPD relationship for neophytes is like a head-on collision with a Cascadia Freightliner that you can't see coming because they transform your windshield into the world's biggest blind spot.
When i met the borderline she smoked marijuana, cigarettes, and drank beer. Once she found out i didn't smoke,and only drank wine on occasions she started saying she quit smoking and drinking beer within a month of us meeting. She did much more mimicking behavior the longer i knew her .
how about this one. I smoke tobacco pipes. Kind of a man thing in general right? My BPD starting smoking tobacco pipes with me! I thought it was really great but now that she has suddenly without warning discarded me; I realize it was just a BPD mirroring me. Willful blindness kept me in there for a few months and now I am going through withdrawls maintaining no contact.
@mikegio78 she will return. However, it will be when she gets bored with her new person or when the new person discovers she's a borderline and leave her. The one I knew was obsessed with her ex-husband of whom she'd been divorced from over twenty years. I asked "why she wanted him back so bad when she had cheated on him and made children with her affair partners?" Her response was that those relationships didn't count, but the marriage actually did count. Her thinking was truly out of this world.
I’m Veronica from Los Angeles, I’m a subscriber & have a BPD story to share…I had caught him cheating, but he was so drunk he forgot, I knew I’d never see him again but the following week he kept trying to see me…I was barely responsive thinking (before I got therapy) it would just die down, NOPE! Next thing I know he calls me cuz he’s having a “heart attack” I reminded the BPD Cheater I am not a dr & he then began to text and call me to tell me how horrible I am, I said this can’t be healthy if your having a heart attack, get help & blocked him. It was my first BPD relationship, it was only 3 mos long as my boundaries were in place and will stay there as I continue therapy. Hope this helps someone! Boundaries up! Respect yourself..love your life 🙏🏼
A few days were enough to go from perfect osmosis to hell. On the Thursday my ex borderline triangulates me one last time to test me; I don't react this time. She's hurt but silent, unlike previous times. On the Friday she's euphoric when I take her to do her first false nails. She tells me she's going clubbing the next night. In fact, she's making herself beautiful to please other men. I expect her to realize the damage it's doing to me, but she becomes hysterical and blames me for my manipulation, my love, my friendship, etc. A few days later, I meet her at her place to reconcile (she insisted on keeping her private space). Then I catch her in a stranger's car (her new boyfriend, a rich surrogate daddy). Her looks were unrecognizable. Clothes, hairstyle, I was shocked not to recognize my own wife. Today she's about to marry him. He's very rich, apparently codependent and much older than she is.
I am so sorry. How awful and I hope you fully recover from this which I promise you is possible. I hope you are not suffering all alone and have some support in your life.
It's sad we need to watch videos like this to explain a dysfunctional relationship we have going on and then when reading the comments here you realize I'm not the only one. So sad.
Its sad but its a blessing at the same time. Ot can be much worse that you never understand this illness and you can never get over with that pain that cause you..
My borderline x girlfriend. Would constantly disappear for days. Was very open about her cheating at times. Never respected my boundaries.And every time I tried to leave her. She would threaten her life; if I left. And I felt bad. So, I drank my way through the relationship. 6 months away from her And alcohol. I feel strong,faster, more mentally stable. Everyday is a good day. And they’re only getting better.
How about literally a second after you turn your back to go buy them a drink? Literally two seconds after they promise not to do anything stupid cos this is the kind of bar we could both get our asses kicked in.....??
She has NPD, BPD, ASPD, GAD, CPTSD. GAD, & Psychopathy. Found out about six months ago about BPD & NPD. Just found out about the ASPD & psychopathy this week. She used the other diagnosis’s to keep me confused, not being honest about the personality disorders. I’m the third husband. I’m divorcing her because of the abuse. I see her repeating the same patterns when we started dating- working out in the gym , new partner, only this time the new partner is a woman. Family Christmas picture with the new partner while still married. 20+ years later, same patterns, new supply. Lucky me, I don’t know how I survived.
100 % my experience. In the beginning of our relationship she began to wear my shirts (she said she adores to wear men's dresses). Several weeks later, when the abuse of her side became intolerble, I broke up with her. Then, maybe two weeks later, she started to hoover me (i work in a local shop). I noticed that she was wearing some strange clothing. And at this moment I realised the same thing this video is all about (my Aha moment. In the meantime I did my research so I already KNEW she is either a narcissist or, more likely, a borderline, thank You, UA-cam)... Didn't even dare to ask who's these clothes were. I already knew she was idealising someone else...one of the craziest moments of my life. And one of the most painful ones. Incredibly painful. We had a few conversations. She immediately tried to triangulate me with the new guy, she even said she wants to meet me with him, hehe. What a sense of humor did she have. Still miss her, but will never allow myself to live through this sea of S...t again. The funniest part of the idealising story was when she found an old T-shirt in my wardrobe. She wore it. Then she went out. Several hours later we met. She was still wearing that old rag. I couldn't beleieve my eyes. I asked her if she does like the T-shirt and she said with the most sincere expression on her face that this is the best thing she had ever worn, something in that sense. BIZARRE
@@DeMarsCoaching She did so many mindeffing things to me in the span of a month in a half that I often ask myself whether the thing she has leans way too much to the ASPD side. All in all it's something falling under the cluster B umbrella. A year has passed since then. I'm still obsessed with the experience and yet I'm getting better trying to do my part of the job and your channel has contibution to the healing process too. Excuse my English, it's not my native tongue.
She warned me that something is off, but she didn't say it's BPD or something. She is very young, 21 years old. Given all of my experience I'm almost sure she has a severe BPD
@@yordan_ivanov_77 as much as if have read.. and even experienced they start showing signs within 3 months of relationship..the clues are always there we just brush it off..
At the beginning of my relationship I was so confident, had a healthy self esteem and was very productive and healthy. Not long after that relationship started I acquired unhealthy habits, felt insufficient and not enough to do anything. I used to be really confident about my appearance and skills. 4 years later I lost every of those things that compounded my confidence and identity. I used to be a model and now it’s been almost a year since I took a picture. I avoid to look at the mirror, avoid pictures and feel undesirable. Since the divorce I feel like I am begging to be myself again.
Watching David's videos about bpd be like Yes ..... yes ..... that happened ... shit! ... i swear to god that happened too😂 it's crazy how all your videos are so accurate And yeah suddenly supporting a different team that's one of the things
He turned into someone I didn’t recognize. His punctuation via text changed. No stability in the relationship anymore. He didn’t care about me like overnight. I told him I feel like idk who you are he responded-“does anyone really know who anyone is?” It blew my mind. He had rage fits like a toddler once the mask slipped. I think he was a narcissist. I feel like the traits with personality disorders can overlap. I’m a psych/substance nurse. I’m familiar with psychopathy- mental health. I was raised with narcissists-severely dysfunctional family system. I’m just waking up now. I walked around my entire life thinking everyone thought like me. Even when they didn’t act like me. Idk why I thought it was normal. Maybe conditioned for it. Thank you. ♥️
Great video, second video I watched from you. This is how I knew my ex was obsessed with someone else, and still is and still trying to get back with me, it feel they are targeting me and working together. No contact is the way to go
I used to work with one. She used to mirror me and not really be conscious of what she was doing. For instance.. i have a 15 year old plus truck.. and it leaks oil like all older trucks sometimes do. I woukd check the oil every day before i took my 40 mile trip home from work... she drove a brand new car.. and a week after I told her why I check my oil..she started checking her oil...and told me why she does it... The exact way I told her why I do it....i had no clue man..i had no clue ... completely careless also ...and she clinged to her girlfriend almost like a momma child situation
Very interesting and based on differing experiences. I believe that at the moment the thought of relationships traumatizes my BPD ex. But if you've been together for a while and possibly imprinted on them surely it would take a while for them to adopt another identity! I'm no longer with her but he last time I saw her she behaved with me as if we'd never been away from each other and it's been 6 months!
Hello! I really like your videos, because for me is therapy for the past! 7 years ago, I have relationship for a few months only, with BPD girlfriend. Too many years, but I have trauma in my psychology. I m lonely all of this years, I missing her smile, words, personality, my real happy face. Im sad, and all girls to meet me, no one like her!
It's so weird to me that once I specifically noticed my ex mirroring my 22 year old nephew. I even commented on it because at the time I thought it was funny. But I was to stupid to see if he did it with me. He certainly seemed to love all the things I did. It felt so genuine. Oh...also he was a 6'1" male I am 5'1" female and he loved trying on my clothes! Which at first was funny. Then weird. He also would super impose photos of me over his face.
Why is it that the better the mate of a bpd treats them, the more hateful they become. How does one deal with the constant wrath, often for things we did not do or say. Logic seems toxic to them. I am 65, his 3rd wife and a divorce would destroy his kids inheritance. Kids from the first wife. His kids have suffered enough. I would like for them to have something. Am i being a martyr or trying to do the right thing?
We're both law enforcement. We met at a crime scene. We got involved a couple months later, she told me she was BPD but I knew nothing. We moved in together, I bought a house, she went cold on me, almost seven months of no sexual contact. Went from fawning over me to nothing. Began talking about one of our co workers incessantly and I asked her if she was interested in him. Her response was, he's fat. I was always asking if she was okay, she'd spend time on the phone after work, come home late quite a bit, and I ended up in the hospital. I was close to death and later, while still in the hospital, suggested we get married. Then said I realized if you died. I'd get nothing. I left shortly after, devastated, I begged to come back and she shut me out. I made a fool of myself and now I struggle every day
Jess. St Charles MO. 39yrs old. Thank you. Understanding helps. I feel like it's just step one of this journey. Thanks for sharing your experiences. and... OUCH! These experiences are worse than any physical pain. I've had 20+ leg surgeries and take it from someone who knows. This hurts worse than being cut open physically.
I've found when she becomes cold, distant, creating numerous hoops for you to jump through, argumentative and she no longer shows any concern about your life, she's likely to be locking down/idealizing someone else . The constant criticisms and petty arguments she's starting, in my case, was ammunition she'd use against me (if I reacted) to justify her monkey branching to a new guy. Women with BPD are extremely strategic. Once they have a new love interest their moves are calculated and not random at all. Also, my ex was a Raver heavily into electronic dance music. Last I saw her she's wearing a NIrvana sweat shirt. (However, some of Nirvana's music has been reimagined as electronic dance music).
I actually am a Borderline. Wow 🤯 You were 💯accurate with a lot of your points….. I felt exposed 😂 Honestly you caught my attention. I was diagnosed as a teenager and struggled in life and relationships for a solid Decade (at least) when I started my “healing journey “ a few years back. Honestly awareness is my key. The more I’m open to outside feedback and self reflection the more control I have over myself. But it is a choice EVERY interaction EVERY day. This is a rest of life journey for people like me. Right now my biggest challenge I just recently became aware of is Limerence… Romantic relationships can feel masochistic to us. I literally never set out to hurt people, yet I do … along with myself. Thank you for sharing your videos.
16:57 this! you made me laugh ! they look the same, but. Who the hell are you? 😂. omg. i mean this is so painful, but have to find humor in it. Yeah. I experienced that over and over again. I only know of a small number of relationships they were probably in. The rest? Welp, I saw them too. I just didn’t know it. “let’s listen to some Candlebox!”. WTH?? I like candlebox, but you’ve never expressed an interest until just now? weird. weird.
Booked to go on holiday with my ex was going beach going bars going out for food everything was normal was together for a year. Then 2 weeks later she’s got a new partner
Back when I first suspected her of cheating, she changed suddenly from business casual clothing to SKIN TIGHT capri style yoga pants, more makeup(never wore any for the first 7 yrs of the marriage), masqara that she also never wore previously! I confronted her about cheating and she gaslit me like a PRO(which she probably was). She even "arranged" for me to see a psychologist about my halucinating that she was cheating!🤢
Hello, David! Great video! I don’t know that he ever physically cheated on me, but he was addicted to por. and frequented strip club. He pretty much spit on any boundaries I had! No regards for my feelings at all. Rory from Ohio!😎❤️
"180° difference in who they are..." funny that. My ex posted on insta in their caption "my life just did a 180 recently, and I couldn't be happier" they were cheating on me with their "friend" who they became obsessed with within a couple of weeks. Ended it with me, gaslit me about the friend, moved in with the person and the person is posting constantly about being happy with my ex and the cats and literally doing everything we were doing and stuff my ex planned to do with me. 😅 ppl are disgusting
I am gonna to add my expirience as a point of understanding this borderline, narc thing. Once I took shrooms with my ex narc women. We took heroic doses. In one moment she was laying on my and I felt that she was sucking my whole life energy. She hold me tight, we where both with out clothes. I felt whole her body sucking me in. Then I felt I am drawing into her I look up and I saw me and her laying on the bad in this position. Then I realized I was in "her". There was very cold dark, gray space. It was terrible experience. I felt nothingness. It was so dreadful. This dark, gray cloud was vastness and empty. I felt and I think it was hell for me, feeling nothing, no emotion no life. Then of my left I spotted light. I looked in this direction and I saw bal of light covered in this dark, gray cloud. I recognized it was her soul trapped, dimmed in this dark cloud. This light/soul want to connect to her body but due to this dark, gray cloud it was not possible. It was not a dream for sure. Till this day this experience was terrific for me. I felt this lost of connection as a root cause of this behavior. This connection was broken by her trauma and of course her subconscious choice to not connect to her soul.
Makes sense. They are an empty vessel. A nothingness. Nobody is home. All smoke and mirrors. It’s really sad but it’s a test for us who find ourselves involved. It showed me something wasn’t ok with myself to need and tolerate a person like that and ultimately I needed to find my worth and happiness somewhere else.
At the start of our relationship I took shrooms w.my BPD ex-fiance and looking back I think it helped her. And I was reliable & consistent. She was amazing for 3.5 years before the devaluation, discard, and monkey branch.
"Mimicking" something in an healthy way could be taking the accent of the place you live after some time, I do this, but not on purpose, when I speak english, I've been told that I speak english like the Swiss guy in "DaVinci's code" who kidnap the heroes, of "Le Chiffre" in the James Bond movie, but we speak french here, and when I arrived here in Québec, people thought I had a German accent, because it's the 2 languages I've learnt growing up, but when I return in my family, back in France, (Bas-Rhin) I'm told that I caught the Québec accent. It's weird and I didn't do it on purpose. It's mimiking, but it doesn't hurt anyone.
Man i figured she was cheating by the end. It was never confirmed in entirely. I never physically saw it. But the signs were there. The sudden change in personality and i definitely knew when she asked for a open relationship like 2 minutes right before i was going to work. Its just fucking depressing. Im glad im out. Idk if ill ever fully recover but im doing alot better.
The most painful day of my life was went we had a very terrible miscarriage and she and the ER doctor were flirting. I know right then there was definitely something wrong that not even loosing our child could fix.
100% she was. Some say that someBPD’s do grow out of it or at least stop doing some of the behavior but usually much later in life and I’m sure not all change. Probably most don’t
I’m so confused by all the BPD videos because my BF is nothing like this. I’ve known him for 2 years and we recently started dating this year. So we’ve been dating for 6 months and he has only had one dark moment which wasn’t too bad. He doesn’t do any of these things, he’s very smart and attractive. He’s a mechanical engineer. The only things he’s picked up from me is switching to an all meat diet and weight training but other then that he has his own interests and hobbies. He’s very strong willed and isn’t easily influenced by anyone. You can not tell him what to do at all and I’m convinced it’s because he’s an Aquarius 😂 they’re stubborn af Anyway he does drink a bit too much sometimes but again all of the Aquarius people I know are alcoholics. I myself rarely drink not my thing. In conclusion my bf doesn’t really seem to check all the boxes for BPD Best of luck to everyone 🙏🏼
I strongly believe my wife has BPD but the question is, can she get better through treatment or it’s best to let them go? Please reply me cause I am in a big mess right now and so stressed out. I am beginning to develop anxiety.
If you have a long bandwidth watch more of this guys videos, and check out Sam Vaknin. Every person is case by case and you may want to look at bpd relationships cycles online.
I haven't seen her in a couple months and when I did i didn't even recognize her. She was using different words and was racist. Her whole being was different, weird.
I never knew what borderline was, but holy sh** I’m actually the biggest borderline person ever and I really don’t like this fact about myself. 2 years ago I bought a guitar and practiced with it so hard for 2 months straight. I honestly don’t know where the fuck my guitar even is, I’ve lost interest really fast. The only reason I got it was to impress my ex female coworker, which later became my ex girlfriend.
Theres help that can truly transform and improve your life if you have this disorder.Therapy.I so wish my mother had accepted help and engaged in therapy.Your self awareness is a good sign you can do this.I wish you well.
When you say borderlines or "emotionlly unstable" idealize and devalue a lot, but "we" dont, does the "we" mean non disordered people, or what? I guess the reason I'm asking is because I have the tendency to read a lot of the comments on many of your videos as well as other videos on this topic, and I remember someone calling you a narcissist...I wasn't sure If this was a comment made to you by an ex bpd just rage stalking, or if....I missed 1 of your videos about you being a narcissist? I think I'd like to believe you aren't, but wasn't sure. I'm Codependent i believe, and still in the steps of trying not to enable someone i love with bpd, of whom i was in an 8 year relationship with.
Point by point nails my older brother’s wife better than her boyfriends do. Then again my older brother’s a raging narcissist so there’s little sympathy. Coincidentally my bother was abused by a nanny before his siblings were born and his borderline wife’s got her own abusive past. Whether (you think) you’re a cluster B case or not, if you have abuse in your past, please get therapy.
Borderlines love narcissists. I exclusively date bitches like this I see how disappointed they are when the realize that I don't carry an ounce of pride in my heart
From my recent experience.
They aren’t able to have healthy relationships with anyone due to their disorder/mental illness. It’s NOT personal.
They WILL continue to act out until they get the help they need and choose to work on themselves. Which will take a long time, IF they even do. You don’t want to be around for that. You can’t help them. Most professionals can’t even help them (in my experience).
For your own safety and wellbeing. You need to remove yourself completely. It’s the only way you can heal and protect yourself. There is only more pain in store if you stay. It will only got worse and potentially ruin your life. They can be very dangerous, to themselves and others.
Thank you for your help David.
Austin.
You act as if people with BPD aren’t human beings. Sure if they are unaware of their behaviors and are not actively trying to improve themselves FOR themselves then keep them at a distance. I have bpd myself and have dealt with people with bpd and have been destroyed by them. I have been the asshole too but it’s usually for a good reason (in my opinion). Like if I’m being lied to or cheated on I’ll get angry. Maybe a little TOO angry but I’m really aware of my actions and have had therapy a few times.
@@chelleybeans1283 🤔
@@chelleybeans1283 Honestly, can't say we are the same species at how evil some of you are. Sorry, but not sorry.
I know from experience that my borderline ex girlfriend would go crazy and abusive while denying whenever I made accusations she was cheating and questions about her past....come to find out I was right in my instincts all along
My ex borderline accused me of cheating which is how I knew she was cheating.
I'm so sorry. Why we must go by our feelings before their actions is because it doesnt matter if we don't catch someone cheating or dont find out later. What matters is we felt insecure in the relationship, cheating or not.
There's probably a handful of reasons they won't admit it.. I agree with David completely. I typed out what just happened with me in the comments now. What matters is how you handle yourself moving forward and what you will accept and not accept going forward. I disrespected myself so much in that relationship, I abandoned so many values I had just to try to make the relationship work, and she ended it anyway. I lost myself as a bonus, which is why we should never abandon ourselves for a relationship.
@@Joshy2-SFguys like us are codependents and need to seek treatment for that. I’m seriously looking into getting involved in a coda group and doing the 12 steps for it.
So true
A BPD relationship for neophytes is like a head-on collision with a Cascadia Freightliner that you can't see coming because they transform your windshield into the world's biggest blind spot.
Hell YES!
Great description!
😮what ?? We are windshield 😅
When i met the borderline she smoked marijuana, cigarettes, and drank beer. Once she found out i didn't smoke,and only drank wine on occasions she started saying she quit smoking and drinking beer within a month of us meeting. She did much more mimicking behavior the longer i knew her .
how about this one. I smoke tobacco pipes. Kind of a man thing in general right? My BPD starting smoking tobacco pipes with me! I thought it was really great but now that she has suddenly without warning discarded me; I realize it was just a BPD mirroring me. Willful blindness kept me in there for a few months and now I am going through withdrawls maintaining no contact.
@mikegio78 she will return. However, it will be when she gets bored with her new person or when the new person discovers she's a borderline and leave her.
The one I knew was obsessed with her ex-husband of whom she'd been divorced from over twenty years.
I asked "why she wanted him back so bad when she had cheated on him and made children with her affair partners?"
Her response was that those relationships didn't count, but the marriage actually did count.
Her thinking was truly out of this world.
I’m Veronica from Los Angeles, I’m a subscriber & have a BPD story to share…I had caught him cheating, but he was so drunk he forgot, I knew I’d never see him again but the following week he kept trying to see me…I was barely responsive thinking (before I got therapy) it would just die down, NOPE! Next thing I know he calls me cuz he’s having a “heart attack” I reminded the BPD Cheater I am not a dr & he then began to text and call me to tell me how horrible I am, I said this can’t be healthy if your having a heart attack, get help & blocked him. It was my first BPD relationship, it was only 3 mos long as my boundaries were in place and will stay there as I continue therapy. Hope this helps someone! Boundaries up! Respect yourself..love your life 🙏🏼
12:32 absolutely. You can tell someone else has stepped in. It’s like “what is this?” But you never get the truth. It’s maddening.
A few days were enough to go from perfect osmosis to hell. On the Thursday my ex borderline triangulates me one last time to test me; I don't react this time. She's hurt but silent, unlike previous times.
On the Friday she's euphoric when I take her to do her first false nails. She tells me she's going clubbing the next night. In fact, she's making herself beautiful to please other men. I expect her to realize the damage it's doing to me, but she becomes hysterical and blames me for my manipulation, my love, my friendship, etc.
A few days later, I meet her at her place to reconcile (she insisted on keeping her private space). Then I catch her in a stranger's car (her new boyfriend, a rich surrogate daddy). Her looks were unrecognizable. Clothes, hairstyle, I was shocked not to recognize my own wife.
Today she's about to marry him. He's very rich, apparently codependent and much older than she is.
I am so sorry. How awful and I hope you fully recover from this which I promise you is possible. I hope you are not suffering all alone and have some support in your life.
That sounds like Narky...
I would have preferred...@@SIMPSimpson-p4m
No@@DeMarsCoaching
Thanks for sharing , i hope you are on your healing path 🙏 , For me it sounds like bordy 😁
It's sad we need to watch videos like this to explain a dysfunctional relationship we have going on and then when reading the comments here you realize I'm not the only one. So sad.
Its sad but its a blessing at the same time. Ot can be much worse that you never understand this illness and you can never get over with that pain that cause you..
How do you know if they’re cheating? Simple. You see them on the map(location services) doing it. Brazen!!!!
My borderline x girlfriend. Would constantly disappear for days. Was very open about her cheating at times. Never respected my boundaries.And every time I tried to leave her. She would threaten her life; if I left. And I felt bad. So, I drank my way through the relationship. 6 months away from her And alcohol. I feel strong,faster, more mentally stable. Everyday is a good day. And they’re only getting better.
At least you know now that you are not the problem.
They’re cheating on you the very moment they are not in your sight! 😂
Perfect
How about literally a second after you turn your back to go buy them a drink? Literally two seconds after they promise not to do anything stupid cos this is the kind of bar we could both get our asses kicked in.....??
She has NPD, BPD, ASPD, GAD, CPTSD. GAD, & Psychopathy. Found out about six months ago about BPD & NPD. Just found out about the ASPD & psychopathy this week. She used the other diagnosis’s to keep me confused, not being honest about the personality disorders. I’m the third husband. I’m divorcing her because of the abuse. I see her repeating the same patterns when we started dating- working out in the gym , new partner, only this time the new partner is a woman. Family Christmas picture with the new partner while still married. 20+ years later, same patterns, new supply. Lucky me, I don’t know how I survived.
You can't be diagnosed with all of those. It's not possible.
@@ZacerysTheFirst why do you say that?
100 % my experience. In the beginning of our relationship she began to wear my shirts (she said she adores to wear men's dresses). Several weeks later, when the abuse of her side became intolerble, I broke up with her. Then, maybe two weeks later, she started to hoover me (i work in a local shop). I noticed that she was wearing some strange clothing. And at this moment I realised the same thing this video is all about (my Aha moment. In the meantime I did my research so I already KNEW she is either a narcissist or, more likely, a borderline, thank You, UA-cam)...
Didn't even dare to ask who's these clothes were. I already knew she was idealising someone else...one of the craziest moments of my life. And one of the most painful ones. Incredibly painful.
We had a few conversations. She immediately tried to triangulate me with the new guy, she even said she wants to meet me with him, hehe. What a sense of humor did she have. Still miss her, but will never allow myself to live through this sea of S...t again.
The funniest part of the idealising story was when she found an old T-shirt in my wardrobe. She wore it. Then she went out. Several hours later we met. She was still wearing that old rag. I couldn't beleieve my eyes. I asked her if she does like the T-shirt and she said with the most sincere expression on her face that this is the best thing she had ever worn, something in that sense. BIZARRE
Im.really sorry. This person may not know what she is doing to you for wanting the two of you to meet but its evil.
@@DeMarsCoaching She did so many mindeffing things to me in the span of a month in a half that I often ask myself whether the thing she has leans way too much to the ASPD side. All in all it's something falling under the cluster B umbrella. A year has passed since then. I'm still obsessed with the experience and yet I'm getting better trying to do my part of the job and your channel has contibution to the healing process too.
Excuse my English, it's not my native tongue.
@@yordan_ivanov_77when did you start noticing something was wierd in her? Which month
She warned me that something is off, but she didn't say it's BPD or something. She is very young, 21 years old. Given all of my experience I'm almost sure she has a severe BPD
@@yordan_ivanov_77 as much as if have read.. and even experienced they start showing signs within 3 months of relationship..the clues are always there we just brush it off..
This is so spot on that it ticked every box with my borderline ex.
Great video, David
Good to see you G!
@@DeMarsCoaching 🙂
You whoooo! Great enthusiasm, David!! Ditto!!!😂😂
Ditto Rory! Lol
BPD in men is way under diagnosed my ex would be obssessed with all my hobbies then all of a sudden changes all his hobbies
At the beginning of my relationship I was so confident, had a healthy self esteem and was very productive and healthy. Not long after that relationship started I acquired unhealthy habits, felt insufficient and not enough to do anything. I used to be really confident about my appearance and skills. 4 years later I lost every of those things that compounded my confidence and identity. I used to be a model and now it’s been almost a year since I took a picture. I avoid to look at the mirror, avoid pictures and feel undesirable. Since the divorce I feel like I am begging to be myself again.
I just got out of a 2 month bpd relationship. Wanna grab a pot roast sometime?
How is everything since this post?
You should. It's an incredibly lucky thing to have something you like to do AND being gifted the attributes to be able to do it.
Great song, David! Chameleon!!!🎼🎶🎼🎶😎❤️
Haha you noticed!
@@DeMarsCoaching I have always loved that song!!
My ex stopped drinking and suddenly started smoking pot. I never thought it was weird until later. He was seeing his ex behind my back....
Thank you so much David again your spot on.
Thank you!
Watching David's videos about bpd be like
Yes ..... yes ..... that happened ... shit! ... i swear to god that happened too😂
it's crazy how all your videos are so accurate
And yeah suddenly supporting a different team that's one of the things
He turned into someone I didn’t recognize. His punctuation via text changed. No stability in the relationship anymore. He didn’t care about me like overnight. I told him I feel like idk who you are he responded-“does anyone really know who anyone is?” It blew my mind. He had rage fits like a toddler once the mask slipped. I think he was a narcissist. I feel like the traits with personality disorders can overlap. I’m a psych/substance nurse. I’m familiar with psychopathy- mental health. I was raised with narcissists-severely dysfunctional family system. I’m just waking up now. I walked around my entire life thinking everyone thought like me. Even when they didn’t act like me. Idk why I thought it was normal. Maybe conditioned for it. Thank you. ♥️
Great video, second video I watched from you.
This is how I knew my ex was obsessed with someone else, and still is and still trying to get back with me, it feel they are targeting me and working together.
No contact is the way to go
Spot on. There are many women who have these traits. A severe BPD, however, you are spot on.
Thank you!
Powerful life-saving information. Thanks
I used to work with one. She used to mirror me and not really be conscious of what she was doing. For instance.. i have a 15 year old plus truck.. and it leaks oil like all older trucks sometimes do. I woukd check the oil every day before i took my 40 mile trip home from work... she drove a brand new car.. and a week after I told her why I check my oil..she started checking her oil...and told me why she does it... The exact way I told her why I do it....i had no clue man..i had no clue ... completely careless also ...and she clinged to her girlfriend almost like a momma child situation
Very interesting and based on differing experiences. I believe that at the moment the thought of relationships traumatizes my BPD ex. But if you've been together for a while and possibly imprinted on them surely it would take a while for them to adopt another identity! I'm no longer with her but he last time I saw her she behaved with me as if we'd never been away from each other and it's been 6 months!
Spot on!! This will be obvious... A total shift in character & they can't help it! 🎯 They'll become a different person with different new priorities 😅
Hello! I really like your videos, because for me is therapy for the past! 7 years ago, I have relationship for a few months only, with BPD girlfriend. Too many years, but I have trauma in my psychology. I m lonely all of this years, I missing her smile, words, personality, my real happy face. Im sad, and all girls to meet me, no one like her!
These videos very much help connect the dots. I feel a weight lifting off of my shoulders.
It's so creepy when you're subject to this.
It's so weird to me that once I specifically noticed my ex mirroring my 22 year old nephew. I even commented on it because at the time I thought it was funny. But I was to stupid to see if he did it with me. He certainly seemed to love all the things I did. It felt so genuine. Oh...also he was a 6'1" male I am 5'1" female and he loved trying on my clothes! Which at first was funny. Then weird. He also would super impose photos of me over his face.
Truly bizarre behavior.
Really like he was trying you on, symbolising unconsciously that he was literally becoming you. 💀
Why is it that the better the mate of a bpd treats them, the more hateful they become. How does one deal with the constant wrath, often for things we did not do or say. Logic seems toxic to them.
I am 65, his 3rd wife and a divorce would destroy his kids inheritance. Kids from the first wife. His kids have suffered enough. I would like for them to have something.
Am i being a martyr or trying to do the right thing?
Im guess it is not possible to remain married but separated, or live in different rooms?
@@tiffanim547 doing that now and avoiding conflict best I can . Very exhaustinexhausting
We're both law enforcement. We met at a crime scene. We got involved a couple months later, she told me she was BPD but I knew nothing. We moved in together, I bought a house, she went cold on me, almost seven months of no sexual contact. Went from fawning over me to nothing. Began talking about one of our co workers incessantly and I asked her if she was interested in him. Her response was, he's fat. I was always asking if she was okay, she'd spend time on the phone after work, come home late quite a bit, and I ended up in the hospital. I was close to death and later, while still in the hospital, suggested we get married. Then said I realized if you died. I'd get nothing. I left shortly after, devastated, I begged to come back and she shut me out. I made a fool of myself and now I struggle every day
my BPD ex cheated on me multiple times and I can tell you this is so crazy accurate
A lot of cheating with their same gender, while married to opposite gender.
Jess. St Charles MO. 39yrs old. Thank you. Understanding helps. I feel like it's just step one of this journey. Thanks for sharing your experiences. and... OUCH! These experiences are worse than any physical pain. I've had 20+ leg surgeries and take it from someone who knows. This hurts worse than being cut open physically.
I've found when she becomes cold, distant, creating numerous hoops for you to jump through, argumentative and she no longer shows any concern about your life, she's likely to be locking down/idealizing someone else . The constant criticisms and petty arguments she's starting, in my case, was ammunition she'd use against me (if I reacted) to justify her monkey branching to a new guy. Women with BPD are extremely strategic. Once they have a new love interest their moves are calculated and not random at all. Also, my ex was a Raver heavily into electronic dance music. Last I saw her she's wearing a NIrvana sweat shirt. (However, some of Nirvana's music has been reimagined as electronic dance music).
Minimizing the status of your relationship with them.
I actually am a Borderline. Wow 🤯 You were 💯accurate with a lot of your points….. I felt exposed 😂 Honestly you caught my attention. I was diagnosed as a teenager and struggled in life and relationships for a solid Decade (at least) when I started my “healing journey “ a few years back. Honestly awareness is my key. The more I’m open to outside feedback and self reflection the more control I have over myself. But it is a choice EVERY interaction EVERY day. This is a rest of life journey for people like me. Right now my biggest challenge I just recently became aware of is Limerence… Romantic relationships can feel masochistic to us. I literally never set out to hurt people, yet I do … along with myself. Thank you for sharing your videos.
Yeah, limerence sucks. Wellbutrin works wonders for that cz it increases the dopamine level.
16:57 this! you made me laugh ! they look the same, but. Who the hell are you? 😂. omg. i mean this is so painful, but have to find humor in it. Yeah. I experienced that over and over again. I only know of a small number of relationships they were probably in. The rest? Welp, I saw them too. I just didn’t know it. “let’s listen to some Candlebox!”. WTH?? I like candlebox, but you’ve never expressed an interest until just now? weird. weird.
Booked to go on holiday with my ex was going beach going bars going out for food everything was normal was together for a year. Then 2 weeks later she’s got a new partner
Back when I first suspected her of cheating, she changed suddenly from business casual clothing to SKIN TIGHT capri style yoga pants, more makeup(never wore any for the first 7 yrs of the marriage), masqara that she also never wore previously!
I confronted her about cheating and she gaslit me like a PRO(which she probably was). She even "arranged" for me to see a psychologist about my halucinating that she was cheating!🤢
Hello, David! Great video! I don’t know that he ever physically cheated on me, but he was addicted to por. and frequented strip club. He pretty much spit on any boundaries I had! No regards for my feelings at all. Rory from Ohio!😎❤️
That sounds so sad Rory. He took you for granted while valuing sexual behaviors and not the relationships he had with his family.
"180° difference in who they are..." funny that. My ex posted on insta in their caption "my life just did a 180 recently, and I couldn't be happier" they were cheating on me with their "friend" who they became obsessed with within a couple of weeks. Ended it with me, gaslit me about the friend, moved in with the person and the person is posting constantly about being happy with my ex and the cats and literally doing everything we were doing and stuff my ex planned to do with me. 😅 ppl are disgusting
I am gonna to add my expirience as a point of understanding this borderline, narc thing.
Once I took shrooms with my ex narc women. We took heroic doses. In one moment she was laying on my and I felt that she was sucking my whole life energy. She hold me tight, we where both with out clothes. I felt whole her body sucking me in. Then I felt I am drawing into her I look up and I saw me and her laying on the bad in this position. Then I realized I was in "her". There was very cold dark, gray space. It was terrible experience. I felt nothingness. It was so dreadful. This dark, gray cloud was vastness and empty. I felt and I think it was hell for me, feeling nothing, no emotion no life. Then of my left I spotted light. I looked in this direction and I saw bal of light covered in this dark, gray cloud. I recognized it was her soul trapped, dimmed in this dark cloud. This light/soul want to connect to her body but due to this dark, gray cloud it was not possible.
It was not a dream for sure. Till this day this experience was terrific for me. I felt this lost of connection as a root cause of this behavior. This connection was broken by her trauma and of course her subconscious choice to not connect to her soul.
Makes sense. They are an empty vessel. A nothingness. Nobody is home. All smoke and mirrors. It’s really sad but it’s a test for us who find ourselves involved. It showed me something wasn’t ok with myself to need and tolerate a person like that and ultimately I needed to find my worth and happiness somewhere else.
At the start of our relationship I took shrooms w.my BPD ex-fiance and looking back I think it helped her. And I was reliable & consistent. She was amazing for 3.5 years before the devaluation, discard, and monkey branch.
"Mimicking" something in an healthy way could be taking the accent of the place you live after some time, I do this, but not on purpose, when I speak english, I've been told that I speak english like the Swiss guy in "DaVinci's code" who kidnap the heroes, of "Le Chiffre" in the James Bond movie, but we speak french here, and when I arrived here in Québec, people thought I had a German accent, because it's the 2 languages I've learnt growing up, but when I return in my family, back in France, (Bas-Rhin) I'm told that I caught the Québec accent. It's weird and I didn't do it on purpose. It's mimiking, but it doesn't hurt anyone.
Man i figured she was cheating by the end. It was never confirmed in entirely. I never physically saw it. But the signs were there. The sudden change in personality and i definitely knew when she asked for a open relationship like 2 minutes right before i was going to work. Its just fucking depressing. Im glad im out. Idk if ill ever fully recover but im doing alot better.
The most painful day of my life was went we had a very terrible miscarriage and she and the ER doctor were flirting. I know right then there was definitely something wrong that not even loosing our child could fix.
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮......damn.......😮😮😮😮😮that.....that's just .....damn
I know you said you are just npd but can you do some videos on male bpd/ npd commorbid ?
Was Marilyn Monroe a borderline personality? And do people ever really grow out of it, or overcome it?
100% she was. Some say that someBPD’s do grow out of it or at least stop doing some of the behavior but usually much later in life and I’m sure not all change. Probably most don’t
@@Twinnzllcin my experience, they actually become more narrcastic, but they are still nasty bastard using borderlines even in their old age
I’m so confused by all the BPD videos because my BF is nothing like this. I’ve known him for 2 years and we recently started dating this year. So we’ve been dating for 6 months and he has only had one dark moment which wasn’t too bad.
He doesn’t do any of these things, he’s very smart and attractive. He’s a mechanical engineer. The only things he’s picked up from me is switching to an all meat diet and weight training but other then that he has his own interests and hobbies.
He’s very strong willed and isn’t easily influenced by anyone. You can not tell him what to do at all and I’m convinced it’s because he’s an Aquarius 😂 they’re stubborn af
Anyway he does drink a bit too much sometimes but again all of the Aquarius people I know are alcoholics. I myself rarely drink not my thing.
In conclusion my bf doesn’t really seem to check all the boxes for BPD
Best of luck to everyone 🙏🏼
I strongly believe my wife has BPD but the question is, can she get better through treatment or it’s best to let them go? Please reply me cause I am in a big mess right now and so stressed out. I am beginning to develop anxiety.
If you have a long bandwidth watch more of this guys videos, and check out Sam Vaknin. Every person is case by case and you may want to look at bpd relationships cycles online.
I haven't seen her in a couple months and when I did i didn't even recognize her. She was using different words and was racist. Her whole being was different, weird.
How do you recover from someone you dated that had it????
Keep watching these videos
I never knew what borderline was, but holy sh** I’m actually the biggest borderline person ever and I really don’t like this fact about myself. 2 years ago I bought a guitar and practiced with it so hard for 2 months straight. I honestly don’t know where the fuck my guitar even is, I’ve lost interest really fast. The only reason I got it was to impress my ex female coworker, which later became my ex girlfriend.
Theres help that can truly transform and improve your life if you have this disorder.Therapy.I so wish my mother had accepted help and engaged in therapy.Your self awareness is a good sign you can do this.I wish you well.
Wait is this a real comment? I dont think so. Amiccable divorce not possible. And then a sales pitch at the end.
I hate borderline woman..the break you in every way
When you say borderlines or "emotionlly unstable" idealize and devalue a lot, but "we" dont, does the "we" mean non disordered people, or what? I guess the reason I'm asking is because I have the tendency to read a lot of the comments on many of your videos as well as other videos on this topic, and I remember someone calling you a narcissist...I wasn't sure If this was a comment made to you by an ex bpd just rage stalking, or if....I missed 1 of your videos about you being a narcissist? I think I'd like to believe you aren't, but wasn't sure. I'm Codependent i believe, and still in the steps of trying not to enable someone i love with bpd, of whom i was in an 8 year relationship with.
Nice thumbnail hahaha
🤗🌞
Hi Cindy! Hi David when he sees this! :D
Good to see you Cindy!
@@Joshy2-SFHi Josh!
@@DeMarsCoaching Legend, haha
@@Joshy2-SF hi 👋 Have a wonderful weekend. 🤗
Point by point nails my older brother’s wife better than her boyfriends do. Then again my older brother’s a raging narcissist so there’s little sympathy. Coincidentally my bother was abused by a nanny before his siblings were born and his borderline wife’s got her own abusive past. Whether (you think) you’re a cluster B case or not, if you have abuse in your past, please get therapy.
Borderlines love narcissists. I exclusively date bitches like this I see how disappointed they are when the realize that I don't carry an ounce of pride in my heart
Are Swifties all borderlines? Hmmmm 🤔🎤🏈
Probably a lot of them. Even the ones who just like her songs as she's pretty obviously a borderline
@@timweedon2785how did you come to that conclusion?
@@timweedon2785how did you come to that conclusion?
@@timweedon2785how did you come to that conclusion?
Most Democratic feminist women are