This is me right now. I've gone as far as downloading old games i used to play, rewatching playthroughs of youtubers from 2014, and browsing old photos and vids. I needed this
I was redownloading all my old Mac games the day I moved to the dorms for my new job (3 weeks ago) I think it was literally a week later, I still haven't touched the laptop. Ive been too busy wanting to try every new thing near my new home 😂
I think it all depends on your current perspective. If you had a bad life experience but now you're happy, you'll look back and think, wow I came so far. On the other hand if you had positive life experiences but now you're depressed you'll think, wow my life sucks I want to go back.
This. Most of my teenage years sucked, and every time someone asks me "don’t you miss being young?", I go "Hell no, adulthood is better than that hellhole."
What about people who have had a bad past and a bad present? It's logical from their perspective to view life as a perpetual negative feeling, since the good times have not outweighed the bad times in their life. Why would they keep going on, since you can make the same argument that you can't tell them it will necessarily get better since you too can't see the future.
Idk, I'm pretty okay now (still somewhat unhappy but not depressed) and I look back on my depressed years with nostalgia sometimes. Not because of how I felt, but because of what I had. Family was still all alive, my best years were ahead of me, I even had more friends.
I've literally started to hoard and dig up memories (like photos, my drawings, all kinds of old UA-cam videos) in a file, it's like a little timeline of myself (I know that sounds dumb.) I have to be honest, all these nostalgia kicks have become extremely addicting especially because I don't really see a future for myself and have been living in the past for the last five years, since I turned 20 and realised, now the good times are actually over. In most situations nostalgia just makes me cry and paralyzes me, but when I work on this thing at a calm night it makes me very happy. The happy hormones have become like a drug to me, but I've become desperate for them for far too long anyway.
I was an unhappy child and teenager and was miserable for most of my 20s. Life didn't start getting good for me until my 30s. And now in my early 40s I'm happier than ever - and that's independent of how much of a shitshow I feel like the world has become. The good times may still be ahead of you. You just have to put the work into it.
I'm 25 and my life didn't even start until 20. I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for any amount of money. The idea that the good times are long gone is a self fulfilling prophecy.
It doesn't sound dumb, it's something that I always wanted to do but I always get overwhelmed by where do I even begin. But at 20, you think the good times are over? That's so sad and bleak.
Same, I don't see a future for myself too, i never saw a future, i just couldn't imagine growing up and when the realisation hit me that I was in fact growing up, a tsunami of old memories just rushed in. For a period of time I completely lost track of the present. It was during my 18 birthday, it triggered something, for days I felt like I was stuck in some loop. Thankfully now i am out of it.
I had a huge amount of my depression/anxiety relieved when I heard the saying “you can never step in the same river twice. For it is not the same river and you are not the same person.” Just accepting I can’t recreate the past 1:1 but it’s more finding out what I loved about the past and trying to bring it into my present. I can step in a potentially better river as a potentially better person. I am not doomed to what I was
It's like watching a movie: if you constantly are worrying about when the movie is going to end (because it will end eventually) then you won't enjoy it as much. That's why enjoying it scene to scene without thinking "wow this is such a great movie, I don't want it to end! But it will sooner or later end - the question is when??" is so bad. Life is a little like that you know. When I played Final Fantasy VII last year I was taken by how amazing and awesome it was. Instead of thinking "I never want this amazing game to end...!!" (which I thought several times mind you) I started to think like this instead: "so many people would have KILLED to experience the game "blindly" again, so I'm going to take this opportunity to enjoy every single bite of this game as much as possible!" and I did! It was sooo much more enjoyable because of that!
I posted a similar thread on the reddit, and hoped to get an answer or two of people who feel the same, but sadly, I didn't. The reason I mention that is cause it made me feel really alone on that field. That's why I am happy to see this video now. Nostalgia can really be crushing. I suffer from it a lot. I collect old video games from the 90's and early 00's, hoping to reactivate the feelings I had back then. It kinda works, but then I always get reminded that those times are over. Old friends are gone. I grew older. I got a lot of responsibilites now. I have the money to buy all the things I always wanted, but I don't have time to spend it or enjoy the things I have now. It goes much deeper than that, but I am not good at describing it. Old times simply have passed. Nostalgia appears to be a pleasant thought but it just drags us down so much without even noticing, because it's true face hides behind the shroud of pleasantness.
I think we go to the past to things that comfort us when we feel depressed, or when we're doing particularly well. Sometimes this works, in my case I would go back and watch old cartoons/anime I grew up on, or play old school video games, and have an absolutely blast. It would be like being transported back to that other time. Sometimes it doesn't work, and I resent the fact that I'm not feeling anything. So I'd like to think those old video games you've collected may induce that feeling in you again! Can't guarantee it but I hope it works, at least temporarily.
"12 year old doesn't think about the past" I remember having nostalgia and a longing for the past as early as 11. Wondering if anyone else experienced this at an early age?
Yes. I cried and had nostalgia at 10-12 about our previous home before 7 years of age, my grandma died and my dad had a stroke when I was 10, and about lots of videogames I played at 3-8, since at the time there were just shitty shooter games. Life inevitably gets shittier by age. I’m now 23.
From my own experience around 11-12 is when emotions start feeling significantly more intense and we start actually thinking about the past in terms of loss.
I had intense nostalgia for the past at age 12, and even before that. It was in my preteens when I really started to worry and be conscious of growing up.
Lol "the GG zone" is my new favorite saying Also, there is something deeply poetic about "I can't keep this tea warm forever, so if I want to enjoy it, I have to drink it now".
One thing about living in the present that's very hard for me is letting go of perfectionism. It goes like "oh, life used to be so good, I need to make it good again" and then when I can't make it AS good, I feel incredibly sad. Feels like a failure, a bad compromise. How do I just drink my cooling tea instead of constantly running to the microwave to reheat it, loosing time and enjoyment in the process?
Dr.k your lectures are not only giving information, I actually feel like I'm hanging out with virtual friends about life and common experiences. It's like so chill. Thank you n.n
If you're watching this several years from now: there is nothing magical about today. Take it from past me. Enjoy whatever great year 20XX you're watching this in.
I've been alone my entire life and I'm 32. These young peoples fears are valid, they were not taught the skills to connect with people and without immediate help, they will end up like me. It's not weird at all
It was easier to be present as a kid (for those with a relatively normal upbringing) because your whole life is on rails, both mind and body. Just existing means you'll grow physically, your brain will develop you'll get smarter, you'll progress in school, you'll take new classes meet new kids possibly make new friends. You remember enjoying cake, sweets, video games etc. because it was automatically limited by your parents so you could let go of all self control. Now we have guilt for that - which can overwhelm the enjoyment of anything because you know you can get addicted with no one here to stop you anymore, no one to automatically give you a job promotion because you're a year older, your body will just decline without excercise. In a sense learning to be present as an adult is that "Letting go" again, and these things will feel more automatic, as your life will be lead more on instinct than guilt or fear. At least that's the ideal.
@@Alexarce03 i was in relationships between the age of 18 to 29. Since im 30 and also since i finished uni and work fulltime i am single and depressed. Cant be a coincidence
i was literally just reminiscing and getting stuck in the past not even 1 minute ago. i swear dr. k, you have like an internal tap into my brain waves or something.
I can't relate to "the good ol' days" nostalgia. I can't remember any time from childhood when I wasn't depressed and anxious. Been a hard battle for many years as an adult, but I'm finally feeling less emotionally disregulated for long enough periods of time to make progress in my mid thirties.
This is a good one for gamers, considering how most people feel about the game industry right now Edit: Look, I never said I disagreed or agreed with the sentiment that the video game industry is in a bad state, the point of the fucking comment wasn't to say "your wrong about it being bad.", and for the record I've always been bitter about video games as they never meet my absurd expectations and hopes. Every. Single. Time.
I don't know, there have been a lot of real changes in gaming that aren't necessarily best for the gamer. Like today there are far fewer options for same console multi-player than there were in the past, so it's harder to use the hobby as a bonding activity.
Before the pandemic I was a high school student, life was simpler. But now we moved to a different city away from my friends but closer to my college. I’m doing pointless online classes and and honestly everything sucks.
This is so opposite for me. Like, I struggled with parentification (paying bills, working for them, managing their emotions etc) when I was a kid and my life improved so much when I left home. I didn't get to be a kid then but I'm super happy enjoying childish hobbies now
Man adulthood is great, I just miss the friends I had, we’re leading different lives. One thing that helped me get over the nostalgia is acknowledging that they were beautiful memories, and they do make me more attached to that time, but it also reminds me that I should try and stay connected to them but not love by them nor expect that they will ever be the same had they happened again. My childhood friends will always be my brothers, but right now I need to focus on doing something with my life, and my break from reality is elden ring.
I used to be of the mind that all my life's troubles would fade if I could just be in a relationship with someone to share experiences with, but then I was like, "oh yeah, life goes on and life is still hard"
i needed this so much, i have been so paralyzed by nostalgia and everything that branches out from that nostalgia since covid started, and i have never been able to get through it, i dont know how to express my gratitude except saying, "thank you Dr. K"
another difference between "I'm not dating yet" and "I have been alone my entire life" or how much the person wants to date. if you ask people "have you played game X" you'll meet people who will say "no, not my kind of game" and others who will say "aw, I really wish, but I don't have the money to buy it" so how much you want to do something is also a huge factor And yet another one might be hopelessness, as the one who "isn't dating now" may have already dated so for them being alone is something that comes and goes and not a fact of life.
Had this epiphany while running my fingers through my hair of all things. A person can worry about having their hair go grey or fall out as they grow older, or just appreciate the feeling of what their body does have going for it in the moment.
There is a specific quality to these videos that I love. Each video is like stumbling across a cool rock by a stream. Some have bugs under them, some have cool designs. Every once in a while you flip a rock over and, oh fuck, there is a mirror under there.
all my nostalgia stems from the time before i turned 13, because my mom died when i was 13 and i don’t see anyone w this experience here in the comments. so when dr. k says “what are the variables that made life better? maybe we can recreate that” and i’m here like… how do we bring my dead mom back? idk it’s just. my whole life was better when i was with her, and once she passed away i started having depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies.. i’m doing way better now, i’m gonna turn 23 tomorrow but i still grief and feel nostalgic of our time together ten years later. what’s different in this processing of the past is that i’ll never experience my life w her anymore. with everything else, you can kinda recreate stuff, but not when you lose a person, especially a parent, who you still wish were in your life, especially when 99% of people around you who are your age still have their moms and will have them for years to come
I feel doctor k explain this pretty much in the video if this comment is after the video. People could have nice experience with their parent, but don’t miss possibility to get nice experiences with others in the present as well due to doomed in the past. Unfortunately I don’t really understand how experience with mom can feel nice, it’s a small chance thing for me.
TLDR; try going for a walk without your phone, music, or any device. You’ll feel like a kid again I had this same revelation the other day. For context, when I’ve gotten nostalgic, thankfully it’s more of an appreciation for those times and memories, rather than a longing to return to those times. It’s cuz I appreciate my current life, and I know in the future, I’ll be similarly nostalgic for these times. Aka, just be present! Haha But yeah I was on a walk, which I’ve become infatuated with, and asked myself the question “what does feeling like a kid actually feel like?” And I boiled it down to a total presence in what I was doing. This walk in particular, it was really nice out and got me thinking of playing outside in warm weather as a kid. There’s a big factor that has influenced the enjoyment of my walks, tho. I don’t walk with any audio and I don’t have my phone on me. This has made a huge difference. Thankfully my area is safe to do this. But walking without a phone/device has made all the difference. Even having it off or on airplane mode doesn’t suffice. It cannot be on me. This has given me time to be fully immersed in the present, and to allow my mind room to breathe and work thru what it needs to. It’s so amazing! There’s so much detail in nature, the sounds, scenery, and landscapes. I am authentically present, physically and mentally. If someone wants to reach me, they’d have to physically find me. It’s such a small detail but it makes all the difference, and I realized, going for walks (and other events in general) without a phone is a GREAT practice in feeling like a kid, aka being present. It’s like your mind has no other choice but to be present, and it’s truly freeing and rejuvenating.
I know Dr.K has a mostly young audience, but this trap of getting your mind stuck in the past is happening to me right now at age 40. I wish i could go back to 2005 when i was in my early twenties, enjoying college and playing world of warcraft.
Same. I'm of a similar vintage and feel like I wasted my 20s feeling insecure and not realising how awesome I really was. Since then, illness, injury and emotional abuse has changed me so much, I mourn the old me with my strong healthy body 😓 I have zero self confidence now and I feel mostly invisible. I feel like most of my memories are tinged with loss and regret.
I don't understand the desire to go back to childhood. Why would anyone ever wish to go back to living under someone else's thumb, where every decision was made for you?
The past was better, I didn't have to work a 9-5 soul sucking job, I actually had friends, I wasn't shy or socially anxious, I even had people I was interested in romantically. I have none of that now. I was one of the kids who never wanted to grow up cause I knew I'd hate it. Now I'm grown up and I really do fucking hate it. It'd be bearable if I could go back to working part time. Like if I could move in with one or two people who also only want to work part time, we could each split the rent and internet and just live life with a lot of free time... Time is better than money, 1000% I'll literally quit my new job if someone would do that with me...
@@naazahs9045 Welp, I'm still looking for a new job. Trying to get something remote. Moved back to my home state,, with my aunt, and feel a lot happier now... Also joined an online school for a free class in something techy. Still getting my life together, but all my "dark" thoughts have lessened marginally, so I think that change was for the best.
You watch 3 Dr. K videos in a row and you already start to understand yourself better but also begin to process life experiences better. Love this content
Now past is like fever dreams to me. Did that really happen? What was I thinking? Past feels so far away and future is near. And I am very afraid I will lose what I cherish the most now and I cannot feel the same way again in the future.
its more then less grit. energy and motivation comes and goes, its your ability to push through things and keep going that matters. the problem is grit is developed early on and its not easy to come by.
I've actually learned to use the temporal component for the nausea/ throwing up Dr. K talks about at the end. I ALWAYS feel relieved after I throw up, so knowing that relief is coming relatively soon helps my mental during the "process". In the moment, It feels more like releasing the demons as opposed to experiencing pain.
thank you dr. k this is something I've been struggling with since middle school. I had figured out some of the stuff you said while self reflecting but its reassuring that some of my conclusions were right. Really helpful stuff, I had kinda given up on trying to regain that present happiness for a while since it had been removed for so long. Im not depressed and would probably say I'm happier than most of the people I know, but there is a distinct feeling of happiness that disappeared after I entered middle school and time felt like it started moving faster.
I’ve had this exact feelings when I was depressed ( October 2021 - March 2022) while I was dealing with my first major heartbreak and grieving over a friend that died I was getting really close with at the same time
I can relate to what Dr. K says about the difficulty of recreating the same circumstances. I once wanted to game all night long, past midnight, in order to recreate the fun memories from my teenage years. But I just couldn't do it, because I was always getting way too tired to do that.
@@cubescihist6737 No concise way to put it other than having been a targeted individual since I was very little. Hard to describe, but it's a form of domestic terrorism. My country (Canada) has problems with it and apparently it sometimes happens in the USA too.
Im shocked by how perfect the time of this video is for me. i met a group of siblings recently who i havent seen in almost 5 years and seeing them brought back a lot of painful nostalgia for me because it reminded me of the days when i would go over to their house or theyd come over to mine or their dad would buy ice cream for me and my sister or when wed play together as kids etc. etc. it was painful because meeting them reminded me of that part of my childhood that id forgotten, that was so good. life got bad after that and has been going downhill ever since, for these past five years.
Nostalgia hits so hard because times were SO good. For the country, for a lot of families, the future didn't look so bleak. It was a peak, in ways... Now we have the internet so we are aware of so much more, money isn't what it used to be and younger people are stuck, the world is on fire and dark and the future looks rough. And also we're all older.
This was perfect for helping me sort this subject out. I particularly enjoyed the parts about going through the qualities of the past that you liked and finding appropriate ways of engaging those qualities and experiences in the present 👍. Works for me. I realized what I most missed was the freedom of playfulness those I so enjoyed as a young person and that’s definitely something I really want and can reconnect with inside me.
You know it's all bad in life, when you start downloading or collecting old retro games to get a glimpse of your childhood back. Joking but recently I have been really getting into retro games and other stuff again. It's so nice to see things you couldn't get, or lost back then.
I like the fact your videos are very long , usually people do 1 minute vids or highly edited 5 minute videos where the don’t even properly explain. My attention span also gets better here , I mean if I can’t watch a video that I’m very interested in bcs it isn’t grabbing my attention after 10 minutes anymore I got a fcking problem
Isn’t it funny how our minds really just love to play with us…? When we start doing well, or something sparks a traumatic memory it likes to send us spiraling out and just so stuck on this horrible experience & feeling. And it seems as though trauma is so deeply engraved in our psyche that it appears more than we would like. But when we’re down, nostalgia pops up & we begin to ruminate on GOOD past times somehow making us feel worse… when things are good though, rarely do you think back like “oh I’ve had such a good life- remember when this this & this happened?” Or when things are bad do you think back like “gosh I’ve been in so many rough situation and they were sooo tough to get through, but I did make it, many times I’ve made it.”
00:00 🌟 Nostalgia is influenced by our present mindset; being present in the moment enhances enjoyment of things. 01:38 🕰 Nostalgia isn't universally positive; it can vary based on personal experiences and mental state. 03:26 🧠 The perception of the past being better might involve cognitive biases, especially linked to feelings of depression. 04:51 🤔 Instead of dismissing nostalgia, explore why the past felt better; understanding those aspects could help recreate a similar experience in the present. 06:23 🧭 Nostalgia serves a purpose; dwelling on the past aids emotional processing and helps in moving forward. 08:12 💭 Counterfactual thinking, imagining alternative scenarios, helps correct behavior and generates motivation. 10:20 🔄 Cognitive reframing is essential; it's a skill that can reshape perceptions of the past, aiding in gratitude and improved outlook. 16:52 ⏳ Living in the present generates happiness; as we age, societal pressures and responsibilities pull us away from this mindset. 18:29 📆 Society doesn't prepare us to retain presentness as responsibilities grow; the temporal dimension increases suffering and contributes to nostalgic views of simpler pasts. 23:09 🌟 Dwelling excessively on future concerns can rob present happiness. It's not about ignoring responsibilities but reframing to prevent undue dwelling. 24:24 🎮 Recreating past happiness might not work as circumstances change. Adapt to current situations for enjoyment. 27:57 ⏳ Living in the present becomes harder with age and societal pressure. Learning to live in the present is a skill that needs conscious effort. 31:22 🌸 Recognizing life's transient nature can initially cause anxiety but embracing the present is the only way to truly enjoy life. 36:01 💸 Circumstances influence happiness but aren't the sole factor. Financial security creates fertile ground for happiness, but it's not a guarantee. 41:20 🤔 Being present isn't ignoring present circumstances but appreciating them while also planning for the future sensibly. 44:00 🧭 Negative emotions signal necessary changes. They can guide toward improvements in various aspects like creativity or loneliness. 46:24 🕰 Fearing pain will last forever affects motivation. Studies show hopelessness leads to giving up; realizing it's not eternal is crucial. 47:52 🚣 Recognize future projections as emotional, not always logical. Despite evidence, assumptions about eternal loneliness might not be complete. 48:18 🧠 Future projections often stem from emotion. There are practices, like meditation, that help train the mind to live in the present.
"I'm being alone whole my life, I'm 16". That was truth for me until 24. But since that time I was able to form some kind of relationship with three girls, and everytime it fell apart in several months. I'm 36 now and I'm alone for most part of my life and embraced the fact that marriage or even long-term relationship is not a thing for me. I don't have necessary skills to make first-time good impressions, and even less qualified to maintain existing relationship. So the only substitue for non-existing partner is memory of times, when I had some chances with girl that was my first unrequited love (at least I hope that there were some chances and it wasn't futile from the beginning).
Man this is relatable, between loving things that were most relevant when I was born, being born early enough to live an analog childhood, and being born late enough to be mostly incompetent with today's technology, I find myself hating the idea of pushing 30 and amounting to nothing significant. As a musician every genre I love has been done to the point it feels impossible to be original. my rock, punk, and metal heroes are dead or the bands broken up. I hate humanity's insatiable thirst for technological advancement to the point that my "smartphone" is designed to fail after a year or two of ownership. I hate that the housing crisis and need for a credit score prevent me from ever owning a house and I'm stuck in a decrepit travel trailer. I still collect physical media and dislike the majority of the art and movies that are produced today . I know the past wasn't necessarily "better" objectively, however I was born and raised in a world of Walkman tape players and 2 dollar gallons of gas, but I'm stuck in a world where not even cash is relevant and I can't apply to a job unless it's "Online". I specifically wasn't designed for this digital dystopian hellscape
how do you live in the present, when there is nothing to enjoy in the present. All there is is to hope for a better future and dwell on a better past..
The one thing I notice that is recurring is the term 'acknowledgement'. For example, the difference between living in the present and making impulsive choices is in the former, you acknowledge your present situation and how its temporal effect extends to the future, e.g having a $10k debt but is still able to enjoy the present with $20 right now, knowing that you have done your best to pay $20 every day. In the latter, you use up all your savings for a gacha game in order to 'stay in the present' while ignoring the debt you have as well as lose the motivation to put in effort into paying back the debt. Living in the present really do sometimes make me enjoy the present more. However I do not fully agree with Dr.K that 'living in the present' is always the answer because in my opinion it is draining, and might make you a non-empathetic person - if you dismiss people's problems by always telling them to enjoy a moment of deprivation, e.g in poverty or abusive situations. Furthermore, I think that another perspective is that living in the present is not just done to achieve happiness but also to _acknowledge_ the current situation and realistically think of a pathway to more happiness. Maybe this is just me, but sometimes I feel that I am ok with the present too much to the point where I might not desire anything too extraordinary for myself and might even downplay ambition as just 'dreams'. Perhaps this is something to work on. Either ways, insightful as always Dr. K, I love your work!
I studied to have a moderately high-paying job so I could do well enough with half a working week so the another half I could still spend as a kid: as a free person doing whatever I wanted, without the stress and pressure and expectations and rush. I literally worked to not let go of the nostalgia of childhood. Time is the most valuable resource out there, because it can never be earned back once you lost it. (Also, the teenage years were the worst to me so I just wanted to work so I would have the freedom once times would get better so I could finally enjoy my life. Sounds depressing but I was always very optimistic about my future, like I was convinced when I was older and more experienced, everything would be easier. Turns out I was right.)
The topic of nostalgia is super interesting to me because I don't seem to experience it. I don't know why. You know how sometimes when people talk about how music brings back memories of childhood or reminds them of love or the calmness of a swan at a lake? Or how people get attached to older genres of music or periods of time. Like I often hear people say that Studio Ghibli songs invokes a lot of nostalgic vibes, or the movie Midnight in Paris is based on nostalgia. I don't feel those things. I know I have a lot of great memories and experiences through life, and I can bring up memories or historic time periods in my brain, sure, but there is barely any strong sense of reminiscing/fondness/cherishing attached to those memories. I don't get concepts like "the good old days" or replay old games or movies I used to love. In a lot of cases a one-and-done. Not sure if my brain is broken in some way, or if I'm interpreting nostalgia differently.
I am currently feel like im stuck in the past. I miss college. The whole life of it. I miss holding a book in the classroom, walking to the building, waking up in my room etc.
I feel i am stuck in the past. I romanticize about the friendships and things i did. But.... i intentionally created these wonderful vacation, events and memories, knowing i would have something beautiful to remember. Now im too attached to these people who are not attached to me. Nor do they remember it as nicely as i have. My life has been on hold because i dont want to move on to the future because once it's gone, it's gone for good.
I am not a nostalgic person. In fact, i should correct my view of the past in the opposite direction. I have a lot of anger and revolt against what happened to me. I live better now. Sure, I do have more responsibility then before, but at least the world isn't a chaotic place where talking to people becomes an altercation out of nowhere. This is the best thing that changed from my past to now and the only way that I wish to go back in the past is to correct it. I hate my past and I am working with a lot of mental health professionals to hopefully get at peace with it.
I'm 30 years old and married I have two kids but I also have PTSD and I was in a funk for a little bit then I was doing really good I had a whole year where everything was great then I got really nostalgic recently and I was thinking wow this is good this feels like I could be getting progress like really good progress cuz I'm thinking about the past in good way and then all of a sudden it kind of triggered my PTSD in such a harsh way more harsh than I've ever experienced it in my life to the point where I had to hurt myself by holding a ice pack and going to bed that night because it was the only way that I could stay in the present and not slip back and forth into the past. That entire night was so foggy to the point where all I remember is things that did happen in the past and waking up not really like sleeping but like fading in and out so I would snap back to reality while just laying in bed with my husband next to me sleeping and everything was great we had a wonderful day that day. Nostalgia is wonderful until it isn't especially for someone who has PTSD. I had PTSD due to a trauma I experienced from 10 years old until I was 14 and multiple other traumas that happened after and before that as well. I think I really did learn my lesson by being nostalgic for too long it's a good thing until it isn't so trying to stay present is important and grabbing at things that are good during that time of your life is important but try not to be too nostalgic or you'll start to remember the bad stuff and it can seriously trigger you. I did not realize that PTSD could go from having a normal baseline to horrendously bad. I had no idea and I'm talking to my therapist tomorrow so maybe she'll have a good idea on what to do but yeah that was a pretty interesting night and I never want to experience that again but at least I learned thanks to Reddit that you can use an ice pack to keep yourself in the present during a severe PTSD attack. If you didn't know that and you have PTSD make sure you have a nice pack in your freezer just in case. Lol . I love this video I'm halfway through and I can't wait to finish it it's really insightful and so true.
This hit like a truck. Is so bizarre that one liners "live in the present", "things are simpler when your a kid" are so much miss represented and miss understood.
Hilarious for me hearing the grilled cheese butter vs olive oil analogy. I switched to mayonnaise - the objectively least healthy of those 3 options. BUT I eat grilled cheese less frequently and boy do I savor it more than I ever have. Try it I'd you haven't by the way. Also use real bread and actual cheese - chop up some crispy bacon and/or fried turkey with some finely chopped spinach, mix that all in with the grated cheese.
i think it’s interesting that dr. k said 8 to 12 year olds don’t think about the past because in that time frame that’s almost exclusively what i thought about and i didn’t know that that’s unusual
Ah the good times, when this video was posted one minute ago.
Man, it sucks now, when the video was posted 12 minutes ago
In the last 38 minutes, things have really went to hell. Why can't they make videos like this anymore ;p
They don't make em like this anymore.
Dude it’s been a whole hour since this video was posted??? Holy fuck I’m getting old
I wish I could go back to when you posted this comment. Those were the days.
This is me right now. I've gone as far as downloading old games i used to play, rewatching playthroughs of youtubers from 2014, and browsing old photos and vids. I needed this
I was redownloading all my old Mac games the day I moved to the dorms for my new job (3 weeks ago) I think it was literally a week later, I still haven't touched the laptop. Ive been too busy wanting to try every new thing near my new home 😂
Same but for me it's everything 2015-2016
I’ve literally brought back my ps3 and playing ps2 games. I just miss those good times. 🥹😂
that might be a side effect of games being shit or scummy nowadays not necessarily nostalgia@@mkhokhelis267
I think it all depends on your current perspective. If you had a bad life experience but now you're happy, you'll look back and think, wow I came so far. On the other hand if you had positive life experiences but now you're depressed you'll think, wow my life sucks I want to go back.
This. Most of my teenage years sucked, and every time someone asks me "don’t you miss being young?", I go "Hell no, adulthood is better than that hellhole."
What about people who have had a bad past and a bad present?
It's logical from their perspective to view life as a perpetual negative feeling, since the good times have not outweighed the bad times in their life.
Why would they keep going on, since you can make the same argument that you can't tell them it will necessarily get better since you too can't see the future.
@@thijs2906In that case, What is there to lose if you try?
Idk, I'm pretty okay now (still somewhat unhappy but not depressed) and I look back on my depressed years with nostalgia sometimes. Not because of how I felt, but because of what I had. Family was still all alive, my best years were ahead of me, I even had more friends.
@@CR0WYT what about childhood?
I've literally started to hoard and dig up memories (like photos, my drawings, all kinds of old UA-cam videos) in a file, it's like a little timeline of myself (I know that sounds dumb.) I have to be honest, all these nostalgia kicks have become extremely addicting especially because I don't really see a future for myself and have been living in the past for the last five years, since I turned 20 and realised, now the good times are actually over. In most situations nostalgia just makes me cry and paralyzes me, but when I work on this thing at a calm night it makes me very happy. The happy hormones have become like a drug to me, but I've become desperate for them for far too long anyway.
I was an unhappy child and teenager and was miserable for most of my 20s. Life didn't start getting good for me until my 30s. And now in my early 40s I'm happier than ever - and that's independent of how much of a shitshow I feel like the world has become. The good times may still be ahead of you. You just have to put the work into it.
I'm 25 and my life didn't even start until 20. I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for any amount of money. The idea that the good times are long gone is a self fulfilling prophecy.
It doesn't sound dumb, it's something that I always wanted to do but I always get overwhelmed by where do I even begin. But at 20, you think the good times are over? That's so sad and bleak.
Same, I don't see a future for myself too, i never saw a future, i just couldn't imagine growing up and when the realisation hit me that I was in fact growing up, a tsunami of old memories just rushed in. For a period of time I completely lost track of the present. It was during my 18 birthday, it triggered something, for days I felt like I was stuck in some loop. Thankfully now i am out of it.
@@scoopitywoop so true
I had a huge amount of my depression/anxiety relieved when I heard the saying “you can never step in the same river twice. For it is not the same river and you are not the same person.” Just accepting I can’t recreate the past 1:1 but it’s more finding out what I loved about the past and trying to bring it into my present. I can step in a potentially better river as a potentially better person. I am not doomed to what I was
It's like watching a movie: if you constantly are worrying about when the movie is going to end (because it will end eventually) then you won't enjoy it as much. That's why enjoying it scene to scene without thinking "wow this is such a great movie, I don't want it to end! But it will sooner or later end - the question is when??" is so bad. Life is a little like that you know.
When I played Final Fantasy VII last year I was taken by how amazing and awesome it was. Instead of thinking "I never want this amazing game to end...!!" (which I thought several times mind you) I started to think like this instead: "so many people would have KILLED to experience the game "blindly" again, so I'm going to take this opportunity to enjoy every single bite of this game as much as possible!" and I did! It was sooo much more enjoyable because of that!
Right. Seeing your Paper Mario Thousand Year Door profile pic though, I think I gotta replay it again somehow. ;D
@@PrestoJacobson My favourite game ever.
The point about nostalgia being much darker with depression is very true...
I posted a similar thread on the reddit, and hoped to get an answer or two of people who feel the same, but sadly, I didn't. The reason I mention that is cause it made me feel really alone on that field. That's why I am happy to see this video now.
Nostalgia can really be crushing. I suffer from it a lot. I collect old video games from the 90's and early 00's, hoping to reactivate the feelings I had back then. It kinda works, but then I always get reminded that those times are over. Old friends are gone. I grew older. I got a lot of responsibilites now. I have the money to buy all the things I always wanted, but I don't have time to spend it or enjoy the things I have now. It goes much deeper than that, but I am not good at describing it. Old times simply have passed. Nostalgia appears to be a pleasant thought but it just drags us down so much without even noticing, because it's true face hides behind the shroud of pleasantness.
I think we go to the past to things that comfort us when we feel depressed, or when we're doing particularly well. Sometimes this works, in my case I would go back and watch old cartoons/anime I grew up on, or play old school video games, and have an absolutely blast. It would be like being transported back to that other time. Sometimes it doesn't work, and I resent the fact that I'm not feeling anything.
So I'd like to think those old video games you've collected may induce that feeling in you again! Can't guarantee it but I hope it works, at least temporarily.
"12 year old doesn't think about the past"
I remember having nostalgia and a longing for the past as early as 11. Wondering if anyone else experienced this at an early age?
Yes. I cried and had nostalgia at 10-12 about our previous home before 7 years of age, my grandma died and my dad had a stroke when I was 10, and about lots of videogames I played at 3-8, since at the time there were just shitty shooter games.
Life inevitably gets shittier by age. I’m now 23.
@@andreskattan2197 I hope things look up for you soon
From my own experience around 11-12 is when emotions start feeling significantly more intense and we start actually thinking about the past in terms of loss.
He didn't mean that they wouldn't have memory, but they wouldn't get stuck on it. I think that's the message.
I had intense nostalgia for the past at age 12, and even before that. It was in my preteens when I really started to worry and be conscious of growing up.
Lol "the GG zone" is my new favorite saying
Also, there is something deeply poetic about "I can't keep this tea warm forever, so if I want to enjoy it, I have to drink it now".
One thing about living in the present that's very hard for me is letting go of perfectionism. It goes like "oh, life used to be so good, I need to make it good again" and then when I can't make it AS good, I feel incredibly sad. Feels like a failure, a bad compromise. How do I just drink my cooling tea instead of constantly running to the microwave to reheat it, loosing time and enjoyment in the process?
I feel there is no possible way to always feel positive all the time. Not in the past not in the present not in the future.
"Even the humble grilled cheese - can be delicious" fav quote.
Dr.k your lectures are not only giving information, I actually feel like I'm hanging out with virtual friends about life and common experiences. It's like so chill. Thank you n.n
If you're watching this several years from now: there is nothing magical about today. Take it from past me. Enjoy whatever great year 20XX you're watching this in.
I've been alone my entire life and I'm 32. These young peoples fears are valid, they were not taught the skills to connect with people and without immediate help, they will end up like me. It's not weird at all
Is there's any solution to this fear?
@@himanshukumawat3419no
It was easier to be present as a kid (for those with a relatively normal upbringing) because your whole life is on rails, both mind and body. Just existing means you'll grow physically, your brain will develop you'll get smarter, you'll progress in school, you'll take new classes meet new kids possibly make new friends. You remember enjoying cake, sweets, video games etc. because it was automatically limited by your parents so you could let go of all self control. Now we have guilt for that - which can overwhelm the enjoyment of anything because you know you can get addicted with no one here to stop you anymore, no one to automatically give you a job promotion because you're a year older, your body will just decline without excercise. In a sense learning to be present as an adult is that "Letting go" again, and these things will feel more automatic, as your life will be lead more on instinct than guilt or fear. At least that's the ideal.
Kid Life: On-rail shooter.
Adult Life: Bullet Hell Shmup.
i wasn't that present, i fantasized myself away most of the time to endure the present
Or build new rails.
I really needed this
no
Chances are there is something going on in your life right now that you'll feel nostalgic about in a few years.
ahh the nostalgia.... 2 years lockdown, 5 years no gf, only work eat sleep. the good old days. now im dead :D
Highly doubt it
@@MetalGuitarTimo don’t rely on a relationship to be happy you can’t rush them
@@Alexarce03 i was in relationships between the age of 18 to 29. Since im 30 and also since i finished uni and work fulltime i am single and depressed. Cant be a coincidence
@@Alexarce03 also im 35 soon and then its nearly impossible to start a family
i was literally just reminiscing and getting stuck in the past not even 1 minute ago. i swear dr. k, you have like an internal tap into my brain waves or something.
I can't relate to "the good ol' days" nostalgia. I can't remember any time from childhood when I wasn't depressed and anxious. Been a hard battle for many years as an adult, but I'm finally feeling less emotionally disregulated for long enough periods of time to make progress in my mid thirties.
This is a good one for gamers, considering how most people feel about the game industry right now
Edit: Look, I never said I disagreed or agreed with the sentiment that the video game industry is in a bad state, the point of the fucking comment wasn't to say "your wrong about it being bad.", and for the record I've always been bitter about video games as they never meet my absurd expectations and hopes. Every. Single. Time.
Would you disagree?
Tlou2 battelfield 2042 cyberpunk 2077 death stranding overwatch 2....... Games objectivly sucks now
Not active at all with gaming news and gaming in general what's going on?
@@09Maggio nothing good thath it
I don't know, there have been a lot of real changes in gaming that aren't necessarily best for the gamer. Like today there are far fewer options for same console multi-player than there were in the past, so it's harder to use the hobby as a bonding activity.
Before the pandemic I was a high school student, life was simpler. But now we moved to a different city away from my friends but closer to my college. I’m doing pointless online classes and and honestly everything sucks.
This is so opposite for me. Like, I struggled with parentification (paying bills, working for them, managing their emotions etc) when I was a kid and my life improved so much when I left home. I didn't get to be a kid then but I'm super happy enjoying childish hobbies now
Enjoy!
Man adulthood is great, I just miss the friends I had, we’re leading different lives.
One thing that helped me get over the nostalgia is acknowledging that they were beautiful memories, and they do make me more attached to that time, but it also reminds me that I should try and stay connected to them but not love by them nor expect that they will ever be the same had they happened again. My childhood friends will always be my brothers, but right now I need to focus on doing something with my life, and my break from reality is elden ring.
This ended beautifully.
Elden Ring is trash you have bad taste in games and are probably terrible at video games
I used to be of the mind that all my life's troubles would fade if I could just be in a relationship with someone to share experiences with, but then I was like, "oh yeah, life goes on and life is still hard"
i needed this so much, i have been so paralyzed by nostalgia and everything that branches out from that nostalgia since covid started, and i have never been able to get through it, i dont know how to express my gratitude except saying, "thank you Dr. K"
The fact that I'm writing my thesis on nostalgia as this was uploaded is baffling
another difference between "I'm not dating yet" and "I have been alone my entire life" or how much the person wants to date. if you ask people "have you played game X" you'll meet people who will
say "no, not my kind of game" and others who will say "aw, I really wish, but I don't have the money to buy it" so how much you want to do something is also a huge factor
And yet another one might be hopelessness, as the one who "isn't dating now" may have already dated so for them being alone is something that comes and goes and not a fact of life.
Had this epiphany while running my fingers through my hair of all things. A person can worry about having their hair go grey or fall out as they grow older, or just appreciate the feeling of what their body does have going for it in the moment.
“Living in the present is what creates pleasantness” - I never realized this but it’s absolutely genius!
There is a specific quality to these videos that I love. Each video is like stumbling across a cool rock by a stream. Some have bugs under them, some have cool designs. Every once in a while you flip a rock over and, oh fuck, there is a mirror under there.
Wow players in shambles rn
all my nostalgia stems from the time before i turned 13, because my mom died when i was 13 and i don’t see anyone w this experience here in the comments. so when dr. k says “what are the variables that made life better? maybe we can recreate that” and i’m here like… how do we bring my dead mom back? idk it’s just. my whole life was better when i was with her, and once she passed away i started having depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies.. i’m doing way better now, i’m gonna turn 23 tomorrow but i still grief and feel nostalgic of our time together ten years later. what’s different in this processing of the past is that i’ll never experience my life w her anymore. with everything else, you can kinda recreate stuff, but not when you lose a person, especially a parent, who you still wish were in your life, especially when 99% of people around you who are your age still have their moms and will have them for years to come
I remember in Japan people could rent a mother
I feel doctor k explain this pretty much in the video if this comment is after the video. People could have nice experience with their parent, but don’t miss possibility to get nice experiences with others in the present as well due to doomed in the past. Unfortunately I don’t really understand how experience with mom can feel nice, it’s a small chance thing for me.
TLDR; try going for a walk without your phone, music, or any device. You’ll feel like a kid again
I had this same revelation the other day. For context, when I’ve gotten nostalgic, thankfully it’s more of an appreciation for those times and memories, rather than a longing to return to those times. It’s cuz I appreciate my current life, and I know in the future, I’ll be similarly nostalgic for these times. Aka, just be present! Haha
But yeah I was on a walk, which I’ve become infatuated with, and asked myself the question “what does feeling like a kid actually feel like?” And I boiled it down to a total presence in what I was doing. This walk in particular, it was really nice out and got me thinking of playing outside in warm weather as a kid.
There’s a big factor that has influenced the enjoyment of my walks, tho. I don’t walk with any audio and I don’t have my phone on me.
This has made a huge difference. Thankfully my area is safe to do this. But walking without a phone/device has made all the difference. Even having it off or on airplane mode doesn’t suffice. It cannot be on me.
This has given me time to be fully immersed in the present, and to allow my mind room to breathe and work thru what it needs to. It’s so amazing! There’s so much detail in nature, the sounds, scenery, and landscapes. I am authentically present, physically and mentally. If someone wants to reach me, they’d have to physically find me.
It’s such a small detail but it makes all the difference, and I realized, going for walks (and other events in general) without a phone is a GREAT practice in feeling like a kid, aka being present. It’s like your mind has no other choice but to be present, and it’s truly freeing and rejuvenating.
I know Dr.K has a mostly young audience, but this trap of getting your mind stuck in the past is happening to me right now at age 40. I wish i could go back to 2005 when i was in my early twenties, enjoying college and playing world of warcraft.
Same. I'm of a similar vintage and feel like I wasted my 20s feeling insecure and not realising how awesome I really was. Since then, illness, injury and emotional abuse has changed me so much, I mourn the old me with my strong healthy body 😓 I have zero self confidence now and I feel mostly invisible. I feel like most of my memories are tinged with loss and regret.
I don't understand the desire to go back to childhood. Why would anyone ever wish to go back to living under someone else's thumb, where every decision was made for you?
There’s no time in our history you can point to where people were good & times were good
There are many times in our history you can point to where people were good & times were good
@@JimothyTheGreen when? If race wasn’t oppressed then gender was if not that then class was
@@JimothyTheGreen so why did you not point any out?
The past was better, I didn't have to work a 9-5 soul sucking job, I actually had friends, I wasn't shy or socially anxious, I even had people I was interested in romantically. I have none of that now.
I was one of the kids who never wanted to grow up cause I knew I'd hate it. Now I'm grown up and I really do fucking hate it. It'd be bearable if I could go back to working part time.
Like if I could move in with one or two people who also only want to work part time, we could each split the rent and internet and just live life with a lot of free time...
Time is better than money, 1000% I'll literally quit my new job if someone would do that with me...
I actually quit my job after posting this. I'm gonna fucking do that shit. I will live life how I want to live it.
@@LennyTheHopeless the good ending
@@LennyTheHopeless Was going to say, why is that an if? Major respect for actually making moves, I wish you the best
@@LennyTheHopeless How are you doing now? Did it turn out okay?
@@naazahs9045 Welp, I'm still looking for a new job. Trying to get something remote. Moved back to my home state,, with my aunt, and feel a lot happier now... Also joined an online school for a free class in something techy.
Still getting my life together, but all my "dark" thoughts have lessened marginally, so I think that change was for the best.
As a fellow adult, that D&D description with hummus and walk breaks sounds glorious.
You watch 3 Dr. K videos in a row and you already start to understand yourself better but also begin to process life experiences better. Love this content
“When we were living in squalor, wasn’t it heaven?”
-Tame Impala
I love nostalgia and tend to reminisce on my childhood quite often, it was such a simpler time
i really didn't expect Dr. K's approach on nostalgia here, the angle and emphasis on cherishing the present surprised me a lot
Now past is like fever dreams to me. Did that really happen? What was I thinking?
Past feels so far away and future is near.
And I am very afraid I will lose what I cherish the most now and I cannot feel the same way again in the future.
I feel the same
Any success in life, no matter the definition, requires energy to do so. The more energy you have the higher your ceiling.
Not always, ability matters too. If you don’t have the talent you energy doesn’t matter much
its more then less grit. energy and motivation comes and goes, its your ability to push through things and keep going that matters.
the problem is grit is developed early on and its not easy to come by.
@@Darkloid21 I agree. I guess I just mean energy must be present nonetheless. With talent and no energy = nothing happening.
@@possibleproblem479 I see what you mean. I think grit in a sense requires energy of its own.
Thats why im at the bottom to catch others. My batterie is like a to often overcharged phone with only 10% max charge and increased discharge in idle.
Thank you so much for this
I've actually learned to use the temporal component for the nausea/ throwing up Dr. K talks about at the end. I ALWAYS feel relieved after I throw up, so knowing that relief is coming relatively soon helps my mental during the "process". In the moment, It feels more like releasing the demons as opposed to experiencing pain.
thank you dr. k this is something I've been struggling with since middle school. I had figured out some of the stuff you said while self reflecting but its reassuring that some of my conclusions were right. Really helpful stuff, I had kinda given up on trying to regain that present happiness for a while since it had been removed for so long. Im not depressed and would probably say I'm happier than most of the people I know, but there is a distinct feeling of happiness that disappeared after I entered middle school and time felt like it started moving faster.
"Innocence means living in the present." This MOVED me. 🙏
I’ve had this exact feelings when I was depressed ( October 2021 - March 2022) while I was dealing with my first major heartbreak and grieving over a friend that died I was getting really close with at the same time
Posted at the best time I've been stuck in the past for months.
thank you Dr. K, You have helped me so mcu more than you will ever know and I am forever greatful. love the content, keep it up!
For me nostalgia is 2 years ago, not 20
Give it time ;p
About 6-10 years for me
I can relate to what Dr. K says about the difficulty of recreating the same circumstances.
I once wanted to game all night long, past midnight, in order to recreate the fun memories from my teenage years. But I just couldn't do it, because I was always getting way too tired to do that.
As a teenager, if I gamed all night long it was because I was depressed as heck and couldn't sleep!
@@devilsoffspring5519 That's understandable as well. We all have different experiences! Hope you're better now, though!
@@cubescihist6737 Nope, I'm 45 and much, much worse now. Thanks for the thought though :)
@@devilsoffspring5519 I'm really sorry to hear that :(
What has been going on?
@@cubescihist6737 No concise way to put it other than having been a targeted individual since I was very little. Hard to describe, but it's a form of domestic terrorism. My country (Canada) has problems with it and apparently it sometimes happens in the USA too.
Im shocked by how perfect the time of this video is for me. i met a group of siblings recently who i havent seen in almost 5 years and seeing them brought back a lot of painful nostalgia for me because it reminded me of the days when i would go over to their house or theyd come over to mine or their dad would buy ice cream for me and my sister or when wed play together as kids etc. etc. it was painful because meeting them reminded me of that part of my childhood that id forgotten, that was so good. life got bad after that and has been going downhill ever since, for these past five years.
how this dude always posting stuff that’s relevant to me holy
These video are nice. I wake up, go to work, start up a Dr K video while going through emails, its a daily ritual at this point.
This video might have saved my life. Impeccable timing.
Nostalgia hits so hard because times were SO good. For the country, for a lot of families, the future didn't look so bleak. It was a peak, in ways...
Now we have the internet so we are aware of so much more, money isn't what it used to be and younger people are stuck, the world is on fire and dark and the future looks rough. And also we're all older.
This was perfect for helping me sort this subject out. I particularly enjoyed the parts about going through the qualities of the past that you liked and finding appropriate ways of engaging those qualities and experiences in the present 👍. Works for me.
I realized what I most missed was the freedom of playfulness those I so enjoyed as a young person and that’s definitely something I really want and can reconnect with inside me.
“The good old days weren’t always good and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.” -Billy Joel
You know it's all bad in life, when you start downloading or collecting old retro games to get a glimpse of your childhood back.
Joking but recently I have been really getting into retro games and other stuff again. It's so nice to see things you couldn't get, or lost back then.
I like the fact your videos are very long , usually people do 1 minute vids or highly edited 5 minute videos where the don’t even properly explain. My attention span also gets better here , I mean if I can’t watch a video that I’m very interested in bcs it isn’t grabbing my attention after 10 minutes anymore I got a fcking problem
Perfect timing!
Isn’t it funny how our minds really just love to play with us…? When we start doing well, or something sparks a traumatic memory it likes to send us spiraling out and just so stuck on this horrible experience & feeling. And it seems as though trauma is so deeply engraved in our psyche that it appears more than we would like. But when we’re down, nostalgia pops up & we begin to ruminate on GOOD past times somehow making us feel worse… when things are good though, rarely do you think back like “oh I’ve had such a good life- remember when this this & this happened?” Or when things are bad do you think back like “gosh I’ve been in so many rough situation and they were sooo tough to get through, but I did make it, many times I’ve made it.”
00:00 🌟 Nostalgia is influenced by our present mindset; being present in the moment enhances enjoyment of things.
01:38 🕰 Nostalgia isn't universally positive; it can vary based on personal experiences and mental state.
03:26 🧠 The perception of the past being better might involve cognitive biases, especially linked to feelings of depression.
04:51 🤔 Instead of dismissing nostalgia, explore why the past felt better; understanding those aspects could help recreate a similar experience in the present.
06:23 🧭 Nostalgia serves a purpose; dwelling on the past aids emotional processing and helps in moving forward.
08:12 💭 Counterfactual thinking, imagining alternative scenarios, helps correct behavior and generates motivation.
10:20 🔄 Cognitive reframing is essential; it's a skill that can reshape perceptions of the past, aiding in gratitude and improved outlook.
16:52 ⏳ Living in the present generates happiness; as we age, societal pressures and responsibilities pull us away from this mindset.
18:29 📆 Society doesn't prepare us to retain presentness as responsibilities grow; the temporal dimension increases suffering and contributes to nostalgic views of simpler pasts.
23:09 🌟 Dwelling excessively on future concerns can rob present happiness. It's not about ignoring responsibilities but reframing to prevent undue dwelling.
24:24 🎮 Recreating past happiness might not work as circumstances change. Adapt to current situations for enjoyment.
27:57 ⏳ Living in the present becomes harder with age and societal pressure. Learning to live in the present is a skill that needs conscious effort.
31:22 🌸 Recognizing life's transient nature can initially cause anxiety but embracing the present is the only way to truly enjoy life.
36:01 💸 Circumstances influence happiness but aren't the sole factor. Financial security creates fertile ground for happiness, but it's not a guarantee.
41:20 🤔 Being present isn't ignoring present circumstances but appreciating them while also planning for the future sensibly.
44:00 🧭 Negative emotions signal necessary changes. They can guide toward improvements in various aspects like creativity or loneliness.
46:24 🕰 Fearing pain will last forever affects motivation. Studies show hopelessness leads to giving up; realizing it's not eternal is crucial.
47:52 🚣 Recognize future projections as emotional, not always logical. Despite evidence, assumptions about eternal loneliness might not be complete.
48:18 🧠 Future projections often stem from emotion. There are practices, like meditation, that help train the mind to live in the present.
Thank you I really need this 🙂
"I'm being alone whole my life, I'm 16". That was truth for me until 24. But since that time I was able to form some kind of relationship with three girls, and everytime it fell apart in several months. I'm 36 now and I'm alone for most part of my life and embraced the fact that marriage or even long-term relationship is not a thing for me. I don't have necessary skills to make first-time good impressions, and even less qualified to maintain existing relationship. So the only substitue for non-existing partner is memory of times, when I had some chances with girl that was my first unrequited love (at least I hope that there were some chances and it wasn't futile from the beginning).
Man this is relatable, between loving things that were most relevant when I was born, being born early enough to live an analog childhood, and being born late enough to be mostly incompetent with today's technology, I find myself hating the idea of pushing 30 and amounting to nothing significant. As a musician every genre I love has been done to the point it feels impossible to be original. my rock, punk, and metal heroes are dead or the bands broken up. I hate humanity's insatiable thirst for technological advancement to the point that my "smartphone" is designed to fail after a year or two of ownership. I hate that the housing crisis and need for a credit score prevent me from ever owning a house and I'm stuck in a decrepit travel trailer. I still collect physical media and dislike the majority of the art and movies that are produced today . I know the past wasn't necessarily "better" objectively, however I was born and raised in a world of Walkman tape players and 2 dollar gallons of gas, but I'm stuck in a world where not even cash is relevant and I can't apply to a job unless it's "Online". I specifically wasn't designed for this digital dystopian hellscape
This is probably the most useful video on UA-cam. I wish this had more views!
Funnily enough I wish this video existed back when I really needed it.
how do you live in the present, when there is nothing to enjoy in the present. All there is is to hope for a better future and dwell on a better past..
The one thing I notice that is recurring is the term 'acknowledgement'. For example, the difference between living in the present and making impulsive choices is in the former, you acknowledge your present situation and how its temporal effect extends to the future, e.g having a $10k debt but is still able to enjoy the present with $20 right now, knowing that you have done your best to pay $20 every day. In the latter, you use up all your savings for a gacha game in order to 'stay in the present' while ignoring the debt you have as well as lose the motivation to put in effort into paying back the debt.
Living in the present really do sometimes make me enjoy the present more.
However I do not fully agree with Dr.K that 'living in the present' is always the answer because in my opinion it is draining, and might make you a non-empathetic person - if you dismiss people's problems by always telling them to enjoy a moment of deprivation, e.g in poverty or abusive situations.
Furthermore, I think that another perspective is that living in the present is not just done to achieve happiness but also to _acknowledge_ the current situation and realistically think of a pathway to more happiness. Maybe this is just me, but sometimes I feel that I am ok with the present too much to the point where I might not desire anything too extraordinary for myself and might even downplay ambition as just 'dreams'. Perhaps this is something to work on. Either ways, insightful as always Dr. K, I love your work!
Literally the perfect time for me this video popped up thanks algorithm
Dr K never misses with the topics
Anybody ear’s also perked up when they heard Dr. K played DnD?
Yes 😂 Reminds me of playing MTG with friends in highschool
I studied to have a moderately high-paying job so I could do well enough with half a working week so the another half I could still spend as a kid: as a free person doing whatever I wanted, without the stress and pressure and expectations and rush. I literally worked to not let go of the nostalgia of childhood. Time is the most valuable resource out there, because it can never be earned back once you lost it.
(Also, the teenage years were the worst to me so I just wanted to work so I would have the freedom once times would get better so I could finally enjoy my life. Sounds depressing but I was always very optimistic about my future, like I was convinced when I was older and more experienced, everything would be easier. Turns out I was right.)
Wow I needed this video
I relate to this so much. If I went back in time, I don't think I could look myself in the eye..
The topic of nostalgia is super interesting to me because I don't seem to experience it. I don't know why. You know how sometimes when people talk about how music brings back memories of childhood or reminds them of love or the calmness of a swan at a lake? Or how people get attached to older genres of music or periods of time. Like I often hear people say that Studio Ghibli songs invokes a lot of nostalgic vibes, or the movie Midnight in Paris is based on nostalgia. I don't feel those things. I know I have a lot of great memories and experiences through life, and I can bring up memories or historic time periods in my brain, sure, but there is barely any strong sense of reminiscing/fondness/cherishing attached to those memories. I don't get concepts like "the good old days" or replay old games or movies I used to love. In a lot of cases a one-and-done. Not sure if my brain is broken in some way, or if I'm interpreting nostalgia differently.
ur lucky
I am currently feel like im stuck in the past. I miss college. The whole life of it. I miss holding a book in the classroom, walking to the building, waking up in my room etc.
I've had a lot of stress lately and this was very helpful. Thank you
40:56 The dude asked exactly what I was about to ask.
How long you been holding out on this Dr k? Needed this sir.
Looking back to the past disturbs me I'd never want to feel like that again😢
I feel i am stuck in the past. I romanticize about the friendships and things i did. But.... i intentionally created these wonderful vacation, events and memories, knowing i would have something beautiful to remember. Now im too attached to these people who are not attached to me. Nor do they remember it as nicely as i have. My life has been on hold because i dont want to move on to the future because once it's gone, it's gone for good.
@33:30 "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why we call it the Present." -Oogway
Eat you ice cream before it melts
Deep wisdom there.
I have the song from Casablanca stuck in my head going around and around watching this video and now I feel nostalgic for that.
I am not a nostalgic person. In fact, i should correct my view of the past in the opposite direction. I have a lot of anger and revolt against what happened to me. I live better now. Sure, I do have more responsibility then before, but at least the world isn't a chaotic place where talking to people becomes an altercation out of nowhere. This is the best thing that changed from my past to now and the only way that I wish to go back in the past is to correct it. I hate my past and I am working with a lot of mental health professionals to hopefully get at peace with it.
Always good topics bruh
I can enjoy puking cause usually I think"Man after this Ill feel so good." It usually feels better after,
this was the best video ive ever needed
I'm 30 years old and married I have two kids but I also have PTSD and I was in a funk for a little bit then I was doing really good I had a whole year where everything was great then I got really nostalgic recently and I was thinking wow this is good this feels like I could be getting progress like really good progress cuz I'm thinking about the past in good way and then all of a sudden it kind of triggered my PTSD in such a harsh way more harsh than I've ever experienced it in my life to the point where I had to hurt myself by holding a ice pack and going to bed that night because it was the only way that I could stay in the present and not slip back and forth into the past. That entire night was so foggy to the point where all I remember is things that did happen in the past and waking up not really like sleeping but like fading in and out so I would snap back to reality while just laying in bed with my husband next to me sleeping and everything was great we had a wonderful day that day. Nostalgia is wonderful until it isn't especially for someone who has PTSD. I had PTSD due to a trauma I experienced from 10 years old until I was 14 and multiple other traumas that happened after and before that as well. I think I really did learn my lesson by being nostalgic for too long it's a good thing until it isn't so trying to stay present is important and grabbing at things that are good during that time of your life is important but try not to be too nostalgic or you'll start to remember the bad stuff and it can seriously trigger you. I did not realize that PTSD could go from having a normal baseline to horrendously bad. I had no idea and I'm talking to my therapist tomorrow so maybe she'll have a good idea on what to do but yeah that was a pretty interesting night and I never want to experience that again but at least I learned thanks to Reddit that you can use an ice pack to keep yourself in the present during a severe PTSD attack. If you didn't know that and you have PTSD make sure you have a nice pack in your freezer just in case. Lol . I love this video I'm halfway through and I can't wait to finish it it's really insightful and so true.
Maybe a bit harsh but without punctuation this is nearly impossible to read
The good thing about having a sad/boring past is to not feel nostalgia at all, things has not been changing for me since 20 years ago.
This hit like a truck. Is so bizarre that one liners "live in the present", "things are simpler when your a kid" are so much miss represented and miss understood.
Hilarious for me hearing the grilled cheese butter vs olive oil analogy.
I switched to mayonnaise - the objectively least healthy of those 3 options.
BUT I eat grilled cheese less frequently and boy do I savor it more than I ever have.
Try it I'd you haven't by the way.
Also use real bread and actual cheese - chop up some crispy bacon and/or fried turkey with some finely chopped spinach, mix that all in with the grated cheese.
I really do think about 1999 playing mario 64 and starting to draw while playing, really was a chill and interesting times and I was 5.
i think it’s interesting that dr. k said 8 to 12 year olds don’t think about the past because in that time frame that’s almost exclusively what i thought about and i didn’t know that that’s unusual
This community has some special formula that knows our problems.