No One Told Me That | The Truth Behind Respectful Treatment
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
- What are realistic expectations on how to be treated by people in your life? Are people not respecting you the norm and those who treat you well are special? Do you believe you deserve to be treated well? This quick video talks about what is a realistic, normal expectation of how to be treated by others.
#narcissisticrecovery
#mental wellness
#respect
#healthyboundaries
#confidence
#confidenceshorts
#communication
Respect,,, Get it from a normal person near you 😺
They are out there!
This also applies to oneself internally.
Speak kindly and compassionately to yourself.
We don't want others putting us down, so we should not put ourselves down.
YES! How we talk to ourselves is the most important thing! Patience, kindness, and gentleness towards ourselves is so important. You spend the most time with yourself.
🎯
I'll try.
Thank you, this is still a lesson I'm trying to learn and internalize. As a child I genuinely believed I was worthless and unlovable. It was mind blowing to realize as an adult that that is no universal truth.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Normalizing being treated will is so important. When you do that, it's easier to choose relationships that will make you happy and not drain your energy and make you miserable. Kindness is NORAML!
I resonate with this deeply. It does feel like special treatment. It really makes me step back and see that it's no wonder I felt how I did with the people I was around. Those people are no longer in my life and I find I'm healing as a result
@@saracoley3163 yes, setting limits with disrespect makes space for people who will treat you well and then it just becomes what is normal for you; wasting time on someone who disrespects you just doesn’t happen.
Never listen to woman as a man.. they even dont understand themselfs 🤷♂️☕️
Possibly the only person who was ever that nice to me was a narcissist who was lovebombing me. I thought you were issuing a warning.
I can see that interpretation and I'm glad that you being that up. A narcissist won't be able to keep it up (treating you well) and definitely they won't be able to consistently say they love you despite making mistakes. A healthy person will always be able to maintain this and if they don't, they will recognize their failure as their own, apologize, and permanently change their behavior away from what hurt you. The key is personal responsibility and consistency in healthy behavior. Thank you for bringing it up! :)
@@bethanybrunn4282 Lol! If you got lots of money in the bank they will play it all the way out to the end.
Great clarification, thank you very much. @@bethanybrunn4282
The difference between normal respect and narcissistic lovebombing is boundaries.
The nurse looking after my roommate in emergency last night was so caring and respectful that I was in a way shocked ❤ .
I'm glad you have that experience. They are out there. :)
Like my grandparents taught us. Good manners keeps you from choking the crap out of someone who desperately needs it. It keeps interactions peaceful.😊
Good manners go a long way!
😂
Crap. Well now I'm questioning literally everything about my life. 😮😅
Arg! It imight be a revelation, yes! But normalizing being treated well makes sure that you *are* treated well. It's possible for you and you deserve it. :)
Relatable 😅
I’ve met one normal person in my life. I Thank God for him. I definitely think he’s special. ❤ thank you for letting me believe there could be more “normal” people out there! 😊❤
There are, and if you have at least one, then you know what you are looking for, for sure! 💞
I always treat people the way that I like to be treated. The problem now a days is the world is full of selfish A holes.
Stick with the people in your immediate orbit with whom you spend the most time. It's not about how others act but what is reasonable to expect and set boundaries to get, from the people immediately around you.
@@bethanybrunn4282what you describe is what I would call the optimal lifestyle. However, Ive been forced to work with people who I’d rather not be around. It’s been going on for decades. There is no way to escape spending most of your day with reprobates and narcissists.
Hehehe without any doubt 😊
@@cryptojoecoin5480 Hi, thanks for the comment. If your immediate circle, as in your personal relationships, are respectful and have healthy boundaries, you have a refuge from situations that are less in your control, such as work. I hope that you will find a more respectful workplace in the future!
Thanks. You showed up on my feed just when I'm as a senior questioning conditional love vs unconditional love. It's time to change the story of the past lifetime. Sometimes the people you call family don't know the difference between the two.
Often these skewed views on what's "normal" comes from family relationships. We tend to think the whole world operates like our family but it's not true. There's so many people out there who are kind and will treat you well. And it's never too late to change the story of your life!
@@bethanybrunn4282I've just realised, through therapy, that I was the family scapegoat for my parents and my three siblings. I have noticed that now I have more confidence and can accept respect. I am normal too. Thanks for this post which I find reaffirming. BTW, I'm in my late sixties; it's never too late to live.
Thank you Bethany, what a beautiful person you are. Thank you for spreading light in this world ❤️
Thank you for the kind words!
You look special. Your eyes look special. And your advice is equally special. ❤
May this channel grow leaps and bounds... 🙌
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Thank you for telling me I'm normal. Seriously, sometimes I feel like the weirdo in a relationship just for caring.
Normalizing healthy relationships, as in how you behave towards others, and how you allow others to behave towards you can go a long way towards feeling good about yourself and life. I'm glad the video was a help to you!
Wow. I needed this.
I'm glad it helped. :) You are in good company, and that's why I made the video.
Thank you! I treat people how we all should be treated and either people misinterpret it, are leery of me, or attempt to find fault in me. 😂 I want nothing in return except for mutual respect. I’ve had people even ask me out! It’s like no! I’m just a kind person and this is how everyone should be.
I can believe that! Lol. Keep to up, it can change the world!
Brief, to the Point yet impactful. Thank you! ❤
You are welcome, I'm glad it helped
So simple. Yet so true
These people seem few and far between
Yes, not everyone does this of course, but you can prioritize in your life the people who do. So often we don't think we're allowed to do that, but we are! I'm glad this was helpful to you. 💞
I've never met someone like that "normal" person you are referring to. Whenever someone is nice, I just assume they want something from me, such as my money or labor. Even my own mother won't talk to me unless she needs something from me. Then she's nice to me until she gets what she wants from me (money, favors, a ride, housekeeping etc.). Then it is back to radio silence or outright abusive language until she needs something again.
If this has been the behavior you grew up in, you may have a world view that people are users. Yes, there are users, but there's many people who aren't. The idea of seeing the behavior as normal is to recalibrate the expectation to be treated that way. When you do that, you don't waste time with negative people and spend your energy on those who treat you well.
when you asked the initial question if I've ever been around somebody like that before, my answer was no
I had the same thought. Maybe this lady lives somewhere super nice, like Wisconsin or something.
That is sad you haven't had this experience. Even if you haven't, you deserve kindness and respect. I hope your future experiences are better.
Lol. No I'm not from or in Wisconsin. :). I encounter plenty of people who are disrespectful to me. Those I allow close to me, however, I have expectations of respect and kindness. Those primary relationships are the ones I'm referring to in this video.
Thank you, needed to hear that!
I'm glad it helped. I don't think people hear it enough. :)
I love that you're encouraging people to think of respect and consideration as the baseline instead of special treatment.
This is wonderful.
I chimed in because i know it can be a very confusing and long journey finding out what healthy boundaries are and where they should be. In my experience i've hit a roadblock several times where i would gaslight myself into thinking my standards were too high or that i was too needy because i saw so little kind and respectful behavior coming from people around me, but in those moments i was simply surrounded by the wrong people and needed to let them go and keep looking for the people who are kind and loving.
I want to encourage people by letting them know that the right people and the wrong people exist in pockets in the real world, and if you grew up without seeing healthy boundaries demonstrated you are far more likely to find yourself in a pocket of the wrong people because they feel familiar. So if consideration, thoughtfulness and respect don't seem normal, keep letting people go and meeting new people until you've collected a group of friends in your phone contacts who demonstrate to you day by day that kindness and respect ARE normal 😊.
Yes, this! Setting limits with unhealthy disrespectful people makes space for people who will treat you well. It's like cleaning out your closets and dressers to make space for a new wardrobe.
Well said, life is too short I found it difficult to differentiate from the McGivers and the McTakers in my early life and subsequent friendships but as retirement beckons it’s a great time to clear out that wardrobe and surround yourself with good kind people, the rest can join later if they mend their ways😂🥰🏴
Love this message and how it was delivered. Just below the surface of this concept, and what makes it all possible, is that the two parties must be playing on the same field. Meaning: When one party creates their own definition of TRUTH, respectful treatment immediately collapses. Period. Therein why this video even exists. Today, those without a moral compass create their own truths. Lying is rampant. Denial is somehow considered brave. Lowering standards to their whimsical needs and tolerating what they believe while begrudging those that stand a-posed, believing in a higher standard and greater purpose. Yeah, “Respectful Treatment” is a concept that needs revisiting and it starts at an early age, in the home, coming from both parents, within the family.
@@jfangio4186 I’m glad you liked the video. It does start at home, but even if you didn’t get that growing up, there’s still a chance, and you deserve it!
If you expect a certain behavior from yourself with other people in general, it's not too much to expect to get this kind of behavior from your close ones.
If they're not capable/willing to treat you the way you treat others, then either you give too much or you're in the company of an AH.
Different words, but same sentiment. We don't have to tolerate disrespectful behavior from anyone, including family. How to respond to the disrespectful behavior is a case by case issue, bat it is actually normal to be treated with respect is not case by case, it's a given. Thanks for the comment!
This literally made me cry
Aww, hopefully some tears of a deeper, kinder connection with yourself. I'm glad my words reached you.
@@bethanybrunn4282 it definitely hit a spot! But I’m away from that and I won’t be returning!! Thank you for your words of wisdom!
Why did I burst out in tears?
@@lauratyler4863 I’m sending you so many hugs
@@lauratyler4863 You deserve love and respect!
That was fantastic. Thank you to the Universe for everything that took place, in order for me to tap into this video!! Freedom, Grace, Love, and Respect to everyone who is reading this❤
Thank you, what a wonderful message. All the same to you!
You've just described my ex-girlfriend.
Not respecting me, my time, or the relationship.
Yes, many people can do this short term, but the healthy, kind people can keep it up. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out for you. I hope your next is successful!
@@bethanybrunn4282 Me too, but the way modern women are, I don't care if there is a next one.
That was nice. Genuine and told with a smile. Thank you.
@@9parasqn656 you are welcome :)
Very well put! And it is normal.
Even for people like me who were raised by wonderful parents and had a wonderful childhood, it was low self esteem I suffered from.
Your short video makes for a nice “meaning tool” to gauge the status of one’s self esteem at a given moment.
This was a reality check for me that my self esteem has taken a dip lately and you have provided me with the perfect reminder ❤
I’m glad it helped! Even with a great family experience we can struggle with negative people.
Some people are gifted and special!
@@lalithamichael2668thank you for watching!
Love this!
Thank you!
Yes, I’ve known normal. Thank you.
You’re welcome 😊
Thank you!!!!!
You're welcome!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are welcome!
I actually met a person like this. She said that she believed in me, so i asked to take her picture. She asked me if i wouldn't remember her, and i said no. It's just that you're literally the first person who has ever said that to my face!
It feels great to hear that from someone else. Thank you for sharing your story.
❤OH YOU DIVINE WOMAN!❤
Thank you! You are Divine as well!
Fabulous, well said, not rocket science just fact but hard for some to believe when they have been hurt in the past. Thank you for highlighting that it is ok to expect “normal” love makes the world go round.
I'm glad it helped you. Setting the expectation that this is normal behavior towards you will greatly impact who you allow in your life. :)
Thank you! This spoke to me. Used to get so blown away by how kind people were… 🤣
Me too! I’m glad this resonated with you.
Great Video! Simple! Thank You! Truth.
@@lillyfahey1921 you’re welcome! :)
Thank you sweetheart🌻🎶🐾
You are welcome! :)
Thank you, living & learning 🦋🫧🌌
That's the best we can do. :) You are welcome!
Really a cool talk. Straight to the point and valuable insight for relating
I'm glad it was helpful!
Wow, thank you so much for making this video. I needed to hear that today. I love you and I respect your boundaries as well. And I wish you nothing but the best in life.❤❤❤
Thank you so much. I'm glad it helped you today. You deserve happiness and peace. :)
Bravo Bethany Brunn :) That was awesome!
Thank You!
Thank you
You are welcome. :)
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Thank you. I’ve had to endure some weird stuff for a celibate woman who moved to Kansas.
❤
Than you!
"Can't we all just get along?" - Rodney King
@@LeydenAigg I know, right?
You should see the unedited whole R. King video. He was out of his mind on PCP and actually attacked the cops. Threw 2 of them out into freeway traffic. Of course, that wouldn't fit the anti- cop narrative of the MSM, would it?
Facts..
Yep! :) I'm glad you could relate.
I've been under the impression thru 5 decades of teaching by the church that the sinful condition is what's normal, and to rise above it with love and respect requires divine intervention.
People's experience with church varies. You have a choice to believe what makes sense to you regardless of what you've been taught. You are born worthy of love and respect. :)
Ik leef rustig dankjewel voor u belangstelling lief van u❤
Thank you, you as well.
I think it’s okay to acknowledge that the level of kindness and consideration which you’ve described is not normal, as in, not the norm. How can we move towards a vision without first seeing the present state of humanity?
I think that what we want to see in others and experience in others we first, exhibit ourselves, and second, prioritize relationships based on level of respect, kindness, and consideration you get from those people. This may mean limiting contact with family members and/or making other life choices to make sure this happens. These acts alone can be enough to make a difference in the world, and if not the world, at least in your own life and immediate orbit. That’s enough, it counts.
Thanks pretty lady 💗🩷💛💚
You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed this.
"*God Bless Everyone Take Care All Long Lives 100 years and above all*"
Peace to you!
Normal is good.
I prefer those who prioritize truth, not my feelings. To me, catering to my feelings is just enabling, not respect.
@@O8080808O thanks for your thoughts!
Sometimes someone who treats people nicely is normal. Sometimes they have a Cluster B personality disorder and are in the early stages of an ultimately destructive relationship.
Right! Those with Cluster B won't be able to keep it up, but those who are normal in the sense talked about in this video will continue, "...even when you make mistakes..."
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aretha Franklin.😂
Absolutely! Love that song. :)
I think a definition of normal might help some of us to understand this video better. If you take normal to mean typical, I can't entirely agree that the typical person is respectful. History helps me prove this since we have been at war far more than we have been at peace, with humans only having been at peace for about 8 percent of recorded history. Of course, war is all about violating boundaries. Since we are products of this wartime behavior, many humans do not have the proper role modeling for setting healthy boundaries. The good news is that we have folks like you who are doing your part to change this. I hope humanity has a better future.
Hi, thank you for your thoughtful comment. What I mean by normal: the closer someone is to you, as in who you spend the most time with (think partner, family, close friends), the reasonable expectation of behavior for those people to exhibit in order to have *access* to you, is that they treat you with respect, kindness, etc. If this happens, then what's normal (most frequent) behavior to you is the kindness and respect. The further out someone is from your immediate circle, the less necessary it is that they be kind, respectful, etc. *to you* because of the amount of access they have to you.
You are probably just and average person like me, who has no real impact over anyone except for those in my immediate orbit. We cannot reasonably expect our behaviors to change what's going on across the world. We can only control what it right in front of us. If we cultivate respect, kindness and boundaries in our own life, then we at least aren't *adding* to the state of war, big or small.
Finding peace to replace to war in ourselves is sufficient to help with world. I hope this helped, and your comment is also helping change things, in your own life and in the lives of those around you!
@@bethanybrunn4282 AH, normal as in reasonable expectation makes sense.
I have a near-phobia of calling people to ask for stuff - even if I'm calling a business I know I'll l be paying for their services. I also hate answering the phone, because for decades the only people who called were asking me for stuff - usually free of charge or at a cost to me. Nobody ever calls just to say hi and ask how I'm doing, so I don't even know if such a conversation is possible.
It sounds like you've had some unpleasant experiences and phone calls can be hard, both calling and answering. Thank you for sharing your experience and keep trying with the calls!
@@bethanybrunn4282 I'm giving some thought to calling some friends just to see how they're doing - but to be fair, I'd have to call all of them. And as an extreme introvert, I'd have to pace myself very carefully.
"Get Well Soon"
Boy Scouts, Taylor Vick
I think you must be a nurture queen.
Sadly, I've reached a point in my life when the only time I am surprised is when someone is nice to me. I was treated badly as a child and I have allowed everyone else to do the same. I'm about ready to withdraw from the world bc I'm just really tired.
I can see how you would be tired. Don’t give up, and I encourage you to get support to learn how to set boundaries with others. Even if this has been happening for a long time, it can get better.
@sandy-pf9bb Don’t give up. I’m in the same boat as you. I have worked with some nasty coworkers who hate Christians and conservatives. No matter how much I tried to show them the love of Christ, they were just as hateful. I don’t intend to turn this comment into a political statement. However, what I have noticed is that Democrats and atheists are in general angry and miserable people. Honestly, I feel bad for them. Life is too short to be angry and miserable most of the time. After all, are they not the party of peace, love, unity, understanding, and compassion? I guess not!
@bethanybrunn4282 I do struggle with boundaries for sure. Thank you so much for the encouragement, it means more than you know!
@TheFaithfulPatriot I don't think they are what they claim to be!! Life is definitely too short to be angry and miserable. There's a lot of mean people in the world, unfortunately most of the knives I have were placed by Christians in my own church.
I feel as though that those kinds of people come very far few in between. This is getting to be a lesser of a we’re all in this together type of world and more of an every man and every man for himself type of world. Sadly.😔
It's going to feel hopeless if you think about the whole world. It's enough to affect things in your immediate surroundings and in your own life. Your immediate world is enough!
@@bethanybrunn4282 you’re right. Maybe I’m missing the point but sometimes it’s just easier to throw some slippers on my feet than to attempt to carpet the entire world.
@@MrJBest78 Just make sure they are some really nice high-end ones that feel awesome. You deserve the best. :)
I honestly thought she was going to say something bad like they're a narcissist or they're manipulating you.
You are in good company! :) Normalizing respect from others helps you to focus on healthier relationships and move on more quickly from unhealthy ones.
"*Humans All Normal & No Powers*"-"*Spiritual Life Difference & Mental Care Different & Psychological Care Different - My Dear Friend*"
Peace to you!
I need all kinds of help
Is there a way to turn the music off or down??
Thanks for the feedback. There's no way to turn it down but I will be mindful about how loud it is.
May the Lord bless and keep you Bethany in the Mighty Name of Jesus. Lord, I pray you allow Your Holy Spirit to grant me confirmation about whether this word is for me or for someone else. In the Mighty Name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
Thank you for your blessing. Peace to you!
When a behavior or event is rare, it isn't considered normal. Such as snow in June in the northern hemisphere. I've been all over the country and have met many, many people from all walks of life. I can assure you, that it is rare that someone just gives respect to people. In my experience, respect must not only be earned, but occasionally demanded. I worked in "essential" retail during the pandemic. If you worked next me during that time, this video would have NEVER been made.
Go work the drive up at McDonald's or as a cashier at WalMart and see how normal people behave. I guarantee you that the last word you'd use to describe normal people would be "respect."
This isn't about the whole world acts, it's about the type of behavior that is normal to expect from the people you most frequently encounter, meaning partner, family, friends. If those primary relationships are respectful, then it's less important how near strangers act.
Can I be a very special person
You already are 🥰
I hope that you can!
So we're to suspect someone who is nice & respectful to you?
It is in your best interest to have as your baseline expectation that someone be consistently respectful to you, that this is how it's normal for people to treat you. It's what should be normal, can be normal. It starts with what your expectations of others are.
Could b love bombing. Every time I think finally someone makes me feel respected is usually malignant and has evil waiting to flip. I always double bait them. Ppl who pretend to be friends to steal secrets, give them fakes and see what they do. Blessings.
Thank you for pointing that out. Unhealthy people will not be able to maintain respect, so consistency is an important part of it. Also, the idea is to normalize respect from others as opposed to it being the exception. It sounds like you’ve had some bad experiences, and I hope you have better ones in the future. Good friends are out there. :)
They make me really nervous.
People who treat you special? I get that. It can take time to sort out who is a good person in your life and who isn't. It's worth it to keep trying.
my family and relatives have always treated me so badly. I hate my cousins. I would forgive the previous generation but cousins who are my age treating me like shit, makes me think, why have they not learnt?
This is so frustrating and hurtful. You can't control them, only the way you interact with them. It may help to prioritize contact with people who treat you well even if they aren't your family. Peace to you.
@@bethanybrunn4282 Thank you. 🙏
Respect has to be earned. The best one can expect is 'common courtesy' which also needs to be reciprocal.
Yes, respect needs to be reciprocal. If you are treating others badly, that is not ok either.
@@bethanybrunn4282???
I can't even remember "normal".
I feel that. I hope this video helps to remind you what is realistic to expect from others in your life. You deserve respect even if you have a lot of experience of not getting it.
Never experienced that , I don't have any friends,,,,, no help fast don't I should be muscular work out 😂 run drive 😅
Thank you for watching!
Uhm beg to differ. In our current society it is NOT normal. But if you’re in an environment and you’re lucky if you are, where it is normal? Count your lucky starts. I’ve been working in the real world for 35 years. These things are not normal anymore.
We can't control society at large, and of course there's a lot of uncaring people out there. But you can control who you allow in your immediate orbit and because they have direct access to you, it makes the most difference what the quality of those relationships are. Demanding respect from the world is unrealistic; demanding respect from someone you live with or interact with on a regular basis, that is an imperative.
I’m just not sure what the purpose of this fiery trial? Wilderness? Whatever this strange experience might be called is supposed to accomplish.
Thank you for watching!
You resemble someone I know.
Normal implies that most people behave this way. It is appropriate, but increasingly uncommon.
Thanks for your feedback. I bring this up to normalize respect as a starting point for yourself to expect this behavior from others who you allow close to you. Even if many of the people in your orbit aren’t respectful, it is reasonable to expect it. There are plenty of people out there who will treat others with respect and considering that normal will help you to spend your energy on them and not on those who are disrespectful.
Only women believe, that getting treated special is normal.
i wish i could believe this but instead I believe God when He says humans are fallen
Everyone has their personal journey and I respect where you are on that journey. Peace and caring to you.
I don't agree with this. It takes a lot of work to follow the Golden Rule. That's why we admire people like Mr. Rogers--it is very hard to be like that and it very much is special, not normal.
@@MB-fk5mg I can see your point of view. My experience in therapy though is that people think they have to tolerate disrespectful behavior from others, but then there’s no space or energy for healthy relationships. The point of the video is that it’s ok to prioritize the people who treat you well and set limits with those who don’t. If this means the list of people is short, then so be it. I’d rather have one Mr. Rogers in my life than 20 negative people who don’t respect me. But also people don’t have to be as kind as Mr. Rogers to be respectful to you. Peace to you!
Awfully annoying backgound music
thanks for the feedback!
It's not your journey b.
What is it.
It's none of your business how it talks.
It doesn't actually matter what it's saying, in it's life,
This was mental soul food ❣Thanks a lot
Feast up on it! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you
You're welcome. :)