Відео

Thank you for your comment. I was speaking to this in the context of the relationships that are closest to you. It's unreasonable to expect anyone to act a certain way, however, from those with whom you have the most contact, it's reasonable to expect respectful behavior or they don't have access to you. So often I have clients who don't like how their family treats them, for example, and it doesn't occur to them that they deserve to be treated with respect.

Thank you for your comment. Of course you need to respect others to expect the same in kind. However, what I see often in therapy is that people are so used to be treated disrespectfully by those who are closest to them, they think it's normal. As in, they haven't done anything to be treated with disrespect. You do deserve respect, particularly from those who you allow closest to you. The further outside your social circle someone is, the less important this is. And always, you deserve to treat yourself with respect.

Thank you for your comment! Genuine people will be consistent.

@@anweshakar146 I’m glad you liked it! ☺️

I always get overly attached to people whenever anybody's nice to me because it's such a rarity for me 😶

Thanks! Glad you liked it. :)

Thank you for your comment. I suppose there's an element of courtesy, which I see as more for acquaintances. In the video I'm talking more about people who are closest to you and not just acquaintances.

@@bethanybrunn4282 I understood your point, and thank you for responding. My point is that respect is an inner feeling of admiration and trust that often has nothing to do with 'nice', especially among men. We often show respect by being harsher with disagreement because we feel safe disagreeing with a person we respect. We know they will honestly disagree, and not attempt various sophistic attacks or responses. Respect isnt about 'nice'. If someone is nice to you, to a fault, that is likely submission, not respect. If they respected you, they would feel you can handle criticism or disagreement. People often get respect twisted up with submission. They aren't the same, as I'm sure you know the phenom where a person is nice to a boss that they absolutely do not respect.

@@timothyblazer1749 I agree that "nice" was a poor choice of words for this video and the better word would have been "kind". Kindness can come in harsher forms, as in what you are describing. I thank you for noticing that and pointing it out. It's wise to treat your boss with niceness even if you don't respect them. I work with a lot of people though who struggle who think they need to remain actively engaged with family members or significant others who don't treat them with respect. What has lead to this is complicated, individualized, and hard to cover in a two minute video. :).

Thank you for the comment. The video is about how you allow people to treat you. It's assumed that you treat others with respect as well. Many of the people I work with allow people to treat them badly and have of so long they think it's just how it is. Some people need to hear the message in the video.

Sometimes that hard boundary is what needs to be set even it's your parents. I hope you are able to find peace. <3

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to find the healing you are looking for.

​@@bethanybrunn4282This is a scammer. They are on lots of videos, pushing fake 'spiritual counselling'.

@@clairebearie87 I don’t know if this applies to your case, but sometimes no contact, even if for a short time, may be what’s needed to be sure you are treated with respect. Best of luck, and peace to you!

I agree! For many it's not though. Thanks for watching!

Whew, sounds tense! I'm glad the video helped, thanks for watching!

I think respect can be lost, but we are all worthy of a certain level of respect just by being a human being. This is particularly true of those with whom we have the closest relationships. And the respect needs to be mutual.

@@bethanybrunn4282 This is the thinking that brought us the "everyone deserves a trophy" line of thought. In ALL relationships, respect must be EARNED! Compassion, care, admiration, empathy, and many other words, can be attributed to the people we have in our lives, but respect is pivotal and singularly powerful.

@@Bullzeye1000yds “everyone deserves a trophy” thinking is about competitions. Healthy relationships aren’t a place of competition. Many people believe they have to put up with disrespect when they haven’t earned it. The video is to let them know what is healthy and reasonable expectation. Thanks for the comment!

@@bethanybrunn4282 I guess the word I'm looking for is dignity. Yes, respect is correct for a relationship. I wouldn't be in one without it.

@@Bullzeye1000yds I'm glad to hear that! Best wishes to you <3

True friends will be kind in their disagreement and will be consistent. People who are insincere won't be able to keep up with the fake behavior. Thank you for your comment!

When you get respect, notice it and show your appreciation! It's out there!

You are welcome. When our starting point is that reasonable expectation of the people we allow closest to us are respectful, then those are the type of people we spend the most time with. Nothing says we have to spend time with people who are disrespectful and unhealthy for us even if they are family.

Thanks for the feedback. It's sometimes hard to tell when I'm editing how loud the music is going to be in the background for the upload. I hope you were able to enjoy it and get something from it despite the music. Peace!

That's right! It's ok to put your needs before others to make sure you have enough. Then you can focus on others. It's like on an airplane when they say to out your mask on first, then help others.

Thank you! Im glad you liked it.

The people who are genuine will be consistent. Thank you for your comment!

Thank you!

You are welcome.

Thank you!

Our family is where we learn a lot of this, but when we become adults we can unlearn it and choose our relationships. Obviously we can't choose our family, but we can choose rules of access for family members. Some will get it, others won't.

I'm glad you liked it!

Thank you!!

@@bethanybrunn4282 you're welcome 💚

Thanks!

Thanks for the comment. Not all mental health professionals are the best, and most won't keep you just to keep you dependent. However, if you ever feel that your therapist isn't working in your best interest, yes, it's best to move on. :)

I'm glad it helped <3

It sounds like you had some really painful experiences. We can't change our past or how people treated us, but as adults it's within our power to allow only those who treat us with respect and kindness access to us. It's completely fine to limit or stop contact with anyone, including relatives, who don't treat you with respect.

@@bethanybrunn4282 ❤️❤️🙏

Despite your upbringing and the behavior around you, if you make the boundary that people who get the most access to you have to treat you with respect and kindness, then it becomes normal for YOU. How the world is, is way beyond our control and not what I'm talking about. That is, you don't have to wait for the world to get better.

@@bethanybrunn4282 I completely agree. But easier said than Done. I'm from India, please read and make content abt the social structure.

@@sylviaslat Thank you for your feedback. You are the second person that has mentioned being from India. Are you asking me to read about Indian culture and comment on social structure or make content about social structure in general? I am aware that different cultures have different ideas about family, loyalty, obedience, and respect. Breaking away from your upbringing wether it be cultural on the macro level or the micro level (just the immediate family) can be a very challenging thing to do. Setting strong limits with those closest to them seems to be what my clients struggle the most with. So this video was to let the people who need to hear it know that it is perfectly ok to expect to be treated well.

@@bethanybrunn4282 Very True. I'm learning that. I'm just in my 20s. Let me illustrate this with an example..At this age, Marriage, not even ROMANTIC LOVE but MARRIAGE is the utmost important thing in the culture. And then suitors/men who offer the 'normal' attributes you're talking about become SAINTS. Thats how abnormal this is in this culture. You really have to give an arm and a leg to break away from toxic family systems. I have started with changing my own self talk and firstky setting boundaries wi myself. Thank youfor the quality you are providing, yor responses and even your curiosity to know and talk abt the culture I'm from. ♡♡♡

Sometimes, right? But consistency is key. People who are genuine will be consistent with this.

It can be normal for YOU. How society works is completely different; if you don't have contact with certain people their behavior doesn't matter as much as how people in your immediate orbit act.

Thank you!

The unfortunate reality is that sometimes to maintain your own peace and healthy that's what you have to do. This is a great example of what I'm talking about. It's painful to not be able to see your kids, but it will cause more damage to you to have to tolerate their behavior in oder to have contact. And not all people have to go to this extreme, but I think people also need to hear it's also fine to be no contact for your own well being. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you!

Thank you for your comment. I think the idea of respect in society is common- "respect your elders", etc. What I find in my practice though is that people don't experience respect towards themselves, as in how people threat them, not how they treat other people. In lessons during childhood, respect towards others is heavily taught, but how to make sure you are respected isn't. For example, we are often taught to put others first and put yourself last. From a specific perspective, that makes sense. A better lesson is we are all equal, no better, no lesser; treat yourself and others with equal kindness, and be kind to all. Maybe the Golden Rule.

Thank you!

Yeah, you have to wait sometimes to see if the kindness will be consistent. Those who are genuine will be able to be consistent. But if they aren't, it's ok to move on and concentrate on those who treat you well. Thank you for the comment!

Thank you for the comment. It doesn't matter how most people of the world are, what matters is who you allow close to you. We waste time on people who don't treat us well, but if we allow in our inner circle the ones who treat you well, the rest can be well. The whole world could be a frozen ball of ice, but if your little home is warm and dry, it doesn't matter.

@@bethanybrunn4282 Oh, that‘s a very beautiful view of this 😊👏🏻. Thank you so much for your comment ❤️ it warmed my heart and yes, you‘re totally right! We are adults and should know who is good for us and who not. We decide how our little world looks like 😊