Me too....and i am facing it ....when i was just child....and now i m 18....and still dealing with it....and bcs of this i just lost my self confidence or self esteem....i really hate it and the worst part is i was abused in my childhood physically and i also informed my father about it...but he didnt take any action and just told me to ignore it and focus in carrer
I had no idea I was being abused (and still am) until I was about 40 and taking a juvenile delinquency class for my criminal justice degree, when I realized it. I thought all kids were treated the same way and the families on tv were so wonderful because they were fiction. What's really bad is when they make you feel guilty for realizing they're not the best parents in the world. *sigh*
And when parents say "You are just a child what problems do you have in life ?" AND Whatever happens, they will always blame you, They won't believe you and say that it's your mistake always even when it is not. And the worst is when they say that they will help us when we tell them about our problems and tensions but they DON'T.
Or what my mom says to me: you don’t work. What mental health issues can you possibly have? Knowing well I have autism and suffer from anxiety and depression.
~timestamps~ 1.they project their negativity onto you 0:28 2.they show little to no empathy 1:00 3.they are overly critical 1:42 4.despite knowing your boundaries,they ignore them 2:32 5.they insult you to hurt you 3:20 6.you are the reason for anything negative 3:56 7.they are all take and no give 4:41 hope this helps💕have a great day y'all💝
not like that you can't be your own enemy love yourself always coz in the end its you who are with you till the last time not your parents or whatsoever
Dad thinks he is hot shit, but he is full of bullshit! I don't bother with him, for my own well-being. I have a much better quality of life without him!
My dad kicked me out of the house for losing his “favorite tape measurer” I was out in the cold for an hour and when I came back into the house I was freezing cold and shivering, my dad laughed at me and told me I was faking a reaction and overdramatizing it. He then got my brother and mom to laugh and mock me too.
just study ur ass of and become successful and give them nothing,let them see how it feels to be ignored and treated like a bag of trash,don’t let their words and actions get to you,you’re way better,i belive you can become a kind adult,not like the people who should have been there for you and support you but hadn’t,keep ur chin up and never let anyone tell you you’re less than enough. Have a great day beautiful soul,hopefully you ll start to feel better!❤️❤️
@@m4raaaaaa …but not everyone can do this. when you have little to no support, it takes every ounce of strength to even get up in the mornings. How can they even begin to work their ass off with no rest in sight? Neither physical, emotional, or mental?
My mom doesn't remember the toxic things she's said to me. I remember though, and I haven't seen her the same way as I used to before. I moved away since. But when I was around I wasn't mentally alright. At first I learned that expressing myself ended with her always one-uping my experiences with hers. So at some point I shut my mouth completely. I stop talking. Seemed to solve any fights or arguments. I suppose that didn't work well for me. As it made it harder for me to socialize in school and with family in general. "The quiet kid", I'm not proud of it. Because I kept to myself so much I was like a bomb ticking. When I did show emotion, and often in fights with mom, I'd get loud. But always tried to make sure what I said wasn't to attack her. I know my mom's gone through a lot, she's traumatized in ways I dont understand. I've always and will feel empathetic torwards her. But I don't feel it from her and she wasn't when I needed her the most.
I can relate to your situation. You didn't choose this. Yes, she has her troubles. It sucks, and you have a healthy perspective. Good for you for not making personal attacks on her. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, and do your best to take care of yourself. You are worth it.
Believe me she remembered what she did and said! It's a combination of denial and gaslighting and a continuation of the abuse! And it try to make you believe you're crazy and remember things wrong! And being abused in their past is no excuse! I was seriously abused. And my motivations was to make sure that I did not repeat the the destructive behavior on my child! That is love.
@@Psych2go What, are you saying that I'm gonna have to fall short of healthy parents and healthiness? *Why do you hate me so much? YOU'RE PATHETIC! >:(*
It always hurts to see kids with their parents having the time of their life, and especially when the parents don’t seem to mind ANYTHING that their child does
Yeah however I don’t really agree on the last one cuz isn’t natural for a child to try to help I don’t really think it’s toxic that parents have a problem and their kid try’s to help
The “You ruined my life” and the “I couldn’t get to my goals because I had to raise you”. My mom says this to me minimum once a week. All the other stuff too, but, you saying the exact same phrase they say to me was suprising
My mom usually just says to me "I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!" and " YOU ARE A KID I PICKED UP FROM A TRASH CAN (i am not)!!" she also said, "my duty is only to give you food and a school to go to, its not in my duty to give you more than that" and to my little sister, she treats her like an angel. When i look back at my sister, she had the childhood i dreamed to have....
One day that I’ll never forget is when I was having a panic attack, my dad said, “No teenager your age acts like this!” And then my mom agreed with him. I was shocked because ik ppl that have/had panic attacks and they don’t get blamed or shamed! Anybody at any age gets that.. This is why I don’t like talking about my feelings so much because I think that someone will use my feelings against me.🙄 (there’s a lot more bs with my dad.)
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's one thing to have a parent be an asshole but to have the other one agree? That's heartbreaking. I have that same feeling that others will use my feelings against me but I'm trying my hardest to drop that 🙏
same, hugs for you because I feel that pain, lI was going through I panic attack and my dad told me ‘if I made one more sound I wouldn’t want to know what would happen next’
your parents must be asholes and how could your parents be so awful you should move out of that house and let them deal with there own problems you kids and teenagers and maybe even adults who are sensitive shouldnt have parents like that 🙍♂️🙍♀️🚫😡😤
As long as I'm clothing and feeding you, you'll follow my rules. Those are the manipulative words of toxic parents. They also show no empathy and they expect that their children will show them empathy. They're just always demanding. This is a very common thing that happens here in Africa
This, except paired with spontaneous moments of unconditional love, being my parents’ pride and joy, being love bombed, only for it to all fall apart at the slightest notice. They were my source of comfort and fear, the subject of my admiration and my resentment. I constantly flip back and forth between feeling like I should distance myself as much as possible, because im certain they are toxic, to thinking I’m delusional, a bad person and making up problems where there aren’t any because I’m spoiled and manipulative. I never know which side is right, and when is the right time to do anything.
same here, i genuinely love my parents but there are moments where they feel toxic and in those moments i feel so mad and yet when theyre nice again i forgive them easily and i almost forget, i dont think theyre toxic yet they just do things occassionally that make me think they are
As someone who has heard the "I'm the parent" excuse when my boundaries weren't respected more times than I can count, my god, do I hate it when parents use that excuse
Whenever they say that, I just say, “Then act like it. Instead of being childish and belittling me, you could treat me way better than that.” Makes them even more mad, but I accomplish my goal 😆
I think parents don’t realize that what we live when we’re young has a huge impact on us They probably think that someone so young can’t understand their own feelings and can’t feel something intense so they tend to belittle their child’s experience, and in some way I don’t even blame them, but I realized that who I am today is the result of how they treated me so yeah, parents shouldn’t think that their words have no negative effect
Having toxic parents sucks especially with boundaries and privacy I'm almost 18. Yet i share a room with my brother We can't close our door I can't even have privacy in the bathroom or while showering. Being able to be home alone for a few minutes is a heaven
my parents always tend to scream or argue whenever I cry. they say “Stop crying!” Or “This isn’t something to cry about.” it’s almost like they think we’re, immune to it..
-They Set Limits (Especially with Complainers) -They Don't Die in the Fight. -They Rise Above. -They Stay Aware of Their Emotions. -They Establish Boundaries. -They Won't Let Anyone Limit Their Joy. - They Don't Focus on Problems-Only Solutions.
The parentification and boundaries one got me. Sometimes I wish parents had some of the same knowledge we do. Yes, they may be more clever, and smart, but with mental illnesses with their child, some are just stupid at it.
It seems to be a cycle, best way to be able to move forward is therapy, learning life coping skills, as they say knowledge is power! Often parents have their own set of issues due to un-resolved childhood trauma, however big or small, effected them, became normalized to them. I'm a mom with my own trauma, I've learnt alot through knowledge,knowing, I still make mistakes, I apologize, I remember never still to this day! Never getting a reason why!? Or an apology, and sometimes that hurt the most! When we know something, or acknowledge the problem we can then heal as the individual tht was subjected to so much of someone elses projected childhood traumas.
I know my parents are toxic because I hate them. They've just acted this way since I was little and had no clue why, I didn't realize it or thought it was normal, but now growing up and as a teenager, I realized it more and more and now I hate the way they act towards me. Sometimes they blame things on me and literally makes me annoyed and hate even more each day. This is my story. :(
@@ORDIBEHESHTI I'm really sorry about this!I live in the exact situation you try to take in and live!I am a (young) adult now as you and i can literally sympathise your feelings and what you're going through because of all of this!One day,we'll be able to leave those monsters and start a new life!We just have to take the right opportunities!💖💖💖
@@crystalinetv8079 Agree . I appreciate your sympathy. And I'm really sorry too for your situation and I hope both of us will live the life we deserve one day . Yes ,paying attention to the right opportunities is sth of great importance meanwhile we are developing our knowledge and information to recognize our problem and grow from within to heal from the abuse effects on ourselves and find the right ways to stand against our abusers and their behaviour because leaving them and going our way is not always possible . Good luck 💖💖
My father was particularly bizarre. Sometimes he'd decide that the window in my bedroom needed to be opened or closed. He'd barge into my room, open or close the window, make a comment about how I must be mentally disabled because "A normal person would have the window open/closed" then he'd leave, leaving the door open. He'd also semi-regularly put ingredients back in the fridge while I was cooking or making a sandwich. Just silently walk in, put everything away, then walk out, refusing to acknowledge that I was even in the room.
Same. Sometimes he even walks in on Weekend mornings when I'm still asleep and opens the damn window. How the heck could he think it's a good Idea? I'm in my comfy bed only in pajamas and later he is confused why would l couch or sneeze during breakfast, oh c'mon... (the kitchen issue too) I'm 19 btw.
My dad would do bizarre things like that too, like if I went out to a movie with friends I would come back home and find things in my room missing like knickknacks that you would put on a dresser for decoration. And then I would find it thrown away in a hefty bag in the garbage. And when I asked him if he threw it away he would look me right in the eyes and lie to me and say no when he was the only one that physically could have done that. You experienced Gas Lighting... Be kind to yourself. 🌹🌻
I don't remember much from my childhood and I never thought my parents were bad but now I remembered one moment when I broke a glass at my grandmas' and I strated crying so bad and was feeling like I just did something that is unforgivable and that my grandma will hate me. Then I was so shocked when she came to me, hugged me and said "ohh why are you crying, it's nothing bad, it's just a glass, I have many of them don't worry". The suprise I felt. It's like I've never heard that before...
This is so true, parents need to understand this generation isn’t theirs. Just because they were treated badly as a child they think it’s okay to treat their own the same. I might be younger than most of you but I understand all these feelings. It’s just not okay, parents need their own Boundaries before telling the child to have any. Some examples from personal experience - Me : “I cleaned the house for you? Aren’t you proud?” My mom : “No, not really. You don’t even do your chores? You need to finish doing this…(chores)” Me : “I got 100% on my test today!” My mom : “Mkay, now go shower and do your chores, your room is a mess.” *legit 5 pieces of clothes on the floor* Me : “why are you making me do all the work? I have my chores (my sister) has hers! I’m doing hers!” My mom : “Stop complaining or I’m going to turn off your Wi-Fi until school is back up!” Me : “mom I finished vocals classes, and I had the strength to audition!” My mom : “Really? Then sing infront of me! I want to see what’s so important to you.” Me : “but I don’t want to…” My mom : “do it or no internet for the rest of the month!” My mom : “Your always the reason that (something) happens! Clean this up, then Go to your room!” Me : “but I didn’t do anything! (My sister) is framing me for nothing!” Me : “why can’t (my sister) do this time? I always do everything!” My mom : “you have no right to talk back to me! Go to your room and no more internet!” My mom is in pain : “(me) go get me this!” Me : “okay but what do you need?” My mom : “GO GET ME IT NOW!” Me : *crying in my room because my dad yelled at me (again, for NOTHING)* My mom : “stop being such a crybaby, you’re fine! You’re just being annoying at this point.” *me sleeping at 7am* *my mom breaks in (non literally) my room* My mom : “Wake up you need to take care of the animals!” Me : “But dad said (etc)!” My mom : “WAKE UP NOW!!” Keep in mind that my mom can be harsh on me, I didn’t include my dads times becuz they are like, just as bad and it’s hard to explain them. I have 6 animals so yeah, that’s mainly what this is about. I might keep updated about some stuff.
@@deborahedelman2659 Yes I am! I find it as one of my greatest qualities to care for others and care for myself at the same time. Hope you're caring for yourself as well. :)
I don't cry in front of my parents because they always shut me down saying, "you can't just keep crying and sitting in your feelings because you can't do that in the real world". That's a great mentality to grow up with
If you're a mostly developed older teen or a full on adult, seeking their approval or a changed relationship with them is a bit futile. It may be better for you to say flat out "I respect your position of authority and I have learned how you exercise your authority. I'll don't need to join the military though. No Sargeant could ever teach me more about respecting authority than you." No one will ever top your authority over me." You may also say" in every other case throughout all time and space, I will be honorably discharged after putting in my time. I may resign and find something nice. I may grow into someone who exercises their authority as well or better than you. That what you want from me right? To be as good as you?"
I never knew this was toxic. I thought it was normal. I thought everyone had parents like this. My mom always screamed at me, compared me to others, told me everything was my fault, said that I ruined her life for being born. Well guess what mom? You got what you wanted. I’m fucking depressed with no friends and I’m being sent to therapy because of my trauma and sh. Thanks a lot mom.
My mom got angry at me when she knew I didn't woke up early to finish my homeworks. She threw a slipper at me and it hit my arm. It turned red. But I didn't mind it. I cried. I was stress. Everything in my life seems like they were forcing me to do something I don't like at the very first place. I felt tired. I cried and cried until I drifted off to sleep. Other than that, my mom apologised at me but I still can't forget that. I love her but I just don't get it why she's that angry at me. Maybe because of work too? I may not know but it has truly affected me both physically and mentally.
My dad would also spank me with a belt until I bleed, because I woke up late. That also affect me mentally. I think its because whenever our parents hurts our feeling, it really affects the child
@@amithhegde7753 Hey, man. I feel bad for you, and honestly I hope I can do anything to prevent anything happening bad to anyone : but I can't. I'm just one, stranger from the Internet, roaming around UA-cam replying to people. Hope things between you and your mom are all good now.
Number 1 - They Project Their Negativity Onto you - 0:27 Number 2 - They Show Little To No Empathy - 0:58 Number 3 - They are Overly Critical - 1:42 Number 4 - Despite Knowing Your Boundaries They Ignore Them - 2:31 Number 5 - They Insult You To Hurt You - 3:21 Number 6 - You Are The Reason For Anything Negative - 3:55 Number 7 - They Are All Take And No Give - 4:40 This is my first time doing this! To anyone who have any of these signs please hear me out, your always beautiful and don’t let anyone bring you down.
So what are MY parents then? Projecting their POSITIVITY onto me? Showing EVEN MORE EMPATHY THAN THE NUMBER OF QUARKS IN LITERALLY THE ENTIRE F**KING UNIVERSE? NOT critical AT ALL? Respecting my boundaries EVEN MORE THAN EVER BEFORE? COMPLIMENTING me to HEAL me? Me being the reason for everything POSITIVE? ALL GIVE AND NO TAKE!?!?!?! ......... Now what are you going to say to the people who don't show ANY of the signs, huh? That they're UGLY and they SHOULD let people, even EVERYONE, bring them down? Huh? Well I don't care, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME JUST LIKE MY PARENTS DO!!! >:)
My mom definitely has rough parts that caused a lot of trauma for me, but at the same time she is nice and loving to people so even if she switches her mood very quickly it’s still really confusing. I don’t know if she’s good or bad
The moment when “you can heal yourself” came up, i just uncontrollably started smiling cause if i got the power, i can do it! No one is gonna stop me!😁😁😁
The psychotherapist helped me to realise that the problems were not only in me, but also at home. I thank her, and it took me a long time to realise that myself. I was looking on Facebook for a room, an apartment to rent, I wanted to live a normal life where there was no more pain, and there was a lot of pain at home, because of my toxic mother. A girl wrote to me, she was also looking for a flat to rent. We corresponded for a few days. A few days later we met, we looked at the flat. We took it right away. When I told my mother I was moving out, she told me to disappear until the police were called. Ok. I never had a mother, it was just a stranger. Well, that and a splinter in my ass. I packed my things, but I had nowhere to sleep - so I slept on the floor - in a shed. It was a cold night, but it's a good thing I didn't get sick. At 5am I got up and went to work for extra work. At 12 o'clock I finished work. I ate and went to sign the lease, together with Amber. Everything went smoothly. The landlady said that I could move in today too. I went back home. I wanted to say goodbye to my brother and mother. I said goodbye to my brother, but it was impossible to communicate with my mother, damn her. I went to my neighbour, asked him to help me take my things away. While I was waiting, the neighbours fed me, thank you, because I really wanted to eat. They drove me to my flat, helped me to put my things away, thank you again.I should be grateful to Amber for showing up in my life at the right moment. I used a translator. I apologise for my grammatical errors
The only reason that I don't have kids, is that my parents f*** up my childhood. But I learn a lot from how I was neglected and treated. I'll never do the same mistakes my parents did, if I ever have kids.
It wasn't until I met my best friend at 21 years old and listened to stories of his parents treating him so well, that I realised how much I had been abused, physically and mentally, by my parents.
My parents say these things even now when I’m an adult. When I gave birth to my first daughter, my mother’s response was: “Oh that’s nice, maybe you give her to us so we can raise her to be nothing like you.” 2:24
my parents are exactly like this, so this is a reminder for me that I was always being sensitive being hurt or being taken advantage of. For years my parents are this and I thought it was normal. I'm glad that I was able to discontinue my belief that I'm unworthy. now I know more that I'm a worthy human being.
the "dumps all of their emotional issues onto you" and "insults you to hurt you and pulling in others to join them" really got to me because wow that was my mom.
My whole life, I never knew until I randomly clicked this video so that I know to never show any of these traits when I’m a parent. But when she said, “your parents put their problems on you,” that really hit home. My mom always complained and whined on and on every single day about how we didn’t have as much money as she wanted. I got a job at the age of thirteen as a result.
I’m watching a bunch of your videos on this subject and I never realized till the last year or two that my parents are pretty toxic and completely emotionally unavailable. This has caused me figure out that their parenting is exactly why I am the way I am. These videos have made me cry as I feel understood and that this is exactly what I’m feeling. Listening to the explanations make my stomach hurt for some reason, they’re so accurate.
As a child, once I dropped a cup and my mother was like punched me immediately...she gets really angry when me and my sister don't sleep, she would turn up the lights of our room as punishment. She didn't do these for our good. She did these for control.
Oh wow. My mother has 5 of 7 points of this. I always wonder, why me and my siblings are hot headed and easily offended with other people. I'm 35 years old now and this 6 minutes video got the answer why.. Thank you for sharing..
Whenever i forget something, my dad scolds me and says "You always forget. You're acting like a 1 year old. Grow up!!" Whenever i say" But i'm 12!" EVEN POLITELY HE SAYS "DON'T BACKTALK ME!" And sometimes hits me. Even today this happens.
I never really thought that my dad was toxic, but my sister helped me to realize that he may not have physically beaten us, but he can't control his anger and he's short fused, so he usually yells at us over small things and sometimes apologizes. I've told him before that I've gotten more sensitive to loud noises, so I'll cover my ears to help suppress some noise. I remember one time recently, he was yelling at me or my sis for something, and I was covering my ears until he was done yelling ans he yelled, "Yeah, GO ON. COVER YOUR DAMN EARS LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO." And it hurt, cause I'm sensitive. I hate when he gets like this, but.. he's my only parent I've got left. Aside from letting the small stuff get to him, he's a good dad tho. At least he knocks before entering our rooms and cooks for us, not that we ask him to. Still, it's kind and he doesn't have to, and yet he does. Idk, is this a toxic mindset for me?
This just made me realize how much I stopped caring about what my parents say or thing about me and how much less I interact with them since the past 2 years
It was my life was when my parents was like this, it taught me on how to lean to God, and when the pandemic came, it was even be better because a blessing came, they realized of their worst parts, my brothers, and me, and my parents now have an amazing bond. Sometimes I look back and remind my self that now, it was my turn to change.
I was never allowed to close my door because “ I need to see everything you do” and 4:10 the second one I relate. I was always the therapist if the family and I became very depressed and I was bottling it down and… I at one point burst when someone was making fun of my mum for being too st
My mother's love was conditional and she herself told me that am worthless and will never amount to anything. Glad I cut her off and moved out and never having to see her narcissistic face. I never chose to be born by her. The worse was when she found my pregnancy shameful and criticised me for it I had enough and was done. I blocked her and went no contact
I went through emotional parentification from my father when I was little up until the age of 14. I actually just discovered the term last week. It’s bled into my relationships because I’m horrible at establishing boundaries and feeling like I should help and fix everyone. Heck when I was 12-14 I went through a period where I was suddenly put out of direct contact with my father (moved in with my mom after living with him for awhile) and i subsequently became very depressed and hated myself. I had a multitude of other issues piled on and on top of that I didn’t have anyone to parent emotionally anymore. I also had a new brother, so attention was taken away from me. I sought out relationships which ended up being toxic. It was a lot, and even on top of that my father would go further into a downward spiral and I felt helpless and worthless cause I couldn’t do anything to fix him. Before I left the situation I was also bullied physically and verbally, and my fathers mom also treated me bad because I didn’t react right emotionally and didn’t process things, cause I’m autistic. I had a lot of people around me that didn’t seem to care about me, on top of my little brother taking attention away. I developed a resentment towards my bro in my teen years and I regret not working on it cause I wasn’t nice to him. We are fine now but still I regret it. It was a lot and the odds were stacked against me emotionally for awhile. But Im finally healing, at the age of 21. To those who have been through similar experiences, you are not responsible for your parents emotions. You cannot and should not have to fix them. They should have been there for you. You deserve to have your emotional needs met. Thanks psych2go, and im hoping you do a full video on parentification sometime if you haven’t yet Edit: wanted to say my mom is the only one that’s always had my back. She’s not perfect by any means but she has acknowledged and even apologized for mistakes and bad decisions she’s made in the past while raising me. She’s the best mom ever and I have a very close knit relationship with her now.
„You know how much money I would save if I haven’t got you?” I heard that pretty often in my childhood, now I feel guilty or uncofortable when someone buys something for me or pays for me
My whole family(close and distant) have a record of not letting the rest of the family, people who are considered as friends and even people who are physically not part of the family have boundaries and will teach their child to always, and I mean ALWAYS, invade other peoples personal space. I myself have been terribly touchy with my friends and they always get uncomfortable with me around since I always pat them on the head, hug them, touch their shoulder or knee etc. I didn’t realize I was invading their personal space until it became a problem of them distancing from me slowly until they just weren’t my friend anymore My parents never gave me boundaries and still don’t emotionally and physically I have tried to establish my own boundaries many times but they either ignore me entirely or even go as far as to mocking me and/or using it as a one sided joke I am trying to better myself, giving my friends their emotional and physical boundaries and promised myself that once I get a kid when I’m older, I will teach and give them their personal space and not be like the rest of my family line Edit: my parents are getting better and they do try to set boundaries with me now. Unlike how I’ve put it in this comment, they are NOT toxic and I still love and care for them very much.
It’s horrible to meet someone from the exterior (like a teacher) that gives you unconditional love because it hit you like a ton of bricks that your parents didn’t give you that. Everything was SO conditional and violent
My husband's father does a lot of these things. He has been mentally abusing his sons and even his wife for decades, and getting my husband out of his domination was very difficult and very painful for both of us. Now it is difficult seeing his brother still living with his parents and not mentally strong enough to get out of there, and not being able to do much to help him.
Thank u so much for making such effort for making these videos and educating us about mental health.. It means a lot to me as someone with a really abusive and immature father 🙂
In my case my dad sucks aswell i mean when you are a adult yet someone treats you like a kid telling you about things that you obviously know and tries to impose His ideas onto you without hearing you yeah my "dad"sucks
@@isidoro19david65 Well in your case its more of a misunderstanding.. im sure ur dad loves you.. he may have his own ways.. u see parents have a hard time in accepting their children as grownups.. Its okay you can move out when u r stable.. would say that parents arent always right but they always want good for us.. exceptions aside..
@@praptidas9717 bro a good dad doesn't try to Control your life or impose what he thinks is right on you,i mean i use my arguments to explain why i am doing x and instead of getting support or at least someone that accepts my decision i just hear someone yelling constantly not even willing to hear or accept your actions,One thing is being worried about your Son other thing is treating your Son like someone that doesn't knows that he is doing
The 4th one abt ignoring boundaries hits close to me. I am sometimes in my room when my mom barges in without knocking on the door. When it happens, I hv to guess if it's good news, neutral or bad news with my mom's presence.
I used to barricade my door because my room never had a lock on it. Then one time my mother threatened to go all "Here's Johnny" on me and I would have to pay for the door. I peeked out the door, and she did in fact have the axe.
This depends on your age. If you are old enough to be on here perhaps it’s time you live on your own. If you are of high school age a simple , “ mom, would you please knock before coming in, it startles me when you don’t” goes a long way. Try it and see. 😊. I’m a grandma .
Your surroundings matter a lot if you want to grow to become a good human being. So your parents have not been in a good surroundings too if they do these things. It's not a never ending cycle because you should make good friends so you share everything with them.
With toxic parents, when you look at other families, you think your parents "just love you in a differenet way". Until you realise that was never the case and it completely breaks you...
(For context: I'm almost 16 and I have social anxiety) My mom is very overprotective, I love her very much but she treats me like a 4-year-old who doesn't know how to do anything, to the point where she made me sleep in her bed for YEARS because my room is "dangerous", but she lets my dad and my brother sleep there because "if something happens they'll know what to do" (my brother now sleeps in my room and I sleep in his, but if it wasn't for him offering to sleep there I still would be sleeping in her bed). I can't stay home alone for more than 10 minutes because "what if you faint?" (I fainted three times 2-3 years ago, once because of P.E. and twice because of the heat from the shower. I didn't just faint randomly, and it doesn't happen anymore because now I know my limits). My brother told me that he's doing the best he can to get her off me, that my anxiety would probably be lower if she wasn't like this, and that he doesn't understand how I'm not as mad as he is about the situation. I told him that, yes, it's frustrating, but it could be worse, she could be abusive. He told me that she is being abusive, even if she has the best intentions. I was like "...nahh, she's not(?)", and he said that she isn't physically abusive but she still is abusive. I've been watching all your videos about parents because it's been in my head ever since, and I don't know what to think anymore 🤠
@@WelfareCenter she is? I don't want to bother you, but can you explain? I've always had this specific image of emotional abuse and she doesn't fit it at all, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Thanks, stay safe too
@@smolmakoto your brother is helping you. This is good! You two stick together, help and support each other. Your mother is very troubled. Listen to your brother, he knows. Believe in yourself, you are a good person worthy of love and kindness.
@@blk1735 i don't think she is abusive either, but she doesn't have anxiety. she only acts this way towards me, even if she has 2 other children. I'm the youngest, alright, but I can't do anything my brothers do or did at my age :/
Is it bad that this is the only place I feel safe about being open and being myself? This is the the only place where I feel safe expressing my emotions.
I had childhood trauma, depression and anxiety. When I told my parents about it, they just laugh and say other people has experience worse than me even though they don't know what I've been through. 😞
I grew up with supportive parents, and for me, it's a massive pity to see how many people were raised by toxic parents. This should really be taken more seriously, I feel really bad
Yeah, for me it's quite worrying, sure my parents were a tiny bit toxic but not as much as before, sure 2 of those traits shown in the video got to me but it was only slight
This whole video hits hard for me, but especially #6. My father has been like this since my earliest memories (earliest memory I can remember like that is when i was about 3 maybe 4), which is why I try not to associate with my family as much as possible. I lost contact with them for a few years and only just got back in contact because of the pandemic. This was a massive mistake on my part as somehow they seem to be worse than before, more self-centered and likely to blame external factors than to have a good hard look at themselves
My parents would straight up insult me as a kid. They would say things like you are the most useless kid I ever meet in my life, or jokingly I put you into this world I can take you out, You can't even do this how are you suppose to survive. You will end up living under a bridge if you don't shape up. People aren't going to care about you. I'm 19 now and i can't feel love from my parents anymore, or most people. I find it difficult to approach and talk to people even my friends. none has ever hangout with me. Its gotten better through self healing and accepting myself. But I'm still so lonely. But I have myself and my mind.
My mom always shuts me down and her punishments are NOT normal. She woke me up for school, and I fell back asleep. We were going to make it to school on time, because we left when we normally do. ( I got ready and ate breakfast quickly so she wouldn’t me mad) when we got in the car, she said “If you don’t straighten up your act, I’m going to stop paying for your violin” Being a violinist is truly what I love to do and she thinks taking that away will teach me a lesson. Personally, making music helps me calm down. When my parents say something hurtful like “raising you is as huge responsibility but it do it anyway because “I love you” and this is the way you treat me?” I always go play my violin. I sit in my room and practice for hours. One of the biggest reasons I play is because my music teacher genuinely care about me more than my own mother. If I didn’t play that instrument anymore, he could no longer support me because I would no longer be in his class. If she takes my music, I’ll clearly be upset. But the big problem is making musicis the way I calm myself down. Then I don’t have a way to calm down anymore. She asked me why I was in a bad mood the other day and I told her that I wasn’t going to tell her because she would just shut me down. I was right. We got into a big fight, and then I finally gave up and said “you threaten to take away my violin. My music teacher tells me every day that he loves me and is so happy I’m in his class. He says he cares about me. He said he will support me no matter what” that’s something even she can’t do. When I told he this, she said “well you might as well get over that” She shut me down I told her “this is what I mean when I say you just shut down my problems.” To defend herself she said “well you shut me down all the time, but you get mad when I do it to you?” All of her problems with my dad, all her problems with herself, with her friends, she thinks I should be able to solve. Im 11 years old, just a damn child but my mom thinks I need to be as responsible as her. I’m still developing. I don’t know you tell me, am I the one who is in the wrong? Do I need to straighten up my act? Is it really my fault?
‼️ Could you please do a video on how chronic illness affects mental health? I’m a teenager that was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease less than a year ago, and being in constant pain has caused me to feel isolated and invalid. I feel it could help a lot of people understand it’s more than a physical thing. Thank you! ❤️
I don't know if someone will see this but , I have been living my life with toxic people around me there always a gathering for family every year but I never enjoy it because I always been a quiet kid since I have social anxiety when talking to other people.. My dad this year family gathering mad at me for not going there. He yelled,smashed things, and saying alot of bad words about me and my other siblings. I cried because of the pressure I felt that day, I said I can't go because I'm sick but he wouldn't listen to me. I always been wanting to go out from my house and leave my town to place that no one knows me so that I can't take care myself and my cats. it's just that I haven't get the opportunity to do it. I also had been abused since I was a child and I already let it go but sometimes things around me makes me recall the past. I just hope there will be a day/year that I finally get out from this town.
On my moms side of the family, I always feel like I’m not good enough. My mom and my stepdad always bully me and I feel depressed. They always say that I’m too sensitive and bully me whenever I’m right and they’re wrong. One time my food was a bit raw so I told my mom in a very polite manner and she got angry at me and told me it’s just “medium rare”. I told her that ground beef isn’t medium rare and then she told me to just put it in the microwave which obviously wouldn’t cook it more. I told her that won’t work and suddenly her and my stepdad were yelling at me. I went to go microwave it, holding back tears. It wasn’t cooked at all and was all greasy. I just sat at the table crying silently. Then my mom got so angry and yelled at me to eat it I started eating my food while crying and then my stepdad started shoving food down his throat and pretend to cry, mimicking me and bullying me. I just lost it. I yelled at him and told him he was bullying me and it needed to stop. He replied with “I’m not bullying you, I’m only preparing you for the real world”. I told him he was a terrible person to bully a young kid, and he just brushed it off. Meanwhile, my mom is over here doing absolutely nothing. Another story is when I had to go to the doctors and I have to get 2 shots. I am extremely scared of needles, so this was going to be a struggle for me. The doctor came in with the needles and I curled up in a ball and got scared. My mom told me I would have to make it easy or there would be punishments. I wanted to get my vaccines done with my dad because I feel a ton more comfortable with him and he makes me feel calm, but I knew my mom would only try to guilt trip me more into getting my vaccines with her and how it would make her feel bad. So I tried my best to stay still, but I freaked out. My mom got mad and after a lot of struggle, the doctor left the room because she had other patients. My mom was disappointed. She told me I was acting like (a not so good word to say that starts with r) and that ( r word)s get shots. I was in tears. She told me that I’m just like my dad and she’s going to send me to live with him because I act just like him (which I wouldn’t have really minded that much if I lived with my dad), and that I was going to spend that rest of the night in my room with NO DINNER until the morning when my dad picks me up to go to his house. We where about to leave when my mom said “we’re going to try again” after more struggle they finally got me. I was in pain and all my mom did about it was LAUGH AT ME. I was pissed at her. When we where in the car I sat in the back seat of the car because I didn’t want to be near my mom in the front. When we where driving I was holding and rubbing my arm. Then my mom said “well your arm might hurt but at least you don’t have to spend the rest of the night upstairs with no dinner”. The fact that she had the audacity to even think about saying that sickens me. I didn’t talk to anyone but my sister for the rest of the day
2:10 Appeasement: 99.9% impossible 70%? YOU *FALIURE!* 80%? WTFWTFWTFWTF WHY DO YOU NEVER GET BETTER! 90%? When... will you... learn... 100%, but no chores. Useless! Child: :( I am not worthy of living. :,(
When they do things like this at me they alwais act like it's my fault. They can't feel bad for what they do like they were God and couldn't do wrong things. The worst thing Is that this made me isolate from others and feel always sad and unmotivated. I know that there's no reason to have fear of others, but i can't stop hiding and evitate relations. It's since a while that i realized what's the reason of my sadness. Now i'm secretly reading a lot of books about it and i starter helping myself and changing my mindset. It's not easy 'cause I have to face my worst fears but i'm getting Better with relations and i Hope One day i Will definitly heal from that scars. I'll return hear when i'll feel completely healed and write another message. Sorry for the bad grammatic but i'm not english and i can't speak english very good.
When I asked my mom to go to the therapist a month ago (due to me questioning my own mental health and having relationship problems with my significant other), the only response I got was me getting called a future druglord and alcoholic, and having no money left for me from my mom's will because I might spend it all on, well, y'know, bad stuff.
I always got high marks, and no reward or praise for it. My little brother got gifts and incentives for raising his low grades. It made me resent him and my parents both, feel ignored, and i still struggle with those feelings two decades later.
You hit close to home when you said the specific age of 12 when talking about parentification...I've felt my feelings invalidated growing up and that I was responsible for my mother's emotional state.
Luckily, my parents are super nice. I’ve never had to go through anything bad with them. and they are kind and loving and that’s what I love about them.
All of these are things my emotionally abusive father does to me, luckily I’ve been able to leave him and live with my mom. And because of my father doing these things I think might be why my mind is so messed up (anxiety depression) and tbh watching this kinda reassured me that leaving my dad was the right thing to do.
I always thought kids went through this all the time like I did. I thought it was normal. When I got into 8th grade I finally realized, but I was too late. I was always yelled at for my bad grades and things were taken away from me even though nothing changed, it made things worse. When I spoke up about it, I was immediately cut off. My dad always called me selfish, most recently was last week on our vacation trip. When he called me that, I just stared at him. He got married to someone else and ever since he spends very little time with me and all his time with her. But when I mention anything about it or how he never spends time with me, I'm selfish. And she even called me fat and all that too. He doesn't believe me. My step brother had my back because of her saying I ate too much of something, because my dad immediately was like "no she didn't." I told him he wasn't there and didn't know. Someone called child services and only came to the house twice. All they did was put him under neglect and then threw away my file because I didn't have evidence, despite clearly being damaged. He screamed at me the entire time coming home from visiting my uncle in the hospital. He even screamed at me for crying because I wasn't the one who's job was on the line. It's all he screamed about. Just about him. It hurts.
Sometimes when Parents are toxic to their children they actually mean themselves themselves For example your dad, He says ur selfish,well, he actually mean himself Also sry for what happened
Sometimes parents can abuse their power not thinking we all have rules to follow. Never guilt trip your children just because you have responsibility to care for them.
The best thing I did was drop my mother from my life. I had enough of her tirade of abuse, manipulation, lies and emotional blackmail.... I finally grew a pair and told her where to go and that she'll never control me. Life is so much peaceful now. 🙂
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 Nobody deserves the bullshit than toxic parents throw on their kids try to develop yourself to move out start saving try making distance with your mother Don't put up with her if she says something abusive Just Leave the room or Reply her Until you are ready to moveout
It took me 11 years into my marriage before I decided I wanted a child. I felt like I didn’t want to raise another human as damaged as I felt. I was parentified, both of their emotional support dumping ground and a narcissistic mother. I’ve come a long ways and now have a child of my own that I refuse to do the things my parents did to me. I’ve chosen to break that cycle.
I’m much older now compared to when I was a little kid, I never knew my parents were toxic. I just thought that’s what parents are supposed to do to discipline a child.
When my accolades weren't enough I always reminded my mother of her SALESPERSON background, giving a taste of her own medicine, belittling her. When personal boundaries were crossed by anyone, I deliberately did something so outrageously scandalous, that from that point on they respected that boundary so THEY wouldn't get embarrassed. etc. Remember, verbal abuse is only abuse if you don't fight back. When you fight back, it becomes an argument... an argument you CAN win.
@@Unknown-wb1bf I came to enjoy putting my parents down when they attempted to do the same. Like when my father called me genetic garbage because of my congenital disease (that isn't genetic but is a risk factor when the mother doesn't eat properly or takes the wrong medicine for example). Then I just replied: "I'm at least 50% you, so what does that make you? Hello pot, meet kettle!"
What are you celebrating for June? Comment below.
IM A BIG FAN pin me please
Summer vacation 👍🏻
Pride Month! =D
My birthday if its June 22!
My birthday and pride month 😁
The worst part is when it becomes normalized. As a kid, I never realized just how toxic it is; I thought it was normal.
Me too. It still bothers me.
Me too. It's just sad when kids who have toxic parents don't even know if their toxic and think they're just strict.
Me too....and i am facing it ....when i was just child....and now i m 18....and still dealing with it....and bcs of this i just lost my self confidence or self esteem....i really hate it and the worst part is i was abused in my childhood physically and i also informed my father about it...but he didnt take any action and just told me to ignore it and focus in carrer
Yeah. This brought me to tears. 😢
I had no idea I was being abused (and still am) until I was about 40 and taking a juvenile delinquency class for my criminal justice degree, when I realized it. I thought all kids were treated the same way and the families on tv were so wonderful because they were fiction. What's really bad is when they make you feel guilty for realizing they're not the best parents in the world. *sigh*
“How dare you speak like that to your father!”
“How dare you speak like that to your daughter”
“I am the parent! I can speak to you how I want to!”
OH I DARE
If they're old challenge them to a 1v1 irl and beat their ass
I see you've met my mother...
I dare as well shut up
My mom told me straight up “I’m your mother, you’re the child I don’t have to respect you”
I'd rather be childfree and regret not having a child THAN having one that I cannot maintain...
Exactly.
👍👍👍👍
Same i dont want to screw up another souls whole life
Amen, brother >:)
I'm child free with no regrets.
And when parents say "You are just a child what problems do you have in life ?"
AND Whatever happens, they will always blame you, They won't believe you and say that it's your mistake always even when it is not. And the worst is when they say that they will help us when we tell them about our problems and tensions but they DON'T.
Hello
Or what my mom says to me: you don’t work. What mental health issues can you possibly have? Knowing well I have autism and suffer from anxiety and depression.
@@OfficialToxicCat exactly . So sad that many parents are like this
I'm literally crying right next to my mum and she dosen't even notice. How great.
I'm so sorry to hear that. my mom is just like that.😒
SAME TWIN! That's actually what's happening to me rn as I'm reading your comment, lol twins
This is me too I also cried watching this
My yells at me for something like that
I like it when mines don’t notice
What's crazy is my parents don't even realize their toxic but they continue to live as if they do nothing wrong.
ye, mine too
Mine also
Mine too
@@tiktokmidMine three
I got the "We did the best we could, can't blame us for that."
~timestamps~
1.they project their negativity onto you 0:28
2.they show little to no empathy 1:00
3.they are overly critical 1:42
4.despite knowing your boundaries,they ignore them 2:32
5.they insult you to hurt you 3:20
6.you are the reason for anything negative 3:56
7.they are all take and no give 4:41
hope this helps💕have a great day y'all💝
This man is doing god's work
@@pulkitsukhija who
Damn this hits a nerve :(
@@AquariusIscariot33 wdym I’m a kid as you can see
All 7
"Sometimes even the closest person is actually the real enemy" -Me
true, its my toxic homophobic mom
@@shakurwonders5216 if u dont mind answering are u member of LGBT and your mom is unaccepting?
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 why ??
not like that you can't be your own enemy love yourself always coz in the end its you who are with you till the last time not your parents or whatsoever
exactly.
My parents are toxic, and I thought it was normal, and I am deeply sorry to other people going through this 💕
You’re not the only one 😢
Mine isn’t… I am rooting for you!
I don't belive a single person.
True
Dad thinks he is hot shit, but he is full of bullshit! I don't bother with him, for my own well-being. I have a much better quality of life without him!
*I feel so bad for people who have delt with toxic families, I could never possibly know what that pain must've felt like :(*
Huh? But i feel that normal to happen-
@@Es_Kiko._ it literally says toxic parents. Not normal
I am so happy for u 🩵 nontoxic parents must be good, but I have a supportive sister ;)
My dad kicked me out of the house for losing his “favorite tape measurer” I was out in the cold for an hour and when I came back into the house I was freezing cold and shivering, my dad laughed at me and told me I was faking a reaction and overdramatizing it. He then got my brother and mom to laugh and mock me too.
Fck em
So 😞
I say when you’re 18, RUN
just study ur ass of and become successful and give them nothing,let them see how it feels to be ignored and treated like a bag of trash,don’t let their words and actions get to you,you’re way better,i belive you can become a kind adult,not like the people who should have been there for you and support you but hadn’t,keep ur chin up and never let anyone tell you you’re less than enough.
Have a great day beautiful soul,hopefully you ll start to feel better!❤️❤️
@@m4raaaaaa …but not everyone can do this. when you have little to no support, it takes every ounce of strength to even get up in the mornings. How can they even begin to work their ass off with no rest in sight? Neither physical, emotional, or mental?
My mom doesn't remember the toxic things she's said to me. I remember though, and I haven't seen her the same way as I used to before. I moved away since. But when I was around I wasn't mentally alright. At first I learned that expressing myself ended with her always one-uping my experiences with hers. So at some point I shut my mouth completely. I stop talking. Seemed to solve any fights or arguments. I suppose that didn't work well for me. As it made it harder for me to socialize in school and with family in general. "The quiet kid", I'm not proud of it. Because I kept to myself so much I was like a bomb ticking. When I did show emotion, and often in fights with mom, I'd get loud. But always tried to make sure what I said wasn't to attack her. I know my mom's gone through a lot, she's traumatized in ways I dont understand. I've always and will feel empathetic torwards her. But I don't feel it from her and she wasn't when I needed her the most.
I can relate to your situation.
You didn't choose this. Yes, she has her troubles. It sucks, and you have a healthy perspective.
Good for you for not making personal attacks on her.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect, and do your best to take care of yourself. You are worth it.
They don't remember out of convenience.
Believe me she remembered what she did and said! It's a combination of denial and gaslighting and a continuation of the abuse! And it try to make you believe you're crazy and remember things wrong! And being abused in their past is no excuse! I was seriously abused. And my motivations was to make sure that I did not repeat the the destructive behavior on my child! That is love.
I can relate. Wish I could move out but am scared I’ll fail and run back to them.
Perhaps she wants you to know she understands how you feel? Could telling you her story a way to say that she sympathizes? Just a thought.
I think one question remains is how can we overcome toxic parents that continue to do so when we’re adults
True! I don’t think it ever ends tbh. My father is getting really old but still behaves the same.
true! How will you overcome toxicity?
@@Psych2go What, are you saying that I'm gonna have to fall short of healthy parents and healthiness?
*Why do you hate me so much? YOU'RE PATHETIC! >:(*
@@susanlisson7066 do not worry it will end someday😊
Simple you cut them off, nothing lasts forever not friendships and certainly not family….
It always hurts to see kids with their parents having the time of their life, and especially when the parents don’t seem to mind ANYTHING that their child does
Yeah however I don’t really agree on the last one cuz isn’t natural for a child to try to help I don’t really think it’s toxic that parents have a problem and their kid try’s to help
Let's break the cycle of emotional abuse. My parents passed some things down that should've never been said or taught.
The “You ruined my life” and the “I couldn’t get to my goals because I had to raise you”. My mom says this to me minimum once a week. All the other stuff too, but, you saying the exact same phrase they say to me was suprising
Wasn't your fault that you were born
I would reply “you should have used protection then when having sex” 😝
It's HER fault for getting pregnant. Tell her that next time.
My mom usually just says to me "I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!" and " YOU ARE A KID I PICKED UP FROM A TRASH CAN (i am not)!!" she also said, "my duty is only to give you food and a school to go to, its not in my duty to give you more than that" and to my little sister, she treats her like an angel. When i look back at my sister, she had the childhood i dreamed to have....
It is never the child's fault for existing! The child isn't the one who couldn't "keep it in their pants!!
One day that I’ll never forget is when I was having a panic attack, my dad said, “No teenager your age acts like this!” And then my mom agreed with him. I was shocked because ik ppl that have/had panic attacks and they don’t get blamed or shamed! Anybody at any age gets that.. This is why I don’t like talking about my feelings so much because I think that someone will use my feelings against me.🙄 (there’s a lot more bs with my dad.)
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's one thing to have a parent be an asshole but to have the other one agree? That's heartbreaking. I have that same feeling that others will use my feelings against me but I'm trying my hardest to drop that 🙏
same, hugs for you because I feel that pain, lI was going through I panic attack and my dad told me ‘if I made one more sound I wouldn’t want to know what would happen next’
your parents must be asholes and how could your parents be so awful you should move out of that house and let them deal with there own problems you kids and teenagers and maybe even adults who are sensitive shouldnt have parents like that 🙍♂️🙍♀️🚫😡😤
Same here but with social anxiety
Thank you for sharing this
As long as I'm clothing and feeding you, you'll follow my rules. Those are the manipulative words of toxic parents. They also show no empathy and they expect that their children will show them empathy. They're just always demanding. This is a very common thing that happens here in Africa
Bad parenting all around the planet. hurting babies everywhere
@@sludgerat666 This is sadonic and heartbreaking
@@derekkennedy20 it's the unfortunate truth for many children.
I agree 100% At least men think they are the kings and you are the slave. You have to answer yes to everything. Sad.
@@ey7349 who said it’s always men?
This, except paired with spontaneous moments of unconditional love, being my parents’ pride and joy, being love bombed, only for it to all fall apart at the slightest notice. They were my source of comfort and fear, the subject of my admiration and my resentment.
I constantly flip back and forth between feeling like I should distance myself as much as possible, because im certain they are toxic, to thinking I’m delusional, a bad person and making up problems where there aren’t any because I’m spoiled and manipulative. I never know which side is right, and when is the right time to do anything.
I can really relate to this. I'm only 13. Not at all with my mother but definitely with my father
Holy shit, this hits close to home for me.
same here, i genuinely love my parents but there are moments where they feel toxic and in those moments i feel so mad and yet when theyre nice again i forgive them easily and i almost forget, i dont think theyre toxic yet they just do things occassionally that make me think they are
The worst part is When people relate to this,it just breaks my heart💔
As someone who has heard the "I'm the parent" excuse when my boundaries weren't respected more times than I can count, my god, do I hate it when parents use that excuse
All the time
Yes and because I said so now shut up or ur dead 😂 then they proceed like nothing happened like wtf lol
Hierarchal entitlement they experienced when they were children
Whenever they say that, I just say, “Then act like it. Instead of being childish and belittling me, you could treat me way better than that.” Makes them even more mad, but I accomplish my goal 😆
Yeah, "Because I said so/asked you to" "I am your father" "I put a roof over your head"
I think parents don’t realize that what we live when we’re young has a huge impact on us
They probably think that someone so young can’t understand their own feelings and can’t feel something intense so they tend to belittle their child’s experience, and in some way I don’t even blame them, but I realized that who I am today is the result of how they treated me so yeah, parents shouldn’t think that their words have no negative effect
couldnt ve said it better
So very true 💕
They probably act the way they do because that's how they were raised and thought it was ok and normal up project that onto their kids also
true.
Having toxic parents sucks especially with boundaries and privacy
I'm almost 18. Yet i share a room with my brother
We can't close our door
I can't even have privacy in the bathroom or while showering.
Being able to be home alone for a few minutes is a heaven
Same goes to me, i feel you mate 😢
oh this is too hard
So you are expected to shit, piss and shower with the door open?
I am so sorry you can’t have your own space. Stay strong 💕
If u feel blissful when u r alone, it's not a home, it's just a house.
my parents always tend to scream or argue whenever I cry. they say “Stop crying!” Or “This isn’t something to cry about.” it’s almost like they think we’re, immune to it..
-They Set Limits (Especially with Complainers)
-They Don't Die in the Fight.
-They Rise Above.
-They Stay Aware of Their Emotions.
-They Establish Boundaries.
-They Won't Let Anyone Limit Their Joy.
- They Don't Focus on Problems-Only Solutions.
The parentification and boundaries one got me. Sometimes I wish parents had some of the same knowledge we do. Yes, they may be more clever, and smart, but with mental illnesses with their child, some are just stupid at it.
It seems to be a cycle, best way to be able to move forward is therapy, learning life coping skills, as they say knowledge is power! Often parents have their own set of issues due to un-resolved childhood trauma, however big or small, effected them, became normalized to them. I'm a mom with my own trauma, I've learnt alot through knowledge,knowing, I still make mistakes, I apologize, I remember never still to this day! Never getting a reason why!? Or an apology, and sometimes that hurt the most! When we know something, or acknowledge the problem we can then heal as the individual tht was subjected to so much of someone elses projected childhood traumas.
I know my parents are toxic because I hate them. They've just acted this way since I was little and had no clue why, I didn't realize it or thought it was normal, but now growing up and as a teenager, I realized it more and more and now I hate the way they act towards me. Sometimes they blame things on me and literally makes me annoyed and hate even more each day. This is my story. :(
Oh I feel sorry for you :(
i hope you can handle this out💪
So sorry...I willpeay that future friends and family show you love just cause ur u!!
you're not alone jell. this never really changes. try and get distance when you can, you will be more happy
@@basteagui bro as i live in India, it's a common thing for us to live with our parents. I can't even move out bro. Pls help me. I don't wanna live
All of these are recognizable for me even now as an adult the abuse still exists and it's terrible and drawing.
Have you thought of moving out?Or is it impossible because of an economic situation?
@@crystalinetv8079 yes it is impossible
@@ORDIBEHESHTI I'm really sorry about this!I live in the exact situation you try to take in and live!I am a (young) adult now as you and i can literally sympathise your feelings and what you're going through because of all of this!One day,we'll be able to leave those monsters and start a new life!We just have to take the right opportunities!💖💖💖
@@crystalinetv8079
Agree . I appreciate your sympathy. And I'm really sorry too for your situation and I hope both of us will live the life we deserve one day . Yes ,paying attention to the right opportunities is sth of great importance meanwhile we are developing our knowledge and information to recognize our problem and grow from within to heal from the abuse effects on ourselves and find the right ways to stand against our abusers and their behaviour because leaving them and going our way is not always possible .
Good luck 💖💖
you got this!
My father was particularly bizarre. Sometimes he'd decide that the window in my bedroom needed to be opened or closed. He'd barge into my room, open or close the window, make a comment about how I must be mentally disabled because "A normal person would have the window open/closed" then he'd leave, leaving the door open.
He'd also semi-regularly put ingredients back in the fridge while I was cooking or making a sandwich. Just silently walk in, put everything away, then walk out, refusing to acknowledge that I was even in the room.
Bizarre!!
that’s so weird
He was the mentally ill one. Pure projection
Same. Sometimes he even walks in on Weekend mornings when I'm still asleep and opens the damn window. How the heck could he think it's a good Idea? I'm in my comfy bed only in pajamas and later he is confused why would l couch or sneeze during breakfast, oh c'mon... (the kitchen issue too) I'm 19 btw.
My dad would do bizarre things like that too, like if I went out to a movie with friends I would come back home and find things in my room missing like knickknacks that you would put on a dresser for decoration. And then I would find it thrown away in a hefty bag in the garbage. And when I asked him if he threw it away he would look me right in the eyes and lie to me and say no when he was the only one that physically could have done that.
You experienced Gas Lighting...
Be kind to yourself. 🌹🌻
I don't remember much from my childhood and I never thought my parents were bad but now I remembered one moment when I broke a glass at my grandmas' and I strated crying so bad and was feeling like I just did something that is unforgivable and that my grandma will hate me. Then I was so shocked when she came to me, hugged me and said "ohh why are you crying, it's nothing bad, it's just a glass, I have many of them don't worry". The suprise I felt. It's like I've never heard that before...
This is so true, parents need to understand this generation isn’t theirs. Just because they were treated badly as a child they think it’s okay to treat their own the same. I might be younger than most of you but I understand all these feelings. It’s just not okay, parents need their own Boundaries before telling the child to have any.
Some examples from personal experience -
Me : “I cleaned the house for you? Aren’t you proud?”
My mom : “No, not really. You don’t even do your chores? You need to finish doing this…(chores)”
Me : “I got 100% on my test today!”
My mom : “Mkay, now go shower and do your chores, your room is a mess.”
*legit 5 pieces of clothes on the floor*
Me : “why are you making me do all the work? I have my chores (my sister) has hers! I’m doing hers!”
My mom : “Stop complaining or I’m going to turn off your Wi-Fi until school is back up!”
Me : “mom I finished vocals classes, and I had the strength to audition!”
My mom : “Really? Then sing infront of me! I want to see what’s so important to you.”
Me : “but I don’t want to…”
My mom : “do it or no internet for the rest of the month!”
My mom : “Your always the reason that (something) happens! Clean this up, then Go to your room!”
Me : “but I didn’t do anything! (My sister) is framing me for nothing!”
Me : “why can’t (my sister) do this time? I always do everything!”
My mom : “you have no right to talk back to me! Go to your room and no more internet!”
My mom is in pain : “(me) go get me this!”
Me : “okay but what do you need?”
My mom : “GO GET ME IT NOW!”
Me : *crying in my room because my dad yelled at me (again, for NOTHING)*
My mom : “stop being such a crybaby, you’re fine! You’re just being annoying at this point.”
*me sleeping at 7am*
*my mom breaks in (non literally) my room*
My mom : “Wake up you need to take care of the animals!”
Me : “But dad said (etc)!”
My mom : “WAKE UP NOW!!”
Keep in mind that my mom can be harsh on me, I didn’t include my dads times becuz they are like, just as bad and it’s hard to explain them.
I have 6 animals so yeah, that’s mainly what this is about.
I might keep updated about some stuff.
It's shitty knowing my toxic dad is actually the reason I know how to take care of myself...
I'm glad I'm a person who tries to comfort my friends. That way, if they have such a family, I can help!
great
Are u meeting your own needs 2?...do
@@deborahedelman2659 Yes I am! I find it as one of my greatest qualities to care for others and care for myself at the same time. Hope you're caring for yourself as well. :)
Good ima put it this was sometimes a “therapist” needs a therapist ❤️
The real MVP, right here. 👍
I don't cry in front of my parents because they always shut me down saying, "you can't just keep crying and sitting in your feelings because you can't do that in the real world".
That's a great mentality to grow up with
I can relate to that, my parents shout and swear when I cry so I try not to.
Flip ‘‘em the ㄹ*차 off
If you're a mostly developed older teen or a full on adult, seeking their approval or a changed relationship with them is a bit futile. It may be better for you to say flat out "I respect your position of authority and I have learned how you exercise your authority. I'll don't need to join the military though. No Sargeant could ever teach me more about respecting authority than you." No one will ever top your authority over me." You may also say" in every other case throughout all time and space, I will be honorably discharged after putting in my time. I may resign and find something nice. I may grow into someone who exercises their authority as well or better than you. That what you want from me right? To be as good as you?"
I never knew this was toxic. I thought it was normal. I thought everyone had parents like this. My mom always screamed at me, compared me to others, told me everything was my fault, said that I ruined her life for being born.
Well guess what mom? You got what you wanted. I’m fucking depressed with no friends and I’m being sent to therapy because of my trauma and sh. Thanks a lot mom.
Even though it's toxic I can't actually confront them... But it's just I can't help but crave for even a bit of love 🥺🥺
My mom got angry at me when she knew I didn't woke up early to finish my homeworks.
She threw a slipper at me and it hit my arm. It turned red. But I didn't mind it. I cried. I was stress. Everything in my life seems like they were forcing me to do something I don't like at the very first place.
I felt tired. I cried and cried until I drifted off to sleep. Other than that, my mom apologised at me but I still can't forget that. I love her but I just don't get it why she's that angry at me. Maybe because of work too?
I may not know but it has truly affected me both physically and mentally.
Woah that's a little too extreme . For not doing hw slipper?! Just a reminder would have done . That's not the right way
My dad would also spank me with a belt until I bleed, because I woke up late. That also affect me mentally. I think its because whenever our parents hurts our feeling, it really affects the child
Woah she apologized? Mine dont even do that, I have to apologize for things that they do 😞
@@amithhegde7753 just when I thought it couldn't get any worse ... Damn I really feel bad for u
@@amithhegde7753 Hey, man. I feel bad for you, and honestly I hope I can do anything to prevent anything happening bad to anyone : but I can't. I'm just one, stranger from the Internet, roaming around UA-cam replying to people.
Hope things between you and your mom are all good now.
Number 1 - They Project Their Negativity Onto you - 0:27
Number 2 - They Show Little To No Empathy - 0:58
Number 3 - They are Overly Critical - 1:42
Number 4 - Despite Knowing Your Boundaries They Ignore Them - 2:31
Number 5 - They Insult You To Hurt You - 3:21
Number 6 - You Are The Reason For Anything Negative - 3:55
Number 7 - They Are All Take And No Give - 4:40
This is my first time doing this! To anyone who have any of these signs please hear me out, your always beautiful and don’t let anyone bring you down.
So what are MY parents then?
Projecting their POSITIVITY onto me? Showing EVEN MORE EMPATHY THAN THE NUMBER OF QUARKS IN LITERALLY THE ENTIRE F**KING UNIVERSE? NOT critical AT ALL? Respecting my boundaries EVEN MORE THAN EVER BEFORE? COMPLIMENTING me to HEAL me? Me being the reason for everything POSITIVE? ALL GIVE AND NO TAKE!?!?!?!
.........
Now what are you going to say to the people who don't show ANY of the signs, huh? That they're UGLY and they SHOULD let people, even EVERYONE, bring them down? Huh?
Well I don't care, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME JUST LIKE MY PARENTS DO!!! >:)
ty!
@@Psych2go If you DARE say "how dare you" to me, YOU'RE PATHETIC. >:(
@@azureblade5610Don't insult her
My mom definitely has rough parts that caused a lot of trauma for me, but at the same time she is nice and loving to people so even if she switches her mood very quickly it’s still really confusing. I don’t know if she’s good or bad
same, she does like half of these thinks, sometimes a little more, but other times she is sweet and caring
i can definitely relate to this..
Parents are confusing
Same, i do think she's kind and intelligent
But i feel like sometimes she doesn't care about my feelings
This right here 💯
I feel bad for kids that have these parents, if you have them dont worry your not alone! 💝💝
The moment when “you can heal yourself” came up, i just uncontrollably started smiling cause if i got the power, i can do it! No one is gonna stop me!😁😁😁
No.7 rings true to me. I was never able to vocalise why interactions were so exhausting. This captures it so well.
me its all
you got this!
The psychotherapist helped me to realise that the problems were not only in me, but also at home. I thank her, and it took me a long time to realise that myself. I was looking on Facebook for a room, an apartment to rent, I wanted to live a normal life where there was no more pain, and there was a lot of pain at home, because of my toxic mother. A girl wrote to me, she was also looking for a flat to rent. We corresponded for a few days. A few days later we met, we looked at the flat. We took it right away. When I told my mother I was moving out, she told me to disappear until the police were called. Ok. I never had a mother, it was just a stranger. Well, that and a splinter in my ass. I packed my things, but I had nowhere to sleep - so I slept on the floor - in a shed. It was a cold night, but it's a good thing I didn't get sick. At 5am I got up and went to work for extra work. At 12 o'clock I finished work. I ate and went to sign the lease, together with Amber. Everything went smoothly. The landlady said that I could move in today too. I went back home. I wanted to say goodbye to my brother and mother. I said goodbye to my brother, but it was impossible to communicate with my mother, damn her. I went to my neighbour, asked him to help me take my things away. While I was waiting, the neighbours fed me, thank you, because I really wanted to eat. They drove me to my flat, helped me to put my things away, thank you again.I should be grateful to Amber for showing up in my life at the right moment. I used a translator. I apologise for my grammatical errors
Holy shit wtf im not gonna read all of this lmao
Happy for you ❤️
You did the right thing I am so happy you found a roomate the neighboor sound like an angel.
I hope it ends up ok for you!❤️
Stay strong cause you are on the way to a good life!
The only reason that I don't have kids, is that my parents f*** up my childhood.
But I learn a lot from how I was neglected and treated. I'll never do the same mistakes my parents did, if I ever have kids.
As long as you learned there is a bit of a bright spot...and there nothing wrong with not having kids!!
It wasn't until I met my best friend at 21 years old and listened to stories of his parents treating him so well, that I realised how much I had been abused, physically and mentally, by my parents.
My parents say these things even now when I’m an adult. When I gave birth to my first daughter, my mother’s response was: “Oh that’s nice, maybe you give her to us so we can raise her to be nothing like you.” 2:24
That is absolutely awful
my parents are exactly like this, so this is a reminder for me that I was always being sensitive being hurt or being taken advantage of. For years my parents are this and I thought it was normal. I'm glad that I was able to discontinue my belief that I'm unworthy. now I know more that I'm a worthy human being.
Thank you for sharing this
@@Psych2goI keep seeing your videos in my feed. I finally decided to check them out. THEY'RE SO GOOD!!!
This has been quite helpful with me as I'm still comming to terms with my mother's abuse. I'm only sixteen and thought all parents acted so horribly.
the "dumps all of their emotional issues onto you" and "insults you to hurt you and pulling in others to join them" really got to me because wow that was my mom.
for everyone who has this, i am so sorry, i’ve went thru this and i hope y’all are going to feel better😊
My whole life, I never knew until I randomly clicked this video so that I know to never show any of these traits when I’m a parent. But when she said, “your parents put their problems on you,” that really hit home. My mom always complained and whined on and on every single day about how we didn’t have as much money as she wanted. I got a job at the age of thirteen as a result.
I’m watching a bunch of your videos on this subject and I never realized till the last year or two that my parents are pretty toxic and completely emotionally unavailable. This has caused me figure out that their parenting is exactly why I am the way I am. These videos have made me cry as I feel understood and that this is exactly what I’m feeling. Listening to the explanations make my stomach hurt for some reason, they’re so accurate.
thats how i feel. i hope things get better for you
They really just wont understand us…
As a child, once I dropped a cup and my mother was like punched me immediately...she gets really angry when me and my sister don't sleep, she would turn up the lights of our room as punishment.
She didn't do these for our good. She did these for control.
I'm so sorry. That's child abuse.
you will recover from this
Oh wow. My mother has 5 of 7 points of this.
I always wonder, why me and my siblings are hot headed and easily offended with other people. I'm 35 years old now and this 6 minutes video got the answer why..
Thank you for sharing..
Whenever i forget something, my dad scolds me and says "You always forget. You're acting like a 1 year old. Grow up!!" Whenever i say" But i'm 12!" EVEN POLITELY HE SAYS "DON'T BACKTALK ME!" And sometimes hits me. Even today this happens.
almost everything that my mother has done was in the list😥she convinces me that it is normal and she loves me the most
I never really thought that my dad was toxic, but my sister helped me to realize that he may not have physically beaten us, but he can't control his anger and he's short fused, so he usually yells at us over small things and sometimes apologizes. I've told him before that I've gotten more sensitive to loud noises, so I'll cover my ears to help suppress some noise. I remember one time recently, he was yelling at me or my sis for something, and I was covering my ears until he was done yelling ans he yelled, "Yeah, GO ON. COVER YOUR DAMN EARS LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO." And it hurt, cause I'm sensitive. I hate when he gets like this, but.. he's my only parent I've got left. Aside from letting the small stuff get to him, he's a good dad tho. At least he knocks before entering our rooms and cooks for us, not that we ask him to. Still, it's kind and he doesn't have to, and yet he does. Idk, is this a toxic mindset for me?
This just made me realize how much I stopped caring about what my parents say or thing about me and how much less I interact with them since the past 2 years
It was my life was when my parents was like this, it taught me on how to lean to God, and when the pandemic came, it was even be better because a blessing came, they realized of their worst parts, my brothers, and me, and my parents now have an amazing bond. Sometimes I look back and remind my self that now, it was my turn to change.
I was never allowed to close my door because “ I need to see everything you do” and 4:10 the second one I relate. I was always the therapist if the family and I became very depressed and I was bottling it down and… I at one point burst when someone was making fun of my mum for being too st
My mother's love was conditional and she herself told me that am worthless and will never amount to anything. Glad I cut her off and moved out and never having to see her narcissistic face. I never chose to be born by her. The worse was when she found my pregnancy shameful and criticised me for it I had enough and was done. I blocked her and went no contact
So sorry...but it's for the best
Shame her for her pregnancy then.
She thinks you're such a problem, you came from somewhere, right?
That shoe fits any foot.
Really? I was only told that I was WORTHFUL, and that I would ALWAYS AMOUNT TO EVERYTHING. Coming from a mother who gave me UNconditional love! >:)
Thank you for sharing this
I went through emotional parentification from my father when I was little up until the age of 14. I actually just discovered the term last week. It’s bled into my relationships because I’m horrible at establishing boundaries and feeling like I should help and fix everyone. Heck when I was 12-14 I went through a period where I was suddenly put out of direct contact with my father (moved in with my mom after living with him for awhile) and i subsequently became very depressed and hated myself. I had a multitude of other issues piled on and on top of that I didn’t have anyone to parent emotionally anymore. I also had a new brother, so attention was taken away from me. I sought out relationships which ended up being toxic. It was a lot, and even on top of that my father would go further into a downward spiral and I felt helpless and worthless cause I couldn’t do anything to fix him.
Before I left the situation I was also bullied physically and verbally, and my fathers mom also treated me bad because I didn’t react right emotionally and didn’t process things, cause I’m autistic. I had a lot of people around me that didn’t seem to care about me, on top of my little brother taking attention away. I developed a resentment towards my bro in my teen years and I regret not working on it cause I wasn’t nice to him. We are fine now but still I regret it. It was a lot and the odds were stacked against me emotionally for awhile. But Im finally healing, at the age of 21.
To those who have been through similar experiences, you are not responsible for your parents emotions. You cannot and should not have to fix them. They should have been there for you. You deserve to have your emotional needs met.
Thanks psych2go, and im hoping you do a full video on parentification sometime if you haven’t yet
Edit: wanted to say my mom is the only one that’s always had my back. She’s not perfect by any means but she has acknowledged and even apologized for mistakes and bad decisions she’s made in the past while raising me. She’s the best mom ever and I have a very close knit relationship with her now.
Nice essay. I got teary eyed
i AM So Sorry for you
Idk if I should be complaining now
„You know how much money I would save if I haven’t got you?” I heard that pretty often in my childhood, now I feel guilty or uncofortable when someone buys something for me or pays for me
My whole family(close and distant) have a record of not letting the rest of the family, people who are considered as friends and even people who are physically not part of the family have boundaries and will teach their child to always, and I mean ALWAYS, invade other peoples personal space.
I myself have been terribly touchy with my friends and they always get uncomfortable with me around since I always pat them on the head, hug them, touch their shoulder or knee etc.
I didn’t realize I was invading their personal space until it became a problem of them distancing from me slowly until they just weren’t my friend anymore
My parents never gave me boundaries and still don’t emotionally and physically
I have tried to establish my own boundaries many times but they either ignore me entirely or even go as far as to mocking me and/or using it as a one sided joke
I am trying to better myself, giving my friends their emotional and physical boundaries and promised myself that once I get a kid when I’m older, I will teach and give them their personal space and not be like the rest of my family line
Edit: my parents are getting better and they do try to set boundaries with me now. Unlike how I’ve put it in this comment, they are NOT toxic and I still love and care for them very much.
I am the opposite, I cringe when Dad or his brother Roger touch me, it is inappropriate. Their jokes, too.
It’s horrible to meet someone from the exterior (like a teacher) that gives you unconditional love because it hit you like a ton of bricks that your parents didn’t give you that. Everything was SO conditional and violent
My husband's father does a lot of these things. He has been mentally abusing his sons and even his wife for decades, and getting my husband out of his domination was very difficult and very painful for both of us.
Now it is difficult seeing his brother still living with his parents and not mentally strong enough to get out of there, and not being able to do much to help him.
Thank u so much for making such effort for making these videos and educating us about mental health.. It means a lot to me as someone with a really abusive and immature father 🙂
I am sorry for u 😔
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 why what does she do? I mean if u r fine sharing your problems..
In my case my dad sucks aswell i mean when you are a adult yet someone treats you like a kid telling you about things that you obviously know and tries to impose His ideas onto you without hearing you yeah my "dad"sucks
@@isidoro19david65 Well in your case its more of a misunderstanding.. im sure ur dad loves you.. he may have his own ways.. u see parents have a hard time in accepting their children as grownups.. Its okay you can move out when u r stable.. would say that parents arent always right but they always want good for us.. exceptions aside..
@@praptidas9717 bro a good dad doesn't try to Control your life or impose what he thinks is right on you,i mean i use my arguments to explain why i am doing x and instead of getting support or at least someone that accepts my decision i just hear someone yelling constantly not even willing to hear or accept your actions,One thing is being worried about your Son other thing is treating your Son like someone that doesn't knows that he is doing
The 4th one abt ignoring boundaries hits close to me. I am sometimes in my room when my mom barges in without knocking on the door. When it happens, I hv to guess if it's good news, neutral or bad news with my mom's presence.
I used to barricade my door because my room never had a lock on it. Then one time my mother threatened to go all "Here's Johnny" on me and I would have to pay for the door.
I peeked out the door, and she did in fact have the axe.
@@bazzfromthebackground3696 Oh dear, I guess your fate was worse than mine
This depends on your age. If you are old enough to be on here perhaps it’s time you live on your own. If you are of high school age a simple , “ mom, would you please knock before coming in, it startles me when you don’t” goes a long way. Try it and see. 😊. I’m a grandma .
@@flowerpower3618 thx grandma
Your surroundings matter a lot if you want to grow to become a good human being. So your parents have not been in a good surroundings too if they do these things. It's not a never ending cycle because you should make good friends so you share everything with them.
With toxic parents, when you look at other families, you think your parents "just love you in a differenet way". Until you realise that was never the case and it completely breaks you...
(For context: I'm almost 16 and I have social anxiety)
My mom is very overprotective, I love her very much but she treats me like a 4-year-old who doesn't know how to do anything, to the point where she made me sleep in her bed for YEARS because my room is "dangerous", but she lets my dad and my brother sleep there because "if something happens they'll know what to do" (my brother now sleeps in my room and I sleep in his, but if it wasn't for him offering to sleep there I still would be sleeping in her bed).
I can't stay home alone for more than 10 minutes because "what if you faint?" (I fainted three times 2-3 years ago, once because of P.E. and twice because of the heat from the shower. I didn't just faint randomly, and it doesn't happen anymore because now I know my limits).
My brother told me that he's doing the best he can to get her off me, that my anxiety would probably be lower if she wasn't like this, and that he doesn't understand how I'm not as mad as he is about the situation. I told him that, yes, it's frustrating, but it could be worse, she could be abusive. He told me that she is being abusive, even if she has the best intentions. I was like "...nahh, she's not(?)", and he said that she isn't physically abusive but she still is abusive.
I've been watching all your videos about parents because it's been in my head ever since, and I don't know what to think anymore 🤠
Theres physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. Your mom is emotionally abusing you. Be well and stay safe.
@@WelfareCenter she is? I don't want to bother you, but can you explain? I've always had this specific image of emotional abuse and she doesn't fit it at all, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Thanks, stay safe too
@@smolmakoto your brother is helping you. This is good! You two stick together, help and support each other.
Your mother is very troubled. Listen to your brother, he knows.
Believe in yourself, you are a good person worthy of love and kindness.
I don't think that your mom is being emotionally abusive. It sounds like she suffers from anxiety.
@@blk1735 i don't think she is abusive either, but she doesn't have anxiety. she only acts this way towards me, even if she has 2 other children. I'm the youngest, alright, but I can't do anything my brothers do or did at my age :/
Is it bad that this is the only place I feel safe about being open and being myself? This is the the only place where I feel safe expressing my emotions.
I had childhood trauma, depression and anxiety. When I told my parents about it, they just laugh and say other people has experience worse than me even though they don't know what I've been through. 😞
words can’t explain how much I thank you rn, now I know both of my parents are toxic/ abusive :) thank you
I grew up with supportive parents, and for me, it's a massive pity to see how many people were raised by toxic parents. This should really be taken more seriously, I feel really bad
Same 😞
Yeah, for me it's quite worrying, sure my parents were a tiny bit toxic but not as much as before, sure 2 of those traits shown in the video got to me but it was only slight
lucky you.
Lucky / my parents lied alot especially mom
This whole video hits hard for me, but especially #6. My father has been like this since my earliest memories (earliest memory I can remember like that is when i was about 3 maybe 4), which is why I try not to associate with my family as much as possible. I lost contact with them for a few years and only just got back in contact because of the pandemic. This was a massive mistake on my part as somehow they seem to be worse than before, more self-centered and likely to blame external factors than to have a good hard look at themselves
Thank you for addressing toxicity in dysfunctional families.
You are so welcome
@@Psych2goThanks for the video
My parents would straight up insult me as a kid. They would say things like you are the most useless kid I ever meet in my life, or jokingly I put you into this world I can take you out, You can't even do this how are you suppose to survive. You will end up living under a bridge if you don't shape up. People aren't going to care about you. I'm 19 now and i can't feel love from my parents anymore, or most people. I find it difficult to approach and talk to people even my friends. none has ever hangout with me. Its gotten better through self healing and accepting myself. But I'm still so lonely. But I have myself and my mind.
My mom always shuts me down and her punishments are NOT normal.
She woke me up for school, and I fell back asleep. We were going to make it to school on time, because we left when we normally do. ( I got ready and ate breakfast quickly so she wouldn’t me mad) when we got in the car, she said “If you don’t straighten up your act, I’m going to stop paying for your violin” Being a violinist is truly what I love to do and she thinks taking that away will teach me a lesson. Personally, making music helps me calm down. When my parents say something hurtful like “raising you is as huge responsibility but it do it anyway because “I love you” and this is the way you treat me?” I always go play my violin. I sit in my room and practice for hours. One of the biggest reasons I play is because my music teacher genuinely care about me more than my own mother. If I didn’t play that instrument anymore, he could no longer support me because I would no longer be in his class.
If she takes my music, I’ll clearly be upset. But the big problem is making musicis the way I calm myself down. Then I don’t have a way to calm down anymore.
She asked me why I was in a bad mood the other day and I told her that I wasn’t going to tell her because she would just shut me down.
I was right.
We got into a big fight, and then I finally gave up and said “you threaten to take away my violin. My music teacher tells me every day that he loves me and is so happy I’m in his class. He says he cares about me. He said he will support me no matter what” that’s something even she can’t do.
When I told he this, she said “well you might as well get over that”
She shut me down
I told her “this is what I mean when I say you just shut down my problems.”
To defend herself she said “well you shut me down all the time, but you get mad when I do it to you?”
All of her problems with my dad, all her problems with herself, with her friends, she thinks I should be able to solve.
Im 11 years old, just a damn child but my mom thinks I need to be as responsible as her. I’m still developing.
I don’t know you tell me, am I the one who is in the wrong? Do I need to straighten up my act? Is it really my fault?
‼️ Could you please do a video on how chronic illness affects mental health?
I’m a teenager that was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease less than a year ago, and being in constant pain has caused me to feel isolated and invalid. I feel it could help a lot of people understand it’s more than a physical thing. Thank you! ❤️
My parents may have tried to brake me, but I will never let myself become a product of their abuse.
I can take more hits than they think.
Thank you for sharing this
@@Psych2go
I don't know if someone will see this but , I have been living my life with toxic people around me
there always a gathering for family every year but I never enjoy it because I always been a quiet kid since I have social anxiety when talking to other people..
My dad this year family gathering mad at me for not going there. He yelled,smashed things, and saying alot of bad words about me and my other siblings. I cried because of the pressure I felt that day, I said I can't go because I'm sick but he wouldn't listen to me. I always been wanting to go out from my house and leave my town to place that no one knows me so that I can't take care myself and my cats. it's just that I haven't get the opportunity to do it. I also had been abused since I was a child and I already let it go but sometimes things around me makes me recall the past. I just hope there will be a day/year that I finally get out from this town.
I hope things around you can be better
On my moms side of the family, I always feel like I’m not good enough. My mom and my stepdad always bully me and I feel depressed. They always say that I’m too sensitive and bully me whenever I’m right and they’re wrong. One time my food was a bit raw so I told my mom in a very polite manner and she got angry at me and told me it’s just “medium rare”. I told her that ground beef isn’t medium rare and then she told me to just put it in the microwave which obviously wouldn’t cook it more. I told her that won’t work and suddenly her and my stepdad were yelling at me. I went to go microwave it, holding back tears. It wasn’t cooked at all and was all greasy. I just sat at the table crying silently. Then my mom got so angry and yelled at me to eat it I started eating my food while crying and then my stepdad started shoving food down his throat and pretend to cry, mimicking me and bullying me. I just lost it. I yelled at him and told him he was bullying me and it needed to stop. He replied with “I’m not bullying you, I’m only preparing you for the real world”. I told him he was a terrible person to bully a young kid, and he just brushed it off. Meanwhile, my mom is over here doing absolutely nothing.
Another story is when I had to go to the doctors and I have to get 2 shots. I am extremely scared of needles, so this was going to be a struggle for me. The doctor came in with the needles and I curled up in a ball and got scared. My mom told me I would have to make it easy or there would be punishments. I wanted to get my vaccines done with my dad because I feel a ton more comfortable with him and he makes me feel calm, but I knew my mom would only try to guilt trip me more into getting my vaccines with her and how it would make her feel bad. So I tried my best to stay still, but I freaked out. My mom got mad and after a lot of struggle, the doctor left the room because she had other patients. My mom was disappointed. She told me I was acting like (a not so good word to say that starts with r) and that ( r word)s get shots. I was in tears. She told me that I’m just like my dad and she’s going to send me to live with him because I act just like him (which I wouldn’t have really minded that much if I lived with my dad), and that I was going to spend that rest of the night in my room with NO DINNER until the morning when my dad picks me up to go to his house. We where about to leave when my mom said “we’re going to try again” after more struggle they finally got me. I was in pain and all my mom did about it was LAUGH AT ME. I was pissed at her. When we where in the car I sat in the back seat of the car because I didn’t want to be near my mom in the front. When we where driving I was holding and rubbing my arm. Then my mom said “well your arm might hurt but at least you don’t have to spend the rest of the night upstairs with no dinner”. The fact that she had the audacity to even think about saying that sickens me. I didn’t talk to anyone but my sister for the rest of the day
2:10 Appeasement: 99.9% impossible
70%? YOU *FALIURE!*
80%? WTFWTFWTFWTF WHY DO YOU NEVER GET BETTER!
90%? When... will you... learn...
100%, but no chores. Useless!
Child: :( I am not worthy of living. :,(
When they do things like this at me they alwais act like it's my fault. They can't feel bad for what they do like they were God and couldn't do wrong things. The worst thing Is that this made me isolate from others and feel always sad and unmotivated. I know that there's no reason to have fear of others, but i can't stop hiding and evitate relations. It's since a while that i realized what's the reason of my sadness. Now i'm secretly reading a lot of books about it and i starter helping myself and changing my mindset. It's not easy 'cause I have to face my worst fears but i'm getting Better with relations and i Hope One day i Will definitly heal from that scars. I'll return hear when i'll feel completely healed and write another message. Sorry for the bad grammatic but i'm not english and i can't speak english very good.
When I asked my mom to go to the therapist a month ago (due to me questioning my own mental health and having relationship problems with my significant other), the only response I got was me getting called a future druglord and alcoholic, and having no money left for me from my mom's will because I might spend it all on, well, y'know, bad stuff.
I always got high marks, and no reward or praise for it. My little brother got gifts and incentives for raising his low grades. It made me resent him and my parents both, feel ignored, and i still struggle with those feelings two decades later.
You hit close to home when you said the specific age of 12 when talking about parentification...I've felt my feelings invalidated growing up and that I was responsible for my mother's emotional state.
Luckily, my parents are super nice. I’ve never had to go through anything bad with them. and they are kind and loving and that’s what I love about them.
All of these are things my emotionally abusive father does to me, luckily I’ve been able to leave him and live with my mom. And because of my father doing these things I think might be why my mind is so messed up (anxiety depression) and tbh watching this kinda reassured me that leaving my dad was the right thing to do.
I always thought kids went through this all the time like I did. I thought it was normal. When I got into 8th grade I finally realized, but I was too late. I was always yelled at for my bad grades and things were taken away from me even though nothing changed, it made things worse. When I spoke up about it, I was immediately cut off. My dad always called me selfish, most recently was last week on our vacation trip. When he called me that, I just stared at him. He got married to someone else and ever since he spends very little time with me and all his time with her. But when I mention anything about it or how he never spends time with me, I'm selfish. And she even called me fat and all that too. He doesn't believe me. My step brother had my back because of her saying I ate too much of something, because my dad immediately was like "no she didn't." I told him he wasn't there and didn't know.
Someone called child services and only came to the house twice. All they did was put him under neglect and then threw away my file because I didn't have evidence, despite clearly being damaged. He screamed at me the entire time coming home from visiting my uncle in the hospital. He even screamed at me for crying because I wasn't the one who's job was on the line. It's all he screamed about. Just about him.
It hurts.
Sometimes when Parents are toxic to their children they actually mean themselves themselves
For example your dad,
He says ur selfish,well, he actually mean himself
Also sry for what happened
2:38 *_*laughs in not having a door on my room for 21 years*_*
Bro same I don't have a door in my room because we don't even have are own room
Sometimes parents can abuse their power not thinking we all have rules to follow. Never guilt trip your children just because you have responsibility to care for them.
The worst thing about all of this is, you are still trying to love your parents, and/or you are telling yourself:
"It's not their fault."
The best thing I did was drop my mother from my life. I had enough of her tirade of abuse, manipulation, lies and emotional blackmail.... I finally grew a pair and told her where to go and that she'll never control me. Life is so much peaceful now. 🙂
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 Nobody deserves the bullshit than toxic parents throw on their kids try to develop yourself to move out start saving try making distance with your mother Don't put up with her if she says something abusive Just Leave the room or Reply her Until you are ready to moveout
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 Nice
It took me 11 years into my marriage before I decided I wanted a child. I felt like I didn’t want to raise another human as damaged as I felt. I was parentified, both of their emotional support dumping ground and a narcissistic mother. I’ve come a long ways and now have a child of my own that I refuse to do the things my parents did to me. I’ve chosen to break that cycle.
I’m so sorry you felt that way but I have faith that you’ll do a good job at raising your child
The irony... This was uploaded the day I found out my parents are getting a divorce
Hugs.. I'm sorry to hear that
Stay strong and resilient
The worse part is, people with these parents, think that is normal, even if isn’t
I’m much older now compared to when I was a little kid, I never knew my parents were toxic. I just thought that’s what parents are supposed to do to discipline a child.
When my accolades weren't enough I always reminded my mother of her SALESPERSON background, giving a taste of her own medicine, belittling her. When personal boundaries were crossed by anyone, I deliberately did something so outrageously scandalous, that from that point on they respected that boundary so THEY wouldn't get embarrassed. etc.
Remember, verbal abuse is only abuse if you don't fight back. When you fight back, it becomes an argument... an argument you CAN win.
@@Unknown-wb1bf I came to enjoy putting my parents down when they attempted to do the same. Like when my father called me genetic garbage because of my congenital disease (that isn't genetic but is a risk factor when the mother doesn't eat properly or takes the wrong medicine for example).
Then I just replied: "I'm at least 50% you, so what does that make you? Hello pot, meet kettle!"