Why My Family Still Doesn't Do Sleepovers
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- Many years ago Aileen and I made a decision for our family, little knowing how that decision would end up reverberating around the world. We decided not to have our kids participate in sleepovers. Here's why, many years later, my family still doesn't do sleepovers.
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I had lots of fun sleepovers as a kid with really nice people. Parents just need to be more cautious with who they’re sending their kids too
Exactly. There no need to prohibit fun times as long as parents are aware of what is happening and rely on the guests...
You have to understand this guy's a freakshow.
AmeliaKC173 many don’t have the same outcome . It is in fact a risk we’re taking .
literally the person you trust most can be a predator you cant always just judge these situations
Me too. I slept over at someone’s house almost every weekend growing up. I had a lot of friends. Luckily I was never abused and every parent was very nice. Now that I have children I will only let them do sleepovers at their grandparents once in a blue moon. Just because I got lucky, doesn’t mean they will.
I was abused at my very own house and then at my church. I understand that parents want to protect their children but I often find they ignore that abusers and bad influences are everywhere. So instead of forbidding certain places or activities, I suggest adults educate children on any kind of unwanted touch and any other topic you want to protect them from
Sandra GM I am sorry for what you had to endure beloved sister. As a young boy I was sexually assaulted (attempted) by an older neighborhood boy 3 years my senior (I was 6-7). He came from what seemed the picture perfect family. As a child you have no idea what is going on but know it is not right.
We moved from that house in Michigan to Florida and I never told anyone...
11 years later I was walking on a beach boardwalk with my mother casually talking...
Suddenly my attention was forward and coming from the opposite direction was that boy now a man and as his eyes looked up and he saw me there was a moment of instant recognition...I felt rage start a fire in my heart and he quickly looked to the ground in shame and walked past me with his head hung low...I kept walking too for I had at that moment forgiven him and actually felt sorry for him for that weight of sin’s shame that attached to his soul...he was probably abused himself...God bless you and I agree. Parents need to protect their children and listen to the Lord vs the world.
Very true but it’s the people we allow in our circle that are usually the perpetrators, not the “strangers” we once thought . In the end children are easily manipulated even if we teach them . Keep them home , keep them safe , that means be careful who we bring into our home as well !
I’m sorry you were hurt. Why not do both? That’s what I do with my children. I teach them safety at home and then never put them in a situation where they are literally at the mercy of another family and can’t leave.
TaigaNatsuki EXACTLY! DO BOTH!! DONT SHOOT THE DICE WITH YOUR CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL BEING!
@@TaigaNatsuki my point is you cannot protect them from everything. I'm not saying you shouldn't be careful with whom your kids have contact, I'm saying this approach is too simplistic and naive. Parents trust their children to other family members, teachers, coaches, sunday school teachers, and doctors. In all these cases kids are at mercy of someone other than their parents. So yes, minimize the chance of something bad happening but I don't blame it on sleepovers
My friends who had parents like this are the ones now rebelling and doing all kinds of crazy stuff at uni. They're the ones who keep secrets from their parents. They're the ones who were so excited to move out of their parent's houses.
Epic - so true - preach it - these guys have no idea what filtering the world will do
Yes so true omg
But how many friends do you survey to see if they all had sleepovers? Correlation does not equal causation. Children sexually abused are far more likely to act out than those “deprived” of sleeping at a friends house.
@@FieldTrippers I'm not saying I can prove anything. I know what I'm saying is anecdotal. But I really don't know anyone who was harmed by going to a sleepover. I'm sure that abuse does happen at sleepovers sometimes, and that's really horrible, but I feel like it's a lot rarer than this video makes it sound. Abuse can happen anywhere, and it's often friends or family members that are the abusers! If you don't want your child to ever go anywhere they might get hurt, you'd have to lock them in a padded room alone. As for being exposed to things, they are going to find out about things like porn somehow anyway. Probably at school. I certainly wasn't exposed to porn or alcohol at sleepovers. My point wasn't really about sleepovers in specific, though, but about this overly strict style of parenting in general. My parents are sensible and of course looked after me. But they also let me do things and have some freedom. I never felt a need to rebel because I never had loads of unnecessary rules. Strict parents make sneaky kids. Most kids/teens are gonna do stuff their parents don't want them to anyway. Kids/teens with parents like this are gonna be too scared to come to their parents if they ever need help or advice.
Millie as I parent I say that it’s not the fact that I’m trying to make sure my child doesn’t do crazy stuff or rebel when they are older. At that point they are adults and can make their own choices. It’s about protecting them when they’re still children.
African parents have been preventing sleepovers for years loool
😂😂
Truth!
🤩🤩🤩💕💕💕💕
Some black parents too!
My mum wdnt even let us play inside other pples houses 😩😩😩 but I understand now... & will apply the same to my children
Some of my best memories as a kid came from sleepovers! We also hosted them often. That being said, I was a good kid and surrounded myself with good friends. I think I wasn't allowed to go to maybe 2 or 3 sleepovers, but I didn't want to go to them anyway. I think it all goes to getting to know the parents and observing how your kid's friends play and interact and judging based on that, not just a blanket ban.
Agreed. I slept over at my best friend's house a lot and it was great. My parents knew her parents very well, we went to the same church, and it was safe.
At the same time, I do worry a lot about the fact that sometimes abusers hide in plain sight, and someone you thought you could trust might actually be grooming/abusing your child and you might not know it. Scares me, man.
It’s not that simple. What you think you observe in the light of day doesn’t have anything to do with what someone’s brother, uncle, dad or other random person in the home might do when the lights go out.
All the sleepovers I had as a kid were wonderful! But all the friends I stayed with had great families and they didn't expose me to anything bad. I didn't sleep over that often, either. I can only really think of around 7 different girls I slept over with growing up. Maybe the difference was that despite being of mostly western heritage, we were raised in Asia?
"I was a good kid" like that has anything to do with avoiding being sexually abused??
@@parker.100 please calm down.
My parents never allowed sleepovers. To this day I felt that it deprived me of the social skills of forming strong friendships with other females. After hearing this message, I think differently. Resentment gone.
Michele Moneywell tell them 🙏
I felt the same way growing up when my parents wouldn't allow me to go to sleepovers (although I did also semi-understand my parents' reasoning too). I always thought my "friend group" would have accepted me more if I'd been able to go to sleepovers and have that extra time with them... But as an adult, I've realized that those people were never going to accept me no matter how much time I spent with them. So I guess I didn't miss out on too much after all 😂
What do you think you missed in those sleepovers that you couldn't do during the day?
I'm asking genuinely not to belittle you...
Don't worry, I had plenty of sleepovers without any of these negative experiences and I still can't connect with females.
NevesaroIsAngry I was going to comment the same thing 😑
I am a counselor and trauma specialist with a master's degree in clinical psychology. I have 36 years experience counseling individuals, couples and families dealing with sexual abuse and trauma.
I am also the mother of 9 children ages 32 to 15 years old. All of my children are healthy, well adjusted, sensitive caring adults who never experienced sleep overs growing up. We had a family rule of no sleepovers. Mainly because when taking the history of my client's sexual assaults , 80% of them reported the assault happened during a sleep over at a friend or relative's home. I made this family rule based on my gut at 23 years old after having only worked 4 years as a family therapist.
Parents would sometimes try and pressure us into changing our rule. Then I would share what I do for a living. My kids had no idea what I really did at work until they turned 18 years old. Only recently did my children begin to fully understand the true nature of my work. I work closely with the Sherrif's department in our rural, well educated county. If people of faith knew how prevalent sexual abuse, child pornography, human trafficking , drug abuse induced sexual assault, and introducing minors to alcohol and drugs were in America today I doubt sleep overs would be popular. Thank you for making this video and taking a stand for our families and children.
I find that a positive matter of fact approach works best. Simply state the rule " We don't do sleep overs." We had a lot of fun with family movie nights with treats and games with our children. Celebrated and watched wholesome movies together. They didn't suffer socially.
More often than not when a parent would ask me the why behind our rule, they would share their own personal story of a bad sleepover experience. Common sense is sorely needed these days. Please protect your children from predators. They disguise themselves and prey upon the naive and well meaning among us. Set good boundaries and teach your children to do the same. During a WORLD PANDEMIC good boundaries can be the difference between life and death. People pleasing can get you killed. Be willing to stand up and set firm boundaries to keep your family safe. I am sending love and hugs from Washington State, USA, Jeanne of In Loving Hands Counseling and ASMR.
Thank you so much for sharing all this, especially with your professional background and what you know from that. My husband and I have always had this same gut feeling, that we won’t allow sleepovers for our 5 kids under 8 years old, but I think we were wondering at what age we might be more open to it. But now I realize I can stand firm and confident that we don’t ever have to allow it. and I think that this level of protection over our kids is worth it. And I am also relieved to find supporting evidence that I don’t even have to feel bad or guilty about not allowing our kids to sleepover at their cousins’ house (without us).
Thank you for explaining why you know it is so dangerous, I will copy and paste your words, along with this video, and hold on to them whenever I need to defend our family decision. Thank you so much!! ❤️
Jeanne Standley-Kinata 💖💖💖
Thanks for the input. This is so true.
Thank you as a professional who hears the horror stories of adults who were introduced to drugs, alcohol, pornography or s*xually abused while over at a friend's or relatives house. You can educate parents and say that is a very bad idea because these things can happen. Thank you and God bless you and your family.
Thank you for the detail in your comment. Your words won't go in vain
I have a few thoughts on this.
Firstly, When my children were young my wife and I got to know the parents of all my children's friends well so that when the request for sleepovers arose we could say yes or no with confidence. And we taught our children from a young age how to evaluate trustworthy adults from non-trustworthy ones. They loved these life lessons and they learned how to make sound assessments at a young age.
Secondly, we knew some of our children's friends whose home lives were terrible so we were pleased to have them sleep over at our house so that they could see what a safe loving family really looked like compared to the chaos and the anger that they normally lived with.
By the way, I also know of seriously bad sexual abuse that happened too, so I don't want to minimise it either. Life is hard for kids when they are growing up and they need sound teaching on how to protect themselves, and how to distinguish safe adults from non-safe adults. As the Bible says "a man's enemies will be the members of his own household", so we should not fall into the trap of thinking that all family is safe but strangers are dangerous.
Just my thoughts on this topic.
Solomon Davidson I understand what you're saying about bringing children from troubled homes into your own. That's definitely a positive thing. However, what if one of your children had failed to discern whether an adult was trustworthy or not? The truth is, they wouldn't have known until the adult did something untrustworthy. I am happy to hear your children never experienced that, but they easily could have. This is a totally different era as far as connectivity, porn and culture, so even if there is no predator, kids can still be exposed unwittingly. My daughter was once watching a tutorial on how to make a tornado with plastic bottles and UA-cam set Asian porn to come on after. This is with it in safe mode. Fortunately, I caught it because I don't let her watch YT alone, but the same couldn't be said for a sleepover.
Totally captured the essence of wisdom here. Well said.
@@mrsclevermoniker "They easily could have"? How easy are we talking here? Where are you getting this information? What are the statistics?
Don't conflate the possibility of something happening with the likelihood of something happening.
@@chrisparker8539 Weird pervert comment.
Chris Parker Better to be safe than sorry! Better to act prudently and use wisdom regarding your precious children who cannot possibly defend themselves, than a seemingly worldly-style intellectual attitude with a 'C'est la vie' attitude. When its too late that attitude cannot and will not mend things. Children are not objects that can be replaced so we cannot treat them like we do a piece of property that's insured against that damage if somebody touched it who shouldn't! Adults who won't do their utmost to keep their children safe when they know full well they need protection, shouldn't bother having them. After all, many perverts are so-called respectable and professional people. I'd say to adults- take no chances with the safety of a child. Its the very least a child needs and rightly deserves, imho.
I watched the video, I'm going through the comments and I can't believe what I see. The only thing I'm gonna say is: strict parents make the sneakiest kids.
You can't exclude them from doing everything fun (and as many people said, sleepovers are way more fun than regular hanging out) and expect them to not feel left out. Even driving a car is a risk. Going to school is a risk. Shopping for groceries is a risk. But it's better to live fully than just patiently wait for the risks to be over and die.
Exactly! Plus it seems like a cop out to having hard conversations with your kids and teaching them to set boundaries and rise above peer pressure. Also parents could easily make sure that they have a relationship with the parents or even be strict about whose allowed to sleepover.
Exactly!!!
All I’m hearing this guy say is “by just saying ‘no’, we don’t have to explain it.”
Man up and explain it!! You cannot let your kids be naive!!!
My parents let me stay over at a select few friends house. There were rules. I was never to be alone with a man or boy. Ever. Why? Because it’s inappropriate for a 4 y/o to be alone with a guy who is not her dad.
They had to know the parents well.
Also, APPROPRIATE conversations about private body parts and how to confidently say “NO!” And CALL MOM IMMEDIATELY if you don’t feel comfortable were conversations we had at a very young age.
We knew the rules. We trusted the rules because our parents put them in place for our safety. And we respected the rules because WE WANTED TO BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE SLEEP OVERS.
You can’t lock your kids up because you don’t want to have difficult conversations with them. Grow up.
@@MarieReederPianist , I am all for being open and honest with children. I think Reality Orientation is the way to go. How old are You?
Do you realise that your child could be drugged and raped by a predator with so called date rape drugs during a sleepover? And that your child would not be able to call Mommy for help? And do you realise that Mommy would feel really bad for the rest of her life because she made a choice to allow her child to attend a sleepover and did not protect her child from a predator pretending to be a nice person hosting a sleepover for children.
Add to that the guilt of knowing that Mommy made the choice to let her child go to the sleepover because:
* Mommy had so many wonderful memories of sleepovers as a child.
( This is a form of living vicariously through child. Assuming that the only way her child can be happy is to recreate this sleepover experience for her child.)
* Mommy thinks her child should learn from experience
* Mommy trusts her child to call her if there is a problem
* Mommy has total confidence in her ability to spot a predator
* Mommy has total trust in the sleepover host family
* Mommy believes the sleepover host family will supervise her child at sleepover related party event And keep child safe from predators( at drive in, park, skate rink, restaurant, movies, etc.)
* Mommy believes child can defend themselves from a predator child
* Mommy believes child can defend themselves from a predator adult
* Mommy believes that no predatory teenagers or sexually abused foster kids who are acting out sexually will be present.
* Mommy believes all other children in attendance are healthy and well adjusted and have not been sexually abused and will not act out on her child
* Mommy trusts that the sleepover host family will not have visitors during sleepover
* Mommy believes the host Mommy's boyfriend is a good guy
*Mommy believes sexual abuse is rare and happens to OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN
* Mommy believes she can trust child not to engage in people pleasing behaviors and to go along with sexual abuse ( Trauma responce: Fawn )
* Mommy believes she can trust her child to stand up to abuser ( Trauma responce : Fight )
* Mommy believes she can trust her child not to shut down in fear during abuse ( Trauma responce: Freeze )
* Mommy believes she can trust her child not to disassociate during sexual abuse ( Trauma responce: Flight )
* Mommy believes satistically most children are abused by their own family members.
* Mommy believes she can trust that the host family won't have drugs or Alochol or firearms present and accessible to children
* Mommy believes she can trust the sleepover host family to have her child's best interest at heart
* Mommy believes she deserves a break from her children and sleepovers are free childcare
* Mommy is willing to take a risk and gamble her child's health and safety during the time they are away at the sleepover
* Mommy believes all of this even after reading the comments section of this video
* Mommy disregards testimonies that don't fit with her narritave of " sleepovers are safe"
* Mommy believes sexual abuse and exploitation of children happens to PEOPLE"S Children
Mommy needs to WAKE UP.
Mommy is believing myths about child sexual abuse that help protect predators and perpetuate abuse of children. Grown women and adult males have been found to be unable to physically protect themselves from predators and Psychopaths at times. Yet Mommy trusts her child can protect themselves from aggressive abusers.
WAKE UP Mommy before you have to spend hours on a therapist's couch analysing what happened to your child at a sleepover because of your own overconfidence. WAKE UP MOMMY and STAY WOKE.
If you want to take the risk at least know the vectors you are dealing with and make sure your risk is a calculated well thought out one.
I sincerely hope that your gamble pays off. It's no fun being a statistic or watching your own child become one.
Jeanne Standley-Kinata
Dude. My mom was raped. And it wasn’t at a sleep over. It was by her step-dad. For multiple years. In her own bed. Yeah. My mom knew how to spot predators.
I always had sleepovers, since I was 4. But, this is kinda special cause this was a family my parents knew since 10 years before with was born. My point being, be careful, and if you're really uncomfortable, find alternatives, that might give somewhat of an experience. For example, go camping, but have the friends sleep in the same tent.
3:10 “We never had to explain ourselves” ... that there is the problem with this kind of ideology. You SHOULD have to explain yourselves, to your children ESPECIALLY. You owe them that level of respect for and trust in them.
This is exactly how I feel. Kids are going to do what they are going to do. you can either try to control their every action, or you can have a conversation with them and equip them with the tools to make the right choices for themselves. If you want to outright ban sleepovers, that's your right as a parent. But you are doing your child a disservice if you just say "because that's the rule" rather than talking to them about why you've made that rule.
Exactly
That’s where I knew this guy never fully thought through the experiences that children gain from sleep overs
Kids get molested and raped at sleepovers. Pervert parents, pervert relatives (both evil), friends who may not have bad intentions and want to experiment
Thank you for this comment!
Adults often take kids' understanding for granted and undermine their awareness of their envoirnment. Yes, kids are often naïve due to lack of experience, but a good parent should explain to the child the _how's_ and _why's_ of the rules they're expected to follow.
It's like beating a child when they've done something bad, and not telling them why you beat them. How do you think that stuff reflects on the child?
Why is anxiety a popular issue in young adults in modern times... negative consequences and risk suck, but the bird must at some point fly from the nest.
I think part of the point this video is trying to make, is that the wings need to be prepared before that flight. I think l understand the point you're trying to make - about balancing pros and cons, but this video is articulating they felt the cons (risk) outweighed the pros (fun).
Anxiety isn't 'popular', it's a clinically diagnosed condition. It may seem more pervasive as the stigma of mental health slowly dissipates and people become more comfortable disclosing they have it. But I'd argue that l didn't hear anxiety here, just considered parenting.
@@ah8043, Thank you for sharing. Very articulate response. I am sending love and hugs from Washington State, USA, Jeanne of In Loving Hands Counseling and ASMR
My parents never wanted me to go to sleepovers when I was younger and it used to anger me because I didn’t understand why. But as an adult I now understand that she was trying to protect me because anything can happen.
Yep my mom was the same way, and my aunt let my cousin sleep over at anyone’s house and unfortunately I feel she has been abused as a child.
I remember being invited to my friend's birthday slumber party when I was 8 along with all the girls in my class, and my parents allowed me to go to the party in the afternoon but forbade me from sleeping overnight. I didn't understand why, but my mom told me it would be overstepping the boundaries to sleep over at someone else's house even though I was invited, because my parents did not know my friend's parents very well. My mom told me it would be rude of me to stay overnight because I would be an inconvenience for my friend's parents the next day 🤣 my mom also did not hesitate to tell me how worried she would be just knowing I was not sleeping at home where she knew I was safe. "What if something happened to you while you were there? It would be even more of an inconvenience for the hosts if you were in some sort of trouble if anything happened to you at their house" she also told me 🤣 well that totally made sense. I didn't want to worry my mom, or be an inconvenience to the hosts. So I stayed and played a couple hours and immediately left. I didn't remember the birthday party until this video, and I agree 100% that really, anything can happen to a child if they slept over at a friend's house. We really don't know what people are truly capable of doing.
First major exposure to pornography and drunkenness were sleeping at a friend’s house for me. So much pain and a battle I still fight, but to God be the glory for every victory Big or small.
That was YOUR experience. Doesn't mean it happens to several others. I had sleepovers at friends' houses when I was younger, and their parents never had bottles of alcohol lying around. Nor did they leave the TV remote out in the open for my friend and I to be tempted to watch a program we weren't supposed to. Responsible parents aren't going to let their children sleep over at a friend's house if they aren't familiar with who his/her parents are first.
Just because it happened to him doesn't mean it will happen to your child. ALSO, just because it didn't happen to you, doesn't mean it won't happen to your child. Some parents don't think it is worth the risk.
Thing is - we allow and pay for abortion all 9 months . And we are stupid to let that happen .
Rawk4Life - the plea from that person for awareness and caution.
Discernment and awareness. &! Responsibility. To show our kids we truly love and care about them and their friends.
Bruce Courtney - yes.
I was 13 ? First exposure to a penthouse magazine.
Eye catcher. Hid the centerfold picture. Heart racing . Not good.
Got cleansed. Repulsed. But I made it to my wedding at 24 years old as a male virgin. I was proud of that because I love Jesus.
I work as a construction electrician every day . Have to keep my eyes in my head regarding playboy pictures on others tool boxes. Run home to play with my wife and enjoy my kids .
Use wise discernment and joy with my kids
We play - plant gardens- build rabbit cages- raise chickens for eggs and meat.
Kids work with me . Learn safe electrical wiring & how to drive a truck. How to be friendly & cheerful and respect people properly.
Jesus Christ loves to sit with kids and love them . He loves big adult kids. He loves us to conduct ourselves well so others get to be
Happy and safe and loved.
I love Rudolph the red nosed rein deer story !
I Ham it up with my kids - and play with my kids to be sure they are loved. Not scared.
My dad tAught me the same way . His dad did too .
God loves happy dads.
In Caribbean cultures sleepovers are almost non-existent for these very reasons. Sleepovers are absolutely unnecessary
Same with a lot of Latinos. My parents never allowed me to go to a sleepover
So true. We never even slept over at family. Caribbean moms don't play.
Exactly, I was just about to comment this!
sedsa097 more than one of my sexual abusers were family. So you are right to not trust anyone in this way. Even family. My own mother’s brother!
My mum's reply was... you have your own bed to sleep in 😁. My children only 'sleepover' at their godparnets home and 9/10 I'm with them.
My dad has never allowed me go for a sleepover. He simply asks, "what will you be doing there? Don't trust anyone, at night people change,even those who think are your friends" And to this date,I thank him for never allowing me experience such
Amen! Wise father.
Hello sorry if this has been asked before but what if the situations are like exchange years, studying abroad or overnight fieldtrips? Thank you.
Told our daughter she could call us anytime during the night and we would come running. Just tell the parents she had to check in with us. Then to turn to the people and say my folks said I need to come home. No explanation they will be here soon. Never had to do that as a child, but it worked a charm as an older teen to get away from people using drugs.
Sounds like a good idea, thank you for sharing
Sleepovers were never allowed in Nigeria households. They always told us “you have a bed here so why should you sleep somewhere else” Unless with cousins. I will keep that same rule. There is honestly no need for them
Zaltanayepamedanahuel Anasazihototodoliluyubodaway I’m so sorry about that. My cousins never showed me that but I will keep that in mind in the future.
@Zaltanayepamedanahuel Anasazihototodoliluyubodaway
First time i saw porn was at around 7-8 years old in school
Mxlanin Subs even cousins and blood relatives could be sexually abusive or expose children to wrong practices. Sleepovers are simply not advisable.
Be careful of even cousins dear ... my aunt let her 19 nephew sleep over her house and he sexually assaulted her 11 year old daughter which is his own blood cousin and his father abused me when I was 5 ... so yeah even “family” cannot be trusted period.
I have been abused by cousins and other family as well. Definitely don’t let cousins be an exception.
My mother would never allow sleepovers either. She would always say, "The devil never sleeps." It has stuck with me to this day.
Your mom's saying is very wise
Ohhh, I need to remember that saying! So wise!
My mom always said this too! She said it in Spanish, “el diablo NUNCA duerme.”
This creeps me out
That’s a good line
I disagree, I grew up in an extreamly poor family. I would get excited for a sleepover, I knew I would get two solid meals, my own sleeping space, and I knew the AC would be turned on (a big deal when you live in Texas) I grew up in a christian house, but we were broke. My parents would only let me spend the night at a families house they knew well. As someone who grew up wearing hand-me-down underware and socks, this was a big deal. It was exciting to get play the new video games we couldn't afford, or getting to watch TV for that matter was huge for me. Now this was before the internet was everywhere. But I cherish those memories.
Same here, though I wasn't that poor, I lived with an easily angered step-father, and sleep overs were a form to distress and expand my family (through friendship). There seems to be many situation in which sleep overs are beneficial, but I think, and I believe that you'll agree, that sleep overs are only beneficial for certain types of kids.
There are really nice kids out there, but you will be surprised at how many nasty kids and teenagers there are out there. Who will do anything they'd like as soon as the cat is out of the room. I think that if a parent is ever going to allow their kid to sleep over, he or she should first get to know their kid's friend REALLY well. But in my case, I was very mature for my age which enabled me to take better decisions without consulting my parents, yes it did not always pay off, afterall I was a kid. But for the most part it was great.
I do understand though the parents that would rather be safe than take a risk.
then for you it was positive, thats good
yeah but what if you got molested
We didnt have much money, I was told we were poor but for me as a kid I was too busy playing with neighborhood kids and having adventures. My best friend had a TV, we didnt get one until I was in high school, that was a black and white set..lol
Did we miss the part where the above person said you needed to know the friend and family really well?
Step 1: have a relationship with your child where they feel comfortable talking to you about anything, especially problems.
Step 2: Dig into who they are hanging around and base decisions off of that.
This will make the chances of a bad rare scenario taking place, almost non existent. If your child really knows their friend, I think they'd know if something was happening to them from either their parents or elsewhere in their family..
Is there ever a 0% chance of your child not being molested? No. Is there ever a 0% chance that a plane will fail after take off and fall from the sky? No. Is there a 0% chance of becoming paralyzed from some sort of rough housing with friends? ...or even just walking someplace? No... An awkward push or slip could permanently injure or kill someone in a certain circumstance... What if you got rear ended in your car... would your child have a 0% chance of dying? Should you still allow your child in the car with you?
You can never fully cut out the risks involved in living a life.. but you can remove any sort of enjoyment or meaningful interactions from it..
Sleepovers introduced me to weed, then alcohol, then pills, and later sex. I was free to do whatever I wanted outside of my parents sight.
This has me thinking now.
I wish I jut stayed home.... my life would be a lot easier.
Onlyperfect WhenHecomes
I had sexual experiences on sleepovers with my best friend .She and l developed a crush on eachother . My Mom didnt mind us sharing a bed cos were girls .We werent allowed hoys on sleepovers .
Onlyperfect WhenHecomes
You have to let your kds express themselves .
Onlyperfect WhenHecomes
We were just fooling around .exploring eachothers sexuallity .
Onlyperfect WhenHecomes
Well ..thats your right ..as a parent .l understand that .It was just a girl thing .We were not allowed boys on sleepover .
Onlyperfect WhenHecomes
My Mother wouldnt approve if she had known either id say ..but we were never caught ..She didnt mind us sharing a bed as we were girls and best friends .We were curious about sex and our developing bodies .always comparing eachothers .to see how our boobs were growing etc. And practicing kissing .lol and in bed the hormones took over l guess .and we went all the way .We started at 13 or so for a few years on and off . It was quite intense .We learned a lot .
When my oldest children were young and I was a stricter parent, we didn't do sleepovers for many of the reasons given here. With my younger children I have become a little more relaxed and we have done sleepovers. Much of my earlier parenting was based in fear...no risk seemed worth taking. I now view that differently. Life is full of risks and we need to teach our children a reasonable approach to a risk-filled world. I don't want them to shrink back from everything; some risks are worth taking. I feel like I set a bad example by not trusting ANYBODY. I still avoid sleepovers for very young children, and I'm choosy about families with whom we share this event, but I'm sorry my older children missed out on some valuable fellowship because I let my anxiety overshadow my decision making.
You make some very valid points.
I respect your decision and what you feel comfortable with. For me, I personally don’t see how a sleepover fellowship would be much more necessary than a daytime or nighttime fellowship time together, so I would make decision to not allow that kind of risk. But I don’t think there is a right answer, every family will have different boundaries! :)
i value this comment a lot. i think it’s important to let your kids be exposed to what the real world is. you can’t shelter them forever.
jay63811 Yes, I did, and regardless of whether they were good or bad for me, personally, my kids’ potential thrill at the fun that could be had with friends is not worth the risk of any one of them being preyed upon or exposed to anything inappropriate that will have serious consequences on their innocence. Just my own risk calculation.
@@AN-jw2oe Just from my personal experience, some sleepovers we just ate a bunch of junk food and giggled about silly things. But as I got into high school and had sleepovers only with close trustworthy friends, something about the late hours made us feel more open to sharing with each other about our real worries, questions about the future, struggles in our faith, etc. It built up my friendships a lot and we had a lot of great conversations that probably wouldn't have happened without sleepovers. That being said I totally respect your choice, just wanted to share my thoughts.
I understand this reasoning but so many of my favorite childhood memories are from sleepovers. I also never had negative experiences or was ever exposed to bad things. I think the same worries you have about sleepovers also could be applied to just hanging out at friends’ houses.
I agree
Same. Parents always just made sure they knew the parents and no boys allowed lol
We live in a very different world today. Not even sending your child for a sleepover to a Christian family is safe anymore sadly.
@@louiseleite3866 we really don't, same world
That’s why I wasn’t allowed to sleepover or hang out at a friend’s house.
One of the wisest parenting I heard lately.I still have vivid memories of inappropriate touching by my mother's brother and a close family friend.I was very young when it happened and didn't realize it was wrong at the time.I never told a soul.It could have been worse,I could have been raped by people whom my parents fully trusted.Paedophiles can hide in plain sight.They could be parents or grandparents,whom you'd never suspect.
Given my own experience,I will never allow sleepovers.I would not put my little girls in that vulnerable situation I was
Please pray for my 13 year old daughter. I was born again over 4 years ago and was divorced from her mom a year before that. Her mom was raised in a Christian home but rejected Jesus and is of the world. My daughter became more and more rebellious to the point that 18 months ago her mom kicked her out at 12 years of age and I took her in. I had 547 days of exposing her to a Godly home with my Christian wife. Problem was she was already awake to the world and wanted many things I tried to protect her from including sleep overs with girls she refused to introduce me to and ran away a few times. Her mom was no where to be found and actually moved far away during this time but recently came back. My daughter became more rebellious and then kept threatening wanting to move back with her mom if she didn’t get her way. So, exactly 18 months to the day she moved back with her mom after a month of increasingly escalating disobedience. Please pray that she finds Jesus. Thank you and God bless.
God be with you and your family 🙏 keep praying loving and trusting God!
Your situation reminds me of a couple books I read. "How to get your prayers answered" and "the number one way to fight the devil", both by Dr. Norvel Hayes. They're only a couple dollars or one dollar in the Kindle store, and they are very quick reads, maybe an hour each.
I feel like, as a born again Christian, victory ought to be yours, and not defeat. Perhaps this crisis could turn out to be an opportunity for faith. God bless you friend.
The best thing you could do for your daughter is to let her go. Release her to the LORD. HE will have His way with her. We can’t force our kids to love the Lord. Sometimes some of us need to hit a rock bottom in order for the Lord to get our attention. Your daughter needs unconditional love. Boundaries, discipline. Release her to the Lord and Let Him break her. It’s the only way.
GABRIEL RIVEROS what a difficult time it must’ve been for you because children naturally you follow the world Pore guilt upon you and sadly a lot of parents give into this, I can’t remember what passage in the Bible but it’s something like in the end times children will rule over their parents. I see this more and more and more. The discipline for children is almost nonexistent in a lot of places unfortunately we live in a time of technology and you feel as a child my friends have got it why can’t I have it my heart pours for you because one day she will understand. I can remember getting disciplined time and time again and my parents saying one day you understand I’m doing this because I love you which was totally foreign to me until I reached for mature adult hood when I realized what they were saying was absolutely true. I probably don’t need to say this to you but pray and put your trust in Jesus and I really hope your daughter comes back, teenage years are the most difficult first you have puberty then rebellion which I think we have all done in some form. I cannot imagine the pain and hard work you’ve had to go through but put it to Jesus and may something change in your daughters mind. My love to you and your daughter and may you find a connection and peace, I came to realize that peace far outweighs happiness because peace can last a lot longer where his happiness can be very fleeting, i’ve seen people buy a new car can’t stop talking about it how great it is and then after some time it seems to lose its sheen. That is a whole the only Jesus can fill Never the material. Thank you for reading this to the end
You taught her everything you can she’s will come back, continue to pray for and love she will come back when she’s ready
My parents and I always fought about sleepovers growing up. I couldn’t understand why they were saying no at the time but now being a little older, I can see why they were hesitant. You really never know what could happen, especially when the child is so small
My grandma never let me sleepover growing up. I thought it was a Hispanic thing honestly so I never questioned it 😂
Sabria Ramirez yep! I only ever stayed overnight at my families homes, cousin, aunts, uncles etc. Like my mom told me “why do you need friends, you have cousins?” And honestly it’s probably a much better experience for kids. You get to be away from your home but still with people who truly love and care about your welfare more than any friend could.
I understand this point of view, but I won't hold this position when I have kids. My experience of sleepovers consisted of playing with action figures or legos for hours. There wasn't anything harmful in that. Also if you are concerned about your kids facing bad situations, the thing to do is teach them. So many parents now will tell their children "no" or "don't do that" or "avoid that" without any real reasoning behind it. Kids that are well equipped to handle situations are far better off. Sheltering your kids too much will ultimately harm them once they face an issue and have no clue how to handle it. That is why people turn away once they reach their teen years or early adulthood.
I want to somehow restrict my kids when it comes to phones and internet until I can explain to them they have to be very careful on it and why that is important. I literally want to tell them there are things there not even adults should see and some bad people want even kids to see these things, so they should be very careful. But they have to be old enough to understand that. When I was 13 I didn't know there was porn on the internet, but I found out on accident. I was just trying to find a way to watch movies for free. And now there are even inappropriate challenges going around and kids don't even know how inappropriate they are.
Truth
I went to my first sleepover when I was 8. I remember my friend and I slept in matching twin beds and her mom made us homemade butterscotch pudding and served it to us when it was still warm.
ok. at first i was like "whoa thats so extreme" but tbh this makes a lot of sense
Lol every African child was banned from sleeping over.... including me
Same, only are allowed cousins since we see each other once a year
Same with my Haitian parents
Why?
African from Congo. What you say is so true!
Not just Africans, black.
I’m an only child, and i tend to have sleepovers at my two best friend’s houses (whom i consider my brothers) and there are alot of positives from these.
First, these are my friends from school and church, and all our parents know each other well and know that if there’s a sleepover, it’s at a godly household.
Second, these are an amazing opportunity to change the setting for a while (school, family, sports, etc...) and just focus on being with your friends and those whom you trust. It’s a good time to share the goods and bads you’ve been feeling, and especially, an amazing time to speak of the Lord, study His Word, worship together, pray, and fellowship! Not only does this strengthen our bond as brothers from other mothers, but especially, as brothers in Christ.
Third and last is that, at least for me, I always learn something new every sleepover, and always take a positive from it. This leads me, every time, to thank the Lord for the blessing of having the brothers I never thought I would have, and for using them in my life (and me in theirs) to lead us closer to Him.
I understand that this video is your opinion about sleepovers and that it is what you believe to be better for parenting, and I completely respect that. I also understand that there are many facts supporting your opinion, and that there are countless negatives that can come from wrongful sleepovers. But I post this comment just to place my opinion that sleepovers aren’t necessarily bad, especially if done in godly households with trusted families. But regardless, I understand your viewpoint on them and, in many cases, agree with what you mean.
Have a good day, God bless!!!
Yes brother I agree community and friendship is a safe blessing in obedience to the Lord's guidence
Thank you for sharing. Though is there any reason these activities cannot be done during the day? What benefit is gained in the overnight aspect?
Alexa Polk Good question, which I really can’t answer. What comes to mind is a sort of metaphor (however terrible metaphor but sort of makes sense😂) which is: Why do some like their coffee with three packets of sugar, some with two, others with one, and others with none? Maybe for some it’s a more intimate and special experience to sleep in at someone elses house (sort of like how retreats may also be done overnight as well) while for others they prefer to just go out during the day and be at the comfort of their own home at night.
But, if i had to give my opinion as an answer, I immediately think of the difference between a hotel and our houses. We have our homes, but staying over at a hotel is a much different experience, of which for some might be pleasurable and memorable, while for others it might just be a necessity for travel.
My opinion being that going out with friends and having a sleepover at their house, or them at mine, are two different feelings. In my opinion, you can go out with friends all the time, but having them invite you over to stay the night at their house, or vise versa, is a more deep and memorable experience, and in my opinion, builds a stronger and unique relationship with someone, for you may go out with any friend, but you don’t just stay at any friend’s house. It requires trust between both of you and both families, and thus may bear growth and further trust in the friendship the Lord has provided you.
In my case, I always considered my brothers in Christ/from another mother, as my brothers, ever since we passed that line of just simple “friendship”. But, ever since our first sleepover, my view on this brotherhood has strengthened, and has always brought me to thank the Lord for blessing me with the brothers I never thought I would have!
In summary of my opinion: Indeed and offcourse all these may be done during the day, but for some, the night counts as well and means much more than just “sleep”. For some, it marks the day and night as “different” from the rest.
Good day/afternoon/night to you, God bless!!!
Alexa Polk is there a reason you feel the need to poke and prod this guy’s positive testimony other than legalism that you seem to be trapped in?
I thought I would chime in-as the body of Christ-we should avail ourselves to help those in need. Not, all Christians have family support and if God-fearing household can offer that to a child or children the opportunity to be in their homes have the light of Christ furnished in their young hearts... Then that family and or those adults are assisting in a child or children's salvation. There are single parents and others who need assistance and do not have the privilege of support, even family. Every one circumstances is different and we must remember that no all have the opportunity to reject sleepovers...
Yeah, totally good advice. We had a young girl have a sleepover years ago at our house, and what I walked into my daughter's bedroom, I was shocked at what I saw. This girl was from a family that obviously had some major problems, and back then I was not in Christ. This is a touchy subject to this day with my daughter, as she was young and was emotionally manipulated into performing a sexual act on this other little girl. I am glad I walked in when I did and was able to stop what was happening. Keep your children close, enjoy them while they are young, and teach them the ways of the Lord.
That's so sad. Something like that happened to me. You told the parents of the girl? What did they say?
CandyCandy - yeah I did call the mother immediately and she brushed it off by saying something like, we all did that sort of stuff when we were younger. I was gob smacked. At the time my daughter was in PRIMARY school. That little girl never slept over again and we didn’t let my daughter hang out with her anymore.
Both of my parents were doctors. They saw a lot of abused kids. I was not allowed to do sleepovers although I was allowed to have one other girl at a time to stay at our house.
I think this question is comperable to just letting kids out of the house at all. One can’t just keep them cooped up and left out. Any time you leave the house there is some kind of risk, you have to just control what you can about making sure the places they go are safe and the people they are with have stable parents
Abusers often have families and hide in plain sight and people are shocked when they are caught. Not giving people access to your children at night doesn't mean your children can't lead a full and fun life. Just because terrible things can happen anywhere doesn't mean you go along with some of the riskiest situations.
I absolutely agree. I’m a child of the 50s and never let my children in the 90s sleep away from home. There is too much evil in the world now to do anything like this.
My mom didn’t like sleepovers but I would hound her till she let me, and often I would have to make up situations to have her feel comfortable. I had a few wholesome and lovely sleepovers but most exposed me to disfunction, alcohol and drugs before I was 17, picking up bad attitudes and entitlement and influencing me to hate my wonderful parents for not being as “free” as my friends households, and I set myself to running away and trying to escape my own household. It felt like liberation to me at the time but looking back now, it set me up to pursue a lifestyle that created a lot of pain and damage for over a decade which I’m only now starting to find stability out of. They were not worth it.
I totally get this and I think it depends on the family. My parents were strict about sleepovers and we had rules surrounding them:
1) they had to know BOTH parents really well and the parents had to be involved at church
2) if we felt unsafe we were to call them right away
3) absolutely no sleepovers with members of the opposite sex
4) no sleepovers with people who were significantly older/younger than us.
As a kid these rules seemed dumb to me but now I’m extremely grateful. And I formed lifelong friendships via sleepovers, because my friendships weren’t based in “same-location”, (Eg schoolfriends or church friends) but because we’d built fun memories and had extremely deep conversations late at night. The kids who I had sleepovers with as a ten year old are the kids I’m still friends with as an adult.
Regardless though I think this is a wise decision for your family! You guys should do what you think is best. I just wanted to share my positive experience in case it is helpful for others.
Regarding your points 3) and 4), sleepovers with the same sex and the same age is ABSOLUTELY NO guarantee that nothing sexual will happen, especially today, when every public school child from a young age has been told and shown about such things.
As someone who had an experience they shouldn’t have at a very young age as the result of a sleepover, I think this is a wise decision.
I was molested while at my first sleepover. Since then every other sleepover something horrible happened. I'm a firm believer in no sleepovers.
I totally agree I've long had this rule for my children. I remember my own experiences, it's 'tradition' to play occult games at sleepovers and also to tell scary stories. Not to mention that you can't possibly tell abusers by sight. Way better to be safe than sorry.
I can count the number of sleepovers I did on like 1 hand (and I was only allowed to if my parents knew everyone who would be there and the parents)... but I totally think that many MANY people are exposed to awful things during sleepovers. It doesn't necessarily have to happen at a sleepover. It can even be during the day! You have to know who is at these houses. One of my friends was abused by a creeper by going their friends house. One of the parents thought they were weird but the other ignored it. I think nowadays you cannot be overly cautious. Get to know those parents see if you get a weird vibe, if you do, ban your child from visiting or being friends with that person. I know it sounds mean but hey- it is their life on the line.
I also made this decision 16 years ago when my first child was born. I always am willing to pick my child up within an hour of their normal bedtime so they can still participate in the best part of the party but I always found it to be true that nothing good ever happens later than that from my sleepover experiences. I also have brought my children over early in the morning so they can spend the day with close friends.
This is excellent advice. No one can be certain of what they are sending their kids into when sending them away to someone elses house.
1. People find it fun. That's why it's so common. Your opening statements seem to indicate that you are perplexed as to why it's so common despite your acknowledging that many do find it gratifying.
2. Increased convenience is a pretty terrible reason to forbid your child to partake in something they find entertaining. You could make some extra effort to vet their friendships and ensure they are spending time with reputable, like minded families.
3. I had as much opportunity to partake in unhealthy activities during the day hanging out with friends as I did during sleepovers. Children will encounter temptation in literally every facet of their lives: in school, after school, at their friend's homes in the afternoons and weekends, at malls, at parties, at their computers and their TVs in their own homes. The answer is not to shield them completely from these activities, but to exercise wisdom and discernment to guide them to develop godly social lives.
4. I was an only child. Sleepovers were an incredibly important aspect of my life growing up. Most of my time spent at home was boring and unrewarding. Isolation would have been far more damaging to me as anything I may have gotten into while sleeping at a friend's house.
I remember sleepovers as a child, I'm a dude so we spent most of the time playing outdoors, exploring, until late into the night or played with Star Wars Figures. I grew up without VCRs, that came alone until high school so we didn't watch much TV, mostly Wonderful World of Disney. But these days there's soo much out there and easy for kids to watch anything without the parents knowing..or even some parents don't even care what the kids watch. So I understand his family rules.
Whole heartedly agree. My kids sleep over at grandma’s house and that’s it, they’re too young to have friends of sleepover age but when they do that is our rule as well.
I can respect this position, and it makes sense. Growing up, I slept over at several friends houses. I remember that in every case, the family knew my family well through church, and no girls were involved. Some of my best memories are from sleepovers with friends, either at their house (falling asleep on the roof) or in a tent in the back yard.
Pillow fights, lightsaber battles at night, eating too much candy and popcorn.
What I think I remember the most were the conversions, the candid and honest talks about the most basic of things. Talks about god, death, heaven, sex, not knowing what we wanted to be when we grew up, wishing that someone would stop bullying us, talks about parents fighting, and what we were most afraid of. Laughing with each other, and crying with each other.
I've never been so completely transparent and honest in my entire life than when I was a 10-12 year old boy. As you grow up, you learn to put that guard up, you learn to not let anybody in. You block people out.
And now I wonder, how much better life would be if I could have those kinds of conversations again. How much more rich life would be. It makes me think of heaven, and how one day we will return to innocence and glory.
Thank you so much for this awesome video. This is something my wife and I always talk about. She was raised in a Christian home and raise around Christian families and their go to thing was having sleepovers. For me my parents did not allow sleepovers and I believe it was because my father had a bad experience. I made the hard decision to tell my wife that I do not approve of sleepovers. To this days I don’t think she quite agrees with me but it’s something we will definitely keep talking about. My daughter is about to turn two and all I want for he is the best in life
Something else is allowing your kids access to mobile phones and the internet at a very young age (before 18)
👏👏👏
yes, my kids 3,4, 7 and i have a hard time coaching them in using their child-like imagination to make up games and play because they're so use to sitting on youtube and watching other kids play.
Are you a fan or a follower?? 😂😂you made my day 😅😁👌🏾
This is very important- I am 18 years old now and even tho I didn’t have a phone younger I still had access online. I WISH I DIDNT, because let’s just say my innocence has long disappeared too quick and my regret is immeasurable. As a horny young teen you don’t think twice when a fast click and search can show you anything you want. If I have kids they DEFINITELY will have tighter regulations then I had. Don’t be a “friend” to your kids and they’ll thank you one day!!
I agree. Kids can be molested just playing at another kids house. It doesn’t have to be at night! The biggest issue these days is innocence getting taken away due to unbridled internet access. I will allow my kids to sleep over with families I trust, but they won’t be allowed to play at the home of any family that doesn’t have proper safeguards set up on their WiFi
I was never allowed sleepovers as a kid until high school and it made me kinda bitter being the only one in my friend group who always had to get permission for everything but was usually turned down. It was embarrassing and I felt isolated.
But then when I was old enough in my parents eyes, around 14, I started being allowed to go to friend's houses my parents didn't know the families of and had a couple sleepovers at friends of friends houses that I didn't know as well. And looking back I've realized those were some of the most damaging experiences in my teen life.
Just the dysfunctional environments and the people I met and the things I witnessed were crazy to me. Once when I was 14 I came out of my friend's room to go to the bathroom and found my friend's dad drunk in his underwear in the kitchen.
The games kids would play when there's no supervision, which was usually the case even if my parents thought there would be, was usually either very sexual or bordering on hazing. It goes beyond underage drinking and drugging, though those things were certainly prevalent, but the peer pressure to participate in delinquent behavior and the exposure to very adult rated stuff was like a shock to the system.
My autistic 14 year old sister was allowed to go to a sleepover at her friend's from church and we discovered the next day that the kids were playing truth or dare and dared my sister to drink toilet water. And that was at a slumber party for 14 year old private schooled church kids. Parents think that it's safe if you know the type of family but you simply can never know exactly what happens at sleepovers.
My sister also had friends stay over at my parent's house because my mom thought it'd be a good environment but we found out her "friends" were ransacking and stealing my sister's personal things from her bedroom. They stole her clothes and toys and CDs and jewelry because they knew she wouldn't stop them because she is autistic. Made me sick and furious.
Those situations were a bitch. I wish I hadn't been allowed to go even as a high schooler. I understand and respect my parents more now.
My parents only ever let us sleep over at my aunt's house. I was always sad when I wasn't allowed to do sleepovers, but I understood as I got older and am so greatful for that and other family rules my parents put in place. The older I get the more amazed at how much I lucked out with the family I was born into.
At first I thought this was a dumb idea. But then I remembered that my first experience with online chat rooms had men wagging the genitals in the camera.
I was 11 years old.
Some great points there
Sleepovers were one of the best experiences of my childhood.
Mine too - but I would say that parents should only allow it if they themselves have been friends with your friend's parents, and known them long enough to trust them. My parents never said anything it out rightly to me, but I believe that was the principle they operated on.
Hannodb1961 , I came from a horribly disfunctional home life. Sleepovers were my only exposure to somewhat normal families. I stayed over at my friend's houses as much as possible. I am thankful for their parents letting me come over and stay since it was a reprieve from the chaos of my home.
Oh - I'm sorry to hear that. Yes, from that perspective, I can clearly see the benefits of sleep overs.
Your childhood probably didn't include R and X rated possibilities of film and internet, I assume? I kept my daughter away from really bad movies, only to have her see, at a sleepover, a movie that haunted her for years. I was so bummed. The movie was The Devil's Advocate with Al Pacino. Bummer
Annie Burns - I saw
Frankenstein as a kid.!
Bad dreams . Scary!
The "thrill" is about a sense of community
Exactly, what little girl didn’t watch grease and dream of having a sleepover. So they steal a cigarette or pass around a bottle of 6% proof alcoh-pop. Anyways most CSA survivors were groomed by a close family friend, a religious leader, a camp counselor, a coach etc. How small do you keep your child’s social network in order to protect them?
@@tyturner7110 I think young children can socialize with parental supervision and be taught about behaviors that aren't appropriate. You can never 100% guarantee it won't happen to your child, but if the parents are present and really know who their kids are with (as opposed to knowing of them) it's a lot less likely.
For example, if my kids aren't with me, they're with people I know and trust. Even then they still aren't alone with any individual if that can be prevented. I have a hard and fast rule also that no older children should be helping my child in the bathroom or being alone with him. I have some family members who were sexually abused and I keep an eye on all interactions with them because of the increased risk of a victim becoming a perpetrator. My church required at least 2 adults per class regardless of class size to minimize the likelihood of accusations. All of our teachers are background checked also.
Before quarantine, I would watch my son in taekwondo class rather than drop him off. He will be homeschooled but will have opportunities to meet and spend time with other children. Of course as he gets older he will have opportunities to not have mommy by his side or within sight and sound. But I hope to prepare him for that. He has been trained that he isn't to touch private areas on other people and other people aren't allowed to touch his (we've discussed Drs and the few people who may need to help in the bathroom). He is allowed to say no (even to me) if any touch makes him uncomfortable, including hugs. He is also to ask before hugging people and if someone says no then that means no.
Really, anything could still happen. But I will do everything I can to educate and prepare them for the world. I know I can't just keep them under my wing for life.
I always felt uncomfortable sleeping over at friends’ houses when I was growing up. But I thought it was expected, so I did it. I never understood it, either.
Same
I’m 52 now and continue to absolutely LOVE sleepovers with my childhood friends. Of course, I’m an adult now and we’re all Christian women...my fondest memories of growing up are week long church camps and overnight church lock-ins. I’m not disagreeing with the narrator here, just commenting about things that influenced me in positive ways in my early Christian walk, especially since my home was a self proclaimed Christian home, but had no Biblical influence. Sadly, our church was not Bible teaching so we were all mislead. Thankfully, God reached me through those experiences and gave me lifelong friends, lead me to a Bible teaching church and His blessings have been too numerous to mention. I love allowing my daughter’s friends to stay overnight at my home. Their home lives are a bit chaotic and I pray I’m having a Christlike influence on them. Her staying elsewhere is always a struggle as I’m very concerned about the outside influences on her as well as the dangers. It’s always a battle when she’s invited to someone’s house as I typically say no.
Smoochy Pooh the exception sadly sister. God bless and keep listening to the Lord on this. Children are so vulnerable and lack wisdom.
Abusers often have families and hide in plain sight and people are often shocked when they are caught. Very dangerous to put children in a situation where abusers have access to their bodies while everyone else is asleep and no one can help them. I hope every parent would consider this truth.
Wow! I had never heard someone else with this conviction. Our children are now grown married young adults in their 20's. My husband and I decided when the children were very young not to do sleepovers. It was just from the perspective that nothing good comes from them. Children need a good time nights sleep to function properly the next day. They also need proper supervision which we couldn't guarantee in our home never mind someone else's home. Our friends though we were weird for not allowing sleepovers and our children didn't like it either. We were fair though, if they were out with the youth group or friends (even past midnight we would pick them up
With the increasing evil in the world today, it makes more sense to prohibit sleepovers. Children need to be protected from the things that could harm them. A very wise parenting decision.
Overprotective parenting doesn't do children any good. If children go to a sleepover at a good Christian home, they can learn independence, improve social skills, and make lifelong friends with an entire family.
weekendmom - we can stop the increase of evil
24/7 . With our kids . We help them . They will help us .
Actually violence and crime is at an all time low. It's just the media scaring everyone
Not if you are a Postmillennial christian.
I'm sorry, but I disagree. I was brought up in a household where it was fine to sleepover. When you say kids could be introduced to bad things, I don't think all of the bad things I was introduced to lead me one way or the other as an adult (R rated movies or just vulgar language is going to happen). I was never raped and wasn't introduced to pornography so I could understand that fear. In my experience, I had lasting friendships that were rich and gave me a sense of friendship and belonging. With the positive experiences I had, I would hate to deprive that of another child or mine. There's just two sides of the coin. I could understand someone's fear your child of being a part of something that is wrong or sinful. I would rather let my child know of the worst case scenarios and have an understanding of who they are staying with. In my experience I saw more negative effects on kids who had their parents say no. They have to grow up at some point and not letting them have those experiences can really make it hard to make those social interactions. At the end of day, I am looking to have my kids be a follower of God and to have positive interactions with non believers. Sorry for the long post. Just my 2 cents as a follower of God.
You should be thankful that the experience was positive. Not everyone else went home in one piece.
I didn't let my daughter participate in sleepovers either. You never know what goes on at someone else's house.
I never understood why my parents never let me sleepover or why we never had a TV in the house. Now I understand will be doing the same when I have children.
I was never allowed to go to sleepovers but had a T.V growing up. I only ever met one kid in school growing up who was never allowed to watch T.V. Now that im older and know why I wish it wasnt allowed for me either. Lucky you!! Your parents were smart and aware!!👍
No tv in the house? Now you're being extreme. There is nothing good about being a helicopter parent. Denying them tv is not protecting them but depriving them of basic technology and entertainment all their friends have, they will feel segregated and out of the loop. You will only teach them to be sneaking things behind your back by being unreasonably strict
SingingCrowie I think I turned out fine even with strict parents... but no tv doesn’t mean no technology.
I grew up in a culture where sleepovers (and sending kids off to the beach with their friend’s family ) were the norm. Nothing bad never happened to me so I always thought this was pointless. Till I really began to think about it... and it makes SO MUCH sense to protect kids from that! You NEVER really know WHO and HOW are the people in the other place. There’s just no way to know.
Anyone else watching this at a sleepover?
I'm calling my mom and dad right now to pick me up.
...Why are you having a sleepover when we're still supposed to be social distancing?
@@Sunbeargirl- I'm in New Zealand. Social distancing is ancient news.
@@DoctorSkillz Ah, of course! If only other countries would follow suit...
😯
Dr. Skillz that was such a badass reply
Sleepovers made so many memories, friendships, and adventures. Yes sometimes I would be scared but I always felt that my parents would come if I was in danger... your kids need experiences on their own! They need to make risks and learn to build animosity! They need to learn what it feels like to be away from mom/dad/siblings/grandparents. Don’t live your life in fear as a parent!!
Build animosity? Why would you want that?
I was fortunate to have one best friend growing up. We had sleepovers at his house and mine, we were expected to be asleep by midnight (this was in the mid-80s), and they were good experiences. I got to see how he lived and he got to see how I lived. I did go to one large slumber party at another friend’s house in 7th grade (I guess Spring of ‘88) where we stayed up all night and played video games (and this was the last slumber party I ever attended). I felt fine until I drifted off to sleep for 10 minutes at 7 AM, then woke up and felt horrible. I think that slumber party was harmful because it opened the door to the idea that people can be up at 2 AM (even the Mom was in her room with the light on and door open at 2 AM). I was not exposed to any porn, sexual activity, drugs, or alcohol in any slumber parties (though I was exposed to the idea of sex from my peers at CHURCH CAMP when I was 11, but I certainly didn’t share that with my friends). Nowadays with cell phones and the internet?-that changes the game significantly. Again, I was fortunate to have one good friend who (at least for the most part) wasn’t a bad influence on me, so that probably made it a lot easier on my parents to make those decisions. My parents were considered very strict back then, but I was allowed to do things (free range of the neighborhood, bikerides on our narrow country road, or even the state highway) that most kids don’t seem to be allowed to do now.
I see the wisdom in what he’s saying. I don’t think I would make it a rule as if it was the Word of God, but-well, I probably would have to have no possible internet access in the house, and even then there are 100 “what-if” questions to follow. So I would lean toward “no” unless I could account for all factors.
My sleepovers were before my parents or my friend’s parents had VCRs and 24-hour TV. We never watched movies at sleepovers-just played games. And my friend’s parents were basically good, responsible parents. I thank God that I was never abused, that the idea of abuse was unknown to me in my own community (if it happened, I was unaware of it); I occasionally heard about it on TV.
I was allowed sleepovers but some of my friends weren't. Never had a single problem. Never knew someone who was harmed. I was a good child and never participated in anything sketchy. Is something wrong with the US? You can't shelter your kids from everything bad in the world. My parents have always been the paranoid type and it rubbed on me big time, I am stuck with an anxiety disorder. They gave me a lot of grief for coming home late (after 8 pm) regardless of the cause. Somehow they never thought bad of sleepovers (they knew my friends and their parents and felt safe) and I'm glad that's one freedom I had.
My greatgrandma was raped at 5 years old ( in the 40s) when she stayed the night at a friend's house by her friend's 17 year old brother. I was molested several times when at sleepovers and later had my virginity taken from me. So no my children do not and will not have sleepovers period...
What will happen when they are 18 and off to college or the Army?
Albert Giesbrecht - they can defend themselves with mace , a pistol , karate , a baseball bat .
Be a MAN
Be a WOMAN .
I did make it . We all can .
Leonel Colina wow. Victim blaming a child. Thought I’d never see it.
Albert Giesbrecht , they will be adults that have muscles, are better able to protect themselves, and they don’t have to go to away at 18.
Growing up my siblings and I were raised Christians. We were also not allowed to go to sleepovers. As a shy pretty good kid I would get upset with my parents but the older I got, the more I have appreciated that we didn't ever go through something bad that some others have been through. I have been so shielded by things because I had praying parents and loved ones who covered me in prayer and sometimes said no to things I wanted. We were over protected at times but now I see it as a blessing because I know that I was safe even if at the time I was upset. I did get over it and now thankfully I believe God protected me and my siblings through our obedience from being taken advantage of or harmed. I trust that it worked together for our good. Romans 8:28 The older I've gotten the more I realize that even if what we are going through is so difficult and seemingly unbearable at the time, if we obey God and ask Him to help us in spite of how we feel that He will bring us through it.
I strongly agree, sister.
This also goes for letting people sleep at your house. My sister got molested when my brothers friend that slept over went into her room at night.
I get that a lot of you have seen evil things happen at sleep overs, but I just feel the need to say that my closest and sweetest friendships came from sleepovers and overnight youth trips. And nothing evil ever happened at these events. I'm so, so very grateful that my parents trusted God for my spiritual and physical safety and allowed me to do sleepovers. They are certainly not all bad, just like traditional school is not all bad. My favorite memories of upper elementary, jr high, and high school are from sleepovers and overnight activities.
Same we had some great times.
Nothing evil happenent TO YOU at those particular events. That doesnt mean others weren't harmed or that other kids were harmed on a different night or at a different friends. So many bad things happen that people dont talk about
I get these points, but like coming from a kid who’s parents were very strict, as soon as they get out of the house they will go crazy. All u can hope to do is harden your kids for what is to come. I get no sleepovers when they r young but at some point u gotta say, it’s up to them to follow the things your preaching to them about.
We your parents strict in all things? I think the trick is finding the balance in keeping them safe, without controlling their growth as a person. You can do both. Some people maybe did and do a better job than others tho.
Kids won’t go crazy when they become of age if parents are strict in a healthy way. My mother was strict and there wasn’t any heartfelt meaningful conversations behind her decisions in parenting me. This whole “just do what I say because I’m the parent” approach that the older generation follows isn’t effective at all.
Curly Hijabi right, but that rarely happens. personally, I think life expirence in the best teachers, but the best thing a parent can teach is to teach their kids to learn from others mistakes rather than learning from their own first. A lot of pain and suffering can be spared if this is taught but keeping kids from sleepovers doesn’t teach either.
Obviously their kids will be allowed sleepovers when they're older lol. Adults can do whatever they want. It's just for the time being.
I agree with your decision. I had bad experiences on sleep overs as kid. I never let any of my 5 kids do sleep overs for that reason. Your wife and you are doing the right thing. Your kids will thank you when they are full grown.
When you trust your children and they trust you, this isn’t necessary. I’m 16 and have slept over with plenty of friends. If you’re a teen with intentions or open to dabbling in drugs, sex, etc, then you will if a sleepover happens or not. I’ve slept over with boys and girls and I’ve been exposed to none of this. I’m happy, healthy, trust my family, and have a good system of friends that I love.
Especially with young children or teens, it is very easy for them to become exposed to something they shouldn’t or even be abused by a friend’s family member at a sleepover. It’s not about whether the parents trust the child, it’s actually trying to protect them because you don’t know 100% of what goes on in their friend’s home. Children and teens are more vulnerable than they realise. Thankfully I didn’t have any particularly bad experiences at sleepovers but there are many people who have suffered, so I think it’s worth thinking about for anyone who has children.
My Dad do these rules in my home too. He won't allow me and my siblings to do sleepovers, or to out spend time with friends at the weekend. We always ended up studying or doing music class, or spend time with the family at the weekend. Always always always. My Dad was also busy with his works, but he always makes times for us at the weekend. I hate him for that, when I was a kid. And he always made us sit together to do Bible study together on Friday night. I thought he was so strict. But then I realized, I get to spend time and appreciate those time with my parents and siblings. We cherish each day that we have together. And I grow up well. I love my Dad, and being thankful everyday that he raised me well.
Chinese parents do not allow their children to sleep over especially girls...when I was young I wanted to sleep over had argument with mother because under peer pressures, but now I really want to thank my mother being strict to me . When I was young I don’t understand but now I appreciated what my parents had done .chinese mother always tell their daughters our bodies are the temple of God .
If you make your children spend the first 6,570 nights of their lives under your roof, offering them no escape ever, you almost offer them and yourselves no option other than to grow to resent each other. You can be very conservative about with whom you let them stay the night, but I would argue that they likely *need* some escape every now and then, just like parents do. Make it only family friends, not just people they know at school, so you know both parents and all older siblings. Make sure parents know what your standards are when you send your child over (please don't have anyone else over for the night without letting me know, etc.). You don't have to choose between putting your child at risk and helicopter parenting.
What would you say is the biblical basis for your argument that children "need" some escape from their parents every now and then?
@@drdameron999 First, the original video didn't provide a Biblical defense, in fact, the speaker acknowledged that the Bible doesn't touch this area. He did bring up the Biblical principal (for which he did not provide a reference) of protecting your children. In order to demonstrate that this Biblical principal is in conflict with sleepovers, I think our man would need to provide some stats on the relationship between sleepovers and the things from which he is trying to protect his children, rather than anecdotal "many of my friends have said" evidence. Until we are on that ground, I think this topic is best approached from a "wisdom" perspective, because Scripture doesn't address everything, and God gave us the ability to reason as a tool to help us in life. I know that, statistically, most sexual abuse is committed by someone that the victim knows and is comfortable with. For this reason, I would be *very* hesitant about sleepovers and who I send my child to be with. That said, I don't think that warrants a complete ban on the practice. As a general principal, if there's a level of trust that my family reserves for *no one* (as opposed to a few, carefully vetted relationships), I think I'm limiting my family's ability to connect with other families; relationships always require a level of trust, and a life with no trust is a sad one. The speaker seems quite unconcerned with hearing out the child's perspective in this conversation (as evidenced by the lack of awareness in his claim that "sleepovers have minimal benefits"), and that's automatically concerning. I can't think of any parents that don't acknowledge their own need for "a break" (to take a trip for a couple days and leave the kids with Grandma, to hire a babysitter and not have to worry about putting the kids to bed, etc.); I'd be shocked if this speaker didn't acknowledge his own need for one. Why would kids be any different? They're building friendships outside of their families, and they're getting worn out by their families, just like parents. Now, the child's perspective doesn't automatically outweigh any safety concerns, but in this case, I think those concerns can be minimized, so let's talk about the benefits of sleepovers. My strongest friendships, to this day, were first founded on sleepovers. Those friends have been with me as adults through thick and thin. Sleepovers give kids extended amounts of time to connect without adult supervision hindering that connection. He didn't even try to acknowledge and outweigh that value; he just ignored it.
This is very helpful, I haven't really thought about this for my children, who are still fairly young, but much better to have the discussion before the invites come. I had some bad experiences with sleepovers growing up, including being assaulted, and I agree that the possible benefits are not that impressive. I'm glad this popped up on my UA-cam recommendations.
I went to many sleepovers as a kid and had friends to sleepover at my house. I never had a problem. I feel like this definitely improved my independence. Formed many close friendships with those people. We need to not shelter people. Just make sure you know the parents pretty well and their background. You shouldn't be afraid of life.
Glad you had good experiences, other children have had their lives ruined. Abusers often have families and hide in plain sight and people are shocked when they are caught.
Don’t apologize for your
Stand .
My mom always made sure to get to know the parents before we could go to sleepovers. She always made sure they were safe places to go. I don't have any bad memories of going to sleepovers.
I was molested at a sleepover when I was 12 by my friends uncle who was also staying there. So i totally agree with no sleepovers. Protect the children their are a lot of perverts out there.
Your kid is going to still do all the things you're trying to keep them from. And many things you're trying to protect them from will still happen. Sleepover or not.
Bad logic
Might as well give em drugs and prostitutes, sleepover or not. See what I did there?
I’ve been doing sleepovers since I was really young, and I’ve never experienced anything sketchy at one. I do go to a Christian private school, though! 😂
I experienced tons of bad things at sleepovers. I'm glad nothing bad happened to you!!! Seriously!
Abusers often have families and hide in plain sight and people are often shocked when they are caught. It would be very silly for a parent to think they could detect all abusers just by "knowing" them. Very dangerous to give other people unfettered access to their children at night when everyone else is asleep and no one can help them.
My wife and I made this decision long before having a child because we both had the experiences that you have outlined.
I hope that others do the same to protect their children.
I wonder how the advent of smart phones has changed the rationale? I remember having a lot of great times as a child sleeping over at a friend's house. Then again, we didn't have the internet and so we were pretty limited in what activities might have been available to us, relatively speaking. I also remember my parents encouraged me to invite my non-believing friends over for sleepovers on Saturday evenings. Then my friends would be willing to come to church with our family the next day... I totally understand the ban on sleepovers, but I do think there can be some real upsides.
Brenden Palmer Yes and amen
Wow this is crazy. I was never allowed to sleepover at friends houses growing up. Only close family. I used to hate it! But after reading these comments and watching the video, I guess I’ll have thank my parents.
As a child permitted to do sleepovers I think this might be one of the most responsibly wise decisions I have heard from a parent in very long time!! Be strong, protect your children at ALL COST! It might make you unpopular in a lot venues, but one day your child will totally respect you for choosing to protect then over being liked by them or others 24/7/365. Your children are under protection for a reason, as the parents you are your children's 1st line of defense. TRULY it is a God given gift to have a child, treat it as such ... PLEASE! God bless ALL parents everywhere who put their children 1st!!
✨🙏✨
Kathy Valentine Your job is not to protect your children at all costs. Your job is raise them to know God and know how to survive and thrive in the world.
Lol I feel like that at all costs mindset leads to over protecting your children, almost making your child or his/her safety an idol. I'd say you'd need enough information to make a wise decision. Sleepovers can be harmful but they can also be amazing for bonding between your child's friends, all depends on the scenario.
Thank you. I don't let my kids go to sleep overs and I don't let kids stay here. I didn't know why I felt this way. You made it way clear. Thank u Jesus.
Amen.
Someone once said,
“ Nothing good happens after midnight. “
Oh come on
Amber Warnke
♥️
I know what you mean, but it’s true...once the house is quiet. Parents have gone to bed, and play has ended.... that’s when the heart os some people devise evil.
My sons have had friends over who have gone on our computer just to
“ show them something “.
Better safe than sorry.
My mom did this and I never really understood. I had one sleepover with some friends when I was 10 and lo and behold, my friends and I tried that 'light as a feather' trick which is probably demonic. My life very slowly rolled into the occult and new age movement years after that.
This makes so much sense.
I think I read about that trick when I was little and didn't know better, and may have considered trying it! 😬 Praise God I didn't!
@@CraftyBirdGirl I am so happy you didn't as well. It was a long and empty path back to the Lord. 🙏
My mom was the same way and now I understand why now that I'm grown
Shanea Hudspeth my mom was the same way
Love this 💕💕 it’s not about living in fear, just listening to God. For this family, the pros don’t out way the cons. It may be different for your family. That is why we should all pray for wisdom & listen to the Holy Spirit ♥️ Also - a big yes to all the comments saying to teach children about inappropriate touching, language, etc. That is sooo important 🙌
Very wise. My kids had some negative experiences with sleep overs. If I had to do over, I would of never started it.
I have to comment on this because it hits home. My parents let me go to so many sleepovers and had sleepovers myself than I can count. SO MANY disturbing things happened to say the least. I have been sexually abused , bullied , exposed to pornography, you get the point. Now that I am a parent , I will not allow my child to sleepovers. It’s hard because I can tell she wants to , but I have to stand my ground. I believe it’s our job as a parent to protect our children, even when they don’t understand or get mad at us.
One of my daughters got physically hurt in her spirit because of a curious young girl friend. I took care of it promptly .
I also recommend adult
Supervision in a church
Nursery situation..
"...physically hurt in her spirit..." Which is it?
My mom never let me sleepover at someone's else house and when I was a child I didn't understand, of course, but recently she explained me why and was because of the same opinions as you. Now I understand her point of view and I really want to do the same thing if God allow me to have children.
I'm sorry that she couldn't explain to you from earlier on. I think talking about the reasoning behind the rules helps remove any seeds of bitterness towards one's parent(s) or guardian(s).
I agree and can relate, it can get very dangerous! 👏
My parents never allowed me to sleepover any friends house and I was so mad and upset about this, especially as I entered into teenage years.
But now I’m in 30’s I’m so grateful that my parents made that decision and I respect them for it.
In theory, couldn't you solve some of those problems by knowing very carefully who the parents and children who were involved were. Only let kids sleep over at homes that you had visited time and again (church friends, etc.)
Believe it or not, I tried that. I let my children go to people's homes that I had been to, and thought I knew well. Members in good standing at church, active in the same study group as me, and active in service at church. They STILL exposed them to vulgar programming and sexual oriented behavior. You don't ever really know someone.
You never really really know someone. watch the show Catch a Predator. You have pastors and deacons as part of them. You usually have friends and neighbors saying how "good" someone is, until something happens. Protect your kid. My sister and I did sleepovers. Looking back, we got lucky because my parents had absolutely no idea what really happened.
That friend who you think you know who is a great guy could be a pedophile, and you won't find out until it's too late. A close friend was molested for years by her uncle. Another was repeatedly raped by her stepfather. We think we live in different times and surely our kids would tell us. If that's so, why is the occurence of pedophilia on the rise?
If the head of a church like hillsong can be a pedophile then you should realize that assumptions can be deadly
@@RodneyFisk I was exposed to my first porno movie at my grandma's. I am not kidding. You never know where your son or daughter are going to be exposed to that material. Prepared them. Teach them. That's how they would be protected. You can't be with them all the time.
Because of a bad experience I never allowed our children to sleep over anywhere, but, our home was always full with their friends until our kids graduated and went off to college and were married. Many heard the Gospel and live for God today